#a8out W8ing For Something and having to put up with how shit is rn
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have 833n pondering how like... detached from common/β8asicβ trans experiences i am
#clove rambles#not in a like 'im not trans 8c im hardly dysphoric </3' way lmao just#i str8 up do not care that in general; at large; i am a girl and i will 8e fit into 'women' as opposed to anything else#im not trying to Shift or Transition into anything; not physically; not socially; not mentally#im fine with just staying where ive always 833n#and everything that gives me dysphoria is what i 'should' 8e shifting to To Some Degr33 (masc shit)#and everything that makes me happy expression-wise is all feminine shit (what i 'should' 8e growing away from)#and yesss i knoooooow im valid im valid i KNOW im not a girl and i KNOW im non8inary and i KNOW trans ppl are valid in transness-#-no matter how they experience it i KNOOOOOOOOOOW#i promise you im not looking for reassurance im trans lmao if i n33ded that id just look in the metaphorical mirror#its just... surreal to s33 every single trans person i know and s33 talking a8out like#desper8ly wanting to 8e percieved different; dreading 8eing around strangers and strangers/family referring to them#talking a8t how One Day theyll finally 8e comforta8le/a8le to express themselves/to just Go Outside and 8e Around Others safely#a8out W8ing For Something and having to put up with how shit is rn#whether they're outright like 'ugh im going to s33 family and gonna get misnamed a lot :/'#or a8stractly like 'when im an adult and can finally wear v necks-'#and its just.... surreal and not smth im used to and. i dont wanna say like Othering lmao cause im fine with it 8ut#it just f33ls so weird to look at all this like 8asic fundamental 8uilding 8locks of 8eing trans and go. haha! thats not me#cause like at first id s33 it and 8e like oh im not this 8ut im glad my friends are happy and know who they are!! (during my Cis Phase)#and then id 8e like YEAH THATS ME IM GONNA DO THAT I H8 PPL THINKING IM A GIRL I WANNA TRANSITION#8ut now im like ...im still this; 8ut i dont rel8 to literally any of the things you say to descri8e and explain it#and then the dysphoria shit only furthers me more from 8asic trans experience cause like#oh youre afa8 and dont f33l like a girl? yeah i getcha one day youll 8e a8le to present more masc/neutral-#'no i dont want to do that' oh thats valid you can wear A Dress if you want t- 'no; like; it makes me f33l terri8le to wear/do masc shit'#....ok sure 8ut yknow; not enjoying feminine shit Out Of Your Gender and adjacent things- 'nope that makes me amazingly happy'#FUCK I FORGOT QUOTES ('') DONT WORK IN TAGS LMAO ALL THE SHIT NOT IN 'THIS' WAS SUPPOSED TO 8E QUOTES OMG#its just. :| this is how i want to express myself and what i want to 8e lol dw it just f33ls odd to not ... yeah#also sorry this is all worded really like. shallow perception of gender 8inarist-y 8ut the general concept of gender to society-#-is very shallow and 8inaristy so <3 i have to word shit stupidly to easily explain how detached i f33l from it
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