#about art or about your currently clearly dead relationship

[ladycatofwinterfell]

I should stop making my thoughts on the iwtv episodes posts before I have rewatched the ep of the week at least once because I always end up being like wow I missed so many things when I do rewatch

[vilhelios]

-; SWEET MUSIC PLAYING IN THE DARK.

your poor, overworked, singer-songwriter boyfriend has not been having a good time with comeback season. thankfully, he has you, his muse, to kickstart his creative processes—sadly, that means he's going to write yet another love song about you in his group's newest album.

CW: k-pop idol/group au! fluff, fluff and more fluff! mentions of xavier, zayne, sylus, and caleb ; not beta read, small text, all lowercase letters.

“and this—” a kiss to the jaw. “—is part of—” another kiss, a shiver jolting down your spine at the feel of his lips against your pulse point. “—your creative process?”

it’s almost embarrassing how small your voice is now, loud in the silence of rafayel’s little studio. your hands clench and unclench around rafayel’s white shirt as he peppers kisses up and down your neck, not a single sliver of your exposed skin remaining unkissed. (after all, he’d say, he must drown in every part of you.)

“hey, every artist needs their muse.” rafayel shrugs, his hands at your waist grabbing at the warm flesh there, a teasing yet grounding touch. “i just need to be appreciating said muse to get the lyrics flowing in my head.”

before you can say much else, he nuzzles his face against the crook of your neck, and he practically melts into you as he breathes in your comforting, familiar scent. like fresh laundry, citrus, honey; he recognises it as the new perfume he bought for you just a few months ago (oh, god bless royalties and good album sales… he gets to spoil his little darling). a happy little sigh leaves him as he nuzzles against you again, shifting to let your bodies melt together in a happy little pile on his office chair—you’re just what he needs after a stressful day of brainstorming new lyrics and melodies with zayne and sylus, banging his head against the wall designing concept art for the new album’s cover, and being dragged around the dance studio (half-dead and limbless) by caleb and xavier.

“yeah, i know…” you sigh, and move your hands upward, fingers curling in his soft purple hair. luckily enough, he hasn’t had to dye his hair yet, what with linkon’s netizens finding his hair to be a particularly lovable part of his charm. (they’d be right; also up there are his big, beautiful eyes, and his impressive vocal range.) there’s a beat of silence, and then you speak up again, pressing a kiss to his hair just as he presses one in kind to your throat; “are the lyrics popping up in your head…?”

“hmm.” rafayel hums, almost like he’s thinking about it. “no.” he says, simple as that, and chuckles when you groan in exasperation. “all the ones i can think of wouldn’t fit the theme. and sy would actually kill me for making us sing another ballad that was clearly inspired by you.”

(they’ve released two albums and five eps, rounding up to about 50 songs in their discography… a good chunk of the love songs rafayel got his hands on in the production process felt like individual love letters written and sung just for you. It’s starting to reach a point where some of the smarter hunters—as their fandom is called—have deduced that at least one of the boys is in a relationship.)

“really?” you raise an eyebrow at him, hand moving to pinch his cheek, “well… if it’s anything like your usual songs about me… I can agree that it doesn’t match the theme.” you pull back a little—which elicits a whine from rafayel—to look at his current getup, which he’d been too lazy to change out of after the photobook photoshoot: a crisp white shirt, black pants, and leather chest harnesses. his hands, idly rubbing up and down your sides, were adorned in black leather gloves. all in all, an attractive outfit that’s trying to encapsulate a “bad boy”, mafia vibe. “i'll have to side with sy on this one.”

“even mafiosos can sing about how they’d love their darling in every universe, y’know.” rafayel hums, leaning back to rest his head properly on the chair, eyes trained on your face. his hands continue their idle smoothing down your sides, touch gentle and warm through the layers of fabric separating your skin. those beautiful indigo-pink eyes hold that heartbreaking softness in them, and it makes you want to gently run your thumbs under the dark circles under his eyes. (you never noticed, not until caleb pointed it out, but he only ever looks at you this way.)

rafayel’s next words are soft, without the characteristic teasing and filled with something akin to reverence: “what’s the harm in another song?” he whispers, leaning up to press a kiss to your cheek, "it’s just another universe to profess my love to you in, my darling muse.”

a/n: ... i saw rafayel in a harness, blacked out, and thirty minutes later this was ready on my word document. uhm. so those cards huh... (i have. enough pulls to secure you. but please come home early rafayel). reupload bc I FORGOT HOW TO TUMBLR??? and forgot tags 😭

[hakogyi]

BREAKING: the most toxic duo is currently rotting your brain and you need to see more of them NOW!

keep reading for my very incoherent thoughts about these two

i'm crying idk why i'm so attached to ginkir suddenly but they are currently my guilty pleasure brainrot. i know gin is so so so toxic to kir (and to everyone else. what's new) but i don't ship them in the "i want them to fall in love and kiss" way i need them in the "gin is strangely and inexplicably obsessed with kir and the series will end with kir killing him with his own gun" way (incoming spoilers for movies 20 and 26 + the kir arc/the shuichi akai special collection)

i'm probably reaching with this but bear with me. gin is an impulsive, violent man. his first instinct when faced with anything is to take out his gun and shoot. he's shot kir multiple times - in the darkest nightmare, when she and bourbon were chained to a pole for being on the NOC list, then in black iron submarine, when she was standing in between gin and the eur•p•l agent he wanted dead. OKAY. but he's never shot her with the intent of killing her AND I KNOW THAT'S A LOW BAR BUT BEAR WITH ME.

gin kills as a safeguard!! he killed akemi because of her relationship with an fb! agent and she'd become a liability. he wants to kill haibara because she escaped and is a liability. but after kir gets literally captured by the fb! AND is suspected to be a NOC, gin doesn't...gaf?? gin goes through so much trouble to get her back alive when he could've just blown up all the fbi vans and gotten rid of not only kir, who may have become a liability at this point, but also a bunch of fb! agents to snipe their manpower?? ok gin

"she's an absolute beast when she's cornered" ok gin. ok. is it also because she's the only woman apart from vermouth who dares to manhandle you. is that it. ok gin. i'm nowhere near done with this quote yet i fear i've truly lost my mind. gin is so clearly impressed by the lie she told him about brutally murdering the c!a agents but from what he actually sees of her firsthand he knows she's doesn't like to kill. he literally has to keep telling her "don't hesitate". gin's not dumb! he should have caught on to her lie by now! he should already know in his BONES that kir is a NOC! AND SHE'S STILL ALIVE?? ok gin

the close-up shot of kir's hand on gin's in black iron submarine as she stops him from pulling the lever. people d!ed (me). on a side note i feel like i understand gin on a whole new level after these revelations. i mean have you seen kir

to conclude i think gin is really, really strangely tolerant of kir and i love thinking about him having some sort of weird confused one-sided obsession with her that he doesn't know how to express apart from doing what he always does and holding her at gunpoint. i want this series to end with kir shooting him dead because YES i know gin's true long-established rival (cough 恋人 cough) and the one who will probably actually do him in is shuichi but shuichi's not the one who's been subjected to gin's impulsive bloodthirsty whims as part of his little evil squad ok. rena deserves this just as much as shuichi does

ok about the actual art. sorry i probably could've translated all of my ginkir thoughts into a much better more intense and analytical comic but then i started giggling like a crazy person and this happened. sorry i made gin too babygirl. i need kir to kiss me

[the-bloody-sadist]

Hello... Do you mind if I ask your top favorite fanfics that you've written or top favorite arts that you've drawn? Why are they're special to you? Do you have specific inspiration when you wrote or drew them? Thanks if you want to answer.....

Ah!! It's so nice of you to ask! I'll list my favorite fanfics I've done (there aren't many) since the artworks are a bit harder to define as a favorite or as something I just enjoyed working on that didn't give me much trouble.

Sinner (Bungou Stray Dogs | Fyodor x Dazai) : I'm sure it comes as NO surprise that my most popular fanfic is the top favorite I've ever written, but I'm glad it turned out that way. Whenever I finish turning it into an original work, I hope it rings just as true to all the fans who read it for Fyodor and Dazai as a standalone fiction. This one is special to me because it's based very closely on my real-life experience with an abuser who was my first partner. There's a handful of other influences on the story as well, including some Killing Stalking and Nitro + Chiral games (Togainu no Chi, Shiki route, if you're curious), but I explain this in far more detail in my author's note at the end of the fanfic! I won't beat a dead horse!

The Unpredictable Structure of Control (Bungou Stray Dogs | Fyodor x Dazai) : Fyozai is my top favorite ship for self-reflection, and since all of my writings are clearly about me (help) and the things I've felt or have wanted to feel over the course of my life, this one centered on my thoughts about asexuality and the hatred of pain along with the need to self-destruct. It's overly flowery and poetic, but the alien nature of the way I get to write when in Fyodor's perspective is one of my FAVORITE styles to play with. I'm very happy with how it came out! I don't believe there was a specific inspiration for this one other than myself and probably whatever fanfics I was reading at the time. Usually when I write, I have a basic theme in mind to build off of, and the one for this work was "second-hand self-harm".

Worth, as Determined by a Lover (Trigun Stampede | Wolfwood x Vash) : This one was inspired by one of my favorite Vashwood fics I've read multiple times by intimatopia called careful fear and dead devotion . I adore the fic and was left with a craving to do something of the same vein ever since I'd first read it! It felt so accurate to their characters and relationship, and I felt like I'd done a good job at what I wanted to do when I finished mine! There's always a little bit of me in every work, but there was definitely a LOT of current events and friends who'd inspired that one, particularly, and I still hold dear what it meant to me and them at the time. Even though one or two relationships have soured since then (not because of it LMAO), I hope if I update this work, that person will see and possibly read and feel heard. I don't know if I'm capable of that, but we'll just have to see! (Sorry for the cryptic talk on this one, it's late.)

There you go! I didn't want to do more than a top 3, otherwise I'd ramble about several others even though they're not exactly my favorites to this day. These are the few that even I'll go back and read when I'm feeling lonely, and they've somehow managed to avoid my self-disgust reaction.

Thanks again for asking! <3

[the-martyrfication-of-the-matron]

Because @ineedanamepplpls asked for it,

A post about a small group of my ocs :)

Might draw them later idk.

So we start off with Lea. Yes she is based off of a sim I made. Hush. She/her pronouns, straight (*gasp*), she’s half Arab and half Chinese, and she’s dating Reed, who we shall get into later. She’s a film student, really obsessed with period films set in like 1800s France and also noir films, is actually working on a script for a noir film with werewolves in it. She can play piano (though her dorm only fits in a keyboard), and eats just straight up peas as a snack. She shares a dorm room with Andie.

Andie, he/him (trans dude), bi, and he’s black. He’s dating Olive (who we shall also get into) but he did date Lea for a short while. He’s an art student, though he also does classes for Violin and does veterinary science to fill his empty time. He isn’t doing great in his classes because he’s a little distracted with his partner but he tries. He’s actually doing better than Lea is, she’s like three seconds away from getting kicked out because of how poorly she’s doing.

Olive, he/her (non-binary), queer but doesn’t explain how exactly she is, white. Dating Andie, and occasionally crashes at him and Lea’s dorm since it’s closer to some of his lessons. She has way too many of his own clothes there and that’s where he keeps his video games because her roommate hates them. She studies literature and history, and often shares with Andie some cringey lines in the books he has to read. Doing shockingly well in classes though she never attends his classes. Oh also he can see dead people and phase through physical objects.

Reed, he/him, straight (*another gasp*). dating Lea. Old old white man. He’s one of the professors at the school and also a superhero (since that’s the little universe idea they’re set in). And Olive’s dad. Which isn’t awkward or anything. He teaches one of Lea’s film classes though clearly doesn’t let their relationship sweeten up her grades at all. He has your classic super strength, Olive gets her powers from her mother’s side. Reed also doesn’t know that Olive is queer in any form nor that he’s dating anyone, let alone Lea’s whole ass roommate. That reveal would end up fairly awkward.

Jasmine is Lea’s sister, she/her, lesbian, half Arab half white, graduated a while ago, currently works as a TA for a music class. Occasionally pops in to see how Lea is holding up.

Alex, he/him, gay??, white. He has the form next to Andie and Lea’s and they yell at him all the time for having his music too loud. He’s kind of a himbo and genuinely doesn’t realise how loud he plays it. He’s a film student too and is the current planned director for Lea’s werewolf noir (he’s a big noir nerd too) but they argue a lot about creative choices regarding the werewolves designs. They don’t know much about him at all and everything they do know is a pure guess. He may or may not put cheese in his hot chocolate, based off of Lea seeing something in the corner of her eye one time and her always being low on both cheese and hot chocolate every time Alex comes over.

[jaeminsnanadoongie]

Always With You🍂

Part II

Summary: "Close your eyes

And I'll be there

Cause no matter where I go

I'll be Always With You"🍂

Two teenagers, a hospital and a deadly disease....🍂Will they survive??

AU: Hospital au

Word count : 11.7K (approx.)

Genre: Angst (A little bit), fluff, a innie tiny bit emotional (cus I'm not that good at writing emotional stuff)

Pairing (s): Huang Renjun × OC

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction. None of the incidents depicted here has no connection to the actual persons, living or dead, or actual events. Any resemblance found with another story is clearly unintentional. The personality or behaviour of the idol depicted here is not the related to his/her personality or behaviour in real life.It's pure work of imagination by the author.

Chapter 16

For him there was no other girl in this world other than her. She was his world currently. When no one was there by his side to listen to his discomforts and worries, she was.

As she blabbered away about her lonely childhood he sat there right next to her holding her palm as if she was the most fragile thing in the world. Hands perfectly intertwined with each other's.

And when she was near him he felt safe, sick free, that particular moment he forgets about everything, only she was his main focus then.

Eyes struck on her as it admired every feature on her face. How her eyes glistened with tears every time she recalls her past.

How her eyes changed in a minute when she says about the small happiness she held. He never did think he will fall in love, especially not when he was dying, and that hurt him.

She deserved so much more from the world but here she was refusing to do anything and waiting for the day she closes her eyes forever.

He wanted to change that, earse the thought of dying from her mind and replace it with the want to live without forcing her.

Her eyes shined under the night light as she spoke of the achievements she recieved in her school, while it also dejected when she spoke about how much she missed it.

"I wish all of this were a dream" her voice spoke while he nodded. "I wish too." He agreed as his hold on her hand increased. A small yawn from her made him look towards it as her eyes closed leisurely.

"Your sleepy" cupping her mouth she shook her head. "Nah im okay, i can stay up all nigh..." Her words came mumbled as she let out another yawn.

"Go sleep. I don't want you walking like a zombie tomorrow morning" he chuckled as she gave up her eyes closing up, she stood up harshly rubbing her eyes before walking towards her bed.

"Open your eyes and walk idiot" he complained as he held her by her shoulder before she tripped herself on the small table that was kept on her way.

On his guide she layed on the bed. Opening her eyes wide she looked at him as she gave him a wide smile. "Now what???" "Nothing. I just looked back at the time when we first met" both chuckled as they recalled how much their relationship has changed.

"We were enemies before" he stated as she nodded. "Yes we were." Smiling at the thought as she stared at the ceiling.

"Thank you" she said making Renjun look at her bewildered. "For what??" "For being there for me. For entering into my life, even though as an enemy.  For making me realise that how many hardships you are going through you'll get through it and that's life. Thanks for being my knight in shining armour when i almost lost hope for living"

----------------------------

Chapter 17

Renjun stood there in the balcony too stunned to speak as those words ran across his mind repeatedly. A part of his mind rereading the sentence a thousand times as the cold breeze hit his face.

Letting out a disturbed sigh he looked back at the sleeping figure. How peaceful she seemed melted his heart as he walked towards her. Pecking her forehead as he gave her a beaming smile.

Walking towards the table he sat down at the chair before taking the pen off the book as he opened that particular page. "Haa..my arts getting worse." He sighed as he looked at the shivering hands of his.

The way his hands went crooked everytime he drew just showed up that his condition was getting worse. The shivering lines which made the drawing unrecognisable was rubbed forcefully by him as he closed the book harshly.

Opening up the book right next to him he steadied his hands before holding pen and writing the words which he treasured. Which he wished would never cause her pain reading it, just happiness.

Looking at the final verse he smiled through pain, "haa...you really are my missing puzzle piece" he whispered as he looked at the words he had written within a matter of time.

                      Puzzle piece

As I try to fit in a world that keeps getting bigger

A feeling of emptiness and vacancy comes to me

But I can't recognize which part is missing

I didn't even know the shape would be like this

But as if we're matching the scattered pieces together

We're going to assemble our own story

Somewhere in my empty heart

A piece is placed

I am you

I just knew it when I first saw you

You're my missing puzzle piece

Finally it fits

You fill up all of the wounds in my broken heart

Before I realized it, you became my everything

My missing puzzle piece

The fact that I have flaws

And that I'm not perfect either

Made me feel smaller

But we can fill each other's gaps in between

So we don't realize we're empty

Hello, long time no see, it's been a while

This little piece I carried everywhere in my pocket

To make it look fuller, let's stay together in a beautiful way together

Because I met you

Now I draw a bigger picture

You're my missing puzzle piece

Finally it fits

You fill up all of the wounds in my broken heart

Before I realized it, you became my everything

My missing puzzle piece

My missing puzzle piece

More than having everything

To never lose anything

Is more important, I realized it because of you

You're my missing puzzle piece

Shining so bright

You became a scene in the world that I always tried to fit in by myself

Just like I can't let go of your hand that I'm holding tightly

My world can't be completed without you

May we never lose each other

My missing puzzle piece

My missing puzzle piece

A tear slid down his cheeks as he sniffed. If only the world wasn't this cruel, I would have loved to spend an eternity with you my love.

-----------------------

Chapter 18

Things started to reverse as she put him to sleep every night while he complained about the constant headaches and his lose of appetite. Though she felt weak she stood by his side as they both sat there on the bench on that cold night.

But it wasn't cold, it was rather warm, a warmth she had never felt. Looking at him whose eyes were already on her she showed the warmest smile ever.

"How are you??" His sudden question caught her off track as she looked at him bewildered. "I'm good??" "No for real how are you feeling??" He asked as he tightened the grip on her hand for a second.

"I'm good for real, though even i have headaches they are not as worse as yours trust me I'm alright" she showed him a smile which he reciprocated.

"Good to know" His smile never left as he looked at her. Staring at each other as the time drifted off. Small conversations then and there filled the air as most of the time it stayed in a comfortable silence. Both dwelling in each other's silence.

Walking down the stairs as the both held their hands tightly for them not to trip or fall. Bodies cold as they made their way towards their ward only to find the doctor seated on do-yeons bed hands crossed, eyes staring right at them.

Halting their steps, both looked at the doctor then at each other. "Where did you two wander off to??" The doctor's rather cold voice send shivers down their spine as their heads hung low.

A sigh from the doctor made the both look at him while the doctor stood up. "Nothing's wrong right?? Both of you don't feel any pain right??" The concerned voice made them soft as they both shook their heads.

"Nope" "Good. Both of you when you go out let me know or Ms.choi someone okay??" Both nodded their heads in approval, and the doctor gave them a geniune smile before leaving the room.

Giggling the two jumped on their beds as their backs hit the soft mattress. His eyes stared at the plain ones while hers stared at the star filled ones.

Eyes feeling heavy as hers closed reluctantly before she could even say a goodnight to him. But he didn't mind his eyes stuck on her as she slowly fell into the dreamland he had wished for being for such a long time.

🍂

The sun shone up towards the top as the rays bashed their way into the room through the window. The wind outside blew effortlessly as it picked up the dried leaves and kept it down at another spot.

The weather perfect as the girl stirred in her sleep. Eyes slowly opening up as she was met with the starry ceiling. Turning her head to see the boys bed empty with the sheet folded cleanly brought her disappointment.

Looking around the room to find none she quickly got herself off the bed to clean herself.

"How you holding up buddy??" Donghyuck's sound startled the young boy who sat on the bench. "Oh my god! When did you come here??" "secret~" he hushed keeping a finger on his lips after which he giggled. Renjun snorted as he looked back at the view.

"Who's the girl??" Renjun snapped his head towards Donghyuck who was smirking in victory. "Tell me which girl finally managed to steal the heart of the great Huang Renjun!! I'm excited" Donghyuck squeaked while Renjun's cheeks heated up in embarrassment while donghyuck's voice also annoyed him.

"How did you even know??" "I just know everything my buddy, your easily readable now don't leave a detail and tell me all!" He moved in his seat excitedly while Renjun groaned annoyed but his face changed as soon as his head thought of her.

"Oiiii your smiling~" hyuck cooed while nudging his shoulders making Renjun scoff. "Aww come on!!~" hyuck whined more while Renjun let out a fed up groan. "Aaa alright alright I'll tell" he gave up as he spilled out all the tea he kept boiling inside of him.

"Ah i just- i don't know she's just- she just melts my heart at the first sight" "Oii someone's lovestruck" hyuck giggled while Renjun sighed head moving up and down. "She really did something to me..."

Back at the room the girl sat there on the bed wondering where the hell Renjun wander off to. Gazing at the plain wall infront of her she fell deeper into her thoughts not noticing the door open and the two lads enter in.

"Is she the one??" The whispers of Donghyuck was a mere sound to her ears as she went completely unknown to her exteriors.

"Yea now don't shout it out" Renjun whispered back before entering the room only to see the girl not on this world. Eyes stared souless onto the walls before he waved his hands infront of her.

"Earth to Do-yeon! Are you there??" Snapping out of her trance her face changed back when she met his face. "Where the hell were you?? Where did you run off to so early in the morning??"

Her rather angry tone hit Renjun as looked at her guilty. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to worry you. I did have proper sleep last night so i just went out for some air" he replied as she scolded him for making her worry.

Hyuck just stood there as he looked at the two, feeling completely out of place but his lips curved up to a geniune smile after seeing his friend smile, his gleaming smile which felt like an eternity since he last saw that.

"Ahem" hyuck interrupted making both heads snap their heads towards him. She looked at the new face confused while Renjun realised his presence in the room.

"Im sorry for interrupting but uh this is the soup Nana made for ya, and he told me to give to you so yea imma leave now Jun see ya later! Byee!!"

He hurried as he put down the cover and swiftly made his way out the room not bothering to receive a reply from him cause he knew the girl would have plenty of questions about who he was to Renjun, smirking he made his way out the hospital.

"Who was that??" Her voice made Renjun turn his head towards her. "Oh yea...him?? Oh he is a friend of mine" he replied showing her a short smile. "Oh seemed like a good guy what's his name??" "Donghyuck" he replied as she nodded.

"How old is he??" "18" "He shares your same classes??" "Not everything but a few...but why are you so curious about him??" He asked in a rather harsh tone which had a hint of jealously in it.

"Nothing much his aura just captures my attention, he just gives a complete sunny cheerful aura more like fullsun aura, i know that seriously doesn't make sense" she giggled while Renjun just rolled his eyes at the compliment he just heard about his friend. "Whatever" he mumbled before moving to his bed.

(Okay yea the age of the dream members are way lower than they actually are in real life hehe.)

------------------------

Chapter 19

                     My everything

On the road that shines exceptionally

Standing there, I am waiting for you

It's not cold

When you are in my arms, I can feel the warmth

You're my everything

I want to protect your days and nights

You are a miracle to me, I wish you could see it

Spreading all over me, a gift called you

You're my night and day

Waiting for you in this street, drawing you again

An unusually long day

But it's not too bad because you're warm

Just like that, with nothing to do

I can live just like that

You're my everything

I want to protect your days and nights

You are a miracle to me, I wish you could see it

Spreading all over me, a gift called you

You're my night and day

Waiting for you in this street, drawing you again

It seemed to be nevеr-ending

At the end of thе long wait

You're the one

You're my everything

I want to protect your days and nights

You are a miracle to me, I wish you could see it

Spreading all over me, a gift called you

You're my night and day

Waiting for you in this street, drawing you again

"Yo when did you become a lyricist!?!" Marks screeching voice attacked renjuns ears while he winced at the sudden overflow of voice.

