#accepted umbrella term and then turn around and use another slur

[citizen-zero]

baby gays will be like “queer is a slur” and then see pictures of random twinks and effeminate men, like complete strangers, and be like “hmm kinda fruity” with no sense of irony or self awareness whatsoever

[itslmdee]

Fic: No Pride in Exlusionism

This month's theme is 'gatekeeping'. Today's piece looks at gatekeeping within the LGBTQ+ community.

"You're home early," Roger said. Mae sat heavily on the sofa next to him, kicking off her heels. She leaned over to kiss his cheek and then leaned back, staring at the ceiling.

Roger muted the tv. "You okay?"

"I dropped out of the planning committee."

"Why?"

Mae shook her head, took a deep shuddering breath. "This party...Gays for Halloween. I wanted a different name from the start. What does that even mean? Gay people support a holiday that many people think is an American import? Pumpkins in pride colours?"

Roger shifted to look at her. "Actually I can see paper pumpkins in pride colours."

Mae gave a wry smile. "Me too. That's not why I quit. It was Josie mostly, her and Jane and Peter. I was filling up the urn in the kitchen before we got started and I heard Josie talking by the serving hatch. Saying they were so glad John had joined us, an actual gay. She was feeling the committee was being overrun by bihets."

"She said that?" Roger took Mae's hand.

"I had three serious relationships with women before we got married," Mae said. "I'm bisexual. Marrying you doesn't change that."

"I know." He squeezed her hand. "I know."

Mae squeezed back. "Me and Tim and Desiree are all bi. Laura's lesbian but Josie is suspicious of anyone who's ever dated a man though she gives Dan a pass for a past girlfriend. Anyway Jane was giggling and agreeing because I think she fancies Josie - only reason she agreed to be vice chair when Rachel said she needed fewer responsibilities this year. And Peter...my God."

Roger waited patiently. One of the cats wandered over to inspect Mae's discarded shoes.

"I'm not that much older than most of them," Mae said. "But they don't seem to know anything about the history of the gay rights movement. Queer history, except Josie says queer is a slur despite it being reclaimed and used to push for greater awareness. And so they're trying to force out anyone who isn't a gay man or a good enough lesbian. Peter had a lot of opinions on the right kind of trans people who should be allowed to participate. The group has become increasingly exclusionary."

"So you quit?"

"Yes. I will not gatekeep," Mae said. "I will not tolerate bihet being thrown around to try and exclude bisexuals, or cishets to exclude asexuals, or get involved in the dysphoria debate to try and debate the rights of trans people. Josie doesn't want LGBT let alone Q, I, and A. Josie and Peter want L and G and screw everyone else."

Roger sighed. "Maybe there's another group you can join. A more inclusive one."

"Maybe." Mae let go of Roger's hand and got to her feet. "I'm making coffee, want one?"

"Please."

Roger knew Mae had found kinship, friendship, and purpose over the last six years she'd worked with the LGBT+ community group. She'd miss it. But he also knew she was principled and wouldn't regret quitting rather than supporting exclusionism.

"Did you talk to Maggie about this?" he asked when Mae returned with their drinks.

"I told her I quit, apologised that she'd probably have to pick up my role in organising the Halloween party."

"What about Peter? Is Maggie the right kind of trans woman according to him?"

Mae shrugged. "Maggie can take care of herself," she said. "My only regret is that if Peter talks out of turn like I heard him doing with Josie is I won't get to watch Maggie rip him a new one."

Notes and further reading

A lot of this gatekeeping takes place online; people say they've only experienced being excluded from online spaces and not groups in real life. However there are some people reporting being harassed at Pride for being seemingly straight while being bisexual, trans, or nb in a heterosexual relationship. The people who say the A in the LGBTQA is for ally not asexual to gatekeep are probably the same ones trying to gatekeep anyone who doesn't look 'gay' enough from participating in Pride.

