#a month ago it was like 45 minutes of trying to clean my room
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hopefulqueer · 1 year ago
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i think people expect the "pain" part of chronic pain to be the biggest problem but for me it is the "chronic" part
i could pretty easily, if begrudgingly, tolerate and push past this pain if i knew it was temporary, if it was only for a few hours or even a few days or a week or two
but it wears you down. you know?
it's not always quite this bad, but it has been for a month with no real hope that it'll get better anytime soon. physical therapy basically gave me a shrug and a "sorry pal, wish we could do more". there's no medicine i have that helps. i can't sleep. i can't do anything but sit in my chair without making it worse. i'm reaching a breaking point.
i have to drag myself to class tomorrow.
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ctimenefic · 26 days ago
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sorry it’s me again with another deranged notification!! i can’t stop thinking about three’s a crowd like…… I would devour any morsel about that universe……… alex and george’s childhood together?? or when george was the voice in alex’s head and then… 😵‍💫 and/or would love to hear about how you conceived of this fic bc it’s soooo well-crafted!!!
three's a crowd, like almost everything I write now, came from me haranguing @latecomersprivilege in Tumblr DMs, a format that is ludicrously hard to search/look back on. I simply cannot scroll back until March I will die A LIE, I did it, it took like fifteen earth minutes but I have the origin and it is THIS POST. I saw it at the end of February and immediately sent to her with "Why is this George-coded?" And from there I spitballed an idea that is pretty much 90% accurate to the fic as it is today, but without the bones of the reveal and with a slightly different ending, plus an epilogue that I have drafted, but which didn't really fit in the final version.
I left just that concept in my bunnies doc for a good four months to marinade, and then when @motorsport-halloween got announced I realised that it fit the theme, and my brain had rotated the thought enough for me to have a crack at writing it. I can't work on one thing at once, so I managed it in dribs and drabs alongside other stuff basically right up until the deadline and @latecomersprivilege had to endure so much caterwauling from me about it, and was the kindest, most patient nursemaid while I threw myself about the room like a frantic Victorian infant.
The response has been utterly confounding to me in the best possible way. Three days ago I genuinely believed the story didn't work.
Below are some very garbled thoughts on George as the guy in the chair. Spoilers etc.
So I envisioned something like a centralised command centre for 'superheroes' and their support squads. Let's call it the Parahuman Intervention Team. It'd be slightly worn in, not quite squeaky superhero clean and neat, kind of like an NGO going slightly off the boil. George isn't the only person on Alex's squad, but he's been there since the beginning. He was the first person to suggest Alex was special, when they were kids. The rest of the squad support Alex in the field, but he's the guy in the chair, eyes on everything. Subconsciously modelling himself on Q in Skyfall and enduring Alex's teasing about it. His set up would be at least five monitors, close to surround sound, trying to get Alex to wear at least four more sensors and cameras in his suit than anyone else thinks is necessary for the data.
He'd have his own space, away from the main lab, so that his focus can be total during missions, no distractions. Of course, that means on the day it happens, there's about 45 seconds before anyone can make it through bulletproof glass into George's space, shut off the sound of screaming and force his eyes away from the 4K high definition mess.
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chariot-to-somewhere · 21 days ago
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Day 3 of Sunosi and this is fucking wild.
Waking up was a bit difficult, and it took maybe 30/45 minutes for it to kick in. Before it did, I was trying hard not to fall back to sleep.
Today I've:
-cleaned out my car (there was shit in my car from when I moved last *five years ago*)
-took my car to the car to the car wash
-vacuumed my car
-filled two laundry bags to start dealing with the mountain of months old laundry in my room
-REMEMBERED that I had laundry that needed to be switched
-got back up after laying down to change my laundry over again
Is this what executive function feels like?
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troglobite · 2 years ago
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i’m trying to unpack why it makes me immediately furious to hear my mom groaning or whining in pain
two events have recently caused that, one happening rn
this past week she got her bivalent booster (bc she finally could after having covid a few months ago) 
i was absolutely happy to help and do whatever she needed, and i said as much multiple times. just text me if you need help.
she asked me directly for help maybe twice in 3 days. every other thing she just suffered alone in her room, or got up to do things that hurt her. 
that makes me mad. i’m sick of her needlessly hurting herself for some stupid fucking bullshit that either doesn’t matter or that i could do instead. 
every year she sends out these fucking holiday packages to friends, family, and coworkers. it’s not fun for her at all. she doesn’t enjoy it. she spends so much money ordering the same gifts each year. she goes through the hassle of personalizing each package (there are over 20). then she pays for postage and shipping. 
and she did it while her body hurt from the booster this week and i’m just like. WHY. if your back is killing you, you’re tired, like WHY?!
she “had” to get them done so they arrived by christmas for most ppl.
and again, WHY?! these are not incredible one of a kind gifts. it’s the same shit she gives every year. and i’m sure some of them arrived later than christmas before. like. WHY?!
if someone i knew typically sent something out each year and i didn’t get it one year, i’d check in w them and see how they were doing. i wouldn’t give a single fucking shit if their little annual gift to me didn’t arrive. 
but no, my mom has to bend over backwards and get this shit done bc?????? Reasons. 
and right now she’s doing my least favorite thing of hers. 
so cardboard boxes have been piling up in the hallway (bc this house is small and fucking sucks) and there’s not much room in the garage but in order to put them in our recycling, they have to be broken down. i can’t do it bc the sound and texture of cardboard makes me want to fucking perish. so she unfortunately has to do it. but she doesn’t want to. bc it’s time and energy consuming. i have said that i could help, but i would need to wear my headphones and some gloves. 
well. 
today she was going to go pick up some new end tables she ordered. 
her lifelong friend who moved here last year to be closer to us (and away from ohio) was going to go with her to pick them up. i don’t really know why it wasn’t an option for me to go and help? but it just wasn’t, i guess. 
but now she’s been spending the last three or four hours cleaning the entire house and moving the boxes into the garage and just cleaning EVERYTHING.
bc her lifelong friend who has seen her through both of their own messy relationships and divorces and a million other things is going to be inside our house. for. 15 minutes???
so she’s wheezing and huffing and puffing and agitated and running around and just in a fucking frenzy.
WHY?!!?!?!
SHE’S KNOWN YOU FOR LIKE 45 FUCKING YEARS.
SHE DOESN’T FUCKING CARE STOP DOING THIS
and she becomes INTOLERABLE when she’s like this and doing this. 
i’m hungry. i have been awake for 1.5 hrs. i missed my 15 minute window to get food while she was in the shower.
i offered to open the garage door for her while she moves boxes around.
she just said it would be “too hard” so she’s INSISTING she do it on her own.
she just made some of the worst fucking noises in the hallway outside my room rn. boxes scraping. all this shit. and there she goes, wheezing and huffing and puffing.
but god forbid she ask for help 
but mainly forbid SHE JUST NOT DO THIS FUCKING SHIT BECAUSE WHO ACTUALLY FUCKING CARES?!! NOBODY!!!!!! NOBODY GIVES A SINGLE FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!!
i SHOWED her that gayle video “company’s coming over” YEARS ago. she laughed like haha that’s me. 
and i’m like
yeah, it is.
and it makes no sense
this isn’t even an exaggeration 
she’s going to fold all of the blankets on the couch that we use every day and move the pillows all around
“WE CAN’T LET PEOPLE KNOW WE SIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!” but LITERALLY in REAL LIFE. THAT IS WHAT SHE DOES.
i’m so tired of seeing a million reasons she needs to go to therapy (this is so far down the list and only related to a few things at the top of the list) and not being able to say or suggest anything bc she’ll see it as an insult.
which is super kind to me, a person who has been in therapy off and on since i was like 9 years old. 
i went to sleep early last night bc i was so exhausted. i slept forever. i woke up 1.5-2 hrs earlier than i have been. i was feeling good.
and ever since i’ve woken up she’s just been doing this fucking useless completely unnecessary and EXTREMELY FUCKING LOUD AND IRRITATING bullshit, and i haven’t been able to do anything.
and then i got up to check and i have to send out like 35 more emails for the job she gave me that, again, I DIDN’T EVEN WANT TO DO IN THE FIRST PLACE, bc nobody else has responded since i sent the emails on tuesday and wednesday. and i need to DOUBLE the responses i’ve gotten. 8 ppl for this one campaign from over 40 emails that i sent. so i need to send 30-40 MORE emails. i’m just. 
and i can’t do that.
bc if i TRIED rn, i would be HUNGRY bc i haven’t been able to get ANY FOOD YET bc she has been NEEDLESSLY CLEANING THE FUCKING KITCHEN
AND i wouldn’t be able to focus AT FUCKING ALL bc even with my noise canceling headphones on, I WOULD STILL BE ABLE TO FUCKING HEAR HER. 
i’m just so fucking tired
i HATE having these family friends over PURELY BECAUSE IT MEANS MY MOM JUST LOSES HER ENTIRE GRIP ON REALITY FOR MULTIPLE HOURS AND I HAVE TO SUFFER THROUGH IT BC SHE WON’T EVEN LET ME HELP IN ANY WAY
it’s so fucking stupid and i hate this
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int-main-null · 1 year ago
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Little Brother
I have what I like to call, "older sister syndrome." Its not my fault, I think its just what happens when you grow up as the oldest daughter with a younger brother who has seizures sometimes. I was nine and I was ready to jump into an emergency situation from a moment's notice. I am always prepared, I'm good under pressure, and I am always looking our for him and everyone close to me. But I'd been looking out for him long before that. When we were kids and we had to put the dishes away together, I always silently made sure I beat him to the knives so that I would handle the danger and not him. Maybe it was my intuition or maybe its God's cruel idea of a joke but I would later find out that I unknowingly prevented him from using one on himself in high school. I just so happened to walk into the right room at the right time. I didn't know for years, he has such a good poker face, calm on the outside and a storm within. Just like my dad.
Just like me.
But at nine when I was protecting him from knives, I was burdened by his ignorance and laziness, constantly keeping him in check and cleaning up after him. I hated him. I hated that he was messy I hated that he wasn't responsible and I hated that I was always managing him and I hated that he was always pissing off our parents. Why didn't he get it? Fall in line and don't rock the boat, why was he always rocking the damn boat?
Today I see his take-out trash in the trashcan in my bedroom and I am honored that he chose my trashcan to put it into. Evidence of his presence, crumbs of the time he spent eating the food in my bed and making a mess while we giggled over our newest ridiculous engineering ideas. Months ago, I spent hours arguing with my mom when she tried to kick him out over dirty laundry. I see his messes and I remember him and I love him. I wish I spent less time hating him. I don't see him much anymore. We're both adults, we're both working and I'm in school, we're both trying to move out. I am more proud of him than I am of myself sometimes. I am proud of the person he has become and I am proud of the adult that he is shaping up to be. I don't worry about him anymore.
Earlier this year, his car bit the dust and for a few months I was awake early with him everyday, driving him the 45 minutes to his work every morning. My mom thought it was an inconsiderate nuisance but I saw it as a blessing. I knew we'd both be on our own soon and I relished the extra time I got to hangout with one of my best friends before we went our separate ways. I knew I should do it and I am glad that I did.
I look at his dirty, calloused and hard-working hands now and I remember the small little soft hands that used to play trains and Polly Pockets with mine. I wish I could've protected his hands for longer. I want to wrap his soft little hands in mine and keep them soft for just a little bit longer.
Just a little bit longer.
