#about a guy i played star wars action figures with in elementary school

[johntorrington]

rpf is fine but only when it’s hockey

[rosemaidenvixen]

A Secret’s Worth

Chapter 6: Toby

Ao3

The squeak rubber on linoleum got louder as the footsteps came closer. 

Toby didn’t move an inch, eyes locked on the gap beneath the stall door.

Coach Lawrence’s sneakers stepped into view.

The muscles in his legs were wailing in protest, cramped in position to keep him perched on top of the toilet. Toby forced himself to ignore the pain and held his breath, staying as still as he possibly could. They were close, so close, he couldn’t mess things up now.

They hadn’t come this far just to trip at the finish line.

Seconds ticked by, each one feeling like an hour, before Coach Lawrence’s shoes turned and headed out of the bathroom. Toby letting out a silent cheer of victory as the door shut behind him. He waited a few more moments, just to make sure Coach Lawrence wasn’t trying to fake them out, before dropping down to the floor and peeking out of the stall. 

“Coast is clear Jim,”

Right on queue Jim stepped out of another stall and hurried over to meet him by the door. A quick glance to make sure the halls were clear, then they made a break for it. Running through the school as silently as they could, taking care to make sure they wouldn’t be seen.

When they reached the side entrance Toby was shaking, half from excitement and half from fear. Part of him was convinced that Señor Uhl was going to be standing right outside waiting for them, two detention slips held at the ready. Their adventure over before it could even begin. Palms sweaty, he slowly pushed the door open, when he saw that the walkway was clear his heart leapt.

He and Jim ran down the sidewalk, grabbed their bikes, and started pedaling like their lives depended on it. Not even slowing down when they crossed the street and cut through the intersection. When they finally stopped, huffing and puffing in front of the diner’s parking lot, only a sliver of Arcadia Oaks High school was visible, the rest concealed by buildings.

Toby felt giddy energy bubbling up inside his chest. They had done it, for a while he didn’t think he had it in him but he had pulled through. 

Now the afternoon was theirs. 

“Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh I can’t believe we just did that!” he hopped from foot to foot, practically jumping with exhilaration “We ditched a pep rally and snuck out of school we’re practically delinquents now! And no one suspects a thing! Oooh man if anyone finds out we’re going to get Saturday detention for the rest of the year!”

Jim was giggling and grinning from ear to ear, if anything he was even more buzzed about this than Toby was “Who cares, detention will be worth it!”

Toby gave Jim an admiring glance, he had always been so straight-laced since...well, ever. It really felt good to see him finally cut loose. 

At that moment the girls rounded the corner on their bikes, racing towards their designated meeting spot right on time.

Jim waved them over as the three slid to a stop, panting as they caught their breath. 

“You guys have any trouble escaping?”

Mary leaned heavily against her handlebars, still gasping from exertion “We nearly got caught, Ms. Janeth almost found us, we had to hide in the recycling bins,”

She perked up almost instantly “But we got away, now we have the rest of the afternoon off, and you know what that means!”

Like Toby needed to be told twice “Gun Robot 7 here we come!” he cheered, playfully bumping shoulders with Jim.

Immediately Jim stiffened, a slow shudder making its way up through his body “Tobes,” he hissed through clenched teeth “...arm…”

Oh...oops.

“Sorry dude,” he scooted away, giving Jim plenty of space “Forgot about your needle arm, at least you’re done now, right?”

“Yeah, just finished the last round of shots yesterday,” Jim replied while rubbing his much punctured limb “Thank god, if I had to get jabbed one more time I think my arm would have fallen off,”

Darci snickered “It is kind of funny that the shots you had to get after are worse than when the fox actually tried to bite your foot off,”

“Yeah, hilarious,” 

Toby noticed how Jim kept rubbing his arm as the five of them walked their bikes over to the movie theatre, there was a crackdown on sidewalk laws and they didn’t need to get busted for that of all things. 

It was nuts how Jim and Dr. Lake had been going on camping trips for years without any trouble, and then all of a sudden the most crazy-town-banana-pants thing happens.

Jim was still pretty touchy about it, he’d only ever showed Toby the injury under the bandage once. A cluster of thin red lines an inch above his ankle, not nearly as gorey as Toby had been imagining. He really didn’t like talking about it though, which was cool, Toby knew when to back off. But after enough time had passed and Jim had gotten over almost being mauled, Toby was going to try and convince him to show off the scars more. 

Scars were a huge chick magnet.