Closing his book as he looked at the older one intently reading the lyrics but a frown appeared as soon as he saw him close the book.

"Yo that's actually really good" he complimented while Renjun's ears heated up from those words. "Where did you learn to write like that??" He questioned while Renjun just stared at the book, eyes trailing to the girl who sat inside the room reading a book.

"Her presence did" he replied as mark bewilderly looked towards the girl. "Ooooo..... Sooo its that..." Smirking as he looked at renjun who had his eyes stuck on the girl.

"Aw man your soo cutee~" mark squeaked while pinching renjuns cheeks, to which Renjun just pulled apart disgusted.

"Oh I bet you would have loved this if she did it" mark said while Renjun blushed. "Awww you are blushing. Damn i gotta get this on camera!! I never thought Renjun would ever blush."

Pulling his phone out as he angled it towards his face on to be blocked by his hand. "Shut up we are gonna gain her attention!" Renjun said while mark gave no mind to it.

"Foods here!!" Chenles scream was enough to make mark stop and run towards it. Renjun slowly walked up inside as he was greeted by the high pitched screech of chenle.

"Dood calm down and don't scream it's a hospital" "sorry" chenle mumbled after which he digged in.

The girl looked at the crowd of boys infront of her while she fantasized how nice it would be to have a small bubble of friends for her too, only if she wasnt stuck with such a disease, everyones eyes on her would have differed greatly.

"You want some??" Jeno asked tripping her off her thoughts. "Hm?? Oh I'm not supposed to have fried food" she replied but mind slightly craving for that one bite into that crispy chicken.

"But you want it don't you??" Hyucks voice caught her off gaurd as she reluctantly nodded.

"Then-" taking out a nice juicy piece he brought it up to her "-eat, rules are meant to be broken and having a piece once in a while ain't gonna do any bad" he said as her eyes briefly met renjuns for acceptance who was stuck on that one piece for a long time, as if he was eating just for his friends.

His small nod brightened her face as she happily took the piece from hyucks hand. Bitting into that one juicy piece brought back life into her as she cherished that moment.

"Woah seriously guys it's just too obvious" hyucks sudden statement made all heads turn towards him as he pointed at the, Renjun and doyeon.

"What about them??" Jaemin questioned while hyuck scoffed in disbelief. "Seriously didn't you guys just see?? She just asked him for permission. Seriously guys just start dating!" Hyuck stated while her cheeks shot up red in embarrassment.

"Ya what-" "Don't argue I'm just stating facts! It's just too obvious both of you lik-mmhsksbks" a hand on his mouth as words came out muffled off donghyucks mouth.

Renjun held the boy tightly as he could but his strength and self hygiene betrayed when Donghyuck licked his palm. "What the hell hyuck!!" Renjun yelled while rubbing his palm on the Shir of hyucks.

Everyone giggled while Renjun glared at hyuck who hid behind jeno. "Oh please i didn't say anything wrong!" Hyuck defended while Renjun glared at him stronger, showing him he would punch him if he said anything more.

The day went by like that, doyeon never did think that time would pass by this fast as she sat there next to Renjun chit chatting with his friends. All were really nice to her making her feel comfortable as Renjun and doyeon grew closer to each other.

The sun settled down into the sea as the brightness dulled down to darkness. The lamp next to their beds being the only source of light for the room as their faces were barely visible to each other.

"And as the girl walked into the room-" hyuck extended the line as he made a voice effect of a cracked opening of the door while the rest intently listening almost waiting for the suspense.

"-boom!" Startled noises filled the room as the girl kept a hand on renjuns lap due to sudden jump. "The air pushed down her face" the sounds of disapproval filled the air as they disagreed with him.

"Dood i seriously thought that was a ghost!" Renjun yelled while the frightened Jisung hugged onto chenle who was least bothered by the horror story.

"There was nothing in the room and she returned back to sleep" Donghyuck ended the story while everyone groaned. "You seriously wasted my time" mark said annoyed while hyuck stayed unbothered.

"It's time to leave it's dark out" jeno stated pointing at the window right next to doyeons bed. "Yup mom's gonna scold if I'm late" Jisung said as the rest packed up.

"See at later Renjun! And doyeon! It was really nice meeting you" mark's soft voice was the first one to come up as the rest bid their goodbyes behind him.

Once everyone left it was back to just the two of them. Silence coming back after a long break as it felt foreign to them.

"Your friends are really good" doyeon first stated making Renjun smile widely. "They really like you" he stated back while she just nodded.

Atmosphere getting awkward for no reason as they both stealed glances at each other without really speaking out what they wanted to say.

"You know-" "I've been keeping this-"

"You first-" "You first-"

Giggles erupted as the room became more lively. "No seriously you go first, your face was more desperate to ask" doyeon stated as the sudden tension floated through the air.

Fiddling through his fingers he hesitated whether he should say it or not, but what the doctor said just an hour ago ran through his head as he didn't wanna extend this.

Telling her that he loved her. Making her his. Taking her out on a date. He wanted to spill it all out, he didn't wanna take it any further and delay it more. Cause...

"You know I- I've been keeping this in for quite a long time now aa-and i just wanna say th-that" "Hey calm down I'm not interviewing you" she cut him off while he chuckled nodding.

"Yea" the atmosphere becoming more serious as those eyes stared right into hers. "Hmm??" Seeing her eyes fall off he glanced at the mirror only to see it struck 11.

"Nothing lets talk about it tomorrow you are tired, plus your eyes will fall off any time now" he stated while she whined. "But-" " No buts go sleep" he demanded while she tsked and pulled the sheets falling on the bed.

"You should tell tomorrow morning if not I'm making you to" she said in a stern voice as he giggled nodding. "I will, goodnight weakling" "ya! Who are you calling weakling you are the one now not me!" "Whatever now go sleep" she just rolled her before pulling the sheets completely up and closing her eyes instantly drifting off to her dreamland.

A sigh left Renjuns lips as he stared at her sleeping figure, while her small snores filled the air. Wondering how good it would be to have one proper sleep he walked towards the toilet feeling his head heavy.

Eyes threatening to close as the stinging pain increased and the buzzing sensation in his chest increased. Holding his chest tightly he stood their halfway down the bathroom.

"Ouch" he winced at the sudden overflow of pain throughout his body as he fell weak on his knees. "Yeon..." His soft voice didn't hit her ears as she slept. Gathering all his strength he shouted her name once more as he prayed she would wake up. "YEON!!!"

The startled young girl opened her eyes wide as she shot up from her bed only to see Renjun spit out blood holding his stomach.

"Call the doctor" was the last thing he said looking at her before he fainted. "INJUN!!" She yelled as she pressed the button right next to her several times before speeding her way next to him.

"Jun open your eyes...please.." she pleaded as she felt tears well up in her eyes. Looking at him unconscious in her hands she felt her world fall apart.

Not now he can't die right now not when everything began to become more clearer no please don't die...

And with that his hand fell off from her hands.

-------------------------------------

Chapter 20

As the wind brushed past her silky hair she felt goosebumps raise up her skin while she sat there on the bench all alone.

Feeling as if her life would never get brighter her only hope of life faded away. Looking around she met his eyes. Those eyes at first which held her world now held nothing but emptiness.

His head turned to her as a small smile plastered on his face, a smile which never reached his eyes, while the sun shined brightly at him, making his pale skin more prominent.

On the wheelchair he sat there about three metres apart yet he radiated that warmth that warmed her down on that cold morning.

A small smile appeared on her face as the nurse pushed his wheelchair towards her. "Guess I'm the weakling now eh??" He chuckled while she nodded.

That night completely changed everything as Renjun got monitored every one hour.

More machines spread around his bed as for the first few days after that incident he looked like a living robot tied under all those wires.

That one attack changed everything in their routine. Unlike her attacks his was way bigger than expected as it took a big toll on him.

His parents visited more often as she grew comfortable with them, while the boys tried their best to balance their school and visiting him.

The nurse settled his wheelchair right next to the seat such a way that their hands brushed each other's. Glancing at her while her eyes sparkled while her skin light up under the sun rays.

A smile that never left his face layed there as his lips curved up more wider while they both sat their basking in their warmth watching the sea on that particular cold morning.

"He has reached the finally stage" those words were more than enough for renjuns mother to break down into tears. The father held the mother tightly while the boy layed there on the bed unaware of anything that was happening.

Machines attached to his tiny body while he hardly breathed out a proper air without the help of the machines attached on him.

There she sat eyes stuck on that one boy as she looked at the rhythmic breaths he took while the heart rate monitor let out uneven beeps, his barely living body layed right there while she just prayed all of this to be just a dream.

She just wanted him to wake up, that's all she wanted. To see him wide awaken, sitting on that bed with his gleaming smile. And for him to hold her hands like there were no other girl in this universe.

For his warmth to be radiated onto her. For her to finally confess her feelings to him. And for him to accept it. But all of these seemed like a mere reality after the next words that left the doctors mouth.

"He can barely survive a month after this. Him being this healthy until this stage itself surprised me and made me wonder he had a chance to live but...I'm sorry"

And there slid a tear off her face as she sat there not moving an inch until he opened his eyes.

"Oh please come on!" She whined while he put the book behind him. "Why not! Why am I not supposed to look through to the book! I just wanna see your drawings!!" Her adement personality hitting him hard as he finally gave in bringing the book front while she instantly grabbed it.

Turning through the pages as her face lit up each time. They were just... magnificent. They were so well balanced as each page showed some or the other emotion in the form of drawing. As the end reached though they were a bit crooked they were just

... beautiful.

"Why'd you keep it a secret when you draw soo good!!!" She exclaimed as she flipped the pages. A sigh from him made her look at him. "I can't draw anymore but..." He looked at his fingers which were already shaking.

Heads hanging low while he felt his heart drop at the thought of not being able to draw anymore.

A smaller hand coming in contact with his colder ones but to her it was just as warm as they were when she first held them.

Looking into her eyes he felt his world calm down as his hands stopped shaking. "Hey... It's alright, life's never fair. It keeps taking the things we love away from us but you should never let that break you okay??" Her comforting voice was more than a voice to him as he smiled nodding.

A satisfied grin on her face while they stared at each other for another good 2 mins. "Thank you ... thank you entering into my life" his voice came out like a mere whisper, squeaking her hands while her smile widened.

"Thanks for showing up in my life. Though our first encounter wasn't that great-" chuckling whirl they both recalled the first time they ever met, which felt like an eternity before.

Since that encounter a lot changed, their relationship, the way both opened up to each other slowly as their health decreased at a speeding rate. But as their health grew weaker their bond grew stronger.

Both holding up for each other when one has a bad day or has another attack.

Being there when one is not able to sleep or want to sleep. They were always there for each other knowingly or unknowingly.

And knowingly or unknowingly both fell for each other. "-Im happy that we opened up" Renjun spoke while she nodded.

"Thank you too cause without you, i would never have had the will to live" she whispered while a small tear flowed down her cheeks.

"I know this is too late but-" Renjuns slightly broken voice came out louder than he thought as he regretted it. "and ik we- i mean i don't have much time but-" "Hey don't say that!" She protested but he chuckled.

"-No i mean it i don't have much time and...if i don't say this now i might not seriously not have a peaceful death and probably roam around earth as a ghost regretting why i hadn't said that when i was well alive"

His words struck her as the atmosphere grew heavier. Their breaths and the constant beeping of the heart monitor being the only background noise an unknown tension weighed around the air.

"I have been meaning to tell you this for a long time and the last time i tried i-i-i got the attack." He sighed while she remembered that night, the night where he promised he would say what he wanted in the morning but turned out sleeping for next 1 week.

"Yea..." She replied while her head hanged low, staring at her palms perfectly kept on top of his while his thumb shooting rubbed against her palm skin.

"You know the first time i saw you-" he started as she looked up to meet his eyes. "I never thought i would ever feel that feeling.

The feeling of being taken care of or being cared for or the feeling of love. But when you showed up, it changed,-" she looked at him quite not catching what he was trying to say but her mind wanted him to say just what she wanted.

"-you, you are the one who completely changed my life in just a span of few weeks and believe me or not i was never a fan of love at first sight but you completely proved it to be wrong cause doyeon you" pointing his finger straight at her so that she doesn't mistake anything he continued.

" You made me fall for you like crazy, made me feel loved and made me understand that even i who seriously didn't belive in love, can fall in love and experience that." He took a deep breath while her breath hitched.

Expecting what was he was going to say next, but she waited for it to blurt out of his lips. For him to say it out himself though he made the fact really obvious.

"I-I like you doyeon-fuck it- I love you" and there it was her lips met with his as he kissed her back without any hesitation. Pulling her closer by her waist she settled herself on top of him while her hands wrapped themselves around his neck.

Though the moment was short it was well cherished by the both as it confirmed one thing she loved him too.

And the reply she gave him was exactly what he had ever wanted to hear making his lips curve up into a smile.

"I love you too..."

-------------------

Chapter 21

After 2 weeks

"Wait you guys sing!?!" Renjun closed his ears at the her sudden loud voice piercing his ears. "And you wrote this!?!" Renjun nodded, as she gasped looking at the piece of paper which held verses that had soo much in them.

"Yo can you guys sing it for mee~" she whined while mark sighed. "Then why do you think Renjun pulled us here when we should be at our homes doing our assignments??" Haechan questioned while her eyes widened.

"Wait seriously!?!" She jumped up from her seat while mark took out a big bag. Renjun sitting right next to her as he held her hand. "Woah i can't believe you literally wrote a song for me" she voiced out hugging him tightly while Renjun chuckled his ears heating up.

"Yo seriously i have never seen him writing but the other day..." Mark dragged while Renjun eyes him. "I'm not telling it out just wait and see doyeon" she just looked at the crowd bewildered while Renjun shouted out.

"Let's just start it's getting late i don't want you guys complaining after this" he blabbered while mark opened up the bag taking his guitar out.

"I'm excited~" rubbing her hands in anticipation as she felt her inner child waking up. The way she was excited and felt loved was not explainable as she sat there looking at group of boys whom she hadn't known long but meant so much to her.

Relaxing their vocal chords while they blabbered gibberish. Giggling at their actions as she sat there waiting for them to wake up. Once all done there sat infornt of her 7boys.

7 mysterious boys whom just showed up in her life just like that but she never complained as they only made her sick life into a bit joyful one.

"Okay...uhmm well I'm not telling much uh the song's name is rainbow and you'll probably understand what i wanna say through it I'm sure of it and yea it wasn't only written to her, it was also written for you guys" Renjun said pointing at the boys, their eyes slightly widened.

"Wait really!!" Haechan screeched while gave a assuring smile before mark adjusted the guitar.

(A/N: yup an acoustic version of rainbow. Just imagine they did one cause i really couldn't actually bring in the whole karaoke to the hospital.)

"Okay on the count of three.." mark eyeing everyone while the nodded. "One...two...three" and with that chenles soothing voice ran through her ears instantly falling in love with it.

Closing her eyes as they sang through the verses. Melting into the melody as every words they said made a mark on her heart.

(You guys can skip this if you don't wanna read the lyrics :))

                         Rainbow

[Verse 1: Chenle, Haechan]

At the end of the cold rain, on the blue sky

I look at the rainbow light that is particularly clear

In the midst of a pause in time

There are seven lights smiling in a circle

It's like a bookmark I place in my heart

[Pre-Chorus: Renjun]

I don't know where else I should go from here

Over the long space that I left blank

You smile and wave at me

[Chorus: All]

At the end of the day that left us breathless

We lean on each other

We close our eyes and fall asleep comfortably

Dreaming again

In the slightly unfamiliar tomorrow

That will start over again countless times

I think we will be okay, I think it will be shining

The rainbow that connects your and my heart

[Verse 2: Mark, Jeno, Jaemin, Jisung]

When I'm drowned in emotions

Stuck between the two clouds in my heart

I remember the rainbow that resembles your smile

Its seven colors, the way we were like back then

We'd always hold each other's hands and run

Just like we do now

We run endlessly and the light is reflected at the end of the road

So that I can remember how beautiful we were

I place bookmarks (Girl)

Yeah, no matter what anyone says

Let's chant out what we remember

Everything is looking like a blur but

It's still fine, I hope you remember the way it used to be

[Pre-Chorus: Haechan]

One day, my past self became blurry

But when you looked at me

Suddenly there was a new me

[Chorus: All]

At the end of the day that left us breathless

We lean on each other

We close our eyes and fall asleep comfortably

Dreaming again

In the slightly unfamiliar tomorrow

That will start over again countless times

I think we will be okay, I think it will be shining

The rainbow that connects your and my heart

[Post-Chorus: All]

The dreams we've dreamed together

Become someone else's again

We're inside the same dream

[Bridge: Chenle, Renjun, Haechan]

This story will begin again in our dreams

You're in the first sentence of this non-stopping page

My brightest dream

[Chorus: All, Renjun, Haechan]

We are warmly holding hands (I wanted to become your dream)

In the memories we will make together (Like I was in the beginning)

We walk the same road and laugh the same way (Fallin', fallin', fallin' into this dream)

And dream the same dreams

After the cold rainstorm ends (After the end of a long wait)

Everything we endured together (In this seven-lighted dream)

I think it will permeate, it feels like we've dreamed of it before (An unfolding dreamin', dreamin', dreamin')

The rainbow that rises up more clearly

[Post-Chorus: All, Mark & Renjun]

The dreams we've dreamed together

Become someone else's again

We're inside the same dream

The rainbow that rises up more clearly

"Shit" her response surprised everyone while a tear rolled down her cheeks. All panicking as they thought back on what wrong they had done. Renjun immediately running to her side.

"Why is this soo good!!" Everyone sighing in relief as she shed tears of joy. "Guys seriously this is...it's just soo good your voices omg.. this means soo much omg.. please guys you seriously can become damn famous like for real.

And your voice Renjun damn it's just soo soothing!!" She wailed while the rest chuckled as Renjun patted her shoulder.

"I seriously thought we did something wrong" haechan voiced out as the rest nodded. "Hey don't cry now you make me feel bad" Renjun said while rubbing out the tears off her cheeks. Nodding she sniffled. Her vision finally turning back to normal she smiled at then widely.

"Thank you soo much guys. Thank you Renjun. This means a lot to me" she whispered while Renjun hugged her tighter.

The atmosphere turned serene as the two layed there on the bed, there she was wrapped safely under renjuns arms as she stared into the void.

The boys left earlier stating they had assignments and if not for Renjun threatening them they would have never come.

Eyes falling on the book on the table she wondered what that was. "Whats that??" She asked pointing at the book. "It's the most treasured book after the art one" Renjun replied while his eyes fell on her curious ones.

"Can I open it ??" Her innocent voice made him smile. "Not yet....but you will when it's time" his words came out as a mere whisper towards the end as they stayed there basking under each other's warmth.

Somehow that night became the last of the silent serene nights, the last night where they spent time with each other, which they never expected.

----------------

Chapter 22

Her eyes widened as the agonizing pain returned. Tears stung her eyes as she looked around to find no one. Please not now...

Holding her stomach she slipped down the bed as her fragile body came in contact with the hard cold floor. "Ouch" wincing at the increasing pain she reached forward for the button but it just went further away.

"God!!" She yelled while she tried standing up but failed as the pain increased at every single movement she made. "Fuck you stomach" she cursed while her vision blurred with tears.

"God now only you thought of going out Renjun great!" Her voice monotone while she tried her best to reach the button but no avail.

"Someone!!" She yelled but the pain increased to the core as she cried out of pain. "it hurts!!" She yelled, her eyes shut tight while tears escaped out of it with ease.

"Someone..." Her voice a mere whisper as her strength gave up. Eyes slowly closing up as she saw darkness covering her eyes before she became completely shut out from the outer world but before it went completely dark his voice reached her ears.

"Renjun..." And with that darkness basked her.

"DOYEON!! DOCTOR!! SHE FAINTED!!" Renjun yelled as the nurse bashed in. Eyes falling on the unconscious gurl she instantly ran upto her and placed on the bed before checking her pulse.

"It's still beating" she reported as the doctor nodded instantly checking up on her.

Renjun stood there out the room as he fell deeper into his thoughts. Oh how he regretted forgetting that even she was like him, maybe worser. Her bubbly attitudes return made them completely forget that she was diagnosed with a disease.

Tears flowed down as he silently cried while the doctors took longer than expected. "Renjun..." Haechans soft voice made him look up just to find the boy standing right infront of him holding a bag of snacks doyeon and Renjun loved which he doubted doyeon could ever eat after this.

"Hyuck...doyeon she-" Renjun couldn't complete the sentence as he cried out more. Hyuck took a glance in the room and he knew exactly just what was happening.

"Shes a strong girl she will come out don't worry" he comforted while Renjun's tears never stopped.

Hours passed like years while the two teenagers sat outside the room along with the new appearance of her parents. Time ticking as each minute more sweats dripped down the doctors forehead.

Please don't lose on me doyeon please...

Each minute passing by like an eternity as the heart rate decreased. "Shit we are losing her" the doctor announced while the nurses ran helter skelter.

"The apendix, why hadn't we noticed it before??" The doctor asked before the nurse raised her voice. "It never showed up in her x-rays she often complained about stomach aches but we only thought of it as an side effect of the cancer"

A long disappointed sigh from the doctor only made things worse as the nurse mistakenly cut the wrong nerve. "Holy shit. I'm really sorry-i -i seriously didn't mean to do that!!" She defended while the doctor panicked.

Keeping his calm he commanded the nurse to bring in extra blood while his eyes never left her fragile body.

Eyes darting towards the heart monitor and blood pressure only to see it rapidly decreasing at an unholy rate.

"Please doyeon please don't die on me.." he begged while he worked on her for hours.

The four individuals out turned to be three as hyuck couldn't stay more late. And that's when renjun realised the sun had long drowned, leaving the sky pitch dark. Not a star shined as the star in the room struggled to catch onto life.

"Renjun...you shouldn't stay here more long, go to your room and rest...she will be completely alright trust me she will never fail you" Ms.choi approached Renjun while the exhausted eyes of the boy met the concerned eyes of the lady.

Nodding reluctantly he left the room with just one thing in his mind. Make her not deny the surgery request and make her live the life she had always wanted.

But how??? That's what he sat thinking all night when he finally sat up looking at the book. There is no other way.

A tear slid down his exhausted cheeks as he cursed at himself for not thinking of a better idea. But he just wanted the best for her and that's what he was about to give her.

I'm sorry mom, dad, doyeon...i just want you to live doyeon, but now it seems like for you to live I'll have to leave you.

Hitching, hands trembling as more tears fell off his eyes making it red. But nothing hurted him physically as much as he was hurt right now mentally.

Cursing internally for life being so cruel at him and her, but thats exactly it wanted, and that's exactly what he is giving it, but not exactly what it wanted.

The doctor finally let out a breath he held onto for a long time. His heart now feelings at peace after seeing her heart beats stabilise along with the bp.

Feeling satisfied with the stable situation he left the operation theatre where he was met with her worried parents. "She is stable for now, but i- the cancer has spread inevitably and her survival rate for the surgery has decreased but the chances of survival are still high.

I don't wanna lose just like you but only you can make her agree to it." The doctor said as the parents nodded.

"Can we see her??" The father approached while the doctor shook his head. "Not yet but we will let you in when it's time"

- - -

"She's stabilised for now" the nurses voice made him look up from the book as she pushed the trolly towards his table.

"Thank God" he breathed out while the nurse smiled. "She is a strong one she will survive this" she replied while Renjun nodded.

"She is" looking out the window his eyes held nothing but love when he thought about her and the next he was about to do to her was really cruel making him him the bad guy, but he just didn't have any other choice making him best himself up every single minute in guilt.

"I just hope you two live the lives you deserve" "I wish tooo...i wish that soo badly.." Renjun whispered head hanging low but his voice went unheard by the nurse as she changed the tube.

"I'll leave now and yea according to what I heard they will be shifting her to this room later this evening" with that the nurse left as a tear rolled down his cheeks.

Please, forgive me...

----------------------------

Chapter 23

It had been three hours since they shifted doyeon to their room but she still hadn't opened her eyes making Renjun dead worried.

