#absolutely insane that i was 4 years old when this came out time flies or whatever

[zer0point5ive]

guess what !! feeling insane in the brain right now this is my favourite thing ever

[arashikitten]

Why has no one made a Yu Yu Hakusho x Danny Phantom crossover yet?

?I mean, honestly, look at these two shows! Look at them! How is it that no one (that I know of) has made a crossover with them yet? There’s so much potential!  I mean honestly! Both are about a 14-year-old who died in or before the first episode, came back to life through some sort of shenanigans, and ended up with supernatural abilities as a result. Both Danny and Yusuke have a very close knit friend group comprised of people who know about said supernatural abilities and help them fight all form of malicious supernatural entities (Danny fights ghosts, Yusuke fights demons). Both Yusuke and Danny have a rival/arch-nemesis who, at the start of the series, is leagues above the protagonists in terms of power, but ends up being surpassed by the main protagonist sometime during the second season of their respective show. Both Vlad and Toguro serve as foils to Danny and Yusuke respectively, and while they may feel some sort of kinship with them for some reason or other, they tend to see the young protagonist as someone who is below them in terms of power, intelligence, and skills (even after that is no longer the case). Both Danny and Yusuke are snarky and seem like delinquents to all but their closest friends, but secretly they have a heart of absolute gold. Both would (and have) died for any one of their friends, and they likely have a metric fuck ton of trauma from the many, many, many times they almost watched their friends and family die right in front of them. And of course, both Danny and Yusuke are likely to become kings of their own supernatural realm (if you disregard DP’s canon in favor of the fanon like I do).

So then the question becomes this: how would a crossover between the two shows go?

Here’s how I see it playing out:

Sometime after the last episode of Yu Yu Hakusho, and right after the events of Reign Storm, Yusuke (who I would say is about 18-19 years old now) gets a call from Koenma for the first time in almost 4 years. Koenma tells Yusuke that he needs him to come back for one final case: investigate a small town in Northeastern America for recent spikes in spiritual and demonic activity. 

When Yusuke asks why Koenma wants him to look into what is seemingly a tourist trap town, Koenma tells him that the town was recently encased under a dome of spirit energy, disappeared for almost 24 hours, and then suddenly reappeared again, and Koenma suspects that someone- or something- from spirit world might be responsible.

Three calls and four plane tickets later, Yusuke and the gang land in Illinois and make their way to Amity Park. Kuwabara takes one (1) step into the town and immediately freezes. He’s always been the most spirit-sensitive of the group, and this town is setting off all of his proverbial alarms. Kurama, Hiei, and Yusuke also notice something off about the town, like everyone here has way higher spirit energy than normal. 

The four make their way through town, noticing more and more as they continue. They notice the massive craters that litter the streets. They notice the constant smell of spirit and demon energy that drenches the town like a fog, covering everything and everyone. They notice the small, silvery-grey and green devices that almost everyone seems to have on their wrist, and Yusuke can’t help but think about how similar they look to the spirit-detecting gadgets he used to have back during the beginning of his detective career. They notice the metal panels that every store seems to have hanging above their windows, waiting to come down and defend from some unknown beast.

They notice how, whenever they appear in an area, everyone in the vicinity goes silent. Tense. Wary of them. Like they know three demons just appeared, even if all of them look human.

Yusuke and his team split up to search through the town and cover more ground, agreeing to meet by the local highschool in two hours. Things just get even weirder from there. 

 Kurama finds a patch of wild blood blossoms growing near the forest, despite the fact that they were declared extinct more than 200 years ago. Hiei sees a pair of burly men wearing all white suits and dark sunglasses dragging a young man with white hair and sunglasses away for questioning. Kuwabara is surprised when a small, glowing green puppy appears in front of him, only to vanish when he leans down to pet it.

Yusuke finds a massive stone brick building with what almost looks like a UFO perched on top, and huge neon sign with the words FentonWorks on it. Here, the spirit energy is almost suffocating, and it feels like molasses, thick and heavy and dense on Yusuke’s senses. He feels something else though, something that just barely manages to break through the thick ambient spirit energy that swamps this entire block: a ghost. And a powerful one at that.

By the time the group reconvenes at the high school, everyone is tense. They’re sure that there’s something sketchy in this town, but none of them have gotten any concrete leads on what caused the town’s sudden disappearance and reappearance. Almost none of the townsfolk give them any answers, and the few that do are vague and confusing, or outright lies. Kuwabara firmly believes that this town is haunted by ghosts, and that they’re what caused the sudden disappearance, but Yusuke, having been a ghost himself at one point, is less inclined to believe that. Yusuke is convinced that the house with the weird UFO thing and abnormal spirit energy has something to do with it, and the gang agrees that would be the best place to start.

Before they can do that though, they all suddenly sense a MASSIVE spike in spirit energy, coming from the center of town. Yusuke and the gang book it to where the spike is, hoping to get some sort of lead.

Meanwhile, Danny is having a fight with Skulker, made slightly more difficult than normal due to the fact that he’s still recovering from the whole Pariah Dark fiasco. He’s been on edge all day, ever since he sensed that weird ectosignature near his house. He’d felt the typical chill of his ghost sense, but the typical puff of blueish smoke wasn’t present like it usually was. On top of that, he’d felt a small jolt of electricity, too big to be chalked up to static electricity and carrying with it a hint of... something. Something not entirely human. 

But when Danny had tried to investigate, he’d come up empty handed. Which as you can guess, made Danny My-friends-and-family-have-all-almost-been-killed-by-a-ghost-disguised-as-a-human-at-least-once Fenton more than a little nervous.

So Danny’s fighting Skulker when he feels that not-quite ghost sense again, except this time it’s even stronger than before and waaaay the hell closer. And now Danny goes from nervous to flat out terrified, because whoever or whatever is triggering his not-quite ghost sense is really fucking strong, and oh fuck are there four of them?! Are they getting closer?!?! Whatever it is is really strong, like almost stronger than Pariah Dark and Danny was barely able to take him down at 100% strength with the enhanced suit, and he no longer has the suit and he still has not fully recovered since then, so how in the fresh hell is he gonna fight four beings who are at least on par with Pariah? 

Skulker notices the sudden power spike as well and immediately bounces, leaving Danny to panic over these four insanely powerful entities. 

Yusuke and the gang make it just in time to see Skulker leave while Danny hovers in the air, looking like he’s about to blow a gasket. Kurama takes one look at the panicking ghost kid floating above him, notices the weird spirit energy around the kid, and immediately puts two and two together and realizes the kid is a ghost, and a really powerful one. Yusuke, who if you remember spent about a week as a ghost at the age of 14, is confused because I thought ghosts couldn’t be seen by living people? But these bystanders are clearly seeing this kid? 

And then Yusuke senses that strange spirit energy he felt when he went by FentonWorks, and he’s like “You were the reason for the weird spirit signature!” at Danny, who panics and flies off because now he thinks these super powerful guys are working for the GiW, and he’d rather not spend the rest of his afterlife on an examination table.