Soon enough the theatre was in sight. Not wanting to miss the start of the movie, they hurried to secure their bikes and buy their tickets. Ten minutes and three giant tubs of popcorn later they were all sitting back and watching the pure epicness of Gun Robot 7: Revenge of the Federation. 

The movie was well over two hours long, but they managed to sit through every last glorious, action packed minute of it. Except for Mary who managed a quick potty break during one of the chase scenes. 

In other words a lot better than the pep rally would have been. They should do this more often.

All too soon the credits started rolling, forcing them to gather their trash and head for the door so that broom wielding employees could do their thing.

While throwing they were all throwing their trash away, Toby happened to notice Claire looking thoughtfully at the banner advertising another movie two theatres down. 

Her pensive look broke into a wide, cheshire-like smile “What do you guys say about making this a double feature?”

Toby did a double take at her words, before shooting a discreet glance at the nearby theater employees. One behind the ticket counter trying to pretend he wasn’t reading a textbook and fooling nobody. Two at the snack bar engaged in a heated debate about the Star Wars prequels.

None of them would notice or care if five teens snuck into an extra movie. 

For the first time today Toby didn’t feel one hundred percent onboard with this. Ditching during a pep rally was one thing, but theatre hopping was another. Forget grounding, if they got caught it was game over for real. Darci’s dad might even pull strings to get them all sent to juvie.

This was stupid, crazy, if there was a single brain cell between the five of them they’d quit while they were ahead and just go to Claire’s house and play videogames. 

But that wouldn’t be nearly as fun, or as thrilling.

Mary was practically vibrating “We totally should!”

“We’ve already cut school for half a day,” Darci said with a shrug and a smirk “What’s sneaking an extra movie?”

Toby was about to say that they could count him in when something occurred to him.

He glanced at Jim from the corner of his eye, trying to gauge his reaction without being completely obvious. 

The movie they were looking at was over two hours long, which would mean for Jim to stay and watch with them he would have to break curfew.

Toby had to bite the inside of his mouth to keep from saying anything, Jim needed to make this choice by himself, pushing him one way or another never ended well.

Jim always stuck to his mom’s rules, which was one of the things Toby admired about him. But Dr. Lake still made him follow the same rules they’d had back since elementary school. They were in high school now, they were teenagers for crying out loud. Trenchcoat wearing strangers weren’t going to throw them in a windowless van if they were out on the sidewalk five minutes past dark. 

And Toby was sure that if Jim would just let himself relax and forget about the rules just once, he would realize that to. Then he could spend his nights going out and having fun with Toby and their three awesome new friends instead of being cooped up inside. Sure Dr. Lake would probably be a little upset at first, but Toby was confident that she would understand eventually.

But was today the day?

He held his breath as Jim opened his mouth “I’m in to,” his smile was giddy and carefree “What about you Tobes?”

Bliss shot through him from his head to his shoes.

Hearing Jim say that made Toby feel like he was walking on air. It was all he could do to not grab Jim in a bear hug and sweep him off his feet “As if you guys even have to ask me,”

After making a couple bathroom trips as stealthily as possible, the five of them quivering with barely restrained giggles, they scurried into a second theatre. One showing a cheesy romcom that they most certainly had not bought tickets for.

The movie was nothing they hadn’t seen before in other similar films. Completely predictable with cliche miscommunications and an obligatory love triangle, but they were all still roaring with laughter. Not so much at the movie, but at the thrill of successfully having broken multiple rules in a single day and gotten away with it.

So another two hours later they were all still laughing their heads off as they walked out of the theatre.

“We, we--” Darci’s words were broken up by loud guffaws “Should ditch and do movies more often,” 

“Totally,” 

“Definitely,” 

“No argument here,”

Toby sided up to Jim, making sure to avoid his needle arm this time, and flashed him a wink. He knew Jim had it in him, that one day he would realize sticking to old, outdated, frankly babyish rules wasn’t as important as spending time with his friends, he just had to give Jim the chance to figure that out by himself.

“Glad you decided to stay later this time Jimbo,”

“What?”

“Dr. Lake probably won’t be too mad at you for breaking curfew, just make her some of your famous spinach puffs and she’ll get over it,” 

Jim stopped in his tracks and turned to look at him, confusion written all over his face “What are you talking about? It’s only three, I’ll be home in plenty of time,”

“No dude, it’s four thirty,”

Wait. Had Jim not been planning on this? Had he just...forgotten the time?

