#aaron talking into the void

[the-whispers-of-death]

I'm going to make Vigilante!Reader and Ghost dance (it'll make sense when you actually read it) but now I'm not sure if I should make either of them terrible dancers and have one stepping on the others' toes.

Because I just feel like one of them should be a terrible dancer. But I don't want to do a poll because I already procrastinated on writing the second part after the poll finished yesterday.

So maybe, if you want one of them (or both) to be a terrible dancer, comment/reblog with who you want to be the terrible dancer.

[missfiggy]

So it’s v v v late in PST. Je suis about to pass out. But as I will not be on these fair internets for the next 8 hours (at least), thought I might drop my HOT take on MWPP face casts.

For your consideration:

Harry Richardson | James Potter

And Eleanor Tomlinson | Lily Evans

And they actually dated!

ATJ/ S. Skelton / K. Gillan could never!

Fight me on this! I’m prepared to throw hands!

(ish, I’m probs going to sleep and not check my notifs for 14 ish hours)

(So mild throw hands)

(And tbh, a face cast is not a hill I want to die on)

(I just can’t with ATJ: notmyjames)

[corinthianism]

corinthianism's fic recs

here are my personal favorite fanfics! idk how often i'll update this, but i hope you like them as much as i do :) *indicates smut

last updated: march 26, 2024

MARVEL

loki laufeyson - from the void, with love — by whirlybirbs (my fav fanfic of all time!!! i think about this fic several times in a day bro) - riptide — by starks-hero - the tailor* (series) — by birdofhermes (ao3) - time after time (series) — by goldencherriess (ao3) - a friend from work — by cozy_the_overlord (ao3)

thor odinson - god of fertility* (request) — by charnelhouse - highway don't care (but i do, i do)* (part one, part two, part three) — by spacelabrathor

peter parker (andrew garfield) - agree to disagree — by delicate-dorothea - nerdy peter (request) — by webslingingslasher - good boy x bad girl trope (request) — by webslingingslasher - hold you here, my loveliest friend* — by p3mybeloved - your friendly neighborhood sensitive spider* — by jin0 - glad you're home — by withahappyrefrain - the mechanics of a soul — by irndad - 3 is the magic number* — by withahappyrefrain - crush — by ptersparkers - as it goes — by forever-rogue - here comes the sun (part one, part two, part three) — by withahappyrefrain - stability, reciprocity, and a romance for the ages (series) — by privateanxieties (ao3 - need an account to read)

steven grant (moon knight) - hold me close — by stormkobra-5 - gift of min* — by astroboots - puzzles* — by stormkobra-5 - first time* — by luvpedropascal - domestic adonis* — by peterman-spideyparker - where it starts — by silversweetpea - fallen from heaven, grown on earth* (series) — by davosmymaster (ao3) - call me poe* — by kittyfandom (ao3) - elemental — by batsingotham (ao3) - the boy with the thorn in his side — by eating_flowers (ao3)

marc spector (moon knight) - not him — by loud-mouth-loser - it's worth it, it's divine* — by the-archxr - i'm getting to know someone — by davosmymaster (ao3)

wade wilson (deadpool) - tea and sympathy (series) — by bucketsoffrogs (ao3)

SHERLOCK (BBC)

sherlock holmes - your hidden strength — by okay-j-hannah - sublime dexterity* (part one, part two) — by daydreamtofiction - literally everything by starks-hero

SUPERNATURAL

sam winchester - playing house (part one, part two) — by uncouth-the-fifth - baby i'll stay (heaven can wait) — by uncouth-the-fifth - move over.* — by ggwritesstuff - where's your head at?* — by beau55515 - birthdays: sam winchester style* — by karleekarma (ao3) - the comforts of home — by zepskies - under the hood* — by shawslut

dean winchester - whether you like it or not — by kbeautimous (ao3) - reading you wrong — by zepskies - cherished — by thatonewriter15 (ao3) - soft touch — by wearywinchester - i love her, that's why* — by kaleldobrev - drivin' me crazy* — by lis-likes-fics

castiel - salt n' lick* — by aperfectgrace (ao3) - a bite of apple pie (series) — by ac_deanc (ao3)

THE SANDMAN

the corinthian - bring me a dream* (series, ongoing) — by placeinthemiddleofnowhere - nihil — by lis-likes-fics

dream/morpheus - sweet dreams (are made of this) — by stranger-nightmare

CRIMINAL MINDS

aaron hotchner - from eden — by heliotropehotch - gold star — by honeypiehotchner - love, an abstract concept — by luveline - honeymoon phase* (series) — by hotchsbitch (ao3)

THE BOYS

soldier boy (he's absolutely horrible but so. so. hot.) - break me down* (series) — by zepskies (go read their other stuff too!) - talk to me — by zepskies

homelander (also absolutely horrible. would sleep with him.) - if i can't have you — by watchstarscollide - milky white* — by after-witch

GAME OF THRONES

jaime lannister - i'm not made by design — by ichorai (this legitimately changed my brain chemistry)

STAR WARS

obi-wan kenobi - like turning on the light* — by full-time-make-believer (deactivated acc) (this also changed the trajectory of my life) - where it wasn't* — by 221bshrlocked - your thoughts are loud — by spidersbane - empty me out* — by 221bshrlocked - house of memories* (series) — by meshlasolus - bad idea, right?* (series) — by mischiefling (ao3) - you make me feel like dancing — by saradika (ao3) - it's a wonderful lie — by firstofficerwiggles (ao3) - temptation's kiss — by karasong (ao3) - you make my dreams* — by wickedscribbles (ao3) - like a living mirage — by karasong (ao3) - broken drought* — by rosalindbeatrice (ao3) - never grow up — by doihavetoloseyoutoo (ao3) - never ending story — by kybercrystal (ao3) - volveré* — by kxnobi (ao3)

din djarin (the mandalorian) - the savior* (part one, part two, part three) — by dindjiarin - significant — by softlyspector - touching din — by archieimagines - uncharted territory* — by pedrito-friskito - creed* — by wheresarizona - home is wherever i'm with you* (part one, part two, part three) — by saradika

DRACULA (BBC)

count dracula - the székely* (series) — by theplumsoldier

LOTR/THE HOBBIT

thranduil oropherion - a boon* (series) — by inksplots (ao3) - beauty and the beast (series) — by tamurilofrivendell (ao3)

DOCTOR SLEEP

dan torrance - of monsters and men* — by helaintoloki & obitwo - domestic life (headcanons) — by thornsinmycrown - smut alphabet* — by daincrediblegg

[pedroscowgirl]

Filling the void

aaron hotchner x afab!reader

Warnings!: smut minors DNI

summary: After tucking in jack, you realised how badly you wanted a baby with Aaron

Wc: 3.7k

Heavy on the breeding kink!!, p in v (wrap it up tho), creampie, lactation kink kinda (?), dirty talk, age gap (later seasons aaron, reader is in her twenties) lmk if i forgot something!

a/n: i orginally was not planning on posting an aaron fic today but I'm ovulating rn and i just need this man to breed me. That's it. Also I can't find a gif of later seasons aaron smiling so😭

You heard the front door creak open just as you pulled Jack’s bedroom door closed behind you. The soft click of the latch was a quiet reward after successfully getting him to bed. Aaron’s return brought a wave of relief; his presence always grounded the house, making everything feel more complete. You saw him standing at the entrance, pulling off his suit jacket with practiced ease, his hair slightly mussed from a long day of work.

“Is he already asleep?” Aaron asked, glancing toward Jack’s door as he set his bag down by the entryway and hung his jacket over the back of a chair.

You shook your head, smiling softly. “Not yet. Go say goodnight before he drifts off,” you suggested, knowing Jack would want that last moment with his dad.

Aaron’s face softened at your words. He closed the distance between you and leaned in, pressing his lips to yours with a familiar, tender kiss that sent warmth spreading through your chest. “You’re the best,” he murmured against your lips before pulling away and heading down the hallway to Jack’s room.

You watched him for a moment, feeling the love and contentment settle around you like a warm blanket. This was home. Jack was tucked in, Aaron was back, and everything felt just as it should. You made your way to the living room, slipping into your comfortable loungewear. The cozy clothes were a contrast to the busy day you’d had, a signal that it was finally time to relax.

As you sank into the plush cushions of the couch, you could hear Aaron’s soft voice coming from Jack’s room. He always had that gentle, soothing tone when he talked to his son, even after the most stressful days. It was one of the many things you loved about him—the way he could switch from FBI Unit Chief to loving father in the span of a breath.

Soon, Aaron returned, the familiar creak of the floorboards under his feet signaling his approach. He had changed into his pajamas—flannel pants and a plain white T-shirt that hugged his strong frame. His hair was still slightly tousled, and there was a tired but peaceful expression on his face as he walked into the living room and sat beside you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders without a word. You leaned into him, resting your head on his shoulder, feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest.

The soft glow of the television illuminated the room, but neither of you paid much attention to it. The comfort of being near each other, after another day of navigating the complexities of life, was enough. You absently traced patterns on Aaron’s arm with your fingertips, feeling the firmness of his muscles beneath his skin. His hand squeezed your shoulder gently, his thumb rubbing soothing circles.

Minutes passed like this, quiet and content, the peace between you a testament to how strong your relationship had become. It was in these small moments, tucked between the chaos of your everyday lives, that you truly felt how much you loved him. And Jack. And the life the three of you were building.

But tonight, your heart was full of more than just love for what you already had. It was full of a new kind of hope, a desire that had been quietly growing in you for some time now. You lifted your head from Aaron’s shoulder and shifted slightly, turning to face him. Then, in one fluid motion, you straddled his lap, your knees sinking into the couch on either side of his hips.

Aaron’s eyes widened, surprise flashing across his face as his hands instinctively found your waist. “Hi, sweetheart,” he said, a playful smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “What are you doing?” His voice was teasing, but there was an edge of curiosity as his eyes searched yours.

You smiled back, your fingers trailing up his chest before resting on his shoulders. “You know I really love Jack,” you whispered, leaning in close, your noses almost brushing.

Aaron’s expression softened immediately, his gaze warm as he looked up at you. “Yes, I know you do,” he said softly. “And he loves you.” His eyes searched yours, a hint of emotion flickering beneath his words. “And so do I,” he added, his voice low and sincere.

He leaned forward, capturing your lips in a slow, tender kiss, his hands sliding up from your waist to your back, pulling you closer against him. The familiar sensation of his touch sent warmth flooding through you, but tonight, your thoughts were on something more, something deeper.