"With the advent of queer theory and the launch of Queer as Folk, “queer” became used online as a more concise umbrella term than the full LGBT+ acronym (which, depending on who you ask, is LGBTQQIP2SAA). Today, interpretations of “queer” go a step further, and its acceptance generally splits along generational lines. Many young people — myself included — view “queer” as a term defining all nonstraight, nonbinary identities. “Queer” addresses the fluidity of gender and sexual orientation" - https://www.advocate.com/arts-entertainment/2017/8/02/21-words-queer-community-has-reclaimed-and-some-we-havent#media-gallery-media-2

3 Differences Between the Terms ‘Gay’ and ‘Queer’ — and Why It Matters - https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/03/difference-between-gay-queer/

"The word "queer" has only recently been identified as a slur because of TERFs and exclusionists. Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminists (TERF) and radical gender/sexuality bianarists are flooding social media and blogging sites with propaganda smearing the word queer in the hopes of silencing all of us who don’t identify with their hate politics. Queer is the one word that doesn’t worship exclusion." - https://aminoapps.com/c/lgbt-1/page/blog/history-of-the-word-queer/BQ4p_GxRHwu5Xz35RWB31oKMLp8XJ8r7Ybo

Tumblr repsonse to "What does bihet mean" - https://bisexual-community.tumblr.com/post/93798259302/this-probably-sounds-stupid-but-what-does-bihet

On ace discourse and exclusionism on the internet vs in real life - https://medium.com/@meganhoins/the-rhetoric-of-digital-ace-discourse-4a690792f0bc

"According to 2013 Pew Research Center data, about 84 percent of bisexual adults who are in “committed relationships” are with “opposite-sex partners.” Within a broader LGBT community that too often guesses someone’s sexual orientation based on who they happen to be with at the moment, that statistic means many bisexual people get read as “straight”—or, at least, something less than fully queer." https://www.thedailybeast.com/why-bisexuals-feel-ignored-and-insulted-at-lgbt-pride

"Transmedicalism is a term for a wide range of beliefs in the transgender community that are critical of transgender people who haven't medically transitioned and/or don't experience major dysphoria. Many transmedicalists (or "transmeds" for short) focus on gatekeeping....Although the debate has been going since the '60s, it has gained more notoriety in the Internet age, particularly on Tumblr. Transmedicalists may be called "transmeds" or "truscum," while anti-transmedicalists may be called "tucutes" or (often erroneously) "transtrenders." " - https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Transmedicalism

[finalprojectsaar]

Is “Queer” okay to use in our world today?

SHIFT HAPPENS

Many terms over the course of history have been reclaimed from having a negative connotation to, in particular contexts, a positive one. Women reclaimed the B word. African Americans reclaimed the N word. Is the same true for the word queer? As you read in the above blog section, History of Queer, we realized that the word queer has mainly been used as a word meant to demean and demoralize lesbians, gay, bisexual and transgendered people.

However, there has been a shift in recent years to reclaim the word and often it is used as a term of empowerment. “Webster’s New World College Dictionary, Fifth Edition, the current one, used by the Associated Press and many news organizations, is expansive… it lists “queer” in this way: [Slang] homosexual: in general usage, still chiefly a slang term of contempt or derision, but lately used as by some academics and homosexual activists as a descriptive term without negative connotations.” Also, The Dictionary of American Slang says “in the early 1990s queer was adopted as a non-pejorative designation by some homosexuals, in the spirit of ‘gay pride’.” (Perlman, 2019)

CONTEXT MATTERS

Like the B word and N word, queer is not ok to use loosely in all contexts. It is accepted as a term LGBTQ+ can use to describe themselves. Queer is a broad term that has gone beyond its original definition for describing homosexuals. Really, queer does not have a single meaning, but instead is a general term for all that are not heterosexual. As one lesbian put it in Here Is Why I Use the Word ‘Queer’, “Queer is the most inclusive word that we have: LBGT leaves out some of the family… the word has been used against us in the past. But you can’t use a word against someone who already calls that word their own. So, I claim it. I own it. I use it. I wear it. I am queer.” (Block, 2016) This thinking is common among many, especially younger, LGBTQ+ people. Queer is referred to as an umbrella term that encapsulates all while also not pinning them down to a certain category.

RECLAIMING QUEER

So, how did queer become an acceptable self-descriptor? Well, we read in the blog section above titled Self-Identity, Queer Activism that queer was acknowledged as acceptable in the early LGBTQ+ activist movement. Around the onset of the AIDS epidemic in the late 1980s and early 1990s, gay activism was strong. It was also around this time that the term queer changed to a positive self-label partly because a radical organization, Queer Nation, formed to stop violence against homosexuals and decided to call themselves Queer Nation. This group’s embrace of the word queer ‘disarms homophobes’ Newsweek wrote in 1991. Once LGBTQ+ organizations started to use the word in a positive way, and heavily encouraged others to do so, queer was shifting out of the mouths of bullies into the mouths of empowered people.

