#absolutely miniscule to my chagrin

[whathehe11-writes]

Nothing quite like being in a fandom that is miniscule that has very little fan content.

[dkisms]

Velvet Varnish

Jeonghan x afab!reader /// 5.7k words ///fluff, smut, a lil bit of angst for the road

Warnings: ex being an absolute asshole

Pale, slender fingers moved their way down the canvas, gently touching as if to not harm the work underneath. The fan in the room continued to blow, as the man’s fingers gently unwrapped fishing wire from the frame of the canvas, and slowly pulled the loosened nails from the frame. 

“Pass me my hammer?” The man’s voice said, breaking you from your stupor. 

          Your eyes blinked into focus, as you quickly handed him the hammer to loosen more nails. He gave you a look, before getting back to work.

“Tired?” Jeonghan asked, blowing a piece of blonde hair from his face.

          You met Jeonghan in your freshman year of college, four years ago. He was the bright-eyed, beautiful senior art student everyone had a crush over, and gushed about in their free time. To be honest, when you first worked with him, you thought of Jeonghan as overrated. The art project you were assigned with him, however, quickly changed that. As an assignment at the end of the year to show his growth as a student and your potential, you quickly fell for Jeonghan, as many others had.

          You remember the scene vividly, as sunlight danced in the room, the elegance of each miniscule brush stroke on the painting, the laugh he let out at a joke you made, as he taught you new ways to use your emotions in art. Ever since then, he took over every part of your brain, every second. Any paint brush you found at any store, you wondered if he would love. You remember at the end of the year, smiling with red cheeks at the invitation to his exposition, and the bright grin you held on your face as he left his classmates to greet you when you showed up.

          You even remember the feeling of your heart shattering into miniscule pieces, as you saw his brightest smile, the most beautiful look of love on his face, as he looked at another senior from his class. As much as everyone adored Yoon Jeonghan, he was untouchable. He had fallen in love with a sculptor on his first day, and they had dated ever since. From that day forward, you kept any signs of your crush under lock and key.

          When he graduated, you promised yourself to focus on your own work, and not worry about Jeonghan. You had been far too cowardly to approach him, and instead buried yourself in your work, leaving your crush behind. After your senior year, however, you had received an offer from an art conservation facility, and was ready to move forward with your life. Unfortunately, fate had other plans for you.

          You remember a pretty receptionist telling you about the office, and workers, and during your first week, listened to all the petty gossip about how the office crush was out on vacation with his family. A few days after, you nearly dropped your coffee in shock, as the office crush, Yoon Jeonghan, approached you. His freshly dyed blonde hair, clean apron, and excited smile had been a far change from the man you remember, but your heart quickly brought every memory back. 

          When he approached you every day after that for small talk, coffee, or for help on a project, your crush grew. Quite quickly after that, your realization (after two mimosas with a friend) that you were in love with Yoon Jeonghan wasn’t quite unwelcome, but caused many unfortunate struggles.

The amount of times you simply couldn’t help but sit and watch Jeonghan’s work on any painting given led you to be a quick addition to the office “I think I have the hots for Jeonghan club”, much to your chagrin. As much as you loved the water cooler gossip, the conversations about how perfect Jeonghan was did nothing to quell your feelings, and then your stupid boss found out your school history, leading you to now. At this point, you were Jeonghan’s assistant, helping on pretty much every project he had been given. As thankful as you were to be off of paperwork, you weren’t sure your heart could take much more.

          You shook your head as you took a breath, collecting yourself. The blue paint on your palette swirled together with your paintbrush as you lightly worked away at the painting. 

“Good job,” Jeonghan said, looking over at your work. He had let you work on paint matching something simple he had made up. “You’ll be able to help me with touch ups on the next ones.” 

          You returned the soft smile he gave you, looking over the painting he worked on, noting how the colors changed as he removed the old varnish, life coming back to the painting, an inch at a time.

“What is this painting?” You asked, and he moved slightly to the left, letting you roll you and your chair over to him to see.

“A man in love.” He said, leaning back for you to see the full work.

          The full painting was a portrait of a woman’s face. While the skin and clothes had little focus, the eyes were full of color, and the expression of her face as if she had laid eyes on the most beautiful creature in the world. Pinks and reds decorated the background, as if cupid had colored it himself.

“It’s pretty.” You said softly, as he nodded in agreement. “I am confused, though. Why is it a man in love?” You asked, and he smiled.

“It’s because he painted it. She’s looking at him,” Jeonghan said, setting the painting on another table to rest until he could finish it the next day. 

          You knew better than to continue any conversation, seeing his blank face. A year previously, the beautiful, elegant sculptor you swore Jeonghan was going to marry disappeared without a trace from his life, only leaving a note of her wanting to start a journey on her own, and as a new woman.

          Everyone in the office stayed away from Jeonghan for quite awhile after that, not wanting to push. He had been depressed for the longest of while after that, ignoring the world around him. The bags under his eyes had intensified, and he struggled at work, until your boss had talked to him. After two days of him not being in office, he came back, looking normal, but you knew the truth.

          You packed up your brushes, putting the cloth roll holding them back into your desk, and hung your apron back in your locker, as Jeonghan packed his own things, talking and laughing along with another coworker nearby. You pulled out your phone, seeing a few random notifications.

“Anywhere unique tonight?” Your coworker asked, looking at you and Jeonghan.

“Nothing,” Jeonghan said. “I’m not a busy man, fortunately.”

You laughed at the comment, putting on your sweater. “I might stop by somewhere for dinner.” You said, shrugging. “I’m not sure.”

          You picked up your purse, offering the group a good night, and got into the elevator, Jeonghan following. His phone made a sound as he stood in front of you, and as much as you tried to not be nosy, the big red ‘ex’ as the name made it hard not to. Getting back together, I guess, you thought, looking away, and avoiding to look anywhere near him until you both got to the parking garage, and waved goodbye as you both left to opposite sides.

—-////—-

          You couldn’t even go outside of work without seeing Yoon Jeonghan, it seemed. You had seen him across the street, and barely managed to hide when you noticed a woman greet him, knowing it to be the ex. You weren’t nosy, you swear, as you watched her sit with him at a cafe. Definitely not, you assured yourself, even when seeing him laugh at something he said. After seeing her hand him a letter, and talk to him for a while longer, and then hug each other, tears running, you couldn’t defend yourself. You opted to leave quickly after that, not wanting to interfere. It wasn’t your business, after all.