As the kiss broke, you leaned in, your lips brushing his ear as you whispered the words that had been on your heart for some time now. “I want a baby Aaron.”

For a moment, everything stilled. His hands froze on your back, his breath catching in his throat. You pulled back slightly, just enough to see his face, to see the way his expression shifted from surprise to something that mirrored the emotions swirling in your own chest.

“A baby?” Aaron repeated softly, as if he needed to make sure he heard you correctly.

You nodded, your fingers brushing through his dark hair. “Yes,” you said, your voice steady, but your heart racing. “I love you, Aaron. I love Jack. And I want to grow our family. I want to have a baby with you. Please make me pregnant.”

His eyes softened, but behind that softness was something else, a shadow of hesitation. He swallowed hard, his hands resting on your hips, keeping you steady in his lap. His brow furrowed slightly, and you could tell he was thinking, his mind racing through all the things he hadn’t said yet.

“I… I don’t know,” he said, his voice quiet. “I’m scared, to be honest.”

You blinked, pulling back just enough to see his face more clearly. “Scared?” you asked softly, your hands still resting on his chest. “Why?”

Aaron let out a long breath, running a hand through his tousled hair. “It’s just… with my job, everything I see, the risks I face every day… I’m not sure I can handle bringing another child into that world. Jack is already a huge part of my life, and he’s growing up. But starting over… it’s a lot. And…” He trailed off, his eyes flickering down for a moment before meeting yours again. “I’m not exactly getting any younger. I already feel old some days.”

Your heart ached a little at the vulnerability in his words. He rarely let down his guard like this, and hearing his worries laid bare reminded you just how deeply he cared about the people in his life. But you also knew that this hesitation came from a place of fear—fear of the unknown, of losing control, of risking more when he already had so much to protect.

You shifted slightly in his lap, feeling the warmth of his body beneath you, your hands resting lightly on his shoulders. “Aaron,” you whispered, leaning in closer, your lips grazing his ear. “I get that you’re scared. I understand. But I also know you. And I know how much love you have to give. You’re an amazing father to Jack… and you’d be just as amazing with another baby.”

His grip on your hips tightened a little as your words washed over him, but you could still sense the doubt lingering in his mind.

You smiled softly, letting your fingers trace along the back of his neck. “And besides,” you added with a playful glint in your eye, “I’d look so good pregnant with your baby.”

Aaron’s eyes widened slightly as you shifted again in his lap, your body pressing more firmly against him. The playful grin on your face made heat rise in his cheeks, and you could feel the subtle reaction from his body beneath you—the growing bulge between his legs. He inhaled sharply, his hands moving to steady you, but the corner of his mouth tugged upward into a small smile despite himself.

“Hmm,” he groaned softly, leaning his head back against the couch, eyes half-lidded as he watched you. “Your hormones are just talking,” he murmured, trying to play it off, but you could see the way his resolve was beginning to melt under your touch.

Before you could respond, your phone buzzed on the coffee table. The sudden interruption broke the moment for a split second, and you glanced down at the screen, seeing the notification flash. It was a reminder to take your birth control.

Aaron’s chuckle broke the silence. He raised an eyebrow, his hand resting on your thigh now. “Ah, look at that. It’s a sign we shouldn’t do it,” he said, half-serious but with a teasing edge to his voice.

You met his gaze and without a second thought, you tossed your phone across the room, hearing it land with a soft thud on the carpet. “Or maybe,” you whispered, leaning down so that your lips were just inches from his, “it’s a sign that I should stop taking birth control.”

Aaron’s breath hitched, his eyes darkening with the weight of your words. His hands froze again on your hips, his mind clearly racing as he tried to process what you were saying. “Stop taking…?” he began, but you cut him off with a seductive smile.

“Wouldn’t it be fun?” you whispered against his lips, your voice sultry. “Just to try for a baby anytime we can. No more holding back. Just us… trying, whenever we feel like it and keeping your cum inside of me for as long as I can.”

You rolled your hips ever so slightly, feeling his reaction underneath you. Aaron groaned, his head falling back against the couch again, eyes closed as he tried to hold onto the last threads of his self-control.

“Please, Aaron,” you continued, your voice a soft plea as your lips grazed his neck. “I want this. I want you. And I know you want it too…”

His hands tightened on your waist, his breath coming in short, shallow bursts as he struggled to maintain his resolve. You could feel the conflict in him, his logical, cautious side battling with the desire you were stirring up with each movement of your body against his.

He opened his eyes, looking up at you with a mixture of hesitation and raw emotion. “This is a huge decision,” he said, his voice thick. “Are you really sure about this? About us… having a baby?”

You smiled softly, cupping his face in your hands as you leaned down to kiss him, your lips gentle but full of promise. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” you whispered against his lips.

Aaron’s resolve finally broke. With a groan, he pulled you closer, his lips crashing into yours with a sudden intensity that made your heart race. His hands roamed over your back, your waist, pulling you closer as if he couldn’t get enough of you. The tension that had been building between you both finally released, and in that moment, you knew that he was ready-ready to take this leap with you, ready to start this new chapter of your lives.

As you straddled Aaron’s lap, the heat between you became unbearable, the tension of the moment thick in the air. His eyes, dark with desire, roamed over your body. Slowly, he lifted your shirt, his fingers grazing your skin and sending shivers down your spine. The cool air hit your exposed chest, and immediately, your nipples hardened, betraying how sensitive you were to his touch. His gaze locked on them with raw hunger.

Without a second’s hesitation, Aaron’s mouth found your breast, his lips closing around your sensitive skin as he began to kiss and suck, his tongue flicking over your nipple in a way that made you whimper. His hand came up to cup your other breast, squeezing gently as his mouth worked its magic, driving you wild.

“Fuck, it’d be so sexy if these were full of milk,” he murmured, the sudden filthy talk catching you off guard. His voice, so deep and seductive, sent another wave of arousal straight through you. The idea of being pregnant with his baby, your body changing for him, made your heart race and your body tremble with need.

You could feel yourself growing wetter by the second, your body aching for him. “Fuck, Aaron, please,” you gasped, your voice breathy and desperate. “Just fuck me.”

He pulled back from your chest, his lips glistening as he looked up at you, a teasing smile playing on his lips. “Oh, you’re so impatient,” he whispered, his tone laced with playful arrogance.

Unable to wait any longer, you leaned in, crashing your lips against his in a hungry kiss. As you kissed him, you ground your hips harder against his, feeling the bulge beneath you grow even more. Aaron groaned into your mouth, his hands gripping your hips tightly, but he wasn’t giving in just yet. His control, his teasing, only made you want him more.

Without warning, he grabbed your thighs and stood up from the couch, holding you against him as if you weighed nothing. You wrapped your arms around his neck, careful not to make too much noise as he carried you down the hallway toward your shared bedroom, being mindful of Jack sleeping in the next room. You could feel Aaron’s heart pounding against your chest, the heat of his body pressed so close to yours, and every step made your anticipation grow.

As soon as he pushed open the door to your bedroom, he laid you down gently on the mattress, his eyes dark with need as he hovered over you. His hands moved quickly, tugging off your pants and underwear in one swift motion. You shivered at the feeling of being exposed to him, your body aching for him to touch you. He wasted no time in pulling off his own pants, revealing his already hard, leaking cock. The sight of it made your mouth water, your eyes glued to the way it pulsed, ready for you.

Aaron caught the way you were staring, and a wicked smile curved his lips. “Be patient,” he teased, leaning down to brush his lips against your ear. “There’s going to be a lot of this inside you soon.”

And then, without warning, he pushed himself inside you in one smooth motion. The sudden stretch made you cry out, your back arching off the bed as your fingers gripped the bedsheets tightly. He filled you completely, his cock so thick and hard inside you that it made your entire body shudder.

Aaron groaned as he bottomed out, his head falling to your shoulder as he took a moment to savour the feeling of being inside you. “God, you feel so good,” he whispered, his voice rough with need.

He started to move, slow at first, each thrust deep and purposeful, hitting all the right spots inside you. You could feel every inch of him sliding in and out, the delicious friction driving you closer and closer to the edge. Your body responded to his every movement, your hips rising to meet his as you moaned his name, lost in the feeling of him inside you.

There were kisses, soft and sweet, shared between moans and gasps for air. His lips found yours, then your neck, then your chest again, leaving a trail of heat in their wake. His hands roamed your body, fingers exploring every inch of skin he could reach, as if he couldn’t get enough of you.

Just when you felt yourself on the brink of release, Aaron pulled out, leaving you gasping from the sudden emptiness. You whimpered in protest, your body aching for him to fill you again, but he wasn’t done yet.

He grabbed your legs, lifting them and placing them over his shoulders, angling your hips just right. When he thrust back inside you, the new position made him hit deeper, harder, a spot inside you that made stars burst behind your eyelids. Your nails dug into his skin, leaving red marks as you clung to him, your moans filling the room.

Aaron’s head fell back, his pace quickening as he lost himself in the sensation of being buried so deep inside you. You could feel him twitching, the tension building in his body, and you knew he was close. “Please,” you moaned, your voice shaky with need. “Please make me pregnant, Daddy. Just use me whenever you want.”

Your words sent him over the edge. His hips snapped forward, his thrusts becoming erratic, harder, faster. “Fuck,” he groaned, his voice low and rough. “I’m going to get you pregnant. Everyone will know that you begged for my cum and that I gave it to you.”

With one final, deep thrust, you both came together, your body convulsing as your orgasm ripped through you. You cried out his name, your entire body trembling as wave after wave of pleasure washed over you. Aaron followed right after, groaning deeply as he emptied himself inside you, filling you with his release. You could feel him pulsing, twitching inside you as he rode out his orgasm, his hips still moving as he pushed himself deeper.

For a moment, neither of you moved, both of you breathing heavily, your bodies still locked together.

As the waves of pleasure finally began to subside, you collapsed onto the bed beside Aaron, your breathing still heavy, skin glistening with a sheen of sweat. His arm wrapped around you, pulling you close to his side, and you nestled into his warmth, feeling the afterglow of everything that had just happened between you.

Your head rested on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart as you both slowly came down from the high. The room was quiet, filled only with the soft sounds of your breathing and the occasional rustling of the sheets as you shifted to get comfortable.

You let out a soft chuckle, still catching your breath. “I guess I’ll have to throw my birth control away,” you murmured, your fingers tracing lazy patterns across his chest.

Aaron’s deep laugh rumbled through him, the sound making you smile. “Yeah, you should do that,” he replied, his voice still husky from everything you’d shared.

