#abner krill x oc

[practically-an-x-man]

In The Night (Nikoletta x Abner)

Summary: Abner wakes up to find Nikoletta missing, trapped in the shadow realm. He's the only one who can rescue her... just as long as he doesn't look back.

Word Count: 6.0k

Tags: Orpheus & Eurydice AU, references to Greek mythology, unhappy/bittersweet ending, emotional angst, tragedy, title from a Des Rocs song

Crossposted on AO3

____

There was a hole in the world underneath his bed. 

He’d found it only minutes after waking up. The sheets to his left were doused in the purest darkness he’d ever seen, darker than any paint or ink. The duvet, the topsheet, the fitted sheet, even the mattress underneath- saturated with shadows. Even the wooden slats that held the bedframe together; stained through like the rest.

And he’d woken up to an empty bed. Nikoletta was nowhere to be found.

At first, he hadn’t thought too much of it. Nikoletta’s shadow-touch had flared up again, he guessed, and she’d probably just stepped outside to purge them before she spread them any further. Abner figured he’d change out the sheets - he realized too late that they’d switched to a synthetic blend weeks ago and there shouldn’t have been any shadows spread at all - and then he’d go down to check on her.

That little chain of events earned him three more realizations: the stained mattress beneath the sheets, the synthetic blend the new covers were made from, and the realization that Nikoletta wasn’t in the empty lot behind the apartment either. 

That was about the moment his thoughts began to spiral. Everything else was exactly where it should have been: if she’d gone somewhere, she hadn’t taken her wallet or keys or any other essentials, and she hadn’t left him a note. Every other time he’d woken up to find her out of the apartment, she always left him a note. She knew his thoughts would run away from him if she didn’t. 

Like they were running away from him now. 

No wallet. No keys. No note. So she hadn’t just left, then, unless it had been one hell of an emergency. And if it had been that kind of emergency, wouldn’t she have woken him up? He was a light sleeper to begin with - sometimes she could sneak by without disturbing him when she was trying to be quiet, but if she were really in a hurry…

But the other alternative was that she’d been taken somewhere, and Abner didn’t see how that was possible either. He would have woken up to that too. Everything in the apartment was still in order, and Baron and Barbie had both been curled up peacefully at his sides when he’d woken up- not fearful or cowering like he would have expected if an intruder had somehow broken in. And Nikoletta could handle herself. She knew how to fight, and she could always just jump into the shadows if she needed to.

So Abner scratched that one off the list. There was no way someone could have broken in without him waking up to hear it, and no way they could have taken Nikoletta without any noise or struggle. He wouldn’t let his anxieties run away with that one. 

Which led him back to the bed. His only clue. The shadows sank straight through, like Nikoletta herself had sunk straight through, and then there was that hole in the floor. It was different from the rest. 

It hardly seemed possible, but the shadows on the floor seemed even deeper than the rest. It was such a pure darkness that it made the backs of his eyes hurt, so black it appeared almost violet around the edges like some kind of infinite oil slick. And unlike the rest, this one didn’t appear like a stain on the material below it. This one looked like a pit stretching down into the earth, ignoring the first-floor apartment that should have been below them, ignoring the concrete foundation of the building, ignoring tons upon tons of dirt and rock.

When Abner reached out to touch it, his hand sank into it like a pool of black water. The shadow-marks on his back, hidden by his shirt, flared with the most bitter cold he’d ever felt. He gasped at the sudden pain and jerked his hand back, scrambling backwards until he crashed into his nightstand and its contents scattered across the carpet. 

Whatever that was, it had to be where Nikoletta had gone. He was sure of it.

Which meant he had to go get her. He was just as sure of that.

But first he called Rick Flag.

The cavalry showed up ten minutes later. Rick, DuBois, Cleo and Sebastian, and Harley all filed into his shoebox of an apartment to peer at that strange void-spot under the bed. Abner felt a little better just having them there. Not much, not with Nikoletta still missing, but… better. Whatever this was, it couldn’t be worse than Starro, and this little ragtag crew had survived that just fine. 

“The hell is it?” DuBois asked, straight to the point as always. A younger Abner would have flinched at that tone of voice. Now he found it strangely reassuring.

“I don’t know. It looks like her shadows- I think. Kind of.” he replied, frowning at the strange pit in the floor, “And hers don’t, uh… just watch.”

He stretched his hand towards the pool of shadows, bracing himself for the same shock of cold, and dipped his fingers just beneath the surface. He grimaced as that bolt of burning cold struck him like an arrow to the back, but forced himself to keep his fingers still until he was sure the others had seen. Then he drew his hand back, resisting the urge to shake his fingers off, and looked at DuBois beside him.

“See?”

“Hm.” 

DuBois mimicked the action, reaching towards the pit (pit? portal? Abner wasn’t sure which term he wanted to use) as if it were a puddle of water. But to Abner’s surprise, his fingers stopped at the surface and wouldn’t go any further.

“Feels like carpet.”

“No, it-” Abner stammered, and - before he could think about it - pushed DuBois’ hand out of the way to replace it with his own. Again, his fingers sank into the shadows like water. Again, frost spread across his back and made him shiver. 

“Yeah, we saw that part.” Harley cut in, and then she was the one elbowing him out of the way to test it for herself. Like DuBois, she couldn’t go any further than the surface, and she drew her hand back with a casual shrug. “Guess it’s just you, Polkie.”

“Just me? Why-”

“Abner?” Cleo’s voice made him swivel, and she pointed vaguely over his shoulder, “Your back.”

At first he wondered how she could know about that. He hadn’t shown anyone but Nik, and it wasn’t like he made it a habit of going shirtless in public. But when he twisted around, he found dark stains spreading across the back of his t-shirt, like he’d been sweating ink. In a way he recognized it: that was what Nik’s clothes looked like when her shadows came back, at least when she wore cotton or silk or another natural fabric. It confused him plenty, but he knew what it was.

“You went there before,” Cleo continued, as if only just recounting the memory, “She pushed you in. In Corto Maltese. It… recognizes you?”

That particular choice of phrasing made Abner shudder and shuffle away from the strange pit-portal. He noticed a few of the others shuffling back as well, equally displeased with the thought that those shadows were somehow sentient. 

DuBois, thankfully, had a different idea.

“Anyone else been marked? Brushed up against her by accident? Anything with her shadows?”

That rose a chorus of negatives as the others checked themselves over. He was still the only one. And there wasn’t much way to test that theory, given the others Nikoletta had marked never made it out of Belle Reve. He’d still have to go in alone.

Abner preferred that idea to the prior one, at least. He could access this new shadow because Nikoletta had already given him a shadow. No sentience. No wider cosmic forces. Just some mindless transitive property of shadows. That was a little easier to palate, even if the thought of being swallowed by the darkness certainly wasn’t.

DuBois set a hand on Abner’s shoulder and gave it a sort of consoling squeeze. He looked about as happy about the situation as Abner felt.

“Still just you.”

Abner nodded, and swallowed the bile that rose in his throat. 

“Still just me.”

He didn’t exactly enjoy what this meeting had come to. He’d called on his friends because he thought they’d be able to help, to dive in guns-blazing and raise hell like they usually did… or at least to put things back together when he failed, because Abner was positive he’d fail. He seemed to do that a lot. 

He just wasn’t good on his own. Whenever he tried to fix a problem on his own, it inevitably fell apart. He didn’t even like being alone in his own apartment, really. He’d spent so long in that crowded condominium with his family, and then so long in the jam-packed halls of Belle Reve, that being in a truly empty space just made him feel anxious and jittery. He needed Nikoletta there, or at least the cats, something to fill the space. And that was just existing, not even considering the chores or the times his dots flared up or the times when something really did need to be fixed…

He wasn’t sure he could do this. He’d try, of course- what choice did he have? Nikoletta was in there, he was sure of it, and he’d go in after her even if he weren’t the only one who could. But as much as he wanted to do this, as much as he wanted to save her… he didn’t know if he could. Not alone.