So Danny flies off, hoping to lose Yusuke and his gang, but Yusuke I-used-to-fight-demons-who-could-move-at-the-speed-of-sound-for-fun Urameshi and Hiei have absolutely no problem keeping up with the panicking halfa, and they end up fighting. Yusuke and Hiei want answers, Danny is terrified of being caught by what are possibly government agents, and finally Kurama manages to trap the halfa with ghostly vines.

Unfortunately for Danny, these vines are phase-proof, meaning he can’t escape, and he’s already hurt and exhausted and he doesn’t know how much longer he can hold his ghost form.

Yusuke picks up on the ghost’s nervousness immediately, and again assumes that this ghost is the culprit for Amity’s sudden disappearance, demanding to know why he abducted an entire town.

Danny is confused, because what the hell are these people talking about? He never abducted the town? He’s not nearly that powerful?? Before he realizes that oh, these people are trying to figure out why the town disappeared for 24 hours because literally no one outside of Amity Park has any idea why.

So Danny starts to explain what really happened, when his time finally runs out and he detransforms. 

Right in front of what he believes to be four government officials.

There are five different reactions.

Hiei goes still. He’s completely silent. This shouldn’t be possible. He wants to believe that this is all a trick, but he can hear that fifth heartbeat that wasn’t there ten seconds ago and he smells that fear scent that only humans have and glamour can only do so much.

Kurama has the calmest reaction. He leans back a little, eyes wide, and lets out a soft “oh”. Yes, this is a surprise to him, but then again, Kurama himself is a demon hiding as a human, with a human family, so he immediately sympathizes with Danny a bit.

Danny is panicking. He’s just revealed his biggest secret to four complete strangers, all of whom are absolutely powerful enough to take him out on their own, and he is terrified that they’ll turn him in to the government. He’s about five seconds from a full-blown panic attack.

Kuwabara freaks out. He’s trying to wrap his mind around this whole thing, because he is 100% sure this kid was a ghost, that he was dead, but now he’s not sensing much of anything and how the hell is this possible???? How can someone be a ghost and a human at the same time???? WHAT????? He’s pulling at his hair as he tries to put the logistics of it together, pacing back and forth.

Yusuke freezes. Suddenly he’s 14 again, floating as he watches his body get carted off as he tries to come to terms with the fact that he’s dead. Then he’s in the temple of the four saint beasts, fighting with everything he has as he watches the love of his life get attacked by monstrous zombies. Then kneeling next to Genkai’s broken and bleeding body, begging her not to go even as she draws her last breath because he couldn’t bear to lose the woman that he’s come to see as family, as the closest thing he’d ever have to a grandmother. Then he’s watching Toguro plunge his hand into Kuwabara’s heart, watching as his best freind gasps for breath because Yusuke wasn’t good enough, he wasn’t strong enough, and he just lost Genkai he can’t loose Kuwabara too-.

And when he looks down at this small, skinny teenager with deep shadows under his eyes and knuckles covered in scars from god-knows haw many fights, he sees himself as he was in the beginning: Just a kid who was thrust into the world of the supernatural without any warning, desperately trying to stay alive and protect the human world despite the fact that he’s only a teenager, and he shouldn’t have to be fighting for his life against these ancient and powerful demons because he’s a kid, dammit!

Yusuke kneels down to get to eye level with the kid. He can’t help the painful twinge in his chest when the kid looks up at him with wide, icy blue eyes, and quietly begs him not to tell anyone, because this kid can’t be much older than he was when he started out as a spirit detective and he sounds absolutely terrified, and Yusuke can’t help but wonder why he sounds so scared of people learning about the whole ghost thing. 

“Listen, kid. We’re not going to hurt you. We were sent here to investigate something, and we were hoping you might know something. Can you tell us your name?”

“Danny. D-Danny Fenton.”

“Ok, cool. Don’t worry, none of here are going to tell anyone about... about whatever this is. We just want to know about something that happened here a week ago, and we were hoping you could give us some answers.”

Danny agrees, and Kurama frees him from the vines. After a couple of moments, Danny calms down as he realizes that no, these guys won’t rat him out to the government, and he agrees to answer some of their questions.

The group make their way to the outskirts of the forest, and Danny tells them about his status as a half-ghost: he tells them about his parents, how they were building a portal to the ghost zone (Everyone is more than a little freaked out at that, because now there’s a permanent portal to spirit world that Koenma doesn’t know about), how he’d gone inside to see if he could figure out why it wasn’t working, how it’d turned on while he was inside (Yusuke clenches his fists hard enough to draw blood. Both of the times he’d died had been excruciatingly painful, but at least they’d been quick. Getting electrocuted to death would be beyond agonizing, and getting caught in a portal like that...). He tells them about how his parents despise ghosts, believing them to be cruel, malicious, and emotionless, incapable of feeling pain. He tells them about how he’s TERRIFIED of telling his parents the truth, of telling them that he’s Danny Phantom because that seems to be the ghost they want to capture the most, and he’s seen what they do to the ghosts they capture (Kurama and Yusuke feel sick at that. No wonder the kid was so adamant about keeping this a secret.). 

“Does anyone else know? Anyone at all?”

Yusuke breathes a small sigh of relief when Danny tells them that his sister and his two best friends know. That sigh of relief is rescinded when the kid tells them that oh yeah, all the ghosts that are constantly attacking the town? Yeah, they know my secret identity too.

Yusuke has to force himself to move on from that last tidbit because he’s about five seconds from adopting this kid despite being only five years older.

“Ok, neat. That’s... that’s ok. Moving on to why we’re here. We were hoping that you would have some information regarding the sudden disappearance and reappearance of Amity Park a week ago? Do you know why or how it happened?”

Danny talks about how, one week ago, ghosts started pouring out of the portal in unprecedented numbers. How they were terrified, running from something in the ghost zone. How Fright Knight had appeared, declaring the reign of Pariah Dark (Kurama and Hiei suck in a breath. Had... had this kid seriously fought against the fabled ghost king?), and the massive green dome had appeared over the town. How he’d tried to fight Fright Knight off, how another ghost by the name of Vlad Plasmius had shown up and admitted that he was the reason for Pariah Dark’s temporary freedom, how Plasmius had decided to have a temporary truce with Danny in order to defeat Pariah, how Danny had pulled Fright Knight’s sword from the ground and accidentally teleported Amity Park into the Ghost zone, how the entire town had gone under lock down. How he’d stolen the power suit from his parent’s lab to go and face Pariah on his own, and bring Amity back to Earth. How he’d just barely been able to shove Pariah back in the sarcophagus of Forever Sleep, how the power suit had almost completely drained his life energy, how the town had been back on earth when he’d woken up (Again, Yusuke has a flashback to the Temple of the Four Saint Beasts. What is it with the powers that be and sending kids to do life-threatening missions like that?).

Kurama records the entire thing before sending it to Koenma. 

