#a very hearty thank god it’s Friday and I’m working from home

[greaseonmymouth]

my brain has been offline since I woke up. apologies to my work inbox but the only thing I’m capable of today is hugging my hot water bottle and scrolling tumblr

[lu-undy]

New Sniper/Spy work!

This time I’m going back to the “fluffy request” format. You may send a few lines for an idea, or a bit of dialogue between Sniper and Spy and I will turn it into a short story.

Here is the first one: "Sniper catches Spy reading a book, the title of which is "Solitude, But Two". More curiously, the Frenchman stares and blushes..."

As always, I recommend reading it from AO3, following the underlined link, the formatting is better there. :)

The team's effort had earned them victory upon victory that day, and as it was the end of the week, the mercenaries all gathered in the common room. Some were playing cards, some were watching the television, while others were chatting with a beer in their hands. 

On one of the chairs lay Sniper, his hat on his face and his hands crossed on his stomach, making sure the bottle of beer there wouldn't slide down and fall. His absurdly long legs were flowing straight in front of him, with his feet almost touching the sofa facing him. The noise of Demoman's hearty laughter woke him up from his nap and the Aussie winced as he removed the hat from his face. 

Flash, too bright. He grumbled and blinked repeatedly for his eyes to adjust to the light. When his brow relaxed, his eyes fell on his colleague on the sofa opposite him. His varnished, black Italian shoe was tracing slow circles in the air. Sniper followed the pinstripe pattern of his trousers up to the Frenchman's lap. The man in the mask was sitting with one leg on top of the other, reading a book.

As Sniper's eyes rose lazily from the book, he realised that Spy's cheeks were pink, and his eyes were on the Aussie himself. The second their eyes met, Spy's eyes flashed back to the book and he frowned harder.

Sniper's eyebrows jumped in surprised. He saw his colleague exhale the smoke of his cigarette through his nostrils. Ha, what kind of emotion was the snake trying to convey, huh? 

"Hey, Snipes has woken up, guys. Yo, wanna join up? We're gonna play darts."

"If ye wanna lose again…" The Aussie answered as he adjusted his posture on the seat. "How high's the bet? Wouldn't wanna rob you of your pocket money."

"Right, fine, go back to your nap… Jeez…" Scout turned his back and joined his group of colleagues to play darts. 

Sniper's head turned back to Spy and to his greatest surprise, he found the Frenchman staring at him, with pink cheeks at that!

"What?" Sniper asked. "Got somethin' on my face?" 

Spy's eyes darted back to his book and his brow furrowed. 

"Non. My apologies." 

Sniper frowned for a second, but didn't think much of it. He looked at his bottle and realised it was empty. So he stood up to go and grab another one. As he came back, he tried to read the title of the book. He winced as he managed to catch only the first two words.

Solitude, but…

There was another word but it was hidden by Spy's gloved fingers. Bah… 

Sniper resumed his seat and lazily enjoyed his beer, while listening to the conversations here and there, his ears jumping from one voice to the other. He stretched his arms and legs. "Oh, sorry." He had kicked Spy's foot. The Frenchman buried his head deeper in the book. 

Sniper ignored it and lay back on the chair. When his eyes went around all of his colleagues, they came back to see what was in front of him and again fell on the Frenchman. To say he was absorbed by his reading was the understatement of the century. The Aussie knew that Spy enjoyed reading. It wasn't the first time that his participation in the Friday evening activities consisted solely in sitting on the sofa or the armchair and reading, surrounded by the ambient chatter of his colleagues. And if he wasn’t mistaken, it looked like it had been the same book for the past few weeks at least.

Sniper’s eyebrows jumped in surprise when he realised that Spy had raised his eyes to him. Their gazes hang up in the air for a moment, Sniper’s cheeks turned pink while Spy’s already were. 

Their eyes snapped away from each other and Spy cleared his throat. The end of his cigarette lit up in bright orange before the smoke exited his nostrils in a long laminar sigh.

Often, Sniper didn't even know when Spy would leave. One moment he was there and the next, he was gone. He probably left because of the noise getting to him, or something being a tiny inconvenience for a normal person, but a huge annoyance for the aristocratically mannered Frenchman. 

Sniper's eyes stayed on Spy for a while. He wondered what he looked like under the mask, like everyone else. All he knew was that he had light blue, almost grey eyes, with black and long eyelashes. His nose was slightly hooked and his lips very thin. They always held a cigarette, to the point where Sniper wondered if his colleague slept or showered with them too…

Spy's eyes were scanning the printing lines at a constant rate, and sometimes, his eyes would stop, he would squint and come back a few lines ago to read a paragraph again. Sniper noticed with amusement that whatever Spy was feeling, it would leak through the subtle movement of his eyebrows. Lightly frowning or relaxing them was more than Sniper usually saw him show.

Curious and mysterious man he was that Spy. But a good teammate and undoubtedly redoubtable in his trade. An assassin as loud as a shadow, but his seconds would be counted upon being found out, a bit like Sniper himself. And similarly to him too, he wasn't one to be very talkative. He would say what was required of him to say, and not more. Small talk wasn't something the Aussie was well versed in but no doubt Spy was different. With the successes he was said to have with women, surely he was very good at it but just chose not to partake in it with his colleagues. 

He respected them as far as work was concerned, but beyond that, Sniper didn't think that Spy would call his colleagues "friends". Ah, actually, did he even know what a friend was? Had he ever sat in a pub and enjoyed a few beers with friends? 

Spy’s mind wasn’t in the common room at all. He was in the setting described by that story. Australia, the bushy and red desert. Wide and wild empty spaces, where the only noises would be those of the exotic birds. Ah, the descriptions really made his mind travel. He had never been to Australia, despite being fairly well travelled. His work had never taken him that far from home. Ha, home… If anyone asked him, he would answer that France was his home country, but it wasn’t his home per se. He didn’t feel more at home in France or right there, in the base. Such was the problem with travelling that much, nowhere is really home anymore.

Spy’s train of thought was interrupted when a bottle of beer appeared between him and the book.

“Here.”

Spy realised that Sniper was standing behind the sofa and handing him the bottle over his shoulder.

“Merci.” He accepted the beer and took it in his hand. 

[Thank you.]

Sniper smiled.

"What’cha readin'?"

"Not over my shoulder." Spy shut the book.

"C'mon, you've been stopping every other minute and looking up to me. Just wanna know why, is all."

"I was not looking at you. I was just taking a break in my reading to process what I just read. Not everything has to do with you, Sniper."

"You've had that there novel in your coat for weeks, and you never let it leave your side; must be a damn good one, Spook."

"I enjoy some kind of literature. It takes my mind off of the fact that I live with lunatics."

"Well, I certainly understand the feeling." Sniper pointedly glared at Scout, who was in the process of unwedging his baseball from the rafters. "Mind sharing that little corner of sanity with me?"

"Non." Spy turned to Sniper. "Now, do you mind? I was in the middle of a chapter."

Sniper resumed his seat further away. He put his hat over his eyes and pretended to sleep. He let his breathing stabilise and knew Spy was watching him to make sure that he was asleep and no longer a disturbance for his reading. But Sniper also knew he was certainly more patient than the Frenchman.

Spy resumed his reading, raising his eyes from time to time in another direction. When he was convinced that Sniper was asleep, he raised his eyes and stared.

He stared…

Sniper could fall asleep anywhere at anytime in any situation, a great quality for a spy, when sometimes situations called for gathering strength in the least comfortable positions.

Sniper suddenly moved the hat away and stared back and Spy got startled, almost jumping on his seat.

"Gotcha starin' again, Spook...."

Spy frowned and left the room to go to his private one. He was obviously furious and fuming but Sniper noticed the blush on his cheeks, the embarrassment. God knew that man hated being embarrassed more than anything else.

Sniper decided to wait for a few minutes before he followed and knocked on his door.

"Who is this?"

"It's me."

"Non merci, see you tomorrow on the battlefield."

[No thanks]

"Spook..." Sniper insisted still behind the door.

"Would you understand it better in French?" Spy asked, irritated.

"C'mon, Spook, just a minute.... Or maybe you'd prefer me to say everythin' I want out in the open, in the corridor...?"

Spy rolled his eyes and shut the book. He pushed himself to stand up and stood off of his armchair to open the door.

"Come in and make it quick."

"Right, right... Can I sit down or do I have to pay extra?"

Spy gestured to the sofa, next to his armchair.

"What is it you seek?"

"You were starin'. Just wanna know why. I checked my face, I don't have anythin' on it, so what is it?"

Spy frowned and put a hand on the bridge of his nose.

"Is that about that book you've been reading?"

The Frenchman looked away, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Seems to take you places, that book. What is it about...?" 

Spy reached for it on the coffee table but Sniper had the same idea. Both withdrew their hands.

"Hey... I just wanna understand cause uh... those looks you give me when you stare at me. Even Engie noticed the blush on yer face."

Spy put a hand on his face.

"Oh, merde...." Spy sighed.

[Oh, shit...]

"I just wanna understand, is all. If it was a magazine, I'd thought it was one of those that Scout's gettin' delivered, eh...."

"Bushman!"

"I know, I know, not your style. So I'm just wonderin'. What the hell gets your cheeks red?"

"I hardly blush. And you cannot see it with the mask."

"Maybe, but I can still see it up there...."

Sniper raised his finger closer to Spy's face, on his upper cheeks. Spy’s eyes followed the finger until they got too close to his personal space and slapped the hand away.

"What do you think you are doing?!"

Sniper took advantage of the Frenchman being destabilised for a fraction of a second to snatch the book away and run out of Spy’s quarters.

"BUSHMAN!"

Spy ran after him, racing the man with taller legs than him, until the Aussie locked himself up in the back of his van.

"BUSHMAN, GIVE ME BACK MY BOOK!"

"Hold on! Need to read the back page, what's this about....?"

Spy banged the door repeatedly with a furious fist.

"BUSHMAN!"

Sniper read, loud enough for Spy to hear from the other side of the thin door.

"After a decade out of his job, the retired Frenchman is called again by no less than the Minister of Defense himself. There is a case to solve, that only the ex-spy can deal with. So he puts on his suit and tie again and flies to Australia where his target is.

He does a good job on his own, until a certain wild kangaroo barges into his mission, and his life."

Spy had stopped knocking on the door and gulped down his constricted throat, sweat breaking on his brow.

"Sounds like something you could be in, eh?"

"Bushman, give me my book NOW!"

"Or what? You gonna disguise yourself as a sheet of paper and slide under the door?"

Sniper couldn’t really hear or understand what the Frenchman mumbled under his breath, and just chuckled at how ridiculously Spy had reacted, chasing him down the base and outside, all the way to his van. But now that he had the book, let’s just open that thing and read bits…

“Oh… Oh hold on…” Sniper frowned, his smile vanishing more as he read line after line.

From the other side of the thin door, Spy got his cigarette case out, opened it to retrieve the pins he concealed there, and started to pick the lock.

"Oh bugger... I get it.... I.... Wow.... That's why you were starin' at me and blushin' like a sheila...? Wait, hold on, if you're looking at me like that and all, does that mean you-Woof?!"

The lock yielded and Spy barged in the room full force, tackling Sniper to the floor.

"Give me back my book!" Spy roared.

"Hold on…" Sniper looked at Spy with wide astounded eyes.

The man in the suit took the opportunity of Sniper being distracted to snatch the book back and stand up. He dusted off his suit.

"Spook...?"

"Good night." Spy turned and headed away.

"Hold on!" Sniper jumped to his feet and held him back from his shoulder.

"What now?! Can't I be left in peace?!" Spy was infuriated.

"Hey…"

Sniper’s voice was much softer than Spy’s raging one. Their eyes met.

"How far were you in the book?"

"What?" Spy squinted.

"How far were you in? Beginnin'? Middle?"

“Why do you care?”

“Just answer! Closer to the beginnin’ or the end?”

Spy sighed and his shoulders sank. 

"Closer to the beginning than the end, why?"

"Wanna... Read it together?" Sniper gestured to inside his van. "I don't have a couch or anythin', but there's a bench, or the bed if it's too uncomfy for you…"

"Wh-...?" Spy was at a loss.

"I only read bits. Don't leave me hangin', eh?" Sniper smiled. The Frenchman stared in disbelief.  "C'mon, I wanna know what happens to the French Spook in Australia."

"If you ever speak of this…" Spy raised a threatening finger to his colleague.

“I know, I know, tiny knife between my shoulder blades, yada yada yada.... Now come in and let's shut the door before someone sees us."

“I would do so much more than just backstab you, believe me.” Spy threatened but nonetheless entered the van fully.

Sniper stared in astonishment as Spy removed his jacket and loosened the tie on his neck before removing his shoes and climbing the ladder to the bed.

"Oh alright…"

"Do you have any water in this ridiculous dwelling of yours?"

"Yeah, I'll get you a glass. I'd tell you to get comfy but you already did...."

"Come on, I don't have all day...."

"A minute! Jesus, you're supposed to be patient and all, aren't you?"

Sniper climbed up and joined Spy on the bed before switching on his night lamp. The light was yellow and not too bright.

"How can you take so much space with yer skinny arse?"

"I am not! You are the one pushing me! Also, I could do without any remarks on my behind, thank you very much Bushman!"

"I’m not pushin’ you... Anyway, here, yer bloody water, now... You can pick up where you left off, don't need to start at the beginnin', eh."

"Merci. I was not going to anyway. Now...."

"And I read slow, so don't go and turn the pages too fast, yeah?"

"May I start already?" Spy rolled his eyes up, part of him still wildly surprised. 

"Yeah, yeah, alright, go ahead…"

Spy took a sip of water and started reading out loud.

"Hold on, what are you doin'?!"

"I am reading, wasn’t that what you wanted now, Bushman?"

"Out loud? I know how to read, eh!"

"A pleasant surprise.” Spy answered. “Now, you wanted the story, yes or no?"

"Yeah?"

"So keep quiet."

Spy took a deep breath and resumed the reading. Time passed, pages were turned, Spy only stopped to drink a bit of water from time to time. Sniper enjoyed himself. Spy knew how to read well. His tone, his voice and the way he played the characters in the dialogues were very pleasant to the Aussie’s ear.

Sniper leaned his head on Spy's shoulder, following the text on the page with his eyes. Spy was taken aback for a split second, but carried on, choosing to ignore it rather than making it more awkward. After all, he was in Sniper’s bed reading him a story...

Holy dooley…

Sniper wasn’t expecting that. Spy was now reading a moment of… romance between the French spy and the Aussie in the story. The Frenchman kept his composure, force of professional habit, but Sniper started to get uncomfortable, a bit like when he was watching the TV with his parents and a hot scene came on. What made it all so much real was Spy’s voice acting of the characters. For the French spook, he wasn’t changing his voice at all but for the Aussie hunter, he sounded strikingly like the enemy Sniper. And the flirting written in the story, the banter, it all sounded so real.

"Bushman?"

"Hm?"

"Why are you shaking?"

"I-I'm not. Keep goin'."

"Sniper…"

Spy looked down on his shoulder. Sniper avoided eye contact, his eyes remained glued to the book as if his life depended on it.

"You lie very poorly."

"Well... good thing I'm not paid for it then I guess...."

"Indeed. Now, what is the problem?"

"Nothin'. C'mon, continue, or I'll read it...!"

"You are trembling, you can barely speak and you try to make me believe that you will read this out loud? Go ahead then, humour me." 

A smirk crept across Spy's thin lips.

"Uh... Right... Where were we... Uh... I-I can't find the line anymore!"

"I have my finger on it, Sniper.”

"Yeah, well…"

"Now, what is it? Have you never read un roman à l'eau de rose before?"

"A what now?"

"Literally, a 'novel with rose water', it is an expression we use to describe a romance novel. Have you never read one of those before?"

"N-not really.... They're books for sheilas…"

"Do I look like one?" Spy asked.

"No…"

"Then, it is not."

"It's not what?"

"'A book for sheilas'. Now, shall we resume?"

"Spook...?"

"What?"

"I'm just... It's an Aussie hunter and a French Spy in the story, right?"

"Oui."

"Is that why... I mean..."

"You are trembling for the same reason that I was blushing." Spy answered. “Now, may I?”

"'s bloody ridiculous, I'm sorry."

"It is fine." Spy leaned his head on top of Sniper's.

"Shall we resume now?"

"Uh, hold on... Ahem... I-I'm sorry.... I-it's worse now...."

"Mon Dieu.... Wait, can you hold the book for an instant?"

"I-I can try...."

Sniper held the book open with shaking hands and watched as Spy removed one glove, then the next.

"I can hold it now, merci."

The Aussie gave him back the book, Spy held it with one hand, as he slithered the other to Sniper's.

"Now, where were we? Ah," Spy cleared his throat and resumed reading as if he wasn’t holding Sniper’s hand. The Aussie's heart backflipped in his chest the moment Spy's slender fingers reached his. 

"Can you turn the page, please?"

"Uh, sure… Spook?"

"What now?" Spy sighed.

"Thanks, eh."

"Hm."

Spy’s fingers slid between Sniper’s and he felt the trembling fingers struggle but reciprocate. The Aussie shifted on the bed slightly to adjust his head against Spy's shoulder. Spy lifted his head, and then leaned it again once Sniper was comfortable again.

"Shall we resume now?"

"Yeah, I think I'm uh... I'm better."

Spy started reading again.

"Spook?"

Another, longer sigh.

"What is it, now?"

"Will ya… remove your mask too?"

"Non."

"Oh, okay…"

"It is too cold in your van."

"Hold on…"

Sniper hopped out of bed, turning on the heater. 

"Are you serious?" Spy asked.

"It's just to see if you look like the bloke from the book, is all."

Mundy quickly covered them both with the blanket.

"Alright, carry on, sorry…"

"Now it is too hot." Spy complained, thinking that Sniper would snap at him and ask him to leave.

"Will you remove your mask, then?"

Spy’s eyebrows jumped. He didn’t expect that. 

"Non."

"Oh... So you just said that like that....? Alright...."

Spy resumed his reading but his mind wasn’t on the story. His whole attention was on the hand he was holding, on the fingers that now slithered back between his. He stopped reading sharp. Sniper waited, expecting Spy to take a sip of water but the Frenchman didn’t move.

“What?” Sniper asked. “You didn’t finish the page so I’m not gonna turn it.”

"Would you like to remove it for me?"

“Remove the page?” Sniper was confused.

“Non, my mask.”

The Aussie's eyes snapped wide, his jaw lowering as if it had a mind of its own.

"Wait…" He looked up at Spy. "You serious?"

“Am I ever in the habit of joking?”

“I don’t know, you’re so hard to follow.”

"Do you want to see if I look like Lucien from the book or not?"

"Yeah! I mean…” Sniper calmed down. “If that's ok with you...?"

"Then, go ahead." Spy closed the book and turned to face Sniper, who sat up and turned to the Frenchman.

“You sure?”

“The more you ask and wait, the higher the probability of me changing my mind.” Spy answered seemingly annoyed.

“Right, right…” Sniper raised his hands up and his fingers approached the Frenchman’s neck. He pinched the fabric and looked up at Spy’s face. The man was staring at him with his arctic blue eyes that seemed even more light under the yellow night lamp. Sniper took a deep breath and rolled the fabric up before gently pulling it up.

"Jesus Christ..." Sniper took an instant to discover all the features unknown until then. 

Spy carded his hair back with a nonchalant hand.

"So, does the description fit me?" He smirked, amused by Sniper’s astonishment.

"Ah... I mean... Uh... I... Uhm... Hold on...."

"Come on, just be honest. That should be easy for you, you lie terribly."

"You're gorgeous." The sentence escaped Sniper’s lips and his control. It was one thread of air that slid out of him. Spy’s eyebrows jumped, not that he wasn’t used to hearing it, but as the years passed, he heard it less and less. Besides, it wasn’t anyone who was saying it, but the Aussie hunter.

"Well, thank you. You don't look all that bad yourself. Now, shall we resume?"

"Y-yeah…"

Sniper sat back next to Spy and looked back up at him.

"Sniper…"

"Hm?"

"You do realise that you are staring at my face?"

"Oh, bugger, sorry...." Sniper’s eyes moved away to fall on the book again, but he didn’t see the pages, the ink on the paper, the bed, the van. All that his brain projected on his eyes was Spy’s naked face...

"Sniper?"

"Yeah?"

"I never asked you to stop."

Sniper’s head swooshed to Spy’s with wide open eyes. The Frenchman smiled, sweetly. 

“I uh… What are you doin’? You playin’ with my nerves or somethin’?”

“You were the one to invite me in your bed.” Spy smirked as he knew very well that his comment would make Sniper blush and it didn’t miss. The Aussie exhaled long and hard, before wiping his sweaty hands on his trousers. “Come on, will you play the shy card now?”

“What’re you playin’ at?”

“Your invitation and the fact that I am still here speaks at length for what you think about me. But it is curious that you worked up the courage to ask me to remove my mask, but not to just phrase what you feel.”

“Get out of my head, Spook.”

“My apologies.” Spy chuckled. 

“Although I s’ppose if you are in my head, you don’t need me to tell you anythin’. You’ve read it already.”

“I am afraid so.”

“You’re afraid so?” Sniper repeated.

“Oui, I started reading and could not really stop.” Spy answered. “More seriously, you have not kicked me out yet, so I suppose you don’t find my company to be too much of a burden.”

“Yeah, I guess this tells me that you're ok with me too.” Sniper raised his hand, which fingers were still intertwined with Spy’s.

“You guess correctly.”

Their eyes met again and both smiled.

“What do you think of the story so far?” Spy asked.

“It’s nice. Although I don’t think I’m that shy with you.”

“Indeed. But you should read the rest, you become braver.”

“I thought you hadn’t read more of it?”

“Oh, please. I have read it again and again.”

“You liar.”

“When I need to, oui.”

“So you’ve been readin’ this book on loop, eh?”

“Oui, it was a curious find. There is this bookshop I like in town and I was having a look around when the shopkeeper recommended it to me. I read the summary at the back and it caught my attention. Since then, the book hasn’t left my side. And I am delighted to have shared a part that I enjoy with you. But this book, it is the only company I have besides that of that awfully clingy mistress.”

Sniper raised a curious eyebrow. 

“You have a sheila?” He removed his hand from Spy’s and the Frenchman chuckled, oddly enough.

“I think you and I share her.”

“What?! No! I don’t have any sheila! I’m-I’m with no one!”

“Sniper?”

“What?”

“Do you want to drive her away with me?” Spy asked, looking deep in the lagoon blue irises of the Aussie.

“Oi, not gonna stand between you and your sheila!”

“Sniper, I am not talking about a woman. I mean the Solitude that fills my days as much as it does yours.” Spy finally explained and Sniper saw his light irises half hide behind a delicate curtain of long, black eyelashes.

“I… Uh… Spy…”

The Frenchman smiled. It was egotistical and narcissistic of him, but he loved seeing it, seeing the moment the person he had in his mind fall for him, and with Sniper, it was just then and there. Spy slid his fingers through Sniper’s again and leaned his head on his shoulder.

“Please?” Spy asked in a whisper, a thin thread of air that punched Sniper’s guts out of his body. That voice, that damned voice, that accent… “Spend some time with me.”

“Gosh…” Sniper felt the soft waves of air against his neck and his heartbeat accelerated. He closed his eyes and tightened his grip on Spy’s hand. “Y-you serious?” He whispered back, for no one else to hear, in the secrecy of the dimly lit van.

“What do you think?” Sniper could hear the smirk through Spy’s whisper. “Here I am, in your bed, with you, without my mask. Do you think that it is all staged, all a joke, a prank?”

“I-I don’t know… It’s just… It’s just too good to be true.” Sniper’s breath was hard and fast. He screwed his eyes shut harder and leaned his head on the wall behind him, raising it and feeling Spy’s breath periodically blow on his neck, constantly reminding him that he was there, the gorgeous devil in a suit and tie. Oh Sniper wanted to remember it, he wanted to bottle up those whispers, those intense and secret words, those feelings, bottle them up somewhere and reopen the bottle when he felt too lonely. He wanted to believe Spy’s words.

“Too good to be true? Hm…” Spy smirked and raised a finger. Sniper felt it grazing his skin on his jaw.

“S-Spy…”

The Frenchman turned and slid a leg between the Aussie.

“Let us sleep. You are tense and could do with a bit of rest.” Spy pulled him down to lie and threw away his own tie before opening a couple of buttons on his shirt. He snuggled up against Sniper and used his shoulder as a pillow.

“Spy?”

Sniper raised his head to look down at Spy. The Frenchman looked up at him.

“Oui?”

“You serious?”

Spy graced Sniper with one of those smiles that made the Aussie’s insides burn.

“Oui…” The Frenchman went to his ear. “You can call me Lucien, Mundy.” Sniper’s eyes snapped wide. He turned to look at Spy and his body reacted before his mind could hold it back.

Coffee and nicotine were all he could taste on the thin lips of the man he was holding between his hands, in his bed.

[bikkinibottom]

hello erica!! congrats on 800 you definitely deserve them!! may i request ✌🏾(pjo or atla your choice, lol) + 📚(pjo + percabeth akjsnkfjs) if that works!! ily 💕

@velayudham tagging your new blog too! bet you forgot about these requests lol guess what me too sdlkfjsdkf

✌🏻 what character you remind me of 

hazel! partially because of age but also because you’re super cool and very smart! you just have hazel vibes tbh <3

📚 headcanon or oneshot

for you tharini, i give you cheerleader!annabeth 😌

Percy could not honestly tell you when he had begun to fall for Annabeth Chase. Perhaps he could describe it in some poetic and grandeur way, something along the lines of ‘maybe I always knew, but one day it hit me like a rock skipping across a lake: bit by bit until I eventually sank in deep.’ Yeah, no.

In retrospect, it could have been the first time he saw her in her cheer uniform; golden curls up in a high ponytail, a short skirt, and her cheeks dusted rosy pink. Or maybe it was the time she single-handedly knocked out Matt Sloan for bullying Grover. Now that was a fun day. (For Percy, not Matt.) Or perhaps it was the one time they were at his apartment after school and she said “bless you” to him seconds before he even knew he had to sneeze. That one had scared him. When he asked her about it she simply said, “Your nose twitches a couple of times and you get real quiet.” And that was that.

It didn’t matter, the details of when it happened exactly- all that Percy knew was that he was falling, and falling hard. Percy was often caught off guard by just how fast he was falling. He was utterly screwed. Take, like, right now, for example.

Percy was messing on his phone as he sat in his stepdad’s blue Prius, waiting for his friend to leave her house so they could get to school. 

Movement caught out of his peripheral vision caused the teen to look up and was met with… uh. Annabeth. In a skirt. In her cheerleading uniform. Her legs completely exposed.

Fuck, he thought. Was today Friday?

Percy knew by now that when their school had a home football game the players, the cheerleaders, and the pom dancers all wore their uniforms to school to show school spirit or whatever. He’d just kind of forgotten today was one of those days. 

Damn it, he didn’t have any time to mentally prepare for this. His eyes seemed to unintentionally hone in on his best friend’s legs as she was locking the door behind her.

Her blonde curls were up in a high ponytail, a glittery emerald bow in her hair. As she turned away from the locked door, she walked towards the car and flashed Percy a glowing smile. The weather was overcast today but her smile alone seemed to brighten up the sky.

She approached the passenger door and panic rose inside Percy. God, he was so screwed right now.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck-

“Hey, Percy!” Annabeth called out as she swung the door open. Plopping her bag on the floor, she stretched one leg in before sitting herself down in the passenger seat. Percy cursed her name internally at the sight.

“Annabeth! Hey, hi. How you doin’?” Percy blurted out. He was certain she could hear the unforgiving hammering of his heart.

The blonde gave him a deadpan look. “Okay, Joey Tribbiani. You ready to go?”

Not trusting his voice especially after that word vomit, Percy just nodded. God, he didn’t even like Friends, what the hell? 

The ride to school was just like any other morning. Annabeth touching up her makeup while Led Zepellin quietly played through the radio. Percy made a joke to which Annabeth let out a hearty laugh, head tilted back, golden hair catching the sunlight, and his head went fuzzy at the sound. He really wished his best friend wasn’t so breathtaking—it would’ve saved him the embarrassment of getting honked at for missing the green light because he was too busy staring at her. He asked her if she started studying for their physics test and in response, she let out a snort before telling him no, she had not. 