OLD AND VAGUE

Be cautious though, queer is not seen by all LGBTQ+ individuals as a positive word, especially by those who lived through the distinct homophobia in the 1980s and before. As Lear stated in the article What Does “Queer” Mean?, “On one hand, I’m glad that younger people won’t have to fight as hard as I did for inclusivity. On the other hand, I feel like I’m watching youngsters steal history from those who struggled and died for it and turn it into something that is, at times, both powerful and farcical.” (Cheves, 2019) This resistance by older LGBTQ+ people is a common theme noted in the research. “It’s generational, said Gray, we understand ‘queer’ is a charged term, but ever since the 1990s, it has been reclaimed by many, he said.” (Donaldson James, 2013) For several LGBTQ+ people, there are too many bad memories associated with the word queer and also a lack of specificity noted when using the term to self-describe their identity. For example, some men would prefer the word gay over the use of queer because they feel it better identifies who they are. So, even though in this context queer did not have a negative connotation, it was not an acceptable word. A tarnished history and vagueness of the term has some LGBTQ+ rejecting its use.

QUEER CAN STILL HURT

Another resistance/battle against to the word queer is due to some outside of the LGBTQ+ community still using the word queer as a slur meant to hurt and demean. Just as the B word and N word have been reclaimed by those who it was originally used against, women and Black people, queer, like the B and N word, can still can sting when used by those who are against the LGBTQ+ lifestyle. Even The New York Times Manual of Style and Usage says: “queer, in the sense of homosexual, should be treated as an offensive slur, but with limited exception. Some gay men and lesbians have rehabilitated the term as an iconic badge of pride.” (Siegal & Connolly, 1999)

So, really there is not a clear answer to the question - is it ok to say queer? Queer is still a word that has to be carefully used. Context, and who says it, matters.

[sapropel]

Some Thoughts on the Structure of Discourse  (and Why It's Faulty)

Hi guys! I’m sure a lot of you have noticed, but the discourse has turned to shit. I wanted to provide some thoughts on the topic, but it’s some stuff I’ve been meaning to stay for awhile. If you’re worried about the current state of the discourse, I encourage you to read this.

Also this took me three hours to write and I’m mentally ill as hell so please validate my questionable decision to write all this out lol

There are many reasons that Tumblr discourse has gotten so toxic. For one, when you put a bunch of teenagers in a high stress environment, especially mentally ill teenagers and teenagers who are survivors of abuse and trauma, it's a breeding ground both for toxicity and for pain. Because social justice/discourse Tumblr attracts users with rough backgrounds or marginalized identities, it's easy to band together against and bond over common oppressors. These things can cause several issues.

Tumblr has a terrible habit of weaponizing identities. By that I mean discoursers will use their marginalized identities to win arguments without providing other evidence or good arguments.

Take the following argument for example:

Q: Is the word “homosexual” problematic when talking about gay men?

Gay man 1: “Yes, it is.”

Gay man 2: “No, it isn't!”

Okay, so now what do you do? You're used to believing people based solely off of their identities, but what happens when they disagree?

The issue with holding marginalized people as experts in nuanced issues is that marginalized identities are NOT monolithic. People can be prejudiced, bigoted, rude, or purposefully deceitful regardless of identity. People can also be extremely kind and intelligent with different backgrounds and lived experience, with some ignorance and mistakes, with personal preferences. Obviously, if you hear overwhelmingly that something is problematic from that group of people (e.g, is it okay to misgender trans people, the answer being no), then you should take care to listen and take them at their word. Some arguments are more complicated and require deeper analysis, so let's return to the argument before.

Q: Is the word “homosexual” problematic when talking about gay men?

Gay Man 1: “Yes, it is. It recalls the medicalization of gay men and our subsequent mistreatment and dehumanization. With the split attraction model, the word also has a new meaning, so it can be confusing in conversations. Many gay men consider the word to be a slur and don't want to hear it.”

