#aaaaaand watermelon juice

[ficsforeren]

HELLO?!?? CONGRATULATIONS ON THE PREGNANCY!!!! i hope its going well and its not too stressful for you <3 i know pregnant women can get cravings so im wondering if you can share some pregnancy cravings that you think taste good 💖

HELLO THERE!!! I'm so sorry for the late reply, I just logged back in and checked on my messages 😭

AAAAAAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE SWEET MESSAGE!!! It's definitely much better now that I'm in my fifth month of pregnancy. I don't throw up that often anymore, thank goodness.

Funny thing is, I don't think I've ever had any cravings. I've been pregnant twice now and instead of having food cravings, I just get... ten times more horny 💀 THIS IS SO TMI I'M SO SORRY

[revenblue]

Finally watched MML in English, liveblogging under the cut.

when I watched in Japanese I called the whole thing with Heinz doing the recap "inspired". now that I can understand it, I can see just how inspired it really is (far more than I'd thought), I'm love. I forgot just how much I love Heinz

he doesn't believe Cavendish about him being Professor Time ;_; (admittedly I have Opinions about that whole plotline but)

the jingle for Time Chips, omg

Cav's so willing to strip off for his celeb crush omg. and Heinz is Uncomfortable. (also, looks like "wearing underwear with your crush's face" is a thing people in Dwampyverse do :P)

yeah, accusing Melissa and Zack of dating is sure to be ship fuel

of course the diversion's Melissa's idea, that conniving little (I love her)

"stop foreshadowing" omg

Baljeet's singing is so good. such harmony (my former church choir soprano brain provided the term "descant" but uh yeah)

that jingle XD and of course Heinz's priorities are such a mess that he'd rebrand before he saves the world

Heinz thinking Diogee's an agent, beautiful~ and out of "habit" XD then again, his best friend is short and furry, it's no wonder he'd leap to that conclusion

ahh, foreshadowing with that orange soda thing ("destroying the environment" wow)

Heinz's snark at the questions about Perry, ahaha I love him

okay so "time juice" (it feels weird to hear him call it that) isn't Pizzazzium Infinionite itself, just... similar. :/

"who keeps a clock in their backpack? that's just weird" not as weird as a gd anchor, Milo

"maybe we're related"

"he's either saying he's going with you, or he regrets the impulsive mistakes of his youth" both. it's both, and the """""mistake""""" is falling in love with you, Heinz (but he loves you enough to just sigh about it sometimes)

the way the music pauses when Milo falls into the bush, that's amazing XD

Perry's hypercompetence is so damn attractive, wow *swoons* god I'm such a furry

King Pistachion's instructions to his "kids" is so great XD

that mask gag XD

"too much exposition" "yeah that's probably why your show was cancelled" ooh burn

"yeah no pressure" that's gonna come up later isn't it

Milo's dancing is so great, haha. and that scorecard gag, so perfect

ah, Dwampy, always bringing us those classy bathroom jokes

"Ducky MoGo" I mean it's a catchy name... XD (her intro's kinda underwhelming though. that's where my nitpicks are, the plot)

joking about Ferb talking, nice. and the "yes, yes it has".

"well it does kinda describe us, but it's just rude", that callback :D

"what are the odds" "better than you think" ah yes Milo shows up again

Dakota listing off animals, nice. in alphabetical order, too. also I love that beard sight gag still

"you won't let me sing the zoo song" yeah that probably got old real fast

Go Fish with hot sauce packets. er, hot sauce packet singular. it really says something that Perry's happy to go along with that idea (it's bc it's Heinz, I think)

"'careful' or 'hurry', choose one" yeah it is kinda a choice of one or the other XD

and he squished the hot sauce packet XD

cupholder joke, I love it XD

that extended view of the window with the sounds of destruction. perfect cross-language joke

"what do you usually do when things go wrong" their silence here is telling. (also, the answer? Phineas yells.)

"we have no frame of reference for that" yup

Perry beating up Pistachions to cover for Heinz, I'm love

Candace's attitude to Milo is uh... not fun

"no human being has a neck that long"

ah yes, the duck is still after Elliot, of course

"hey, sometimes Murphy's Law" can be totally helpful!" yyyyyyeah...

oh hey, a woodpecker

okay, the thinking Candace is a Pistachion thing makes that scene make a whole lot more sense

"I was talking about me. we need this guy around" oh, Candace...