“We’ll study together, don’t worry,” she assured him. Another evening alone in his bedroom with the girl he liked. Just what he needed. And they carried on.

As they pulled into the parking lot, Percy sitting up straighter to search for a good spot, Annabeth asked him a question he’d been expecting to hear as per usual.

“You coming to the game tonight to support me?” she teased him. They both knew he was always there, the first row in the student section cheering her on with Grover and other friends. 

“For you? Always,” is not what he meant to say. Damn it, Perce. He glanced over at her in a panic, her expression imperceptible but her cheeks a little pinker than usual.

“I’m talking about the nachos they sell at concessions by the way. But yeah I’ll watch you too, I guess,” he covered up. It must’ve worked because she just scoffed but he could hear the smile on her face and the rolling of her eyes without looking over at her. 

Already parked, Percy shut off the engine and they grabbed their bags and walked into the school together side by side. Walking down the halls, Annabeth greeted nearly every other person they walked past while Percy began mentally preparing his class schedule for the day. It was only a few weeks into their junior year but Percy was dreading the workload he’d receive in his classes today for the weekend.

As if reading his mind Annabeth turned her head to him and said, “Hey, give Mrs. Dodds a hard time today in math, will you? I kind of miss the wicked witch of the West this year.” 

Percy let out a sharp laugh at that, shaking his head fondly to himself. He already felt better, the stress in his stomach dissipating. How does she do that? How does she just know?

They stopped when they got to the Athletics Hall and stood in front of the cheerleader’s locker section. He thought it was unfair that they got a whole section of nice big lockers to themselves but then again, he and the rest of the school knew how hard they worked so it made sense.

Percy has grown more comfortable at the lockers since freshman year, and a couple of the girls even greeted him when they approached. 

Annabeth turned to him and squeezed his upper arm. “I gotta do rounds and check to make sure the team is in proper uniform. I’ll see you in third period?” She asked him.

He nodded, once again not trusting his voice as his entire focus was on her hand wrapped around his bicep, the heat of her touch searing into his skin. She smiled at him before squeezing his arm one more time in reassurance and turned to her teammates, greeting them all happily, oblivious to his internal predicament. 

Percy blinked once, then twice, before the urge to pass out on the spot left him. He glanced at some of the cheerleaders giving him knowing smirks and tripped over his feet as he turned around to get to his locker. He ignored the giggling coming from behind him as his cheeks reddened in embarrassment.

Oh, man was he screwed.

(thank you so much @connabeth and @fruectose for beta reading!!)

[oppabimbab]

sequel: did we make it right? | kim taehyung

genre: heavy angst, tiny bit of smut, break up

starring: taehyung x reader

synopsis:  you broke up with him and the phase of moving on—you didn’t know it would be this hard. You wanted him here but somehow, it feels like letting go is the best and the only choice you had in your hands, isn’t it? or not?

words:  8,972 words

side note: so this sequel happened since yall cried bc of prev fics and many of you wanted the second part of that. here we go. sorry for the grammar errors and any kind of faulty. i tried my best to keep the plot as it was planned and i still think this isn’t my best edits yet but enjoy!

recommended songs: moon and back - alice kristiansen | run to you - lea michele

related: maybe, it wasn’t right | kim taehyung

**

You had no idea that moving on would be this hard. It has been almost 6 months since the relationship ended and these past 6 months—were never that easy. It was harder than everyone have told you about. They said it would be easy but not once you found yourself in a right state of mind. They said everything will be just fine but you still found yourself in the midst of grief. 6 months—You never knew that time flew this quick even though every day felt like nothing but misery to you.

Break up wouldn’t be easy. And you agreed. It was a torture.

There were some part of healing that you didn’t understand. It was weird and confusing. Some days, you find yourself laughing and smiling like you had the entire world in your hands. You ate well, get enough sleep and happy. And some days, you would stopped talking to anyone—not even your bestfriend Wendy and locked yourself up in that stuffy room. You woke up with swollen eyes and broken heart like the wound was still fresh and bleeding. It was heavy and difficult. It made you confused and clueless. It became more confusing when you couldn’t find any reasons to move on if everything reminded you of him.

You tried to avoid his favorite songs every time it came on the radio. You changed the channel if his favorite movies shown up on the screen. You even stopped looking at everything that remind you of him. You forced yourself even it was really hard not to curl on your bed and cry. They were all a torture.

Honestly, if you asked yourself, you would agree that it still hurts like hell. The pain was still there, reminding you every day how unwanted you were. The memories on that night kept pulling your skin and made it bleed—reminding you that he wasn’t yours from the very first start. It still torn you down and drained the energy that was barely there. You couldn’t remember how many times the ugly tears would fall down in a very random place.

You were having the casual night, watching some movies with Wendy then the next second, she was there—patting your back as you bawled your eyes out because you remembered him. You wanted him, here.

Let alone when you needed to take few minutes break from your work at the office just to spend some tears inside the toilet—thinking how cruel he was for making you like this. He was really cruel.

You wondered—how was he? Did he cried when you left? Did he go through those sleepless nights like you did? Perhaps, did he ever think of you when he heard your favorite songs? Was he in pain, just like you?

6 months have passed yet It was never that easy to forget him.

When nights fall, you would silently scrolled down to the old messages you have shared with him. Taehyung was a bad texter. He hated texting because he said he preferred to see you more than doing the dry text all day. Once, both of you got into argument because of how bad he was.

“Are you serious?” you frowned at him—crossing your arms while you stood there. You weren’t happy now and of course, he knew why.

“What?” he chuckled as he munched on his favorite snacks, watching his favorite movies. Probably confused as hell why were you acting like this at 11pm. You rolled your eyes.

“You said you would text me when you got home yesterday? But you didn’t?” you pouted—scrolling through the messages from yesterday before you looked back at him. He raised his eyebrows.

“I didn’t? I thought i did?” he grinned and just like that, he was really a bad texter.

“Baby!! I got worried for nothing. I thought you were kidnapped,” you thumped your feet softly on the ground—trying to protest at him like an annoying clingy girlfriend.

He let out a hearty laugh at you. His eyes disappeared when he laughed and weirdly, you loved that. You hid the smile that was slowly plastering your face.

“Who would want to kidnap me though?I’m big and huge, unlike you,” he scrunched his nose at you, probably amused at you and your sudden clingy self. Your eyes widen at him, almost choking at his choice of words. A small laugh escaped your mouth.

“Big? Are you really that big?” you mocked while squinting your eyes. Taehyung hated it when that tone came out from your mouth. He cocked his brows. A grin showed up on his lips.

“Don’t act like you don’t know. Or should I remind you?” he bit his lower lip before pulling you closer to him. You squealed when he made you sit on his lap when you supposed to be mad—making him giggled at your quirky squeal as he planted hundreds kisses on your jaw—stroking your hips softly. You couldn’t help but laughing.

“Hmmm. You smell so good. Did you change your shampoo?” he mumbled through the kiss. You slapped his shoulder and looked down at his hooded eyes. A happiness bloomed in your heart at the sight. Nothing fancy. Just his presence was enough. Crazy.

“So, you’re going to change the subject again like you did last time?”

“Yes,” he grinned. You groaned jokingly. Taehyung knew your weak spot and he never failed to use that. And you weren’t complaining either.

When the memories came up, you were left helpless and vulnerable again and again. You wished it never ended. You wished the memories shouldn’t be called memories because you wanted to feel it everyday.

There were a lot of them and every day, you would remember it like a diary. His pictures—he loved to send you those random pictures of him, his dog Yeontan and sometimes, those things that remind him of you. 2k pictures from him—you still kept them nicely inside your phone.

You would read those old messages from him without realising a trail of tears were streaming down in the corner of your eyes. You didn’t realise the same tears kept you company every night without fail. He was gorgeous. You missed his raspy laughter. The way he pinned his body against yours because you were cold. Those sleepy voice echoed through the room when he woke up next to you—begging you to stay with him for few more minutes.

And just like that, the entire night was spent with the silent cry from your mouth. It happened everyday and you didn’t know how to make this stop.

“I’m gonna fucking kill him. Fucking asshole,” Wendy groaned in frustrations while you were beside her—sobbing. The first few weeks of break up, you chose to keep quiet about it because you had no energy to tell anyone about this. And when you decided to tell her, of course, she was mad. As hell.

“If he still wants that girl so much, why the fuck did he date you for 1 fucking year? Are you kidding me? Did you look like a joke? Oh god,” her eyes were gleaming with fire as she couldn’t hide the anger in her voice. The scrambled egg was left cold because she lost her appetite already. That morning felt intense and gloomy than ever. Wendy was a very straight forward woman. Even you were here sobbing like a crazy woman, she cursed the fuck out whenever she pissed off.

You shrugged, wiping your eyes with the tissues.

“Maybe if I was enough-“

“Enough? For god sake, you are more than enough. You gave everything you had, what else did he want?” her voice soften when she noticed your flushed face. As she came closer, she pulled you into her tiny embrace. Again, you broke down. You wished she was right. You wished you had given everything.

“Babe, you are the kindest person I have ever met in my entire life. You are beautiful, gentle and selfless. I’m so sorry you had to go through this. You don’t deserve this,” her voice broke a little when she heard you crying. She was a very sensitive person because the next second, you heard her tiny sob. You hope somebody could feel what was inside your heart now.

“I don’t know. I really don’t know, Wendy. I’m really sad,” she rubbed your back softly as you forced yourself to talk. It felt like a huge chunk just got stucked in your throat. You couldn’t talk.

“Please take your time. It will be okay. It should be okay, I promise you,” she whispered.

Months have passed. Will it be okay?

You leaned against the leather seat as you finished the last document for the day. It was a long day yet you be able to survive it even in such state. You gave a soft pat on your shoulder before gathering all the paper works to give to your boss before you leave. It was already Friday. Time flew quicker than you imagined.

Switching off the computer and grabbing your stuffs, you counted the steps to the huge room, few metres from your desk before you knocked on the door. A soft hum was heard few seconds later and you entered it.

“Good evening, sir. Here is the edited financial reports that you’ve requested before. I’ve made a few edits and please let me know if there is more faulty,” you cracked a soft smile across your lips as you put the plastic file on the table. You tried to sound professional as much as you could do even in this messy state of mind. You glanced at the young man—standing at the book shelf.

“Good work, thank you,” he nodded. A soft smile appeared on his lips as he looked at you. You returned the same thing to him while you stood there, at the edge of the his desk.

“If that’s all, I’m leaving first, sir. Thank you for today,” you bowed politely before you turned your heels. Few steps ahead and he called you again. You looked back at him and this time, he was already leaning against the desk, crossing his arms on the chest—staring at you with frowned brows.

“Can I ask you something? I hope it’s not something personal to you,” Mingyu voiced out—looking straight into your tired and confused eyes. You sure everyone could see how tired you were because you didn’t plan to hide it either. It drained your energy to fake anything now.

“Sure. What’s it, sir?”

“Are you okay?” his voice soften along with his eyes—gazing at you like a melted honey. The tension frown disappeared from his face and it was replaced by a worried gaze. You were a little surprised at his question especially when he looked at you like he knew something was bothering you. It looked like he knew something was wrong with you.

Mingyu has been always that kind of person and you were fully aware about that. The relationship you shared with him was fully business and you barely talked to each other once the office hours ended but sometimes, it felt more than that.

The way he guided you during your first few months as his clumsy secretary, the way he spoke to you even you screwed up too many times, the way he handled those mistakes caused by you—you knew Mingyu was a very gentle person. Rather than making himself as that cold and egoistic boss, he made sure that you could look up to him every time you were in need. Even so, you didn’t want to see his kindness as something that involved love like everyone claimed—deep inside, he treated everyone just as nice as he treated you.

He was a gentleman—with maturity. For real, you couldn’t ask anything more than that because that was enough.

You finally get it why Taehyung disliked him. You flinched slightly, trying to get him off your mind.

“Yes. Of course I am,” you faked a laughter even his eyes were striking into yours, completely unconvinced with your lies. He exhaled, silent for few seconds.

“You’ve lost your focus these past few months. I don’t know, you did your job perfectly but something is off. Are you okay? Is there something bothering you?” His voice has soften a bit—he probably noticed the changes on your face which was something you wanted to hide.

“I’m really sorry, sir. I will do it better next time,” honestly, you had no idea what exactly should you reply to that? Were you okay? Were you good? Definitely not. He shook his head, still unconvinced.

“That’s not answering my question,”

“Uhm,” you hesitated. Your lips turned into thin line.

“Actually, there are few things that have been bothering me but they are minors. I’m completely fine....yes, everything is just fine. Maybe it’s me being easily tired but really, i’m good. Don’t worry, sir,” you tried to sound convincing to someone that observant like Mingyu. He was really sensitive to little changes. You didn’t know he noticed those changes in yourself more than you did.

“If you need days off, please ask me for that. I don’t want you to overwork yourself too much. You’re important,” he looked serious without any hint of smile on his face as his eyes never left yours. His eyes were so intense and you wonder, why was that? Mingyu had such beautiful pair of deep eyes and you couldn’t deny that.

When he noticed a small smile crept on your lips, he spoke again.

“....as my secretary. You’re important to this company,” he corrected himself while adjusting his throat—his eyes immediately left yours as you still stared at him with a small smile. You chuckled—looking down to your feet. He was oddly cute for some reason.

“I know, sir. I appreciate that. But, i’m really fine. I still can go to work tomorrow. I can stay overtime if you want me to,” you smiled at him sincerely—showing off the beautiful smile you barely shown to anyone these past few months. But, this time, you find yourself loosened up for something very weird.

A small raspy giggle left his mouth as he shook his head. Mingyu got off from the edge of the table before he came to the desk to clean up the papers and stuff. You supposed, he was about to leave so you waited for him to finish.

“That’s good to hear. I’d like my best worker back....Alright, that’s all for today, You can leave now,” he flashed you another soft smile. You bowed politely.

When you thought it finally came to end, he called you again. This time—he came closer to you, towering your petite figure under his built. His scent—sweat and cologne filled up your sense, making you looked up at him.

“Are you hungry?”

“Yeah, kind of,”

“Great. Dinner’s on me tonight,” he grinned before he left you alone in the empty room—completely speechless at his sudden gesture. That was quick and random.

“But, sir I-,”

“You can’t say no to your boss, can you?” his voice echoed through the office as he already few steps ahead from you. That was it. You couldn’t say no to your boss, could you?

For few moment, you felt comfort. A sincere one.

**

The whole ride was filled with soft music from his radio along with the soft breeze, coming from outside. None of you both started any conversation since 10 minutes ago. It wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable but it felt more like both of you were enjoying this silence.

“Do you have any plan tonight? I mean...you know, it’s Friday,” when you were too immersed in such silence, he spoke out—bringing you back to the reality after been lost in your own thoughts. God knows how many time you have spaced out like this. You despised this side of you.

“Uhm, no honestly. I’m planning to eat then sleep until next morning,” you replied while letting out a faded chuckle. The next second, you immediately realised how pathetic that sounded like. Mingyu must be thinking that you were such an anti social and depressed bitch. But, you has always been like this since forever.

He giggled while nodding.

“I don’t know why but I kinda knew you would say that. That sounds very of you,” his deep husky voice filled up the car space along with the small laughter coming out from his mouth. You glanced at him, hiding a smile. You weren’t sure if he already recognised your traits for these past 2 years of working together but for some reason, it was kinda cute that he noticed the littlest thing about you.

“You can’t stop me,sir” you replied, almost chuckling with him.

“Can you do me a favor? Drop the honorific when the office hours ended. I think it’s better that way, it’s not like we are discussing about that annoying client we hated the most though,” he said in a very straight voice.

Without you realised, the car was filled with your laughter when you couldn’t hold yourself from laughing at his remarks. That was the most random shit you have ever heard from him. Mingyu looked surprise but a soft chuckle left his mouth.

“I can’t believe you said that. You hate her too? I thought it’s only me who hated her for no reason,” it was hard for you to utter the words as you were still laughing—covering your mouth with the back of your hand. He nodded with a grin across his lips.

When you have calmed down, he spoke again.

“Can you do that?” he met your eyes. Curling your lips, you nodded.

“I’ll try, Mingyu,” you hid a smile. His small dimple appeared right away—eyebrows raised.

“Without doubt, huh?” he teased. Again, the car was filled with nothing but his small chuckle and your soft smile.

The weird thing is, you felt a warmth for the first time from someone you had the least expectations from.

When both of you arrived at the restaurant, it was packed and crowded—completely something that you hated the most. The last time you went to such place was few weeks ago, thanks to Wendy’s pushy ass.

Both you and Mingyu came inside—finding a table to grab a dinner and go. But, it seemed like it wouldn’t happen because when you looked around, you found that eyes again. Out of those stranger eyes, you would still find that eyes again. Eyes that you have lost.

You saw his boxy smile—twinkling like it always does while his eyes—gleaming with the same sparkle. They were beautiful and painfully gorgeous that you almost forgot everything around you. Again, the universe seemed it was fading away from you.

But, he wasn’t alone. She was there—with him. The woman whom you wished you wouldn’t be seeing again—sharing the same smile and laughter—with him. Those gazes, you sure, they were filled with love.

The wound inside your chest, it was ripped open again.

**

Everything about this was tiring. Your body was tired. Your mental was tired. Your soul—it died. You tried to comprehend and see the good things from this stage of your life but why did it seem like nothing would work out? Why were you still here, alone with the same wound again?

It was unfair. Why was it only you, who suffered the pain of this break up? Why did it look like none of these things affect him as much as it did to you? Why did your heart still ache so much like this even 6 months have passed? There were so many questions that held you like a knife—stabbing you for the same reason again and again.

The same warm tears fell down—wetting your face for millionth times as you found yourself to be sitting on the bench at a park, not to far from the restaurant. The people seemed to be freaked out since you were there—sobbing silently like a weak bitch even you have told yourself to stop being this weak. Nothing worked out. None of them.

Honestly, you hated this. There were so many changes in yourself and you hated that.

“I found you,” the familiar voice echoed through the cold space before you looked up at your side with tears streaming down to your chin.

There was Mingyu—breathless as he tried to catch some breath from running too much. He must be running around to find you since you left the restaurant in just blink of eyes. Silence filled the gap between you and him while he stared at you and your pathetic self. It was embarassing and you wanted to disappear.

He heaved a soft sigh before slowly making the gap disappeared as he sat next to you.

“So, I believe, that thing, it bothered you these past few weeks? Your boyfriend?” he spoke and from the corner of your eyes, you could feel his gaze glued at you. With these swollen eyes and state, how the hell could you look at him?

“Ex boyfriend,” you replied. He nodded.

“I understand,” he exhaled, taking his eyes off you and looked around as if he let you to calm yourself down from the tragic sobbing. He probably noticed that you wanted to hide yourself from him so he looked away, letting both of you immersed in a night silence.

“It is hard and complicated,” without you realised, you spoke out in such a defeated voice. It was still vulnerable. And Mingyu finally saw that side of you.

He curled his lips.

“Break up will always be difficult. Don’t believe it when they say it’s not,” he met your teary eyes. His gaze was soft and dreamy. He probably saw all the pain in them that he chose to keep staring at you.

“I don’t want to let him go. I don’t want to forget him. Not yet. Not forever. It’s crazy,” you wiped the remaining tears in the corner of your eyes using the back of your hands as you looked down to the ground.

“Do you still love him?” he spoke as he looked straight to the busy streets across the park. You nodded as the remaining tears stained your cheeks. After all these while, you didn’t care anymore. You didn’t care if he find you weird—crying over someone like this even in fact, you shouldn’t have anymore.

“Aren’t you hurted? By still holding on to the past?” Mingyu cocked his head at you. His brown orbs were shining under such dim street lights above both of you. They were blinking like a pearl, something you have never seen it before. Rather than looking disgusted or uncomfortable, you could see a hint of reassurance in them eyes.

“It hurts so bad, Mingyu,” your voice cracked as you felt his gaze seemed never left yours before he exhaled. He looked up to the sky and sighed again.

“You know, there is a thing that I strongly disagree since forever. They said love is about timing, where you found your soul mate at the right time and be happy, also at the right time....” he stopped. There was a short silence.

Then he filled the air with his voice again.

“....but I believe, love is about what has been written for you,” a faded smile appeared again.

“It will always be difficult to get over someone.... whom you thought would be here with you for the rest of your life,” he added.

“...but you know, love isn’t about staying until the end. It’s not always about holding on from the beginning. Sometimes....it’s about letting go even it’s going to break every parts of you,”

When both of you found each other’s eyes—you could feel your heart clenched so much that it suffocated you to the edge. You felt every pieces of you were scattered all over the place again because deep inside, you knew it was true. You wanted to deny but It was painfully true. Fuck this.

“No, please,” curling yourself, you sobbed into your hands. Everything about this was hard. You weren’t ready. The next second, you felt his warmth beside you as he scooted closer. The same cologne filled your sense before he whispered.

“Can I hug you? To ease the pain even a little?” you weren’t supposed to hug your own boss but weird thing, you found yourself nodding at him. Probably, begging for some comfort that been slowly losing from your system. And, Just like that, you were so deep in his embrace—in an embrace that wasn’t Taehyung’s.

Part of you was so in pain. You wished it was him, hugging you this way. You wished it was him—comforting you this way because world knows, everything will be just fine. But, he wasn’t here anymore and you weren’t sure how to get used to that.

You pulled Mingyu closer to you and sobbed on his chest—like you did to yourself every nights. He wrapped his arms around you, securing you like he never wanted you to fall apart like this. It felt like he knew how painful it was so he was there, to put the scattered pieces, back as a whole.

It was weird. You knew there was a goodbye few months ago when you chose to leave but now, why did it feel like everything was finally over? It felt like you have lost that 1 chance and hope—leaving you this helpless.

“Let the grief go and set him free. You deserve to be happy. Genuinely happy,” he whispered—pulling you closer.

You sobbed. He was your happiness but it seemed like you need to replace it with a new one.

**

Another 2 months have passed. Nothing has changed drastically in your life except the fact that Mingyu has become a new part of your life. You couldn’t believe that night would be the night where both of you went deeper than you had before. He wasn’t yours and you weren’t his but the relationship has changed especially when he helped you moving on. Mingyu knew how and when to be gentle whenever you were around. It looked like he studied every little about your traits and tried to get along with it without disrespecting you in some kind of way.

You appreciate his presence so much. His presence was new yet comfortable—that you were still trying to get adjusted to it even sometimes, you got confused and lost. The weird part—Mingyu was the opposite side of Taehyung.

He loved to cook whenever he had the chance to do so and surprisingly, was good at it. He was huge fan of romance and melancholy genre—you still remembered when he kept you company, watching the same cliche kdramas without whining and complaining about how sucks the genre is.

He loved the smell of pastry—he loved the beauty of the evening sky—he loved the sound of the ocean. Those things that you barely heard from your ex. Indeed, there were new.

Some days, it felt perfect. Almost perfect. The heart break was slowly taken away from you and your days started to fill with laughter and smile. The heaviness in your heart got lifted for a moment, leaving you with nothing but a temporary happiness. It was genuine, all because of him. And you didn’t plan to push him away because there was some part of you, longing for his presence but you had no idea on what reason.

“Are you serious?” your eyes got widen as your gaze was glued on his face that had grin all over it. He curled his lips and nodded before taking the usual monthly reports from you.

The dried saliva in your throat was swallowed forcefully—making him chuckled.

“You’re asking me to go to a party with you? I supposed it isn’t a good idea, sir,” you kept the professionalism as both of you were still in the office—the boss and the worker but you couldn’t hide the tone that coming out along with the words. He shrugged.

“I couldn’t attend it last year and I don’t plan to do that again. And also, I don’t plan to go there by myself either,” he sounded very casual and straight forward—completely ignoring your widen eyes. A slight hum from you filled the space.

“That sounds sad,” you scoffed jokingly before you took back the signed report from him. His small dimple appeared.

“I guess that’s a yes? Great, you sure know what’s the best,”

“Hey, I didn’t say anything,”

“Okay, are you coming with me?” he crossed his arms—showing off his veiny arms while raising the eyebrows at you. For some reason, your heart thumped at the sight because he sure looked hot. You adjusted your throat as you looked back at him.

“I’m coming,” you said, almost rolling your eyes because he definitely knew you were going to say yes—as you witnessed a small satisfied smile plastered on his lips. He looked fierce yet soft, you don’t understand.

“Great. I’m going to pick you up tomorrow, at 8. Are we good?”

“We good, sir,” you scrunched your nose at him before you excused yourself to leave. He gave you a thumbs up as you left

You weren’t sure if he made you come as his secretary or something more than that.

**

You couldn’t help the nervous sweat that have been wetting your hands when you saw how huge the party is. Now, you weren’t sure if the basic black dress that been wrapping your curvy figure was a good choice since everyone looked damn good. Is this make up okay? This hair?

“Mingyu, I feel uncomfortable,” you leaned closer to his side while whispering to his ear, as both of you walked inside the bar. Of course it was crowded with so many people that seemed to be his friends because each seconds, his name was called.

“Just stay with me, you’ll get used to this,” he whispered softly before you could feel his warm hand sealing yours as he guided you through the crowd. There wasn’t any response from you as you let him take you to anywhere he liked while he introduced you to anyone he bumped to. He wanted you to be by his side so bad because swear to god, his hand felt like glue—it was sealed perfectly inside yours.

“Now, let’s meet my friend. He’s over there,” Mingyu said with a grin to you as he took you to the corner—making your heels clank on the marble floor. Every steps felt like fire because your heart thumped for no reason. They were beating so hard that it made you anxious for nothing.

When you finally reached the table, a gush of air left your lungs immediately when you saw him. Again.

It made you freeze on the ground—making you stood there like a statue as you felt all of the gazes were glued on you. You didn’t give any damn about anyone at the table because the only matters right now was his gaze—it felt like a fire on your body. You met his eyes again after the last time it broke you. He looked surprise to see you here, standing across him, in someone’s hand. Perhaps, he thought you were so in love and happy with someone new. Your heart thumped at the sight before you looked away.

“Thanks for inviting us, bro, it’s been a long time since I met you. Oh and this is my date for tonight,” Mingyu spoke as a proud grin plastered all over his face—greeting those people at the table without noticing you were completely out of zone. Wooshik greeted him back before he averted his attention at you.

“You look good like you always do. I’m glad you come,” he smiled—making you return the same thing. Of course he knew you. He was around when you dated Taehyung. Wooshik witnessed your journey with him until it ended. You glanced at Seojun and Hyungsik, who were also flashing you a soft smile. Those guys, it felt weird to see them after the break up.

“Thank you, Wooshik. The party is great,” clenching into your small pouch, you scooted closer to Mingyu, tugging his arms around yours—completely ignoring Taehyung’s eyes on you even it almost made your legs become wobbly and shit. Mingyu smiled at your gesture because he knew what was inside your mind. Without any doubt, he took your hands inside his. The atmosphere changed. There was a short silence.

“Enjoy the party, you two. Let me know if you need something,” Wooshik spoke—there were changes in his face, he probably finds it weird that you were now in someone else’s arms instead of his friend. You were sure everyone finds it’s weird that both you and him were no longer together in just blink of eyes even yesterday the world saw how deep the love was. It was indeed weird because the next thing you realised, you were in different home.

Every sips of alcohol that glided into your throat felt like nothing but a poison. The crowded place were damn noisy and full of emotions but you were here at the corner with the emptiest heart instead of having fun—like Mingyu have always told you. You should be having fun tonight but it seemed like nothing ever worked out on you.

It’s crazy that both of you were in a same place but the distance felt way too significant. He was over, probably happy and in love. You were over here with your empty heart.

Somehow, you hated him so much. Why would he always come up whenever you were at your peak—building yourself back? Why would those images of them two slapped you—shoving the damn thorns and blood to your heart whenever you were trying to be fine?

“Are you okay?” you flinched a little when the warm whisper touched your ears before you find Mingyu, by your side. Every time you looked at him, you couldn’t help but feel bad. How the hell could he still keep up with your sudden mood swings and bullshits like this? The weird part, he always treated at you like the whole world belonged to you.