Pleading the nurses and doctors he pushed his bed more closer to hers making it as if they were on the same bed. Hands never leaving hers he stayed there right next to her.

The heart rate steady while the room was pitch silent. Eyes staring into their he stayed there not minding to do anything. Just stay there right next to her that's all he has ever wanted.

"Renjun!" Marks voice barged into the room as his eyes met the exhausted ones of Renjun. "What are you doing here?? Shouldn't you be in your college??"

"It got over a long time ago you idiot it 5 in the evening" mark deadpanned and that's exactly when he realised he had been sitting like that for probably god knows how many hours.

"Ooo..." He trailed his voice holding no kind of an emotion as his face was emotionless kinda like he was dead. "Hey..." Mark approached the boy who was currently still looking down at their intertwined hands.

"She's gonna be alright...i can't promise you that but i just know...shes strong she will wake up" mark assured while Renjun eyes glistened with tears when he looked up marks concerned irises.

"I just hope she wakes up" he whispered while mark rubbed his shoulders soothingly. "She will"

The sky had turned completely black while still none of the stars shined. It was as if the stars refused to show up as she layed there, her light all drowned deeper into the ocean.

Renjun layed right next to her, his hand still intertwined with hers while his eyes were gently closed. His even breaths along with the heart rate monitor sound hit her ears as she slightly flinched.

Trying her best to open her eyes that felt heavy for now reason she moved her one free hand as she felt the other one intertwined with someone's whom she instantly recognised as Renjuns.

A smile tugged up as her eyes slowly fluttered open. Adjusting to the light she brought up her free hand to close the direct hit of the sudden light.

Eyes trailing to the digital clock she was partially shocked at the day it showed. I've been gone for almost fucking two days shit...

Turning her head slowly to look at the peacefully sleeping boy she felt her heart soften to the core. How cute his lips were pouted while a small frown was evident on his face.

Pushing back the hair that covered his eyes she slowly grabbed his cheeks. Rubbing her thumbs against his soft skin while she felt his cheekbones become more prominent.

Damn he is losing his weight really fast...faster than me...

At the sudden imapct of the cold hands he slowly stirred, a groan leaving his lips. A stunned doyeon instantly took her hands off his cheeks, afraid she would wake him up.

Eyes slowly opening up he met with her soft gaze he had leaned onto to meet again. Her eyes looking at him with fondness while he just couldn't believe she was awake.

"You're awake..." He breathed out while she nodded. As if she had read his mind she chuckled before speaking up. "And no this ain't a dream"

A tear slid down pushing itself past down his eyes wetting the pillow cover. "I seriously thought you wouldn't wake up" Renjun whispered, closing his eyes while more tears streamed down.

"Hey...it's alright im all awake now. I'm good- oww" she winced at the sudden pain in her stomach as Renjun widened his eyes alarmed. "Let me go call the doctor" instantly getting off the bed he pressed the emergency button.

Ms.Choi instantly entering the room as her gaze fell on the girl who held her stomach. "You're awake!!" She announced while running to her helping her sit up.

"It's gonna hurt" she stated while doyeon winced at the alarmingly increasing pain. The doctor entered without a delay as Renjun looked at the trio.

Once all done the doctor left the room but her face was down, no more of the fondness or any kind of an emotion was plastered on her face as she stared into reality of what was actually happening with her.

Dying.

"Yeon..." His ever so soft voice called her out while her eyes met his worried ones. "You're gonna be alright don't worry I'm here" he whispered bringing her closer to his chest.

"And I'll always be there for you..."

Be there for you

Do you remember the first time we met?

That bright day that was full of sunlight

You have always stayed by my side like this

I thank you and again and again

I just need you to be with me,

As time goes on, we get comfortable

I might have made you upset sometimes

You can tell me anytime

I'll become whoever you want me to be

At the end of your day, I'll be there for you

I'll hold you in my arms and listen to you

For me, you don't always have to be perfect

It's alright

You just need to stay like this

Always, just like now

Always, just like now

As time goes on, we get used to each other

I'm so glad we're together

Because I know whenever I look back, you'll be there

At the end of your day, I'll be there for you

I'll hold you in my arms and listen to you

For me, you don't always have to be perfect

It's alright

You just need to stay like this

Always, just like now

You gave me the world I've always dreamed of

I always wanna be there for you

And I know that you will feel the same

At the end of my day

Will you hold me in your arms and listen to me?

We don't always have to be perfect

Don't always have to

It's alright

You just need to stay like this

Always, just like now

I just need you to stay with me

Just like now

----------------------

Chapter 24

It hurts like hell when you know you need to let go of someone but you can't because you're still waiting for the impossible to happen...

"No...I won't why the hell would I??" Her tear stained face was brushed with another rush of tears as she looked at renjun who was standing right infront of her.

"Cause that's the only way you'll live Yeon...please do it" Renjun pleaded. He felt guilty, angry, hate for doing the same thing to her as he parents did. Force her into doing the surgery.

"No why would I want to live when you are dying??" "Yeon...just cause I'm dying doesn't mean you should too...please do it. I want you to live the life i have never had. Live the life you've always wanted. Don't lose it just cause me. Just cause of a boy who suddenly showed up in your life"

"No!!" She yelled feeling a sense of betrayal fill in her. What had she even expected. He was just like her parents. Forcing her into doing the surgery just to live the life she hated living. But what she didn't know was the motive behind Renjuns pleading.

He sincerely meant it. He wanted her to live and if it was forcing her into doing the surgery so be it. "You are just like them. Just like my parents" "What no!! No Yeon" walking forward, hands reaching upto her shoulder but a feeling inside him stopped him from keeping it on top of it.

"I never want you to force you into doing the surgery. I want you to become strong. Come back alive. Show your parents the life you've always wanted to live. Not what they want you to or make you to live.

If not for then atleast for me Yeon...please do the surgery. I'm not forcing you..and in the end it's still your choice and I'm in no place in forcing you to do so but i just love you soo soo much i don't wanna watch you die please."

"And you think it's okay for me to see you die!?! Live a life of regret??" She yelled while more tears fell off. "Shh don't yell" his comforting voice spoke out as he moved more closer. Feeling her lean onto his touch.

"It's not I'm wanting to see you see me die. Infact I wanted an eternity for us. For us to be together and experience everything in life together. My wish for you and i to be together forever...it's just it seems so against the universe." A defeated sigh from Renjun only made her wail more.

"I don't know why the universe hates us but Yeon just remember I'll never leave your side. Even if i die I'll always be by your side, in your heart. And the fact that we don't have long just breaks me more...but Yeon" pulling her face up by her chin her eyes stared right into his teary ones.

"Whatever happens, whatever cold night your facing always remember I'll be right by your side, through every hardship, even if I'm not physically present I'll be in here." Pointing at her heart her cries softened.

"Close your eyes, lean to your heart and I'll be there cause no matter where i go I'll be always with you love, no matter where i go.." pressuring every single word he said as it made a mark in her head.

Nodding her head while she looked up at him. "Go live the life, and don't think I'm not there cause I'll be there in every step of your life from here.

Don't make me the block for your life, make me the way of your life, the bridge of your life" he repeated the same word as she finally gave in.

Live the life i want, how the hell will i live that life without you???

🍂

The astound doctor looked at the two teenagers who stood infront of him, partly standing with the help of each other.

"You're doing the surgery??" His voice still not believing as the two nodded. "Even you??" Raising a brow at renjun the boy confidently nodded. "Why are you..." "I'm dying anyways..." The boys words cut off the doctor while the doctor sighed.

"Renjun your parents should agree. Hers they agreed a long time ago but you..." "I'll make them" he sternly replied while the doctor reluctantly nodded. "Alright I'll...let the others know" the doctor sighed while the two just nodded.

"Wait.. Renjun baby why??" His mother questioned while the boy stood there, put up on his one word. "I am doing the surgery mother...anyways i am not likely to survive, but her, she has a lot of chances..she can mom, she can survive the surgery.

I don't want her to die. I want her to live the life I've always wanted to. A normal teenage life" his words hit deep fort he parents as they stood out the hospital in the garden. The wind brushing past each of them as they shivered under the cold wind.

"Fine...it's your choice kid and we as parents will never stand as a block for it" his father assured giving him a wide smile, a smile that never reached the eyes.

🍂

On the rooftop sat the two, hearts beating erratically, while the cold wind made its way past them real quick but as usual instead of a shiver they felt each other's warmth radiate.

"The rooftop it's gonna be cold once you are gone" her voice caught hij off track as he looked at her. "Why would it??" "Stupid once you are gone how the hell will i feel warm"

"Hey...i told you I'll be right here, right next to you radiating the same warmth, it's gonna be the same trust me" he assured her showing up a thumbs up while she scoffed.

"I wish it to be like that..." "Don't worry it's all gonna be alright" the thought that when she will wake up after the surgery he would be long gone, the reality of him leaving her all alone in this big world didn't strike her yet and it sacred her.

But his words made her feel safe, secure a feeling that he will be right next to her and that he would never leave her, always be by her side no matter where he disappears off to. And that made her....okay.

Cause there was nothing she could do, his disease was inevitable and hers was unfortunately evitable.

"Renjun, doyeon!!" The nurses voice brought the pair out of their trance as they turned their heads in a sync. "It's time" those words left her mouth as reality hit them real hard.

"Jun..." Her voice quavered. "I'm scared..." A slow tear made its way down her rose cheeks while he held onto her palms tight.

Looking back at the nurse he gave a assuring smile before she left. "Look at me" his soothing voice which she was afraid she would never hear again.

"Do me a favour...once all of this is done just open the draw right next to my bed and there's a pendrive, and a book never lose it okay??" He looked at her with love, as if she was the only women in the world.

She just nodded while sniffing hardly. "Hey...it's gonna be alright just remember what i said okay??? Don't be scared, whenever wherever just shout my name and I'll be there. Hm??" She just nodded while he pulled her close.

Hugging her tightly as if there ain't no tomorrow which was the reality for him he rubbed her back slowly. "Everything's gonna be alright and I'll make sure of it." Pulling out of the hug he took her chin and pulled her closer, making their lips meet which she didn't hesitate to return back.

Pouring out all their emotions into that one last kiss as they held each other in their arms for one last time before walking out of the rooftop. His voice ringing her mind.

Just remember for us it's never goodbye.

--------------------

"Don't be scared, I'm watching you I remember the nights where we were together

When you walk on unfamiliar roads, just raise your head and

Take a look at the stars"

                                     ~Never goodbye

Chapter 25

A month later

"Do-yoen!" Hyucks voice rang through her ears as the now healthy gurl turned around. A smile adorned her face as her eyes met the six boys walking towards her. One missing.

Her mind walking back to the last month as the smile slowly turned into a frown.

"Ready to get out of this hell hole??" Hyucks cheerful voice brought her out of trance as the smile returned. "So ready" the rest giggled as mark picked up her bags. "Meet you down there??" She nodded as the rest left.

A sigh from her as she turned around looking at the room that held millions of memories which she can never bring back once again.

Though he was never physically present he kept his promise of being present mentally. The first few weeks after the surgery was probably her worst but as days passed by she moved on, practically keeping her promise.

But she never opened his draw, never did she dare to open it. But as time ticked she reluctantly opened the draw only to find the same exact stuffs Renjun had told her.

A moomin pendrive and a diary.

Fingers trailing over the items she grabbed them. "Doyeon.." ms.choi's voice mad her turn her head alarmed, eyes slightly widened.

"Oh sorry I didn't mean to scare you" "No worries " she smiled while Ms Choi brought her into a tight hug. "Oh I'm so glad you are all well now" she cried while doyeon chuckled.

"Mee too" pulling out of the hug the nurse looked at doyeon fondly, how much she had fought the urge to not breakdown, how much she had turned to be strong and not cry all night for that one boy.

She was proud of her, as she saw the weak one turn out to be the strongest of them all.

"I'm so proud of you" she whispered running a hand through her silky hair which now returned back thick. Her face brighter than ever, she was all good now.

"I'll miss you ms. Choi" do-yoen hugged her once again as they held each other for one last time. "I'll miss you too" taking in a sharp inhale as the nurse looked back at the bubbly girl return back.

"Alright then let's get you out of this hell hole" she said as the girl giggled nodding. Holding the pendrive and the book tightly she left the room.

Turning to look at the room one last time as the whole bunch of memories returned back in a flash. A tear slowly rolled down as she felt him standing right next to her bed smiling widely, screaming I'm proud of you.

A month before

"The heart rates falling" the doctor frantically worked on the girl while the boy...he was doing pretty good.

Doctors and nurses ran helter skelter not knowing what exactly was happening as the girl who should be doing well was now losing her life.

"Get me more blood we need more blood!!" The doctor cried while the nurses rushed out. The six boys along with doyeon's and Renjun's parents stood out the operation theatre while each second passed by like an eternity.

"Ms.park!! Help me up here" the doctor yelled as the doctors moved towards the little girl's body. "On the count of three let's cut it off" the doctor instructed as the rest nodded.

And what happened rest is a history for them, as the boy turned weaker and girl gradually picked up to life.

The seven of them walked out of the hospital as she took in a sharp breath, inhaling all the fresh air she had missed. "Live the life and show him that his sacrifice was worth it" mark whispered as she smiled widely.

I should have died with you...and by now both of us should be in heaven

..together...but that's not what the universe planned for us and it hurts.

Walking down the hospital as she gave a glance at it one last time before she mouthed a goodbye.

Eyes staring at her once home which never had imagined she would leave she let out a tear. "Thank you..." She whispered, while her eyes gazed at their room's window.

"Do-yeon!! Let's go!!" Jaemin yelled while the girl snapped her head back at them. Nodding she smiled widely, a smile that reached her eyes as she got inside the car.

Looking at the hospital one last time she gave it a goodbye for the final time, but she never forgot renjun or never let him go.

After all he was always with her until the day she let out her last breath.

Whatever happens I'll get through it, cause i know you're right next to me Jun...you are always with me

----------------

Dear Yeon,

If you are reading this letter then i have guessed it right. Yes I'm a stupid a stupid who couldn't come up with any other solution to make you live. But hey! Look at you, you have become strong and thats exactly what i wanted...and I'm proud of you.

Enjoy your life to the end don't make me sad from up there. I'll be watching you, watching over you from there so don't worry, whatever hardship you will go through I'll be right next to you, call out for me and I'll be there.

And don't ever be single for life okay??, find a better guy than me and marry him...haaa it hurts it does, but thats how life is isn't it ?? Always unfair never on our side.

I just wanna be with you till the end of your life, protect you from all the dangers in the world, be with you in all the pages of your life but it just seems so impossible now that I'm gone.

I so wanna see you walking down the aisle in that beautiful dress and stand right beside you while the whole crowd watches us, and the thought that someone else would be standing there only makes me more jealous, but i want the best for you and that's the reason I left, so don't ever forget whatever happens even if you are all alone I'll be with you.

One day when you're enduring a particularly dark and long night when you can't hold your tears just lift your head and follow the shining stars don't worry you'll find a way back cause it's never goodbye

Love,

Injun♡

                      Never goodbye

I'd stop the changing seasons"

I can't hold on to you with words like that

But, to you, who will encounter many seasons

I hope to show you this one feeling

So that my leaving footsteps don't cloud your mind

So please don't cry, I'll promise you

One day when you're enduring a particularly dark and long night

When you can't hold your tears and lift your head

Just follow the shining stars and

You'll find a way back

It's never goodbye

The road you need to take

May cross away from mine

That we can never always walk the same direction

I know, I know, I know I know

If I can't find the way to go together with you

I will always shine upon you from afar

I'm just like always, the same like a photo

But time doеsn't seem that way

Listening to this tickles my mеmories

I see you even when I close my eyes

You know, that's not normal for you, I'm not normal

So I can find you at once even if I lose my hold on you

I will wait there

For us, it's never goodbye

Like how I will recognize you in the dark after I go round and round

One day, find me, please

So my heart (My heart) that has stopped doesn't sprint again (Again)

So please (So please) don't cry (Don't cry), I'll promise you

One day when you're enduring a particularly dark and long night

When you can't hold your tears and lift your head

Just follow the shining stars and

You'll find a way back

It's never goodbye

One day when you come back to me

I'll come meet you in a heartbeat

You were, you are, you and I

Will always be together

Don't go astray then

One day when you're enduring a particularly dark and long night

When you can't hold your tears and lift your head

Just follow the shining stars and

You'll find a way back

It's never goodbye

You never say goodbye

At the same time, in the same place, in the same location

The starlight shines in the darkness

I hope my one and only constellation will be made complete by you

Don't be scared, I'm watching you

I remember the nights where we were together

When you walk on unfamiliar roads, just raise your head and

Take a look at the stars

               ____________________

Even though you say don't cry after you leave, Imma always think about you from time to time and let tears out cause that way you will always be with me

Prologue || Part 1 || Part 2 || Epilogue

[attemptsonherlifepdf]

bojack horseman and bo burnham: the art of acting like you’re acting and the comedy of misery

at the core of bojack horseman, raphael bob-waksberg’s 2014 comedy, is a story about the relationship between performance and depression. the protagonist of this renowned tragicomedy is best described as a sympathetic villain; he is shown to clearly be in the wrong across various events of the show, and is explicitly referred to as a bad person, but the audience is granted deep access to his personal struggles, resulting in some portions of the audience finding themselves on bojack’s side. the duality of his character is complex, but can be broken down into some core components, that all stem from the impacts of stardom and performance. the standup comedy of bo burnham arguably echoes this sentiment in real time. having been a performer from a young age, burnham creates work that serves as a satirical commentary on the life of entertainers. he uses original songs to explore the reliance upon and resentment for his performative nature both onstage and within his personal life. both the comedian and the netflix show are widely understood to be thinly veiling their critiques of the entertainment industry behind a particular brand of witty and absurd humour.

both bojack and burnham’s content openly criticises their audiences and explicitly states the manufactured nature of the narrative the audience is fed. in the fifth season of bojack horseman, the show satirises itself by having bojack star in a police procedural drama, parts of which are actively written by other characters to reflect events of bojack’s life. the titular character he plays, philbert, is the epitome of selfish male angst, and an example of what bob-waksberg’s show could have been; another story about a sad and angry man whose guilt supposedly makes up for the people he has hurt. according to bojack, philbert teaches us ‘we’re all terrible, so we’re all okay’, an interpretation that is harshly disputed by diane: ‘that’s not the point of philbert, for guys to watch it and feel okay. i dont want you, or anyone else, justifying their shitty behaviour because of the show.’ this moment is a direct reaction to some of the online reception bojack horseman has received. various circles of the show’s fanbase have found themselves relating to the protagonist to the point of defending his untoward behaviour, a response not intentioned by the show’s creators. this is not the only example of bob-waksberg’s ability to make his work self-evaluative. in season six’s exposure of bojack and sarah lynn’s problematic relationship, characters question their sexual encounter from the first season. the writers use this as a way of examining their own choices, and the harmful tropes they played into when using this exploitative sexual encounter as a gag. this self-evaluative quality is what sets bojack apart as a show that assesses the performance it participates in, much like the comedy of bo burnham.

bo burnham is known for directly addressing his audience, particularly in terms of discouraging idolisation and parasocial relationships. some examples of this manifest as responses to hecklers rather than a planned bit in the show, for instance:

heckler: i love you!

bo: no you don’t

heckler: i love the IDEA of you!

bo: stop participating!

he actively addresses the issues posed by being an entertainer, and encourages the audience to understand and recognise that his onstage persona is just that: an exaggerated persona. not once does burnham claim to be fully authentic onstage, and even moments of authenticity we see in his latest special, inside, are staged. we make the assumption that having the physical setting of a stage stripped away grants us a more personal look at the entertainer’s life, but he makes it clear that even in his own home we still see the aspects he has carefully constructed rather than the full truth. arguably though, parts of the show really are authentic; in his monologue during make happy, bo deconstructs his own show in a way that is similar to bojack horseman’s later seasons, admitting that all he knows is performing and thus making a show about the more mundane and relatable aspects of life would feel ‘incredibly disingenuous.’ in his attempts to separate himself from this onstage persona he actually manages to blur the lines between what is acting and what is now part of his nature as a result of his job. this notion is echoed in bojack horseman as bojack’s attention seeking nature is attributed to his years acting in front of a camera every day.

bo suggests that the era of social media has created a space in which children’s identities mimic that of an entertainer like himself, describing the phenomenon as ‘performer and audience melded together.’ in this observation he criticises the phenomenon. bo attempts to force the audience to recognise the ways in which their lives are becoming shaped by the presence of an audience and to some extent uses his own life as a warning tale against this. he points out the way in which the ‘tortured artist trope’ means that your cries for help or roundabout attempts of addressing mature themes such as substance abuse, mental illness and trauma become part of that on stage persona and therefore become part of the joke. both bo and bojack address these topics in more discrete manners earlier in their careers, but this eventually becomes expected, and thus they are forced to explicitly detail their struggles with these topics in order to be taken seriously. even then, portions of the audience are inclined to see it as part of the persona or as something that fuels the creators creativity and thus does not need to be addressed as a legitimate issue. the emphasis on creating a character or persona promotes the commodification of mental illness: any struggle must be made into a song or a joke or a bit, must be turned into part of the act in order to have value. this actually serves to delegitimise these emotions and create a disconnect between the feeling and the person, as it becomes near impossible to exist without feeling as though you are acting. even when an artist’s cries for help become blatant, they continue to go ignored because now they serve the purpose of creating content that criticises the industry they stem from. online audiences can be seen as treating bo burnham and his insightful work as existing to demonstrate the negative effects entertaining can have, and because this insight is useful or thought-provoking to audiences, he is almost demanded to keep entertaining and creating. in response to this demand, his work becomes more meta and his messages become clearer, and the more obvious his messages, the more people he reaches. this increases audience demands and traps entertainers in a cycle fraught with internal conflict.

during bojack’s second season, bojack’s date asks him, ‘come on, do that bojack thing where you make a big deal and everyone laughs, but at the same time we relate, because you're saying the things polite society won't.’ this moment exemplifies how aspects of his genuine personality have now become a part of his persona and this is demanded of him in genuine and serious situations, undermining the validity of his emotional reactions. he immediately makes a rude comment to the waitress at the restaurant they’re in and satisfies his date by performing that character he has set himself out to be. some circles of the fan base have argued that bojack is written as a depiction of somebody with borderline personality disorder, offering a psychoanalytical lens through which to view this notion of performance. a defining symptom of borderline personality disorder is a fluctuating sense of self; having grown up on camera, being demanded to perform to others as young as six years old, bojack’s sense of self will have been primarily dictated by the need to act.  whether this acting is for the sake of comedy, or as a representation of masking his mental illness, when they need to act is taken away bojack entirely loses his sense of self and relapses into his addictions: ‘i felt like a xerox of a xerox of a person.’ burnham’s depictions of depression run along a similar vein; in his new special he poses the idea that his comedy no longer serves the same personal purpose it once did for him. he questions ‘shit should I be joking at a time like this?’ and satirises the idea that arts have enough value to change or impact the current global issues that we are facing. burnham’s ‘possible ending song’ to his latest special, he asks ‘does anybody want to joke when no-one’s laughing in the background? so this is how it is.’ implicit in this question is the idea that when the audience is taken away and there is nobody to perform his pain to, he is left with his pain. instead of being able to turn his musings and thoughts into a product to sell to the public, he is forced to just think about them in isolation and actually face them, an abrupt and distressing experience.

the value of performance and art is questioned by both bojack and burnham, particularly during the later years of their respective content. burnham’s infamous song, art is dead, appears to be a direct response to the question ‘what is the worth of art?’ he posits that performing is the result of a need for attention (‘my drug’s attention, i am an addict, but i get paid to indulge in my habit’) and repeatedly jokes throughout his career that the entertainment industry receives more respect that it deserves (‘i’m the same as you, im still doing a job or a service, i’m just massively overpaid’). his revelations regarding the inherent desire for attention that runs through all entertainers is frequently satirised in bojack horseman. bojack is comically, hyperbolically attention hungry and self-obsessed, and the show has a running gag in which he uses phrases along the lines of ‘hello, why is nobody paying attention to me, the famous movie star, instead of these other boring people.’ his constant attempts to direct the focus of others towards himself result in bojack feeling like ‘everybody loves you, but nobody likes you.’ his peers buy into his act and adore the comical, exaggerated, laughable aspects of his character, but find very little room to respond to him on a genuinely personal level because of this. interestingly, bojack appears to enjoy catering to his audience and the instant gratification it produces, whereas bo burnham becomes increasingly candid about his mixed feeling towards his audience. ‘i wanna please you, but i wanna stay true to myself, i wanna give you the night out that you deserve, but i wanna say what i think and not care what you think about it.’ he admits to catering to what audiences want from him, but resents both the audience and himself in the process as it reveals to himself which parts of his character are solely for the sake of people watching him.

