#a.esther

[containatrocity]

There's nothing quite like guilt gnawing at him to make Absinthe crave escape- the art fair is full of booths, music, sound and life- he should be thrilled, they had always cited their fondness for Huntsville's insistence on survival- joy in the little things, despite the circumstances. But their stomach is turning, and in the walls of their mind, Sin is clawing for anything to make their disgust with themselves go away.

The hands are familiar where they sit against your body. You follow them willingly until 'better judgement' settles in. It barely found you this time.

He shakes his head, swallows tightly.

"DADADADADA." Cold spirals down his back as he turns around, blue eyes settling on Joei in- Esther's arms. After a cursory, terrified glance around, for anyone that god forbid- might have heard- Sin swallows- and waves Esther down.

"Hey. I- we need to talk. Or... I need to talk, and I need you to listen. Do you have a minute, Esth?" They've got enough on their plate now- lying to Esther and forcing Ondine to do the same needs to stop- Sin just hopes that what they have to say doesn't... chase them off for good. "It's important. I've. Not been wholly honest, with you."

@estherwestfall

[containatrocity]

They go still, for a moment, considering, perhaps, telling Esther the truth. I'm Abel Fulci. Born to two devout who's names I never learned, raised to hunt evil in the name of God. I have blood on my hands but I need you to listen- I was never lying to you. It replays in his mind, the way he'd begged Ondine to leave- to put distance between themself, their baby, and his history. He's lying to Esther by omission. He knows who he used to be. They know that's dangerous information.

"I uh, just... call it intuition?" He offers, running fingers through dark hair. "It... could be nothing, really, but, with Sunflower missing, and things changing the way they are I uh. Figured town might be... safer for Joei." and being away from them, all the same. The weight of all of this has rather killed the kindling though, and when Esther offers a wink, he clicks his tongue. "Mm, I hate to tell you no, you know that." It's not a no, in fact. "But I'll have to instead insist we embrace that line of thought away from the church- Father Karras is due here at some point, I'd... rather he not catch me in the offices with my pants down, literally or metaphorically."

Ever since Roulette moved into the commune, it seemed Absinthe's sanity was slowly dwindling and it honestly amused Esther. That man really had to be something to rile them up this much. "Sounds like a pretty easy day today," she offered with a shrug, walking around changing the hymnals as requested.

Esther paused in their work to look back at Absinthe, head tilting in question. "Why did you make them leave the commune? You know you can talk to me, right?" There wasn't much she could offer her friend, but a listening ear and comfort were at least something. Still they gave a flirty smile, winking at the question. "I think we both know which one's the better option."

[containatrocity]

Sin: 💭 Esther

"I love you. And it eats me alive, like a starved dog. I watch you hurt, I hand you the tools to do it, and when you collapse in my chest in a haze I wonder if I am the reduction or the harm. I wish I was more than I am. I wish I had known Abel's passion and drive when all this started. I wish the things I had lost in that house were my hungers, for the flesh, for bloodshed. I am a thing born and bred to kill, No shepherd but a wolf drooling and circling the paddock. I suppose there's two, here. I can blunt my teeth all I want, but it is in my nature to destroy. Perhaps that is why I insisted it was me, you sought your chemical peace alongside. I lied, maybe, that it was for your sake when underneath it all, all I wanted to do was consume. Because that is my nature. I fight it tooth and nail and it always surfaces again."

"I love you. And I want to make that statement as simple as I can make it. A decade your friend and years something more I want to shout it from the rooftops that you are worth the flesh you are made from if anything because I am a selfish, selfish thing and to me you matter. Instead I feed your addictions like you feed mine. and I lie."

"Everything is not okay. I love you. And I'm scared."

[containatrocity]

Has it been nearly a month already? That's the question bearing on Absinthe's mind, as he watches the town gather for a celebration of winter, of each other. The wind bites at his face despite the buffer of his scarf, and as they adjust the cup of cocoa in their hand, there's more to the way the chill settles in their bones than simply being unattuned to the cold, even after this long. Blue eyes cast longing, at Ondine and Joei, their daughter bundled in a snowsuit and struggling to be a menace without full range of motion. He's watched from afar, today, the people he loves experience the simple joy of being together.

