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jgthirlwell · 4 years ago

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2020 Year In Review

This year once again I invited some friends and colleagues to reflect on 2020

JG Thirlwell

Composer

Foetus Xordox Manorexia Steroid Maximus Venture Bros Archer

www.foetus.org

2020 was a troubling and disturbing year. I created a lot of music and experienced a lot of nights waking at 5am in a panic. I deeply missed the sacred experience of being able to see live music. In its absence of that I listened to a lot of music. It was difficult to whittle down this list but here are a lot of albums I enjoyed in 2020, in no particular order.

Le Grand Sbam Furvent (Dur Et Doux) John Elmquist’s HardArt Group I Own an Ion (900 Nurses) Roly Porter Kistvaen (Subtext) Liturgy Origin Of The Alimonies (YLYLCYN) Clark Kiri Variations (Throttle) Dai Kaht Dai Kaht I & II (Soleil Zeuhl) Chromb Le livre des merveilles (Dur Et Doux) Horse Lords The Common Task (Northern Spy) Ecker & Meultzer Carbon (Subtext) Insane Warrior Tendrils (RJ’s Electrical Connections) Jeff Parker Suite For Max Brown (International Anthem) Jacob Kirkegaard Opus Mors (Topos) Tristan Perich Drift Multiply (Nonesuch) Bec Plexus Sticklip (New Amsterdam) Vak Budo (Soleil Zeuhl) Merlin Nova BOO! (Bandcamp) The The Muscle OST (Cineola) Zombi 2020 (Relapse) Regis Hidden In This Is The Light That You Miss (Downwards) Rival Consoles Articulation (Erased Tapes) Sarah Davachi Cantus, Descant (L.A.T.E.) Sufjan Stevens The Ascension (Asthmatic Kitty) Idles Ultra Mono (Partisan) Daedelus The Bittereindeers (Brainfeeder) Boris No (Bandcamp) Aksak Maboul Figures / Un peu de l’ame des bandits / Onze Danses Pour Cobattre La Migraine (Crammed) Noveller Arrow (Ba Da Bing) Felicia Atkinson Everything Evaporate (Shelter Press) Ital Tek Dream Boundary (Planet Mu) Author and Punisher Beastland (Relapse) Sparks A Steady Drip Drip Drip (BMG) Corima Amatarasu (Soleil Zeuhl) Code Orange Underneath (Roadrunner) Deerhoof Future Teenage Cave Artists /Silly Symphonies / To Be Surrounded../ Love Lore(Joyful Noise) Sote Moscels (Opal Tapes) Run The Jewels RTJ4 (Jewel Runners) Oranssi Pazuzu Mestarin Kynsi (Nuclear Blast) Master Boot Record Floppy Disk Overdrive (Metal Blade) Kaitlyn Aurelia Smith The Mosaic Of Transformation (Ghostly International) / Ears (Western Vinyl) Michael Gordon Acquanetta (Cantelope) Neom Arkana Temporis (Soleil Zeuhl) Rian Treanor Ataxia / File Under UK Metaplasm (Planet Mu) Helm Saturnalia (Alter) Ivvvo doG (Halcyon Veil) Robert Normandeau Figures (Empreintes Digitales) Ben Vida Reducing The Tempo To Zero (Shelter Press) Beatrice Dillon Workaround (Pan) Dan Deacon Mystic Familiar (Domino) Sea Oleena Weaving A Basket (Higher Plain Music) Elysian Fields Transience Of Life (Ojet) Rhapsody Symphony Of Enchanted Lands II - The Dark Secret (Magic Circle) Duma Duma (Nyege Nyege) Ulla Strauss Tumbling Towards a Wall / Seed (Bandcamp)

Honorable mentions Carl Stone Stolen Car (Unseen Worlds) Nazar Guerilla (Hyperdub) Iwo Zaluski with the Children of Park Lane Primary School, Wembley The Remarkable Earth Making Machine (Trunk) Nahash Flowers Of The Revolution (SVBKVLT) Cindy Lee Whats Tonight To Eternity (Bandcamp) Insect Ark The Vanishing (Profound Lore) 33EMYBW Arthropods (SVBKVLT) Declan McKenna Zeroes (Tomplicated) Layma Azur Zeii (Bandcamp)

FILM TV Succession ZeroZeroZero Escape at Dannemora 1917 Small Axe : Five films by Steve McQueen Pirhanas Monos The Hater Better Call Saul

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Drew Daniel

Matmos, The Soft Pink Truth

an alphabet of 2020 recordings

Arca “KiCk i” BFTT “Intrusive / Obtrusive” clipping. “Visions of Bodies Being Burned” Duma “Duma” Eilbacher, Max “Metabolist Meter (Foster, Cottin, Caetani and a Fly)” Forbidden Colors “La Yeguada” GILA “Energy Demonstration” HiedraH Club de Baile “Bichote-K Bailable Vol. 2” Ian Power “Maintenance Hums” Jeff Carey “Index[off]” Kassel Jaeger “Meith” Laurie Anderson “Songs From the Bardo” Mukqs “Water Levels” Negativland “The World Will Decide” O’Rourke, Jim “Shutting Down Here” Perlesvaus “These Things Below with Those Above” Quicksails “Blue Rise” Rian Treanor “File Under UK Metaplasm” Slikback “///” Terminal Nation “Holocene Extinction” Ulcerate “Stare Into Death and Be Still” Various Artists “HAUS of ALTR” William Tyler “New Vanitas” Xyla “Ways” Y A S H A “Summations” :zoviet-france: “Châsse 2ᵉ”

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Sarah Lipstate (Noveller)

With all live performances canceled, this was truly the year of demo videos and home studio recording for me. These are 10 pieces of gear that came out in 2020 that helped keep me feeling creative and inspired during lockdown. In no particular order:

EHX Oceans 12 Dual Stereo Reverb - The Oceans 12 ticks all the boxes for what I’m looking for in a great soundscaping reverb. I used the Shimmer and Reverse algorithms in conjunction a lot when I was composing music for a film score.

Chase Bliss Audio Blooper - While I don’t actually own a Blooper, I had the pleasure of borrowing one from Mike of Baranik Guitars after NAMM this year. He made an incredible Blooper-inspired guitar and I was completely charmed by them both. Chase Bliss always delivers pedals that push me creatively and the Blooper truly hits the mark.

Cooper FX Arcades - I love everything Cooper FX has released to-date so the opportunity to access those sounds in one pedal via plug-in cartridges is just awesome.

SolidGoldFX NU-33 - I was asked to do a demo of this pedal for its release and ended up being really charmed by this box’s approach to lo-fi nostalgia. I’ve used it a lot for film scoring and highly recommend adding it to your collection.

Demedash Effects T-120 DLX V2 - I LOVE a good tape echo and the T-120 Deluxe V2 ranks up there with the best I’ve tried. This pedal made its way to me this Christmas and I look forward to making some beautiful sounds with it in the new year.

Hologram Electronics Microcosm - The Microcosm is one of those pedals where you should fully read the manual before diving in but once you put in that initial effort you’ve got a massively powerful tool on your hands. It does glitch like no other. Definitely worth the homework

Azzam Bells MP019 - I discovered this unique instrument through a post on Reverb’s IG page and immediately looked it up and ordered one. These experimental percussion instruments are hand-made in Italy and they’re as beautiful visually as they are sonically. I used it for bowed cymbal and daxophone sounds on a film score and it was absolutely haunting.

Echopark Dual Harmonic Boost 2 - I love the control you have over dialing in the perfect amount of grit with these dual boost circuits. I use it a lot as a textural tool when I’m laying down drones or bringing in big distorted swells. It’s one of the most versatile overdrives in my collection and I love that.

Fender Parallel Universe Series Volume II Maverick Dorado - I was smitten with the Maverick Dorado when I first saw it at NAMM. It has a lot of the specs that I look for in a guitar and the body shape with the Mystic Pine finish just blew me away. I hope that I get to use it live soon.

Polyeffects Beebo - The Beebo is one of those pedals that I genuinely feel is smarter than I am. It’s like an entire computer in one small touchscreen box. I can’t claim to have mastered using it yet but the sounds that I have managed to get out of it so far have been brilliant. I’m looking forward to spending more time with this box in 2021

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HELM 2020 REVIEW

Let's get the bad stuff out the way first, 2020 was undoubtedly an awful year. I'm still not sure how to really respond to seeing a global pandemic bring the capital to its knees and everything I love and hold dear to a grinding halt. Our government fucked it's response, putting profit before people and killing tens of thousands. The Labour Party descended into farce with the newly elected leader Sir Keith revealing himself as a bland centrist with no opposition or ideas. On a personal level it sucked not being able to travel or see my friends in different parts of the world - or even the same country - who I am starting to miss a lot. However, I was fortunate enough to get through the year with my sanity intact. Music, art and culture once again being my main positive. I think I listened to more music than I have in any year ever. I read more books than I have done since I was a teenager probably. I also re-discovered the joys of walking long distances and am extremely thankful for living near a lot of incredible green spaces: Epping Forest, Walthamstow Wetlands, Walthamstow Marshes, Wanstead Park, Wanstead Flats...

Music. My favourite albums of the year.

Oranssi Pazuzu - Mestarin kynsi Wetware - Flail Raspberry Bulbs - Before The Age Of Mirrors Necrot - Mortal Rope Sect - The Great Flood Private World - Aleph Oneohtrix Point Never - Magic Oneohtrix Point Never Pyrrhon - Abcess Time CS+Kreme - Snoopy Speaker Music - Black Nationalist Sonic Weaponry Drew McDowall - Agalma Regis - Hidden In This Is The Light That You Miss Nazar - Guerilla Zoviet France - Russian Heterodoxical Songs (and all the ZF reissues!!) Triple Negative - God Bless the Death Drive Permission - Organised People Suffer Actress - Karma & Desire Acolytes - Stress II The Gerogerigegege - >(decrescendo) Chubby & The Gang - Speed Kills Flora Yin-Wong - Holy Palm Eiko Ishibashi - Hyakki Yagyo The The - See Without Being Seen Prurient - Casablanca Flamethrower Henning Christiansen - L’essere Umano Errabando La Voce Errabando Subdued - Over The Hills And Far Away Rian Treanor - File Under UK Metaplasm Komare - The Sense Of Hearing Shredded Nerve - Acts Of Betrayal Jesu - Terminus Autechre - SIGN Hey Colossus - Dances / Curses Sparkle Division - To Feel Embraced Mark Harwood - A Perfect Punctual Paradise Under My Own Name Still House Plants - Fast Edit The Bug & Dis Fig - In Blue Kommand - Terrorscape Haus Arafna - Asche Khthoniik Cerviiks - Æequiizoiikum Worm - Gloomlord Kraus - A Golden Brain Faceless Burial - Speciation

A shout-out to Jon Abby's AMPLIFY series on Bandcamp / Facebook, which I contributed a new piece of music to.

A shout out to the labels where most of the music I listened to seemed to come from:

The Trilogy Tapes Iron Bonehead Penultimate Press Dais La Vida Es Un Mus

Gigs. Despite live music being destroyed in 2020 I still saw a few unforgettable performances at the beginning of the year.

Graham Lambkin @ The ICA, London Puce Mary / JFK @ The Glove That Fits, London Demilich @ Finnfest, The Garage, London Container / PC World / National Unrest @ Venue MOT, London S.H.I.T / Asid / Chubby & The Gang @ Static Shock Festival, ExFed, London

Books I enjoyed. Most not published this year, but all read in 2020.

Joe Kennedy - Authentocrats David Balzer - Curationism Tom Mills - BBC: The Myth Of A Public Service Simon Morris - Consumer Guide: Special Edition Luke Turner - Out Of The Woods Various - Bad News For Labour Mike Wendling - Alt-Right Baited Area issues 1 & 2.

Film. Three good films I saw this year which I hadn't before.

Suspiria (Remake) Midsommar Cannibal Holocaust

Podcasts. I listened to a lot of these whilst walking.

We Don't Talk About The Weather Novara Media Tysky Sour & Novara FM Grounded with Louis Theroux System of Systems Red Scare loveline episodes Suite 212 NOISEXTRA Social Discipline CONTAIN

TV.

Didn't watch a huge amount and what I did was mostly trash. For some reason I rewatched both series' of This Life, a British drama from the late 90's about a group of young professionals house sharing and navigating their careers. Very cringey and has aged terribly, but it was perversely fascinating to revisit something from that time in the age of the pandemic. Following on from this I binge watched the entire series of Industry which was entertaining enough. A programme about a bunch of horny bankers with what felt like a confused ideology behind it. It seemed stuck between trying to criticise and glorify the culture around the industry, but also protect the industry itself from outside criticism by portraying anyone who may oppose as an insufferable wanker. Currently halfway through Succession which is OK. The Murdoch documentaries on the BBC were excellent and a rare respite from their descent into client journalism.

Thanks to anyone who listened to my music this year also. Best wishes to you all for 2021.

Luke Younger

http://hhelmm.com | http://alter.bandcamp.com

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Elliott Sharp

composer

1. My Nr. 1 lesson: patience. Whether it's bouncing through 30 seconds of severe turbulence at 39000 feet or slogging through 30 minutes of a interminable piece of concert music, one attribute I've tried to develop is the ability to see past the discrete and awaited ending, the exact framing of the immediate process, but put it into the context of a larger time frame. I've found that this year more than all others has demanded it. Breathing helps...

2. Books: revisiting old favorites from the realm of Thomas Pynchon and Philip K. Dick (both especially relevant), digging into John Lomax's portrait of Jelly Roll Morton, the works of Colson Whitehead, random things off of the shelf…

3. Composing: with touring off the table, I focused on that which needed to be written, some requested and commissioned, some spontaneously springing forth. Composing requires that one open the windows wide to the world, which at this moment brought in grief, terror, uncertainty, anxiety, visions of plague and pestilence and incipient fascism. Okay, now shut the window and get to work! How to process, translate, transform? The work can be a comfortable and obsessive cocoon once one learns to handle the radioactive materials and put them into the creativity reactor.

4. Beans! We have long been a fan in our house of the wide world of legumes but this year brought two stars to the front: the black bean and the red lentil. The black bean commands the lofty peaks but the seemingly infinite variations of dal surround it. Ginger, garlic, turmeric, smoked paprika, cayenne, onions, and olive oil form the basis then imagination builds.

5. Online teaching substituted for my canceled conduction of workshops in the Pyrenees Mountains of France. Between the participants and myself, we built a temporary but very congenial space online to share concepts and music. In addition, private lessons brought conversation and music with new friends in Germany, Italy, California, Australia, Illinois, Denmark, Pennsylvania, Spain, Florida, Brazil.

6. What started out as "stress baking" (before I even had heard of the term) soon became a frequent practice that yielded very edible results. The twins preferred the sweeter forays into banana bread and chocolate cake. I tried to find a balance between tried-and-true techniques and experiments in texture and taste with yeasted pumpernickels, multi-grains, and seed breads.

7. While not the same as performing 'live ', online gigs proved that it was possible to generate a surprising amount of adrenaline even without the pheromonal handshaking of a room filled with receptive ears. As a corollary, online recording collaborations with friends worldwide proved to be inspiring and a suitable substrate for sonic experimentation, exploration of new instruments, tunings, effects programming, structures. In these realms, shout-outs to Helene Breschand, Mike Cooper, Henry Kaiser, Tracie Morris, Mikel Banks, Dougie Bowne, Payton McDonald, Billy Martin, Colin Stetson, Jim O'Rourke, Scott Amendola, Roberto Zorzi, Jason Hoopes, Eric Mingus, Melanie Dyer, Dave Hofstra, Don McKenzie, Sergio Sorrentino, Veniero Rizzardi, Taylor Ho Bynum, Scott Fields, Bachir Attar, Karl Bruckmaier, Robbie Lee, Matthew Evan Taylor, Matteo Liberatore, Al Kaatz, David Barratt, Jessica Hallock, Kolin Zeinikov, Robbie Lee, Jeremy Nesse, James Ilgenfritz, Sergio Armaroli, Steve Piccolo, Sandy Ewen, David Weinstein, Jim Whittemore, Chris Vine, Werner Puntigam, William Schimmel.

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Daniel O’Sullivan

(Grumbling Fur, Guapo, Miasma & the Carousel of Headless Horses, Ulver, Sunn O))), Æthenor, Laniakea, Miracle, Mothlite, and This Is Not This Heat.)

Music Richard Youngs - Ein Klein Nein Alabaster DePlume - Instrumentals Hildegard von Bingen - O Nobilissima Viriditas Francisco de Penalosa - Missa Ave Maria Peregrina Carlo Gesualdo - Responsoria 1611 Dirty Projectors - Five EPs Sonic Boom - All Things Being Equal Brother Peter Broderick - Blackberry Richard Horowitz - Eros Of Arabia Duncan Trussell Family Hour Cocteau Twins in the bath

Books/comics Alexander Tucker - Entity Reunion II Derek Jarman - Chroma Stephen Harrod Buhner - Plant Intelligence and the Imaginal Realm The Penguin Book Of Irish Poetry - edited by Patrick Crotty The Gospel Of Ramakrishna - translated by Swami Nikhilananda Lucretius - De Rerum Natura Plotinus - Enneads Ram Dass - Grist For The Mill Lisa Brown - Phantom Twin

Other Fasting / meditation / macrodosing Walks in freshly coppiced woodland (for the smell mainly). Plants / Foraging / Growing Traditional ferments Douglas Sirk movies Mandolorian Writing songs on the piano Rediscovery of Kenneth Graham via my kids

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Karl O’Connor (Regis)

01.Wolfgang Press - Unremembered, Remembered 02. Klara Lewis - Ingrid Live at Fylkingen 03. Jesu - Terminus 04. Dave Ball - Leeds Poly Demos 1979 05. Edwin Pouncey - Rated Sav X (the Savage Pencil Skratchbook) 06. The Bug - In Blue 07. New Order - Power,Corruption and Lies ( Writing Sessions ) 08. JG Thirlwell and Simon Steensland - Oscillospira 09. FM Einheit and Andreas Ammer - Hammerschlag 10. Thurston Moore - By The Fire 11. Body Stuff - Body Stuff 3 12. Ann M Hogan - Honeysuckle Burials 13. Rob Halford - Confess (Autobiography)

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Caleb Braaten (Sacred Bones Records)

Shirley Collins Hearts Ease Dehd Flowers Of Devotion Duma Duma Bob Dylan Rough and Rowdy Ways Green-House Six Songs for Invisible Gardens John Jeffery Passage Drew McDowall Agalma Sweeping Promises Hunger For a Way Out Colter Wall Western Swing & Waltzes and Other Punchy Songs Woods Strange to Explain

My Favorite 90’s Nostalgia Movie Rewatches

Colors Ghost Dog Menace II Society The Player Rounders Safe Starship Troopers Trees Lounge Vampires Waiting For Guffman

Most Culturally Bankrupt Year : 1997

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Charlie Looker

(composer, Psalm Zero, Extra Life, Seaven Teares)

Ten Things That Didn’t Happen in 2020

1. I didn’t write a ton of new music. Don’t get me wrong, I wrote some. I always do. But mostly I focused on my new YouTube channel, essays, and on getting old recordings released. I haven’t even been working a day-job so I thought I was going to write my next Ring Cycle, but I really didn’t find Covid inspiring.

2. Trump wasn’t re-elected. Cool.

3. I didn’t lose anyone to Covid. I am, of course, profoundly grateful for this. But I feel pretty embarrassed remembering group-texting ten friends in March, “We are all going to see a loved one die. Every single one of us. Don’t kid yourselves”. I can get hysterical, and that was somewhat irresponsible of me.

4. No revolution happened. I don’t mean to be smug or cynical, or to belittle anyone’s participation in the protests. But, as far as I can tell, nothing happened in 2020 that promises to reduce police brutality or human suffering of any kind. We’ll see. That burning Minneapolis police station was exciting to watch at the time, if only on an aesthetic level.

5. I have a stack of unread books I bought this year, just staring at me, with nary a crease among them. These include:

Adorno and Horkheimer, The Dialectic of Enlightenment (looks amazing, but I haven’t touched it) Marx, Grundrisse (it’s 1000 pages for fuck’s sake. Amazon also accidentally sent me two copies, and its double presence in the stack is just comical) Reza Negarestani, Intelligence and Spirit (the first 15 pages blew my mind, then my mind blew it off)

6. I didn’t settle into living in LA. I moved here six months before Covid and I was just starting to cultivate some friendships and play shows. This was quashed and I still feel like I still live in New York. I still barely know the layout of the city here.

7. No brand-new buzzy musical artists burst onto the scene, that I can recall. No new hyped micro-genre of the moment. There was just no way for there to be a hot new trend. I’d say that was refreshing, but it wasn’t.

8. Tyson’s return was not awesome. Two minute rounds, ended in a draw. I’ve been getting way into boxing this past year. This fight was a bummer. I’m looking forward to Mayweather vs Logan Paul (LOL) because we know it’s comedy ahead of time.

9. For three weeks in July, I didn’t do a single thing other than watch street fight compilations on YouTube and Worldstar. That’s just grim.

10. There were no school shootings in March. Apparently, this was the first March with no school shootings since 2002. Not a single 7th grader got a hand job in March either. I cannot begin to imagine what it’s like to be a kid now.

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Chuck Bettis

https://chuckbettis.com

Other People's Music released this year:

Coil "Musick to Play in the Dark" (Dais)

Duma "s/t" (Nyege Nyege Tapes) Twig Harper "External Boundless Prison/ in 4 parts EP" (self-release) I.P.Y. (Ikue Mori, Phew, YoshimiO) "I.P.Y." (Tzadik) Kill Alters "A2B2 Live Stream 11/13/2020" (self-release) Krallice "Mass Cathexis" (self-release) Lust$ickPuppy "Cosmic Brownie" (self-release) Doug McKechnie "San Francisco Moog: 1968-72" (VG+ Records) Merlin Nova "Boo!" (self-release) Omrb "Milandthriust, The Graths of Mersh" (self-release) Akio Suzuki & Aki Onda "gi n ga" (self-release) Yoth Iria "Under His Sway" (Repulsive Echo) Wetware "Flail" (Dais)

My own music released this year:

collaborations

Chatter Blip "Microcosmopolitan" (Contour Editions) Matmos "The Consuming Flame: Open Exercises in Group Form" (Thrill Jockey) Reverse Bullets "Dreampop Dsyphoria" (self-release) Snake Union "live at Roulette" (self-release) Snake Union w/ Hisham Bharoocha, Bonnie Jones, Heejin Jang, Matthew Regula "Three Arrows" (Rat Route) Thomas Dimuzio "Balance" (Gench Music) YoshimiO & Chuck Bettis "Live at the Stone" (Living Myth)

solo Chuck Bettis "Arc of Enlghtenment" (Living Myth) Chuck Bettis "Motion Parallax" (Living Myth)

compilation Various Artist "Polished Turds Vol.1" (Granpa)

Music Books read this year

"Intermediary Spaces" by Eliane Radigue/Julia Eckhardt (Umland) "Ennio Morricone In His Own Words" by Ennio Morricone/Alessandro De Rosa (Oxford University Press) "Free Jazz In Japan: A Personal History" by Soejima Teruto (Public Bath Press) "Rumors of Noizu: Hijokaidan and the Road to 2nd Damascus" by Kato David Hopkins (Public Bath Press)

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Maya Hardinge

(musician / artist)

list of things i liked this year

first ever solo road trip through new mexico and Texas right before lockdown experiencing manhattan with no cars on the road . having a car to escape in to nature. (which i craved so much) walks and bike rides with friends… FRIENDS! The web site ‘workaway’ that helped me feel that there were options for escape. playing games weekly on zoom during lock down teaching yoga weekly on zoom. Witnessing and being part of the BLM protests. witnessing and being part of the demise of T sitting on my couch at 6am drinking a cup of tea, appreciating my apt. making time to meditate. halloween without tourists .

some music I’ve bought and/or enjoyed this year Elvis Perkins-Black Coat Daughter Patricia Kokett -Soi soi Henning Christiansen - OP201 Bryce Hackford- Safe Svitlana Nianio and Oleksander - Snayesh yak? rozkazhy Brannten schnure - Sommer im Pfirsichhain Killing Joke - Nighttime David Shea - Tower of mirrors Shakey - Shakey Woodford halse tapes Coil - Musick to play in the dark

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BJ Nilsen

sound artist / composer

Work 2020

Despite Covid 19 lots of things actually did happen.