When Danny is finally done, he notices that everyone is staring at him. Yusuke is the first one to speak.

“Damn kid, you really fought the king of the Ghost Zone, huh?” Danny stutters for a moment, because this guy is saying it like Danny fought a god or something. Like yeah, it was difficult, but it can’t be that big a deal right?

Then Kurama speaks up. “Danny, I don’t think you understand. There are two ways to crown a king of the Ghost Zone: either the ghost zone itself must choose someone, or the current ghost king must be defeated in battle. You defeated Pariah Dark in battle. Meaning....”

Everyone goes silent for a moment, processing.

Then several things happen at once. Danny, who at this point still hasn’t fully processed that oh yeah, I defeated one of the most powerful ghosts in existence, freaks the hell out because I barely have time to protect one (1) town, how am I going to rule an entire dimension? Kuwabara is flipping his shit again, Hiei is contemplating, and Yusuke.... Yusuke decides screw it, I’m having an apprentice now, and after calming Danny down, he offers to help train him up a bit (Somewhere in spirit world, Genkai starts quietly laughing).

Danny agrees after a moment of deliberation. Yusuke hangs out in Amity for a bit to help Danny. His first interaction with Sam and Tucker is.... interesting. Yusuke snuck up on Sam and Tucker, and Sam promptly punched him in the face and almost broke his nose. But after a bit they start to warm up to him, and eventually Yusuke starts teaching Sam some hand to hand along with Danny.

Vlad makes one appearance while Yusuke is there. He sensed some sort of foreign presence in Amity and wanted to see if he could exploit it, only for Yusuke I-haven’t-slept-in-a-week-and-I-refuse-to-start-now Urameshi to wipe the floor with him. When he asks Danny who the new ghost is, he is surprised to learn that no, Danny is not the only half-ghost in existence, and also that guy is a famous millionaire and also knows my secret identity so maybe let’s not break into his mansion to fight him please? (Yusuke agrees not to after a very lengthy argument. Still, the whole situation reminds him a little too much of Toguro and the Dark tournament, and he quietly asks Koenma to open an investigation into this Vlad Plasmius guy.)

Yusuke’s introduction to Danny’s parents goes... surprisingly well, actually. Aside from one small incident where one of the Fenton ghost detectors lock on to Yusuke’s signature, everything goes fairly well. Jack and Maddie take a shine to him almost immediately, when they see him curb stomp Skulker with a practiced ease that only a professional should have, and within the week Yusuke is an honorary member of the Fenton family.  

There’s a lot more, but this post is waaaay too long as it is. Feel free to add on!

[ri-ahhh]

Okay but hear me out: Grayson begging to come with you to take care of your baby siblings (like 2 and 4 years old) and he’s ON IT but then they get really out of hand and he’s like “I can see why birth control is a thing”

Listen I worked in a daycare for four years and I’m a firm believer that anyone wanting to have a kid needs to work that job for a week. Or like, forget the stupid baby dolls you take care of in high school, let a 15 yr old take care of 5 babies or 10 2 yr olds by themselves and see if they’ll have unprotected sex lol

You’re walking around your apartment, straightening up the place and removing anything potentially breakable or that might be a choking hazard in preparation for the day you promised to babysit your niece and nephew, when your phone buzzes in the back pocket of your jeans.

“Hello?” you answer, unplugging a stray phone charger from the wall socket by the couch and replacing it with one of the childproof plastic covers.

“Hey,” came Grayson’s voice on the other end of the line. “What time do you think you’ll head over?”

You pause in the middle of the room, confused momentarily, then smack your palm to your forehead. You had totally forgotten the plans you had made with your boyfriend to have a pool day at his house. 

“Shit. I’m sorry, Gray. I totally forgot, I told my brother like three weeks ago that I’d watch his kids for the day while he and his wife go house hunting.”

“Oh, damn,” he says, disappointed. His voice perks up when he speaks again, however. “I love kids, though! What if I came over and helped you out?”

You raise an eyebrow. “You want to spend your Saturday wrangling two toddlers? They’re little hellions, babe, to put it nicely.”

You can hear his grin through the phone. “Yeah. I wanna see you be an auntie.”

After a few seconds of hesitation, you relent. You’d be lying if you tried to say that you aren’t thinking about him being in dad mode for the day now, too. “Alright, but you don’t get to bail when shit hits the fan. Let me check that it’s cool with my brother.”

An hour later, you’ve got your just-turned-two niece Cami and her four year-old brother Cash sitting on your couch, entranced by Aquanauts playing on the TV, when Grayson knocks at the door. The kids’ heads jerk up, and your nephew looks at you questioningly, always excited for the opportunity to be a big boy and answer the door. You smile and nod, giving him permission to scramble off the couch with you following close behind.

You help him heave the door open, and he looks up at Grayson standing there, friendly smile fixed on his face when he sees your nephew. 

“Hey, little man! Can I come in?”

Cash nods with an excited smile of his own. You had already told him that your friend Grayson would be coming over to play with them. Outgoing and extroverted and a genuine people-person to no end, he had been as jittery and excited as if you had given him a spoonful of sugar ever since.

Grayson steps past the threshold of your apartment, and holds his fist out for Cash to bump. “I’m Grayson.”

You feel two little hands tug on your shirt, and you look down to see Cami reaching up to be held, curious about this new person but also cautious. You sweep her up and settle her on your hip, then nod at your nephew. “Gray, this is Cash. Tell him how old you are, bud.”

“Four!” he shouts, counting out the correct number of fingers before holding them up to Grayson. “I had a Spider-Man party! Do you like Spider-Man?”

“Dude, I love Spider-Man,” Grayson says exaggeratedly, giving Cash an enthusiastic high-five. He looks at Cami, who’s got her head resting on your shoulder as she watches this stranger interact with her brother. “And who’s this?”

“You gonna tell Grayson your name?” you ask Cami, knowing it’ll be hit or miss if she does or not. Much more of an introvert and also used to having an older silbling do everything for her, she isn’t quite as quick to warm up to people as her rambunctious brother. Sure enough, today is a no-go, but she still observes Grayson with big eyes and a fascinated little smile. 

Before you can answer your boyfriend, Cash speaks for her in that typical older-sibling fashion. “Her name is Campbell, but we call her Cami. Or Cam.”

“No way! My sister’s name is Cam, too!”

That’s all the small talk and mutual ground Cash needs to grab Grayson by the wrist and drag him into your living room to play with the pile of toys on the rug. He flashes you a grin as he passes, clearly impressed with himself that he’s already made such good friends with Cash.

You grin and roll your eyes, but follow them and sit with your back resting against the couch and Cami planted in your lap.

Admittedly, Grayson is a natural as he makes all the appropriate dinosaur and car crash noises and gladly accepts the Batman action figure instead of Spider-Man. He even coaxes Cami to take one of the animal figures, meeting her smile with a bright one of his own, glad to be making some headway now with the precious little girl in your arms.

