#a toy will tell a major antagonist he probably was never loved before because he doesn't understand the THEMES

[keykidpilipili]

Some KH fans lured themselves into a false sense of safety, I pray KHML and KH4 match the level of sillies of Maleficent trying to turn Santa into a heartless.

And also Belle elbowing her way out of a hostage situation against a member of organization XIII.

[angel-deux-writes]

Now that Honor Compels Me is finally done, I wanted to do a round-up of all the things I remember that made me say “I feel like I need to tell someone what almost happened here” or “I should probably explain this later lol”, along with my reasons for cutting the last few chapters/what would have happened in them. It’s prob going to be very long, which I apologize for, but I’ll bold the headings so that you can skip to the parts you’re interested in!

I’ll reblog it and add more as I think of them, but for now: 

Dark Dany: VERY originally, like way back in the OG plotline from 2017, Dany was an antagonist, and Margaery Tyrell was Robb’s queen. Dany would have died fighting Cersei in Kings Landing, with the same result (Cersei was ALWAYS going to go out by wildfire lmao). I changed it both because a) it seemed like too many Conveniently Alive people for one story and b) after the shitty ending Dany got, I decided I would try my hand at writing a Dany I could actually root for! For years I’ve been a big proponent/fan of the idea that Dany is eventually going to be an antagonist in the books, but the way it was handled in the show was so irredeemably stupid (gassing her up and gaslighting/scolding her fans later who didn’t see it coming, making her switch at the drop of a hat for the majority of the general audience just for the sake of a twist, etc). I ended up really loving the version of Dany I created. I tried not to soften her TOO much, which is why I had her wrestle with herself even up to the very end (like thinking “I won” after the explosion in Kings Landing and hating herself for it). I didn’t want all the flaws that make me not support canon Dany to disappear just because I started to like her! I do think that writing this story made me like Dany more overall. I still don’t support her canon actions, and I also probably won’t in the books, but I came to find her more compelling as I wrote her. I’m a lot less afraid to write her now than I have been in the past, though I’ll continue to add warnings to all my stories that feature Dark Dany, bc yall Dany stans have been through enough. 

More Death: At various points Dany, Theon, Bran, and Arya were going to die. 

Dany was already pointed out. 

I had Theon die in the Long Night in the plot outline just out of laziness/in keeping with canon, until I remembered that Redemption = Death is stupid and I wasn’t gonna do it. 

Bran was going to die after warging into Drogon and being caught in the explosion of the Red Keep. That actually stayed in until a few weeks ago! I told a bunch of people that Bran was going to die! It was the plan all along! And then I realized that “somebody has to die” was a shitty way of looking at it, and I changed it. I think a lot of this process of changing things was me trying to write what I thought people wanted vs what story I actually wanted to tell. Sure it’s a little fairy tale ending this way, but it’s my story, and who cares? Happy endings are nice. Fuck off. 

Arya...I probably wouldn’t have ever actually gone through with it, because I am a coward, but there was an idea of a VERY heavy-handed “revenge is bad” message with Arya where Arya was much more savage and instead of turning back into Arya, she was turning farther and farther away from her. She couldn’t reconcile with the Lannisters, she rejected her bonds with her family. In the end she would be unable to let go of her list, would refuse to grow and change and realize that she had other things to live for, and she would have set off one of Qyburn’s traps in the Red Keep, igniting the whole thing, killing Drogon and Rhaegal (and Bran) and leading to the deaths of thousands. AGAIN I was like “that’s too dark” and scrapped the idea, but it was definitely toyed with. I love Arya as a character, so this plotline for her would have definitely been more a reaction to fans of her who seem to want her to hold on to that vengeful seed inside of her. 

Prophecies: Listen, I do not give a fuck about any prophecies. I really don’t. Every fantasy universe has some kind of involved backstory that some fans love to get mired in, but I am not one of those fans. Still, I tried to deliver on two of them lmao. 

Azor Ahai ended up being Jaime, with Ice/Oathkeeper and Maiden’s Heart being Lightbringer. Originally, I had Brienne killing the Night King, without any thought to the prophecy at all, but that was another case of “people will like it if Brienne kills the Night King” and I realized that I would like it better if it was Jaime. I’m not sure how it checks out literally, but I figured it worked with a) tempering in water = splitting Ice. b) heart of a lion = Jaime’s change of heart after the Highgarden Battle. c) Nissa Nissa = Brienne’s “maiden’s heart” breaking during the Highgarden Battle. It was Brienne who did the stabbing, but it was Jaime who made it happen, so I figured that made sense. I made sure to mention Brienne’s tears and all the smoke when Jaime was wounded, so he could be “reborn amidst salt and smoke” or whatever, and I had Bran mention a rebirth for him in the next chapter. Which was maybe a little on the nose, but IDK GUYS I FEEL LIKE IT CHECKS OUT! 

I know the show never dove into the Valonqar prophecy at all, and I think we all know that I absolutely HATE the idea of Jaime being the Valonqar, so I would rather not think about it AT ALL. But Bran AND Rhaegal were both kind of responsible for Cersei’s death in the end, so take your pick of which Little Brother actually did the deed! 

Deleted Chapters: I promise you, you are not missing anything with these deleted chapters. They were always messy, and no matter how many times I edited them, they felt too forced and “now let me explain the ending”. 

Sansa: Sansa’s chapter followed Jaime’s and was primarily about her going to Robb and Dany and the three of them talking about the future of Westeros. The Dany/Robb conversation about it was originally absent--the last Robb chapter was added to fill in the gaps when I deleted this and the other chapters--so this would have been the first time it was discussed. It then would have had a time jump and a wedding scene, which I could never make work! It was such a jarring time jump in the middle of a chapter, and I didn’t think the wedding was particularly exciting to write about lmao. 

Tyrion: Tyrion’s chapter would have been Dany being crowned and announcing to everyone that she and her people are going to be dismantling the monarchy and setting up a new government. I think I had her give a period of a few years in which she and Robb would rule, but they were going to be transitioning governments in that time. Kind of the same idea as in What a King Should Look Like. Bronn also showed up, DID in fact get a minor holdfast, and was mocked by both Lannisters for bowing out before he could have earned himself a better one. Olenna found some bastard daughter to legitimize and continue her house.