In Feburary I visited the only active nuclear plant in The Nederlands as part of my "Expanded Field Recording” project together with SML. In March revisited the Acousmonium at the Elevate Festival in Graz with an additional trip deep inside the Schlossberg recording old mining trains. In March and April I did two daily recording projects “Pending and Auditory Scenes” - both of Amsterdam during lockdown. In May did my first Zoom field recording workshop with the CAMP project. In June & July two research trips in Waldviertel, Austria with Franz Pomassl. In August recorded bells and organs in 10 different churches around Amsterdam for Jacob Lekkerkerker. In September recorded Kali Malone at the Orgelpark in Amsterdam. Performed at Heart of Noise Festival in Innsbruck and A4 in Bratislava. Also went ice-skating for first time in 20? Years. In November and December I travelled to Jeju island to record field recordings for a project by Femke Herregraven for the Gwangju Biennale, commissioned for 2021. Did lots of gardening, released two tapes “Call it Philips, Eindoven” and “Zomer 2020” with Sigtryggur Berg Sigmarsson. NOW! Looking forward to 2021.

http://bjnilsen.info https://soundcloud.com/bjnilsen/sets/auditory-scenes-amsterdam

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Vicki Bennett

(People Like Us)

Negativland - True False https://negativland.com/products/truefalse-cd (this came out last year but is so THIS year) Bob Dylan - Rough and Rowdy Ways https://www.bobdylan.com/albums/rough-and-rowdy-ways/ The Soft Pink Truth - We from Shall We Go On Sinning So That Grace May Increase https://thesoftpinktruth.bandcamp.com/album/shall-we-go-on-sinning-so-that-grace-may-increase Carl Stone - Stolen Car https://unseenworlds.bandcamp.com/album/stolen-car Porest - Sedimental Gurney https://porest.bandcamp.com/album/sedimental-gurney Matmos - The Consuming Flame: Open Exercises in Group Form https://matmos.bandcamp.com/album/the-consuming-flame-open-exercises-in-group-form Domenique Dumont - Miniatures De Auto Rhythm https://antinoterecordings.bandcamp.com/album/atn044-domenique-dumont-miniatures-de-auto-rhythm The The - See Without Being Seen https://www.thethe.com/product/see-without-being-seen-cd/ Ciggy de la Noche - Hold Tight HMRC https://soundcloud.com/ciggydelanoche/hold-tight-hmrc Neil Cicierega - Mouth Dreams http://www.neilcic.com/mouthdreams/

and my details: http://peoplelikeus.org/ https://peoplelikeus-vickibennett.bandcamp.com/ pic: http://peoplelikeus.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/Welcome-Abroad-promo3-2-scaled.jpg

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DJ Food

Music - Type 303 - Sticky Disco / Analogue Acidbath 7" (45 Live) The British Space Group - The Ley of the Land CD (Wyrd Britain) Squarepusher - Be Up A Hello LP / Warp 10 NTS mix (Warp) dgoHn - Undesignated Proximate (Modern Love) LF58 - Alterazione LP (Astral Industries) Robert Fripp - Music For Quiet Moments series (DGM) Run The Jewels - RTJ4 (BMG) Simf Onyx - Magenta Skyline / The Unresolved 7" (Delights) Luke Vibert - Modern Rave LP (Hypercolour) JG Thirlwell & Simon Steensland - Oscillospira (Ipecac) Aural Design - Looking & Seeing 7" / DL (Russian Library) Luke Vibert - Rave Hop (Hypercolour) Clipping. with Christopher Fleeger - Double Live (Sub Pop) APAT - Terry Riley's 'In C' performed on Modular Synthesizer (YouTube) Field Lines Cartographer - The Spectral Isle LP (Castles In Space) Jane Weaver - The Revolution of Super Visions single (Fire Records) King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - K.G. LP (Flightless) Humanoid - Hed-Set - forthcoming on (De:tuned)

Film / TV - Inside No.9 (BBC) What We Do In The Shadows Season 2 (Netflix) Tales From The Loop (Amazon) Keith Haring - Street Art Boy (BBC) John Was Trying To Contact Aliens (Netflix) The Social Dilemma (Netflix) The Mandalorian (Season 2) (Disney+) Long Hot Summers - The Style Council documentary (Sky Arts) Zappa (Alex Winter)

Books / Comics / Magazines Confessions of a Bookseller - Shaun Bythell (Profile books) The Often Wrong - Farel Dalrymple (Image Comics) Edwin Pouncey - Rated SavX (Strange Attractor Press) Jeffrey Lewis - Fuff (all issues - really late to the party on this one) Rian Hughes - XX - A Novel, Graphic (Picador) Cosey Fanni Tutti - Art, Sex, Music (Faber) Caza - Kris Kool (Passenger Press) Dan Lish - Egostrip Vol.1 Electronic Sound magazine Decorum - Jonathan Hickman & Mike Huddleston (Image) John Higgs - Stranger Than We Can Imagine Simon Halfon - Cover To Cover (Nemperor)

Very few exhibitions or shows this year for obvious reasons

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secretradiobrooklyn · 4 years ago

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Radio Decameron |1.16.21 & 1.23.21

Secret Radio | 1.16.21 & 1.23.21 | Hear it here.

1. Sylvain Sylvain - “I’m So Sorry”

I never feel right saying “RIP” or “rest in peace” about an actual human being who is no longer with us. But I will say: I hope Sylvain Sylvain died content with the music he made and the life he lived.

2. The Honeydrippers - “Impeach the President”

And ideally, then we would never have to hear from or talk about that accursed criminal ever again. We recorded this section before the inauguration — may we never forget how ALL 50 STATE CAPITOLS plus the US Capitol itself were being guarded against attacks by American citizens on that day — and shit was tense there for many days. As of this writing, things are… unviolent. It feels like a lull to me, honestly, rather than, say, all that stuff being in the rearview. It is not.

But meanwhile, check that beat out!

I love how Roy Charles is trying to convince them to stop demanding, but they just keep insisting. This song is brilliant, and the playing is — c’mon now — unimpeachable.

3. Niagara - “Tchiki boum”

We heard this song in the film “Perdrix,” known as “The Bare Necessity” in the version we saw via SLIFF. They’re dancing in a club to this, and it’s just a really distractingly good song for the scene.

- C.K. Mann - “Mber Papa”

We just recently learned about Essiebons by learning that he passed just this August. He was a producer of legendary status to a lot of people. Listening around his music we came upon C.K. Mann and this righteous track, which Essiebons produced. I think this is a pretty ultra track, really. Every instrument really kicks it out. I hope Essiebons died happy.

4. Rocky Horror Picture Show - “Hot Patootie / Bless My Soul”

New president, feeling kinda upbeat and hopeful. Really just starting to feel the tips of my soul from where it’s been getting singed. It’s going to take a long time to scab over what happened to us all over the last four years. I’m so fucking glad he’s gone that it makes me really love that rock n roll!

5. Moon Unit & Frank Zappa - “Valley Girl”

Tell you what: we watched the movie “Zappa” recently as part of a film festival, and I highly recommend watching it at your earliest opportunity. It is absolutely for people who do, and for people who do not, love his music. He shows up as a really interesting character throughout his whole life. The film skips through his songs with amazing speed, which actually works really well in his case. This song is with his daughter Moon Unit, who actually slid a handwritten note under his door introducing herself by name and saying that she wanted to collaborate on a project. They did this, and while Zappa was in Europe, Moon Unit brought the acetates to KROC and the song became an instant hit for them. Meanwhile he was writing for multiple orchestras.

6. Jacques Dutronc - “Sur Une Nappe de Restaurant”

This is totally not how I tune my drums, but I love how Dutronc’s drums sound in every song. I mean, the whole band of course, but there is a physical space both in the drum part as written and in the recorded texture of the whole that is just deep and wide.

7. Nyame Bekyere - “Medley: Broken Heart / Aunty Yaa / Omo Yaba (Nzema)”

This is another discovery via Essebiens, who released it on Essiebons Enterprises. It’s such an intense track! The cover artwork is by K. Frimpong, who plays a crazy Cuban guitar style on his own albums.

8. Ros Serey Sothea - “Tngai Neas Kyom Yam Sra (Today I Drink Wine)”

This is a voice, and a cast of characters, I can’t stop thinking about. This is from “Cambodian Rocks Vol 1,” which is full of great recordings. Her voice could shatter glass, and it’s so skillfully wielded — I’d love to hear her in a face-off with Frankie Valli.

- There’s a moment from Paige’s phone archives of a little George and Isabelle aching to ride rides at the Millstadt homecoming.

9. Les Poppys - “Isabelle je t’aime”

These young boys singing collectively about their — collective? 17 individual? — love(s) for Isabelle is even more innocent in video format:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o618mlIaR7E

- more C.K. Mann - “Mber Papa”

10. The Jam - “In the City”

This song makes me miss the city so much! It sounds like everything we really can’t get up to right now. I feel like this song helps me feel like I’m walking fast under streetlights.

11. Bruno Leys - “Maintenant je suis un voyou”

This 7” from Born Bad is so incredible! Bruno Leys worked on just a few songs with a band that included a guy named Emmanuel Pairault who plays parts on an instrument called the ondes Martenot, a super early, very eclectic and ungainly electronic instrument. The fact that he could actually compose music of any kind on it was considered remarkable. The fact that he was able to write such incredibly expressive parts to thoroughly filigree the choruses is what amazes me.

This band recorded four songs, then Bruno Leys left for his military service, and when he came back it was all completely over — the catalog was sold, everyone was scattered. Four songs.

12. Sleepy Kitty - “Nothing = You”

I’m pretty sure this song was essentially our response to our own growing fascination with French pop. To me it sounds more French than American in texture. We played this song with the Incurables once at The Pageant in STL and it was especially glorious. I think of that moment — Kevin Bachmann harmonizing flawlessly with Paige, four different guitars ringing through the chords — every time I hear this track.

13. Plastic Bertrand - “Pogo Pogo”

I don’t know why or when “Ça Plane Pour Moi” became the one French pop song that Americans are likely to know, but it’s a total banger so I have no complaints. It turns out that pretty much all of his songs sound very similar — one-note melodies in the verse, cool vocalese hooks in the chorus, and super-driving guitar parts throughout. Turns out that’s a formula we totally dig!

14. Os K-rrascos & Vanessinha Do Picatchu - “Bochecha Ardendo”

For whatever reason, a variety of Brazilian music seemed to be the very hottest stuff to be found in Chicago’s art-school party nights, and I remember losing my mind to some heavy Brazilian rhythms that just kept folding over and over on themselves while staying so impossibly funky that the whole night just turned into a deep-green-and-dark orange smear of a late-night winter warehouse dancing and sweating and then way, way later, walking home steaming along a cold sidewalk on a tree-lined street.

- Eric Dolphy - “Hat and Beard”

15. Von Südenfed - “The Rhinohead”

I feel like no one in my zone talks enough about how awesome Von Südenfed is. I mean, we only know this one album, but it’s so fascinating — a band where Mark E. Smith is contributing but not in control, and on purpose. He shows off his pop chops and gets to be a whole different character in this one place, while the Mouse on Mars guys get to play new characters themselves. It feels like it’s related to “Extricate” in how it’s constructed, but the music doesn’t sound like something any version of the Fall has made.

16. Fischer-Spooner - “The 15th”

A friend of Wire is a friend of ours.

p.s. Paige here, they went to SAIC (before I arrived) but they were super famous to all of us in the dorms.

17. T.P. Orchestre - “Pourquoi Pas?”

The depths of this band just continue to amaze us. We’re waiting on some T.P.O.C. vinyl right now, featuring mostly songs we’ve never heard, and the everlovin’ post office is misdelivering it BACK to France even as I write this. It’s driving us totally nuts.

18. Nina Simone - “Mississippi Goddam”

The hardness of her voice, the hardness of her experience, the hardness of her words.

19. Fanny - “Blind Alley”

I don’t know who first put this in front of my eyes, but it was a few years ago. The video is so basic — they’re performing in front of a video-psych effect — but the performers themselves are just so absorbing. And the production is so heavy, it feels legendary.

20. Manmadha Leela soundtrack - “Kushalamena”

I think we first saw a colorful glimpse of this song before we heard it. Paige automatically starts dancing a little dance as soon as “Kushalamena” comes on.

This I think came from the “Now Playing” group I’m in on FB: a guy was holding out a picture of the cover of this album and said he’d bought 40 more like it and he LOVED EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. He just wanted to see if anyone knew anything more about them. I did my best to hear the album he was showing. I think this is it. I think he’s right to be super jazzed about it, we just want to hang out with him and listen to all those records.

21. Francis Bebey - “Je vous aime zaime zaime”

Paige was working on her pronunciation and when to use the ellision — the z sound for the s letter, depending on what comes next — and he said something about, “Unless you’re Francis Bebey and you’re singing ‘Je vous aime zaime zaime.” And she said, “Francis Bebey? I know Francis Bebey!” and he said, “No, you’re thinking of another Francis.” But we all know the truth. This was our introduction to the song though.

- Jack Teagarden - “I Guess I’ll Have to Change My Plan”

Paige was looking for the Fred Astaire & Jack Buchanan version from “The Bandwagon,” but found this great instrumental trombone-forward version instead.

22. Pono AM - "Good Vibes"

This is one of those things you see every once in a great while when you’re playing clubs in a music scene — a band hits a natural home run. They just have an undeniably appealing crowdpleaser of a song that they wrote, and everyone flips out when they hear it. We salute Pono AM for writing this perfect song. They enrich the STL music world. My only advice to them was to never get tired of it or take it for granted.

Paige: We took their band photos at our space on Cherokee Street, for an RFT article. I was impressed because they arrived with matching shirts that still had the tags on them, and it was really exciting to see a new band on the scene who was really good and also putting in the effort to be graphically interesting. We believe that stuff counts. All of their shows, if you got there early, you’d see all of the band members blowing up as many balloons as they could, so there would be balloons bouncing around their set for the whole show, and it made it even better.

23. Sir Victor Uwaifo And His Titibitis - "Iranm Iran"

Analog Africa has a new album! It’s called “Edo International,” and it shows off a whole other side of Beninese music that isn’t T.P. Orchestre. I think of T.P. Orchestre as just a giant force in Beninese music, but then this comp comes out showing so many other roots of Benin City’s highlife-funk scene. Victor Uwaifo was a Nigerian guitarist who returned to his hometown in Benin City and built Joromi Studio. The sound he put together at that place, via his own bands and others’, came to be called Edo Funk.

24. Laughing Man - "Brilliant Colors"

This is a tape of one of the artists of one of the group houses that we always would stay at in DC. Benjamin Schurr runs a tape label and it was always such a treat getting the new batch of Blight. releases for the van soundsystem when we’d roll through town, or one of his bands would tour through St. Louis. They were always interesting stuff and a wide range of sounds and styles.

We first met Brandon Moses when he was on tour with Paperhaus in St. Louis. I think it was his birthday, too. He didn’t tour a ton with them. Laughing Man was our first time hearing him front songs. We always enjoyed staying with Erik and Benjamin and Brandon and enjoyed sharing that green power juice that Brandon gave us — really powered us up for the next drive.

- Bembeya Jazz - “Petit Sokou”

I have felt love for this song for awhile, but Josh Weinstein recently sent a video of the band actually performing this song and WOW, it is hypnotizing. The outfits, the instruments, and the expressiveness of the guitar playing are all so vivid in black and white: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpZVF_kKUJ4

25. Maxime le Forestier - “San Francisco”

Our thanks to Paige’s French instructor for showing us this song. Paige’s version is well worth hearing too, I must say: https://www.instagram.com/p/CKhJfqDDe2q/

p.s. Paige again, if you want to see the dragon birthday card that Evan made, here it is!

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dukereviewsmovies · 5 years ago

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Duke Reviews: Guardians Of The Galaxy, Vol.2

Hello, I'm Andrew Leduc And Welcome To Duke Reviews And Before We Begin I Would Like To Apologize For The Lack Of Clips In My Doctor Strange Review...

I Looked And Looked All Over YouTube For Clips But I Honestly Couldn't Find Any That I Could Use Except For The One I Used, So If You Were Slightly Bored By My Review Because Of That, I Apologize...

Anyway, Today We Are Continuing Our Look At The Marvel Cinematic Universe...

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Where Today We Catch Up With Star Lord And The Rest Of The Guardians Of The Galaxy As We Look At Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol.2...

After Saving Xandar From Ronan The Destroyer, The Guardians Are Recognized As Heroes. Now The Team Must Help Star Lord (Played Again By Chris Pratt) Uncover The Truth Behind His Parentage When A Being Named Ego Appears, Claiming To Be His Father...

Will The Other Guardians Discover The Truth About Ego Before It Costs Them The Whole Galaxy?...

Let's Find Out As We Watch Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2...

The Film Starts On Earth In 1980, Where We See Star Lord's Mom Driving With Star Lord's Father, Ego (Played By Kurt Russell) To A Dairy Queen Where They Go Into The Woods Where He Shows Her A Weird Plant That He Planted...

Not That Weird Plant...

Telling Star Lord's Mom That These Plants Will Soon Be All Across The Universe, They Kiss Which Is When We Cut To 34 Years Later (I.E. Now) On The Planet Sovereign Where The Guardians Are Preparing For A Fight Against A Rather Large Enemy Before The Title Credits Roll With Baby Groot...

Yeah I Know, He's Cute, We All Love Him And The Intro Just Adds To His Cuteness...

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Eventually Defeating The Monster, The Guardians Meet With The Leader Of The Sovereign, Ayesha (Played By Elizabeth Debecki) Who Gives Them Their Reward For Defeating The Monster Which Just So Happens To Be Amy Pond...

You're Welcome For The Reference, Dr. Who Fans...

No, Actually It's Nebula Who Got Caught Stealing One Of Their Batteries, Which Of Course They Cannot Allow...

So, What Happens Next? Well, Rocket (Played Again By Bradley Cooper) Steals One Of Their Batteries...

And Now The Guardians Are Wanted By The Sovereign...

Eventually Hitting The Milano, The Guardians Are Saved When An Unknown Spacecraft Destroys All Of The Sovereign's Ships They Sent After The Guardians As The Milano Crashes Down On A Nearby Planet...

Once On The Planet, Their Savior Reveals Himself To Be The Computer Who Wore Tennis Shoes...

All Right, Actually It's Ego And His Assistant, Mantis (Played By Pom I Don't Know How To Spell Your Last Name) Who Reveals That Ego Is Peter's Father...

Meanwhile On The Planet Contraxia, Yondu (Played By Michael Rooker) And His Ravager Crew Enjoy A Little Downtime Only For Yondu To Run Into His Old Mentor, Stakar (Played By John Spartan) And His Partner, Martinex (Played By The Best Lex Luthor Ever)

Seriously, Michael Why Weren't You In Crisis?!?

Anyway, These 2 Don't Like That Yondu Took Star Lord When He Was A Kid And In Turn Believe That Yondu's A Sellout And That He Betrayed The Code The Ravagers Stand For, So They Exile Him...

This In Turn Has Some Of His Crew Including Taserface (Played By Toby From This Is Us) Questioning Yondu's Leadership. But Soon Ayesha Arrives To Hire Yondu To Recapture The Guardians For Her...

Back On Planet Unknown, Ego Tells Quill That He Hired Yondu To Pick Him Up When His Mom Passed Away But Instead Yondu Kept Him And He's Been Looking For Him Since...

Inviting Quill, Gamora (Played Again By Zoe Saldana) And Drax (Played By Batista) To His Home Planet They All Accept As Rocket And Baby Groot Decide To Stay Behind To Repair The Milano And Guard Nebula...

But As They Are On Their Way To Ego's Planet (Which Is Right By Gilligan's Planet) Yondu And The Ravagers Attack Rocket, Groot, Nebula And The Milano..

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Capturing Rocket, Rocket Tells Them That He'll Give Them The Batteries As Long As He Spares Groot. Yondu Agrees To Rocket's Terms As He Doesn't Want The Nova Corp On Their Asses...

But With Taserface And His Crew Believing He's Really Saving Quill, They Question Yondu's Leadership And Taserface Leads A Mutiny Against Yondu As Nebula Gets Free And Captures Groot...

Arriving On Ego's Planet Which Is An Extension Of His Body, Ego Reveals To Them That He Is A Celestial Who Created A Humanoid Avatar To Travel The Galaxy And Interact With Other Species

Back On Yondu's Ship, Taserface Kills Everyone Loyal To Yondu While Nebula Takes A Ship To Ego's Planet So She Can Finish Off Nebula Before Attempting To Kill Her Father, Thanos...

Apologizing For Not Being There When Him And His Mother Needed Him Most, Ego Asks Peter To Give Him The Chance To Be The Father He Wanted To Be By Teaching Him About The Planet And The Light Within Him...

Asking Him To Close His Eyes And Concentrate, Peter Creates Energy Within His Hands Before Forming It Into A Ball That He Plays Catch With Ego With...

While Drax Becomes Friends With Mantis Who Tries To Reveal Something To Him Only For Gamora Interrupt Them When She Wants To Know Where They'll Be Staying...

Back On Yondu's Ship, Taserface Throws Rocket And Yondu In A Cell Until They Can Be Delivered To The Kree Tomorrow, While Imprisoned, Rocket And Yondu Discover That They're Alot Alike As Yondu Explains How He Became A Ravager...

Explaining That After Escaping From A Kree Slave Camp, Stakar Offered Yondu A Place With The Ravagers Saying That All He Had To Do Was Keep To The Code But Being Young, Greedy And Stupid They Exiled Yondu. But Knowing That They Have To Get Out Of There, Yondu Comes Up With A Plan That Involves Groot...

Luckily Groot Escapes When Most Of The Ravagers Fall Asleep After Turning Groot Into Their New Mascot, And Decides To Help Yondu And Rocket Escape By Getting Him A Prototype Fin For Him To Control His Arrow..

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(Start At 0:49)

Getting Yondu His Fin, Yondu's Second In Command Kraglin Asks For Forgiveness For His Actions Stating That He Didn't Know That Taserface Would Kill His Friends, So Telling Kraglin To Get His Escape Ship Ready, While Rocket Gets The Fin On His Head Leading To One Of The Best Scenes Of This Movie...

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Hitting The Main Reactor, Yondu Launches His Escape Ship As The Rest Of The Ship Blows Up But Before It Does, Taserface Sends The Sovereign Yondu's Ship's Coordinates As Yondu's Ship Jumps To Wacky Face Speed Which Leads To Our Stan Lee Cameo...

Stan Lee Cameo!

And Yes, Those Are Watchers Talking To Stan...

Back On Ego's Planet, Quill And Gamora Have A Moment For Romance On The Planet But It Gets Slightly Ruined When Gamora Admits To Peter That She Feels That There Is Something About Ego And This Place That Doesn't Feel Right But Believing That Gamora Is Jealous Of His New Powers, Gamora Walks Off...

Only To Be Attacked By Nebula Who Fires At Her From The Ship She Got From The Ravagers While Gamora Is Sitting In A Field. Eventually Though The 2 Sisters Reach An Uneasy Truce When They Explore The Caverns Beneath Ego's Planet Only To Find Skeletal Remains...

Talking With Ego In His Room, He Decides To Tell Peter His Plan Called The Expansion, Saying That After He Travelled The Universe, Ego Found The Lifeforms In It Disappointing, So He Planted Seedlings On Thousands Of Worlds So He Could Use Them To Terraform Them Into Versions Of Himself...

But In Order To Do It, He Needed The Power Of A Second Celestial To Activate The Seedlings, So He Conceived Children With Hundreds Of Women All Across The Galaxy And Hired Yondu And His Ravagers To Collect Them, But None Of Them Except Peter Were Able To Access The Celestial Power So He Had Them All Killed...

I Know, Right? That's Messed Up...

Asking About His Friends And His Mother, Ego Tells Peter That Gods Are Beyond Such Things As Friends And As His Mom, Ego Admits He Did Love Her To The Point That He Wanted To Stay With Her But Not Wanting To Jeopardize His Purpose In Life, He Put The Tumor In Her Head That Killed Her...

Finding That His Son Lacks Vision (As He Transforms Into David Hasslehoff For Some Reason) Ego Uses Quill As A Battery While He Starts Activating The Seeds On Thousands Of Planets Including Earth...

However, While Ego Was Telling Quill His Plan, Mantis Told Drax That He Was In Danger Which Lead To Them Reuniting With Gamora And Nebula While Rocket, Yondu And Groot Arrive In The Region Of Ego's Planet On Board Yondu's Ship...

Calling Gamora, Rocket Tells Her To Keep The Transmitter Active So He Can Find Them On The Planet As All Of Them Except Kraglin Go Down To Ego's Planet In A Pod Yondu Once Used To Rob A Bank...

Using The Element Of Surprise, Yondu's Pod Lands On Top Of Ego As Gamora, Drax And Mantis Enter To Help Peter Who Gets An "I Told You So" From Gamora...

Time And Place, Gamora, Time And Place...

