#about the problems in the current court. and maybe even channel that into fucking court reform Tumblr posts

[anotherpapercut]

tell me more about rbg

my main thing with rbg is that like. undeniably she had an incredible and positive impact on our jurisprudence. I really cant overstate the importance of even some of her dissents, where her opinion was not in the majority. that said

1. her jurisprudence is far from perfect. she had an iffy track record on things like incarceration probably in part due to the particular privilege that comes with being a wealthy white woman and it's weird to act like she was perfect and never made any mistakes because like she was a human person

2. the girlbossification of rbg seems to have created a sort of feedback loop that ended in her having an ego so large that she genuinely seemed to think no one could do her job as well as or better than her? which is weird bc Sotomayor was already on the court and already kicking ass but w/e. she literally said in interviews when people asked her about retirement that she didn't think anyone could take her place

3. this absolutely fucked us and if you think it didn't you're fucking kidding yourself. if she had retired, oh I don't know maybe in 2009 when there was a democratic president and democratic Senate supermajority, she would've been promptly replaced by another liberal judge. even if we assume the Republicans would still block Obama from filling Scalia's seat in 2016, that would leave the court at 5-4 in favor of conservatives instead of the 6-3 we have now and w the way the supreme court works that could mean it could have taken DECADES less to claw back to a democratic majority

people who don't know what the fuck they're talking about will look at that and say "well either way it's a conservative majority so it doesn't matter" this argument completely falls apart the second you actually inspect the voting records of these people over the past few terms. there have been many occasions where one or more conservative justices have sided with the liberals. with a 5-4 court MANY of the extremely shitty decisions that have come down recently would've gone the other way

again people who don't know what the fuck they're talking about may say "well roe would've still been overturned" and to that I say how fucking selfish and shortsighted do you have to be to think that just because ONE case would've gone the same way nothing else is important? do you guys have any idea about any of the other cases they've taken in the past few years??? this argument is just so idiotic I can barely even entertain it long enough to respond

okay anyway TL;DR rbg was obviously important and obviously affected great positive change in this country. but she knew when she accepted this job that the entire fucking country was depending on her. she chose not to retire knowing there was a significant chance she could die under a Republican administration and leave us with an extremely fucked up court and she did it anyway out of sheer egoism and that disgusts me! ultimately she doomed us to a court that's going to be impossible to come back from for decades without major reform. she did this knowingly. she knowingly endangered the country out of vanity. and she should absolutely be fucking held accountable for that shit

[watevermelon]

Possessive | College!Ushijima Wakatoshi x Reader

✧ Summary: Libero to the women’s Fukurōdani volleyball club, you moved away from Miyagi and to Tokyo during your first-year. And while you cherished your high school years, you wondered how different it might have been if you stayed with your childhood friends at Shiratorizawa. After a failed confession in junior high, you were more than surprised to re-connect with the strong ace in college.  ✧ Warnings: Implicating language and some out-dated head-cannons ✧ Tags: Fukurodani crew! Akaashi being an instigator from Kuroo’s influence probably, subtle Jealous moments, fluff, cleared-up misunderstandings, angst, and mutual pining at one point ((this is a long one)) -> A/N: If you are an oldie fan of HQ you might have seen this on Deviantart (we shared an acc there and now stuff is getting migrated 😛 )) -> Masterlist

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You were on the phone, lazily chatting away with your favorite Salami and catching-up with what you had missed since the last time he called. You went to Shiratorizawa Academy Junior High with the red-haired middle-blocker and many of the other current third-years. During the break of your first-year of high school, your dad got a new job in Tokyo and it was off to Fukurōdani Academy for you.

It was an amazing three-years that you would not change, from Bokuto’s inconsistent confidence – which did extend to girls! – to Akaashi’s eternal suffering. You were amongst the many who cried at graduation. It was not until you heard your own name called and you were approaching the stage to receive your diploma that it finally hit you that this would be your last walk on the field. No more all-nighters with Akaashi or getting in trouble with Bokuto – well, that’s actually entirely possible in the near future. But it was truly an end of an era and you would give anything to be able to watch memories of those three-years.

Bokuto was a proud dad of his team and put on a strong face. But you were soft at heart and immediately felt tears break your stern façade the moment you saw captain Akaashi. And for once, the usually stern setter smiled at you. It was a pure instance that would forever brand your heart.

There were too many ‘what if’s’ concerning your time at Shiratorizawa and if you had stayed there for high school instead. It was better to be focused on reality than what could have happened. You loved your time at Fukurōdani Academy and connected well with the various people you met.

You can, however, admit to mentally wandering off once or twice during class, pondering how your childhood friends were dealing without you. Did they miss you? How is everyone? You would get various glimpses here and there throughout the schoolyear from the various sports channels, seeing the familiar tufts of hair signifying the guess monster and his ace.

They came to you almost twice a year. Shiratorizawa was a powerhouse school, there was no doubt about it. And they never failed to appear at nationals that were held annually in Tokyo. They were a reliable team, much like your own, and you would meet-up for the customary trash-talk between the Miyagi-representatives and yourself from the Tokyo Prefecture. You could look forward to seeing them around those times of the year, it was that simple. They were reigning champions and kept the title strong.

You could still remember first seeing them at the fall national competition. It was your first Interhigh and the women’s team had advanced to the National Playoffs. You were nowhere near the starting lineup, but you still felt the pride of your school swell within you as one of their libero’s.

The men’s and women’s volleyball team were leisurely walking through a hall of the gymnasium, trying to emanate their most serious and daunting look possible. You walked alongside your new outgoing classmates, Kōtarō Bokuto and the male libero Haruki Komi. Both of them were rays of sunshine, but it seemed Komi was better at withholding his enthusiasm.

“Don’t look now, but there’s one of the rising aces everyone has been talking about at your ten o’clock.” Haruki whispered in your ear, lightly nudging your elbow.

You glanced to the side and the bright-red gravity defying hair was enough to signify who was before you. In the loudest inside voice you could muster, you basically yelled, “I figured swans would be more concerned with looking pretty than anything else.”

Immediately, Tendou whipped around to see who the fuck was talking shit.

Haruki was instantly regretting bringing the purple-clad giants to your attention. He grabbed your arm and quickly tugged you to hide behind your senpai’s, who could handle the diffusing the situation. Bokuto was simply smiling away, both curious and excited to see his prospective rivals. The older, calmer members of Fukurōdani Academy were quick and you felt some weight fall on your shoulder – probably your very captain telling you to silently shut the hell up. But when they saw Tendou’s smile and Ushijima’s confused face, they were just as perplexed.

“Missed me boys?” You waved at the crowd of Shiratorizawa jackets, spotting a few familiar faces.

“We have a traitor in our midst!” Tendou yelled back, ruffling you hair and gaining surprised laughter from Bokuto.

During that Interhigh National Tournament, your team was defeated in the quarter finals by an all-girls school called Niiyama High. With a proud mindset, you set your eyes on your next chance in the spring with the third-years leading the charge. Unlike most schools, you were a powerhouse and not a single problem, like college exams or even graduation, was going to stop the third-years from continuing to Spring nationals.

The women’s team were comprised of mostly strong-willed women with fervent determination. You were quick to pick-up your dignity after the lost match and decided on supporting your male counterparts at the tournament. The match between the men’s teams of Shiratorizawa and Fukurōdani Academy were still going on and it was hype as fuck.

Both schools were known powerhouses, coming with complete cheerleaders, an entire cheering section, a band, and a teacher delegated with the pure role of leading the loud shouts. On the court, it was easy to tune out the audience and keep your eyes focused on the enemy in front of you. But as the women’s team scoured for seats, you could not help but be amazed at the sheer amount of people from your school who showed up to cheer. Bokuto was anxiously squeezing his hands at the sidelines, but you knew he was destined for more.

You and Bokuto had an affinity for befriending members of other teams and after the Interhigh tournament came the Kanto training camp – which rightfully handed you another ass. Other powerhouse schools taught you that you truly had much more to learn. Ubugawa, both men and women, were widely-renowned for their power serves. And as a libero, this awarded you constant red arms and a couple overly-excited receives to the head.

But it also brought you the greatest gift of all – or maybe worst, who knows?

This friendly camp introduced the sassy duo of Tetsurō Kuroo and Morisuke Yaku. Yaku was an amazing libero whom you admired from afar, even in your younger years. And this camp gave you a personal connection to the young man. The first few times you tried approaching him, your shyness would often kick in. Three years later and you could get away with lounging your legs across his.

In your second-year, Bokuto was already vice-captain while you only just gained a position on the starting block. It was, you figured, entirely natural since Bokuto was gaining ranks amongst national spikers. And that year, you secretly believed in your heart, was the best year of the three. The weight of the world had yet to be placed on your shoulders and there was no looming thought of graduation on the horizon. And that year ushered the era of Akaashi. You heard his name constantly, from both Bokuto and other male volleyball players, but was never fully familiarized with the boy.

You knew from bits and pieces that he was charming young man that Bokuto held in high-regard. A junior high picture showed a cute boy with dark scruffy hair, around your height. But hot momma, you were not prepared at all. Akaashi was a good amount of centimetres taller and his build accentuated his role as setter. And you were not going to lie, he was attractive.

You spotted him several times at practice, but you were too shy to actually introduce yourself. It took Bokuto literally shoving you at the poor boy for you to finally say hi. Something about Akaashi reminded you of home. His personality reflected several different members of your previous male team and something in particular about him often had you with a reminiscent smile. He was determined like Semi and incredibly proper like Ushijima. You even saw bits of Tendou in his sass and it was within a few days that you decided that this boy was going to be one of your best-friends.

The pretty-setter was in advanced classes and had no problems being included in courses with his older senpai’s. In the study group, Akaashi was the one often leading the charge and you thanked the stars for blessing your life with such an amazing guy.

By the time it was your third-year, Akaashi was already tired of your shit and would steer you away from any team with a semblance of purple in their uniform. Of course, he could never fully keep you from your original idiots and had to withstand it eventually. You progressed onto becoming vice-captain with your exuberant setter at the lead. The men’s vice-captain wondered on several occasions how the two leading counter-parts were so completely opposite to himself. You almost felt bad, but you knew that Akaashi secretly loved the attention he received from the extroverted cast. Between the two captain’s, you found yourself to be a tiny bit tamer and that caused Akaashi to find friendship in you.

It was during your last Spring Tournament that you felt your heart break. You were entirely focused on the winning title, but of course seeing the boys of Shiratorizawa was something you looked forward to. It was an added bonus to achieving a spot on the national scene. Sure, it was amazing for your volleyball team to achieve a title of that high regard. But it was never about the destination, but the journey. And you had multiple memories of fun and laughter when your team hung-out with Shiratorizawa.

But they never showed up.

You rubbed your eyes to reread the brackets, the name ‘Shiratorizawa’ never appearing on the paper. You asked Bokuto if there was a typo, but he was proud to reply that his apprentice finally brought the great Ushijima to his knees. You knew Karasuno joined the Kanto training camp during the summer, but that did not imply anything. Sure, it was to train powerhouse schools, but neither Shinzen nor Ubugawa qualified for nationals this year.

And yet, after watching the last two sets of Karasuno vs. Shiratorizawa, you knew.

It was over.

Your paradise was long gone and you wondered why Tendou never brought-up the subject while he kept in close-contact with you.  You kept your friendship with Tendou throughout high-school. He was eager to text and had no reserves about calling you. Ohira and Semi were both polite, but kept a considerable distance since you were only on generally nice terms before. They had no reason to make the effort and reach out to you. Seokawa had his own problems. And you heard from Tendou that the poor vice-captain was on the chopping block from the starting lineup from the hands of a new first-year.

Ushijima… He was continually elusive. Whether in-front of you or miles away, Wakatoshi would speak to you in concise words or none at all. You were okay with that in junior high, but the emptiness of his expressions seemed to echo with every day you were apart. You were close to the ace before you left, one of the few proud females to call him your friend. The two of you had a mutual understanding, able to communicate without words and truly appreciate the other person. He was not another pretty face to you, but a genuine cinnamon roll who needed help in the world. Ushijima was brutally honest and incredibly dense, traits that radiated in the young-male that you understood from his upbringing.

And yet, when you confessed your feelings to him before you left, he simply replied, “Thanks, you’re a good friend. I like you too.”

Out of embarrassment, you did not want to push the subject and just nodded at his words. Despite the limited amount of terms in his vernacular, Ushijima seemed to always make them sting in your heart. Tendou heard the news secondhand from his best-friend and attempted to confront you, but by then you were long gone. It was easier to dodge the questions when the eyes of the guess monster were not narrowing before you.

Most of the graduating volleyball players who continued with the sport advanced to a prominently volleyball-oriented college. So you were stuck with Bokuto, Kuroo, and many others for another four-years, not that you were complaining. This also implied another four-years of being included in party central and that thought alone made you tired. To your astonishment, Tendou had informed you that Ushijima was also going to Tokyo U, along with a few others from the Miyagi prefecture. You were excited at the prospect of being reunited with a few others, but was quickly heart-broken at the news of the Guess Monster quitting volleyball.

You could only imagine a team with both the owl and cat. It must be hella scary for the opponent! Kuroo, you were sure, was one of the best middle-blockers in the Kanto prefecture and having two formidable aces only added to the team’s repertoire. One more year and Akaashi would join them. That would be the power team you would pay to see. But after spotting the gaudy, yet incredible skill of Oikawa Tooru, you stated that the team was overpowered and needed to be fixed because it was simply unfair.

Your training with Yaku did not betray you and you were proud to represent Japan on the professional scene. Seeing your past rivals from Niiyama High only fueled your passion. It proved your ability to stand at the same level next to previously prestigious “queens of the court.” Only one other female enrolled in Tokyo U with you from Fukurōdani Academy and the two of you were roommates. She was your only friendly familiar face on the team and it seemed like the Miyagi prefecture had more strong males in volleyball than females for the school-year.