Abner took a deep breath, eyeing the pit with his own dark eyes. Only one way in, only one person able to do it. He had this cut out for him.

Failing would be… bad. Dying would be worse. But the thing he really couldn’t stand was the thought of not even trying. Nikoletta deserved better than to be abandoned.

“D’you have a rope?” Rick asked, “Or a ball of twine- some’n to help you find your way back? Wouldn’t want you getting lost down there.”

“Uh- yeah. I think so.”

Standing up at least gave Abner some distance from his thoughts, as did rustling through the cabinets until he found the cheap ball of yarn he’d been looking for. He’d bought it for the cats months ago, but they hadn’t been quite as charmed by that little cliché as he imagined they’d be. Since then it had been gathering dust in the back of a cupboard - he didn’t have a need for it, but couldn’t bring himself to throw away something that had never been used.

“Only about a hundred meters of safety, with that. Hundred-fifty at best.” DuBois pointed out as Abner returned with the skein. Rick shrugged. 

“Still a hundred meters more’n he’d have without it.”

Not wanting to lose the end, but also not wanting to waste even an inch of the yarn, Abner tied a simple loop onto the end and slipped it over his finger like a ring. The yarn could snap, or the shadows could extend so far that he had to abandon it, but at least it wouldn’t slip out of his hands as he walked. 

“Hang on.” Harley jumped in, just as he’d begun to work up the courage for what came next, “You sure about this? ‘Cause, I mean… not sure you really belong down there. You’re not like her.”

She meant it in terms of Nikoletta’s shadows. Abner knew that. And by now he’d come to terms with that side of things: that he didn’t belong in that place she’d been sent, that he might not find a way through the shadows at all- and even if he did, that he would not return unchanged. It scared him, yes, but he’d come to terms with it. 

Yet his mind pressed further into the words, picked them to pieces and scattered those crumbs of doubt.

You’re not like her, that traitorous voice in his head told him, You’re not strong like she is. You’re not brave like she is. You’re not good at doing things alone like she is. You won’t survive that place the way she can. You won’t make it. 

You won’t save her. She’d save you, but you can’t save her. You’re not like her. 

He did his best to wrestle those thoughts down, but they rattled him all the same. If their positions were reversed, he thought, Nikoletta would dive right in without a second thought. She’d have him home within the day- within the hour- because that was how she was. She’d put all the emotions aside, all the anxieties, become the Queen again like he used to know her, and she’d get it done. 

Abner couldn’t do that. He couldn’t get rid of his fears the way she could. He couldn’t sidestep his emotions. He couldn’t convince himself that he’d succeed. Nikoletta had this way of putting her walls down that ended in her cleaning up any mess she came across. When Abner put his walls down, he just fell apart. Not useful. Not helpful. Not enough to save her.

Maybe he could pretend to be brave when there were others around him. Maybe he could play along when he had Nik, or Cleo, or the rest of the team. Maybe… maybe he even had his moments, when he mustered up the courage for them. 

But not alone. Not in a place like that.

He wasn’t like her.

“You just gotta get ‘er back here,” Rick said, and then it was his firm hand on Abner’s shoulder, “Just back to this side where we can reach ya. We’ll be ready for whatever’s next.”

That helped a little, just like the ball of yarn helped a little. Diffusing the responsibility, he thought, or changing the framing of the task: all he had to do was keep a hold on the guide rope, and lead her back to the portal. It didn’t sound quite as monumental when he thought of it like that. As long as he got her back to this side, this world, the others could take care of the rest.

And if he ended up damaged by the journey himself… they’d take care of that too. He just had to make it back.

Abner told himself he could manage that much. He had to.

Before he could get swept back into the riptide of his thoughts, he pushed himself forward and into the shadows.

____

It was the coldest he’d ever felt in his life.

From the moment he entered the portal, the shadows seemed to sink deep into his bones and latch on with barbed talons. And it didn’t just feel cold; it felt like he’d never been warm in all his life. Abner tried to imagine summertime, or the week his family condo’s air-conditioning had broken and turned the whole place into a sauna, or even the horrible fevers he got when his dots began to flare up again… he knew what that felt like, but it was growing more distant by the moment. He wondered if he’d ever feel warmth again.

That made him think of Nikoletta. She could stand in the sun in the middle of July and didn’t seem to feel a thing- and she’d shiver if she stood in the shade, no matter how hot it was. And when her shadows flared up, she’d curl up with blankets and heating pads and hot tea and none of it seemed to do a damn thing. That was about the point Abner would offer to hold her, or would coax the cats up into the bed with her, because she said organic warmth was the only thing to chase the cold away.

This must have been how she felt all the time.

She must have been miserable.

The world around Abner was darker than he could have imagined. The sky was black, and the rough shapes of the ground and horizon were somehow even darker - an effect like waving his hand in front of his face in a dark room, he couldn’t see it so much as he could sense it. The portal beside him glimmered like a liquid mirror, infinitely bright. 

Even that didn’t seem to spill light into the surrounding darkness. The portal was both illuminating and strangely isolated, refusing to cut into the shadows beyond its edges. Still, it was his only landmark against the infinite landscape around him.

The yarn was still intact, stretching out from the opening of the portal, but the red fibers were stained black with shadows. Abner glanced down and found that his clothes were the same: every material doused in darkness. Even the silver metal of his gauntlets seemed abyssal, absorbing light instead of reflecting it.

He didn’t want to spend any longer in here than he had to.

“Nikki?” Abner called out, though he winced at the thought of something else hearing him. The shadows seemed to press even into the sound, dampening and flattening it like his voice was encased in foam. “Nikoletta?”

At first he heard nothing. Not even the echo of his own voice. 

Then… a noise, faint from across the shadows. It didn’t sound like Nikoletta. He wasn’t quite sure what it sounded like. But it was the only lead he had, and he didn’t have any better options.

Abner set off across the darkness.

A few paces in, he experimentally tried to fire off a few dots. That was why he’d brought the gauntlets, after all. The dots were about his only defense if he were to get attacked by something, and they gave off a little bit of light- most of the time. Now… it was like looking at a bunch of multicolored bingo chips flying through the air. The dots were illuminated enough that he could see them, but not enough that they cut into the shadows around him. Isolated, the same way the portal seemed isolated. He’d have better luck trying to find his way with a glow-stick bracelet.

So the dots were a bust. At least he tried. 

He’d nearly run out of yarn, stumbling blindly across the darkness as he was, when he finally spotted something different up ahead. A silhouette, more defined than the loose mounds of shadows littering the horizon, wandering with no clear destination in mind. Its body - what he could see of its body, which was still very little - seemed to be human, two legs and two arms and a head, but any defining features had been lost to the shadows it was cloaked in. 

Could be an enemy, he thought. Could be whatever had dragged Nikoletta into this place. Could recognize that Abner didn’t belong here, and do the same to him. Or worse.

Or it could be Nikoletta. 

It was a hell of a risk. 

So far that silhouette still had not noticed him, as Abner stood and pondered his options. Standing still only seemed to make that terrible bone-deep chill worse, and he found himself shuddering so hard he nearly fell over. Again, he wondered how Nikoletta could live with this every day of her life. The cold made it impossible to think.

Logic wouldn’t help. Even if he could focus enough to get there in the first place, he didn’t know anything about this place. As quickly as he could convince himself into thinking this was one thing, he could convince himself back out of it. A lone shadow shambling across a world of the same shadows… he wasn’t even sure he was seeing this properly in the first place. Maybe he had enough of the shadows to enter, but not enough to see it for what it was. For all he knew, this was some whole other world, so much more than the barren wasteland he saw in front of him, and he was just peering through the smallest, rustiest keyhole. That silhouette could have been anything. 