“Yeah. I’m good,” you replied—forcing a smile. It was very artificial. He curled his lips as he stared into your eyes without saying anything. Both of you exchanged such an intense eye contacts for few moments before he took your hand—gesturing you to dance with him. You were left in hesitation but just like always, you would say yes.

His hand, you let them sealed with yours. The next second, you realised that he took you to the center of the bar before the warmth from his arms wrapped around your waist as he pulled you closer to his body. Your whole body froze when his deep eyes strike into yours when you looked up. Mingyu was tall that your petite figure almost got disappeared inside his embrace.

“Put your hands on my chest,” he whispered down at you—making you slowly do as what he told you. You weren’t sure if everyone was looking at both of you but the thing is, your skin—it tingled.

“Have I told you that you look beautiful today?” after such silence, he spoke again.

Chills running down your spine when he added.

“You look amazing in this dress. I think I’m falling in love,”

When he said that,it felt like there was a huge chunks in your throat because you barely can breathe when your sense came back. The courage to look at him was gone immediately when you finally understand what he just said.

“Mingyu...” you whispered—trying to make this conversation as clear as possible. He needed to repeat himself because you were afraid that you might be wrong even you heard him crystal clear. His hands slid behind your back to pull you closer—making your face was few inches away from him.

“Please...let me love you,” he said.

“Mingyu, what are you saying?” you whispered back at him.

“I know, I know. This is too sudden for you but please....let me love you. Let me heal you,” he looked down, breaking the eye contact from you. There was a desperation in those eyes, leaving you without words. He sounded needy and desperate. After all these while, you never know he was in love with you. You had no idea, not even once.

“How can we do this? We barely know each other. I’m scared,” you spoke to him—finding his eyes again. The more you stared at him, the more it made you confused you—how couldn’t you see that before? They were obvious.

“We can make this work, I promise you. We can do this. Gosh, I love you so much,”

A small smile appeared on his lips. Mingyu was one gorgeous man. He spoke with his eyes and heart.

Silence filled the gap.

“Can I kiss you?”

You wanted to say no but the next second, you found yourself nodding at him. You wanted to get off from his arms but you let him touch you even deep inside, your heart felt heavy.

The next second, you felt his lips against yours. They were sealed perfectly, spreading his warmth against your trembling lips. Mingyu secured his arms on your back when he noticed you were stumbling on your feet as the kiss deepen. His lips felt nice but why were your heart still empty? Why didn’t you feel any emotions in your heart when he kissed you like this? The worst part—why did you still have Taehyung’s image in your mind even after all these while?

The kiss lasted for few seconds before Both of you pulled away from each other and panted hard. You looked down to your feet—catching some air and a piece of reality. Time has froze around you, you couldn’t really process anything about this yet.

“Don’t touch her,” before you could get back to your sense, you felt a tight grip around your arms—pulling you away from Mingyu.

There was Taehyung, standing so close here as he glared at him with so much fire in his deep eyes. His eyes were already that deep but with fire, they were really intimidating. His jaw clenched a lot, his body tensed up with anger. Your eyes widen at him. Why was he here?

“Don’t fucking touch her again,” he grunted like a tiger before taking your hand and took you away from the place. There was nothing come out from your mouth as you followed him to anywhere he wanted to bring you.

You shouldn’t do that but you did.

**

“Let me go!!! What the hell are you doing?” you screamed at him when you were stumbling on the ground—almost hurting your feet. Few more steps, he let you go.

“What are you doing with him?” Taehyung grunted under his breath—his chest pound like he was holding such anger. You frowned at him.

“Why do you care so much? Let me go,” you spat as you tried to push him away but unlucky you, he was way much stronger

“Why are you kissing him? Why did you let him touched you?!” his jaw clenched a lot as he found your eyes even in such dark alley. You used to see sparkle in them but this time, it was a fire and you had no idea why would he act this way when everything was over now?

“It’s none of your business, Taehyung! Everything that happen in my life, you don’t need to know. Go kiss your girlfriend and leave me alone,” you yelled even your legs almost turn wobbly because of his fiery eyes. The words felt like thorns in your mouth and his presence still affected you this much, he probably knew that.

He looked stunned.

“After all these while, why do you care so much about me? I thought you said you wanted her but why are you here, dragging me from him? Why?” the quiet alley was filled with your fiery voice between you and him.

“Look.....I know, I know...I’ve fucked everything about us. Everything we had. I get it why it you are this mad because....gosh, this is crazy,” he ran his fingers through his wavy hair while sighing to the cold air. He sounded so frustrated and guilty that it made you become more furious.

“Oh for god sake, please. I don’t want your sorry. Just never show up again, please. You don’t know how hard it is for me to erase you from my life. You hurted me, Taehyung...” you stopped for a while because fuck this, the same tears were pooling in your eyes again.

The painful memories showed up again.

“...You broke me so much. So please, leave me alone. I’m tired,” You weren’t sure if those words were true. You weren’t sure if you really wanted him to leave you alone.

You thought the conversation was over when there was barely any response from him but the next second, he pulled you and pinned you against the cold wall of the small alley—trapping you between his arms. A small whimper escaped your mouth at the cold contact while his face was only few inches away from you that you could his hot minty breath. Teary eyes to such deep pair of eyes. What a moment.

“I never wanted to hurt you like this,”

“You probably get sick of me already but for the remaining minutes, I wanted you to know that���every part of me, never wanted to bring so much pain to you, like this,” you caught his eyes even it was really dark. They have soften. There was no more anger and fire. Don’t know why but It made your heart clench even more.

“Are you still in love with me?” out of sudden, he asked you.

“Why does that matter now?” your voice faded.

“Say that you don’t love me anymore and I will let you go to him. Say that so I know.....when you go back home, there is no more piece of me that would hurt you like this,” his eyes tremble. Fear and pain. Tears pooled again in your eyes. The blood could stain your lips from bitting it too much.

When you couldn’t answer it, he spoke again.

“Push me away if that’s the answer,”

And just like that, he crashed his mouth against yours. The kiss was deep—deeper than the last time you had with him when you chose to let him go. His lips—that was 8 months ago since you got to taste it and they still have the same flavour. Sweet and addictive. Like a drug. Taehyung grunts in the kiss as deepen the kiss by pulling your face closer—savouring your mouth like he missed it.

You hated yourself. You knew you already had the answer for Mingyu’s question because the next thing you realised, you didn’t push Taehyung away. Instead, you kissed him back like tomorrow doesn’t exist.

**

“Ah!!” a sweet erotic moan escaped your mouth as he planted trail of kisses along your bare chest—sucking and biting into the flesh, leaving some marks on your body. His kisses were rushed yet it never stopped sending chills and tingles to every part of your skin.

He stopped kissing you as he pulled the wet panty from your hips—showing off the dripping liquid from the pussy. You moan to the air when the cold breeze touched your bare core that it immediately made you missed his warmth. He stared at you for few seconds before coming down to your wet entrance.

“Oh my god, Taehyung!” you screamed out loud as you felt his warm tongue all over the throbbing clit. He sucked on your clitoris while grunting and groaning which sent so much electricity to all over your body. Mouth opened, body arched—you called his name like it was the only thing in your mind. You lowered your gaze down at him while moaning, just to find his eyes—were looking straight into yours. Swear to god, you heart thumped a lot. You fisted into his hair—pulling him deeper.

When he thrusted his tongue inside your core, a gush of air left your lungs immediately, making you scream his name as he stared at you. That was hot and your pussy clenched for more. Taehyung kept licking, sucking, eating you out and you never know you have been missing this intimacy with him. He always make you feel good. This good.

A knot started to twirl in your lower abdomen whenever he thrusted his tongue into you with no mercy. It felt like heaven.

“I’m so close,” you cried out and not long after, you cummed—making him lick your juice all over your pussy without taking his eyes off you. That was really hot, you couldn’t contain the overwhelming cloud in your chest everytime you met his beautiful eyes.

Then, he got off from the bed to unbuckle the belt around his waist before undressed the pants from his body—leaving the huge bulge under the boxer to your sight. His cock was throbbing hard inside the fabric and when he pulled his boxer down, your pussy clenched for him. You wanted him to touch you again and do whatever he wanted to do with your body.

“Ride me,” he grunted before crawling back on the bed, sitting with his back on the headboard as he waited for you to climb on him. The veins along his neck and arms were making it’s hard for you to think straight. Your mouth felt dry.

Slowly, you crawled on top of him, sitting on his thigh as you placed your hands on his shoulder for support. Lips were bitten when you caught his eyes before you slowly placed his member on your entrace before sitting on them—burying it deep inside your tight and wet pussy. Taehyung groaned—staring at how deep he buried inside you while you were here with a breathy moan escaped from your mouth.

God, it felt so good. Your legs tremble at the sudden contact—making him secure his hands on your hips as you started to bounce and move your body on him. The pace was slow and intoxicating. He was really big and the fact that you needed to adjust to his size, you never knew it has been a while since he made love to you like this.

Squeezing your eyes, your chin was lifted to the air along with the scream and moan from your mouth. He grabbed onto your hips—making you move back and forth on his dick while groaning with you, so the room was filled with nothing else but the sound of skin slapping that got louder each time you buried himself in you. You’ve lost your mind, you couldn’t feel your legs anymore. Why did the pleasure feel much more stronger now when both of you were no longer together?

“Fuck. Oh fuck,” he grunted through gritted teeth, pulling you closer to deepen the thrusted. Chin up to the air, you cried his name out—digging your nails into his shoulder whenever he quicken the pace. His cock was slapping your weak spot over and over again. It drive you crazy.

“Taehyung....” you whined—the courage to look at him were suddenly gone as you felt your chest was somehow heavy.

When you realised that you be able to touch him again like this—you felt like you just woken up from such nightmare. You could feel his skin, his lips, his eyes against yours—after being so lost and alone. You’ve missed him so much but you had no idea it was this much. 

Your cheeks were stained again. As he kept thrusting inside you, you couldn’t help the heavy cloud in your chest—making your silently sob on his shoulder. He wanted to look at you but you didn’t want to so you kept your face buried on his shoulder. You have lost that courage to see his eyes at times like this.

“You always feel this good. I’ve missed you,” he whispered along with a faint grunt—making you moan out loud with tears falling down from your eyes. It was a weird combination. Moaning and screaming his name in every thrusts, both of you were reaching the climax.

Few more thrust, he cum inside you—filling every space of your core with his warm release as your body jerked and flinched at the contact. Your legs felt like a jelly that you almost fell from him but he grabbed your hips right away.

Both you and Taehyung were panting hard on each other’s body after such intense and quick sex. You weren’t sure what was that sex for? Was this a goodbye sex or make up sex?

There was only silence but then, it was replaced with your small sob. The tears kept falling down from your eyes and stained his shoulder as you buried your face on the crook of his neck. The emotions that lingers in your head were too much, you couldn’t put it into words.

“Why are you doing this to me?” you spoke. A chill ran down in your spine as he stroke your hair softly while giving a soft rub on your hips using the other hand.

“Why are you making me like this, Taehyung! Tell me, you jerk!” you almost yelled before you pulled from him and punched his chest with your little might—trying to let go this slight anger in your chest. You pushed, punched and slapped his chest while sobbing like a crazy woman. He stared at you without saying anything before you finally stopped and became vulnerable again.

“Why did you make me fall this deep even I know, I can’t have you,” your voice crack.

He was cruel. He made you cry and now, he made you break Mingyu’s heart when that guy had nothing but love for you. But, after all these while, why did you still pick him instead of Mingyu? Why did your heart still want him, like this?

“I’m so sorry for hurting you like this,” he whispered—pulling your hands that covered your face before crashing his mouth again. He sucked on your lips like there was no tomorrow—probably get to taste the salty water from your eyes. The kiss lasted only for few seconds before he pulled away.

“I....I never knew that I wanted you this much until you left. Everything...everything felt so fucking empty when you aren’t here. Fuck, what did I do to us?” he took your face inside his hands. His deep eyes were trembling so much.

“You love her,”

“I was confused,”

“Don’t get it twisted, Taehyung,”

He shook his head.

“It made me angry to see you with him. I saw you that night...at the restaurant. I shouldn’t be mad but I did. I know he loved you and it drives me insane.The thoughts of you being with him, god, it’s crazy because I hate it,”

He wiped off the water from your eyes as he took every part of your face into his eyes. God, you’ve missed this. You thought you have lost it completely.

“What do you want, Taehyung?” a faint voice left your mouth.

“You. I want you. I know...what I did to you was too much. I know and I’m not asking you to forgive me now. But, let me fix this. Let me fix the broken parts of you,” his voice strained so much that you actually could feel his pain. Just as much as you do.

Tears prick again.

“I’d still want you even you ended up choosing her instead of me. That shit hurted but I’d still want you”

He shook his head, denying you immediately.

“Nothing happened between me and her ever since you left. The relationship wasn’t there because I couldn’t do it and she agreed for us to just stay as friends. Nothing more than that. She was my first love, yes but no matter how we tried, I realised that, my feelings for her were completely gone when you left. I thought it was her but no, baby. It was you,”

“Believe me, just this once,” he begged.

Swear to god, your heart bloomed like a spring. A small smile finally appeared on your lips as you stared at him. He talked sincerely with his eyes and you could see that. Twinkling and sparkling.

“I love you. I love you so much,”

He spoke and it felt genuine. You knew Taehyung wouldn’t be saying those words without actually meant it. You couldn’t remember when the last time he said that to you but listening to it again after a while, you were on a cloud nine.

You chest were full. The heaviness was gone in a blink of eyes. You nodded at him while biting down your lips before you wrapped your arms around his neck—burying your face on them.

“What took you so long to reply?” you whined softly.

He chuckled.

“I’m so stupid for taking this long,” his husky voice filled you.

“You are so stupid,” you sob—tighten your arms around him as if you didn’t want to let it go. Not anymore. Silence filled the space as both of you got immersed in such deep thoughts for a while.

“I love you too, Taehyung. I always do,” after a while, you finally got to let him know that. The sincere feeling that has been longing in you ever since you met him. It was still here to this day. Crazy.

“Can I date you?” he asked after few minutes of silence and without any doubt, you said nodded. He said the same thing to you before and it happened again. It felt like both of you just got back to the day 1.

Where both of you were young, reckless and in love. Perfectly right.

**

PS: I think I wanna open a fanfic request box. You guys can give me a request (genre: angst, smut, fluff) and I’ll make it happen (slowly, no tension). Also, ask me anything. I’m always opened for talk. And, thank you for enjoying this fanfic and its sequel. love u

[infernwetrust]

AHS 1984: Between The Lines [Xavier Plympton x Chet Clancy] 1. Watch Your Hands

PART 2

Summary: A world before the horror. A world with some horrors. A fantasy world, where things are slightly normal. A world where Chet Clancy has been in a relationship with his long term girlfriend, Brooke Thompson. A world where Xavier Plympton, struggles to find himself after a dark past. But what if I told you that's not all who Chet is romantically involved with? What if I told you there’s a little bit more to Xavier than what he presents himself to be? What if I told you to read between the lines? Together we'll explore friendship, love, deceit, and sexuality on a different level.

Rated: R for Restricted. 18+ Very Mature Themes.

Warnings: Alright folks, I’m going to be very honest with you. This book can get dark and depressing sometimes. Due to it’s unpredictable nature, since it is a work in progress, read at your own discretion, and apply tags as you see them fit. I will be giving warnings at the beginning of chapters that do take it to that level. If you do choose to read and you come across anything that makes you uncomfortable, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I am all ears.

A/N: Hey ya’ll! I go by Juno. Thank you so much for taking the time out of your Cody Fern and AHS filled schedules to read this book. This is something I’ve thought about for a long time and am very excited to be writing this. I’m also currently writing this on another platform, but decided that I wanted to share it with the fun loving Tumblr community as well.  It IS male x male. I’ve always shipped Chet (Gus Kenworthy) and Xavier (Cody Fern)  and after a little bit of brain storming, I decided that I wanted to dedicate a story to developing their relationship. I’ve kept some key traits from their characters in 84, but for the most part, this are figments of my imagination; of what life would be like. As I write this, I will be introducing different characters, portrayed by some of our favorites. I won’t leave you oblivious. However, I will also be writing one shots! If you have any requests, message me! Enjoy the read! 

WC: 1.1k

Setting the stage: This story begins years before 84. Xavier, Chet, Ray, Brooke, and Montana are 18 and freshly out of high school.

The two sat outside on the front steps. The moon lit up the night sky. Chet inhaled the joint deeply, but exhaled slowly. She watched him the whole time, biting down on her lip. They'd only been together for 6 months, but Brooke couldn't help but feel like she loved him. Sure. They exchanged the words,  'I love you' , all the time, but they never actually said "I love you." But, the more time Brooke spent with him, the more she realized that maybe she did mean it. They had been best friends for so long that I love you came naturally. So when the two drunkenly kissed at Montana's 17th birthday party, they both couldn't help, but feel that there was something there. So when Chet asked her out, how could she say no?

"Chet.." she said, softly. He took his eyes off the joint quickly to meet hers. There was a warm ness in his eyes that made every nerve in her body tingle. Her hand slowly made its way over to hold onto his knee.

"Yeah?" Chet questioned in his relatively, light, voice. He looked at Brooke with loving eyes. Eyes that still said "I love you" and "I love you" at the same time. Poor, Chet. He was so confused.

"Your eyes are so fucking red." she responded, giggling. Chet couldn't help but give her a smirk. He thought she was so cute. Everything she did was so cute to him.

"I guess I don't do a very good job of hiding it do I?" he questioned.

"Not like you need to. You're lucky. My parents would never let me do that openly."

"Well it's a good thing I don't give a fuck what my parents really have to say, huh?"

The two shared a hearty laugh before Brooke fell silent, biting her lips once again before taking the joint out of his hand and taking a pull.

"My parents would never let me do that openly." Chet repeated, mocking her.

"Well it's a good thing I don't give a fuck what my parents really have to say, huh?" she smirked.

"Brooke Thompson, you are a fool."

"I guess that's why we're so close"

"Closer than ever."

"Oh for Christ sake." Xavier said as he leaned over the fence. "If you're gonna fuck, just fuck already."

"How long have you been standing there?" Chet asked, taking his attention away from Brooke.  

"Long enough to see that you two would think nothing of fucking on the porch. Stand up, won't you, Chet?"

"Oh, fuck off."

Xavier grinned. He was a huge fan of messing with Chet, whether it be mentally... or physically.

"Sorry, lover boy."

"Thanks for the fucking help, Xavier." Ray said, jaw clenched as he held two relatively big speakers on shoulders.

"I'm pretty. I don't lift things. You know this."

"Yeah, except your dick to put in other people."

"Ooo." Chet said, loudly, his lips forming a perfect O.

"Play your cards right and you can be one of em'"

"Don't flatter yourself, pretty boy."

"Here man. I got you." Chet grabbed a speaker off of Ray's shoulder and assisting him instead.

"You're terrible." Brooke said, standing up, putting the joint out in the ground.

"You love me, Brooke Thompson." Xavier, winked at her.

They had only fucked twice, Brooke and Xavier. They were both 16.

"What's it like?" she asked, her hands holding onto his jacket as he leaned against the balcony rail.

"What? Sex?"  he asked, looking down at her. At 16, he was already so tall and that amazed her. She nodded her head at his question, swallowing. "I've never done it before and it's all you and Chet talk about. All the girls you've slept with."

"Let me guess. You don't masturbate either, do you?"

"Just answer the question, smart ass." She slapped him in his chest.  

"I don't really know how to explain it." He spun her around so that it was now her who was up against the rail. "Why don't you let me show you instead?" When she constantly switched between looking at his eyes and his lips, he knew he had her. "I see how you look at me, oh and Chet, but that's another discussion. Let me show you how fun it is when you start exploring, sexually." God, Xavier was a sex icon. Everything about him just screamed fuck me or let me fuck you. She made the mistake of getting locked in his eyes.

And then he did the thing. The thing that got everyone who he pursued sexually, to crack. His tongue moved gracefully along his upper pearly whites with a sadistic grin, that in actuality, wasn't all that sadistic. He liked Brooke and if he didn't already know that she had a deep interest for Chet, brewing, she would be his.

"Go on." he said, tempting her. "Kiss me. You love me, Brooke Thompson."

"But let's leave things in the past, yeah?" Xavier continued, attempting to walk past Brooke and into Chet's home. She stepped in front of him, firmly planting her finger on his chest.

"You said you wouldn't ever bring that up, especially since you knew Montana had a crush on you." Brooke said with venom in her voice.

"Woah. Ms. Thompson, please if you will, watch your hands." He grabbed her by her wrist. "So quick to react are we? Let's not forget." He slowly rubbed her finger across his chest and down to his torso, right above his belt. She looked up at him and he did the thing, again. The same thing that had gotten her to kiss him that night. But this time, he was older, his features more strongly defined. He was gorgeous and she couldn't deny that.

"Stop that." she said, firmly, snatching her wrist away from. "You promised, Xavier."

"Oh relax. No one was around to hear it."

"Are you two coming inside?" Chet asked, popping his head into the door frame. "Montana will be here in a few minutes and then we can start our Friday night."

"Yeah, babe." she replied. "I was just bugging Xavi about how lazy he is." She winked at her charming boyfriend who now leaned fully against the doorway.

"I believe the correct term you're looking for is pretty." She turned to him quickly, planting her finger firmly in his chest once again.

"Remember what I told you."

"Well come on then, so I can close the door." Xavier let out that stupid grin again before the two started walking towards the door.

Let the summer before college begin.

[mikecardenmpreg]

hello and welcome to another installation of “lauren’s shitty life” hosted by me, your host, lauren (and if you follow me on twitter, sorry i won’t shut up about this it’s only that it’s affecting my entire life)

you may or may not have gathered from my “trying to cover it up with humor” posts that i have gallstones. they are, in fact, making my life a living hell. it hurts to eat. and i really like eating. these last 8 or so months (or however long who fucking knows anymore) have been just one drawn out game of russian roulette: food edition. me after every big meal:

so i had a particularly bad attack at my friends’ place last week. it was far from my first attack so i knew the drill but it was a really intense one. catch me on the floor writhing and agonizing, like i do when you eat too much at a friends’ place. they posited a fun little theory: perhaps these pains weren’t just heartburn like i had been claiming, but maybe something i should probably see a doctor about. i thought. hmm. you guys might be right. and then did nothing about it because i was too weak from the agony in my ribcage to even speak or breathe. nearly passed out on the drive home because i could not get enough oxygen to my brain because expanding my chest region was almost impossible. probably should have gone to the er for this but

so naturally i had another attack the very next day. i was extra bummed about this because for once in my life, thanksgiving hadn’t been a total shitshow and i was excited to tell people about my totally average, drama-free thanksgiving! cue the writhing.

commence rapid fire googling while also rapid fire writhing on the floor! “searing pain upper right side ribcage” gives you about 100,000 results of “your fucking gallbladder you fucking moron”. and i went oop. woke up my parents at like midnight to complain and they go “call the advice nurse”. yeah. midnight on thanksgiving. someone’s definitely gonna pick up. also i can’t breathe because it hurts. thanks for that.

called the advice nurse the next morning and they scheduled me for an a video appointment with the first available doctor. let me tell you. i already had two things going on that day: had to take my car in for service and also it was black friday record store day. i could not take the day off. it was not allowed. so i spent my whole day bouncing between [where i work] and [nearby city where my car gets serviced] on the busiest shopping day of the year while also waiting for my video appointment with an unknown doctor about something kinda scary. not a fun or productive day for me. 

the doctor ended up booking me an ultrasound appointment because she came to the same conclusion i did: gallbladder’s haunted. but as it was friday afternoon, i had to wait until monday morning to go in. fun, productive weekend for me! i love being in purgatory. meanwhile, i’m deprived of my favorite fucking activity: stuffing my god damn face. i LOVE eating. i LOVE LOVE LOVE eating!!!! sunday night i had what was probably my last fried chicken sandwich for a very long time. it was good. but i didn’t enjoy it because it was overshadowed by guilt. 

went to the hospital before work on monday to get my ultrasounds. highlight: totally confused the ultrasound tech by wearing men’s deodorant despite being a woman. she wouldn’t stop talking about how long she’s been single and how the smell of men’s deodorant sends her. the poor girl. anyway that’s completely unrelated. she pretended like she couldn’t read the ultrasounds and sent me off with a “maybe.......don’t eat?” really reassuring girl.

my results came in later in the day (again, not a productive work day for me) to reveal i had two gallstones. my doctor asked me how i wanted to proceed. i was like. girl. you’re the doctor. you tell me. i sent her back a very long email about the last however many months and the severe pain i was in and the family history and the whole thing. this, by the way, coinciding with my fucked up back is hilarious. 2020 had its kiss for me. anyway. she emailed me back with just “surgery referral sent”. okay. 

surgery calls me to set up a video appointment with a PA. they do not tell me the point of this appointment. i do not care, but am pleasantly surprised how fast this is all moving. my video appointment gets scheduled for thursday, one week and one day after my initial “oh fuck” moment. the video appointment goes well. the PA tells me about my options but also says that two of the three options are basic horseshit and the only real option is full-on gallbladder removal. i’m chill with this. i’m done. just take the fucking thing out. we discuss diarrhea for too long. i ask how long recovery might take. he doesn’t have an answer because it all depends on how they have to extract the stupid idiot bile sack. the appointment ends on a less than hopeful note: someone will call either that day or the next to schedule surgery but it might be a wait before i can get in. i’m like, okay, that’s fine. i can wait a bit. it’s been 8 or so months. what’s a few more weeks?

well. i have another gallbladder attack that night. it lasts 8 hours. eight. fucking. hours. can’t sit. can’t stand. can’t lay down. can’t do anything but suffer. i eventually fall asleep around 4:30am. i wake up at 10, just in time for general surgery to call and tell me, i shit you not, that someone will be calling me soon. i cannot go back to sleep. i have to go to work. i am exhausted and frustrated and angry that i’ve just had my third gallbladder attack in 8 days. i probably should have gone to the er. definitely should not have eaten dinner.

no one calls me until 3:30 in the afternoon. and when they finally do, it’s to tell me they cannot schedule my surgery. they are fully booked through january. i am put on a waitlist in case someone cancels their surgery and i can be squeezed in. because this surgery to remove my defective gallbladder is considered “elective” and not “emergency”, i have to potentially wait at least two months. my gallbladder feels like this

and i have to wait two months because it isn’t an emergency. 3 gallbladder attacks in 8 days and it’s not an emergency. my digestive system is not functioning properly anD IT’S NOT AN EMERGENCY????? if any single person felt the way i did after eating, this would not be deemed elective. my body is not working. i cannot eat without fear of pain. i have already lost a noticeable amount of weight because i’ve been avoiding food. i need it out. it need it out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i left work early, cried all the way home, got home, cried some more, fell asleep, woke up, and ate the saddest dinner: one quarter cup steel cut oats with honey and cinnamon. untoasted, unbuttered sourdough bread. unsugared tea. water.

this is my life for the foreseeable future. is this a good time to mention that my absolute favorite food is curry? a nice hearty, spicy, yogurt-y curry. and here i am. thinking about the plain white rice my gallbladder is gonna make me eat for the next two months.

i’m so hungry.

[sincerelybluevase]

Fanfic Friday: Lessons In Lovemaking, Lesson Number Seven

I’m back into the fold! I know my updates have been rather irregular (real life has been crazy), but I’m trying to get back into the habit of having a weekly fanfic uploaded on Fridays.

Thank you @purple-roses-words-and-love for betaing 

Shelagh had thought she knew what she was up against when she adopted baby Angela. She’d thought she knew it was exhausting, and demanding, and at times even frightening.

She just hadn’t realised quite how exhausting, and demanding, and frightening.

She had to restrain herself from weighing Angela every day to make sure she was gaining enough, had to force herself not to put the baby under yet another blanket (the poor thing had been quite red and irritable after the first chilly night, because Shelagh had positively smothered her in hand-knitted blankets), had to keep telling herself a cold or an ear infection or a stomach bug every now and again was not only perfectly normal, but also perfectly necessary to develop Angela’s immune system.

As soon as the child was asleep, Shelagh would flop down on the bed and lie there with eyes closed, bathing in the simple bliss of quietude for a while.