The sport itself was nothing in comparison to high-school. Even while attending a private academy, your time at Fukurōdani was more laid-back than college. The men’s and women’s volleyball teams were entirely separate entities and they were not as close-knit like in high-school. Bokuto and yourself had a tight friendship and kept your study group from Fukurōdani, with the addition of Kuroo and Oikawa. As the schoolyear progressed, you saw the addition of Yaku and even later Ushijima.

The only times you really hung-out with the boys was concerning class or getting lit. Kuroo was a party-animal and you learned the different player’s names as they flit through party to party. And since Ushijima was the way he was, you almost never saw him. It was ironic. Tendou attended school in Tokyo as well, but at an entirely different college. And yet you talked to him more than Ushijima, who was always only a few minutes walking-distance.

That was until your spring semester, when you had to share a general-education class with the ace. Ushijima did not ignore you, he acknowledged your presence with a friendly head-nod, but never actually engaged in conversation. It had been three full years since you had a meaningful conversation with someone who used to be your best-friend. Akaashi advised you to stop acting like a little bitch and actually talk to him. And you decided on not letting this opportunity slide.

At the start of the next biology class, you took the seat next to Ushijima’s usual spot. You saw the almost unperceivable narrowing of his dark eyes as they gazed over you, but held your ground. There were a few minutes to the start of class, so you initiated conversation.

“So how’s volleyball?” Three years of not talking and that’s your leading question?? You internally screamed, but later thought of it as appropriate. Ball was literally life for Ushijima, so asking a question of ‘how are you’ would undoubtedly include the sport.

“Fine.”

“How are you handling Bokuto?”

“He is loud, but a rational spiker who is good for the team.”

“Yeah, he tends to bring out the best in other people.”

“Ah.”

“One more year and Sakusa is rumored to join the college team. Looks like Tokyo U might have more rivals within the team than on the outside.”

“I will accept anyone’s challenge.”

“… Nice.”

So much for that! You sighed outwardly, labeling your attempt as a defeat and willing to just end the conversation there. He seemed to notice your distress, but made no effort to address it. Instead, you took out your phone and readied to text Tendou depicting your failure.

Right when you were going to click send, Ushijima spoke and took away from your line of thought, “You were the vice-captain of the women’s team at Fukurōdani Academy.” He was stating more than asking and you simply nodded to affirm his statement.

“How did you know?”

“Tendou supplied daily updates on your status.”

“Oh..” You were inwardly blushing. The Guess Monster was such an instigator, even when he was miles away he was trying to set you up with his ace! You found his actions loyal and damn, he was hard-core bro.

“It is rare for a libero to be chosen to lead a team.”

“I didn’t exactly do that… My friend who was the captain was much more inspirational and had no problems rallying the team. I was more of the foundation that would support you from the distance.”

“Many do not realize the importance of a libero.” The statement was completely ambiguous and you were unsure if it was a compliment or something Ushijima was simply stating.

Your conversations continued on like this for the rest of the semester. The two of you were cordial and even shared lunch several times. However, the dark-haired spiker still spoke with concise and blunt words. To any outsider, it appeared that Ushijima was simply entertaining your attempts at friendship. But you knew. Years of patience and experience had already taught you that Ushiwaka already categorized you as a friend. Otherwise, he would make no effort to even listen to you and would directly shut you down.

During the break, many of the students would return home for the extended amount of time. And to celebrate their last night, Kuroo of course arranged a party to include their soon-graduating seniors. It was more laid back and invited both the men’s and women’s volleyball team. And for once, during the entire first year of college, you saw Ushijima at a party.

You were, by no definition, a party-animal like your close friends. Bokuto and Kuroo thrived under social events and you viewed it as simply trivial. You could enjoy the occasional party and drinking with your friends. But you preferred smaller groups of hanging-out with the few people you cherished. Lazily watching a movie or playing video games appealed more to you than the party-scene. There was nothing wrong with it! You just preferred something more low-key.

There were certain members of the men’s volleyball team that seemed to simply baffle you with their personalities. Kuroo was the master of provocation and off the court, he was the sass master of the new volleyball mean girls – mean boys? You simply named them the salt squad, since it was easier. The combination of Kurro, Oikawa, and Bokuto was too much for one friend group and you often avoided their loud boisterous voices during a party.

Kuroo, however, had no problem spotting you in the doorway the moment you entered and just as quickly there was a drink in your hand. You sipped away, tasting the familiar flavor of honey jagermeister. Bokuto was probably the happiest of the bunch, singing offtune into the karaoke machine whilst the music of the party boomed around him. There was no doubt he would be sad at losing his senpai’s, but that gloomy thought lasted for a brief moment until he was reminded that Akaashi would soon be joining the squad. You worried for the poor setter – by the end of your third-year Akaashi looked done and you could only imagine him at the end of another four years.

You off-handedly expressed this thought to Bokuto once, who simply waived it off and implied that at least Akaashi will be reunited with you, instigating something yet again. Kuroo agreed before slapping you on the back, offering encouraging words along the lines of you finally hitting that.

“One more month until you’re reunited with your lover boy!” He enthusiastically yelled with a distant Haruki agreeing. You rolled your eyes and pushed him away jokingly.

The two – with the help of even Kuroo! – had no problems shipping you and Akaashi together throughout high-school, even going as far to lock the two of you in the storage closet. But you knew. Akaashi had his eyes set on someone else, they were just too oblivious to see how enraptured the setter was. If anything, Akaashi was the brother you never had.

The party was loud and you wondered how none of the RA’s attempted to break-up the source of probably many complaints. It occurred to you somewhere along the way that they were probably at the party as well. It was the end of the schoolyear, of course everyone would be more laid back.

Oikawa offered you a hello and took a quick snap with you for social media before continuing to flit through the party. You wandered on your own, spotting other members of your team and waving joyfully at them. A different red solo cup made its way in your hands, bringing the grand total of drinks to four full red-solo cups in five minutes. There was music booming through the rooms and you were not a dancer, so you steered clear of that particular area. Once you reached the living-room, there was a large aura projecting discomfort and looking entirely out of place.

Ushijima was sitting on the couch, looking incredibly bored and sporting his usual stoic-look, sandwiched between fellow non-party animals, one who you recognized as Daichi Sawamura. You knew the other was generally calm, but not at all reserved. You made eye-contact with the ace, ready to make your way over and the other two acknowledging it. Daichi offered his seat to you and you figured this was an incredibly rare opportunity, which you would not be surprised if never happened again.

“You look like a true farmer against us city-folk.”

“That is because I am from a small town.” Ushijima explained.

“I mean, you look out of place. Maybe that wasn’t the best analogy,” You sighed inwardly, “I’m surprised to see you here.”

“It occurred to me that most of the team socializes this way.” Ushijima explained. “This may contribute to future synergy.” You nodded at his line of thinking and sympathized with the ace.

You sat in comfortable silence, occasionally sipping your drink and mid-way realizing you had never experienced this particular burn down your throat before. It was the number one rule at a party to never drink from an open container or simply from something that you were unsure of the contents. You thought back to your first two, given to you by the trustable Kuroo. But the next few drinks drew blanks and it hurt your head to think about it.

Ushijima, spotting your expression, did not hesitate to take the cup out of your hand and set it on the table. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, just wondering what the hell that was.” You held your head and knew there would be an oncoming headache.

You wanted to get fresh-air, getting up without saying goodbye. You pushed through the crowd, faces blurring together and no one really speaking to you directly. The door was not a far distance and you were quick to rush outside. There was a trash-bin by the lightpost and you leaned over it, the feeling of bile crawling up your throat but never fully making it up. An unfamiliar hand was on your back and you turned around to see Ushijima attempting to comfort you.

“This is far from alright.” He noted with hard-eyes, but did not halt the movement on your back.

“I thought I could take it.”

“Where is your dorm?”

“Looking to finally make a move on me, Waka-chan?” Woah, backup! The effects of alcohol seemed to be seeping down in your mind, but there was nothing you could have done to stop the words from leaving your mouth.

Thankfully, the ace ignored your words and put an arm around your waist and threw your own around his shoulder. The poor man carried you back into the building, but to another dorm room. You felt bad for Ushijima, having to drag along a drunkard to probably his own room.

There was no other inhabitant – you figured his roommate was probably at the party – and you took note of the neat room. Ushijima placed you precariously on his bed before going into another area, you presumed the bathroom. The walls were sparsely decorated – you could attribute that to the fact that everyone would be moving out soon for the semester end.

You sat-up, observing the unusually decorated desk of the ace. You knew instantly that it was Ushijima’s since the first frame was of his team back in Shiratorizawa. From his number, it was during a time that Ushijima was captain, but to you that could have literally been any year. It was no secret that Waka was strong and you wondered if he had a leadership role for multiple years. Another frame was depicting prom, you assumed, with various third-years of both the men’s and women’s volleyball team looking snazzy.

The last frame left you breathless.

It was of your junior-high days. Tendou was happily sporting his unforgettable bowl-cut with Reon showcasing his brand new toy in the background. In the foreground, was you and Ushijima side-by-side. You had an arm tucked in his, but the two of you used opposite hands to form a single heart. The only reason he had agreed was at the sly provocation of Tendou and his general naivety.

But why did he keep it?

You were holding the frame by the time Ushijima came out of the bathroom and instantly commented on it, “Look at little Waka-chan! You were so cute. Ha, you’re still cute.” Ushijima lifted an amused brow before attempting to grab it from your hands. He was guiding you to his bed, placing you there to lay down.

“I wish I meant something to you.”

Alright, you were definitely drunk.

His grasp loosened and you could sense distress in the dark-orbs that gazed at you. “You mean a lot to me.”

You sighed and seemed to not notice him tucking you into the bed, “Yeah, yeah. You told me that before. I’m a great friend.”

“You are referring to the time that you stated your feelings for me.” Ushijima clarified and you were only growing more exasperated.

In your alcohol-induced state, you had no filter and lifted your arms in derision. Taking a deep sigh, “Well duh. I confessed and you just waved me off.”

“I want to get to know you again.” Ushijima stated, “Now get some sleep.” You did not have it in you to fight back, but instead snuggled further into the pillows of your previous unrequited love.

The next day, you were sporting a headache that pulsed from the back of your head and hammered its way to the forefront. Ushijima was a gentleman and you had no qualms about waking up in his bed, squeezed between the wall and his large figure. He stirred the moment you moved, but you were too occupied with the throbbing pain to care. It seemed he was prepared for this moment, handing you a banana and a drink that looked too green in your opinion.

Ushijima put a hand in the small of your back, guiding you to sit-up and drink. You leaned into his touch, too mentally exhausted to really question what was happening. His other hand outstretched across your waist and you off-handedly noted that his roommate still had not returned to the dorm. Eye contact with the ace was too intense for the quiet morning, so you leaned further into the steady chest of Ushijima. You could feel the light thump of his heartbeat and closed your eyes against the reliable man.

Three years and it seemed Ushijima still had you in the palm of his hand.

And unfortunately for you, unlike most who get inebriated, you remembered everything from the previous night.

But Ushijima never commented on your leading words, so you decided to not bring them up. There would always be the mental reminder that you slept with the love of your life! And seeing him would just raise a blush. But Ushijima always seemed unconcerned in the matters of love and you let the days pass without bringing up your emotional distress. The last time you confessed did not exactly result in a happy ending, so you were content with saying nothing. You were happy with the simple memories of his strong arms surrounding you and his manly scent. Ushijima did not use scented shampoos or cologne simply because he found no need to, so his particular scent was entirely natural and entirely him.

There was a shift in your friendship, in the small gestures that you were gradually noticing. Ushijima was not a man of words, but of action. After class, he would wait for you to pack your things or even hold your backpack for you. When walking side-by-side, he made sure to keep a closer distance to you than anyone else. These things always garnered a smile.

Finals were quickly approaching and, even though volleyball was your love, you still had to maintain your scholarship. You haunted both the gym and library, your favorite ace trailing behind you at each destination. When majority of the volleyball males failed to show up to another study session, you were left alone with Ushijima. You took this opportunity to throw endless questions at the ace, who was willing to supply answers.

“I don’t remember Shirabu…” You said.

“He did not attend Shiratorizawa in junior high.”

“Oh. But I’m sure he’ll make a good captain.”

“They have enough talent to carry them far.”

“Kind words from the intense ex-captain.” You commented, then continued.  

“I heard Daichi Sawamura is from Karasuno.” You simply stated, waiting for him to interject. Ushijima only looked at you expectedly, supplying you with no words. “If you could, would you play Karasuno again?”

“Yes.” He paused, looking down at the textbook then back up at you. “I wanted to crush them.”

“I understand.” You nodded, “Anyone in particular?”

“Hinata Shoyou and Kageyama Tobio.” Ushijima was quick to respond and it was at that moment that he looked true to the scary rumors spread about him.

He was the type of person you could easily irk, but he would not express it unless you pushed him to do so. Waka was naturally patient and would not engage in useless confrontation. Ushijima and Tendou, you remembered, were prime members of the original Shiratorizawa salt squad, but they never actually hated anyone. And yet you could tell here and now that Ushijima’s feelings ran deeper than just animosity.

“The freak quick duo?"

“Only the setter has true talent.” He stated, but you could tell he was holding something back. You reached over and placed a light-hand on his own. Instinctively, Ushijima clenched it, but quickly relaxed under your touch.