Attempting To Come Up With A Plan To Stop Ego, Peter Suggests Going To Ego's Core Where A Thick Shell Protects Ego's Brain, Eventually Escaping Ego's Palace, They Use The Lasers In The Pod To Journey To The Center Of Ego But Unfortunately The Sovereign Have Sent More Drones To Ego To Deal With The Guardians...

Taking Out The Pod's Main Generator That Powers The Lasers, Rocket Creates A Bomb Out Of The Sovereign's Batteries For Groot To Place On Ego's Brain...

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Powering The Lasers Through Nebula's Robotics, Yondu Manages To Destroy All The Sovereign's Drones, Last Starfighter Style...

Overloading The Ship, It Blows Up As Nebula, Quill And Yondu Escape...

As We Get Probably The Best Line Of The Entire Movie, Everyone Say It With Me....

"I'm Mary Poppins, Y'all!"

Telling Kraglin Meet Him For Extraction, Drax Goes To The Surface With An Unconscious Mantis As Ego Finds Them Causing And Earthquake Which Leads To Nebula And Gamora Falling And Rocket And Yondu Dealing With Ego's Energy Tentacles As Peter Faces Ego In One Last Fight...

Despite Nearly Being Defeated By Ego, Groot Sets The Bomb And The Other Guardians (Except Yondu Who Is Going Back For Peter) Make It To The Surface...

Telling That If The Bomb Blows, His Powers Will Disappear Forever, And Telling Him What's Wrong With That, The Bomb Exploded And Ego Dies As Yondu Saves Quill, By Sacrificing His Life To Do So...

Ah, What The Hell...

As The Guardians Hold A Small Funeral For Yondu, As Gamora Says Goodbye To Nebula Who Is Off To Kill Her Father, Thanos Kraglin Gives Quill A Zune Device (Would Have Sprung For An Ipod But That's Me) And The Ravagers Including Judge Dredd Give Yondu A Ravager's Funeral As The Movie Ends...

Now Unlike Most Of The MCU, That Feature 1 Mid-Credits Scene And 1 End Credits Scene, This Has 3 Mid Credits Scenes And 1 End Scene..

Mid Credits Scene 1, Sees Kraglin Trying To Learn How To Use Yondu's Arrow With No Real Success...

Mid Credits Scene #2, Sees Rocky Balboa Reuniting His Old Team Which Includes The Flash From The Justice League Animated Series And 3 Others Charlie-27 (Played By Ving Rhaymes) Aleeta Orgood, (Who Is Rambo's Wife Or Sister, Played By Michelle Yeoh) Krugarr (Who Is Unvoiced) And Mainframe (Played By Hannah Montana, I Really Wish I Was Joking On That) In Honor Of Yondu's Death...

Mid Credits Scene #3 Sees Ayesha (Embarssed By Her Defeat At The Hands Of The Guardians) Decides To Send The Warrior Who Is Inside Of A New Pod After The Guardians...

Who Is in This Pod?

Well, Ayesha Gives Us A Clever Hint That His Name Is Adam As A Clue That Adam Warlock Will Be In The Next Movie...

And Finally Mid Credits Scene 4, Sees Baby Groot Evolving Into Teenage Groot As Quill Walks In On Him Playing With A Video Game...

But For Our End Credits Scene, We Have A Continuation Of The Stan Lee Cameo With The Watchers, Which Really Wasn't Needed In My Opinion....

I Really Love The Stan Lee Cameos But We Saw It There Was No Need To Continue It And Having It There Is Like Them Giving Us A Big Middle Finger For Us Staying Till The Credits Ended...

If Anything They Should Have Had The Ayesha Scene Here With Adam Warlock But Having This Here Is Like Them Saying...

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(Start At 0:06)

Anyway, That Was Guardians Of The Galaxy, Vol.2 And I Liked It...

The Story Was Interesting, The Characters Were Written Great And The Villain Was Interesting However I Feel That There Were Too Many Mid Credits Scenes During The Credits And As I Said That End Credits Scene Didn't Need To Be Added Either Way Though I Say See It...

Till Next Time, This Is Duke, Signing Off...

#guardians of the galaxy #Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol 2 #chris pratt #zoe saldana #dave bautista #bradley cooper #vin diesel #kurt russell #pom klementieff #karen gillan #michael rooker #Slyvester Stallone #marvel #marvel cinematic universe #I'm Mary Poppins Y'all

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hamliet · 6 years ago

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tense

this is a personal post; something I wrote to process the experience of losing my dad a year ago today.

I am leaving for India soon. I will be visiting friends. My father is in the hospital. It's nothing new, and still I feel the familiar clench in my stomach I’ve felt almost every one of my twenty-five years.

My first full memory--I have snapshots of earlier, but my first complete scene--is of waking up to find blood all over the kitchen floors and counters, the toilet, the bathroom tiles. White streaks from where someone tried to clean it up. An ambulance, coming to take my father away. The white stretcher. Our neighbor, talking to my mother on our front stoop.

To this day, I hyperventilate at the sight of blood.

He had an illness, but God healed him, my mother insists. He was at death's door and then he wasn't, his liver healed itself. At the very least, God gave him over twenty more years.

He died when I was not yet thirteen, but the paramedics shocked him back, and he got at least a dozen more years. He had forty-something surgeries by the time I was in my twenties.

When I moved to India, I was twenty-one. He called me up before I left, telling me how upset he was, how he didn't like the idea, how I was letting him down. I cried for hours. He'd disliked my choice to major in English and creative writing, disliked my choices of where to live, what I did with my hair. I'd told him years earlier I knew I wasn't the child he wanted. I was too loud, he’d said before, too too too.

He was in too much pain, and so was I. And while there was ten thousand miles between us, he called me. He said, I'm terminally ill. Inclusion body myositis. Coupled with a break-up and a crisis of what to do with me life like all recent college grads, I moved back to the US. The literature didn't match his perspective on his illness, but I believed him. To this day, I don't know what the full truth was.

I think he was tired. I tell him he better hang on. I want a family soon, and I want him to be around. I want him around. He told me he wanted me to be happy and worried when I went through a health scare of my own. He tells me I have a gift for writing. I box up his compliments, storing them in a cavernous space. The empty space I use to crush myself when he lashes out next time; the compliments I unfold on my own time.

I leave for India at twenty-five, visiting friends, when he is out of the hospital. This time, he tells me to have fun, see the friends he knows I adore. And in India, I'm in the hospital with food poisoning, and so is he, with an infection. Then, I'm back from India, and he's out of the hospital. And then he falls and he breaks his arm, and he's back in again, and out.

I see him on Easter and I think how much I dislike the holiday. I love its religious significance. I hate my Easter experiences. I do not want to go home, but I go for him. I wear the skirt I bought in India, the green and blue one made from a sari. He says I look pretty. I box it up.

This weekend, he is sick and cannot eat his favorite pizza. We watch Jumanji, but we pause it while he is ill. He laughs, says he likes it. We argue politics. I ask him if he wants anything from Japan, and he says he wants a cat keychain, and I remember how he said he hated cats until we were nine and he got his first one.

I leave for Japan four days later. My father was the one who encourages me to go anyways, telling me now was the time to travel, and I remember how he'd been so opposed to me living in India before. He's grown, too, and he gives me hope.

Four days later, I call him before I fly out to Tokyo. He tells me to have fun and reminds me, "Don't forget my keychain!"

"I won't," I promise.

I text him at the airport, when I almost miss my connecting flight. He says he is praying for me to make my flight. I do. I text him after leaving Don Quijote’s in Tokyo, telling him I found his keychain. It lights up in a combination flashlight, but I don't tell him this part. He texts me back a cat emoji, the one with the red heart eyes.

I text him some pictures throughout the rest of the week. He doesn't respond. I look forward to telling him about Hiroshima. I plan out the stories I will tell, the inflection of my voice when I tell him. It is, in many ways, one of the best weeks of my life.

The day before I leave Tokyo, my sister calls and tells me my dad was in the hospital with encephalopathy. His liver is failing him. But he is better now. He will be okay, my sister tells me. I look to my friend I'm traveling with, and I don't know what I want to say to assure myself.

My flight heading back is a disaster. When I realize I will miss my connecting flight, I burst into tears. The flight attendant asks me what's wrong. I tell her my dad is dying. It is the first time I say these words out loud with a sense of imminence.

My brother runs the Boston marathon back home, the third time, and in the worst weather in years. But he writes my dad's name on his shoes, since my dad always wanted to run it but never did. He finishes despite the cold.

I land in Boston thirty hours later and call my parents the next day. My dad is napping. That night, my mom calls me. Her voice crackles. She begs me to visit this weekend. "Please." That word is emphasized. I don't remember the other words, not specifically.

I promise I will come. I cry, too, hot tears on my face, and my roommate grabs her keys and tells me, let's go.

We drive down. His skin, freckled and marked like all Irishmen, is stained yellow from jaundice. Agony rends his limbs, and he curls up, moaning, a pink basin on him for if he vomits. I am angry and praying and ordering doctors and God to make him better. They stabilize him and I tell him I love him, kissing his cheek. He thanks me for coming, voice hoarse but still very, very alive.

I spend the next two days working, in a fog, because by that point I know. My sister and my brother still think he'll get better. I tell my roommates I don't think that any more. I've said it aloud, but to someone I don't know. Saying it to people I do: it's cold slicing through me. The coming days will be the tipping point, the cliff, and soon I will fall and I don't know when that fall will end. There is a horrible part of me that wants that rope to just break already, just snap already, I can't take dangling anymore. I know the inevitable, just let me go, I've never liked suspense, not even in movies. But I'm not ready to fall, and I'm not ready to dangle again either. I can't imagine him being gone. I try to make plans for what will happen to the cats he's rescued. My brain won't cooperate.

When I see him that Saturday, I know. I cry almost instantly. My sister sees, and she knows, and she leaves with her boyfriend to cry, to think. He doesn't recognize me, I don't think. My mom says he does. He keeps trying to get up, but his legs can't support him, and I'm scared if he gets up when I'm alone with him that he will fall and break something. I am not strong enough, but I cannot let him fall, but I can't stop it either. I pray. Daddy, I am scared.

My sister and her boyfriend return. He catches my dad when he falls. My dad keeps thinking we're leaving the hospital. "Mama, let's go," he says to my mom. They've always called each other by their roles. Mama, Dad.

I brought his keychain in a small crinkly bag from the store in Tokyo. I can't give it to him. The doctor gives us the end of life talk. I cry more, but I plan to give him the keychain the next day, once they get the medicine that will, at the very least, stabilize his brain so he can recognize me.

My mom breaks down that night. "I don't want to lose him." I hold her, as does my sister and her boyfriend.

I write a Facebook message to my cousin. I tell her, my dad is dying. She calls me the next morning, when we are already at the hospital and his breathing is slowing. My mom calls my uncles, my aunt, my father's siblings. "It's going to be today." Someone calls my brother, who was running a race six days after running the marathon. He jumps in his car and races towards the hospital.

The nursing staff have put soft, ethereal music on. It at least gives the room with its antiseptic smell and shoes squeaking on tiles a spiritual presence, something foggy and soft to wrap around us. I text my friends, asking them to bring me clothes to stay for the week, telling them this is it.

My sister leaves for a minute. I say goodbye, and I don't remember what I said. I know I said I loved him. You would think I would remember my words, but I don't, beyond a phrase I'd said thousands of times.

His breathing skips in places. My mom and I try. She tells him to hang on, my brother's not here yet. I say the same, and then, because I am scared, I tell him it's okay to go if he can't hang on. My mom says no, and he listens. Because my dad doesn't give up. He hangs on.

My brother arrives. He holds my dad's hand. It is swollen and it doesn't look like his hand anymore. He speaks to him.

My mom says "I think he's gone." He's not yet. But within ten minutes of my brother arriving, he slips away.

I kiss his cheek before I leave. He is cold.

My mom cries and I tell her the only thing that comforts me, that maybe if God exists outside of time, we are already with him.

That night, I watch Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 with two friends, via rabbit. It is the series of movies--the GOTG ones--that my dad and I made a point to see together.

We bury him with the cat keychain in his hands.

It's May, and I am angry that no one wants to ask me about his death. I am lonely. It's a few weeks later, and I am told I have to move my apartment, one of my best friends is moving away, and it is too much. I keep thinking, I need to call my dad, and it strikes me each time.

You can’t.

It's June, and I listen to the voice messages I have saved in my phone, the times he called me in India. It is July, and his birthday and my brother's and my sister's and mine all come during that family month, and my friends check up on me. It is September, and I move to a new place, a place he's never seen. It is winter, and I am dying too.

I wake nightly with a nauseated cloud in my head dribbling rain and memories down my spine. I dream his death again and again. I dream of my grandfather's death when I was fourteen, the one whose funeral my father missed because he was rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery. I dream of my grandmother's death, the one who told my mother she was trying to hold onto life until I got back from India to say goodbye. I didn't make it in time, but in my dreams, I do.

I don't know how to dream anymore without nightmares. Not just death ones, but the ones in which I say all that was unsaid between us. There was so much to say, and I didn’t know how in the time we had. And neither did he.

Depression, a frequent visitor since my teen years, comes to shroud me. I feel like I'm walking through a world of static mostly, the kind where I can't concentrate on colors or people. I go on a few dates. Guys will eventually ask about your family, and I can't always dodge. Nothing lasts, but more often than not, I am the one who deletes their number. My therapist and my doctor are scared. They tell me I need to do something, but I don't know what. My boss badgers me. I get a few job rejections.

I want to give up.

I am tired.

He is the one somewhere far away, and I can't reach him. And so here I am, writing. Hey, Dad, can you hear me?

There are people who reach for me, too, friends and fellow writers, some whom I’ve never met in person, and they tell me, I better hang on. I call my doctor. I increase my dose of antidepressant, a different kind but still an SSRI, from the one he started only months before he died. I don’t know if they had the chance to work on him, but maybe they will help me, hold my hand at least through the rest of this year, beyond if needed, until I can walk on my own again.

My brother runs the Boston marathon and he lays the medal on his grave. He wonders if it's morbid to have taken the picture he sends to me, the medal with its blue ribbon coiled at the foot of his grave, and I say no, it comforts me.

My sister's gotten engaged, to the boy who caught my father when his legs wouldn't hold him anymore.

It is Easter, and I wear the same blue and green sari skirt, and I think, I look pretty. I've started a new dose of Zoloft, and it's Easter. Resurrection, Love in a Human conquering death, the last enemy, a Son returning to his mother on earth and then his Father in heaven, and, I hope.

I wasn’t better yet. But I am here, writing this, and I think I will be. Time is not constant in experience and maybe not at all. It is especially the case for me with grief, so I am both okay, and not okay, healed and bleeding, mourning and laughing.

And so, again: Dad, can you hear me?

There’s a lot to say. In time, I will.

I love you.

#personal #grief #depression #loss

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linernotesandseasons · 5 years ago

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My 19 Favorite Albums of 2019

2019 is coming to a close. The entire decade is coming to a close. This list has been an increasingly comforting exercise the last few years. I guess this will be the eighth annual version of the linernotesandseasons favorite albums of the year list! Crazy how time passes. So here are the collections of songs that I used to mark my personal time & space this year. The lyrics that I learned by heart & sang out in dark & dirty rock clubs. I also made a spotify playlist with two songs from each album if you’re interested in listening along as you read.

This year most of my writing focuses on when & why I fell in love with a specific album. Sometimes the history is important, building a base or connecting some threads, so when relevant, I have also included my history with when I fell in love with a specific artist. And finally, as has become more important to my music chasing brain in the last few years, why this artist or album is important to music right now. What they’re doing to leave a mark on the world, in whatever small space or way.

So without any further ado, here it is, in no particular order (unless you’re particularly knowledgable or fond of the english alphabet) my 19 (well actually 20 cuz freaking Big Thief put out two!) favorite albums of 2019. It’s been a pleasure.

BETTER OBLIVION COMMUNITY CENTER / Better Oblivion Community Center

Spring 2019 in Denver was cold & breezy, sunny & exciting. I had spun the Phoebe Bridgers/Conor Oberst match-made-in-indie-emo-sad-folk-heaven record once through, but in late March I made a game time (like I bought a day-of ticket off stubhub at 6pm!) decision to drive down from work and see their show at the Gothic on South Broadway. I’d been up since 7am the night (morning?) before, watching opening day baseball live from Japan (on March 20th?!). Ichiro’s final game and I was feeling maybe a little emotionally fragile already. But anyway… Better Oblivion Community Center’s live show (they call them meetings) has all the potential to come off as cheesy or contrived. A recorded voice welcomes you, self-help-cult style, and invites you to “celebrate sound & light” & “travel the well worn pathways,” because “we are one.” A mystical backdrop gives a hint of what you’re in for (I didn’t know what I was in for...) with letters at the top reading “It will end in tears.” The band is brilliant, loose, & fun. They play all the songs. They play “Lua,” “Bad Blood,” & “Easy/Lucky/Free” from the endlessly varied Bright Eyes catalog. They turn Phoebe’s “Funeral” into a punk blast. They cover The Replacements! They wear shades and sing a song from lawn chairs! The show feels effortlessly cool and I feel like I’m part of something special again. Music has a way of doing that.

The record is perfectly equal parts Phoebe & Conor. From the opening lines, where Phoebe takes control with “my telephone it doesn’t have a camera” sounding for all the world like a gloriously mopey “Smoke Signals Vol. 2″ to the way Oberst sings the first lines of ethereal closer “Dominoes” sounding 100% like Cassadaga-era Bright Eyes. If you know & love either, you should know the other now. Phoebe carries a torch from early 2000′s emo with a sad-at-heart, genius songwriting style that emphasizes pinpoint autobiographical lyrics, a cutting, (even humorous at times) wit, and a teenage, feminist, internet, millennial heart. Oberst for his part has kept up a steady output since Bright Eyes, and (at least lyrically) doesn’t seemed to have cheered up much. Better Oblivion Community Center’s self titled debut feels fresh & catchy. While there is definitely an aching sadness in the duo’s songwriting, light hearted moments abound, and the writing often points to getting older, all hard work & growth. There is the bouncing outro to “Sleepwalkin’” where their voices rise in unison singing “Acting insane, playing it safe, I wasn’t sold on that plan anyways. Feeling afraid of making a change.” Or in the bright, rolling verses of “My City” where they go looking for “little moments of purpose.” But the one song I kept going back to; the one I recorded to cassette tape and played on almost every drive home from work at 4am through April & May, is the bittersweet closer “Dominoes.” Ironically, this one is a Taylor Hollingsworth cover (I think that’s him adding the random, spooky voice overs) but Conor takes the lead on vocals, singing a mostly lonely, hopeless tale, until the last verse when Phoebe cuts in. She’s “carpooling to kingdom come, into the wild purgatory.” Encouraging us to “Experience a magic rainbow, all you gotta’ do is follow. & if you’re not feeling ready… There’s always tomorrow.”

“The world will not remember when we’re old & tired / We’ll be blowing on the embers of a little fire…”

BIG THIEF / U.F.O.F. & Two Hands

2019 was the year that I finally finally got really really into Big Thief. A band’s band known for their live show (I still have yet to see them live) their following seems equal parts cult-y and universal. How a band that sounds the way they do, made it almost to the top of the indie-rock world is an exciting & inviting mystery.

This year, for me, the catalyst was “Cattails.” Released at the beginning of April, this song struck me and stuck with me, making its way onto almost every mix I made last Spring, Summer, & Fall (including this one for my Mom!) A real song of the year contender (& my #1 most listened to song of 2019 on spotify!), “Cattails” is a melodic, driving, beautiful tune, that finds singer & front person Adrienne Lenker marking Time (”riding that train in late June”) & Space (”going back home to the great lakes”) with grace & depth. There is a sacredness & mysticism tied up in a lot of Lenker’s writing and she refers to her writing experience with “Cattails” saying…

“It was one of those electric, multicolored waves of connectivity just sweeping through my body. I stayed up late finishing the song and the next morning was stomping around playing it over & over again. We thought why not just record it … & when James and I were playing it felt like a little portal in the fabric had opened and we were just flying. Listening back to it makes me cry sometimes.”

In truth, U.F.O.F. (the last f stands for “friend,” a way of humanizing the foreign) is a gorgeous record. Soft & gentle, full of songs about the constant tussle between things known & unknown. A real headphones-on-an-airplane record. And then, out of nowhere, Big Thief announced that they had a second (!) record on the way in the Fall. A dirt & earth twin for U.F.O.F., a special surprise gift for their burgeoning fan base. They announced Two Hands with the vicious single “Not,” a song very unlike “Cattails.” A brooding, ravenous rock song that made me remember why I love unhinged, well-written, unafraid rock & roll music. Another song of the year contender. If you’ve followed this blog the last few months, my well thought out comments to “Not” were “ohhhhhhhhhhhhh shit” & “oh my holy shit.” to the live version! But it was actually the second track on Two Hands that solidified Big Thief’s greatness for me. “Forgotten Eyes” is sonically similar to “Cattails” and rides the same effortless rhythm, driven by Lenker’s repeating guitar riff and James Krivchenia’s consistently impressive drumming. The riff seems to fall in & out magically, and the writing bookends “Cattails” with lyrics that speak to both a great pain & a great universal truth. While she wanders through homelessness & death, Lenker reflects beautifully on the life cycle we (& our planet, & maybe everything?) are all going through.

“Forgotten dance is the one left at birth / Forgotten plants in the fossils of earth / & they’ve long passed but they are no less the dirt / Of the common soil keeping us dry & warm / The wound has no direction / Everybody needs a home & deserves protection…”

BLACK BELT EAGLE SCOUT / At the Party With My Brown Friends

After finding Black Belt Eagle Scout’s debut album late last year, I soundtracked many a dusk, dawn, or midnight drive with her swirling vocals & entrancing guitar, usually in the cold & dark, through the early part of 2019. It made my 2018 favorites list, and her Larimer Lounge show in May was a highlight. I guess it makes sense then, that I didn’t truly fall for her sophomore album At the Party With My Brown Friends (released in August) until it got cold in November and I was able to take it out for some dark, snowy drives. Moody & serious at times, Black Belt Eagle Scout sounds every bit like the gray Pacific Northwest where front person Katherine Paul (KP) hails from. The lyrics are simple, repeating phrases, full of deep, important ideas. Family & friends. People & land. There are bursts of guitar coming out of rewarding slow builds, shredd-y, rhythmic, & melodic. Also, all the instruments on ATPWMBF are played by KP, and the drumming is fucking fantastic.

I have some sort of longer form writing building somewhere in the back of my mind about listening to music in cars, and both Black Belt Eagle Scout albums are perfect examples for that. I have always loved the feeling of having roads (highways or simply long straight dirt back roads) & music to listen to. In high school, we would sometimes get in the car simply to drive & listen to music (small town life ya know?) and I still relish any chance I get to take new (or old & long loved) songs & albums on road trips or just commutes around town. The time to sit with the songs, to focus on nothing but the words & melodies, instruments & voices, & the pull of the road, mystical & magical. Black Belt Eagle Scout’s songs have been a calming companion on a lot of drives over the last year, and I recommend you taking them out on a spin of your own. Drive to that coffee shop that’s 30 minutes away that you’ve been wanting to go to, drive out of town just to drive, alone with your thoughts & the road. You just might learn something about yourself.

“& I wake up / I love you / Screaming loudly / Screaming softly too / Am I here? / My heart dreams…”

BON IVER / i,i

Bon Iver is a long time favorite and if you’ve followed this blog at all, you know how much I love his albums and how much Justin Vernon’s Eaux Claires festival has helped shaped my musical timeline. Seeing 22, A Million (the record that precedes i,i) live in Wisconsin by the river for the first time, was something special. That record made my 2016 favorites list, but until this year, until i,i, my story of the music felt very insular. Special & secret for me, confined to very specific times & places. Only to make me feel certain things. It’s why I was hesitant to buy a ticket to see the Red Rocks show last September. Or why I questioned streaming the album early while I was on vacation in Holden Beach, North Carolina. I thought the songs were only meant to carry me back to the river, back to Wisconsin, back to the Summer. Back to a very specific, special place in my heart. But thanks to the wonders of spotify, and the Bon Iver crew just up and releasing the album a week early under the simple & generous guise of “wanting folks to have the album & learn the songs before the tour!!” I obliged and… YESSSS that’s how you do an album release in 2019! I had the album in my headphones as I ran and sweated on the beach in North Carolina, letting brand new songs transport me thousands of miles away.

i,i is a gloriously weird, perfected mess of a hit indie record. It’s everything I wanted the next chapter of the Bon Iver story to be. It feels personal & widescreen. Little moments stretched out and shared with family & friends. Lyrics about growth & hard work & life (& a few WTFs, it’s Bon Iver after all!) The gang’s all here again (the massive crew that worked on the album are all pictured on the record’s gloriously, weird inside gatefold!) recorded from Vernon’s home (April) base in Wisconsin, to Sonic Ranch in west Texas (also pictured in the liner notes) walking distance from our southern border. The sounds are all here again too. There are hints of For Emma’s Winter falsetto folk in the gorgeous acoustic guitar of “Marion.” There are the industrial swells & stomps, bleeps & bloops of bi, bi’s Spring in the warbling, green grass, warmth of “Holyfields.” Then there is the distortion, the choppy samples of 22, in the jigsaw glory of “iMi,” the way it starts & stops, all choruses & voices, real & programmed. Threads of new songs tied up with threads from long, long ago. There is a fullness to i,i, a generosity, a true front to back album, with hits & new favorites sprinkled everywhere. The second half blooms with the charging folk of “Salem” & “Faith” and the contentedness of closer “RABi.” These are songs that I will love for years to come. These songs make me happy. They make me think. They make me want to share them with friends. They make me want to work on relationships. Songs about life. Songs about true, unconditional friendship. As Justin said way back in 2015, when my journey with the Bon Iver story began “The story is history, nothing more. Only the music can rise anew. & it is gone as soon as it is sung. & so we sing again…” I am soo soo happy to sing again, with songs anew.