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artlifeartblog · 2 years ago
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Page 2
3 days ago when he came home the most drunk I have ever seen him. And heard him. He came at 3 am slamming the door as he walked in the house. I woke up scared. I knew from hearing him talking to himself that he was blasted. I was ready for what I saw when he walked in the room, slamming the door behind him, butt naked as he talked to himself about some injustice that must have occurred during his drinking at the bar. I attempted to make myself as quiet as possible. He opened the bathroom door and once inside I heard 7 straight loud bangs. I got up and as I walked to the bathroom door I heard the loudest bang yet followed with him saying “fucking toilet” as water began to poor from under the door and the pipe that runs above the steps that lead to our front door also began to spill toilet water down the onto our steps. I asked him if he was okay and what happened. Why did I even ask or try? Well every good deed right? He told me he locked himself in and had to break the toilet because he couldn’t get out. After I said that whatever is happening to him that breaking the toilet is not the solution, amazingly the door opened and he began to blame me for not caring about his day enough to ask him why he was mad. For not asking if he needed help in the bathroom. You know, straight drunk none sense that only drunk people say when they are all in their feelings and are not mature enough to discuss their issues during normal hours of the day. Because being drunk is not a problem at all and it’s actually the fault of the person sleeping. I took pictures of the toilet and recorded him because to me it was clearly the most drunk he has ever been and the most dangerous I have ever felt. Because he broke the toilet we had to piss in our shower while shittting in plastic bags. For nearly 2 weeks we both had to poop in bags and wipe our asses with paper that was then placed in the bag, tied up, and then walked out the trash bin. Not once did he apologize. For anything. Well that leads us to today. I spent the last 36 hours cleaning a mess of a home, doing all our laundry at my sisters and cleaning his car aswell while obtaining the tools required to remove the broken part of the toilet so I could then replace it with a tank I just so happened to find. Well while folding the clothes I washed for him he made a comment about how he couldn’t wait for the toilet to be fixed because if it wasn’t for him we wouldn’t be shitting in bags for the last days. I looked at that as the closest I was going to get to genuine apology and internally told myself to accept it while externally communicating to him that I appreciate him saying that and he almost said he was sorry. Well how dare I say that he ALMOST say he was sorry? A new argument was born. This one lasted about 45 minutes. But it ended with him now claiming that 3 months ago when we fought I had a knife. And he felt like his life was threatened. Shock is not a word good enough to express to you just how betrayed I felt by him at that moment because he and I both knew that he was lying. I entertained the lie and demanded to know if he felt threatened then where was this knife. He said he saw it after I slapped him now FOUR TIMES. I asked him; four slaps and no punches? Stuttering he said after the slaps I punched him. But what about the knife I said. He said he didn’t know exactly where it was but that after he punched me it dropped. “So when it dropped why didn’t u go for the knife” I asked. Again stuttering and clearly just making shit up he said he was too afraid of me to grab it that’s why he had to get on top of me and began the beating. “If you feared for your life, why not run into the room after u punched me and I fell?” I asked. His answer: “the door won’t lock” So rather than create space or reach for the now on the floor knife I asked him if someone who is in fear for their life would rengage the person whom they fear to beat them? His answer was yes. So I said then why did u stop hitting me after I begged u to stop? Why not continue until I was knocked out? Or atleast… page 2
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bee0bee · 2 years ago
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Life After Him Part 3
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After speding couple of weeks in their new home, Ellis and Brendan slowly got used to their new environment. The only which occured was that when a Friday morning Ellis wanted to bake something for Brendan the oven stopped working. First, Ellis was absolutely puzzled what to do. Then she had an idea and a shyly she went to her friendly neighbours to ask for help.
- Oh, hello! Sorry for bothering you but...Can I use your oven? Mine is dead, I think.
- Sure. - said Sean, Pauline's husband.
Ellis went inside with the dough in her hand. The house seemed somewhat bigger than theirs. It was more elegant as well and everything in the living room was in order.
- Its right there on your left. - she heared Sean.
The kitchen seemed also very clean but friendly. Ellis wondered whether their flat in Blackpool was or wasn't that nice and clean.
- Thank you and I really hope that I don't disturb you. It needs...just a couple of minutes. - said Ellis,while putting the dough in the oven. - Then I'll go.
- No problem. - said Sean, sitting to the kitchen counter. He wore glasses, which made him look like a professor. - You are Ellis, right?
- Yes. - Ellis replied.
- And what do you do Ellis? - asked Sean after a couple of minutes of silence.
- Uhm...I translate and write books.
- Sounds...interesting and calm.
- Yeah and boring sometimes. At the moment I'm trying to find a new topic for a new book. I haven't written anything since...- Ellis paused - since my husband died.
- I'm so sorry. Sorry.
- Thank you. It was 4 months ago.
After touching such a sensitive point both remained silent. Ellis felt the situation awkward.
- Why did I have to tell you? - she asked herself. Open up about her private life was not custom. She has always been aloof. Then Sean started the conversation again about something else,which served as a better topic.
When she take out the ready cookie from the oven, she realized that Sean was looking at her. For Ellis, it was weird somehow.
- Thank you for your time and oven. - she said jokingly.
- Your welcome. Maybe next time you can give me a taste. - he replied.
- Of course. Bye Sean!
It seemed a bit strange to Ellis. Sean seemed to be a reserved, silent gentleman but now they had a really interesting conversation and he was friendly. It completely surprised Ellis. Back in Blackpool and on other social occasions, everybody found her reserved and silent. That's why she had just a few friends. But Sean didn't see her as a cold persona. He rather paid attention to Ellis.
- Very nice man. - Ellis thought. - How lucky Pauline is...
- Hi Brendan! How was your day, darling?-Ellis asked when Brendan appeared in front of her in the parking lot.
- Good. - the boy replied. Ellis was worried that something happened. She brought Brendan into this new community...new school. She was afraid that her son will react negatively but it seems that there is no problem. Ellis drove home where the cookies were waiting for Brendan.
- I baked something for you. It's in the kitchen. - said Ellis, while putting her coat on the hanger. - Do you need help with your homework later? - she asked but Brendan said no, so it gave her a bit of time to think about her new book. She sat in her workroom in front of the big window for 45 minutes staring at the peaceful environment with small birds, some pedestrians, and beautiful plants. She thought about her life until now. Then she wrote down the first sentences.
To my husband, Oliver. My plus hand.
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sweetyyhippyy · 3 years ago
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Alone at Last. Spencer Reid x Female Reader. Part 2.
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(Not my gif)
Summary: A few months after *part 1*. Spencer and his wife take advantage of an empty house while the kids are at school. 
TW: Mentions of taking a pregnancy test. Sex with the possibility of getting caught. Oral sex (female receiving). Fingering. Calling Spencer “sir”. Almost getting caught during sex. Mirror sex. Hair pulling. Dirty talk. Praising. Breeding. Creampie.
Word Count: 2.6k
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 She picked up the white stick from the counter, frowning at the word “NEGATIVE” that was displayed on the screen.
With a heavy sigh she threw the plastic stick away in the trash, washing her hands and going out to start her morning. Her kids still had at least 45 more minutes before they had to get up which was long enough to get their breakfast cooking.
Spencer was away on a case out of state, which meant that getting both of the kids up, fed, and to school was all up to her.
As she went down the stairs she could hear shuffling going on in the kitchen and the smell of fresh brewing coffee. She peeked around the corner hesitant at first, until she recognized the back of her husband’s head.
“You’re home!” She cheers quietly, wrapping her arms around his waist and hugging him from behind.
“I wanted to surprise you and the kids. I got in about an hour ago.” He quickly turns around and takes his wife’s face in his hands, kissing her softly. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too.” She responds, resting her head against his chest. “I um… took a test this morning.” She starts.
“Yeah?”
She looks up at Spencer and bites her bottom lip, looking displeased.
“Oh honey, I’m sorry.” Spencer says, rubbing her lower back in comfort.
“It’s been months that we’ve been trying. We didn’t have this much trouble getting pregnant with Jason and Valerie.”
“Well, with them we were younger.”
“Are you saying I’m old?” She asks, not being able to contain the laugh that was on her face.
Spencer’s eyes widen, realizing his mistake right away. “No! No! No, I’m just saying that you just turned 33 so it’s going to be harder to get pregnant. We were both in our early 20s when we had Jason.”
She sighs and nods her head. “I know. I just… I want a baby now.”
Spencer kisses her forehead and brings her in for another hug. “We’ll have another, sweetheart. But in the meantime, we get to make the baby and I know you enjoy doing that.” He whispers.
“Spencer Reid, it is 5:30 in the morning are you really trying to do this now?”
“I am.” He backs his wife against the counter and lifts her up, making her sit against the countertop.
“Spencer! We eat and cook on this counter!”
“And I’m about to eat too.”
She can’t help but laugh, covering her face with her hands and Spencer wastes no time with pulling her shorts down her hips and instantly licking a long stripe up her pussy. “Fuck!” She moans quietly, her fingers intertwining his hair. “I-I know you like doing that, and-fuck- I love when you eat me out too.” She gets lost in her train of thought as Spencer flicks his tongue back and forth against her clit, making her whole body go weak. “Oh my god!” She whisper yells. “We don’t have time for this if you’re going to fuck me.”
Spencer gives a few more licks before coming up and meeting her face to face.
“Come here.” She says, kissing his lips harshly.
Spencer took advantage of the fact his wife’s legs were open, taking his fingers and slicking his fingers up and down her folds, touching the wetness and slipping his fingers in.
“Spencer!” She whines, her head falling back.
Spencer kisses her neck, lightly nipping at the skin, making her yelp a little too loudly.
She covers her mouth with her hand, stifling a laugh.
“Shhh, so loud.” Spencer teases, a smile on his face.
“We have maybe 20 more minutes before the kids need to be up. We need to hurry this along.”
“Oh, so romantic baby.” Spencer says with sarcasm laced in his voice.
She hops off the counter and turns her back to him, bending over the counter. “I’m all about the romance.” She smirks, letting her shorts fall down around her ankles.
Spencer quickly fishes his cock from the zipper, stroking himself a few times before guiding himself in, a throaty groan coming from him. “Fuck baby, so wet.”
“You know you can just look at me and I get wet.” She whispers, clinging onto a clean dishrag on the counter.
Spencer kept a nice steady pace as he gripped both sides of her hips, railing into her. “You take me so well, baby.”
His wife hums in response, letting out a string of broken sobs, careful not to moan too loudly. “Baby, harder and please! I need more.”
Spencer gives her ass one harsh slap, making her yelp again. “You think you can take my cock going harder into you?” He asks, grabbing the ponytail that was going down her back and yanks it back.
“Yes sir! Yes I can take it!”
Spencer fucks into her harder, holding both of her shoulders for balance. “Sir? That’s the route you wanna go, darling?”
Just as she’s about to answer they hear a door open from upstairs followed by footsteps.
“Shit! No!” She cusses as Spencer reluctantly pulls out and helps his wife pick her shorts up and fixes them for her.
Spencer turns around to situate himself, trying to hide the evidence of what they were just doing.
She grabs the disinfectant spray and a paper towel, wiping the counter off as their son makes his way down the stairs. “Hi sweetheart.” She calls out to him.
He continues to rub the sleep out of his eyes until he sees his dad. “Dad! You’re home!” He runs to him, Spencer embracing him for a hug.
“Hey buddy.” Spencer says, holding his first born.
“Is your sister awake?” She asks Jason.
“I don’t know. I had to wake up because I heard sounds and didn’t know what it was. And then I had to go to the bathroom.”
Spencer and his wife make eye contact, his wife trying to hide the smile on her face.
“I’m going to go upstairs and wake her.”
“I’ll start on some eggs and pancakes for you guys, what do you think bud?”
She watches as Jason looks up at Spencer and nods his head, hearing him ask if he could help which made her heart feel full.
As she climbs upstairs she can feel the dull aching between her legs, something the both of them were going to have to take care of once the kids were at school.
***
“But mommy, daddy’s home! Why can’t we stay home?” Valerie asks from the back seat.
“Because you guys have to go to school. Daddy will be home when school is done.”
“But we missed him!”
“Honey, I know. I missed him too, but you guys have school, and I have work so I can’t hang out with daddy either.”
A slight lie. She did have work, but the kids didn’t need to know she took a “sick” day.
She looks back in the rear view mirror, both of her kids with a matching pout on their faces, ones that also matched Spencer’s pout. “Listen, if we go to school today, and you guys have a good day, maybe I’ll bust you guys out early on Friday and we can all go somewhere fun for the weekend. Does that sound like a plan?”
“Where are we going to go?” Jason asks.
“I don’t know, we can all talk about it as a family if you guys have a good day at school today. Can we do that?”
“Okay mommy!” Valerie says loudly, a smile on her face.
“Okay.” Jason says with not as much enthusiasm as his sister.
She pulls up to the parent drop off line at school, hearing both of the kids undoing their seat belts and gathering their stuff up. “Have a good day babies, I love you.”
Both kids give her a kiss on the cheek before scooting out the car door and walking hand and hand with each other to the school.