“I hate baseless confidence.” Ushijima hesitated again, organizing his thoughts. “Hinata Shoyou was unable to demonstrate below average skill in blocking and receiving. Every time he served it seemed as though it was his first time. And yet…”

You put your book down at his silence, the sentence carrying with no ending. It was baffling to the ace, who was blessed with immense talent and height to carry him to nationals all three years of high-school. And yet his final tournament was stopped short by someone who was a full twenty-five centimeters smaller him. Not only that, but you could only imagine the disappointment after years of absolute victory to a fallen powerhouse.

“It is indescribable with words.” Ushijima settled on saying, “Hinata Shoyou and Kageyama Tobio have incredible synergy that is impossible to duplicate elsewhere.”

You nodded at his explanation before returning back to the study material. It was rare moments like this that showed that Ushijima was willing to open up his world to you. On more than one occasion, it seemed like you were prying. But Waka was quick to end your worrying by supplying questions of his own and even seeking out your friendship. It was slowly becoming like old times, but with the added benefit of a deeper relationship than one in junior high.

The semester break left you alone in Tokyo with your old friends – the Miyagi crew heading home for the extended amount of time. Thankfully, Ushijima fully recognized your growing friendship and made sure to socialize with you on a daily basis, with texts and even long phone calls into the night. It was quieter without Oikawa, but Kuroo and Bokuto were quick to integrate Akaashi into their group. You felt bad for the poor guy, but at least Kenma was attending the college as well. The blonde did not continue playing volleyball, but you could not separate his presence from the sport.

The new semester issued in so many more names that you literally could not keep up with the sheer amount of new volleyball players. You settled on the fact that every pretty person on the team had to be a setter after seeing the full line-up. Oikawa was fairly obvious, but Akaashi and the new addition of Shirabu Kenjiro definitely reinforced this fact. You had a palpable bias for befriending players from the Miyagi prefecture, since that was your previous home, but it was impressive how many of them from that area progressed to the Tokyo University.

You heard a considerable amount about Shirabu from Tendou and you learned quickly that he would add to the salt squad of Oikawa, Kuroo, and Bokuto. Sakusa was incredibly quiet and you wondered why Bokuto painted the poor boy as such an antagonist. Of the top five nationally ranked spikers of your graduating year, three of them were on the same team now. You wondered, several times in fact, how the hell the college was able to procure such a strong team.

Nishinoya was a ball of sunshine and a libero that made you wonder how he slipped under your radar. You got a quick glimpse of his skill when you watched his match against Shiratorizawa, but it was nothing like the upfront experience of his receiving skills. His dexterity was recognized by Yaku and the three of you, along with the other older female libero, formed a training regimen for your benefit.

Since you had priority registration this time, you were able to schedule classes with a friend in each one. Many of the volleyball members took sports medicine as their mandatory science elective and a good amount of you vowed to take it together. It was a class that few others would sign-up for and you were sure that you would all be able to enroll into the same class time. At first, it seemed like a good idea to share a class with many of your close-friends.

But, holy shit, you were wrong.

It was clear that this was not thoroughly considered. Your roommate was so enthusiastic and her attitude was fueled by the mean boy’s trio of Oikawa, Kuroo, and Bokuto. If that was not enough, of course, Akaashi and Ushijima were roped into taking the class.

The elective class, comprised of forty people in total, had a combination of seven crazy volleyball players and it was rare for a class to go by without your group getting yelled at by the professor. Literally, every single one of those boys were the captain of their respective team in high-school.  And yet??? How?? You wondered more than once.

It would always start with Oikawa’s never ending anger at Ushijima. From there, Akaashi could either decide to mediate the situation or allow Kuroo to provoke Oikawa more with teasing. If it was the latter, Ushijima seemed immune to their words and that only caused the two to get louder and more irritated. If it was the former, Bokuto would urge Akaashi to allow the two to settle their issues and it easily became an even more exasperating situation.

The worst option, was when the salt squad put aside their issues to provoke the ones around them. In high-school, Kuroo and Bokuto had no problems shipping you with Akaashi and Oikawa caught wind of this news fairly quickly. Your roommate from Fukurodani knew the truth, since you told her your history of Ushijima long before when the two of you were still attending high-school. But that fact did not stop her from joining in teasing you.

It was hella annoying, but your efforts to stop them halted long ago since there seemed to be no end. Both you and Akaashi would usually just ignore their teasing. But since Ushijima was in your class, fully present and listening to this, you stopped their attempts to get you and the setter together.

“But seriously.” Kuroo was urging you yet again during the break, “You guys are so cute.”

“You would have volleyball children!” Oikawa joked.

“Make sure they join the Fukurodani team.” Bokuto added, not looking up from his notebook as he copied down the notes off the board. You would urge on several occasions that this was not the case. Ushijima seemed to believe you words. And yet, every time he was present to hear the teasing his eyes would linger for a second longer or be a little too intense. But it was gone in seconds.

They took it too far one night, claiming to invite everyone out to dinner but only the two of you would be present. Akaashi had no problems with proceeding with dinner and you were fairly hungry. There was originally nothing stopping you from having a good time anyway, if not for the presence of Ushijima Wakatoshi. He just so happened to be present with Tendou at the restaurant, lounging by the window and listening to the boisterous voice of his best-friend.

You wanted to remain unseen, but unfortunately was seated directly next to them.

“(F/N)-chan! Wow are you finally dating?” Tendou asked, skipping all introductions to call you out. “Wait, I’ve seen you a few times on (F/N)’s Instabook. Good for you girl, he’s a good catch too.” Tendou lifted a thumbs-up in your direction and winked at Akaashi.

Akaashi, sick and tired of shit and future shit for the past four years (with an additional imminent three), slapped a palm to his forehead. Tendou gave a nervous laugh when the setter raised his head and settled a hard gaze on the red-head. “We are not dating.”

Akaashi then slowly turned his head to Ushijima and narrowed it with a certain passion that had the ace minimally narrow his brow. However, neither male waivered in their gazes. “I would not be subjected to this if a certain someone,” He took a long pause, “would confess their feelings for (F/N).”

Tendou was only more confused, turning his head to gaze between both boys. “Our friends are trying to get Keiji and I together. So they invited us to dinner and didn’t show up.” You explained.

“Oh.”

Ushijima and Akaashi had yet to relieve themselves of the eye-contact and you wondered why the hell they showcasing here and now their immense male pride. Tendou rolled his eyes and refused to comment on the situation.

Akaashi started, “With all this time (F/N) and I are spending together, we might as well date.”

That elicited a response, however incredibly minimal, from Ushijima. Unfortunately for the previous Shiratorizawa ace, his two best-friends were witnessing his unusual behavior. You and Tendou had spent so much time and were fine-tuned to the quiet man. And the slight narrowing of his gaze did not go unnoticed by either of you. Additionally, Akaashi was incredibly perceptive and observed the movement as well.

Akaashi lifted his chin and continued to push, “Maybe our friends were right. Maybe we should date – it’s not like there’s anything stopping us, right?” Akaashi turned to you and suddenly all three pairs of eyes were concentrating on your response.

Having Ushijima’s tense gaze pointed at you, it was overwhelming. You could see him clench and unclench his fist under the table, a form of stress-relief that you noticed the ace doing more than once in the past.

“What a love triangle we have here.” Tendou commented, smirking away and attempting to disseminate the tense atmosphere.

You opened you mouth to reply, but it was at that moment the waiter approached your table. She asked for your drinks and possible appetizers and by the time she was gone, so was the guess monster and his ace.

“Sorry Tetsurō jr., since when did you provoke other people?” You inquired the setter across the table from you.

“I always have, you’re just too dense to realize.”

“Excuse me?!”

“I spend most of my time with Kuroo-san, Oikawa-san, and Shirabu. Believe me, I’m the good one.”

“You mean Kōtarō is the good one.”

“Yeah right,” Akaashi scoffed and you tilted your head in surprise, “The moment you walk away Bokuto-san has no problems ogling your ass like the rest of them.”

The rest of your night went along smoothly, with of course, more teasing between you and the setter. Your friendship never wavered, even with a good year apart (not really since c’mon you texted all the time and had dinner multiple times together anyway). It was nice to have the entire squad back, but this time including your most beloved member from Shiratorizawa and other crazy Miyagi members. It was like your second-year at Fukurōdani Academy, but better.

Akaashi walked you back to your dorm, since he was a gentleman, not matter how sassy. You waited outside your door and he was quick to say something, “Don’t think I’m going to kiss you. I just said those things to elicit a response from your crush.”

You laughed as you smiled, “Really?”

“You’re cute (F/N), maybe in another life we could be together. Who knows? We could have been married, had cute volleyball babies, and spent our lives basking in one another’s company.” Akaashi tenderly stated, gently pushing a strand of hair behind your ear, before his entire expression dropped, “But for now, you’re not worth getting my ass beat.”

“Wow!”

“Sorry sweetheart, I have my own love to pine unrequitedly for.”

“But she likes you.” Akaashi rolled his eyes and ‘lightly’ pushed you into the door, resulting in you getting thrust fully against the partition.

You landed in a loud thud as you giggled, not at all surprised if your next door neighbors heard it as well. Your door immediately opened to show both your roommate and a furious Ushijima, who quickly guarded you by pushing your body behind him. He looked entirely ready to fight Akaashi and you grabbed the crook of his left elbow before the situation got out of hand.

“Wakatoshi, we were just joking around. Thanks for seeing me home Keiji-kun.” Akaashi had a face you could not describe with words, a mix of two opposites: frightened and belligerent. Like he was prepared for this fight to happen, but already knew that he would lose before going into it.

He waved goodbye and you closed the door lightly, turning towards the two occupants in the room.

Your roommate was the first to talk, “I just realized I forgot something in Bokuto’s room! I should probably go get it before he falls asleep.” And with that lame excuse, she was gone.

“What are you doing here Waka?”

“Do you like Akaashi?”

“Of course, he’s one of my best friends. Akaashi has had my back for the past few years and I honestly can’t imagine high-school without his friendship to anchor me.”

Ushijima nodded and continued, “Would you date Akaashi?”

“Absolutely not.” You replied instantaneously, “I don’t think I could ever be able to view him in that light.”

“Earlier Akaashi referred to the possibility of someone confessing their feelings to you. And that would stop your constant association with him.”

“Yeah…”

“Who was he indicating?” Ushijima seemed genuinely interested and you had no idea how to address the situation.

Akaashi, in his deranged mind, believed that Ushijima returned your feelings and the only barrier to your relationship was your own refusal to confess. But he was wrong, you knew. You knew more than anyone else that Akaashi was wrong in every way. Ushijima’s only love was volleyball. It consumed his heart and mind and there was no room for anyone else, especially not you. And the past few years was enough concrete evidence.

“It doesn’t matter. Akaashi was wrong and just making a false assumption.”

“Then what is stopping you from dating Akaashi?” Ushijima sat on your bed, never breaking eye-contact with you, “You two are intimately acquainted already, single, with similar interests.”

Ushijima never really took an interest in your personal life. He was distant about personal barriers, never even getting close to the line. And yet here he was, freely asking and you were providing answers without hesitation. That was, until that one in particular. You knew the reason already, but to explain that to the object of your affection seemed entirely out of the question. You cherished your friendship with Ushijima and did not want to ruin the dynamic you had just recently rekindled.

“I’ve only had romantic feelings for one person.”

“And that is?”

Taking a deep sigh, you closed your eyes and reopened them to see the expectant eyes of Ushijima Wakatoshi. But they were laced with something else: hope? No, it was pure vulnerability. It was rare to see that on the stern face of your favorite ace, but it was undoubtedly splayed across his visage. You felt the tendrils of hope crawl at the corners of your heart. Even one of the most nationally recognized volleyball players could get anxious, but seeing it was reminder that Ushijima Wakatoshi was human.

A living, breathing, human susceptible to the clutches of emotion and maybe even love.

Grabbing onto your already fading confidence, you dragged out. “You know already. Wakatoshi…” You hesitated for a second, wondering how you should word this, “You’ve had my heart since junior high.” You murmured and quickly looked down at the ground, feeling just as exposed at revealing your darkest secret to your love of nearly eight years.

You returned your eyes back up to the ace, who was gazing fondly back at you. He was off the bed, standing at full height with his mouth open only slightly as if he wanted to say something in reply. He towered over you and you felt the full weight of your confession in the growing silence. Ushijima clenched his jaw and you quickly assumed that your words were a mistake that he did not want to hear - for a second time. Your breath came out ragged and you were sure tears were already formed at the corners of your eyes. You sorely wanted to take it back, to go back just a couples minutes and make up some excuse, but it was far too late.

Eight years was too long to be in love alone.

You clutched at your chest and turned to leave your own dorm, but Ushijima was quicker and grabbed your elbow. He spun you around and you landed softly against his chest, encased in the arms that you yearned to be in since that night you were drunk. He was looking down at you, a rare smile directed towards you alone and that fact single-handedly had your heart soaring. Ushijima nuzzled his nose into your hair and pulled your arms around his body.

“You should have been this clear the first time.” Ushijima spoke, his phrases getting muffled against you and yet you understood every single word. “Since it was been the same for me.”

“What?” You pulled back to look at him, “But you rejected me.”

“No, I did not. If I remember correctly, I told you that I liked you too.” Ushijima corrected, arms resting at your waist to get a good look at you.

“You said I was a good friend! You put me in the friendzone, never to date and just some pal like Tendou.”

“You and Tendou are not the same to me.” Ushijima raised a brow at you, “I do not want to date Tendou. And I certainly do not want to kiss him.” Any argument dissipated in your mouth and you were sure your eyes were wide eggs peering up at Ushijima. One look at his face and you could tell from the amused tilt of his lips that he was teasing you.

You smiled and leaned further into his chest, propping yourself upward on the edges of your toes. He had that small grin reflecting back at you, inclining himself downwards toward your height. Your noses gently bumped one another before he claimed your lips, placing a light peck on the silky skin. It lasted no more than a few seconds before Ushijima leaned back, placing one of his large hands on the back of your head for a more possessive position.