Brienne: Brienne’s arc was a lot more drawn out in the original draft, and I ended up editing it a few times and making it shorter. VERY originally, this chapter would have been her wedding with Jaime, at which she has the “wow he actually loves me, huh?” realization. Which I thought was funny as I plotted it out, but in execution it wasn’t as good as I wanted it to be, so I moved the realization to an earlier chapter. The original was also going to be Jaime giving up his name entirely, and Brienne cloaking him, but as we have discussed before, I am in fact a coward, so I just deleted the whole chapter lmao. In all seriousness, at this point the endings just felt like Return of the King, and Into the West was actually the chosen song for this chapter, because I knew even as I was writing it that I was doing Too Much lmao. 

Robb: Robb’s last chapter was essentially just a total wrap up chapter. Just Robb and Dany being sappy, Robb being happy he was still alive, and the two of them planning the future. They were at Riverrun for this part, i’m pretty sure, or it might have been Dragonstone? I had trouble even filling this chapter with enough words for it to be a full chapter, because it was basically just an epilogue. As the story progressed, this chapter felt more and more like I was just performing to the “Robb’s Alive” crowd, which I didn’t particularly want to do, because Robb being alive was always a feature, not the focus, of this story. 

That’s all the stuff I can think of for now! If anyone has any particular questions you can message me or inbox me about them and I’d be happy to talk about it! 

[cookiefonster666]

Thoughts on the Homestuck Epilogues (Tumblr Edition)

I predicted the future!

Might as well adapt this Blogspot post I made about a week ago into Tumblr form, why not. With a few minor changes. I don’t like using Tumblr but I figure it’s a good additional platform to share my surprisingly positive views on the Homestuck Epilogues.

The epilogues have a lot of controversial content, most of which I avoid talking about here.

BRIEF SUMMARY

4/20, read through Meat: epilogues pretty good

4/20, started Candy: what the fuck

4/21, stopped: aaaaaaaaughhhhh bluh i hate everything

4/24-ish, continued Candy: epilogues alright i guess also i am sad now

4/27-ish, finished: I LOVE HOMESTUCK

BRIEF-ISH SUMMARY

Meat was a wild ride that started as cool plot stuff and things that make you go "OH FUCK", continued as basically chapters 7-9 of Detective Pony (which I naturally enjoyed a lot), and ended as a mess of sheer chaos and destruction. My thought process ended as, "oh duh, this is the bad ending, candy must be the good ending". I was in for quite the nasty surprise.

I quit reading Candy just a few pages in. It didn't take long for it to suddenly become the weirdest fanfiction ever. Frustrated, I started skipping and searching through later parts and got rather salty when it turned out both sides were the "bad ending". I saw firsthand what vfromhomestuck meant by "clear your whole week": this is not something most people can just read in one sitting. Then I recovered a few days and read Candy in earnest, in a somewhat anachronous order and with many parts read multiple times. Slowly, I started to hope that the epilogues would be followed up with a true happy ending for real this time. I may or may not have written a snippet of some form of fanfiction paving the way for a happy ending.

Once I finally accomplished the equivalent of reading Candy as intended, I got hit HARD with feels. I accepted that the epilogues have many issues but as a whole (not just the sum of parts) are an absolute masterwork, sometimes because of those issues. It didn't take me long to realize the brilliant duality either. Meat is a side-splitting metafictional farce that (for me at least) is impossible to treat as anything resembling a story of people doing things. Candy is a tale of FEELS, and I don't use the word FEELS lightly. FEELS means I almost cried, like I did when I watched the Futurama episode Luck of the Fryrish.

DETECTIVE PONY AND METAFICTION

Before I move on and talk about the CHARACTERS, I'm going to discuss the meat epilogue's resemblance to sonnetstuck's Detective Pony. I love everything about Detective Pony, more than almost anything else in existence. My abnormal love for that godlike fanwork probably skewed my perception of Meat a bit. Starting from page 17, Dirk takes over the narration then fights over it with god tier Calliope; both do rather questionable deeds and Dirk was hit hard by fans as a result. Seeing other fans react towards that character with such hostility gave me a very distinct feeling of "what, am I missing something?" Dirk's takeover felt like a lengthy work of comedy to me; a story that never strips away from the fact that it's fiction, in a vein near identical to that of Detective Pony. I like to think I am in the right for perceiving that arc this way, because I think everyone who has read Homestuck should read Detective Pony. One of the epilogue authors read Detective Pony after writing the epilogues and was struck by it; I take this accidental mirroring of (post-)canon as proof that sonnetstuck understands Hussie's ways through and through. I like to think I have a solid understanding of Hussie's ways by now, but this guy is on a whole new level.

That said, the meat epilogue gets a bit carried away with metafiction to the point of making me think, "god when will things go back to normal". Towards the end of Detective Pony, Dirk goes through an existential crisis followed by a powerful revelation, and then resolves to do whatever it takes to erase his abominable creation. But the meat epilogue ends with (both figurative and literal) crashing and burning; no ultimate redemption for our poor Strider. Homestuck doesn't usually have much of a problem with getting carried away with stupid nonsense; maybe a few rare occasions in cases like Hussie's self-insert scenes. But getting carried away is a major criticism I have with cool and new web comic. I love that comic to death, but the parts that take a long time to dwell on the cool and new characters being creepy or weird are a chore to go through. o (the author of CaNWC) seems to have improved in that regard; the cool and new trolls' arc is much more to-the-point with such nonsense.

Meat getting carried away with metafiction is a major cause of my initial burnout shortly after starting Candy. I was sick of this mass dump of metafiction and expected Candy to be a refreshing change of pace. Haha, if only. My fault for reading Meat first. At night I sometimes ponder in envy of the parallel universe me that started with Candy. Actually I don't do that, I just thought it was a funny thing to say. Though I have on more than a few occasions sat in bed fantasizing about how awesome my life probably is in some parallel universe. What point was I making again? Oh whatever, it doesn't matter. I guess I should write a similar overview of Candy's narrative nature. Here goes:

LUCK OF THE FRYRISH AND SADSTUCK

Sad things are sad.

^ There, that's my candy overview. How hard was that?

With the two summaries out of the way, I figure the best way to dump out my residual thoughts on the epilogues is going character by character. I won't do every character, mostly just the ones who played large roles and were already characters in Homestuck proper. I'm sorting these characters in tiers of how well I think the epilogues handle them, mostly from worst to best.