within bojack horseman, this concept is applicable not only to the protagonist, but to the various forms of performer demonstrated in the plot. towards the show’s end, sarah lynn asks ‘what does being authentic have to do with anything?’ to which herb kazzaz responds, ‘when i finally stopped hiding behind a facade i could be at peace.’ this highlights the fact that because entertainers are demanded to continue the facade, they do not receive the opportunity to find ‘peace.’ this sentiment is scattered throughout the show, through a musical motif, the song ‘don’t stop dancing.’ the song stems from a life lesson bojack imparted to sarah lynn at a young age, and becomes more frequently used as the show progresses and bojack’s situation worsens.

sarah lynn is also used to explore the value of entertainers; in the show’s penultimate episode, she directly compares her work as a pop icon to the charity work of herb, arguing that if she suffered in order to produce her work. it has to mean something. she lists the struggles she faced when on tour: ‘i gave my whole life...my manager leaked my nudes to get more tour dates added, my mom pointed out every carb i ate, it was hell. but it gave millions of fans a show they will never forget and that has to mean something.’ implicit in this notion is the idea that entertainment is the epitome of self-sacrifice. there is a surplus of mentally ill individuals within the industry, largely due to the nature of the industry itself, but some may argue that the cultural grip the industry has, and the vast amounts of respect and money it generates annually, gives the suffering of these prolific individuals meaning.

the juxtaposing responses entertainers feel towards their audiences manifest as two forms of desperation: the desperation to be an individual who is held accountable, and the desperation to be loved and validated. we see both bojack and bo depict how they oscillate between  ‘this is all a lie’ and ‘my affection for my audience is genuine’, or between ‘do not become infatuated with me im a character’ and ‘please fucking love my character i do not know how to be loved on a personal level.’ bojack explicitly asks diane to write a slam piece on him and ‘hold him accountable’, similar to bo’s song ‘problematic’ in which the hook includes the phrase ‘isn’t anybody gonna hold me accountable?’ for his insensitive jokes as a late teenager. their self-awareness is what enables their self-evaluative qualities, but self-awareness is its own issue. bojack grapples with a narcissistic view of his own recognition of his behaviour before settling on a more nuanced, albeit depressing take. originally he makes the assumption that in recognising the negative aspects of himself, he is superior to those who behave similarly: ‘but i know im a piece of shit. that makes me better than all the pieces of shit that don’t know theyre pieces of shit.’ eventually, during his time at rehab he is forced to reconcile with the fact that self awareness does not, to put it bluntly, make you the superior asshole, it just makes you the more miserable one. the show does, however, make a point to recognise how the entertainment industry protects ‘pieces of shit’, prioritising their productive value over how much they deserve to be held accountable, demonstrated using characters like hank hippopoalus. the show itself obviously stems from the entertainment industry, as it is a form of media produced by netflix, one of the most popular streaming platforms available. bojack horseman and bo burnham represent the small corner of the industry that is reflective enough to showcase the damage it inflicts. this is powerful in terms of education and awareness, and urges audiences to question their own motives and versions of performance, but the reflection alone is not powerful enough to help the artists in question. burnham’s candid conversations surrounding his mental health continue to reveal a plethora of issues somewhat caused or sustained by the nature of his career. within bojack horseman, bojack is only able to stop hurting other characters when those characters construct a situation that forces him to face consequence, his introspection alone is not enough. while bojack ends on a message of hope, suggesting to the audience that reverting back to the status quo is not the only acceptable way for events to end, it leaves stinging lessons and social commentary with the audience regarding the unnatural and damaging narrative that performers live through. on a similar but markedly different note, bo burnham’s work and personal progression is playing out in real time, and not in a way that is as raw and genuine as it appears. each bit is planned, even the most vulnerable moments that appear unplanned and painful. his latest special is not entirely devoid of hope, but does translate to audiences as a somewhat exaggerated look around the era of social media and the development of performance, using himself as an example.

the absurdist humour that often acts as a vehicle for poignant statements or emotionally provocative questions is very specific to each media creator. bob-waksberg’s use of puns, tongue twisters and entirely ridiculous circumstances served to simultaneously characterise his points as an expected part of the show’s style of humour, similar to bojack’s emotional instability, but also to make them appear gut-punching in comparison to the humour. burnham’s work is similar in that poignant but blunt statements are often sandwiched between absurd and exaggerated jokes, making them stand out via contrast but not giving the audience too much time to dwell upon them as they are said. performance art is second nature to entertainers, and is presented a an issue that is infiltrating the general population via social media rather than solely affecting the ‘elites’. bojack horseman and bo burnham present the duality of artists simultaneously attempting to level the playing field and increase their chances of survival in the industry, and encourage audiences to know that everyone is bluffing and you’ll never have the right cards anyway.

i.k.b

[kittehkwrites]

Streets

“No Final Fantasy can we end these games though? ” - Doja Cat, ‘Streets’ (2019)

Summary: Trevante finally decides to say something, revealing to you how he feels and it leads to something the both of you only thought could happen in your dreams.

Warnings: Fluff, angst?, smut

Can be read as a stand alone, or as a continuation to Like I Want You

No backing down now. He thought. 

I've been goin' through some things 

I struggle with my inner man 

“I have something that  I have to get off my chest.” He said. 

There was no hint of playfulness laced in his voice like usual. 

No this was serious and it made you shiver.

Trevante couldn’t help but still get nervous around you and it took everything in him to not kiss you again.

The feeling of your soft lips gently caressing his back in shock but with such fluid motion and the current running between you both was something you wouldn’t mind feeling again. 

Baby, we tried to fight it

We all been there some days

“ I like you. Ok? I’ve liked you since we started hanging out more and i got to know you more but

Thought I needed something else

And acted like I was okay

“But I always thought you weren’t interested in me like that cause you’d always call be your friend and yea there may have been a few times of playful flirtin but I figured that just how it’d be with us and i didnt want to say anything when you would talk to me about those assholes you’d go one dates with and clearly didn’t know how to treat you”

We just had to work it out

“If I knew this was how you’ve felt, or what you thought we could’ve saved us so much time and mindless pinding over the wrong people...”

You thought of all the times you went on those dead-end dates with guys that couldn’t hold a conversation to save their life or the ones that talked so much that it irritated you to no end and how you’d go to Tre and he’d be there. Waiting on you with open arms, hanging onto your every word and giving you advice.

That’s why you thought he didn’t feel the same. What man would be so selfless? 

You wanted to leave and try to move on in hopes of protecting yourself when really you were causing more problems and you could’ve potentially caused him to lose interest..

And baby, I needed space

“I’m sorry for trying to basically avoid you at every cha-” 

“It’s alright. I guess you wanted to protect yourself from disappoint like you’d normally be on the receiving end of, but i'm not them and I can definitely say that without a doubt, you’d be my queen and not second fiddle against the juvenile excuses some of those dicks told you back then.” He was right. He’d always treat you so nicely and you misread it as friendly behaviour when for him he didn’t want to run. He wanted to stay out of fear that someone would take you away or treat you in a way you didn’t deserve.

There was a bit of silence between the two of you.

You're pouring your heart out

“we are idiots aren't we?” You both laughed, breaking the silence and it made you both feel lighter knowing you’ve spoke your peace and to have the next person feel the same made you want to float above the clouds even more than you were now. 

“I guess we are, but it makes it interesting.” He said, softly in your direction.

His smile was gracing his face and it made you melt to know that he felt the same and to know that he was there even when you tried to leave, made you feel so dumb to keeping your mouth closed about how you felt and you were sure your friends knew but wanted to leave you both to doing what you were doing incase they were wrong. 

You held me so down

All those nights you’d go to him about those aint shit niggas that wasted your time...

So down I never grew

You didn’t see that as a sign of his attraction. Just as a sign of his friendly nature and you blamed it on your lack of healthy relationships before meeting this great man that you knew no one could compare to.

Yon knew that no one else could hold you down like he did.

I tried to find out

All those guys were nothing. 

They meant nothing like the man sitting next you did in your whole time of having feelings for him but you wanted to make sure that it wasn’t you that was self-sabotaging these short term talking stages or relationships, if you can even call them that.

When none of them came through

But it wasn’t you. You thought, as you looked at his structured face, glancing over every little feature from his eyebrows to the hairs in his beard. They just weren’t him and you knew that now. 

now I'm stuck in the middle

And baby had to pull me out Like you

That night brought on an onslaught of feelings and emotions but you both remained outside until your friends called it a night and he sobered up to drop you back to your place.

The ride was comfortably silent with fluttering glances and the soft music playing through the speakers made you feel safe and right about the future of this “friendship” between you two.

Like you

Over the next few days, you both facetimed, called, texted whatever way you could keep communication open, you both did it and it was like old times again, except you both knew the others feelings and it changed from “friendly” to him essentially courting you in a way you both hadn’t put an exact label on but you both knew it was exclusive and no one could break that apart.

After a few dates and some more group hangout, you both managed to agree on having a “sleepover”, but this time it wouldn’t be like normal ; no friends or interruptions, just the two of you and it made you nervous but excited for the days to hurry past.

The days indeed were passing quickly and you made sure to pack an extra set of clothes and some nice undergarments incase you got the chance to change into it, or you’d have another opportunity to wear it for him and you knew he’d appreciate it with the way he always compliments you and your body when given the chance and it made you even more sure that he was the one that was it for you as he didn’t comment on the weight but when you wouldn’t be noticeably be eating a lot around him because you were worried about your college work and submissions he’d subtly give you food during the shared study sessions you’d have with him and your other friends. Similarly, you’d make sure he was eating when he had finals or a sports event.

You guys felt that bonding and caring was leading towards the formation of something beautiful and stable.

When the day finally came, you told him you'd forget to mention the offsite visit you’d be taking to see an exhibit on african american and afro-caribbean art being held for the month

He was happy that you were happy. 

The way you were gushing about the work you’d see and how the artists all incorporated the ideas of the diaspora, feeling lost but building some form of unity in their situations brought chills to you and the other students that accompanied the tour. 

He loved seeing your pictures that you sent when you got there and when you got the chance, you’d take pictures with the artists and creators.

He knew you’d forget to text him when you reached back to the campus or if he’d need to come get you, to which you’d appreciate seeing as the others seemed to want to stay longer than you had hoped and others had already gone and you didn’t feel like getting in other people’s cars that you werent too close with. 

Could you come for me in the next hour?

You asked and saw the three dots before his text came through.

Send your location.

That was his text to you and you weren’t about to lie and say you didn’t feel the little “flutters” as you pictured him laid up and thinking about you like you were him.

Location sent.

This is it. You thought. 

No holding back. You convinced yourself, mentally as you continued moving around the exhibit to look at the other pieces you didn’t get the chance to yet when you guys were allowed to take a break as they were opening up some of the other areas for public viewing now

Closed mouths don’t get fed and you were hungry you argued as you saw his latest text that he was on his way, wondering where the time went but anticipating the activities you’d both get into.

You began to look around a few more times before making your way to the front of the building after saying your ‘bye’s, nice to meet you’s and see you later’s.

Leisurely walking to the front you stayed in the cool conditioned air of the building, awaiting the man that managed to continuously surprise you with his bold, straightforward nature.

Glad I brought my bag and waxed the other day so no worries about any fuzz being down there, if things went as you’d hope, you thought before opening the glass door seeing the next he was around the corner and then seeing him pull up to the front.

He pulled up to the front of the building as you made your way outside of the facility.

You watched as he got out of the 1973 Chevrolet Impala you would often watch him work on,

or he’d offer to take you in to go on those long drives that would make you think things once you saw him drive with one hand and his seat back.

Like you said, it made you think things.

He came over to you and walked you back in silence.

Damn papa, you a rare breed, no comparing

The cool air brushing over his exposed arms.

The wind carrying his scent that hit you as you slightly trailed behind him, before coming up to the car door and opening it for you while taking your bag and placing it in the back.

And it’s motherfuckin’ scary

He shut both doors and made his way round to the drivers side, getting in and buckling up himself before stealing a quick glance at you as you did the same.

“Ready.” The click of your seatbelt heard before your voice altered him.

He looked over at you, one hand on the gear stick, and the other on the wheel before racking his dark pupils over your shy-seated form. You saw as he but his plush bottom lip before his lips formed a smirk that made your thighs clench.

She better be ready. He thought as he knew that this shy act you had going on was only turning him on more and he wanted to hear that sweet voice of yours yell his name like he dreamed.

Y’all made it back to his and you were met with the warmness and enticing scents coming from within his space. 

“I made your favourite.” He watched you walk in slowly, eyeing you again before waking in the light trail of your perfume and body lotion that left you smelling like candy and he wanted to have his dessert now. 

You were so consumed with what he said and what he’d done that you hadn’t responded. He turned and looked to you as he made his way ahead when you stood frozen at what he had done for you when you thought no one would ever do such a thing. 

Tryna keep him 'cause I found him

“Princess?” There goes that nickname that had you shivering slightly and gave him a chance to openly gaze into your beautiful eyes with a look of confusion at your silence in regards to food.

“Huh? Oh! No! that’s great. I was starving.” You expressed and progressed to his smaller dining room, still shocked at the set up of your favourite laid out and you knew it wasn’t order either because you’ve watched this man cook and always taste tested so you knew you weren’t about to be dissapointed.

“I told you to stop starving yourself. You need me to start bringing you lunches again?” He cared. The fact that this fine, tall, dark and handsome man was willing to come to you and bring you lunch still was getting you all warm, along with the delicious food that was hitting the spot.

This man is bout to get it, you thought before sitting and enjoying the food he prepared.

Both sitting under the dimmed lights and intimate atmosphere he managed to create with what he had, intensified your emotions and the glasses of wine you had with dinner got you to loosen up. 

He didn’t want to force conversation. He was ok with just being in your presence and for that, you knew he was the one and you’d do anything to keep him happy and ‘Let a ho know I ain't motherfuckin' sharing’ (or whatever it is Doja Cat said.) You’d thought as he ushered you to his couch after collecting the plates and placing them in the sink before returning to you.

He saw you and couldn’t help but think about you being his. Like actually his.

I could take you to the parents, then to Paris

Plan a motherfuckin' wedding

Tonight i’m gonna make her mine and there’s no doubt about it. 

He sat so close and for a second, you felt those shocks you felt the night he first kissed you when your legs touched.

You couldn't help but look at him and see the burning desire he had in his eyes. It was the same for him, seeing your deep pools looking at him with adoration and contemptment that he wanted to fall to his knees and beg for your love, even though he could guess you loved him the way he did you. 

You the type I wanna marry (Yeah) and keep you merry

I'll put the ring on when you ready

There was a split second.

Then clothes began to drop around your retreating forms, leading to his room.

The kisses were hard and passion filled. Hands grasping body parts.

Hot skin against hot skin. 

The soft glow of the candle he’d lit in his room providing him with enough light to tell that you were ok with this but he still had to make sure 

“You sure about this babygirl? Cause once we start...I don’t know if i’ll be able to stop.” He voice dropped many octaves and resonated deep in your soul to the point of setting off a gush between your legs that had you mindlessly nodding your head at the man.

“Words Princess.” He gripped your chin and kept that intense eye contact.

“Yes sir.” The name set off something in him and he had you flung across his mattress, head between your legs and hands gripping your thighs while he kept his eyes on your face contorting in pleasure. 

We play our fantasies out in real life ways and

No Final Fantasy, can we end these games though?

He made you cum with a powerful orgasm but you knew he could do better and he knew that he was just warming you up for one of the best nights of your life...besides marrying him and having kids together. 

THAT’S how sure of himself he was that he’d ruin you for anyone else.

Could you blame him tho? He finally has you how he’s been dreaming about and he isn’t gonna hold back in let you know how much you mean to him. He’s gonna make sure you feel his love for you like he’s been saying.

You give me energy, make me feel lightweight (Woo)

He saw you come down enough to get on your knees, staring into his face like he was yours. 

You saw your essence glistening in his facial hair, the moonlight that made its way in and added to the soft glow of the candle made him look like a beautiful shade of blue and near obsidian black. 

Your hands making their way up his sculpted arms, joining at the chest and making their way down his sculpted torso, leading to his happy trail and the prominent tent in his jeans that you couldn’t help but rub your palm against.

“No teasing, Princess.” His voice snapped you out of your day dream of the erect member laying between his thick thighs, encased by the light washed jeans. 

You looked up at him through innocent eyes and you swear you saw his pupils dilate even more, overtaken by lust as he brought his hand up your stomach, corse palms over your delicate skin and thick fingers wrapping around your neck for a tight squeeze before he gently pushed you back onto the bed once he saw you close those pretty eyes and bit your lip at the action. 

Like the birds of a feather, baby

He pulled you closer to the edge of the bed before he started to remove his denim bottoms. Eyes never leaving yours as he pushed his jeans down his muscular legs, taking his boxers off at the same time before standing at attention once kicking them off.

You couldn’t help but look down at the one-eyed monster between his legs and he took notice at the way you looked at him.

He gripped the base of it before calmly saying “Don’t worry baby. You’re a big girl and I know you can take it.” His hand pumping slowly at the look in your eyes and the wetness between your legs. 

He grabbed a condom from the nightstand, rolling it over his tip causing you to let out a whine at not being able to feel his girth in your mouth.

“Don’t worry Princess, you can have a taste later. Right not i want to feel that sweet pussy gripping this fat dick, that alright?” He said a soft voice but it was gruff that it had you getting slick even more at the dominance he had in that moment and the way he put receiving on the backburner. 

You just nodded you head and he got close to you to rub his tip between your folds, lubricating the condom with what you supplied. It was a sight for him that he had to think of anything besides busting in the condom then and there.

We real life made for each other

He made you look at him before pushing into your wet valley. He took his time as you relaxed and felt every hot inch insert itself so deliciously slow.

And it's hard to keep my cool

You weren’t going to lie and say you didn’t like the gentle strokes he was giving to let you adjust, however you knew he wanted to go faster and harder if he was as sexually frustrated as you were from subpar partners.

Cause you’re a one in a million 

There ain't no man like you

It was like he was reading your mind. 

After he noticed you moving your bottom half off the bed to meet his strokes, he grabbed your legs, placing them over your shoulder, not missing a beat and going deeper into your depths.

“Oh shit tre!” He had to let out a breathy chuckle before he felt you grip his dick with your tight walls. That caused his body to jerk even deeper before he could process it and had him releasing a deep grunt you don’t think you’ve ever heard from him before.

“Shit Princess. Got this tight pussy grippin me like this? Who said you could do that?” He was gonna make sure you knew who was incharge in the bed room but you had a surprise for him when you were able to catch him off with the slip of a whispered ‘daddy!’ that made his hips stutter and him lose focus.

You were able to get him on his back, his large member not slipping from your clenching muscles and managed to start grinding on the massive amount of muscle lying beneath you.

“I did. Nigga” You went in after that.

Trevante watched in awe at the way you were taking him, knowing this position meant you’d definitely feel him in your gut if you sat completely over his pulsing, thick pole.

You planted your feet on either side of his hips, hands moving through the wisps of hair sprayed across his chest and switched the pace of your movements.

Up. Down and grind then up again.

He wasn’t going to lie and say that you were riding him like the perfect woman, like he’d always imagine after hearing about the way a woman could trap a man with good sex, he finally believed it with you over him.

That intense i contact was adding to the pleasure for you both and he couldn’t help himself. He brought his hand down on your ass quick and hard before gripping the round flesh in his hands and picking you up to lay back on the bed again before he started to pound into you faster once he saw your eyes rolling back and felt your pussy clenching him even harder.

“You gonna cum on this dick babygirl? Huh?! Answer me and take it like a big girl!”

all you could do was nod your head and repeatedly chant “Yes Yes Yes Yes” even after he finished speaking to you.

You layed under him a blubbering mess but wanting to prove to him you weren’t a punk.

“Cum on this dick Princess. I want to feel that pretty pussy cum all over this -fUCK! THAT’S RIGHT!-yea cum on this dick! Make it yours bitch!”

That word did something for you.

“I’M CUMMING.”

“Then cum bitch.” He whispered into your ear and it ignited the spasms and feeling of pure bliss of release.

He watched you convulse under him and he felt his sack tighten at the way your face looked that he couldn’t take his eyes off yours even for a second.

“Look at me bitch! I said look at me!” He gripped your cheeks between his large hand and got you to face him, seeing your dazed state and then he recognized you were going to cum again.

“You gonna cum again? You like this? Huh?” He waited and raised his leg onto the bed, bending it and forcing your legs to go wider by taking them from around his hips.

He had you so confused in this position. 

You didn’t know if you wanted to run or stay there but you knew it had you cumming closer. Then you felt a smack to the face.

“I asked you a question! Answer me!” His loud voice, deep and all baritone like bounced off the walls at his command.

“Yeees I’M CUMMING!” You responded, equally loud you were sure the neighbours would hear but they should mind the business that pays them you thought.

You were getting the pounding of your life and didn’t want to have to stop because of nosey people calling security to check on the unit.

If they didn’t know what was going on, then that’s tough. But you were gonna make sure you got railed well tonight.

He didn’t know what came over him but he had to say it

“You love this dick baby? You love how I feel inside you?” His voice was still deep but that roughness made you tingle and he felt the flutter of your walls over him

“Yes!” You squeaked out.

“FUCK! I feel that pussy gripping me even tighter!”

He looked at you and you managed to pry your eyes open and stare into his as he said what he felt was right in that moment.

“You wanna be my girl? Huh?” His eyes still held list in them, but there was a softness as he slowed down to ask this, coming closer to you to pepper kisses over your face and embrace you.

“Yes!” You loved the way he felt but you wanted him to go harder so when you pleaded “Harder Tre! Please? I need you to go harder” He fixed his position and granted you your wish by pounding into you harder and faster, his gentle thrusts out the window and your ecstasy written all over your face.

You tried pushing his hips away but he smacked your hands away, grabbing both wrists and coming to you closer and to your ear.

“You gonna cum when I tell you to? You gonna be a good girl for me?” He watched you in pleasure of maintaining his composure and not cumming the first minute he sunk into your velvety pussy that he couldn’t even manage would feel so heavenly as it does now.

“Yes” You sounded so pathetic and it turned you on more than you thought possible at being so dominated but the big heap of dark, thick hefty muscle plowing into you made you feel safe even with his belittling of you but you knew it was only for the sex. 

“Yeah? My girl huh? You’re so pretty under me.” He whined. It was so beautiful to hear so loud into your ear in the close position he was in. 

This close proximity made you feel so connected and had you tearing up a little at the fact you knew he was still being gentle with you and it brought you closer.

Trevante looked down at you and saw the cloudy look in your eyes. He knew you were cumming again and he was right there with you so he let you go and pushed one of his hands between your sweaty bodies, finding your clit and stimulating you double time to climax together.

He saw your eyes rolling back when he felt that tightness in his sack before he shouted out to you,

“CUM! CUM ON THIS DICK!” He roared out to you.

It was a rush you hadn’t been prepared for as he managed to get faster but his rhythm started to become irregular. He still managed to hit that deep spot in you that had you going crazy when his tip would rub over it and all that could be heard was you both climaxing then heavy breathing.

He continued to grind into you slowly, careful that it may hurt you but he wanted to ride out the best orgasm he’s had in awhile, and knowing that it was with you made him want to keep his dick deep in you.

If it wasn’t for the condom, he’s sure he would’ve gotten you pregnant and totally stepped up to the plate to take care of you and his seed.