You kissed him eagerly, not showing even the slightest bit of hesitation when he swiped a warm tongue against your lower-lip. In response, you could not stop your growing smile and he was quick to explore your cavern.

Ushijima pulled back after an unmeasurable amount of time, leaving you heavily disheveled and clothes upturned. Never, in your nineteen years of life, would you expect Ushijima to be so passionate in something besides his beloved sport. Placing a curious touch on your lips was enough to signify that they were swollen, you could only imagine how you looked at the moment.

He was leaning his forehead against yours, moving his hands to cover your own and rub tender circles over the skin. “It is around midnight, I do not want to impose over your sleep-schedule.”

“But I don’t want you to leave.” You whispered back, placing a light kiss on the tip of his nose. Seeing the mighty Ushijima with a flushed face ignited a fierce desire in your heart. But when he started biting his lip, you were not sure if you were still breathing.

“Neither do I.” He placed a prolonged peck on your lips, raking a lazy hand through your hair while the other stroked your hip beneath the loose cloth of your shirt.

“We could’ve been doing this the entire time.” You spoke, words coming out in a small whimper under his ministrations.

“Looks like I have to make up for lost time.” Ushijima mumbled near your ear, in his deep husky voice. You nearly mewled purely from his words, but when he lightly sucked at your collarbone, you swear you died right there. The desire you previously felt sparkling beneath the surface was being dragged to the forefront, ready to combust and roaring proudly in your ears. You were surely intoxicated off the glorious specimen that is Ushijima Wakatoshi, the love of your life.

And suddenly he was grasping you chin, nuzzling your noses before lightly brushing your lips against one another. Ushijima paused, barely touching you and yet breathing in the same air, before crushing his lips against yours. He did not hesitate to take your bottom lip into his mouth, sucking away. It was an action so possessive and yet so Ushijima that you moaned into the touch.

“It’s only ever been you.” He murmured against your skin and you were fully unable to respond, head spinning purely off his affection. You never took Ushijima as the type to shower his significant other with fond words, but that was not entirely fair since you never imagined him even dating.

By the time you pulled away, it seemed Ushijima had already placed you to sit on your bed. It was astonishing how much you trusted him, how much he could get away with and you would sincerely follow him. He had a knee of the bed, dominantly hovering over you and invading all personal space.

“Ushijima,” You whispered against his lips, tenderly grabbing his face with both your hands to get a full look at him. He was always handsome, but seeing him with affection pointed only towards you – you were sure that he was your soulmate.

He hummed in question, eyes marginally open and a minute smile gracing his face. You continued, “I love you.”

Ushijima’s smile only grew, “I love you too.”

--------xXxXxXxXxXx------

-> Masterlist  -> A/N: Hope you enjoyed the long-ride of this fic! There’s a lot going on and this was made around 2017-ish, so I’m happy that some of it hasn’t been disproven. :))

[smokedstorybara]

I have so many bnha fanfic ideas, they’ve just been popping into my head every few days for weeks now

So I’m just gonna share them all on this one post instead of making a million new fandom posts out of nowhere (ok, it’s closer to, like, ten - but still!)

If any of y’all want me to actually write any of them, don’t hesitate to say so - or if you just want to ask questions and talk about the ideas I’d be totally down for that too

Also, if any of them inspire you to write or draw something, please send me a link when you’re done!

(under a readmore cause it’s long and also there’s spoilers)

Fae courts AU

Nedzu - Spring King

U.A. / The Spring Court - also known as the Court of Lost Children, all members of the Court were once human children or children of one of the other Courts and they view it as their duty to care for the lost, neglected, and abused children of the world (one of two child stealing Courts)

All Might - Summer King

All For One - Winter King

Objectively, the Summer and Winter Courts are not as different as they like to believe - a Summer fae is just as likely to trick or turn on you as a Winter fae, they just prefer to play at benevolence while Winter fae make no secret of their nature

Shie Hassaikai / The Autumn Court - used to be more like a lesser version of the Summer and Winter Courts, until Overhaul put the King to sleep and made his research into humanity the Court’s focus - they’re now the second child stealing Court

Eraserhead was once human but has made enough deals over the years - most notably with Nezu himself - that he’s practically fae now

Deku and Kachan are human children who were taken in by the Spring Court, though Deku only after catching the attention of All Might

Endeavor - High Fae in the Summer Court - wants to become Summer King but knows he’s not powerful enough to overthrow All Might, married a High Winter Fae in hopes that combining their powers would make one of their kids powerful enough

Dabi fakes his death and eventually becomes a High Fae in the Winter Court

Shouto seeks sanctuary in the Spring Court’s halls

(I don’t actually have a plot for it, but I’m enjoying figuring out the world and stuff)

Evil All Might AU

The underworld knows that young Yagi Toshinori is a con-artist, and a very good one

The kid’s quirkless, and from a bad neighborhood, so of course he gets involved in shady dealings to get by

But he never ever gets caught

See, he’s mastered the eager, innocent, “I know I’m quirkless, but it’s my dream to be a hero! To fight crime! To be someone people can look up to, put their faith in! To be a… a symbol!” act, he’s been running that con any time he’s found in the wrong place at the wrong time since he first started walking - no one with even a single good bone in their body ever questions it

He gets involved with AFO, who’s like “I could give you one of my lesser quirks in exchange for your loyalty, or you could do a long undercover mission for me and get one of the most powerful quirks in existence out of it”

His mission: pulling his signature con on Shimura Nana, being given One for All, becoming a hero, becoming the Number One Hero and Symbol of Peace and the singular pillar holding up hero society, maintaining that status for long enough that everyone grows a little complacent, finding a weak and manipulable child to pass One for All on to, setting them up to fail, and then retiring

(I’d either have this one be All Might-focused and end with the reveal, or have it be Izuku-focused and give it a happy ending where All Might totally chose the wrong kid, cause nothing about Izuku is weak)

Commission analyst Izuku au

Member of the commission overhears him muttering/catches a glance at his notebook while watching a hero fight, strikes up a conversation

The commission tracks him down, shows up at his home with a similar offer to the one they gave Hawks - but instead of a hero they want him to be an analyst for them

Like Hawks, they take away his name, only calling him something like Eagle Eye or something (I’d go with Hawkeye but Hawks already exists so it might be weird?)

(Basically this fic idea is just an excuse to have Izuku and Hawks as the ultimate team, and helping each other get out from under the commission’s thumb - maybe revolutionizing hero society along the way)

Canon rewrite w/ Monoma as main character, somehow

All I have for this one so far is just:

Monoma copies afo, uses copied afo to steal afo, AFO is now defeated

After getting better at controlling her quirk, Eri rewinds Kurogiri back into Shirakumo Oboro

But he’s the age he was when he died

So he joins the current class 2-A

As in Izuku’s class

Basically it’s just his old best friends having to teach him and him making friends with all Aizawa’s problem children

Time travel

(I have multiple cause I really like time travel)

Aizawa-centric time loop fic

Loop stretching from day before Oboro’s death to towards the end of the liberation war (diverging from canon in at least the first loop cause he fucking dies during the fight)

At first he thinks maybe he just, like, dreamt up those 14(?) years

But then things are happening the same way and so he starts changing things and he dies and wakes up the day before Oboro’s death again

He experiments a lot with the loops, figuring out that they’re definitely not time based - unless it’d loop back at the end of the liberation war even if he survives? Requires further testing

Details he changes throughout the loops (culminating in a loop in which he successfully changes all of them):

Oboro’s death

Shimura Tenko being taken in by All for One, All Might’s injury(?), Izuku accepting One for All, and more I haven’t fully decided on

Time travel fic where Pro Hero Deku accidentally time travels back to just before Aizawa’s first year as a student at ua and somehow gets hired as a teacher

Gonna be a two-parter

Part one: Izuku has to teach teen versions of his old high school teachers, channels their future selves a little

Part two: Aizawa, Yamada, and Kayama have to teach the teen version of their old favorite high school teacher, and end up channeling his future self - in different ways

(I’ve come across a couple different “Izuku gets accidentally sent back in time to when his teachers were students” fanfics and they keep making me think about how Aizawa & co would react to meeting him in canon timeline after meeting him in high school and then I took the natural step forward from there to “let’s parallel their nostalgia, make him their high school teacher so it can really hit hard”)

Izuku is related to rooftop trio aus

(I’ve come across a bunch of “Izuku is the biological son of at least one member of the rooftop trio” aus but only one acknowledges that in canon he’s only 15 years younger than them and that one has a very angsty explanation, so I wanted some that fit with canon and also aren’t too heavy - cause like, sure you could go with the complex extremely angsty trauma reason or you could go with the “these 13-16-year-olds(idk Inko’s canon age and as long as I never look it up I can pretend I’m not going against canon by making her only 2-ish years older than them) did what teenagers do and went to a party and made some relatively innocent mistakes and ended up with a pregnancy”)

Dadoro

Oboro and Inko have been neighbors and best friends their whole childhood, despite being a couple years separated in age

The fall before Oboro starts high school, Inko takes him along to a party with her high school friends

They get drunk and sleep together

Inko gets pregnant

They talk it through with each other and their families and agree to keep the baby (they’re both actually pretty excited to be parents) and raise it together platonically

Some months into first year (maybe second), Oboro tells his friends about his kid

Spends the rest of his life gushing about Izuku to all his friends (sorry for the word choice fjdhshshx)

Oboro dies and his friends make pact to help Inko take care of Izuku once they have steady income and stuff

But Inko’s family has moved and she’s married and they can’t find her

They keep searching, for roughly 14 years

And then Midoriya Izuku enrolls in UA’s hero course and his big green eyes and curly green hair match the pictures Oboro used to show them and his smile is identical to their old friend’s

And his mom’s name is Inko

But they’re not sure (His quirk doesn’t match Oboro’s nor his Inko’s after all)

Not until after the first term and the summer training disaster camp and Kamino, when All Might and Aizawa go house to house talking to parents about the dorms and All Might tries to insist on visiting the Midoriyas alone but Aizawa insists right back cause this is the closest he’s come to confirmation

and then he’s face to face with a woman he’s only ever seen in photographs

And then they talk about everything or something idk I haven’t got that far

Dadzawa and Dadmic (trans!aizawa)

A year and a half before he starts high school(I know I changed the timeline a whole year here but shush, how’s he supposed to get into U.A.’s hero course while pregnant?), Aizawa’s middle school and one or two others have a Joint Event, at which he meets a loud but cute blonde who keeps flirting with him

They hook up

He gets pregnant

His dad insists he get an abortion but he doesn’t want to and his mom supports his decision, they convince his dad to let him go through with the pregnancy on the condition that he gives the baby up for adoption immediately

He has twins, both boys (one with green eyes like the blonde’s(but darker) and the other with purple like Shouta’s mother’s)(that’s right, Shinsou is also their son in this, you’re welcome), and he gives them up for adoption to separate families

But with conditions

No one from his blood family is allowed to initiate contact with either boy without the kid’s knowing consent (he’s terrified of his father changing his mind, tracking them down, and hurting them)

With the one exception being that he’s allowed to send each one a birthday present and card every year

Which he does

Then he starts at UA and then gets into the hero course and there he is… the blonde… the father of Shouta’s children… who does not recognize him now that he’s started transitioning

This time Shouta’s the one who flirts - or tries to, the kid’s a little too oblivious

Of course they do eventually get together, and even end up married! (Haven’t decided if they get together during high school or after they start teaching there or what(probably the latter, for plot reasons))

The first time Midoriya Inko contacts Shouta is after Izuku is diagnosed quirkless - she knows the young man loves her son as much as she does and might be able to reassure him where she already failed

His next birthday, Izuku’s mystery card says he can be a hero even without a quirk; it makes Izuku’s year

Hitoshi’s parents also contact Shouta that year, the boy struggling to make and keep friends ever since his quirk came in; Shouta’s birthday card to him isn’t much different from Izuku’s, really

The Shinsous get in an accident and Hitoshi is placed in foster care and suddenly Shouta can’t send him his yearly gift and card anymore cause nobody will tell him where the boy is now because of the contact portion of the adoption contract

They also won’t tell Hitoshi that he was adopted and his birth father is out there looking for him, so Shouta’s pretty sure they’re trying to hide that he’s being mistreated wherever he is

Inko continues to contact Shouta now and then whenever she thinks Izuku will need extra encouragement come his birthday (she never tells Izuku about being adopted - even after he enters his teen years - cause after his diagnosis, everyone but her left him and she doesn’t want him to internalize the idea that his birth parents didn’t want him - Shouta’s not happy with the decision, but he understands)

Then one year he sends Izuku a Present Mic figurine and she writes him to share how excited the boy was and how Present Mic is one of his favorite heroes and he listens to his radio show all the time and Shouta simultaneously melts and has a minor breakdown at the realization that he hasn’t told his husband that they have sons, he can’t tell Hizashi that their son listens to his radio show regularly when Hizashi doesn’t know Izuku even exists

So of course, being the rational man he is, he finally tells Hizashi about Izuku and Hitoshi

Hizashi freaks, of course (in a good way(mostly))

And then, one of the worst days of Shouta’s life

He’s on patrol and sees a figure on a rooftop and rushes to get there - just in case it’s a jumper - and it’s his son, his Izuku

They talk(it doesn’t breach the adoption contract, he didn’t know it was Izuku when he approached and the kid spoke first) and Izuku tells him “everything” about his encounter with All Might, Shouta tells him to tell his parents - they’re there to support him - and also that All Might’s full of shit and a quirkless hero is totally possible with the right training and enough willpower

Then after they leave the rooftop his kid gets in trouble again, rushing in to save a classmate from the same sludge villain that attacked him earlier that day

Of course Shouta swoops in and pulls the kids out of danger before All Might arrives to “save the day”