N-TIER

N is not the lowest tier; it's the tier that cannot be ranked. N stands for two things here: "Not Applicable" and "Narrators". Naturally enough, two characters fit into that tier.

Dirk Strider: I've already talked about this guy quite a bit. I have a fondness for Dirk's character and I think his dialogue and narration in meat do a good job portraying some ascended, ultimate version of his character without straying from his voice, the tone that makes him Dirk. That said, I'm a bit peeved that "normal Dirk", the one iteration of Dirk Strider that isn't total bonkers and just wants his friends to be happy, doesn't exist in this story. In Candy, Rose suddenly loses the memories of her alternate selves, but for some reason Dirk keeps those memories and soon after commits suicide; he's left out of the picture until Candy's postscript, which I guess is a reasonable balance considering his indulgence throughout Meat. But why is only one of the succulently verbose Strilondes let off the hook? Some readers imagine Dave as the comic's protagonist and Dirk as the antagonist; I've toyed with that idea myself and can see it symbolized, but it just feels so wrong to me. Maybe the authors did too good a job writing Dirk for me to be complacent with such a shift in role. His conversations with Rose were just as delightful as I had hoped and they aren't weighed down too much in light of his shift in role, at least not for me.

Alt Calliope: The narrative rival to Dirk, as I mentioned previously. I'm not totally sure what to say about her, other than that one could see her as a counterpart to let's say Anna Harley; a necessary piece in the Detective Pony analogy. Alt Calliope's narrative arguments with Dirk were hilarious and that's all there is to say on the matter.

G-TIER

I'm lucky Gamzee's name starts with a G, because this means I can give him a tier of his own worse than F. As an individual arc that is; he'd get a much higher rating when taken as part of a whole.

Gamzee Makara: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I despised reading every word that came out of this guy's mouth as soon as his """redemption arc""" started. But I can clearly tell that was the point and that the suffering that is reading his words has a much greater purpose. Before you deem me a masochist or the kind that insists everything is "bad on purpose", know that I am neither of those things but really do mean what I say here. Gamzee's role in Candy draws tension between individuality and the whole. Reading this guy's hogwash is suffering in and of itself, but ultimately it serves a role of showing us how fucked up the world of Candy is and helps the reader experience John's existential crisis with him.

F-TIER

As before, these tiers are strictly about character arcs in isolation and not the big picture. This tier is home to none other than the legendary...

Jane Crocker: Boy did I predict the future on that one. A bit like Dirk, I would've liked it more if in only one epilogue did sweet innocent little Jane become such a monster. No way in hell am I going to run through the asshole things she does; it's a load of sensitive topics I'm not comfortable discussing in any capacity. Instead, I'll say that if I had to choose only one epilogue where Jane ran through her crazy presidential campaign it would be Candy; as with Gamzee's arc, this campaign serves well as a part of John's existential crisis. What's weird here is that in Candy she originally cancelled all this, but later ended up basically doing it anyway with Dirk gone. I can imagine Jane going back to normal in Meat, maybe? Or in the hypothetical "true ending" I discussed prior.

D-TIER

Better known as "meh" tier. Mostly the characters that don't do much and I wished did more.

Meenah Peixes: Needed more screen time, god damn it. She survives the Furthest Ring apocalypse, nabs the Ring of Life, then makes her way to Candy Earth and joins Karkat in the rebellion. Maybe it makes sense that her and Karkat teaming up in war is relegated to the background, to show how far the shouty guy has come in comparison to everyone else. I'll come back to this point when I talked about Karkat.

Roxy Lalonde: Doesn't do too much in either side, but does go through some touchy topics I'm not sure what to think about; I'm most certainly not ready to talk about those topics now. And regardless, Roxy's role in the epilogues is better discussed when I talk about John and Terezi a few tiers up.

Calliope: Doesn't do all that much either, full circle to being the exposition alien with mysterious morality. I'm actually pretty OK with that. Certainly beats out the slog of endless "ur pretty" conversations. Calliope pretty much fades into the background on both sides, which is sad but fitting.

(About pronouns: I'll keep referring to Roxy and Calliope as "she" unless I find reason to talk about the little those two do in Meat. I just avoided using pronouns in those paragraphs above.)

C-TIER

Better known as "meh" tier, but with a more positive "meh" than before. It's the "meh" that indicates lukewarm satisfaction rather than annoyance at mediocrity.

Jade Harley: Really should be on a lower tier, because she did dick squat other than being horny and painfully oblivious to all the nonsense going on. But I'm a sucker for Jade being "Jade" and was happy to see even a trace of that early in Meat. As before, I'll avoid the controversial topics surrounding Jade in the epilogues, aside from pointing out that this post reads very different now.

Karkat Vantas: This guy's a bit of an odd spot. His leadership role is addressed in the absolute last way I expected. Could've gotten more attention from the story I suppose, but damn if his character arc didn't get the most triumphant return imaginable.

Kanaya Maryam: I touched upon Rose and Kanaya's relationship when I discussed the "buddy system" in my first epilogues post and I still stand by what I said there. Her strong attachment to Rose is integrated well into Meat without seeming like fluff or defining her entire character, because she actually does other things there too. In Candy they remain a stable happy relationship and I guess I'm cool with that.

Aradia Megido: Role is the same as ever and I'm fine with that. Death fangirl who works for predestination and has ambiguous morality. Her arc with alt Calliope ends with a cliffhanger that is easily the biggest reason to hope for a follow-up to the epilogues; if such a follow-up were to happen, I really look forward to hearing more from Aradia.

Sollux Captor: Sollux is by nature the other guy, that's an immutable fact of life. He doesn't do much other than snarking at whoever's nearby and I can't imagine it any other way.

Jake English: If not for a scene near the end of Candy, I'd put Jake at D-tier. Through all of Meat and most of Candy, Jake's role is one of the oddest spots of all and it's pretty hard to pinpoint what the authors were going for, lest I dabble in controversial topics some more. But Jake's scene with John near the end of Candy is uniquely touching and makes the most out of his role as a second John. He moves in with John, bringing his son Tavros with him, and encourages John to reconcile with his former wife and make amends of sorts, ultimately giving a small portion of the cast a pseudo-happy ending. That whole part of Candy made me tear up.

Talking about the really GOOD parts is a perfect point for me to move on to...

B-TIER

Stuff that didn't make it into A-Tier, which I've reserved for what struck me HARD.