Like you

He couldn’t believe that you were here, in this moment with him and he had to make sure you know that you were all he could ever want and more.

He raised up and you whimpered at the loss of warmth he provided and the way his body calmed you down after such a session.

“None of that.” He said, leaning back down to place a gentle kiss to you lips “I’ll be back Princess” and then slowly pulling out of you to tie the condom and through it away. 

You couldn't help but watch his retreating form go into the bathroom and come back with a damp rag to wipe you up and then leave the room to get you some water and lay back in the bed with you next to him. 

You both stared at eachother once he got back in the bed and you managed to fix yourself in a comfortable position, not caring about the sweat or the way you may look like a mad woman.

Instead, you brought your hand up to his cheek and watched as he closed his eyes before puckering his lips, leaning to you for a kiss that you happily gave him and he pulled you to lay on his chest.

He thought you had fallen asleep as you hadn’t moved in a while and knew he had to catch some sleep to if he wanted to get up early and make you something for breakfast. 

He planted a soft kiss onto your forehead, gripping you tighter and released a content sigh.

I found it hard to find someone like you

He wasn’t going to let you go and for a moment he thought he heard you say something but he passed it off as fatigue from the intense session the both of you just carried out after months of sexual frustration and tension. 

Trevante didn’t know that you were still awake and said that you loved him 

I can't be without you

You knew you weren’t gonna run anymore and he was it. Your one in a milllion and you would do everything to keep him, like he would you.

He held you tighter before finally closing his eyes, a small smile on his face.

And I can't be without you

He hadn’t heard you say you loved him...

but that’s neither here nor there.

You’d be alright with saying it again when you both were awake and not high off sexual energy.

Like you.

Taglist:

@killmonger-fics

@browngirldominion

(Dm to be added to the permanent taglist or let me know which actors/characters you’d want me to tag you in when I write)

——————————————————————————

Hey y’all! 

Sorry this took so long🥴 Been busy with uni and some other personal stuff so I put this off longer than intended🥴

But what’d you think, hope this met the standards and was worth it? 

Don’t forget to like, reblog and/or comment 😊

Hope you’re staying safe, checking in on your friends and loved ones and taking time for yourself :)))

Love you all and thanks for the support.

-K💜

[coffeeaddictwithproblems]

spider-man kiss

──────────────────────

feat: keigo takami (hawks) x gn!reader

notes: fluff, stablished relationship, one curse word, 1.0k words

──────────────────────

The sun is partially visible over the horizon, casting a golden glow over everything. An ombre of pink, orange, and purple paints the sky like a piece of art. The air around you is comfortably warm. A gentle breeze blows through, splashing a refreshing cool breath over your skin.

You stood out on the balcony of your apartment, intertwined hands resting out in front of you on the railing. You had received a text earlier from your boyfriend letting you know he would be home soon.

The text had been sent twenty minutes ago and there was still no sign of him. Despite the worry building at the bottom of your stomach, you keep yourself from succumbing to the anxious thoughts running through your head. He would come home, just like he always did.

A long, deep breath inhales through your nose, then blows out soft and slow through your parted lips. As if reading your mind, a sudden quick knock at the door has your head whirling around. You stare at the front door for a long minute, nervous, then force yourself to walk.

Crossing the living room, your hand reaches out to the doorknob and twists the door open. “Hello-” The words fall dead as you stare into an empty space. “What the…” Your head dips out to scan around only to come up empty. Stepping away, you close the door with a shake of your head and walk back to the balcony.

Right before you can settle back into place, another rap of knocks hits the front door.

“What the hell is going-”

Spinning fiercely around, you freeze to a halt at the sight of Keigo’s upside down face inches from your own.

“Ah!” Your hand flies to your chest as if to keep your heart from bursting out. Your fright changes into anger as you glare daggers at your boyfriend. “You scared the shit out of me, Keigo.”

He chuckles giddily to himself, clearly amused. His laughter grows as your hands madly swat at his arms. He easily catches your wrists, bringing them to either side of his face.

“Have I ever told you how lovely you are upside down as you are right side up, Love Bird?”

You roll your eyes at his cheesy compliment. “Care to explain what exactly you’re doing, Bird Brain?”

“Hanging upside down,” he responds back matter of factly.

“But why?”

“Well, it was originally to scare you, which obviously succeeded,” he explains with a cheeky smile. “Now it’s just fun.”

You nod your head slowly with a hum. The longer you stare at him, the more familiar his current position looks, but you can’t seem to put your finger on it. Suddenly, the image pops into your head. Without thinking much of it, you casually note, “You look like Spiderman.”

Keigo mulls over your words for a moment. “Then I guess that makes you my Gwen Stacy.” His eyes drift down to your lips. “And that gives me an idea.”

Despite already guessing what he’s about to suggest, you raise your eyebrows in question.

“What if we, hear me out, did the Spider-man kiss?”

A snort chokes out from the back of your throat. You cover the grin stretching across your face. “Like the Gwen Stacy one from 2002?”

He attempts to nod his head. You can only stare at him, dumbfounded. He lets go of one of your wrists to poke at your thigh.

“Come on, it’d be fun. Plus, I’m starting to feel a little dizzy.”

For a short moment, you consider trying it out. But before you lean in, you decide to tease him a little.  “I don’t know. It would be kind of funny to see you fall. You did scare me after all, it’s only fair.”

“One, that is cruel, Lovebird. Second, please, I can feel all the blood rushing to my skull.”

“If I do this, will you get down?”

He makes a noise that sounds like a mix between a pained groan and an agreeing hum.

“Fine,” you begrudgingly agree.

Sliding his visor back into his hair, you sweep your hands up his sideburns. Keigo’s hands graze your hips before sliding under your shirt, fingers pinching your sides. You give him a sharp warning tug on his hair, stilling his palms flat on your waist.

“This is so stupid.”

Without giving him a chance to retort, you close the gap between your lips. The tip of your nose brushes his chin as your mouths begin to slowly move against the others. His thumbs rub small circles onto the skin of your hips.

You lightly nip at his top lip as you step back. His eyes stay closed for a few seconds, his mind still lost in the moment.

“There. You got your kiss, now stop reminiscing and come down.”

In a feathery red blur, Keigo lands gracefully in front of you. Sadly, his marvelous landing is short lived as his balance is suddenly thrown off by some invisible force. You reach out to steady him only to be tugged into his chest and brought down as well.

He hits the balcony floor with a gruff cough, you collapsing on top of him seconds later. Stray plumes flutter around like helicopter seeds. Keigo groans beneath you, one of his hands reaching up to tenderly touch the back of his head.

“I think my headache got a headache.” Thankfully, there is no blood on his fingers when he brings his hand back. “You alright there, Lovebird?”

“Yeah, I think I’m good. Your body broke my fall.”

He snorts a laugh to himself, his head tapping back against the floor. Placing your hands on either side of him, you push yourself up to standing. You reach a hand out to your boyfriend who takes it with a thankful smile.

You brush the feathers from his coat and smooth down his frizzy hair as best you can. “I hope you learned your lesson.”

“I did learn one thing.”

“And what would that be?”

Cupping your cheeks in his hands, he presses a drawn out kiss onto your lips. “You, Lovebird, make an amazing Gwen Stacy.”

──────────────────────

consider liking/reblogging if you enjoyed :)

[casualreader1234]

Reunion

Pairing: Natasha x Reader

An: Part two of the random story idea I had. I think I'm just going to keep the same summary each time because I'm too bad at writing them. I tried to make this gender-neutral, and I don't think I wrote anything that would imply a particular sex, but let me know.

Summary: What if you weren't the hero of the story? What if you were the villain meant to burn the world down?

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Warning: Morally gray protagonist, violence

Word Count: 2k

[Part 1], [Part 2]

This gif is so funny to me.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

When you had first arrived in the U.S, you had been intrigued by tales of the infamous Black Widow, a former Russian assassin turned good, that was enough to catch anyone's attention. To satisfy your curiosity, you had tracked her down, wanting to see her for yourself. Watching her from afar, you understood why she was considered one of the best in her field: her movements always flowed into the next like she was performing a dance.

She easily disposed of her targets, strapping her weapons back onto herself. Seeing the completion of her job, you left the ledge of the building you had been standing of before she could see you. Slipping into the shadow, you had to admit that your interests had been piqued by the assassin.

///

You had always known that your girlfriend had been hiding secrets, but this one was far more exciting than you had thought. Never had it crossed your mind that Natasha might also be involve in the assassin industry. For such a planet, what were the chances of two assassins meeting and starting a relationship without either being the wiser. You weren't sure if that made her exceptionally good at her job, or you exceptionally bad at yours.

Asking around to some of your other contacts, you learned more about the KGB and the Red Room program that had trained Natasha, wanting a glimpse into her childhood. Disgust and rage filled you when you learned about the operation. They had hurt her, so you had made sure they all suffered for their crimes. Then, you returned back to America.

It was the reason you had stayed all these years. She was the reason. Though you've known where she's been all this time, you never revealed yourself. Maybe it was out of fear. Maybe it was out of shame.

It hadn't surprised you that Natasha decided to work for SHIELD. You've also known that she had a good heart, but it did make things more complicated.

She was one of the good guys now. If she ever crossed paths with you, she would be forced to face you as an enemy. So, for both of your sakes, you avoided doing things that would get SHIELD attention, carefully selecting jobs that would run under the radar. You had been careful, erasing most of your tracks, yet here you were, chained down to a table in a SHIELD facility.

Natalia-no-Natasha stared down at you. You unconsciously cringed under her intense gaze.

" How are you darling?" You asked, breaking the thick silence and giving her a small smile. "I must say, you look as stunning as always. Did you do something to your hair? It seems to be shorter."

Natasha didn't reply, instead shaking her head angrily. " What the hell, (Y/n). What are you doing in the U.S?"

Her harsh tone almost made you flinch. “ Here to visit my beautiful girlfriend? I've really missed you.” You tried, feeling a bead of sweat roll down your neck. Natasha may not have any powers but damn was this woman scary when she was mad. Flattery wasn't going to work on Nat though, her face stone cold as she looked down at you.

"That doesn't answer the question, milyy (darling)." She replied with a strained smile.

Tony watched the exchange with a slack jaw, eyes looking like they were going to pop out of his sockets from shock. “ I’m sorry? You know this criminal Nat?”

Your head snapped to the man, jaw clenching. “ Nat?" You sputtered at the intimate nickname. "Who gave you permission to call her Nat?” You swiveled back to look at Natasha. “What is your relationship with him?” You asked accusingly.

Natasha rolled her eyes, turning to Tony. “ Don’t call me Nat, Stark. And this idiot here is (Y/N).”

"Yeah, her [girlfriend/boyfriend] ! " You added helpfully.

The look Natasha gave you was deadly enough to silence you again. She turned her attention back to Tony, " Do you want to fill me on what's happening Stark? I return from a mission and hear from Steve that we had caught a mutant, but I wasn't even aware that we were after one." You frowned at the fact that had she referred to you as a mutant, but chose to ignore it.

Tony shrugged, acting like a bratty overgrown child," No, I don't want to." Natasha's jaw clenched and you decided to lend a helping hand.

Tendrils of black suddenly snaked around Tony, pining him hard against the wall behind him. His eyes widened, shooting to the origin of the magic, seeing you now unbounded and smiling widely at him, the handcuff hanging loosely off the table. Standing up, you rubbed at the red marks on your wrist left by the binds.

"Better answer her, Mr. Stark, I wouldn't want to get on her bad side." You threatened, eyes turning pure black for a split second.

Tony desperately looked at Natasha for help, but she stayed steadfast, unmoved and patiently waiting for him to answer. Realizing that no help was coming, he relented. "Fury got tipped off about some assassin that had been piling up bodies all across the U.S and North America. At first we dismissed them as the work of sporadic killers, not linking the deaths together until we got another tip about them being a mutant. We had Wanda examine a few of the bodies and she confirmed that magic was the cause of death. Since then, we've had our eye set on a contracted killer who went by the alias Reaper. A few weeks ago, we got a hit on their last location, and from there, we planned our trap."

Realization dawned onto you, " You put a bounty over yourself!" You exclaimed with a chuckle, thoroughly impressed by their commitment. It was a good plan, one that you hadn't even considered. Of course, if it had been any other week, the plan would've failed.

Every time you used magic, there was a backlash. The magic was deep inside you, a part of your very being, but it didn't stay that way willingly. The black flames were a dark and ancient form of magic, one that could only be wielded by a select few. Long ago, many groups had tried to master the arts, but most failed. The magic was powerful, more than anyone really knew, and only grew more so as it consumed more energy. Magicians didn't as much wield the magic, as they did subjugate it.

Candidates trained for years in preparation for the infusion, getting their body ready to handle massive amount of energy. When they were deemed ready, they would be exposed to a pure form of the magic. The flames would consume them and their screams could be heard for miles. Most people who entered the last trial end up dead, completely consumed by the magic. A few though, came out stronger. Instead of being consumed by the flames, they had somehow consumed the flames, magic now flowing through their veins.

Even then, the magic inside of wielders fought against their vessels, constantly trying to escape. The ring you wore helped you control the magic inside, absorbing some of the power and trapping the rest of the flames within you, where it couldn't escape and grow any stronger. But every time you took off the ring, you unintentionally let the magic grow, and when it finally returns back to you, the fight inside gets a little tougher.

Normally, it didn't affect you much. You had been trained since childhood to control the magic, so you could go hours with continuous magic use without any major repercussion. But the past month, you had really tested your bounds, toeing the limits of your control. This inevitably degraded your mental state, leaving your mind a little hazy. This meant you were a lot more impulsive and less observant, something that played in favor to SHIELD's trap. You knew you shouldn't have taken the hit on Tony, especially due to your exhaustion, but you had let your excitement of possibly seeing Natasha blind you. Nevertheless, the current situation didn't really worry you anyways, although you made a note to deal with a problem later.

"And why wasn't I informed of this?" Natasha pressed on.

"Don't take it personally. You're area of skills weren't required for the job, so you weren't informed. Simple as that." Tony plainly stated, clearly sensing the Russian's agitation.

You had to stifle your laughter at the irony. If Natasha had been assigned to the case earlier, you probably would've been captured much sooner.

Natasha bit the inside of her cheek, obviously deep in thought as well. " Release him, (Y/N)." She finally said and you happily obliged, but not sliding you ring back on, letting the flames surround you in a hazy aura incase you needed to react to any threats. Tony let out of breathe of relief as your magic retreated, but you could see that he was still a bit shaken up, the effects not fully wearing off.

"Hey are you alright darling?" You asked concernedly, ignoring the wobbling man when you caught Natasha looking a little pale. Walking over to where she was, you reached out a hand to lightly caress her cheek, the flames retreating as it reached her. You hesitated for a split second, unsure of how she would react, but Natasha leaned into your touch. Her eyes met yours. It was the same bright green that you dreamt about, and they looked even more dazzling up close. She smiled up at you and it was like all the years you've spent apart hadn't happened.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She whispered reassuringly and you smiled too in relief. “ What does Fury want with the (Y/N)?” She asked Tony, but her eyes didn't leave you.

“ The same thing we do to all threats. We either eliminate or imprison them .” He answered, voice indifferent.

Natasha turned to him, much to your dismay, “Why can’t we accept them into SHIELD?” she offered instead.

Tony, who had thought your weird relationship with Natasha was the strangest thing that could happen, couldn't believe what he was hearing. “You want to let an assassin into our ranks? Are you crazy?! Did you already get your hands on the vodka shelf?” He stammered.

Natasha gave him a dark look, one that sent a chill of excitement down your spine, “I was an assassin too Tony.”

Tony didn’t seem to know how to respond to that, but he didn’t need to. The door to the room swung opened again, this time a larger blonde man marching in. You recognized him from your intel: Steve Rogers-Captain America. Behind him, you saw several heavily armed agents behind him, their guns trained on you.

Natasha whipped around at the sudden intrusion, surprise flashing across her face. " Steve." She said warningly, noticing the same things you did, but Steve didn't let her finish, already throwing out his shield in attack. The metal was launched at you, cutting through the air faster than the eyes could follow.

You easily caught it, magic stopping it mid-flight.

You sighed at his pathetic attempt, " Mr. Rogers, don't you know it's rude to interrupt? You can't just come in here, guns blazing, and shield flying." You reprimanded, lazily throwing the shield back to the man. Steve tried to catch the shield, but was knocked back by the sheer force of your throw. The men immediately behind him stumbled back in shock as the 6'1 super solider crashed into them. Those who were left standing quickly recovered and upon realizing that their first line of attack had been beaten, prepared to shoot. They found themselves unable to. Fear had crept up on them during the ruckus and now they were unable to move as your magic seeped through them. With a simple wave of your hand, the black flames around you attacked and within seconds, all the agents, including Cap, dropped to the floor.

"What?" Tony gasped in horror, and for the first time, he seemed to truly understand the extent of your power.

"Relax, they're not dead. I just knocked them out for-" You pretended to check your wrist for a watch, " -a while. I don't know, I usually don't wait around for the people I knock out to wake back up."

Natasha was staring in shock at the pile of bodies by the door and you saw something indistinguishable in her eyes. A distinct chime echoed off the walls of the room, drawing your attention to your phone in the corner. You walked over to it, Tony looking like he wanted to stop you but was too terrified to. Picking it up, you read the message silently. Shouting could be heard getting louder, footsteps pounding towards you as alarms blared.

"Looks like that's my cue to leave." You announced to Natasha and Tony. " Sorry to cut our reunion short Talia."

Natasha stepped forward, blinking out of her shock. "(Y/N) wait-!" She began.

"Don't worry, I think I'll be staying a little bit longer in New York. We'll see each other soon my love." You promised, picking up one of the fallen agent's guns and shooting out the lights until you were enveloped in pitch darkness. Then, before the backup agents could arrive, you melted away into the shadows.

///

You emerged from a dark alleyway in some shifty part of the Bronx. Pulling out your phone, you replied to Matt, your associate, declining the new job he had sent over, informing him that you would be taking a vacation for a while.

Seeing Natasha had reminded you of how much you actually missed her, and you didn't want to just leave New York yet, not when you barely had the chance to catch up with your lover.

But first, you had a snitch to catch. Someone had tipped off SHIELD about you. Someone who knew you about your power at that. You couldn't let someone so dangerous live.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------Powers of Reader [Will be updated as more information is learned about Reader]

-Ability to set fear in opponents

-Ability to melt into shadows (teleportation like: goes into one shadow, pops up somewhere else)

-Magic flames that kill people(?) and knocks them out(?)

-Major simp for Natasha (special skill)

[aminiatureworld]

In My Dreams IV

Characters: Xiao, fm!reader

Word Count: 3,167

Warnings: Brief depiction of violence, nightmares

Premise: The past is many things. Something to admire, something to learn from, something to hold dear. And yet how unreliable it can be, especially in the hands of ghosts.

In which the reader dreams of the past.

Author’s Note: Translation notes and historical references will come after the fic. This one was a little sketchy/ooc, prolly because I’m tired.

Xiao

If there was one thing that you appreciated most about your relationship with Xiao it was the fact that he never attempted to cage your independence.

Though the adeptus had a penchant for clinginess – something he’d never actually admit to – the circumstances of both his and your past had set a standard for a level of separation that you greatly appreciated. You were never pressured to tell Xiao about things you weren’t comfortable sharing and in return you never pressed your partner in regards to topics or events that made him somewhat uncomfortable.

And yet there was something very isolating about such a freedom.

It was an ordinary enough commission, laughably so in fact, the kind that you could knock back in ten minutes flat if you put a little effort into it. Treasure Hoarders were once more encroaching on Liyue, this time gathering at the vicinity of Dunyu Ruins, something that would surely be a hazard to the archaeologists who gathered to study the lost jade monument. The act of chasing out the Treasure Hoarders was indeed easy enough, and it was only until you started rifling through their loot that you found yourself uneasy.

The lid was an innocuous enough item. Though the box that it once covered was nowhere to be found it must’ve been a work of art, as the smooth tortoiseshell lid was clearly the result of patience and love. Painted a deep blue it depicted a snowy scene, with a castle or cathedral at the front and center. The building itself was of a unique design; a tall turret stuck out at the top while small onion domes sat a little lower, each painted a more outlandish color than the last. The architecture was completely unlike what one might see in either Liyue or Mondstadt, and really there should’ve been nothing to it except the odd design of the building. Yet the moment you set your eyes upon the building you felt something harden in the pit of your stomach.

You never thought about what you couldn’t remember; after all, what was the point of it? Why mourn something you weren’t even sure was good or bad? Yet in that moment you felt that you would give very little to not remember just a little bit. At least enough to know why the image of a cathedral in the snow made you wish deeply for something you couldn’t remember, and frightened you just as much.

“Something’s wrong with you face.”

“Xiao!” You sputtered, surprised by the sudden bluntness of your partner. “My face is just fine, a little dirt won’t kill me.”

“That’s not it.” Xiao scowled. “Your face is harder than usual. Did something happen?”

“Nothing happened! Sometimes I just don’t smile, okay?” You instinctively moved the corners of your mouth upwards, trying to ignore the sudden jump in your heart rate. “I’m fine.”

Xiao looked supremely unimpressed at your efforts, sighing and flying up to the balcony of the Inn. You sighed, letting your expression once more droop. It was easy sometimes to forget how in tune Xiao was. You wouldn’t expect it from an adeptus who had spent thousands of years mostly secluded from humans, but your partner was impressively good at reading your mood. Usually you didn’t mind the ability of his, even welcoming the fact that he so bluntly brought up the question of your feelings. But today you wished despite yourself that he was a little less aware. After all, how could you explain to your partner what you didn’t even understand yourself?

The rest of the night was oddly tense. Though Xiao said nothing you could tell from the way he stared intently at your face that he hadn’t given up his suspicions. For your part you tried to ignore his gaze, talking about trivial matters such as the question of replacing the Guild roof and the fact that you had managed to gather a few Qingxin during your commissions. All the while you felt the roiling of your heart; and all the while you kept rubbing your fingers along the smooth finish of the lid in your pocket as if in doing so you might suddenly be struck with what you currently missed and currently, desperately, needed.

The next day you walked up to Katherine utterly exhausted. Though you’d made a concerted effort to sleep, knowing that if not you’d just arouse more worry in Xiao, most of the night had been spent tossing and turning, your eyelids feeling paper thin as you attempted to drag yourself down into the depths of sleep. Of course now that the sun was shining you felt like even a stone bench would be a soft enough mattress. Blinking heavily you smiled awkwardly at Katheryne.

“Any commissions today?”

“Two ordinary sweeps and one request.” Katheryne tilted her head slightly. “Are you sure you don’t need rest?”

“I’m perfectly fine Katheryne, thank you for worrying. You said there was a request?”

“Yes. It seems that the citizen who noticed the Treasure Hoarders for us claims to have been robbed by them. He says to meet you at Dunyu Ruins so you can hand over the item.”

“And what item is that?”

“He said it was some sort of box lid. He didn’t give many details I’m sorry. If you’re uncomfortable though of course we could send someone with you.”

“I’ll be fine, thanks for worrying.”

“Of course! Good luck!”

“Thanks.”

You turned around, trying to stem the ice that flooded your veins. Who was this man to whom the cathedral belonged? How did he come across such an odd item, was he from one of the other nations of Teyvat you hadn’t visited? Most of all you wondered if he held some connection to your past. The idea thrilled you in some way, though dread also lingered. You weren’t entirely sure you wanted to meet this mysterious person. Commissions were commissions however; you wouldn’t betray the Guild. No matter how much you wanted to; you couldn’t.

The Dunyu Ruins were still, no monsters seemed to linger at the gates and no other adventurers peeked out from behind old walls. The air was utterly still, something which worried you greatly. Walking at an increased rate you sought out your mysterious commissioner. The more you thought about it the more you wished the whole thing to be over as soon as possible. Turning the corner you stopped in your tracks, gazing in awe at the person a few meters in front of you.

The first thing you thought was how oddly he was dressed. The second thing was that he was much younger than you had expected. The third thing was that you felt an odd sense of familiarity from him.

“Ah yes, the adventurer who accepted my commission. Have you brought what I asked of you?”