—-////—-

          When you came into work the next day, and greeted Jeonghan, you nearly did a double take at the bags under his eyes, and his hair up in a ponytail. There had only been a few days you had seen him in this state, the day he was dumped being one of them.

“Are you okay?” You asked, and he nodded, working on his retouching. 

“Grab your brushes, please, and help,” Jeonghan said. “I’ve got your palette here.”

          The hours you spent working with Jeonghan were spent in relative silence, other than the sounds of paintbrushes and paint, and the few times you cleaned off your brush. Against your better judgement, or maybe just morbid curiosity, you decided to finally speak up.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” You asked, and he barely responded, if only to make a noise of affirmation.

“I just… I went out for dinner last night, and uh, saw you.” You said, eyes flickering over to his form, as his brush stopped moving. “If you’re too uncomfortable, you don’t have to say anything, I’m sorry I asked,” You stuttered out, positive you were just kicking this man while he was down.

“No, no… I suppose you did know us in school, and are curious,” He said, setting his brush down. “She ran off months ago, and I guess wanted to give me closure.” He continued, letting out a sigh as he leaned back into his chair. 

“Sorry,” You blurted. “I didn’t mean to pry.”

“No, you’re fine. We’re friends, right?”

          As much as you wanted to believe him, the hurt in his watery eyes told you better, and you both silently returned to your work, letting the elephant in the room go.

—-////—-

          The months spent with Jeonghan after that seemed to have rejuvenated the man, as he threw himself into his work. You remember in the fall of that year, ages after the ‘incident’. At the moment, he had gone to lunch with friends, leaving you by yourself at work on a painting he had paused before leaving. 

          A knock at the doorway perked you up, as a man with soft brown hair, and a kind smile greeted you. 

“Hi! I’m Joshua,” He said, waving. “Have you seen Jeonghan?”

“Oh, he went out to lunch with a friend. I can leave a message…?” You asked, putting your brush down.

“It’s okay, I’ll just wait, if that’s fine.” He said, moving to sit on Jeonghan’s stool, watching you.

          After ages of silence, you could feel the tension grow in the room. It was clear that Joshua wanted to talk to you, but didn’t want to bother you, so you turned to him, instead.

“How do you know Jeonghan?” You asked, breaking the silence, and the face of relief as Joshua was able to speak to you, without feeling awkward.

“Oh! We met in college. I own a flower store,” He said, grinning. “He’s a great guy.” 

“He is.” You said, finishing a paint spot.

          Joshua eyed you, and you heard a couple of voices, as Jeonghan came into work, greeting a coworker in another room. You looked up and smiled at him, and Joshua watched, mouth opening in light surprise as it clicked in his head. He did remember you, as all three of you had gone to the same college. He was in the same year as Jeonghan, and while he never hung out with him separately, he had seen you go to him for advice over art, and paint styles. He knew the look in your eyes you held, as he felt the same about a tattoo artist a few doors down from his own business.

“How long have you been in love with Jeonghan?” Joshua asked, and your head shot up to see him sitting across from you, piercing eyes staring you down.

“Wh-what?” You asked, ears burning at the accusation. “I’m not.. I don’t like him.”

“We went to school together. I remember you. Everyone saw it,” he said. “I’m surprised you work with him, but I suppose that’s fate.”

“I don’t…”

“Listen,” Joshua said, cutting you off. “I can see it, it’s very obvious. Can I give you some advice?” He asked.

          Against your better judgement, you agreed. Joshua seemed like a kind soul, and to be honest, anything he told you couldn’t hurt you in the future. Either it would make you even more delusional, or it would give you the kick in the head you needed to bring you back to reality.

“I think you should tell him,” Joshua said, honestly. “I’ve seen some people in my life make themselves miserable just because they don’t want to change what they have. You deserve to be happy, and I think he’d love you just as much.” He said, quiet.

          You stared at him in shock as you processed his statement, barely able to breathe. If Joshua, his own friend, wanted you to say something, maybe you should. Before you could even respond, he was grabbing his jacket, and heading over to greet Jeonghan at the door, talking about some event later that week his friends were suddenly planning. He turned to wave at you, saluting you, before disappearing into the closing elevator doors.

Maybe you’d get the courage.

—-////—-

          Weeks later, you were stuck with Jeonghan, at three AM, at your office. Your boss had been a moron, and had taken in a painting with a giant tear, misjudging the time it would take to complete the assignment. After sealing the last piece, you both let out a sigh of relief, letting the glue set in. 

“Finally done.” He said, stretching, and helping you clean up.

          You were quiet for a second, before abruptly turning to him, making him jump, and turn to look at you.

“Are you hungry?” You asked.

“I mean, yeah. Want me to get something delivered before we leave?” He asked, blinking.

“Um, no,” you said, nervous. “Uh, no, I wanted to see if you wanted to go with me to eat. Uh, sit down somewhere.” You asked, face getting redder by the second. 

“Oh,” Jeonghan said, seeing your face, his own ears turning red. “Yeah. Yeah, I’d be okay with that.” He said.

          He helped you clean up, and grabbed your purse, carrying it for you, as the two of you walked to a 24/7 ramen store. You both ordered the same, sitting with each other awkwardly, ears red. To you, it felt like middle school again, of a barely teenaged you sitting at lunch with the crush of the week. Except, you were an adult, and you’ve been in love with Jeonghan for years.

          Jeonghan watched you, talking away about how excited he was about future work projects, and when the waitress approached with the two bowls of noodles, and two bottles of soju, he gave you an excited look.

“Soju..?” You asked, unsure of yourself.

“Mhm,” Jeonghan said, pouring both of your glasses, much to your chagrin. “As courageous as it was to ask me out, you’re nervous, and get that same look when someone tries to talk to you instead of me on a project. So, soju.”

          He took the shot, and quickly poured another, taking it again before starting at his noodles. Well, might as well, you thought, and quickly downed two to match him, and he laughed at your awkwardness. Thankfully, it didn’t last for long, as an hour later, the bowls of noodles were empty, but the two of you were going back and forth about the most random stuff, cheeks red from the liquor. 