“Living in a lonesome way / Had me looking other ways / Cuz I am lost here again / But on a bright Fall morning I’m with it / I stood a little within it…”

EARTHGANG / Mirrorland

EARTHGANG’s major label debut Mirrorland comes in hot & dancing, a hip hop duo with a true tribute to Southern culture, and a whole world encapsulated in 14 tracks. My personal introduction to the EARTHGANG universe, came courtesy of a dusk till dark dance fest at Denver’s Underground Music Showcase on South Broadway back in sweaty July. Their energy was infectious, their stories hilarious, & their songs stuck in my head. Specifically the Young Thug featuring “Proud Of U,” a song that carries enthusiasm & positivity through to the end. Other standouts include colorful, bouncing opener “LaLa Challenge,” & the squealing horns of Atlanta hot spot, name dropping “Wings.” A concept album of sorts Mirrorland references “The Wiz” as a jumping off point saying,

“We thought about how, if we’re going to make a project sonically to rival The Wiz, we got to create another world for people to imagine & go to. You know when Dorothy got swept away and she met the Munchkins? That was such a beautiful thing. You could see Quincy Jones on the piano, just playing away. It’s really colorful. It’s really dangerous. It’s really trippy. It’s literally Freaknik Atlanta in the summertime—folks riding around in cars with big rims with paint on their faces.”

EARTHGANG was formed in 2008 by high school buddies Johnny Venus & Doctur Doc in Atlanta, GA. It’s impossible to ignore Outkast comparisons and for their part, EARTHGANG does their best to keep up the Southern hip hop tradition. Mixing in bits of soul, blues, & jazz, Mirrorland plays like an homage, a soundtrack to the South. A real reminder that the album is not dead. These songs sound best played together. Also, that the hip hop group, or duo, is not dead. And finally, that touring and playing live shows is most definitely not dead. I probably still wouldn’t have heard about EARTHGANG if it wasn’t for their primo UMS slot (at the same Import Mechanics stage where Leikeli47 & Kiltro played!) and infectiously positive live show. Speaking of their live show, see y’all at Cervantes on February 3!

“One time, one time for your baby moms / Two time for the hand in the candy jar / Holy Ghost showed up in my favorite thong / Three times in the car for the way we are / Another white man scared, another black man dead / Another rich man war, another red man bled / I been writing this album down way too long / When I drop my shit, pray it hit the toilet like lala, lalalalala...”

FRUIT BATS / Gold Past Life

In the Autumn of 2013, my coworker Cassandra Disney at Mile High Organics played me “When You Love Somebody” by Fruit Bats (had that song already been out for 10 years in 2013?!) on one of her early morning work mixes, and I immediately put it on one of my favorite (if embarrassingly bro-folk heavy) mixes I have ever made myself. Discovering a weird/cool indie band in the vein of all my other loves (Band of Horses, The Shins, Modest Mouse, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, etc…) but more underground (!) was hipster heaven. I subsequently forgot about Fruit Bats for awhile, but was reminded with their graceful “comeback” album Absolute Loser in 2016. Although that one missed my favorites list, it gradually became a constant road trip companion; from the mountains of Colorado, through the great American Southwest, and even on some epic Mexican back roads. All alt-country, lost 70′s AM radio classics, and wistful, witty, & wise writing about highways and scenery. A true classic.

I was therefore super excited for Gold Past Life (Fruit Bats’s seventh album?!) to drop on Merge Records this Summer, and fell in love pretty quickly on a late afternoon drive across the high road between Taos and Santa Fe, New Mexico back in late June. Swirling guitar, bouncy piano. and Eric D. Johnson’s piercing, clear, impassioned vocals. Fruit Bats sound timeless & effervescent. Upbeat guitar rock with some weird twists, and Johnson’s consistently bittersweet, humorous, & big hearted lyrics. Growing up, growing older, & grinning a wry smile at a golden world. After catching back to back beautiful Fruit Bats shows in Fort Collins & here in Denver at the Bluebird this September, these folks are the real deal. Long live touring bands, long live seventh albums, long live music marking time & space! Here’s to many more Fruit Bats albums, Gold Past Life will be car stereo classic for awhile.

“Still waiting around for some mystical shift in the winds / So honey please, don’t go just yet / Cigarette fingers, a shake in the knees / A bit blue, kind of tired, but not broken… Anticipating a magical bend in the road / So hang on, take it slow / Your go bag is packed & your hangover gone / Another dawn at the edge of the known world…”

HISS GOLDEN MESSENGER / Terms of Surrender

Durham, North Carolina’s Hiss Golden Messenger (folklorist, family man, & singer-songwriter MC Taylor & revolving crew) have become something of a mainstay on this music blog & in my car’s cd player over the last five years. I picked up a used (!), advance (!) copy of Lateness of Dancers in the $1 bin at a record store in Seattle, Washington. after having been passed a burned copy of his 2010 solo album Bad Debt by an old coworker. Lateness ended up on my 2014 favorites list. Two years later, Heart Like A Levee made my 2016 list, and the next year, Hallelujah Anyhow was one of my favorites of 2017! I referred to the songs on Hallelujah as Hiss “building a repertoire, creating a legacy.” This may seem like quite a bit of superfluous backstory, but believe me, it is essential to the story, a journal of the journey. Geographic art for a topographic heart if you will. But anyway, Terms of Surrender…

The title is cryptic, referencing (as Taylor puts it “what we are prepared to sacrifice in order to live the lives that we think we want”) and the songs are deep (& growing deeper) & timeless. Not so much timeless in the way Yola’s songs sound timeless (skip down a few albums on this list to read about Yola!) but timeless in the way the songs seem to seep their way into my bones and stay for years. Terms burst on the scene with the release of the first single “I Need a Teacher” back in stormy June. With bright, rolling guitar stabs courtesy of The National’s Aaron Dessner (whose upstate New York recording studio was home for the Terms recording sessions), “Teacher” is about “the search for infallible guidance in an ever-changing universe.” but it is also about everyday work. Dedicated every night of the tour to all the teachers in the room, a political statement wrapped up in the seemingly obvious sentiment of “Defend Public Schools.” See what I mean? Timeless songs written for the here & now. “Bright Direction” & “My Wing” are reminiscent of Hallelujah’s “Jenny” & “Darkness.” a 1-2 punch of driving, drifting major key numbers, written from a hillside in Virginia, high on mushrooms. They contain multitudes. With a murky middle (Brad Cook gets funky on “Old Enough to Wonder Why” & “Cat’s Eye Blue”) & the already canonical Hiss’ live fav “Happy Birthday Baby,” the back half of Terms spreads out the Hiss’ sound in new ways. New live favorite, the nostalgic “Down at the Uptown,” had me googling maps of San Francisco to find the mythical Uptown bar where Taylor first heard Patti Smith’s Horses.

In late October, Hiss played an absolutely glorious three night run at little Globe Hall over in Globeville, just Southeast of where Interstate 70 meets Interstate 25. I went to all three shows. The shows were special & career spanning; from “Jesus Shot Me in the Head,” to Dead covers (& a Jesus & Mary Chain cover!) to all the Terms songs. I spent the Saturday afternoon before show #2, walking around the disappearing & rapidly gentrifying neighborhood in & around Globeville (& drifting across the highway into Sunnyside) listening to Terms of Surrender on my headphones. Thinking about the things I’m willing to sacrifice, thinking about the life I want, what are my Terms? After all, “It’s a real live world & I wanna live in it.”

“Something drove me crazy / Love had me lazy / Backwards won’t get me to my destination / Move me in some bright direction / Looking to be captured, looking for my freedom / Oh, dreams will come to get you / So careful what you’re wishing / Your family might correct you / Your heart might take a pounding / Make sure you take a picture…”

JUNE JONES / Diana

I can’t remember where I first heard of June Jones, but I’d like to think it was from one of my many Australian music friends (thanks Camp Cope, Julia Jacklin, Middle Kids, Courtney Barnett, Gang of Youths etc…!) The music community is a wonderful thing. June’s songs can be hard to explain, but Diana is an epic album that burns with a steady, stately drama. Most of the songs ride swelling synths and measured, 80’s sounding drums and center around June’s unique, emotive voice and head turning lyrics. Jones had fronted the Australian rock band Two Steps on the Water and written songs on the guitar for many years, but it’s pretty clear from listening to the writing and sound on Diana that these songs were meant for piano, synth, and a solo album. Her own writing. Her own words.

The album begins with the brooding “Rome From Afar” and the opening line “I got drunk again last night & I fell down outside the bathroom at my little sister’s party.” It then follows a dancing bass line into an apocalyptic nightmare of a world ending. “Meryl” is a gorgeous, autobiographical (?) song, an ode to “complicated” hard working women everywhere. There are parts of Diana that nod to it being a break up album, like in the gorgeously melancholic “Boulder Falling Slow” (”I am a boulder falling slow / You’re a magnificent spiderweb”) but I have been viewing it as just a complex, everyday life album. Jones lets her magnificent voice trail slowly over seemingly uncomfortable or awkward topics that she strives to make… not so. Sorry Alex Cameron, your “eating your ass like an oyster” line in “Miami Memory” is only the second best “eating ass” line this year after Jones’ “Look at You Go!” Her voice often belies the emotion in her lyrics, she works it up & down, and lets it stretch out over words, like in lonely closer “Sixteen Horses,” but she also sounds almost matter of fact at times. There is a moment in the piano led “Thorn” where she glibly throws “Have you seen the moon tonight? No, me neither, who cares about the moon when everything is dying?” over an understated horn trill. Everything is dying after all, but I want June Jones to sing it to me like an Australian Lana Del Rey or Matt Berninger. Trust me, you’ll be hearing more about June Jones in the coming years. Watch out.

“I haven’t thought too much about family / Ain’t got no husband or a couple of kids / I’ve spent 26 years in this office / I said goodbye to my relationships a long time ago / What does the mayor of a small town heart do after she retires?”

JUSTIN PETER KINKEL-SCHUSTER / Take Heart, Take Care

My long time music friend Adam over at songsfortheday had been trying to tell me about Justin Peter Kinkel-Schuster for quite a few mixes with songs I loved from his 2016 release Constant Stranger. But it somehow wasn’t until I needed Take Heart, Take Care, that Schuster’s work hit me right. It didn’t feel like a light at the end of the tunnel, but more like a light in the tunnel, something lasting, a collection of songs lifting up & out towards a light. As Schuster wrote upon it’s release…

“Here, I’ve fumbled my way, as always, and of necessity, into a collection of songs that hold a light to the joys & comforts of life not given up on, those that appear over time as we are looking elsewhere, to surprise & delight us when we need them most. Sure, it’s me, so there are glimpses of and nods to the dark, but the dark is not winning anymore. I simply mean to acknowledge its presence. To me, that’s the most fundamental job of songs, of stories, of all art — to be allies, friends, companions, when we need them most and it’s my hope that these songs can do that work in a world that seems to need it. If you are lucky enough to have something good to say, say it. Please. We’ll thank each other, now & later.”

So i guess it’s that second part that I have found solace in through my 20′s and into my 30′s. That songs (and stories & all art, but songs & albums seem to be my thing) can be allies, friends, & companions, and that sometimes (like Hanif Abdurraqib wrote in his brilliant collection of essays “They Can’t Kill Us Until They Kill Us”)…

“If you believe, as I do, that a blessing is a brief breath to take in that doesn’t taste of whatever is holding you under: say I Speak To God In Public and mean more than just in his house, or mean more than just next to people who might also speak to God in public, or say God and mean whatever has kept you alive when so many other things have failed to.“

Take Heart, Take Care is a straightforward, well written, indie rock album. The songs ring true with light & darkness, an uplifting take on growing older and finding “Plenty Wonder” still to be found in the world. Schuster played the Hi-Dive on South Broadway in November, the last show on the Take Heart tour. A show I had bought tickets for months in advance, and I found myself in a crowd of maybe 15 people, celebrating the songs of Take Heart, Take Care. Listening to a writer with something good to say. Trying all in our own way to hold our own. I have a feeling I’ll keep these songs with me for awhile.

“Time is the mender / Whose strange mechanics yet untold / Bid us rise entwined together / So take heart, take care / Be true but beware / & honey we need not be scared…”

KARA JACKSON / A Song for Every Chamber of the Heart

In only 10 minutes & 42 seconds, Kara Jackson creates an intimate, magical world with just her voice and a guitar on her debut EP A Song for Every Chamber of the Heart. Four intricate & intentional songs, none longer than three minutes, finger picked slowly & methodically, Jackson balances a poetic, whimsical wandering with a steely focus on the craft of songwriting. These are the bones of songs, played honest & upfront, with no adornment. There is room for Jackson’s lyrics to really shine, all aching & wistful, yet practical. Like the way she balances “I have a crush, I have an ache” with “I know that love’s just a pain in the ass” in the bittersweet “Crush.” Her songs buzz with a youthful energy & teen angst. Wise beyond their years, finding their way in the world. As a songwriter and a poet, Jackson writes about race, activism, social justice, self, bodies, & humanity.

At 20 (!) years old, Chicago’s Jackson is... oh also a poet. The 2019 National Youth Poet Laureate (!) in fact, and it was her absolutely breathtaking writing about being a teenager that first caught my attention. She quotes Gwendolyn Brooks (pulitzer prize winning American poet) in her Ted Talk saying “write what’s under your nose.” She says that Brooks took the mundane and put it on a pedestal. That she understood there are “poems in train cars, poems on front lawns, & poems in microwaves & tea kettles.” An almost obligation to celebrate the ordinary. Ordinary folks celebrating similar ordinary folks. It’s the way that John Darnielle howls on The Mountain Goats song “Werewolf Gimmick” (track nine on 2015′s Beat the Champ) about “nameless bodies in unremembered rooms.” In his prerelease essay for Merge Records, music writer Joseph Fink wrote that the entire career of The Mountain Goats has been about “giving names to nameless bodies and remembering unremembered rooms.” and what a worthy cause that is. That thought has stuck with me for years and I have always loved the specificity of it. Whether it is Darnielle resurrecting historical characters real or fictional, or the way Lady Lamb (keep reading a few more albums down!) celebrates the specifics of her friends & family, in all the messy details. Written in song, remembered forever. It is also essential that all cultures have artists who look like them and think like them, as the ones doing the remembering. It’s why it’s so important that Kara Jackson is the one doing the remembering for young black girls. The same way Eve Ewing did for her, and Gwendolyn Brooks did before that. I can appreciate the magic of the remembering, but I need to let them be the ones to tell the stories. Oh, speaking of appreciating, I bugged Jackson enough on social media and got a handmade PHYSICAL copy of the EP that I’m hanging onto forever cuz it’s probably gonna be like the next original pressing of Bon Iver’s For Emma! Thanks Kara!

“Don’t take my pillowcase, that's my place to be alone / Don’t take my lamp from me, it helps me read about places I don’t know / Don’t take a lot for me to be on my own...”

KILTRO / Creatures of Habit

My end of the year albums list usually has at least one local Denver band. The Lumineers way back in 2012, Gregory Alan Isakov & Covenhoven in 2013, Nathaniel Rateliff, Covenhoven (again!), & The Yawpers in 2015, Nina de Freitas in 2017 (hey Nina & the Hold Tight, new album in 2020 please?!), and Izcalli last year. Kiltro is a part Coloradan, part Chilean folk band that have been putting on one of my favorite live shows around town this year. The brainchild of Chris Bowers-Castillo, a native Coloradan who spent time growing up in Valparaiso, Chile, Kiltro is named after the Spanish word “Quiltro” meaning a mixed breed dog. A dog that Kiltro has taken for their logo. In their own way, Kiltro is a mix breed; both in the way they mix the sounds of South America with the folk music of North America, and also the way they mix organic, acoustic instrumentation, with electronic, looping sounds and effects pedals. Their live show is a masterclass in layers, with Bowers-Castillo adding loops of guitar rhythms (sometimes simply bare hands slapping beats on the top of the guitar) to steady bass & drums, until the songs swell & build into dramatic crescendos and almost EDM-influenced drops. The extended intros & outros are my favorite parts of their songs and the live versions (from their sweaty 2pm UMS dance party, to Lulu’s Downstairs in Manitou Springs) have stirred hearts & feet alike with dancing not usually found in the Colorado “indie-hipster” scene. Keep an eye on these guys and maybe come out to Larimer Lounge in January and witness the dance party for yourself!

“Somewhere down the bank where the dogs go / Por la calle que te lleva a Curicó / & down the beach, where no others can find / Ni por agua, piso, coche, ni avión...”

LADY LAMB / Even in the Tremor

As I have been writing this year’s favorites list, I’m realizing that so many of the albums I loved & learned, came hand in hand with experiencing the artist, and specifically that new album, live. Lady Lamb released Even in the Tremor, her masterful & moving third album, way back in April, and I had a Spring-y three weeks to learn all her intricate, visceral lyrics to sing back at her Larimer Lounge stop in Denver on the Deep Love tour. Maine by way of Brooklyn’s (by way of a bunch of other places) Aly Spaltro has always written songs for Lady Lamb like her hair’s on fire. Wailing & gasping about blood & guts & death over spiraling electric guitar, there is a realness to her writing that reminds me of the east coast emo I grew up on. But for all the blood red gore & messy heartbreak that colors much of the Lady Lamb discography, there is a light hearted tenderness as well. Tremor has songs written for & about friends, lovers, parents, & god. Quirky opener “Little Flaws” is a first-dance-worthy love song, while personal favorites “Strange Maneuvers” & “Emily” are odes to platonic friendships, mental health, & growing up. In the same way I wrote about Kara Jackson celebrating the ordinary, Lady Lamb has always celebrated specifics of people, time & space. Tremor’s characters are Spaltro’s real life people (Emily, Shervin, Kurt (Kurtie Bear), Isaac, & her Mom), and the places (the diner, the batting cage, Templehof Park, Midtown, Berlin, Montreal, Madrid, a fast food joint, the stage of a church, someplace upstate, Lavanderia & Graham Ave) are specific, varied, & globe spanning. Her stories are autobiographical and rewarding and the music is stirring, singer-songwriter rock & roll with some punch behind it. She is one of my favorite modern writers for her ability to not just tell a story, but to find wonder in the small things and to celebrate the ordinary. Like she tells Shervin, minutes before “Emily” closes the album on a gorgeous, uplifting high note, “No photographic artifact, but here is something better than that.”

“There’s a picture that I found, my first car in the falling snow / Seems like yesterday I drove down into low tide / & Isaac snapped a polaroid of me pretending I was sinking, pressed against the glass pleading / I misplaced it but I’m looking... / When we are young, if only we could see beyond our fears where we are free / When we are lonely if only we could know that in our stillness we are growing... / All the portraits we collected, while we were running around in the desert / We were trying to seem fulfilled to rewrite our New York City narratives / But Emily we were utterly dejected / We took turns crying on the passenger side of America / Too clouded to be empowered by towering Redwoods... / When did we lose the ancient truths? / Is it what we’re born bending our bodies toward?...”

LIZZO / Cuz I Love You

For much of 2019, Lizzo could be heard playing everywhere. The 31 year old Minnesotan’s third full length album Cuz I Love You, came out in April, after a busy three years of huge singles, consistent touring, & building a repertoire of songs capable of headlining arenas. When Lizzo finally exploded these last few years, it has been fun watching the whole world embrace her uptempo, bold, self-love anthems, and hearing them blaring from open Subaru windows in Cap HIll, from balconies & rooftops in uptown, and on the lips of countless joggers & bikers, loving themselves in the Denver Summer sun. I know for my part, I took Lizzo with me to the beaches of North Carolina & through the Southern mountains of Colorado, dancing, singing, & gleefully giggling along. Bottom line, the songs on Cuz I Love You are FUN! You try not to crack a smile as Lizzo romps through “Never been in love before, what the fuck are fucking feelings yo?” on the bouncing, brassy, vocal led, track one title track MOMENT. Or the way she makes up the word “accessorary” on the spot (“my ass is not an accessorary”) and then fires back with “Yeah, I said it, accessorary!” Lizzo has been an outspoken supporter of our generation’s version of the self-love, body positivity movement, and has put her money (and body) where her mouth is, inspiring legions of teens & twenty somethings to do the same. “Soulmate” is a loner anthem that finds Lizzo belting “True love ain’t something you can buy yourself / True love finally happens when you’re by yourself / So if you by yourself, then go and buy yourself another round from the bottle on the higher shelf.” The soulful slowdown “Jerome” is about being the bigger person and ending a relationship that isn’t working. Lizzo manages to actually address her own issues, focus on the work she needs to do (“I’m trying to be patient & patience takes practice.”) and still absolutely belt a singalong chorus that rhymes Jerome with “take your ass home.” Also, the deluxe version of Cuz I Love You tacks on three previous Lizzo singles that hadn’t found an album home. Those singles? “Boys,” “Truth Hurts,” & “Water Me.” Three songs totaling almost 555 MILLION plays on Spotify. With apologies to Ariana Grande & Billie Eilish (Billie see ya in a few months at the Pepsi Center!) Lizzo is the biggest superstar that I want on this list. And she 100% deserves every bit of it.

“If I’m shinin’ everybody gonna’ shine...”

ORVILLE PECK / pony

There is an appealing, theatrical quality to the dramatic country songs on Orville Peck’s debut record Pony. I spent my high school years growing up in small town Western Colorado so country music has been embedded in my brain since I was 11. I’ve gone through so many phases of loving it, hating it, loving it ironically, nostalgically, hating it for it’s sound, cheesiness, backwards politics, etc... But with Pony; these are true country songs written by a gay, masked cowboy anti-hero from.. Toronto? Maybe? Who is Orville Peck?!?! It’s like all the best parts of “country” music came together. And the mask? The fringe? All the packaging & theatrics? It makes it fun. Part Bowie, part Coheed & Cambria, part Grace Jones, part Ghost, part Brandon Flowers. Hollywood meets Vegas meets Carson City.

When I listen to Orville Peck’s songs it brings together so many feelings from my youth. From country radio & boxes of old country cds, to the dramatic side of theatre, play acting on a stage, dress-up, halloween, cowboys, loneliness, & the open road. From the tumbleweed roll & mournfully powerful coyote howl of opener “Dead of Night,” to the shoegaze rumble, autumn ride of “Winds Change.” Peck’s lyrics are honest & heartfelt, drawing on sweeping, western imagery, & idolizing the classic country ideal... the cowboy. Music marks time & place and Peck makes sure to reference the cities along his highway songs. Salt Lake City, Las Vegas, Carson City, Kansas, a veritable Rand McNally road map of the American West. In the same manner as both Black Belt Eagle Scout albums, Fruit Bats, & Caroline Rose from last year, it wasn’t until a highway drive that I truly fell in love with Pony. It was a brilliant November sunset & still warm, but windy & changing, and we knew we had to hustle to beat the snow back to Denver. Highway 159 from the Southern Colorado border through Costilla County, on the way towards Fort Garland & then Walsenburg. Purple & Orange out the window to my left, Winter on it’s way. Peck’s songs sang with a heartache... a loss. a rhinestone loneliness that country finds a way to revel in. When “Kansas (Remembers Me Now)” statics out like a long lost FM radio. When “Hope to Die” fake ends at 3:30 and instead key change pivots like a washed-up Broadway starlet, shooting her shot on a dusty jukebox. When “Nothing Fades Like the Light” draws its last, peaceful breath, closing Pony like the last light of that November sunset. Thanks Orville, this one’s a classic.