Dave Strider: In both epilogues, Dave's behavior generally seems based on how he acted in Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 5, which is actually a LOT better than it sounds and hell if I know why that is. Dave's rants about politics and sexuality now have a charm I can't quite describe. His absurd fixation specifically on the economy matches shockingly well with the nature of Homestuck. The three-way romance between him, Karkat, and Jade goes in very different directions on either side, which I'll discuss a bit later. The epilogues even made Dave x Karkat an actually decent ship, how crazy is that??? The writers deserve a big badge of honor for doing that. Not sure what to say about specific things, but Dave was really well-written in an unexpected way.

Rose Lalonde: Again not sure what to say about anything in specific. Just really enjoyed reading Rose on both sides of the story. Shoutout to the heartwarming moment with John near the end.

A-TIER

Oh boy. Oh boy. Time for the big guns.

Vriska Serket: My mind hurts to process just how good Vriska's appearance in Candy was, after leaving the Furthest Ring and landing on Earth. First she talks with John rather aggravated, then she brutally murders Gamzee, then she sits down and has an honest talk with her ectobiological clone raised by Rose and Kanaya, and in the end gets in touch with Terezi which leads to a cliffhanger. The story somehow created the PERFECT balance of sincere reflections and typical Vriska flavor, which was deeply lacking in A6A6I5 with its horrific polar opposite versions of Vriska. Two Vriskas converse once again late in Candy and this time it's incredibly endearing and almost feels like an apology for the controversial Vriska/Vriska encounter back then. I accept the apology with open arms. Why is everything always so wonderful?

John Egbert: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3. WHY IS EVERYTHING ALWAYS SO WONDERFUL? John gets a deep meaningful existential crisis arc in both epilogues; both cases I easily latched onto and found a bit of myself in. I absolutely loved seeing him and Terezi interact as a duo of people with some perception of canonicity; I'll get back to that point soon enough. John's marriage to Roxy not working out is a testament to both his issues with canon and Roxy's issues dealing with harsh situations. Roxy latches onto John and their son as a huge carefree pushover and he doesn't like that at all. And that's actually cool with me because John x Terezi is better in every way, as the epilogues made me realize. If that wasn't enough, the end of Candy spoils our little hearts by having John reconcile with Roxy anyway and give hope for a better future. Though a part of me does want to see a true happy ending where John and Roxy date with their delightful dynamic from their first interactions, I'm beyond pleased with the epilogues' handling of John either way. Swaying deep into some rather sad territory while remaining 100% faithful to his character that I've always loved so much.

Terezi Pyrope: FUCK YES FUCK YES FUCK YES FUCK YES FUCK YES. Every scene with Terezi in the epilogues was so goddamn awesome. Her interactions with John were such a blast to read, with exactly the mix of humor and touching aspects that make both of the big John/girl ships what they are. How did the authors pull it off, making deeply emotional scenes without ever sacrificing that goofy Terezi flavor???

S-TIER

S in rating systems these days is way misused in my eyes. Normally A is meant to be the highest rating and S is used for the very rare absolutely exceptional case A doesn't do justice. But now you see shit like SS, SSS, SSSS everywhere like one S isn't the ultimate badge of honor? S is a rating I'd gladly give Detective Pony and may or may not give cool and new web comic. Same goes for my very favorite Futurama episodes. I'd give a few of Neil Cicierega's works that rating if I'm feeling up to it. In this post, I've reserved the S rating for:

Barack Obama: THE BEST PART OF THE EPILOGUES, HANDS DOWN. His conversation with Dave near the end of Candy is perfect in every way, it really transcends words. Humor, emotional touching, plot revelations, and straight up "Homestuck feel" are blended into the most delicious melting pot imaginable. When Dave confesses that he might be gay and explains troubles in his three-way romance, Obama responds with a truly inspiring speech about identity that raises an excellent point about the differences between the epilogues involving aspects of people that may seem immutable to some. I think Obama's speech leaves a powerful message I never expected Homestuck of all things to convey so well. I hope readers take that speech's message into account, though I know many will probably be a bit naive about it.

If you refuse to read the epilogues at all costs, then I implore you to read Dave and Obama's conversation anyway. You won't be disappointed.

CONCLUSION

epilogues good

that’s all there is to say on the matter

though if you don’t like them that’s also fine

[apprentice-nylah]

My live thoughts as I read through Nadia’s new route. 

A general overview of the new book is... it’s really a full circle kind of story. It’s interesting and I want to know what happened in the real world when the apprentice was taking their journey. Also, the few new Nadia faces were great. I still stan my wife. Her petty behavior with Lucio was probably my favorite part. I really... dislike him as a character so I’ll take any chance I can to get back at him. (Note that while I really dislike Lucio, that’s a good thing for me. He’s supposed to be the antagonist, at least in Nadia’s route and the fact I hate him so much means his writing has been good). 

More detailed reactions and in-depth spoilers below the cut. 

- I’M NOT READYYYY (but I so am)

- The first thing in my face is Lucio. You can go like.. die again.

- Some people cheer? Ew. 

- DON’T YOU DARE APPROACH MY WIFE

- Petty as ever Nadia. First words to him is criticism of his outfit.

- LOL. She’s (rightly so) toying with him. 

- I am kind of surprised she didn’t attack him on sight, but then again I’m not. She is a countess and she’s in public. She’s not going to wail on her ex-husband over the apprentice at the moment. 

- Asra lol. No.

- Rip Lucio. Ignored by everyone.

- LOL even the apprentice dips.

- Also, he can see the apprentice? Is it just him or...

- Nadia!!! I just want to hug you. 

- Ok so she can’t see me, but maybe sense my presence?

- Oh, she can see me with her powers. That makes sense. 

- THE ANGST.

- DON’T CRY. IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT

- Of course the Devil planned for it. What else did you think would happen??

- Send me to live with the Arcana for now. Sounds cool. 

- He treats her like a groupie, not his wife. Not cool dude. 

- TELL HIM OFF GURRRRL

- OH NO YOU DIDN’T JUST TELL HER THAT I’M “OUT OF THE WAY”

- Oh of course I’m getting my revenge in any way I can. 

- Also, fire magic. 

- Rip painting.

- Asra l0l. I’m loving everyone toying with Lucio and being super extra.

- Ugh, that’s smug Nadia face again. It’s probably my favorite one. 

- Oh yeah, Nadia finally standing up for the apprentice to Lucio’s face.