Frown deepening, Jim rooted through his pocket and pulled out his phone “It can’t be that la-”

He stopped in his tracks, jaw dropping open. Toby could actually see the color draining from his face as Jim saw that it was indeed 4:27 pm.

Just like that the cheerful mood was gone. The waves shock and panic coming off of Jim strong enough to make it crash to the ground. Quickly picking up on the sudden shift in atmosphere, girls all looked at each other uncomfortably, Claire coming up to Jim and gently laying a hand on his shoulder “Don’t worry, I’ve broken curfew a few times, your mom might be mad but it’s n--”

Without warning Jim turned and sprinted towards the entrance. They all just stood there, dumbfounded, for a few moments before speedily following him.

Outside Jim was frantically trying to unlock his bike, his hands were trembling so badly that the lock and key slipped from his grip multiple times.

“Hey, where’s the fire?” Darci’s tone was light, but her question landed awkwardly.

Toby’s could feel his face growing hot. Whether it was anger, embarrassment, or some unholy combination of both he had no idea. 

Why did Jim have to do this? Today of all freaking days. They had been having so much fun and then he had to go and ruin it.

Why couldn’t Jim just not do what his mom told him for once in his life? 

He stepped up to him, prepared to say whatever he had to to get Jim to forget his dumb curfew and actually put his friends first for once. 

At that moment Jim finally ripped his bike free and mounted it. Looking back just long enough to flash them an apologetic look. 

“Sorry but I really need to leave right now,” he said in a shaking voice.

“Jim wa-” Mary shouted at him but it was too late, Jim was already speeding away, he hadn’t even bothered to put his helmet on.

 Expression flickering back and forth between fury and confusion, she grabbed her own bike and took off hot on his trail. Claire, Darci, and Toby rushing to get their own bikes and follow after them.

The four of them pedaled as fast as they could after Jim. Darci nearly got close enough to touch him a few times, but they couldn’t keep pace with the almost manic way Jim was pedaling. In ten minutes, a time frame Toby never before thought possible, they pulled into their cul-de-sac. 

Jim didn’t even slow down, dismounting and discarding his bike on the lawn without missing a beat, and then running for his front door at a breakneck pace.

Toby braked hard on the sidewalk “Hold on Jim, let’s ju--”

Jim vanished as the front door slammed shut with a resounding thud. Toby’s entire face was burning, he was very very aware of the girls huddling up on the sidewalk and exchanging hushed whispers.

This was bad, this was bad, this was so freaking bad.

Toby didn’t care if he had to drag him, he was getting Jim out here.

Blood pumping hot and furious, Toby jogged up and pounded on the door.

No reply. 

He was hyper aware of the girls eyes on him now “C’mon Jim open up,” he forced his tone to be light and friendly “You can’t just leave us hanging like this,”

Still nothing.

Clenching his fist, Toby tried again.

On the fifth knocking attempt the doorknob started to turn. Toby opened his mouth to unload on Jim about his uncool and uncalled for attitude, but to his surprise it was Dr. Lake that answered the door instead. 

“What is it Toby?”

He stretched his fake smile even wider, if there was ever a time to play it cool it was now “Hey there Dr. L, I know Jim has a curfew to stick to...but would it be ok if he just came out so we could say goodbye for the night?”

“Jim is in for the night, you guys can talk tomorrow,”

“Oh,” Toby thought quickly “How about I just pop in really quick, just for a minute,”

He moved to step around her and go talk to Jim himself, but before he could set foot inside her arm shot out and grabbed the door frame. 

Her expression had shifted from calm to annoyed as she stood firmly in the doorway, hand fixed firmly to the wooden frame beside her. 

Barring him entry.

“I’m sorry Toby but Jim can’t talk right now,”

Unwilling to move but able to go forward, Toby stayed where he was, feet rooted to the ground.

That was when Claire came hurrying up from behind him, Mary and Darci right on her heels “Please don’t be mad, Jim wasn’t trying to break curfew, we all lost track of time,” 

“That isn’t--” Dr. Lake let out a deep sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose. 

“I’m not mad,” she said tonelessly “But Jim still can’t come to the door,”

Mary’s eyes narrowed, mouth twisting into an indignant frown “Why not?”

“He...he needs to get started on his homework,”

“We won’t take long,” Darci piped up “And besides, the only thing due tomorrow is the biology worksheet, and I know Jim’s finished it already,”

Suddenly a strange sound came from deeper in the house behind Dr. Lake, it almost sounded like...fabric ripping?

