#a shuffled deck - undefined timeline

[hriobzagelthewanderer]

"...I have done nothing but Boop people for 48 hours-"

[hriobzagelthewanderer]

"...Du wagst es, den Sohn eines Bäckers zu verspotten?"

Cue the giant man pulling out an equally giant baguette and chasing her.

"Pas de pain, pas de gain."

[hriobzagelthewanderer]

"Hmmn... the drink purports to be 5 hours of energy per serving. Assuming that is true, one bottle is more than 5 hours worth..."

More humming is made as he considers the blue-flamed teenager flailing loudly and merrily through the streets. "If the serving size is roughly just shy of two fluid-ounces for the average human..."

"...then if I get one of those 'Big-Gulp' cups, that would be roughly 50 fluid ounces, and filling it to the brim would net me a total of almost 130 hours of continuous energy! Time to find a Gas Station!"

[hriobzagelthewanderer]

"...so I just found out that, Apparently, a Lemon is not naturally occurring... it is a Hybrid, created by cross-breeding a bitter orange with a Citron..."

"...Which means, Life never gave us Lemons! WE INVENTED THEM, ALL BY OURSELVES!!!"

[hriobzagelthewanderer]

Rest in Piece, Cardboard Hriob, Truly you were lost before your time.

Somewhere in the forest, a cardboard cutout of a tombstone has been put in the ground, with these words scribbled solemnly upon it in the finest Sharpie Marker.

Cardboard Cutout of Hriob We'll miss you, Buddy. September 2023 - September 2023

[hriobzagelthewanderer]

He's currently booping people as fast as he can, wordlessly chanting the tune to a certain song as he goes, cackling all the way-

[hriobzagelthewanderer]

"...for all those enemy spellcasters, necromancers, demons, liches, and other arcane assholes who wish to challenge me, I wish you luck-"

"because I am protected by about 99 spellslots worth of Counterspell, among other things."

[hriobzagelthewanderer]

B e e r

"...hah. Funny, maybe a little, but only when I actually work with my brewing personally, which is not as often as one might think these days."

"Hell, I barely drink as often as I used to. I still enjoy the flavor and aroma of most alcohols, but the alcohol itself has no effect on me anymore... it has not been able to affect me in a very, very long time, now that I think on it..."

[hriobzagelthewanderer]

"...I do not understand Conjurers very well, even if they do not offend as much as Necromancers do to my sensibilities. Any smart enough Conjurer to survive their so-called profession for any reasonable amount of time is also, supposedly, smart enough to realize that all the Power in summoning Demons or other Occult Entities lies in the Summoned, not the Summoner."

"I imagine trying to use such summoned 'help' for your own purposes without keeping that little point in mind is rather like trying to beat mice to death with a live rattlesnake."

[hriobzagelthewanderer]

"...I have to wonder how the games are going... I do not wish to go out like this, but I imagine my solution should be more than adequate for the situation..."

-Elsewhere-

"HELLO BUDDY! AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU PAL!"

There is a Cardboard cutout of a certain High-Bounty Target participating while the big guy is stuck in a less-than-humanoid-form, somehow still animated if... oddly over-polite and chipper.

[hriobzagelthewanderer]

You know what, fuck you fae boy.

Walls off your front door with LEGOs.

"...ooooh, noooooooo. Whatever shall I do? I am trapped here, for who knows how long...?"

He just casually sets some tea to steep and grabs a few good books from his personal library. Just gonna wait this one out, its not like he has places to be or anything, not today at least.

[hriobzagelthewanderer]

Today, of all days during the Winter Celebrations, Chaos, and all else going on, is a special day.

You remember little of what had found you there, lost in the snow on a trail through the seemingly endless woods, but you remember her- a solitary younger woman of white hair, with oddly finned ears and bright grey eyes. Vaguely, you recall wondering if she was part of the falling snow around you or a hallucination - not that you knew the word yet at such a young age - as she reached out a hand towards you from under her warm cloak.

That woman, Lyth, as she was named, would become known to you from that moment forwards by another name, lovingly: Mutti, your mother in all but blood.

You remember her best as a Baker, but also as a tutor in defending yourself, in sorting out your angers, frustrations, fears, and doubts through practicing in artisan and culinary works, and eventually the role model you sought to emulate for much of your younger years.

Occasionally you would have disagreements, no family is without its hangups on occasion, and there were times when what at the time seemed like your own personal curse would force you again to become lost and alone amongst the woodlands once more for long periods of time, but one way or another, you always found your way back to that Clocktower Bakery, and to her welcoming, understanding arms.

It would not be until adulthood that you gained more perspective, on your nature and your goals, and not until you reclaimed the Halls of your Predecessor that you learned of the fond irony; of how Krakonos before you had considered the young dragalina dropped at his doorstep for tutoring to be the closest thing he had to a daughter, hundreds of years before the events that forced him to turn the wheel of reincarnation and create you.

Nonetheless, no matter what you've discovered, learned, or become, no matter where you call home, she remains as your mother, even now when she moves on from the Bakery for more Bardic work and performance, with a new partner and little step-sister for you to visit with.

No matter what, given it seems nobody will ever know what day you were truly borne on, you will always consider today to be your de-facto birthday, the day you celebrate the proper start of own life.

[hriobzagelthewanderer]

"...never argue with an idiot; they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience."

Speaking from much experience as the 'idiot', this one is.

[hriobzagelthewanderer]

"...Hmm... is it November already? Time truly does fly when you are transformed into a giant horned monster..."

The resident fae, once more in his mostly human form, sighs contentedly, sipping at some herbal tea... before suddenly spitting it out in a moment of sheer panicked realization.

"Heilige Scheiße, es ist November. Ich muss mich auf den Angriff vorbereiten, bevor es zu spät ist!"

[hriobzagelthewanderer]

"...Well, third time is the charm, as they say... also I am surprised I have two teammates this time..."

"...though I have to wonder how well we will do this time. I can only hope they both can follow my lead... and that my luck holds out against more soup-related incidents... Also I still have no idea what all this fuss over a 'cave' is about-"

[hriobzagelthewanderer]

A certain Redhead seems to be in oddly energetic spirits as he smirks and all but flies through cartwheels outdoors.

"Ah. I feel like Oktoberfest is almost upon us! I feel like I am nearing my Zenith of power as the Harvest Season nears... wait, Zenith of power... Samhain is coming soon... I wonder if that is going to affect me too badly?"

Not ten seconds after the rhetorical question, a large explosion of magic overtakes him, as the formerly-almost-eight-foot-tall man is replaced by a massive, half-wooden-half-skeletal deer-minotaur-like behemoth with antlers adding two feet of height onto his already-whopping fifteen flat feet of stature, and dark-red feathery wings nearly three times his height stretched out behind him.

"...Vihaan jo satoaikaa."

At least he had some practice in this form compared to last time.