          He walked you home, and you kissed his cheek, leaving him grinning at the door, as you nearly felt your heart explode after the date. You felt like you were on your first date again, excited for the future, and hoping this would last forever, the two of you against the world. Your grin wouldn’t go away, feeling awkward and lopsided, like you were trying hard not to squeal. When you took your shower, hopping into bed, the squeal finally let itself out when you checked your phone, seeing a text from Jeonghan.

‘Got home safely. Would you like to go out again sometime soon?♥️’

—-////—-

“Mocha latte~” A voice sang in your ear, making you jump from your concentration of your work, and you gave Jeonghan a scowl.

“You’re going to make me mess up,” You whined. “Thank you.” You said, setting it to the side. 

          He sat down next to you, letting you get back to work as he watched you, slowly pulling your chair over to him. You looked over to him, and he looked away, pretending he was doing nothing, and when you looked back to your work, he continued moving you closer to him. 

“Jeonghan…”  You said, giving him a look. “We’re supposed to finish this by the end of the week.”

“We have time.” Was all he said, before turning your chair to face him, eyes staring at your lips.

“You look like you’re a lion staring at his next meal.” You teased, and he licked his lips.

“I’d love to eat you right now,” He said, and you turned bright red.

“Jeonghan! Not at work!” You said, and he laughed, giving you a kiss. “Happy six months.” He said, handing you a box.

“We- I thought we weren’t doing anything,” You stressed, and he shook his head. “I… I can’t not get you something.” He said. “I love you.” 

          You looked up in shock at him, as you had told him a few times before this, but he never reciprocated. While you were a little upset (I mean, who wouldn’t), you talked to Joshua, and he confirmed it normally took him a while to say it, even if he already felt that way. 

“I love you too.” You said, eyes watering.

“Please don’t cry, darling,” Jeonghan said, opening the box to show the necklace.

It was a simple gem, with a pretty pink gem, and he quickly spun you around to put it on you, and spun you back, wiping the tears from your eyes. When that didn’t work, he sighed and pulled you into a hug, kissing everywhere on your face until you broke out into giggles.

—-////—-

          The hand holding your thigh was heavy as you drank your margarita, arguing with one of Jeonghan’s friends, Mingyu, on a rule.

“Seriously? You can’t do that!” You said, mad at how he was bowling. His girlfriend agreed, and Mingyu glared at the two of you, sitting down with a huff, as Dino pulled out the rulebook, shooting him down instantly.

          Jeonghan chuckled in your ear, leaning to kiss your head, squeezing your thigh. The skirt you opted to wear was clearly bugging the hell out of him, but you didn’t mind, as it let you have an excuse to have his fingers on you. You hadn’t spoken to him about it, but when he started wearing rings every so often, he very clearly noticed how it affected you. He sipped on his bourbon and winked at you, grinning. He had been on a work trip in Paris for the past two weeks, and had returned the day before, and the two of you opted to meet up when hanging with his friends, and then go over to his house later.

          You figured it would just be watching a movie, and cuddling, but the ghost of his lips on your ear told you otherwise. The second Mingyu finished the last set, and the game ended, Jeonghan was out of his seat, saying goodbye to his friends, and practically yanking you to his car. The ride back, you felt heat growing in your stomach, as his hand remained on your thigh, and he drove quickly to his house. His thumb caressed your thigh, and you looked over at him.

“Miss me?” You teased, and his ears reddened, the grip on the steering wheel tightening. 

“Shush.” He said, hand moving closer to your inner thigh, his thumb dangerously close to your underwear. 

           He kneaded at the skin of your thigh, and you felt your face grow hot, along with the heat in your stomach. 

“Jeonghan.” You said, in a barely audible whisper, and let out a whine as he gave in to touch you through your underwear. 

           His fingers felt like they were teasing you, lightly touching, but never committing. “Stop teasing.” You said, and he laughed at you, before moving your underwear to the side, and inserting two of his fingers. 

          You let out a moan at the feeling, intensified by the stupid rings you had got him after he got you the necklace. The heat from his fingers was directly opposed by the cold metal, and it did nothing but turn you on more. 

“And to think I almost took them off.” Jeonghan teased, spurred on by the sounds you were making. 

           You grabbed his arm as his finger curled at your sweet spot, and he gave a shit eating grin, looking straight ahead at the road, looking completely unbothered, as you say a quivering mess in the passenger seat. The heat grew in your belly as you squeezed your thighs together, and his eyes flicked to you, smirking. 

“I.. please, Jeonghan,” You whined, grip tightening on his arm, your other hand holding onto the door handle. 

“Come for me.” Jeonghan said, and when you felt him on your spot again, you came with a loud cry, head smacking against the headrest. He pulled his hand away, and he licked his fingers, giving a hum, as you composed yourself. 

          You fixed yourself to be more presentable as you got to his apartment, and he parked, walking over to open your door, looking like the cat killed the canary. 

“You can’t look like that after fingering me, Jeonghan.” You hissed, shoving his side. 

“I missed you too.” Jeonghan said, pushing your arms back to pull you into a tight hug. “I want movies and cuddles, and you can’t get away.” 

“Whatever you’d like.” You said, and he shut the door, grabbing your hand to hold, swinging it with the two of you. 

—-////—-

“Thank you, Joshua!” You called to the florist as you left, carrying a bouquet of roses. 

“Have fuuuuuun!” Joshua teased, looking amused at the pep in your step.

          Jeonghan had called you right after work, offering you a date. It had been to make up for having to pick his drunk ass up from Woozi’s the week before without warning. You headed to the restaurant he had offered, texting him that you were walking there, honestly wanting to go to his place instead that night.

          As you turned the corner, you grinned brightly, seeing Jeonghan, only to slow to a stop once you saw him talking to someone. It was his fucking ex, and he was fucking laughing at something she was saying. You took a breath to continue over and tell her to back up, but at the sight of her kissing him, you felt yourself wither. You dropped the flowers, the shaky breath you let out the only sound around you as your heart pounded in your ears. 

          You saw Jeonghan finally see you, and call for you, but you could only slowly back up, turning to walk away swiftly from the situation. After turning a few blocks, you jumped into a taxi, requesting it take you home immediately, a look of pity on his face as tears fell from your eyes.