But it felt like Nikoletta. 

He couldn’t explain it. There really wasn’t any logic to it at all. He wasn’t hit with some divine inspiration. There weren’t any tells in the shadow’s movements, anything he really recognized that told him it was her. Maybe there was something subconscious that he recognized… or maybe he was just cold and desperate and grasping at whatever scraps of hope he could find. He wanted this to be her.

That had to be good enough. He didn’t have any other options. And he couldn’t bring himself just to walk away, not when there was a chance he could be turning his back on her in the process. He couldn’t leave her here.

It took Abner a minute to gather his courage, to brace himself for something to go abysmally wrong as it so often did, but then he took two brisk steps and closed his fingers around the silhouette’s wrist.

The shade’s posture stiffened like it had been shocked with electricity, and Abner heard a gasp escape its indistinct lips. Touching the shadows directly felt just as cold as entering the portal, like he’d dipped his hand in a bowl of ice water, and Abner fought the urge to recoil. 

And much like the portal, the sensation only lasted a moment. The shadows melted beneath his palm, and under that layer of frost he found cool skin and sleek fabric. 

The clothing was stained black like his own, and perhaps this was just more of that desperate hope, but Abner swore it felt like the pajamas Nikoletta had been wearing. Her skin, too, that little inch-wide band of flesh he could see between the shadows and his fingers… it wasn’t much, as confirmation went, but it looked like her. And felt like her.

“Nikoletta?” Abner asked. Even to himself, it sounded like he was pleading. He didn’t know what to do if it wasn’t her. He couldn’t keep wandering forever. He’d wind up as just as much of a shadow.

The shadow’s fingers twisted and suddenly closed around his own wrist, fumbling around the edges of his gauntlet until they caught his hand instead. The shadows had hardly even melted from around her fingers when she suddenly jerked him towards her with one swift tug. 

Abner flinched, alarm bells flaring in his mind- he expected that any minute now he’d be stabbed or shoved or turned into a shadow himself, but he was so startled he couldn’t even begin to defend himself. Maybe this wasn’t her, this was a trick, some ploy to trap him here. That was about his usual track record for these sorts of things, they always went wrong, he always fucked something up and it always ended in somebody getting hurt-

Instead she crumbled into his arms.

His tension melted even more quickly than the shadows. 

This was Nikoletta. He didn’t even need to see her to know that. He’d held her like this a hundred times. He was the only one who held the honor - to be the one to hold her up when she finally let those walls come down, and she hardly ever let those walls down. She’d crumbled just like this after Starro, and he caught her the same way.

As the shadows obscuring her began to fade, her grip around him grew even tighter. Abner could hardly breathe, but he’d be the last to complain. He’d found her. He’d jumped into some foreign realm, somewhere he knew he didn’t belong, but he’d found her. She buried her face against his shoulder, and he heard her breath hitch like she was holding back tears. Her body trembled under his hands. Like the early days.

“Nikki?” he murmured. 

She nodded against his shoulder and continued to cling to him. Abner certainly wasn’t about to let her go.

“Are you okay?”

That time she shook her head.

“You’re so warm.” Nikoletta mumbled, muffled against his skin, “I almost forgot-”

“What happened?” Abner couldn’t help but ask, “How- how did you get here?”

“I don’t know. Just woke up here. Never spent so long in this place before, it was always just… glimpses. In and out.” she said, “But this time it wouldn’t let me out. And I just kept hearing these whispers. The same thing, over and over again. ‘Don’t look back’. Just… over and over, ‘don’t look back’. And then…”

“You looked back?”

“No, I… I kept looking for a way out until I got so cold I couldn't remember what I was looking for. It just- it just ate at me, and the longer I walked the worse it got. It was like I forgot how to be alive. I couldn’t even feel my own heart beating. And then you grabbed my hand, and you… you reminded me what that felt like.”

“We’re not staying here.” Abner promised, as firmly as he could manage. It was easier to be brave now that he had her in his arms. That was half the battle. Now he just had to get back to the portal. He could do that. “I’m- I know the way back. We’re getting out. The others couldn’t follow me, but they’re- they’re right on the other side.”

Nikoletta again nodded into his shoulder, and he felt her take in a deep breath to steady herself. She still hadn’t begun to loosen her grip on him - almost like she was afraid to, he thought, like she wasn’t ready to be faced with that cold again. Abner understood that now more than ever. He could see why she always left the lights on in their apartment, and why she was always the last to let go when he held her. The shadows sank in deep. 

“The shadows… will they start to come back when I let go?” he asked. Nikoletta took in another deep breath. It was enough of an answer. 

“Just go quickly.” she said, “And don’t look back.”

“Are you sure you can-”

“I can make it. I’ll be right behind you.”

Abner didn’t exactly like the sound of that, the risk of the idea or the desperation in Nikoletta’s voice, but there weren’t any other options. He couldn’t stay here forever. And he didn’t know how long this window of opportunity would last. 

So he gave her one more tight squeeze, and steeled his nerves for the journey home. 

“Ready?”

“Go.”

It was so much harder than he ever imagined it would be.

The instant he let go of her, the cold seeped right back into his bones. From the way Nikoletta gasped and grimaced, it did the same for her- or even worse. Abner wanted nothing more than to take her back into his arms, to buy them both a few more minutes, but instead he forced himself to start walking. 

He moved quickly, reeling the yarn into his hands as he walked. It only took moments before he was shaking so hard he could hardly keep his footing, but he pressed forward as quickly as he could. He could hear Nikoletta’s breathing behind him, just as labored as his own. At least it reminded him she was still there behind him.

He had a fistful of yarn within minutes, but it felt like he hadn’t gone anywhere at all. Maybe the yarn had torn somewhere in the middle, or the other end of it had slipped out of DuBois’ fingers… maybe he was headed in the wrong direction entirely. Maybe he’d never find the portal. 

Or maybe he was headed in the right direction, and it was just too far. Already he was stumbling, stiff-legged from the cold, and he knew he’d only keep slowing down. He thought it would be easy. He thought the hard part was over. Now he wasn’t sure he’d make it at all. 

“Just- just keep going.” Nikoletta’s voice was faint behind him, and it trembled as she spoke, “Right behind you.”

Abner pushed himself a little faster, moving as quickly as he could without falling over. Tangles of yarn filled his fingers- surely he had to be almost to the end of the skein. Surely this was the home stretch. Surely he’d spy the portal any minute now. 

What had DuBois said- a hundred meters? That was only about as long as a football field. Football fields weren’t that big. He had to have gone that far already. Had the yarn stretched? Or was this world just playing tricks on him, stretching the distance into something it wasn’t? 

He still couldn’t see the portal ahead of him, though the yarn was still taut as it stretched in front of him. What if the portal had disappeared entirely?

The longer he walked, the more his thoughts began to unravel. Hand over hand, he reeled in the yarn. He almost forgot why he was doing it. He just kept staggering along, blindly following the path of the yarn, praying that he’d reach the end soon. 

Walking was hard work. His own breathing was so labored he could hardly hear anything else- and he realized a moment later that he couldn’t hear Nikoletta either. Abner forced himself to hold his breath, just for a moment, and listened hard for the sound of footsteps or rustling clothing behind him.

Nothing. 

His heart stopped for a moment.

“Nik?”

Maybe he’d outpaced her. Maybe she’d tripped. Maybe the shadows were getting to her again, and she couldn’t remember why she’d been following him. 

“Nikki?”

He listened hard for a response, even just a footstep or a gasp or a rustle of clothing, and couldn’t hear anything more than the thundering of his panicked heart. 

