#abdxcere

[desiderrium-archive-blog]

five times kissed (abdxcere & ryan @ cas)

@abdxcere

He’s furious. He’s shaking, flushed, almost speechless as he slams the door behind him. At this point it’s difficult to remember what the tipping point was. It had built slowly – A nightmare, a bad morning, Ryan making an unnecessary comment, the project he had been putting together for weeks falling apart. On a good day he could justify this all with the fact that Ryan was likely trying his best and likely hadn’t been actively trying to sabotage his mood. But this is not a good day. They were few and far between.

“No – Fuck you,” he snarls, forgetting or ignoring for a moment that the man he was yelling at was also the one who signed his paychecks. “You fucking incompetent - ”From there it devolvs into a rapid series of curses in a variety of languages, chiefly Latin. And when Ryan’s mouth opens, when Cas can nearly see the reply forming on his lips, he pushes him against the wall of the office. When Ryan’s hands fly up, he braces himself for the punch he knows is coming, the one that he’d likely been trying to provoke this entire evening – It’s easier, in a way, to know where they stand. Such a relationship as they had wasn’t sustainable, not in Cas’ eyes at least. There had to be an explosion of some sort on the horizon. He wasn’t made to be treated gently. 

When fingers wrap around his lapel, when he is pulled up to Ryan’s height, he has only a moment to register surprise before their lips met, and it’s both a fire and a flood. Oh how it rages. But oh how it heals as well, soothing the fury in him, starting the turbulence in his chest. He had been longing for this. That translates into this kiss, so much more gentle than their argument had been, so much more understanding. This was the language he was most well-versed in, and they speak volumes as they melt into one another, as they both drop barriers neither of them had known were raised. 

He breaks away. Breathing heavily, their eyes meet.      Oh how he wants to trust him.

“I love you.”

There’s a silence, entirely too lengthy for his liking. His nails are digging into his palm so hard he’s afraid he’ll draw blood, pulse pounding like the apocalypse, so loud he wonders if Ryan can hear it from where he’s standing. He’ll never admit how many times he’s practiced this. The proper cadence, the expression that’s supposed to accompany it – This is so profoundly different from the other times he’s said it in his life, it’s as if he’s rewriting his own personal meaning of the word. No longer does it mean tears, no longer does it mean giving in. He isn’t giving power away with his words any longer, he’s claiming it, he’s doing this for himself, god damn it. 

But there’s a silence. 

“Ryan, I - “ What? He’s sorry, he didn’t mean that? Whatever lie he’s formulating is abruptly cut off by the hand brushing up his jaw, tilting his head back. The panic in his system dies, replaced by the liquid gold of relief. Adrenaline. He’s likely too eager as he presses into this kiss, up on his toes, urgent. It feels different, though that’s likely just him. It’s so much easier than he had expected, letting this mean something. Letting Ryan mean something. He feels almost vulnerable in the face of it all. There’s always the underlying tension -- What if he left? What if he became bored with it all? 

He brushes those thoughts into the darkest corners of his mind, a problem for a later day. Fingers run through his hair, tangle, and Ryan pulls away just enough to look at him, smile soft. Noses bump gently as Cas takes the gasp of air he’s been needing to center himself fully. 

“I love you.” It’s close to a whisper when Ryan says it, and he’s looking at Cas like he’s the only thing in the world. It’s overwhelming. “I’ve loved you for so fucking long.” 

“Sorry I’m so unobservant.” His voice cracks slightly, but he’s smiling, happier than he’s been in years. “I guess we have some time to make up for.” 

It’s unclear who wakes up first. One moment it’s silent except for the sound of their breathing, slowed by sleep. The next it’s full of sound, Cas gasping for breath, Ryan making sounds that are almost panicked words, but not quite. Cas rolls away from his touch, desperate, trying to ground himself in reality, in the present. He knows, objectively, he can breathe, but that doesn’t stop the fear seeping into every part of him. It doesn’t stop the tears springing to his eyes, the panic and the shaking making him nauseous. 