- Another new face?!?!

- I’ve been dreaming of letting him have it too Nadia.

- Into the unknownnn

- OH MY GOD. IS THAT A DOG DRESSED AS A TRAVELER

- “Who are you”

- “Follow the dog”

- Leap of faith much?

- The Lazaret... ok towers. 

- OMG ARE THESE NADIA’S LOST MEMORIES

- “I’m Nylah” (apprentice name)

- Even new Nadia thinks I’m cute c:

- So yeah, Nadia from the past. When she was asleep. Ok, makes sense. 

- I mean, Nadia even said her life before the apprentice was dark and at times, depressing. It probably was hard for her to accept things would get better at this point in her life. 

- “You’re going to meet someone special”

- THAT FACE AGAIN

- OH MY GOD. Did the apprentice actually set themselves up? Granted Nadia gets her dream after she wakes from the long sleep, but the apprentice seems to have planted that seed. 

- Top Nadia makes her appearance. I’m so down for it. 

- As far as my personal apprentice is concerned “She’s a stoic type” is the most accurate choice.

- ANOTHER NEW FACE

- Rip Lucio. Even ragging on him in sleep

- Again, based on my personal apprentice, “She can do magic!” is probably the best choice. She can dance, but magic defines her more. And she does support Nadia, but she also isn’t afraid to challenge her when necessary. 

- OH WHAT. Just thought, did the apprentice help Nadia wake up? Like, didn’t she just randomly wake up one day? 

- “Check the deck” The only choice.

 - Of course, it’s the Tower. 

- Not the Lazaret you say?

- Red Bettles smh.

- Yes, tell me what the Lazaret means to you

- Please don’t cry. 

- I see why she blames herself. It’s kind of a real-world argument about being complicit (seems relevant to a lot of fandom discourse...). But I still hate it because I love her. 

- I kind of wish I knew why she married Lucio in the first place. Was it arranged? Or... I think there have been some contextual clues, but we’ve never seen the actual reason explicitly stated. 

- “You tried to do it alone” As Nadia always does.

- NO DON’T CRY

- So the apprentice helped her talk through her mental barries and woke her up. God, I love. 

- High Priestess!!

- Not another decision...

- NADIAAAAA

- Is that like... a determined face?

- Ugh the end.

I like that it all came full circle. That even before Nadia and the Apprentice met in the real world, the apprentice was the one to help Nadia out of her sleep. And that this far in, we find out that it was the apprentice that really set the whole thing in motion. I appreciate time travel storylines like that. Kind of like Legends of Tomorrow or Dr. Who, when they set themselves up. Best example is Dr Who and Pompeii. Or the 50th-anniversary special. Dr Who fans will know what I’m talking about. That kind of storyline I like because it does take some advanced thought, which as a writer myself, I can appreciate. 

I’m living for Muriel, Asra and Nadia going after Lucio in the way they did. And I find it interesting that Lucio can see the apprentice, espeically when Nadia needs her magical sight to see them, and I think, Asra and Muriel can’t at all.  Sense the apprentice’s presense maybe, but Lucio can seem them clearly enough to try to strangle them, suggesting he has a clear sight of them. It also suggests that Lucio retained some powers from his deal with the Devil, or that there’s a deeper connection between him and the apprentice, perhaps because he stle and manipulated the apprentice’s body. Because everyone has said he sucks as magic, so he couldn’t do it on his own. I suspect the Devil will have a major role with this in the future. 

I’ve discussed the monetization of the recent books into the ground already, so I’ll leave that one. 

So, the Star is next?

Color me intrigued. 

[alltheangstmygifttoyou]

Keep Them Around

A/N: I just realized that I haven’t been putting a summery on these and that’s probably part of the reason that no one is looking at them, so uh, sorry about that! This is the fourth part of the Learn To Be prequel series I’m posting. It is from Jason’s perspective this time around (boo’s all around) and goes back even further in time than the last one. There is one thing about this that could seem problematic and I’ve debated whether to keep it but I’ve decided that in the grand story it isn’t really that bad. A heads up though in case you want to avoid it is one of the antagonists of the story has a mental illness. In Learn to Be most of the main characters also suffer from one mental illness or another so when I write it I don’t see it as vilifying mental illness and it is not my intent but I can see how someone after reading this can jump to that conclusion since only two of the main characters are actually shown in the prequel. If anyone has any tips to I’d love to hear them!

Summery: Jason reminisces on he and Heather got together.

Word Count: 2265

TW: domestic violence, unhealthy relationship, domestic abuse, child abuse, child neglect, sexism

Jason sat at the dining table eating dinner with his wife and two kids. His wife had made grilled chicken, mashed potatoes, and corn for them all. She sat to his right, her blonde hair loose around her shoulders, leaning forward as she took a bite of potatoes off of her fork. To his left his nine year old son Jesse sat with wavy black hair, whose color matched his own, and a button up shirt. He was still cutting up his chicken into small squares. Across from Jason his daughter Jester sat chewing what must have been a piece of chicken and staring at her plate. Unlike anyone else at the table she had dyed her hair making it two colors, purple at the top which then faded to green on the bottom. No one had spoken a word this meal, all the others too wary after his bad mood this morning. Silence didn’t bother Jason though, so he didn’t speak either. Instead the moment was a perfect opportunity to reflect.

He had married his wife fourteen years ago. Back then she was just another college student he saw around campus. She was pretty though, with golden locks that went just past her shoulders and blue eyes that were oceans of their own. Jason knew he wanted to be married when he ran for a council position, since having a loving wife speak on your behalf helped gain people's trust. Yet, no one had caught his attention. Many women found him intimidating (another thing that having a wife would certainly help with) so he wasn’t often approached, except by the occasional prostitute. He didn’t take them up on their offers despite his body’s yearning, since no matter how much he paid them off there was still the chance they’d rat him out to get their five minutes of fame. But, this blond stayed in his sights for awhile. He started to notice that he was seeing her more often, until finally she approached him in a career math class.

“Would you like to be my partner for this assignment?” She stood next to where he sat, close enough that he’d barely have to move and his shoulder would hit her knee. She wore a plaid black and red knitted skirt that went to her mid-thigh. Her legs had been freshly shaved making them shine in the classroom lights. He took his time looking up to her face. She wore a plain white thin long sleeved sweater that fit snugly around her body showing off her flat stomach and heavy chest. Her face held a bright smile and red cheeks

“Alright,” he answered, she had managed to pique his curiosity. Her smile grew and she plopped down in the seat next to him causing her chest to bounce. He wondered if she was wearing a bra.