“Fell in love with a rider / Dirt king, black crown / Six months on a knucklehead hog / I like him best when he's not around / He gets me high, oh, big sky... Fell in love with a boxer / Stayed awake all year / Heartbreak is a warm sensation / When the only feeling that you know is fear / I don't know why, oh, big sky...”

RAPSODY / Eve

Rapsody’s third album Eve is a masterclass on rap music, and the Snow Hill, North Carolina rapper sounds relaxed & loose, while still staying focused & on topic with an album that reads as, as Rapsody herself puts it “a love letter to all black women including myself.” She is at the top of her game right now, and these songs cement Rapsody as one of the premier rappers in an exciting field of rap talent both young & old.

Each track on the album is dedicated to one of Rapsody’s personal heroes, and I am going to focus these words & my research for Eve (besides listening to it nonstop, which I’m currently doing now!) on those black women. Track one is for Nina Simone (”without Nina there’s no Lauryn Hill, & without Lauryn Hill there’s no Rapsody.”) and features critically important verses about black heritage & culture over Nina’s terrifying & sobering classic “Strange Fruit.” Rapsody is recognizing her legacy and the importance of heritage, but she is clearly claiming her spot in that bloodline. “Cleo” preaches standing up for yourself over a Phil Collins sample (between Cleo & Lucy Dacus, “In the Air Tonight” is getting some serious love this year!) and is named after Queen Latifah’s character in the 1996 movie “Set it Off.” From there Rapsody recognizes artists (Aaliyah), philanthropists (Oprah & Michelle Obama), actresses (Whoopi), athletes (Serena Williams & Ibtihaj Muhammed), writers (Maya Angelou & Reyna Biddy), models (Iman & Tyra Banks), and historical figures & activists (Hatshepsut, Myrlie Evers-Williams, Sojourner Truth, & Afeni Shakur). Bottom line, ALL of these women are essential google material (you’re reading this on your phone or laptop, google and give yourself a five minute refresher if there’s anyone you don’t already know!) While you’re at it, google the lyrics for Eve (and Jamila Woods’ equally incredible, equally name dropping LEGACY! LEGACY!) and listen along. This is an important time capsule document for Rapsody and it’s just a damn good rap album.

“I am Nina & Roberta, the one you love but ain't heard of / Got my middle finger up like Pac after attempted murder / Failed to kill me, it's still me, woke up singing Shirley Murdock / As we lay these edges down, brown women, we so perfect...”

SABA LOU / Novum Ovum

When I listen to Saba Lou’s intoxicating sophomore album Novum Ovum, I am transported to somewhere magical & different. Maybe older, maybe out of place & time. Everything about Novum feels… classic. From the dusty, record-store-bin-find look of the out of focus cover photo, to the laidback natural way Saba Lou seems to dance along on top of a rollicking house band lifted from the 70’s. There are elements of surf rock, shoegaze, late night soul, and classic rock & roll on Ovum, but it is all driven by the singular writing & vocals of Saba Lou. In the liner notes of the record, a note can be found, claiming that this album is meant to be from the future. 2286 to be exact! Is a concept album?! Is it actually from the future & delivered to us by a time traveling band of Germans?!! Does it have songs about Star Trek??!! Maybe, mayyyybeee... & YES!

Yet to turn 20 (!), Saba Lou is a German born singer songwriter who has been making & releasing music since she was literally six years old! Novum Ovum is Latin for “the new egg” and features a hot four piece full band, and wonderfully fleshed out songs that bounce and swing with palpable energy. The lyrics span an awesomely wide spectrum from endometriosis pain (the title track obv) to a Star Trek mindmeld tune sung from the perspective of Gracie the pregnant whale (closer “Humpback in Time”)!! All in all, Saba Lou is an absolutely electric songwriter and her youthfulness & fervor are contagious. It’s the reason I love making this list every year, and what makes discovering new music so exciting. Can’t wait for the next one!

“A brick wall around your placenta / Cut them all off from her mother blood / The hounds call for appassionata / A phoenetic paste for the fetal bud...”

SHARON VAN ETTEN / Remind Me Tomorrow

Over the last few years I started the practice of making a draft favorite albums list in January and adding albums throughout the year, as I fall in love with them. This way I don’t forget the ones I loved in January & February, the ones that got me through the backend of the Winter. I’m able to track my year in music as it develops, a sort of captain’s log. A living, personal journal using music to mark time & space as I sprint my way through another increasingly faster, increasingly chaotic year. Sometimes, scrolling through the list acts as a comfort. “That album only came out this year?! OK, this year isn’t moving too fast, that feels like forevvverrrr ago!” Sometimes it helps to show me how much I’ve grown, how much an album has meant, or has helped with my mental & emotional growth. This year, the very first album I added to that list, the very first album that I fell hard & holy hell in love with... was Sharon Van Etten’s Remind Me Tomorrow.

A blast of energy. A weird synthy, pulsing red & blue darkness. Simultaneously club-y & indie rock vibey. Van Etten’s fifth album is supposedly written from a place of contentment. A marriage, a child, a life & happiness discovered. Less desperation, more introspection. I hear in her voice & words, how taking care of yourself, how striving to be your best self, can bring out the most powerful, most emotional art. She also isn’t afraid to let her voice go and I think her vocal performances are what truly take Tomorrow to another level. “Memorial Day” rides a haunting vocal loop & tumbles in nearly wordless, glimmering vowels, all ethereal magnificence. The chorus of the brooding “Jupiter 4″ spirals upwards & then rollercoasters, a late night drunken banger. But at the heart of Remind Me Tomorrow sits one of my songs of the year, one of my songs of the decade, “Seventeen.” I had heard it first live, way back in October 2018 in the rain in the mountains at Red Rocks. I got tipsy & wrote about it the day it came out, January 8, 2019, after a long, cold stretch working the night shift. This album & especially this song will stay with me for a long time. Sharon has taught me to keep working on myself. To look back in fondness. To think about how, with hard work, how much joy & peace & comfort await in my coming years. But she also taught me to lean into emotions. To embrace the ache of memories and the bittersweetness of growing up. Thanks for making this album Sharon.

“Downtown hotspot, halfway up the street / I used to be free, I used to be 17 / Follow my shadow around your corner / I used to be 17, now you're just like me / Down beneath the ashes & stone / Sure of what I've lived and have known / I see you so uncomfortably alone / I wish I could show you how much you've grown...”

TIM BAKER / Forever Overhead

I have a special feeling tied to the collection of intimate, swirling songs Tim Baker released this year from Canada. Forever Overhead carries a certain small town holiness, recognizable to those who grew up in small towns , but specific to his own personal, north-north-eastern-eastern “small” town, St Johns, in Newfoundland & Labrador, Canada. Growing up on the farthest coast of the Atlantic on the tippy, tippy point of Canada (seriously google it!), Baker fronted emo band Hey Rosetta! for four albums until striking out this Spring on his own with Arts & Crafts Records. There is a very Springsteen-esque bent to the way he writes about growing up somewhere (as someone) small & wanting to be somewhere very big and exciting. He captures the bittersweetness of growing up so perfectly. From the teenage romantic feelings in swaying opener “Dance” & the rousing “Mirrors,” to the friends & bars & singing found in the melancholic “Spirit” and the absolute hit “All Hands.” The latter is the core of the album, a bright, rhythmic guitar number that builds & swells with voices & instrumentation to a few huge, singalong choruses. A real song of the year contender. Baker isn’t afraid to let the songs go on journeys on Forever Overhead and they rarely finish where they begin. Horns & handclaps burst in at points, celebratory & fearless. The sexual tension of “Strange River” is lightened with a false start and a “sorry. In ‘D’” followed by a belly laugh, before restarting. The light & dark are present throughout Overhead and listening to these songs remind me of growing up. I feel like I’m being given a secret glance into Baker’s youth and the parts that mirror mine make me want to lift my voice in unison with those that understand. Sometimes small collections of well written & well played songs can do that, and to me... it’s sacred. Hopefully I get a chance to visit St Johns someday, and if I do, these songs will be playing as my soundtrack.

“A boy in bed, all the windows wide / You can hear the hot rods running from the light / From the light, into the dark / That's all I wanted in my cousin's car / To listen to the wind & to the lead guitars / & feel the reckless running of your heart / Now is that gone or does that all remain? / Can I go back and have it all again? / Well now I know it, where I'm going / I'm going back behind the river / I'm going back behind the rain / Cuz no matter where you're heading / You end up where you’ve been...”

YOLA / Walk Through Fire

It’s clear from the first minute & 30 seconds of Yola’s debut full-length Walk Through Fire, that this album is destined to be an all-time classic. She comes in slow & wistful with “wish I knew what you were wishing for...” over a soft wash of cymbals and mournful country-soul guitar. Then one minute in, her voice swells to gigantic proportions, seeming to lift the song right off the page, carried into another stratosphere, timeless & magnetic. That “Faraway Look” in your eyes.

From there, Yola (36 year old Yolanda Quartey from Bristol, England) takes her commanding voice through bluesy, fiddle-led country (”It Ain’t Easier” & the title track), and laid back soul (”Shady Grove” & “Deep Blue Dream”). Personal fav “Ride Out In The Country” became a backroads, summer anthem for me this year on multiple trips through Southern & Western Colorado. Through it all, her voice booms, whispers, & rocks gently, propelling the songs forward with warmth & light. Her lyrics are full of both dreamy memories & work-a-day stories about the challenges of life. It was fun this year to have different friends & family members get into Yola at different times, getting texts like “have you heard of YOLA??!!” Sharing songs, & collections of songs (like the ones on Walk Through Fire) is what makes making this list every year so fun, and I’m always excited to see what new, life-long favorites I will discover. See you in a couple months at the Bluebird Theater on Colfax here in Denver Yola!! Can’t wait!

“A little shady grove / A memory long ago / A tale too old to know the ending / I gave it all away / It takes my breath away...”

#yola #tim baker #Sharon Van Etten #saba lou #Rapsody #orville peck #lizzo #lady lamb #kiltro #kara jackson #june jones #hiss golden messenger #fruit bats #earthgang #bon iver #black belt eagle scout #big thief #better oblivion community center #justin peter kinkel-schuster

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ohnoafterlaughs · 2 years ago

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itsclydebitches · 6 years ago

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RWBY Recaps: Vol. 5 "True Colors"

This is a re-posting from October 4th, 2018 in an effort to get all my recaps fully on tumblr. Thanks!

Guess who’s back, back again

Clyde is back, tell a friend

How long will my focus and work ethic last? Who knows, but with Volume 6 on the horizon and a fantastic new poster out, I’m feeling like it’s time to dive back into RWBY Recaps. Never too late to guiltily dust off an old project, right?

Right.

We’re back in Volume 5. Yes, I did a bit of Volume 1—extreme illusions of grandeur and productivity there—but we should really round out 5 before 6 comes knocking on the 27th. I’ve got almost a month. Let’s see how well I do, starting with “True Colors.”

We open on an image of Qrow and Ozpin together, notably Ozpin given the prim posture and ever-present coffee mug. Qrow makes the comment that things “aren’t looking good” and really? No shit, bird boy. We’ve gone from “Oh no, Ruby is having trouble becoming a leader!” to “Oh no… Weiss is trying to overcome a racist upbringing…?” and are now firmly in the territory of “OH NO a bunch of our faves are dead and Ozpin is forced to possess a child??” Things haven’t looked good for a while.

Ozpin is ever the optimist though. He points out that yeah, things are bad, but they could also be worse. “Humanity is a resilient force” he says, which oddly enough, sounds a lot like the kind of thing someone not a part of Humanity would say. Jury’s still out on whether Oz was the lowly farmer unfairly cursed by the gods, or a god himself justly punished for some sort of hubris… or something else entirely. It just strikes me as significant that he often distances himself from others in not just actions but speech as well. Could be a glimpse into his true nature, aka someone literally not human. Could also just be the result of spending thousands of years reincarnating while everyone else around you suffers and dies. That’ll make anyone feel subhuman…

Qrow challenges Oz’s happy-go-lucky attitude, reminding us that a huge number of pro huntsmen have been murdered and Salem couldn’t have achieved that on her own. She’s had help—and plenty of it. But Ozpin stands firm that it “doesn’t take a great number of people to cause harm” and there are “far more people in this world willing to prevent it.”

Enter our protagonist.

Subtle!

Ruby is adorable, as always, hesitantly approaching the two of them and awkwardly accepting the invitation to chat. It’s a striking difference in how she acts when it’s just her and Qrow, which is expected. Ozpin remains a much more distant authority figure and now he’s inhabiting the body of a boy her own age. I’d be a little unsure about how to act around him too.

Ruby finally asks what we’ve been worried about since the beginning of this Volume: if Cinder defeated Oz then does that mean Salem now has the Beacon relic? Luckily, no. Oz says he made finding the Beacon relic “a bit more challenging than at the other schools.” So Ruby asks the second question that’s been on our minds…

Ozpin: “No, my cane is not a relic.”

Ruby: “I have no more questions :)”

Okay now wait. I'm calling bullshit lol. That cane is 100% a relic. I mean could I be wrong? Absolutely. But it’s way more fun to be confident so I’m calling Ozpin out on this. For a number of reasons:

1. He’s absolutely the kind of guy to do what no one else expects. “The cane is so obvious!” Yeah, which means everyone will be looking for the relic elsewhere, hidden away like the Haven relic. Who the hell would have it out in the open? Ozpin. He would. Expect the unexpected.

2. He’s alsothe kind of guy who might lie to someone about it. Ozpin has been playing this game a long time and he’s not above a few smiles and carefully placed words if he thinks it’ll keep things on track. The Haven relic is the one currently in danger—no reason to announce the Beacon relic’s location and shift the team’s focus just because a former student asks him for the truth. It’s too dangerous and Ozpin is very adept at, as he says, playing things close to the chest. And I don’t blame him. That’s how you keep humanity alive.

3. The scene doesn’t show us Qrow at all who is a lot less adept at lying, to say nothing of the fact that—if he knows about the relic—he wouldn’t feel good lying specifically to Ruby.

4. Ozpin’s previous comment about how this relic is a “bit more challenging” seems significant. That is, why ONLY make the Beacon relic so difficult to find? All the relics are important so why not give them all the same precautions? Well, the answer is simple if your precaution is something you can only do for one of them: keep the relic with you.

5. Qrow, arguably Ozpin’s closest friend (husband-friend), was entrusted with getting the cane back to him and it’s used as the introduction between Oscar and Qrow. Seems like a pretty damn important object.

6. We’ve seen this cane fend off crazy powerful attacks and it never takes any damage. Granted, all the weapons in RWBY are pretty hearty, but Ozpin’s cane seems particularly indestructible. Almost like there’s something similar to magic surrounding it.

7. We’ve still got those gears. That cane transforms into something…

8. The fact that Ozpin immediately homes in on Ruby’s question, quickly counters it, and then tells her to leave (go gather the others). He’s in charge of the conversation here.

9. The fact that the scene suddenly turns light-hearted and humorous. We’re meant to shrug this moment off and not think too hard about it. Well, too late now.

Granted, Oz has a good explanation here. He states firmly that the cane is indeed precious, though only to him, and that it still “has a few tricks up its sleeve.” Nothing he says counters what we already know, yet it doesn’t reveal any of his cane’s secrets either. We’re still in the dark. So until we’re not I remain suspicious about his claim that it’s totally definitely absolutely not a relic.

(The headmaster doth protest too much.)

(Edit Feb. 2019: I was so wrong, folks!!)

But we’re moving on. Qrow gets a call from Lionheart asking them to meet up with him to discuss potentially going on the offensive against the bandits. Ruby is ecstatic and runs off. Ozpin? Not so much. He and Qrow both comment on how strange it is that Lionheart has suddenly changed his tune and the addition of some creepy music all but beats us over the head with, “It’s a trap!!” This time when Qrow says that things aren’t looking good Ozpin’s only response is, “I know.” So much for the pep talk.

We cut to Lionheart himself, having just finished up that call, and as we pull back who should we find but Raven. She makes blunt what we already know, “I never expected that you would be the one with the guts to betray Oz” while we get a nice crane shot so that we can see Raven circling him, standing while he’s seated—a predator stalking prey.

Though of course it’s not actually courage driving their actions here. It’s cowardice. At least Lionheart is willing to admit it. He says straight out that he’s terrified of Salem and doesn’t think anyone can beat her, so why not join the winning side? Raven, meanwhile, is still firmly in denial. “I’m not scared,” she says. “I’m smart.” Please, girl. You’ve spent your whole life running and you don’t know how to stop now. “Man up,” Raven continues (god that’s a terrible phrase). “You did what you needed to do to survive. There’s no shame in that,” which is where we see the divide between their morals and everyone else surrounding Team RWBY. They’re scared, but they fight despite their fear because they know it’s necessary to help both others and themselves. Raven is only out for herself and her selfish actions hurt family (Qrow), children (Yang), friends (her tribe), and allies (Ozpin) in the process.

“Who are you trying to convince?” Lionheart asks her. It's great seeing a villain who knows exactly where the line is even as they can’t help but cross it. RIP the complex ones.

We move back to Menagerie where Ilia and the others are still leading the attack on Blake’s family. Kali if BAMF here, snatching up a tray as both defense and weapon when her gun runs out of ammo. We get to see her clocking Yuma before we catch up with Blake and Ilia—and I enjoy the contrast in colors between these two scenes, from full blown battle (cold) to friends-turned-enemies (warm):

Ilia spouts the same arguments as Raven: she doesn’t have a choice about her actions. Violence is the only way to survive. Despite the rhetoric Blake is willing to let her go, but Ilia has other plans. The fight, while not spectacular, does showcase the clear parallels between them—both in their arguments and the use of long/short range weaponry. When asked why she doesn’t leave Blake responds that she runs away too much. Beyond the obvious theme from our title—everyone showing their “True Colors”—the focus of this episode is quite obviously who’s willing to fight for others and who’s only out for themselves; who’s able to distinguish between when a literal fight is necessary and when another avenue can be taken. We see time and time again that Team RWBY is leagues ahead of others in terms of that kind of maturity.

From a world building perspective I appreciate Ilia’s use of her camouflaging skills. It’s rare that we see the Faunus actually using their animal abilities (beyond Sun swinging around on his tail) and that’s definitely a useful one in battle… though it's undermined somewhat by having a weapon that lights up with electricity. Gotta think that one through…

And then Blake sETS THE HOUSE ON FIRE? Damn, girl! This isn’t even a real battle—at least not between the two of them. Ilia says two seconds later that Blake isn’t taking this seriously, neither of them truly wants to kill the other, so is burning down your house really the best option here? I always knew Blake was secretly the most dramatic of the bunch.

(That’s a lie. I'm sorry. The most dramatic is clearly Weiss, but she’d be proud of Blake’s ridiculously over-the-top strategy here, I’m sure.)

Blake manages to pin Ilia and keeps trying to talk her down. It works. Sort of. Ilia starts to cry as she admits that she doesn’t know what else to do, but at that moment Ghira comes crashing through the wall with another fight at his heels. (This family is rich enough that they don't care about the property damage.) And then we get this,

This is a sharp reminder that though Blake and Ilia might be fighting more with words than fists, the same can’t be said for her parents. They are, notably, in very real danger. The fight picks back up with Ilia clearly torn now between her loyalties. She defends herself though when Sun joins the fray, pausing only when Blake begs the two of them to stop. However, their fighting has already cracked the pillar holding up the second story and Ilia gets caught underneath. Surprisingly, she’s saved by Ghira (which tells us more about his character than all his bickering with Sun ever could) and there’s a nifty bit of teamwork used to get him out—Sun’s copies hold up the balcony; Blake uses her weapon to pull her dad to safety. The brother (Fennec) who tries to attack him from behind is justifiably crushed under the rubble.

Kali is safe and joins the gang. The fight is basically over, but Corsac attacks out of pure grief and rage, allowing Ilia to stun him from behind. Now I’ve got a lot of feelings about Ilia, most of which boil down to just plain not liking her. I already explained in depth my issues with her being the (so far) sole queer character on the show and this is now compounded with her supposed “redemption.” There are problems inherent in making the (again, only) queer character an antagonist, but there are more problems in making them an antagonist and then refusing to stand by that. Rooster Teeth had her as a complex villain and then the moment she was revealed to have feelings for Blake it’s, “Never mind! She’s good now!” in the span of half an episode.

And how does this redemption occur? Ilia attacks Blake and goes after Blake’s parents. She continues to attack them after being given numerous chances to walk away. She turns on her allies… only after the fight is won. If Ilia were a different kind of character her stunning Corsac could have easily been seen as a survival strategy rather than a true change of heart. They’re now outnumbered four to two, so—like Lionheart—why not quickly join the winning side? I honestly wish Ilia was out to double cross Blake if only because that would be consistent with her loyalties up until now. It would make sense.

In the grand scheme of things though these are minor points. What strikes me as far more significant is 1. that Ilia and her allies could have killed Kali and Ghira. I admit that she wasn’t fighting Blake full out, but the purpose of this attack was to assassinate her parents and the fight did lead to at least one death. That’s not just something you bounce back from. Maybe I’m an asshole, but I couldn’t wave that away as a “bad decision” like Blake does. They could have died. And 2. the most important of all, we’ve yet to see any true change in her thinking or ideology! Ilia joins the gang because she lost and she's left standing around awkwardly with Blake—the girl she’s in love with. Would Ilia have second-guessed her actions if they'd succeeded in their mission? I doubt it. In the aftermath of failure she's contrite, but Ilia was pretty damn adamant about killing humans---and the Belladonnas---just a few minutes ago. If her redemption is based on circumstance and her one-sided crush… that’s not a redemption I can get behind.

But it’s what we’re rushed into. Blake gives a rousing speech about how no, they can’t just use humans as a scapegoat for this attack. They can’t allow figureheads like Adam to speak for them. She says that they’re all “looking for simple answers to a very complex problem” and that despite it not being what they want to hear, she doesn’t know how to just “make hate go away.” That’s a huge development from the girl who went to Mountain Glenn and said passionately that she was going to change the world, but without any concrete ideas as to how to do that. Now Blake can admit her own ignorance and knows at the very least what not to do. They’re not going to change the world through violence like this—they won’t change it for the better, anyway.

I’m with her through all that, up until Blake agrees to take Ilia to Haven. The guard yells out, “You’re just going to forgive her? After all she’s done?” and Blake says only, “Yes.” You know what that is? It’s a simple answer to a very complex problem. It’s painted as admirable on her part—Ghira says she’s learned the lesson of how powerful forgiveness can be—but I think this is RWBY’s fairy-tale simplicity shining through and it doesn’t fit with the heavy material we've been tackling the last few volumes. There’s a big difference between forgiving someone and making sure that they face consequences for their actions. There’s a difference between forgiving them and thinking practically about whether you can or should trust them with your safety and the safety of others. Hell, forgiveness usually takes more than five minutes and often times doesn’t happen at all! Ilia has done none of the work to justify Blake’s forgiveness and though having forgiveness handed to you might read as a beautiful ideal, it doesn’t work well in the gritty, complicated, racially loaded storyline that Rooster Teeth keeps trying to pull off. It feels cheap in the face of all that Blake suffered through this volume, especially when they turn Ilia’s actions into a literal joke. She stabbed Sun? No big deal! He pinched her and now they’re even! How much of a joke would this be if Ghira had suddenly collapsed from his own wound? Or Kali hadn't casually rejoining them entirely unharmed? Maybe I’m more bitter than I thought, but Ilia’s redemption feels like an unintended smack in the face.

The townspeople buy into the happy picture though and we get a chorus of them agreeing to join Blake in the fight to defend Haven. Plans are made to arm, train, and transport the people of Menagerie in two weeks time. Getting civilians into fighting shape that quickly might be a challenge, but at least Blake knows a ship captain who owes her a favor.

And that’s where we end this episode—forging a path for the future. Stay tuned for the next episode “The More the Merrier” as we count down to the Volume 6 premiere!

Other Details of Note

In that opening shot we have what looks like a pretty generic print on the wall—who doesn’t like sunsets?—except that it also shows a crescent moon without the broken pieces. Artist’s interpretation? Time before the moon’s demise? Animator’s forgetting about it while drawing the random painting that viewers are only going to see for about two seconds? You decide!

I really appreciate that Ozpin praises Ruby for being the first to realize the potential implications of the Beacon relic. She’s praised for her skill with Crescent Rose and for being one of the youngest to attend Beacon, but it’s rare that people comment on Ruby’s intellect. She’s smart as hell with one of the more strategic minds of the group—that’s partly why she makes such a good leader. It’s good to see someone, particularly her headmaster, acknowledging that.

After Qrow gets the call from Lionheart he immediately reaches for his flask… despite still having a steaming drink beside him. Apparently working with this guy was tough even before they knew he was loyal to Salem.