"my bad" "we still need him!" I love that XD

the sitcom gags are doubly amusing with the context of the dialogue XD they were good when I watched it originally, but now? amazing. but also wtf Heinz why

"and that's why we use a cupholder"

ah yes, The Island. when I first watched this I knew it was The Island, even before the reveal

oof, Cav dealing with his hero worship not being such a hero. never fun.

Perry's just standing there though, what are you doing Perry

ugh Heinz needs a hug, Perry what are you waiting for

"I know when I'm not wanted" oh Heinz ;_;

it's... it's this bit. where Perry kinda just disappears entirely? there's no other reason for him not going after his nemesis to reassure him the way he always does.

"okay now that's environment. no wonder they banned this stuff." ah yes the callback

and Orton showing up to relate, which is... it makes sense at least? (but where the hell is Perry?)

"oh look a ukelele" Heinz why

ooh the SONG

"and there's a future self up to which I have to measure" oof

"no matter where I go, oh look, I'm already there" *Homestuck intensifies*

and the gd mid-song genre switch. with the "throwing money away" sight gag. ye gods. XD

"I forgot where I was going with this" nice going Heinz

"apparently the locals are not music fans" yeah it takes a suave semiaquatic personification of unstoppable dynamic fury to love your singing voice, Heinz :P

and the reveal of it being The Island, this'll be... yeah

oh hey, voiceover montage song from Milo

is this an Uptown Funk reference? I'm not sure, I don't keep up to date with pop music, but it looks like a reference

OH yeah, Melissa did a ton of research herself. she'd be happy with all this new data

Baljeet's totally flirting there too

...the jokes about Zack and Melissa dating are... idk. they're amusing in the moment but the premise they're built off is uh. I don't like it.

oh boy, the explanation of Murphy's Law... you know, that kinda breaks my suspension of disbelief a little. because instead of unspoken rules, it's now spoken rules with details to find inconsistencies in

"montage time!" I love him

gotta say, I do love the occasional gag of "things spontaneously catch on fire", that's always fun

"several hundred" Dakotas? looks like the 102 estimate from that episode was lowballing... or he's guesstimating

"you're gonna laugh" "probably not" I mean if you set the death montage to cheerful music...

huh, he told the truth. idk why I was expecting him to lie but I was so that's a surprise

he took it really well, which. eh, idk, I figured it'd be used for angst at some point. but apparently not.

oh so it's this SPECIFIC orange soda. also Dakota's been doing this for a while I guess

"well I'm not the environment" these two are... far too similar. Dan Povenmire's typecast himself I guess

"we're gonna need a lot of cupholders" ah yes the cupholder joke again XD

aaaaaand they're captured.

"we had to switch over to the HDMI cables" I love this joke XD

"you and what army" "that army" ahhhh. cliché but always satisfying

oh hi Isabella, showing up in the last uh ten minutes. and flirting a little with Phineas of course but eh this plot point came out of absolutely nowhere

I love how, when Heinz falls out of the thing, Perry's first reaction is to jump out after him and save him. it's a fun dynamic to bring back. also did I mention Perry's competence is attractive?

"oh, that was touching" ahaha XD

"don't mess with Doctor Zone- Doctor Zone? who's Doctor Zone?" XD

welp, giant Pistachion

oof. can really feel its dilemma. poor giant Pistachion :c

giant Pistachion redemption ;_;

"here's an adaptor we needed" XD

AAAAAAA PERRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYy, my heart ;_; he saved them, risking his cover, I can't ;_;

and he retreated to pet mode just in time, ugh ;_; PERRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY ;_;

then he leaves as soon as they're not looking and disappears from the plot

"Murphy's Law And Order" omg

loving that accurate tech support gag

blasting familiar yet not plot relevant characters so we see how bad things are. gotta keep us invested

lemon callback, nice

radioactive watermelon is a bit... out of nowhere. why is he carrying that in his backpack again? (especially when he doesn't carry a clock)

"blowtorch and some peanut butter" nice refrance

yeah, seeing everyone as a Pistachion is... not good. (tbh when I first saw this my only thought was "I hope Heinz isn't in there" bc I'm er biased)

and Heinz is fine, that's a relief. Perry musta kept him safe... speaking of which, where is Perry?

"Vanessa's dad" hm... okay this is a weird epithet but it kinda makes sense with how they'd know him, considering Ferb's crush on Vanessa...