Just go quickly. And don’t look back. 

Another thought struck him as he remembered the words. Maybe she never expected to make it out. Maybe she didn’t want him to look back because she thought he’d never leave if he saw that she hadn’t followed. And she’d be right. He wasn’t leaving without her. He’d wander this place forever if he had to.

Maybe she wasn’t behind him at all. 

A gleam of something brighter caught Abner’s eye, and for a moment he stopped in his tracks. The portal. He’d finally found it. Just a little further on, thirty feet at best, its surface a shock of silver against the infinite darkness around it.

“Abner-”

Later, he’d know that she was only trying to keep him moving. The sight of the portal made him freeze, if only for a moment or two, and he knew he didn’t have time to spare. He should have just picked up the pace, closed that last thirty feet, obeyed the only rule Nikoletta had given him.

But the sound of her voice made him turn, and he realized his mistake a moment too late.

He would never forget the look in Nikoletta’s eyes.

In the aftermath, his mind would try to tell him there was blame there, or resentment, but that wasn’t true. He saw shock, he saw sadness, and maybe something like regret, but no blame.

Still, though, he was filled with more shame than he’d ever felt in his life. Don’t look back. It was the only rule. A simple rule. Just keep moving, and don’t look back. She’d promised him she was right behind him- why hadn’t he believed her? Why hadn’t he trusted her? Why hadn’t he just kept moving?

The simplest instructions, the biggest stakes, and he still fucked it all up. Some part of him had known he would. He always did. It should have been someone else down here, someone better, someone… less like him. It would’ve been easy for DuBois, or Rick, or anyone else. They wouldn’t have even considered looking back- they wouldn’t have stopped at all, they wouldn’t have even slowed down, she’d be safely home with a cup of hot tea and a cat on her lap by now if one of them had come to retrieve her instead.

Now she’d be stuck here forever. She’d never make it home. 

Just like him, he thought, to have such a clear path laid out for him and then screw it up anyway. 

Just like him, to lose the person he loved the most thanks to one stupid mistake.

“I’m sorry,” Abner blurted, feeling ice flood his veins, “It- it was an accident.”

The shadows had overtaken her from the neck down. He could still see them spreading, creeping over neck and cheeks until all he could see was that mournful look in her eyes.

“I know. It’s okay,” Nikoletta whispered, “It’s okay.”

He believed her. He’d never forgive himself, not for the rest of his life, but… he believed she meant what she said. He believed she didn’t blame him. He believed… she’d made peace with it.

Maybe she’d been at peace since she woke up down here. Maybe she never really expected him to succeed. 

And how would she? He never even expected himself to succeed. Of course he’d tried and failed. It was all he ever did. Shame was an old friend.

“Maybe we can still-” he tried, but he knew that was just fruitless desperation. It was too late. It had been too late the minute he stopped walking. Maybe if he’d just started back up, closed the last few feet… but now he knew she was out of time.

As the shadows overtook the last of her skin, Abner surged forward to reach for her; to melt them away like he had before. He still had a chance- not much, but a chance, if he could just buy her a few more seconds to make it through the portal, if whatever he’d done before could save her again…

His fingers closed around nothing but cold air, and the silhouette dissolved like a cloud of mist.

Life was cyclical, they said. History repeated itself. 

It wasn’t a surprise, then, that Abner Krill once again found himself alone in a place he did not belong.

____

The following weeks passed by in a haze. Life seemed to have lost all meaning. Maybe that was grief. Maybe it was guilt. Maybe that was just who Abner was, at the heart of it, and those precious months with Nikoletta were nothing more than a commercial break in the ongoing tragedy that made up his life.

The hole under the bed had closed once he came back through the portal. He tested it every morning without fail, and every night, but had become nothing more than a stain on the carpet. The realm was closed to him. Even if Nikoletta was still down there, somewhere, he couldn’t reach her. 

Abner thought about moving away. As long as he still woke up to the same shadow-marks on the bed beside him, as long as he had to stumble through small-talk and neighbors asking where Nikoletta had gone, as long as he looked at the shadow-stained doorjamb and the plastic wrap in the kitchen cupboards and a thousand other little reminders that this home belonged to her as much as it did to him, he knew he couldn’t move on. 

But he didn’t move away, because he wasn’t sure he wanted to move on. He’d be miserable here without her, but… he’d be miserable anywhere without her. At least this place was familiar to him. At least he could still pretend that one day the portal would reopen and he could go back for her. He’d try again. This time he wouldn’t look back.

And every so often, on those sleepless nights with the curtains drawn and the lights turned off, the shadows seemed a little different. A whisper of a hand over his hair, the ghost of a lover’s touch across the marks on his back, the near-silent echo of an embrace. He’d see his own shadow reach for him, as if possessed by another, and he’d hold his own hand to pretend he was holding hers.

He knew she visited, in whatever way she could. That was why he really couldn’t leave.

No man could outrun his own shadow.

[embodyingchaos]

(ㅅ´ ˘ `) david dastmalchian masterlist

last updated: 22nd july, 2023 newest: latest heart to heart update

rules for requesting: ✮ disclaimer: i do not do smut, i can do dark themes such as stalking, etc. requests are open.

abner krill/polka-dot man(the suicide squad 2) dating abner genre: abner krill x gn!reader, headcanons, fluff, light angst warnings: mentions of abuse, panic attacks, ptsd, a bit suggestive at the end HEHEH abner with a s/o that has a symbiote genre: abner krill x gn!reader, headcanons warnings: mentions of intercourse, very short bc i am pooped out of ideas for this one

yandere abner genre: abner krill x gn!reader, headcanons warnings: yandere behaviour, suggested intercourse, stalking, mentions of murder, abner being a creep, abner being DELUSIONAL heart to heart genre: abner krill x fem!oc, best friends to lovers warnings: mention of experimentation, murder, abuse, manipulation, ABNER'S MOTHER synopsis: after escaping an illegal lab where she was experimented on constantly, number 037 found a new life for her in gotham city, in a quaint little cafe. everything seemed to look up, she even met someone dearly special to her. who knew it would all go bad so fast? kurt goreshter(ant-man) - none yet. johnson(reprisal) dating johnson genre: johnson x gn!reader, headcanons, fluff warnings: drinking, light implications of intercourse lester billings(the boogeyman) - none yet. alonso "lonny" crane(the belko experiment) lift, laugh, love genre: lonny crane x named!fem!reader, fluff, friends to lovers, coworkers to lovers warnings: reader is emotionless-type character, reader’s name is quinn, panic attacks, reader used to smoke, sorta emotional, making out sorta cause i can mUAHAHAHA synopsis: you and lonny get stuck in a lift and a few confessions happen.

[ronecam]

Why is pookie so babygirl and polite

I wanna put him in the washing machine on spin cycle

[finkadink]

He makes me smile

[would-they-listen-to-that]

Hiii! Thank you so much for doing the playlist event. I was wondering if you could do a self ship playlist for Polka-Dot Man from the suicide squad. There's info on the ship at the bottom of my pinned post. Thank you so much in advance, and I hope you have a nice day ^^

‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚🎧⊹♡ hi! thank you for the kind words! :D - mod cupid

La Incondicional - Luis Miguel

If I Killed Someone for You - Alec Benjamin

Just Dance - Lady Gaga ft. Colby O'Donis

Do I Wanna Know? - Arctic Monkeys

Sweater Weather - The Neighborhood

Summer - Calvin Harris

Perfect - Ed Sheeran

Tu Falta De Querer - Mon Laferte

Lover - Taylor Swift

Once in a Lifetime - Talking Heads

thanks for dialing in!

[ebiemidnightlibrarian]

𝑬𝑩𝑰𝑬'𝑺 𝑴𝑨𝑺𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻

Hello, everyone!