Until Cash catches sight of the little plastic tiger now in Cami’s hands, and decides to ruin the moment completely.

“That’s mine, Cam!” he shouts, dropping Spider-Man and snatching the toy from her.

You know it’s coming, but Grayson is completely unprepared for the shrieking scream that Cami lets out as she clambers off your lap to take back the toy. Gray winces and looks at you in shock, but you’re just immediately going into ‘stop the fight’ mode.

“Cash, you weren’t even playing with that,” you reprimand, holding out your hand for him to reluctantly drop the toy into. You sit Cami on the rug next to him and make her look you in the eye. “Cami, use your words next time. What do you say when you want something?”

Her eyes light up when she sees the toy in your hand that she knows is about to belong to her once again. “P’ease!” she says, swiping her hand across her chest as well, leftover baby sign language engrained in her little brain.

You hand her the toy and make her say ‘thank you’ as well, then catch Grayson watching you in awe. “You handled that well,” he says.

You blush a little and shrug, crawling across the carpet now that the kids are happy and occupied so you can plant a soft kiss to his lips. “Hi,” you murmur, grinning against his mouth.

He chuckles and kisses you again, equally as chaste. “Hi.”

There are a couple more arguments that you have to stop, then they settle down for a bit while they eat a morning snack of banana slices and Cheerios. Cami definitely dumps her half-empty bowl on the floor to signify that she’s finished, and Cash accidentally spills his water everywhere after taking the lid off because ‘he’s not a baby.’ Grayson offers to clean it up while you take the kids to the bathroom to wipe Cami’s messy hands and face and to change Cash’s soaking wet clothes.

There’s a park nearby your apartment, so once everything is tidy again, the two of you round up the excited little balls of energy and head out the door. Both kids have easily become infatuated with Grayson, and as the four of you walk the sidewalk on your way to the park, he carries Cami on his hip while holding tightly on to Cash’s hand to stop him from chasing bugs into traffic. It’s an adorable image, to say the least, and makes your chest swell warmly.

You like watching him run around with Cash equally as much while you push Cami on the baby swings. Grayson is learning first-hand that even someone as in-shape as himself is no match for the energy of an excited four year-old. He chases Cash around the playground, flies him around like an airplane, and plays a game of tag before finally convincing him to come to the swings as well.

You laugh when he makes his way over, panting heavily. “Having fun?” you ask amusedly.

Grayson doesn’t answer, just takes his place behind the swing Cash chooses and catches his breath for a moment as he starts to push him.

“Just trying to figure out how my dad did this with me and E.”

Lunch and nap come next, which goes a little smoother than snack had. Grayson plays with them on the floor again while you cook, and you let him put out the squabbles himself until everything is ready. Cash only puts up a small fight when you lay them down in your bed. They’re both out in a matter of minutes, exhausted by the activities and excitement of their morning.

When you emerge back in the living room, you find Grayson slumped on the couch, staring at the TV that’s now playing Dora.

“Brushing up on your Spanish?” you ask, plopping down next to him and snuggling up to his side. “Or are you watching for the adventure?”

Grayson chuckles and wraps his arm around your shoulder so he can pull you closer to him, his voice gruff and tired. “You were right. Hellions, both of them. Cute, but insane.”

You tip your head up to kiss the underside of his jaw. “For what it’s worth, they loved you.”

“Really?” he asks, his voice lighting up with the smile you can’t see.

You nod against his chest, grinning as you think back on the day. “Absolutely. Cami never takes to strangers that fast, and you were able to keep up with Cash, which is a feat not many others can do.”

He’s quiet for a moment. “Kinda makes me scared to have kids now. It’s only been like five hours and I’m already exhausted.”

“You’re meant to be a dad Gray,” you assure him quietly, lifting your head and offering him a gentle smile. “If I didn’t already know that before, everything I saw today definitely made me think so. And no good thing comes easy, right? I think being a little tired is worth having one of those of your own, don’t you?”

“For sure,” he nods, cupping your cheek and dipping down to kiss you softly.

You hum into his mouth, needy for him now that you’ve got him all to yourself, and wrap your arms around his neck to pull him down until you’ve got him sprawled our on top of you. You trace his lips with your tongue before slipping it between them, but at the first slide of it against his, Grayson pulls back.

“Is this okay, you know, with them...?” He nods down the hall to the closed door of your room.

You nod. “They’re heavy sleepers. We should probably keep it to over the clothes stuff just in case, though. And my brother will be here in an hour to get them, so we only have to wait until then.”

It’s enough to satisfy him, and Grayson ducks down again, ready to pick right back up, until he breaks away from your mouth once more.

“What?” you ask breathily, looking up at him with both confusion and frustration.

He reaches an arm behind you to grab the remote sitting on the arm of the couch. “I’m sorry, I just can’t make out while Dora is screaming at me to ‘vamonos.’”

[yastaghr]

What We Do For Family 4

Did someone say suffering? No? Well, have some suffering anyway!

(Also, when this reaches 5 chapters I will be posting the first chapter of my KillerCreamMare fic Nightmare’s Gang of Wranglers!)

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22254547/chapters/57060598

When Reaper returned from the Save Screen it was to a familiar, if terrifying, sight. Life, the flowery Toriel of his world, was sitting calmly on the other side of her stone table. Her arms were crossed over the front of her long, flowing dress. But it was the expression on her face that was scaring him. She looked only mildly annoyed, but that was huge. Life never got annoyed at anything. She had a nearly infinite level of patience. She had even when she was alive, too. So for her to show this much annoyance meant someone was in serious trouble. Reaper had a feeling that it was him.

He floated out of the portal to the Save Screen and sat down at the stone table. It was stone so that neither him nor Life could affect it. It made for a great meeting place. At least, it did when she was in a good mood. Right now it was the last place that he wanted to be.

“Reaper,” Life said, her voice filled with ire, “why didn’t you tell me that Goth has a crush?”

O...kay, that was definitely not what he thought she’d say. “um, life, he’s eight. there’s no way he has a crush yet.”

Life blinked at him as he blinked at her, both of them clearly surprised about the situation. Then she giggled. “Reaper, monsters can have crushes as young as five. They might not be romantic or sexual crushes, but they’re still valid. Goth is definitely old enough to have his first crush. I don’t know what kind it is yet, and clearly neither does he, but he has some kind of a crush on his friend, Palette. He talks about him almost constantly and emulates his interests. He has a crush.”

Reaper was still at the blinking stage. Then he shook his head. “no. no way. he’s been talking about palette like that for over a year! there’s no way that’s a crush.”

“And exactly how long were you in love with Geno before you even confessed to him? I seem to recall it was something like five years. Yes, five years, seven months, and thirteen days. You kept count,” Life was smiling and absolutely destroyed him.