Instinctively all four of them shifted around to get a look at the source of the noise. Dr. Lake grabbed the door handle and started to ease it shut while still blocking them.

“I-- I’m sorry but the answer is still no,”

Toby felt sick. Could today get any worse? Why did Dr. Lake have to do it like this. He already knew Mary was going to give them hell about this, not to mention what Claire and Darci would think “But Dr. Lake--”

“Goodnight,” with that she shut the door firmly in their faces

They all stood there for a few seconds of awkward silence before starting to shuffle toward their bikes.

“What does she mean ‘Goodnight’?” Mary grumbled “It’s still light out...” 

Toby moved to follow them, paused, and then turned back and stepped toward the door. Jim always had lots of weird rules to follow, but this was the first time he’d broken one of them and gotten caught.

But Dr. Lake hadn’t been mad, the way she had acted was...weird. 

On impulse he tried the knob. 

Deadbolted. 

His entire body ignited in a hot flush of embarrassment. They had just missed curfew by half an hour and Dr. Lake was locking them out like they were just some random punks?

Any sense of shame gone now, Toby stepped right up and pressed his ear against the wood.

At first he couldn’t hear anything, then he started to pick up the whispers. Toby pressed closer, most of it was too quiet to make out, but some of it wasn’t.

“What were you thinking?” Dr. Lake’s voice “I must have called you over a dozen times!”

The volume died down abruptly. Toby strained to hear more, the silence ticking on.

Then her voice shot up in a sharp peak, nearly forcing him to stagger back. 

“Do you have any idea how close you were cutting it!”

After that it got really quiet.

For a while he thought that was the end of it, then Dr. Lake spoke up again, this time so soft he could barely hear her “Oh sweetie I’m sorry…stay here, I’ll get the scissors,”

Toby kept listening but things stayed quiet. Except for the hundreds of questions swirling in his skull.

He raised a fist, ready to rap it against the wood. To knock on the door one more time today.

His hand stayed like that, raised and ready for action, for five seconds, ten, twenty, thirty.

Then at forty he deflated, hand falling softly and soundlessly against the wood. Hanging his head, Toby turned and walked away from the house, back towards the sidewalk where his bike and the girls were waiting.

[fan-enby-anonymous]

Tagged

Ahhh, what, I was tagged in a post?! @hapless-fma-otaku my friend I love you! So I’ve been asked eleven questions yay!

1: What would you want your Animagus to be?

A Capybara! They’re the world’s largest rodent and they are just the cutest things! They’re pretty big compared to humans, like, the size of a very large dog, and they have very strong teeth. I love them because when a zoo takes in a bunch of orphaned animals they’ll give the poor little critters to the Capybaras to raise because Capybaras are the sweetest little beans and will mother any animal at the drop of a hat. So when you see pics of Capybaras just chilling in a group of other animals it’s probably because the Capybara’s their mama. I’d love to be a Capybara.

2: Favorite sweet treat?

My grandma’s chocolate cake. She uses the best recipe, there’s nothing like it.

3: Favorite space movie?

Yeah, I really like the new Star Wars movies. Sue me, the plot is interesting and the characterization is good and paired with great actors. I don’t see where all this hate is coming from.

4: What skill would you like to learn?

I’d love to learn to play an instrument, maybe guitar or piano. But since I have neither...puts me in an awkward position I’d say.

5: Dream House?

I’d love to live in a two bedroom apartment with hardwood flooring, purple, white, and black furniture and decorating, an ultramodern design, and a big kitchen. There’d have to be a glassed off balcony with a turf and a pet door so I could keep a small dog. Preferably somewhere with a nice view. (But that was probably more detail than was necessary.)

6: Favorite animal?

I think you already know it’s a Capybara, followed very closely by dogs tho.

7: Do you like dinosaur chicken nuggets?

I’m sorry honey, I know you love these but I’ve got to say no. They just don’t taste like real meat. I’m hanging my head in shame I promise.

8: Favorite ice creams flavor?

Man, it teeters between cookie dough and gold ribbon chocolate from Baskin Robin, but I have to go with the latter.

9: What day of the week is significant to you especially?

Sunday is really important to me because it’s my sabbath, so it’s a day where I have a very strict schedule and I have a loooong chance to reflect on my spirituality. It’s just always felt like a very important day.

10: What song do you absolutely loathe hearing?

My sister loves to put on songs that are otherwise good but are covered by singers with literally zero talent and horrible sound quality on their mics. Man it grates on my nerves.