***
She makes her way up to their bedroom, ready to pick up where she and Spencer left off this morning, only to find him fast asleep under the sheets, soft little snores filling the room. She can’t help but smile at how adorable he looked hugging one of her pillows into his chest. Slowly she closes the door and goes back downstairs to clean the mess from breakfast and start some of Spencer’s laundry from his go bag.
After a few hours of cleaning up the kitchen and catching up on some laundry, she was beyond ready for a shower. She heads upstairs, quietly gathering new clothes while Spencer slept.
When she steps out of the shower she spots Spencer leaning against the sink, making her slightly jump. “You scared me.” She says, grabbing the towel and drying herself off.
“Come here.” He says, motioning her over with his hands.
She cocks her eyebrow at him and walks over to him, the towel pressed against the bottom of her face as she tries to dry it off.
“I need you.” He says, pressing her against himself.
“Yeah? Are we going to pick up where we left off this morning?” She asks, wrapping both of her arms around his neck and pulling him closer.
His body buzzed at the feeling of how wet and warm her body was against his. “Do you remember where we left off?”
“You’re the one with an eidetic memory. Why don’t you tell me? Or better yet, show me where we were… sir.” She smirks.
Spencer turns her around, her back facing him while facing the mirror. “You want me to show you, baby?” He whispers in her ear, his fingers dipping in between her legs.
“Fuck!” She moans, gripping his forearm.
“Look at that, just out of the shower and you’re already wet for me.” He growls, nipping at her neck. His fingers quickly rub at her clit, feeling how hard he was getting as he heard her moaning and felt her ass pressed against his crotch.
“Spencer, fuck me please. Please baby, please.” She was desperate to feel him inside her again after this morning.
“Yeah, baby.” He groans, taking his sweatpants off to his ankles and sliding himself in painfully slow.
Both of them moan as he doesn’t miss a beat with thrusting into her in a good steady rhythm.
“Fuck that’s so good sir.” She says, looking back at him in the mirror.
Spencer takes a fistful of her hair and holds her head up, forcing her to look back at herself. “Look at you. You like looking at me fuck you? You like that, baby?” He grunts out, giving her ass a smack.
“Yes! Yes I love it! I fucking love it!” She moans back, holding the counter of the sink so she didn’t fall over. She loved watching Spencer look at her through the mirror and seeing how his mouth fell open while he railed into her, hunger in his eyes.
Spencer pulls back, turning his wife around and taking her face in his hands and kissing her harshly.
She wraps her arms around his neck while he lifts her up to sit on the counter, pulling back from the kiss. She opens her legs and smiles as  Spencer slides back in and instantly begins snapping his hips back and forth. Her own hips meet his thrusts, making her whimper as her bottoms her out. “Keep going sir!”
“Yeah baby. You’re doing such a good job taking my fucking cock baby. Such a good girl.” He says into her mouth, kissing her again. “Come here.” Spencer pulls her off the counter and brings her over to the edge of the tub, sitting on it.
She climbs onto his lap, sliding onto his cock with a pathetic whimper. She rests her forehead on his as she begins to grind herself against him, biting her lip.
Spencer grabs onto her ass and helps her fuck herself on him. He stares into her eyes, seeing her slowly fall apart on top of him. He pulls her damp hair back from her face, holding it at the back of her head. “That’s my girl. Yeah, you like fucking me don’t you?
“Yes!” She breathes out heavily. “Yes I fucking love it! Fuck you’re so deep in me sir.”
“That way I can cum deep inside you and put a baby in you. You want my baby inside you?”
“Yes I want you to give me a baby!” She almost yells, her voice echoing through the room.
Spencer kisses her lips, letting her hair go and letting it flow down her back. “You’re going to cum, aren’t you little one? You’re going to cum for me?”
She nods her head and bites her bottom lip again.
“Up. Let me fuck you.”
She stands up and sits back on the counter, massaging her clit as Spencer slides back into her.
His fingers replace hers and continues the circles. “Does that feel good? Do you like that?” He asks.
“Mmhmm! Don’t stop, please!”
“I’m not going to stop, sweetheart. I love seeing you fall apart all because I’m touching you.” He whispers, thrusting and massaging her.
She puts her hand on the back of Spencer’s neck and pulls his head closer to hers, kissing him deeply as her body begins to tingle.
It doesn’t take much more for her to fall apart against his cock and fingers, moans getting trapped between their lips.
Spencer pulls back, letting her moans fill the room while he still massages her. “I know baby, I know that felt so good.”
Between her clenching around his cock and hearing  her desperate and broken moans, Spencer could feel himself start to lose his composure. He swipes his thumb across her bottom lip as he touches her face lovingly. His hands didn’t leave his wife’s boobs as they bounced in his line of sight. “I’m going to cum, sweetheart.” He groans, sitting his eyes tight.
“Yeah baby. Cum inside me! Fill me up and make me feel good.” She coos.
He manages 2 more thrusts before shooting ropes inside his wife before stalling his movements. Deep throaty moans and grunts coming from him as he calms down.
She holds his body against hers, kissing his shoulder. “That was so good.” She half laughs.
Spencer pulls out slowly, kissing her lips as he does. “Come lay with me in bed.” Spencer says, helping her off the counter and taking her to their bed.
She cuddles into his side, nuzzling her head into his neck. “I love you Spence.”
“I love you too baby.” He responds, kissing her head. “Are you okay?”
“Mmhmm. Perfect.”
“Not too rough?”
She laughs and kisses his cheek. “Baby no. Just because we have kids doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy rough sex. Do you remember how we used to go at it before we had kids? It’s amazing how we didn’t have kids sooner.”
Spencer laughs. “Yeah we would probably have a whole sports team worth of kids at this point.”
“Can we take a nap?” She asks.
“Of course. And I’ll pick the kids up from school so that you don’t have to get out of bed.”
She grabs the bed sheets and covers both of them up, nuzzling closer to him. “I have such a good husband and father of my kids.”
Spencer puts his arm around her and rubs her shoulder until he hears her softly snoring next to him.
9 months later, Spencer would have two new babies to take care of alongside his wife: identical twin baby girls. Their house now up to 6.
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honeyhenry · 4 years ago
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Captain Confusion
A/N: Inspired by this video that makes me weep with its cuteness! I just had to write this okay 🥺🥺🥺 This is in the same universe as Homeward Bound, which happens after this story. Feel free to give it a read after this, if you haven’t already! ALSO should note that the lovely @ohmygoodie​ is my Sy partner in crime and without them this fic would not be made possible :)
Warning: mention of operations/hospitals, and a whole lot of fluff!
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It was a simple procedure and so it hadn't worried you too much, other than the usual fears when a loved one is under the knife while in the hands of trained doctors. Sy’s hernia had been authorised for operation only five minutes into the doctor’s appointment you had all but dragged him to, and scheduled for 4 days later. Not really much time to prepare mentally, but you knew it was necessary with your big bear of a man in pain. Despite the painkillers prescribed, he was walking with a limp and groaning in bed for all the wrong reasons.
In the waiting room, you and his Ma kept busy during the 45 minute wait by looking through magazines, talking about how the Captain’s quality of life will improve, and what kind of minor jobs you’ll have him do around the house while he’s recovering as you continue to work.
“I hope the recovery isn’t as long as some people have said. I know for a fact he’ll not want to be cooped up all day. If he’s anything, he’s stubborn” you sigh, knowingly.
Ma smiles, looking at you pointedly, knowing that she is in the presence of the only other soul who knows what is best for her son. “He knows better now that his health is his wealth. He’s got a lot more riding on being well now. After all, it’s not just him he’s gotta be there for anymore.”
“Yeah, I mean I always tell him, he’s not 25 anymore. Or even 30. I’ll need you to back me up, he does anything you say. I’m his equal, you’re his Mom.”
You both laugh a little, hers warm and kind, while yours tinges with the remaining hopeful nerves of an army Captain’s wife. You don’t like not knowing about your Sy, especially since you spent all those years apart, not knowing if he was safe, or even alive. The waiting, in any capacity, is the hardest part.
You’re flipping through a random tabloid magazine, when the surgeon in charge walks through to the waiting room.
“Everything went really well with Captain Syverson. He’s coming to from the anaesthetic and asking for his Ma?”
Ma grins before sucking her teeth between her lips watching as your mouth drops. You both move from the waiting area to follow the surgeon towards where your husband is resting. You speak under your breath, only wanting Sy’s Ma to hear you; “I hope he still remembers how to grovel after this.”
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Ma enters the room with you following her, arriving only a couple more corridors along from where you’d last seen him earlier that morning. He may not have asked for you but you were going to see Sy whether he wanted it or not. A grand push of the door allows it to swing open, and suddenly there he is. A little disoriented but has a large dopey smile plastered on his face as soon as he sees his Ma. His heavy head lolls to one side as he rests it on the plush hospital pillow.
“Hey Ma” he groans out as she bends over her large son to give his forehead a kiss, taking his hand in hers. He spends a moment just gazing at her for a while, the love he has for her evident on his face, as she tells him that everything went well, and that he can go home tomorrow.
It’s only after this tender mother and son moment, that he notices you.
“Ma.... why ya bringing a beautiful girl here when I’m like this...oh god I’m not wearing underwear Ma!”
His feeble attempt at trying to cover himself means that you actually end up seeing far more of him than you expected. Nothing you hadn’t seen before, but it definitely hasn't happened in front of his own mother before. The whole situation makes you blush and giggle a little as you try your best to avoid eye contact with Ma. You can only imagine the look on her face, and you don’t want to get any more involved with Sy’s naked form than you need to right now.
Rather than put you and your poor Sy through any further embarrassment, Ma speaks up.
“Oh darlin’, this is y/n. You remember her, right?”
And while he’s listening - or at least pretending to listen to his Ma fussing over him again - he’s just staring at you, gazing in awe as if you were the one to hang the stars in the sky.
“You are.... so pretty” he slurs, making you break out a genuine smile that he mirrors, glad that he was the one to make you look even more pretty.
“Well thanks handsome. How do you feel?” you perch on the edge of the bed and hold his hand. To him, the gesture feels warm and inviting - even if he doesn't know you, he recognises something about you in the comfort that you bring.
“Feel like shit. Oh fuck i said ‘shit’ in front of the lady” he whines again, scrunching his eyes closed as hangs his head in shame. It looks like he might even cry with the realisation that he’s made such a foolish impression of himself. It takes Ma shushing him and making him take a sip of juice from his bedside to calm down, dabbing his face with a cloth when his juice spills from his mouth.
“Oh Logan Daniel Syverson...what did they do to ya?” she lightly scolds as she helps clean up the mess he’s unknowingly created around him. That’s your Sy, a hurricane of mess that somehow fits into order just how he likes it.
You giggle a little more at his shameful expression, before he refocuses, giving you his undivided attention once more.
“How is it that ya know my Ma and we’ve never met? Or have we? ‘Cause I think i’d remember a face like yours” 
“Well...” you start, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear to let him see your entire face, hoping it would jog his memory. As you do so, the ring on your fourth finger glints in the hospital light, and for the first time since you've entered the room, he’s noticed.
“Oh...man...knew a girl like you would be snatched up already. Whoever has the honour of being yours is a very lucky man.” He smiles softly, a wistful look in his eye, while makes you realise that you can’t wait for the drugs to leave his system, you have to remind him who you are and who he is, right this very moment.
“Sy honey... we’re married. You’re my husband, and I’m your wife. I think the drugs are making you more than a bit loopy.”
It’s his turn for his jaw to drop, his eyes are unblinking as he takes in what you’ve just said. He turns sharply - more than his doctor would have probably liked - to his Ma, and then back to you, and then his Ma again, waiting for one of you to burst out laughing at the prank you surely must be playing on him.
“Wha-? A wife? I have a wife?” you nod and he exhales a deep breath of air in amazement. 
“YOU’RE my wife? Really?” you nod again and Ma smiles at you as she watches the scene of Logan meeting you all over again.
“Am I still in the army? I’m a Captain ya know”
“You left just a few months ago. You still work in the local camps, of course. You like it there, and you’re home every night and most weekends.”
“Does Ma like you?” You don’t even get a chance to finish as he turns to his mother “Do you like her? is she nice? Does she like your new kitchen? I built it y’know.” 
You knew when you met, dated, and married him, that Sy was a Momma’s boy. He loves his mother so much, that her opinion will always mean the world to him. 