Denial was a powerful thing, though, and Reaper had a lot of practice with it. “yeah, no, he doesn’t have a crush, and we’re leav… where is he, anyway? don’t tell me you let ink watch him. i swear that that monster shouldn’t be allowed around kids. he’s a menace! did you know that he rap-”

“Reaper, I don’t want to hear about it. Again. Goth is safe and sound,” When that clearly didn’t satisfy him, Life elaborated, “Grim came and picked him up for a playdate. Apparently Mercy found a new game for them to play together and he couldn’t wait to try it out. There was something about parts of cheese? Or was it ships in an ocean… No, that was the last one. Oh, yes! How could I forget! He said it was named after me!”

Reaper chuckled. Mercy, the little Frisk of his world who flirted with absolutely everything, was always bringing something back from the Surface for his brother, their guardian, to play with. They loved dragging Goth into it, too. They were a little bit older than him, but that didn’t stop them. It was good that he had friends to take his mind off of Geno…

Oh, yeah. “life… can you try to find geno again? i know you can’t actually find him, but… he wasn’t in the save screen. i’m running out of places to look.”

Life eyed him pityingly. “Are you sure, Reaper? I don’t want you to find out-”

“life, please. i… i need to know he’s okay. i… i just need to, okay? i’m not sure how much longer i can keep this up,” Reaper said. He wasn’t sure what the emotion in his voice was. Generally it was sad, and from there… there was some despair, hope, frustration, exhaustion, and fear. All of that was mixed together in some kind of sadness.

She sighed, eyed him one last time, and looked down. Her hands fiddled with the empty air above the table, but Reaper knew she was looking through all the souls in her care to find the single one she was interested in. He did the same thing when he was working, checking through the different hourglasses (and other insanities of the glassblowers art. The weirder the shape was, the more fucked up the timeline could be and the less likely it was that Reaper and Grim would ever be needed in that world). He knew from Mercy that no one other than his brother and him could see the hourglasses, just like no one but Life could see whatever she thought of souls as.

Finally, Life seemed to locate Geno’s soul. She stared at it. Reaper didn’t like her expression. She seemed upset, and Life being upset couldn’t be good.

“Reaper…” He stiffened. Now she sounded like him, that weird sadness mixture evident in her voice, “I can barely feel him. He’s so distant… I don’t think any of us gods are going to be able to go where he is. There’s some kind of a barrier, and it’s magic is much stronger than even mine. And…” she gulped, “That same magic has altered his soul. He’s different. I’ve never seen a soul like his. Someone has affected him on a fundamental level. He’s in a huge amount of pain, and… I’m not even sure if he will remember you or Goth. I… Reaper?”

He was sure that he hadn’t heard her right. There was no way that Geno was somewhere he couldn’t go. He was Death. He could go anywhere; it was proverbial. And there was no way that magic stronger than Life had touched him. That just wasn’t possible. He… he… he couldn’t be in pain. He just couldn’t. And he had to remember them. He was Reaper’s soulmate, and Goth’s mother. How could he forget them? They were… they…

Reaper wasn’t quite sure what opened the floodgates. Why didn’t really matter. All that mattered was Geno, and Geno was not okay. Reaper might never see him again, and that… that was suddenly all too real. He tried desperately to cling to his memories. He could see… he couldn’t. He couldn’t remember what Geno looked like! He scrambled to pull out the photo of them all on that summer day. He stared at it. His hands caressed the curve of his soulmate’s chin. Then the first blue tear fell. Another followed. Then another. Then another. Then there weren’t individuals, but a flood of them. He… he might never see Geno again. Goth might never see his mother again. Geno might never know that Goth had a crush on Palette. Geno might never get to see his son grow up.

“Reaper. Listen to me.” He looked across the table at the god he was sitting with. She fixed her eyes on his sockets and radiated hope. “We’ll find him. We’re not the only ones looking for him. You said it yourself. Fresh is looking, and this place stinks of the same unnatural magic that feeds him. Ink is looking, and he exists outside the universes themselves. He can’t stay where he is forever, and when he does leave, we’ll find him. Even if he doesn’t remember us, we’ll find him. We’ll teach him who he is again. No matter what happens to him you will see him again. I promise you that.”

Reaper gulped. “you promise?”

Life nodded. “I promise. Now, please go back to crying. You haven’t let yourself cry nearly enough. Goth told me he hasn’t seen you cry once. That’s not good.”

Reaper let out a soggy chuckle. “that doesn’t mean i’m not crying, life. i’m just not crying in front of him. i don’t want him to have to worry about me as well as worrying about geno. he’s only eight. he doesn’t need that kind of weight on his shoulders.”

“If you think that not crying in front of him means he won’t worry you’re much stupider than I thought. Goth is worried sick about you. You tell him that crying is okay and important and natural, but then he never sees you do it. He asked me to heal your tear-makers, Reaper. He thought there was something wrong with you,” Life said pointedly.

“ouch,” Reaper winced, “i don’t want that. i’ll try to cry in front of him, and i’ll explain that i didn’t want to worry him and i’m all fine.”

“See that you do,” Life said primly. “Now, cry.”

“yes ma’am,” Reaper saluted. Then he let himself cry in front of another person for the first time since Geno had gone missing.

=====

The white space saw both a new inhabitant and an old one. The figure was wearing a black trench coat. The hems were edged with yellow piping, and the cuffs of the sleeves were blue. The bottom of his jacket shaded from black to blue. Under that he wore a ribbed red sweater and a pair of uneven black pants. The hems of the pants had roughly sewn blue cuffs. One was shorter than the other by several inches, but neither was longer than mid shins on him. Black flip flops graced his feet. But that was just his clothes. His bones were the weirdest part. The base of them was solid black, but some of them, namely his leg bones and his proximal and intermediate phalanges, were red. His distal phalanges were yellow, as were his teeth. His skull was black, but it had blue streaks like tears running down from the eye sockets. The sockets themselves were two different sizes, and the eye lights inside them were likewise. Red sockets held yellow and grey eye lights. His nasal aperture was red, too. And scattered around him like flies on carrion were floating glitches and error messages.

Despite all that, it was still Geno sitting there. At least, he still thought of himself as Geno. At least, he would if he could get over the shaking, panicking state he had slipped into. He was huddled up in the center of empty white nothingness, his knees to his chest and his hands trembling in front of him. Voices were screaming at him, their messages a mixed bunch of helpful, kind, and… not. But Geno was too shaken to listen to them.

“They’re not going to be able to recognize me,” Geno said in a glitched out voice. When he heard it, he sobbed, “I even sound different. My voice is all glitchy, and it’s so much lower than it was. What are they going to think when I get out? Are they even going to believe it’s me? I’ve been gone for so long, I-”

<IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO GO BACK. YOU HAVE A JOB TO DO. GO DO IT.>

The voice was overwhelming. It felt like he was trapped in a giant bell that was ringing inside of a giant dome. It hurt his ears, but at the same time it couldn’t hurt his ears because a) he had no ears, b) the sound was in his head and, c) it didn’t actually hurt. It felt like it should, but it didn’t.