You grinned, but as the moment settled around you, the weight of what you were discussing—the enormity of the decision—began to creep into your mind. You lifted your head slightly, looking up at him. The soft light in the room highlighted the contours of his face, the small lines around his eyes that came from years of both stress and joy, and the way his lips curved into that subtle smile he reserved just for you.

“Hey,” you whispered, your voice a little more serious now, “are you really sure about this, Aaron? I mean, I don’t want to pressure you or anything. I just want to make sure we’re on the same page.” You paused, your heart racing a little, unsure of what he might say next. The desire for a baby was real, but so was the reality of what it would mean for both of you.

Aaron turned his head slightly, his eyes soft as they met yours. He reached up, gently cupping your cheek with his hand, his thumb brushing across your skin in a tender, reassuring gesture.

“Sweetheart,” he began, his voice steady and filled with that signature calmness that always made you feel safe, “I’m an old man. I’ve been around long enough to know what I want, and I can make my own decisions.” He gave you a teasing smile, but there was nothing but sincerity in his eyes. “And I want this with you. I’m not going to lie—it’s a big deal, and I’ve thought about it. But seeing you with Jack, seeing how much you love him… I know you’ll be an amazing mom. And I want to share that with you.”

Your heart swelled at his words, a warmth spreading through your chest as you held his gaze. You leaned into his touch, feeling the truth in everything he was saying. He wasn’t just saying what he thought you wanted to hear; he truly meant it.

“And,” he added, his voice dropping into that playful, husky tone again, “I really love the process of making the baby.”

You laughed softly, the tension in the air dissolving as his teasing words brought a smile to your lips. “Oh, I can tell,” you replied, leaning up to kiss him softly.

Aaron kissed you back, his lips slow and gentle against yours, the tenderness of the moment wrapping around both of you like a warm blanket. When you pulled away, you could still feel the smile lingering on his lips.

“I love you,” you whispered, the words slipping out naturally, effortlessly. They felt like the most honest thing you’d ever said.

“I love you, too,” Aaron whispered back, his voice filled with the weight of all the unspoken promises between you.

You both shifted under the covers, settling into each other’s arms as the exhaustion from the night finally caught up with you. His hand rested on your hip, his thumb absentmindedly stroking your skin as you drifted closer to sleep. The soft rhythm of his breathing lulled you into a comfortable, peaceful state, and the warmth of his body next to yours made you feel like you were exactly where you belonged.

Just before sleep claimed you, you felt him press a soft kiss to the top of your head. “We’ll figure this out together,” he whispered, his words barely audible but full of meaning.

You smiled against his chest, your heart feeling lighter than it had in a long time. And as you both drifted off to sleep, wrapped in each other’s warmth, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of excitement for the future. The possibilities felt endless, and with Aaron beside you, you knew that whatever came next, you would face it with love, strength, and the kind of partnership that only deepened with time.

taglist (lmk if u wanna be added): @looking1016 @pear-1206 @doe-eyed-diva @ssa-aaronhotchner @sweetpinkchampagne @totallyjovialblaze @pastelpinkflowerlife @donttrustlove @actualdeemon @jencole214 @fandomawesomeness @devilslittlehelper @mrs-ssa-hotch

[chithereader]

you and me / aaron hotchner

word count: 1.9k

pairing: aaron hotchner x singer!reader , aaron hotchner x f!reader

genre: fluff, a little angst

cw: a lot of conversation, i went a little crazy i just love interviews like zane lowe’s!!! and soft aaron

a/n: this photo just makes me think of aaron waiting backstage for popstar!reader / singer!reader

and requests are open!! would love to know what you guys want to read ◡̈

You requested that the set-up of the interview be comfortable. You knew you’d be talking about your albums which are notoriously packed with stories and emotions, personal and imagined. Now what is more comfortable than your own home? 

When you were designing your home, you knew from the start you wanted a conversation pit. You’ve always dreamed of a house that screamed cozy and comfortable, warm and inviting. Even if it cost millions to make, you had no regrets. 

But aside from the occasional family dinners, your sunken living room was only ever used when Aaron and Jack sleep over, and you had a movie marathon night. You'd throw in duvets and pillows on the pit and bunch together whether it was cold or not.

So you thought this interview is perfect to justify your design choice. To use the conversation pit for actual conversation. Which brings you to now, sat across your good friend and favorite interviewer Zane Lowe, your previous and latest album being the topic of conversation. 

“Your previous album was– you know, I mean, it was–” Zane appears to struggle for a word to encapsulate one of the lowest points in your life. Fractured was definitely an emotional album to make and an even sadder one to listen to.  

“Depressing?” you jokingly say. Talking has always been so easy with Zane. He just has this air to him that lets you know he truly just wants to know you. You sit on the couch sideways, facing Zane. Leaning on the back rest with your elbow, head resting on your hand while your other hand fidgets with the tassels on the pillow. 

He laughs, “Well, you were definitely at a low point in your life romantically.” fiddling with his chin, thinking of his next words, “You just– I think you perfectly captured in your songs that sort of loss and tangible grief that comes with letting go of a person- not because there weren’t any love anymore but more because love just wasn’t enough to keep it going.” 

Remembering what had happened– the air felt thinner. Like it was getting harder to breathe. You had to remember that that point of your life was over. You felt such real pain that time, so much so that you struggled to function in your daily life. That void. That ringing emptiness. 

You’re brought back to reality by Zane’s voice, “Could you touch on how that came about?” 

You breathe out a small sigh and with a gentle smile you recall, “Yeah, uhm.. I was in this relationship.. which in hindsight, I’m so lucky to have been in. It taught me so much and truly made me so much more mindful I guess. I mean like, smarter? More conscious definitely of what goes into making a relationship work, and what makes it strong.” 

“But like you said, it ended because as much as we both wanted it to work, as much as we loved each other, it just wasn’t happening. And it was a vicious cycle that was tiring us out. We just knew it wasn’t supposed to be like that.” You pause for a bit, reflecting. 

Flashes of you and Aaron driving home in silence after a dinner at Rossi’s play in your head. You didn’t talk the whole night. Not when you were dressing up. Not in the car ride on the way there. Not when you sat down together. And definitely not when each of you were across the room, busy in separate conversations ignoring the glaringly obvious. 

Looking down at the decorative pillow in your lap, you start, “And I think that in my experience, that’s a lot more painful. I think that break-ups that happen when one hurts the other is somehow better because you get to hold on to I deserve better or like– there’s just thing like anger that drives you to move on.”

You’re taken back to that night. Coming home and feeling the weight of it fall on both your shoulders. You sat for hours in silence, holding each other. Knowing that when the sun rises, he’ll go to work, you’ll go on tour, and your little world will be put to rest. 

“But having that overflowing love for a person who is just not meant for you– I mean how do you tell yourself to let go? How can you even try to convince yourself ? Because people say so often that as long as you love someone there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for them and that’s true. I’ve been there, and even everything wasn’t enough. And that was something we really struggled with.” 

“Just admitting that we had to love each other from afar before we turned into strangers together.” 

It just didn’t make sense. The love you had for each other was real. It was deep and true, and neither of you had any doubt of what you meant to each other. There was no question of loyalty or trust. 

But the traveling, the conflict in schedules, the missed calls and messages left on read. You just became both so busy, you were worlds apart. It even reached the point that you haven’t talked for days and neither of you noticed. Or minded. You thought of each other, yeah. But there wasn’t that urge to reach out anymore. There was just… longing. 

–

“Which brings us to now. Your latest album Leftover Love– it’s a lot more hopeful isn’t it? I mean I’d even go as far as saying that it’s about falling in love all over again.” Zane sips on the tea you made him. Leaning over the makeshift coffee table to add more milk in there. 

You straighten a little. Mood instantly lifting at the mention of your favorite album to date. Images of the inspiration behind the album filling your head. 

Zane puts down his tea to gesture generously, “And hearing it live, you could just feel it in the crowd– this kind of electricity. And because there’s no other way to put it– your songs in this album feel a lot like jumping and dancing with a partner in a room full of people and everything is just in slow motion. It’s like this sort of alignment or clicking into place, finding that one person that makes those small moments feel so.. big.” 

He put it perfectly into words. You had really hoped to relay through your songs the recent turn of events in your life. People who have supported you and loved you when you were at low points in your life got you through that, and you felt so strongly that they deserved to know and feel even a fraction of the happiness that you’re feeling right now through your new songs. 

“Definitely, I mean I’m so proud to say that these songs, even if they’re a touch fictional or exaggerated or romanticized– they are based on truths, on real things that have happened or are happening in my life.” You’re getting excited. Pulling the sleeves of your sweater to cover your hands until only your fingertips are visible– you place both hands down on the pillow as if bracing yourself for the climax of a rollercoaster ride. 

“The song Blindly for example, it’s about that feeling or like moment of realization that you’re just so crazy in love you’d follow this person anywhere blindly. I love that the sound’s so grunge-y and messy– insane. Because that’s literally how it feels to be in that whirlwind.” 

Zane picks up on your excitement, nodding at your explanation. He relaxes more into his seat and gestures to you, “It’s a good thing you mentioned that because I actually wanted to ask you why that song slows down at the end. I think that was such a unique and beautiful thing to do to the song and it works so well. But I just want to know what made you do that–” You’re biting your lip smiling, so proud that it was recognized as a conscious choice as a musician and artist.

Zane continues, “It goes from crazy drums and guitar, and the bass– then slows down into this almost hypnotic music box sound that transitions by the end into just this beat like a pulse.” 

Your smile grows bigger which Zane mirrors, “I’m so happy you picked up on that. I have to say that’s actually one of the songs I’m most proud of because it’s one of the first songs that I was heavily involved in the engineering of the sound.”

“But yeah I guess ultimately I just wanted it to mimic that transition from being in crazy love, tornado-esque to it literally settling into this beautifully calm and serene kind of love.” 

Zane listens intently, nodding and humming in agreement and knowing. Finally understanding the point of view from which the sound was created. He has this gentle smile on his face, almost of encouragement knowing you had more to say, 

“Like you go from all these dates and the honeymoon phase, and your heart’s just beating crazy fast all the time and then it turns into that steady murmur of your fridge in the null of the night when you’re baking muffins together in silence.”

You take a deep breath, chewing on the inside of your lip. Hopelessly trying to minimize the smile fighting its way on your face, “It’s just that process of someone becoming your home.” 

-

You're ushering out the last of the production people. Walking alongside Zane who’s the last to step out your front door, you give him a big hug which he returns warmly. 