—-////—-

          Your phone buzzed like crazy as you ignored it in favor of calling your friends, who showed up 10 minutes later, a bottle of wine in hand, giving you a big hug. You opted to chug from the bottle straight as one took your phone to read the texts with pursed lips, annoyed. 

“Can he take a fucking hint?” She asked, as the other nodded in agreement.

          Before you could respond, you heard a knock. One of your friends got up to check, and gave you a look. You sighed and got up, shooing your friends away, going over to open the door, and stepping outside with him. Jeonghan looked like a mess, with red eyes, and his clothes looked  like a mess.

“Can I help you?” You asked, voice hoarse. 

“I want to tell you exactly how everything went, so you get the full story, okay?” He said, nervous. You gave him a nod, and he continued. “When I got off of work, I headed to our reservation. She was outside, waiting for someone. I tried to avoid her, but she kissed me. I went after you, but you left so fast.”

“Yes,” You said. “Because I saw the two of you kissing. I wasn’t going to stay.” 

“Yeah. I wouldn’t either,” He said, voice almost a whisper. “I didn’t kiss her back, I promise. She jumped onto me. I’d never do that to you.”

“I… I think she planned to see me,” He said, taking a shaky breath. “I started posting you with Woozi and Josh a ton recently, and Woozi mentioned her name was among people that had seen my post.”

“You should have told me.” You said, wiping your eyes. “The moment you noticed her, you should’ve told me. She knew what she was doing, and knew I’d see. I don’t blame you, baby,” you said, as he took a big sniffle, eyes watery. “I blame her. She’s the moron that left you, and I get you all to myself now.” You said, and he gave a watery laugh.

He hugged you tightly, kissing the top of your head. “If you want to know, I blocked her on everything, and so did the guys. And I threatened to take her to court over harassment if she won’t leave us, so hopefully it’s done and dealt with. But I’m very sorry. I should’ve called you, texted you, anything. I love you, seriously.” 

          You heard a noise of someone clearing their throat, and your friends gave a light wave to Jeonghan, who turned red, jumping back from you. 

“Sorry,” Your friend laughed. “We are gonna head out, okay?” 

          You gave a nod to them, as they said goodbye to you and Jeonghan, and warned him to take good care of you. You let him inside, and he called up somewhere to get you food, while you hung out on the couch, cuddled up in a blanket, scrolling through your phone.

“So, you tell her to back off?” You teased, and he rolled his eyes. 

“Please, I’m emotionally devastated from today. Give me a break.” He whined, and you laughed at him, giving him a kiss on his neck, as he squirmed.

“OH!” He shot up at the doorbell, shoving you away to grab the food. 

“How dare you.” You said, grabbing your order from him. 

          He grinned from his tteokbokki at you, sticking his tongue out. After shoveling your face for a good 20 minutes, you lay down on the couch, face first, and let out a sigh. Jeonghan sat next to you, and sighed.

“What a shame. If only I had a girlfriend to cuddle.” He said, and sighed again, louder. 

“Ah,” He jumped up, running over to his bag, and returning back to the couch. “This is for you.”

          You curled into his side and took the gift, giving him a look as you opened the box. As you opened it, Jeonghan clearly looked nervous, avoiding looking at your face, as you opened the black box that was inside of the gift, and nearly dropped it in shock. A shining, glittery ring stared up at you, and you stared up at Jeonghan, who gave you a kiss on your forehead. 

“I was going to ask you today at dinner,” He said. “But, then everything happened. I don’t want to wait.” He said, getting up to kneel at you in front of the couch. “I truly do love you, I promise. I can’t let you go.” 

          You nearly launched yourself off the couch to hug him, taking him down with you, and pulling the ring from the box to put it on. 

“You absolute moron, of course I’d marry you,” You blubbered, as he kissed your face. “I’ve been in love with you for so long, I don’t know why you’d think I’d say no.”

“I could tell a long time ago, but I didn’t expect you to ask me out.” He said. “Almost messed up my painting, and Joshua teased me for weeks. But I love you too.” He said.

“Quick, let’s take a picture. Rub it in Joshua’s face.” You said, sending a picture of the two of you with your ring, getting happy messages from the group in response.

          After a few pictures, Jeonghan stole your phone to throw it on the couch, and stared up at you with a playful smirk.

“What was that for?” You whined, and his eyes darkened, the lopsided grin on his face giving you butterflies.

“As much as I’d like to show off, I really want to fuck my fiance.” Jeonghan said, sitting up, and letting you wrap your legs around your waist.

          He let out a groan as he lifted the two of you up, muttering about how that was definitely the last time he’d ever do that, and carrying the two of you to your room. He dropped the both of you onto the bed with a grunt, and kissed you. You felt like your brain was floating, the only thing you could process being his lips over your skin. He kissed down your neck and you pulled his ponytail out, letting the blonde strands cover his face. 

          You nearly cried as he kissed you all over, feeling your heart swell. The love in each kiss given made you feel like an absolute queen, and the slow hands removing each article of clothing felt like feathers over your skin. Jeonghan sucked at your neck, creating bright red and purple marks, grinding his hips into yours. His hands glided across your stomach and to your back as he undid your bra, throwing it onto a chair across your room. He threw the rest of both of your clothes onto the same chair, and adjusted your hips, before diving down. 

          The moment his mouth met your mound, it was over. His hands held you down as he licked and sucked at you, moaning at the noises you made. The friction of the sheets against his hips felt like he couldn’t get any relief, and he reached down to rub at your clit, sighing at the shudder you let out, moans getting louder and louder with each flick of his tongue.

          The heat in your stomach was close to snapping, and within seconds, Jeonghan had pulled away. He licked his finger with a moan, watching your face, as you whined about the loss of his mouth, his fingers, anything - begging him to let you come.

“Only with me.” He said, before lining up to push into you, letting out a moan.

          He let out a shudder as he slotted himself completely, your insides feeling like butter against him, as he slowly rocked into your hips. He grabbed your hand to intertwine your fingers, the gems of your ring glittering in the moonlight. He could’ve come right then and there at the look on your face, instead burying his face into your neck. 

          You let out whines as he moved in you, the slow build of your orgasm coming back in full force.

“Baby,” You whined at Jeonghan, tugging at the blonde strands of his hair. “I want to come, please, Jeonghan. Can I, please?” You begged.

