#a simple. kinda shitty sketch is the best i can do right now sorry !! shits rough but i'm still broke

[hoofpeet]

Hiiiii comms are open again...

10 slots open atm-- No bgs or extra characters this time sorry ! I'd like to try doing some simpler, rougher sketches... stop by if you wanna 👍

[thewolfmanslayer]

Honestly the amount of people who say artists and writers should do stuff for free, or try to rip them off on comissions still royally piss me off.

I think the worst part of it is the entitlement, I dont want to make this too much about generations but a lot of commissioners are millenial/Gen z's who grew up on the "steal and pirate everything" mentality, take everything that you can because no one else is going to hand it to you. which I can get behind, when you are screwing over MULTI BILLION DOLLAR COMPANIES. NOT THE STRUGGLING ARTISTS AND WRITERS who are trying to keep food on the table as desperately as you probably are!

It's simple, you wouldn't walk into a restaurant, order food and tell the server "sorry I don't have any money, but I've got like a few thousand followers on social media, I can get your name out there, get the restaurant some exposure" NO! They don't need "exposure" they need you to pay the damn bill!

On top of that, most of these artists and writers ALREADY HAVE FOLLOWINGS. They already have thousands of people following them, waiting for the chance to get a commission, who are willing to pay for said commission, they don't need "exposure" when they're already out there! He'll even the artists and writers with a few hundred don't need it, they'll get more followers as time goes by, their skill alone will see to it.

And what is with people trying to get free art and writing? It's not going to work! You can't harass someone until they cave, trust me, you'll be long since blocked before you even have the opportunity. I don't do comissions, online anyways, but my own friends and family, people who actually know me STILL PAY ME whenever they ask for me to do art for them because they KNOW it takes TIME AND EFFORT.

How many times do we need to have this discussion???? Like when is it going to finally click that people who need to pay their bills just as much as you do AREN'T going to do this shit for free!?

Here's the thing about art and writing, that you've heard a billion times but still aren't getting; IT. TAKES. TIME. AND. EFFORT. TO. GET. DONE. the art isn't going to magically appear and the writing isn't going to suddenly write itself, if either were so convenient YOU WOULDNT BE ASKING AN ARTIST OR WRITER IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Look at that, you see that? The first picture I did back in 2012-13, the picture beside it? I did that TWO YEARS AGO. I didn't suddenly know exactly what to do, or had anything close to a god given talent for drawing (I'm not that talented). The first picture WAS THE ABSOLUTE BEST I COULD DO AT THE TIME THAT I MADE IT. In the time between these two drawings I admittedly took a break from art, but then I got back into it four years ago. EVEN STILL that was four YEARS of starting over from the basics, relearning everything, learning new things, wanting to actually improve my art.

Which, guess what, DID NOT HAPPEN OVER NIGHT. It was HOURS UPON HOURS of my limited free time as an adult drawing over and over and over and over again, every single goddamn day to get to the point that I was able to make that redraw look as good as it does in comparison. He'll, my art now puts them both to shame! Because I spent the time improving my quality!!

Now look at these artists doing comissions, they've probably put EVEN MORE of their time to get that good! They've put in LITERAL YEARS of sweat, blood, tears, frustrations and dedicated hardwork. Some did the same as me, self teaching and lots of practice, others probably had to go to school, which definitely wasn't cheap. But all of us put in that time and effort TO REACH THESE POINTS. Of being better artists, developing our styles, getting faster at drawing.

And maybe you think that this is super easy, right? That I or every other artist can just fire some art off and boom its good and done in like an hour?

FUCK. NO.

Even now it takes me several hours a day OVER MANY DAYS to make something exceptionally good! It doesn't matter how good an artist is, it still. Takes. Time.

Maybe the issue is that you don't understand how much actually goes into art, let me break it down for you, the steps that most people follow to finish ONE drawing.

-Rough draft: general character outline, get a feel for what I want to draw.

-Rough sketch: I start doing a bit of pencil to start filling in details like mouth, nose, eyes, hair, clothes. Ect.

-Penciling: I go over the rough sketch and clean everything up, maybe do some editing, this is when you can start making out all the details.

-Ink: I trace over the finished pencil with a pen tool and actually have the line art, everything looks clean, presentable, it actually looks like a character now. I'll spend time editing this and possibly redoing the inking many times over to get to a point where I like it.

-Flat color: I decide on which colors to use for skin tone, clothes accessories. Ect.

-Shading/highlights: I figure out where my light source is and how strong it is, I then apply the correct amount of lighting and shadows to the color to give it depth, I also have determine the texture of skin, clothes and accessories to make everything look real and natural.

-Blending: I smooth out the shading and highlights so that it looks more natural and isn't too hard (noticeable difference between color) so that it looks as natural as possible.

-Finish: I go over last minute details, finish any editing or corrections that need to be done. Once it's good I call it a day.

Each process is longer in length then the previous, with the exception of the final editing (as long as everything looks good) and even the rough draft can take some time. Over all this is SEVERAL HOURS of work for a SINGLE DRAWING.

So is it sinking in yet? How much is put into doing even a single character drawing? God forbid if its done with background. This isn't a "scratch a pen around and be done with it in ten minutes" kinda deal, no, this is SEVERAL HOURS OF SOMEONES LIFE BEING PUT INTO THIS

And if you still have the AUDACITY to try and wrangle free art from an artist then there's no helping you, you're just a selfish piece of shit, no question and I want nothing to do with you.