Though a response was certainly in order you found the words stuck in your mouth. Staring at him you felt the ground shift between your feet slightly. He was familiar, this young man in front of you, and yet he was also a perfect stranger. He seemed more like an apparition than anything, a spirit who had yet to cross to the far side. You stepped closer, reaching out your arm slightly. If you went to touch his shoulder, would your fingers go right through him?

“You really must think it’s odd that I’ve returned.” The man chuckled. “I assure you I’m completely real. You weren’t the only one to survive sister, though I know that information might be too little too late?”

“Sister?” You snapped out of your trance. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Surely you aren’t pretending not to recognize me? I think that’s beneath even you. Come now, was I such a brat as that?” Reaching out the young man went to grab your hand. Instinctively you pulled away, feeling discomfort shoot through you.

“I don’t know what you mean? And you certainly aren’t my brother! I’ve never had a brother!”

“Then who was the kid you lived with your whole life before the incident?”

“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t know about any incident or any brother. You asked me here to return something so I’m returning it.” Reaching for the lid you thrust the little work of art in front of you. “Here. Take it.”

“So you really don’t know who I am?” The young man reached out to take the lid. “How is that possible? Have they gone so far as to erase me from your memories? Have I been taken out of your family?”

“They?”

“The gods.” The young man’s eyes seemed incredibly harsh all of a sudden. “Their presumptiveness holds no bounds.”

“Don’t speak of the archons that way.”

“Answer me this,” the young man ignored your protest, “where are you from.”

“Why should I tell you that?”

“Humor me.”

“I…” You stood there for a moment, wondering whether or not you should tell this strange figure the truth. Morbid curiosity floated in your mind, and you took a sharp breath. “I don’t know. I don’t remember.”

“So I really have been erased from your mind.”

“Nothing’s been erased! I just don’t remember, should that surprise you so much?”

“Yes, it does. I see my plans will have to be changed.” The young man took a deep breath. “Very well then, we shall see what we shall see. I have an offer for you.”

“And what is that?” You felt suspicion wash over you.

“Join the Abyss.”

“Over my dead body!” Instinctively stepping away you drew your polearm. So that’s what this was about.

“I figured you might say that. However, let me tell you this. Our family was torn apart by the cruel whims of faraway gods. Teyvat suffered the same fate, still suffers it. You may not remember what happened to us, but I know it is buried in you somewhere. If you wish to avenge our family, then you’ll join us.”

“I have no petty thoughts of revenge against the gods.”

“That may very well change.” The young man smirked. “I’ll be back in a week. I expect your answers then.”

He was gone before you could say anything, carried away by a blanket of purple stars. You stared at the empty ruins, confused and empty, feeling far worse than you had felt when you arrived here.

“You look worse.”

“Thanks Xiao.” You let out a sigh, unsure how to respond.

You’d spent the rest of the walk back to the Wangshu Inn in agony, thoughts darting back and forth as you tried to reason with yourself about the veracity of the young man’s claims. There was no proof he was who he said he was after all, no proof that he wasn’t simply insane, or trying to convince you to join him by lying. Yet there was something about him, his demeanor, his anger, something that spoke to a truth about him. Not that the idea made you any happier. After all truth or not, he was still an Abyss member, or at least an advocate. You could never side with him, even if he was your long lost family. And yet what if he was your family? What then? Would it truly be a betrayal then to simply send him packing?

Xiao’s hand enveloped your own, the soft warmth drawing you out of your confused thoughts. Looking up you found him leaning into you, the tips of his hair lightly brushing your cheeks. His eyes bored into you ask he scanned your face. You stood perfectly still. You knew what Xiao was doing, knew that he was trying to figure out the depths of your discomfort. It was valiant of him, even if you hoped that he turned up empty handed. How could you tell Xiao, an adeptus who served directly under Rex Lapis, about the man who blasphemed the gods.

“You should sleep.” Xiao finally pulled away.

“It’s still early evening.”

“You didn’t sleep well last night, I could tell. You should sleep now; maybe you’ll feel better.”

“Maybe.” You replied, knowing that even if you slept better than you had ever before nothing would change when you woke up.

Still your eyelids were heavy and your feet aching. Sleep beckoned you with open arms, and you were quick to fall into its depths. Pressing a soft kiss on Xiao’s cheek you made your way up the stairs. Collapsing onto your bed you let out a sigh of relief. Sleep was coming on fast, and you quickly found the outside world swirling away. The last thing you were aware of was a dent in your mattress, and a set of familiar eyes staring down at you, filled with affection and worry.

It was dreadfully hot. That was the first thing you were aware of. The second was how loud everything was. There was a terrible sound swirling around you, inhuman shrieks seemed to rise up from the ground beneath you, accompanied with a banging that cracked through the air, echoing oddly in a night that was all too quiet. The third thing was that you had no idea where you were. Looking around you found yourself reeling at the scene that met your eyes. The house in front of you must’ve been nice at some point, but now had fallen into ruin and disrepair. Smoke was drifting up from a door that led into the ground, and bottles lay in pieces on the ground. A wall seemed to separate the house from the outside world, so tall that you had no idea what lay beyond it. Trembling slightly you felt yourself move towards the source of the noise, feet moving despite the rising dread that you felt. Making your way down a set of stairs a few lines came to you all of a sudden.

A ceiling of amber, a pavement of pearl

The smoke was thicker now, filling your lungs, leaving you short of breath. Little bits of orange blurred your vision, wielded by strange men in strange uniforms. They seemed distorted in the smoke, made into ghosts that might haunt a child’s nightmares.

Through the narrow paved streets, where all was still

You didn’t move your head towards the back of the room, somehow you couldn’t. Your very soul fought against it. Instead you closed your eyes, overwhelmed with how hot it was.

“You’ve come so far and you can’t even look?”

The voice was mocking, familiar, full of scorn. Opening your eyes you stared at the men in front of you, the men with fire at the tips of their hands. Why did he want you to look? You knew what you’d see. Somehow you knew.

We climb’d on the graves, on the stone worn with rains

You couldn’t make it out among the smoke. All you knew was that it was red.

You screwed your eyes shut, even as sudden clarity danced before you. Someone was calling your name.

There was a hand on your shoulder.

And alone dwell forever

The smoke cleared, and with it the dream.

The scream ripped through your throat before you could even process it. You knew that you should stop, knew that you were no longer dreaming, knew that the hand on your shoulder belonged to your terrified partner. Still you screamed. You screamed and screamed and screamed.

“Hey. Hey!” Xiao’s voice was frantic. Shifting your gaze towards him you felt yourself begin to tremble.

“It, it was true. It was true, I saw him. I saw him. I saw me. It was true. I, I, they’re dead. They’re dead.”

“It was a dream. No one’s dead.”

“But Xiao, they’re dead. He was right, they’re gone and dead and somehow I forget them.”

The loneliness slammed into you, mixing with the horror that sent your stomach churning. You dug you nails into your palm, desperately trying to stop shaking. Everything seemed distorted, the light emerging through the window just as menacing as the dark.

“Take my hand.”

Xiao pulled one of your hands on his lap, gently opening it and running his fingers over the marks that now rested in your palms. Unfurling your hand you it was flat against his he covered it with his own. Letting his palm rest gently against yours he looked up at you.

“No one is dead. You were having a nightmare.”

“I was remembering, Xiao. I finally remembered something. And now I wish I never had.” You unfurled your other hand, wiping furiously at the tears that pooled in your eyes. “I’m so alone Xiao, I’m so alone.”

“You aren’t alone.”

“My family, my family is gone. The only one left is an Abyss member. I, I’m so utterly alone.”

You felt Xiao drop your hand slightly. The sudden lost connection made your founder for a moment, but soon the feeling was lost as Xiao wrapped his arms around you. Pressing kisses to your forehead his grip was tight and strong, encasing you utterly in soft comfort. Letting yourself collapse slightly you leaned into his embrace.

“You’ll never be alone. I’ll always be here.”

If promises were conveyed in actions then you had no reason to doubt Xiao’s. Though the air around you was sticky with heat you found yourself pressing into your partner’s chest eyes more, soaking up every bit of connection that you could get. Xiao said nothing more, simply keeping you in his embrace, lips brushing against your cheeks as he kissed away your tears.

You knew that he wouldn’t ask about your brother that night, perhaps not even the morning afterwards, or even tomorrow evening. After all your partner wasn’t one for words, and your relationship wasn’t built upon the expectation of painful transparency. If you weren’t ready to talk he wouldn’t push you.

Eventually your tears slowed, though the pain in your chest still burned like a brand. Bringing your hands to your chest you gazed up at the adeptus who was still wrapped around you.

“Can we stay this way a little longer?”

Xiao’s eyes gleamed catlike in the moonlight. Leaning down he brushed his lips against yours, sighing slightly as you met him with exhausted ardor. Pulling back you rested your head on your partner’s chest. The dulled beat seemed almost musical, a reminder that Xiao was alive, a reminder that he was right next to you.

You had assumed in some way that it meant he didn’t care, or didn’t want to know. Though you would’ve never thought that before, the feeling of loneliness that had threatened to swallow you up had made that perfectly clear. Yet Xiao did care, cared enough not to prod and poke at wounds that were surely bleeding even now. Cared enough to kiss your worries away, cared enough to let you embrace him as long as you needed. Cared enough to show that you weren’t truly alone. 

In a week you’d give the young man who had once been your brother an answer. In a week you’d face the fact of your loneliness, of a family that you’d once been a part of. In a week you would let yourself be truly lonely. But until then you would listen to the familiar beat of Xiao’s heart as you remembered that you weren’t truly alone. That you never would be.

-------

The box lid itself was based off nothing in particular. The building painted on it is a reference to Saint Basil’s Cathedral. 

The poem I used was “The Forsaken Merman” by Matthew Arnold

The scene in the reader’s dream is a reference to the execution of the last Imperial family of Russia. It took place in the basement of the Ipatiev House in Ekaterinburg on July 17th/18th 1918. 

[abiggaynerd]

Your headcanons are top tier!! You've clearly out so much thought I to them! How do you think Maxwell and Wendy interact? Do they remember each other?

Thank you so much!! Thats so sweet :D

So as far as Wendy and Maxwell ever meeting goes:

Max comes to America in 1901. Wendy and Abigail are born in 1903. Max got into the train crash and lost contact with his brother in 1904, who assumes he is dead.

If Max ever visited them after they were born, they would have been only one year old or less. Obviously, they would not remember him.

I do think he did in fact visit them, because jack says “Have you corresponded with mother lately? The post is dreadfully inconsistent out here, I can’t believe she hasn’t met the twins yet!” And i believe that he would have mentioned the fact that Max has not seen them too, if he had not.

(If you want to see where i got the dates from, https://dontstarve.fandom.com/wiki/Story_Line)

Now, we know about Maxwell’s quotes about the sisturn:

“I can’t help but wonder… No, it couldn’t be.” and “…I wonder how my brother is doing.”

Maxwell is suspicious, but in denial, basically. He did NOT know it was his own niece beforehand, when he brought her in.

And of course, we have Wendy’s “I feel a strange kinship with him.”

Max is the spitting image of Jack, of course. And I think Jack likely showed Wendy and Abigail pictures and stories of his dearly departed brother. I think it’s possible she realizes it’s him- Wendy implies she thinks she is in hell, and seeing a dead family member in the afterlife would not be surprising. But it’s equally possible she doesn’t know- she never met William, and Max has a different name and is considerably older than William was when he supposedly died. She has an inkling, either way.

As for their current relationship… Maxwell has those uncle instincts. Wendy is the only person he asks “How are you” to, and rather than get angry when she sets fires like he is with most other people, he gently says “Don’t play with fire, Ms. Wendy.”

When attempting to revive Abigail, he says “I had to try.”

He does say “Why won’t these mortals just stay dead?” When he sees Abigail. When Wendy sees Max as a ghost, she says “Should I revive you, Maxwell? Hm…” Which i think is her way of getting back at him. Why don’t YOU stay dead, lol.

Wendy teases Maxwell a lot, but I don’t think she hates him. She’s a bit prickly, but she’s like that to most people.

So as far as my PERSONAL headcanons go… I think Maxwell is very gentle and sweet with Wendy, dropping his persona more with her than with others. I think he does arts and crafts with her- they both love art. Wendy and he are extremely similar- i think Abigail took more after jack, lol. He loves Wendy, even if he doesn’t want to admit to himself why. If he admits to himself she’s his own niece, and he brought the niece he held as a baby to the constant, well… he’d fall apart.

I think Wendy enjoys spending time with him… I think she wants affection from him but she has to go in round about ways to get it. She gets embarrassed about wanting his affection, and she doesn’t think she deserves nice things anyway. She does bother and tease him, but she’s more playful with him than with other people, i think.

[horrorslashergirl]

I have a request, since they're open! Anything with the Collector x Reader x Chromeskull. I love that pair! Surprise me with what happens. Preferably angst.

The Collector x Reader x Chromeskull- Hazardous Toxicity

Authors Note: Getting some practice with angsty scenarios and these two see to fit the picture, because what’s not toxic about being in a relationship with a serial killer, neverthless with two of them.

Warning: Toxic Polyamorous Relationship

Words: 2.2k

You had a peculiar taste in men and that went with the fact that you didn't like routine or having a normal relationship with a normal guy with a normal job and a normal hobby. Normal wasn't an adjective or characteristic you were attracted to.

If you could describe what your preference in men was, you would start by saying that you always liked them older, maybe because you had enough of going on dates with guys your age that talked about the same topics; college, sports, nothing that would really spark a certain interest, but alas you were glad at the end of the date they preferred to remain just friends. Easier to get out and not make an awkward scene and probably explain why there was no chemistry.

The past relationships you had were to put it nicely, acceptable. The guys always let you take the lead; you ordered the food, you decided what movie to watch, what to do on a certain date. To be always in charge was tiring and you felt kind of empty. There was no excitement what so ever.

So, imagine the actual relationship you were having now. Never in your life would you predict that you would end up in a polyamorous relationship with two men that were much older than you. It was just a fantasy, one that turned out to be real.

To say that your partners were quite unique would be just an easy saying; they always stood out of the crowd, maybe one of the reasons you were so intrigued by them, but they were that type of standing out like 'He's so handsome and fuckable type'. Well, in your opinion, yes, but in your friends and people that knew you, they were downright intimidating. Possible another plus in your attractiveness book.

They had that certain vibe that if they wanted to crush someone's skull, they would do it, not that you minded because, in a certain twisted way, you felt protected because Lord helps the poor soul that would have the guts to hurt you.

At the beginning of the relationship, everyone said that you should be careful, be vigilant because you don't know them well; they were mysterious to say so, never putting all the cards down for you to see, making your stay on your toes and your mind always to wander to their personas. That was what made you be drawn to them, they excited your mind and the intimacy?

You never knew how much pleasure exists, nevertheless with two men like them. They always made you crave more, your legs turning to jelly and mind a mess, all morals flying out the window and letting your carnal instincts take over.

Everything was perfect because you felt cherished, they always treated you with all kinds of surprises, and sometimes it felt like they were competing for your affection and attention; the perks of having two alpha males.

They also had their differences, despite how similar Jesse and Asa were. Jesse was an extrovert, while Asa was an introvert. Despite Jesse being mute he always found himself teasing you, be it at first using the electronic reader and later on suggestive signing after you got better with ASL. Asa could speak very loud and clear but chose not to, only if he had something to say, which always was accompanied by an authoritative tone, more or less.

Both are very highly intellectual and that showed; Asa being a successful entomologist at the university and the many degrees and diplomas on the wall of his office spoke for him, not to mention how much he knew about history and art. Jesse was nothing less either, with running a successful chroming company, being a highly respected and feared CEO and it always amazed you how much he knew about information technology.

So basically your type was experienced, tall, intimidating, and smart.

After being for some time in the relationship, your known one always said that they were controlling you, which at first made you confused about this statement, wondering from where they deducted that.

Maybe you were a little blind, not able to see how they chose for you what to wear, what to eat, how you should do your hair. You saw them as a suggestion, but the ones outside begged to differ.

There also came a hard time when you were having trouble at your job, the economy was going down, your boss had to cut salaries and you couldn't afford to pay rent, not to mention that you needed to over-work; extra hours staying at work meant less time spending with your lovers.

They suggest that you should move in with them, switching from Asa's house to Jesse's depending on when they weren't working, plus they made you give up on your job, explaining how the money wasn't even covering how much you worked.

You agreed; maybe the lack of sleep, too much frustration, and injustice conducted you to agree with their proposition.

They took care of all your needs, be them material, spiritual or physical; they delivered it. You couldn't argue on that, but slowly, without you realizing it, they made you be dependent on them, seeking them whenever you felt like, but you were always the submissive, they owned the power and you only basked it what they emanated.

The apex of this relationship came when darker secrets came out because your curiosity got the better of you, not going to work that left you a lot of time to think and brown-noose into their stuff and business; the biggest mistake of your life, much worse than entering this hazardous relationship.

The first time your eyes looked over a photo-album of Asa's, you expected to see family photos, since he never brought this subject, you were interested in it, but seeing all the gruesome photos, you never thought a human could be shaped like this? This had to be some sick joke, right? But it wasn't.

You haven't told Asa about it or tried to question him, making sure you put the album exactly where it was. You debated if you should tell Jesse since Asa had to do some entomology related work for the weekend and you stayed by Jesse's house, but he had to go to work too, something about an unannounced meeting, leaving you to spend time all alone into his enormous house, so again curiosity got the best of you.

If you thought that Asa's photo album was gruesome, then the tapes you found in Jesse's Chrysler inside the glove box and trunk were sure going to give you nightmares.

You were pacing in Jesse's living room, drinking some whiskey to calm your nerves because you were sure that a breakdown was going to come, then it hit you. All the missing people, the murders on the news; you played detective and pin-pointed everything.

It all came down to you, the harsh reality; all the false sense of safeness and affection, it was pure-down manipulation, the undercover controlling that you were too blind to see because you were like a love-struck puppy to them.

The solution was simple; break up this relationship.

That's what you did, you wrote down a quick note, not explaining why you were leaving them, you just wanted to getaway. You left Jesse's place and walked for half an hour. Where? You didn't know, you had nowhere to go because all your friends left you; some that decided you were a lost cause, others too afraid of your men.

You had so much money just to stay at a cheap hostel for some days, but it was better than sleeping in a bus station on a dirty bench. Maybe you will go back to your parents? You didn't have a plan in mind.

The first night you couldn't sleep, not only because the bed was very much uncomfortable and the people in the room next to you were making too much noise, but because you felt like they were always watching; you were getting paranoid.

The next day, you managed to get some sleep in the morning, sleeping until it was the afternoon, the growl of your stomach waking you up. You walked to a cheap restaurant across the hostel, and as you took the first bite of the scrambled eggs and a little too burnt sausages, you grimaced.

Too accustomed to five-star meals and champagne, doll?

Alas, you swallowed down, reminding yourself that luxury wasn't an option in your current predicament. You sipped on the bitter coffee, the taste as truthful as the relationship which you ended, the dark liquid waking you up, and everything pouring down on you; it was only a game. The affection was only a camouflage for the twisted intentions, the protectiveness only possession.

After sitting there for hours and the waitress telling you that if you wouldn't order anything else you should leave, you walked back towards the hostel, walking upstairs to your room, entering and closing the door behind you, you were ready to hit the bed again, only to stop dead in your tracks when your gaze meets long black-clad legs, eyes moving up over the black clothes and wide chest and stopping on a bone-chilling chromed skull mask.

The bald head and tall frame of the mad was a dead giveaway to who he was, and when you heard heavy footsteps behind you, you knew who the second person was behind you, but your mind didn't want to acknowledge the scenario.

"Going somewhere?" the calm and familiar voice asked behind you, feeling Asa stop behind you, just a few inches away from his chest to press against your back.

'Piggy has been naughty.' Jesse signed, making your gut twist at the nickname he gave you.

"I-I...." you didn't know what to say, afraid of saying anything when your eyes saw Jesse twirl a large knife, clearly amused by your face that showed fear.

"You what? Trying to break things off without a specific motive?" Asa asked into your ear, gloved hands grasping your hips into a bruising grip, fingers digging into your skin behind your shirt.

Of course, they found out you were sneaking where your nose shouldn't be. Asa knew where everything he owned was, so it was no surprise when he found the photo album a little out of place, and Jesse? You cursed yourself for forgetting that he had security cameras all over his place.

Jesse moved off the couch and stalked towards you, looking down at your form and at this moment you really hated how tall and imposing of a figure he had. You were turned around and pressed to his chest, your eyes ready to meet Asa's face, only to be masked by a black-foam mask, making him look so very menacing, like a very dangerous spider.

You felt Jesse trail the tip of his knife up and down your thigh, his masked face pressing against the top of your head.

"You know what I am most curious about?" Asa asked, pulling out a knife of his own and trailing the blunt edge over your neck, the cold blade making your breath hitch.

"Any person in your situation would have called us in." he answered for you.

That's when it hit you, your eyes widening. Any person in their right mind would have gone directly to the police, telling them everything, you had enough proof to put them behind bars for the rest of their lives, but you hid out like a rabbit, ready for the wolves to find you.

"Aren't you such a loyal pet?" Asa murmured in your ear, the knife nicking your collarbone a little, feeling his hot breath and rough texture of his mask hit your skin.

'Someone has a little crush.' the electronic voice from Jesse's phone spoke, making you more aware of what was happening.

"P-Please....I won't tell anyone." you whispered, closing your eyes as you felt Jesse move his knife up and down on your inner thigh.

"I'm sure you won't. It would be a shame to kneecap you, queen bee." Asa said, sadistic promises behind the cruel words.

You whimpered at the nickname, one it used to make you smile brightly and nuzzle into his chest, feeling so loved and appreciated, but now it made you sick to the stomach.

'Very big shame to destroy such a cute face.' Jesse added, pulling his knife away only for his nitrile covered hand to come up and cup your cheek, running his thumb over your soft skin.

"Are you going to come home with us or do we have to train you through?" Asa asked, question rhetorical and by Gods, you didn't want to find out what it means 'training' in his mind.

Swallowing down, you nodded, doe-like eyes on his obsidian ones, his plush lips pulled into a winning lop-sided smile, then his lips pressed against your forehead, making you tremble a little.

Asa pulled away from you, walking towards the door, opening it. You were pushed forward by Jesse, who wrapped one long arm around your shoulder, making sure you wouldn't try to run away, not like you would get too far away.

As you passed the small reception you saw the owner of the hostel dead, into a pool of blood with his guts out.

This was a warning that this was not a childish game.

The meaning was simple; Try breaking things off with them and they will break your legs.

[appledotcodotuk]

why the hive fckin suck at its job: a rant

spoilers for tgwdlm ahead!

first of all, it's important to consider what exactly the hive's job is. my answer is... who the fuck knows. literally. what is the hive's aim. what do you want Paul? more like, what do you want hive? let's find out!

it kinda evolves, as the play progresses. the intial aim of the hive, and one that does actually remain consistent is the constant burning need to grow and devour and gain more and more (insert capitalism metaphor here).

however, this is distorted by the people it possess who influence that aim, as we'll see later.

also the fact it crashes into a theatre displaying Mamma Mia gives the hive the motive it need to fit the world around it to the structure of the musical. having no originality of its own, the hive instead just picks up what is given to it. kinda like an evil baby.

it wants uniformity, that is indeed its ultimate goal and desire, no duh. it thinks it can achieve that through musical theatre, shame that the hive is dead wrong. cause the hive fucking sucks at its own job / aim / ultimate purpose / one concrete goal that motivates all its actions.

can't maintain control over its subjects

okay, so, the hive wants uniformity. it wants everyone to be dancing to the beat of its own tune. right? yeah. shame it literally can't keep its own possessed subjects in line at all. at the risk of sounding like the 10th doctor waxing lyrical abt humanity for the 50th time, humans are really difficult to control cause we're not really motivated by an altruistic allegiance to one primary good. we've got icky emotions that often move us to do stupid unpredictable stuff way more. it makes me wonder if the reason the hive wanted to use musical theatre to try and persuade ppl was cause it seems to think that is how theyll get emotive humans; through emotive songs. anyways. let's look at some examples shall weeeee?