Gay Man 2: “No, it isn't! As a gay man, ‘gay’ has become an umbrella term for anyone who experiences same-gender attraction. If we don’t use that word, how will people be able to talk about us, and how will we be able to talk about ourselves? Because of some events in my life, I'm uncomfortable with other people calling me ‘gay’ but I've never been uncomfortable with ‘homosexual.’ “

Okay, so you heard an argument this time. So, what's the right answer? Isn't that what is important?

It's not that simple. One issue with discourse on Tumblr is its inability to handle nuance. Who GETS to decide what's right? Sure, we can figure out bits and pieces. For example, you should know it's inappropriate to call the first man a homosexual because he's said it makes him uncomfortable. We know we shouldn't make the second man accept the label “gay” if it hurts him.

So again, who's right?

I can't tell you that. I could only ever tell you my opinion. I can tell you that for me, personally, I like to err on the side of caution.

Tumblr is unwilling to treat issues as living, changing, perhaps unanswerable entities. The need to have a black and white answer on everything is alienating people and making discourse a fruitless endeavour. Instead of fighting to prove why we’re right, or fighting to get an answer, we should be working together towards a common goal of educating each other and ourselves and allowing ourselves to be compassionate and imperfect creatures.

How do we educate each other? I promise that treating people with innocent, if misguided, questions isn't it. We have to let people be curious and make mistakes and know that we won't demonize them for dissent or for messing up. I believe that open, honest, and genuine discourse will naturally teach well.

Again, I would like to stress that there is a difference between situational ignorance and a person consistently unwilling to better themself.

The weaponization of identity isn't the only issue with some of the language of our discourse. I also want to talk about the difference between systematic oppression and discrimination and how Tumblr handles it.

With marginalized identities, there is very often oppression. This word gets thrown around a lot, especially with respect to ace discourse. So what does it mean?

Systematic oppression is the institutional or legislative and almost always cultural manifestation of disenfranchisement coupled with a power dynamic that inhibits social mobility.

Some examples of people who are systematically oppressed (at least in America, but due to imperialism and the like, the effects are usually global) are black people, women, and people who experience same-gender attraction. I'm going to talk about the experience of systematic oppression vs discrimination for the third case, just a little bit. Obviously, these issues are extremely complex and I won't be able to explain every facet, but I can give a rough sketch.

For the sakes of simplicity and consistency, I would like to talk about two groups of people: gay men and bisexual men. Both groups of people experience same-gender attraction, and both are oppressed under homophobia.

Hold on, did OP just say that bi people are oppressed under homophobia? WHAT ABOUT BIPHOBIA???

Okay! This is a common misconception on Tumblr. Homophobia is systematic because it is legal, institutional, very cultural, and involves a power imbalance between those who experience SGA and those who do not.

Biphobia is NOT a form of systematic oppression, and I'm happy to explain why in another post, but not here. This is already too long.

Does that mean that gay men can't discriminate against bi men? No.

Does THAT mean that bi men can't discriminate against gay men? No.

Any aggression that occurs between two people who are oppressed under the same systematic force can be classified as “lateral aggression.” Lateral aggression is damaging, insidious, pointless, and divisive.

There are cultural components that privilege bi men over gay men, and there are cultural components that privilege gay men over bi men, but in society, there is no power imbalance between the two.

Bi men can be extremely homophobic to gay men, and gay men can be extremely biphobic to gay men, BOTH to the point where it could ruin someone’s life.

I said all of this to lead up to my very important point: the validation of discrimination.

I've been on Tumblr for 4 years, and in my opinion, Tumblr mainly cares about oppressed identities or notions that can be wrapped up nicely in little bows.

But I want to make very, very clear that having more marginalized identities than another person does not make you better, smarter, more correct, or mean their struggles are more valid than yours.

Some of the worst things that have happened in my life are because of things that don’t get me ~Internet points,~ like the fact I was raised in a Mormon household, the fact I'm not conventionally attractive, the fact I grew up in a conservative area.

The discrimination and heartache I have faced for things like these are arguably worse, or at least comparable, to the discrimination I've faced for being a gay man.

I feel that a lot of what's wrong with discourse is that people feel like if their heartache doesn't come from being systematically oppressed or from trauma/abuse, then it's not equal or that it's not valid. This is ABSOLUTELY false.