Someone might say "But I got free art/writing from.-" look I don't give a shit if someone did something for you THAT ONE TIME, these other artists and writers? Totally seperate and different people. You're one freebie experience does not, and should not apply to other artists and writers.

"But what if I really want this commission but don't have the money right now?" Well, that's tough shit. Save up and properly commission them when you can, it's not their problem.

"But what if I'm in a really bad financial situation and really want it?" That sucks, and I'm sorry, but again, not their problem. Chances are this is their only source of income and they need to make money so that they don't end up in a similar situation.

"They have a gift! They should share it!" What kind of cheap ass- LOOK, just because someone is talented or really good at something does not automatically obligate them to do anything for total strangers in anyway shape or form. These are living, breathing people, the same as you. They need to eat, they need to pay rent/mortgages, they need to pay vet bills, send their kids to college, do their taxes and everything else that YOU YOURSELF need to do. Asking anyone to spend their time doing something for free, when that something is how THEY ARE SURVIVING is beyond asinine. Not only that, this obviously isn't a hobby to them, it is very clearly THEIR JOB. Would you want to do a job where you didn't get paid at all? Doing a shit ton of work for absolutely nothing? No? Didn't think so.

"It shouldn't be about the money!" Well unfortunately, as with almost every other job, it is. We live in a world where we desperately need to make money in order to survive. That's the painful fact of the matter. If money never had to be an issue ever again then this would be a very different story. But it's not, plain and simple as can be.

Look, these people are just like you, artists and writers who are just trying to get by in a shitty ass world, using the one thing they have that let's them have an income. Leave them be, don't try and trick them, guilt them, or cuss them out when you don't get your way. Either properly comission or leave them the hell alone, plain and simple.

[starsgivemehp]

Okay! In that case, I think I’m gonna go with Guts for this story. What are some of the things he likes the most? (Food, activities, etc.). Also, do you have any particular picture of where he usually lives? Also, how does he get along with his brother? (Sorry for the spam, I just want to make this good)

rssgiyfgeiuf you’re really gonna write me something? Q,Q bless u fam

Another cut because my god, I don’t shut up lmao

So Guts is, canonically, the horror end of my classic boy Vega! That means that everything that applies to Vega also applies to him. For example:

Vega (and therefore Guts) has voice to color synaesthesia! Different tones of voice that convey certain emotions have different colors. This makes it difficult (but not impossible) to lie to him. For example, joy is often a clear blue, tranquility is cyan, confidence is orange, tiredness is purple, triumph is yellow (and if you see a pattern, you’re right, soul trait colors match up with emotions). Positive emotions tend to be clear and nice, overly-exaggerated emotions (like when a Papyrus is pretending to be confident even though he’s not) are too saturated and bright, and negative emotions are muddy and diluted. This applies to his own voice and anybody else’s voice. He likes blues the best, and he tends to use this ability to comfort people he can tell are faking it or are trying to hide upset. Do note that this overlaps the more voices there are, so while he can handle a little while of being around lots of people, it will overstimulate him soon enough and he’ll really want to cover his non-ears and take a nap to stop the colors everywhere drowning everything else out. Thus, he’s not keen on stuff like amusement parks or big parties or sports fields.

(note that this is a little old and not all-encompassing, so just kinda use what feels right, I think)

Also important to note that Solstice, or Eclipse as he renames himself in Horrortale, is the Papyrus, but he is not Vega/Guts’ brother. He is, in fact, their son. Sol is completely unaware of this fact and thinks they are brothers. See, Vega’s mom is the river person, and her name is Carme (a sans serif font). His father was Roman (or Times New Roman) and he died while Vega was still pretty young, he doesn’t remember the guy at all. Carme has some form of dementia (I’ll be honest, I haven’t done enough research yet to pick) and, while always cheerful and doing her boating duty well, doesn’t often recognize Vega. However, he doesn’t mind much, and he’ll usually sing when he takes the boat, and she’ll sing along. When she does remember, she’ll coddle him gently.

Vega was in love with Gaster, who was a completely unrelated skeleton and the royal scientist. I dunno if they were officially married, but they were living together and had a son, Solstice (Gaster carried). Sol was still a baby when Gaster fell into the core, and everyone but Vega forgot about him. Vega found it difficult to raise a child on his own, and his mother wasn’t that bad mentally yet, so he decided to pretend it was his baby brother and have his mom help him raise the kid. By this point, now that Sol is a functioning adult, Vega could tell him, but he has no idea how to bring it up and explain, so he just keeps the lie since it’s easier. It doesn’t trouble him much. He is, however, worried that he may develop whatever Carme has and his own memory will start to go, and he’ll slip up and call Sol his son.

(shitty sketch is shitty)

In terms of how they get along, before the verse was horror-fied, Vega was endlessly patient with Sol, who has anxiety issues. But Vega also kinda has depression, so they’re a little co-dependent. He eases Sol’s anxiety a lot and Sol picks up the slack and gently bullies him to take care of himself. Sol is not a great cook, but Vega will honestly eat anything, so if Sol asks how it is, he can truthfully say he likes it (even if nobody else would) and everyone is happy. Vega works all the usual Sans jobs underground, and he’s just an all around dad guy. Super soft, super patient (it’s his soul trait), gentle and always smiling even when a little sad. His philosophy about life is basically to savor the little things, because you never know what you have until it’s gone, and the big things aren’t so overwhelming if there are lots of little things.