He's never been more upset with himself for Christmas. Maybe this would ache less, if he didn't remember gentle hands against the line of their jaw. Maybe distance would be freeing, to have clung to the idea he had nothing but platonic fondness, for Ondine and- "Esther-?" He snaps back into himself, swallowing hard as Esther wanders over. He's blocking the refreshment table. "Oh- I'm in your way." he laughs, voice soft. "I've been doing that a lot lately. Are- are you having fun today?" he tries to be casual- his gaze sweeping, for Raziel- or any of the others circling his former associate. He finds no one. He continues. "It's good to see you- outside of mass."

@estherwestfall

[containatrocity]

My insecurities surround me like lions in the den And I feel like I'm losing touch with what I am again And slowly I remember why I cannot pretend That I never think of you and all this screaming silence Oh God I wish you were here So won't you fall for me? Won't you fall for me? Through a fractured existence Won't you fall for me?

[containatrocity]

♥ - Sin & Esther

If we kissed?

[] Quickie.

[✝️] Tongue.

[✝️] Softly bite your lip.

[] We wouldn’t.

[] Long and meaningful.

[✝️] Let’s hit up the bedroom.

[] You remember last time?

[] Awkward…

[] Lol no.

Would I go out with you?

[✝️] Yes, definitely.

[] No.

[✝️] I want to, but it wouldn’t work.

[] Maybe.

[] Nope, you’re like family.

[] You’re cute, but probably not.

[] Just simply not my type.

[] If I knew you better.

[] Already did.

[] I don’t know.

If we took a picture together, we’d be…

[✝️] Hugging each other.

[] Just chilling.

[] Holding hands.

[] Kissing.

[] Acting dumb.

[✝️] Normal picture.

[] You holding me from behind.

You are…

[] Cute/Pretty.

[] Good looking.

[] Sexy.

[✝️] All of the above

You + me + room = …

[✝️] Movies.

[✝️] Cuddling.

[✝️] Hanging out.

[✝️] Kissing.

[✝️] Playing games.

[✝️] Everything.

[] Wouldn’t let you in.

You should…

[✝️] Hit me up.

[✝️] Be mine.

[] Marry me.

[] Reblog this so I can send you a heart.

[] be studying careful.

If we got married, I’d…

[] Divorce you.

[] Make kids.

[] Take your money and bounce.

[✝️] Smash every day.

[] I would cheat on you.

[✝️] Be faithful.

[] Kill you in your sleep

[] We wouldn’t

[containatrocity]

"Depends entirely on what's eating at the townspeople, really." He reasons, stepping off to the podium and picking up the plastic support to the collar of his habit, slotting it into the slots and adjusting it in his reflection against the silvered tithes bowl- little white square settled in place under jet-black tattooed skin before they continue. "It'll either be a quiet day, or somebody's guilt will eat away at them so greatly they seek absolution from somebody like me. God's chosen are a little... off kilter, here, nowadays." Jacob's a little more ordinary, they suppose- but they'd both have been cleanly disavowed anywhere but here. He doesn't take that for granted.

But he does appreciate a distraction, here and there- And Esther's always good for one, a laugh rising in their chest as she insists there is one option that's better. "I suppose you're right about that much." They sigh, a moment later, as their question about why he'd asked Ondine to leave finally sets in. "Ah. Ghosts from my past coming up, is all. I just. wanted to ensure that she and Joei were... Safe. if anything... happened. With Sunflower missing and Raziel... stepping up to help... I worry the other shoe is going to drop, is all. You need not worry yourself about it too much- I may just be a paranoid fool."

Ever since Roulette moved into the commune, it seemed Absinthe's sanity was slowly dwindling and it honestly amused Esther. That man really had to be something to rile them up this much. "Sounds like a pretty easy day today," she offered with a shrug, walking around changing the hymnals as requested.

Esther paused in their work to look back at Absinthe, head tilting in question. "Why did you make them leave the commune? You know you can talk to me, right?" There wasn't much she could offer her friend, but a listening ear and comfort were at least something. Still they gave a flirty smile, winking at the question. "I think we both know which one's the better option."