“What job?” Geno said lowly. His voice sounded almost like a growl and he hated it.

<KEEPING THE BALANCE. THERE IS CREATION, SO THERE MUST BE DESTRUCTION. YOU MUST DESTROY UNIVERSES.>

Geno recoiled. “What? No! I’m not-”

<YOU WILL. THE MULTIVERSE IS ONLY SO BIG. EITHER YOU WILL DESTROY THEM, OR THEY WILL CRASH INTO EACH OTHER AND DIE A SLOW, AGONIZING DEATH ON THEIR OWN. IT IS INEVITABLE. DO YOU WANT THAT FOR THEM?>

Geno dug his heels in. He had out-stubborned Death. He could out-stubborn an Eldritch voice or two. “I’m not going to destroy universes. Can’t they be evacuated? We can-”

<IF YOU DO NOT DO THIS, I WILL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO INVOLVE YOUR LITTLE ONE AND YOUR MATE.>

Geno froze. “No. No, you can’t do that! They’re hurt enough as it is, you can’t do this to them! Reaper already has a job, and Goth’s only eight! He needs Reaper to take care of him, you can’t… you can’t do this to them. Don’t hurt them, please!”

<THEN YOU WILL DESTROY UNIVERSES FOR ME, ERROR.>

“That’s… that’s not my name,” Geno said lamely. He felt so overwhelmed and absolutely rock bottom horrible. Was he really going to kill people and destroy people’s homes? But he couldn’t bear it if little Goth had to go through this torture. He didn’t deserve it. Neither did Reaper. He would do anything to keep them safe. Apparently that included this.

<IT IS NOW. OR DO YOU WANT YOUR MATE TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE MAKING HIS JOB HARDER?>

Geno winced. Reaper hated his job. It was hard enough as it is. He really didn’t want to explain to him why he had to make it harder. Reaper would insist on taking on this unbearable pain himself, not because it would make his job easier, but because he wouldn’t want Geno to have to bear this alone. Geno didn’t want that. He also didn’t want to see Goth’s face when he found out about this. Goth was a sweetheart. It had hurt enough when they had explained what Reaper and Grim did. It would be even harder to explain this.

“Fine,” Geno… no, Error said, “I’ll do your job, and I’ll take your name. But if you so much as touch my child you will regret it more than anything else you have ever done.”

The voice laughed, and Error knew that laugh would haunt his soul forever. It was ruthless, callous, and absolutely insane. <OH, ERROR, YOU ARE SO NAIVE. I AM FATE. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO HURT ME. I HAVE SENT PLAGUES. I HAVE STARTED WARS. I HAVE INSPIRED GENOCIDES, INCLUDING YOURS. I REGRET NOTHING.>

Error shuddered. He knew Fate by the horrors she left behind, and the idea of her rummaging around in his soul was terrifying. He felt hopeless for the first time in a long time. Even his huge supply of determination couldn’t fight against the being that had created the multiverse. Ink spoke about her all the time. Apparently he was her favorite. She whispered to him in the night, inspiring him to create an endless supply of universes. Was… was that why he had to destroy? Because Ink was constantly creating? Because Fate was too fond of him to put limits on what he could do? Why? It was so unfair! He’d been happy with his mate and his son. Now he had been torn away from them, isolated, tortured, and changed. It wasn’t fair!

Fate, seemingly unaware of his inner monologue, said, <NOW, I WILL ONLY SHOW YOU HOW TO OPEN A PORTAL ONCE. AFTER THIS YOU WILL DO IT ON YOUR OWN. IF YOU DO NOT I WILL PUNISH YOU, AND IF I AM NOT SATISFIED FOR TOO LONG I WILL INVOLVE YOUR FAMILY. NOW, PAY ATTENTION. TO OPEN A PORTAL YOU NEED TO...>

[hellosophrosyne]

2017 recap

6/2/2018

Fun fact: I used to be very active and present with myself in the sense that I would journal quite often on a blog. My form of therapy. And one of my absolute faaavorite things to do in the beginning of each year was to recap each month of the year that had just past just so I would always remember what the heck I got myself into someday when I’m old and trying to remember my life.

I haven’t done a recap in YEARS, but I still kept my makeshift calendar/planner that I used in 2017, even though it’s already halfway through 2018 already. I think I kept it so I could try and recap it on here sometime when I could... & I guess that time is now, so...

(it’s currently 2AM, I just said goodnight to you on ftime, so here i gooo)

JANUARY

January looks like it was a boring month by the look of how little I wrote on here. I think I was depressed still. From failing my boards in October 2016. I had rescheduled my retake for the NCLEX on February 8, 2017. All I have written down is checkboxes of “150″ as a reminder that I should do at least 150 practice questions before going to sleep. But whoa, looks like I happened to go to my little’s installs this month too. Feels like that was ages ago. I can’t believe my old ass actually crossed a little sis even though it was years later. It’s too bad the chapter died, and I wish we were closer. Our age gap plays a big factor, but I’m glad I met someone like her.

FEBRUARY

February 8th- I retook the NCLEX. Most stressful day ever. Thank god I actually have a youtube video commemorating that entire day. I remember eating lunch with Sarah after and just crying because I did the hack into the site to see if I could get the results early and it looked as if I actually passed. Even though it was still uncertain, I had some peace of mind.. and found out I officially passed 2 days later at 6AM when my mom came barging in to show me my name on the official boards website. I remember I was sooo into yoga during this month. I thought it really helped. I was gaining all this flexibility, finding a sense of peace within my body partnered with daily practicing of meditation. Like damn, I need to incorporate that kinda stuff in my life right NOW. I went to Bear Valley to check out the snow. Got to ride in my first snow mobile kinda thing... I would totally do it again. I tried AcroYoga with Jessy, first and only time. I kinda wanna try another class again. I got invited by an old high school friend to go see the FIreFall at Yosemite. Such a crazy experience, getting to wait around with hundreds of photographers just for one opportune moment where the waterfall looked like it caught fire just for 3 minutes. At this time too, I was heading to SF a lot to have dinner with everyone I could. Still working at the job that I hated, training to be supervisor. I think this was the month they tried to screw me over too, trying to make me do things I was never trained to do.

MARCH

My 23rd birthday month. This month felt freeing. I started applying to anywhere and everywhere. Had dinner with Freda (my therapist friend) (i have to document whenever I see her because i feel like i never see her), started planning my Havasupai trip with the girls (Jessy, Veronica, Britney, Sherry, Amanda). Getting fitted for backpacking backpacks, buying backpacking gear... SHIT BE EXPEEENSIVE. For my birthday weekend, me, Jessy and Veronica headed to LA and got to spend the entire time just being gluttonous, going to disneyland, being housed by Johnny Ta. Never felt so carefreee and wreckless with my money. and whoa, I just remembered now.. i was STILL vegan at this time! We went to this $$$ vegan sushi place.. had vegan take out.. dude my friends are so cool to have gone through 2 years of dealing with my lifestyle choices hahaha.