Jeonghan moaned, shifting to hit you deep, and all you could process was him giving the a-okay, before you felt your orgasm hit you like a thousand waves, his following right after. He didn’t let go of your hand until he got up to clean the both of you up, immediately returning to hold you as close as possible.

“I love you,” He whispered in the lightest tone, barely audible, and kissed your hair.

—-////—-

          Your fingers glided over the canvas, nailing the canvas onto the new stretcher, and placing the keys into the sides. You wrapped fishing wire to hold them in place, and made sure the frame was clean, and put it inside, using a dry brush to wipe down the piece, and put your card into the frame for the buyer.

“Y’know, I see why you like my hands now.” He said, and you froze, ears turning red. 

“Shush.” You said, and he grinned at you.

          You flicked a piece of wood at him and he grinned, dodging it, only for his smile to drop, seeing the buyer of the piece at the front office, and the secretary giving a sorry wince to the two of you. You grabbed the piece and headed up front, a tight smile on your face as you handed the piece over for Jeonghan’s ex to look at, and she nodded slowly.

“Thank you.” She said, turning to Jeonghan. “What other pieces do you work on? And can we set up a system for you to receive and give any pieces we work on?” She said, and you nearly scoffed at the flirty look.

“You can email our boss to see if we have an open spot, but we do not do home calls.” You said, tight lipped. 

          She frowned as she finished signing her receipt, and you gave a bright smile as you finished up, holding out your hand for her to shake, but she did so, only to freeze part way through, seeing the ring on your finger. You squeezed her hand and she winced, and you let go. 

“Have a great day!” You cheerfully said, waving as she left, clearly upset. 

          You turned to see Jeonghan giving you a look, raising a brow. You shrugged at him with a bright smile and he laughed, grabbing your hand, and swinging it as he led you back to his office.

“What?” You asked, playing stupid, as he kissed you, the air nearly leaving your lungs at the harsh kiss. 

“Gotta be the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.” He said, grinning at you, and brushing a thumb against your lips. “But seriously, can we just get married tomorrow? I’ve gotta be your husband. If that’s how you act as my fiance, I’ve- wait, where are you going? Don’t leave me! I didn’t know you were possessive! We’ve gotta talk about this!”

[smallerthantherain]

Just another mindless company “we’re definitely family” bullshit get-together. I can’t help but let this thought run across my mind as I enter the “Fantastical Cakes” pastry store. Some annoying HR rep at my lackluster company came up with this less-than-thrilling “bonding” experience for all of us meager drones- I mean, “Family Members”.

Entering the store, the heavy scent of delicious baked pastries and cakes fill my nose and suddenly I’m hating that HR rep just slightly less. One could say the flames of my chagrin have been doused with a cup of water. Pointless, but the act certainly did lower the temperature by some miniscule measurement of heat.

Looking around, the store seems fairly normal. My co-workers have already gone ahead and formed a line by the countertop. In the center of this medium-sized bakery there are little round tabletops with shitty plastic chairs surrounding them so that we’re all forced to awkwardly look at each other eating pastries. Lovely.

I shuffle in line behind some older man I don’t recognize that probably works at my company and that’s when I notice- Is that a gun? Two men wearing aprons so colorful that they would embarrass a rainbow are standing guard at the end of the line while wielding two intimidating rifles. I’m not so good with guns so I have no idea what they are- I mean for God’s sake I work in accounting and don’t hate my job that much. Not only do they have these ridiculous aprons but the men, while armed, also are wearing baker’s hats. Right above their posts is a giant white banner stating “ABSOLUTELY NO SECONDS” in colossal red letters. Genuinely, at this point I’m suspicious that the guns are real.

The line continues forward as people whom I assume are my coworkers continue down the line grabbing slices of cake. My curiosity has been piqued at this point, so I pick a person and watch this woman take a cake to one of those hellish tabletops in the center of the room. The sight that I witness next is hard to believe. After a single bite, her eyes widen completely and she throws her fork to the floor with a crazed expression. Not a moment later she hunches over the table and starts tearing the slice of cake apart with her fingers and shoving the bites into her mouth as fast as physically possible. I am extremely alarmed by the sight and that’s when I notice it- every single person sitting at a table has not even a crumb remaining on their plates. Their expressions…. Their expressions make me ill. Each face reminds me of my time in rehab, seeing a fresh addict being admitted. Seeing my own face in the mirror after being admitted. That was a long time ago, but I’ll never forget the look and I’m seeing that look everywhere in this room.

“NOT ANOTHER FUCKING STEP!”- suddenly my attention is taken away from those crazed-eyes seated at shitty tabletops and captured by one of those ridiculous looking bakery-clad armed men pointing their rifle at some middle-aged overweight man. “I just- just one more- just one more chocobake. Please. I-I-I-I-I just need one more chocobake cake. PLEASE!”. The man is kneeling on the chest of the other bakery guard and holy hells I think that’s the receptionist at my building. He’s not that memorable because he’s usually so quiet and timid, but right now he is pinning an armed guard down to the ground with his knees. I think his name is Fred? Fred has never appeared so intimidating. Not a moment later Fred, I think it’s Fred, leaps to his feet while screaming “CHOCOBAKE CAKE!!!” and the standing guard audaciously starts spraying bullets into Fred’s torso, pelting him red. Guess the guns are real, after all.

A nightmare unfolds as half of the people in line start charging the cake stand while the other half rush past me towards the door. The cashier at the end of the cake line pulls out a pistol and starts creating new holes in the horde rushing the cake stand. Bullets are flying near me but I’m in too much shock to move. In the midst of this frenzy, those that actually reach the cake stand are pouncing upon the cakes as if they haven’t eaten for weeks. They are clawing and bludgeoning each other in a pile of limbs and fists as they all do their best to shove any crumb of cake they can into their mouths.

Miraculously, a piece of cake is launched right at me and by reflex I catch it. Three different people at the back of the pile see me catch the cake and immediately start sprinting my way. I throw the highly addictive pastry far across the room and without thinking lick the chocolate off my fingers.

I must have more.

You’re in line for a slice of cake. The sign says “Absolutely no seconds”, and there are armed guards.