Edit Feb. 2019: Lionheart says that “I’ve done things Ozpin will never forgive” and that’s one hell of a loaded line after hearing Ozpin’s thoughts on Lionheart in Volume 6.

“Sorry, Dad” Blake says right before she burns down their library. Somehow I don't think 'sorry' cuts it in this situation...

#rwby #mymetas #RWBY Recaps

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restlessmelodrama · 6 years ago

Text

Say I Never Mattered Chapter 8*:･ﾟ✧

Steve Harrington x Y/N Henderson (Slowburn)

Warnings: mention of domestic abuse, mention of alcohol addiction, angst, swearing

Wordcount: 9.416

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 /

Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8

Playlist ❦ Moodboard

A/N: Hi, I really haven’t updated this in a long ass time, haven’t I?

I’m sorry about that, but to make up for it this Chapter is super long.

I’m glad I took my time to finish writing Chapter 8 because it is going to be the last one. I’m honestly sad, that it’s over and that I have to leave my babies behind, but everything has to end at some point and we’ve reached that point.

Thank you for all your sweet comments and messages, for every single follow like or reblog. I did not think that anyone would read this story but you did and I’m really thankful for it! <33

So, I hope you like the last Chapter as much as the 7 prior ones.

Enjoy reading!

My requests are still open, so if you feel like requesting a plot etc, go ahead!

Disclaimer: Sorry in advance for any grammatical or spelling errors I made, English is not my native language.

...

The sound of the blue Camaro’s engine, everyone in the small town of Hawkins knew by heart by now was still roaring through the street.

The chief came down the few steps leading from that hell house onto the driveway. His step determined.

“He’s got to be involved somehow.“, Hopper whispered angrily, more to himself than to his colleague, as he hurried past him to get to his car, parked a few houses down on Jackson Road.

“Kid usually means trouble. I’m gonna go find out what the hell that was all about.“, he added, now more audible for the confused Officer and also the small audience that had gathered around, the only barrier between them and the Henderson property, the police line, like they were in a civic auditorium in the days of ancient Rome. Hungry for answers.

“What about the kids?”, Powell asked hands on his hips.

“What about them?“, Hopper replied, still walking and trying to seem oblivious to the fact that he had not sent anyone over to the hospital yet.

“Someone needs to go take their statements and see how the girl is doing.“, Powell explained although he knew that the chief was well aware of what he had meant.

Hopper had walked around the car to the driver’s side and stopped there for a moment, his heart skipping a beat when he mentioned you. It took him a few seconds, to gather his thoughts and find the right words to respond.

“Yeah… Right. Sure. Um, take Callahan with you, I think the State Troopers got it here.“, the chief stammered, nodding and trying to convince himself that he was doing what was best and opened the car door.

“Jim, are you serious? You… know these kids. And Callahan… you know how he can be. Don’t you think they-“, Powell started with frustration in his voice but never got to finish his sentence.

“See you later!“, the chief called out, completely ignoring the fact that he was still being spoken to, by getting in and slamming the door shut behind him, putting the Chevrolet in drive.

“Hopper!“, Powell called out, throwing his hands up in despair as the chief was already halfway down the street.

He turned around to see the neighbours, still standing there, realizing that they had easily followed their conversation and that the gossip about Billy Hargrove being involved in the investigation and the fact that the chief himself was involved with the Henderson family or at least the Henderson kids, would be all over town soon. He took a deep breath to calm himself down before telling them calmly to return back to their homes and give them some space.

The radio was running but stuck between channels, causing this awful white noise that was making the man so anxious, he had to turn it off immediately.

And then the silence kicked in.

He was alone for the first time after getting the horrible message over his radio that had shaken him to his core.

“Report of domestic abuse at 45 Jackson Road-“

Was all he heard before the panic set in and his thoughts were running wild. His movements becoming mechanical, his breathing losing its natural flow. Him just speeding towards the street in the rather run-down part of Hawkins.

The door had been left open. He had run inside. Finding Andrew. Unconscious. In a puddle of blood.

He checked his pulse shouting at the evenly shocked Callahan, who had been with him on patrol when the message came in, to call an ambulance, which Steve had already done, but they didn’t know that yet.

His eyes were wandering around for any evidence indicating what might have happened here when he noticed the knife and the baseball bat on the floor, which in his panicked state he hadn’t before. He manically started checking Andrew everywhere for stab wounds or something, ANYTHING else that could possibly have made him loose so much blood. But he couldn’t find any.

And that’s when it hit him.

He wasn’t standing in Andrews blood.

He was standing in Y/N’s or Dustin’s.

His stomach turned and he walked outside where a few other Police Officers soon to be the whole cavalry had just arrived, with flashing lights but no sirens. No point. No hurry. Callahan catching them up with what he believed to have happened here. The hospital had told the man that an ambulance was already on its way and that three kids coming from that address had arrived in the ER a few minutes ago. One of them with minor injuries, one with none and one with life-threatening ones. The only girl.

Life-threatening.

With that replaying in his head, Hopper started functioning again.

What leads to him now. Driving, Alone.

The thoughts coming back.

His head a storm.

Guilt. It felt like a stone caught in his throat, he kept expecting to choke on, but he didn’t.

He did everything he could have done. Didn’t he?

If he really did…? Everything was still nothing.

He let him hurt you. He should have checked on you more and be more pressuring when it came to talking about him. He should have gotten you out of there. Should have gotten you help. He had known you were afraid of him.

He had seen the fear in your Y/E/C tired eyes in the hospital, when you were tugging on his sleeve, pleading him to stop confronting your abuser. A quiet premonition. Yet, he just left you.

And he was so scared to lose you, that he didn’t dare to check on you now.

He couldn’t even bring up enough courage to drive in the direction of that hospital.

Maybe that was also the reason why he hadn't looked after you more often before.

He appeared to be scared of the ugly truth that was life. But here was the thing, the truth does not change if you ignore it.

He still did… for temporary happiness. It’s in the human nature. People turn blind eyed. No one likes to think about what’s going on behind closed doors. Especially Hopper.

After dealing with Sarah’s death, there had always been darkness around him. Isolating him from everyone, for a long time. And he was working so hard on letting that go, that he wasn’t able…

-No, did not want to see how lost you were and how a former friend of his had been this monster all along. Now he was wrapped up in this darkness all over again.

The thought of losing you crossed his mind and he was about to pull over, tears forming in his eyes when he spotted the Camaro parked on the side of the intersection of Cornwallis and Kerley, the boys had named Mirkwood.

Right, this moment his guilt suddenly turned into anger. His knuckles turning white around the steering wheel as he was slowly driving towards the empty car.

...

The waiting room of the ER was packed at this point. Mostly older people, shooting the two distraught looking boys weird or pitiful looks. Dustin sat in a chair in the corner of the room, that to Steve was beginning to feel smaller, darker and sadder per second. The curly haired boy had taken his shoes off and was reading the new Spider-Man comic. Amazing Spider-Man (Vol. 1) #258, he had told Steve proudly. He had read most of the earlier editions and was obsessed with the series. Reading it now he almost looked content, which was a small relief for Steve. The comic was, what Dustin had brought with him, from the cafeteria, along with a cup of coffee for the older boy. Steve was sitting in the same corner of the room but on the cold floor next to a vending machine. His head was pounding. He felt a little drowsy.

Mrs. Morgan had insisted on him getting medical attention before she had to leave and he ended up getting stitches on his forehead and a wrist splint.

He was taking the last sip of his already cold coffee. Normally he jugged any type of liquid containing caffeine in under two minutes. But not in this case. Dustin had put sugar in it, which was way too sweet for his taste. But the little dork had looked happy being able to do something for his friend, that Steve did not have the heart to tell him that. So his coffee was cold now, almost as cold as the floor.

Dustin was going on about Peter Parker’s costume being revealed to be a living symbiotic creature, attempting to bond to him permanently when the door to the waiting room opened and Joyce Byers and Nancy Wheeler came walking in.

Dustin sprung to his feet as soon as he spotted them and ran over, immediately being engulfed into a tight hug.

“Oh Honey…“, Joyce croaked out, brushing through Dustin’s messy hair and pressing a kiss on his forehead.

Steve got up as well, abandoning his cup on the floor and walking towards them. Nancy met him halfway and they stood still for a moment, sharing a look that was contorted with pain. Nancy taking in every single detail of the one she thought she had formerly loved. Despite the fact that she had come clean about the lie she had held up so long, a few weeks ago, Steve obviously still meant a lot to her and seeing him standing there covered in blood. Your blood. She just wanted to hold him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. The moment seemed endless to Steve but eventually, Nancy let out a sad sigh and broke the distance between them, pulling her former lover into a hug as well. She smelled of vanilla, which he knew was her shampoo. And it felt so familiar and warm. The arguments they’ve had suddenly didn’t seem to matter anymore.

He was glad she was there. When they pulled away Joyce and Dustin stood next to them and the woman reached out to take Steve’s hand. She pressed it lightly and locked eyes with the teen,

“How is she?“, she asked voice shaking, the question pulling Steve back to reality…

“We… don’t know yet. They haven’t talked to us. They immediately took her to surgery, when we got here and… they aren’t back yet.“, Steve responded gulping and anxiously licking his lips.

Everyone kept silent for a minute, eyes pinned to the floor.

“What… what happened, Steve?“, Nancy broke the silence, nervously.

Steve sighed, not ready to explain it once again. He had left them and everyone else a message on their answering machines explaining where they were and that your father was the reason for that. They practically knew already but he guessed they needed confirmation that this wasn’t just a bad dream. That this was intoxicatingly prosaic.

“I think we should head outside to talk.“, Steve suggested, not wanting everyone in the waiting room to listen to their conversation. There was going to be enough talk about it and he did not feel the need to stir the fire.

Joyce agreed. And they headed down the hall in the direction of the next exit, while Nancy and Dustin stayed behind since the boy had to put his sneakers back on, first.

“Where is everyone?“, Steve asked sounding beat while walking through the white-tiled hallway.

“Jonathan is with the kids and Kali. I don’t know, if you-“, Joyce tried to answer, but was interrupted, “Yeah, I- uh I heard.“, he cut her off.

He wasn’t ready to deal with anything other dimensional right now since he already felt like worlds had collided and he had ended up in a totally different dimension than he’d been in this morning. His very own Upside-Down.

They fell back into an uncomfortable silence for the rest of the short walk.

“Was Hopper here?“, Joyce wanted to know as they reached the exit.

Steve pushed open the door, holding it so Joyce could walk through first.

He followed closely behind.

“Um, no. He wasn’t. Actually, no one from the department was.

They haven’t even taken our statements yet.“, Steve stated, clenching his jar. He was frustrated. No one seemed to care enough to come by. It had been hours since and they hadn’t even received a call.

“Maybe Jim is dealing with Andrew…“, Joyce set up a theory, obviously trying to soothe him, noticing how tense he got.

“Yeah, maybe.“, Steve sighed, deciding at the same moment that it was better to just let it go.

...

Hopper had made his way out of the car and passed the empty, blue Camaro. He had glanced inside, seeing the keys still in the ignition. Untypical. Billy Hargrove worshipped the vehicle and to leave it like that was very out of character. The chief took a look around but didn’t see a sign of the teen, so he decided to follow the little trail, right next to the parked car, leading into the forest. It was unlikely that Billy went any further than this, with his car unlocked, waiting to be stolen. The trail was muddy in places and he watched his step, seeing were boots had slipped, erasing the traces of footprints laid before.

And indeed after a few meters, Hopper began to hear dull sounds he couldn’t quite make out. Moments after, he spotted the Hargrove boy.

Billy was hammering his fists against an old oak tree with full force, letting out grunts.

Hopper stood for a second, confusion on his features. It was like watching a car accident. You want to stop staring, but you can’t. Only when Billy winced in pain, he decided he had seen enough.

He whistled and proceeded to yell, “Hargrove! What the hell are you-“ His words were stuck in his throat, when Billy turned around tears streaming down his face, chest heaving like he had just run a marathon.

Billy couldn’t make out who the man was at first until his vision focused and he let out a sad chuckle, shaking his head,

“Of course, the chief of police followed me here. What else is new!“, he snorted in a cocky tone.

Billy’s knuckles were bleeding, his eyes red and swollen. His denim jacket torn on his underarm. The sight of that made the chief push his anger aside.

“You wanna tell me what happened?“, Hopper asked slowly walking towards the mullet-headed emotional mess of a boy.

“I sure don’t want to.“, Billy responded laughing, towering over the chief, thin and sharp-looking, as though you got to close to him, you’d cut yourself.

Hopper was about to roll his eyes, feeling the anger burn up again when Billy’s smile dropped slowly, and he added, “But, I’m gonna.“, feeling acutely the sharp shame of his actions washing over him.

...

“Alright that would be all“, Callahan exclaimed closing his notebook and patting Dustin on the shoulder while flashing him a bright smile. Both him and Steve gave him displeased looks as he got up to leave the room. He waited for his partner to do the same, but Powell tilted his head down, signalizing him to leave without him. So, he shrugged his shoulders and did, whistling some happy tune.

Powell was still sitting at the table across from them.

Dustin opened his mouth only to close it again, like a fish, so caught off guard by the officer's lack of empathy.

“I’m sorry, he isn’t the most thoughtful person around.“, Powell sighed, apologizing for his colleague’s indifferent behavior.

“No shit.“, Steve whispered in response.

When they’d shown up, he’d been glad that someone finally was there to take their statements but he had expected that someone to be Jim Hopper. This felt important enough for Hopper to at least drop by. But apparently, it wasn’t.

While Steve was fuming about how the situation was handled, Dustin had other concerns,

“And he really is fine?“, he asked for the fourth time, guilt in his voice.

“Small concussion and a cut over one of his eyes. Nothing too bad, don’t worry and don’t you feel guilty. You made the right call. You were just protecting your sister“, Powell tried to console the kid.

The boy nodded, his gaze dropping to the floor.

Steve’s eyes were wandering back and forth between them. He was still speechless about how these people behaved. Like this was some all day, everyday procedure. They were only another day to them. They acted like everything was just fine, like you were just fine, not ringing for your life.

And Hopper not being there was the cherry on top.

He wanted to scream at the man in front of him, but he swallowed his anger, and settled for, “More importantly where is the asshole and who is making sure he’s staying there and not coming here?“

But the officer was still able to hear the hostility in Steve Harrington’s voice and gave him a depreciating look while crossing his arms over his chest and answering in a more determined tone,

“He was brought to a hospital a few towns over. A few state troopers went-“, he started only to be interrupted by the now visibly angry brunett, “State Troopers?!“, he laughed,

“Where the hell is Hopper than?“

Steve stood up from the table throwing his hands up in despair before running them quickly over his face and groaning. This wasn’t real.

They were in the same quiet room again, where he sat with the social lady before and he felt trapped. Too much was on his shoulders. He felt like breaking down, but there was Dustin, sitting next to him and he knew he couldn’t. He couldn’t cry anymore and he really shouldn’t start a fight with a police officer. At the same time he knew that he couldn’t keep it together for much longer and again he began to wonder how in the world you did exactly that, for all those years.

How did you manage to cope with all that?

Without letting your grades slip.

Without missing work…

Or forgetting someone's birthday.

How the fuck did you manage to listen to Steve’s and everyone else’s whining without flipping your shit because you had it so much worse?

Everything in him started burning at the thought of that and it was as if a vice was pressing against his temples, threatening his sanity.

“You need to calm down.“, Powell said calmly, watching Steve dig his nails into his scalp,

“The chief… he-… he’s following a different lead.“

That’s when Steve snapped. The last bit of will to keep it together for Dustin evaporated at this statement.

“A DIFFERENT LEAD?“, he screamed slamming his hands down on the table.

“YOU HAVE TWO WITNESSES, ONE PERP, AND ONE-…“, he stopped, catching his breath and lowering his voice, “…one victim!“, he hissed.

“So, what do you mean… a different fucking lead? The case is pretty clear! Or isn’t it?“

“Yes, but..“, Powell sighed again and Steve began to wonder if the guy was able to do anything else, “I can’t tell you much…, he added.

“This is an ongoing police investigation. I’m sorry, kid.“

“An ongoing police investigation, I am part of!

FUCK THAT! I’m out of here!“, Steve yelled before rushing out, the door slamming shut behind him.

Leaving the heavy-hearted Dustin and a speechless Officer behind.

Steve ran through the long hall, passing by the waiting room where Joyce and Nancy were sitting and going straight for the staircase. He went up a story and opened the door leading into, yet another white-tailed hallway. He felt claustrophobic, this place slowly began to seem like a maze, he wasn’t sure he would be able to escape. He began to spin in a circle until his eyes meet what he was searching for: the sign “Smoker’s Corner“ and he started walking towards it.

A few seconds later he pushed outside onto the small patio he had found you on, the last time you were here and sat down in the same place you had.

He closed his eyes and brought his hands, covered in the soft fabric of his hoodie to his face, as the tears began to fall. Letting his breath, he didn’t realize he was holding escape his lungs. He couldn’t breathe in this goddamn place, his chest felt like sand.

...

Billy came clean to Hopper about everything, starting with that party and him touching you inappropriately the next day to make you afraid of him and to never, on any account, let his power and superiority be underestimated again, showing his rampant chauvinism.

And finally hearing from Reed about the complicated relationship you had with your father and how he felt about you dating someone; him driving to the “Hideaway“, one of the few bars in the county;

And lying to the man with the watery eyes, a slight tremor in his hands about your relationship to Steve Harrington. And how his reaction made him think of his dad on those days where he needed to keep his voice and head down to survive.

Hopper was so close to choking Billy until he mentioned his own father and despite the hatred, the chief felt towards the teen, everything suddenly made sense. Billy Hargrove was a victim as well. He had become like the very person who wrecked him. He had grown into someone he swore he’d never be and Hopper felt bad for him but still angry and sick about what he had done. And there would be consequences to his actions but right now the troubled teenager needed help. Not “tough love“, like lots of abusive parents like to put it. Not another bad example of toxic masculinity and anger management issues.

“Please… Say Something!“, Billy cried out.

Hopper didn’t realize he hadn’t said anything yet. And he certainly didn’t know how he was supposed to tell him what was on his mind without letting him off the leash easily and without any yelling?

He took a step towards him. Billy fully preparing himself to be physically attacked, but not even flinching because he felt like he deserved what was going to happen to him. For the first time, he really deserved it. Whatever it would be.

But instead, the chief spoke in a soft tone, “You really screwed up, kid. You really, really did and there are going to be consequences for what you have done…, he sighed, “But we’re going to fix this.“

Billy Hargrove stood still in disbelief. He didn’t understand.

“You hear me? It’s not too late to turn your life around. To not become like your old man.

I believe you’re not a bad person, Billy. I think you’re someone who lost track of what’s right or wrong over the course of time you only experienced “wrong“.

You were honest with me today and you showing remorse, speaks for your character.

It’s going to be hard, but we’re gonna deal with this. The right way.“, Hopper finished.

He slightly squeezed the boys shoulder. And Billy’s tears started falling again. It had really taken all of Hopper to not bury the boy two feet under right then and there, but this was the right choice.

He had gotten through to him. Finally, someone had.

...

“I kissed her.“, Steve spat out when the silence became unbearable.

He tilted his head to look at the surprised, curly-haired girl sitting next to him.

“Oh… wow.“, Nancy croaked out, having forgotten to clear her throat before speaking.

Certainly not what she had expected him to say.

“Yesterday.“, he said a gentle smile playing on his lips, his brown eyes finding their warmth again for a millisecond.

It hadn't been scary to Nancy to see his expression so cold and bitter earlier because it was the way he had looked at her for the last few weeks after she had drunkenly dropped the “I-don’t-love-you-bomb“ on him. What scared her today was how dead his eyes looked. The one’s normally so warm they were able to light up a whole room when you were lucky enough to catch a glimpse of them.

But now talking about you, that light came back. And it became clear to Nancy that Steve was moved on as well and her heart felt a little lighter.

“And did she kiss you back?“, Nancy asked, bumping his shoulder, grinning sheepishly.

It took Steve a few seconds to respond.

And again a smile brightened up his features, “… She did.“

But this time it hurt. Because this smile was almost nostalgic.

Nancy knew he thought he would never get to kiss you again and she felt the tears build up in her eyes, but she bit them back, wrapping her arm around the much taller boy's shoulders and resting her head against his. Reaching for his bruised hands with her free one.

...

You remember lights above you, bright as suns, the sound of beeping that never seemed to stop.

You had stared at these lights so hard, dark clouds were forming over your eyes.

You couldn’t remember where you were for a moment. You starred at the sterile bright ceiling looking for triggers.

And than it all came back faintly.

It all happened lightening quick.

He came home.

He started screaming.

He grabbed you.

The floor.

A knife.

Everything going black, every time he… What did he do?

The pain being unbearable.

Muffled voices.

His weight disappearing off you, once.

Him coming back.

Your brothers terrified eyes appearing over the man’s shoulder and than the bat in the air.

His weight disappearing for the second time.

Hands wrapping around your upper body.

Steve.

Yelling.

Outside.

Inside.

Yelling.

Car engine.

Inside again.

Lights.

Bright Lights.

“Y/N Henderson, HER NAME! Y/N Henderson.“

Steve.

His hand leaving your’s.

Darkness.

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

A hand on your shoulder.

You flinched, so afraid it was him, but the hand immediately disappeared.

“Y/N? I’m sorry.“, you melted when you recognized his voice and his head appeared in your sight. Steve.

Steve.

His eyes were red and his hair messy. He hadn’t slept in a long time.

“Every- Everything is alright. You’re safe. I’m- I’m here.“, Steve cried out.

A small smile settling on his features.

He was desperate for your touch but he did not want to scare you.

A tear escaped his eye’s and landed on your cheek, the salty warmth bringing reality back.

Reality doesn’t wait until your ready. It’s like a persistent mosquito determined to suck your blood. You weren’t ready for it yet but reality was ready for you.

So, you found Steve’s hand and pressed it as hard as you could loud sobs escaping your throat.

He kneeled down beside the bed and pressed his forehead against yours. In this moment Steve felt whole again. And you sat there crying for what felt like hours.

Which in reality were only a few minutes, when your brother and some nurses arrived.

Dustin taking Steve’s place. Your body erupting into trembles, like millions of earthquakes were hitting you at the same time.

Your breath kept catching in your throat, but you croaked out,“I love you. I love you so much.“

You gasped and more earthquakes erupted through your blood, while the boys were both sobbing next to you.

When the doctors came they sent Steve and Dustin out. Letting go of Steve’s hand was one of the hardest things you ever had to do.

Your body felt cold after you had lost contact with his soft skin.

And you were lingering after his touch.

While the doctors told you everything and made sure you were alright, the waiting room erupted into tears of joy and relief.

Hopper, Nancy, and Jonathan, Will, Mike, Max, and Lucas were all there.

And Joyce was soon to be as well since they had trusted Billy to stay with El and Kali.

Weird, right?

Here’s everything you missed:

Day 1:

After Steve had talked to Nancy on the patio, a nurse came to tell them that you were stable but not awake yet. The amount of relief washing through everyone’s bodies had been overwhelming, but with that, another waiting game had begun.

Hopper had taken Billy to the police station, to take his statement and then had dropped him off at the Byer’s place, so someone would have an eye on him and he didn’t have to go home, while the chief drove down to the hospital, finally having gathered enough courage to.

When he arrived. Steve and Hopper had gotten into a fight. Hopper told him that he had suspected that something was a little off in the Henderson household and admitted that he knew about your father’s alcohol abuse.

“You knew?!“, Steve had screamed at him.

“I- No. I just… I wasn’t sure.“, the man answered tears threatening to fall.

“Well, why didn’t you make sure?!“, Steve yelled.“

“I don’t know… I don’t know.“, Hopper cried out, adding, “But you can’t tell me you were completely oblivious to the fact that something was wrong. You must have noticed something as well.“

And Steve had left him then and there standing in the middle of the parking lot, everything growing over his head.

The teenager had been awfully quiet towards Hopper since than and had only heard of Billy’s involvement on hearsay account. He was not at all surprised by that and he didn’t have it in him to hear about the reasons behind it. The only thing he could focus on was you and his guilt eating him alive.

Day 2:

Hopper had tried to apologize to Steve for making him feel like he any had guilt to carry.

But had only received a cold stare back.

Meanwhile, Dustin had left with Joyce to take a shower, get some fresh clothes for him and Steve and to sleep for a little while on something more comfortable than a chair in a waiting room.

They had also gone to the police station to pick up his walkman and your favorite book, he had asked Powell to get.