First of all, before the list begins, I feel that I need to warn you that English isn't my first language, so might happen you find some writing/grammar mistakes, I also don't have a beta reader, again I'm sorry for any mistakes.

Most, if not all my fanfictions are 'x ofc/c', however, I write them as reader fics. That means that the only differences from a 'x reader' fic is that the character will have a name and the narration will be in the third person. But no details about the embodiment of the character will be given, with a few exceptions in a couple stories, but I'll be warning in the notes and warnings of the piece when that happens.

Also, I made this Google form, so you can tell me where you want to be tagged. That's all for now.

Enjoy :)

Update: ALL my fanfictions are on indeterminate hiatos. But, I'm not abandoning them, I promise 😘

Update #2: Some changes in the Masterlist, I'm reorganizing the whole thing to get a better view of what I'll be doing, hopefully I'll be able to post something soon.

𝔖𝔦𝔡𝔢 𝔅𝔩𝔬𝔤 𝔇𝔢𝔡𝔦𝔠𝔞𝔱𝔢𝔡 𝔱𝔬 𝔒ℭ'𝔰

𝔇𝔞𝔳𝔦𝔡 𝔅𝔬𝔴𝔦𝔢

𝐉𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐡, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐠

𝐉𝐨𝐡𝐧 𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐤

𝔒ℭ'𝔰

𝑯𝒂𝒚𝒘𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝑱𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒔

𝔇𝔞𝔫𝔦𝔢𝔩 𝔅𝔯𝔲̈𝔥𝔩

𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐧 𝐇𝐞𝐥𝐦𝐮𝐭 𝐙𝐞𝐦𝐨

𝐃𝐨𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐳𝐥𝐨 𝐊𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐳𝐥𝐞𝐫

𝐄𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐒𝐜𝐡𝐦𝐢𝐝𝐭

𝔬𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔨𝔰

𝔒ℭ'𝔰

𝑳𝒆𝒏𝒛 𝑴. 𝑯𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒏

𝑯𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝑯𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒓

𝑭𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝑴𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒐 𝑹𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒓𝒐

𝔇𝔞𝔳𝔦𝔡 𝔇𝔞𝔰𝔱𝔪𝔞𝔩𝔠𝔥𝔦𝔞𝔫

𝐀𝐛𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐊𝐫𝐢𝐥𝐥 [𝐏𝐨𝐥𝐤𝐚-𝐃𝐨𝐭 𝐌𝐚𝐧]

𝐌𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐜

𝐉𝐨𝐡𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐧

𝔬𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔨𝔰

𝔒ℭ'𝔰

𝑯𝒂𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑮𝒓𝒊𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒅

ℌ𝔞𝔪𝔦𝔰𝔥 𝔏𝔦𝔫𝔨𝔩𝔞𝔱𝔢𝔯

𝐅𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐏𝐚𝐮𝐥 𝐇𝐢𝐥𝐥 | 𝐌𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐨𝐫 𝐉𝐨𝐡𝐧 𝐏𝐫𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐭

𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐰 𝐊𝐢𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐞

𝐁𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐥𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐞

𝐉𝐨𝐧𝐡 𝐓𝐲𝐥𝐞𝐫

𝐀𝐧𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐰 𝐊𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

𝔬𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔨𝔰

𝔒ℭ'𝔰

𝑯𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒚 𝑮. 𝑷𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒐𝒕𝒕

𝕺𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗 𝕱𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖔𝖒𝖘

𝔓𝔩𝔞𝔶𝔩𝔦𝔰𝔱𝔰

And that's it for now.

I'll make a separate post for each fanfic and one-shot, with the specs of genres and warnings.

𝑰𝑴𝑷𝑶𝑹𝑻𝑨𝑵𝑻!

These stories are 100% mine, that is, I created, started and will finish them the way they were planned within the proper time. That said, I do not consent anything originally posted on this blog being copied/pasted/translated/or any other form of reproduction, to any site other than here, on this blog, without my permission. In short, not even over my dead body.

Thank you in advance for your attention and I hope you enjoy these stories made with great care and effort.

Good reading!

[rottingglory]

hi ! i’m 21, and use they/she pronouns ! i will be turning twenty-two this coming month so while this is open to anyone 18+ i'd prefer it if you were 20+ :o)

i’m a novella writer and use third person perspective, though i will say i spend days writing little headcannons and perfecting dynamics before we jump into roleplay just because i genuinely enjoy it. i also enjoy making boards, playlists, edits, and other fun stuff!

i am a huge fan of oc x oc in existing fandom universes or inspired by fansdoms, or ccxoc ! or even ccxcc ! i want roleplay to be fun for us so i'd be so willing to write just about anything whenever we double ! i also have plenty of love for original plots !

fandoms + ship i'd like to write ! (i'm also such a fan of making OCs specifically for fandoms so don't be shy about not wanting to write a canon character when we double and instead wanting to do ocxoc! i love making our own dynamics!):

veep (oc x oc, cc x oc) i will write anything.......i love that show!

the thick of it ( oc x oc, ollie reeder x my oc, i can write anyone else for you or make an oc for you !)

mad men (oc x oc or cc x oc !) i'm starting s5 so eek! i'd love to write against either ken cosgrove or ted chaough x my oc (i am a sick freak)! i can write anyone for you or make an oc!

succession ( everything is on the table.....this family is a damn mess we both know we're going to go crazy in there. )

the batman / the penguin ( oc x oc or cc x oc,,,i'd love to write against edward nashton (the party ended an hour ago and i'm still here) i will write anyone or create an oc for you !)

there will be blood ( oc x oc or cc x oc !,,sick freak strikes again, i'd love to write against eli sunday! i'll write anyone or create an oc for you!)

silicon valley ( oc x oc or cc x oc,,jared dunn if you can hear us please save us. i'd write against that sad eyed man so hard. i will write anyone or make an oc (is this getting repetitive? just assume i'll match your freak tbh)

the boys ( oc x oc or cc x oc,,hughie my sweet baby (we're all sensing a pattern in who i'm requesting lmao) i'll write anyone for you !!!)

the suicide squad / peacemaker (oc x oc or cc x oc! i'd love to write against adrian chase or abner krill! i can write anyone ever in the world for you !)

i also am a sucker for original plots ! i'm super into modern, corporate, superhero/villian, religious trauma, horror, character studies, dark themes, romamce, found family, action, angst, failmarriage, pathetic little men, awful little people,,,i'm just eager to write ! i'd be so happy to write as a face claim you've really been craving ! i do really enjoy watching our characters interact so i'd prefer it if the plots were combined but it isn't necessary !

i'm totally comfortable with nsfw ! i encourage it even because i really do feel like a lot of these are psychosexual in some regard /j

i’d also like to point out that my female characters tend to be flawed little shits and they’re not exactly strictly submissive in their behavior so don’t worry about you having to always have to make your character lead the plot because my character is too meek or something like that ! i love complex characters so bring forth your mess of people.

if any of this sounds particularly interesting to you, please reach out and message me ! i'd love to hear what caught your eyes, and a little bit about you !

thanks in advance!

[how-serene]

❀ REQUEST RULES ❀

Requests are currently CLOSED

General Rules -

Please be kind, and patient when sending in a request. I have a life outside of this blog, but will do my best to upload your request as soon as Im able to. Sending in a prompt or idea will immensely help me, so keep that in mind. I also will deny a request if I am not comfortable with it. (Minors Don’t Interact)

What I WILL write - Light smut, Angst, Fluff, Yandere, Reader Death, Platonic!Reader, Fem!Reader, Neutral!Reader

What I will NOT write - Heavy smut, OC x Character, Character x Character, Abuse, Rape, SA, Mommy/Daddy kinks

Lists of who I write for down below.

David Dastmalchian List - Bob Taylor, Abner Krill, Johnson (Reprisal), Jack Delroy, James Lewis, Kurt Goreshter, Piter De Vries, Wojchek, Thomas Schiff.