APRIL

I started my BSN online school this month. Had 2 interviews and got both jobs. Got the job at DMC and right after I got the OK that I got accepted, I QUIT THAT B-ass job and vowed to go a little bit crazy and treat myself to 4 months of doing whatever the F I wanted (they told me my start date would be in July). It was Tien’s birthday, and he wanted to go to Pismo so we did. He rented out this hugeass house and we had a house full of 20 people but somehow we all still had beds. Me and veronica sand dune buggied for the first time and stayed safe while everyone else was being wreckless AF. Went to Fresno for my baby niece’s birthday. Hiked mission peak. Went to Hometown heroes for the first time. Went to the outlets with Jayne. And wtf.. it says here on my calendar I went to Vegas??? Wuuut. With who LOL.

---- ok so i had to reupload snapchat to my phone just to see if I had documented it in any way. AND I DID. This vegas trip was supposed to be celebrating one of the newer girls’ birthdays, but me, kat, and tiahs flight got delayed for days so we ended up going to that club. The club where I saw YOU for the first time in 5ever and realized that hey, you are one cutie. But I didn’t think much of it then, just that I remembered you were the first guy I recognized as cute for the first time in what seemed like forever at that time. So long since I had found anyone cute that it was something I HAD to document and tell my girlfriends about because it had felt like such a huge milestone. That I was finding some attraction to someone physically for the first time in years. Maybe that’s why I was so drawn to you in the first place, when I saw your snapchat pop up just a few weeks later. (but too bad you didn’t feel the same about meeee that night lololol)

MAY

What a fun month. My big bro took me to True food Kitchen where we had the BEST vegan flan, it was insane. We have to try it if we ever go. I went to Utah/Arizona with my parents for 2 weeks. Saw the ‘seven magic mtns’ in vegas, went to see a LOT of red rock, hiked my first water hike into a canyon (kanarraville falls), went 4wheel driving into a desolute absolute no service area to a place called White Pocket which was absolutely beautiful. Saw horseshoe bend, went to grand staircase-escalante for the coolest canyon hike I’ve ever attempted where you have to squeeze through the small canyon walls (remind me to show my snap story from this day to you someday), hiked to see waterfalls. Damn looking back.. I was pretty active this month. In just one week after coming back from Utah, only had to head out again to Havasupai with the girls. We flew into vegas, got our rental van, drove it to Arizona, slept in the van (but i couldn’t). Woke up at 3-4am to start our hike into the Indian reservation. Made it to the campsite at noon (after taking a faaatass 3 hr break at the village). Saw the most beautiful waterfalls I’ve ever seen in my life. Hiked back, drove to horse shoe bend, saw antelope canyon, then trekked it back to vegas to have the most amazing “last hoorah” if you may call it that. Because not only was it my last trip in vegas to document to this day, but it was the best because it was 100% free and we had complimentary tables and bottle service the entire damn weekend. It was also the time your name finally popped up on my snap. I added you, but you never got to see my last day in vegas snaps go through LOL. Good thing though, you woulda just seen a bunch of bad singing to loud alesso songs. Straight after this weekend, I had Lemonade for the first time with Arielle (what an expensive ass place LOL). Jeez what a jam packed month. I can’t believe that was literally just a year ago.