"no, I am Professor Time, and we are not out of time until I say so!" hhhhhh I have a lot of feelings about this. it's dramatic, which is always fun, but. ugh I'm biased, I love Heinz

and the deus ex machina. which is... not quite out of nowhere, but. hhhhhh I have Opinions.

Cav's squee is adorable

nice use of the Doctor Zone theme

ah yes the letter, almost forgot about that plot point from Missing Milo

"I don't feel so good" okay that's not the dialogue but still!

nooooooo not Giant Pistachion ;_;

oh right, in this timeline Doctor Zone wasn't a thing, so Sara's shirt was blank

"wait a minute, why am I still part plant?" amazing

"we're going to be in serious trouble aren't we" yup

rip DEI

"my building! ugh. can I crash on your couch?" CALLED IT

"feel free to cross over any time" heh

oh Heinz XD "where do you guys keep the extra toilet paper? I'm asking for a friend" so either he had an "accident" or Perry had an "accident" (...it's the latter. it's gotta be the latter. Agent Pee strikes again)

[theunnamedlizardrogue]

Chapter 3: A Change of Pace

The lizard wakes up. He feels exhausted, the events of last night got to him. How do people have parties like every night? It must be crazy functioning on such a low level of sleep. After passing out on a bedspread yesterday; it takes the lizard a pretty good while to actually get out of bed. The guild feels so homely that the lizard would rather sleep than face the bracing cold outside today. He’d lie that he forgot to take off his scarf last night when he fell asleep, but he’d be wearing it anyway. It’s almost part of his skin at this point.

He begins the day by brewing a cup of tea aaaaaand Snakes bursts through the door. “Up and at ‘em, Scales! We got a busy day ahead” Snakes claps his hands together. That was quick. He’s obviously eager for the day ahead. “Yeah yeah, just let me get up at least” The lizard rubs his eyes. There’s a glint in Snakes’ eye “Well, how wonderful of ya to brew a drink for your fellow rogues” “But I’m making it for mys-” And with that, Snakes drags the lizard out of the door, despite his loud exclamations. It was a shame, that was his favourite cup. Whoever’ll get the drink better be grateful.

“Got everything? A rope, a knapsack, all that?” The lizard toys with his scarf as he walks “yeah, but I might wanna bring along my bow for this one.” “Your bow?” Snakes looks curiously. “Some people never realise the true extent of improvisation. Or am I not the best actor hunter… whatever that was” He rubs his eyes again. Two jobs in five hours is always fun. Snakes lets out an exaggerated sigh “I can’t tell what you love more at this rate, that bow or your scarf” “The scarf. More improvisations!” the lizard taps his finger against his head. “Such as?” “When can a bow look stylish?” “Admit it, you’re just a sucker for fashion.” Both of them laugh.

After they finish their preparations, the pair arrive at the entrance. The lizard’s both looking forward and dreading to this moment. The door opens.

The town’s bustling, as usual. It’s amazing what a rogue can get away with in these walls. With this crowd, it’d be a wonderful time to do some wandering and thieving honest purchases! The rule is always play your favourites. It’s fine to steal from an arrogant merchant, but always be sure to support your local libraries! There’s an argument in the streets, over the price of some fruit. It isn’t exactly loud, the man complaining is actually just hiding his bartering. The lizard can hear a song come from the inn he left. Gossip about local happenings, and… the party last night? Snakes wasn’t kidding, word does spread fast.

As any good rogue would do, Snakes knows the way to their destination perfectly. He even knows which alleyways to take and what times the guard would be patrolling. It’s impressive just being around him. He can make it look like the two fit into a crowd with little-to-no effort at all. Snakes steps to one side, signalling they’ve arrived. The place the package is at is in a church? Huh, it’d be the most inconspicuous place if you’d do it correctly. The lizard almost opens the door to the church but snakes puts a hand in front of him. “Wrong place, what we’re aiming for is up there!” He points at the top of the church, in the middle of a church steeple. “You’re… kidding, right? Is this another test?” “All jobs are tests of your skill, if you look at it right!” The lizard sighs. Snakes’ just trying to make sure his skills improve, it’s a nice gesture. Though a nice gesture involving urban climbing at about eight in the morning. Snakes has already begun to climb the walls, looking for grips. The lizard takes a second to observe his surroundings. A rope’s already been set up at a near building to the spire. A present from whomever delivered the package, he guesses.  That’ll be interesting to remember. He follows his father’s footsteps, literally, as he begins to climb the wall.