11: Any books that have a special significance to you?

Ok, this is going to be a very long answer so feel free to skip if you’d like, otherwise, buckle up. My favorite book series in existence is Artemis Fowl. It’s special to me for two main reasons, so, here we go.

One, these books saved my from suicide. I was just starting middle school when my grandma introduced me to these books, which is not a good time for anyone. I was just starting to feel those body image issues everyone develops around that time, I was stressed trying to figure out what the hell I wanted to do with my life, I felt responsible for my parents and younger siblings and I was afraid of the bigger work load from multiple classes and how that might effect how much I could help around the house anymore, I had just switched from the first public school I’d ever been to, to a year of online school, to this new high-standards charter school and I had no clue what to expect, I was...drowning, and I needed a constant. I’d always loved reading and the word Artemis Fowl provided to me became that constant in my life, no matter what changed, I could go back to those stories and find something that would stay the same, something reliable. And I really related to Artemis. He was taking care of his parents the way I felt I had to, he was questioning his skills in a new environment way out of his depth like I was at my new school, and he was beginning to realize the world wasn’t exactly the way he thought it was, and that he might be making the world worse, I’ll get to how that applies to me in a minute. It got to the point that Artemis became my new best friend and guide, I’d imagine him with me, like the older brother I never had, to support me when things got rough, be it a joke about how little my teachers must really understand this subject during a class I just wasn’t getting or emotional support when I felt like I was failing my family. Even if he wasn’t really there or even real at all, I felt like he was someone I could go to with my problems, someone who understood. And, when I started experiencing suicidal thoughts for the first time, I’d think about Artemis. He had been through so much more than I could ever possibly comprehend, he’d known the struggles I was going through and then some, and he’d managed to save the world at least five times. So, if Artemis could go through all that, could survive all that, there was no reason I couldn’t fight my battles. I survived middle school, and when my dad moved us half way across the country, from Idaho to Texas, the Artemis Fowl books continued to be that constant. Everything around me was changing, but I was always guaranteed my one friend, because Artemis was always with me.

And, two, Artemis Fowl taught me about racism. Remember when I mentioned feeling like I made the world a worse place, yeah well I’ll just put it out on the table for you, I’m white. And, while my generation was going to elementary school, schools were just barely starting to teach the truth in history classes. I loved going to school and absorbed as much information as I could, but a lot of what I learned reflected badly on people like me. The trail of tears, slavery and segregation, manifest destiny, Christopher Columbus, all the horrific things you learn about in history class that are entirely because a group of white people decided they were better than everyone else, I was glad I was trusted enough to learn the truth about these things, but I also started to see myself differently because of what I was learning. I was ashamed of myself and I started to hate myself because I was one of those people who had ruined the lives of millions of innocent people. My ancestors were nothing but a force of destruction. And it hurt, it scared me that all these terrible things had happened and there was nothing I could do about it. But, when I got older and I started reading the Artemis Fowl books, what I saw changed something. Artemis, who I saw as so similar to myself, was the antagonist of Holly’s story in the first book. Holly was a woman of color, a force for good throughout the story, the most compassionate person in the narrative, and in my opinion at that time, the best character in the book. That fit with my views of the world, a white man was objectively the bad guy and he was making life unnecessarily difficult for people of color around him who were objectively the good guys and treated others much better than he did. But as the book series went on, Artemis and Holly became friends, very good friends, and that changed things. Because no one would ever deny that Artemis hurt Holly, his actions had been terrible and we weren’t supposed to think any differently. But after a long time of healing, and working to make things better, and a lot of personal growth on Artemis’s part, he was able to be forgiven and form positive relationships with the people he had once hurt. And that taught me that I didn’t have to be the bad guy in someone else’s story, I could be a positive force as well. Moving to Texas helped quite a bit as well. When in Idaho you’d have maybe five students of color in three grades and an all white teaching staff, in Texas schools there is a much more balanced demographic and I’ve been able to make friends with a lot of people I just wouldn’t have had the chance to meet in Idaho. (And realize that they don’t automatically hate me, especially if I’ve never been an ass to them. They don’t care what great great great grandpa did at one point or another, people don’t hold that against you.) And I was able to have a much more positive outlook on myself and on my potential relationships with others.

Artemis Fowl saved my life and it’s had a much greater impact on me than I think any other form of media ever has. So yeah, that’s some special significance if I’ve ever heard of it.