Ma nods “You two are the sweetest couple. She’s the best addition to the family, gives you a run for your money alright. She’s my new favourite.” You get a soft hug from her as she says this, with her wrapping her arm around your shoulders and pulling you close. She’s always felt so grateful that her Logan found you, because my goodness did he love you ferociously, and he needed you in his life. You were the making of him, and the whole Syverson clan will forever be grateful to you for it.
"And where did we get married? If we really are married.” He continues his line of questioning.
“At the ranch, on your family’s land. it was such a special day. We had the reception there too. And we went to Italy for our honeymoon.”
Sy is basking in every word you say, praying it to be true, as if he could will it into existence if it hadn’t already happened, wanting badly to remember sunset kisses and italian food and beach days all spent with you. He perks up at the last thing you say, taken by complete surprise.
“Honeymoon?! Oh my god have we...ya know..?” A blush fades over Sy’s face, and even though you love his Ma, you really wish she wasn’t finding out so many details about your personal life today, like how your son rails you on the regular in many ways, and in many places. He must somehow remember or at least accurately imagine your past endeavours, as he grins like a little shit. 
You smack his arm, lightly but with a firm hand.
“Be quiet, or the whole ward will know about our sex life” you threaten. “Yes we’ve had sex. i’d hope so given that we have a kid on the way.”
If Ma had had to deal with her son getting horny over his “new”wife, she was being fully compensated for it as she witnessed him fall head over heels in love with you, all over again.
“A kid?...Tell me ya not messing with me...are we really- I-” he swallows and his tears come even easier than before “We’re havin’ a baby?” With the sudden realisation, he turns to his Ma. “This beautiful woman right here’s havin’ my kid, Ma?” He looks between the two of you again, watching as you both nod and beam from ear to ear.
“You know you cried just as much when i told you for the first time too. i promise when the drugs are out your system it’ll all make sense again.”
Sy smiles, clutching your hand in his warm palm, almost scared to let go as the door is knocked and he feels you might be taken away. Instead, it’s a welcome visitor.
“Hey doc,” Sy greets the man who reenters the room, now freshly out of scrubs  to visit his patient - who if anything is now simply love sick, no hernia to be found. “This is my wife, and she’s having a baby.” he looks back to you with a quirk of his eyebrow “My baby?” You roll your eyes and he confirms it; “my baby.”
“Oh, congratulations...again.”
The doctor’s evaluation and explanations don’t take long, and while Sy is being informed, you start rubbing your belly as a form of self-comfort. You will need to remind your child that while their father looks incredibly stern and impossibly large, he is silly and goofy and already loves them with his entire being. Over the course of the afternoon, Sy talks with you while the anaesthetic wears off. It turns out they had given him a pretty high dosage based on his height and muscle mass, so he would be out of action for a couple of hours at least.
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“Oh, i have your ring” you pipe up before he starts getting too sleepy again, taking the thick gold band off of the necklace around your neck, placing it on his finger carefully.
“That feels better already” he sighs, as he begins to doze in and out of consciousness. Before he closes his eyes once more to rest peacefully, a small tear slides down his cheek, which you of course, notice. Sy has cried maybe 5 times in the time you’ve known him and three of those times have been in this very room.
“Honey what’s wrong? Are you in pain? i can call the doctor-” 
“No i’m fine i’m fine i just-” he sniffs and tries to clear his throat from the sad, heavy pain he feels in his chest. “I’m gonna be real sad when I wake up from this dream. What if I can’t find you when I wake up?”
Oh your sweet, silly man.
“Bear it’s not a dream, I’ll be right here when you get up properly and we can go home and cuddle and I’ll heat up your favourite meal. I’ll be right there with you.”
“And the baby?” he asks, eyes wide. almost nervous to ask.
“Well they have to come too, they're with me. We can look at their pictures again so you can get reacquainted. And Aika will be so happy you’re back. We’ve been gone the whole day.”
“Aika!” your husband perks up, “Oh Aika, man....I love that dog..”
“I know you do bear, you just get some rest for now and then we can go home.”
Before you know it, he’s fallen back to sleep, his mouth wide open as he slumps against his pillow, completely out of it.
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It’s dark outside when Sy opens his eyes again, watching as his Ma passes you a small herbal tea in the dimly lit hospital room. Technically visiting hours are over, but no one was going to argue with the Captain’s family. You smile, and he feels like he can finally relax, in your presence
“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes” he growls lowly, and you look up at him from your phone, beaming in surprise, glad that your husband had woken up feeling a bit more like himself.
“Oh hello again” you smile and squeeze his hand, his slow blinking already indicating a much clearer mind, and that he knows exactly who you are.
“Again? What’d I miss?”
“The drugs” he stops you mid-sentence for a sweet kiss, acting as though a minute more without your lips would be the source of his downfall. “Mmmh, the drugs made you so loopy, it was the sweetest thing, Sy.” You grin as he pulls you up beside him on the bed.
He raises his eyebrows, clearly with no recollection of any of the past events. Yet still, he smiles.
“Yeah? How’s baby?” he holds you close to his side, wrapping an arm around your waist so he can cover your tummy with his palm.
“They’re great. Glad to have daddy back and sane.”
You swear that as you say that, he starts tearing up again, this time however he doesn’t let them fall. He was openly weeping earlier, but you won’t tell him that. Not yet.
“Damnit. Must be something in these drugs they got me on.”
“Mm-hmm sure bear.”
You stay close that evening, both curled up on a hospital bed that is already quite a tight fit for your husband alone. But as always, he makes it work. You’re half on top of him, both of you fast asleep, when the nurses come to do their rounds. Ma had left just after he had woken up, sneaking off into the night to let the rest of the family know how her most middle son is keeping after the operation. You’d cuddled and doted on each other until you’d fallen asleep, Sy following not long after as he bid goodnight to you and your precious cargo with a soft kiss to your lips, and protective rub of your stomach.
He counts himself more than lucky to have something so good, that it would pain him to forget. He was living the life that he’d been too scared to ever dream of, and he couldn’t be more grateful.
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lovewriting-5 · 3 years ago
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Faith
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*gif credit goes to @creating-tabs*
Wasteland:
10. Bad Harvest
~ I know it’s been awhile that I posted this but I stepped away from it for months but I will work on and post the rest of it ~
1. New Perspective:
I spent the next two months hiding and sneaking into the hospital to see Sean. For the last two months, Sean was in a coma. Once his nurse and guard left, I would sneak into his room and sit with him and tell what has been going on. I found nursing uniforms to blend in.
Three weeks ago, I was sitting by his bedside when he begins stirring. He opens his eyes and looks around the room. He notices me and kind of jumps a little. I say, quietly “Hey Sean, how are you feeling?”
He says, groggy “I think I’m okay. Tired and not really sure where I am.” I tell him “You’re at Sacred Hope Hospital in Redding, California.” He reaches up to rub his head. Sean’s fingers brush over the bandage covering his left eye.
Laying his head back on the pillow, “Great.” I ask him, sincerely “How is it?” He tells me “Feels strange. A little sore.” I faintly hear talking outside the room. I tell him “I got to go now but I will be back later.” He looks at me questioningly.
I sneak into the bathroom when his nurse walks in. The nurse was surprised to see him awake. The nurse says “Sean, you’re awake. How are you feeling?” As Sean begins to tell him, I sneak out when the guard was not there.
The next week, I told him about how I snuck in to see him. He told me about his nurse, Joey and Agent Flores who has been interrogating him about the camp and blast. I would do the same thing as last week and hide when Joey comes in.
A little later this night, I went back to go see Sean. I was so caught up in our conversation that I didn’t hear Joey come back in. Joey closes the door, “What the...? How did you get in here?” I begin stuttering trying to find words to explain. Sean begins “Joey, this is (Y/N). (She/He) is my (girlfriend/boyfriend). (She/He) has been coming to see me.” Joey doesn’t say anything. Sean continues “Please Joey, don’t say anything.”
I look down at the floor. Joey looks from him to me. He finally says “Sean...this is dangerous and I could get in serious trouble. But I know what it’s like to be in love.” He turns to me “Follow my lead.”
He tells me “Meet me by the front desk at 7:00 AM, that’s when I do my first check up on Sean.” I smile, “Thank you, Joey.” “You better get going the guard is gone for now.” he says. I nod and sneak out of the hospital room.
The next day, I do exactly as Joey told me. I was at the hospital by 6:45 AM. I sat at one of the chairs by the front desk. There was so much going on that none of the staff even noticed. Five minutes to 7:00, Joey came to the front desk and saw me sitting at one of the chairs. I saw him and then followed him down the hall.
Joey stopped outside a hospital laundry room. He says “Go in there and find a clean nurse uniform. I’ll wait right here.” I quietly walk into the room. I look around and find no one else in here. I search through the uniforms and find one in my size. I walk back out. Joey nods in approval.
He looks at his schedule, “I will walk you to Sean’s room. Remember follow my lead.” I follow him to outside the door of Sean’s room. Joey tells the guard that we’re here to do a check up. The guard asked who I was. Joey tells him that I’m his new trainee. The guard asked “What’s your name?” Joey steps in and makes up some excuse.
The guards tells us “Whatever. I’m going to take a smoke break.” As he walks away, we step inside the room. We see that Sean is currently asleep. Joey tells me “I’ll leave you here. When he wakes up, make sure he hits the call button.” I nod. Smiling, I say “Thank you.”
I sat down in the chair across from the hospital bed. I make sure that I am hidden behind the divider curtains. Sean is stirring a little but that’s normal. I feel my eyelids start to get heavy. After a couple minutes, they close. It was about fifteen minutes of shuteye when I am startled awake by Sean shouting “STOP!” I get up and walk over to the bed. I place a hand on his left arm, “Are you okay?” He looks at me, “When did you get here? Yeah, I’m okay. I just had a bad dream about Daniel.”
I tell him “I got here about maybe a half hour ago. What was your dream?” He says “We were at the park in Mount Rainier, Washington. He was telling me to come get him and then he disappeared.” I chew the inside of my bottom lip deciding if I should tell him about Jacob. He looks at the nurse’s uniform I was wearing, “I guess Joey wasn’t kidding when he told you to follow his lead.” I laugh and say “Hey, it worked, didn’t it? I get to spend time with you. By the way that reminds me, Joey asked me to tell you to hit the call button when you wake up.”
Sean hits the call button. We talk until Joey comes by after a few minutes. We hear “Yo...Afternoon check-up!” The guard asks “Sure...Where is your assistant?” Joey covered that really well. He enters the room, “Good day, sunshine! I see (Y/N) has been taking good care of you.” Sean smiles and says “Hey, Joey and (she/he) really has.”
Joey walks over to the bed and sets down a tray of medical supplies. They hug as Sean says “Hey, man...” Joey looks at the small table of food in front of the hospital bed, “That looks like it might have been food...hard to tell...” I move to sit at the chair by the window so Joey can do his examining.
He sits down at the end of the bed. Sean says a little on edge, “Ha ha, never heard that before...” Joey says, jokingly “Oh, somebody is in a bad mood.” Sean says, apologetically “Sorry, Joey...not feeling it today...” He says “I don’t blame you...But maybe I got something to cheer you up...” Sean says, cheerfully “Pecans and chocolate?”
He hands him the snack as Joey, says “Uh oh, there’s that smile!” “Thanks, Joey.” Sean tells him. Joey jumps right into his medical questions, “So how you feelin’ today? Any headaches? Socket pain?” Sean tells him “No, it’s all good...” Joey tells him “Well, this is your final test before...mmh, you know. Before they...check you out.”
Sean looks at me, “Check me out to juvie, yeah...” Joey tells him “Okay, let’s see...You know the drill. Don’t blink, and just stare at the light.” He shines the light in his eye, “Yes. Nice retina response. Okay, now, try to follow the light as well as you can.” From where I’m sitting, Sean looks like he is doing fine. Joey confirms that, “Good, good...keep going...Quick response, nice. Sean, you got this. Remember, to see objects on your left side, ya gotta turn your head more now. Yes. Lookin’ good, Sean.”
He switches to a different test, “Now try to align your pen with mine...” Joey hands him a second pen. Sean says “I’ll try.” He says “No rush. This is tough...” From what Joey was saying, it sounded like Sean was doing okay.