Then it’s silent once again for a moment, both of them recovering themselves in equal measure. Ryan sighs, used to this. He knows how to put himself back together after a nightmare, though he fears another piece is missing each time. Cas takes a moment longer, unsure of who he is as he lays in the darkness.  

Slowly, slowly, he rolls back to face his boyfriend, hoping the tracks of tears down his face are hidden by the night. 

“Do you want to talk about - “

“No.” 

But suddenly he can’t stand staying still with his thoughts, alone. When he reaches out for Ryan it’s tentative at first, the memory of a different sort of touch still on his skin from his dream. But this is different. This is Ryan. This is the present. He’s fine. 

He brushes his hand up his arm, pausing as he reaches Ryan’s shoulder. Then he sits up, swings his leg over Ryan’s hips, straddling him. This is easier. His lips are hungry when he leans down to kiss him. He just wants to feel whole again, replace the void in his chest with something. His teeth snag Ryan’s lip, bite almost rough. 

“I want to forget about it.” And oh, Ryan was the perfect escape, a sense of safety resting in his lips, his hips. “Think you can help me with that?”

They’ve never had to hide this before. Some people Cas knows claim that being furtive about things like this can make them more exciting, but he would argue precisely the opposite now that he’s in this situation. He rests his head on Ryan’s shoulder -- The whirlpool of panic threatens to pull him further under. Tears are threatening to fall, but he won’t let them. He has no idea what the consequences of this will be, but he’s not letting himself ruin the few moments they have together by crying. 

“I miss you.” There’s a great deal he misses, in fact, but Ryan is among the top of the list. Freedom ranks higher than he does, but it’s the only thing. His arms wrap more securely around Ryan’s waist, breath hitching as he fights back tears again. “I can’t do this.” 

He feels Ryan sigh more than he hears it, chest heaving slightly as he runs his fingers through Cas’ hair, as he traces comforting patterns on his back. 

“I know. I’m sorry.” 

This isn’t your fault. He can taste the words, but he holds them back. He’s said them countless times. He’s tired. So he’s quiet instead, closing his eyes and listening to the familiar rhythm of Ryan’s heart beating. 

“I have to go soon.” His pulse speeds up under Cas’ ear, the anxiety that they both experience in equal measure these days. Cas looks up at him, unable to control the tears this time -- They spill over his cheeks, silent. He doesn’t bother to wipe them away. When he stretches up, captures Ryan’s lips in the briefest of kisses, the entire ordeal tastes like the sea. 

They’re able to communicate in many ways. Gestures, meaningful glances, the way they hold each other. Though they don’t utter a word in the moment they kiss, they both understand what’s being said -- I wish I could save you. 

It doesn’t quite feel real. Cas isn’t sure anything like this will feel real ever again -- He wasn’t made to be used gently, but here he was, happier than he had any right to be. They had wanted this small, private, and so it was -- A gathering of friends, an entirely unofficial setting, their best friend doing the honors. Her grin hadn’t faltered through the entire ceremony, untraditional as it was. He can’t take his eyes off of Ryan. This, in a way, feels like a personal victory. He deserves this. He deserves to be happy, he deserves to have Ryan by his side for eternity. 

He’s almost too lost in his eyes to remember to say “I do.”

It’s barely out of his mouth before they’re gravitating towards each other, the space between them suddenly unbearable. It’s so brief, the kiss, compared to what he’d like to be doing right now. He wants to sprawl on top of Ryan, lose hours, kiss him until they can’t think of a single goddamn thing but each other. But that’s indecent in front of family and friends. 

They break apart as Katie is finishing the last bit of her sentence, laughing as she does so.         “By the power invested in me by the worldwide web, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You could kiss again, I suppose, but there are children here.” 

Laughter breaks out over the small crowd, and then applause -- This has been 2000 years in the making, after all. He brushes his lips across Ryan’s once more, more chaste than anything. 

He tastes like home. 

