#abt it in a new place to at least feign the feeling of being heard and understood
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wah
#typical leon behavior (late night agony)#forgive how unfiltered this is going to get but nobody reads these so it's ok. maybe.#anyway! back pain cause of the weight of my chest. not new. but God its getting to me#idk if its cause I got the green light from my mother that. if I can get surgery on them it won't land me without a home.#but it's always on my mind. it's not top surgery. a reduction. but it's still fucking masisve#not only from a trans pov but a general health pov I need medical intervention#it hurts so much! in so many different ways! and it's like. nothing I cna fucking do#dealing with that sorta physical hardship while also having to deal with raunchy comments from ppl#strangers and family alike on my body!#and how I should be 'lucky'#I am so close to liking my body it does not feel good to be so close to accepting my self but having to deal with thr biggest worst#most painful and angering and hateful part of myself every day#in others comments and just. pain#I don't know. I can't even remember what I'm saying in these tags after I post rhem#and this COULD go into a journal but I write abt it so much in there I need to shout#abt it in a new place to at least feign the feeling of being heard and understood#my doctor appointment is in August. just a few fucking months. God.#I still have to convince my doctor that I need this direly. I mean. I think I can. one look at my health says I need it. but#since when did medical ever make fucking sense#I can't even sit up without my back killing me. can't even vent my issues in doom or something. hell is real and it's inside my chest.
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