Joey motions for me to come join them. He says “But remember, your depth perception will always be affected. Here. Read this.” I sit down on the hospital bed next to Sean. Joey hands him the check-out papers. I place a hand on his shoulder to read it as well. The words at the bottom of the page reads ‘Patient cleared’ in red ink.
Sean looks up and hands the papers back to him, “I’m a pirate without a patch. Arrrr!” I smile. Joey says “I’d be more worried if you weren’t such a smartass...You can try, but you can’t rig the exam, Sean. It’s time we release you. Sorry. Your vision has improved a lot and you don’t really have severe side effects anymore.”
Sean says “Yeah, that’s just great...” He tells us “I do have to tell them the truth...But first, let’s clean this dressing...” The door to the room opens slightly and a woman says “Hey! Sure hope you’re watching the door like your phone...” From the chair in the hallway, the guard tells her “Oh, come on. He ain’t going nowhere.” I quietly, say “Huh, great...”
The guard says, irritated “All I do is watch him...” The woman says “Yes, true...your job.” She walks in carrying an envelope. I now see that it was Agent Flores. She looks at us and asks “Do you mind if we talk alone?” Joey tells her “Mind if I finish with my patient?” She tells him “He looks good for now. Right? Just come back when I’m finished with him.”
Joey stands up and I follow his lead. I keep my head down to not draw attention. He says “Sure...” I nod. I carefully pick up the tray of medical supplies. Sean gives me a reassuring smile. Joey turns to him and smiles. The woman nods at us and we leave the room.
Joey opens the door for me and once we were out of sight of the guard, he takes the tray. He must of sensed my nervousness because he tells me “He will be fine.” Joey goes to make his other rounds and I go take a “break.”
I know Sean has told me about his interrogation from Agent Flores before but I am still nervous about it. After a little while, I meet Joey by the supply room. He hands me a medical tray and loads supplies on to it. We head to Sean’s room and Joey knocks on the door. We enter the room just as Agent Flores is leaving.
I walk over to the table and set the tray down. Joey says while laughing, “Look out, I have to guard the guard now...Love it!” Sean walks over to me. I ask him “How’d it go?” He says, frustrated “Same as usual.” Joey tells him “Sit down so we can get this show going...” They each have a seat.
Joey asks “So...how did your interview with Scully go?” Sean corrects him “You mean ‘interrogation.’ Who knows? Maybe Detective Flores wants to help, maybe not...I just can’t trust her...” Sympathetically, Joey says “After what you, your brother and (Y/N) went through...I don’t blame you.”
He adds “Aw, this shit is all wrong, man. You’ve been out of the garden for three weeks now, we talk everyday, I can see that you’re a good person...” Sean tells him “Thanks, Joey. Wanna tell that to the judges?” Joey says “I’m just saying...”
As Joey gently removes the bandage from Sean’s eye, he says “Now let’s check this out...” He removes the bandage and says “The healing is coming along nice. Just gotta keep it clean for the next week or so. Simple.” I say “That’s great.”
Joey asks him “Seen the shrink this morning? What did she say?” He says “Nothing I wanna hear...’This will take time and rehab, Sean. You have to process first...’ I can tell myself that shit.” Joey says “Clearly, I’m no therapist but...I have nursed patients with your injury...they all turned their anger into energy. You will too...Plus, the glass eye tech is pretty cool now...Things change.” Taking what Joey said into consideration, Sean says “I hear you...I’m trying to be positive...but it’s hard...”
“I know...I do. But I promise there’s a treat coming your way...Now as for your wound, this is the last time you hear this from me...You have to clean it with sterile gauze and saline solution.” Joey says. He turns to me and says “(Y/N), I’m sure you’ll help him to remember and clean it.” I tell him “I will and I’ll make sure he does.” I look at Sean and smile.
Joey begins cleaning the wound and explaining what he is doing. He says “Coat the area using the swab and cream...” He takes the swab and coats the socket with the cream. As he puts the clean dressing on Sean’s eye, he says “Then wrap it up with clean dressing and you’re the shit.”
“Remember, you gotta do this...” Joey begins. Sean finishes the sentence “...four times a day. I won’t forget. I’m sure (she/he) won’t let me forget.” I nod. Joey says “I’m sorry about everything, Sean...wish I coulda done more.” He tells him “Dude...you saved my ass here...You’re one of the only people I trust...It really helped.” Joey begins “Cool. I’m glad when I can make a cha - -“ His pager then goes off, he looks at it and says “Aw, shit. Emergency.”
He picks up the tray and says “I’m out. And no smoke break. Let’s say our goodbye tomorrow...” He turns to me and says “And (Y/N), you know what to do.” I nod in agreement. He pats Sean’s shoulder and walks to the door. He stops and tells him “Oh, Sean, check out that towel. Got your name all over it. Catch ya later.” I raise an eyebrow and look at the towel left on the table. We wave at Joey as he leaves the room. Sean says “Joey, you are a boss.”
I ask “Do you want me to see what’s in the towel?” He says “Yeah, go ahead. I’m really curious.” I pick up the towel and gently unwrap it. It was a book with Sean’s name and drawings on the cover. I look at it and say “Sean, it’s your sketchbook.” He says “What?” He walks closer as I hand it to him. He says “Wow, haven’t seen you in a long time...How did it get here?”
With the sketchbook in hand, he sits on the hospital bed. I sit down next to him and look at the pages he opens to. It was a drawing of Daniel, he says “I know I fucked Daniel over...again. And now he’s gone...Where would he hide out? A 10 year old by himself...out there...He might go back to Seattle...but too far...nowhere to go...” I think I should tell him about Jacob. I say, nervously “Sean...I have to tell you something.”
He had already flipped to a picture of Daniel sleeping. I notice a note from Jacob. It says ‘Sean I borrowed a blanket and a few other things from your tent. Will give them back to you when you and (Y/N) come looking for your Superwolf comic...it’s waiting for you. Jake.’ He looks at the note and says “Wait. What’s that? Superwolf...Huh? Does that mean...It means that Daniel...Daniel’s with Jacob somewhere? He’s safe? We could see him again!”
Sean is about to flip through the sketchbook to find information on Jacob. I place a hand on his arm. I tell him “Sean, wait.” He looks at me and asks “What is it?” I tell him “I need to tell you something about that.” He says, sincerely “What is it? You can tell me.” I take a deep breath and begin “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this when I first came to see you. I wanted to but there was so much going on and I didn’t want to add any kind of stress to the situation.” I pause and take another deep breath. I continue “The night you and Cassidy went to go look for Daniel...then there was an explosion...Daniel came back to the camp.”
“Then what happened?” Sean asked. “Well, Jacob said he would take him to keep him safe but I can’t remember where he said.” I tell him. Sean looks out the window still sitting on the hospital bed. He shakes his head, “We had moments where you could have told me this. I understand what you said about stress but you knew I was worried about Daniel.” I say “Yes I know and I am so sorry. I didn’t know how to tell you.” He lets out a breath.
He says “Let’s just find out where he is and go get him.” I don’t say anything. Sean flips to a drawing he did of Jacob. On the page, it’s says ‘Haven Point, Nevada.’ I say “Haven Point...Nevada...That’s it, that’s the place!” He looks up from the sketchbook and says “We gotta get to him. Gotta find a way to escape. Tonight.” He stands up, closes the book and places it on the table.
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fruitydiaz-archived · 3 years ago
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my darkest nights
A post 5.01 sort of speculation fic
Eddie makes it back home after the shift from hell and is grateful that he escaped Buck's persistent questioning - until a nightmare wakes him up and Buck shows up at his front door anyways. Because of course he does.
2,877 words
AO3 link
Eddie’s never been more grateful to be so exhausted after a shift. He’s never found himself standing in the locker room, staring at the slope of Buck’s slumped shoulders, the weight of his head pulling him down, and feeling grateful for it. He slips out of the locker rooms and to his truck without anyone noticing—everyone worn too close to the bone to focus on anything other than stripping off their uniforms and leaving for their respective homes.
What was supposed to be a 12-hour shift had turned into a 24-hour shift that dragged on, the ransomware attack sending first responders all over the city, wild goose chase after wild goose chase after literal wild goose chase. All the while Buck’s eyes rarely left Eddie. Normally, Eddie felt comforted by Buck’s constant presence, the way his eyes never strayed too far from him, especially when he found himself retreating into his head too much on calls.
But ever since the hospital—ever since running into Dr. Salazar—Buck’s eyes on him weren’t gentle and reassuring, equal parts check in with me and I’m checking in with you. They were worried and persistent and they made the hairs on the back of Eddie’s neck stand up.
By the time the power had been restored and the team had been cut loose, even Buck was too tired to chase Eddie down.
For the most part, Eddie is grateful, as he pulls into his driveway at 9 am, walking into his house and finding it quiet and empty. He’s thankful that he decided to leave Christopher with Pepa the day before, not knowing that his half shift would turn into a full shift from hell. For a moment he considers stopping in the kitchen to clear out the fridge of all the food that was definitely spoiled during the city-wide blackout, but his body screams for his bed and he listens.
He’s grateful when he pulls the curtains shut, switches off all the lights, and slips under the covers.
He’s grateful. Until the darkness settles around him again, until the sheets wrap themselves too tight around his body, until his eyes fly open and he finds himself searching frantically through the dark for a pair of wide, equally startled blue eyes.
He’s grateful until he realizes that he’s alone.
It’s not a panic attack that wakes him up—because Eddie doesn’t panic—but it takes him 10 minutes to get his heart rate back down. This sleep pattern is becoming painfully familiar to him, like finding an old t-shirt in the back of his closet that he hasn’t worn in 5 or so years, the material tight and constricting around his shoulders and chest. It’s 11:45 in the morning and he knows that trying to fall back asleep is useless, so he takes a quick shower and decides to clean out the fridge anyways.
When there’s a knock on his front door 30 minutes later, Eddie thinks he really shouldn’t be surprised.
But he still is when he pulls open the door and finds Buck standing in front of him, curls fresh and wet against his forehead, the circles under his eyes no less prominent than they were three hours ago. The spike of annoyance is almost immediate because Eddie knows that Buck got just about as much sleep as he did—if not less—and it was Eddie’s fault.
“Buck,” He starts to say, ready to wave him off again, turn him around on his porch and shove him back towards his jeep.
“I—is Christopher here?” Buck cuts him off, eyes darting over his shoulder. Eddie presses his lips together and shakes his head gently.
“He’s with Pepa,” He starts again but this time it’s Buck’s body that cuts him off, shoving his shoulder between Eddie and the doorway, pushing his way into Eddie’s house before he’s even had the opportunity to protest.
“What the hell is going on, Eddie?” Buck’s long legs make easy work of the distance between Eddie’s doorway to his kitchen and Eddie follows right on his heels, helpless and frustrated.
“Nothing’s going on, Buck. I told you to drop it.”
“Well I can’t, Eddie,” Buck says emphatically, spinning around and leaning back against Eddie’s counter. He pauses for a moment, wide eyes searching Eddie’s face before they drop to the floor. His fingers fumble with the hem of his sweatshirt and Eddie’s struck by how small he looks, shoulders hunched, bent inward.
He knows Buck pushes because he cares. Hell, if it were the other way around and Eddie had found out Buck had been to see a cardiologist and didn’t tell him, he wouldn’t have ever let them leave the hospital without finding out why. But Buck can’t know about this—whatever it is. Because Buck won’t drop it even after he finds out and all Eddie wants to do is move forward. He doesn’t get why no one else understands that.
“It wasn’t anything serious, Buck,” He tries again, but the way Buck stares back at him makes him feel like his body’s made of glass.
“Because if it was you would tell me?”
Eddie swallows. He holds Buck’s gaze and nods, a jerky aborted movement, before averting his eyes.
“Good, because four months ago you got shot.” Eddie ignores the way his entire body tenses as Buck continues. “And then you sat in the hospital room and told me that if anything ever happened to you I would be Christopher’s legal guardian.”
He doesn’t say anything and when he looks up again Buck has taken a step closer. He hovers over Eddie slightly, eyes soft and imploring.
“If something happens to you, I need to know. I want to know.”
“It was—it wasn’t a heart attack,” Eddie says quietly.
“But you thought it was.”
