#a self-insert ngl but i posted it on tumblr once so YKYK
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good morning!!!! i had a pretty cool dream ehe
#🌙.rambles#it's a bit dark again tho so.#tw death#my dreams r usually dark fr 😭😭 ngl i'm still a bit. shaken after that one dream i had when i napped tho :<#that was a bit dark in a too personal way i was crying in my dream n i ended up crying sometime irl too#OK BUT! i find it so funny my dreams r so dark usually#oh just. random thought first but i've probably become a lot more comfortable n free w myself again n. fiction yeah bcs#i've been distant from reality but it's alright. this is fine.#seems i can't have both at the same time :^) so much for balance but i don't want to lose myself again so i'm fine with this#i'm fine with letting some stuff falling apart (lie) i was crying abt that but AGHH FUCK NVM#i don't think i slept very well ffs i really didn't mean to ramble again like this but#it's just like how i wrote it two years ago n that's why. that's why i'm rlly such a loss as to what to do bcs two years ago was a very#hfdkflsjdflk time for me :c#it's v important n special bcs of my youth in a good way w video games n stories n writing but then.. simultaneously one of my worst years#it's always rather balanced#that said reading that story i wrote reminded me i'm the type to. oh man i'm quite the hypocrite huh#idc how cringe or embarrassing that thing i wrote was it. it really touches me still w how.. yeah the 'reader'. who's basically#a self-insert ngl but i posted it on tumblr once so YKYK#denying n hiding what they rlly desire. convincing themselves that others r satisfied that others r content; they have what they want alrdy#n so it was fine to hide in the shadows regarding. some things. as to not ruin reality with some faraway dreams that they were#undeserving of. unreachable.. like the moon like the stars. in a cold night; undeserving of warmth#longing in general. always secret. maybe that's why freedom means so much to me#nyways yeah. that feeling of 'this is enough' n more than i could ever have hoped for n#to not. fuck things up they wld hide in a way. too hesitant too afraid to reach out#i think i've known that feeling well for most of my life but just in different ways. i'm glad at least i could identify it now#for the longest time i've been meaning to rewrite that story now that i'm older to see how it wld improve but maybe i'm still afraid of the#extent of how it'll force me to really see the extent of what. nah bcs i do know deep down but when it comes to expressing it?#rather funny i probably seem like a very open n honest person w how much i share but that's just bcs there's a lot of things i'm already#comfortable w within myself?? idk how to phrase but Yeah. i hate lying or not being authentic in any way but i can't deny i'm both used to#it & good at it. but. sob i end up rambling so much in tumblr tags it's just like a diary or smth atp >.>
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