And I don’t even have to deal with pregnancy hormones and leaking breasts, she’d think. Timothy and Patrick had been absolute dears besides, helping her to feed Angela, setting the table, washing dishes. Neither of them were very enthusiastic when nappies needed to be changed, but this was hardly a thing to be wondered at; Shelagh didn’t look forward to sodden nappies much herself, either.

Of course no dirty nappy was a match against her need to keep things clean, and no matter how much Angela fussed and cried and threw up, Shelagh could always remember why she wanted this.

The only thing she missed from before was the time she and Patrick used to have in the bedroom.

She was tired at the end of the day, but Patrick seemed positively dead on his feet. One night, when she’d rolled on her side and had started rubbing his belly and peppering his throat with kisses, he’d taken her hand and stilled it. “I was almost asleep, Shelagh,” he’d murmured.

“Yes, well, but now that you’re awake I figured there was something else we could do,” she’d said, bringing his hand to her mouth and touching his knuckles with the tip of her tongue.

“I’m too tired. I’m sorry, darling,” he’d said.

“It’s fine. It doesn’t matter,” she’d said, but he hadn’t heard because he had fallen asleep in earnest then.

Well, he’s a good deal older than I am, and juggling a demanding profession besides, she’d told herself, listening to the little growl he made at the back of his throat which wasn’t quite a snore but on its way to becoming one.

But it simply wouldn’t do. Patrick had awakened a need in her, a perpetual craving lying dormant until woken by a simple touch. It needed to be hushed and stilled, and there was only one way to do that.

I will simply have to try a little harder, she thought.

And so she decided upon a plan of attack, and prepared accordingly.

The moment to strike presented itself one cold winter night. Patrick had the afternoon off, and wasn’t on call for the evening and night. He had taken a short nap as soon as he’d come home, then sat sequestered in his office doing paperwork for a good two hours. He seemed refreshed after this; he ate hearty meal, helped doing the dishes, and helped Timothy with his math’s homework with no complaint. The poor boy was as tired as they all were, and went upstairs for an early night, his eyes thick from lack of sleep.

“Poor Timothy,” Patrick said as he scooped Angela up. “Your poor brother. You’ve kept him awake a lot lately, you know.” He took her tiny starfish hand in his and blew on her fingers. She gurgled sleepily.

“She’s been awake herself a lot, too,” Shelagh said.

“Yes, she does look as if she needs a good night’s sleep. I’ll put her in her crib upstairs.” Patrick smiled at his daughter, holding her in the crook of his arm, his head bent to one side like a flower on a snapped stem, the way he always held his head when something endeared him.

Shelagh waited till the creak of his feet on the stairs faded, then padded after him. When she was at the top of her stairs her breathing came in quick little gulps already. Her belly clenched almost painfully in anticipation. She took a moment to inhale deeply, then tiptoed to the bedroom.

Patrick was standing over the crib, staring at their little girl with a tired grin on his face. God, the things he did to her with that sloppy grin…

He looked up, startled a little. “I didn’t hear you,” he whispered, his arm already reaching for her.

She let him pull her into his embrace, resting her forehead against his chest, splaying her hands next to her face. He smelled of baby formula, talcum powder, aftershave, and vaguely of sweat. Part of her was happy to stand still like this, her husband’s arms around her, his scent and warmth covering her. Another part, smaller but stronger and meaner, demanded she ask for more.

She took hold of his tie and undid it slowly before unbuttoning the top buttons of his shirt. Thank God Angela had drooled all over that ugly beige sweater of his, or Shelagh wouldn’t have been able to do this. She parted the fabric of his shirt with both index fingers, then pressed her nose against him. The patch of skin between his collarbones was free of hair. She touched it with her lips, lavishing it with small, damp kisses.

“Shelagh,” Patrick said, placing his hands over hers. “Shelagh, maybe we should get some sleep.”

She tilted her head up so she could kiss his throat. He groaned, one hand automatically falling to the small of her back. “Should we?” she murmured, her breath hot and short.

“I have to get up early tomorrow for work,” he whispered.

“I have to get up early tomorrow because Angela will need feeding,” she retorted. She cupped his face, the contours of his cheekbones and jaw hard against her palms. “That’s not a reason not to. I want you.”

“It’s all right if we don’t do this. You don’t have to because you think I need it,” Patrick said.

Annoyed she tilted her head back so she could look at him. “Patrick, you’re a very daft man if you think I’m doing this just to please you.”

He blinked at her in surprise, then grinned a little. “Am I?”

She nodded, carding her left hand through his hair, pressing her fingertips against his scalp in the way she knew made his knees weak. “Very daft.”

His hands dropped lower, cupped her arse. “I’d hate you to think me daft,” he said, kneading her buttocks.

She moaned loudly, the sound almost a purr.

Angela sighed, then mewled.

Patrick and Shelagh froze, their hearts beating quickly, their breathing a little ragged already.

Angela sighed again before becoming quiet.

Patrick’s eyes locked with Shelagh’s. “If we’re going to do this, we must be very quiet,” he whispered, “Or our little Angel girl will wake and leave us with unfinished business.”

Another lesson, I suppose. “Understood.” She stood on tiptoes so she could touch the space just below his ears with her lips. Patrick’s hands dropped lower. He bunched up the fabric of her skirt before slipping both hands underneath.

Startled, he opened his eyes.

She grinned up at him. “What?” she whispered.

“Mrs Turner, I think you’ve forgotten to wear your knickers today.”

“Oh dear,” she said.

“Sly thing. Well, I suppose it saves us the trouble of undressing you completely. Very smart, with these wintery temperatures.”

But as they rocked and met and intertwined beneath the sheets they grew warm and sweaty anyway.

They didn’t make a sound, though.

[letterfromtrenwith]

Prescription Passion - Ch.1

My cheesily titled but I hope not cheesily written Carolight hospital AU :D

Dr Dwight Enys, coming home from several years abroad, takes a job in the A&£ dept of St Neot's hospital in Truro, not intending to be completely knocked for six by meeting a certain lovely dermatologist - Dr Caroline Penvenen.

Posting the first ch. for Carolight Week. 

~

Maternity Ward

“How in the Hell – “ Dwight glared at the blue plastic sign above the double swing doors, as if staring at it hard enough might change it into something that made sense. While he’d admittedly only been working here a week, he couldn’t fathom how anybody found their way around this hospital. It was like a bloody labyrinth. Although that was all relative considering that the last hospital he’d worked in had essentially been three wooden huts stuck together. The St. Neot’s Infirmary was something else altogether.

Technically, his shift was over for today, but since the A&E dept. was currently running a little understaffed he was still on call until late that evening, before having 48 hours off. He had been planning on going home, since his flat wasn’t too far way to make getting back in an emergency unworkable, and he still had some serious unpacking to do. However, what he’d intended to be a quick trip to the HR department to swap his temporary staff card for a permanent one – hideous passport photo and all – had turned into a trip down the rabbit hole.

Blessedly, he knew someone in the maternity unit who would be able to give him directions. Verity Poldark was a senior midwife at St Neot’s, and had been the one to suggest Dwight apply for a job there. He’d met her when he was at medical school with her cousin, Ross, and she’d been a trainee at the university’s teaching hospital.

Verity was standing at the nurse’s station when he went in, looking harassed, her hair coming loose from its pins. It didn’t really look like the time to bother her – maybe he could ask someone else – but she managed a smile when she saw him.

“Hi, Dwight. What brings you here?”

“Being horribly lost, I’m afraid. I was going to ask if you could show me the way but I’ve obviously caught you at a busy time.” The whiteboard behind the desk showed that four o’clock in the afternoon on a Tuesday was apparently a popular time to be in labour.

“No, it’s – “ Before Verity could finish her sentence, the doors swung open again behind Dwight, and Verity looked behind him, breaking into a much wider smile of what seemed like relief.

“George! Thank God!” Dwight turned to find that George was a fair-haired man of about the same age as him.

“Somebody call for an anaesthetist?”

“GET ME THE FUCKING DRUGS!”

“I’ll take that as a yes.” George passed by Dwight without a second glance, heading into the room where the shout had emanated from. Verity made to follow him, but stopped.

“Are you doing anything at the minute, Dwight?”

“Er, no, not really.”

“Want to come and help deliver a very angry lady’s twins?” Dwight thought for a minute; about the pile of boxes he had to unpack and the papers from his aunt’s solicitor he still had to read.

“You know, I would.” 

~

Dwight suppressed a yawn as he signed off on yet another patient form – a 14 year old boy who’d suffered an asthma attack during a PE lesson; he would fine, but Dwight had strongly advised him that it probably wasn’t the best idea to leave his inhaler on his bedside table when he was going to be playing rugby.

This morning had been a complete whirlwind. Five minutes after he’d clocked on, four victims of a car accident had been rushed in, all of whom needed stabilising before surgery; and then an 89-year-old woman with Alzheimer’s who was incredibly distressed after a fall at her care home; two workmen who’d sustained mild burns after a piece of equipment had caught fire. On and on and on they’d come. Friday was often a busy day in A & E – no Saturday night, but it could get chaotic. Just before the 14 year old boy, Dwight had seen a time of death pronounced on an overdose case, so he wasn’t feeling his best.

His 48 hours off hadn’t given him much rest, in the end, although he had collapsed face down on his bed first thing on Wednesday morning after Mrs Teague’s 12 hour-labour, which had ended in the arrival of boy and girl twins, seemingly hale and hearty.

Unlike most of the British hospitals Dwight had worked in, St Neot’s actually had a pretty decent canteen, and he thought a ham salad baguette and packet of posh crisps would hit the spot.

“Dwight! Over here!” Verity waved at him from the corner, and he weaved his way between tables occupied by a mix of uniform clad nurses, doctors in scrubs and patients with dressing gowns over their hospital nighties – the odd one with a drip. He hoped none of them were skipping out on ‘nil by mouth’ orders.

“Hi, Verity. Hello.” Verity was sitting with George, the anaesthetist from Tuesday night, and another woman who’d also been at the delivery. In the chaos, Dwight had never got her name, but he’d gathered she was the on-call obstetrician. She was very pretty, with short, dark brown hair and soft features; her smile was wide and friendly, her eyes warm. Dwight could imagine her being a soothing presence for nervous mothers-to-be. Today, she’d swapped her scrubs for a smart sleeveless blouse, her glasses tucked into the neck.

“Didn’t get a chance to introduce you all properly the other night.” Verity smiled. “Dr Dwight Enys, this is Dr George Warleggan and Dr Elizabeth Warleggan.”

“I assume that’s not a coincidence?” Dwight sat, putting down his tray to exchange handshakes with the other two, who smiled at each other in a way which made their connection rather obvious.

“No. They’re our resident lovebirds.” Verity grinned and Elizabeth shook her head.

“Thank you for your help the other night, by the way.”

“How is Mrs Teague? And the babies?”

“Mmm,” Elizabeth took a pull on the straw of her drink. “All well. They were discharged yesterday – we kept the twins for observation since they both had low blood pressure, but they were right as rain after 24 hours or so.”

“Mrs Teague seemed very…overwhelmed by the experience.”

“Ha! I’ll say.” Verity shook her head. “It takes women lots of ways but, Ruth…”

“All that screaming…” Elizabeth sighed. “And for such a straightforward delivery, especially for twins. I blame TV, you know. People see all those histrionics and they think that’s how it should be.”

“Says the woman who gave me a black eye when she was giving birth!” George cried and Elizabeth gave a dramatic sigh, looking up in an exaggerated appeal to the heavens.

“That was an accident!” She looked at Dwight. “I reached out for his hand during a particularly hard contraction and he happened to be bending forward at the same time…”

“That’s her story!” Dwight laughed. This was obviously a well-worn argument, and he couldn’t help but smile at the obvious affection between the two of them.  He hadn’t got a proper look at George the other night – after administering the epidural he’d only needed to monitor Mrs Teague for a short while before the delivery team could take over, and then he’d been called away for a surgical procedure. Blue-eyed and fine-featured, he certainly made a handsome match with Elizabeth.

“So, how many children do you have?” Dwight asked.

“Two.” Elizabeth picked up her phone, scrolling through before handing it to him. The picture showed an adorable little boy of about three, with dark springy curls, peering curiously at a tiny light-haired baby. “Valentine, he’s nearly four now, and Ursula, she’s just turned one.”

“ – “ They obviously sensed his surprise at the unusual names, and Dwight was briefly afraid he’d offended them, but George smiled.  

“Valentine was born on Valentine’s day, and Ursula was Elizabeth’s great-aunt, she died just before the baby was born. Also, there’s surprisingly little that goes with ‘Warleggan’.”

They chatted more as they ate, Dwight telling them a little about his time with Medicines sans Frontieres – although nothing about why he’d joined the organisation in the first place; even Verity didn’t know the full details there, and he certainly wasn’t ready to talk about it with strangers, even ones as nice as these. He did explain that he’d come home to Cornwall to take care of his Aunt’s estate, and that Verity had persuaded him to join the staff at St Neot’s.

“She’s the best recruiter this place has got!” Elizabeth laughed. “She got her brother here, too. And Demelza!”

Dwight had known Francis for a while, too, although not as well as the other Poldarks – he’d gone to a different uni, and practiced in Scotland for a few years. He was now a consultant ophthalmologist at St.Neot’s – the only one, actually.

“Demelza?” He’d met an awful lot of people since arriving at the hospital a couple of weeks ago, but he couldn’t remember her. He was sure he’d remember someone with such an unusual name.

“One of the hospital pharmacists.” Verity explained. “I met her at a yoga class, and she told me she wanted a change from her old job…”

“I think Dr. Martin said we were short a few A & E nurses if you fancy taking that on?” Verity elbowed him and he laughed. Suddenly, there was a beeping noise, and all four of them rummaged in their pockets.

“It’s me. Emergency surgery. Nice to meet you, Dwight.” With a quick kiss for Elizabeth, George was gone, his wife smiling after him.

“Aww…” Verity cooed.

“Shut up.” Elizabeth said primly, fighting a grin.  

“No, I love it. You give this sad singleton hope for true love.” Verity sighed with exaggerated dreaminess, and Elizabeth snorted. After a moment, Dwight became aware of someone standing behind him, just as Elizabeth smiled widely.

“Caroline! Here, meet the new A & E registrar I told you about. Dwight, this is Dr Caroline Penvenen.” Dwight turned to greet the new arrival, and found himself completely lost for words.

[mascaracoffee]

Little Man -Steve Rogers Imagine-

She loved him first, even when he was the little guy.

*Set Pre-serum and Post-serum WWII*

I sighed heavily tapping my polished white heel against the concrete sidewalk of Brooklyn.  A thick coat was wrapped around me adding another layer to add to my white nurse’s dress.  Yet, the coat offered little protection in the cool morning air, a shiver still wiggling its way down my spine. My grey eyes scanned my surroundings for the thousandth time in the past half hour, a newsboy peddled his bike carrying newspapers up the street, a glowing pregnant couple waltzed toward me without a care in the world as if a war wasn’t being fought, that men weren’t dying right at this very moment. Tears pricked my eyes at the thought.

A door slammed near me and I turned in the direction of the disturbance. A small, lanky man with sandy blonde hair and a hollow face grumbled as he jogged down the steps of the recruitment office. His blue eyes met mine, a scowl on his face.

“Rejected” he huffed adjusting his coat.

I closed my eyes and breathed a sigh of relief before taking off to catch up with him.

“Steve, I’m sorry. I know how much you want to go fight.” I soothed, looping my arm through his and hugging myself to his thin, stick-like arm.  In all honesty, I was glad Steve was rejected, even if it was for the third, fourth.. maybe the 5th time? I had grown up with Steve and he was one of my best friends. Once the war had started our other childhood friend Bucky had enlisted and Steve was eager as ever to join him. Although Steve’s health caused him to be rejected time and time again, a fact that frustrated him to no end. I for one was happy to know that he would stay on American soil, at least he would be safe, brokenhearted but safe.

“Its just not fair” Steve huffed again. “I have just as much to offer as any of those other guys! Maybe even more! It’s just not fair, Bucky gets to fight then you’re an army nurse..” he shook his head “what am I supposed to do to as a war effort?”

I smiled at his heart and passion and rolled my eyes playfully.

“How about a movie, huh?

‘Accepted, Accepted, Rejection, Accepted’

My nimble fingers sorted through the military health forms creating two stacks; one stack of men that would go overseas to fight the Nazi’s and the other, men who would have to support the war effort from home. I pressed my red painted lips into a thin line as I focused back on the papers.

“Good evening Justine” a thick, German accent greeted.

I greeted Dr. Abraham Erskine with a smile as he handed me a new file.

“I vill need special attention paid to dis file and a copy on my desk once de enlistment process is complete. I know our best girl is up to de task” he winked kindly.

“Right away sir” I smiled gently. The doctor thanked me and bid me goodnight with a  tip of his hat.

I opened the file and felt my smile fall.

Rogers, Steven

My eyes jumped to the bottom and I felt the tears blind my vision.

How could this happen?

There in bold letters, one of my worst fears, a dreaded moment I had convinced myself would never happen: Accepted

 A red smile stared back at me as I twirled before the mirror. A red dance dress encased my frame and my hair was styled in the latest fashion. A flutter of happiness buzzed in my body, a feeling that I had not felt in many months. In the long months since Steve’s enlistment I had received many letters although they did little to fill the gaping hole in my heart. Until almost a month ago, when I received a letter informing me that Steve was coming home. Although only for a night, he invited me out dancing. In that month, I worked double shifts doing everything I could to ensure that I would have that particular Friday night off and could go shopping for the event. And finally, here it was.

The dance hall was crowded numerous men in uniform twirling around their girls to the sound of the live band. I bit my lip expectantly as I stood on my toes in an attempt to peer over the heads crowding the hall. Suddenly, hands gripped my waist and a squeal left my lips as I turned to look at my captor.

“Bucky!”

I launched myself at the brunette as he chuckled in my ear embracing me in a warm hug.

“Look at you!’ I exclaimed holding him at arm’s length “You look great Buck!”

And he did. Bucky had seemed to fill out his frame with muscle and his face had lost the boyish charm he had left with and was now replaced with a strong handsomeness.

“Well if you think Buck looks good wait till you get a load of me.” A voice sounded behind me.

As I turned I looked at the stranger confused. He was tall, well-built with cords of muscle rippling under his uniform. Sandy blond hair perfectly combed and a baby blue eyes that could make Sinatra jealous. I felt a strange sense of recognition but couldn’t place it. I glanced at Bucky for help who only shook his head chuckling.

“I’m sorry do I know you?”

The blonde released a hearty laugh before approaching and grapping my hands bringing them close to his chest.

“Its me Justine” My grey eyes squinted taking in the stranger. Those eyes were so familiar not to mention his voice and that scar on his hairline…

“Oh my God” I breathed out in astonishment “Steve?”

A small scream left my mouth as I launched myself at him as well. I pressed my fingers deep into his back pressing him firmly into me just to prove that what my eyes saw were true. I hurrdily blinked back tears as I examined his face. His cheeks were fuller than their previous hollow appearance, his jaw still sharp, his smile still kind. I placed my hands along his face and smiled.

“My God it is you” the words came out in a choked whimper.

Steve only nodded before accepting me in his arms for another hug. I had so many questions, so many stories to tell. And yet, one question seemed to be more prominent that others.

“What happened to you?”

“I-“

“I’m afraid that’s confidential” A velvety English accent interrupted.

Now standing next to Steve was a brunette woman about my height with flaming red lips and entrancing eyes. Her aurora breathed confident, independent elegance. I felt my spin loose its poised stature that it once had under the eyes of the brunette woman.

“Justine, this is Peggy, Peggy Justine”

I nodded at the woman. Words seeming lost between my brain and mouth.

“Nothing personal” she continued, eyes directed at me “Army protocol I’m afraid.”

“Yes” I replied back, my voice sounding sharper than I intended “My father and brother are both in the army. I understand the protocol and confidentiality measures quite well.”

Peggy’s lips pulled into a tight line, a forced smile filling her cheeks.  Steve clapped his hands.

“Who’s ready to dance?”

At his question, I felt the envious green be washed away with the blossoming happiness, a smile splitting my face in two as I seemed to bounce on the balls of my feet. However, the smile quickly fell and my movements halted when Steve turned his back to me to offer his hand to Peggy before proceeding to the dance floor.

I could feel Bucky’s gaze on me as I swallowed down my happiness allowing the disappointment and hurt to take its place. Breathing deeply through my nose I released it through parted lips.

‘Its alright. He’ll come back, maybe he promised her the first dance. Don’t let it get you down.’

Nodding at my pep talk I glided through the crowd and managed to find an empty table in the back and sipped on a glass of  water waiting patiently for my turn to dance with my solider. My eyes focused on the couple watching as Steve grinned down at her adoringly and she snuck flirtatious shy glances up at him. Soon the view became blurry through unshed tears and I lowered my head to hide them.

“Sure seems to like her, huh?”  I glanced up at Bucky as we both gazed at Steve and Peggy.

Through a shaky breath I nodded. “Yeah, he does.”

“Wouldn’t it be nice” Bucky began making himself comfortable in the seat across from me “they go off and get married after we win the war. Steve deserves that. To be happy.”

I nodded gently pulling at the blistered wood of the table, anything to keep my mind off the words that Bucky was saying feeling that each word dug a deeper hole in my heart. I didn’t understand why I was feeling this way. Was it because I was used to always having Steve and Bucky’s attention? Or was it as simple as I hadn’t seen my best friend in months and the one night I had the opportunity, he hadn’t said a full two sentences to me?

A muffled chime of a clock grabbed my attention and I glanced at the dusty relic to see that almost two hours had passed. The night was waning on, not taking my wishes into consideration and the daunting fact I had a shift in the morning swam into my mind. Sighing I stood, smoothing out my dress in the process.

“I should go. I have a shift in the infirmary in the morning.”

“Go?” Bucky’s brows stitched in confusion “You haven’t even danced yet?”

I shrugged adjusting my coat as I stole another glance at Steve. “I guess I was just waiting for the right partner.”

“Be safe Buck” I kissed his clean shaven cheek before leaving.

I halted at the entrance, the school-girl part of my heart hoping that it would be like a movie. Mine and Steve’s eyes would meet and he would push through the crowd and take me in his arms. But his eyes weren’t meeting mine. His eyes were focused on her, his hand on her waist and her red finger nails grazing along his uniform as they stared at each other affectionately. I turned quickly on my foot and pushed my way out of the hall. As the cool night air hit my face I noticed the wetness on my skin and the rain covering the ground.

‘Well this is fitting for a movie’ I griped wrapping my arms around my torso to shield me from the drizzling rain and wind. I set toward the road to hail a cab home. Too consumed in my thoughts I barely noticed  the approaching.

“What’s got you upset dollface?”

“I’m just trying to get home” I said softly, keeping my eyes downcast.

“Home, huh?” the man stepped closer bringing with him the pungent stench of stale alcohol “Bet you got a warm bed huh?”

I pressed my lips tightly together, again trying to side step him only to be cut off again.

“Or maybe you don’t? Your lover boy off in the war?” he asked inching closer “ I could keep the bed warm for ya while he’s gone”

I slapped his hand away that had reached my waist. Our eyes met and through the drunkenness I could see anger. I attempted to step around the man’s frame yet again but he cut me off growling. “Im trying to be nice here doll and you’re think you can walk away?”

Tightness encased my throat before I realized the man had his large hand tightly gripping my throat as my back hit a fence. I clawed at his arms feeling the last of my oxygen leaving me. I scratched at the man, tearing my nails into his hand and arm. My body fighting against the steel of the metal fence creating  a metallic rustling that mixed with the rain.

 Suddenly the tightness was released and oxygen filled my lungs again as I fell to the ground a hiss passing my lips as the rocks scraped the skin of my knees, my hands holding my throat as I gasped in oxygen. To my right a large frame was throwing his fists into a huddled form. The taller I realized was Steve.

As I managed to bring myself back to my shaky feet Steve ran to my side.

“Jesus Justine” He breathed gazing at my neck, gently wiping at both the tears and rain that drenched my face “Are you ok?”

I felt my lip tremble at his words. In response to my silence he asked again.

“No!” I roared backing away from his touch stumbling to pull myself back on my feet. My lip trembled and I instantly missed the warmth of his skin. “No I’m not alright!”

Steve’s frown depend as he made a move to scoop me up.. “Lets get you to a hospital”

“No!” I yelled again curling into myself as the tears began to fall “I want to go home”

“Justine, you’re hurt” Steve tried to reason glancing at my bloody knees.

I scoffed “You hurt me worse than that jerk did.”

Steve’s expression looked heartbroken and confused.

“Do you know what I had to do to get this night off?” I began “Ive been pulling double’s for a month! Then I get here and you don’t even notice me! You’re this new tall, muscular stranger who only has eyes for Miss Peggy. I don’t know why you even invited me.”

“I missed you” he said softly before his voice gained enthusiasm “I wanted you to see what the Army did for me! I mean look ! I was able to protect you for once, not Bucky, me! And Peggy” he sighed wistfully “shes looking at me! She cares about me! I mean just look at me now.”

“yeah” I scoffed “I’m looking at you Steve Rogers. Let me ask you something did Miss Peggy even give you a second glance before you became” my hands gestured to the tall muscular figure “this.”

Steve looked grudgingly at the ground. “No one looked at me when I was the little guy. I was just a nothing getting tossed around from one bully to another. I was a nobody.”

A slap wrung out and I cradled my hand noticing Steve’s face barely moved to the side despite the slap. I pursed my lips and screamed as I held my throbbing hand. Steve made a move to come near me again but I backed away.

“I did” I whimpered as my back hit the fence “I saw you, loved you Steve. Even when you were a nobody. I loved you!”

Silence filled the moment despite the pelting of the rain and I stood in realization. That was it. I loved Steve. Always had. I loved Steve Rogers.

Steve’s expression was unreadable, his mouth agape. I sniffed before I gathered myself enough to move.

“Be safe Steve.”

Steve reached out and grabbed my wrist stopping me.

“Don’t. Just don’t. ” I said softly as he opened his mouth. His grip loosened around my wrist and I savored the feeling of his skin against mine as I pulled my hand through his grasp.

I had made it a few yards away when Steve’s voice wrung out.

“They gave me a serum.” His voice rang out. “They made me a super solider.”

I ignored his words and kept walking. Knowing that if I stopped I might not leave until he spoke again. 

“They’re sending me to Germany.”

My eyes closed and I stopped midstep at this statement as icy fear constricted my heart. Germany. The heart of this entire God-forsaken war. This day just wouldn’t end with the heartache. I turned back to face him. My heart clenched at the site. His blonde hair wet and sticking to his forehead, blue eyes cutting the dreary night sky desperation clear in the blue swirls. I quickly jogged back to him and wrapped him in my arms. Our wet clothes sloshing against one another as I allowed my tears to mingle with the rain. Steve’s arms were hesitant as they wrapped around me. As we pulled away our eyes met.

“Don’t do anything stupid, like getting yourself hurt” I whispered and with a brief moment of courage I took on my toes and placed a feather soft kiss to his cheek before I turned on my heel and made my way to the awaiting cabs that had lined up. As I shivered in the backseat of the cab I stole a glance back at the solider in the rain.

“My little man became a solider”I whispered

“Please be safe.”

. First Marvel imagine. Hope I did it justice! 

[skeletonwoman]

5. Waiting, Waiting

i. am. so. late!! ahhhh sorry! not that anyone probs noticed cause i did not advertise this at all but ANYWAY. HERE IS MALIAAAA

You twirl, shaking your butt and scooting about the room. From the volume alone, you soon expected not to hear some cops knocking on the door about a noise complaint. The saving grace? You’re blasting Christmas music instead of some new fangled Disco Panic or Argumentative and Unsteady On Their Feet Boys.

“I’ll give it to someone special!” You cried along with Andrew Ridgely and George Michael, the paired voices of Wham!. Your voice drops to a rough coo as you add the second and extremely important repetition, “Special.”

Giggling helplessly, you examine your entirely un-Christmassy living room with satisfaction. While the holidays are cheerful (and the weather outside’s frightful, but the fire so delightful) and the music makes your heart pitter patter endlessly, the decorating is a pain in the ass that you’re not interested in.

You don’t even have a Christmas tree this year.