At the top, the lizard is panting. Both of them are, really. It was quite a good distance to climb, even for a reptile and a feline. The package is right at their feet but both of them agree to take a second to breathe.

The lizard is first to get back up and picks up the package. As he turns to snakes, the package is gone before he knows it. Snakes, holding the package, pulls out a key and kneels down, unlocking a latch. He runs down the spiral and locks the hatch again from beneath. It takes a second for the lizard to register what happened, even in his sleep deprived state. “Wait… YOU’RE TELLING ME WE COULDA TAKEN THE STAIRS?” The lizard shouts There’s a laugh from below the lizard’s feet. The lizard smirks. Well, if that’s how he wants to play it.

As he hears the footsteps of his father below the floor, the lizard looks up and sees the rope at the top. He takes off his scarf and slings it around the rope. Here’s hoping it’s sturdy! He jumps, the world feels like it’s going faster than the speed of sound. The lizard howls in glee. As he comes to the end of the rope, he moves his feet in front and collides with the building. Falling gracefully to the ground, Snakes finally exits the church. He looks astonished. “I thought you woulda picked the lock or something” The leopard-man lets out a laugh. “Well you know what they say…” The lizard proudly shows his scarf “More improvis-“ Snakes runs past him. “Wha-… COME ON, I HAD A WITTY ONE-LINER.” The lizard wails as he follows suit.  

The chase breaks into the morning merchant crowd. People jump in surprise as the two are vaulting over tables. The lizard slides under a desk and already sees snakes at the opposite side of the road, waving smugly.   Godsdamn, the man’s fifty-four and yet it’s like trying to catch an arrow... Aha! An idea springs to mind. Unfortunately for snakes, he doesn’t notice he’s standing directly under a net filled with produce. The lizard pulls out a bow and knocks an arrow. He takes a deep breath while he runs and takes the shot. It strikes perfectly. He never knew why he was naturally gifted with a bow. Snakes is pelted by approximately fifteen watermelons, but he’s already running, covered in watermelon juice. He bursts through an open door, and more screams come from inside. The lizard runs after, shouting “Sorry”, as he disturbs three households. This goes on for almost a block. Finally, they come back to an open street. But… where’s snakes? It’s almost impossible to track a rogue who’s been doing his job straight for twenty years. Hmm, they ran onto a dirt road. Maybe if… Crap, he knows the lizard too well, he ran through a crowd, hiding his boot-prints amongst the others. Well, time to find something.

It takes three minutes. Nothing. Damn, Snakes caught him out this time. A man calls to the lizard. The lizard walks up to him. Guy looks like he’s in his early forties, experienced. Almost… sticks out in this crowd. There’s a subtle scar on his lip. Black haired, starting to grey. “Kid, are you looking for a catguy carrying a package?” He looks at the lizard’s clothing. They’re the same as snakes’ so it’d be easy to assume but… something about this guy makes the lizard feel off, he must obviously be the competition that snakes was talking about. The lizard slowly nods. “Ah, I saw him running through that building.” When he points at the door, suddenly Snakes’ tracks become crystal clear. “Thanks.” The lizard runs, but when he passes the door, he closes it and bolts it shut. That’ll keep that man busy. The package will be home in no time. Whilst the lizard may be back on track, there’s a wide distance between the two. The lizard sighs, he’s lost this one. Might as well just walk back and accept his defeat.

Everything feels quieter on the walk back to the guild. It could be intentional, would make sense not to lose the package in a crowd. The lizard can hear the distant chatter of two guards. Maybe from the run earlier. The rogues’ guild is coming up. Hopefully the stash of teabags haven’t been used up yet.

There’s a… yelp? A yelp is quieter than this. That’s a scream. A blood-curdling one. Wait. What? The lizard runs, what’s happened? What’s happening? This wasn’t intentional. It sounds like, but the, is it from falling? Falls happen all the time, I once cut myself from a gargoyle, I think that the, it’ll be okay, I can’t, what’s, is it bad, Is, what, I cannot

The lizard turns the corner. It’s the street opposite from the guild.

Snakes lies in a crumpled heap, neck thick with crimson. A man calls to the lizard. Guy looks like he’s in his early forties, experienced. Almost… sticks out. He’s holding a blood-soaked knife.

“Looks like you found him, Kid.”

Chapter 4: https://theunnamedlizardrogue.tumblr.com/post/172206117186/chapter-4-volta