He’s a big fan of mac n’ cheese, and he likes little cut up hot dog (cat) pieces in it, with little octopus legs. Mac n’ seas. Also he’ll throw in broccoli sometimes to be healthy. He’s also really big on pretty much any other kid-friendly, easy to make food, like peanut butter and jelly, chicken nuggets, stuff like that. He does, ofc, drink ketchup and put it on all his food.

Vega is pretty old, about 500, I’d say, and Sol is almost 400 himself, so they’re among my older muses, but there are ones waaay older. He’s also a shortie, he’s only 4′6″. He tastes like vanilla. He also has a daddy kink (soft, very paternal in bed), and he’s into pillow humping, tentacles, sensory deprivation, and massages, but he’s asexual and his sex drive is relatively low. He rarely wants anything more than once or twice a month, and he hardly has two heats a year.

SO THAT’S ALL VEGA, and when his verse horror-fies and he becomes Guts, a lot of that stays intact, but there are some changes. If you follow canon horrortale, it’s fairly similar in terms of what happened to him, but reactions are a little different because he’s so soff. He did basically get backstabbed by Alphys and Undyne, who thought his magic was special enough to revive the core, and thus Undyne broke his head open. The difference is, none of it worked in the first place, and he didn’t get revenge on anyone, he just quietly went back home and stewed and tried his best to help his neighbors by hunting humans. He refused to eat human, though, so he was starving for years on end, to the point where he started to drool tar. He did 100% feed it to Sol without Sol being aware of it, to keep him alive and semi-healthy. When he hunts humans, he’s extremely regretful about it. He tricks them with creepy grins and quick movements, and he doesn’t hesitate when he brings the axe down, but usually, as he’s bringing it down, his smile will fade and he’ll give his best ‘I’m sorry’ look to them, because he really does feel fucking awful about it.

Eclipse is a pretty typical horror Pap, cheerful and cool with eating humans but still trying to be a good person. I don’t do the whole “Pap can’t hear shit and mistakes words” song and dance because it kinda irritates me, personally, and besides, as I mentioned in the last post, Guts barely talks anyway. He has gotten a little better at cooking, and while he’s frustrated with Guts refusing to eat human, he will obey Guts’ wishes and not feed him any.

Guts is EXTREMELY frustrated about his communication issues often, because he stalls out on signing, and when he tries to write, he has trouble scratching out the full shapes of letters and his handwriting is atrocious and he’s completely disgusted with it. While he can use words at times, he’s unhappy with his coloring (because it’s usually muddy purplish/tired or red/irritable these days). The best workaround he discovers, with help, is to communicate solely in emoji and punctuation. He’ll use emojis like the :pray: emoji for please, the :slight smile: for thank you, and the :face with bandage: to refer to himself in third person. The emojis work for his brain because he doesn’t process them as “language” with a grammatical structure, but merely pictures that can help him express his emotions.

Guts is far more tired than Vega, and while he does still somewhat have an urge to dad people, he’s been through so much trauma and difficulty that he’s a lot more needy and crumbles easily when someone else parents him instead of the other way around. He loves being picked up and snuggled and pet and loved on, and he naps when he’s safe and purrs when he’s doted on. He knows he’s cute and he owns it, tbh.

He struggles with eating, sometimes. I mentioned that whatever he’s eating has to include meat, but sometimes, he’ll get all up in his head about it if it’s human, and he’ll leak the tar more trying to hold himself back. Times like that, he needs reassurance of what the food is and that it’s okay to eat, pretty much constantly, while he stuffs his face before he can think about it too hard.

He is homeless when they reach the surface, because he finds it extremely difficult to find a job without talking. He usually begs on street corners with a sign or stays at a homeless shelter, not keeping much stuff. A few books, a picture of his bro, some clothes, that’s about it. He hides his situation from Eclipse a lot, because Eclipse went right off to culinary school and fuck if Guts will make him come back and sacrifice his dreams to take care of his invalid brother/father (and honestly part of that is just me not liking playing classic Papyrus much lmao).

In terms of activities/hobbies, he does kinda still like cooking simple foods, but he doesn’t often get the chance. He’s always fond of napping, and he likes listening to calmer kinds of music. Some alt rock, some instrumental, some ballads. He likes to feed birds at the park sometimes, because he hangs out there. He doesn’t really do much else.

Sexually, despite still being asexual, he’s more open to having sex more often, probably in part because he went a very, very long time without any and he kinda missed it. He’s still lazy in bed, having mostly the same kinks but subbing more. Also, he doesn’t automatically get turned on by eating (like Arum), but if his partner rubs him off while feeding him by hand, he’s pretty into it. Overall he is an overtired dad who is really, really thankful when someone finally says “hey, you’ve been the dad enough, let me baby you.”

This got way longer than expected, but I’m always happy to ramble, and if you need more info, just lemme know!

I leave you with this meme:

[colorfulrainbowfire]

I eat oil paintings when security guards aren’t looking

Steve was in a weird mood. He’d woken up feeling like something big would happen today. And as a result, he spent the rest of the day in an anxious mood. Not even his Golden Retriever Cap could calm him down, and it was basically Cap’s job to calm him down. He sighed.