[hands-across-the-sky]

some thoughts on seeing Paul's Got Back tour, part 2 ! ! !

after the cut!

I had been a little nervous about his voice based on the videos from the first few dates. I don't know if nervous is even the right word, really, because I know he's 80 and I know his voice has changed and I would've paid the same amount of money to just watch him sit onstage and roll a joint, truly, but hearing him on some of the earlier dates made me kind of sad in a weird way, I think just because I don't WANT to really accept how old he actually is--I want him to be young and healthy forever. BUT! i will say that the sound mix in the stadium was SUPER forgiving and I was really surprised at how great and strong he sounded! he was optioning up all over the place and doing runs and doing his current version of the "Rock Voice" at various points throughout!

"Got to Get You Into My Life" was one of my favorites of the night--the band, who are just ridiculously polished and good, really killed it, particularly the brass section. anytime he played a Beatles song the crowd went NUTS--the energy change was really palpable.

his Weird Girl behavior REALLY started to come out during "Come On To Me." he was doing a bit where every time he sang "come on to me" he'd point to himself, and every time he sang "come on to you" he pointed at the crowd. just like absolutely wild "hehehe i'm making a dirty joke do you get it" behavior, so embarrassing GRANDDUDE STOP!!!!!

"Let Me Roll It" was SO good!!!!!! it's just so thrilling and emotional, he totally shredded the guitar solo (he'd switched from bass to guitar for it), bisexual pining anthem, 10/10

In between basically every song he would bow, and say "thank you," and then do these awkward little marionette-with-its-string-cut poses. it was truly SO silly, he'd just like hit a little awkward jazz hand pose and then another and then another--fully mugging like he is in every recording of him to ever exist. weird girl vibes!!!!!!!!!!!

"In Spite of All the Danger" was so great--he taught everyone to do the "ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhhh" harmony and it fucking ruled

he just looked so insanely good!!! really energetic and engaged and happy, and so unbelievably fucking cute in his little vest-over-button-down combo. his legs looked insanely noodly and he still bounces while playing in the same way

somewhere around this point in the concert he took one (1) sip of water from a black water bottle that a stagehand brought him, and it was the TINIEST SIP OF WATER I'VE EVER SEEN ANYONE TAKE IN MY LIFE. like it was MINISCULE!!!! it was so small there was NO POINT in taking it!!! truly it seemed like someone (his manager? his kids?? nancy???) had put their foot down and said "paul, you literally MUST drink water during your three-hour show, you are 79 years old," and he then said "fine. I WILL drink water. [drinks literally one single H20 molecule forty minutes into the show]. you just cannot tell our anti-authority gemini princess what to do!!!!!!!!!!

"Something" was one of my absolute favorites: the arrangement was SO sweet and really worked for his current voice. it was so, so moving, the audience was living for it, and they played pictures of Geo and Paul throughout which made me cryyyy

much to the chagrin of the other three bugs, "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" was the hit of the night! people lost their SHIT for it and the band played it SO fast it was almost like ska. granny music hive rise up!!!!

during "Let It Be," there were so many phone lights that the stadium looked like a sky full of stars. beautiful!

the duet with John was just...gorgeous, and thrilling, and beautiful, and so, so sad. I have a little more to write about this that i'll write later. and as I said in a previous post, afterward Paul just said: "I love him!"

"Birthday" and "Helter Skelter" were such fucking BANGERS!!!!!!!! SO GOOD!!!!!!

the ending suite of Abbey Road was just, like, an absolute highlight musical experience of my life. so moving, so perfect, so cathartic, just...transcendent. insane.

okay that's all for now, I love Paul McCartney, good night!!!

[thecrackedbead]

Earring-tated: A tale of evolution – Part 1/3 – Introduction and designs

Introduction

About two weeks ago in my write-up the Candy Chaos bracelet, I made a commitment to write about a bunch of earrings that were getting on my nerves. To quote myself I had been:

Writing about them.

Photographing them. (This takes too long as my equipment sucks and my training is non-existent.)

Editing the photographs. (Much like #2 when it comes to time.)

Noticing then freaking out about some miniscule flaws apparent in the photos.

Trying to convince myself that the flaws were barely noticeable and thus could be left along.

Failing at #4 and thus absolutely HAD TO fix said tiny flaws.

Realising that as the items had (minisculely changed), I HAD TO go back to step #2. This cycle of course happened multiple times.

Given I made some of these earrings long before I made that post and my business card says something along the lines of ‘Own the Jewelry, Know the Story’, you are certainly thinking, Why, oh Great Cracked One, hast thou not done a proper posting on the most glorious of all earrings that are thine?

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . . Okay, okay, maybe this wouldn’t be your normal train of thought as any beader can look at the pairs of earrings featured in this and know they are pretty easy to make. A follow up thought may be something like: Yes, I thought your self-indulgent drivel but that’s because you literally shoved it through my eyeballs and into my brain. P. S. Your ‘ye olde fakee Englishe’ needs work.

However the question permeated your mind, the answer is that I thought that I had little to say, but I made the commitment so I’ll be stuffing a bunch of things into this and the next two blog entries and hoping something interesting will come out. If you get bored, feel free to bypass the text and look at the pictures.

Designing: The First Generation

When I get compliments on my jewelry from strangers, I typically end up strangling the no-so-little voice that wants to announce all my insecurities regarding them to the point that they’d be forgiven for thinking that I was running around wearing a pair of needles jammed into my ears. I guess a chief insecurity is that it feels like 90% of the time, it feels like I don’t so much as design my earrings so much as fall face first into them.

The Quirky, Earthy Earrings V. 1.0

These earrings, originally titled the Inside-to-Out Earrings, were the first things I put up for sale on my Etsy. If you were to peruse it, you’ll note that they are not there but you may find V. 2.0 if it hasn’t sold yet (which I’ll touch upon in part three of these posts).

Unlike most of my earrings, I designed these from scratch, with no particular desire to match to an existing piece of jewelry or use up some odds and ends. I designed these with a particular person as my muse. When I think on her, the first things that come to mind are that she is outdoorsy, wise and scientific all at the same time and a very loose poetic interpretation of these traits was key to the design. Outdoorsy in the mother of pearl beads as it makes me think of water (also I adore the shade and shine of pearl). The copper findings and beads make me think of wisdom as it arguably man’s oldest metal.  Finally, the bright dyes on the mother of pearl beads make me think of science as nature doesn’t usually produce such colours. Also she happens to look rather good in bright bold ones.