“I’m so happy you’re happy,” he murmurs into your ear. 

You bury your face into his shoulder and breathe out a laugh, “Thank you.. Really.” 

You separate and smile at each other. Waving goodbye as he walks backwards to his car. You stand by your front door until they pull out of your driveway.

Once you see that your driveway is empty, you turn to your door and see him leaning against the doorframe with a smug, knowing smirk. 

Rolling your eyes playfully as you pass by him into your home, he chuckles. You hear his footsteps behind you and you know he’s following you around while you tidy up the dishes you and Zane used, “Aaron, take out the trash please.” 

This man just listened to you talk about him for hours. With headphones and a monitor set up in the other room– Aaron just got his ego inflated to a size so immeasurable he can’t hide his smile from the strangers beside him controlling lights and volumes. He has got to be humbled.

“Oh so I’m back to Aaron now?” He catches up to you, halting your movements from behind as he takes hold of your arms so you can put down whatever was in them. Then he turns you around by your shoulders so you’re facing him, grinning that smile that makes you go Fuck and then blank in your head.

“And here I was thinking I was home.” Aaron pulls you close, sliding an arm around your waist only to settle on your back as the other holds your hand against his chest, in between you. He starts swaying you both slowly as he buries his nose into the side of your head, humming a familiar tune. 

Kiss me once, then kiss me twice

Then kiss me once again

It's been a long, long time

Haven't felt like this, my dear

Since I can't remember when

It's been a long, long time

You'll never know how many dreams

I've dreamed about you

While he was listening to you go on about how you loved him all throughout your rocky start and even more well into the present– he became overwhelmed with the realization that for once in his life, there was absolutely no doubt in his mind that he is loved. Truly, deeply, and steadily loved. And that filled him with something that nothing and no one could ever define or measure. 

[ssahotchnerr]

Hey love, could you pretty please do an Aaron x reader where it’s there wedding day and she starts getting real bad anxiety about marrying him. Not because she doesn’t want to but because she feels like he is surrounded by so many amazing people who uplift him that she could never compare. Just in the mood for fluffy comfort Aaron 🥹

enough

cw; fem!reader, a LOT of angst but it's comforting??, heavy 5x9 references (i'm sobbing actually), anxiety descriptions, aaron cries 😭, comfort and a happy ending don't worry!!!! wc; 2.4k

"nervous jitters?"

"you could say that." you replied - while staring off into space, while bouncing your crossed leg, while kicking your slipper on and off your heel. your head moved downward as your fingers clutched onto the seat of the chair you were sat in, harshly enough for your knuckles to turn white.

jj pulled the curling wand away from your face an inch, "careful, try not to move."

"sorry."

yet another wave of guilt rippled through you, as this wasn't how you should feel on your wedding day.

last night, you were surrounded by the people you now consider family, celebrating a new chapter. or rather, a beginning. aaron's permanent grin was engraved in your mind; you've never seen him so carefree, happily conversing with his colleagues, gazing at you as if he'd won the lottery (to him, he had). you were positive there wasn't a second where his arms hadn't been wrapped around you.

before parting ways for the night, he had pulled you to the side, to a more secluded area. he gave you long, sweet, deep kisses, holding your body close to his, as you weren't going to see each other until the two of you officially, and finally, became one.

just as him, you had been on a similar high, more than ready for this next adventure, in pure disbelief that in less than twenty-four hours, you'd be a hotchner. so now, whatever this was, had quite literally come out of absolutely nowhere.

when you awoke this morning, rather than the excitement you had expected, you were greeted with an empty, terrifying pit in your stomach.

as the day carried on, pre-wedding activities in full motion, it followed, and the void within only grew and grew. it was gravely unsettling; you were more fidgety, on edge, you hadn't been your usual talkative self. and despite being surrounded by your newfound family - jj, penelope, and emily more specifically - you couldn't help but choose to remain alone in your thoughts.

jj studied your face through the mirror, before securing your hairpiece in place. "there." her hands found your shoulders, giving them a comforting squeeze. "sit tight, i'll be right back."

you nodded, blinking your eyes to prevent the budding tears from slipping - and to not ruin penelope's handiwork, mascara sure to stain your cheeks. she left, leaving you alone.

but as promised jj returned no more than five minutes later, only she remained at the doorway, her head peeking in. "someone's here to see you."

after giving you a consoling smile, as if she knew - profilers - she vanished, leaving door slightly ajar.

your hand had only just touched the knob when the door moved a centimeter back, slight pressure holding it still to refrain from opening fully.

"don't open it all the way."

"aaron?" at the sound of his voice, you fought the instant urge to sob. but the utmost amount of comfort filled you too. it took a second, but you found your voice, "you're not supposed to be here."

"well technically, i just can't see you."

"still." you insisted. your tone was flat, rather than being full of giddiness due to your future husband sneakily paying you a forbidden visit - like it should've. "they're going to be looking for you."

"then let them." aaron answered simply, not concerned about that in the slightest. "are you alright?"

you immediately fell silent, and aaron patiently waited a minute, but still - nothing. the extended period of quietness, scared him, given the day's event.

please, not cold feet.

and given the current circumstances, there was only so much he could do. aaron dropped his hand to his side, weaving through the small gap. "here, give me your hand."

your hand quickly found his, the promptness allowing aaron to breathe. the familiar weight felt like home; your hand always fitting perfectly within his. your hands always cold, his warm. yours soft, his rough.

his thumb drew circles on the back of your hand, an invitation to open up. "what's on your mind?"

you bit your lip in thought, taking a heavy enough breath aaron could hear it without straining his ears.

"honey?"

"first, i want to preface this that i do want to marry you. i don't want you thinking otherwise." your voice was firm, meaning every word.

"okay..." here was a brief hesitancy in his voice despite your promise; a tinge of worry, some question. however, he managed to keep his voice steady, for the most part. you, however, still recognized the waver of uncertainty.

"just," you released a breath, your voice small. "i envy you."

aaron was quiet for a moment, and when he did speak, the confusion was obvious in his voice. "you envy me?"

"you have," you took a breath, gripping onto his hand. "so many wonderful amazing people around you... i don't even know where to start. they've been with you, stuck with you, for far longer than i have. how do i compare to that? god, dave's practically paying for this whole thing. because of you, for you. no matter who you would've married, he would've done exactly the same. i'm not special."

"sweethear-"

"i want to be enough for you." tears pinched at your eyes, your hold on his hand lessening - which frighteningly felt like you were letting go completely. "you deserve," you took another breath, and this one rattled through you. "everything. and i'm afraid i never will be."

aaron only clutched onto your hand tighter, refusing to part. his eyes squeezed shut for a moment, taking a silent, deep breath. "are you wearing your dress yet?"

after all that, you weren't too sure of how he would respond, but you certainly hadn't expected that. "no? once-"

aaron released your hand. and after looking in both directions of the hall to be certain he was in the clear, he swiftly entered, the door clicking shut behind him.

"aaron." you stared at him, your eyes wide in alarm. you barely had the time to process him in his tuxedo, or have the thought to push him out. "you can't be-"

"enough?" aaron looked at you, baffled. exasperation, pain, and love all present in his eyes. "how can you say that?"

"i-"

"you... are everything. my everything." he moved to your left, pacing away for a moment, quickly internalizing a way to get it across solidly, so you wouldn't dare question otherwise again. he blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "did i ever tell you, what haley told me before she died?"

you blinked in surprise, but shook your head. while you knew the story, offered reassurances after nightmares and the topic of haley had never been off limits, aaron had never gone into detail over... the final moments. you never pushed, never asked - if it was something he chose to keep to himself, to have that part of haley close to him and only him - of course you respected that. they were vulnerable, painful memories, not easy to relive.

he sobered, his posture and expression changing before you, alight with a ghost of the past. a tender, solemn fondness was in his tone as he recalled the line. "'love is the most important thing.'"

your eyes studied his face, silently urging him to continue.

"and while our relationship had it's hardships, she wanted jack to believe in it - love - and had me promise her that i'd show him."

"aaron..."

"he believes, because of you."

"i-"

"i believe," his eyes found yours, full of a sincereness you've never seen from him. "because of you."

you opened your mouth to speak again, but no words came out.

"haley was right." he chuckled softly, with a small shake of his head, "honestly, and while i understand why now, for a long time i was furious she made me promise that. because i wouldn't be able to keep my word. before that... day, i'd already given up. lost hope that i could find it again, that it was even possible, or whether i deserved it. haley and i were together for a long time, you know that. being with her was all i knew, what i was used to, and part of me thought maybe someday, we'd manage to work things out. and suddenly, she was gone. it was too late - i was too late. i failed her, and i'd continue to fail her."

"and then you came into my life, and turned my world around completely. never did i think i would love again, let alone get on one knee and ask someone to marry me. but here we are. here you are."

aaron took your face into his hands, as delicately as he possibly could - as if he feared he would break you.

"because of you, i kept my promise to haley. jack knows, he sees the love i have for you every day. and although he 'ew's' at the sight of us kissing here and there, he'll grow up understanding. he'll know the importance, as promised."

"and you saved me. you saved from a looming downward spiral. i saw it happen to gideon, it's happened to countless others within the bureau, and i could've been the next. i told someone once; it's consuming, this job will eat you up if you let it. but instead of letting it, instead of ruining my relationship with jack, you managed to pull me from that impending darkness i was headed toward."

tears were continuously trickling down your cheeks, utterly speechless.

"you're enough. god you're more than enough. and if that doesn't... i'll prove it to you everyday if i have to. if you'll let me." a broken exhale left his lips, choked up. "i promise."

still unable to find the words, and actions speaking louder, your fingers grabbed onto his tux, pulling his body to yours and wrapping your arms around his middle, burying your face into his chest. in the back of your mind, you made a mental apology to penelope, and hoped you weren't soiling aaron's dress shirt too badly.

aaron's shoulders dropped at the contact, in relief. he pressed his lips to the top of your head, his arms wrapping around your shoulders and holding you close. next, he's the one who took a shaky breath.

"so, i'm the one who should be afraid."

"what?" your voice cracked, peering up at him, your chin on his torso.

"baggage." aaron sighed, tearing his eyes away from yours, his hands running along your back soothingly - or rather, to soothe himself. "i'm the widowed father. i'm the one who's never around. i'm the one who's scarred, in more ways than one. i don't want to limit you, to keep you from a life you've always imagined for yourself. like i did with haley."

"don't say that."

"every day, i wonder why i'm the one you chose to be with. wonder why you love me. i think that it's too good to be true, that i'll wake up. or someday, you will."