A few hours later, Dustin had been listening to your favorite Queen cassette while Steve was reading through the book finally understanding why you liked it so much. He had never read a something faster. Normally he’d get tired of it after two or three pages but he felt like he was keeping a piece of you close to him while reading your favorite story. He’d even been surprised at how early it still was when he finished it. The only times he had looked up while reading was when a nurse walked by. Him giving them a questioning look and them shaking their head with a sad smile on their lips. Nancy’s comforting hand on his knee, a small smile thrown in her direction, so she knew he was alright and then back to reading.

Between the last page and the cover of the book were your polaroids and he took them out smiling. He handed Nancy the one with her, Barbara and Y/N, and Dustin the one of him as a baby and the one of the party on Halloween this past year. Steve stared at the one of you two sleeping on his cousin’s couch and he thought of that whole trip. The memory of it led to him to letting out a laugh, grabbing the others attention. “Where was that?“, Max had asked.

“In Chicago at my cousin's house. That was our last day there. I remember she was acting a little weird and when we went to go to sleep she asked if she could sleep on the couch with me instead of the blow-up mattress. My cousin took the picture when he left for work around 4 am waking us both.“, his smile grew wider and wider while telling the story.

Nancy had bitten down on her lip, thinking that, that must have been the day you had told her about.

“You went to a dance together?“, Will wanted to know while looking at the other pictures in awe.

“Yeah, a snowball. In fact our very first one“, Steve had let him know, his gaze and smile dropping.

A few minutes later the kids were occupied with deciding what they wanted to eat since Hopper had offered to take them all to Benny’s Burgers when Nancy asked Steve if they could talk outside for a minute.

They headed to the small patio again and Nancy began telling Steve something you had entrusted her with and she’d swore she’d never tell.

“You remember, that one summer Y/N basically lived in the library?“, Nancy started.

“Yeah, of course, I remember. I barely saw her for months. I had to drag her out of that place every few days because she had forgotten that we wanted to meet up.“, he chuckled, adding,“Why are you asking?“

“Well, I spent an awful lot of time there too and I noticed very quickly that she wasn’t reading something for class or any other normal book. She was searching through newspapers from Chicago…“, Nancy told him, pausing a few seconds to wait for his reaction. Maybe he already knew.

But he looked confused, “What? Why would she do that?“, he asked furrowing his brows.

“That’s what I wondered as well and when I went over there to ask her about it, I startled her and she hid her notebook behind her back, clearly searching for a quick lie to answer with. But after a few seconds had passed she seemed to decide that I caught her and there really was no point in lying. So, she told me…

She was searching for her mother.“, Nancy explained.

“Oh god“, Steve sighed. Another memory of you falling apart. “Do you know, if she ever found something?“

Nancy nodded, “Yes, she found a wedding announcement. Her mother had remarried.“

Steve closed his eyes letting out a sigh. His chest was heavy again. He felt so sorry for you.

“But that’s not the end of it“, Nancy interrupted Steve’s thoughts, “I don’t know how she knew her mom was in Chicago or how she contacted her, but after you came back she showed up at my house crying and telling me she went to meet her.“

Steve starred at Nancy with wide eye’s. How didn’t he know? Why didn’t you tell him?

“She said that I was the only person who knew anyway and that she didn’t want to ruin your trip, by telling you.“, the curly haired girl said, knowing that Steve would ask himself that sooner or later.

He took a deep breath before asking, “So how… how did it go?“

...

You were so nervous, you’d bought a train ticket the day before. And had told Steve that you were going to get takeout while he was catching up with his aunt who was visiting as well.

You hadn’t spoken to your mother since she had left but you’d been able to find out where she worked now and you were on your way there to talk to her. You truly missed your mom, even though missing her felt more like anger than sadness. You had all those scenarios in your head how this could go. How you’d feel when you’d see her, how she would react. But you were in no way prepared for what was actually going to happen. You got off the train and immediately spotted the small café your mother supposedly worked at. You were so anxious, your panic became as large as planets standing up front. You needed release and finally dared to head inside.

It was bigger than it had looked from the outside. It was actually kind of nice. But you didn’t have a lot of time to take in all the details. You were interrupted by a familiar friendly voice behind you, “Hi, how can I help you?“

You turned around slowly. You felt like you saw a ghost.

She looked better. Healthier. She was dressed nicely and her hair was up in a tight bun.

It took her a few seconds to recognize you since you were wearing sunglasses and you had swiftly blossomed into adolescence like it was a trifle. The only thing that had seemingly been easy on you. “Hi, mom“, was the only thing you brought out. She was staring at you thunderstruck. Her smile had dropped. “What are you doing here?“, she whispered angrily, grabbing your arm and pulling you closer. Your words started slipping away. Was she really mad at you for looking for her? Inside your pockets, your hands started trembling. She looked around the room apparently making sure you weren’t watched before she pulled you outside. The closer you got to her, the less you felt yourself. If she’d only smile, or hug you or ask how you’ve been. How you got here. If you were okay, alone, safe. Anything. But she said nothing. She was just staring you down.

“I don’t have any money right now.“, was the first thing that she spat out, lighting a cigarette.

You were about to cry already. She seemed so cold. She didn’t care for you.

“I don’t want any money, I-“, you tried to tell her, but were interrupted, “What else do you want that makes you think showing up here is okay?“, she said into her chest. You gulped. You really didn’t want her to see you cry. It felt wrong to let her see.

“I saw that you married… some guy and that you lived here now and I… I wanted to see how you were and ask you-“, you took a deep breath trying not to cry or scream at her, “why you left us and if you were planning on ever talking to your kids again?“

She took a step towards you and for a second you thought she might actually hug you. You were almost as tall as she was, now.

She reached in her pocket and took out an envelope. You didn’t take it so she grabbed your hand and curled your fingers around the edges.

“What is this?“, you asked confused.

“500 dollars. That’s all I have. I meant to deposit it later.“, she told you.

“Mom I-“, you tried to interrupt, but she just continued, speaking a lot louder this time,

“You are going to take that. Get on the next train. Get your ass back home and never return here. Do you understand me? I have a new life now and I don’t need none of you try and ruin it. I don’t want you showing up again. This is as far as I go, Y/N.“

You were standing there, speechless.

She took a last pull from her cigarette and crushed it under her sneakers.

She didn’t look up at you again and you weren’t able to look at her for too long, tears threatening to fall. Your vision became blurry.

“We all know it’s better that way. That’s just not us. We don’t work out. Just try not to fuck up your brother’s life too, okay?“, she said.

And just like that she started to walk away but turned suddenly, wrapping her arms around you and you thought she’d at least want to hug you goodbye but she pressed her mouth against your ear, whispering, “Come back here and you don’t leave with 500 Dollars, you leave with less you came with. Be smart.“

“You were always so smart”, she added brushing her fingers through your hair.

Then she was gone and your body grew hot, hot as you stood there on the urge of tears. The emptiness of the world, so huge, and so small, all at once.

You took it all in and promised yourself to never embarrass yourself like that again, by coming here and to never let your brother know. The pain of growing up in this family had already been enough, he didn’t have to know about your mother and her new life, she desperately tried to keep you out of.

You looked at the envelope in your hands. You thought about going back in there and throwing it in her face, screaming at her, letting her know how you felt. Instead, you took out a 20 dollar bill and shoved the envelope in your backpack, before walking towards a Chinese restaurant with the huge sign “takeout“, half a block down, risking one last look at your mother who was standing behind the bar, smiling like nothing had happened. And you finally let the sobs escape.

Those 480 dollars was the first money you put away for your brother's college savings.

...

“And I think she never heard from her since“, Nancy sighed after telling Steve every detail she remembered.

“Thanks for telling me, Nance. I guess, I really don’t know anything about her.“, he let out a sad chuckle.

The two teenagers talked to Mrs. Morgan about the situation with your mother that afternoon and she decided that it was better to leave her out of this for now.

...

It was 5:30 pm on the dot when the nurse’s head shaking turned into a nodding and they were finally able to see you.

Steve took your hand that night and didn’t let go until the next morning when he was sent away because they had to change your bandages.

The light had buzzed over your heads, illuminating your skin, pale and grey.

Steve could hear you breathing evenly, above the sound of the buzzing lights.

He gazed down at you and he was sure he could wake you up when he just called your name loud enough. He waited for your eyes to flick open, but they didn’t.

Sitting outside with the others his eyes were dry and his throat empty. The only thing he could think about was your stupid fight and how much time that seemingly had cost you, although it was just a couple of days, it felt like you had missed lightyears. You were so stupid for being apart.

Day 3:

Hopper took Steve’s place for a couple of hours while he drove home to change and shower.

He walked into an empty house. As always.

The first thing he did was check the answering machine.

“No new messages.“

So, they had heard about what happened. Yet, they just ignored it their son’s frantic messages.

His next destination was the kitchen because his mom sometimes had the decency to at least leave him little notes.

“Hope you and your friend feel better. If anything comes up, call Dad’s lawyer. We’re in NYC for a while. Love you. L.H“

There it was neatly pinned to the fridge…

...

Joyce had read some of “84, Charing Crossroad“ to you, although the doctor’s told her that you definitely didn’t hear any of it. Fiat least it made her feel better and Dustin fall asleep.

Around lunch, Powell had dropped by to update the chief on Andrew Henderson. He was remaining in custody until there’d be a trial, he was refusing to speak to them and he had asked for a lawyer and a beer.

Billy had called the hospital a few times asking about you. They always told him that they couldn’t give him any information about you and that he should talk to your relatives. But he didn’t dare to show up, which seemed like a good choice.

And in the evening you had finally woken up. Steve by your side.

Steve.

...

Your wounds were healing slowly. You had spent almost a month in the hospital. You were lucky, the doctors had told you. Not what you necessarily would call a person that had just been stabbed eleven times by their own father, but you went with it. The knife didn’t hit any vital organs so there wouldn’t be permanent damages. When you were discharged Steve came to pick you up, you were still a bit wobbly on your legs, so he let you lean against him until you got to the exit, where he stopped in his tracks, “You ready to go home?“, he asked, his lips curling up into a gentle smile.

Home. That word meant something entirely different to you now and it was a good thing. You grinned back, “Yes.“

That’s all Steve needed to here. He swooped you off your feed and carried you to his car.

“Harrington, let me go!“, you laughed.

“If I let you walk we’re here till tomorrow morning because I parked all the way back there and someone surely wouldn’t appreciate me bringing you back after curfew on the first fucking day. I had to beg, to pick you up. Not kidding.“, he chuckled, but then added, “Besides, I’ll never let you go again.“

You gave him a warm smile before pressing your lips against his. You feel the sparks go off.

...

On your way home, you passed Jackson Road.

Steve took your hand.

Passing the house, you felt like an electrical wire was strung tight through your whole body and you weren’t sure if you ever would be able to go back inside.

...

Hoppers car was the first thing you spotted.

“Is this it?“, you asked.

“Yeah, It’s really pretty here. Really quiet. I think that’s why he couldn’t bare living here alone.“, Steve answered, pulling into a small driveway.

You looked into the window and there was your brother giving you a big smile and waving excitedly. Then his head disappeared and the front door opened. The man stepped outside and gave you a small smile as well, making this really warm feeling rise in your chest. It only lasted a few seconds because Steve ripped the door of the red BMW open, the cold December air engulfing you in seconds.

...

“Welcome home, Y/N.“, he welcomed you in.

You couldn’t help but hug him tightly, tears welling in your Y/E/C eyes, “Thank you, Jim. For… for everything.“

...

Hopper had done everything in his power from the moment on you had told him that you would be happy to live with him, to make that happen.

From countless meetings, with Mrs. Morgan to moving back into the house, his daughter had taken her last breath.

And it had all worked out.

A few weeks ago on a Wednesday morning, Dustin, El, and Hopper came to visit you in the hospital.

Dustin was waving around a color chart.

“What do you think? Eggshell or Lavender?“, your brother asked snobbishly.

“What do you mean?“, you laughed.

“For your new room of course!“, he blurted out a bit too excited.

You had been caught off guard. Your mouth agape, your eyes were wandering between Hopper, El and your brother that were all smiling like maniacs.

“Oh my god!“, you cried out, realizing what was going on.

“We get to live with you?“

“Yes, I got the papers this morning.“, Hopper announced happily.

At this point, you were just sobbing. Tears of joy.

...

Christmas had passed by really quickly. You had had a family dinner. Which from now on consisted of Hopper, El, Dustin, you and… Kali. A friend of El’s who was visiting from Sweden, you were told. Steve was there too. He had lunch with his parents and decided that he was coming over for dinner.

He even was allowed to stay the night, as long as you kept the door to your room open. That had ended up being painted in a soft lavender.

Hopper passing through the hall, every few minutes.

“It’s kind of crazy“, you chuckled.

“What?“, Steve asked.

“We could have had so many of those nights in the other house“, you started, “…also more private ones“, you added laughing and kissing Steve’s neck playfully. He laughed pulling you closer.

“Yeah, but it just way. And that is okay. We have each other now.“, he said his eyes finding yours.

“Yeah we do“, you whispered.

A few seconds of silence followed before you heard Hopper coming down the hall again.

“But I also have this guard dog listening to everything we’re saying outside now!“, you added loud enough for him to hear.

“Hey!“, Hopper exclaimed, “I’m not listening to what your saying… I’m listening to know when you stop. Keep on talking! Keeps you two busy.“, he mumbled going back to his spot down the hall in the living room.

You two erupted into laughter.

Steve stopped abruptly, catching your attention.

You stared in his warm, brown eyes, that felt like sunshine and he stared into your Y/EC ones.

“I love you.“, he sighed happily.

And your heart fluttered.

YES. YES. YES. That’s all you had been wanting to hear, and all he’d been wanting to say since the moment you opened your eyes in the hospital.

“I love you too.“, you answered.

...

One month later.

You were nervously fiddling on the hem of your black wrap dress, starring in the mirror. All you wanted to do was hide in a hoodie and your sweatpants. Make coffee and crawl back into your cozy bed with Steve. But you couldn’t not today. Your brother’s appeared behind you in the mirror. He was wearing a navy blue suit, a black tie, and a white button-down, his usually messy hair combed back and gelled to his head.

He smiled and stretched his hand out towards you. You intertwined your fingers with his, your hand cold and shaking.

“We got this.“, Dustin said in a soft voice. “It’ll finally be over tonight.“

You nodded, taking a deep breath, before turning around to hug Dusty.

“You’re right. We got this. We got us.“, you whispered.

The drive was silent. Hopper and Dustin sat in the front, you and Steve, who was wearing a navy blue suit as well, sat in the back seat.

When Hopper pulled up into the parking spot, you froze. You felt the panic rising inside of you.

But you got out of the car anyway. This would over by tonight, you kept thinking.

Just one more day and you never had to see him again.

In the hall, you saw a familiar face. Billy had just walked around the corner on the other end.

He stopped when he noticed you. He had cut his hair short and was also in a suit.

He gave you a small wave and you could feel Steve tense up next to you, but you held him back.

You smiled at him, gently.

When Hopper told you about his situation and how everything was being handled, you decided to allow yourself to forgive him and it had been easier than you expected.

Billy was going to anger management classes and he was put in other therapy. He also had to do a shit-ton of hours of community service at the Police station and Mrs. Morgan was checking in on him and his family every few weeks. He was on his way to get better and who were you to let any of that stand in the way of his and your healing process. Steve had a harder time with just letting it go through.

...

You sat down in the courtroom. You had been able to give your statement the day before, without Andrew Henderson’s presence and so did Steve and Dustin.

So, you all got to sit next to everyone else.

The judge came in and you all stood up. You were nervously biting your lip.

He said a few opening words and you got to sit down again.

Everything around you drawn out, until you heard his name and the doors opened, to reveal the man you were so afraid of. The air was caught in your throat and you had to look at him. You had to.

He had gotten even thinner, he almost disappeared in his big suit. His face all sunken in.

And then his gaze fell on you. You felt like you were choking.

Just for a minute, you thought you saw something, some wave of emotions, flit across his face.

In his eyes was something you had never seen before. Not on him. It took you a few seconds to recognize it for what it was.

Remorse. Regret.

You wanted to scream. Everything hurt.

You felt like you couldn’t make it through.

But then Steve’s hand was on your’s and you turned to look at him into his beautiful eyes.

And the sunshine feeling came back, once again drawing everything else out.

You did not know how, but his touch made you feel less torn.

You weren’t sure what peace felt like but at that moment you thought it must feel a lot like him.

...

Andrew Henderson pleaded guilty in all charges.

You couldn’t believe it and so couldn’t his assigned attorney, who honestly looked really relieved about it.

Your father looked small up there, so pathetic.

He’d always been cigarettes and whiskey.

Dirty white shirts and the couch he was always passed out on.

He was Y/E/C eyes and scratchy cheek stubble.

He was days of not getting up of the floor, days of screaming or scary silence.

Yet, somehow he had looked the most pathetic you ever seen him at that moment when he did the right thing for the first time. Maybe because it looked like it was killing him.

...

It felt weird.

It really was over now.

You had never thought that that moment would come and it took you a few seconds to realize that was it. The moment you had dreamed off, you watched thunderstruck as he was being cuffed and escorted out without looking at you again.

On the way out everyone congratulated you on winning, tears were shed and you couldn’t help but smile. You were free everything was about to get so much easier. You stood there Steve’s hand in yours surrounded by your favorite people that all came to support you and your little brother who seemed relieved as well. It was like the sorrow was washed away until there was nothing but calm.

You stepped outside and the first warm rays of sunshine fell through the thick blanket of clouds, opening up the sky and you just knew that things were going to be alright from now on, whatever was going to come. You’d get through it together because you finally understood what trusting someone really meant.

...

On the way home you were really silent, you sat next to Steve in the car that often had felt more like home to you than any other place ever had and your heart felt full. Hopper had left with Joyce and her kids, leaving you three to drive back alone. You listened to the other’s conversing about the outcome of the trial, how happy they were but your thoughts were already somewhere else. This chapter was closed. Finally closed. Shut.

...

“Everything okay, Y/N?“, Steve asked placing his hand on your knee, waiting for you to take it.

You smiled intertwining your fingers with his, “Yeah, everything is fine. I was just thinking.“

“About what?“, Dustin wanted to know.

“I was thinking about how everything is over now... and when one of you guys is finally going to tell me what the actual hell happened to our poor cat. Like the real story, you know.“, you said looking into your brother's eyes through the rearview mirror, seeing his expression change from calm to panicked within seconds.

You couldn’t leave it alone any longer. You needed to know now.

Steve mirrored Dustin’s expression perfectly, mouth agape, not really knowing what to say.

They had discussed telling you with Hopper and the other’s before but they never actually came to the topic of how to.

They starred at each other for a bit before Steve stopped the car on the side of the road and nervously croaking out, “Dusty, you… you wanna?…“

“Um, yeah. I-“, he said looking at you with narrowed eyes, thinking about how to break to you gently that your beloved Mews had been eaten alive by some other dimensional creature,

when you chuckled and said, “Come on guys, it can’t be that bad.“, Dustin and Steve shared another intense look before they both shrugged and your brother began, “Well,…“

But that’s a different story.

...

tag-list:

@onelovewonderwoman @harringtonwife @apologetically @uncle-jjezzy @purecreativityforme @nxstalgicnxbxdy @inspiredbynewt @bitchywheeler @urpeachess @anton-shudders @dhmaki @tiarrasmith @abinitiothings @the-crime-fighting-spider @brooke-whoran69 @lena-lightwood @evanhansenisahufflepuff @bands-and-shietz @simply-gail @the--real-wombat @oldwanderingsoul @peterology @heavenlyholland @virtuouschildd @bi-bea @artemisfowl11 @the-kylialovesyou @lilithmouse @a-girl-who-loves-disney @bippity-boppity-boopa @thenamesrain @alonewolfsblog

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington/you #steve harrington/reader #stranger things imagine #say i never mattered #joe keery #joe keery x reader #stranger things

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tkmedia · 3 years ago

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Alabama looks human, and the biggest takeaways from college football week 4

No. 1 Alabama beat No. 11 Florida 29-27 on Saturday, but the Crimson Tide showed something that didn’t seem possible after two weeks. The Crimson Tide might be human after all. The Gators made it a four-quarter game at Ben Hill Griffin Stadium and offered a blueprint for others trying to do the unthinkable and beat Alabama in 2021.Florida made that almost happen in three easy steps.Survive the first quarter: Alabama jumped out on Florida 21-3 after the first quarter, and Bryce Young hit 12 of 16 passes for 138 yards and three TDs. The Crimson Tide has outscored its opponents 45-3 in the first quarter through three games. Most teams are done at that point. Florida weathered that first punch. Young was just 10 of 19 for 102 yards for the rest of the game. The Gators’ defense didn’t give up the big play the rest of the way. MORE: Breaking down the biggest plays in Florida-Alabama thrillerRun the ball, stop the run: The Crimson Tide finished with 28 rushing attempts for 91 yards, and it’s clear at this point Najee Harris is missed. Brain Robinson managed 91 yards on 5.2 yards per carry and new offensive coordinator Bill O’Brien stuck with the running game. It’s just not a game-changer through the first quarter of the season.Florida, meanwhile, had 245 rushing yards and averaged 5.8 yards per carry with a diversified attack they stuck with. The Gators scored three TDs on their first three possessions in the second half, too. That’s a credit to quarterback Emory Jones.A dual-threat quarterback: Redshirt freshman Anthony Richardson did not play because of a hamstring injury, and that would have been an interesting wrinkle. But Jones played well. He hit 18 of 28 passes for 195 yards and shook off an early interception. Jones added 19 carries for 77 yards, and Florida had a chance to tie with 3:10 remaining on a two-point conversion that was just short.MORE: Clock malfunction adds to chaos of final moments in Bama winAll that still wasn’t enough to stop the Crimson Tide from extending their FBS-best 17-game win streak, and those three keys have to go right for anybody to have a chance against Alabama.Yet, that tease of mortality is out there, now. Florida went four quarters with the Crimson Tide in a game that resembled last year’s SEC championship game. Maybe a rematch with Richardson in the fold is possible down the line. No. 2 Georgia might have a chance with that ferocious defense. No. 17 Ole Miss and Lane Kiffin could make it interesting Oct. 2. Even Jimbo at Texas A&M, Coach O at LSU and SEC West surprise Arkansas can feel a sense of hope.Dare we say, "A New Hope" against the Alabama Death Star?

More Penn State-Auburns, please

Getty Images https://images.daznservices.com/di/library/sporting_news/48/c3/johan-dotson-9-18-gettyjpg_1576tinhgr7ay1js8lnatsh2zo.jpg?t=-66190837&w=500&quality=80 The ABC prime-time game was fun, right?Penn State tight end Tyler Warren leapt over the pile for a goal-line touchdown. Auburn's Jarquez Hunter hurdled a Penn State defender on a break-away run. The Tigers had a chance to win on the final play, but Auburn's Bo Nix's desperation pass was broken up by Nittany Lions' safety Jaquan Brisker.The "Whiteout" between No. 10 Penn State and No. 22 Auburn was a fun-filled matchup, and the Nittany Lions won 28-20 with the help of a big-time performance from Sean Clifford, who finished 28 of 32 passing for 280 yards, two TDs and an interception.One of the casualties of the SEC vs. Alliance talk is that it theoretically could hamper more matchups like this in the future. Let's hope it's not like that. SEC-Big Ten matchups produce a lot of heat in bowl season, but the best hope to replicate Saturday's atmosphere remains the potential for on-campus games in the expanded College Football Playoff. This game felt like a CFP quarterfinal.RELATED: Is there 'mutual interest' between James Franklin, USC?The Nittany Lions will make the return trip to Jordan-Hare Stadium in 2022. Alabama has future home-and-homes with Wisconsin (2024-25) and Ohio State (2028-29). Nebraska has a home and home with Tennessee in 2026-27, but there should be more matchups like this scheduled in the future.The Auburn-Penn State matchup was just the eighth on-campus matchup between the Big Ten and SEC since 2010. It was the first regular-season game at a home site between ranked teams from those conferences since No. 3 Alabama beat No. 23 Penn State 27-11 on Sept. 10, 2011.We should not have to wait that long between matchups.

Sooners (really) can't lose

There was beautiful nostalgia with No. 3 Oklahoma and Nebraska taking a one-score slugfest into the fourth quarter on the 50th anniversary of their fabled Game of the Century, even if it will be a Big Ten-SEC matchup next time.Oklahoma closed out the Huskers in a 23-16 victory, but left questions about the Sooners' resume after two one-score games against inferior non-conference opponents. Oklahoma needs to rediscover its blowout genes in Big 12 play.Nebraska closed Oklahoma's lead to 14-9 in the third quarter, but Isaiah Coe blocked the extra point and Pat Fields returned for a two-point conversion. Spencer Rattler hit 4 of 5 passes for 45 yards on the ensuing touchdown drive, and D.J. Graham came up with a jaw-dropping one-handed interception. Yet the Huskers, like Tulane in the opener, still had a last-chance drive before the Sooners came up with back-to-back sacks. Rattler, a preseason Heisman favorite, averages 250.3 passing yards with seven TDs and two interceptions.The Sooners remain clean heading into a potential seventh straight conference championship run. Still, Oklahoma does not want to take a loss and fall in that one-loss conversation with Ohio State and Clemson, not with just one ranked Big 12 team left on the schedule. It's best to have the one-up on the Buckeyes and Tigers.That's something to think about with a Week 4 prime-time matchup against West Virginia. In other words, run it up Lincoln Reilly, or face those doubts.