[containatrocity]

"I put away the hymnals, I lock myself in my office and go over tithes and offerings, and whenever somebody turns up for confession, I stop sorting donations and writing my next sermon to sit in that cute little box over there and hear the dark secrets of our fellow man, and then, if I'm lucky, I call it an afternoon early, go get some dinner at the diner, and find something to do with myself around the Commune that isn't listen to Roulette... do whatever it is he does with his gameboy in the common room." The constant 8-bit chiptune was near insufferable after a couple hours, he was already praying for the damn thing's batteries to keel over- surely, it would be deemed an 'unnecessary frivolity' for replacements- Sin just had to be patient.

"It does make me feel better." If anything, because Esther was making an effort to know people- even more, that Ondine had at least one friend he could trust in town. "She's experienced a good amount of change, her and Joei. That is my fault." They look... upset. but shake it off quickly. "Now which one of us is being cheesy? Are you going to actually make a confession, or is this the kind of confession that ends with me on my back in the belfry?"

Esther puffed out her cheeks at the scold. Maybe they preferred being alone. "If it makes you feel any better, I have plans to see Ondine later. So see. I'm trying." The fact that trying really only extended to two people was neither here nor there. She didn't bother commenting on the him bit. Absinthe made their point.

Nodding, Esther pulled away to get to work. "What's on the docket today Father?" Their tone was mildly teasing, but still held an ounce of respect. Their relationship really was complicated. Her seriousness broke with a snort as they looked back at Absinthe with amusement. "That might actually be the cheesiest thing you've ever said. But, I could use giving a confession or two," they winked.

[containatrocity]

"You know, we've talked about your self-isolation." He scolds, albeit gently, shrugging out of his jacket as he moves through pews to reset hymnals. "Simply trying to avoid him is hardly an excuse for letting your own social life be... nonexistent." He knows better than to mention Gabe by name- even calling him her brother is sometimes enough to sour their mood- he supposes he understands- the Westfall siblings had a complex history- one steeped in enough religious trauma to make Esther prepositioning a priest a completely normal occasion, after a few years.

They relax into him, and Absinthe sighs, sits an absent, friendly kiss to the top of their head. "You can help me reset these hymnals from the Christian service- And I fear watching me dress today would be rather boring, I just need to put the collar in my habit." An addendum, moments later. "But if you're planning on sticking around for a while, I'm here only for confession if anyone comes through and to do some... Clerical work, so perhaps I'll have something more interesting to offer in an hour or so- that of course being the getting undressed."

They shrugged at the question. "I never bothered going. My house is pretty far from where all the shit went down, so I'm fine. What about you?" Esther didn't go to events. For one, they just pissed her off. But worse, it was too high of a risk of seeing him there.

She returned the hug, welcoming the distraction. "You too," and they meant it. Sin was the only friend she'd ever really had, one of the last good things in their life. As they pull away, she offers a small smile. "Need help with anything? Or I can just watch you get dressed," they tease.

[containatrocity]

"Ah, Esther. No, I am still alive- Despite, it seems, the town's best effort." He's not yet dressed for the day, habit unbuttoned at the neck and fur-collared denim jacket still pulled on- they'd gotten here not long ago themselves, it seems. "How are you, after... all that's happened?" They question with an arch of a brow. "I'm glad to see you uninjured, at the very least." Sin is uninjured just the same, but there's a weight on them now, one they're unsure they'll ever shake until their mysterious 'duty' that's surfaced on their mind is solved. They pull Esther into a warm hug anyway. "It is always good to see you." He insists, a fond squeeze to their hand as he retreats. "You got here rather close to when I did today, actually. I've not even gotten dressed for mass properly."

Walking into the church, Esther let out a small sigh of relief upon seeing Absinthe. Going up to the first row of pews, they leaned against it and smirked at the other. "Glad to see this town hasn't killed you yet." Though it was hard to categorize them as friends per se, she knew it would kill her to lose the only other person they had in their life.