“The doctor said…they think it was a panic attack.” Eddie’s stomach twists at the gentle recognition that crosses Buck’s face. He’s not surprised in the slightest. Eddie can picture him easily, back at his loft, sitting on the edge of his bed, phone in hand, searching google for an explanation as to why Eddie would think he was having a heart attack if he wasn’t.
Realistically, Buck probably knew what was up while they were still in the hospital. But if Eddie can just pretend for a little longer—
“You don’t agree with them,” Buck says eventually and Eddie feels heat crawl up the back of his neck.
“I don’t panic,” He says as a reflex, the words familiar, having taken up residency on the tip of his tongue over the last couple of days. But the moment they’re out in the air, the moment he says them to Buck, he knows he’s lost the battle.
“Everybody panics.”
“I don’t.”
“Eddie, you got shot—”
“Why does everyone want to talk about that?” Eddie can’t keep the frustration from bleeding out into his words, not even through his gritted teeth. “I lived. I lived and he...he’s dead. I’ve moved on, why can’t everyone else?”
Eddie’s eyes are wide and frantic as he looks at Buck, pleading, and for a second Buck gets a glimpse at Eddie as a child. He gets a glimpse at Eddie before he closed himself off, before he was taught to build up walls around his heart, before he learned to shove every emotion down further and further until the only thing left was his ability to move forward. Before he learned how to control.
He reaches his hand out, settling it firmly on Eddie’s shoulder, thumb skipping over the pulse point in his neck.
“Eddie, it happened. Just because you don’t talk about it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. I—I watched you almost die, Eds.”
“But I didn’t,” Eddie repeats, voice small.
“And I’m really fucking glad you didn’t,” Buck agrees on an exhale. “I get that you want to move on but until you actually talk about what happened, you’re not going to be able to.”
Buck hesitates for a moment, his eyes searching Eddie’s face. Eddie stares back at him and eventually, Buck sucks in his bottom lip and drops his hand from Eddie’s shoulder. He steps back against the counter, looking down at his hands.
“Eddie, you’ve been through a lot. You’ve seen things that most people don’t even think to worry about. It all adds up, you know?”
“But I’m used to it—it’s not the first time I’ve almost died,” Eddie says and Buck does his best not to flinch, the way he always does when Eddie casually mentions his own mortality, the number of times he’s stared death in the face only to turn his back on it and fight in the opposite direction. He takes a deep breath and pushes back from the counter, turning and slowly making his way towards Eddie’s kitchen table.
“You know, I still talk to Dr. Copeland about what happened that day, sometimes,” Buck pulls out a chair and slowly sinks down into it, his joints cracking as he does. He looks up at Eddie, who feels frozen in place, struck by the realization that it’s been four months and this is the first time Buck has ever actually mentioned the shooting, the first time he’s ever talked about it as something that happened to him too.
“For weeks I couldn’t look in the mirror because I—I would remember standing in the hospital bathroom after they took you in and seeing…your blood everywhere.”
Buck’s words settle in the pit of Eddie’s stomach like a rock. He wants to say something gentle and encouraging, but his throat feels tight, like it’s closing up on itself, and all he can do is stare back at Buck.
“Some nights I still have nightmares where I wake up and I can feel your blood on my hands. Or—or sometimes I wake up and in my dream…we never made it to the hospital. Or I’m frozen and I watch you die in the street. And it takes everything in me not to call you and make sure you’re alright. That you’re still alive.”
Eddie eventually makes his way to the chair opposite Buck, sliding into it with robotic, stilted movements that feel like they’re made by someone other than himself.
“I didn’t know,” He says quietly, and Buck regards him with a face full of guilt and pain.
“I knew you didn’t want to talk about it. But…maybe I should’ve tried harder. I’m sorry,” Buck says and Eddie’s face twists.
“You don’t have to apologize for that, Buck.”
“The point is, no matter how much time has passed, I still think about that day. And I wasn’t the one who got shot.”
Eddie’s jaw works and lets his eyes fall to the table, trying to find something else to focus on, his heartbeat rattling in his chest. He traces the surface, noting all of the different dings and marks in the wood, the water stains from years of use, from years of living. He doesn’t remember the story behind each mark—some of them weren’t even made by him (or Christopher, or Buck, or anyone else they know). The table was a late-night purchase off of Facebook one of the first nights Eddie spent alone in their house. He remembers feeling a great sense of pride when he made the purchase like he was finally moving forward, achieving something for himself and for Christopher, doing the right thing. And then he remembers the deep sense of dread and loneliness that washed over him immediately after. A table was something he and Chris needed, but Eddie wasn’t used to furniture shopping alone. He couldn’t help but think about how Shannon would’ve hated the table he chose—and she told him as much when she eventually saw it.
He remembers Shannon and the way she had suddenly fallen back into his life, like a rare kind of meteor, a once in a lifetime kind of thing, crashing through the sky, fiery and fierce, ripping through the ozone layer and leaving a crater in its wake. That’s how he felt when Shannon died—torn and empty.
That’s how he felt in the months after the shooting, too. Even as he fought to get up each morning, fought to go to physical therapy, fought through his mandated counseling sessions, fought to regain mobility so he could get some sense of independence back, so that he didn’t feel so useless in his own home.
None of it cured the emptiness. Not even when he reached his hand out some nights and felt the warmth of Ana’s body next to him. Not even when she held him in her arms, ran her fingers through his hair. He doesn’t feel anything.
Or—maybe that’s not true. Maybe he does feel something, something he’s just been ignoring—an uneasiness deep in the pit of his stomach. An uneasiness that spreads, slow and quiet until suddenly it’s taken over his whole body—panic.
He does his best to ignore it but nothing soothes it—and maybe that’s what he’s been doing this whole time. Trying to soothe the ache, the fear. Reaching for the things he thought would bring him comfort, would help him move on. And acknowledging this pain and panic means that it’s not working. None of it’s working. Not this, ignore it and move on mentality, not this relationship with Ana. Because it’s all connected, isn’t it?
Three days before Eddie got shot in the street, Carla reached across the table and took his hand, and told him to be sure he was following his heart. Three days later he was bleeding out on the street, eyes locked with Buck’s, the two moments twisted and tied together in his history, a knot so tight Eddie didn’t think he could ever untie them.
Looking back up at Buck, Eddie remembers the dream he woke up from earlier. The dream itself isn’t important—it was just one in an endless sea of scenarios that have blended together into one long continuous nightmare; an empty street, a shot in the air, fire, blood, screaming, mud, water, gasping for air—but Eddie remembers what he was searching for when he woke up.
Blue eyes, equally startled.
“I don’t,” Eddie says suddenly, his voice surprising him. He pauses, looks back down at his hands. “I don’t know how to do this.”
“Do what?” Buck asks quietly. His hands slide across the table and hesitate just for a moment before they cover Eddie’s own. The relief is almost instant—not total but enough.
“Ask for help,” Eddie responds. Buck squeezes his hands and he looks back up at him. He swallows, hard, at the sight of Buck’s wide, pale blue eyes staring back at him. Eddie could get lost in them. Eddie wants to get lost in them. He thinks he could be safe there.
“You just did.”
It takes a moment for Eddie to realize he’s crying. It takes him even longer to realize this is the first time he’s ever cried in front of Buck. But after everything they’ve gone through, after this whole conversation, he can’t find it in him to feel ashamed of it. Especially not when Buck’s looking at him with nothing but sincerity and honesty in his eyes. And it hits him then that Buck loves him.
Eddie thinks maybe this is what it’s like to be loved in your entirety. He’s not sure he’s ever felt anything like it before. He doesn’t have time just yet to unpack the way it feels to have Buck look at him like that, to feel like he’s been cracked down the middle and opened up to reveal every ugly vulnerability and be met with nothing but love.
But it feels right. It feels like a step forward. A step in the right direction.
Eventually, he’ll have to go back to therapy. He’ll have to unpack the events from that day, the anger he never let himself feel, the fear that his life was about to be cut short, the regret he felt staring across the 20 feet of asphalt at Buck, covered in his blood.
He’ll have to talk to Christopher because he knows his son is too attentive for his own good, and if his trip to the hospital taught him anything (and it taught him a lot) it was that Christopher had no intention of playing along with this charade Eddie had going, and he saw right through it.
He’ll have to talk to Ana. He’ll have to confront the fact that when he searches for comfort in the middle of the night, in the midst of his panic, he doesn’t find it in the shape of her body, but in the image of Buck.
One day, he’ll have to face those feelings head-on. He’ll have to untangle this web of repression and fear, the threads of which had been spun so long before Eddie was ever aware that they’re practically embedded in his DNA.
But for now, he finds peace in his kitchen, his hands in Buck’s, blue eyes on his.
And he feels safe here. If only for the moment.
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babyyweebbitch · 3 years ago
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Please stay with me — Remake
Soo I reread the one I did before and I wanted to remake it because it wasn’t as good (heres the first one) I hope I can make this one better 😭😭 Also, grab tissues. I made this TOO sad
TW // death ; blood ; funeral ; severe depression & relapse
summary: Chris Redfield and his wife were on a mission a seven months after Piers’ death. His wife has been Captain of their team ever since that day.
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Seven months ago Piers Nivans died in order to save Chris’ life and for the BSAA. Chris was still fucked up after that day and he thinks about it almost every day. He took a break from the BSAA since his wife made him. It wasn’t a very long one though, he missed being at work, he missed his coworkers and he missed her
Chris resigned as Captain and let his wife replace him. It was a very emotional day not not only for her and Chris but for the entire BSAA because they’ve never had a woman as Captain before. She was a good captain probably even better than Chris. Despite her height, weight and basically being the youngest on that team at 28. She was undoubtedly the best captain in years
Her team along with Chris were on a mission. Their mission was to take out the enemy, find three hostages and disable the bombs set in the building “Okay men… we’re gonna be splitting into three teams since there’s a lot of us here. Team A; Corey, John and Andrew. Your job is to find out where the bombs are and disable them as quickly as possible.”
“Yes ma’am!” The three went off to do their job as told
“Team B; Phil, Jean and Mark, you’re in charge of finding and getting the hostages to safety out of this building. You three can split up, stay together I don’t care. As long as your job is done”
“Ma’am” the three left
She turned to Eric and Chris who were standing together “what a coincidence, you two are with me.” She said with a slight smile on her face, walking ahead of the two Eric leaned over to Chris “She’s so cool…” Chris thought of Finn the moment he said that, he couldn’t help but to smile and look at him “I know…”
“Stop standing around we have a mission you know!” She yelled out to the two of them. Chris and Eric quickly made their way to the door the enemies were behind, Chris was silent the entire time before he was quickly checked back into reality with a pat on the shoulder “you okay? We need you fully here for this” his wife said as he looked down at her and nodded “yeah I’m okay…”
Chris, his wife and Eric all prepared as the door was blown open and guns were firing. The three did take cover just in time. After about five minutes of gun fire and fighting it finally stopped, thinking they had all the enemies taken care of they all stood up “good job! We did it — Chris!” Y/N called out as she did catch a glimpse of an enemy that didn’t die somehow standing up and pointing their gun towards Chris.
She quickly ran towards Chris and pushed him out the way, for Chris it’s almost like everything was happening in slow motion. He had to process everything leading up to that moment. He heard a scream of pain when his head finally cleared, looking up to see his wife shot in the sternum and Eric shooting the enemy down
She started to fall and Chris caught her before she hit the floor, his eyes started filling up with tears as he looked at her “baby please… tell me this is a joke!”