Mr Davidson:

so, Mr Davidson. funnily enough, he's the guy whose in part acting as the hive trying to figure out what it wants through his interactions w/ Paul. every person it possess gives it just a bit more humanity and curiosity abt the world it is currently taking over. at least I think so. hence why as the musical develops u get character's like possessed!Alice wondering 'why does it hurt to love?' - the change in music and mood to something much more introspective really suggests to me that the hive is beginning to question the thoughts and emotions of its human hosts.

Mr Davidson is a family man through and through, he loves his wife Carol. she's his muse, his source of light. his feelings for her are not concrete or easy to explain and solve - hence why his sudden ahem demand of her is so hilarious and also jarring. it completely clashes with the 'I want song' which is simple, and often pushes forward a wider cause. not so with Mr Davidson, he just really loves his wife man. enough to break a frickin alien possession.

tbh I think its hilarious that (at least to me) the hive has to force him to forget and continue with the song, like, he straight up is just talking to his wife in that phone call, talking, not singing. so, no possession until he reverts back into song. ergo, the hive cannot maintain the uniformity it wants. even from the get go when theoretically its control should be stronger cause it has less ppl to co-ordinate. bad. at. its. job.

Paul:

this one hurts folks. yes, I know it's generally agreed, though somewhat debated that the state of Paul by the end of the tgwdlm is not purely possessed. I agree. once again, the hive is unable to truly enforce uniformity.

at this point, the motives of Paul and the hive are kinda just mixed, neither fully human nor fully alien. hence the constant shifts between pleeing for her to get away, to hide, to stay safe: 'what if the only choice is you have to sing to survive' and just full on old style hive nastiness 'let me puke in your mouth and just open your food bin girl' (so romantic 🥰 /j).

the hive has gone away from its original aim, and become something... different. no longer stuck to just one type of genre or style of song, it's really clever to show the developing complexity of the hive by showing how it is now juggling lots of different motifs with references to all the old songs from before recontextualised in a new way - its learning. evil baby... no longer uniform.

general miscommunication:

there are several instances of the hive not fully having uniform control over its subjects. for instance, right after not your seed with the three teens having to like... calibrate. they aren't just completely connected then?? also, this is a very small thing, but uhhhh at the end of inevitable when Paul is about to say the apotheosis is upon... the chorus interrupts him with USSSSSSS. interruptions??? not very in sync of u hive.

I think this inability to exert uniformity is also shown in the contrast between genre of musical theatre. my alien abomination cannot decide whether it wants to be the more modern edgy rock musical (join us (and die), not your seed ) or super happy go lucky old style musical theatre (lah dee dah dah day, and inevitable). it tries to do both, even while trying to encourage union, and sticking to one thing. hypocrite!!!!!

2. aims are guided by the people it possess

so, I mentioned this a bit already, but the hive isn't only mutating the humans, the humans are mutating the hive right back. this is more an interesting observation than any actual analysis but let's goooo.

greenpeace girl:

I think it's very likely that greenpeace girl is one of the first to be possessed. This is probably easily debunkable but whatever this analysis is flying by the seat or its pants anywayyyyy. why? cause where else would it pick up that whole 'this planet needs fixing' thing? it's interesting too, cause it morphs from expressing the desire to join hands and sing together, unity and peace with no actual action behind it. this then goes right to the other end, with the hive going 'fine I'll do it myself' and trying to save things by enforcing a dictatorship on the world. it develops and changes, and strays from its original means of accomplishing its aims! speaking oooooof...

3. inconsistent in means of accomplishing aims

okay, ur an evil hive mind. u think musicals are the way to win over these silly humans cause they're all weak and emotive and seem to respond to them. but, wait! schwoopsie! you haven't realised that for emotional depth and growth to mean anything, you need there to be established development and well... growth. otherwise the sentiments are as vague as the ones expressed in What Do You Want, Paul?

this show has genuine emotional moments, just not really during the musical numbers WITH EXCEPTIONS. any strife is smoothed over quickly, and so the development and change that would have to go into such growth is just gone. (see, You Tied Up My Heart) all so it can achieve its own desire to grow and grow and grow, maybe a metaphor for art being killed under late stage capitalism??

what actually matters is the impact the songs have afterwards, in causing a death - because we have a bond and care abt these characters. those short scenes between Paul and Emma are actually way more resonant than any song. except... inevitable, and also not your seed a bit. at this point the hive has learnt a thing or two, and can actually twist human emotion a little. but for it to do that, it has to reject the uniformity it prizes, and be adaptable. point towards being more human than it first thought? methinks so. and yet it's just not enough...

it's also why let it out, to me, feels really ingenuine. Paul has expressed himself in much better ways already. what they're doing is clearly paining him, and hurting the guy. he's terrified bless.

you can't force someone into being emotional vulnerable, man.

it's why all the deaths for the characters who are forced to express themselves are really violent, involving them being ripped open - literally forcing them to expose themselves from the 'inside out' as Alice reflects in Not Your Seed. you can't force genuine emotional connection, it has to be fostered, shown in the much more affecting relationship of Paul and Emma. the only reason the hive actually has power over our characters is because of these genuine emotional connections, which it tries and often fails to take advantage of, resulting in just resorting to brute violence. messy hive, very messy.

at the core, the musical's a kinda attack on that toxic positivity mindst: trying to force people to reach the sort of easy solutions by sharing feelings in a way that feels pretty invasive and deciding you are instantly fixed. the problems these characters face are jarringly not really what you'd expect a character in a musical to face, cheating, a lot of it, mid-life crisis. problems that are bland, or wayyyy too real. this is purposefully done, to reveal just how silly the hive's aim to use musical theatre to solve everyone's problem is. life is more complex than that smh.

4. a human can write a much more expressive, and genuine song than they ever could lol

u know which song I'm talking abt. what more is there to say. so much for making persuasive songs to tempt people over.

5. make me sad cause they took some perfectly nice ppl and funked them up 😭

this was a stupid point lol. basically I'm just bitter that this hive took a bunch of perfectly okay ppl and gave them hive brain. screw u hive. I swear I'm gonna watch Black Friday soon, cause I'm sure it's gonna completely destroy every thought I've had so far, but whateve,,, just take this as a look at tgwdlm like it's a stand-alone piece.

these guys are supposed to all be 'individuals' on one level, but also 'appendages of a much larger organism'. there's a little too much individualism and fracturing to be cohesive enough to do that I feel. the hive to me is not an infallible, unstoppable force, in fact, every human it takes over only brings it closer to understanding us. so that's maybe a slight positive note??? idk ?! I just have lots of thoughts and feelings abt this musical even if this doesn't make sense I'm proud i wrote it down hehe.

[popculturebuffet]

Blacksad: Somewhere In the Shadows Review

Hello you beautiful people! I have a WEIRD relationship with Noir. It’s weird because i’ve never really dived into the films of type, though I really should, But as a kid I absolutely LOVED the tracer bullet arcs in Calvin and Hobbes, where everyone’s favorite hyperactive and imaginative six year old would plant himself as the hero in a noir pastiche.. ironically like myself Bill Watterson was also not a huge noir buff and just relied on Cliches but hey, it worked. 

Still love these. So from fourth grade on it imprinted a lifelong love of a good bit of detective noir. Not enough to you know, get me to read any traditional noir books or watch any noir tv shows or detective procedurals but I still love a good mystery from time to time and some of my favorite comics such as Howard the Duck by Chip Zdarksy and Peter David’s second run on x-factor run on the genre while having fun with it’s cliches. 

I also love anthropormphic animal stories. Dunno why, I just do, so once I found out about Blacksad, a comic that combines disney quality art from a former disney animator with gripping, adult noir that rips your heart out... I couldn’t resisit trying it. Telling the tale of John Blacksad, a cynical private detective and the cases he steps into via gorgeous, straight out of a disney storyboard art, the series is by  Juan Díaz Canales (writer) and Juanjo Guarnido (artist), the latter a former Disney artist who worked on several Disney films, meeting in the 90′s while working on licensed works and hitting it off, leading to this series.  That’s.. really all I could find about the making of the series in English. The only other fact is the series is designed for first release in France, which has a huge comics market, hence the various volumes being called “Albums”, with them later being released in Spain and then english, currently in the latter through Dark Horse Comics, who last year collected the current 5 albums and some side stories into one big volume. And with Dark Horse having infrequent sales including Blacksad on comixology it’s easy enough to pick up all 5 volumes in one complete package on digital for 9 bucks, as it is right now. Seriously I’m not trying to shill for Comixology or Dark Horse, I just love these comics and suggest picking them up. The creators DO intend on new volumes... it’s just both have been busy with other work so they’ve been stuck in development hell since 2013. However given there have always been, if much smaller, the biggest being 5 years, gaps between the Albums, I don’t think the series is dead quite yet and with Dark Horse fully backing it, taking the series from only two volumes getting translated to both translating the first four AND translating the fifth within a year of it’s release, we’ll undoubtly get the next one quickly. The series has also spawned a game, Under the Skin, which i’ll probably also cover some day as i’m dying to play it, but i’m waiting for a sale because it’s around 30 bucks and I can wait. It’s also been nominated for an Eisner three times to no suprise and has had fans in Stan Lee, Jim Steranko, Tim Sale and Will freaking Eisner. Yes the GUY the awards were named after liked the series.  So yeah, I love this series and highly support it, but the thought of covering it hadn’t occrued to me.. in part because I already had three comic retrsopectives going, my looks at The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck, Scott Pilgrim and New X-Men, and simply because I just hadn’t thought of it till Kevin, frequent patron and comissioner of the blog whose paid for tons of reivews, suggested covering the second Album, Arctic Nation, which has our hero searching for a missing little girl he feels has been taken by the titular white supramacist movement.. and if your wondering “Wait how the fuck does that work their animals”, John is black coded due to his black fur, while the white suprmacists are all Arctic Animals.. a touch I really like as I’d honestly never thought of that as a metaphor but it fits like a glove, especially given that most white furred arctic mamals are pretty agressive looking. So yeah I’ll be covering that one next month for Black History Month, among many other things, but I felt I wanted to cover the series in order and since again, it’s only the second of five and I had a free space on the schedule. So without further adew, join me somewhere in the shadows and under the cut as we enter the world of one John Blacksad. 

We open as you’d expect for a Noir with a heady narration and a murder. John was brought in by Smirnov, the chief of police and an old aquantice who serves as his Commissioner Gordon. Since the victim is John’s ex, he was brought in to see if he knows anything and as you’d expect warned not to look into it further, as John dosen’t buy this was a simple robbery. His response is exactly what you’d expect. 

I mean.. what did you expect? You called him out of bed to see his former lovers corpse, KNOWING he’s one hell of detective, dosen’t give up on things easy, and would probably be curious. For him to say “Cool gonna go smoke some reefer and take in a looney tunes short at the theater, call me when you find the murderer?” Also  this series takes place in the 50s. Because of course it does. 

So John goes back to his office to brood, reflecting that the office feels like the remains of an ancient civlization because “It seems to be all that remains of the civlized person I used to be”. Hell of a line. 

We then get his backstory with the victim, Natalia. She’s a famous actress, who John first as a younger man when hired to investgate some death threats she’d received with a boquet of flowers. John shows off just how good he is at his job in just a few panels. 

IT not only shows in just a few panels just how ferocious our hero can be when needed and how good he is at his job, easily having tracked down the man responsible and scared him shitless without breaking as sweat, but how fucking gorgeous the art is. I meant it when I brought up the old disney comparison, as Steranko even mentioned in his introduction to the collection of the first three volumes how it looks like animation cels on the page. IT’s utterly breathtaking and ONLY gets even more lush and beautiful as the series goes on and perfectly fits the noir stylings with it’s realisim, making it’s animal characters feel utterly human and real while still keeping their animal traits in perfect detail. 

John impressed her, and as we see in the next page under his narration they not only had really steamy passionate sex, and why yes we do see them naked even if the bits are covered it’s still very much nsfw and we saw Natalia’s naked corpse earlier, so that ship had already sailed anyway, with Natalia taking him on both as her lover and her on staff detective and the two were much in love.. until the fame apparenlty got to her judging from the visuals, and the realtionship fell apart. 

Before we move on i’d like to talk about the narration which CAN be a bit overwrought here or there and is a bit overused.. but does have it’s mometns of being utterly effective as with above, contrasting John’s statments about a sucessful job and being hired on.. with the beginnings of his and Natalia’s relationship and their passionate lovemaking. IT’s not BAD and it works for the setting, but it can be distracting, but thankfully the series levels this out as we go and they learned from it so no harm done. Just the kinda thing that happens early in a series life when the creators are getting a handle on things, so no harm done. 

But naturally John isn’t going to take the love of his life, responsible for the happiest days of said life, being brutally murdered lying down and is going to find the bastard who did this. So he goes to an old friend, Jake Ositombe, a championship boxer and Nat’s former bodyguard who he recommended to her. Given we see him knock the shit out of his opponent without the slightest effort, yeah good call. Also yes we share the same name and no it’s not weird to type about another Jake, adventure time sorta.. knocked that out of me. Jake dosen’t know much since she fired him a long time ago as one of her lovers hired private security, and the last one he knew of was a guy by the name of Leon.  John, naturally, easily finds the guy’s apartment, Leon Kronkski, a screenwriter.. but also rules him out as the guy lived in a humble apartment and clearly didn’t have the cash to hire his own hired goons. 

He does find a clue, a matchbook for some place called the Cypher Club.. and another when the man’s sweet  mouse landlady shows up, who John charms by pretending to be Leon’s friend and flashing a big smile, finding out a msyterious man with “big bulging eyes”, took him. This scene also to me is great in subtly showing off John’s skill. While the previous flashback showed how badass he is, shoving a gun down the throat of a stalking wannabe murderer with pure rage in his eyes.. here we see a lighter approach, how despite his serious and dour nature.. he easily slips into being cheery and looking like an average joe off the street. He bluffs the landlady not because the plot says so.. but because like any PI he’s just that good at slipping into whatever roll he needs to get the info he needs. He can be his dour self or a charming happy go lucky guy without missing a beat. 

So with that he goes to the studio leon worked for where his boss.. is a walrus j jonah jameson?

But yeah J. Jonah Walruson wants pictures of spider-man.. moving pictures.. but he can’t film them with his star dead and his screenwriter indefintiely gone, with the same bulging eyed man having told JJ he’d be gone indefintely. Nothing suspicious about that!

So naturally John’s next plan is to find the guy.. who is already after him as you’d expect with both a knife to slash at our hero with and the fog covering him so he can hit and run. But unluckily for him .. well i’ll let john say it...

John  headbutts the myserious snake, who only managed to get his coat before and tries to interogate him.. but gets a quick jab to the gut and the guy gets away. 

We soon meet our big bag, who has a big speech about insects and things being usefufl.. and once they stop being useful.. they become dead and collectable, telling the snake man to back off John.. and sending his right hand man to go take care of the Snake who apparently took something from the office. Realizing his numbers up the Snake Man goes to a lizard bar, picks up a package from a friend and runs out the back, knowing he’s being followed.. and we get some hints there’s also racial tension between lizards and mammials here as the bartender, said friend, has the entire bar circle around the guy preventing him from following our mysterious bulging eyed man. 

Meanwhile John goes to the Cipher Club, a wretched hive of scum and villiany. Given Nat was a glamorous movie star, it’s very clear she was here to hide from something or someone, and the bartnender, a wild pig. 

No not you sweetie. The wild pig tells John leon was indeed here and a local rat, in both senses of the word, offers to take John to him.. though understandably John is supscious of the guy he just met in a seedy bar taking him anywhere except to get some heroin. Did Heroin exist yet? Questions for later. But he’s got a case so he follows. Though suprisingly the guy DOES actually come through and it’s not ENTIRELY a trap: he takes john to a tomb for Noel Krinsok.. an anagram for Leon’s name. Unsuprisingly he’s dead. And also unsuprisingly, two hired goons

Show up. As I said not ENTIRELY a trap but it’s obvious given the rat split moments before that our mysterious big bad knew where john would be headed next, and thus while giving him a clue, also set him up to get his head knocked in. And while John is badass.. these guys are a bear and a rhino,  both stronger, bigger, and with suprise on their size, as well as a tombstone to knock john’s head into. They easily beat him senseless and hope he got the message, though john gives a defiant fuck you before being punched out for it. He returns home, feeling like he’s aged 20 years “But no one respects the elderly anymore”, PFFT, and heads home to his rathole, not literally this time, apartment to lay on his cot and think as he gets some rest. 

And while the trail for Leon is cold. our mysterious murderer accidently tipped his hand: only someone with a LOT of money and influence could make a man disappear like this, and it tracks with what we’ve seen so far. The guy has multiple henchman and despite being a big star with plenty of clout, Natalia had to hide in a dive bar just to get away from him and even THEN clearly wasn’t so lucky given she and her new lover both wound up dead.  But Blacksad has bigger problems.. he wakes up in a jail cell.

Turns out Smirnkov had him arrested.. but for his own protection as the case is getting too hot and while he was late on that front given John’s face is hamburger, it’s clear from his tone and demeanor that while he may of been harsh with John earlier.. the two are old friends, and the Chief is simply worried about him winding up dead, and John takes you know being thrown in prison in stride. Which while not a bad scene it is a BIT suspect that a black coded character was thrown in jail for nothing and it’s treated very lightly and as a simple protection between friends, though given they wouldn’t think of coding john like that till next volume, I brush it off as accidental implications in hindsight. 

Smirnkov though also called John here.. because he needs his help. Since Natalia’s Murder Case is pointing very high up, so his superiors have ordered him to bury the case and as he puts it “the bastards know where to squeeze”. And given in volume 3 we learn Smirnov has a wife and children, it’s very obvious where they squoze and to the volume’s credit while we don’t know that yet it’s VERY clear from Smirnov’s body language they went after some form of family. So while he has to give it up.. John does not. So he brought him to jail to offer a proposal: John goes after this son of a bitch and nails him to the wall.. and Smirnov will FULLY protect John no matter what he has to do.  Now naturally given the rightful reckoning for police that’s been going on for almost a year, this SHOULDN’T play well. You have an officer outright telling an outside party that he and his boys will cover up his crimes. But.. honestly even in that framework.. it still works. That’s because.. the system has failed here. The higher up and more corrupt cops put pressure on the honest and hardworking family man Smirnov to stop a legitimate investigation into a horrible murderer.. because the guy is rich. And even now we’ve seen time and time again how rich assholes effortlessly escape the consequences of their action: How our own president who actively asked other nations to interfere in our election escaped his first impeachment trial, but hopefully not the second, aquitted. How Jeffery Epstien took YEARS to bring down with his years of ellicit parties involving innocent women and children he fucking enslaved. How Bill Cosby got away with all kinds of sexual assault for decades. The rich are often literally above the law in this country, so having a down on his luck detective, who retroactively himself is a minority, go after him with the full support of an actually GOOD police officer who genuinely believes in these people being held accountable but is held back by his family’s safety.. it works. John isn’t able to skirt consequences BECAUSE of a corrupt system.. but because the system’s so broken and slanted in the rich’s favor, that the ONLY option an honest officer like Smirnov has is to go outside it. And when asked WHY he’s doing all of this, Smirnov merley replies

... I got chills, their multiplyin. So John plans to find the bulge eyed snake after a hot shower.. only for the guy to hold a gun to John’s head, having been waiting for him and wave the murder weapon, in a baggie around, the item he had retrieved, feeling John’s trying to replace him as number two. However before he can do anything our snake  pal is shot full of holes by the rat from before, who John dispatches with his own gun. 

So the Snake starts to expire.. but feels a kinship with John “We are nothing right cat? Spent so much time waiting for the right chance and when it happens it all falls to pieces”. The Snake explains his roll in things: He was one of the private security our big bad hired to guard Natalia. But being supscious he also hired the rat to follow her around, and thus found out about her affair, brutally torturing and murdering Leon and shooting Natalia in the head. And we finally get a name as our snake friend tragically expires. 

The snake’s death and tragic dying moments are something I forgot about.. but damn if their not really good writing, taking a character who before was seemingly just a murderous goon.. and comparing him to our hero. Another working class joe, and one who just caught up with the wrong asshole at the wrong time. He easily could’ve been john in another life and vice vers and it’s a good parallel. 

So John’s nightmares finally have  name and he naturally goes to confront the guy since he has an almost literal get out of jail free card. Turns out Smirnov is the richest man in town, and has his own big tower. Huh.. sounds familiar, and John simply sneaks his way up and once Statoc’s guards from before hear him rustling about.. sneaks up on them and clocks both one at at time with a fire extinqusher. 

Statoc warmly welcomes our hero inside, and has the fucking lizard balls, as he’s some sort of lizard himself, to offer John a JOB

I mean he’s clearly lost a lot of his goons and most of them were incompetent. He fails to realize that John can’t be bought, is here for vengeance and has no intention of selling his soul to some rich asshole who killed someone he loved for the creepiest and most asinine reasons imaginable. He says john’s Concisence is why he can’t pull the trigger and that he lacks “cold blood”.. before we cut to the next page, where John’s shot the fucker in the head and left a gaping hole where his lack of a brain was. 

And again what makes this work is the aftermath: John is clearly shaken, having ONLY been able to pull the trigger beause of Statoc’s smug grin and clearly not taking the sight of Statoc’s dead body bleeding out well. And while Smirnov keeps his word, covers for him despite the two guards clearly providing an iron clad argument against john and knoiwng thier blatantly covering this up.. he’s not happy about it. 

This is WHY the narrtive still works. Statoc stacked the law against the bad guys. .but despite this being a necessary evil.. it’s still an evil and subverting teh law at this rightly leaves him not in a great place mentally. John himself isn’t even if he plays it off as otherwise, as we get our final bit of narration and one hell of a closing line. 

Final Thoughts:

Somewhere in the Shadows is a bit rough around the edges, leaning a bit too heavily into the noir pastiche and Blacksad being a harboiled detective, something the next volume would ease up on. That being said.. it’s still a masterpiece, with gorgeous art and masterful pacing. While it’s the shortest of the stories, like those after it the pacing is sublime and never feels like it has any down moments or stuff that could’ve been cut, and the mystery keeps you on edge the whole time. Having forgot a lot of the details since last read I was on the edge of my seat the entire story and loving every second of it. Somewhere in the Shadows is the perfect starter for the series, introducing an important charcter in Smirnov and the noir nature and giving us a case personal to John so we can see who he was before, what he is now.. and what he WILL be for the rest of the series. The moment that MADE him into an even harder man than the one we follows here.. when he took a life in cold blood. A masterful story, seriously check it and the other volumes out, on comixology, in stores, great stuff. Next time we look into john and as I said, he’s taking down some racists and we also meet his sidekick weekly for the first time. As for me tommorow I dive back into my Tom Luictor retrospective but hit pause on our boy for a bit to take care of some of the larger plot.   Until the next rainbow, it’s been a pleasure. 

[squadrablog]

Would you consider a reader (whatever gender interests you)/Ghiaccio fic? Scenario: he's trying to impress the person he's dating with White Album tricks to varying success. Most Ghiaccio content, regardless of if its reader!fic or not, writes him as abusive, demeaning, or boils him down to angry screaming and nothing else, so it'd be refreshing to see something that's not that!

I have to admit that the use of the word “tricks” really threw me off, but I pieced together some sort of coherent scenario based on the premise. Most of my work went into the other part of your request, because I 100% agree with your thoughts on Ghiaccio’s typical characterization. I hope you like it! (Also this goes for this fic as well as what I’ve written before but I haven’t mentioned it, my use of italics is preserved on Ao3 but not on tumblr. Just a heads up.)

Ghiaccio x They/them Reader (some feminine language used)

Ao3 Mirror Here.

Word Count: 5393

Warnings: Uhhh. None this time as far as I can tell!

Under cut for length!

“So are you going to help or not?” Ghiaccio grumbled under his breath. Formaggio was currently leaned back leisurely in the base’s common room recliner with a smug grin on his face, basking in the rare moment of Ghiaccio’s humility.