[hatedriiven-blog]

‘ i love the concept. never tried it, but it’s a hell of a concept! ’ (from matt)

meme backlog 

@abdxcere

       “ Works well, ” Frank muttered, putting away whatever weapons he was carrying. “ You put him in the ground and he doesn’t put anyone else in the ground. It’s pretty win win. ”

[iimmcrtalis-archive]

💀

multimuse meme ││ accepting

💀: Which of your muses would probably fight each other if they met?

Eludysia & Evelyn. mmm. Everyone v Evelyn. tbh. T  B H. 

Revas & Bruce definitely. Well more like Revas would fight Batman. bc she is Not A Fan. 

Faron & Morgan would also probably fight??? tbh????? mainly in a fckn like why the fuck are you an asshole way and shit u know. 

[wesarchive]

@abdxcere liked this for a 616 starter [ still accepting ]

            “ M-Matt!? ”

            It had been months since Shadowland, no word, no mention, nothing. He knew Matt needed to be on his own, but he still couldn’t help but be worried about him at the same time. First and foremost, they were friends and allies, maybe Shadowland didn’t play out the way either of them wanted, but he still wanted Matt to be okay. 

            Danny stood on a familiar rooftop on the edge of Hell’s Kitchen, one Matt must’ve known was one of the unmarked buildings Danny had purchased under Rand’s name. Something like this shouldn’t shock him in his line of work, but still the look of confusion was evident along his face, didn’t help Matt could definitely sense how he was feeling. 

            “ Are you okay? I didn’t even know if you’d come back. ”

[pluerecinere-blog]

relationship aesthetics // cas + ryan 

a gift for @abdxcere

[allurfavesrgay]

tagged by: @abdxcere

tagging @thanatonaucy, @cheeseburgerisms and anyone who wants to do this! have fun!

1ST RULE: tag 9 muns you would like to know better:

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true

APPEARANCE:

I am 5'7" or taller I wear glasses I have at least one tattoo I have at least one piercing I have blonde hair I have brown eyes I have short hair My abs are at least somewhat defined I have or have had braces

PERSONALITY:

I love meeting new people People tell me that I’m funny Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me I enjoy physical challenges I enjoy mental challenges I’m playfully rude with people I know well I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY:

I can sing well I can play an instrument I can do over 30 pushups without stopping I’m a fast runner I can draw well I have a good memory I’m good at doing math in my head I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month I enjoy writing FANDOMS ARE MY #1 PASSION I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss I have had alcohol I have scored the winning goal in a sports game I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS:

I’m in a relationship I have a crush on a celebrity I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have been in a relationship for at least a year I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close to my school My parents are still together I have at least one sibling I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CDs I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT:

I have breakdanced I know a person named Jamie I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair I’m listening to one song on repeat right now I have punched someone in the past week I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life I speak at least 2 languages I have made a new friend in the past year

[backinaflxsh-blog]

‽

Send me a ‽ …and I’ll show you a glimpse of an ORIGINAL CHARACTER I have played/considered playing! || accepting

//as a quick introduction to Ryan, an OC of mine for something I am writing, however I do rp him online and you can find him on this blog: @abdxcere however i don’t have all the details about his backstory online yet so bare with me

He didn’t carry himself in a way that showed much about him, it had a simultaneous tell sign of confidence and anxiety, making the reality of the mystery behind him seem much more upfront. His green eyes seemed much to old to match his face, but well, it was the only obvious thing about him. That he had been around for far longer than people could tell. Leaving everyone to wonder about what he’s seen, where he’s been, what he’s done.     His lips twitched upwards into a smile, holding out a hand. “Ryan Salvai, and you are?”

[childofthxmoon-blog]

@abdxcere [x]

“I’ve seen what’s waitin’ for me on the other side - trust me, that ain’t somethin’ ah’m gonna welcome with open arms.” Visions of Hell. He’d devolved into a beastly state, a rabid creature enforcing Satan’s will as one of his Hellhounds. It was such a vivid experience, one he’d been forced to live out, and one that kept him up at night.

“Doubt a state of livin’ death’s much better, though - ah half wanna put you out yer misery here and now.”