Dull vibrations in the floor alert you to her presence before the music cuts out and you turn to see the grumpy but beautiful face of Malia.

She’s your best friend.

“You’re a dick,” she snaps before stalking off to her room- as usual.

Maybe not your best friend but you one hundred percent love her, no doubt. She’s always good for a pickle- she’ll pick you up, drop you off, drive you home, make you lunch if you whine long enough, look after you when you’re sick, do your homework when you’re sick. If there’s a pickle and she can help, all you need to do is ask.

“Rude! Wham is a blessing!”

She slams her door, hard, in response.

“You weren’t acting like that when I played Careless Whisper while-”

“Shut up!” She shouts, head sticking out the door and you pout. “I’m busy.”

Your mouth gapes and you feel your cheeks get very pink. “Oh. I- Uh…”

Unsure, you scamper for your room in shame. You didn’t even hear him, some probably sexy stranger, come in. When had he gotten here- what if he’d been in her room all night! He should have at least surfaced by the time you were blasting Last Christmas though.

Feeling incredibly out of sorts, the way it is every time Malia brings home some… guy, you pace about your room. You’re an idiot to feel this way but this stranger is just invading your home, your place, where you live. He didn’t even introduce himself, you’re half of the occupants here. He just throws himself into her room and onto her bed then? Just like that?

Throwing yourself onto your bed (just like that) you curl up and stare at the wall.

You’re unsure how much time passes until a soft knock breaks your reverie.

“What.”

Malia quietly enters and crawls onto the bed beside you smelling of soap and warmth.

“Sorry,” she murmurs, pressing herself close to your side like a lonely puppy. “I was mean.”

“Yes,” you say softly and she watches you. She’s quiet and pathetic enough that you sigh and wriggle closer to her. It’s all the acceptance she needs to wrap you up in her arms and haul you against her chest until there’s not a breath of air between the two of you.

“Thank you,” she whispers to your hair and you grumble softly. Or you grumble until she presses a kiss to your forehead and you melt.

“What’re you doing here tonight!” You gasp, delighted at the sight of her anyway. It’s nine at night on a Friday, later than she’s ever stayed at the house on a Friday and you’re positively giddy.

“We haven’t hung out recently and-”

You gurgle delightedly, and she beams at you.

“You want a drink? I’ll make you a fancy cocktail, we can pop some popcorn and watch a movie.” Her words are casual but you can practically smell her want. So you nod happily and place your order- then hop to the tv to set up a movie.

You can’t pick a cause for the sudden turn but you have a feeling that it could be to do with the holiday season and the way people barter their genuine affection like gold coins or livestock. Romancing strange men then kicking them out of the apartment is all well and good until Malia gets lonely and they won’t stay can cuddle- even if she says she hates to cuddle and that they should leave.

Trotting back to your side, she hands you a pale green drink and you smell it and shiver. It’s ice cold with mint and you’re intoxicated already.

“I know it’s cold out and you’re not really-”

“This is so good!” The words are a joyous cry and Malia falls silent with satisfaction. “You have to make these again some time, oh god.”

“Put this on,” she says abruptly and you take the proffered Santa hat merrily. You’d never be adverse to a hat. For a moment she stares at you before she pulls out her phone. “Smile.”

Taking another delicious sip, you beam at the phone camera before turning your beaming gaze onto Malia.

“Was I cute?”

“Absolutely,” she says absently, tapping away at the screen and you wonder if you want to spy. Taking another hearty sip, you tug a blanket over both your legs and pull the popcorn bowl on top of that. Ignoring your currently technologically inclined friend, you set to watching the Nightmare Before Christmas.

“You’re one of the prettiest girls I’ve ever seen,” Malia says, just as abruptly as before and you hum indecisively. “No, I mean it.”

“You’re so kind,” you murmur and snuggle a touch closer but focus on the movie.

“Y/N!”

“Shhh… Jack.” The comment makes her growl and you wonder if she’s going to attack the imagine of the spindly mayor of Halloweentown. “Talk in an hour or so.”

“Y/N,” she whines, and you shush her again, gentle, and lay your head on her shoulder just to keep her quiet.

Surprisingly, it works.

“This…”

“Season? Holiday? Day? Month, year, week, hour?” You can’t stop yourself from filling in the blanks and she levels you with a dark glare.

“This past few months have been kind of low.” She paces, back and forth from one end of the sitting area to the other while you watch and wait. You hadn’t noticed noticed anything obviously different about her but you had felt a subtle change. “I have been trying to fill a… An expectation I’d set for myself, one I’d set using others opinions but my own expectation all the same.”

“What expectation?” You ask rather than apologise, she’d hate the pity even though you feel it. She’s just foolish.

“To fall in love with a man.” She inhales a long breath and you watch her curiously. This isn’t going where you think it’s going- right? “I loved Stiles, but even then I was bereft.”

She pauses her pacing at a turn and you can see the confusion and pain in her expressioj before she;s steely faced and pacing once more.

“So I met a woman, trying to see if she was the missing thing, if all along I’d been chasing the wrong gender.” She sighs, her gaze faraway and lusty. “I was missing out on so much I never knew, but it wasn’t about just gender. It was a person.”

You press your lips together hard and wait for her to continue. This is too good to be true.

“Y/N, I… Stiles-”

Dammit. Damn. Forcing a polite smile onto your face, you can’t help tuning out. Damn.

She stares at you expectantly and you flush. “I- I’m sorry, can you… I didn’t…”

She grumbles in frustration before plonking down beside you on the couch.

“Can I kiss you?” The words are said through gritted teeth and you beam at her.

“Thank you for asking, yes-” Your words end in a squeak as her palms capture your jaw and her lips descend with an almost bruising force, until they slow. And you melt. And she sighs against your lips. Your brain- at this point do you even have one? Kissing her back, you moan as her tongue invades your mouth.

“You- I was waiting for you,” she says the words, her lips brushing yours as she speaks and you blink your eyes open, whimpering at the light in her eyes.

BOOM the most base christmasseyness bc i am v bad at this this yhear woops

thanks

[writings-of-a-hufflepuff]

Man In Uniform {Part 11| The End}

Fandom: Avengers/Marvel

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warning: N/A

Writer: @imaginesofeveryfandom aka @thequeenofthehobbits

Summary/Request: James Barnes is the local neighbourhood cop known for saving cats from trees and walking people home at night. It just so happens that he lives in your apartment building, in the apartment across from yours.

Prologue X, Part 1 X, Part 2 X, Part 3 X, Part 4 X, Part 5 X, Part 6 X, Part 7 X, Part 8 X, Part 9 X, Part 10 X

Man In Uniform Tag List:

@superwholockian5ever @theasparagusawakens @darkblaze16 @ria132love @clumsycaitx @cutekittybast @quilliamfears

You slowly get used to your own apartment again, falling into old routines of shopping, cleaning, working and relaxing. You see Bucky in the corridor on your way to work each day and see each other at the end of the day more often than not. You stand outside your doors and talk about your days and how each of you are. You don’t mind not living with him because of that, because the two of you still have your evening talks and you still sometimes eat pizza together.

That date…well that was now, or it would be if you weren’t freaking out about what you were going to wear and how you were going to act. It was strange because you knew Bucky so well at this point that this shouldn’t have made you nervous, but previously you’d talked as friends and low key hanging out and eating pizza wasn’t the same as sitting in a restaurant on a date.

You tried your best not to overthink it, to dress not too fancy and not too casual and remember that he’d seen you in pajamas and a cast so did it really matter if you weren’t wearing the fanciest thing in the world?

You had those nervous butterflies in your stomach, the good sort, not the bad sort that made you want to run, rather the sort that made you want to laugh. You probably shouldn’t laugh for no reason in front of Bucky, right? Right, that would be a bad idea.

Your nervous internal monologue is cut short by a knocking at your apartment door and you smooth out your clothes nervously before getting up to open it. Finding yourself almost speechless upon seeing Bucky on the other side in a clean button up, shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He was a beautiful man and you still don’t know how you survived living with him for so long. You could die from staring at someone who’s too beautiful, right?

“Hi…”

“Hey.” The two of you stand there for a few moments, just smiling at each other. You can’t even comprehend how you fell so fast for a police officer who was handling your case but you did and you’re glad. You’re glad because he’s such a good man and even if you only ever stay friends for the rest of your life you’ll be glad to have him around.

“You ready to go?”

“Yeah, yeah” You quickly dart inside grabbing your last few bits and pieces like keys and a coat before following him out the door, locking it behind you. He waits for you to finish locking the door before offering you his arm and it’s so strange because no one had ever offered you their arm before simply for walking, but it’s so utterly Bucky.

You slip your arm through his nonetheless and the two of you make your way out of the apartment building and onto the street, it has been raining, the concrete is still damp and the smell of rain is heavy in the air. You take a deep breath, its lovely, to take it in. To take note of the way the rain smelt and how bright the moon was, how the streetlamps seemed to make Bucky glow.

“Where are we going?” You’re sure he must be cold in just a shirt and you’re tempted to offer him your coat, but you’re not sure he’d take it. He seemed the type to deal with the cold rather than make you cold.-

“This diner Steve and I used to go to all the time as kids, best milkshakes in Brooklyn.”

You listen to him talk about growing up with Steve in Brooklyn as you walk. How Steve was always picking a fight and how it had led him to being a cop. How his family and Steve’s had been so close-knit they were practically the same family. You weren’t near your family and it was bittersweet to learn about such a close family. You missed yours, you really needed to figure out when you could see them next.

You didn’t mind just listening to him. He lit up when he talked about people and things he cared about, you hoped he looked like that when he talked about you…you wanted to be the reason for such a radiant smile.

The diner is small and very, very stereotypical in appearance, but it’s nice. It has an old sort of American charm to it, that makes you feel comfortable, or that might have been because it was so warm and bright inside. It was obvious from the moment you stepped through the door that everyone knew Bucky. Waitresses and patrons, the chef, they all called out to him with a familiarity that confirmed how often he and Steve had come to this diner in their lives.

You slid into a booth, take the space in front of him and shrugged off your coat. The warmth was a nice change to the outside chill and you could understand why Bucky liked this place. It had a nice atmosphere, relaxed and friendly. Not like some of those restaurants where you’re worried to talk too loud.

“You know I’ve never actually taken anyone here before.” You find it hard to believe that he’s never taken a date here, after all at one point he was engaged. Surely you’d take your fiancé to the place you loved so much?

“Really? No hot dates?”

“I just, this place is special, y’know? I always said I’d only take someone really special.” You feel those nervous butterflies start to buzz in your stomach, you were special? Special to him?

“Not even Dot?” You hate to bring her up, but it’s a valid question. Why didn’t even ever take his fiancé to the diner he loved so much? Was she simply not special? Or was he saying or this to flatter you without really meaning it.

“She never liked diners…I knew she wouldn’t appreciate it. I thought she was special…I wanted to bring her, but I didn’t want to deal with all of the griping.” You got the feeling that as much as Bucky had obviously loved Dot, she had been bad for him. Not just in the obvious ways, but that she didn’t appreciate him or try to indulge him. You didn’t have to like everything your partner did, but you should at least appreciate it for them, at least try.

“And I would? Appreciate it?” The two of you order food between your conversation, pausing just briefly to speak to the waitress before returning to your line of conversation as drinks are placed in front of you.

“You’re important to me.”  He’s looking at you over his milkshake. Serious as he had ever been and you can practically hear your heart stutter and skip a beat.

“I am?”

“I really like you…the time we spend together I’m…you make me happy. Really happy and I haven’t been really happy in a while.” You know that after Dot he’d struggled and maybe you’d underestimated just how hard it was for him to bounce back after that. That he’d done his best to hide how he was feeling and had convinced his friends he was okay, when he wasn’t.

You take his hand across the table, rubbing circles into the back of his hand gently, “You make me happy too. After…after the burglary I was so scared and you made everything feel safe again and I love spending time with you, I love seeing you at the end of the day. I…I adore you more than I probably should.” Its heavy conversation for a first date, but the truth is you’d known Bucky longer than most people did by the first date. You weren’t strangers or recent acquaintances. You’d lived together and spent evenings together. Heavy conversation seemed about right in reality.

“Does this mean I get a second date?”

“You might even get a third.” You joke, thanking the waitress as your food is put down. Good, hearty, greasy American food that you tuck into and relish. It’s not a fancy 3 course meal, but the truth is you’d rather be here, somewhere comfortable with good food and decent prices than somewhere where you have to dress to the nines and can barely cough without getting a dirty look.

The conversation is lighter over food; you talk about growing up, what your family were like, how you had this one terrible neighbour that you swore hated you. You talk about school and those funny little incidents that always happened at lunch. He tells you how Natasha is still the top of hand to hand in the precinct and how Tony spilled coffee down himself twice that day.

Before long your making the walk back to your apartment building after having argued over the bill until he allowed you to pay, ‘after all I ate you out of house and home for weeks. It’s the least I can do’. The walk back is quite but it doesn’t need to be talkative, it’s the sort of quite that’s nice. Content. You’re happy to simply lean against him and walk, relishing in the night air and the company.

The apartment building is warm when you enter and you didn’t realise how cold it was outside until then, the two of you make your way to your apartments, standing across from each other smiling.  You don’t really want to say goodnight…but you know you’ll see him in the morning anyway.

“So that second date? Friday?” He gets closer to you as he speaks, still smiling in such an infectious way.

“I’d like that.”

“I’ll pay this time.” Closer, and closer until he’s right in front of you, arm leaning against your door behind your head. God, his eyes are so blue. His lips are pink, his cheeks are too from the outside chill.

“Okay.”

You lean forward, pressing your lips against his. It’s soft and quick and you still remember the last kiss where you’d been unable to respond. This time is much better, his lips are soft and his hand slides behind your neck holding it. It makes you want to sigh you’re that happy.

You pull away, foreheads pressed together, smiling at each other. “Goodnight?”

“Goodnight.” It’s hard to move away and into your apartment, hard to see him go, but you do it and you resist the urge to invite him in. Knowing that that could wait, that you could spend as much time together as you wanted…because you were seeing each other again.

He wasn’t just any cop anymore. Bucky was your cop. Your man in uniform, it made you so giddy to think that you screamed into your pillow, the way you used to as a teenager. To think it all started with something horrible and turned into something beautiful.

[yepjugotdatright]

Chapter 4

“Okay – so here is the deal…” Jisuk laid the papers out in front of Jinah in her office. “You explain what all this means – and… I don’t know, I buy you lunch” she offered shrugging and urged the woman in front of her to read the information papers. Jinah turned in her giant office chair and put on a pair of glasses as she sighing took the first paper. “I thought you were smart” She let her eyes fly over the text and continued on the next page. “Yeah, I am. But I can numbers and stuff – not bio and, you know, stuff” Jisuk crossed her arms. Jinah chuckled, “Yeah, more than half of Korea probably already knows how good you are with numbers”. “Can we please forget that? You know I fixed that and I stopped doing that”.

“Well, you probably should have waited a little before stopping” Jinah had finished reading the second page. “What do you mean?” “This surgery is going to cost you a fortune! You little computer games back then brought you more money than your part-time is doing right now…” she pushed the papers back to Jisuk. “And I am no doctor… you know I only went to medical school for like what – 4 semesters?” “Come to the point…” “This surgery is hella complicated and risky – it’s not certain that your aunt… survives it”.

Jisuk looked down onto her hands – “So are they asking me to decide for her life?” “Well – you are her only guardian… ” “Ugh – what a pain in the…”Jisuk was cut off by Jinah sending a glare at her. “Don’t swear in this house!” Jisuk nodded apologizing and leaned forward massaging her temples. “Have you talked with Ahjumma about it?” “With Aejin? No… not yet”. “Why not?” “I don’t know… I mean… okay, maybe I am scared she might say I should not do it” Jisuk sighed, “I mean… she might be able to talk again!” Jisuk’s eyes started to glint. “She might be able to tell me how she feels, what she thinks… she might be able to live on her own one day!” Jinah patted Jisuk’s shoulder knowing that Gaeul was the only family left for her and that the fee wouldn’t stop her from making this possible – it didn’t even stop her from relocating her aunt to Hyungwong. She always had found a way and Jinah was positive she would find one this time, too. But she was still worried - worried that her friend forgets herself in all this moving-mountains-around for other people. “Okay, maybe you should sleep over this a few nights… it is still a huge sum you have to pay that you don’t have – not even I have that much money”. Jisuk could just nod. “So what is it for lunch?” Jinah collected the papers and put it back into the folder before grabbing her jacket to leave work for a hearty meal. “I have got…” Jisuk looked into her wallet, “around 12.720 Won… how about we go for – something cheap?” Jisuk shot her a persuading smile. Jinah huffed disbelieving, but in the end signed her to lead the way.

Meanwhile in the Shincheon Boarding House Kimiko sat over a pile of documents tearing her hair. “Ugh~ what is this bullshit?” Kimiko swore in Japanese as she flipped through the different formulas again and leaned back filling the room with a long sigh. “What is it?” Youngjae shuffled into the room and let himself sink onto the chair in front of her eying the pile of paperwork. She glanced at him and back to the papers. “Say, you are a student, too, aren’t you?” she asked. He nodded. “Then you must have done this as well – right?” Her eyes widened with desperate hope. Youngjae took one of the papers and read it. “No. My mother did that for me.” “Ah – you are a Yonsei student, too?” he pointed at the logo at the upper right corner of the documents. She nodded eying him up unsurely. “So – I guess you are… as well?” He shrugged, “Yeah, but I didn’t go to any classes for half a year now”. He said nonchalantly. “Wh-what?” she huffed in disbelief. “Yeah, he kind of is… stupid?” Yunhee came into the room with a pack of banana milk in hand. “The video games he plays must dull his senses” she sat down at the table as well and saw Kimiko’s pile of worries laid out on the table. Suddenly Kimiko looked at Youngjae with narrowed eyes. “Is everything okay?” “Yeah – I just kind of get a feeling I have seen you before. You look very familiar” she said moving her face closer to Youngjae’s who backed away a little intimidated. “Mmh, probably because he has an everyday face?” Yunhee offered tilting her head trying to see what Kimiko was seeing. Youngjae responded with an unimpressed gaze and changed the topic to the papers again. “Yunhee – can you help me?” Kimiko looked at her with puppy eyes. “Ehm… I have an athlete’s scholarship – I never had to do this money stuff” she excused herself. „But you might want to ask Jisuk later“Youngjae offered. “Jisuk? Why is that? I thought she isn’t going to college” “Oh – she isn’t. However, she is also doing the tax declaration for Ahjumma and Ahjussi. She might be able to help” “Why would someone do that on her own free will?” Kimiko raised her brows at the two. “Beats me…” Yunhee mumbled and sipped at her banana milk. “She’s good with numbers” Youngjae shrugged. Kimiko nodded and thankfully put the paperwork aside. 

“Here you are!” Jisuk handed Kimiko the declaration form for her application and clicked her ball-pen a few times before laying it back down on the table. “Oh my god! You are…” “Incredible? A goddess? What else is new?” Jisuk shrugged and walked around the counter with a smug smile. “I was about to say really cool because my vocabulary is not that big – but let’s just say I said that” Kimiko chuckled and Jisuk nodded generously. "Sorry, you had to come over - I am hardly at home these days..." Jisuk apologized straightening her store-uniform. "Don't be - I was the one needing help anyways. I didn't even know you work here as well - I thought you work at that coffee house – ehm, Starbucks, wasn’t it?” “Yeah, that, too. But only on weekends”. “And the Chinese food deliveries?” “Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings” Jisuk gun pointed at her. “Wow!” Kimiko gaped. “How do you do that?” Jisuk shrugged and started sorting the chewing gum packs on the desk – “Unemployed people have a lot of time for part-times. Ah, if you want to order Jajjangmyun or stuff like that just call me directly, I can get you some discounts”. “I can really do that?” “Yeah, the others do it all the time so don’t worry about it”, Jisuk chuckled. “I will keep it in mind” Kimiko grinned, "See you then" she waved with the papers and went for the door.  She took a sharp right turn and turned her head to Jisuk waving one last time. "Ouch!" She ran into someone falling backwards and dropping the papers. She instantly kneeled down trying to grab every paper seeing two additional hands reaching out to help her making her raise her head to look at him. She nearly dropped back down on her butt seeing his dimples smiling at her. "Here, I'm sorry" he handed her the remaining pieces of her applications. "Thanks - no, I mean I am sorry" Kimiko stammered back and counted the papers. He chuckled and stood up again putting his hands back into the pockets of his sweat pants. Kimiko rose to his eye level and saw him casually leaning his head back and glancing inside the convenience store. As Kimiko followed his glance she saw Jisuk next to the counter. She grinned a little foolishly from him to her and coughed a little before saying: "Have a nice day!" She bowed her head and walked past him towards the next subway station.

Jisuk unlocked the door, pushed it open and pulled the key out before stepping inside. “I’m home!” she slipped out of her shoes and shuffled through the dining into the living room. Three heads turned around looking at her shortly, giving her a short nod acknowledging her presence. Youngjae was sprawled over the couch having his legs pointing to different directions; his one foot dangerously close to Yunhee’s face since she was sitting on the carpet leaning against the couch. “What are you watching?” she pushed Youngjae’s legs from the backrest and climbed over the armrest letting herself sink into the soft cushions. “Ending of Knowing Brothers” Hyunwoo let his hand sink into a bowl full of chips and moved this hand to his mouth like an excavator. Jisuk reached out her hand towards him without even looking and waited for him to pass on the bowl. The four of them chuckled in unison as the show members pulled out another running gag. Jisuk received the bowl and started shoveling the chips into her mouth. “Do you want to eat something? Ahjumma made some Dakjuk” Yunhee turned her head towards Jisuk sitting behind her and was met with a shrug. "Hyunwoo-yah!" she said into the youngest boy's direction that was outreaching his hand to claim the snack-bowl back. "No, I am not thirsty. I don't need to go to the toilet - so you can get up yourself to get some" he replied dryly. Youngjae laughed and took a few snacks for himself. "Youngjae~?" Jisuk asked trying to act cute, he however just laughed and took the bowl out of her hands totally ignoring Hyunwoo's hand and kept for himself. "Yunhee?" Jisuk sounded more desperate, but the short haired girl just shook her head continuing to watch the show. So it ended with Jisuk crossing her arms in front of her chest and looked at the big TV screen with a grumbling stomach. Right before Jisuk had accepted her misery and let the laziness decide her fate Kimiko came through the door - changed into comfortable clothes. "Kimiko~ can you get me some Dakjuk, ple~ase?" Jisuk leaned her head back to look at the newcomer who shrugged and came back a few seconds later with a plate in her hand. "No~"Hyunwoo said. "Why?" she stood in the middle of the room with the plate in her hand looking at her roommates as if she had done something wrong. "They just don't want to see me happy" Jisuk said and offered Kimiko an angelic smile. Kimiko chuckled and handed the plate over to her and took the seat next to Yunhee on the floor. "What kind of show is that?" "You don't know Knowing Brothers?" Hyunwoo sat himself up and looked at her with shocked eyes. "Dude..." Kimiko looked at him with a straight face. "Oh right, I forgot... you're Japanese". "Why are there grown men wearing school uniforms?" she turned her head around seeking an answer from either Youngjae, Jisuk or Yunhee. "It's their concept, I guess?" Jisuk said still unsure of the real purposes. "Don't you have those kind of shows in Japan as well?" Kimiko started laughing - "Of course, but they are not this weird". "Excuse me?" Hyunwoo snickered, "Name me one show that isn't weirder than middle aged people wearing school uniforms?" Kimiko was eager to respond and prove him wrong, but the more she thought about it there was none she could name. So she sat there for a moment with open mouth and wandering eyes. "Okay, you know what? Let's forget it..." Kimiko said looking back at the Korean show. Hyunwoo let a victorious chuckle be heard and leaned back satisfied.

"Oh, anybody up for Karaoke?" Jisuk asked as the show's ending credits moved over the screen. "Call" Yunhee said slowly standing up and dusting off her sweat pants. Youngjae groaned, however raised his hand into the air for a thumps up. "Don't you have work tomorrow?" "I have a day off tomorrow" Jisuk smiled, "It had been some time since we all went... and I couldn't attend Kimiko's welcoming party". Hyunwoo stood up majestically and cracked his knuckles, "Let's go!" "Oh, wait I want to see this drama trailer - we can go after that", Yunhee sat down on the couch for the thirty seconds time being. And with glinting eyes she turned around to her friends. "Okay, guess what I'll be watching every Friday and Saturday evening?" "Scarlet Deart: Gyeo?" Jisuk offered and Yunhee nodded excited. "It's perfect, time travel, Shilla Era, Ji Areum AND... Get this, Wonho!" "Won-Who?" Hyunwoo and Youngjae looked at questioning. "Wonho, the model-turned-actor, Lee.Ho.Seok!" The boys nodded as if they knew who Lee Hoseok was to move on to the karaoke bar. "But I will watch with you, just for Ji Areum" Hyunwoo's fanboy mode was activated and started falling into an excited squealing with Yunhee.

After the comfortable clothed changed into something acceptable for going outside the group moved outside to the nearest karaoke bar and smuggled the underage Hyunwoo inside. The sat down onto the bench and flipped through the pages of the book. "We need some snacks and drinks" Yunhee announced and shared a knowing grin with the rest of the group. "I will take care of that - just got my paycheck yesterday" Youngjae said, taking out his wallet and waving with it before leaving the room again. "I thought he doesn't work" Kimiko uttered. "Oh, yes, he doesn't - his mother is giving him monthly allowance", Hyunwoo said nonchalantly as he found the first song to start with. "Come to think of it - his family must be well off if they are wasting so much money on their son and his university - have you seen his parents before?" Yunhee asked Jisuk and Hyunwoo who shrugged. "I can't remember - they probably came around when he first came to us, but I would remember if they drove a foreign car or something", Jisuk said. "Here we are!" Youngjae came back into the room and placed the tray with several beer cans and several drinking snacks. "Why are you so quiet suddenly? Were you talking about me?" "Yes" they answered in unison. "At least you are honest" Youngjae huffed and took the first can and opened it without waiting for the others.

"Okay guys, let's start!" Hyunwoo was the first one to enter a number and soon the familiar sounds of Korean trot filled the room. Hyunwoo grabbed the mike and started singing, "Chara chara cha cha chan!" He turned around, "Chara chara cha cha chan; "What song is that?" Kimiko leaned to the side to ask Youngjae discretely. "Park Sang Cheol's Unconditional", "But if it is you who call me," Hyunwoo twirled around, "I will run to you unconditionally". "Cha chara chara chara chan chan chan" the others chimed in as if it was a cheer for a sports team. "My love toward you is unconditional, unconditional." Jisuk grabbed the tambourine and hit her hand against it trying to match the rythm. "My love toward you is ultra-express love. Cha chara chara chara cha cha chan!"

"Here, Kimiko, choose the next song", without even getting the chance to decline the book was already in front of her and Yunhee and Jisuk got up to the sing a soundtrack of a popular drama - T Max's Paradise.

Seeing that everyone was enjoying themselves and thus not looking at Hyunwoo he thought of this as his chance and tried to sneak around the table to get himself some of that for him forbidden alcoholic beverage. Hearing the horrible singing of the girls continue and seeing Youngjae and Kimiko being busy about flipping through the song book he slid his hand over the table and he could already feel the cold aluminum. But suddenly black converse knock-offs landed on his hand and looking up to the owner of the shoes Hyunwoo wasn't in the least surprised to see Jisuk yelling into the microphone from the bottom of her heart: "ALMOST PA~RADISE!" With her other free hand she took the can for herself and removed her feet giving him a reprimanding look. "Oh come on! Just a sip, I know you did..." he halted in mid sentence as she raised an eyebrow at him. "I did what?" "No, nothing", Hyunwoo scratched the back of his head and was saved by Yunhee who reached out her arm to lay it around Jisuk's shoulders and started swaying to the music.

"You still can't man up to her?" Youngjae hit Hyunwoo's shoulder playfully and he had his head hung low. "You try and dare her". "No, thank you" Youngjae declined laughing. Kimiko chuckled and took the remote after the song ended and entered the number for her personally chosen song. "Oh, oh, oh! Yaas!" As soon as they had seen the track's title everyone jumped and started clapping their hands over their head as the music started. They started imitating the dance jumping around excited while Kimiko sang Big Bang's Bang Bang Bang.

