#about how edwin's trauma just leads to him saying “fuck it” and going for what he wants

[celendiar]

highkey in love with the idea that when it comes to their relationship, charles and edwin are the complete opposites of their usual behaviour.

charles, normally with zero impulse control or patience, is so so so careful and attentive with edwin, concerned about doing it all just right, spending hours planning their dates and content to take it all slow

meanwhile edwin, normally prim and proper and patient and self-disciplined, has repressed his wants and needs and feelings for 100+ years and now that he no longer has to?? he has no fucks left to give and will kiss charles senseless whenever he damn well wants to

[pippin-katz]

In Defense Of Edwin

Something that has bothered me is that there's a significant amount of people who talk about Edwin being unaware of Charles' pain as if he's oblivious, or like he did something wrong; that is simply unfair to Edwin.

Charles is happy, friendly, and wonderful. That is his personality. That is not all forced.

People are quick to jump on the line that Charles has been hiding his pain from Edwin, but a line people are ignoring from that argument is: "He's probably been hiding it from himself!"

His behavior indicates that he doesn't talk or think about trauma or negativity unless it's relevant to the situation. I doubt Charles even realized how bad his trauma was until the Devlin Murders. His pain was so repressed that he wasn't "feeling" it anymore.

Charles’ Triggers

While I'm not going to say that Charles did not hide his pain from Edwin at all, I am going to point out that this may have been the first time, in a very long time or ever, that they encountered something this close to home for him.

The only real reason Charles discusses his trauma now is because the Devlin House triggers him, genuinely in a psychological way. It's not just the "crazy dad" that gets to him. There are so many details that fit Charles personally. That whole situation is too fucking much for him.

The song Owner Of A Lonely Heart playing in the background; a song that he says he liked enough to get the cassette tape but that it was smashed by his father.

The controlling and restrictive behaviors of the father on his daughters. The eldest daughter writing about walking on eggshells and looking forward to graduation.

The way that the father kills them; he doesn't shoot them, or poison them, or whatever, he butchers them. His attacks are physically direct. He swings an axe, so his movement is the root of the violence. If it had been a gun, it would've been his finger on the trigger, but the bullets hitting them. Charles was abused by his father through the means of a belt, which is physically direct.

The loop, having to watch it over, and over, and over again with no break, no relief, and not being able to do anything, no matter how many times he sees it happen. Charles' abuse seemed to be regular and constant, no matter what he did. It always ended the same way.

All of that is then exacerbated by the Night Nurse forcing him to reexperience his trauma the very next day. That's a lot of specific details and events that lead to his complete breakdown.

Charles hasn't been consciously choosing to hide all of that pain from Edwin. It had been buried to the point where even he couldn't see it anymore, but the Devlin House uprooted it from his subconscious.

Charles’ Parents

Now, he does hide his habit of checking on his parents from Edwin, but that's not fully about his abuse. Charles misses his family, his life, being alive.

It's worth noting that he only shows Crystal his parents because he's trying to connect with her about not being able to go home. He didn't bring that up on a whim. It was relevant to help Crystal feel understood. She's not special; if someone completely different from her did the exact same thing, Charles would've shown them too.

Now, let's talk about him not telling Edwin. Charles may not have a full comprehension of Edwin's experiences, but he knows he's different from "normal" people. Hiding his parents from him is likely just as much about not wanting to hurt Edwin as it is protecting himself.

Edwin does not show any type of longing for his life. Everything he knew about the world from his time is gone or been changed beyond recognition. He doesn't have a family to miss, not that he was close to them in the first place; even if he did have an emotional connection to them, they've been long dead.

And Edwin seems unbothered, but there’s no way for Charles to know that for certain. Watching his parents weekly would remind Edwin constantly that he does not have anyone. He’s worried about being insensitive; he feels like he would be unintentionally taunting Edwin and rubbing salt into the wound.

Edwin has been dead for over 100 years and spent 70 of those years being torn apart by a demon in Hell; how could he even remember physical sensations other than pain and exhaustion? How could he remember the taste of food while running through Gluttony, watching its inhabitants vomit profusely? He never saw the appeal of romance or sex prior to his death, and then he witnesses the bloody masses of people in Lust; how could he be anything other than repulsed?

Charles tells him that pain is not a contest, but he almost without a doubt compares his own experiences to Edwin's. It's something people with low self-esteem do more than others. He feels guilty, like he’s selfish for being upset; Edwin has it so much worse.