If we are going to be successful discoursers and make progress and better ourselves, we have to let go of our strange fetishization of identity. We have to stop the idea that there is any cohesive, monolithic experience or perspective from any group of people. We have to validate discrimination and the effect it has on people.

Failing to do this alienates people and makes it harder for all of us to become knowledgeable and kind.

We HAVE to kill the idea that someone making a mistake or holding a mildly problematic belief makes them irredeemable. We HAVE to treat arguments as individual and not necessarily as mindless parts of a larger whole. We HAVE to accept that we are imperfect, dynamic, and human. We are not arbiters of judgment or masters of morality. We are a group of people who have come together with the common goals of building community and working to better the experiences of disadvantaged people.

I recognize the need to be wary of patterns and harmful rhetoric, and I understand (and condone) retaliation against oppressors and unnecessary cruelty. This post is NOT here to excuse repugnant behavior and beliefs.

We have to treat each person we come across in the discourse not as the sum (or worse, the poster child) of their identities, experiences, and beliefs, but rather as intersectionally gestalt, multi-faceted, capable of compassion and love, imperfect, and with a boundless potential to improve themself.

It's easy to start a witch hunt on someone who made a poorly worded post or who made a mistake, and sometimes such an extreme reaction is justifiable, even necessary. But again, think about why--is it the allure of seeming more enlightened? Is it blindly following someone you admire? Is it out of spite and cruelty? Is it because you want to win? Or is it out of a genuine desire to keep people safe and to help others learn?

I understand that we are imperfect and sometimes hedonistic or primal in our intentions, and I know that perfection is impossible. I know for a fact I am guilty of many of the shortcomings I highlighted in this post.

Good discoursers have to know that being incorrect is inevitable. There is no such thing as perfect discourse, and mistakes should be expected. The discourser who sees themself as infallible is the discourser to be wary of.

We aren’t machines. We’re people.

[socialattractionuk]

The dating world is obsessed with labels, but I don’t fit any of them

As a fem, makeup-wearing queer male, dating is an awkward mix of fetishisation and queer-bashing comments.

Like most queer men, Grindr and other dating apps are an obvious choice – although I use the term ‘dating’ loosely: you are more likely to find yourself swiping through a gaggle of men who turn out to be straight and ‘experimenting’ than discovering a real prince charming. 

The problem with Grindr and its ilk, however, is that it has neat little boxes to put you in. Grindr in particular tries to promote a sense of community by using the term ‘tribes’ for its filter criteria, but these are essentially another way of narrowing down someone’s bigoted ‘preferences’ and erasing those who don’t fit their ideal mould.

And in most cases, I don’t.

I never thought I looked like a woman, and I am not transgender, but I am referred to as ‘she’ or a ‘lady’ on a day to day basis. Men will often refer to me by female pronouns on Grindr, while also commenting on female genitalia I definitely don’t have.

I don’t usually class myself as gay, even though I am typically attracted to men, because the word excludes people who don’t subscribe to gender norms. 

From time to time, however, I’ll use it for simplicity’s sake – or out of worry about what other people will say about me. 

I frequently have strangers in my inbox, often cis, white men, telling me that I am a sissy, a f*g, an abnormality of gay culture. Years ago I would have cried, hated myself, and hidden anything that sets me apart in an already marginalised community. But now, to be frank, I couldn’t care less.

I don’t even refer to myself as a ‘man’ anymore because over the years I have been shunned from that particular label by people exhibiting ‘traditional’ masculine values.

I am biologically male of course, but those archetypes have led to so much oppression, so much hatred towards anyone thought of as ‘other’ – why would I want any part of that? 

I don’t usually class myself as gay, even though I am typically attracted to men, because the word excludes people (Picture: Kieran Galpin)

Bars and clubs are treacherous territory in this regard, especially when you have to tell a guy in a Fred Perry polo that the person he is hitting on is also biologically male. This has happened to me numerous times; fortunately it usually ends with everyone laughing, though I have come close to having a glass smashed against my head once or twice.

Sometimes, rather than degradation, I find myself in the spotlight of someone’s curious fantasy.