Cincinnati passes one of its big tests

Stop questioning No. 8 Cincinnati's top-10 credentials. The Bearcats rallied from a 14-0 deficit to beat Indiana 38-24 in one of their two prove-it games against Power 5 opponents this season.When Cincinnati coach Luke Fickell took a field goal off the board after an offsides penalty and went for it on fourth-and-1 with 6:49 remaining against the Hoosiers, it was on. The Bearcats scored TDs on four of their last five possessions.The truth is Cincinnati is right where it belongs. Since 2018, Fickell has led the Bearcats to the sixth-best record in the FBS, one that compares favorably with the College Football Playoff regulars.Best FBS records since 20181. Alabama 41-3, .932 2. Clemson 41-4, .911 3. Ohio State 35-4, .897 4. Notre Dame 36-5, .878 5. Oklahoma 36-6, .857 6. Cincinnati 34-6, .850 Georgia is a half-game behind the Bearcats at 34-7. The next step is obvious. Cincinnati has a bye week to prepare for Notre Dame, a game that will have even more shine if the Irish can knock off Wisconsin at Soldier Field. This is the Bearcats' best chance to appeal to the CFP committee that they need to stay in that conversation.That game has so many coaching ties. Brian Kelly used to coach at Cincinnati. So did Irish defensive coordinator Marcus Freeman. Fickell, of course, shot down interest in the USC job. That's because he's the ideal fit to be Notre Dame's next coach when Kelly retires.Win there, and Cincinnati will have a good look at 12-0. At that point, could it bypass a step and play in the Big 12 championship against Oklahoma?We wish we weren't kidding.

USC snaps out of it

It was a tough week in Trojan land with the Monday firing of Clay Helton following a listless loss to Stanford. Up next was the somewhat uninspiring destiation of Washington State, and USC played like it didn't want to be there for the first quarter plus.USC trailed 14-0 and lost a fumble on its own 35-yard-line early in the second quarter. Starting quarterback Kedon Slovis was already lost for the game. Things were not looking bright for interim coach Donte Williams' debut. Would this be another Trojan humbling?BENDER: Top 10 candidates to replace Clay HeltonNope. From that point forward, the Trojans outscored Wazzu 45-0 behind a brilliant outing from backup QB Jaxson Dart. The freshman was 30-for-46 for 391 yards and four touchdowns, though he did have two interceptions.Slovis is scheduled to return to practice this week, but with Dart putting up such big numbers, Williams may have to navigate an unexpected QB situation during his interim period.

Week 4 Sneak Peek

— Wisconsin-Notre Dame is an elimination game of sorts for the Badgers. Wisconsin is 5-4 in its last nine games dating back to the COVID-interrupted 2020 season. This is a big one for Paul Chyrst. Brian Kelly can become Notre Dame's all-time win leader, surpassing Knute Rockne. Soldier Field should be rocking.— Texas A&M and Arkansas is the best-guaranteed matchup between ranked unbeaten teams, and it’s fitting it will be in Jerry World. The Aggies have won nine straight meetings in this rivalry that dates back to 1903.— Tennessee coach Josh Heupel gets his first taste of the rivalry with Florida, or whatever you call a matchup when one team has won 15 of the last 16 meetings. Can the Vols catch the Gators with a hangover?

Mike Norvell done at FSU?

Getty Images https://images.daznservices.com/di/library/sporting_news/d8/e/mike-norvell-9-18-gettyjpg_l01j079psmt1fjh02mlygtgi.jpg?t=-65937725&w=500&quality=80 Wake Forest beat Florida State 35-14. That’s the Seminoles’ worst loss to the Demon Deacons since a 30-0 shutout on Nov. 11, 2006. Bobby Bowden coached three more seasons after that loss. Will Norvell last three more games?After what happened with Helton last week, you can’t rule anything out. Any feel-good material from the Labor Day comeback against Notre Dame has been lost since a Hail Mary loss to Jacksonville State and a three-TD loss to Wake Forest. Remember, Willie Taggart was fired two weeks after a 22-20 loss to the Demon Deacons in 2019. Florida State is 0-3 for the first time since 1976.You can see the "Fire Norvell" campaign, and it’s easy to see what comes next. The "Hire Deion" movement is building. Deion Sanders won his first two games at Jackson State as a first-time coach, and no hire would bring more excitement to the program.Would Coach Prime work in Tallahassee? The Seminoles are 14-23 since Jimbo Fisher left. Any better ideas?

Extra points

— Which top 25 Michigan team should you buy more stock in? The Wolverines improved to 3-0 and average 350.3 rushing yards per game after a 63-10 victory against Northern Illinois. The three-headed attack of Blake Corum, Hassan Haskins and now freshman Donovan Edwards is imposing. Corum (407 yards, 7 TDs) averages 10.7 yards per carry. Michigan State should join Michigan in the AP Top 25 after knocking off No. 24 Miami 31-17. Kenneth Walker III (493 yards, 5 TDs) averages 8.6 yards per carry. These uneasy brothers look like identical twins. The Spartans are a better bet to be unbeaten when they meet the Wolverines on Oct. 30. We'll buy the Wolverines if they win at Wisconsin on Oct. 2; a victory that has eluded them since 2001.— D'Eriq King hot takes are coming given he was the first quarterback to take advantage of NIL deals this offseason. Miami QB D'Eriq King was one of the stars of the name, image and likeness rush. Miami loses to Michigan State, now 1-2, with win a 2-point victory over Appalachian State. Partners would find him hard to activate now. — Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) September 18, 2021 King hit 38 of 59 passes for 388 yards with two TDs and two interceptions despite suffering a shoulder injury during the game. Is King worth seven-figures worth of NIL deals? That's debatable, but NIL is designed for college players to take advantage of their opportunities, especially the ones who might not go on to NFL stardom. The market will eventually correct itself. Piling on King is unnecessary.— Ohio State's defense didn't alleviate too many concerns after allowing 487 yards in a 41-20 victory against Tulsa that was a one-score game with 12:07 left in the fourth quarter. Ryan Day said defensive coordinator Kerry Coombs did not make the play calls this week, leaving them to secondary coach Matt Barnes. The good news? It won't be easy to outrun the Buckeyes when freshman TreVeyon Henderson is loose. Henderson totaled 270 yards, the third highest single-game total in Buckeyes' history. He scored on TD runs of 48, 52 and 54 yards. Henderson has 339 yards through three games, and it is not too early to peek at that Ohio State freshman rushing record. J.K. Dobbins set that with 1,403 yards in 2017, which broke the record of 1,237 yards set by Maurice Clarett in 2002. Henderson can be that kind of difference-maker.— Clemson managed to weather a one-hour, 52-minute weather delay against Georgia Tech and needed a goal-line stand with a game-saving tackle by James Skalski to stave off the Yellow Jackets in a 14-8. Clemson's defense has yet to allow a touchdown this season. Perhaps the most-surprising development for the Tigers is quarterback D.J. Uiagalelei has just one TD pass through three games, and Clemson failed to get a play of more than 20 yards against Georgia Tech. The Tigers’ perception won’t be helped by the fact the ACC remains as unpredictable as ever. The ACC Coastal does not have an unbeaten team. West Virginia beat No. 15 Virginia Tech 27-21 with a help of a goal-line stand in the Black Diamond Trophy game, and Pitt lost a 44-41 shootout with Western Michigan. No. 21 North Carolina also knocked Virginia from the unbeaten ranks in a 59-39 shootout. Sam Howell passed for 307 yards and five touchdowns and ran for 112 yards as he tries to reignite his Heisman campaign.— Notre Dame's Kyren Williams busted loose with a 51-yard touchdown run in the fourth quarter that sealed a 27-13 victory against Purdue. Still, the Irish do not have the same-old dominant offensive line. Notre Dame totaled 120 rushing yards on 3.5 yards per carry, and through three games those numbers are at 317 yards on 2.9 ypc. The Irish have a curious +20 point differential through three games as a result. Their next two opponents, Wisconsin and Cincinnati, also have a bye week to prepare. Wisconsin transfer Jack Coan will be the subplot Saturday, but how that running game stacks up against the Badgers is the real story.— Other than Michigan State, here is a quick roll call of unranked 3-0 teams in the Power 5: Baylor, Boston College, Kansas State, Kentucky, Maryland, Oklahoma State, Rutgers, Texas Tech and Wake Forest. Those teams had a combined record of 40-53 last season, and the Eagles and Cowboys were the only teams with winning records last season. — Cincinnati and No. 16 Coastal Carolina are the only ranked Group of 5 schools, but Memphis made its case to join those two after a 31-29 victory against Mississippi State. The Tigers won despite being outgained 468-246 with the help of this wacky 94-yard punt return by Calvin Austin III.SMU also improved to 3-0 with a Hail Mary from Tanner Mordecai to Jr. Roderick Roberson for a 39-37 victory against Louisiana Tech. Read the full article

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saphraen · 7 years ago

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RWBY Vol 5 Review

And so ends volume 5! I'm not going to go too in depth for this specific episode since I think others have substantially covered it, but I'd like to share my overall thoughts on this volume. I posted this on the RT forums, but I figured I might as well post here too so it doesn’t get lost in a sea of comments.

What this volume did well:

1) Character development

Bravo! I was really, really impressed by how well you guys developed your characters this volume. It was something that the show has been lacking in favor of plot and action and you really made up for it this time. As much as I love the story and the world that you have created, what consistently draws me back in are the characters. The four main girls mean a lot to me for many different reasons, and it's been so rewarding seeing them grow and address their flaws. Others have said that many characters took a backseat this volume, but I think that's okay. It's impossible to develop every character at once, and that's why different volumes have focused on different characters. If we look back:

Volume 1 - Jaune and Blake

Volume 2 - A bit of everyone (i.e. Mountain Glen)

Volume 3 - Yang?

Volume 4 - Weiss, Blake, Ren/Nora

Volume 5 - Yang, Blake, Ilia, Raven

The biggest problem within the topic of character development, of course, is Ruby. As the main protagonist she desperately needs some development of her own, but little things like the "I'm angry" line and her working on hand-to-hand combat show that she hasn't entirely been forgotten, so I suspect you're saving the focus on her for later when we finally delve into the Silver Eyed Warriors and Summer's backstory. I'm desperately holding out for a moment when she reaches her limit and needs her team to pull her back together.

I'll just quickly go over a couple of the characters that we focused on in Volume 5. First off, Yang! Finally we get some development for this girl! I'll be honest here: for the first 2.5 volumes I didn't care about Yang at all. She was badass, her semblance was cool, and her puns were great, but she was also very shallow. It wasn't until the end of volume 3 that I actually became invested. Cutting off her arm was perhaps the single best decision ever made for her character, because it finally made her real. It forced her to sit down and examine a) what her flaws are and b) what she's fighting for. I loved that this volume she decided that her priority was protecting Ruby, that she decided fuck you mom I'm better than you. Her speech to Raven in the finale was very powerful, because it shows the true nature of her character. She's not simply the party girl here for a good time, she's the rock that holds team RWBY together. I liked that in this volume she was clearly very broken and still working through the physical and emotional consequences of what happened at Beacon. She very obviously isn't okay, and I hope that comes back in Vol 6. I also think that her decision to accept Blake's return is extremely significant, and shows how she's grown. Raven just ran away, again, at the exact same time that Blake came back, and I think that in that moment Yang realized that they're not the same person. That being said, I really really hope that in Vol 6 they have to work to repair their friendship, or at least have a conversation about it.

And now on the topic of Blake! Oh man you guys really killed it this time. Blake is perhaps the character that receives the greatest spotlight in this show, and although this frustrates some I think that it's ultimately paid off. She's come such a long way from the quiet, closed-off girl of Vol 1 and 2. I almost cried when we found out that she asked Sun to come with her when she talked to Ilia. Finally, finally, she's learned that she doesn't have to do everything alone. Many have criticized the Menagerie subplot for being unnecessary and boring, but for the most part I disagree. Was it perhaps a bit drawn-out and repetitive at times? Absolutely. But it was also so unbelievably important to Blake's arc, and provided an opportunity in the form of Ilia for Blake to put in practice what she's learned about accepting the help of others and not running away. It ultimately allowed her to return and be able to face both Adam and her team. Seriously, she called out to both Adam and Yang! Pre-Menagerie Blake would never have been able to do that out of fear and guilt. Furthermore (and I truly honestly never thought I would say this), this volume made me love and appreciate Sun. He is perhaps the single best friend in this entire show, and he has been so essential to teaching Blake that she needs to let her friends in. He has consistently been the force that drives Blake back to her team (asking her in Vol 1 why she hasn't told her friends about being a faunus, telling her in Vol 4 that Yang would sacrifice her arm again to protect her, the tail grab to spin her to face her friends this episode!! YOU GUYS!!!), and it was so cool to see Blake recognize this and thank him for it. You did so well with these two, CRWBY, so thank you.

2) Technical animation I was really blown away by how visually stunning RWBY was this volume! It seems the crew has really gotten into their stride using Maya, and it certainly paid off. The detail in every shot was absolutely incredible - the backgrounds are beautiful, hair is looking better than ever, and the expressions!!!! Holy shit you guys all of the facial expressions were so well done. You were able to convey so much simply with eye animation. They really gave us a sense of exactly what each character was feeling without saying a single word. A great example of this that stood out to me was Weiss during the RWY reunion. She didn't say anything, but just from the animation of her face I could tell what was going through her mind: happiness at seeing her friends reunite with their family, then sadness upon realizing that she's not part of it and no longer has a home, and then finally utter relief and joy at being welcomed into that family. And Blake's cat ears!! Thank god the bow is finally gone because I absolutely loved seeing her emote with them. Excellent job with this.

3) Emotion I suppose this one is sort of a combination of my previous points, but I think it warrants its own discussion. There were so many times this volume where I was moved to tears, where I yelled out loud, where I rewatched over and over because those scenes were just so impactful. I lost it completely when Weiss finally sees Yang and just tosses aside her sword and jumps onto Yang, declaring how much she missed her. This is why I love RWBY. Not because of the world, not because of the fights, but because of the depth of the characters and their relationships with each other. Weiss Schnee, the perfectly composed and aloof heiress, just threw her most prized possession that she'd finally gotten back on the ground so that she could embrace the only friend she'd seen in months. That moment, and many others like it, were so unbelievably powerful. Even small moments, like Ruby saying "soon you'll be combat ready!", Raven saying "I'm sorry", Ilia saying "I don't know what else to do" really tugged at my heart. Another example I'd like to point out was Emerald's reaction to Cinder losing in this episode. It was so cool to see Emerald, whose entire world is Cinder, completely break down, and I can't wait to see what's in store for her character next.

Finally, there are two other things I'd like to point out that don't exactly fit under those categories. The first is the plot twist that revealed Raven to be the spring maiden. Although a few guessed it, I myself did not see it coming at all and was completely blown away. The red herring with Vernal completely fooled me, and the reveal was perfect. Raven throwing off her mask and saying "Vernal's not the spring maiden. I am" sent chills down my spine. And it added a level of complexity to Raven's character that was desperately needed. Suddenly her motivations make more sense. She's a fascinating character because, on the one hand, she portrays herself as someone who prioritizes survival over emotional attachments, but on the other hand she literally has a semblance that is grounded in those attachments. There's clearly a lot more to her character that we haven't seen yet, and being a maiden could go a long way in explaining her actions. Many have criticized her for sort of being all over the place, which if we take everything at face value is true. The thing is, I'm not entirely convinced that what she says is the truth. Did she really kill the previous spring maiden? If so, the explanation that she left her family to prevent them from being a target due to her maiden powers falls apart and she becomes much less interesting. And did she really want the relic to protect her tribe against Salem? Because there's no way she didn't realize that Salem would then hunt her more until Yang pointed that out. So the jury's out on her, because a cowardly character who left her family simply because she's selfish is much less compelling than a character who puts on a front of being strong and distances herself from those she loves to protect them. I suppose we'll just have to wait and see, but nevertheless good job in crafting an extremely complex character!

The second is Ilia. There has been a lot of discourse regarding this character, and I'd just like to share my own perspective. Personally, I think CRWBY did an absolutely fantastic job with this character. I've been waiting for LGBT representation in RWBY for so long, and although it's perhaps a bit overdue, I can honestly say that I am so grateful for the character that they gave us. I'm a sucker for redemption arcs, so I liked her even before we found out about her feelings for Blake, but that just cemented my love for her. I'm saying this as a gay woman, and I think that you handled the reveal perfectly. Her declaration felt very natural in the moment, and it went a long way in adding a level of complexity that explained her actions. Ilia wasn't working against Blake's family out of revenge for Blake not returning her feelings; rather, those feelings were what made carrying out those order so hard. The outrage that RWBY's first openly queer character was a villain was unjustified because she was never shown to be irredeemable. She was never an evil, heartless villain. In fact, she was set up to be a foil to Adam, who is the evil irredeemable villain. People have said that her redemption was too abrupt and unbelievable, but I completely disagree. From the moment she first appeared on screen, she was consistently shown to be conflicted about working for the White Fang and hurting Blake. And she got that redemption! And she didn't die! I love this character so much, and I know that CRWBY does too, and I just wanted to take a moment to express my gratitude for her. Thank you. Truly.

Okay now that I'm done gushing, onto what didn't work this volume! Much of what I'm going to say has been said by others, but I feel it bears worth repeating.

1) Show vs. tell: As I mentioned before, a strength of this volume was the character development. I appreciate that you took the time to address that, and I feel that there were many conversations in this volume that added a lot of necessary dimension. A good example was the scene between Weiss and Yang, where we finally got a look into Yang's feelings towards Blake leaving, and a seed was planted for whether or not Yang will forgive her when she returns. That being said, there were many conversations that didn't add anything. Dialogue is great when it furthers a character, but using it to further plot is... iffy. You guys have built an incredibly complex world, and I get that this volume was an attempt to a) get all of the characters up to speed and b) explain gaps in your story and world. And that's okay to do occasionally (for example, explaining more about aura since that's been a confusing and inconsistent topic), but when every episode has a long exposition scene... I swear, there were at least three scenes that took place with everyone sitting on those same couches in the same bland setting. The biggest problem with these exposition scenes was that, for the most part, they covered things that the audience already knew or could figure out, with maybe one or two new pieces of information. The scene with Yang and Weiss in Raven's tent was infuriating, because it had been built up for four seasons with very little payoff. And then everything we learned was basically restated a couple episodes later in the living room. In a show with a mere 14 episodes averaging 15 minutes each, you absolutely cannot do this. Every second is crucial and must be treated as such. If specific characters need to be filled in, that should generally happen off-screen with a line acknowledging that it happened. This volume started off quite well, with the fast pacing allowing RWY to be reunited by chapter 6. After that, though, the show slowed to a halt because of episode after episode of dialogue. Early RWBY volumes relied too much on action, but this volume relied too much on exposition. Ironically, despite its criticism for not advancing the plot and spreading itself too thin, I think that Vol 4 had the best balance of action and exposition. I believe that one day you guys are going to get it right, and I hope that this feedback can help that!

2) Action And nooooow onto the most heavily critiqued aspect of this volume. I'm not going to lament for the days of Monty's fight choreography, because I think that's completely unfair. Monty was an incredibly skilled animator, and his fights were absolutely unique. They were what drew many people to the show in the first place. And the thing is, it's okay that the fights aren't yet up to par with what he could do. It's okay that RWBY has evolved past being a show that is entirely driven by its fight scenes! I'd rather have a well-balanced show with good plot and character development than something that is only entertaining because of its flashy action shots. THAT BEING SAID: I don't expect you to be on Monty's level, but I do expect you do actually include fight scenes. I'm sorry, but you just can't get around that. This is a show about a group of teenagers who are training to become fighters in order to save the world. At its core, that is RWBY. Unless you want to change the whole premise of the show, you simply cannot avoid animating fight scenes. I suppose this comment is more directed at the fans who rail against people for being upset about the lack of action in RWBY, rather than its creators, since I'm sure they're already aware of that. I'm not an animator, so I'm not going to comment on the quality of the fight scenes since I honestly have very little idea what goes into creating a good fight scene. But I will comment on the fact that over the course of this volume it became obvious to me that CRWBY was avoiding animating fights whenever they could. The exposition itself wouldn't have been so frustrating if it had culminated in action. The problem was, any time dialogue naturally built up to a fight, either it was diffused before getting to that point OR the camera cut away and came back after the fight had been finished. And the most frustrating thing about this volume was that there were plenty of moments that naturally led into fight scenes that we didn't get to see! To name a few: Blake and Sun vs the bat and spider faunus, Weiss and Yang vs the tribe, Emerald vs the bandits, Yang vs Merc (FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY DID WE NOT SEE THIS REMATCH), Ruby vs Emerald, Ruby Weiss and Blake vs Emerald Merc and Hazel (SERIOUSLY??? THIS ONE WAS THE MOST INFURIATING!!!! WE FINALLY HAVE A CHANCE FOR A TEAM FIGHT AND THE CAMERA JUST CUT AWAY? Please you guys I'm begging). And the thing that gets me is knowing that CRWBY canstill animate compelling fights. They did it in Vol 4, they did it with Yang vs the bandits, and they did it with the Maiden fight! I know you guys can do it, which makes it so frustrating that you don't. The pacing of this volume would have vastly improved if you'd let those scenes fully play out, instead of cutting to another dialogue scene and destroying all of the tension you had carefully built up. If the animators are afraid of animating fights, then its time to hire someone who isn't because, as I said before, this is an action show. It's like if BNHA (another story about teenagers going to school to learn how to fight) suddenly stopped showing all their fights. It wouldn't be nearly as good of a show if you didn't get to see all of the training the characters have done finally pay off. Thus, going into Volume 6, you really need to evaluate where your resources go. Many others have suggested this, but I really think that having fewer, longer episodes would go a long way in allowing you the time to create a more polished and balanced show. I'm okay with waiting an extra week if it means that the pacing isn't constantly disrupted by cliffhangers and cuts away from action.

3) Mistral???? The last comment I want to make is one that I haven't seen many others bring up yet, but I think it's important to address. An issue with this volume was that there was this big battle built up for Haven, but neither we nor the characters were given any reason to actually care about Haven beyond "it would be bad if Salem gets the relic." If you craft this huge world, giving us four very distinct kingdoms and allowing the characters to explore them, then you need to actually let the characters explore them. I liked Vol 4 because we moved through the different towns in Anima and got to see how they were different from Vale. And Mistral was set up to be this fascinatingly complex kingdom, with a vibrant landscape and a complex social hierarchy. I loved learning about it in WoR, and was excited to explore it more this volume. Except then we barely got to see it at all... We had a beautiful montage at the beginning of the volume, and got to see Qrow wander around looking for huntsmen, but that was it. I seriously can't believe you guys wasted such a great opportunity to explore the kingdom. I get that it's hard to fit in everything, but if you had taken one of those exposition heavy scenes and placed it while the characters were walking through the city you would have killed two birds with one stone. Instead of having everyone catch up around the dining table have them do so while exploring the market! Have Weiss and Yang talk on a fountain outside of the house. There's no point in giving us information about Remnant if you don't actually use it in the show, ya feel? I'm saying this now because we still have two kingdoms left to explore, and it seems as though Atlas is next. So here is my advice to you for Volume 6: show us what Atlas is like. Show us why it's different from Vale and Mistral. Give us a reason to care about saving it.

And there you go! This is most of my feedback for RWBY Volume 5. Props to you if you read this whole thing, and thanks for taking the time to listen to my thoughts! I would like to finish this by saying that the criticism I give is not out of malice. There's this absurd notion that to enjoy something means that you can't criticize it, and I think that that's a very unproductive mentality. RWBY is a show that is very important to me, and I just want to see it be the best that it can be! If my feedback is at all read and considered, then it was worth spending a couple hours typing up. Despite the problems I had with this volume, I certainly enjoyed watching it - this was my first time watching the show serially and engaging with the community has been a lot of fun! RWBY is only getting better, and I absolutely cannot wait to see what the future has in store. All of your hard work certainly doesn't go unappreciated, so thank you again for a great volume :)

#rwby #rwby volume 5 #rwby vol 5 #rwby finale #roosterteeth

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