This time Shouta insists on walking Izuku home to make sure he actually gets there safely

But then All Might shows up again wanting to talk to his kid privately and he wants to tell the man to fuck off but he’s not legally allowed, really, so when Izuku says it’s fine he reluctantly leaves

Inko asks to meet him just days later

She tells him that Izuku told her everything about what happened that day - including what Shouta told him - and she tells him that she’s realized she needs to properly support her son in pursuing his dream

She understands that Shouta wouldn’t feel comfortable training him one-on-one with the kid not knowing who they are to each other, and she’s still not ready to tell him yet, so she asks for a list, for him to help her get in touch with people who can train Izuku or ways for Izuku to train on his own, ways for her to help

He puts her in contact with seven pro heroes (Midnight, Gunhead, the Wild Wild Pussycats, and - somehow - Sir Nighteye) and a vigilante team (the Naruhata Crawler and his team), all of whom he talks into helping - and has to tell about his connection to this boy they’ll be teaching

(Each have something important to teach him: Midnight - using words and body language to throw off opponents, Gunhead - martial arts, Wild Wild Pussycats - stamina, teamwork and use of your environment when out in nature, Sir Nighteye - analysis and planning, the Naruhata Vigilantes - use of gadgets and weapons, use of your environment when in the city, having the heart of a hero, and - most importantly - that quirkless people can be fucking strong and skilled and terrifying and certainly aren’t weak or useless (they were trained by a quirkless vigilante after all, they’re bound to have a different perspective on the idea of a quirkless hero than anyone else, a perspective Izuku could really benefit from))

Ten months later, Izuku passes UA’s entrance exam and is placed in Shouta’s class (he’s pretty sure Nezu did that on purpose)

When the school year starts, he and Hizashi discover that Izuku isn’t the only one in one of their classes - Hitoshi is in Hizashi’s homeroom

They are, of course, fucking extatic

They just need to, y’know, figure out how to tell him that they’re his parents and maybe possibly would love custody of him if he wants

(Again I haven’t gotten any further than that yet)

(Also, if you can’t tell, in this au Izuku turns down All Might’s offer of One for All, cause Eraserhead said he could be a hero without a quirk and was honestly a lot kinder and more responsible (like, making sure the kid got home safely instead of leaving him on a roof) and stuff than All Might and honestly might be his new favorite hero)

[4ragon]

what are your thoughts on the phantom from aa5?

Ohhhhhhhhhh the Phantom. What a cool, interesting idea with a thoroughly disappointing execution.

So here’s the deal. The reveal? The big twist? Holy shit. I was fucking floored. I had to set the 3DS down and pace throughout the house. Holy shit. What a plot twist. I loved it. I know not everyone was happy about it, but I love being thrown for a loop. This silly goofy weirdo we’d been interacting with this whole time was actually the big bad??? His entire personality was a farce???? Wow. That hit me like a truck.

Aaaaaaaaand then we confronted him. And all that excitement came crashing down.

And okay. Sure, he could’ve been foreshadowed a little better. After all, he was interacting with three human lie detectors the entire time, especially Athena, whose whole THING is noticing people’s emotional state. Which. You know. Not amazing. There could’ve been seeds planted earlier. But! As I said, that hadn’t bothered me as much as some people, and the setup they did have would’ve at least satisfied me if the Phantom was interesting.

But then the Phantom has the audacity of being one of the most boring, least intimidating villains to date. Like. I was looking forward to this confrontation with the Phantom, where this non-threatening goofball suddenly shifts and becomes this monster who killed several people we loved, and he just. Wasn’t that? There was never a moment he felt genuinely threatening and that was so disappointing to me. There was never that Calisto Yew moment where he just tries to cut and run, other than his Blatently Obvious Getaway Attempt, which also just felt so ridiculously out of place. You’re in court! Was no one going to stop this man from leaving court?? And then, suddenly, he was ripping off masks like a fucking Scooby-Doo villain and it was just as goofy and silly as I’d come to expect, and that kind of sucked.

Like there were a lot of outlandish elements throughout DD that threw me off too, not just the Phantom. I know Ace Attorney usually has spirit channeling and magic bracelets, but at least those feel grounded in reality in a lot of ways. DD just would randomly throw a bunch of nonsense at you and expect you to roll with them. Oooohhh demon possession in this Big, Bombastic, Game-Breaking way ooOOOoooo Robot Uprising OOOOooooOoooOOo. No. It doesn’t work. Slapstick still can work but not with this Scooby-Doo man’s face melting off as he starts whipping out Spy Tech in the middle of court!

I want the final big bad to feel imposing. I want them to feel dangerous. When we have a character wearing a mask, metaphorical or not, I want that shift to be impactful. Dahlia’s scream in AA3. Kristoph’s meltdown in AA4. Calisto Yew’s laughter when she finally breaks at the end of AAI. Those are moments where you see glimpses of the real monster behind the mask, and you feel them coming apart at the seams.

Maybe that’s the problem, actually? We never really get more from the Phantom than just a faceless nobody. I know that’s what they were going for thematically (not that they ever focused on that theme gdi), but past the occasional “Blank Stare Bobby” they don’t lean into that. When he starts going through different personalities, especially when he’s being Means or Starbuck, it’s just. It’s nothing. I don’t know, I don’t know if I can even fully articulate how nothing it was to me, how annoying it was to me.

But no, in the end, the Phantom has no real motivations, no wants, nothing interesting about him. He’s not cruel or ruthless, or scary or intimidating. He’s not larger than life, or greedy, or selfish, or monstrous. In fact he has no personality! As interesting as that one really neat comic I keep referencing makes him out to be, there’s really just nothing there? If they leaned into this emotionless, meticulous, calculating side of him that was so different from Bobby then maybe they could’ve pulled it together at the last minute, but this Phantom idea was a non-presence throughout the late game anyway, so it just. Didn’t land. At all.

You want to know what would’ve been amazing? If they utilized any part of what they had going in the main narrative. He can be anyone he wants to be, except for his emotions. That could be so cool to work with! They already did it to a lesser degree in AAI, why not here! Or maybe if he went out of his way to use other people’s emotions against them. Have him callously disregard emotions, have that be a part of overcoming him, not just with that final Mood Matrix, but as a legitimate personality trait!

Here’s an idea: I hate Apollo’s arc in DD, but can you imagine how much more impactful his mistrust of his friends would be if the Phantom had been wearing away that trust as various people in his life the whole time? That’d be wild!

Or what about if occasionally you’d have conversations with people and they didn’t remember talking with you later? Holy shit! 

Come on, there were plenty of times you were separated from Apollo or Phoenix, especially Phoenix, like he already had a Phoenix mask! Or just other people throughout the games? I know it wouldn’t make sense currently, since the Phantom would have no reason to do something like that, but the overarching narrative of DD early game could easily be gutted and refitted to give the Phantom more reason to make his presence known earlier. 

And hey, even if he didn’t make his presence known earlier, at least in those last two cases you could start adding that feature in. Have him planting ideas and evidence. Have him sowing that mistrust. GIVE Apollo a reason to not trust everyone’s judgement other than what they have.

And again, what if they tied the rest of this game to trusting your heart and emotions instead of Corruption like they tried with that DaRk AgE oF lAw garbage that never went anywhere. Come on! Lean hard into Athena’s emotions schtick if that’s where we’re going! Trust and love and caring about people! If both Athena’s arc and Apollo’s arc end with these emotional beats, focus on that! Make it meaningful! And then this “Embrace your emotions” nonsense will at least matter!

[szopenhauer]

What type of friend are you?  funny mom friend so like... dad friend? XD 

Have you ever been friends with someone for longer than 7 years? nah

Do you have a family member you hate? could say so

Does your family accept who you are? it’s complicated

Have you ever puked in school or at work? luckily not

Do you hate puking or does it make you feel better? hate 

Have you ever coughed up blood? nope

Do you lie to your doctor? sometimes we all have to but nothing important

Have you ever been misdiagnosed? yup

Do you think you have an disorder but havent been properly diagnosed yet? that too

Is self diagnosing good or bad? depends

Do you think sex is overated? it is

Is it important for both genders to understand eachothers bodies? I’m not dating men, I don’t want to have a son and I am not a doctor so I don’t care about male bodies, sorry

If someone was a virgin and was raped, did they lose their virginity? ...

Have you ever dated someone more than twice your age? nooo

Have you ever been cut off by a bartender because you were too drunk? I don’t drink

Have you ever borrowed money from your mom & lied about why you needed it? I don’t think so

Have you ever dated someone just because they had money? no

Have you ever lied to your spouse about the money you spent shopping? it wasn’t a lie but I bend the truth a little 

Have you ever gone on a first date with no underwear? I might go without a bra but because I don’t wanna wear it and not because I might have sex 

Do you treat attractive people better than others who aren’t as attractive? nope

Are you more comfortable with friends that are less attractive than you? not less but not more as more attractive might make me feel insecure at times

Have you ever hated a job to the point that you tried to get fired? I would if they let me stay in few places but luckily they didn’t care much about me as their worker hahaha

Have you ever lied about your weight on a driver license? there is weight on a driving license? :o

Have you ever lied during a job interview? meh

Have you ever lied to your boss to get out of work? I exaggerated feeling sick once to not get a job in a horrible place if that counts

Have you ever lied under oath in court? I wouldn’t!

Have you ever bought alcohol for someone underage? I said NO

Have you ever switched tags on an item to pay less for it? I only took tag from an identical item, just different color, as someone tore it out before and I really wanted that particular color, so no

Have you taken any pics of yourself that you wont want your parents to see? umm... yeah ^^”

Did you ever tell your BF/GF you like their outfit when you really didn’t? there are different types of like - like as I would want to wear that myself and like as I enjoy it in general but also like it on particular person etc. 

Do you feel accepted by your BF/GF ’s family? could be worse lol

Do you lie about your age? what for if everybody think I’m younger anyway

Would you risk your life to save a total stranger? maybe

Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument? hell no

Have you ever snuck out of the house to go out with friends? not really

Have you ever shoplifted? no way

Have you ever done something because of peer pressure you are ashamed of? yup Have you ever been embarrassed to introduce your parents to anyone? omg

Have you ever held back a well deserved compliment because you were jealous? I don’t recall

Do you guilt people into giving you what you want? hope not, I try not to, it’s manipulative and I already am seen this way due to my BPD so... 

Would most ppl consider you better than average looking? pfft Would you prefer to have hot body or high IQ? good health

Are you embarrassed to tell people your job? I’m ashamed to tell them that I don’t have a job 

Would you give up your car to save the planet? if I had one...

Are you more likely to believe a man or woman? woman :x

Has your credit card ever been declined? I don’t use a credit card

If you ran over an animal would you keep driving? oh no...

Do you think your parents are too critical of you? my mother is

Ever blame a sibling for something you did wrong? I usually have to take the blame for her instead

Have you ever accepted credit for someone else’s work? just my alters lmfao

Did you ever buy something expensive,wear it once and return it? I didn’t, I have no money to buy and no heart to act like this either

Have you ever re-gifted something? shitload of times

Do you really care about saving the planet for future generations? not for future ppl, just for itself

Do you own anything from IKEA? not furniture 

What was the last task that you required the use of scissors for? I just dropped them and let them lay on the floor under the table because I am unable to reach ‘em

Look around the room and name any item that’s grey. stuffed bad from Biedronka that I got on a flea market

Do you know what any of your close friends did yesterday afternoon? me and M. been spending time together while my parents were at home

Can you recall the last time you woke up in a bad mood? Why was that? I always do?...

Who was the last person to send you a message with a heart emoji? my gf obviously

Does your hometown have many good bookshops? none

What would be your typical outfit for a party? I don’t attend parties 

If your girlfriend/​​boyfriend broke up with you tonight, what would you do? oh...

last dream you had: K. 3D printed or smth almost identical album as the ones I had as a baby and her and my current partner gave it to me as a gift :3

do you think a lot of people think bad things about you? I aware of that

is your best friend pissing you off at this exact moment? I informed my father that I dropped scissors and now as I picked them up he asked me when and how they ended up there while I told him about it few minutes ago - I was more worried than annoyed tbh

Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? she’s taking a nap

Sex ruins relationships, right? it can happen

Last person to stand up for you? hmm...

The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them? I lost count which is weird because I cry in front of my family members only (not even my grandma until I was a baby), I know that sometimes I cry in public but because I don’t give a fuck about strangers as much as I used to, close ones in the other hand... Nat hates the most when someone sees him so vulnerable

Something good going to happen tomorrow? doubt it

The last person you kissed hates you. Why? would have reasons

What do you usually do when the clock turns 11:11? it’s a secret you can unlock in a very high level of our relationship

Do you like your cell phone? it’s ok

So, what if you married the last person you kissed? we’re engaged so that dream ain’t that unreal

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend? uh oh

Do you plan on moving out within the next year? I wish

What are you listening to at the moment? mom and dad talking <rolling my eyes>

Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? or never

What’s your favorite high school memory? I have a bunch of those

Do you wish you had more money? absolutely

Team Jacob or Team Edward? team hate Twilight

Do you have a problem with bisexual, gay, or bicurious people? with bicurious maybe, definitely not gay

Have you ever held hands with the opposite sex? I have

Are you a patient person? weirdly unpatient Do you think you are a good person? am not

Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? ewww

Is there a difference between the word ‘best friend’ and ‘friend’? there is 

How was your week? rollerclaster XD

Does it bother you when an artist remakes a song that one has previously done? usually

When was the last time you cried? recently

What letter is the song you’re listening to under? M if vocalist/band B if title of the song

Would you rather visit the 60s or 70s? 60s I guess

Do your socks say anything on them? I have no socks with anything said on them

Name a TV channel that only has three letters in it. BBC

Gray or Grey? grey

Will you be buying concert tickets any time soon? I won’t

Have you seen the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower? Did you like it? yasss, it was fine

How many weddings have you been to? less than 5

When you smile, are you confident? I am not

Have you ever not done something because you were afraid of getting in trouble? of course

Was the weather beautiful today? it’s cold

Do you have to have a fan on when you sleep? I don’t own a fan Would you rather have an orange, red or gray bedroom? walls? orange 

Would you ever dye part of your hair blue? why not whole

Is Finding Nemo a favorite movie of yours? I dislike it

Does/Did your school have a uniform? middle school only and that was a great idea

Turn on the TV. What channel are you on? not gonna

What’s your favorite thing to do? nothing

If your house was haunted, what would you do? depends

What’s worse: Slow internet or slow walkers? slow internet

Are you a fast or slow walker? which alter? :P

Do you usually have to wear a belt with your pants? I must buy belt for Nat

Are you usually the person to try new things with your hair? no comment

What age do you look forward to reaching? I live on borrowed air...