In my younger, more naive years, an ex who identified as bisexual very often referred to me by female pronouns. He didn’t want me to be fem (female-presenting) he essentially wanted me to be female, and yet I accepted it because he made me feel wanted, sexy, and seen. This is the reality of many queer kids.

These days, to many men, I am a neat placeholder for their sordid fantasies while they sort out their own sexuality. The ‘discreet’ men that frolic on Grindr are always very keen to make it clear they aren’t gay – that somehow they retain their ‘hetero’ mentality when they pick me up in their cars while their girlfriends and wives are asleep. 

One guy refused to meet with me unless I was wearing a full face of makeup, while another insisted I wear something other than jeans as they were ‘too masculine’.

Needless to say I did not meet with either of these fine pillars of society. 

My sex life has always been amazing, and perhaps at times, I have taken too much solace in the world of no strings attached hookups when it wasn’t what I really wanted. For years, I believed that promiscuity was inevitable, my only destination. I have come to see casual sex as something that can be healthy and empowering, and even just as fulfilling as ‘love’.

These days, to many men, I am a neat placeholder for their sordid fantasies while they sort out their own sexuality (Picture: Kieran Galpin)

Labels, in some instances, can be helpful, and for people that feel the need to carry one, I have no quarrel. Labels can help root you in place, anchor you to your role in society. 

We all have preferences – a picture of an ideal person we want to be with – and that’s OK. But it doesn’t mean that anyone who sits outside of those is invalid. 

In a perfect world, my sexuality or gender wouldn’t matter, but unfortunately, we live in a society where labels hold substance. We are pressured to pigeon hole not only ourselves but those around us – arguably it’s even worse when it happens in the LGBTQ community, which is supposed to be diverse.

This pressure only hinders our progress as individuals. I used to be terrified to wear particular earrings because they weren’t what a man would wear; it was only when I said ‘f**k it’ that I truly got a taste of freedom. I didn’t have some almighty awakening – it is something I have to constantly repeat to this day.

My identity is a constantly changing organism in its own right. I am not solely one thing – no one is. I refer to myself as queer, for despite its history as a gay slur, it encapsulates the ideals I believe in.

I see it as an umbrella term rather than a defining label because it covers a huge proportion of people that don’t necessarily fit into one exact box. The unrestrictive nature of queerness allows me to play, to bend the rules to my liking.

I never imagined that I would have romantic love with someone else, and it isn’t anything I consider with glee, although I remain hopeful that I will find someone.

More: Lifestyle

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Occasionally I picture that wedding day, that trip abroad, the inevitability of growing old together, but who they are is less important to me than what they believe. 

I want someone strong, empowered, who fights for the rights of people who don’t fit their label. 

For now, self-love is more important. I prefer the idea that I can look back 50 years from now and be content with my performance as a human. Because I am still human, with feelings, dreams and ideas, even if you don’t necessarily understand them.

Last week in Love, Or Something Like It: I fell in love with my friend over Zoom

SHARE YOUR LOVE STORY

Love, Or Something Like It is a regular series for Metro.co.uk, covering everything from mating and dating to lust and loss, to find out what love is and how to find it in the present day. If you have a love story to share, email rosy.edwards@metro.co.uk

MORE: You can't prove love with a piece of paper

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[boyswhofellout]

Lgbt+ ask game

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns?

Bisexual, she/her

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?

Uh well, I always kinda knew I liked both and in my family, no one was really homophobic so I never thought it was weird. My first kiss with a girl I was in 4th grade and she was my best friend. My policy was always “if you’re hot, I like you” and it didn’t occur to me that there was a term for that (and yeah I’m going with the OG term for Bi meaning the attraction to two OR MORE genders don’t @ me) Anyway in high school I had my ‘coming out’ when my friend group consisted of two pansexuals, a straight and another bisexual. They gave me a name for how I felt

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?

Since I am FAB I never had to deal with that sort of thing!

Who was the first person you told, how did they react?

I guess the first people I officially told were my friends and they didn’t bat an eye. 

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?

When I finally like posted it on facebook and wore shirts around school and didn’t care who heard, it was a great feeling. I was much luckier than a lot of folks because if anyone at my school had a problem with it, they didn’t let on. My family was accepting, my friends obviously were, and the kids at my school didn’t give a fuck.

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?

When I told my mom and stepdad they just said they knew and they loved me all the same. My mom actually said she and my bio dad had known since I was like 2 lol

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?