"aaron."

he sighed, tears sliding down his cheek.

"you are not scarred, aaron hotchner." you cupped his face and angled him so he was looking at you, wiping the droplets away with the pads of your thumb. "far from it. the life i imagine, is with you. this is it." you found it in you to let out a small laugh, refreshing after the morning you've had. "that's why i was so worried."

he also couldn't help but laugh gently through his tears. "you shouldn't be."

your hand slid to the back of his neck, winding your fingers through the nape of his hair. "you've, very unfairly, dealt with the unfathomable. the unimaginable. but that doesn't make you broken. i find it admirable actually, and it's one of the things i love about you. you're strong aaron. to go through something like that, and come out on the other side of it, both the tragedy and the recovery part of it. a lot of people wouldn't be able to do the same."

aaron looked at you, listening, his head tilting as he leaned into your touch.

"despite what you think, you're a good father. i adore you with jack. and with the horrors you see, every day, you still come home with a calm face. you never fail to give us your all - your sweet loving self. you're always present, even if you're physically aren't here. because you're out there making this world a safer place for so many others. for jack, for me. you really don't give yourself enough credit."

aaron remained silent, his gaze beginning to tear away from yours. but you stopped him, with a finger under his chin to direct his focus back to you.

"you may have scars, but they aren't you. they may contribute, but they aren't you."

"are you sure?" his voice fell to a whisper, eyes desperately searching yours, his own dampened.

you nodded earnestly, your bottom lip quivering a small amount. "i've never been more sure of anything. i promise."

and with that, aaron's lips found yours, kissing you even more deeply than he had the previous night. from the urgency that soon developed, it was clear just how needed this conversation was, on both ends. providing closure, clarity. the kiss sent a buzz right through you, instantaneously making up for the all the lost time you had spent brooding.

you forced yourself to pull away - only when air was needed, and to simply stop. you would've gladly kissed him longer, and aaron likewise, but the two of you were on a schedule.

his forehead fell against yours, a rather boyish, adorable smile on his face. "so, are we good?"

you nodded, your lips pulling into a smile as well, the giddiness you've been missing finally present. you reached up, gently blotting away any lingering tears of his. "we've always been."

"wedding still on?"

you rolled your eyes, gently smacking his chest and making him laugh. "duh."

"okay." he grinned, pecking your lips gently. "i better go. if someone catches me in here-"

"-you'll be in trouble."

"big trouble." he grinned, pulling your hands forward to bring you in for yet another kiss. "i love you. you never saw me."

you chased his lips - just one more. "never did."

aaron laughed, his brown eyes just sparkling. "i'll see you soon. you know where to find me, i'll be waiting."

[thisismyhell]

Professor Hotchner (Part 1)

Author's Note: im shamelessly in love with this man, sue me. This is part 1 because i was getting tired and it was getting super long. part 2 soon tho :)

Summary: you are Hotch's former psych student and hes asked you to guest lecture. of course you say yes, and of course he loves to watch you take over the room.

Shameless flirting, age gap, older prof hotch and student reader, use of y/n, two idiots.

Words: 1.8K

_____________________________________________

Coming back to campus to visit filled a void in your body. It took so much of your life to complete your Master’s, leaving the school and never returning was never in your plan. That being said, returning to the school for the purpose of being a guest lecturer was also not in your plan. 

Professor Hotchner had reached out to you and some other former students to come visit his freshman psychology class and provide some real world experience stories. It seemed that the students would only listen to his experience so much without asking personal questions he wasn’t prepared to answer. Before his classes finals, you were coming to guest lecture the students and fill in the blanks that his stoicism created. 

You arrived on campus just after lunch and knocked on Hotch’s office door, ready to see him for the first time in years. He was one of your favourite professors, if not the favourite. He was so smart and inquisitive, always encouraging you and the other students to ask as many questions as you wished, even staying extra hours to attend one-on-one sessions to make sure everyone understood the material well enough to confidently pass. 

Hotch opens the door, and you look up at his imposing eyes and witness how they soften when he recognizes you. He conceals a grin, but you notice and return the favour. “Y/n, I was hoping you would make it” he says through a tight lipped smile. “Of course, I wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to try and impress my favourite professor again”. He bows his head to hide his blush, and you’re too in your own head to notice it. “Please y/n, you can call me Aaron. We’re equals now”. “We definitely are not, but I appreciate it, Aaron”. You put your hand out to shake his, and he gives in even though the motion is ridiculous. He’s humouring you, trying to make you feel less like a past student and more like a new colleague. Even though you are technically in the same field, he still feels the desire to almost protect you, regardless of the cases he knows you have worked at this point and the violence you have seen. 

“Let me show you to the lecture hall. I know you have a tight schedule and don’t want to waste your time”. He’s so gracious with you, understanding what it’s like to have the deadlines and commitments that you do now. He’s retired from the FBI and only serves as a professor now, but he remembers his sleepless nights and need for a go-bag. “You could neve waste my time, Aaron. I’m happy to be here and I have a clear schedule to be here”. He puts his hand on the small of your back and leads you down the hall. You can smell his cologne, the same scent you remember from his office hours. The hallway becomes crowded and you huddle closer to him to not lose direction, and he welcomes your presence against his large frame.

Once you arrive in his lecture hall, he helps you set up your laptop in order to guide your presentation, explaining he will click through the slides for you as you talk. You don’t need him to do this, and there is a remote that you could use yourself, but you like having him be a part of your presentation. If he could stand up beside you for an hour you would welcome it, but you don’t want to seem incompetent either. 

The class quickly enters the hall and takes their seats, proving to you that Hotch has maintained his drill sergeant tendencies unto his students. They all greatly respect him and you can tell. Once they have all sat down and opened their laptops, he stands up in front and they are all quiet, ready to listen and obey. “Class, today we have a guest as I mentioned last week. She is an accomplished profiler in the FBI who can hold her own in the field, and I am honoured to have her speak to you all today about her real world experience. I am also honoured to once have had her as a student, who once sat right in this room only a few years ago. Please give a warm welcome to Agent y/l/n, and give her the same respect that you give me”. 

The class applauds and you blush, smitten over your introduction. “Thank you Aaron, what a wonderful way to start my first guest speaking opportunity”. You go through your slides and tell some of your favourite stories from the field, and emphasise how hard you had to work to get to where you are now. You paid close attention to the women in the room, always taking precedence over their questions first. Hotch didn’t dare chime in unless directly asked, respecting your place as the lecturer for today. 

You enjoyed speaking to the students, and every once in a while you glanced over to where Hotch was sitting in the second row, appreciating you. His large frame looked even bigger in the small student seats, seeming even more imposing if that was possible. Once you opened the floor to questions you calmed down and let yourself relax more to come across as more human. That was something Hotch had taught you before. You were wearing a black pencil skirt with nylons and sensible pumps, matching the look with a black turtleneck that hugged your figure. Since you were the youngest in your department, you wanted to come off as more mature than you thought necessary so you could establish some dominance. This was also Hotch’s idea when he found out about your FBI interview. 

You were definitely getting in your own head, because you were starting to heat up. With Hotch’s eyes on you it was almost like he was the only person in the room that could see you, and he was taking advantage of his sight point. He could see all of you from the second row, and if you asked him, he could smell you from there too. Since he opened the door for you only a couple hours ago, he couldn’t get your perfume out of his head. It was making him dizzy having you so close but so far. He had great respect for you, you had always stood out amongst your peers. You always took advantage of his office hours, and more often than not he found himself feeling claustrophobic behind his desk with you looking at him the way you always did. 

He loved watching you take control of the room, his room. You spoke so eloquently and professionally, he felt so proud. He felt proud that he taught you, but he felt more proud that he knows you, and that you know him. If he was still at the FBI he would feel almost intimidated by you and the way you could handle yourself. You never needed help, but he knew he would get on his hands and knees to find your contact lens for you if you asked. And he would love it. 

By the end of the lecture you are starting to think Hotch is checking you out, but you can’t be sure. You’ve always had a crush on the man, how could you not? He respects you and he knows how smart you are. He doesn't feel threatened by a strong woman, and he even admitted when he was wrong about something to you. Hotch would never admit this, but on more than one occasion, he would explain something in a false manner so that you would correct him on it. He loved having you raise your hand in his class and call him out on a false statement, whether it was a definition or a fact from a previous case he worked. He wanted you to feel smart in every room you were in, because you are smart. He didn’t want your confidence to falter just because he was a man at the front of the room, he was egging you on to stand up for yourself and others. 

Sitting back and watching you run the place was getting him off and he wasn’t sure what to make of that. The time was up, and Hotch dismissed his students. They politely filed out of the room, but one boy was hanging back to ask you a question at the front. He made himself look busy so the student could have a conversation, but he was still listening. “Y/n, your lecture was just amazing. I know you work for the FBI, are you in town often?”. 

“I am, I actually live in the city and commute. It’s not that difficult when you have the resources. Why do you ask?”

“Oh, I was just wondering because I know it can be stressful for a woman to travel so often. Does your boyfriend ever help you out? I just didn’t see a ring on your finger.”

Hotch grimaced, falling victim to this boy’s poor excuse at flirting with you. 

“No I don’t have a boyfriend, but I am more than capable of handling myself, thank you.”

“That’s a shame, you’re a very smart and beautiful woman. You know, I’m actually looking to join the FBI some time too, maybe you could help me out some time? Maybe over a drink you can tell me-”

You cut the boy off before he fumbles even harder, “listen, I really don’t think this is an appropriate conversation. You should probably go to your next class before you say something stupid”. 

The boy grimaces but leaves, taking your rejection. You turn around to Hotch to gather your things, but notice his face. “Something wrong, Aaron?”

“That was just very tough to watch. Sorry about that.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, he was just a kid shooting his shot, no harm done.”

You hold your bag over your shoulder and Hotch comes closer to you, “okay good, I’d hate to feel bad for him”. 

You blush and go to leave, but you realize you have forgotten your phone. Looking around for it, Hotch realizes your mistake. “Y/n, I think you may have left it in my office. I’ll walk back with you and we can grab it before I call you a cab”. He wants to call you a cab? You’re hoping to make your visit last longer, so you walk a little slower next to him on the way to his office. He notices but doesn’t point it out, enjoying walking beside you. He’s also enjoying being seen with you, a beautiful young woman who excels in her field. A field he used to be in, and he knows you would be bossing him around by now if he was still in the FBI. He’s too busy thinking about you raising your voice at him that he doesn’t realize you’ve reached his office until you point it out. “Oh, sorry y/n. I must have zoned out. Keeps happening with age”. You grin at him, “don’t worry Aaron, your age doesn’t bother me”.

