#abt it because there's smth i wont accept abt myself that reflects what he was like to me but like..... | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

g8d · 3 months ago

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thinking about guy who said that a day (while he was hanging out with me.) was wasted because it wasn't "productive" and when i objected, he said he doesnt consider building relationships to be productive. and i think we talked about it after and got to some kind of understanding about what was meant, but i don't remember that now, and we're not in touch anymore, and it's actually exactly because he did not value me, my time, or my effort.

anyway can u imagine ? guy was like big into acid and stuff . whenevr i took acid/shroomies, i usually came out of it thinking "man, other ppl are what make life worth living" & like i may be aroace+apl but bro... spending all day chatting with my awesome ppl is a day well spent.

#god i hope that guy sets himself on fire #i despise his entire deal #its irrational and self protective and self destructive all at the same time because some part of me is convinced i am still so emotional #abt it because there's smth i wont accept abt myself that reflects what he was like to me but like.....#idk. i guess it's another case of anger subbing for fear. fear of abandonment #because he said he'd be there for me and then he bailed. because me straightforwardly saying what i thought was too much? not soft enough?#he wanted me to hold his hand and walk him through his horrible little misogynist rants. and i was supposed to be there for him too so like #idk like if we had had more of a rapport maybe i would've had more patience with him. but i think he thought he had paid for it already and #im not actually like that.#well i guess like it was never going to work out it's worthless getting stuck on this again #it just makes me angry to think the is out there somewhere going around probably (???) thinking he is in the right when he obviously owes m #a fucking apology #guy i hate #<- organizational tag #/ᐠ 🝦 ﻌ 🝦マ #idk for all i know he's wracked by guilt #lmao sorry but i hope so.#because i am.#but im the one who Got Hurt. and i really did my best not to lash out but i guess i was passive aggressive maybe.#why can i not let this go? im really asking.#vent cw

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