She knew she was dying, her body felt so cold from the inside out she, she coughed before reaching into one of her many pokes on her pants “c…Chris… do me a favour okay? Please…. stay safe” she handed him her wedding ring, she never wore it during missions to avoid it getting broken, rusted or something. So she held it in her pocket where it was safe “I… feel so… cold”
Chris looked at the ring then at her “no don’t say that! You’re gonna be fine! You’re gonna be fine! Please stay with me!” He started crying, Eric stood by as Team B; Phil, Jean and Mark came in. They surprisingly finished the bomb quicker than expected “Captain w—“ Mark was starting to talk but he quickly stopped when he realised what was happening
“Guys… take care of him for me…” she struggled to talk. She looked up at Chris to see him crying, she lifted her Hand up to his cheek to wipe his tears one last time “no no… don’t cry hon… I’ll tell my parents you said hi… I love you..” Chris held onto her hand and his heart practically stopped the moment he felt her hand and body go heavy and her head fall back … she was dead now
“No…. Please come back! Please don’t go! Y/N!!!” He held her body close and just sobbed, Eric and team B were tearing up and trying to wipe their tears
It took a while to get Chris to let go of her body and let them put her on a stretcher and on the truck so they can go back. When they finally did everyone on the team was there. It took three guys to pry him off of her This was the first time they’ve ever seen him cry like this
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It’s been almost a month since she’s died, Chris looked horrible. He hasn’t shaved, left the house, he started drinking again and Claire had to clean him up at night since he wasn’t sober enough to even do it himself. The house looked like shit especially the room Chris and his wife shared
It was the day of the funeral and Chris was sitting on the edge of the bed looking at the picture of him and her on their wedding day back in 2007. He somehow managed to even get up that day and not drink. He showered that morning, got dressed in a suit and did his hair. He still didn’t shave though
Claire came in “Chris? You ready?” She asked. She had on a black dress on “I guess so…” Chris responded. He stood up and placed the picture down on the night stand and grabbed the necklace he had with his wife’s ring on it.
Claire fixed his tie and jacket before they left. Chris was always taking care of her when she was younger so now it was time for her to take care of her older brother “good. Let’s go” Claire let him walk in front of her to the car. She drove because one he couldn’t think straight enough to drive and he was completely hung over from drinking too much
After about a 45 minute drive they arrived to where her funeral was being held at. Everyone they knew was there, Leon, their BSAA team, Her family. It was hard for him to see her brother and sister at their older sisters funeral
The ceremony, the viewing and speeches all happened and Chris barely even got through his speech without crying
(Im so so so sorry for this next part)
Chris’ speech: “Y/N was an amazing person, she always took care of everyone, me, her siblings, our team, Claire… everyone. She put everyone before herself no matter who they were. She joined the BSAA not because of herself because of her parents death in Raccoon City. She promised them she would do something in any way to stop what happened in Raccoon from ever happening again. She treated our team like her family and even the rookies as her kids even if they were a few years younger then her. She was an even amazing person and wife. And I miss her dearly.”
There wasn’t a single dry eye in that room when Chris said his speech. After everything, everyone went inside to eat and talk.
Chris sat with Claire and Y/N’s siblings. He just picked at his food and stared at the plate. He was terrifyingly silent before Leon came over “hey Chris… how are you holding up?” Leon asked as he stared at Chris. He could tell how hard this has affected Chris. “I’m fine…”
“Chris… You need to eat. All you’ve done in the past month was drink, workout and cry… You need to at least eat something” Claire said “she wouldn’t want this… Her or Piers wouldn’t want you to be like this. Y/N would be yelling at you if she saw you picking at your food like this. We both know she would”
Chris’ eyes started to water once again before he spoke “I…. I know.. but I just miss her so much, Claire… we were gonna start a family together… she wanted to have kids and get a bigger house so we can have a big family… now I can’t have one because she’s the only person I wanted a family with…” Chris sighed softly as he wiped his eyes
“I miss her too… we all do…” Leon commented looking down at his plate. Chris eventually ended up eating his food and everyone left to go home. The entire drive home was deafening to the point you can hear a pin drop
When he got home he changed inside a fresh pair of clothes and he started to clean the house, starting with the bedroom and ending in the Kitchen. He cleaned it exactly how she’d like it and when he was finished around 3:32 am he sat on the couch and sighed
They were right… She would yell at him if she saw the way he was, how the house was when she died
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After a few years pass it’s before the entire Village situation. Every week since the funeral Chris visited her grave and just talked to her for a bit. On her birthday he spent almost half the day there, on new year’s he watched the fireworks by your gave.
He still hasn’t moved on since her death he can’t even get into another relationship with a woman since her death but it’s not like he can find anyone else like her… and honestly he didn’t want to.
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IM SO FUCKING SORRY FOR MAKING THIS EVEN SADDER tbh tho I started tearing up writing this
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mimzy-writing-online · 4 years ago
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Writing A Blind/Visually Impaired Character: Canes, Guide Dogs, O&M
Wow, back in June I decided to take a few months break from blogging to recharge and focus on my mental health. About a month ago I began writing this specific post, slowly and in stages because of how demanding, detailed, and long it is.
I’m not sure when I planned to come back. I have about 200 posts with tags and image description in my drafts folder, waiting to be queued, but I wanted to finish this guide before I fully came back.
Come back with a bang, right?
But this blog, and specifically, my Writing a Blind or Visually Impaired Character  guide, has gotten so much traffic and support that I felt incredibly motivated to come back now.
So I finished the guide, and now here it is. It’s been a year+ in the making. Since the very beginning of this writing advice series about writing blind characters, I’ve promised to write a guide specifically about canes, guide dogs, O&M, and other accessibility measures the blind community relies on. 
In fact, if you look at my master post for this guide (now pinned at the first post on my blog) you’ll find that it was reserved as Part Four, even as other guides and additions were added over the last year.
In this post I’ll be explaining 
What Orientation and Mobility (O&M) is
How one learns O&M
About canes, from different types of canes and their parts, as well as how to use a cane. 
I will be explaining the sensory experiences of using a cane and how to describe it in narrative. 
I will include small mannerisms long-time cane uses might develop. 
At the very end will be a section on guide dogs, but this will be limited to research because I have no personal experience with guide dogs, being a cane user.
Disclaimer: I am an actual visually impaired person who has been using a cane for nearly three years and has been experiencing vision loss symptoms for a few years longer than that. This guide is based on both my experiences and my research. My experiences are not universal however because every blind person has a unique experience with their blindness
What Is Orientation & Mobility
Orientation and Mobility (O&M) is the specific skill of understanding and navigating the world safely and confidently with vision loss.
I’m going to quote Vision Aware’s specific definition [link]
"Orientation" refers to the ability to know where you are and where you want to go, whether you're moving from one room to another or walking downtown for a shopping trip.
"Mobility" refers to the ability to move safely, efficiently, and effectively from one place to another, such as being able to walk without tripping or falling on steps or elevation changes, crossing streets, and using public transportation
O&M can involve :
-learning how to use a cane, as well as what cane works best for you
-safely navigating obstacles with your cane, including stairs, ramps, elevators, uneven or curved sidewalks, through crowds, around furniture
-learning safe strategies for crossing the street
-planning routes to new or recurring locations
-using technology enroute, including GPS and apps like Uber and Lyft
-safely accessing public transportation
-how to ask for help when needed
-working with human sighted guides
A Note on the Blind Community and Their Relationship with Canes
The Perkins School for the Blind estimates that only 2-8% of the blind community rely on canes for navigation. The rest rely on remaining vision, guide dogs, and sighted guides. Only about 2% of the blind community relies on guide dogs however, and to get a guide dog in the first place, a person must go through O&M classes and use a cane for six months before they can sign up for a guide dog.
What this means is that 90% of the blind community don’t use a cane.
I didn’t know this fact until I begun research for this guide, and that number astounds me. 
Truth be told, while I have navigated my life without a cane before, I can’t imagine going back to the way it was before I got it. Even if I only need my cane some of the time, I can’t bear to not use it in the situations I need it. Having a cane made my life a lot easier, a lot safer.
I don’t know what to attribute this number to.
I might attribute it to the concepts of invisible vs. visible disability, internalized ableism, or the feeling of ‘not being blind enough’ for a cane, as well as accessibility to the blind community and knowledge, and access to buying a cane in the first place. I could write a thing about it, but if I try it’s gonna be its own post.
Onward~
How Do You Learn O&M? How Will My Character Learn?
You will have to find an Orientation and Mobility instructor and have them personally teach you O&M skills.
The O&M Instructor is a sighted adult who has gone to school for a bachelor’s degree and gone through O&M training themselves while blindfolded, usually fulfilling a certain requirement of hours (one program required 400 hours of O&M practice blindfolded before you could become certified), and apply for certification to teach O&M.
(Or, as is the process to become an instructor in the United States, where I am from. Becoming an instructor would vary in other countries, I’m sure)
To find an O&M instructor, you would reach out to your local school or foundation for the blind. Finding your nearest school for the blind could be done through…
Google search
Your Ophthalmologist (eye doctor) referring you to a school for the blind
A Social Service Worker reaching out to you and helping you contact the school
Possibly your school (as in grade/primary school, high school, university) reaching out to the nearest school for the blind on your behalf.
Unfortunately, there is not an abundance of schools and foundations, so your nearest might still be a far travel distance. My local school is a 45 minute drive away. For some it might a few hours away. 
This is, again, a U.S. experience, because our land mass is spaced out, and something like a six hour drive feels like nothing to most people (although is highly impractical and very difficult to a blind person who cannot drive themselves), but in other countries a six hour drive would mean crossing several borders, and other countries have different social programs.
There is not a full and complete database of every available school for the blind either, no one website to find every possible option. For example, the school I went to wasn’t listed in most of the website resources I found, even though it has seven branches and locations. 
This is more a complaint at the real life struggle to find disabled services, that there are few comprehensive resources out there. If you ask me, it should be made significantly easier to find and access your local blind communities. Accessibility and disabled services should be easily available everywhere.
If your story is based in a real world location, googling ‘school for the blind (city/county/country)’ should suffice in finding the one most local to your setting.
What might a school for the blind provide for your character?
Well, on top of helping your character connect to an O&M instructor, a school for the blind might provide other rehabilitation classes and access to additional resources.
Those rehabilitation classes could include lessons on:
-Reading/Writing Braille & using brailling machines
-Technology classes for screen readers, magnifiers, etc on your computer and smart phone.
My local school has separate classes specific to Andriod, iOS, JAWS, Zoomtext Fusion
-Independent Living skills (cooking, cleaning, organizing, planning how to get groceries and medications)
-Self Improvement (dancing, art, music, self defense. These were classes my school taught)
The additional resources form these schools might include- 
Referrals to counselors for coping with vision loss
Access to their audio-book and braille library
Access to magnifier devices, brailler machines (think of a typewriter for writing braille)
Some schools also offer grade-school or high-school education, meaning blind children/teens learn there instead of a mainstream school.
Some schools have lodgings for clients to stay at while going through rehabilitation, especially if the vision loss is sudden and severe. They live on-campus and take part in classes. Other schools only have day classes offered and you need to find transportation for every visit. Many schools might have a rehabilitation specialist or O&M instructor visit you in your home.
My local school did the last two. They had on site classes, but the school is a 45 minute drive from me, so I only visited a few times. They were able to send an O&M instructor to me. 
On Wednesdays at 3 pm she would drive to my house and give me lessons on using my cane. Those included her driving me to different locations to practice certain skills (like using stairs and escalators at the mall, or crossing a moderately busy intersection, or visiting a bus station to practice boarding a bus safely and communication with a bus driver where my stop was).
She also brought multiple different types of canes for new students to try out and determine which felt best for them.
The Many Types of Canes
Long Canes are used to sweep the immediate area in front of the cane user as they’re walking. This is the cane type that the general public is most familiar with seeing. There are several sub-types of long canes. They can also be called white canes or probing canes.
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[Image Description: Man in business clothes traveling on the side walk with a white and red cane. End Image Description]
White cane can be a misnomer for two reasons: One, the concept of the standard cane for the blind can look different in different countries. In America, the standard is white with a red tip. In some countries the standard is an all-white cane. In some countries an all white cane might mean the user is blind while a white cane with a red tip means the user is deaf-blind.
Two, some companies like Ambutech allow customers to customize their cane colors and tips. Example: Molly Burke’s hot pink cane. My white cane with a purple tip. An all black or all sky blue or all red or all purple cane. A black cane with a blue or purple tip. Ambutech also allows customers to request neon-colored reflective tape to make their canes more visible at night.
Probing cane is not a term I’ve personally heard before, but it is a term Vision Aware uses on their website.
There are three main types of long canes:
Non-folding Canes: a cane that has no sections, cannot be folded or collapsed.
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[Image Description: stock photo of man in business suit with a non-folding all white cane. End Image Description]
Folding Canes: The cane has 3-6 sections depending on its height. The taller the cane, the more sections it has. The sections are separate pieces that are made to snap together and are held together by a strong elastic rope inside the sections.