What exercise do you hate the most? awkward ones

Do you know anyone that has a gecko as a pet? no

What color shirt is your mom wearing today? she’s wearing a striped pajama and light blue sweater atm

Does any part of your body hurt right now? mor than one

Do you like Greek Mythology? not a fan

When was the last time you had Pepsi? ages ago

What was the last question you answered, not on surveys? it was more an order than a question coming from my mom 

Do you own anything Polo? used to

Do you know anyone with exaggeratedly big muscles? neighbor

What is your favorite endangered animal? are elephants still endangered?

Do you like to dance? kinda, from time to time Who was the last person who screamed your name? mom’s calling me again, grrr...

Which underwater creature do you find the most badass? what do you mean?

How do you usually find out what the weather will be like for the next week? someone tells me, I ignore them, they were wrong all along

Why have/haven’t you joined Twitter? I left as it was boring and irritating Are you good at rhyming? but don’t like to rhyme

When’s the last time you were woken up in an obnoxious way? lately it’s common

Why do you/don’t you enjoy horror movies? they’re disgusting and pointless

Do you have any celebrity’s perfume? I don’t use perfume

How well do you do at Scrabble? in polish or english?

Who is your favorite Scooby-Doo character? Velma I suppose

Have you ever played or been interested in playing World Of Warcraft? been interested, liked the movie

What kind of cake/other dessert treat did you have for your last birthday? nothing?

Who do you think does the best job at cartoon voiceovers? Jarosław Boberek 

Does your dad wear a watch all the time? years ago frequently

How much ice cream do you think you’d be able to eat before you got sick? only a bit

Do you know anybody under 40 with grey hair? I have some myself

Do you think you have the potential to be a good stalker? oh well...

Why did you read the last book that you read? I watched film and heard it has a different ending so wanted to check it out

Have you ever cross-dressed? clothes have no gender but I drew mustaches and such 

Which sport are you the best at playing? unihokej/floorball or however it’s called

Do you know anyone who has gotten pregnant despite using contraception? possibly

What would you do if you were in that situation? I’m an asexual and I’m into girls

Are you planning on buying a house in the near future? not possible

Do you prefer on-campus classes or online classes? online

What was your favorite family vacation you went on as a kid? personal

What’s something about you that others might find unpleasant or off-putting? my skin for example (not color)

What gaming consoles do you own? I only play PC and android 

Have you ever been so sick you had to be taken to the hospital? been to ER few times

Do you know any lesbian couples? I’m in one ;)

Have you ever lived in an apartment building?  just when I was staying with my grandmother

What was the last topic you asked someone for their opinion or advice on? not sure which was last

Is your house visible on Google Street View?- barely

What’s the largest thing you currently have in your refrigerator? *shrug*

Do you know anyone who has never had a pet? I believe

Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? no thx

Would you take the 3 minute beatdown to be in a gang? neither Do you check your texts right away when you receive them? not every single time, it’s impossible!

Does it make you uncomfortable when you receive a compliment? sorta, I think they’re lying/want something or make fun of me (even if just slightly teasing for fun)

When you are home alone at night and hear strange noises, are you afraid someone is going to break in? I’m more “ghost” type of person hahaha

Do you wake up cranky? mhm

What is on your wrists right now? sleeves

Are you a beach, country, or city person? country or small town

Are you an official couple with the last person you kissed? we are 

What’s the greatest thing that happened to you today? ex - I got a gift and found a shirt for Nat and myself :3

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? -

Are you waiting for something? food

Something you do a lot? suffer

How many chances do you tend to give people before enough is enough? it’s not about the amount

What’s a fact about the last person you kissed? she likes hugs

How long have you liked the person you like? it’s a long story 

Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed? not our last kiss

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? I worry

Have you ever given your ALL to someone who walked away?

Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? we kissed 

Are you one of those people who are always cold? not always but often

Do you tend to waste a lot of money? I still feel like it even tho I don’t, I thrift often but spend little for those trinkets

Did you sing at all today? może coś nuciłam, nie pamiętam, w headspace?

Would you rather be able to control the weather or control traffic? weather

Do you own any articles of clothing with skulls on it? gave it away to John

Are you faster at text messaging or typing on the computer? typing on the computer

In your opinion which is the stronger emotion: love or hate? hate

Tongue piercings - cute or trashy? trashy

When it comes to jeans: skinny, flared or boot cut? skinny

Would you rather be a star ballerina or a star break dancer? none

They say diamonds are a girls best friend; what do you say? I don’t care for diamonds

Has anybody ever told somebody one of your secrets? plenty of times

Do you get on better with funny or serious people? smth in between

Do you have mood swings around the time of the month? I don’t need period to have mood swings, it’s stereotypical!

Have your friends met the last person you kissed? aha

What if you got stuck in a lift with the last person who Facebook messaged you? we would end up having sex? jk

When/where did your last hug take place? today

Have your parents ever told you about their love lives, and any previous relationships they had before they met? kind of

Do you and your friends have any inside jokes? and with family 

When you listen to music, do you ever find that the songs affect your moods and change how you feel? no shit Sherlock!

What’s one thing about today that you didn’t like? don’t wanna talk about all that

Who is the last person that you said i love you to, besides family members? my fiancee

Would you ever go back to any of your past relationships? done

Do you still talk to the first person you kissed? we’re together again

Do you have a picture of you kissing someone? :D

What’s a cuss word you use often? there’s a whole list

Who’s the last guy you texted? dad

Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head? this question...

Do you remember the first conversation you had with the person you have feelings for? I remember how we met

Do you believe that people talk about you behind your back? ha!

If you had twins, would you give them rhyming names? yuk

What are you listening to? Tame Impala - Let It Happen

Did you do something mean to someone today? she deserved it!

Is there anyone that you wish was IN your life who used to be? babcia...

Give us a lyric from a song you’re listening to: The truth of it is it doesn’t get better than this

Is your birthday in less than 6 months? whoops

What brings out the worst in you? better not say that out loud

How’re you feeling right now? bad

Are you afraid of the future? very

Do you believe in true love? I’m trying

Do you believe that every one has a soul-mate? not everybody

Was today a good day? should be better

What woke you up this morning? woke up on my own

Do you look people in the eye when you talk to them? I don’t 

Have you ever played naked twister? wut...

Is your hair longer than your shoulders? not yet and don’t plan to keep it that long

Would you get in trouble if you came home drunk? that would be a shock to my family (and to me)

Do you ever think about things and start to worry? 100% of the time

Are you one to get annoyed easily? that me!

Is the last person you kissed yours? we don’t own ppl...

Was it a boy or a girl to text you first today? girl

Are you scared of spiders? am not

Do you hate the last boy who talked to you? I love my parent

Do you tend to make things complicated? not on purpose

Have you ever gotten to the point where you’ve said “I’m done trying”? gqe1gIQASGCK...

Do you think things will change in the next few months? I’m afraid for worse 

Do you like when people play with your hair? it’s strange

What are you wearing right now? bluzę w czarne i białe paski, zieloną bluzkę z długimi rękawami i szare legginsy z niebieskim wzorkiem

Ever feel like you have been replaced? more than once

Would you rather write a paper or give a speech? write

Are you lying to yourself about something? thx a lot for this ask...

Is the person you last texted single? she’s with me

Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again? tha hell

If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move to? just my own apartment

Which do you prefer, relationship or a one-night-stand? relationship

[chyrstis]

You won’t be the one (2/2)

I love how an excuse to write about a drunken radio call has lead to this weird weaving back and forth that I really did think was mostly going to be silly banter. At least at first?

Pairing: F!Dep x John Seed (the strange pseudo-flirting really can’t be denied here) Rating: T Word Count: 3.2K

Link to AO3!

___

A conversation in two parts. (Part 1)

______________

She was drunk. Not just a little, but heading full on into embracing whatever chaos the night might lead into, dare or no dare provided.

Sharky was her primary instigator, working harder than usual to keep her from thinking back to the mess they’d made of the convoys in the afternoon. It didn’t make sense. They should’ve found a way to make a serious dent by now, but for every one lost, another two took its place, like some sort of strange vehicular hydra.

It was an exhausting dance. One Hana knew was going to be painful from the start, but that didn’t make it any easier to accept, or forget. Especially when John knew which resources to lean on as a counter.

So, with that frustration fresh in her mind, she let one drink turn into two. Then into four. With Sharky by her side, she tacked on one more after that, and he reminded her that breaks like this really did lead to better ass kicking tomorrow.

“Just flush all of that negative shit out, double-down on you being you, and it’ll be smooth sailing. Trust me,” he said. “We’ll be swimming in so much Peggie ass tomorrow.“

She nearly choked on her drink. “Kicking. You mean we’ll be kicking so much ass tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah! What’d you think I said?” he asked, nearly spilling his shot. The fact that it was on fire – courtesy of him, and not Mary May - should’ve been a concern, but she was well within swatting distance if she needed to intervene. He put it out and knocked it back before she could say anything else. “We’ll be kicking it up, and fucking them up. Cause that’s how we do things.”

At least, that’s how they were planning on doing things. Tomorrow.

Within the hour, Hana was dragging him upstairs, barely able to stand on his own two feet. Even after somehow losing a bet and promising to get him his weight in accelerants, she wasn’t about to let him stumble up there alone, and helped deposit him into the room Mary May was letting her crash in.

Sharky faceplanted onto the bed, and after draping the blanket over him, she made him promise he wouldn’t suffocate on his own hoodie – while also making sure he actually wouldn’t. She would’ve felt awful if he did after teasing him about it. Lucky for her he was listening, but the minute said hoodie hit her in the face, she wisely decided it was time to cut out and leave.

With that she was left alone and free to roam. Her head buzzed, the sensation more pleasant than not, but standing there idle with a half-finished beer wasn’t going to help her burn any of that energy off.

So, she wandered outside, taking a moment to stand on the Spread Eagle’s porch.

In moments like this it was easy to see how someone could’ve fallen in love with this place. How she could’ve fallen in love with it before things went straight to hell and back.

The breeze ruffled her hair as Hana followed the road to the outskirts of town before cutting across the grass, looking to head to the hills. Glancing skyward, she took in the stars above, marking old constellations that she used to love as a kid.

Orion. Always Orion, with his belt of stars, one, two, and three. Cassiopeia, with the zig-zag of the W. If she squinted, there was at least one of the dippers to find too.

Out here, the lights above weren’t drowned out by the city below. She pointed up, running her finger from one bright point to another, her head bobbing as she tried to trace out the image. Rough as it was, there was still a picture to be made even if she had to blink fast to keep it in focus.

But her finger came to a stop, resting right on the edge of the horizon. Right where the white, glaring eye sore stood out up in the mountains, drawing her attention completely.

She chucked her empty beer bottle in the general direction of the YES sign, and didn’t care that it wouldn’t come anywhere close to reaching it. It shattered somewhere nearby, her annoyance rising at having fallen short, and she stood there, staring out over the fields as she forced herself to relax. To curl back into the peace out here. To breathe in and out.

In and out.

She took in her fifth breath, hearing it whistle between her teeth, before reaching down for her radio. Silence wasn’t going to cut it any longer, and she’d take anything else at this point.

Not bothering to check to see just which station she’d picked was a mistake. Mostly harmless, but still a sizable one given her current mood. With the Peggie station came a chance of hearing each of the Seed’s songs. She’d heard most off and on, but only for short bursts due to the cultists playing them.

John’s followers, however, seemed to take this a step further. Seemed to play his theme with a frequency that grated on her more and more every time she heard it, and hearing it now out of the blue? Here, well in view of his lasting mark on the valley?

That was the cherry on top of her irritation-flavored sundae.

Oh, John! The words ran right on repeat through her mind, and there it was. A melody that was going to stick around right up until the point that she passed out, mid-curse into her pillow.

“Petty fucking amusement, my ass,” Hana muttered, messing with the radio. “I’ll show you who’s a joke.”

If that was how her night was going to go, fine. Maybe he did have a point, and maybe, just maybe, he could be hers.

---

“Brother John?”

He didn’t raise his eyes from the papers set in front of him on the table, but when the Chosen didn’t respond further, he waved his hand for them to continue. At this hour interruptions were few and far between, but not impossible. “Go on, I’m listening.”

“Our channel’s been picking up on a strange message. One that’s been repeating, but doesn’t appear to be an SOS. It hasn’t stopped. Not once.”

John turned towards her, and set his pen aside. “If it’s not an emergency, or a threat, then what is the problem?”

The Chosen’s posture straightened as more of his attention was turned on her, but she held up her radio and stood her ground. “It’s been the same thing over the last five minutes. Cutting in and out, just…noise at first, but it sounds like singing.”

“Singing?” John raised an eyebrow.

She turned it on, and the voice came through in bursts, some of it too difficult to understand at first. Once the words started coming through, however, he listened, taking in the melody as it became quite clear which song it belonged to.