The threesome question, unicorn hunters, the like. Turning on your settings to women on tinder is so annoying because every other person is a couple ‘looking for a nice girl who wants to have some fun’

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.

Comfy. I live in leggings and t-shirts/tank tops. I also always have an overcoat of some sort, be it a leather (pleather) jacket, my favorite denim jacket, a sweatshirt, a hoodie, I have all types of overcoats. It’s actually a problem

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?

Non-canon of course cause most fandoms don’t like us: Ambrollins is probably the top, Aziraphale and Crowley from Good Omens (is that canon? Whatever), and Mickey and Ian from Shameless

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?

Uh well, I don’t wear it super often. If I’m going to a nice event or it’s a nice occasion or even if I just feel like it and have time I wear like foundation and contour the whole nine yards, but I don’t do it every day. 

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?

I do not, thankfully.

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?

The pretty obvious one: That we don’t need a pride month/parade and on the reverse, since we have one why isn’t there a straight month/parade

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?

For the most part, I’ve had positive, welcoming experiences. I went to NYC pride last year and it was just very happy and welcoming and a sense of community

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?

GATEKEEPING! Nothing bothers me more than people acting like there are strict guidelines you have to follow in order to be in the LGBT+ community. Just shut up and let people live, dear lord!

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?

Well I mentioned NYC pride which was a lot of fun. I’m from PA so it wasn’t my own city’s pride, but it was so much fun! I almost went to Philly pride that same year, but it was supposed to rain so we canceled. It didn’t rain

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?

I think Halsey is a big influence for me, she’s doing good work. Also JVN who recently came out as non-binary. He just gives me a confidence I never knew I lacked. I also just a really big fan of Tessa Thompson

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?

I’ve only dated men as of now, but I have been talking to a girl I matched with on tinder and she’ll probably be the first girl I date

What is your favourite lgbt+ book?

I honestly haven’t read a book that wasn’t for school in literal years, none of which included lgbt+ characters so I can’t answer this tbh. Actually, I’ll say Harry Potter, according to JK that’s suuuuper LGBT, it just wasn’t important to the plot :/

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?

The closest I’ve come so far, in my very small town and closed off life, was a girl that I matched with on tinder.

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?

Sense8 was cool, big fan of that show. I honestly can’t say I’ve seen any other shows that focus on LGBT characters. Send me recommendations! 

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?

I feel like at this point, all the people I see on my dash are LGBT somehow soooo

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?

Queer! I think it’s mostly already been said, but it’s a good umbrella word for those that don’t exactly know what it is they feel or identify as. It also can take place of titles like bisexual heteroromantic or asexual biromantic. It’s just a nice general term to say without having to explain your whole LGBT story to complete strangers!

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?

I have! There’s a place here in Allentown called Stonewall (I know, right!) and on Thursdays they do drag night along with 18+ so in high school, my group of friends would go. It was always so much fun!

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?

I’ve never really questioned my gender, I’ve always known I was cisgender but it is important to me that I live up to the women I look up to like Carrie Fisher and my mom.

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?

Tough question. Yes and no. If I ever have kids it’ll be adopted because I never want to be pregnant, no exceptions. I’m hesitant though bc my parents have instilled in me a reaction that makes me yell and I’m easily irritated and I also kinda practically raised my youngest brother at a young age so I’m not sure I’m cut out the be a parent

What identity advice would you give your younger self?

Advice in general: Go to more pride things. Join the pride+ club on campus earlier, take any advantage possible to go to parades and just be more annoying about your sexuality. Also! Find more lgbt friends, having friends that are allies is amazing, but actually having friends that are part of the community makes a huge difference

What do you think of gender roles in relationships?

I think they’re dumb af. Fuck gender roles in relationships and just in general.

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?

Not particularly, just be your genuine self!

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?

It’s not nearly as small a community as people think. Like, we’re considered minority which makes people think there isn’t a lot of us, but (and especially in recent years) I feel like you’ll meet more LGBT+ people than straight in some cases. Also that the majority within the LGBT+ community is bisexual, I feel like a lot of people don’t know that

Why are proud to be lgbt+?

Why wouldn’t I be? lol

♡ Happy pride from @hogwartsonline ♡