The more beer they drank the more excited they grew and the more excited the grew the louder they became and at one point Kimiko excused herself to go to the toilet. Not just because her bladder was right before exploding but also because her poor ears needed a break from the constant loud singing. Especially Hyunwoo couldn't be stopped when it came to singing. He wasn't bad - no question - and entertaining with his small dancing stunts in between, but he was also very hyper as soon as he got to have microphone in his hands. As if he was a total different person.

The sound of the toilet flushing still resonated through the bathroom as she walked to the sink and splashed cold water into her face. She was no heavy drinker and the beer already had the usual effect on her as alcoholic drinks normally do. With a slightly woozy sight she left the bathroom and walked the corridor back to their room. She slided the door open and froze on the spot. There sat a couple, a pretty woman and a handsome man - looking very familiar. With blushing cheeks Kimiko bowed mumbling an apologize and hurried out to close the door again. She was sure of who she saw there - whole Asia knew who they were and it was kind of shocking seeing those two snogging while the karaoke versions of slow and romantic songs were playing in the background - like an alibi. She had taken the wrong door, one too early and now she felt very uncomfortable and shocked.

She entered the right room and sat down on the bench. "Everything's alright? You look like you have seen a ghost in the toilet". "No, everything's okay. I think I should stop drinking" Kimiko offered a smile. How was she supposed to tell a fanboy of Ji Areum and two fangirls of Wonho that both of their idols were practically merging into one in the room right next to them?

The next day Jisuk lay on the couch fighting her hangover with a big mug of coffee and some kind of hangover soup Aejin managed to fix her before heading out for grocery shopping. Some kind of breakfast TV was turned on and Jisuk planned on spending the day not moving from this comfortable spot under the soft blanket and between all those pillows. Not even to take the remote to change the channel because the show she was currently watching was boring as shit. “I am heading out” Hyunwoo showed his head through the crack of the door and gave her a half-meant wave. “Where you going?” “Meeting some friends”. “I swear if I get a call from a certain officer later on I am not gonna save your ass this time!” she yelled after him, knowing that his parents weren’t home. “Thank you, you have a nice day, too!” he shouted back nonchalantly and shortly after she heard the front door being closed. Jisuk turned her attention back to the run-of-the-mill show host talking about the best recipes to eat vegetarian – quoting popular actress Ji Areum. “Suddenly she is everywhere”, Jisuk sighed rolling onto the side snuggling deeper into the blanket. “And I think, Ji Areum is a great woman knowing that she has great responsibility toward our environment. She is a vegetarian herself and this recipe I actually got from her…” The host proceeded to tell the ways of how to prepare the Chinese stuffed peppers. “As if…” Jisuk huffed and before she could fall into a much more comfortable position – if that was even possible – she saw the display of her mobile phone flashing on with Jinah’s caller ID. She reached out her hand to grab the phone and had to do some acrobatical stunts just so she didn’t have to leave the couch. “Yeah?” she answered after she had swiped the green phone symbol over the screen. “Hey, girl! How are you?” she asked easygoing but still with a bit of genuine worry resonating with her words. “Depends – but in overall I’m good. And you?” “Depends – but it’s just stuff with my father so I am the usual me”. “I’m glad to hear that, I guess”, Jisuk chuckled and placed the telephone on her other ear to block out the TV-noises. “Okay, I found some stuff that may interest you” Jinah said and stirred her sugared tea. “Alright~ I’m listening”. “Are you really sure you want to do the surgery?” Jisuk was quiet for a short moment. “Yes. But I can’t manage to make the numbers add up and I don’t want to go back to how I used to earn my money in my high school days. “ “No, you don’t need to become a gangster again”. “I wasn’t a gangster” Jisuk parroted and continued. “Did you even look into the mirror back then? If I had been your classmate I would have been terrified of you…” Jisuk sighed, “Forget it.” “Okay, so… In Korea the only hospital which is able to do this kind of complex surgery is…” Jinah paused, “Seoyun-Hospital”. Jisuk took a sip from her big coffee mug. “Which belongs to my father”, Jinah concluded by the way. Jisuk choked on the hot liquid and started coughing, “Excuse me?” she asked with a hoarse voice. “My father – the one you threw the prosecco at. Which by the way was hilarious!” Jisuk offered only half of a snicker and looked regretting into her coffee. “And even though I hate him; I know the doctors there are top notch – so we can be sure that your aunt will get the best of the best”. “But still, how am I going to pay all that? The transfer, hospital and surgery expenses” Jisuk’s brain dissolved into a mass of a lot of red numbers. “That leads me to good and bad news. Which one first?” “The good one.” “Since I have a few shares on the hospital I get to sit in the welfare committee which established a financing aid for soldiers, elderly people and~ students of partnering Universities of Seoyun Hospital!” “That’s the good news? You do realize that I am not enrolled, don’t you?" “Yeah, I know that. But why don't you just enroll? The deadline is not ever yet". Jisuk let out a hysterical laugh. "Okay, what kind of impression did I give you back in Busan? Do you really think my GED grades are up for any college?" "You just didn't give your everything in school back then. You can just take the college exams and show them what kind of genius you are." "Okay, let's say I am going to enroll. First of all - what are the partner universities of Seoyun hospital? If it's -  though very unlikely - a noname university in the rural outskirts of South Korea, then yeah, I might manage their fees" "Would you please stop ignoring the fact that I have a lot of money?" "Are you my daddy-long-legs, or what? I don't want you to pay me through college." "I want to help you and your aunts. And I know that you and your computer stuff should are better off in a secure, scientific environment before anything dangerous happens again". "Oh, I had everything under control" Jisuk huffed back. "Sure you had... The partner universities of Seoyun are Seoul National, Yonsei, Kyungpook and Sungkyunkwan University. That gets me right to the bad news – going to a partner University of Seoyun Hospital costs you 6,000,000 Won per semester”. Jisuk let her head fall backwards into the sea of pillows and groaned, “I think I should enlist myself - seems cheaper, a regular income, guys in uniform... what do you think?” "Are you serious?" "Are you serious, Private Park!" Jisuk corrected her. Jinah groaned frustrated. "Okay, you know what? Do what you want - but in exchange for my effort I want you to do me a favor and help out a friend of mine next Monday. I will send you the address" Jisuk got a message from Jinah and looked at the address. "Alright. I can manage that... what kind of help?" "Ehm... Computer stuff...?" Jinah chuckled.

It was the next Monday and Jisuk dismounted her motorbike right in front of the address Jinah had given her - right in the middle of the campus of Yonsei University. She put the helmelt into the trunk in the back of her bike and put her phone in her trouser's pocket before heading into the huge building she was standing right in front of. She didn't know that Jinah had a friend in the engineering faculty - but she also didn't knew until recently that her father was the owner of Seoyun Group. Jinah had alot up her sleeve that it wouldn't surprise Jisuk anymore if her best friend would suddenly tell her she was an alien or some sort. Everything was possible with that girl. So Jisuk walked up the stairs passing a few students on her way who were talking about programming stuff. It reminded her of herself back then when she used to tinker around with her computer and tell her friends about it with the same passion. But now her computer stood under her bed attracting every kind of dust. She got to the first floor and knocked on the room Jinah had told her to find her friend in. What she didn't see was the sign next to it: Keep Quiet! EXAMS! She slowly opened the door and peeked inside seeing a huge room with one computer right next to the other. She saw a few head of hairs looking out over the screens. They were all chattering nonchalantly. In front of the whiteboard sat an older man with glasses and a white receding hairline. He sat there in a knitten sweater and looked up from the newspaper he was reading. "May I help you?" he asked with a low voice making every student turn their head to the newcomer. "Ehm..." Jisuk quickly closed the door from the inside and took a few steps forward. "I..." "Oh, are you Park Jisuk?" he interrupted her. She nodded. "Finally - then we can begin!" he signed her to sit down somewhere behind a vacant PC and stood up folding his hands in front of his massive stomach. "No, I am supposed..." she was interrupted once again by the older man in front who wrote his name on the whiteboard. 

"I am Professor Ji Gongyoo, I will be supervising the last scholarship exam today!"

[goldenjunmyeon]

baekhyun x reader smut ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (a mini story)

ahhhh this is how we’re going to start off this blog, ehh?

I DON’T MIND THOUGH!! NOT AT ALL! 

i will be placing a brief warning before this because i know some people don’t like to read smut but, this will also be a dom! to sub! baek smut. 

cool? cool. Now, let’s get on with the smut, okay?

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS A  L O T OF SMUT. IM SORRY IF YOU DON’T LIKE SMUT, THIS IS WHAT THE PEOPLE ASKED FOR!! ♡ 

You’ve been with Baekhyun for almost a year, and you’ve noticed a developing pattern after every single date. If you wear the right clothing, and act in the right manner, you’ll get laid by the one and only man in your life, Byun Baekhyun. Tonight like every other friday night was a traditional date night, but the difference tonight was you haven’t had one of these normal friday-night dates in a while, months to be exact, as he was over in Japan for some promotional CBX things. You didn’t mind, but the man left you needy for months on end, seeing the Baekhyun update accounts posting pictures of him from walking in the streets with Minseok to being in the airport.

So, the night he came home and promised an immediate friday night date, only seeing you periodically since that day, until tonight. You planned on getting him back, getting him back well enough to leave him begging for more.

You knew his weakness, tight dresses that are cut off above the knee emphasizing not only the ass but the chest as well. Searching through your closet you finally found one that was long known to be a favorite of his, a tight black one with a zipper running in the front from the bottom to the top. Slipping it on overtop what you knew was his favorite pair of your lingerie, you slipped on some heels and grabbed your handbag as you heard Baekhyun calling for you from the hallway.

“(Y/N) are you almost ready? It’s almost time for us to go!” He called, standing in his dress pants and nice button up shirt, emphasizing his chest and abdomen area. Biting your lip you walked out from yours and his room, standing there waiting for him to notice you as he was looking down at his watch. You cleared your throat as you watched his eyes slowly look up towards you.

“Shit-” he began as his eyes finally began to scan up and down your body. You let out a hearty chuckle and clacked your way over to him, before looking at him in the eyes.

“Let’s get going on that date, shall we Baek?~” You whispered into his ear, beginning to walk away before a pair of hands grabbed your waist.

“I think the reservation can wait, I’ve got more pressing matters to handle right now.” Baekhyun said, wrapping his arms around your shoulders as he pulled you closer to him, placing a soft but needy kiss on your lips.

“Babe, that reservation took awhile for you to get and we haven’t been on a date in forever, let’s go there first, then take care of your…pressing matters.” You said in a hushed voice, the one you knew gave him chills down his spine as you rubbed your thigh against his ever growing bulge. He took a sharp inhale before pinning you against the wall, your hands placed in his grip above your head.

“And what did I say, darling? These matters of mine are pressing, and need to be taken care of right now.” he growled, before placing a series of sloppy kisses down your neck, making it hard to hold in the moans wanted to escape your lips.

“It’s alright baby, I know you want this too~,” he teased as he continued down your neck, a smirk forming on his face the closer he got to the zipper of the dress.

“God damn you, Byun Baekhyun.” You cursed as he began to slowly unzip the front of your dress, savoring every moment like you were his favorite candy. You chuckled to yourself, you knew he was thinking that he was in power tonight, but unknown to him you had a whole different plan that would flip his world upside down. Once he finished enjoying himself, he took a moment to step back and look at your very needy body from a ways back, leaving you the perfect moment to take power. You pushed him against the wall opposite to you, his eyes opening wide.

“Oh, so you thought you’d be the one having fun teasing me tonight? Well, sir, I’ve got a change of plans for you.” You smirked, pinning his hands like he did yours, as he tried to fight you pushed harder, making him give up. He grunted as you slipped your hands down towards his growing bulge, pressing your hand against his almost-rock hard member to create a friction that you knew drove him mad. As he began to crumble into your hands, you took the simple tie sitting on the loveseat besides you both and tied his hands together, pushing him onto the couch so he wouldn’t have any way of moving away from you. You giggled and kneeled next to his crotch, slowly unzipping his pants to pull them down, as he raised his hips in the air as an act to help the removal of his pants become simpler.

Pulling his boxers down in the same swift motion as his pants, you left them on his ankles, making him dumbfounded. Scheming in your mind, you began to kitten lick the glazing of pre-cum on top of the red tip of his throbbing member. He began to let out a throaty groan, attempting to move his hands from their silk handcuffs, but you had made sure to make the knots tighter than normal for that exact reason.

“Y/N, what the hell?” He groaned, as you began to slowly put the entirety of your lips onto his rock hard shaft, tongue swirling around him like you were sucking on your favorite flavor of lollipop-him. He let out a deep rumbling moan from the bottom of his chest, bucking his hips up in a measly attempt to make you engulf his member in your mouth quicker. However, you had different plans, taking it nice and slow was the only way you knew how to tease this man, drive him absolutely crazy, since he was the type to want things quicker. As the time continued, his groans filled the air in a melody that sounded exactly like music to your ears, making you swirl your tongue more. You began to take him in more, getting to the point where your mouth can no longer fit his entirety, so your hands began to work their magic, rubbing his shaft up and down where your mouth couldn’t reach.

“Ah shit, Y/N,” Baekhyun began to moan, he was close to cumming, you knew by the more rapid twitches of his rock hard cock you could feel in your mouth, as you began to smile. The twitches began to twitch faster and faster, until you pulled your mouth off of him and wiped your mouth, leaving him tied up and unfinished, his rock hard member standing stiff in the air with its mixture of your saliva and his fluids on its shaft, making him groan in despair.

“Why do you have to do me like this, eh, Y/N?” Baekhyun complain, groaning while you got off your knees and walked to where he left your dress on the floor. He watched as you slipped the dress back on, along with your shoes, before walking back over to him to pull him to his feet. You began pulling up his underwear and pants again, making him more confused than before.

“What the fuck, Y/N? I thought I-I mean we-were gonna get laid!” He groaned as you fixed up his hair and untied his hands from behind his back before grabbing his face in the palms of your hands, giving his face a tight squeeze.

“Oh you’re silly, Baek. We’ve got dinner reservations now, don’t we?” You giggled, kissing him harshly on the lips before grabbing his hand, dragging him behind you to grab your handbag.

“No, we don’t actually, not anymore with the mood you’ve put me in.” He growled, pinning you against the wall once again, “I’m in the mood to have dessert first, what do you say?” You grinned before answering.

“Well, Byun Baekhyun, I say that if you have your dessert before your meal you’ll get proper full before you can touch your dinner! Now, if we go out to dinner, I promise you, you’ll get your dessert and much more once we come home, alright baby boy?” You smirked, whispering it into his ear the way you knew he loved, making him shake before he sighed.

“Fine, as long as you promise to give me that dessert know, I don’t want to be disappointed.” He grinned, picking you up bridal style to carry you out of your apartment to his car, to head to nothing less than a normal dinner.

The car ride to dinner was filled with nonstop teasing from the both of you. Baekhyun would rub the inner part of your thigh the way he knew it drove you crazy, so you began to palm his groin through his dress pants. By the time you both got to the restaurant you both were disheveled and turned on more so than you had ever been, lots of lust-filled stares into eachothers eyes were made as you stood in line to be seated at your reserved table. The people around you all knew what was seemingly going on, Baek’s hair was still out of place and messy from the previous at-home activity you had performed. Satisfied with what was going on, you coughed, gaining even more attention from Baekhyun as you moved forward in line.

“What is it now babe?” He grunted into your ear, trying to keep things between you on the downlow.

“Is it just you or is it hot in here? Man, I should unzip this zipper a tad so it isn’t so high on my chest…” You voice trailed off as your hands, and Baekhyun’s eyes, went to the zipper of your dress, you tugged on it a tad to pull it down, only far enough that you were showing off some of your lingerie underneath. His eyes began to widen as his hands unconsciously flew up to our hands on your zipper, pulling it tight up and closed.

“Baekhyun what the hell?-” You said, before the sound of a person clearing their throat broke your trance.

“Table for Mr. and Mrs. Byun?” The waiter said, making your eyes grow.

“That would be us, thank you sir.” Baekhyun smirked, placing your arm in the crook of his elbow, following behind the waiter to your table.

“You said we’re married!?” You scream whispered in Baek’s ear as you followed him, making him chuckle in his lower voice register.

“Of course, it was the only way I could get the best for my princess.” Baekhyun purred in your ear as he walked you to your seat, pulling it out for you only to push you back in towards the table. As he took a seat you slowly unzipped the top of your dress a tad like you were going to in the first place, making his eyes widen.

“Babe, don’t do that here.” He said as his voice was shaking. You smirked and bit your lip, looking at him in the eyes.

“Don’t do what? It’s hot in here Baek, let me live.” You said, adding a pout at the end to make Baekhyun melt into your hands more than he already was.

“I don’t want everyone here to see what’s only for my eyes to see,” He grunted, sitting back in his chair watching as you kept your zipper where it was to show off some of your lacy undergarments to him, as he sighed and waited for the waiter to come back with the wine bottle he had ordered ahead of time. Once he came back, the both of you raised your glasses in the air and clinked them, a little tradition you would do together before getting semi-wasted.

“To another beautiful night with my beautiful babe,” Baekhyun said before bringing the glass to his lips to take a long and slow sip. Biting your lip, you nodded in agreement before taking a sip out of your own glass. The richness of the wine glided down your throat, making you smile in a flirtatious manner, you both were flirtatious drunks as well as lightweights, so the idea of all you can drink wine with a grand 3 course meal wasn’t the best idea for you two.

Dinner moved quicker than you thought it would’ve, maybe it was just the 4 or more glasses of alcohol inside of you or maybe it was just going quicker because of the constant teasing between you two. Thank god you were both placed in a back corner of the restaurant where no other customers where, otherwise you probably would’ve been kicked out by now.

Baekhyun’s hand kept attempting to creep up your dress, but you kept swatting his hand away, and with every attempt you would begin to show your breasts more and more, to the point where a conversation between the two of you was more so a conversation between Baekhyun and your boobs.

You would do the occasional “accidentally dropping food on my chest or down my dress in order to show off more of my chest to him” or even going as far to throw your bag far from the table “by accident” just so you could bend over and Baek would be able to see every square inch of his cravings. By the end of the night the waiter thought Baekhyun was slobbering over the dessert he had just brought out for you both to enjoy, where Baekhyun was drooling over his actual dessert - you.

As soon as you licked the last dollop of whipped cream off of your lips, flashing Baekhyun a semi-innocent glare as you did it to grind his gears a bit more, Baekhyun instantly called for the check, rubbing up and down your thigh as he did so. Pulling you out of your seat once he had payed, he nearly had you dragging on the floor behind him as he stiffly tried to run and hide his prominent erection at the same time.

“God damnit Baekhyun you know I can’t walk quickly in these heels!” You yelled at him, as he paused to turn to you.

“Well, it’s either you move faster or I’m picking you up.” He said, a slight tease in his voice. You smirked and began to walk ahead of him, going at the same pace you were going before, wagging your hips slightly as you walked. You heard quick footsteps behind you as Baekhyun lifted you up and over his shoulder, causing you to scream and smack his back.

“Save that for when we get home, no?” He said, his voice growing deeper as time continues. You groaned, slapping his back.

“Would you put me down?!? I don’t want anyone here to see my ass besides you Byun Baekhyun! Besides where are we going? You’re no where near sober enough to drive home!” You whisper yelled, causing him to stop mid running.

“Well shit. You’re right, what am I supposed to do with the car being here?” He said, as he placed you back on your own two feet. You walked to the front of him, pulling him closer to your face using his tie, smelling the alcohol coming off his body.

“Well, I know one thing we could use your car for right now, unless you want to save that for home, Baek..” Your voice trailed off as a smirk formed on his lips. He grabbed your hand and practically dragged you, again, to where the car was parked, pushing you in the back seat as he got into the drivers side.

“Baekhyun what the fuck?!?” You said, throwing your purse in the front seat.

“Listen, this place is too crowded, people will see us if we fuck right here. Let me move the car to a different s-spot so we’re in a more private place, I’m sober enough to do that g-god damnit.” He stuttered a little, before placing the keys in and putting the car in reverse. You leaned your head to the front seat and began to nibble on his ear, the way you knew it drove him crazy.

“Shit, Y/N, let me park baby.” He said, the already big bulge in his pants growing even larger. Sitting back down, Baekhyun instantly put the car in park, got out of his seat and climbed into the back, stradling you.

“Now baby, I’ve gotta punish you for what you’ve been doing all night. Teasing me isn’t allowed, remember?” He said as he reached down to your neck, leaving harsh kisses down the majority of it. You instantly sat up and on top of him, surprising him by your sudden act of dominance.

“What the-” He began to say as you put a single finger over his mouth.

“Me, teasing you? Well what else was I supposed to do after my boyfriend leaves me high and dry for his job months on end? You know, my hand doesn’t do a good of a job as yours does.” You said, doing the same action that he was doing to you just moments before. You felt his breathing hitch a little, as he wasn’t sure what he should or shouldn’t do.

“So, this is payback Byun Baekhyun. Do as I say.” You said, sitting between his legs on the car seat, leaving him so astonished he was only able to nod his head at you, showing he understood.

“Not a peep comes from you unless I tell you to talk, now take everything off.” You commanded, as he quickly worked to take all his clothes off, quicker than he had ever done before. His rock hard cock flipped up in all it’s glory and slapped his stomach, leaving a bit of his tip’s fresh precum there, making you smirk.

“Sit up, baby boy, and give me your tie.” You said, as he handed you his tie before gulping, as he knew what you were going to do. You tied his hands behind his back, before slowly stripping yourself down to just your lingerie. You began to lower your mouth to his hard cock, before looking up at him.

“No moving anything to give yourself more pleasure, hear me?” You said, as he shook his head up and down, before biting his lip. You placed your mouth around his dick, slightly kitten-licking the tip to get a taste of his juices once again, a taste that you had missed. Then you began to bob your head up and down, you could feel the tenseness of his hips trying not to buck up in your face, the moans being stifled in the back of his throat as he threw his head back in pleasure. You knew his point of release was coming sooner than normal, since you had left him on edge before you came out to eat, and that’s the same thing you planned on doing again.

His cock began to rapidly twitch inside your mouth, before you took your mouth off, strings of saliva were all that still connected the two body parts. Seeing him in such a vulnerable state made you feel the need to pleasure yourself, giving you another idea on how to torture him even more so. Wiping your mouth off, you locked eyes with his shocked face, since you had never left him on edge twice in one night.

“You can talk to me now baby, I need your voice.” You groaned, sitting back.

“Fucking hell, Y/N.” He groaned, slightly out of breath.

“Now, what I’m going to need you to do is just watch me, and don’t touch yourself, okay?” You said, as his eyes instantly gravitated towards your hands.

“O-Okay…” He said as he gulped, you could tell his heart was beating a mile a minute, and it made you even more horny than you already were.

You began to massage your breasts the way Baekhyun would always do, making yourself moan and him to bit his lip. You unhooked your bra in one swift motion, letting your boobs bounce for a little as Baekhyun watched with hungry eyes. Pinching your own nipples in the way he would always do to you, you moaned with pleasure, spreading you legs a bit more to give Baekhyun a more clear view of your soiled lingerie, making him groan. You locked eye with him, as both hands slipped your bottoms off, tossing them his way, as he scattered to grab them with his mouth, needing any of your fluids he could possibly get. Still holding eye contact with him, you kept one hand playing with your breasts as the other trailed down to your pussy, lightly brushing the outsides of your folds, making you shiver. You knew Baekhyun would be much better at this job than you, but you knew he would get even more turned on if he watched you tease yourself. Slowly entering a single finger inside yourself, you let out a groan of relief and pleasure, slowly pumping yourself. Baekhyun let out a groan as he watched, his cock twitching as his insides clawed at him, wanting to pounce on you instantly.

“G-God damn you, Y/N, why do you have to do this to me.” He said groaning, making the already tight knot in your stomach become tighter, as you began to enter two more fingers into yourself, increasing the speed of your thrusts. You moaned, making his eyes roll to the back of his head, wanting to touch you so badly. You finally came to your orgasm, your fluid all over your fingers as you pulled them out of you, hovering them in front of Baek’s mouth.

“You want a taste before I let you fuck me, baby?” You said as he instantly took your fingers into his mouth, licking them clean. You slipped your hands behind him to untie his hands from their silky confines, before he sprung to touch you all over. Both of your moans filled the air like a melody, missing each other’s touch. Without a single word, Baekhyun climbed on top of you and placed his tip at your entrance before looking up at you for your permission. You chuckled slightly before nodding.

Having him inside of you after so long was euphoric, both of your moans gradually became louder and louder with every thrust of Baekhyun’s hips.

“God damn, Y/N, you can tell we haven’t fucked in a long time, you’re so tight.” He panted, a single bead of sweat coming down his face before his thrusts began to get sloppier.

“Baek, I’m gonna-” You whimpered, before he shushed you.

“Hold it baby, I’ll be there soon, just hold it.” He said, quickening more so than before, before he let out his load inside of you, and you let your juices on him. Sighing, he pulled himself out of you and pulled you into his arms, laying there with you, sweaty and out of breath.

“Damn, I missed that so much babe.” He said, leaving kisses on the side of your neck.

“I know, I missed it too Baek.” You said, snuggling back into him.

“I love you so much,” He said, resting his head in the crook of your neck, “How about we get dressed and I call a taxi, I can come pick up the car tomorrow morning.”

“Sounds like a plan to me, but can we lay here for a little longer? I’m a tad bit sore.” You said, sighing before looking up at him as he smiled.

“Of course, anything for you babe.” He said, wrapping his arms around you once more, making the end of your welcome-back date perfect.

hot damn, 8 pages in google docs (3,996 words to be exact) of smut later and here we are! i’ve never written a smut this long jesus please send me some holy water k thanks. i know this was requested a while ago, i just wanted to make this perfect!

if you enjoyed, follow to see more content like this (please, next request not be too too smutty, just like fluffy or something pls and thank) 

i’ll see you all in the next post!! ♡ 

[trey-ff]

01.

JANICE Droplets of sweat seeped past my forehead and down towards my chin. Releasing a harsh breath, I used my gym-towel to gently pat around my heated face. After collecting myself for a moment longer, I hopped down from the treadmill, being sure to grab my iPhone and water bottle, which rested in the machinery’s provided holders.

After two hours of an exhausting yet exhilarating work-out, it was time to head back home and catch up on some much-needed and well-deserved rest.

I sauntered towards the lockers provided by the gym and using the designated key, opened the metal door to gather my personal belongings.

In doing so, I felt a pair of eyes intensely monitoring my every move, causing me to peer over to my left. A man, one who I had never seen before, stood at a locker that was a couple feet down from mine. When we made eye-contact, we sent one another polite smiles before I whisked away from the lockers and returned my key to the woman who was stationed near the double-doored exit.

“Have a good afternoon.” I grinned at the receptionist, earning a wave and a smile from her. Going straight towards my car, I popped the trunk, carelessly tossing my gym-bag and other belongings inside. As I slammed the trunk closed and trekked towards the driver’s side of my car, I realized that I didn’t have my keys. My breathing hitched as I anxiously patted around my being to see if they were anywhere on me, though, my jet black athletic attire of a sports-bra and coordinating tights didn’t contain any pockets. “I just had them.” I muttered, observing the cracked tarmac beneath my feet to see if I had dropped them by mistake. I walked towards the trunk, coming to the sad realization that I had locked my keys inside. Irritably, I jabbed my finger against the black rubber-pad that would normally pop open the trunk. To my dismay and expectation, it didn’t work. “No, not again. Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I gritted, banging my fist repeatedly against the trunk of the car. Behind me, I heard low chuckling and harshly turned around to see who could possibly be laughing at my expense. Surprisingly enough, it was the man who I had seen by the lockers. He stepped towards where I stood by my car, allowing me a better view of his face and physique.

Donned in a gray graphic-tee with red lettering that read Don’t Talk Just Train and black basketball shorts, the brown-skinned man stood at over six feet tall. He appeared very athletic and in shape, that determined by his well-defined muscles.

It was impossible for me to not have noticed him before; he had to be new around here. “Having trouble?” he asked rhetorically, flashing a dimpled-smile as one hand pointed towards my all-black Subaru and the other rustled around his thick, yet curly plot of hair.