“It’s Jason right? I’m Heather.” She introduced herself and then they worked on the assignment. They exchanged phone numbers and emails and even after they finished and presented the assignment they stayed in contact. She sat next to him in class and started trying to catch lunch with him whenever possible. He learned a lot about her during those meetups. She studied medicine and business in the goal of being chief of medicine someday. Not only were her looks above average but her intelligence as well. Often he was annoyed when people texted him constantly but he didn’t mind as much with Heather. He took those feelings into account and decided that she would be his wife. Of course he didn’t say that right away, he did research on the best way to begin a relationship with someone and asked her out to dinner. He had many ideas on how to convince her to, as the internet put it “give him a chance”, but as it turned out she was more than eager to agree. Apparently it had been quite obvious to some of his other college mates he spoke to that she had been waiting for him to ask her out. It had made things go considerably smoother.

Heather had the special talent to make Jason feel good about actions he normally considered a bother. He liked buying her gifts, imagining her smile when she saw them. Remembering important dates for her didn’t feel like a chore. When they had their first time together it made the pleasure his hand provided feel like nothing. Never before had he imagined he’d do things just to please another but it just felt natural with her. Her happiness gave him immense satisfaction.

They were married before she finished her schooling, and she was ecstatic about helping him get onto the council. When they promised themselves to each other it wasn’t standard vows. There was no leaving this relationship except for death. No outside force would separate them, their relationship was above laws and morals. The only important lives were their own. Heather had not only agreed to these vows, but helped create them as well. She was just what he had dreamed of for a woman. There were plenty of times she got on his nerves, pushed him past his limit causing him to lash out, but she didn’t leave. Likewise she had broken too, gone as far to pull a gun on him during an argument. Their vows were unbreakable though, and they worked past that.

Eventually, after Heather was out of college and working at a major hospital, Jason noticed her mood swings were getting worse. It didn’t take much to set her off, be it her screaming at him for not rinsing his plate off thoroughly enough or sobbing because he told her dogs weren’t his favorite animal. Something was wrong. With her emotions completely off the handle Jason’s own were becoming more difficult to keep controlled, it felt like there were rats trapped inside him clawing at their cage instead of simply living inside. Yet, the more he lost control the worse she became, arguments devolved into physical violence on both sides for once. If he didn’t stop this it would ruin everything. Someone might call the police, or worse, Heather would break down in public. So, he sat her down and listed all of her symptoms at her without mentioning that the subject showing these symptoms were in fact herself. Heather wasn’t an expert on psychology but she knew more than him. She said the subject should see a professional and get tested for bipolar disorder. He brought a professional over the next day and made her talk to him. After a few months of experimentation Heather’s mood seemed stabilized, as long as she actually took her pills.

Jason’s eyes landed on his son Jesse, his nostalgia about his wife reminding him how this boy came to be. After the successful campaign and Jason was on the council life calmed as he waited and plotted on how to gain control of the council. While Jason was content with this lull Heather wanted more. Jason had longer work days and more trips keeping him from home. Heather moaned about how lonely she was. When they went shopping together she lingered by the toy sections. At restaurants Jason had to remind her not to stare at the families at other tables. She wasn’t subtle about what she wanted. Jason liked the idea of children, but only the idea. Good children would help him reach his goals, with more voices on his side and another plus to his character to the public. However good children weren’t a guarantee. A single child could ruin everything. Genes were unpredictable sometimes, mutations happened. If they had a child that turned out to be terrible they couldn’t just get rid of it the standard way.

Jason told all of this to Heather, but she remained fixated on the idea. The sighing wouldn’t stop, meals were being ordered instead of cooked, cartoons played on the television, and she never wanted to have any kind of sex. However the worst was the times he woke up to hear little sniffles next to him. He could feel her body’s suppressed shakes against him. When he tried to talk to her she’d tell him in a croaked voice that she was okay and tell him to go back to sleep. He wanted to help but she wouldn’t let him. They were both miserable, and it was his fault. He weighed the pros and cons again, and began researching ways to somehow make the child more likely to be good. As well as the most common accidental child deaths, for two opposite reasons. After a month of research, internal debate, and unrestful nights he made his decision.

“We can have three children at the most,” he announced while they ate Chinese. Heather had cried tears of joy and didn’t let him finish his sweet and sour chicken before dragging him up to the bedroom. He didn’t complain. Every night he was home Heather had a large diner prepared that she had clearly cooked herself, which they ate together before she dragged him away again. Until one day he came home only to be tackled in the doorway.

‘We’re having a baby!” Heather squealed, and while he wasn’t particularly excited about a baby, he loved her smile. He watched her design the nursery, took time off to go to the hospital with her, and was there for the birth. Everything had been fine until the birth. There was only supposed to be a baby girl born. Instead the first infant to come out clearly had a penis. Heather liked his blonde hair though so that wasn’t a complete disaster. No, the true disaster was when another baby came, this time a baby girl with black hair. Despite Heather’s initial excitement at the idea of a baby girl this baby had thin black hair and was heavier than the other. It made Heather instantly connect more to the little boy. Jason had let Heather choose the name for the baby originally, but since Jesse was a unisex name she gave it to the little boy. When it came to the little girl she looked to Jason. He hadn't been prepared so he said  the first name that came to mind. He named her Jester, and at that moment he realized that this was his child, not just Heather’s.

Jesse was given the original nursery, although, Heather completely redecorated it. She claimed she was so busy with redesigning Jesse’s room and watching both babies to do Jester’s room, leaving it to Jason. Jason put her crib in the middle of the room, a room with white carpet and white walls and a single window. There was no point in fully decorating it like his wife insisted with Jesse, when Jester grew up he’d let her choose what the room looked like. It had a mobile with the planets since they were just colorful circles, and eventually he added a nightlight so checks would go smoother.

Especially when Jesse was too young to walk or talk Jason was given very little influence on the little boy’s life. Heather rarely even let him hold the child. His wife’s focus on her son left Jester alone in her crib. Since his wife’s focus was always stuck on the baby Jason was left in their room, hearing the little girl cry through the monitor. Sometimes he’d go and cradle her until she quieted down, other times he’d tell Heather to feed her. He could not have a malnourished child.