“Man, what the hell’s up with you today?” Asked Sam, his best friend and kind of impulse control.

“I don’t fucking know.” Mumbled Steve. “I’ve been in a weird mood the whole day. Like something big’s gonna happen today and I have no idea what!” Sam smiled encouragingly at him.

“Don’t worry too much about it. Sometimes our brain just does shit like that.” He put an arm around Steve’s shoulder. “How about we go to the Met and spend the rest of the day looking at your favorite paintings?” Steve smiled.

“That sounds awesome! Can we go right now? Pretty please!” Sam laughed.

“Sure we can buddy. I’m done for the day and I don’t have anything else planned.”

“Thanks Sam, you’re the best!”

 ――――――――

 An hour later they arrived at the Met. Sam smiled as he watched Steve skipping ahead. Steve was like an exited puppy when art was on his brain. He was laughing and making jokes without thinking about what other people thought of him. That was something that didn’t happen very often. His social anxiety was pretty bad, especially around strangers.

“C’mon Sammy, don’t lag behind! I wanna get inside and look at the paintings sometime today!” Sam laughed.

“I’m coming buddy. Not everybody’s as young as you are.” He said and slung an arm around Steve’s shoulder. Steve shrugged him off.

“Don’t make fun of my age, Wilson.” He said and cuffed Sam over the head. Sam smiled. “C’mon asshole, we really don’t have that much time till it closes and I wanna see at least five different paintings.”

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” Mumbled Sam.

They both had an annual pass, so they got in without having to wait very long. They got some strange looks from the security guards but they ignored them. Steve mainly because he didn’t notice them, and Sam didn’t want to start a fight when Steve was already in a shitty mood.

But as soon as they stepped inside they got approached by a security guard. He was kinda scary looking with his black suit, his dark shoulder length hair, and the dark look in his eyes. Sam squinted and steered Steve in a different direction. Like fate was on their side for once, a large group of tourists stepped between them and the security guard. Sam took Steve’s hand in his and nearly ran into one of the exhibits.

“Sam, what the fuck are you doing?” asked Steve and wrenched his hand out of Sam’s.

“Sorry buddy! I think I saw my ex and I just really don’t wanna see them right now.” He lied, not looking at Steve’s face. He was really bad at lying, and both of them knew it.

“Uh huh. Sure. Just make some noise when you wanna tell me what’s really going on.” He said and started walking. Sam cringed. He hated lying to Steve, but that was definitely a situation where it was an appropriate reaction. As soon as Steve realized the security guy wanted to talk to them, it would be over.

They already got kicked out once because Steve couldn’t keep his mouth shut and just had to tell one of the guards that one of the artists on display was a racist asshole and their art didn’t deserve a place here. Now don’t get Sam wrong, he hated injustice as much as Steve did if not more, but that did not mean he felt the need to argue with a poor security guard that had no idea what the hell was going on. And if they got kicked out again it wouldn’t matter that Steve had a few pieces in one of the exhibits for new artistic talents. They wouldn’t be allowed in again, and this place was kind of a sanctuary for Steve even though he didn’t like to admit it.

Sam looked up. And froze. The security guard was standing next to Steve and was talking animatedly with him. Sam couldn’t see Steve’s face but his raised voice was not a good sign.

 ――――――――

 Steve was looking at one of the sculptures. It was an abstract piece that really captured his attention. It used a lot of different materials, but didn’t seem cheap or forced together.

Most of the time he preferred paintings and sketches, but every now and then he liked to sculpt, and he always appreciated well done sculptures.

“Umm, sir, I’m sorry to interrupt you, but we need to talk.” Steve flinched. He hadn’t realized somebody had stepped next to him. He looked up and saw a museum security guard with beautiful facial features and even more beautiful eyes.

“Umm…” he said eloquently and looked up at the guy. “Of course, what’s up?” The guy cleared his throat and looked awkwardly at Steve.

“I’m sorry sir, but you have to leave or change your clothes.” Steve frowned and looked down at himself. He was wearing a simple T-Shirt with a print, a flannel and his bisexual pin. He looked at the security guy.

“Do you have a problem with my pin? Do you have a problem with the fact that I’m bisexual?” he asked angrily. The guy shook his head.

“NO! I just meant—“

“Cause if you do, we’re gonna have a real big problem! I’m allowed to wear whatever the fuck I want!”

“NO, seriously that’s not what I meant. I mean yo-“

“Oh, I know exactly what you mean. Guys like you always think they get away with everything like you’re some sort of god and-“

“Steve, please don’t yell at the guards!” interrupted Sam, putting his hand on Steve’s shoulder in a hopefully calming manner.

“Sam, he said I had to leave because of my pin!”

“That’s not what I meant!” the guard said loudly. “I fucking meant your T-shirt. You can’t go to a museum with a shirt that has ‘I eat oil paintings when security guards aren’t looking’ written on it!” he gestured wildly at Steve’s shirt. Steve and Sam both looked down at Steve’s shirt and like the guard said, it had ‘I eat oil paintings when security guards aren’t looking’ written on it.

Steve slowly looked at Sam and the guard.

“Oops, I don’t remember picking that shirt. I thought I was wearing one with an inspirational quote or something.” He said and looked at them sheepishly. Sam sighed.