JUNE

~~~~ exciting things start to happen

June was the month when we started texting. I planned my whole solo LA trip to see the Kingdom Hearts Orchestra, and I remember I was texting you the entire time. JUNE 17 [i marked it in my calender] was our first lunch/ idk date at the korean place. Ugh so crazy, it’s SO SO crazy that here I am writing this post on June 2, 2018, when our first real interaction was just 11 months and 2 weeks ago. Time flies. What a successful first meal together. I remember being so nervous because I didn’t want to scare you off by the fact that I didn’t eat meat and that I was barely starting to eat fish again (in preparation for Hawaii). We had the most amazing lunch partnered with no phones, just plain conversation. It was seriously just so nice. and so innocent. I knew at that moment that I was in dangerous waters, feeling so attracted to you and not knowing how to deal with these new emotions I haven’t felt in so long. But I was accepting and ready for whatever was to come.

I ended up going to Hawaii for 2 weeks (Kauai|Oahu). We were playing loads of phone tag here. I feel like both of us were drinking, trying to build up liquid courage and give us a reason to talk late at night on the phone. I remember you texted me once this month too something like “so why doesn’t someone like you have a boyfriend?” :p Ugh, it makes me smile just thinking of how we were when we were just barely starting.

JULY

I went to my classmate Sarah’s wedding. I think at this time I was already smitten by you and our random phone calls here and there. JULY 11 ~~ (again written on my planner) was our ICHI date. I personally didn’t know what to expect from this, if it was a date or not. When you put your arm around me when walking to that ice cream place (smitten?), to us awkwardly trying to cozy up at your house watching those movies. Me being an alcoholic just tryna BRING SOME LIQUID COURAGE into our lives. HAHA do you remember how you wouldn’t kiss me after I *ahem*? Ohhhhh how times have changed. 

Because of how well this date went, (and how we both knew you were leaving so soon already to socal), we halfhazardly made a new date on July 15, to go to Land’s End. I remember all I wanted to do was just see you again. Confirm if that night was just a fluke or if there really was something there. I didn’t plan to stay that night..... but I did. And there we went, kissing for hours and hours until I had to go. (can you believe I went to 6flags the following day, i was fucking crazy man). You officially moved to Anaheim shortly after this... I wasn’t sure when the next time I would see you next (IF I would even see you again). But I’m so sosooo happy we remained in contact, probably even stronger than ever, with late night calls, constant texting. I went to the John Mayer concert with my big bro at the end of this month and I remember I just could not stop talking about you or to Johnny Ta about you (since he came up for the concert as well). I was soooooo sprung (i still am soooo sprung babe). Talking with you was so exciting. I feel like my personality had been brightening up with each passing day we got to know each other more. 

AUGUST

I don’t know how it happened, but I decided I was going to drive to see you that one fateful weekend (August 12-15). I had already started my job just 2 weeks prior, but already I wanted to drive down to see this guy I went on 3 dates with? Ugh. I am SO glad I did. I remember feeling so uncertain if things were gonna pick up from where they left off.. if things were going to be awkward.. if we were going to be “fuckbuddies” or something more. I needed moral support, so I made plans to see Veronica that first day I came. We ate at EMC, went to the OC fair, then headed to the packing house to drink a little at kettle bar. Met up with Blake and then you finally showed up and man, what. a. whirlwind. of a night. Headsup, drinking, lots of snowboarding, you attacking my neck/face while I was trying to brush my teeth...  I remember specificially at THIS moment, I felt like we were already SO comfortable with each other. Everything just flowed so easily. From the way we kissed, to the way we brushed teeth next to each other, from the way we slept together (for the first time), to the way we cuddled in bed. It felt SO natural for me. (I wonder how it felt for you). I felt like it was such a big deal too... everyoneeee knew my business at this time. I feel like every single one of my friends became such huge supporters of me “putting myself out there” after I had been solitary and avoiding all men for so long. I had created such a persona for myself that even blake and veronica the following morning thought that we didn’t even do it. Which was fine with me (although down there I was a little bit dying already. felt like I had lost my vcard all over again tbh). Waited for you to get off, and you took me to Tanakaya for the first time. Then we headed to the 626 night market. Went home and drank whooo knows what that night that we had to go get pho the following morning and brodards to top it all off. Remember waiting in line for hours for that .86 cent coffee? We ended up taking a nap then going to Laguna Beach before deciding to go to Kang Hodong for the vurry first time. Damn, all these lowkey traditions were formed just from this first weekend together, now that I’m reflecting on it all. The next day was when I had to leave... we had tanakaya (AGAIN), then I had to head back home :’(. And I remember feeling so... sad. I realized I felt so so excited and full of happiness being with you.

But crazy enough, you came to visit me in Modesto literally less than a week later. I was wearing my Burgundy scrubs, we went to get Crown Royal.. I’m sure you remember how the rest of night goes. Damn we were all up on that yayyy this whole beginning of our relationship LOL.

Then literally 5 days later on August 25, I came to see you in SJ, got hyped up on too much black coffee, watched HIMYM, met your parents, ate at sushi confidential.. We already seemed to have done so much in so little time, but I wasn’t complaining. Even though we werent official, or even had the talk of wondering what we were, all I knew is that I just needed to keep seeing you, and I didn’t care how.

SEPTEMBER

SEPTEMBER 3 ~~ aka labor day weekend, another 4 days I had off work. I had Guads for the first time! Chilaquiles. I think this weekend was when I literally had to study for my EKG test. I tried 1/2 of my first sweetbird sandwich. Went to that one vietnamese place MY’s kitchen with Hieu, David, and Michael. Had my first Michelada and was like whoooa, this beer is meant for my taste buds.

I tried out the wine bar here in modesto based off Yosemite with Cassandra. Such a cute place, I would totally take you here someday.

This was a pretty jam packed month at work for me. I had tons of tests going on and all I wanted to do was be finished with it because I wanted to see you again.

SEPTEMBER 29 ~ I flew down to SD to get picked up by veronica to head to LA. We were housed again by Johnny Ta after we hiked up this “wisdom tree trail” and saw the psychic who told me that me and you are soulmates. Even though I knew I was taking this time to bond with my friends, you were the only thing that consumed my mind. I just wanted to talk to you, be with you, call you to hear your voice.

OCTOBER

OCTOBER 1-3 ~~ Veronica drove me to fatty tuna and you ENTRUSTED ME WITH YOUR CAR for the first time. The next day, we tried Meiji Seimen before going to the Botanical Gardens and going to Newport Beach. Interesting enough, I don’t have many pictures of this weekend... so I can’t remember much of what we did. But this trend of us drinking a lot LOL jeeeezzuhs. This was a very very short trip, but I was so happy I got to see you. EVEN THOUGH I already made plans to see you just a week later.

OCTOBER 8-12 ~ we went to Sun Non Dang with Drew and Wonnie(?) for that galbi jim that i wanna try ohhhh so bad again. After, we went to Puzzle Bar where I met Kevin. This was a weekend where you were starting to work a lot a lot at sweetbird so we really didn’t have too much time together. It was also when that huge fire happened in the hills that caused that apocolyptic looking sky when I went to have orange roll sushi during one of your lunch breaks. (we went to try out that indian place the next day too and tanakaya for dinner). Although we didn’t get to spend a real day together this trip, it really was everything to be there for you to come home to. We WERENT EVEN OFFICIAL HERE YET, but I felt like we had something real.

OCTOBER 20 <33333 ~ was our planned staycation in san mateo. the time where you slept in through your alarms and missed your morning flight :p. We had brunch with your mom, headed to burlingame, went to eat at b street & vine, and i asked you out with a card I made. #makinmoves

This day was fulll of wonddderrrrful lovemakin, ugh. The couch...the table..the king sized bed... the blackout curtains. We had shabu before I had to say goodbye :( 

NOVEMBER

My calender says I visited you Nov 1-6, but I don’t have any recollection of what we did :c. Maybe someday I’ll go through my harddrive and try to find out... 

I went to Napa with Jessy this mid November! We had the BEST pasta I’ve ever had in my life (MUST TAKE YOU), so much wine. i trimmed my hair for the first time in 3 years. I randomly got my car November 17 out of necessity from my truck tires being unreliable.

I went to visit you Nov 19-22 (again another trip I don’t have any pics from rn...) and we flew back together Wednesday morning! I think this is when I watched stranger things season 2 at your parents house, we went out with the guys, and the next morning was thanksgiving (when I had to work)  and we had that amaaazing *** in the bathroom hehe. Right before eating at that vietnamese hotpot place. I had to say goodbye to you yet again... i sang to you that eric bellinger song (what you want). I knew I was going to see you literally a week later, so I was excited. Just had to work 5 days and I knew I would be with you again.

DECEMBER

This was my first 8 day trip visiting you and it was JAM. PACKED. This was when we made an LA trip to go see Museum of Ice cream, LACMA, went to the counter for the beyond burger. The fail to see the sunset at griffith observatory. Disneyland with Jayne/JJ, Anny and her boo. The day after disneyland, you had work until dinnertime where we went to NANA SAN, and had omakase with jj and jayne. Again, I think Im gonna have to go through my harddrive and see what other pictures I may possibly have to remind me more about this weekend, but it’s all a little bit hazy for me right now.

Jessy’s bday was this month. Ate at her workplace Kokkari, saw the christmas tree at union square.

I went to visit you Dec 17-20, you gifted me the calpak that I use now everyyyyytime I travel thank you baby. We also ate at sushi confidential with Vanessa. (THIS WAS ALSO THE TIME I WAS STARTING TO GET SICK AND I WAS SICK THAT ENTIRE DAY CUS OF THOSE HOT CHEETO CURDS)

I worked for days in a row but had christmas off, which was when I came to visit you and your family. Had dinner at your aunt/uncles place. The next day you made ratatouile and we had taco night at your house. And boy was I sick.... This was probably the fastest sickness I had ever experienced surprisingly. Typically, I will cough for weeks... but idk, maybe you just took care of me well :)

I then had to say bye to you just for a couple more days before getting to visit you just in time for our first NEW YEARS EVE!

AND THAT, is my 2017 recap. Going through it now, I can only see how much of an impact you have had in my life right from the very very start when we first “met.” I am so happy to have met you and I can’t believe how lucky I am to be cared for and loved by somebody so amazing as you.

I have so much more to say, and so much more love to give, but i started writing this at 2, and it is now 350AM, T__T.

I am gonna try to head to sleep now, I can’t wait to hear your voice in the morning. I LOVE YOU OTTER. You’re seriously the best thing that’s ever happened to me.