When the two twins became toddlers things changed further. Jason had always believed in physical punishment. When little Jesse broke his vase he gave him a spank. And then Heather grabbed Jason by the hair and threw him to the floor.

“Never touch my son like that again!” She roared before swooping Jesse up and skittering off to the playroom. Jason counted backwards from ten to keep his anger in check. She didn’t care when he spanked Jester! But that was just it, somehow they had split the children in two. Jason took that realization in stride, he focused his attention mainly on Jester, mostly only giving Jesse compliments and praise when the boy wanted it. However with Jester he disciplined her, he pushed her, he made sure her time was always being spent well. When her powers first appeared he made sure that she could push the limits with them. That she had as much control as possible. He made sure that she was at the top of her class in every way.

Looking at his daughter from across the table he felt as if his hard work was paying off. She was beautiful, she didn’t need help to take care of herself, she was mature, she did everything he said. Out in public there wasn’t a better child for a leader to have. Jester was able to speak to just about anyone and charm them completely. People often forget how young she was. Jesse wasn’t bad but he was still awkward around strange adults, it was clear he was only nine. Jason made sure Jesse was always with either Heather or himself at these events. Jester roamed free though, making connections that Jason couldn’t reach. When she became an actual adult he wanted her to take over the business. Of course Jesse would be the face, as who could resist a strong man? His wife was teaching the boy how to look his best. Yes, everything was going to plan. Jason was happy here.

[literallyjcstrash]

Regarding lyrics to JCS… (part 5 of many)

Hello again, gdelgiproducer here! I’m back with more lyrics from JCS, covering both the changes to the show over the years and also doing a little extended analysis. I wanna start this particular entry off by thanking literallyjcstrash for giving me a platform, especially when I’m using it to do what I very easily could have done at my own blog jcs-study, which is now basically on a respirator like many projects that I lose my initial enthusiasm for. (Honestly thinking of asking them to consider a merger where I port some of my posts from there over here. Not kidding.) They fired up my years-long but frequently comatose enthusiasm for the show and got me thinking about it again, which is always great – coming back to an old love with fresh perspective isn’t something one can do very often (outside of Hollywood movies), so I’m glad I can do it here.

Today, we glance at what I feel is one of the most important songs in JCS, which is mildly ironic considering it only appeared in the 1973 film version and has rarely appeared in stage versions of the show since (usually in Europe). I speak, of course, of “Then We Are Decided." Believe it or not, this song sharply divides fans of the show. A certain amount of people like it; a fairly equal amount of people don’t care for it at all. Even Tim Rice sort of slides past its existence when writing about the film in his autobiography, saying merely that ”… Andrew and I did expand one of the High Priests’ scenes in a futile bid to quash further anti-Semitism charges at the pass.“

It’s not like that didn’t need attention. For those who don’t know JCS very well, Caiaphas and Annas, the Jewish High Priests, come off as sort of the only one-note figures in the original album and stage versions. Their motivation is basically hand-waved and sounds like typical "baddie” bullshit, they sing the same musical themes throughout the show (they do; check literally every song the priests appear in, every single melodic motif they perform is tied in some way to “This Jesus Must Die”), and they smack of the old Christ-killer stereotype. How much of that is due to ingrained anti-Semitism in the story thanks to the original Gospel texts is up to the viewer (or listener) to decide. Tim and Andrew certainly didn’t set out to tell an anti-Semitic story, I totally buy it when they say that, but the conventions of musical theater unfortunately wind up placing the portrayal of the “villains” squarely in the old-fashioned, all-too-familiar “Passion Play” territory.

I mean, look at the treatment other characters get compared to Caiaphas and Annas. Everyone looks at JCS as “the piece which humanizes Jesus and Judas,” but it really doesn’t stop there. In reality, the piece offers the chance to any who might take it to humanize the story in its entirety. Pilate was a person, with conflicts and reservations; Mary was a person with desires, both emotional and sexual; Peter was a person, with regrets and hope. Tim Rice takes these cardboard cut-outs from the Bible and infuses them with psychological motivation, with flesh and blood, with life. He puts the stakes back in the story… except where Caiaphas and Annas are concerned.

(Okay, and Herod, but he only has, like, one song to establish himself in, and while he shouldn’t be played as broadly comic as he has been, in my opinion, he’s basically just comic relief to break some of the tension in Act Two – more about that when we get to him. Anyway, getting sidetracked…)

And that’s part of why I like “Then We Are Decided,” personally. It breaks up the monotony of the priests’ material a bit, and Caiaphas and Annas’ specific motivations are particularized in a way that they aren’t elsewhere in the show. Yes, for the purposes of the story they are (technically) the antagonist, but it is far more interesting to watch human beings struggle with a decision than it is to watch comic book villains verbalize what their purpose is. The audience should be frightened not by their appearance, costumes, characterization, or the pathos surrounding them; it should be the fact that they are able to come to the conclusion that this man (Jesus) is such a threat to their power, and that they prize their power so much, that they decide the only course of action is his death. This decision, and the zeal with which they pursue their goal, should be what is frightening, not the priests themselves. Caiaphas, Annas, and the other priests were real human beings, too; let them be three-dimensional figures!

(Now seems an important moment to note this: I find it most interesting that, at least in my estimation, Caiaphas and Annas seem to generate the most head-canon in the JCS Tumblr fandom of any secondary character in the show, and I think it’s partly because their motivations and background are among the least explored of anyone’s in the show – again, aside from Herod, and maybe Simon or Peter.)

Anyway, time to give you some motivations and background before we dive into the lyrics (which have never changed all that substantially, same as “What’s the Buzz,” but then I still love an excuse to talk about the show):

Caiaphas, as High Priest, was the chief religious authority in the land, with important responsibilities including controlling the Temple treasury, managing the Temple police and other personnel, performing religious rituals, and serving as president of the Sanhedrin (sort of the Jewish Supreme Court, which ruled on both religious [always] and civil [where Rome granted them jurisdiction] matters). Unlike other Temple priests, Caiaphas lived in Jerusalem’s Upper City, a wealthy section inhabited by the city’s powers-that-be.

The Bible suggests Caiaphas was closely advised by Annas, the older former High Priest, who served as a sort of high priest emeritus to his younger son-in-law. Yes, Caiaphas was married to Annas’ daughter, which incidentally is probably how Caiaphas got the gig. (That doesn’t mean you should stop writing slash fic; hell, adds a whole creepy new layer if you ask me.)