“Man, how can you do something that stupid? That’s basically the only shirt you can’t wear to an art museum!” he looked at the guard. “I am so sorry about all of this!” The guard smiled.

“It’s alright. That shirt put the whole security staff in a bit of a panic for a sec there. It was really amusing. I’ve never seen my boss this impressed but also weirded out by a single sentence.” He shook his head. “I still think it’s genius and I want one.” Steve smiled.

“Really? I didn’t piss you off with my rant? Which I’m very sorry about, by the way.”

“Nah, I’m bi myself and I know what it’s like with all of the prejudice and stuff. I’m glad you’re willing to stick up for it!” he said and smiled at Steve. Steve blushed.

“Thanks. It really gets hard sometimes but it’s worth it in the end. And I’m really sorry for the commotion I made. I really thought I was wearing a different shirt!” The guard laughed.

“It’s okay. You made all of us laugh there. It was great. The debate of ‘What the hell are we gonna do? We can’t just let him wander around unsupervised, but that’s not a good enough reason to send him home so…’. It was hilarious.” Steve ducked his head, smiling.

“At least you got a good laugh out of it.” He said. The guard smiled. “I’m Steve by the way. Steve Rogers.”

“James Barnes, but you can call me Bucky.” Said the guard. Steve laughed.

“What kind of name is Bucky?”

“One that I could maybe explain to you over a cup of tea or coffee? Like a date?” asked Bucky. Steve blushed and smiled.

“Sure, I would love that!” He put his hand out and Bucky took it. Together they walked to the exhibit exit, chatting.

Sam looked after them.

“What the hell just happened?” he asked himself. He shook his head and slowly walked after them. Steve so owed him. He lost at least 5 years of his life today.

-------------------------

I had a lot of fun writing this. I love prompts!

A big thank you to @lamellas who proof read this thing! Seriously i wouldn’t know what i would’ve done without you Zoe!!

Here’s the link to it on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17070488

[haeroniel-doliet]

i need more money to buy little art

honestly tho feeling like for that ideal goal existence i’ll try get to someday, i’ll needa be making proper money comfortable and good so i can spend all i like on society 6 and other to buy shirts and bags and just everything to a house all in different art prints (mostly florals) bc just those pictures are  like everything i want but just so expensive. i’m trying to sum down like 10 to stickers, bc i wanna do up my laptop, but dedicating to a single decal (thats like 25 ON SALE) is too much esp since i love so much. so ive kinda decided to get a hard cover for the laptop just in case i break it, and just in case i do break my laptop that i can keep the stickers on the hard case and dont lose them to replaced parts. idk seems smart. ill probs buy a kinda shady cover off of ebay for 5 or 6 pound and then spend 20 on stickers for it :] since theyre on sale till 8 am today and its 3 am im probs just gonna settle and order them. might order cover tomorrow w my dad bc i need trust assurance. hes not all on board on the stickers so im just gonna go for it. theyre gonna be like my post cards. i buy so many every place. and no. not trashy postcards. i want art. i have so many postcards of paintings in galleries and so many from comic con art valleys (guess who wants to get so much more and 100% will) i love original art the most when its pretty to me and like everyone who sees it. simples okay but i prefer soft and detailed. excited now i can go to con and also be looking for stickers bc maybe ill get a few cool ones that wont cost me as much as the society 6 ones do. and then my laptop can replicate my walls, displaying all the art ive loved that ive been able to take with me (bc theres so much i obviously dont have on my walls) anyway im looking at these and making some small bc i suddenly realise this laptops got realestate. and the saddest thing w stickers (literally why i had one of those waxy paged sticker books as a child) is that i cant dedicate stickers to a single spot. its so much dedication. what if i buy a bigger sticker and it wont fit? what if i get the perfect sticker for that spot and it wont fit? (over lap i guess) how can i be sure i put them in the right spots to start with? augh i dont really wanna cover just half of it and obviously leave space bc that puts pressure on finding stickers and i might get ones i dont love. i cant get sick of any one bc itll be there  (joy of having multiple mean theres less getting sick of anything). anyway i think im happy w the sizes of these 10 stickers and can work w them (also for now i think im just gonna be going around the edges and leaving the apple logo as it is, esp bc it glows and theres already this shitty old smiley face sticker from my old psych teacher and i kinda dont wanna get rid of it, i just wanna add things around it so it doesnt look so: clean (actually dirty) laptop that a child marked as their own) 

anyway society 6 has random discounts all the time which is p rad and maybe the day im ready to invest in my own living space and dont feel obliged to check w my parents about just about any purchase, i’ll then subscribe to something thatll tell me what discount is on. that in mind, i think i’ll only get the 9 now, that hopefully wont cost too much, and leave a bunch in my wishlist, bc there’ll be another discount (this is 20% off everything)  and maybe that’ll be like 50% off stickers and boy then when my collection is underway you bet ill go for it. and like maxx sticks on their sketch book, if i dedicate to a new book maybe ill get more for that and have a pretty thing to keep and reminisce over (tho knowing me, ill not use it much bc i have a need for pretty things to stay perfect and presentable, and i have a need for everything that i might show to others to be like near perfect otherwise its sucks and ill feel bad bc i dont wanna show it off to people. like my art book, sure i couldve made it all experimental and crap and then edited the real pages together on the computer. but no. i needed everypage to be presentable and pretty and handwritten and creative. and they must go page after page, its so awkward showing someone something and then going “oh wait now these few are empty sorry yeah heres the next page” so i baasically have  a book with mhmmm 20-26 pages of beautiful spreads that im quite proud of inside beautiful covers ( i knew id want to be presenting it for years to come) and the back pages are just...empty. and theyll probably stay that way bc i no longer have projects to be doing to fill them with. maybe one day ill grow into myself and grow out the fear of ruining what ive achieved and fill some with new projects to please myself and be an indepenednt artist not just a teacher pleaser. you know its like that with my work too, like it has to have a direction and a plan that will be achieved, and its terribly frustrating when that vision doesnt happen. but i think thats the same with everyone. 