[stylesluxx]

wildflower – a.hotchner

[warnings: self doubt, relationship doubt, angst]

summary: in which y/n doubts her spot in hotch’s heart – inspired by wildflower by billie eilish

word count: 825

main masterlist

You've always known that Aaron had a love before you. It's impossible not to—Haley was a part of his life through so many milestones for many years. He's never talked about her in-depth, but the memories surround him, a lingering presence that never quite fades. Some days, you catch the look in his eyes, far away, like he's somewhere else entirely. And every time it happens, you can't help but wonder if it's Haley he's thinking of.

It's been a couple of years since her death, and though Aaron has moved forward, there's a part of him that you fear might still be anchored to the past. That maybe, you're not enough to replace what he lost. You've tried to ignore it, tried to convince yourself that your worries are unfounded, but the thought lingers.

Tonight, it's especially strong. You're sitting on the couch with Aaron, his hand resting on your knee as you watch a movie together. But his mind isn't here. You can tell by the way his gaze flickers, unfocused, staring at the screen but not really seeing it. It happens more often than you'd like to admit, and each time it sends a twinge of insecurity through you.

"Where are you?" you ask softly, trying to keep your voice light. He looks at you, startled as if he didn't realize you were speaking.

"I'm here," he says, offering you a small smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

But you're not convinced. You've been holding this in for so long, pretending that everything's fine, but tonight, you can't help yourself. The words spill out before you can stop them.

"Are you, though? Because sometimes it feels like...like you're somewhere else. Like you're still thinking about her."

Aaron's expression shifts, his smile fading as he turns to face you fully. He opens his mouth to speak, but you can't stop now. The floodgates are open.

"I get it, Aaron. I know how much she meant to you, how much you loved her. But sometimes I wonder if you still...if you still love her. And I know that's unfair of me, because how could you not? She was your wife, the mother of your child, and she was taken from you in such a horrible way. But where does that leave me? Am I just here to fill a void?"

He's silent, his brows furrowing as he processes your words. The air between you feels heavy, thick with the weight of what you've just admitted. You hate yourself for saying it, for pushing him when you know how much he's been through, but the fear has been gnawing at you for so long, that you couldn't hold it in anymore.

Finally, Aaron speaks, his voice low but steady. "You're not filling a void."

You look at him, surprised by the conviction in his tone. He leans forward, his hand tightening around yours.

"I'll always care about Haley. She'll always be a part of me because she's part of Jack's life. But I'm not in love with her anymore. I haven't been for a long time, even before she died."

His words make your heart stutter. "You haven't?"

"No," he says softly, his thumb brushing against your hand. "When I met you, I didn't know I was ready to love someone again. But you've given me something I didn't think I'd ever have. You gave me hope, and you've made me feel alive again. I don't look back at what I had with Haley and wish it were still here. I look forward with you."

Tears prick your eyes at his words, the weight of your insecurity beginning to lift. But still, there's a lingering doubt, one you're almost afraid to voice.

"But do you...do you regret it? That you're with me now?"

Aaron shakes his head firmly. "Never. I'm with you because I want to be. After all, I love you. You're my future, not my past."

He cups your cheek, his touch gentle but grounding, and you lean into his palm, the warmth of his hand seeping into your skin. His gaze is soft, and earnest, as he brushes away the tear that slips down your cheek.

"I'm sorry if I've ever made you feel like you're second to Haley," he says, his voice thick with emotion. "That was never my intention. I love you. Only you."

You close your eyes, letting his words wash over you, their truth sinking in. You know he's being honest, that his heart is yours, but a part of you also knows that love doesn't erase the past. And maybe that's okay. Maybe love is about accepting that there will always be echoes of what came before, but choosing to move forward together, despite them.

When you open your eyes, Aaron is still watching you, waiting for you to say something. You reach up, covering his hand with yours as you press a kiss to his palm.

"I love you too," you whisper.

And for the first time in a long while, you believe that it's enough. You're enough.

[AN: I want to start posting multiple times a week but idk how I want to schedule that yet. maybe every 3 days? also I was supposed to post this days ago but forgot to queue it … AND AS YOU GUYS ARE READING THIS IM OMW TO MY SECOND ERAS TOUR SHOW HEHE. anyway, here's my taglist]

[mcondance]

18+

aaron’s never been the type of man to let anyone in easily. he’s hardened from a childhood he never talks about, people who never got to see the age of thirty, from countless bullets slugged into bodies that have caused more harm than his 18 year old self could have ever imagined.

aaron’s not the vulnerable type.

but you.

he knows it’s silly and immature to feel like this, to really feel understood in the warmth of a cunt, but it’s real. and it’s there.

when he’s inside you, when you’re clutching him close and holding on to him like you never want to let him go, he feels like him.

you cry for him, say his name like a prayer, like something ancient and sacred and holy, two syllables, five letters, one goddamn word that means more rolling off your tongue in a fit of passion than it does from anyone else.

his name means more when you say it between kisses and over a shared bag of chips and through a laugh.

he’s something more with you.

he can’t seperate hotch and aaron, and he doesn’t want to. he’s only good at his job because he is aaron hotchner, because he can be gentle when he needs to be, and brave the evils of the world, too. but with you, he doesn’t have to be brave. he doesn’t need to shove his feelings down in a box and put them under lock and key. you pull them out and smooth them down, cradle them softly in your hands and speak life to them.

he loves the BAU, and he does his best to make sure they know it, but there’s a piece of him that is reserved for you. it’s not unflawed, and it’s not completely void of rough spots and sore wounds, and that doesn’t matter. you run fingers of gold softly over them, seeing them for what they are.

how wonderful it is to be loved for your sun and moon.

he feels it in those moments in the kitchen when you hug him while he cooks his part of breakfast. he feels it when you lock soft, melting eyes in passing from one room to another. he feels it in the press of your fingers into his arm when you pull him closer to you on the couch. he feels it in bed, when you kiss him with the tenderness you’ve always had for him.

hidden away from the world, head resting against your chest that falls and rises in a lullaby of breath, he feels held. aaron feels understood. he feels loved.

[hotchfiles]

hi it's me again screaming into a void about the fact hotch is always in the loop, he always understands clearly whatever the fuck garcia or reid are talking about

"reid uses his intellect as a shield", hotch intentionally leaves to reid the position of resident nerd so spence knows he belongs, that he has an important place within the team

but no doubt aaron is just a non eidetic memory smart version of reid

in conclusion, a fucking nerd

a geek your honor

[ddejavvu]

another idea!

hotch has one heck of a crush on r. but he’s trying to be super chill about it bc the only person he knows she’s dated was a woman and he’s Not gonna be that guy.

but man oh man is she cute.

so he pines quietly hoping no one notices.

but of course they do! and the team keeps trying to get them together.

something something with the line “hotch, i’m bi”

this actually melted my soul it's the bare minimum but when it comes from him i'm on my knees... hotch x bi!reader representation!!!!!

--

Aaron's fairly certain Reid didn't actually forget something at his desk. Nor that he truly needed Prentiss to walk back there with him, 'in case he got lost'. And Penelope definitely did not want to talk to Strauss. He has a sneaking suspicion they all only ducked out of the elevator to leave you two alone on the ride down, which is frustrating because he's trying to respect you.

"Any weekend plans?" He turns to you with raised brows, trying to keep conversation going and void of awkwardness.

"Uh, not really," You shake your head, smiling at him. It's hard for him to tamp down the cartwheel that his stomach does, but he knows he needs to.

"Me either," He admits, "I think I'm going to sleep in tomorrow."

"Oh, what," You scoff, lightheartedly teasing, "All the way until eight in the morning? Hotch, you went for a six A.M run on your birthday, you're incapable of sleeping in."

"That's not true!" He laughs, more genuinely than he ever would for your other teammates, "I'll make at least nine."

"Oh, wow." You nod, grin permanently etched onto your face, "And you'll still be at the coffee shop before they open."

The one by his apartment opens at ten. He briefly considers asking if you go to the same one based on the info you've given him, and then decides that there's nothing better to do with your remaining time in the elevator.

"You don't happen to go to Morning Roast, do you?"

"I do!" You turn to him with eyes lit up, "You go there too?"

"Every morning before work," He chuckles, "I guess I go too early for you."

"Oh," You huff, elbowing him gently, "Shut up. I'm not up that late."

"You came in almost half an hour late today!" He gawps at you, but where there'd typically be frustration present, there's only amusement.

"That's because some guy was flirting with me this morning and I barely escaped," You sigh, watching the numbers on the elevator screen tick down closer to G for Ground, "I swear, if one more creep tries hitting on me I'm just gonna tell him I'm gay."

Hotch stops dead.

You're not?

"Uh," He clears his throat, "Are you- you're not? I thought you mentioned an ex-girlfriend."

"Oh! Well, yeah," You nod, "But I'm bi, Hotch."

"Oh," He keeps his expression in check, even though he feels like grinning so hard his face splits in two, "I didn't know that."

"Well neither did I, for a while," You snort, and the elevator dings, the doors sliding open to showcase the lobby.

"I hope no one bothers you tomorrow," Hotch lets you exit first, following after you to the entrance of the parking garage, "Hey, if I do sleep in, maybe I'll catch you there."

"Oh, you can be my bodyguard!" You exclaim, eyes lighting up once more, "Thanks, Hotch. Okay, say, nine?"

"Eight," He grins, and revels in your groan-turned-laugh, "Fine, nine."

"See you then, bodyguard!" You click the unlock button on your car and duck inside, leaving him standing in the middle of the parking garage and smiling like a fool as you pull away.

[the-whispers-of-death]

In the honor of me changing what name I'd like to be called, I'm giving y'all a little headcanon of mine.

It's my personal belief that the 141 would be able to adapt to your new name so well. I don't care how unrealistic that may seem, but I believe it.

Like I can see Price correcting someone with his gruff voice.

I can see Gaz practicing talking to a mirror to make sure he remembers to address you by your new name.

I can see Soap making you laugh and relax when you tell him your new name by saying it over and over again to test how it rolls off his tongue.

I can see Ghost casually using your new name before you even tell him because he had heard from Soap that it was your new name.

They're supportive kings to me.