“Sorry, sorry,” Formaggio said, finally leaning forward, placing his elbows on his knees and chin on top of his knuckles. “I just don’t want to forget the time that Ghiaccio came to me for relationship advice.”

Ghiaccio was practically biting down on his tongue to keep from snapping at him, but the truth was Formaggio was the most experienced in the art of romance relative to all his other squadmates and he really was desperate for any help he could get.

What else was he going to do, ask Melone? Yeah, right.

“I just need your help deciphering some shit they said, don’t get a big head about it,” Ghiaccio said, leaning back in his spot on the couch and crossing his arms over his chest. “You’re better than me at...  people.” It was a tough thing to admit out loud, but Ghiaccio’s social awkwardness was of course no secret to anyone who knew him. For all the talent he had reading people’s intentions in the midst of a battle, when it came to his interpersonal relationships he felt less capable. Of course, that was on other people and their arbitrary social conventions, not him.

But you were different. You said what you meant and spoke in plain language without ulterior meanings or motivations, and you accommodated him and his idiosyncrasies in all the ways that mattered. In fact, you were such a nice change of pace from other people that he tended to overthink everything you said out of habit, projecting hidden meanings where they normally would have existed with others.

“Lay it on me, dude. I’ve gotcha,” Formaggio assured him, his smirk turning into something a bit more cordial and supportive. Ghiaccio let out a deep exhale before talking again.

“We were on a date and I don’t remember what we were even talking about, but they give me this… weird smile,” Ghiaccio began. “And they said ‘Ghiaccio, it’s okay to be more vulnerable around me.’ Said that I could ‘trust them,’ and that if things are going to get any more serious between us they want to see more of the ‘real me.’” He leaned forward as he steepled his fingers. “They know, don’t they?”

“Know what?” Formaggio asked, his eyebrow raised.

“What I do for a living, what else!? They figured it out and now they expect me to say it out loud,” Ghiaccio said, throwing his hands up in the air. “That’s what that means, right? The ‘real me’ they’re talking about?” Formaggio gave a small chuckle and Ghiaccio turned to shoot him a glare. What was so funny about your safety, as well as La Squadra’s, being compromised?

“Dude…” Formaggio said, trying his best to keep a straight face. “You’re fine, chill ou- I mean… calm down.” Ghiaccio mercifully let the original choice of words slide. “If they did know, that’s not how they’d bring it up. No, what they’re trying to tell you is,” Formaggio began, leaning over in the recliner towards the edge of the couch to clap his hand on Ghiaccio’s shoulder, looking him dead in the eyes, “you’re not romantic enough.”

Ghiaccio crinkled his nose at that, but tried to stop himself from getting immediately defensive. “What do you mean exactly?”

“I know you already know this, so don’t freak out if I actually say it, but you’re not exactly… the suavest guy. Or the best at flirting.”

“We’re already together, what do I have to flirt for?” Ghiaccio said, his eyes narrowing.

“See? That’s exactly what I mean! You said they like cute stuff and sweet foods and cuddling right? Someone like that definitely wants you getting a little mushy and lovey-dovey. Everything you say about them makes them out to be this real sweetheart, but the way you say it is always so… technical. So analytical!”

“They say my attention to detail is one of my best qualities,” Ghiaccio protested.

“I don’t doubt it. Look, you’ve got plenty of passion, and based on how much inane shit you know about them that I think they don’t even know about themself, you’re very attentive.” Formaggio might have chosen to say ‘neurotic’ instead, but it was obvious Ghiaccio genuinely loved you and he was trying to compliment him to soften his initial criticisms. “It just sounds like they’re looking for a different side from you as well. The charming heartthrob buried deep within that hard bitter exterior.”

“How is any of that the real me?” Ghiaccio asked, his eyebrows furrowed. Was this really what you had meant? Were you not satisfied by the way he was currently showing his affection? Did the ‘vulnerability’ you talked about really mean you wanted more sappy saccharine schlock?

“It isn’t… yet,” Formaggio said with a wink and a finger gun in his direction. “I’ve got a few ideas though that’ll spark that flame.”

“...I control ice,” Ghiaccio said flatly.

“That you do,” Formaggio said, his eyes twinkling. “That you do.”

---

“Hey, babe,” Ghiaccio said after you opened your front door for him, his posture a bit stiff, one hand behind his back, and his eyes staring at you intensely.

“Babe?” you asked with a laugh, raising your eyebrow. The usage of a nickname was strange enough on its own, but the way he said it was so wooden.

“Does that bother you?” he asked bluntly, his eyebrows furrowing in concentration. “Is there a name you prefer?”

“Whatever comes easiest,” you said with an amused smile.“Which for you is usually just my name, right?”

“I just thought I’d try it out,” he said with a shrug, trying to look unaffected by how you had brought attention to the unnatural way he said it. “Anyway, I got you this.”

Ghiaccio usually never came to your apartment empty handed. Before picking you up for a date he always met you at the door with the intention of handing off whatever he had before the two of you headed out. While they weren’t exactly ‘gifts,’ he always brought exactly what you needed, usually before you had even realized you needed it.

One time he came over and saw that you were low on milk, and the next day before you two headed out he had a gallon in his hand when you opened the door for him. Another time he brought a new lightbulb for the lamp in your living area, and once he replaced the old one you couldn’t believe you had been living in such awful lighting conditions for so long without realizing it. It had been the right wattage, right size, and it even had the LED filaments you liked that gave the light a warm natural texture.

Today he had a box of chocolates. You took the box and gave them a look-over. It clearly wasn’t from a grocery store; they looked expensive. Needlessly so. Sometimes Ghiaccio would spend a little extra on things he knew you really needed or things that you had personally expressed you wanted. You liked chocolates well enough, but they weren’t exactly your favorite, and you were pretty sure he already knew that.

“Fancy,” you murmured. “What’s the occasion?” You smiled up at him, tilting your head to the side. While you of course appreciated the gesture and were not ungrateful to receive free chocolate, it was very out of character for him and you were beginning to get suspicious.

“Do I need an excuse to treat you?” he asked, scratching the back of his head a bit sheepishly.

“I guess not. Thank you very much, Ghiaccio. I really appreciate it.” You said it genuinely, and you gave him one of your sweet smiles that always made him smile back involuntarily. You turned around to head to the kitchen and set them on the counter. “Let me just get my jacket and we’ll head out!” you called back at him.

“The weather is going to be warm today,” Ghiaccio blurted out, a bit too quickly. “I don’t think you’ll need it.” You turned around and your eyes raked over him before you met his gaze again.

“But you need one?”

He was indeed wearing a red athletic jacket, to match his glasses, over his black turtleneck shirt. He turned away from your eyes. “I dressed before I checked,” he mumbled as an excuse.

You supposed it seemed warm enough out, even if you thought you should bring your jacket just in case it got chilly later since the seasons were changing. But that still didn’t give a reasonable explanation for Ghiaccio’s behavior right now. You acquiesced, which seemed to appease him, and headed out with him to his car. You’d ask him what was on his mind once you were on the road.

“Hey, what’s that?” Ghiaccio asked suddenly, pointing to the side as the two of you approached his car in your complex’s parking lot. You followed the direction of his finger before you suddenly lost your footing on a smooth slippery surface, yelping and falling forward towards the asphalt in a mess of flailing limbs.

You were saved, however, by Ghiaccio’s arms catching you as you collided with his chest, awkwardly clutching at him, a bit frazzled by the near-fall.

“Watch your step,” he said, with something playful about his tone. You glanced up and he was giving you what looked like a friendly smile, although it didn’t reach his eyes. Usually if this kind of thing happened he’d be cursing under his breath as he fussed over you, making sure you were alright. While you were glad he wasn’t getting worked up right now, it still stood out as yet another strange change in behavior.

“Thanks…” you breathed out, righting yourself. His arms were wrapped around you just a moment longer than they needed to be, and when he let go you turned around to look at the ground, only to see nothing of interest. “What did I even slip on?”

“I don’t know, but I’m right here if you slip on anything else,” Ghiaccio said, his hand slapping down on your shoulder. You gave him an incredulous look, and a small huff. Now that you actually had time to process it you had to ask yourself what the hell happened. Was that fall somehow on purpose? If you didn’t know Ghiaccio any better you’d think he was just trying to play the dashing hero there. But you did know him better, which is why it didn’t add up.

“I probably wouldn’t have slipped if you hadn’t distracted me,” you asked, your eyes narrowing before you turned back towards the direction he had pointed earlier. “What were you even trying to show me?” It seemed like he didn’t have an explanation ready, fumbling over his words.

“Sorry,” was what he settled on, facing away from your gaze, his cheeks saturated with a bit more red as he looked properly embarrassed. Sorry for what exactly you weren’t entirely sure since it wasn’t an explanation, but you would drop it for the moment, if only to give him the proper time to come up with the right words. Obviously there was something deeper on his mind that was making him act strange, and when that was the case he needed time to reflect before he spoke so it didn’t come out as a frenzied incoherent mess.

It was quiet in the car at first, as he scrunched his eyebrows up while he got lost in thought. Once you had been driving for a bit he finally spoke. “You know I’m committed to this relationship, right?” he asked, his tone wavering just a bit.

You smiled. “Of course I know that. You show me that every time we’re together.”

“But I’ve never said it,” he said, sparing half a second to glance at you before his eyes were back on the road.

“You don’t need to.” You set your elbow down on the center console and turned towards him. “You’ve been really weird since you picked me up. Is everything okay, Ghiaccio?”

He quickly glanced over again and let out a small sigh. “I just want today’s date to be special.”

You gave him a quizzical look, which he couldn’t see, before leaning back in your chair. You hadn’t made any grand plans for today other than going for a walk at the park and getting some dinner together later in the evening, but perhaps Ghiaccio had planned some sort of surprise that he was nervous about? You’d let his weird behavior slide and not prompt him for details for now, as curious as you were, if it meant you were going to get a proper explanation eventually.

---

Ghiaccio knew he was already off to a bad start. Formaggio made it all sound so easy, but it seemed like the more he tried to turn up the charm the more awkward it made things. He hadn’t wanted to orchestrate a situation that would cause you to slip on some ice he summoned with White Album, but Formaggio said that saving you would get you all flustered. You mostly seemed annoyed. Ghiaccio just felt like an asshole.

Why did he spend so much money on chocolates when he could think of a dozen other sweets you’d enjoy way more? Formaggio said chocolates were ‘classic’ and the price tag would show just how thoughtful he was. He had spent so much time trying to find the highest quality chocolate possible that he forgot to pick you up shampoo like he had planned. Last time he was over at your place he noticed your hair smelled different, like the old backup shampoo you used when you ran out of the stuff you liked.

While the two of you took your stroll at the park Ghiaccio was a lot less talkative than usual, trying to split his attention between listening to you and convincing himself to go through with another one of Formaggio’s suggestions.

He slowly began lowering the temperature around the both of you in small increments over the course of your walk so that you wouldn’t notice the change right away, and although he had been uncharacteristically quiet so far he finally spoke up once he saw you shiver.

“Are you cold?” he asked suddenly, cutting you off just before you could finish your current sentence, which you were noticeably unhappy about.

“Yeah, a bit actually,” you said, wrapping your arms around yourself, looking up at the sky. “Even though it’s really sunny out.”

“Do you want to borrow my jacket?” Ghiaccio asked, already slipping it off himself.

“I wouldn’t need it if you’d let me bring my own,” you said, giving him a peeved look and a half-smile. He awkwardly started to drape the jacket over your shoulders. “But thanks.”

There was an uncomfortable pause in talking as you two walked for a bit before Ghiaccio said: “You look cute,” and after a beat, “In my jacket.”

You just shrugged, turning to give him a halfhearted smirk. “Bright red and sporty isn’t exactly my style.”

Ghiaccio let out an involuntary shiver of his own, not realizing he had unconsciously been letting the temperature continue to drop. You frowned at him before shrugging the jacket off and handing it back to him.

“I don’t need-” he grumbled defensively, but you moved to stand in front of him, stopping him in his tracks. You draped the jacket over his shoulders like he had done to you and then zipped him all the way up before he had even moved to put his arms through the sleeves properly.

“You look cuter in your own jacket,” you said, before walking on ahead while he fumbled with his arms, his cheeks heating up at the predicament you left him in. Once you were a little ways away and out of the range of where he had focused White Album you called back, “I think it’s warming up again, anyway!”

“Get back here, you clown!” he shouted back at you, finally getting his arms where they needed to be. Since that had panned out so poorly, Ghiaccio just called off his stand and jogged ahead until he was back in line with you. All this had managed to do was make him feel like a real jerk for telling you to leave your jacket at home just so he could offer you his. It was so utterly transparent, shamefully so.

“Hm… ‘clown’ sounds much more natural coming out of your mouth than ‘babe,’ does,” you said. You had a bit of a skip in your step that you didn’t have before, and he was glad that getting back at him had improved your mood. His expression softened when you smiled earnestly at him. You bit your lip for a second, looking a bit more hesitant, before you asked: “Are you done trying to be a romcom cliche yet?”

“Is that what I’m doing?” Ghiaccio said with a small scoff. Of course it was. Everything he’d been doing felt so fake in his own mind and body, so there was no way you weren’t seeing right through him. 

“Is it not?” you asked with a quiet laugh, your smile falling just a bit. “Is there something wrong, Ghia?”

God, whenever you called him Ghia he always had a hard time keeping his cool. He grabbed your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours, his gaze fixed forward and his jaw set tight, his face starting to match his jacket in color. “No,” he said firmly. “Nothing is wrong. I’m just being stupid.”

You squeezed his hand. He wasn’t big on PDA, and considering the context of everything else you were still unconvinced he was okay. “You don’t have to do things you don’t like just because-” you started, but he squeezed your hand a bit harder than you had to his.

“I’m holding your hand because I want to,” he said, plainly, if not a bit embarrassed. “Getting you chocolates was stupid, you never get chocolates on your own if you have a choice on sweets. Making you leave your jacket at home was stupid, you’re too pragmatic to rely on me to give you one, and too considerate to keep it on while I’m cold. But I’m doing this,” he said while giving your hand a softer squeeze, “because I want to.”

The matter-of-factness of it cleared all your doubts, and you blushed a bit yourself. Ghiaccio knew you very well, and it wasn’t empty flattery or false acts of chivalry that got your heart going. It was things like the systematic way in which he described the things he noticed you liked or that he found attractive about you. Or the way he surprised you with genuine moments of vulnerability like this that you longed to see more of.

The two of you finished out your walk in silence, a comfortable one this time, hand-in-hand.

---

“I do trust you,” Ghiaccio said, a bit of a non-sequitur since it was unprompted by your current topic of conversation. You were both at the restaurant that you had made reservations for, seated at an outdoor table on a rooftop with a nice overlook of Naples. You had your jacket on; Ghiaccio had insisted that the both of you go back to your apartment to pick it up, and now that you were out in the crisp early evening air you were glad. “I need you to know that I do.”

He scratched the back of his neck, thinking of the best way to say what he wanted to say. “But when you said you wanted me to be more vulnerable, what did you mean? Because it obviously wasn’t whatever the fuck I tried doing today.”

“That was your take on ‘vulnerability’?” you asked with a barely restrained laugh.

“No. It was Formaggio’s take,” he clarified, looking off into the distance with a grumpy expression. You had never met Formaggio, but you had heard many stories about the man and his various antics. “He said you wanted me to be more romantic.”

“Maybe? But not if it’s forced and you set up convoluted situations yourself like some sort of jackass chessmaster. I also said I wanted to see the ‘real you’. Where did that factor in?” You raised an eyebrow at him as you took another bite of your meal.

“I don’t know,” Ghiaccio admitted with a groan, poking at his food and scowling.

“When I said I want you to be vulnerable I meant that I want you to do things like… how you held my hand because that’s what you wanted to do, not because you thought you should. Or things like… I’ve seen you happy, and just about everyone has seen you angry, but I’ve never seen you sad, or afraid, or… well, I hadn’t seen you particularly shy before, but I guess you showed me that today, even if you weren’t trying to,” you said with a smirk.

“You don’t need to deal with my bullshit,” Ghiaccio said, looking at you with an unreadable expression. You frowned.

“Ghiaccio, I want to deal with your bullshit, I want you to rely on me! I also want to know more about the person you are on your own, outside this relationship. You’re always so closed off about things like your personal life.”

Ghiaccio looked back at his food with furrowed brows, stabbing at it a little harder and more frequently. “What if you don’t like the ‘real me’?”

“Ghiaccio.” You reached across the table to grab his free hand, but he just scrunched his neck further down into himself, withdrawing like a turtle. “I love you.”

He stared at you blankly, before his fork was clattering to the ground in his frantic attempt to take your hand in both of his. “Are you fucking serious!?” he spat out, causing several other diners to look over at your table. He had been thinking the same thing for a long while now, but he had been too anxious to say it out loud.

“Dead fucking serious,” you confirmed with a big smile.

In that moment he really felt like he could tell you everything. About Passione, about being an assassin, about stands, even about the lofty goals his squad had for taking the whole criminal empire for themselves. And maybe he would, but right now he realized that he was staring at you slack-jawed like an oaf.

“I love you too!” he said, letting go with one of his hands to slap the table to punctuate his next declarations. “So goddamn much, I’m thinking about you all the fucking time, about how much I don’t fucking deserve you, about how beautiful you are, about how you always eat what you like the least first so that you end your meals on the best note possible,” he said, gesturing to your plate of food, the central part of the dish still untouched as you worked on everything else around it. You brought your hand up to hide your growing blush and stifle a giddy chuckle. He would often compliment you, and he would often get worked up, but rarely did he ever get worked up over complimenting you.

“Ghia, you’re going to make a scene,” you said, more for the sake of appearances than anything as the other patrons watched your table. Honestly, you could listen to him shout praises at you all night.

Eventually after he got everything out of his system he was panting a little from the exertion of it all. “How’s that… for vulnerable…?” he asked between exhales.

“It’s an improvement,” you said with a cheeky grin.

“I had one last thing planned for our date, but I wasn’t sure if I should go through with it after everything.” He smiled at you, one of those rare gentle smiles where all the creases in his brow smoothed out. “But I think you’ll like it.”

“Oh?” you asked. So he did have a big surprise planned after all?

You waved a waiter over and after you paid the bill you and Ghiaccio were soon back in his car, driving down unfamiliar streets towards what was for you an unknown destination.

---

“What do you mean ‘closed for repairs’!?” Ghiaccio demanded of the person on the other side of his phone call, trying once again to open the locked doors in front of him. “The lights are on in there and I can see the rink from here! Looks frozen to me!”

After a few more frustrated exchanges on the call he hung up. “Apparently the system is malfunctioning and it’s not safe to skate on it,” Ghiaccio grumbled, pressing his face up against the door of the ice skating rink one more time, watching the various maintenance workers move about, pointedly ignoring the irate blue haired man banging on the front entrance.

“It’s okay, we can do it another time,” you consoled him. “I can’t ice skate anyway.” You had never expressed interest in it before, and while it seemed like a fun thing for a couple to do you weren’t exactly too excited about trying it or too disappointed that you couldn’t.

“We weren’t going to be-” he huffed out before trailing off, rubbing a hand down his face in annoyance. “Okay, originally Formaggio had pitched this as another one of his schemes, but I didn’t bring you here to pretend to teach you how to skate while you stumbled around. Instead I was thinking… I wanted to show you something.”

You tilted your head to the side. “Show me what?”

“Look… I’ve got one more idea to make this work out, and if it doesn’t then I’ll tell you. But I really want to show you first if I can. If we head out now it’ll still be light enough,” he insisted, heading back towards the car. You followed after him, your curiosity now piqued.

You two were in the car for a while as you noticed you were getting farther and farther away from the city and out onto the countryside. When you pulled up to a makeshift dirt parking lot at the top of a small hill you realized where you were.

“I used to come to this lake a lot when I was a kid,” you mused quietly. “I hope you aren’t thinking it’s going to be frozen over? It’s way too warm for that.”

“Well, I guess we’ll have to see,” he said with a smug grin. You just raised an eyebrow at that response. “Can I ask you to stay in the car for a few minutes?”

“Sure…?” you said slowly, watching as he exited the car and disappeared down the side of the hill. Not too much time had passed and he was walking back up the hill and towards the back of the car, popping the trunk then closing it, before eventually coming around to your door. You opened it and let yourself out, noticing that Ghiaccio was holding laces in his hand with a pair of shoes slung it over his shoulder, and based on context those were probably ice skates. Did Ghiaccio really like skating enough to own his own pair? He’d never mentioned it as a hobby before today.

Soon the two of you were trudging through some dense foliage and over to the side of a lake that was inexplicably frozen. You stared at it, wide-eyed.

“What the…?” you muttered, turning towards Ghiaccio with an expression that demanded answers. He offered none, giving you another smug smile before sitting down on a rock. “How did you know it was going to be… it hasn’t even snowed yet this year!”

“I’ll tell you later tonight, if you really want to know,” he said. And he meant it. But right now there was something else he wanted to show you. “But I didn’t bring you here for the lake.”

You were able to suspend your incredulity for his sake, though it wasn’t easy. After the shock of the lake had fizzled out a little you watched him take the very nice, if not a little bit worn down, pair of ice skates in his hands. He slipped off the shoes he was currently wearing and slid his feet into the skates, lacing them up, while you watched him in silence.

“So you’re going to skate… by yourself?” you asked, arching an eyebrow at him. “And I’m just going to do what, watch?”

“That’s the idea,” he said, finishing up and standing himself upright, maneuvering to the lake’s edge, and before you could complain he shot you one last look, a genuine smile, before he pushed himself onto the ice.

Your boyfriend didn’t share a lot of things with you, but you were surprised that he never saw fit to mention the fact that he was apparently a professional Olympic-level figure skater. Your initial shock at the state of the lake was completely forgotten as you watched him dance across the ice with a level of precision and grace that you had never expected from the man.

And he was pulling out all the stops to show off for you. Spinning in the air, skating low and practically parallel to the ground, skating backwards, skating on one leg with the other poised far behind him in the air. Every jump he made looked too risky, too intense to possibly land smoothly, but as you stood mesmerized you could almost swear that the ice raised up to meet him each time.

After his initial bout of tricks, he skated back over to you and his face looked more relaxed and content than you had ever seen it. “Impressed?” he asked with a confident lilt to his voice.

“Ghia… you’re incredible,” you said, still in a daze. “Why didn’t you tell me you skated?”

“Because I don’t,” he said, his posture tensing a bit, his expression almost embarrassed. “Not anymore. I’m banned from every major figure skating organization in Italy.”

“Oh my God, what happened?” you muttered, finally snapping back to reality and looking up at him with concerned eyes.

“Scandals. Sabotage. None of it helped by my temper,” he grumbled. “It’s this whole big fucking complicated nightmare that I don’t want to talk about right now.” He gestured for you to come meet him at the edge of the lake, and you stepped forward, taking your hands in his as he held them out. “But I loved figure skating. It was the best time of my life, before I met you, and I’m tired of pretending that time never existed. Even if all I can do now is share it with you, then that’s still something.”

“Oh, Ghiaccio, it’s okay” you cried out, your tone consoling, wrapping your arms around him in a firm hug, causing him to stumble a bit on his skates. “I love you so much. Thank you for sharing this part of you with me. I love you, I love you!”

“I get it, I get it, I love you too, you’re going to push me over!” he yelled, trying to pry you off of him. Eventually you released him and stepped back to flash him a tender smile, tears threatening to spill over the corners of your eyes. “What are you crying for?” he muttered, looking away from your intense expression.

“You were crying first!” you shot back, your tears finally flowing. Ghiaccio brought his hand up to his face and realized that he had indeed been gently weeping for a while and it had gone completely unnoticed by him. He huffed before turning around and skating away. “Don’t you skate away from your feelings, Mister!” you called after him.

You watched him skate for some time, seeing him getting lost in his own world out on the lake, chasing after something he thought he’d left behind. He was beautiful. Utterly beautiful. The whole night had been magic, the impossible frozen lake something from another realm. Eventually it got too dark to see properly before the both of you headed up the hill to the car, hand-in-hand.