Releasing a helpless chuckle, I nodded my head. “Yeah, I locked my keys in my trunk. And, my cell-phone.” I sighed before pouting angrily at the car. “Do you carry spare keys? Or, are those locked in the car, too?” he asked through a smile when I made an uneasy expression.

“Yeah, one’s in the glove-compartment and my brother has the other,” I muttered, “pretty stupid, huh?” I attempted once more to use the rubber-pad located near the trunk in hopes that it would miraculously work, but came up fruitless. I inwardly blamed my brother, who encouraged me to purchase this idiotic and defective car. One of the most efficient cars out there, my ass. Groaning, I turned back around to see him still smiling at me. Nothing was worth smiling about, but then again, he wasn’t the one who had locked his keys inside his trunk. “Ah, people do stupid things all the time. Would you like to call your brother? You can use my phone.” he offered, unlocking his iPhone 7. Taking his phone from him with a thank you, I dialed Clayton’s number. “Please pick up, please pick up,” I chanted, knowing that his work at his self-owned auto-shop kept him tied up, “please pick up--Clay! Thank God. Good, I need you.” “What happened? And, whose weird-ass number is this?” he pondered, being his normal inquisitive self. “That doesn’t matter right now. I’m in a bit of a quagmire. Promise you won’t laugh.” I ordered sternly, glancing up to catch Mystery Man, as I had decided to title him in the meantime, trying to stifle his own laughter by tucking his lips inward. “What happened?” “I locked my keys and my phone in the trunk… again. I’m stranded at the gym and--” Of course, his boisterous and obnoxious laughs filled the receiver, sounding off so loudly, Mystery Man began laughing, too. “That’s funny as fuck! I swear, you’re like Murphy’s Law--anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.” Clayton guffawed, earning a sigh. “You know, I’m glad my inopportune situations could serve as comedy for you. Just go ahead, laugh at my problems. But, Clayton, you have to help me. You’re the only one with the other key” “Aight, aight. Gimme ‘bout twenty minutes.” he responded, simmering down from his heavy laughter. Balancing my weight on my right-side, I released an exasperated breath. “Twenty whole minutes? Fine, Clayton, fine.” I murmured, ending the call after he assured me that he would arrive as fast as he could. Handing the phone back to Mystery Man, whose existence I had completely forgotten about, I leaned against my heated car. “Thank you. My brother will be here in twenty minutes.” I smiled a fake one, still bothered and embarrassed that I had allowed this to happen again. “Well, that’s good,” he grumbled, his speech drifting off, making the moment a slight bit awkward for us both, “listen, I’m sorry I laughed at your, uh, quagmire… You’re just very… dramatic, for lack of a better word.” I couldn’t help but to smile and then, break into soft laughter at his words. I licked over my lips, squinting up at his amused face. He was quite the sight for sore eyes. “I can be dramatic, I’ll admit that before anyone else.” “The first step is admitting to it,” he grinned, earning another smile from me, “so, I never caught your name.” “Janice. And, you are?” “Dane.” he grinned, taking my small hand into his burly one for a friendly handshake. During this interaction, I noticed that he had a tattoo on his wrist and forearm.

“Okay, Dane. So, do you come here often?” I pitched that mediocre pick-up line, eliciting laughter from him. “From now on, I do.” he smirked, slowly guiding his tongue along his bottom-lip. I didn’t know if he were flirting with me, or if he in fact meant that World Fitness would become his new gym. Either way, I smiled politely and played it safe with a friendly response. “And, you should. It’s a great gym. I’ve been coming here for years, religiously as of late.” “Oh, yeah? I’ve just gotten back into working out again. So, you always do afternoon work-outs?” he pondered, pinching his subtle chin-hair between his fingers. “Most of the time. I switch up sometimes, depending upon my work-schedule. Listen, I really don’t wanna keep you with meaningless conversation. It wasn’t you who locked your keys inside the car.” I joked through a smile while brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. “No, it’s fine. I’m just keeping you company until your brother gets here,” he grinned, “so, what is it that you do for a living, Janice?” “I’m a bartender at Friday’s…” I mumbled, trying to see if that would cast any judgement my way, “and, a self-employed caterer.” Both were honest answers. I worked two jobs, Friday’s being part-time and catering being on-call. To be able to support my real dreams of owning my own catering business one day, I needed the extra income that Friday’s provided me with. It took three long years, one of which was dedicated to the certification program and two that went into earning my Associate’s degree in culinary management to get to this point in my life. I was extremely close to living out my dreams and I couldn’t be in a happier place. “Self-employed, huh? Pretty impressive… if you’re any good, of course.” he teased with an alluring smile sketched onto his face. “Oh, I am plenty good. That may seem arrogant, but hey,” I chuckled, shrugging, “everybody’s arrogant about something that they’re good at. Which takes me to my next question. What do you do for a living, Dane?” “Oh, I’m an architect,” he simpered, disregarding my surprise with a nonchalant shrug, “ah, it’s nothing.” “Nothing? You design and practically sculpt buildings that lasts forever. That’s huge.” I grinned, impressed with his talent and modesty. It was rare to see a man of his caliber be so humble. He flashed me a charming smile. “I guess it is pretty cool, huh,” he confessed through a boyish grin, “so, I take it you’ve always lived here in Cincinnati?” “My brother and I moved out here about five years ago,” I replied before elaborating on the topic, “him and I are two out of four. My other brothers stayed in Toledo, where we were born, and we moved here. So, you could say I’m pretty acquainted with Ohio. How about you? I sense you’re not from here.” “What makes you say that?” he asked amusingly. “Your accent. I hear a little Southern twang in there.” I smirked, earning his hearty chuckle before he wiggled his finger at me. “Good ear. I’m from Virginia.” “Oh, wow. What brings you here?” I pondered, folding my arms. Just then, a black Chevy Tahoe blasting Nas, cruised into the parking-lot. Dane’s eyes followed mine before he looked at me. “Your brother, I’m assuming?”

“Yeah, that’s him,” I giggled, watching Clayton’s lanky figure exit the truck, “thank you so much for keeping me company.”

“Well, I’d really love to do some more of that so, we could finish our conversation. Now, I would ask you to take my number, but you don’t have your phone.” he teased with innocence, watching my mouth playfully fall agape at his words.

“How rude! I don’t think you deserve my number now.” I smirked, pursing my lips to the side. Still, he slipped out his silver iPhone for the second time and handed it over to me.

“Oh, but I know you really want me to have it,” he grinned coyly, “I’ll be sure to call you soon. I’d love to take you out sometime, Janice.”

I loved how my name sounded leaving his mouth; I could get used to that.

“Like, a date?” I bashfully grinned while entering my number into his phone.

“Yes.” he affirmed, intently staring at me. I felt myself blushing and getting hot at how intense and intimate his eyes were. Then, Clayton traipsed towards us, killing the moment. He looked Dane up and down, already passing judgement on him.

“Wassup, man? Who you?” he grumbled, earning a punch to the arm from me. He could be so rude. Dane snickered.

“It’s fine,” he assured me before extending his strong, veiny hand for Clayton, who engaged in the assertive handshake, “Dane, Dane Neverson.”

“Clayton.”

“Nice to meet you,” Dane greeted with a nod before looking back towards me, “and, it was a real pleasure to have met you, Janice. Now, since you’re good, I’ll be on my way.”

“Okay, thanks for helping me out, Dane.” I said, reinvigorating our intense stare-down. He just smirked at me as I handed him his phone, our hands gingerly touching.

“No problem. I’ll be calling you very soon.”

With that, he meandered towards his sleek, black car and jumped inside. I was in such a lust-induced trance that I would had probably watched him leave the lot altogether, but Clayton interrupted the moment. Again. “Yo, here’s the key-pad. This is the third time that you’ve done this, Janice.” he scolded, his parental tone seeping through his words. I sighed exhaustively.

“Well, the car has a bug, Clay. The pad doesn’t work. Shouldn’t the car unlock anyway since the key is near it?” I complained before popping the trunk to grab the valuables that had mistakenly been locked inside.

“I’ll fix it this weekend, but that’s no excuse for your irresponsibility. You gotta be vigilant out here, Jan. It’s dangerous.” he argued. I pursed my lips together. Before, he thought it was comical that I was practically stranded and now, it was dangerous.

“It’s broad daylight, in a safe area, next to a local gym, and--”

“And, next time, it might not be,” he interrupted, “just be more responsible. You out here speakin’ to strangers and givin’ niggas ya’ number? And, I hope you know I’m tellin’ Ed and Lance.”

At that, I had to laugh obnoxiously.

I had three annoying brothers. Clayton and Eddie, aged at twenty-nine and twenty-seven respectively, were the eldest, and Lance, who was twenty-three, was the youngest. Each of them, including the baby, possessed an overprotective gene that was inherited from my father’s side of the family.

While it was something to admire and even appreciate at times, it was aggravating to have built-in bodyguards who scared off and threatened any and all potential prospects in my life, especially when I was a grown woman who could and had been taking care of herself since the tender age of eighteen.

“I’m twenty-five years old. I’m not a child, Clayton, and you guys need to seriously quit treating me like it. Furthermore, he helped me. It wasn’t like he was a creep or something.” “Nah, I sensed a vibe. He gave off a creepy vibe to me,” he said, making me kiss my teeth, “no matter what I think, though, creeps come in all colors, shapes, and sizes. Don’t be fooled, J.” I tiredly rolled my eyes and hiked to the car-door. I was ready to get away from Clayton and his sketchy sixth-sense.

“Whatever, Clayton. You could be so paranoid and judgmental sometimes.” I murmured, getting inside of my car. Starting the engine, I rolled down the window once Clayton knocked his knuckle against the glass.

“I’m just lookin’ out for you, that’s all. Get home safe and call me when you get in.” he grumbled and I couldn’t help but smile. Even though Clayton was a pain in the ass, he often meant well.

“Okay, love you.” I simpered, watching as he stepped back a little and allowed me to back out of the parking-space. While reversing, a painful yelp shot from him, making me panic as he hopped up and down while holding his left foot.

“Clayton, are you okay?!” I asked hysterically, watching his face contort in pain before his dumb-ass erupted into senseless and goofy laughter.

“Gotcha!” he exclaimed, shooting his long fingers in my direction. I kissed my teeth before rolling my eyes.

“Asshole.”

-- -

“Rochelle, will you please quit eating all the damn food? It’s for a party.” I fussed, smacking my best-friend’s hand away from the platter of shrimp. After getting home from the gym, I took a shower and a quick catnap before preparing the food for my catering event tonight. Not too long into my cooking, Rochelle came knocking.

Rochelle and I had been friends since I moved to Cincinnati so, we had known one another for about five years. Though I had other friends, associates or otherwise, life without her would be incomplete and boring as all hell.

She pushed me out of my shell a lot; I had always been a little socially awkward and reluctant to try new things. Rochelle, on the other hand, was a lot less apprehensive than me. Whatever felt right, she did it with no hesitation, no matter the consequence. She lived for the moment and while I still took caution with everything that I did, I admired Rochelle’s carefree personality. “It’s so good, though. And, you didn’t make me samples like you usually do.” she pouted, snagging another shrimp. Giggling, I moved the tray out of her reach. “I didn’t know you were coming by. I thought you said you were working later hours this week.” I said, wiping my hands on my stained, white apron. Rochelle was a genius… an Apple Genius. Aside from working from home for Apple, she also offered support at a Genius Bar in one of their retail stores. Ironically enough, she hated customer service, but always found herself in positions that required it. I always told her to use her technical abilities to find a more satisfying career, but she was too comfortable with where she was. “No, that’s next week. It’s like you don’t even listen to me anymore.” she exaggerated before opening my fridge. “Oh, please,” I chuckled while grabbing the cooling-rack that held the miniature red-velvet cupcakes from the countertop and placing it on the island, “don’t you dare touch one.” “You know those are my favorite. Who are you making all this good food for anyway?” she whined. “Asad. You’re invited, too so, you can eat until your heart’s content when we get there.” I said, grabbing my homemade cream-cheese icing from the countertop.

Asad was a good friend of ours that ironically enough, we had met at a party three years ago. Every now and again, he would host an event and I was always his go-to for food. He used his connections and the reputation that he had built from his career as a senior account executive for an advertising agency to promote me and find me other high-paying gigs. He genuinely wanted to see me thrive and succeed within my occupation and I couldn’t be anymore appreciative of it. He was very supportive of my aspirations and overall a good, kind-hearted person.

“What is he even celebrating? Every time I turn around, he’s throwing a damn party.” she muttered, earning laughter from me. “This one probably has something to do with his work. Either way, it’s a win-win for me because I can get paid and have a good time doing it. I can use this Friday to unwind a little bit.” I admitted while coating each bite-sized cupcake with a dollop of the cream-cheese icing. “You can use a man to unwind a little bit.” she teased, earning a middle-finger in return. It was not a secret that I had been alone for a while, but that was strictly by choice. “No thanks,” I chuckled before I thought of the gym incident, “speaking of a man, I did not tell you what happened today.” “What happened?” she inquired while grabbing some of the seasoned french-fries from the tin-pan and burning her fingers in the process. I laughed. “That’s exactly what yo’ ass get. I told you to quit eating the appetizers.” I giggled as she ate the fries without a single care in the world. “Shut up, I told you I was hungry. Now, continue with this here story.” she mumbled, rotating her fingers at me. “So, I locked my keys in the trunk--” “Again?” “Yes, again. I know, it’s a shame and I’m the most irresponsible person ever. I’ve heard it all from Clay so, I don’t need to hear it from you,” I smiled playfully, “so, this guy that I’d never seen before comes up to me and because I threw my phone in the trunk like a dumb-ass, he lets me use his so that I could call Clay. We get to talking or whatever and before he goes, he took my number and said he’d call. He wants a date.” “Oh my God, I’m too happy for you! What’s his name? Was he cute?” she badgered as I continued working on each of my cupcakes. I snickered. “His name is Dane Neverson. And, cute is for little boys, darling. He was sexy,” I said dramatically, laughing along with her, “no, but he’s an architect, though. He’s very well-spoken and such a gentleman, from what I could see. Before any more details about him could be discovered, Clayton shows his ass up. Oh, and he’s from Virginia. That’s all I really learned.” “I say you give him a chance.” she blindly encouraged. “You don’t know a thing about him and neither do I… I mean, other than the things that I mentioned.” “Then, you get to know him. I mean, duh. How do you think relationships become relationships?” “See, that R-word,” I sighed, clicking my tongue, “not interested in that. At least not now.” There were two reasons as to why I wasn’t fascinated by being in a relationship. Number one, between catering and bartending, my work could be too demanding sometimes. If I could barely pave time for myself, it would be nearly impossible for me to factor in a man, too. When I finally owned my own catering business and quit bartending, I hoped that things would smoothen out and there would be a window of possibility for a relationship, but now it just seemed unrealistic for me. Number two, I had just gotten out of a semi-bad situation with my ex-boyfriend, Ian, and while it’d been about five months since we split, we were together for two years prior to that. It was difficult to just move on so quickly after someone who had marked such a huge part of your life, walked out of your life. Our demise wasn’t entirely bitter, though, it was definitely filled with pain and heartache. Ian had followed his dreams of becoming an athletic-trainer after much persuasion and support from me, and had gotten accepted into a college in New York. Initially, he wanted to be the man on the football field, but due to an awful ACL injury during one of his practices, his dreams of going pro were shattered and had led him into a deep depression. Around this time, we were just friends, but began to see one another romantically. Anyway, maintaining the long-distance between Ohio and New York was harder than we’d anticipated so, with heavy-heart, we called things off. We promised one another that we’d at least continue to speak on friendly terms, but that didn’t last very long. I couldn’t hold conversations with him as if everything was okay when it wasn’t. I was hurting and pretending to be fine only pained me even more so, I made the final decision to sever all ties. Still, I missed him everyday and sometimes, I even caught myself thinking about our relationship. Like, what it used to be and what it could have been. Moving on was much more difficult than I thought it would be.

“If this is about Ian, woman, you have got to let that go. You know how many opportunities you’ll miss out on by hanging onto that? Besides, it was obvious that he was eager to move on, right?” she mumbled, expressing doubt as she spoke, not wanting to upset me with her truthful words. Maybe a month after our break-up, he jumped into another relationship with another woman. This, I learned through the plethora of photos he plastered all over his social-media. Even though we were over, that still killed me to see. I thought that Ian and I were both sulking and that he wouldn’t be too hasty with moving onto someone else, but it seemed I was the only one.

For the most part, our relationship was generally good; it was certainly something to miss. A reunion could had been in the cards for us, but he ruined that opportunity by getting with someone else so soon on when my our wound was still fresh. At some point, though, I had to learn how to let those cheap theories go and just face the music. He moved on and it was about that time for me to do likewise. “This is true,” I admitted through a murmur before shaking my head, “but, I hate dating. I’m not good at it.” Though I was in no committed relationship after Ian, I did go out on two dates, per my friends’ requests. Both were epic fails; we were incompatible. Plus, it was during that phase of the break-up where I compared every man to Ian, good or bad. Furthermore, those men were complete strangers. Other than the a-okay from the individuals who situated the blind-dates, I knew nothing about them and that made me tremendously uncomfortable. In a nutshell, far too much was interfering in my attempt to get out there so, I took a hiatus. With Ian, everything came about naturally. We used to work together at a movie theater; that was where our one-year of friendship was established. One invitation to see Dawn of the Planet of the Apes after work and we were nearly inseparable; we became best-friends. Eventually, the attraction between us grew stronger with time as our friendship deepened and we made things official. Now, with Dane, for example, there was no foundation, just a conversation. Things weren’t set in stone that we’d even go on a date, but that was an example of how fast-paced things could be without the gradual build-up of establishing a friendship first. I wanted to know who I was dealing with as a person before I got too involved. I may have nagged my brothers for always being judgemental of people and their intentions, but in reality, you had to be. Not everyone was as genuine and virtuous as they often depicted themselves and I would hate to be deceived by that due to the naivety from wearing my rose-colored glasses all the time. “Jan, it ain’t rocket-science. Just go with the flow. Not everything’s consistent or has a system. It’s going to be a different experience than with your ex because every man is different.” Rochelle explained. “You’re absolutely right, Ro. I want everything to have an organized plan, but life isn’t perfect. I hate change.” “It might be hard, but you gotta embrace it because it’s life. And, like I said, you’ll miss out on so much with that shelled mentality. Just wing it, Janice. This goes for everything, not just with men.” she advised. “That’s easier said than done for someone like me, but I’ll keep that in the back of my mind,” I promised, earning her trusting smile, “now, let’s get ready for Asad’s party.” While Rochelle’s words were always encouraging and motivating, I was still learning to actually put them into motion. Taking risks usually led to danger and the idea of that alone deterred me from doing anything too far out of my comfort-zone. On the other hand, taking risks could lead to great things and new opportunities. I just needed to discover who and what was worth the risk before I put anything into jeopardy. DANE After parallel-parking alongside the building of my loft, I jumped out of my all-black 2016 Jaguar XJ. Hiking into the building, I sauntered towards the elevator and rode up to the twentieth floor--the highest floor. Once inside of my loft-apartment, I tossed my keys on the white-colored island of my kitchen. Looking around the house, I sighed contently. Most would deem my home boring and empty. When my mother visited me some months ago, she complained that it was way too solemn, lifeless, and barren for her liking. However, me, possessing a bit of a minimalistic mindset, loved the overall simplicity of my loft. It represented me accurately, in a sense. I was a simple man. I didn’t like too much going on. I hated confusion and distractions, as it clouded my focus and altered the way that I functioned. I was most at peace when everything was straightforward and logical, just as I was.

I couldn’t lie, though, it did get pretty lonely living here by myself. Heading into my bedroom, I tossed my gym-bag onto the floor of my closet and sauntered into the bathroom to start on my shower. Turning the knob inside the glass-shower until it was hot, I stripped from my gym-attire and got inside. After twenty minutes, I stepped out and completed my usual post-shower routine. Then, I put on sweatpants and a white tee-shirt before tiredly throwing myself down onto my very comfortable king-sized bed. Almost immediately, my eyes started drooping shut and I was out like a light.

-- -

“Thanks.” I grumbled after tipping the delivery-boy. Balancing two boxes of pizza and a Sprite, I sauntered into the kitchen. After placing the items down, I stuffed the designs that I had been working on since my nap back into my folder, deciding that I had worked enough for the night. “Well, looks like I’ll be doubling-up at the gym.” I mumbled, taking a large bite out of the ham and pineapple covered pizza. Carelessly tossing three slices onto a plate, I grabbed the soda and ventured inside the living-room to relax.

Flicking through the channels, I came across one of my favorite movies of all-time, The Purge: Anarchy, and got comfortable. About forty minutes into the movie, I heard loud banging against my front-door and immediately knew who it was. Not bothering to rush to the door, I finished watching an intense scene of the movie, not wanting to miss it.

“They just not gon’ quit.” I snickered, now hearing loud yelling accompanying the obnoxious banging. Dusting the crumbs from the crust from my hands, I pushed myself up from the couch and headed towards the boisterous knocks. Unlocking the front-door, I opened it to reveal my annoying best-friends, Broderick and Ted. “Man, what took you so long to answer the door?” Broderick complained as he sauntered straight to the kitchen.

“I figured if I ignored it, you guys would go away.” I snickered, dapping up Ted. “And, you see how that worked out for you, right? What’re you doing tonight?” he inquired as we walked into the kitchen to see Broderick already devouring a slice of the pizza that I had ordered.

“Just about the same thing I do every night. Working hard, yet hardly working.” I chuckled, venturing into the living-room to pause the movie and grab my unfinished pizza. “Well, then that means you’re available.” Broderick smirked, forcing me to raise an eyebrow as I bit into my pizza. Just as I entered the kitchen, Ted had taken a seat at my centered, white marble island.

“Available for what exactly?” “We’re going to Cheeks and yes, you have to come.” Ted chuckled, earning a dry chuckle from my end.

“Too bad I’m not,” I grumbled, in-between bites, “I’m not driving over an hour just to see some ass.”

“You went before.” Broderick counteracted, opening my refrigerator to grab three Coronas. He always made himself at home no matter where he was. “Yeah, for a bachelor-party. Ya’ll are just going to go. Besides, you told me last-minute. Who’s to say I didn’t have any plans, or guests of my own?” At that, they both glanced at one another and erupted into hearty laughter at my expense. I kissed my teeth. “No offense, but what plans could you possibly have? All you do is sit at home, having to be forced to do anything fun.” Ted laughed, cracking open his beer as I did likewise with mine. “Yeah, right. Guests? What guest you got coming around here? A woman? I seriously doubt that.” “Rick, I can get a woman if I really wanted one,” I argued, getting annoyed by his goofy expression of disbelief, “as a matter of fact, I met one today.” “Dane talking to women? Are pigs flying?” Ted asked sarcastically while spinning around from his seat on the stool to peer out the windows. I chuckled. I had known these fools for about three years and during that time, they had never seen me in a relationship. They knew about my ex-wife, Cherri, whom I was married to before I moved to Ohio and met them, but that was it. Yeah, I had the occasional fling and one-night-stand to satisfy my needs, but I was far too engrossed in my work to be committed. Better yet, I hadn’t found a woman worth the time and energy, and one that could handle and value up to a man of my caliber. But, I hadn’t necessarily been searching for one, either. On the other hand, Broderick had dated a gang of women throughout the years for time-spans as short as two weeks. All he wanted from them was sex and he made that known from the gate; he had no interest in the emotional and mental strains that a relationship had to offer. As soon as any woman got attached and started smothering him, he dropped her ass like a bad habit and was onto the next one. As for Ted, he was married with two kids, had been for five years. However, that didn’t stop him from fucking any woman with a pulse, his wife or otherwise.

If anything, I was the only one between us three who didn’t have a warped perspective on love. I didn’t possess that feeling yet, but I wanted it more than anything in the world at that moment.

Even though I didn’t always know how to show that emotion, I missed being able to.

“Yeah, talk on that.” Broderick said, snapping me out of my brief daze. I laughed before shaking my head. “At the gym, I met this woman named Janice. She locked her keys in her car and I gave her a hand. Ain’t too much else to say.” Truth was, Janice already had me intrigued and we barely even knew one another. Our situation wasn’t love at first sight or anything extreme, but I definitely wouldn’t mind getting to know her better. She was beautiful, witty, driven, and had major potential that I had plans to pursue. “So, what does she look like? Holding up in the T and A department?” Ted asked, Broderick just as interested in this ridiculous question. “Ya’ll are dogs. She was beautiful, I’ll say that and only that.” I snickered as I envisioned her body. She was a petite little thing, but womanly nonetheless. “Man, you’re no fun.” Broderick grumbled, shaking his head. “Wait, Rick? Why are we sitting here talking about tits and ass when we can be seeing it?” Ted proposed, evoking thought from Broderick who deeply frowned his brow. “Yeah, what the hell are we still doing here? Dane, last offer. Sure you’re not coming? You’re missing out, man.” “Nope, I’m good. I’m just ready to turn in.” I admitted lowly before placing the leftover pizza inside the fridge. “You need to learn how to have fun, man.” Broderick chuckled as he pulled me in for a brotherly hug. “Ya’ll versions of fun just ain’t for me.” “Well, you need to find your version and start doing it because I know that this isn’t it.” Ted said seriously as I reciprocated the same brotherly gesture with him that I had done with Broderick. “Don’t worry about me,” I chuckled, shooing them to the door, “just don’t be late or hungover tomorrow. I scheduled a meeting at the Diamond Lane house at ten that you both knew about.” All three of us worked in the same field; that was how we met. Both Broderick and Ted were architectural engineers; Broderick specified in structural engineering, while Ted specified in mechanical engineering. Their purpose was to see through that my designs could come to life without any technical difficulties that could interfere. And, though they goofed off, they were one of the best in their respective fields, within Cincinnati at least. “You would schedule that on a Saturday,” Broderick complained as he opened the front-door, “I'll see if I can make it. No promises.” “No promises, my ass. This is work. We gotta have this house finished by August. That’s just four months away and we cannot fall behind schedule.” “No promises.” he quipped again as he exited the front-door and forced laughter from Ted. I couldn’t understand how Broderick and I were friends; I couldn’t stand people who didn’t take their work seriously, especially when I needed to depend on them in order to efficiently execute my own job. “He’ll be there, Dane,” Ted assured me through chuckles as he patted my shoulder, “but like I told you, man, find you some fun and start doing it.” “Sure, Ted. Just be there, ten o’clock sharp. Got it?” “Got it, Sergeant.” he rumbled, saluting me before snickering and leaving. I exhaustively shook my head and locked the door behind them. Padding inside of the kitchen, I cleaned up whatever mess was left and went into the living-room to turn off the TV. It was pushing nine-thirty and to most, that wasn’t late considering it being a Friday night, but that didn’t halt me from wanting to get some shut-eye.

-- -

“Your coffee, Mr. Neverson.” Carmen, one of my two assistants, smiled as she placed down my black coffee-mug that had the motivational phrase the future depends on what you do today carved in gold lettering on it. My mother had gotten it for me as a Christmas gift the year before.

“Thank you,” I grumbled, clearing my throat and focusing my attention on my second assistant, Monica, “so, like I was saying, aside from Diamond Lane, Saturday is yours. I know you guys aren’t into working on weekends, but I’m a workaholic. It never, ever quits.” Both women nodded understandingly, though, I knew they were upset about having to basically, be on-call for whenever I had an urge to get things accomplished, which was often. I needed two assistants in order to help get me through a day of work. Carmen catered to my more basic and personal needs, some of which weren’t necessarily work-related, like getting my morning coffee, for instance. Monica assisted me with actual architectural work; she served as my second pair of eyes, managed interactions with bidders, and was the only one I trusted with the budget. “I get it, boss. You’re a perfectionist and a workaholic. It’s admirable.” Carmen grinned, not being the least bit subtle with her flirtatious advances. My father once told me that working with attractive women was hell; they were nothing more than distractions. Why I never took heed of his words, I didn’t know, but she proved him right every time she found herself in my presence with her skin-tight dresses and plunging necklines. If it weren’t for our professional relationship, I would have been given her what she’d been so shamelessly begging for, but sex complicated things and that was the last thing that I needed on my plate.