Slasher List - Brahms Heelshire, Michael Myers, Jason Vorhees, Stu Matcher, Billy Loomis, Pinhead, Eric Draven, The Lost Boys, Jack Torrance, Eric Binford, Norman Bates, Killer Klowns.

Final Girls/Boys - Sidney Prescott, Randy Meeks, Laurie Strode, Ash Williams, Ellen Ripley, Jess Bradford, Julie James, Helen Shivers, Ray Bronson, Emerald Haywood, Wendy Torrance, R.J. MacReady, Michael Emerson, Star (Lost boys).

Others - Eddie Munson, Dano!Riddler, Twin Peaks (all characters), Bernard The Elf, Charlie Eppes, Don Eppes.

Will also write for ALL Dead By Daylight characters.

If you don't see someone on the list, but are curious if I will write for them, feel free to ask me.

<3

[muppetstimmoment]

Fozzie Bear Stimboard!!! [Poll 6th Place!!]

Creds:

https://www.tumblr.com/angelic-stimz/711418430326243328/johnny-rocketfingers-johnny-rocketfingers?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/another-blues-clues-day-hooray/707342173317791744/x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/transolar/705537913434341376/grizzly-bear-stimboard?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/disneyafternooncartoon/662633521579491328/abner-krill-polka-dot-man-stimboard?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/meilia-stims/682434091194449920/arabella-oc-stimboard?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/scop0phob1a-stims/705289332642152448/bear-stims-for-my-best-friend-ever-jfreakingp?source=share

[embodyingchaos]

"i love polka-dots, i love them even more now because they make me feel safe."

[portrayed by janet montgomery]

[ronecam]

Say happy birthday to him! It is february 10th!!!! And bring presents. Lots of presents. I got him art supplies and HEAD-

[finkadink]

Quickie because I still struggle with Abner’s features even though he is the fav of all time like !! Wtf brain get it together

Also peak at my small collection (I added one more item but it’s too big for the shelf grrrrr) it’s not enough 😭😭😭

[krillposting]

Hi friend!! I know we haven't chatted much but I just wanted to say that if you were looking for reading material, I've got a whole series of Abner Krill x OC fics here on AO3, plus I just posted a new Last Voyage of the Demeter fic that I think is really fun :D

Absolutely no pressure to read, but I would be honored if you did!! <3

I'm excited to read them!!!

[ebiemidnightlibrarian]

𝔇𝔞𝔳𝔦𝔡 𝔇𝔞𝔰𝔱𝔪𝔞𝔩𝔠𝔥𝔦𝔞𝔫

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

𝐀𝐛𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐊𝐫𝐢𝐥𝐥 [𝐏𝐨𝐥𝐤𝐚-𝐃𝐨𝐭 𝐌𝐚𝐧]

𝑰 𝑺𝒆𝒆 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝑾𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒂 𝒃𝒆 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔 | 𝑷𝒐𝒍𝒌𝒂-𝑫𝒐𝒕 𝑴𝒂𝒏 𝒙 𝑺𝒒𝒖𝒂𝒅!𝑭𝒆𝒎!𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 — 𝑻𝑩𝑨 [𝒐𝒏𝒆-𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒕]

After years seeing only the traumatic face of his mother, something changed when Abner was designed to be part of the suicide squad, and he meets you. After a dangerous moment in the beach in Corto Maltese were Spectro pushes him far from an explosion, he starts to really see her. He doesn’t understand why, only after that moment he looks at her, and she’s the only one who don’t look like his mother. He also doesn’t understand why she’s so kind to him, or even what is she doing with that group. The reader has a codename, so mostly she’s called by Spectro.

𝐌𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐜

𝑺𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝑾𝒆 𝑶𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝑲𝒏𝒆𝒘 | 𝑫𝒆𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒔 𝑴𝒖𝒓𝒅𝒐𝒄 𝒙 𝑨𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒕!𝑭𝒆𝒎!𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 — 𝑻𝑩𝑨 [𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒕-𝒇𝒊𝒄]

𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝑪𝒂𝒏 𝑩𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑩𝒐𝒔𝒔 | 𝑫𝒆𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒔 𝑴𝒖𝒓𝒅𝒐𝒄 𝒙 𝑭𝒆𝒎!𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 — 𝑻𝑩𝑨 [𝒐𝒏𝒆-𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒕]

𝐉𝐨𝐡𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐧

𝑹𝒆𝒅 𝑭𝒍𝒂𝒈𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑳𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝑵𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒔 | 𝑱𝒐𝒉𝒏𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝒙 𝑺𝒆𝒙𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒌𝒆𝒓!𝑭𝒆𝒎!𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 — 𝑻𝑩𝑨 [𝒐𝒏𝒆-𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒕]

𝑵𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅 | 𝑱𝒐𝒉𝒏𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝒙 𝑺𝒆𝒙𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒌𝒆𝒓!𝑭𝒆𝒎!𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 — 𝑻𝑩𝑨 [𝒐𝒏𝒆-𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒕]

𝔒ℭ'𝔰

𝑯𝒂𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑮𝒓𝒊𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒅

Vampire OC inspired by this photoshoot.

𝑺𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒔 𝑻𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒆 | 𝑯𝒂𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑮𝒓𝒊𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒅 𝒙 𝑭𝒆𝒎!𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 — 𝑻𝑩𝑨 [𝒐𝒏𝒆-𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒕]

𝔬𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔨𝔰

𝔗𝔞𝔤𝔩𝔦𝔰𝔱

@stardustandgunpowder

[jamcookies-bakery]

Abner krill x oc

I have a few ocs and one of them has always reminded me of David dastmalchian, that’s what inspired me, the oc used in this story is called august

Content warning!!! Trans male oc x Abner krill, fluff at beginning, smut at end, throat fucking, penetration, name calling, slight dom Abner

It was a cold fall afternoon, august was waiting at the step of abners house, tears welling in his eyes, he knocked frantically at the door, shivering from only wearing sweatpants and a tank top. Abner opens the door, looking annoyed at the loud frantic knocking, then concerned when he sees augusts sad face.

“August? What’s wrong” he asks, cupping augusts face with his hand, wiping his tears with his thumb

August tries to reply, only getting out incoherent sobs mixed with words

“Come in, it’s cold out here” Abner puts his arm around him and takes him in the house.

August and Abner used to be cell mates in belle reve, they had a on and off relationship, not being able to be very intimate in there after all. When august got released, he basically forgot about Abner, his life went on and he got a new boyfriend, until now.

Abner never stopped thinking about august, worrying about him, and when he found out he moved on, he was heartbroken. abners kinda been hoping for something like this to happen for awhile now.

Abner leads august to the sofa and sits him down, he wraps a blanket around him and rubs his shoulder

“Do you want a drink? Some hot chocolate?” Abner runs his fingers through August’s hair, it’s fairly long, and a dirty blonde color

August sniffles and nods “I’d like that” he looks at Abner with cloudy eyes. Abner gives august one last pat on the back then rushes to the kitchen

August uses this time to recollect himself, wiping his tears away with the soft fabric of the blanket

Abner comes back, one cup of hot coco in one hand and a piece of cake in the other

“Here, I know you didn’t ask for it, but I got you some cake too” Abner sits the cake and coco in front of him on the coffee table, the cake is a piece of strawberry ice cream cake.

August picks up the plate, Abner flashes him a big gummy smile, satisfied with himself.

“So…can you tell me why you were crying” Abner started stroking augusts hair again, wanting him to know he was trying to be comforting.

August takes a deep breath “well…” he sighs “river broke up with me” his eyes start welling with tears again. Abners quick to wipe away any that fall down his cheeks.

“Wow…that-that’s terrible, august, I’m so sorry” Abner pulls him into a hug.