How does being abused by his dad compare to being dragged to Hell? He got hit with a belt; Edwin was ripped apart. Who is he to whine about his life to a boy who has died more times than days Charles has existed?

He may not have had the specific details before, but the knowledge of it being Hell was enough. When you don't put your own needs on your priority list, that's one of the first "justifications" your brain comes up with. They already have enough on their plate, and you don't need to talk about it. You're totally fine! So yes, hiding his parents from Edwin makes sense from his perspective.

But his abuse? Charles doesn't even realize how much pain he's in; how could Edwin have realized?

My point is that Charles wasn't actively choosing to hide all of his pain from Edwin for thirty years, so to blame Edwin for not noticing is like blaming a blind person for picking up a red ball instead of a blue one. He couldn't have noticed; there was nothing for him to notice. Charles wasn't wearing a full mask.

The second Charles shows any indication that something is wrong, Edwin does notice!

Edwin may have trouble with people, but he's not oblivious, and he knows Charles. If he's ever been upset like this before, he would've noticed. He notices Charles' change in behavior after Crystal joined in only a day, and he doesn't deny it when Edwin calls him out.

Edwin also follows up on asking if he needs to talk about his father. Charles brushes him off, but Crystal and Niko show up before Edwin has a chance to press a little more, which I think he would've. I don't think Charles would've opened up, but it would've shown that Edwin is aware that all is not well. He is aware, but on top of being in the dark about it, he's got his own shit he's working out and cases to solve. His attention is divided.

I think it's important to remember this fact that has been driving me mental for months now:

Charles and Edwin’s dynamic during the show is a completely different dynamic than the one they've had for the past thirty years.

The introduction of Crystal, going to Port Townsend, meeting Niko, Monty, fighting Esther, the Cat King, etc. etc. etc. Everything about their relationship gets shaken up from the start of the show. They're both acting differently in all sorts of ways, and some they even acknowledge to each other.

What we saw of them in Port Townsend is not what Charles and Edwin were during those thirty years. It's unfair to pass judgement on something we don't actually know about.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm getting really tired of fics/posts making a commentary about Edwin not noticing being something he has failed at. Does Edwin feel guilty for not realizing it sooner? Absolutely, but please, at least acknowledge that it wasn't his fault if you're sticking to canon. If you want to twist some shit into it to make it more complicated, make it more angsty, go right ahead! I'm absolutely not stopping you!

But canonically, at least I feel after studying these characters under a microscope, Edwin could not have known sooner.

(ko-fi)

[forsakenflora]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; mun & muse - meme.

TAGGED BY: @dolcetters / ( thank you bb !!! ily !!! )

TAGGING (don’t feel obligated to do it!): whispers anyone who sees this !!

FILL OUT & REPOST ♥ this meme definitely favors canons more, but i hope oc’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. multi-muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

—————————————————-

MY MUSE IS:  CANON / OC / AU / CANON-DIVERGENT / FANDOMLESS

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES  / NO / IDK  ( people have said she’s pretty? i mean she is, so ) 

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK  ( by a good majority, if we go by 03 standards ) 

Are they underrated? YES / NO

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO / MAYBE  ( again, by 03 standards; kind plot-device-y ) 

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG ( i mean .... AGAIN, 03 .... ) 

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO / MAYBE

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL

HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON? not that strictly. she loses the pregnancy through a trauma-related miscarriage. back when i rped her years ago, i did not write in the fact that she had a child. i think i didn’t want to ... really write the parts with dante / the gate / etc. i could still in a separate AU where it’s strictly canon, but for just my writing sake, i decided no. she goes through having her rapist’s child, and that can be heavy for some. the assault alone is traumatic enough. but it’s real. so her story, at least in 03, does deserve to be told with sensitivity. 

SELL YOUR MUSE! AKA TRY TO LIST EVERYTHING, WHICH MAKES YOUR MUSE INTERESTING IN YOUR OPINION TO MAKE THEM SPICY FOR YOUR MUTUALS. do you like flowers? yes? good. do you like pretty, sweet girls? yes? ok great. please, allow me to introduce you to a person who combines all three !! rose thomas, a wholesome girl who, while living in a terribly hot city, will make you forget all about the heat with her charming smile and adorable laugh !! with her heart of gold, she will help out anyone and stand up for those that cannot !! while a little hot-tempered, rose truly has firm beliefs, but doesn’t mean she won’t learn from her mistakes and grow, flourish, like that of the flower she is named after !! so come visit liore and meet the city’s own pink-haired angel !! 