[iridiss]

binging diaries again… finally got around to my diaries Aphmau redesign…

She’s a bundle of joy when she first arrives in town, a selfless and optimistic problem-solver who took one look at a rotting, decaying village and decided she would fix it up single-handedly. She repairs their houses, builds a guard tower, builds them a bigger and better farm, builds more homes, brings a lot more villagers and merchants to the town, rebuilds old alliances that decayed after Malik’s death and makes new ones with near and faraway towns. Shes stubborn and headstrong at times, and in the beginning her desire to always see the best in people leads her into some nasty situations, but through her actions, agency, and persistent efforts, she becomes the embodiment of hope and healing for the town (Very similarly to how Irene the Matron aided her hometown in its recovery!). This is why the town elects her the Lord of the village.

Loss after loss, battle after battle, traumatic event after traumatic event, the state of the world slowly falling apart around her gradually chips away at her bright and cheery demeanor, matures her, hardens her into a woman that is- still very much capable of being sweet and happy and warm and loving!!! She never loses her core personality!! But it…changes her nonetheless. It hurts, and she grieves, and it comes dangerously close to breaking her over the years. She ends up hardening into a woman who’s capable of playing both the darling lover and the military General. A woman who’s learned how to be cautious and wary and approach things tactically, who learned how to determine the difference between a good person who just needs to be warmed out of their shell—and a charismatic liar whose nowhere near as good as they seem on the surface. She’s mature, she’s wise, she’s a natural leader, she’s cautious and on occasion can be rather guarded, but…she’ll always be warm and gentle and kind on the inside.

After Aaron dies, her mental health takes a massive dip, and on occasion she ends up in a rather dark mental place. A vengeful, angry, violent place. Come season three, she’s learned that sometimes you have to kill in order to protect the ones you love the most, and after he dies, that part of her becomes…a bit worse. If you’re her ally, the only change you would have noticed is the deepened bags under her eyes and her lack of sleep, but if you’re an established enemy, like, say, Zane, you might notice that she’s stopped talking things out and started jumping straight to Kill Mode (…which is, tbh, valid). She leans heavily on her partners to help her through this darker time in her life, and after the series finale when they get Aaron back and Shad is defeated, she’s doing much better.

She’s a sweetheart and a goody-two-shoes, yes, but like. she’s also basically a military general in the midst of a very long war. she’s got fuckin ptsd and is MUCH more emotionally mature and wisened than her Mystreet and Void Paradox counterparts. girlies been through hell. literally.

Also religious trauma I think she’d have plenty fair share of religious trauma from the whole Irene business

[hearthotchner]

flowers, petnames, and, apologies

— inspired by this post, which was prompted by a tiktok sound

walking into the bullpen, derek morgan couldn’t help but notice the person delivering a large bouquet of flowers, “woah woah woah, who are these for?” he asked, assuming they were for one of his female co-workers.

“um.. a mr aaron hotchner?”

derek’s eyebrows raised in surprise, and his jaw dropped, just before the expression was replaced with a mischievous smirk, “let me take this off your hands, i’ll give ‘em to him.”

after bidding the delivery man a thank you and goodbye, derek carefully placed it onto his empty desk; almost immediately, his coworkers surrounded him, intrigued by the colourful array of flowers that lay on his desk.

the bouquet wasn’t overwhelmingly bright, yet it wasn’t void of hues either. they were light, soft, pastel colours — easy on the eyes — majorly white, but with splashes of light yellows, baby pinks and reds dotted around, with, just a hint of blue.

“do you know who they’re from?” penelope’s voice piped up.

before morgan could respond, he was cut off by reid, “most likely a partner. did you guys know that lily of the valley actually represents new beginnings, which is why they’re used for various occasions: weddings, baby showers. and, the blue hyacinths show a desire to make peace — they’re apology flowers, the colours are those usually used to display remorse.” his voice got higher as he got more excited about the topic, “oh! and roses are typically used for a romantic partner, and are normally pink or red; in this instance they’re yellow, and there’s a lot of them, meaning they’re likely to be his favourites.”finally taking in the bewildered looks of his colleagues, the young genius smiled sheepishly at them, quickly shutting himself up.

“you look way too far into things, reid.” derek rolled his eyes, “they’re probably just an early valentine.”

“there’s a note.” jj pointed out — it was hidden inbetween a couple roses.

as derek reached for it, penelope scolded him, “hey! stop messing it up! we really shouldn’t be snooping, you know he likes his privacy.” she frowned, attempting to remain mature, “but i wanna know so badly- be careful!” she lightly smacked his arm.

with confidence that he was right, derek flipped the note over to read it out loud; the smirk wiped off his face at the first two words he saw, “i’m sorry.” he read in annoyance, while glaring at spencer — but nothing could prepare any of them for the next words,

“miss you pookie bear?”

—

meanwhile, said pookie bear was sat at his desk, paying no mind to what was going on in the bullpen, with his head in his hands: your argument from the night before being the only thing he could think about.

—

“this is the third time you’ve done this, aaron.”disappointment evident in your voice.

“i know, i’m sorry.” there were his empty apologies, “i got caught up at work, i lose track of time.” and his pathetic attempts to excuse his negligence of your relationship.

“but you always do this, you’re never here. you never text, or call, and i’m waiting up until 12 in the morning for you.”

“look, we’ll talk about it in the morning, i’m tired.” he sighed.

“we won’t, because you’ll be gone before i wake up.” you were telling the truth — that’s exactly what he did the next morning, left for work without saying a word.

he furrowed his eyebrows in frustration, “you knew what it was going to be like when we started dating, you said you could handle it. my job is demanding.”

rightfully so, you were becoming upset, “not for paperwork! i understand that you get called away abruptly, and i love that you value other peoples lives before your own — it’s why i fell in love with you.” you smiled at him softly, although, it wasn’t for long. “but, i’m talking about when you’re cooped up in the office for so long, there’s no reason for you to be staying there for that much time, after everyone else has left.”

then, everything went quiet for a bit, with you waiting for him to provide some sort of explanation, and when you didn’t get that, you continued, “i just think… if you had to choose between me or your job, you’d pick your job with no hesitation.”

the lack of response caused your face to fall, “i’m sleeping in the guest room tonight, aaron.”

he should’ve done something, anything. instead, he ran away, avoided you like a coward, using his office as a place to seek refuge from taking accountability for his actions.

one time, you told him he was bravest man you ever knew — he almost laughed at how wrong you were.

history was repeating itself. you were his second chance at love, and he was making the same old mistakes, that cost him his family. aaron thought he had changed, swore to himself that he’d never do something like this again. but, here he was, having someone waiting at home, willing to drop anything for him, yet he wouldn’t do the same.

picking up his phone, he dialled your number.

it rang out for a minute, before going to voicemail — he hoped you were just busy, and weren’t already walking out of his life.

“hey,” he breathed “i wanted to say i’m sorry, for last night, this morning.. everything really. i shouldn’t have left, and i should’ve said something.” closing his eyes, he stopped himself from rambling, because you deserved to hear it in person, “i’ll be home soon, and we can talk.. please call me back.” please don’t leave me. “i love you.”

hurriedly gathering his things, aaron walked out of his office; path coming to a stop when he saw his team staring at him, all looking a little smug. a puzzled look found it’s way onto the unit chiefs face.

“hey there snookums.” derek grinned.

aaron quirked a brow, frown deepening, “what?”

stifling a giggle, emily gestured to the bouquet, “someone sent you flowers.”

knowing exactly who sent them, he swiftly excused himself to set it up in his office.

when he read the note, he felt his lips curve up slightly, and he jokingly huffed at the petname — you always loved making him blush and laugh with the obscure names you’d come up with for him.

but, why were you apologising? you did nothing wrong. it should’ve been him doing this, not you.

right as his thoughts began to spiral, they were interrupted by a buzzing in his pocket.

“hi, aaron! did you get my gift?” hearing the sweet sound of your voice, so excited and happy to speak to him, brought a sense of relief over him.

rough hands slowly reached over to feel the soft yellow rose petals. “yeah, i did. thank you.” his brows tilted upwards, guilt kicking in again, “why are you saying sorry?”

“‘cause, i shouldn’t have accused you of choosing your job over me, it wasn’t right to push that on you-”

were you out of your mind?

“sweetheart, please stop.” he begged. “you haven’t done anything wrong. telling me how you feel isn’t wrong — telling me that i’m not doing enough isn’t wrong. we need to tell each other these things.” he shut down your attempts to put yourself at unnecessary fault. “i know i haven’t been around lately, but i’m gonna change that. i promise. i want to be deserving of your love, (y/n).”

“you already are, aaron.” you whispered.

“i’m leaving now, so i’ll talk to you at home. i have a bunch of free days to use, and we have lost time to make up for.” he smiled.

closing the door behind him for a second time, aaron scanned the room, his team no longer huddled in one spot, now at their desks; still deep in a conversation he didn’t care that much for.

the bullpen fell silent at the sight of him with his briefcase and keys in his hand, shocked that he was leaving early — not even on time.

morgan, of course, was the first to talk, “where’re you off to in such a hurry honeybunny?” snickering at his own joke.

“don’t make me flag you for creating a hostile work environment, derek.”

“that’s not funny!”

[lorethebookworm]

Instead of sleeping yesterday my mind came up with a really silly Aftg au

Imagine everything is the same but Allison is either Aphrodite in disguise (why? And why would she come to earth to end up with the foxes of all people? Playing exy???) ( Listen I never said this would make sense just let me explain) or she is a descendant of Aphrodite in some way and therefore she can feel when people are in love. SO I'm just picturing Allison being constantly hit by the unbelievable strength of Andreil's feelings for one another. I don't know you guys this made sense last night , just the idea of Allison loving love but at some point she starts to struggle because Andrew and Neil really can't get a grip, they are so gone for each other that if Allison is in the same room as them she can't really concentrate on anything and it's getting annoying. Also she's pissed because those two little fuckers manage to look completely normal and unaffected while she's fighting for her life trying to concentrate on anything but them.

( OMG IMAGINE IF IT WAS AARON

now I'm thinking about Aaron getting cursed ( maybe by Allison??) for one reason or another to feel his brother feelings for one day and everything is going good and Andrew is being chill and unaffected until NEIL shows up and Aaron feels like his heart is actively trying to get out of his ribcage to be with him

Aaron *completely baffled by this experience*: is this what you feel everytime??