He set his chin in his hand, and let his eyes slip shut. That was his name being said, and this song was one he did admit a degree of, albeit prideful, fondness for. Even with the words slurred and the voice exaggerating each note’s rise and fall.

But this voice, this one, he was used to hearing nothing but provocations from. In a way, this also fit the bill. After the crude defacement of his message, along with the taking back of the Widowmaker, the county’s only free deputy kept on going as if she hadn’t a care in the world.

And while he had seethed over her actions - and her dismissal of him days back – other areas had demanded his attention first.

Her time to atone would come. She would take those steps, willingly, if he had his way, and from there progress could truly be made. If he needed to guide her further he would, but it was so much more satisfying to see what steps she might take unprompted. Especially when those steps lead to instances like this.

This wasn’t an immediate problem. It wasn’t another blow to their resources or a strike to their convoys. It was a distraction at best, which didn’t require his intervention at all, but the temptation remained. Like before, she was reaching out to him. Calling for him, even if only to provoke him.

It was still an effort, and it lingered in the back of his mind when he motioned for them to hand over their radio.

“Allow me. Maybe there’s something to this after all.”

---

"My dear Deputy-“

The radio flew out of her hands, sailing through the air towards the ground, as she fumbled it completely. It landed on a patch of grass, the tumble making only static come through for a few seconds. Soon enough, however, John’s voice was back.

“How unexpected. I wasn’t aware that song left such an impression on you. To hear it come straight from your lips, to hear it repeated so fervently. I’m amazed.”

Hana stared at the radio, both hands still clasped over her mouth, and felt the blood rush straight to her face.

“And over such a public medium as well. What would the others say if they heard you?”

If they had the right idea, they would’ve turned off their radios long ago. Hopefully before John actually decided to tune in, but too late now. She’d deal with that in the morning, along with the massive hangover she’d be courting.

She grabbed for the radio, struggling not to trip over her own two feet trying to pick it up fast, and almost forgot to hit the button before replying. “This isn’t about them. It’s about…shit.”

“You? I’d suggest myself, but after hearing what I have for the last few minutes or so, that might be presumptuous of me.”

He was back to using that strange teasing tone of his again, and none of it sat well with her. Not after what he’d shown her a few days back, but if he was willing to do this, she’d gladly dish it back.

“You liked that? Hearing your name over, and over, and over?“

“Very few would object to such a thing. Especially when said so…enthusiastically.”

Her face flushed again – or had it stayed that way? – and she kicked herself for being just that damn petty. The words had been messy from the start, and she’d looped back to that simply because her poor brain had hit a snag and couldn’t get past repeating variations of it.

“Jesus, John. Hearing this shit would grate on a normal person.”

Hearing it from her? Drunk and garbled? It should’ve been irritating. That was exactly what she wanted to begin with. Instead, he was a mix of amused and delighted? Shouldn’t he have already ambushed her and carried her off to God-knows-where days back just for the damn sign?

What the hell did she actually drink? Mary May said it’d been strong before she shot it, but -

“Why are we speaking, Deputy? I have a feeling there’s something on your mind. Intoxicated or not.”

You. She nearly bit her tongue. Bugging the shit out of you. “I thought my intent was pretty damn clear.”

“No, I think there’s more to this. A reason for you to seek me out. Are there regrets? Looking for another chance to consider-“

“No.”

“Deputy.” He almost sounded disappointed. “So quick to say no.”

“After listening to you tell me how, if given the chance, you were going to ‘open me up’ and, or, peel me like a fucking apple, did you really expect anything different?”

He paused. “Ah. That.”

“Yes, that.”

John chuckled, but didn’t offer up an explanation or an excuse. Just his amusement at what she was sure was her expense. That put a shot of anger through her.

“Real cute asshole, but you’re going to have to give me more than that.”

“I was merely suggesting you could share a part of yourself with me.”

Not just one, Hana reminded herself. Multiple parts. Multiple layers.

“Suggesting, huh? Suggestions are made about movies, and songs to listen to. Both usually to share and enjoy with those closest to you. And okay, people do that too. Sharing, and baring just enough of themselves to see if they’ve got a good thing going, but applying that to us, John, just doesn’t work. Because one, we’re just not that cozy, and two, we’re sure as hell not that close.”

“Hence, the suggestion.”

“I might have a few for you, if we’re going to stick to this topic, but none of them are going to be that nice.”

“And I’m sure you would love to go over them in extensive detail with me, my dear. Some of which I might even entertain, given just how you might choose to pitch it to me.”

She wasn’t even sure what topic they were on anymore at this point. “Oh, I think you’d like my delivery. Maybe even my pitch.” Yeah, she’d lost it, and the breathy tone was laying it on way too thick.

“Deputy!” The smile her mental image conjured up for that was a wicked one. “You’re far from shy, aren’t you? Just be sure to remain clear on what exactly you’re hoping to accomplish. Otherwise, I may end up drawing my own conclusions on the matter. But don’t worry,” he said, almost imitating her. “No matter what you decide, you won’t have to be nice with me.”

Jesus. This was getting weird. Way too weird for her to keep on going with it. “Now I know you’re just trying to keep me talking. Dangling shit like that in front of me hoping I’ll just, I don’t know. Ramble on about something interesting, or just make a bigger ass of myself in the process. Either or.”

“We’re simply talking. Trading pleasantries, and possibly even a step beyond that. Surely that can’t be a problem.”

“Nothing is ever simple when it comes to you. At least, that I’m learning.”

“You were the one that called me. Let me remind you of that, yet again,” he replied, an edge creeping into his tone. “But this is the longest we’ve talked so far. I’d like to call that…progress.”

“I don’t think we’re supposed to make progress here.”

“Given my role, I’d have to disagree. Progress is precious. All too delicate and easily lost, much like trust. And I understand yours is not given easily, Deputy.”

She took in a slow breath and let it out through her nose. “What do you want, John?”

“Let me be honest with you. Not that I haven’t been from the start, but if you need to hear it, need me to tell you this directly, then I will.”

“To build trust?”

“To build progress. But that could lead to trust, if given the opportunity.”

This was swinging back in the other direction. Back to a topic that she knew they shouldn’t be heading towards, and the repeated question came out harsh. “What do you want, John?”

“Let me make my offer again. To give you a proper chance to-“

“Confess?” That made her want to pitch her radio right out over the hills. “You never quit with this shit, do you?”

“Have I become that predictable?” he asked drily. “But yes, I doubt I will, because it's not in my right to deny you that. That chance. That opportunity. It still remains, even now.”

“You want to hear a confession? Hmm? You really want to? Like the actual reason why we’re talking right now? Why I made an ass of myself earlier singing at you?”

Hana held the radio right up to her mouth as she hissed out the next few words.

“I hate this song. I hate it every time it comes on, and I hate the fact that this entire county only has two stations to choose from. That if I get into any vehicle, or if I walk to any area within reach, there’s a decent shot it’s playing, and I have to spend the next five minutes listening to it crooning, ‘Oh, John,’ over and over until I can flip the damn switch.”

“It should be a source of inspiration, to bolster, and-”

She pressed the button on the radio to cut him off. “I blame the subject. He’s kind of a self-absorbed prick.”

He grew silent after that, and she knew she was getting close to hitting a nerve.

“John the brave. Building us a family, and working hard to keep us safe. Isn’t that how it goes?”

“I would. All of you, if you’d let me.”

“It’s not that simple of a thing, John. To wave your hand and brush away everything. To wipe the slate clean.”

“It’s not about forgetting or dismissing memories, thoughts, or actions. It’s about accepting them for what they are, and finding a way past that. To wash them away, opening yourself up to the possibility of becoming something greater. We all have things that we regret, don’t we?”

Staring down at the radio, she wet her lips and wished like hell she had another beer nearby. This was not a conversation she wanted to have with him of all people.

“I know you’ve felt that. Not just here, in this place. But before. Long before coming here. The difference is that this time, you wouldn’t have to be alone.”

Coming from the same man that had promised to spill her guts out in front of him earlier, to dig for all that she’d keep from him, stung.

“Stop, John.”

“I would listen. Patiently, until you’ve given me all that you could offer. Every word, every action, as we name these things we bury, these sins, and from there they can be shed. So you can begin anew. Unburdened and unashamed.”

“I don’t want to do this with you,” Hana said, the buzz giving way to a weight in her body. “I don’t.”

“But you could. Just say yes.”

Yes.

A shiver ran through her, sinking deep into her as it spread.

“That night by the lake. The Cleansing, or whatever you called it, you remember that? Holding me down as I kicked and screamed my lungs out?” He went silent, and her head swam as she tried to steady herself. “You were going to drown me that night, weren’t you? Right up until Joseph spoke up. Saving me from you.”

She held the radio in her hand, waiting for a denial, acknowledgment, anything.

She’d suspected it. But this, after hearing him say those things to her, spoken low, intimately, was the icing on the goddamn cake.

“If anyone’s going to save me, it’s not going to be you,” she replied, hating how the words wavered. “Good night, John.”

She hit the switch and the radio slipped out of her hand, landing right on the grass by her feet. She'd know where to grab it come morning, she thought, leaving it behind.

Sure enough, she would.

[glendavidgold-blog]

Hemlock

I neither spell-checked nor edited this.  Apologies. It’s hard for me to even re-read this, and I wrote it.

One of the lessons of William Shirer’s The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich is that Hitler couldn’t have happened anywhere or any time else.  He was a unique plague that destroyed one particular culture by exploiting all of the weaknesses it had swept under the rug while otherwise feeling it was the most educated, most enlightened democracy possible. The people with some power over their lives felt too comfortable to confront the problems that were already obvious. Hitler in a way was a karmic answer to hubris. I’m not sure Shirer says this directly (it’s been 30 years since I’ve read the book) but every era gets the villain it deserves. 

This is what currently scares me about Trump. It is almost diabolical, almost Shakespearean how perfectly he has slipped through every alleged check and balance. He is the product of every problem America has pretended doesn’t exist – dynastic wealth, the mafia, corruption, sexism,  unchecked capitalism, etc – and he has consolidated power by exploiting racism, hostility, fear, income inequality and holes in the system that turned out to rely on office holders having a conscience.

In 1933, shortly after Hitler took power – six weeks, in fact – my grandfather wrote a prescient account of what that monster would do next. It was accurate, if not bold enough in its predictions (but how could he, an 18 year old, predict the holocaust?). I have always wondered what I would do in his position, if I would notice what he had noticed, and the answer is no, I have tried to hold onto optimism when that is now clearly no longer useful.

When I was in high school, I was taught in Ancient History that the fall of Athens as a seat of democracy was symbolized by the moment Socrates was forced to drink hemlock. Socrates was executed for the time of inculcating youth with dangerous ideas, but also the death was symbolic, one that should have been avoided, would have been in another time and place.  I’m not sure that’s a popular idea now, and even my teacher said it was a problematic moment to choose. Instead, it was a moment among many other moments where someone outside of the system could point to it and say that a functioning agora would not have allowed it to happen. 

This, unfortunately, resonates with me now. The confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court might just have been our hemlock moment. It’s hard to tell for sure (it was hard for Athens to tell, too) but the fact is, a legislative body in charge of making laws has just thrown all evidence to the wind – evidence not just of sexual assault but of serious financial crimes -- in the excitement of causing the ascendency of a terrible man.

I don’t think there’s a single reason this happened and that too frightens me, because it’s overdetermined. The senate decided that they only needed to give brief intellectual cover for their reasons to embrace him, and their base agreed: make him a judge for life. What he serves as an avatar of is so many things: misogyny, angering the left, bringing on the Apocalypse (more about this later), ignoring the will of the majority of people, but mostly this: he is a promise that if you are on the side of Republicans, they will never hold you accountable.  That is powerful magic for people who feel like victims.  That is powerful magic for people who like the idea of being washed clean of their sins without having to do any work for it.

So now Trump controls the entire government, and that has happened with blinding speed.  There is a mid term election coming.  I am going to do everything in my power to make my vote count.  I’m going to encourage everyone to vote, as I believe that a majority of people in America believe in the American ideal rather than the fascism that we’re descending into.  There is a strong possibility, given the polls, that we will take back the House, which is something, and we might make the Senate difficult for them, too.  This will ease things, a little, while we protest and protest and stay alert until 2020, when we can throw the rest of the criminals out. 

But. 

I have a small glimmer, a nugget of worry that started when the truth about Kavanaugh came out, and he was confirmed anyway.  The way I put it then was that we are living through one of those times so well described in McCay’s Extraordinary Popular Delusions and the Madness of Crowds, a 19th century treatise on times in human history where huge crowds of people have seemingly gone insane. He cites the now-familiar Tulipmania, as well as other financial manias, witch hunts, that kind of thing. I was feeling that the Republican party had locked arms and were launching their own political Jonestown, guaranteeing a kind of suicide when Democrats started filling the offices. 

I’m no longer so sure. One of the other things that fueled Trump’s rise, beyond all the specific American institutions that failed us, is that he knows how to channel the masses’ anger in a way that I have no experience with and no empathy for.  It’s working for them. It’s exciting to the politicians, too.  I see Trump is doing it again now, calling the left criminals who can’t be governed. He says the left is looking for violence.  The left knows this is ridiculous. Democrats are wishy-washy, the party that steps out of the shower to pee. To paraphrase Ted Mooney, The right wants to win –we want to be loved. 

But there is an old, familiar trick that’s political in nature – accuse the other side of what you’re doing. And right now we are at a place where one of three things is going on. First, and most optimistic, is that the leaders have overplayed their hands. They literally have no idea how angry and how determined women and minorities and those of us who happen to like progressive values are. When they say, as Mitch McConnell did of the sexual assault victims who protested, “I want to thank these clowns for all the help they provided,” he means it. He’s in his own bubble.  Republicans have never seen an angry liberal who knows how to fight back politically.   So maybe it’s that, and maybe when there’s a blue wave, they’re going to be genuinely shocked.  After all, Romney believed Fox News about Obama in the face of facts, and he got his ass handed to him in the election.   