The priests had to toe a fine line between serving as the spiritual leaders of their people and cooperating with Roman authority. This left them respected for their positions, but despised by some for actions the priests had to take, or in some cases actions that they thought the priests took.

So, with that context, let us set the scene for “Then We Are Decided.” It’s after hours, or they wouldn’t be able to snag a minute alone to converse about this matter, between the faithful asking for prayers and blessings, fellow priests bothering them with office politics, the sacrifices, preparation for the upcoming Passover festival, whatever shit Rome is ladling into their tureen that day, etc. So this is the only moment available – and this is key – for Caiaphas to seek Annas’ advice on a most pressing matter: a Galilean rabble-rouser growing in popularity. Annas’ first instinct is to be hands-off, but Caiaphas feels the need for more direct action.

Why is that key? Well, for some reason, it feels like the 1973 film stages it the opposite way, with Annas pressing Caiaphas’ buttons to push him toward the decision (seriously, take a gander at some of Kurt Yaghjian’s facial expressions, especially on “He’s a craze” – dude would have killed it in a Seventies version of Bates Motel), but the lyrics strongly suggest that Caiaphas is trying to convince Annas to back up his position, not being pushed into a firmer stance by a weasel-voiced toady. With the added historical context above, it’s not hard to read “Decided” the way it was likely intended to be performed.

And now, the lyrics!

CAIAPHAS We’ve been sitting on the fence for far too long…

ANNAS Why let him upset us? Caiaphas – let him be All those imbeciles will see He really doesn’t matter

CAIAPHAS Jesus is important We’ve let him go his way before And while he starts a major war We theorize and chatter

ANNAS He’s just another Scripture-thumping hack from Galilee

CAIAPHAS The difference is they call him king – the difference frightens me What about the Romans When they see King Jesus crowned? Do you think they’ll stand around Cheering and applauding? What about our people If they see we’ve lost our nerve? Don’t you think that they deserve Something more rewarding?

ANNAS They’ve got what they want – they think so anyway If he’s what they want why take their toy away? He’s a craze

CAIAPHAS Put yourself in my place I can hardly stand aside Cannot let my hands be tied I am law and order What about our priesthood? Don’t you see that we could fall? If we are to last at all We cannot be divided

ANNAS Then say so to the council But don’t rely on subtlety Frighten them or they won’t see

CAIAPHAS Then we are decided?

ANNAS Then we are decided.

See how that works? Now to get to some more opinion on the song, and its place in the show!

There are two reasons “Then We Are Decided” is rarely included in the stage show. The first is that, at least in America, the copyright for the song belongs to the film studio, and it’s not part and parcel of the stage production, like later changes (including “Could We Start Again Please”) were. To use it in a stage production would need a separate negotiation/fee, and productions in the U.S. that have slipped the song into the show in the past without getting rights (such as a production in the Eighties by the Candlewood Playhouse) have been legally censured by the licensing agency. 

(Part of me wonders if that’s going to change in the near future. Andrew Lloyd Webber recently started his own licensing agency in the U.S., The Musical Company, which has taken over the licensing for all of his shows and his song catalogue in the States. The thing I’ve noticed about productions in the States vs. Europe including “Then We Are Decided” is that it happens way more often in Europe than over here, and I’ve theorized that this may be the case because Webber’s Really Useful Group handles everything in-house overseas with regard to publishing of individual songs and licensing said songs, whereas in America the rights situation has always been more complicated, needing to go to Universal to beg for permission separately from the rights one would hire from an agency like R&H, which handled JCS until recently. Thanks to Webber’s new licensing set-up, “Then We Are Decided” and the rights to JCS are under the same roof in North America for the first time. It would certainly make getting the permissions easier since one only has to go to one shop. Time will tell if my theory is correct and it was just a matter of lining up all the ducks in the same row, metaphorically speaking. Again, tangent, sorry, moving on…)

The second, and less explored owing to its rarity, reason is that its position in the film simply does not work on stage. On film, one is able to cut away from “Strange Thing, Mystifying” (“they only need a small excuse / to put us all away”) and increase the tension by showing the authorities are already thinking of dealing with the problem (e.g., Judas’ foreboding is not unfounded). On stage, however, interrupting the scene that incorporates “What’s The Buzz,” “Strange Thing, Mystifying,” and “Everything’s Alright” with “Then We Are Decided” ruins the arc of the scene — an uninterrupted rising dramatic line of tension, if you will.

A few of the productions that have used it over the years have tried to solve this problem by slotting it in after “Everything’s Alright” instead of before it, sticking it right before “This Jesus Must Die.” On paper, it makes sense – Caiaphas trying to convince Annas to back his position before the big council meeting, and then both of them making the pitch to the council. But in execution, put so close together, it only belabors the point of “the priests feel they must deal harshly with Jesus, and here’s why”; you hear two songs right in a row discussing basically the same plot point, with one of them being only slightly more personal (or interesting, for that matter) than the other. That’s called, in any style of writing, “beating a dead horse." An audience may or may not be as intelligent as we challenge them to be, but no audience likes feeling like the creative team believes they’re stupid enough that they have to be bludgeoned to death with story.

A friend and fellow JCS fan (who now works in reality TV – as they say on The Flintstones, "It’s a living!”) once came up with a novel suggestion: use “Then We Are Decided” as a prologue before the Overture. Right at the top of the show, you’ve got the priests, you establish their problem, they make the fateful decision, and we go right into the show knowing this man’s days are numbered and wondering what that’s about, with some foreboding sounding rock music to boot. Done right, I think it would be an interesting touch.

I then discovered that great minds must think alike, because a friend named Greg alerted me to the fact that director Ken Gargaro has been doing it this way for roughly 25 years with Pittsburgh Musical Theatre’s annual production of JCS. Precedent established, I feel way more confident putting forward this proposal, and I’ve even come up with how to make the musical transition seamless: instead of repeating the guitar intro to “Decided” at the end after Annas’ last line (which comes with a nice little helping of “Poor old Judas…” from – I believe – brass and lower woodwinds dumped over it on the film soundtrack that isn’t there in the movie), you cut the instrumental coda and go right into the Overture, likely accompanied by a bit of staging for dramatic effect to signal the transition into the show proper.

Just picture it…

Anyway, enough reverie. Coming soon: “Everything’s Alright”!