Andrew: feel? I'm sorry brother dearest but what are you talking about? I've never felt anything in my life , my chest is a void where no such thing as these ~feelings~ you're talking about can thrive

Aaron with his heart POUNDING becase Neil just smiled at Andrew: OH SO YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT GOOD TO KNOW)

( I don't know how I went from Allison being Aphrodite to Aaron learning that his brother is not only human but also a pathetic lovesick loser but that's how it is sometimes)

[honeypiehotchner]

Devil's Backbone (Unsub!Hotch x Fem!Reader) -- part seventeen

Listen...if you didn't see this coming then I don't know what to say (also I'm so sorry). There is an epilogue after this! It'll be posted Friday xx

Warnings: major character death xoxo, just so so sad

Seventeen: Don't leave me like this -- "Haunted" by Taylor Swift

It was difficult to really remember what happened next. 

Hotch ran off into the darkness, with no way for you to catch up to him or direct any of the team or officers of where he went. It was a void. He was everywhere and nowhere.

You took off running back toward the parking lot, heaving sobs leaving your lips. Morgan caught you in his arms, nearly knocking himself off his own feet. You sobbed. You punched his vest. You screamed. You kicked. This was unfair. Aaron was going to kill himself. You knew it. You didn’t save him. Why couldn’t you save him?

Morgan managed to calm you down and shoved you in an SUV with JJ to take you back to the precinct. Prentiss, Rossi, and Morgan stayed at the park to search the surroundings, search the park, do anything they thought was helpful. But you knew none of it would work. You knew it was pointless. 

You barreled into the precinct, taking your vest off and throwing it on a nearby table. You snagged some coffee from the finished pot and guzzled it quickly.

Reid watched you with worried eyes. From the computer screen, Garcia frowned.

“Do you know where Philips lives yet?” you asked. You really didn’t want to talk about what happened, but you knew both of them were made aware. “Garcia?”

“Not yet,” she said. “Still digging. How are you?”

“I’m fine,” you said, turning to head back to get more coffee. You needed more than one mug if you were going to make it through the rest of this.

You replayed the events of the last hour in your head. The tears in Hotch’s eyes. The brokenness in his voice. He truly believed he saw Jack. He truly believed he needed to finish this last murder in order to avenge his family. He truly believed it all.

But he didn’t believe you, that you could help him, that he could put this all down and stop. He didn’t believe you.

You drank more coffee. You paced. You waited for answers that never came.

Morgan, Prentiss, and Rossi returned an hour later, exhausted and with no answers about any of it. You were fucked. You were back to square one. Hotch was spiraling.

And there was nothing you could do to stop it.

+++

You were all delirious and drowsy when the call came in. Garcia found Philips. 

“Well, I found a house with his name on it— He’s renting it. It’s ten minutes from you. Sending coordinates now. Go.”

You were already running. You had half a mind to grab your bulletproof vest off the table and swing it over your head. 

You didn’t have keys, but Morgan did, and you slipped into the passenger seat. He didn’t wait for anyone else to get in before he peeled out of the parking lot, flipping the lights and sirens on as he drove.

Rossi, JJ, Prentiss, and Reid piled into the second car and followed close behind. Police cars flew out of the lot one by one, falling into line behind you and Morgan, leading the caravan to the lion’s den.

You had a bad feeling then. Something within you knew. 

When Morgan pulled into the subdivision, gunshots rang out, and he sped up.

“Fuck!” you yelled, worried you had gotten there too late.

Morgan barely had time to park the car before you fled from it, running toward the house, ignoring Morgan’s screams from behind you, pissed that you jumped out before he was ready. From the sound of his voice, you knew he was close at your heels, catching up quickly.

The front door was ajar, and you slammed through it, eyes darting around, your gun raised just in case. 

“Aaron!” you screamed. “Where the fuck are you?”

A strangled scream — not Aaron’s — answered from upstairs. Morgan made it to the staircase before you did, but you took the stairs two at a time, reaching the top at the same time.

Another scream. This one a child’s.

Freezing horror bled into your bones. “Aaron!” you yelled again. “Jack’s not here! Leave the kid alone! That’s not Jack!”

Morgan stilled, turning to look at you. You didn’t have time to explain. You pushed past him, into the master bedroom, desperate to get Aaron away from the kid and away from Philips.

There, in the master bedroom, Aaron had Philips pinned underneath him, his knife at Philips’ throat. The same knife he once used on your back. You felt sick.

Blood was everywhere. You didn’t know how Philips was still alive, but he was, and he was fighting. Aaron wasn’t too fond of that.

On the bed, unharmed, the son wailed. Morgan ran to him, picking him up and hauling him out of there. Aaron didn’t look up from Philips. He barely moved. 

“Aaron! Look at me!” you heard your voice cracking and you forced it to stop. “Hotch. Look at me. That is not Foyet. Foyet is dead. Jack isn’t here. Foyet killed him. They’re both dead.”

Hotch looked up at that, eyes wide. “I saw him.” He looked around the room, frantic. “I saw him. I saw—”

“You didn’t,” you cried. “Put the knife down. Please.”

“I saw him,” Aaron pressed on. His gaze turned red with fury. “You had him!” He focused his attention back on a mutilated Philips beneath him. “Where is he?”

Philips made a garbled noise in response, and that wasn’t good enough. You watched Hotch slice Philips neck with no hesitation, blood pouring from the gash as if Philips’ body had an endless supply of it. He was gone within seconds, head turned to the side. Aaron had a look of pure disgust on his face.

“Get off of him,” you said through gritted teeth, trying to keep yourself in the position of authority. Where the hell is Morgan? “Up. Now. Hands where I can see them.”

Aaron laughed. He fucking laughed at you.

“Ahh,” Hotch sighed, grinning. He picked up the knife, blood and skin dripping off of it. “Remember when we used this?”

“Up!” you ordered, trying to keep your gag reflex at bay. “Get up!”

He slowly stood to his feet, easily towering over you. He was always taller, but like this, in this state of mind, he felt monstrous. He felt eight feet tall.

“Happy?” he asked, knife dangling from his fingers by the blade.

“Put the knife down,” you demanded. 

Footsteps roared on the stairs — backup. Morgan was next to you a second later. Prentiss wasn’t far behind. Hotch was out numbered, but you didn’t feel safe. You had two of your team members with you, but you felt even more on your own than before.

“I knew you wouldn’t be able to leave this alone,” Hotch scoffed, tossing the knife to the ground. He raised an eyebrow. “I warned you.”

“Shut up!” you yelled.

“Hotch,” Morgan said. “I can see the gun on your hip.”

“Good for you.”

“Get rid of it,” you snapped. “You’re gonna use your right hand and take it out and toss it to the ground at Prentiss’ feet. Got it?”

“Crystal, sweetheart,” he grinned, wolfish and terrifying. “Anything else you’d like? A hickey?”

“Fuck you.”

“Mm, we have, remember?”

You white knuckled your gun. He was being a prick and he knew exactly why. His hand moved too quickly toward his hip, sending a jolt of panic through you. You flinched, your body moving backwards. “What are you doing?”

“Taking my gun out, like you asked,” he replied.

You didn’t trust him, and you were right for it. He took his gun out, but he didn’t toss it aside. He held onto it, fingers twitching against the trigger.

“Don’t do it, man,” Morgan hissed, but he sounded desperate. Disbelieving. “Put it down, Hotch. Come on.”

Hotch looked into your eyes, daring you. You shook your head. He stared harder. No. You knew what he was doing. You knew what he was daring you to do. You knew. And you hated him for it.

“Don’t,” you whispered, tears immediately gathering at the corners of your eyes. Your heart felt like a fist was closed around it. I can’t do this. “Don’t make me hurt you, Aaron, please, don’t make me—”

You would never know what went through Hotch’s mind in the next moment. All you knew is that he raised his gun, and you reacted. 

Morgan and Prentiss saw it happen clear as day. Instead of tossing his gun aside, Hotch raised it right at you. And you fired in self-defense, on instinct.

The bullet hit him near his heart. His gun fell from his hands as he fell to his knees, hands clutching his chest, shocked that you actually fired on him. 

The realization of what you did brought you down to your knees. Your ears were ringing, all you heard was your own heartbeat, loud and thunderous. What have I done? What did I just do? You lifted your eyes and met Hotch’s. The fear, the shock, the pain. You shook your head, your resolve breaking. You sobbed.

You reached for him despite it all, and he fell into you.

“I’m so sorry,” you whispered into his hair, holding his body against yours, feeling the rush of his blood as it stained your jeans, your skin, your soul. You kissed the top of his head, sobs shaking your body. “I’m so sorry.”

You held him as he took his last breath. 

Or so Morgan told you. You blacked out. You don’t remember it.

+++

The tape clicks. Across the table of the conference room, Strauss looks at you tiredly. “You don’t remember?”

You shrug. “I don’t.”

“I don’t appreciate you making this more difficult than it needs to be.”

“I’m not trying to,” you mutter. “Can we finish this so I can go home?” You’re exhausted, and she isn’t helping. You want to crawl into bed and not come out for the next week and a half. 

“Yes, fine,” Strauss agrees, leaning over to begin the recording again. 

Click. 

+++

Morgan took you away from Aaron’s body so the paramedics could do their job of pronouncing him dead. You squeezed your eyes shut and willed for it all to be a nightmare that you’d wake up from any moment. But every time you opened your eyes, the blood was still on your hands.

Aaron was still dead.

There wasn’t much else the team could do, so they packed things up, and drove back to Quantico. In silence.

You slept in fits. You kept waking from dreams where Aaron killed you. Or killed Philips’ son. Or killed Morgan and Prentiss. Or killed himself. Or all of the above.

Morgan and Prentiss kept giving you these stupid looks of concern from the front seat. You wanted to puke. You were starving, realizing you hadn’t eaten in almost 12 hours. But if any food came near you, you were sure you’d vomit on it.

The tears came and went. The guilt came and stayed forever. It clawed at your insides until you were blind with the pain.

You weren’t allowed to sleep alone. It wasn’t a choice you were given, but it also wasn’t something you argued against. 

You stayed at Penelope’s place with her — and Derek, most nights — thinking the color and constant laughter would do you good. Then you switched to Emily’s place, wanting the comfort of a cat. You went back to your apartment, but Emily came with you, bringing JJ in tow. Reid showed up with flowers one day and you sobbed in his arms for an hour. You didn’t realize he was crying, too.

The weeks passed and didn’t at the same time. Time kept going and stopped all together.

You knew the FBI was going to extensively investigate the entire case, but it somehow slipped your mind that a day would come when they would need a full, official statement from you. And the rest of the team.

It was the last thing you wanted to do. Aaron was still with you — in your dreams. In your sleep, the two of you were together. In your sleep, it was six months ago, when nothing was wrong, no one had died, and the two of you were happy. Only in your dreams.