The next possibility is that even they don’t know what’s going to happen next.  They got lucky and they’ll feel emboldened, and they’re just going to go one evil step at a time.  So far everything has worked for them, but there’s no real plan, just the erotic pleasure of power. 

Possibility number three is much worse.  Something we have told ourselves – I have told myself – is that the Republicans are just too arrogant to actually be efficient in making fascism work.  I’m starting to wonder if I’ve been wrong about that. 

The voting experience has already been rigged in ways we know about – gerrymandering, throwing possible Democrats off the voter rolls, killing access to the polls, the lack of paper ballots that may or may not mean there’s computer hacking that changes vote totals.  (And I have to say that final thing might be paranoia, that people know it CAN be done but no one seems to be saying it HAS been done.  Still, the lack of controls over it isn’t just maddening, puzzling or worrying – they only reason to have an open door like that is to invite a malevolent force.)  We know we have to struggle against that.  We know that even with all that stuff in place, there are so many of us that we should win.

But I worry that they’re so confident because they do have a plan.  I have a worry that there’s something the new Supreme Court can do between now and Election Day that fucks us.  Specifically I worry that there’s something Trump does that fucks us and it’s illegal and that the Supreme Court, in an emergency session, upholds it.  Maybe that’s wrong. Maybe that’s just out of the realm of possibility.  Maybe we’ll get to vote. 

What if voting doesn’t work? What if, the day after the election, it’s fishy? Or more than that – obviously it’s been rigged?  The Democrats lose and there are red flags everywhere? Or, what if the Republicans don’t accept the results? Does refusing to validate the election sound beyond possibility? 

Ask Roy Moore if he’s conceded yet. 

You say: if that happens, we’ll take to the streets.  True. I too will take to the streets. What will that do?  We occupy, say, the Senate offices, and then…oh, we’ve seen this already, just a week ago, with Kavanaugh.  The Senate now knows it can ignore angry constituents and seemingly get away with it.  It doesn’t have to actually respect facts or reports or decency or shame or even accept that the other side has any legitimacy. They no longer listen to us.

Let’s say that the rigged results just go forward.  There’s no way that everyone is going to believe they’re rigged.  There will be counterprotests.  There will be media coverage about how it’s just so gosh darned uncertain, and both sides will be shown on the news to show how fair they are.

But let’s agree about this: if the midterms don’t produce a Blue Wave, and if that’s because the results were fishy, we will have marches like you’ve never seen.  There will be the largest force in American history taking to the streets to protest.  We will not be polite. 

That’s as far as any of us have taken it, I think.  Because we think that the people, united, will never be defeated. It sounds right. But this is where it gets bad for me, because I very much suspect that people on the other side have taken it a little further than that.

How would we organize? On our phones?  On Facebook?  On twitter? You’ve got to be kidding.  Our phones are what surveil us. 

You know how the Nazis knew where the Jews were when they came to a new town?  IBM punch cards.  IBM took Nazi money because it was money and they thought that since they also did good for the war effort, it balanced out.  Do you believe that the current barons of tech are more altruistic or moral or ethical than IBM was?  But still that’s not a perfect comparison – what IBM did was actually rather small. Each punchcard had something like 8 pieces of information on it.  You know how much more information your phone and facebook and twitter has about you? 

Your phone isn’t going to work.  Not for you, at least.  For them, yes. 

Further, if protests get real, the reaction isn’t going to be the current leaders throwing up their hands and saying “Y’know what, you have a point” and then doing the right thing. They’ll fucking fight back, and fight dirty.  Your local police who, no matter what that locale is, have a problem with white supremac and, are fully militarized now.  This isn’t going to be like the 1960s.  It’s going to be much worse.  And the military has been rehearsing for suppressing rebellions.  Just ask Flint.  Just ask St Lous.

But, you say, there would have to be due process to –

Really?  Take a moment.  Think about that.

But the horrific possibility of camps to –

Right.  Camps.  Take another moment. 

We don’t advocate violence here in the left.  And let’s be honest – by “left” I mean about 70% of the country.  But we also haven’t gamed out what happens when we’re up against people who aim to win at all costs.  I’m still not doing it. My brain can’t take it further than that.

I hope I’m wrong about all this.  I hope that we aren’t going that far.  But, to return to Shirer, it would make some sense if it does, as the problems with the police and the military and privacy and tech have all been apparent for some time and we’ve done nothing about them because we – meaning the people who have some power over our lives -- felt comfortable.  There’s this kind of karmic justice in that a society that doesn’t deal with its shit gets destroyed by its shit.

On that note, I have been curious for a while about how it is that anyone who has a conscience supports Trump.  To give him any legitimacy means sacrificing your own morals and ethics.  He’s amazingly precise in how he causes every individual in his sway to abandon his or her own positive qualities. I’ve joked that everyone in his circle looks like a Dick Tracy villain, but maybe that’s not an accident. Maybe there’s something that curdles your soul by standing so close to his evil.  (Benjamin Wittes, a writer I like but find problematic, was once friends with Kavanaugh – and defended him at first, until his performance on the Senate floor.  He says that this person isn’t the man he knew.  So say many other legal scholars who once knew him.  Something has changed in him.  It’s weird.)

I was trying to qualify how Trump’s worldview is attractive, and it occurred to me that every word out of Trump’s mouth, every deed, is exactly the opposite of Jesus’s. It’s uncanny. If only there were a word for someone who was the antithesis of Christ. 

Hmm. I guess there is a word. 

I don’t believe he’s the anti-Christ. He’s not that important. But he’s AN anti-Christ.  As a secular Jew I’ve read the Book of Revelation as a metaphor, a warning for how, eventually, someone motivated enough can make you abandon your values unless you’re self-aware enough.  We have long made the mistake of believing the anti-Christ would be slick and undeniable and crafty, but only recently have I realized that no, of course he wouldn’t be.  The truly evil thing about the anti-Christ wouldn’t be that he tricked you.  It would be that he let you be your true self, and your true self was awful.  He only gave you permission to behave as you really wanted to, and that is how you fell. 

There is not much that give me hope here.  Not anything, in fact.  I’m not drinking these days, which could be a mistake.  For a while I was drinking two or three glasses of wine a night and my physician said ‘well, that’s a reasonable response.’  Instead, I’m paying a lot of attention and it’s the anti-Christ thing that has me most on alert.  This is where the essay gets depressing (no, really, sorry about that – the part above is just a warm up).  

The Constitution, like the Bible, tried to anticipate many possible futures, and tried to provide a framework for how to deal with them.  I strongly believe that most of us have moral backbones and many of us wish our neighbors well. But why isn’t this happening now?  We turn to strongmen in times of famine rather than plenty, and ironically we are living in a world of plenty.  It’s being hoarded by the rich, of course, but the resources are there to make most people’s lives decent.  We tend to share in times of prosperity but that’s not happening now.

I have said this in prior essays, but it’s pretty much got to be the endpoint of any essay someone writes now that speculates about the future.  I believe that we as a species recognize, in a way that is baked into our genetic code as mammals, that the future is no longer a renewable resource. I think that climate change is so obvious now and happening so fast, with so little possibility of relief, that we know the jig is up.  We have ruined the weather.

But I can’t even process what that means. There is no way, genuinely, for the human mind to hold onto the probability that in our lifetimes, not that far way, we will have made the surface of the earth unable to support life.  It’s happening so fast.  Beyond all the dramatic stuff – the hurricanes, the floods, the droughts, the fires – I have been traveling around the country this summer and everywhere I see that the sky is wrong.  There’s something off about the clouds, the circulation of air.  People comment on it.  Something is shutting down. Something is making us all uneasy.  You see it.

There are two ways to deal with this fear.  One is to deal with it directly.  Make plans, confront how awful it is, see what’s possible, admit to our coming losses. Treat the future the way we did the development of penicillin or the A-Bomb.  I was just thinking this: the crazy thing is that the only way to combat the fall that’s coming is to be the best possible version of yourself you can be. That doesn’t mean the nicest.  It means being as powerful as you can.  Which is terrifying and difficult and a little amorphous. It’s not about being loved, but about finding your moral core and sticking to it.

We heard just today that we have the scientific knowhow and the ability to start remediating the destruction that’s on its way.  What they say is we lack “the political will” to do it.  What that means is that instead of dealing with it directly, we are trading on fear.   Fear is right now bigger than love.  Fear is motivating voters because it’s a good thing to sell on the marketplace.  Deny what’s happening, pretend it isn’t, sell fear instead.  Clamp down. The world wants a bad daddy, and here is a whole bunch of them to choose.

That’s what we’re doing. The second choice.  Denying that we had problems, kicking the can down the road, is how we ended up here. If we do it again now we will be destroyed. That’s not a hope or a fear – it’s just the way it’s going to work. I wish I had better news, but I don’t.

I keep saying this thing to myself that I don’t entirely understand. It’s that fighting begins with the right to see what’s actually before your very eyes.

The only thing I can say is that despair is not an option, but a luxury, and you can’t afford it now. Go and fight. They’re going to.  

[dontcallitacomeblog-blog]

Week Six Power Rankings: The Good Place

Probably my favorite (current) TV show at the moment is “The Good Place”. If you liked The Office or Parks & Recreation, I would totally recommend this show. Definitely start with episode one though, as it gets a bit complicated, especially in Season Two.

So, the basic premise is Eleanor Shelstrop (Kristen Bell) has died and she wakes up in a Heaven-like land, The Good Place. The only problem is that Eleanor knows deep down, she doesn’t belong there. She was a selfish, kinda crappy person and there has apparently been some kind of clerical error putting her there. So she plays along, thinking she’s pulling one over on her fellow residents and the deity running the place, Michael (Ted Danson). All the while, she strives to be better in her afterlife. If they learn her secret, she could end up in The Bad Place. There’s lots of good stuff in here about ethics, philosophy, and existentialism.

Lately, I feel a bit like Eleanor on the plane of Fantasy Football.

Here I sit in The Good Place, the only blemish on my record being a loss to the other 5-1 team. Despite this, I know deep down that I don’t belong here. I’ve sustained three season-ending injuries (maybe more? I don’t even know these days). I have played terrible flavor-of-the-week flexes. I have added and dropped like Jonah Hill’s weight. I BELONG IN FANTASY FOOTBALL HELL.

For the time being, I will bask in the glory of the leaderboard and not look at the impending doom that is my matchup with Vinnie this week. Like Wile E. Coyote, if I don’t actually look down after I run off the cliff, then gravity won’t have an effect on me.

Everyone has a different idea of The Bad Place, their own individual Hades, would look like. So like a hungry vegetarian at a Memphis BBQ joint, let’s look at our personal hells.

8. MooreSwagg

No clue what Johnny’s version of Hell would look like, but I am reminded of the time he ate a bee at band practice for $1. So:

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7. Full of Surprises 

Neil takes a seat. A huge bowl of lettuce with two lonely rings of onion on top is put on the table, seemingly qualifying as a salad. In the distance the chef’s microwave beeps; the mezzaluna ravioli is ready. The waitress apologizes, for they are all out of Zima. She leaves a bag of lukewarm breadsticks. Before Neil can take a bite, she brings another bag. And another and another. The waitress won’t bring the bill until he can finish the infinite number of breadsticks that sit before him.

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6. Nipple-density Acrobats

The year is 2019. Drew Brees has finally retired, completing a Hall of Fame career. At our draft, Erickson has no clue who to take in the first round.

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5. Gavitron

I mean... now? This week?

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4. Loading...

I dunno. This?

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3. Rugged Individualism

Vinnie wakes up in a room on his green leather couch. This face is there to greet him.

“Well hello there,” he says in a really terrible Southern accent for no reason. “Let’s watch the direct-to-Lifetime sequel of Brokeback Mountain I was in called ‘Hurtback Hill’”.

“And after that’s over we can watch the episode of The Big Bang Theory I was an extra on. Even though I’m only in the background for 4 seconds, that’s probably all we’re going to talk about every day because I’m a really big deal.”

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2. Breadstick Bonanza

My hell? Imagine if you can... a world where a misogynistic reality TV star with a gold toilet is the leader. And besides being completely incompetent at his job, he likes to blame minorities for natural disasters, takes your healthcare away out of spite, screws over our environment for years to come, de-stabilizes our foreign policy even with countries we like, makes fun of war heroes, disabled people, and foreign leaders, tries to take away the free press, and seemingly has no consequences for lying to any and everybody every fucking day.

So, 2017. Oh, plus this is all that’s on every TV channel 24/7: 

(shudders)

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1. Stafford Infection

The year is 2034. Somehow our nation survived the presidency of Fred Durst, including the scandal where he sent a dick pic to the entire U.N.

The new governor of Michigan has hand-picked Adam to accompany him on a tropical getaway to Cancun. Of course, Adam has to pay his half of the expenses, but what an opportunity! The governor was originally hoping to have a lady companion with him, but at 46 years young, he’s still early in his search for #firstlady

As Adam and the Gov settle into their #firstclass seats on #flydelta and he orders them two #crownroyals, they begin to talk a little about #spartanhockey and the Governor waxes nostalgic about the Reagan Administration, despite the fact that he wasn’t alive for it.

As the plane takes off, Gov hands Adam a letter (on his custom stationery, of course) asking if he’ll serve on the Michigan Court of Appeals.

“If you say yes, we can #flydelta every week or just hang out at #campdavid. Could be the weekend or on a Tuesday...After all, #everydayimgoverning.”

Actually this one would be Hell on Earth for all of us.