NOW THE OPPOSITE, LIST EVERYTHING WHY YOUR MUSE COULD NOT BE SO INTERESTING (EVEN IF YOU MAY NOT AGREE, WHAT DOES THE FANDOM PERHAPS THINK?).   .... well, first off, in 03, people disliked rose for the fact that she was seen as a threat to the pairing EdWin. which, ofc if you read the manga, doesn’t happen so. and idk if people couldn’t really relate to rose back then, much less in BH where she barely shows up (as story-line goes) and she isn’t as fleshed out as prior. umm. i think from what i’ve seen (even if it is canon) people didn’t particularly like that they “white-washed” her, even though technically she was meant to be originally light-skinned (she’s a desert child yet she’s white .... she’d burn but ok) and i think just how she came off originally really made people dislike her vs 03. and maybe her storyline in 03 wasn’t as interesting and maybe a little dark, given that she’s a WOC who is raped by a soldier(s) and had the child, then was used by scar, and then used again by dante, so maybe they figured she’s a weak person who gets manipulated a lot? (writing this is making me mad but from again, what i’ve read LMAO) and just the plot device with the child / gate opening. 

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE? honestly? cause she was pretty LMAO. but mainly bc she (in 03) was a brown girl, like me. even though you don’t know her race, i saw myself in her, and she was so sweet and wholesome. she lost her first love and was desperate to do whatever it takes to get him back and i think she was lost, uncertain, and i really felt that. as time goes on and you find out that she changes her tune and grows and uses ed’s words to help herself back up again from being in a war-zone, it’s inspiring. she didn’t just stick to her ideals, she really changed. and then she is assault. and you just feel furious for her bc she didn’t deserve that, after having just felt empowered to do the right thing. i think initially it was out of vanity, but as i continued on with her, she just grew to be apart of me. she was one of my longest played characters, so i do have a sentimental attachment to her. 

WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING? umm. it’s hard more so now bc she’s no longer my main muse. so finding her voice now, a decade-plus later, can pose as a challenge. but i guess other than having writing partners who love her just as much as i do, i think just thinking about what would ( 21+) rose grow up into? what sorts of complex thoughts would she have? music helps me mostly if nothing else tbh. 

SOME MORE PERSONAL QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN.

give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO ( MAYBE IDK )

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES  / NO

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES / NO

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO ( MAYBE ) 

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO 

Are you a sensitive person? YES  / NO 

DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL?   tbh i think i’d feel a little hurt only bc i do feel attachment, but i’d have to be open to criticism if i want to get better at developing her. at the end of the day, she’s not my character. 

DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER? of course !! i’m rarely on, but if i get them i’d love them. 

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?   i’d be willing to know why, and see their pov, and we’d have to agree to disagree if it’s something that i personally feel in my heart of hearts that you’re allowed to have that .... but since this is my headcanon, then .... let it be? 

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL, HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT? i’d be like okay, then you write her? like. be a duplicate and write her. no one’s stopping you. write your own headcanons, do whatever you want. i think at this point it’s like, you’re right to your own opinions but then you’re kinda just being a dick about it. like. do i go to every other rose (or hinata on my main blog) and be like nooo you suck?? no, that’s rude. do i agree? not always, but hey if it makes you happy then fuck it be happy ?? LMAO but really, it’s fine, it’s for fun and i’ll try not to take it personally. 

IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT?   i’ll laugh. grow up?

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS?  please ..... please tell me. i may have gone to uni but english is ..... tricky. even certain punctuations like this ( ; ) thing still consumes my nightmares when it comes to writing. if we thread and you see the error, please fix it for me and don’t let me see it or notice it. save me from shame. 

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN?   i want to say yes, but others may think otherwise bc i’m not them therefore i don’t know what you think of me. i may come off a type of way that may rub you the wrong way without my intention, and that’s just me being honest. if i’m not on this blog and on my main one, i’m sure by now you’ve gotten a decent sense of who i am ooc. i do try to be kind, but i know i can be absent at times only cause i’m overwhelmed and i use writing as an escape ... and then i get comfortable with whoever i write with, which i don’t want others to feel like i won’t give you a chance. maybe our writing styles will click, maybe not? but outside of rp i really am supportive (overly, disgustingly big-sister like supportive) and just quiet and chill, so please feel free to come to me if you ever need to !!! life just gets chaotic sometimes and i apologize for that !! but i’m super harmless, i’m awkward, but i am open and i welcome you all !! ;_;