anyway on a side note, dont you guys think its so fun and cool how ive not done my post labs that were due last friday? how every night ends up being 3-4 am until i go... mhmmmm yeah i guess nothing is happening. like i hope id bloom and do work at that 11pm-3am window and then i get here, suddenly having lost all track and sense of time and just sigh. its wasted, its basically tuesday already. have to keep telling myself dates bc it moves so weird. i planned on getting shit done two days ago. here we are regardless. and the most ill get done is get those stickers ordered bc that is i guess what ive been half focused on for mhmmm5 hrs. then ill save my 7 dollars or whatever, have stickers on the way, tomorrow order the case and thats one insignificant thing done. then the question will be have i looked at summer jobs? no of course not ive looked at ballet courses. shush. i havent showered for days bc theyve just slipped by too laying in bed, maybe tomorrow ill take a shower and pick up all the trash and tissues on the ground. maybe i will. i know i wont get real work done tonight, and already ill be sleepy till 1 pm and by then mom will be again on me abt sleeping to latesoo... yeah no point. and here i thought id make a quick totes relatable short post about how i need more money to buy stickers and maybe a brief my ideal life is to have enough money to spend on art being in every part of my life and all this  being unique so people love coming to my house and go wow its so original and cool. and that turned into a word vent thats so far taken me over half an hour. hi my batterys dying. 

lng story short, i’ll order the stickers currently in my basket after so much though, suck it up and do it and know that i have a bunch over in my wishlist for that next maybe even better sale when it happens. the only thing is im taking all the rest as transparent which for sure dulls them down (yeah white background looks sick but for some its just more classy w transparent, then theres this one bear i’m 100% naming wojtek thats in white bc i feel it’ll be best for him, and i guess having him in white will set that theres no clear rules to follow and worst case if it doesnt fit he can come chill on the keyboard side next to my mouse pad thing) honestly i cant tell if i should be getting them all in white and just hope that theyll look gorgeous no matter what. yikes 3 dollar shipping for stickers, ok itll actually be 19.62 pound and using euro card 22.50 in  euros.... am i dumb? maybe. and tho im supposed to be saving money up so i have some, i also did get birthday money sorta recently soo... birthday gift from them. first set of stickers. deep breaths ok. my parents told me when i bugged them that i just have to make a decision and not ask them all the time, and he said to get 3 stickers i told him id pick 12 so i think getting 9 is reasonable. also oh shit realising that the delivery time is 1-3 weeks and im staying here only 1 and a half more so i should really order it to scotland even tho it might get ther ebefore i do bc my parents might not rly want to send them up to me. idk ok order to scotland, thank f at least one of my flat mates is staying and tbh i should really bring her some chocolate... shes done me faavours. 

[survivingjapan]

EPISODE 14 “Pippa and the Boys.” - Pippa

Can I just say: Best.  Results.  Ever. Johnny is an AMAZING guy.  A favorite through and through.  However, him going was the best result from that rock draw (although maybe Trace/Dom/Pippa would've been better).  And without him, Trace and Dom are just kinda there.  They don't pose any immediate threat. What has now come out of this tribal is also just overall better for my game.  Drew? trusts me more.  Steffen? trusts me more.  Sarah and Crow? trust me a lot but like idk if it's more lol.  Junior? trusts me.  Tommy? needs me rn.  Andrew?  Welll actually... So Andrew and I have now had a conversation about our prior "beef" and it turns out, it was just both of us overthinking.  I know Andrew is a definite threat to me and my game, however we now will have a working relationship that can hopefully further my game more.  And he can actually maybe vote for me/I can vote for him in the end if we can continue working together from this day forward.  I was open about my vote against him and my slight like BLAH about him, and we talked it out and we're okay now !   Now, I just need to talk to Dom and Trace, try and wrap their heads around my game and we'll be gucci.  If I can go deep with connections piled on connections and people wanting to kill each other over me?  That's gold. Reminder that while I'm not the best gameplayer, I know how to work a jury.  I'm not a complete asshole.  I've learned.  Lying will get me nowhere and if Steffen wants to keep doing that, I'll genuinely go final 2/3 with him.  But I'm still not set on Drew or Sarah or Crow.  I loved all 3 of them, but they're so fucking smart.

http://youtu.be/B4Z0O0blbpY SHOOK

My names pippa and my confessional game is weak. So sarah just told me i play a great UTR game. IS that good? Idk but im not really being targetted. Im glad johnny went home in rocks last night. That just means i get no blood on my hands and i didnt have to take a good friend out. I can play nice with these people all i want but that doesnt mean im fond of any of them. Andrew wants to keep Crow in, I want Crow out. I don't trust him and he doesnt realize he buries himself in some holes with the stuff he says. Junior isnt my favorite rn either but i wanna know the 3 people who voted andrew. I know Brain was one, but who are the other two? Im convinced it was Crow and Sarah. Who knows????