@containatrocity

[containatrocity]

They've already drawn eyes, scolding the town priest in the street in a hushed voice as Joei tries to embrace her father- Absinthe doesn't want much more attention than this- there's eyes everywhere, and he's not sure anymore which sets are trustworthy. "I will explain, I promise, but I cannot do it here." He knows a place they'll go undisturbed- and perhaps the location will lend further credence to what Absinthe needs to make known. "Come with me. It- It may be best to take Joei to Ondine." He inhales. "She knows I've come to talk to you." There is pain in his face- he wants nothing more than to take his daughter into his arms as she reaches, as Esther soothes her from the upset at not being held the way he always had.

It's a short walk no matter what's decided to where Absinthe seems to see fit to have this conversation- a house tucked in the woods left abandoned since 2013, it's seen a few visitors, mostly teenagers on dares- or the rare desperate too-late-to-get-back overnighter. Absinthe knows this place better than most. It's where he was 'born', after all. Thirteen priests died in the walls of the 'horror house' that night- But one slate left blank made himself anew. He crests the porch slowly, taking in the view from atop weathered wood until Esther joins them.

"First, I want you to know that I did not keep this from you intentionally- not... not forever. Much of what I know now was... only made clear to me after the earthquake. More of it still might be missing." Absinthe leans against one of the supports of the porch, offering one tattooed hand gently to Esther. "It is not because I think any less of you than Ondine that I did not tell you sooner- it is because the more people who know what I'm about to say, the more people that might be in legitimate, prevalent danger. I do not think you are crazy, or stupid, or any less deserving to know- I thought only that I was... protecting you. All of us, really. By just... hoping you would trust me. That was wrong of me. I've made a number of mistakes, lately. Deen wanted to tell you. I begged her not to- you already... struggled with your faith, and with your brother- I didn't want to weigh on you more than I already do."

It's only once he can look them in the eye that Absinthe swallows tightly- and starts to tell Esther the truth. "My name isn't Absinthe Capone. Upon my arrival here, I was Abel Fulci, and my duty, that I served singlemindedly, as it was all I had ever known was to come here, and 'free' Huntsville. I failed. Me, and all twelve of my fellow priests. Most were torn to shreds on this porch one thin door away from me." They turn their offered hand slowly- exposing the puncture scars from his metal canines and blunt human teeth in the flesh between their thumb and forefinger. "I savaged myself and warded the door in blood. Two of us inside. I- I tried to open it. To save someone, anyone- I was attacked by my own companion for doing so."

The heavy thud of a broken table leg against the back of his head- the sensation of what had certainly been his skull cracking. "And with my last fleeting awareness in the moment, I killed him, too. Not for any reason other than he had slighted me- the blood on my hands when I was found here was mine but I am soaked sanguine for my actions- it will never wash off. But... by the time Sunflower's people found me, here... I had forgotten. My trauma locked off everything but my knowledge of scripture and my awareness that- My name started with an A." He pauses. "I do not tell you this for any sort of pity. But that you know the person you love is- only 11 years here. The rest of me is... something worse. And for my sake I hid him away. But... The reason I asked you to... separate yourself. Is that things from that life are starting to slip in. Things that I want nothing more than to keep you from, Esther." He swallows.

"I am a weapon of the Vatican. A sword of His will. I am not supposed to think for myself- much less... have what you and Deen are to me."

Esther genuinely hadn't been trying to locate Absinthe, at least not while they had Joei in their arms. They missed the other more than anything, but also understood the unspoken rule that Joei and Sin couldn't be associated. Even if they didn't understand why. It was only when the toddler exploded in excitement did they realize the mistake they made.

Of course they had a minute. When it came to the person in front of them, Esther would give their very last minute, their last breath, for them. Sometimes they wondered if he even understood that. "Should we...find somewhere else to talk?" they asked, especially since Sin had looked around them for any prying eyes or ears.

Gently gripping Joei's small hand, Esther lowered it from reaching out to Absinthe. They scowled at him. "Yeah, no shit," they seethed. "I hate this Sin. I fucking hate being in the dark. That you and Deen can't trust me to know everything because what? Because I'm not good enough? Smart enough? Too crazy for you?" They couldn't help keeping the hurt out of their voice. Sin had long ago asked them not to ask any questions, so they didn't. That didn't stop the silence from hurting any less.

As Joei started to whimper, Esther kissed her forehead and whispered "sorry baby girl, Mama Esth's just a little mad at Dada." With a sigh they let her down so Joei could run over to her father.