[huntsall]

tagged by: @abdxcere​

1ST RULE: tag 9 muns you would like to know better:

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true

APPEARANCE:

I am 5'7" or taller

I wear glasses

I have at least one tattoo

I have at least one piercing

I have blonde hair

I have brown eyes

I have short hair

My abs are at least somewhat defined

I have or have had braces

PERSONALITY:

I love meeting new people

People tell me that I’m funny

Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me

I enjoy physical challenges

I enjoy mental challenges

I’m playfully rude with people I know well

I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it

There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY:

I can sing well

I can play an instrument

I can do over 30 pushups without stopping

I’m a fast runner

I can draw well

I have a good memory

I’m good at doing math in my head

I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute

I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling

I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch

I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports

I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else

I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else

I have learned a new song in the past week

I work out at least once a week

I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months

I have drawn something in the past month

I enjoy writing

FANDOMS ARE MY #1 PASSION

I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss

I have had alcohol

I have scored the winning goal in a sports game

I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting

I have been at an overnight event

I have been in a taxi

I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year

I have beaten a video game in one day

I have visited another country

I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS:

I’m in a relationship

I have a crush on a celebrity

I have a crush on someone I know

I have been in at least 3 relationships

I have never been in a relationship

I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them

I get crushes easily

I have had a crush on someone for over a year

I have been in a relationship for at least a year

I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”

I live close to my school

My parents are still together

I have at least one sibling

I live in the United States

There is snow right now where I live

I have hung out with a friend in the past month

I have a smartphone

I have at least 15 CDs

I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT:

I have breakdanced

I know a person named Jamie

I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce

I have dyed my hair

I’m listening to one song on repeat right now

I have punched someone in the past week

I know someone who has gone to jail

I have broken a bone

I have eaten a waffle today

I know what I want to do with my life

I speak at least 2 languages - almost there! learning now, kinda semi-fluent-ish atm

I have made a new friend in the past year

[desiderrium-archive-blog]

‘ i may legally be an adult but don’t be fooled. i have no idea what i’m doing. ’ (ryan@cas)

❝ Oh, don’t worry. I wasn’t fooled. ❞       His eyebrow quirked, amusement filling his features as he even considered the possibility of thinking Ryan knew what he was doing. Ever. With anything.        ❝ But if it makes you feel any better... Same. ❞

[desiderrium-archive-blog]

relationship aesthetics || 1 / ???

@abdxcere​

[desiderrium-archive-blog]

"I think I'm subconsciously trying to ruin my own life." (ryan @ cas)

I don’t know what this meme is but || not accepting obv

❝ Oh, is it subconscious?          Please tell me the efforts to ruin mine are also subconscious. ❞

[wesarchive]

@abdxcere liked this for an MCU starter [ still accepting ]

       danny banged on matt’s door a few times, waiting the usually long length of time for matt to peel himself out of bed and come to the door. he looked like a truck hit him as always. he held up a brown paper bag with a smile. “ i brought takeout. ”

[hatedriiven-blog]

@abdxcere liked this for a 616 starter [ still accepting ]

       It’d been a while since Frank had been around, being holed up with a broken leg and an injured eye. He left the city, holed up in an abandoned warehouse a fair ways out of Matt’s little neighborhood, one that he was certainly he wouldn’t find. Turns out he was wrong.

       “ Well, big bad Daredevil comes kicking in my door. You come looking for me or you just like kicking in doors? ”

[hatedriiven-blog]

"I'd love to relax but that's just not realistic." (from matt)

meme backlog 

@abdxcere

       “ What do you want me to say, Red? You want to relax go run a bath and have your kids bring you breakfast in bed. ”

[wesarchive]

"I love that no matter what I say, if I hold up my hand you’ll high-five it without question. It’s like we’re always united, no matter who or what I’m roasting today." (from matt)

meme || no longer accepting

@abdxcere

       “ Of course we’re always united, Matt. We’re friends. We’ve been friends for longer than I can even remember. I’m always here to high five you, put on scary levels of spandex and go punch people. ”