Putting beads inside of the ‘O’-bead’s space made me feel proud of myself as when I’ve seen that space left open. They seemed like empty picture frames, crying out to embrace artwork. So proud I did feel...

Then someone pointed that the name for that type of bead was ‘bead frame’ and felt

A flash of indignation. (How dare reality assert that I wasn’t the first human to come up with the idea!)

Chagrinned. (Wow, that last thought sounded dumb...)

Bemused. (That was silly, but sometimes you just need to laugh at yourself.)

Content. (Whatever. I liked the earrings and that was all that mattered.)

Flowers Piecemeal Style (aka. Flowers in Silver and Gold V. 1.0)

The original version of Flowers in Silver and Gold, aka. Flowers Piecemeal Style was my first venture into making earrings with the express desire not to be buried under an avalanche of odds and ends. At the time, I only had about 4-8 of each type of bead you see below, the beads used were part of my giveaway pile. Unfortunately, any crafter can tell you that craft supplies you intend to give away are likely to wiggle out of said pile, grow legs and migrate in the direction of your supply horde. This had happened a few times with this set and I entered them into a sudden death round. Either I figured out what to do with them or tossed them . . . back into the give-away pile to escape again.

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RE: My wire loops THANKFULLY have improved since this.

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I put them and a few other beads put into groups, rearranged them again, changed their groups, had them doing square dances until I found myself looking at flowers. Huh. Not bad. All I needed was a one long rhodium or silver head pin per earring to hold them together. Problem was, I didn’t have any.

I am guilty of the having the idea of the perfect artists being all Zen who accepts the will of the universe and waiting patiently until it sends them fresh supplies. Periodically this idea floats majestically into my mind and makes me feel like an imposter given that the only floating I do with regards to art is like a helium balloon. It might look majestic but stick me with something sharp and I’ll likely zip around, bouncing off the walls like a Looney Tune, letting out a high-pitched wail all the while.

This should make it unsurprising to you to hear that when I couldn’t find the silver pins (technically rhodium), I tore through my collection and left a ‘bit’ of a mess in my wake. I had inspiration. I had a plan! I wanted to make the earrings now! NOW! NOW!!!! Naturally, I grabbed the only head pins I had which were gold. I put the earrings together and . . .

. . . Didn’t like them.

This helped me go from the bouncing stage to the deflated whoopy cushion one and I was able to calmly assess my work. I had this little dot of gold at the bottom of the earrings where the head of the pin was barely seeable and the gold loop poking out the top of the beads. It looked like I had randomly used gold pins, which I of course had.

I still really wanted to finish the earrings. I still didn’t have silver pins.

Hmmm....

Hmmm...

Hmmm...

If I couldn’t hide it, how about amp it up? Thus, I split the earrings into parts and had interlocking gold pins connecting them. With more gold, it certainly didn’t look random and the combining of the metals could be visually nifty.

Logically, I knew this. I mean in clothes and art we combine colours all the time, but there’s a difference between knowing this at some level and seeing it in action. Almost all the time when I see jewelry, the metal of it is one colour and I think I had subconsciously accepted this as how things should be.

Crystalline Imperfection

Nothing massive to say here. When I first received The Hoard of Doom™, I ended up with a large number of quartz sticks which had been made into beads. Some of them hadn’t weathered travelling as well as others and had broken and chipped in various locations. As the Cracked Bead is my handle, I felt obliged to try to find a purpose before considering getting rid of them.

On closer examination, it became apparent that ideal or not, where smoothness could cause a rainbow to dance along its surfaces, the rough ones could have hundreds of tiny ones do the same, dancing in and out of perception based on the angle of the light. That made me warm to them. Thus, I sorted them by length and hole placement, picked the ones where the holes were closer to the middle, sandwiched a few green jasper beads between them and called the result earrings.

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Not very good images of the 'dancing rainbows'. I tried to get rid of the fuzz but it made the rainbows not show up in the pictures.

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Earth, Wood and Water V. 1.0 and 2.0

These two were off shoots of a necklace with a strained and stretched string at a thrift store which I managed to get it at a discount. Coincidences of coincidences, I had picked up a bunch of wood beads at a different thrift store which had beads that matched them. I also had necklace length memory wire kicking around which I had yet to use.

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Above the original necklace with the frayed thread. Below the final one.

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As memory wire jewelry normally requires more beads that other jewelry, I popped the coincidental beads and a few others onto the wire to pad it out. Honestly, I am hem-haw about the result and suspect I will remake it later on.

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Either way, I only had a few of the large round beads left and wanted them used up. The Hoard of Doom™ had some turquoise-dyed howlite that were similar in shade to the necklace’s similar beads. As they lacked the necklace’s ones’ darker veins, I tossed in a few chocolate jasper beads to compensate.  This made V. 1.0.  I liked the colour combination but lacked more big round beads so used different wooden beads in a different set up for V. 2.0.

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Version one than version two of Earth, Water and Wood. With the second one, I originally had the beads set up like the original one with only one turquoise and one chocolate jasper bead per earring, but they didn't feel right (maybe the wooden bead wasn't big enough to make it work?) so I changed things further.

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Designs: Generation Two (Babies)

I call these the ‘babies’ as, if you look at them with a analytical eye, you’ll see elements and ideas that I liked from the first generation and used them in this one. I’ll explain more as I go.

Water and Rock

If these earrings are the babies of the previous generation, you could call these Flowers Piecemeal’s adopted child. There is no obvious similarity in looks between the two, but the thoughts and ideas from the older earrings were key to ‘raising’ the younger.

I had four brown wooden and four cylinder jasper beads, and a bunch of bronze ‘beads’ I had salvaged from falling apart thrift jewelry. The latter of which were actually closed crimp bead covers that were being used as beads in their own right. None of these beads were the particularly uniform but the oddity appealed to me for some reason.

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While I have yet to find more of these exact cylinder beads, I am happy to report that I've found similar, so I will be able to make more in this style.