Wow we have SO MUCH to fuckin talk about okay where I do even start. I guess I could go with all of the messy ass strategizing that happened yesterday. So keep in mind I'm at a state fair basically all day and have to communicate to these MANIACS on shitty barn wifi for 5 hours and get home only just in time for tribal. Basically all the heroes were in and out of each others' pms all day deciding between Sarah, Brian, and Crow for the vote. I obviously do not want Crow going. Pippa and I have a game relationship with him and we can't have him leaking about the hero idol. Plus he's kinda growing on me? Even though he's a sneak and might be the death of me he's super cool and kinda hilarious. Plus he's a connection to the villains so like. Yeah! Basically we kinda decide to finally go for Sarah but make it seem like we're doing Brian. Which just seems too damn simple. Meanwhile Crow is being sketched out by Pippa and I bc there was a villains plan to split up Johnny and Trace. I told this to Junior and I guess he assumed Crow was behind it so he started spreading that that was a plan and Crow got mad at me? But I'll say right here in confessionals that I did not drop Crow's name in that plan. But nonetheless the bird was suspicious. So blah blah damage control and it's like okay well Pippa and I were kinda thinking hmmm should we go for Trace or Johnny but like, it's too risky and we'll kill our games with the heroes. Life goes on yada yada I'm just sitting there stuffing my face with fried Oreos and suddenly Johnny drops into my pms and we're both just like it's 8 and we don't have an official vote so I suggest Johnny make a chat with just all the heroes to hash shit out and figure who we're voting. I need to make sure that they get away from Crow, and I'm just like voting Sarah is free all you have to do is type out 5 letters y'all but then Johnny... Johnny fucks up. And he says why don't we go for Junior :~) And in a chat with myself, him, Pippa, and Steffen, he tells us not to worry and that he has good reason for going for Junior and that we'll thank him after tribal. So there I am. Sitting there with half a fried Oreo in my mouth while Pat Benetar is singing We Belong in the distance (she was really there y'all at 64 idk how the fuck a bum fuck Connecticut state fair booked her she's doing great btw)... And I'm like. JOHNNY IS REALLY TRYIN IT??????? See, Junior made the Big Miss Steak of telling Johnny right before the Kendall tribal that he had the villain's idol. Now I knew before Johnny did, and I advised Junior don't. But he did! So! I fucking run to Junior and say play your damn idol because Johnny is really about to TRY. IT. And this is perfect because Junior could try getting the villains to vote out a threat like Johnny or Drew. But Junior says he doesn't have sway on the villains which is like DUH and I scream and I'm like idk try dude we have like 25 minutes! So he's telling me how he went to villains and got it onto Drew but told Sarah to vote Johnny and I'm freaking out just ever so slightly because I know I could possibly possibly possibly be the vote but it's w/e. And then Miss Sarah messages me at 9:01 asking who I voted and I'm like fuckin uuuuuuuuuuu Junior? I told Junior that I voted him to save face also. And I also told Pippa Junior was playing and idol so sorry Junior! But um yeah. Sarah is just like lol well Junior has an idol and I ask oh rip well who are they voting AND GIRL ISN'T ANSWERING BUT IS TALKING IN THE TRIBE CHAT. Naturally I begin to freak out, and on top of that Drew is going into full despair in my pms saying he feels something really bad coming. Sarah just knocked on my door in a grim reaper costume and just winked before walking away, Drew is having a full Dread Episode, Pippa is like nah you're good hold onto that idol boy, and Junior is like it's good I got the votes on Drew! I think... But yeah! I did... maybe. So obviously I am freaking the absolute fuck out and I just straight up go to Junior like uuuuuu did you tell anyone you're playing this idol and he said yeah and yes he told Sarah so HAHAHA. HAH. But it's fine right? There's no way they pulled a fast one and are just voting me. Right? :') Well tribal comes around and I'm on call with Pippa and she's saying it's fine. So Junior plays and Johnny is like oh fuck. Then Drew plays. And I'm like okay? Um. Yikes. And then Sarah plays some fuck shit that doesn't work and I'm way too stressed so I play my idol! And Junior gets 8 votes! And Drew gets 2! And I get 2! And like! HELLO? So to make a long mother fuckin story short... Johnny of all people is rocked out which was FANTASTIC. CHERRY ON TOP OF THE CAKE. He knew about the villains and the beauty idol so like he could go! Too strong. And he had to get blindsided soon anyway. So Johnny I love you dude and I actually gained way more of a liking to you than I already did from hosting you so you're awesome but WHEW. FAREWELL. And now it's the fallout. Honestly? That's the most pure euphoria I've ever felt in a single moment in a game. And after hearing all the info I have, I think I have this mostly figured out. I freak a little in the chat and Tommy tells me he voted Junior which would make sense because he got 8 votes. Sarah comes and tells me she didn't vote for me, and says that she knows I voted her which w/e be a Petty Betty™ but she says that maybe if someone told her who voted her then maybe she'd tell me who voted me and I think I finally convinced her it wasn't me because I said at this point I'd trade the info? But idk oh well. Also Crow doesn't come forward confirming or denying he voted me, and I approached Brian and he admitted he voted me. Which btw that was the first time we talked in a while, and it's also just some outside of the game things but I think we ultimately hashed everything out. Anyway, Junior voted Drew so my votes were Brian and one of Sarah or Crow. And the other voted Drew. And I'll be pissed if Crow voted me tbh. But we'll see. The thing is though, Crow said to Pippa and I that himself, Sarah, Brian, and Tommy were all on call and typed in Junior, and then stepped away from their computers or something. Which is a damn lie obviously. So I decided to look back at the merge chat during tribal for shits and giggles, and then the reactions of the villains when I played my idol in particular made shit click. They were pretty standard when Junior and Drew played, but when I played was when Crow, Brian, and Sarah started yelling about rocks. And in the back of my mind I didn't think of it much at first but I was just like okay I guess? And then Crow comes to my pms and say congrats on avoiding rocks which was also confusing. But it didn't hit me till after re reading the chat that they definitely split on purpose, and the villains knew that once I played that all of the votes were gonna be null. And they were gonna go to rocks. So now I have to keep an eye out on Crow. Because there's no way he didn't know this was happening. It's all just so sketchy and idk where to go from here, but I know I need Sarah out. She's just way too chaotic, and in a weird way she saved me by sketching me out at 9:01 but also she makes everything very chaotic. She's grown on me personally but she's wild to play with. I guess I can just make a confessional on what happens now because I have shit to say about talks I had with Steffen and Drew. And this confessional got thicc as fuck so. Hope whoever read this essay enjoyed the reading material!