“It’s fine I-I just need a new place to stay…can I stay with you…Abbie?” Abners breath hitched, he always loved the nick name Abbie, especially when it came from august.

“Oh uh ye-yeah of course, your welcome to stay anytime…auggie” august giggled at the pet name, Abner smiled, all he wanted to do was make him laugh and smile, it’s been so long since they’ve hung out without river, this isn’t the scenario he thought of so often though, usually in that scenario there was way less clothes. He didn’t mind though, as long as he can hold august In his arms again he can’t complain.

“Hey Um, I don’t have a spare room…but you can sleep in my room, I can sleep out here” Abner whispers to the smaller man

“I don’t see why we can’t share a bed” august looks up at Abner though his eyelashes, “oh…yeah…are you sure?”

“Yeah, definitely” august smiles up at him, Abner sighs and nods awkwardly, worried august was just trying to compromise and he doesn’t actually wanna share the room. It’s silent for a few moments, both men still embracing each other.

“You should eat that cake before it melts” Abner says with a small grin on his face, august giggles and crabs the plate back, picking up a huge chunk with his fork

“Do you want a piece, Abbie?” Abner doesn’t respond, simply opening his mouth waiting for august to put some cake in it. august feeds him a small piece, Abner grips the fork with his lips, august slowly pulls it out, licking his lips as he does so.

“Is it good, Abbie?” August says, biting his lip, there’s nothing sexual about feeding your friend cake, but the way his lips wrap around the fork, the way the ice cream spills out his mouth as the fork is being pulled away, it’s making him excited.

Abner nods “it’s good” he wipes the ice cream on his sleeve. August sets the plate back down and faces Abner, Abner gives him a awkward smile, not really knowing what to do.

August pulls him into a kiss, Abner is shocked at first and pulls back, “a-auggie, are you sure your okay to do this right now??” August leans closer to his face and whispers “I’m positive, Abbie”

Abner wastes no time getting back into the action after proper consent was given, he pulls him back into the passionate kiss, hands roaming each other’s bodies.

Abner slips his hands under augusts shirt, shuttering as his warm hands make contact with his cold skin. Abner trails kisses down his neck, sucking on every part of his sweet skin he can find, god, he’s been waiting for this for too long, he’s already hard as a rock in his pants.

“August…fuck” he mumbles, sitting back and observing him, he’s a panting mess, bite marks up and down his neck. He palms himself through his pants with one hand and unbuttoning his shirt with the other.

“You going to get off from just looking at me, Abbie?” August asks, biting his lip, abner unbuttons his shirt about half way before diving back in for another kiss, attacking his lips like it was his last meal.

Abner pulls back, “take off your shirt” he instructs, usually augusts the dominant one, but he wouldn’t mind being used by abner. August does as he’s told, taking off his shirt, exposing more skin for Abner to abuse with kisses and bites.

Abner bites his lip, unbuttoning his shirt fully, august crawls over to him and starts unbuckling his pants

Abner chuckles “August, do you want me to fuck your throat?” He asks in a low tone, august nods “yes please..sir” Abner groans, he unzips his pants and pulls them down with a devilish grin.

August gets to work on his cock, palming and kissing it through his boxers, Abner breathes out and throws his head back, “please don’t tease me” he says. August giggles and finally pulls down his boxers, gasping as his large cock sprung free, Abner winces at the cold air. August has never seen Abner like this before, naked, he was always afraid to do stuff with him in case Abner still only saw people as his mom, but abners taught himself to stop seeing her everywhere for this exact moment.

August licks up abners cock, lightly kissing the head, Abner put his hands on the sides of augusts head, gently pushing it down onto him. August grips his thighs as Abner slowly guides his head on his cock. August looks up at Abner, fuck, he looks so hot, Abner could come from just looking at him, taking his cock so good, but he holds back.

Abner pulls augusts head up by his hair, august moans “august, I need you, now” abners tone is low, august nods, he seriously has never been this horny, especially for Abner, before.

Abner picks him up and lays him on his back, fiddling with the strings on his sweatpants before finally pulling them down, augusts underwear are soaking, Abner chuckles “so wet for me already?” August bites his lip and looks away, turning a bright red.

Abner rubs circles on his clit (reminder august is trans if you forgot lol) through the cloth, august let’s out a needy whine, needing more friction than that. Abner pulls down augusts underwear, he sits back and observes him, so hot under him, desperately squirming, needing some sort of release.

Abner reaches a hand between his thighs and slips one finger in him, august moans and arches his back, Abner leans down and whispers in his ear “look at you, such a whore for just my finger” this almost sends august over the edge, who knew Abner would be into half of the stuff he is?

“Abbie, please, I’m ready, just fuck me” august whines, Abner chuckles and pulls his finger out, as he lines himself up to augusts entrance he puts his finger in the smaller males mouth, august tastes himself on him, he swirls his tongue around his digits a few times before Abner pushes himself in him. He throws his head back and august gasps at the feeling of being full.

Abner sits there for a second, before pulling out and thrusting with full force into him, they both loudly moan, Abner does that a few more times before going faster and harder, determined to let august know who he really belongs to. Abner holds tightly onto augusts hips, probably bruising them from his grip.

Abners thrusts get sloppy as he feels his climax fast approaching, “august, f-fuck I think I’m gonna-“ he feels himself spilling his seed inside august, he doesn’t slow his thrusts until august also comes.

They both pant, chests pressed against each other, Abner pulls out and watches his seed drip out of august, he chuckles and gets up to get a few tissues to clean up, he comes back to see august sitting up on the sofa “we made such a mess” he says in a raspy voice, Abner can’t help but feel bad, did he do that? Was he too rough? He sits next to august and wipes himself and august off. He pulls his pants back on.

“August, be honest, was I too rough?” He mumbles to him, face forming into a frown “no honey, you were perfect” august says and smiles to him. August pulls him into another kiss.

Abner pulls away and whispers “I love you, auggie” august smiles “I love you more, Abbie”

Sorry it’s abit rushed, feedback appreciated

[practically-an-x-man]

14, 23, and/or 24 for Nikoletta for the cuddle prompts?

Ooooh yes!! Thank you so much!

14. cuddles after being touch-starved 23. snuggling up to them when they're cold 24. cuddles of reassurance (Cuddle & Snuggle Prompts)

____ Fever Chills

Word Count: 2.0k Content Warnings: Sickfic, emotional hurt/comfort, domestic fluff

Crossposted on AO3 ____

Sometimes it seemed like one of them was always sick.

It seemed to alternate between them: she got the flu, then Abner caught it from her, then her shadows returned and purging them left her bedridden for three days, then his dots flared up and left him just as sick the following week...

And now it was right back to her.

Nikoletta knew, logically, things would sort themselves out soon enough. Their immune systems were fighting to adjust to an environment that wasn't prison for the first time in years. Their first foray out of prison had come from an incredibly demanding mission that included several nights sleeping on the floor of the open jungle, not to mention contact with far too many rats. They were finally learning to release decades of pent-up stress, which led to its own sort of physical crumbling. She'd always heard things would get worse before they got better, but this was the first time in her life when she was safe enough to truly experience it.

So far, she wasn't a fan.

Maybe it was another bout of the flu. Maybe it was some aftereffect of her shadows. Maybe it was just the karmic rebound of all the stress she'd started to let go of. In all likeliness, it was a combination of the three.

Whatever it was, it left her feverish and shaky and utterly miserable, and Nikoletta prayed for the day it was over.

She trudged into the kitchen with a blanket tucked around her shoulders, shaking so hard she could hardly keep herself upright. Her posture was hunched, like an old woman wrapped in her shawls, and she nearly dropped her coffee mug when she reached to pull it from the cupboard.