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My original plan was to string each one with a bronze head pin and use a bronze jump ring to connect it to the ear wires. However, the bronze jump rings I had were a considerably thicker gauge than the head pin and ear wire. With none of smaller stock available in my local shop and my inner helium balloon cuddling up to a needle, I fell back on what I had learned with ‘Flowers Piecemeal’. I amped up the flaw and instead of only having one overly thick jump ring per earring, I split the earring into parts with and used two. Basically, it is the design equivalent of falling on your face, finding out a bystander was watching and claiming that you ‘meant to do that’. Then when they eye you skeptically, you do it five more times to uphold the lie.

This isn’t to say that I didn’t like the results. I did and I do. I find the lack of perfect uniformity to the wood and crimp beads, visually interesting and complements the fact that the cylinder beads, as they are natural jasper, don’t have the same colour and patterns between pieces. I made two pairs of the things and bemoaned the lack of more of the beads so I could justify making myself a pair. After all, an attempt to fall on your face may result in a summersault instead or cause the aforementioned bystander genuine, if perplexed, laughter. (Provided they aren’t prone to calling an ambulance.)

Pearl of Simplicity and Bronze Diamond Dangles

At this point the babies started having babies.

I ended up making Pearl of Simplicity with Quirky, Earthy’s general design, use of mother of pearl and bead frames and Water and Rock’s use of jump rings. Then when I first noticed and liked that Pearl’s circular bead frames and the jump rings echoed one and another....

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I am disappointed that I don't have much to say about these, but they are some of my favourites.

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You see I had a couple bronze diamond-shaped links from a necklace I had cannibalized and some large bronze-plated plastic beads who, when looked at straight on resembled diamonds. If I could do make repeated circle motifs appealing, why not diamonds? So that was that.

I feel dissatisfied leaving my commentary of those two here. They are two of my favourites. Subtle though it have been, their designs were slowly built up to and I remember each and every step. Add to this, I legitimately like their designs but compared to the other ones, they were quite easy to come up with.

End of designs and onward

So now you have a look at my erratic design process. Next entry will focus on ups and downs of photographing them when you have little in the way of training and equipment. Quite honestly photographing beaded jewelry has a few problems that I never would have suspected.

[rifcringes]

Undertheater

*slams fist on table* Where is my shitty high school drama au? 

Toriel: Costumes mistress and resident Green Room Mama. Literally no tear or stain is beyond her power, the woman has a magic touch. Her fire magic makes for a quick dry too. Very defensive of her drama babies. The ex-wife of the director/head of the department. Its weird. For everyone. She brings really good snacks back to the Green Room. 

Napstablook: One man...er, ghost orchestra. They’re pretty talented with most instruments, and they can usually do music for anything that isn’t too involved solo. Very very shy. Watches their cousin from their spot in the pit

Sans: On the surface, just your average crew member. Black attire, pretty content to dwell in the background. Always seems like he’s dozing during tech days but has yet to miss a cue. Good with quick fixes on equipment. The boy can repair anything with enough duct tape and hopes and dreams. Knows his way around the backstage better than anyone. His shortcuts are truly a mystery

Papyrus: Set designer with a personality as big as his designs. This kind of seemed related thematically to his love of puzzle building to me. Sets are kind of a puzzle. You have to figure out how to make a working model that can suggest a location and yet it has to be able to be moved. In need of some damn supervision: he never really can grasp that while sets should look nice, they’re meant to be the background, not the foreground.

Undyne: Choreographer, always on the move. Does a lot of blocking work with Asgore too. Very aggressive about missed cues, but also very defensive of her fellow drama buddies. She tends to be pretty hard on her costumes, giving Toriel no end of headaches. She may have a crush on a certain tech and lighting director. Shut up. No she doesn’t.

Alphys: Def has a crush on a certain choreographer. She runs lights, sound, mics, anything to do with wires and a computer system far too outdated to do the things its doing. She’s a bit of a genius with this stuff, working wonders on their miniscule budget. Her problem is that mistakes build on each other for her and fluster her until she’s a mess at the lighting board. Fortunately Sans can run tech support and Papyrus and Undyne can run emotional. Introduced Asgore to our leading robot...

Mettaton: The star, of course. He is the drama kid. That one. The one you’re thinking of right now. That kid. He’s them. Constant scene stopper. Compares literally everything to RENT, Hamilton, or Wicked. Like, don’t get me wrong, he’s seen other stuff, but he is drowning in theatre kid stereotypes. An absolute diva, but he’s not a bad cast leader. His confidence can inspire it in others, and he’s willing to bend over backwards (or frontwards, if it’ll sell more tickets, darling ;)) to get a show to be a success. In a way, he feels guilty for ditching his cousin and Shy in the backdrop, but the limelight was simply too tempting. He has Alphys to thank for his introduction.

Asgore: Director and department head. Too stressed to be blessed. He’s got good theatircal instincts and a passion for his students, he’s just too much a yes-man to be a truly great director. A bit of a martyr complex about mistakes in the show, but he takes care of his kids as best he can. He stays out of the Green Room, though. Too many dirty looks from his ex to feel comfortable.

Muffet: Caters long rehearsals. Charges through the nose, but she gets em fed. Knows exactly how many calories to pump into them to give them the energy for a next show, but not too much that they’re sluggish.

Bratty and Catty: Chorus girls who are just a little too excited about the leading man, if you catch my drift.

Burgerpants: Perpetually a side character, much to his chagrin. Its even worse when he has to understudy for Metta.

Shyren: The best vocals they have, but way too shy about it. Asgore keeps trying to get them to take on bigger parts, but....yeah, they ain’t havin it.

Frisk: Toriel’s kid that hangs out in the Green Room with her. The littlest go-fer. Ask them for anything and they’ll get it as best they can. Very sweet, and very at home on the stage. Mettaton is determined to make a prodigy out of them

Flowey: Frisk’s grumpy....friend? sibling? pet? either way, hangs out in the Green Room or backstage, looking bored. Gives rude and unhelpful comments.

Bonus: 

Gaster: Every theatre needs a poltergeist....he’s not malignant exactly, but he’s the reason everyone take the Scottish play thing a little too seriously. Immediately blamed for any missing or broken phones or props. Alphys swears the seats get messed with when she’s alone. Papyrus secretly thinks he might be the one leaving smudgy fingerprints in fresh paint jobs. The only one who doesn’t seem to get pranked is Sans.