#a really nice feature of this disorder is i can't maintain memory of emotions | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sodaf · 1 month ago

Text

if we're going to be so real. the source of 90% of my problems is that i get horrifically jealous and I have bpd. but the cool thing is i can also invent reasons to stay upset even if it's only one person upsetting me and he hasn't even interacted with me in a way that would be valid for me to get upset at because i come up with problems that feel worse than they are in reality and in response I stay up until 3am and start spiraling

#because i start trying to explain what's wrong and then typing it out read it back and go #''that's stupid. why am i mad at that'' but the thing is #i AM mad at that and it feels like my life is about to end because of it #a really nice feature of this disorder is i can't maintain memory of emotions #so if something feels bad #my entire life has felt that way.#if im happy ive never been upset in my life #if im angry then i cant understand why i would have ever forgiven anyone #if im in a depressed episode then i can't imagine things ever getting better #which doesn't sound like a big deal i guess but it's caused suicide attempts because i feel like i can never escape the current emotion im #experiencing in that moment #<- mw trying to convince myself im not justified in being as upset as i am but #im afraid it may actually be as bad as i think it is. clasps hands. but whatever #this situation im in currently in my social life is so fucking ass and i just am at a complete loss for what to do and when to stop #and also sorry. this is not about anyone who can read this i promise. i get hyperbolic when i say stuff like #''nobody cares'' bc i know that cant be true

8 notes · View notes