It didn't matter. She could hold herself up. She'd held herself up through ten years of Belle Reve, through all the injuries and illnesses and everything else that contained, and this was hardly Belle Reve. She only had to be up long enough to make herself a cup of tea, and then she could crawl back into bed and be miserable there instead.

"What are you doing?"

Abner's quiet voice came from the doorway behind her, and Nikoletta jumped before she could help it. She'd gotten better about that, she really had, but something about her present illness sharpened those old blades all the same.

"Making tea." she mumbled, leaning against the counter and watching the mug spin around inside the microwave. She didn't have the energy to boil it the proper way - not that it really made a difference in her eyes, hot water was hot water and the microwave did it a hell of a lot faster.

"You're sick," he said, with the same careful, gentle tone, "You should be in bed. I can make it for you."

"It'll take two minutes. I'm fine."

Warm hands caught her arms and tried to gingerly steer her away from the microwave. Instead she shrugged him off- and regretted it the moment she did, but buried the emotion with a grimace.

"I said I'm fine."

Abner went silent for a moment too long, and icy self-hatred clutched her heart. She'd promised herself, months ago, that she wouldn't be sharp with him the way so many others were sharp with him. And then here she was with those old habits, the austere performance she'd kept up for so long, pushing her discomfort onto him in a way he didn't deserve. It was liable to make him shut down, and that made her feel worse than any illness could.

The microwave beeped, and with rough motions she retrieved her mug and tore open a tea packet. The tea bag inside slipped through her trembling fingers before she could drop it in the mug, and Nikoletta watched it slide pitifully to the bottom of the kitchen sink.

Something about the sight, her one tiny attempt at making herself feel better only ruined by her own treacherous fingers, threatened to send her into tears. Instead she just slumped over the countertop, utterly defeated. She was so cold it felt like her tear ducts had frozen. She couldn't have cried even if she wanted to. Her body refused to grant her that release.

Abner's arms slid around her waist from behind, drawing her in against his slim chest. Nikoletta couldn't help but melt into the warmth, those agonized shudders easing for the first time in days.

"Nik," he murmured, leaning over to rest his chin on her shoulder, "Please go to bed."

She let out a trembling breath, trying to let him steady her. He had such a way of doing that. She hardly understood it. Somehow, he knew exactly how to make her slow down, to soften the armor and melt the ice, like nobody else had ever known to do for her before.

Part of her still wanted to pull away, to shoulder her burdens alone as she'd always done, to let her pride win out.

The rest of her just wanted to go to bed. She felt like shit.

Nikoletta nodded against Abner's shoulder, and he gently released his hold on her. The shivers returned almost immediately, with the loss of his warmth, but she did her best to push her discomfort aside. Abner trailed her as she began to trudge slowly back towards the bedroom.

"Do you want me to walk with you?"

"No, I'm-" she started, then swallowed the words and tried again, "It's not far. I can manage. Thank you."

"Okay." he said, "I'll be right there."

He started to draw back, then seemed to catch a brief ripple of courage and ducked in to kiss her cheek. Despite the shivers, the horrible ache in her joints, the indescribably unpleasant heavy feeling that came with illness, Nikoletta found a faint smile crossing her face.

She reached the bedroom and slid into bed, tucking herself into a tight ball under the covers. It didn't offer her any scrap of warmth - it only made her feel like some weak, scared child hiding from her nightmares. It made her think of STAR Labs, tucked under the thin sheets of her cot in the same way to shield herself from the cameras and the new unshakeable chill beneath her skin. The memories were nearly as bad as the cold itself. But even the slightest movement made her skin erupt with painful pins and needles, so there she stayed.

After a while one of the cats hopped up onto the bed and wormed its way under the covers with her. That made her feel a little better, in some small way. She'd never had pets in her prior lives - not indoor pets, at least, though she fed the strays whenever she had scraps to spare - and Baron's soft black fur was its own sort of tether to the present. Abner had been right about adopting them. It helped.

She heard Abner enter the room a few minutes later, the old flooring creaking under his shuffling footsteps, but he paused in the doorway. Nikoletta guessed that he wasn't sure how to engage with her: what to say, or even whether to speak at all, whether to come up to her or whether she'd startle from not being able to see his entrance. Nikoletta had just begun to shift when she heard him speak, softly and gently as always.

"I brought you some tea. Are you still awake?"

"Too cold to sleep," she mumbled, finally forcing herself to emerge from her cocoon. Her eyes fell on Abner still standing in the doorway, holding her coffee mug in both hands as if it were a small bird. He took a few steps closer when he found her eyes on him, and stiffly held the mug out to her. There was an odd tension in his posture- but then again, there almost always was.

Nikoletta took the mug and curled around it, taking a grateful sip and feeling warmth bloom all down to her chest. When the heat of the liquid subsided, she caught notes of a shockingly tangy taste - not the cheap store-brand stuff she kept in the cupboard, that was for damn sure.

"This isn't the tea from the tea bags," she remarked, only thinking to catch her words when she saw Abner's face fall.

"You don't like it?"

"No, it's- I do. It's good. Thank you."

"My mom used to make it for us when we got sick. When we were little. Before she... before things got bad." he said, ducking her eyes, "It's got honey in it. And mint."

She took a second sip, now finding another reason to be comforted. It wasn't just about the tea, or the fact that he'd spared her his own time and energy to make it. It was a piece of his heart, a rare good memory from his childhood, something he could easily have hoarded for himself- and deserved to hoard for himself, when good memories were so rare. But instead he shared it with her, however vulnerable that was, took a symbol of comfort from his past and made it an object of his care in the present.

She'd have to figure out the recipe once she was feeling a little better. If it meant enough to him that he'd share it with her...

Nikoletta stretched a hand out and patted the mattress beside her.

"Will you- um, will you warm me up?"

That was about the only way she could make herself phrase it. Anything else felt... strange, somehow both too intimate and not intimate enough, and she couldn't manage that just yet. It was hard enough just to ask to be held, as much as she longed for it.

But Abner knew her well, and for that she hardly had to speak at all.

He slid into the bed beside her, careful not to disturb her mug of tea as he wrapped his arms around her. There were times when he really did remind her of the street cats she used to feed as a child, and this was one of those. They were such particular creatures - half of them were so unsocialized to humans they didn't even know to meow, and they hardly understood how to react to a comforting touch at first, but deep down many of them were just as affectionate as the posh, well-groomed purebreds she saw peering out of city windows.

Abner was a lot like those cats. He didn't know how to initiate, the motions were awkward and the words were halting, but he cared more than anyone she'd ever known.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you," Nikoletta mumbled, grimacing against a swell of the same bitter regret, "You deserve better- I want to be better, I'm trying, I just..."

"You're hurting, Nik. It's okay."

She wanted to protest - it wasn't okay, he'd had to shoulder cruelty from everyone in his life and she promised herself she wouldn't push the same on him - but simply swallowed the words and ducked her head against Abner's shoulder. Her fingers fidgeted with the mug in her lap.

"I hate being sick," she sighed, still curling in closer against him in the hopes that she could finally chase that terrible chill from deep in her bones, "It just... makes everything so much worse. I don't know if it's the shadows, or just my body, or... what else, but I just feel like I'm falling apart."

"I know how that feels." he agreed, and leaned his head against her own - like those near-feral strays, she thought again. "But that's why we have each other. Right?"

What happens when we both get sick, then? she thought, What happens when we both break down at the same time? Who makes the tea then? Who scoops out the litter boxes? Who picks up the mail?

And to her surprise, an answer came almost immediately.

Harley. Cleo. Rick. Even DuBois- he'd bitch about it, but he'd be there. Our friends.

It was strange to think that she had someone she could trust like that. It was strange to think that she had five.

"Yeah." she murmured, and drew the mug to her lips for another sip, "That's why we have each other."