hi loves it's been a while! after i went through my therapy sessions, I decided that it was time to pick up the pieces of my emotional stability and make a fragile little glass ball! and then guess what happened! these fucking fools shattered it. So after merge, i came in thinking lil crow could blend into the shadows and take a day to relax! but then crow is told he has to pick a side immediately and vote out Kendall w/ Johnny/Pippa/Andrew or Junior w/ Sarah/Brian/Drew crow voted Junior cuz junior is a snake that crow has warned others about! junior stayed! kendall went. i was in minority. so after that, i ghosted the hoes. I was over it, i had more important things than these people, but then im alerted that its "me or brian" HELL NO. OH DONT U EVEN DARE TRY AND TARGET ME AND MY SON so crow caused a little bit of chaos with bullshit lies. he told andrew/pippa that he heard they wanted him out (which he didn't!) and then told hinted to johnny that the heroes were cracking (which probably was true but crow had no proof!) ALSO, he threw out trace's name for the lolz! then after I sat back and let them rat me out (cuz i know they're all rats!) they caused their own paranoia, erasing mine and Brian's name from the slate. =) in a last ditch effort to have comfort in numbers, a group was formed to vote out the ultimate snake, junior. 8 minutes b4 tribal junior comes to me asking to work with me and build trust and yadada and knowing there was a good chance he had an idol, crow played phony and told him that we needed to keep the villains strong! (thus protecting his core of brian and sarah). he agreed and suggested to vote drew, so i pretended to agree! then when junior, drew, and andrew pulled idols out of their asses, i sat pretty knowing I received no votes - but nervous about the inevitable rocks. then i drew a rock and production really TRIED me by putting me at #2 but im better than them and survived! so now im sitting in final 11 with my besties and in a somewhat decent position for a change! =)

Andrew is a paranoid ass hoe, first he thinks the second vote for him came from Sarah, then Drew....when in actuality I was the one who tried blindsiding him last tribal, I swear at this point this boy is spilling all this anti-Drew tea to me and now I'm just reveling in it because I still know Drew has an idol and when Andrew feels its time to strike, tbh it'll be time to use that idol on Drew and destroy Andrew in the process, making Drew a bigger target and next to go tbh, but right now we just need Sarah to use her idol, then take a villain out and our villainous plot will be in motion, I like evil

So Pippa or myself might be dying. Drew voted me according to Junior along with Brian who I knew bc Drew is still convinced I gave Crow the idol which yes I did but. Leave me alone! Honestly just trying to get Sarah out this round but she has that weird reset idol and also could have a merge idol so idk man. I kinda have a bad feeling about tonight and if I get these double digits again catch me going into a major depressive episode! Trace and I decided on Sarah early this morning and seemingly got Dom and Steffen on board? Dom I guess is hero strong and Steffen... I really hope he wouldn't vote me out. Or even Pippa. And then Junior wants Sarah out so like here we go I guess! Idk what the fuck Drew is gonna do because he's a snake. Sarah requested us working together today but it was bullshit. Lmao! Farewell! I'm probably dead. Or Pippa is. Last weird thing is I guess is I told Crow it's me or myself (played dumb about if it could be Pippa) and he said he wasn't letting either of those things happening? Idk! If Crow can work some magic and save me that's fine. Idk man. A bird will either save me or kill me tonight. Or Drew. Or Sarah. Pippa? BEYONCE? I'm so tired can we just have the tribal already? Also if Steffen flips I'm snapping his neck.

So if everyone votes the way they say they are, no weird items are played, and Crow throws his vote, then it could really go to rocks. Fuck! 15 minutes till my imminent death at 11th place :')

I finna think Sarah's gonna die this round and I miss her already.  A true fucking queen.  I'm so glad I finally worked with a girl in a game and that it was her because I couldn't imagine playing with anyone else.