While I didn’t appreciate distractions and she often caused me temptation, I never brought myself to fire her because she was good at what she did, which was catering to my needs, no matter how ridiculous or demanding.

Just to test her limits and my boundaries, I once had her drive an hour away from town just to bring me breakfast from this diner that I had a vague memory of during a business-trip that I went on months before. Turned out, I didn’t even like the food. Most would complain, or mutter beneath their breaths about my indecision and inconsideration. But, Carmen? She just asked me if I wanted her to get me the usual instead. Her intent, goal, and purpose was to please me and I loved that.

“Mr. Neverson,” Monica spoke, clearing her throat to steal my attention away from Carmen’s smooth legs, “I wanted to talk about the numbers. The budget is starting to--” “Hold on,” I grumbled, silencing Monica and directing my attention to Carmen, “do you mind? We gotta have this talk in private.” “Okay, I’ll be at my desk. Call if you need anything.” she simpered, getting up from the black, leather seat and sashaying towards the frosted-glass office door. I cleared my throat, diverting my attention away from her round ass and towards Monica’s very unimpressed expression. I chuckled. “Now, what about the budget?” I waited to ask once my office door was securely shut.

“Nothing, I just wanted her gone.” she admitted, forcing me to break into hearty laughter. Though having a strictly platonic relationship, Monica and I bonded like we were brother and sister. I consulted her for both professional and personal matters; we were highly compatible on both spectrums. Despite that, the reason why she hadn’t thrown herself onto me like Carmen and vice versa was due to her being a lesbian. Once she informed me of it, I left her alone, aside from playfully flirting with her from time to time. I still found her very attractive and deeply valued our dynamic. “She’s just being flirtatious.” “She’s just being scandalous. Hasn’t she taken the hint? If you wanted her, you would have had her by now.” “Oh, so you acknowledge my skills, then?” I smirked, watching as she rolled her hazel eyes and chuckled. “I acknowledge your persistence and territorial nature. I don’t know if I would call those skills, though.” she said, probably reflecting on how I attempted to get her, which literally forced her to reveal to me that she was a lesbian in order to cease my advances. This was before I had hired Carmen and didn’t quite take into consideration the never mix business with pleasure rule.

“Hey, I’m ambitious. When I want something, I go for it. Life slips by when you ride the pine.” I shrugged, dampening my lips with my tongue as she only shook her head. “You’re a mess.” she snickered. “Says a lot more about you since you put up with me,” I chuckled, checking my phone once it vibrated with a message from Ted, “Broderick and Ted are on their way, finally.” “Those goof-troops… they were at the strip-club last night posting pictures all on Instagram. Why didn’t you go with them?” she pondered. “Wasn’t interested.” I said. Unlocking my phone, I went straight towards my contact-list and to the entry that read Janice. I had been debating all morning on when I should call her. I didn’t want to call her too soon and come off as desperate, but I didn’t want to wait too long and come off as arrogant, either. “Dane not interested in the strip-club? That’s a new one.” “Is it really? I haven’t been to the strip-club in a year. It’s never really been my thing like it is Rick and Ted’s.” I shrugged, placing my phone aside to check the email on my laptop. “Is Mr. Sachs still coming to see the progression of the home today?” she questioned, transitioning our conversation from personal to professional in the snap of a finger. I nodded. “Yeah, and let’s hope he’s satisfied with it because all of his irrational and abrupt redesigns have been slowing us down.” I grumbled, speaking on my latest and totally impractical client. “Hey, at least he’s paying generously.” “I guess that’s a way to look at it,” I said, exiting my email account once I was finished, “money makes up for anything.” “That is an untruth. Money doesn’t buy happiness.” she argued, using that same old tired cliché that everybody and their mothers pitched.

“Money buys food, shelter, clothes, and most importantly, stability and access. I don’t know about you, but all those things make me happy as a dog.” I shrugged as she did her signature eye-roll. “What about love?” “I can buy that, too. It won’t be too authentic, but it’s definitely available for purchase,” I insisted through a chuckle as she eyed me irritably, “why do you care? You didn’t wanna love me.” “Oh, please,” she laughed along with me, “I don’t like men and you are not worth making the exception for.” “Why don’t you come over here so, I can change your mind?” “And, that’s my cue to go,” she giggled, standing from her seat as I only smirked at her nervous nature, “I’m about to get an ETA on Sachs. He’s running late.” “Hey, before you go, I need a woman’s opinion on something.” I grumbled, taking a generous sip of my hot coffee. “Yeah, grow the beard.” she replied dryly, forcing me to furrow my brow. “You think I need a beard?” I asked, gliding my palm over my mustache and goatee.

“I don’t know. Is that what you were gonna’ ask me?” she snickered. “No,” I chuckled, “it’s about a woman. I met her yesterday at the gym and I took her number. I’m just wondering when I should call her.” “And, you said you can just buy love.” she smirked, folding her arms. “Who said anything about love? And, if love were the case, how do you know I don’t have plans to do just that?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at her. “Because you wouldn’t be worrying about when to make your next move. What’s her name and story?” she pondered, folding her arms as she leaned against the space near my office door.

“Janice. She works at Friday’s and is a self-employed caterer from Toledo. That’s pretty much all of the important information that I got. So, onto the answer. When should I call?” “Well,” she dragged, “it depends.” “On what?” “On when you want to call her.” “Honest to God? Now.” “Then, call her now.” she shrugged nonchalantly as if it were that simple. “Wouldn’t I come off as desperate?” “No woman thinks a man is desperate unless he acts desperate. So, the problem ain’t calling her too soon, it’s calling her and well… acting desperate.”

“Thanks for the lovely advice, Monica. Dr. Phil, who?” I said sarcastically, forcing her to burst into a round of giggles.

“Don’t mention it.” she smiled, clicking her tongue and exiting my office. I got up from my leather chair after clicking Janice’s name. The phone rang about three times before she picked up.

“Hello?” she answered sweetly, instantly making a smile mask my face. She already had an affect on me.

“Hey, uh, it’s Dane.”

“Oh, hi, Dane. I see you used my number.”

“I told you I would call,” I chuckled while rubbing the nape of my neck, “so, how’s your morning going so far?”

“Good, I’m just watching TV.”

“At ten o’clock in the morning?” I asked while moving the brown curtain to peep outside of my window.

“Well, I don’t work my bartending job until eight o’clock tonight. My schedule is pretty clean up until then, aside from if I’m fulfilling an order. I’m self-employed, remember?” she inquired. “You definitely did tell me that,” I simpered before shoving a hand into my pocket, “not meddling, just curious. But, does your work keep you living good? I imagine it must be tough.” “I manage. I get enough clients to afford my own place and whatnot. It is tough when your career is based mostly on word-of-mouth and networking. But, I can’t complain, you know? This is what I’ve chosen to do so, I just gotta make it work so, I can take care of myself and as of late, I’ve been doing well with that. So, to answer your question, I’m living great.”

“Well, look at you. An independent woman? I like it.” I chuckled, truly admiring how put-together she was. She had her own and that was a plus for me. That meant that I didn’t have to worry about any foul intentions because she was good with or without me.

“Well, you gotta be in this day and age,” she giggled, “so, what about you? How’s your morning going?” “Great. I’m actually about to get ready for a meeting at this house I’ve been working on since November last year.” “That must be exciting. Is that what an average day is like for you?” “Sort of,” I said, “I meet with clients, take phone-calls throughout the day from clients and partners alike, create designs, and then propose them to my team. It’s just me juggling a ton of responsibilities all day long.” “That can be tiring, huh?” “Yeah, but I love it. I love engaging tasks, you know? Something that keeps me involved.” “That’s so me. That’s why I love cooking. So, are you the boss, or do you work beneath someone else?” “No, no. I’m my own boss. I have my own firm, Neverson Associates. I have a team of people who work for me and handle different components of the business. I just opened up shop in February of last year so, I’m somewhat new on the scene, but it’s been lucrative nonetheless.” “That’s… motivational. I’m praying by the beginning of next year I’ll be set like that, with my own business and such.” she expressed, making me smile. I admired her ambition.

“It’ll happen for you. I can tell you want it enough and as long as you have the drive, your dreams will become a reality… Wow, I sounded very preachy and cliché just now, didn’t I?” “No, no, you sounded inspiring.” she assured through giggles as Broderick and Ted bursted into my office.

“Yo, yo, yo! Wassup?!” Broderick shouted, obnoxiously announcing his presence.

“Shh!” “Don’t shush me.” he argued, opening my black mini-fridge to grab a water. “Monica said that Sachs is en route, which means we need to go,” Ted said, pointing his thumb at the office-door, “let’s ride together so, we can tell you about last night. You missed out!” “Hello?” Janice sang, regaining my attention. “Sorry, gimme a second,” I grinned, that being replaced by a grimace as I placed my phone against my chest, “don’t you two see that I’m on the phone?” “Who you talking to?” Broderick asked. “None of your business. Just wait outside, I’ll be done in a minute.” “He rushed us here and he ain’t even ready. Typical Dane.” Broderick rumbled as Ted laughed and followed his lead outside of my office. I sighed. “Hello? Yeah, I’m sorry about that. My idiot-friends just barged in my office.” I chuckled smoothly. “They bother you at work?” “Well, they kinda work for me, and with me. We’re about to go see that house I mentioned earlier.” I informed her while sitting down at my desk. “Okay, I don’t wanna keep you any longer so, I’m gonna’ let you go. But, before I do,” she said before pausing, “this might be soon of me--” “And, soon can be good.” I interjected, eager to see what she had in mind. “It can be. So, Friday night, I’m gonna’ be apart of a bottle-tossing competition at my job. You’re welcome to come.” “Bottle-tossing competition?” I asked, genuinely not knowing what that was. Her cute giggles rang through the line again. “Well, the correct term for it is flair bartending. But, I basically do tricks while I make my own signature drinks. When I’m done, the highest bidder gets the drinks. And, if I get highest amount on my drinks, I win the competition.” “That sounds fun. I’ll be there,” I grinned, “and, I’ll be sure to buy every drink you make, too.” “Well, I hope I amount to your expectations, then,” she chuckled, “it’s my first time entering.” “So, where’s this gonna’ be at?” I pondered. “At Friday’s, the one near Home Depot. You know where that is, right?” “Yeah, yeah.” I assured as I picked up my black ink-pen and wrote down the details on the desk-calendar. “It’s at eight o’clock.” “Alright, you’ll see me then.” I smiled. “Okay,” she said and I could hear the smile in her voice, “and, just so you’re not bombarded and caught off-guard, my friends will be there, too.” Based on that, I knew that if I wanted to impress her, I would need to hit it off with her friends. If that weren’t the case, she wouldn’t have invited me out on a night where they were all present, considering the fact that we hadn’t even had any solo-time to get to know each other yet. So, I wasn’t even worried about them being there; I always made good first impressions.

“That’s fine.”

“Alright, then. I can’t wait to see you, Dane.” she confessed, expressing my sentiments exactly, though, hers sounded much more friendly. I was aiming for something a little more than just a friendship.

“I can’t wait to see you, either. I’ll talk to you later.” I grinned before she said bye and we hung up. Sitting my iPhone aside, I glanced down at the calendar-block and broke into another smile.

9PM with Janice on June 4th.

[wiccawisdom]

Magic, Seven Days a Week

Every day of the week, Sunday through Saturday, is a magical day. Each of the seven days of the week has its own magical correspondences such as deity associations, colors, crystals, and herbs. Each individual day also carries its own bewitching specialties. The trick is finding a way to apply these correspondences in a practical and fresh way to your Witchcraft.

You may feel like you don't have much room in your schedule to add to your magical practice. Between your job, hauling the kids to soccer practice, walking the dog, and doing the laundry you've got maybe twenty minutes to spare for magic—no problem. Magic doesn't have to be complicated to be effective. The most powerful works of magic are those that are simple, practical, and come from the heart.

And whether you are an old hand at the Craft or a new practitioner, you'll always feel the desire to learn something new. Taking a fresh and realistic look at the daily correspondences gives you an opportunity to expand your skills.

Each day of the week has its own magical associations. These energies, associated deities, colors, scents, crystals, herbs, and Tarot cards all have the same sort of vibrations. This means they work well together, in harmony with one another. Correspondences are much simpler to work with than you think. Learning to combine these various related items together in spell-work strengthens your magic and unifies the punch of your charms. As you begin to focus on daily correspondences, you'll understand that by working with these accessories in a new way, you are allowing yourself more creative ways to personalize your Witchcraft.

So, let's dive right in and take a look at all of the days of the bewitching week. Don't panic now, I'm not going to bombard you with huge correspondence charts, or expect you to memorize massive amounts of information. What I am going to do is try to inspire you to look at daily correspondences in a whole new, practical, and fun way. I want you to use your imagination and look around you to see what sort of accessories you may already have on hand—or growing in your own backyard. It's actually very simple when you break down the daily correspondence information and look at it from a different perspective. Sometimes, we all need some no-muss, no-fuss magic.

To do this, we start at the beginning. By taking a look at Sunday, our first day of the week.

Sunday: Sunday corresponds to the sun, our closest star. This day is full of wonder and all sorts of magical potential for success, wealth, and fame. Sundays are for personal achievements of any kind such as working towards a promotion at your job, seeking fame and wealth, or being acknowledged for a job well done. All of these goals fall under the golden influence of the sun. Some suggestions for Sunday enchantments would include:

Sitting outside at sunrise and calling on the goddess Brigid for illumination and inspiration

Wearing gold jewelry or clothing that is gold or sunshine yellow to pull some color magic into your life

Arranging a few sunflowers in a vase and empowering these "flowers of the sun" for fame and ambition

Gathering up the common marigold flower and scattering it's petals about to encourage prosperity

Baking up a batch of cinnamon rolls for the family and enchanting them for health and success

Snacking on a solar fruit, the orange, and enjoying the magical boost it brings to your life

Monday: This day of the week is dedicated to the moon and all of her magic and mystery. Mondays are for women's mysteries, illusion, prophetic dreaming, emotions, travel, and fertility. Some suggestions for Monday enchantments would include:

Getting outside and looking for the moon in the heavens. Sit under her light and absorb a little glamor. Call on the moon goddess Selene for practical help in magical issues.

Invoking the god Thoth for wisdom and insight

Empowering your silver jewelry under the light of the moon. Wear moonstone or pearl jewelry today to add a lunar and magical shimmer to your outfit. Be mysterious and subtle and wear moon-associated colors such as white, silver, and blue.

Working spells for safe travel with a simple moonstone

Gathering bluebells, jasmine, gardenias, or white roses to create a little garden witchery with the flowers that are associated with the moon

Setting up a lunar Tarot spell today to increase your psychic powers

Eating a lunar fruit such as a melon to be healthy, serene, and at peace

Brewing up a cup of chamomile or mint tea and enchanting it for sweet dreams and restful sleep

Tuesday: Tuesday is a Mars day, and just like the god of war, this is the time to tap into magics to call for strength and courage. This day of the week is for rebels and warriors. If you are facing a challenge of any kind, need a boost to your courage, or want to enhance your passions, Tuesday is the day of the week for you. Some suggestions for Tuesday enchantments would include:

Wearing the fiery colors associated with this day: scarlet, red, black, and orange. Don some of the more daring and bewitching colors of your wardrobe on Tuesdays and turn a few heads

Carrying a bloodstone in your pocket or wearing garnet-studded jewelry to reinforce your convictions

Working with protective and fire-associated plants such as the snapdragon, thistle, and holly to boost your shields and bravery

Burning spicy-scented energy-enhancing candles to add a little magical aromatherapy to your home

Cooking up a hearty meal featuring carrots, peppers, and garlic (all Mars foods and spices) to empower yourself for victory and success

Wednesday: Wednesdays are wild and wacky days. They are for communication, change, cunning, and the arts. This is a Mercury day, and just its patron god this day is full of contradictions, change, and excitement. Some suggestions for Wednesday enchantments would include:

Pulling a little Wednesday color magic into your life by wearing purples or orange

Carrying a multi-purpose agate with you and tapping into its various charms

Working with magical plants such as the fern for protection. This plant will also boost the power of any other magical plants with which it is arranged.

Incorporating lavender into charms and spells for transformation

Using the charming scent of lily of the valley to improve your memory, or working with the aspen tree for communication

Calling on Athena, patron of arts and crafts, for inspiration for a new project

Fanning out a Tarot spell to increase you creativity

Calling on Hermes on a Wednesday night to bring movement and good luck into your life

Thursday: Thursday is a Jupiter day. Here is the day of the week for prosperity, abundance, and good health. Thursday is "Thor's day." This Norse god gave the day his name and many of his attributes, including strength and abundance. Some suggestions for Thursday enchantments would include:

Wearing a regal and royal shade of blue to see how it affects your mood and your magic. Other colors for the day include purple and green.

Carrying a turquoise tumbled stone in your pocket to draw a little protective and healing energy your way

Incorporating honeysuckle blossoms and cinquefoil foliage into prosperity charms

Calling on Thor for abundance, or on the Roman god Jupiter for the ability to peacefully referee a fight

Adding a few oak leaves—which are sacred to these Thursday gods—to your charms to see how much better your spell works out

Casting a charm with wheat stalks for prosperity, and calling on Juno Moneta to bring wealth into your life

Baking up some whole wheat bread and blessing it for abundance. Be sure to thank the gods for your family and your good health.

Friday: Friday belongs to Venus, both the planet and its namesake Roman goddess of love. This day is sacred to many other gods and goddesses of love such as Eros, Venus, Aphrodite, and the Norse goddess that gave the day it's name, Freya. This day of the week is for magical topics such as love, birth, fertility, and romance. Colors for today include pink and aqua. Some suggestions for Friday enchantments would include:

Carrying a rose quartz with you today to send out some gentle and loving vibes to those crabby co-workers

Working a loving Tarot spell to charm a friend’s pregnancy with good health and safety

Working a little flower magic to enchant a single pink rose for friendship and inner beauty, and setting it on your desk. Or try empowering a red rose for passion and placing it in your bedroom.

Burning rose-scented candles to encourage the same effect. Call on Eros to "bring a passion for life" to your days.

Sharing a romantic snack with your partner. Feed each other ripe, red strawberries. Those strawberries are love-inducing food, and are sacred to many love goddesses, including today's patroness, Freya.

Saturday: This day of the week got it's name from the god of karma and time, Saturn. This day is obviously associated with the planet Saturn and is our last day of the week. Traditionally Saturdays are great days for protection, banishing a negative situation, and generally a good time to clean up any magical messes that you have been ignoring. Some suggestions for Saturday enchantments would include:

Wearing the colors of the day, black and deep purple. Here's your perfect excuse to be dramatic and witchy. Empower these dramatic pieces of your wardrobe for protection and strength.

Burning black candles to absorb negativity and burning purple ones to increase your magical wisdom and boost your spirituality

Adding a touch of garden witchery to your Saturday spells by working with the pansy (in black or purple of course), the morning glory flowering vine, or the cypress tree.

Carrying an obsidian, hematite, or jet tumbled stone in your pocket to reinforce your personal protection and to ward off bad vibes and sour feelings. You can also add these crystals to a candle spell on a Saturday night to really increase the punch of your spellcasting.

Cleaning your house and cleansing it while you are at it. Tap into those obstacle-removing vibes and the positive, concluding energies.

Closing up the final day of the bewitching week with a bang by calling on Hecate for protection and guidance.

Every day is a magical day. Just how enchanting of a day it turns out to be is completely up to you.

=======================

By Ellen Dugan. (c) 2004 Llewellyn Publishing Ltd. All rights reserved. Originally published in The Llewellyn Journal

from All Wicca Store Magickal Supplies http://www.allwicca.com/index.php?route=news/article&news_id=113

[jessi-31days-blog]

Day 6, Friday, October 6th

I wake up around 10am.

I couldn’t get to sleep last night until around 4am. Normally while I prefer 9 hours of sleep, today my body decided 6 hours of sleep was enough. Oh well. I drink two cups of coffee and have breakfast, then start my day.

Yoga class - “Yoga for Stress Relief“ - 29 mins:

This was a good class. The instructor went through some breathing exercises as well as various poses and stretches that gave me a little bit of a work out. This helped relieve a little bit of depression that I was feeling. Towards the end of the video, the instructor said to lay down on the mat, and lay in silence for about a minute or two, and try to clear the mind. At this point I’m really starting to see how hard it is for me to clear my mind. I’ve known how hard it is for me to clear my mind, but you never truly realize how stubborn something can be until you try to get rid of it. Me trying to clear my mind is like discovering a bad rash on my body, applying creme to the rash, only to discover that I’m allergic to the creme, thus making the rash worse. But I’m sure I’ll find a way to be able to clear my mind eventually. I am going to keep trying. At the end of the video, the instructor said to sit up and face forward. Then he said something that really stuck with me, so much so that it practically caught me off guard. It was something along the lines of “take this moment to thank yourself for the opportunity to take care of yourself”. I know this should have been obvious, but it never really occurred to me that I am doing all this for me. I almost imagine myself as two people (or three, depending on what questions you ask me, but for the sake of this point, two) in one. One of me is taking care of the other me. I’m being kind to myself. Perhaps I should thank myself as an attempt to acknowledge that some part of me is actually taking the initiative to care about myself. I’ve been selfish in the past, not so much caring about myself in a good way but caring about myself in the way that I would do anything to get better, but most of those things were unhealthy, damaging, and did in some way affect the people around me. But now I’m actually caring about my well being. That’s what this is, right? Me caring about myself? I don’t even know if I’d know it when I see it, if I’m seeing it. I’ve been taught to be thankful to God for my opportunities and blessings. I still believe in that. But I’ve never considered thanking myself. Quite the opposite, actually. The two me’s hated each other, and I’d often find myself asking myself “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? YOU’RE DESTROYING EVERYTHING, YOU IDIOT!” But what do I say to myself now? Should I say, “thank you for at least trying to get things right this time”? I guess I’ll find out.

Guided meditation - “Transform Yourself” - 15 mins:

I went for my walk before this, which I’ll talk about in a little while for the sake of keeping things in my usual order. But I mention it because I was feeling kind of low before the walk, and then my mood just dropped once I was home. So to be honest, I didn’t have it in me to put very much effort into focusing on this guided meditation. But I did play the whole thing and listened the best I could. “Stop resisting life.” I’m trying, I really am. I’m trying to accept life for what it is. “Be fully present.” I don’t know if I can do that right now.  “Allow the tension to release.” No, tell the tension to allow me to be released. “Embrace it all, love it all, simply because it’s you”. How? Literally how do I do this? I don’t love depression. I want it gone. Is embracing pain the healthy thing to do? I really don’t know. Maybe I’m supposed to embrace the fact that I’m doing all I can to recover from it. Half way through the meditation, I just let a few tears out. I’m so tired. In my mind I said “God, help me.” Just as a side note, if you have any interest in beginning to pray, this is a good way to start out if you don’t know what to say. I don’t blame the meditation, but at the end of it I was pissed off more than how I should have felt, which is supposed to be relaxation. I can’t really pinpoint why I’m pissed off. Maybe it’s because I’m tired. Maybe it’s because I’ve finally begun to fight back against depression and it’s fighting back harder. Does it get worse before it gets better? Is this even as bad as it’s going to get? Or will it get worse? I must be missing something. I’m sorry if my response to something that is supposed to help people is negative, but I’ve said from the get go that I’m going to be completely honest with this process, no bullshit allowed. All the effort I’m committed to putting into my self improvement and mental illness relief for these 31 days (and hopefully longer) may end up doing nothing for me. It could also change my life. I really don’t know. But it’s only been 6 days, so I’m trying to maintain a sense of hope about all this.

Read a Proverb - Proverbs 6:

This whole chapter seems like it’s talking about not committing adultery. Well that’s fine because I don’t plan on it, lol. Only one thought split into two verses stood out to me in this one. It was verses 25 and 26: “It [wisdom] will keep you from the immoral woman, from the smooth tongue of a promiscuous woman. Don’t lust for her beauty. Don’t let her coy glances seduce you.” The word in the brackets is my addition for context. I was reminded of the immoral woman from yesterday’s chapter, and how it reminded me of how I used to take the easy way out in life. So this was just a reminder to me to not let the idea of giving up and doing things the easy (and unhealthy) way seduce me into giving into them. Wisdom will keep me from doing this, so I really do hope I gain more of it. Pause. In order to find today’s blog post, I did a few google searches. Some started out innocent, with “depression relief” or “depression self help”. I’ve already done or am doing most of the shit these articles tell people to do. At this point, still having some left over anger, I got a little aggressive with google. “What do I fucking do?” Nope. “Why?” Now I have relearned the definition of the word why, but that doesn’t help. Then I google search “somebody fucking help me”. The first thing to show up was the Suicide Prevention Hotline website. I let out a hearty chuckle at this. I have a bit of a sense of disdain for suicide hotlines. But you know what? Fuck it, let’s see what the website has to offer. So I ended up on the “stories” page. Each story link had a small paragraph preview of the story with the picture of the survivor next to it. I couldn’t find a story I wanted to read. Back to google. I was a bit more specific with my words this time, as if google were a person that I was asking a question to: “At what point do things actually get better?” Finally, I found something.

Blog post - TheMighty.com - “When You’ve Given Up Hope That Things Can Get Better, Please Read This Letter” by Kerry Magro:

I’ve never heard of this website, but the title was interesting. The writer starts off this “letter” addressed to “To the One That Gave Up Hope”. The writer begins describing a conversation with their friend who they asked if they could name the positives (presumably of this friend’s life or situation). Their response was “What would that do? Instill a sense of hope that things will get better?” Then the writer states that even though we live in a world where it can be easy to give up hope, they believe that hope is something we can all aspire to. I can agree with this. I so badly want to strengthen my sense of hope. The writer talks about how their family’s hope in them led to their progress, even in a time where accomplishments that may seem small to some, such as getting a job, finding a girlfriend, or graduating from school, all seemed unattainable to them. I’ve definitely felt this way. My god, have I felt this way. The writer then goes on to explain that hope gave them motivation, that hope is possible for everyone, and most importantly, to never close the door on hope. Don’t worry Kerry, I won’t (hopefully). Kerry then goes on to explain how hope gets us through tough times and gives us the strength to carry on. Honestly, the last few paragraphs are really superficial. I’m not saying that they can’t inspire someone, but to me, it had no effect. But this article did help me reevaluate my perspective on hope. They did end the article with a great quote, though: “We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.” — Martin Luther King Jr.” I will definitely try my best.

Encouraging someone on Reddit - r/SuicideWatch:

I found a simple post that had yet to be responded to. I’ll leave out the title, but in the context was written one simple message: “I am in pain. I am in such pain.” It had been up for an hour, and a good portion of posts on this subreddit usually receive at least one response fairly quickly. Perhaps people didn’t know what to say. I don’t even know if I said the right thing. But here’s what I said: “I am too. Cry, if your eyes will let you. Sometimes when I need to cry but can't, I find some sad songs. But I try not to stay there too long.Scream into your pillow. Go for a walk. If that doesn't work, get a little unorthodox. Break something of little importance. Punch something, but avoid badly injuring your hands. Buy a cheap ass piece of technology from a thrift store such as a boom box or if you've got a few extra bucks to spend get one of those ancient box TVs, take it home and bring it to your yard, and take a fucking bat to that son of a bitch. If you still feel some pain, have a glass of wine or one or two beers. Smoke a cigar, if you're into that. Those skinny ones, black n milds, are a buck at your local gas station (assuming you're in a country that sells this product). Eat something absolutely fucking tasty, just a wonderful meal that will make you feel comforted. Above all else, try one thing. Write this pain down. You don't need to be perfect. Even if its just single words or phrases. Getting it out on paper is scientifically proven to help process pain. Whatever you do, I hope you feel better sooner rather than later. I wish you the best with your mental health.”

Walk:

As I stated earlier, I went for a long (2 mile) walk. I’m glad I did this, even though initially, when I arrived home, I felt worse than when I left. I feel a bit better now, and my mind feels clear. End of Day Notes:When I was going through these things, I felt in a really low mood. But right now, as of writing the end of day notes, I feel okay. Content. Not happy, but not sad either. Maybe I’ve made an improvement today.Good night, friends.