#aaaaa usually idm i'm not too bothered by it
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HWHWHGHISKWNDNS
#DELETE LATER#quick rant!#😔 just a bit annoyed at one of my irls rn#in a way that. yk. she's my friend n i love n care for her but#sometimes it's really just so draining at times?#bcs i've been struggling n pretty distant for. quite a while now#aaaa i don't expect anything from others but#i guess it just makes me a bit sad when i think abt how#i've comforted n listened to her a lot#but. i can barely rmb any times she's done that for me?#i appreciate her ofc#but i guess it's a bit tiring when you don't feel like the energy's reciprocated#aaaaa usually idm i'm not too bothered by it#but i'm. kinda lurking in chat rn bcs i'm too tired to reply#n she just#'👺👹' ???????#i appreciate my other friend bcs she. i haven't replied yet but she#ty abt last night. made me feel better :')#but. yh the other one#she mostly talks abt herself. it feels a bit shallow interacting w her n it just makes me feel a bit hurt bcs#does she even appreciate me? as a person? or just the friend i can be for her?#n sometimes i wonder if i ever even helped w anything. for anyone. not that i'm doubting others but it's still hard for me to really#completely accept myself? and that others can love and care as much as i do as well?#i'm so used to fiction that reality scares me a bit. who knows when it cld just end?#but. i know there's so much more than that. i'm stronger than that doubt. but i'm human as well#sometimes i feel like i talk too much. or intrude. or give unwanted advice#so this hurts in a specific way that. there are ppl that only like me for how they see me. not who i actually am#what i can do for them. what i can help them with.#even if that's not reality i struggle w feeling that. so please be open and honest with me#n then i feel selfish for feeling bad. n then my mind just. destroys itself. that's why i'm afraid of myself bcs ik there's sm i cld do
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