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[Image Description: a folding cane with four sections, white with a red tip, and a rolling marshmallow tip. End Image Description]
Telescopic Canes: in which the sections slide into each other, similar to a telescope/spyglass, rather than pulling apart and folding. The handle is the widest section, and the tip section is the thinnest.
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[Image Description: Three stacked images of a blue telescopic cane. First is of the cane completely collapsed. Second is of the sections partially sliding out. Third is the cane sections completely out and locked.]
Beyond that is also the Identification Cane. The function of this cane is to visibly identify the user as blind. It’s not used for O&M the way long canes are, there is no sweeping out the next two steps. It can be used as a support cane, however. 
It’s appeals most to the elderly who not only make up a huge percentage of the blind community, but might also benefit most from having both a support cane and an identifier for their blindness, in case they need assistance. 
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[Image Description: identification cane with curved handle. All white with red tip. End Image Description]
A note: From what I’ve heard in the blind community, some people prefer solid/non-folding canes over folding or telescopic canes. The reason for this is that solid canes transfer vibration better than folding or telescopic canes. It’s said that the more sections a cane has, the less precise the vibrations are. 
Some cane users train themselves to understand the vibrations of the surfaces their canes are touching. It tells them what kind of surface they’re on (wood vs. marble vs. concrete), if there are nearby objects to their cane. While I rely somewhat on cane vibrations to tell me what surface I’m walking on (more on that later), it is beyond my current O&M abilities to use cane vibrations to sense nearby walls or objects.
Cane vibrations are just an additional information-sense to add to the others in use, and extra bit of data input.
Parts of the Cane: Materials, Handle, Tips, Sections, Elastic Band
Material
The three most common types of materials used to make canes are aluminum, carbon-fiber, and fiberglass. Each material has some drawbacks and benefits.
The ideal cane is lightweight and durable. It should be strong enough to withstand hitting something solid without bending or splintering.
Aluminum is strong and durable, but heavy. If it’s damage, it’s more likely to bend than break entirely. A bend can be straightened out, but it takes considerable strength.
Carbon-fiber is lightweight and durable. It’s stronger than fiberglass, and it can bend out of shape rather than splintering.
Fiberglass is lightweight but a bit rigid. If it breaks, it splinters.
Handles and Elastic Bands
While some canes can have specialized grips (plastic, wood, corkboard) the most common handle material is a black rubber handle that is about ten inches long, give or take. In the previous photos you’ve seen, the canes have had black rubber handles.
Here is an example of a cane with a wood-mesh material used as the handle.
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[Image Description: a four section white cane with a red tip and a orange wood mesh handle, with black elastic band attached. End Image Description]
The benefits of black rubber handles over others are that it’s easier to hold onto, especially if your palms are wet or sweaty, than a plastic or polished wood handle. It also wouldn’t show the indents or scratches from wear and tear daily use. I’m guessing that is cheaper to make on the manufacturing standpoint, and thus is conveniently the standard.
Pay attention to the black elastic band attached to the handle in the above photo. Notice how it has a tied off loop? That is so that when the cane is folded, that loop can be stretched over the folded sections to hold it together.
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[Image Description: a four section folding cane folded up with the black band around them. End Image Description]
Additional benefits or functions of the elastic could be to use it as a wrist strap while using the cane, or hanging it up on a hook while not in use. I tend to have my cane folded up and tuck my wrist under the strap to hold it more securely while carrying it. Images of that ahead in my cane-isms section.
Cane Height
Ideal cane heights depend on the user. For most users, you want your cane height to be to your shoulder, give or take a few inches. You might need a longer cane if you are a fast walker with long strides, or a shorter cane if you prefer to hold your cane at a lower angle than is traditional.
What I mean when I talk about holding your cane at a certain angle is that the standard is to hold your cane handle in your dominant hand and position it in front of your belly button, moving it side to side with each step. Traditional grip methods are holding your hand palm side up with your cane in hand, or to hold the cane at the section joint closest to the handle with what is called the pencil grip, holding the cane like a fat pencil.
Depending on the height, a cane can have anywhere between three and six sections. Longer canes have more sections. The top section includes the handle, and the last section includes the stripe color (traditionally red, unless customized) and the tip. 
The sections of the cane are generally slightly reflective, regardless of color. If you hold a cane up to the light you’ll see tiny specks of light reflected back, almost like very fine, tiny particle glitter paint. This detail is important in cane production because it makes the cane more visible at night, especially if something like car headlights reflect off it while someone is crossing.
Additional visibility at night can be added by wrapping stripes of reflective tape along the shaft.
Cane Tips
There are several different tip options for canes.
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[Image Description: four different types of cane tips on a blue background with labels. From left to right: marshmallow tip, ball tip, pencil tip, glide tip.]
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[Image Description: a rolling marshmallow tip with a blue background. End Image Description]
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[Image Description: Bandu basher tip with a white background. For anyone not familiar with the name, the long, curved cane tip that looks like a hockey stick. End Image Description]
Some of these tips are better for the tap-tap method of cane travel, as in tapping the spots where you plan to step. They can also be used to feel out the shapes of objects, stairs, etc. 
marshmallow tip, pencil tip, 
They should not be scraped over surfaces, the tips will wear down much faster than they should. There are better tips for rolling over surface
Some tips are better for the rolling method of cane travel, which is the method I use. They aren’t great for tapping, but it can be done in a pinch. 
rolling marshmallow tip, ball tip, glide tip
The Bandu Basher tip, the hockey stick shaped tip, is best for hovering an inch off the ground and lightly tapping objects. It could be tapped. It should not be scraped over the ground like a rolling tip. It hovers.
After enough use, the tips will wear down and need to be replaced. The part of the tip that has the most contact with the ground, usually the edge of the shape, gets scrapes, sands down, and eventually begins to look like it was shaved off while still having bits of plastic still gripped to it.
Never fear, cane tips can be removed and replaced when they wear out, replacing the whole cane is not necessary.
Some tips slip on or twist on. Others hook on. By hook on I mean that the elastic that keeps the cane sections together also has a loop at the tip end that a hook onto and stay held into place. Look back at the photo of the rolling marshmallow tip and you will see the hook that attaches to the black elastic.
Cane tips sell for about 5 - 10 U.S. dollars, plus shipping, so it’s advised to buy several back up tips with your cane. I replace my rolling marshmallow tips once every six to twelve months. I don’t know if that’s considered too much or too often. The last time I needed to replace mine was June 2019 (It’s July 2020 at the date of writing this, but I’ve hardly left my home for the last six months because of COVID-virus related quarantine/social distancing.)
Sensory Details/Describing What Using a Cane Feels Like
Every surface type feels and sounds different when tapping or rolling a cane over it. It’s this difference that tells us a lot about our environment.
It tells us when we stepped off the side walk onto the grass, when we’ve walked inside because the concrete changes to wood or carpet flooring. These little details become trail markers too, useful for places we anticipate traveling to a lot.
Example: A week before every semester in college, I would travel to each of the classrooms and learn necessary routes. I learned that certain paths had giant cracks in the sidewalk that would be distinct enough to use as a trail marker to where I was on a path, or that certain paths went from cement to gravel, or cement to brick.
Carpet: The sound is very soft, and if you’re rolling your cane across carpet it sounds like a quiet swish-swish-swish. Tapping sounds depend on how thick the carpet padding underneath is, the thicker the carpet the softer the sound. If there’s a lot of padding then taps don’t make much sound, but if the padding is thin or underneath the carpet is tile or concrete then you hear a louder thudding tap. It’s still pretty quiet. If you’re rolling the cane you would feel a little bit of drag, the cane moves slower over the carpet. The thicker or shaggier the carpet is, the more drag it has.
Wood floor: Cane tips make rumbling sounds when rolling over wood floors. The smoother the wood, the less it rumbles. There’s a little vibration moving from the cane tip, through the cane and into your hand as you roll over wood planks. Very small. The more sensitive you are to vibrations, the more you feel it. Tapping makes hallow, thudding sounds on the wood. Sometimes they sound a little snappish if you’re tapping harshly. You feel stronger vibrations when tapping. Older wood feels softer, with more give. New wood is stronger, more vibrations in the cane.
Tile:It depends on the size of the tiles and the wideness of the grout lines, but it’s not a pleasant feeling. Tiles have grout lines, which are little divets between the tiles. The smaller the tiles or rougher the grout lines are, the more the cane vibrates in your hands. Every bump is felt running from the cane to your hand. The sound is a little grating too. Imagine fifty sets of stiletto shoes walking on tile, that’s what it sounds like when you roll your cane over rough, small tiles. Larger tiles with smoother grout lines aren’t so bad. Tapping the tile with your cane sounds like one really loud step of a stiletto heal, one step for each tap. Tile floors are usually found in bathrooms, kitchens, and industrial locations where the room is going to have harder walls (more tile, concrete, etc) and few furniture, so the room echoes more.
Linoleum: is a smooth even surface. It feels like your cane is gliding when you roll it, barely feeling any vibrations. The rolling sounds are very soft because of the lack of bumps, however tapping sounds are a bit louder. Not as snappish as tile or marble, but almost.
Marble: is similar to linoleum in its smoothness. Your cane glides when rolling. Tapping sounds are sharp. Because marble floors are common in high end malls, luxury homes, and fancy office building entries, places that usually have high ceilings and hard walls with minimal decorations and minimalist furnishing, those sharp tapping sounds may echo. Assuming there isn’t too much noise and the environment is relatively quiet.
Concrete: (I’m referring to concrete found in parking garages and industrial buildings, not sidewalk) It depends on the age of the concrete and how it’s maintained. Old concrete with lots of cracks and mini-craters feels very different from smooth concrete that was set less than a year ago. With old concrete there’s a rattling sound as your cane tip rolls over the bumps and those vibrations travel up your cane. New concrete can feel similar to marble or linoleum. The taps are loud thuds on dull concrete and sharper on new concrete.
Sidewalks: are made of concrete, but in my experience they feel a little different than the above example. Sidewalks have a grittier surface, they’re slightly rougher, more dry. There’s a bit more rolling cane vibration with sidewalks and the taps have more of a thud sound. And because they’re outside, you’re unlikely to hear any echoes unless you’re walking in an alley or between buildings.
Asphalt: is one of the worst surfaces in my personal opinion. Asphalt is the material used in roads and it’s made to be rough and gritty so that car tires can grip onto it and not lose traction while driving. The older and more damaged it is, the rougher it is. Because it’s rough the vibrations are much stronger, sometimes irritatingly so. I can’t roll my cane over asphalt because the bones in my hand can’t handle those kinds of vibrations, so I almost always use the tapping method instead. The sounds are gritty and dull. Unfortunately, asphalt is an unavoidable surface, unless you can find a way to never need to cross a street or walk through a parking lot.
Note: the white or yellow lines that have been painted into asphalt sometimes feel smoother because of the material they’re made of and because they’re added after the asphalt has been laid down.
Note: There’s something called tarmac which is similar to asphalt, used for a similar purpose, and more common in the U.K. (I believe) but I can’t say that I’ve ever knowingly walked on it so I have no personal experience to give you.
Gravel: Another one of those evil surfaces. Gravel is just loose rocks and they’re common in rural roads, driveways, some landscaping. The looseness of them is what makes them untrustworthy. It makes a crunching sound. If you roll your cane, you’re likely to end up tossing small bits of rock and dust here and there. If you tap, you’ll hear the crunch but your brain might not translate that into “it’s gravel” until you’re walking on it and only realize when you walk over it and the sharp rocks begin digging into your shoes.
Wood Chips: I don’t have any experience with this since vision loss and getting a cane, so I’m using my memories of being on the playground in grade school because the surface on the playground was wood chips. I’d say wood ships are a love child between gravel and wood floors. The surface is loose and rolling your cane over it would kick up loose chips and dust. It would probably sound similar to walking on sand I think, because wood chips are much softer than gravel but not as consistent as wood. If it’s rained recently, then the waterlogged wood chips sound even softer.
Hard Dirt: I’m thinking dirt roads here, which are a lesser evil to asphalt and gravel. They can be rough like all roads, but the material isn’t has hard and solid. Rolling your cane will kick up dust on a dry day, but if it rained a few days ago you might hear a soft crunch as you roll over wet dirt. Tapping will have a very soft thud.
Soft Dirt: Think gardening dirt. Because it’s so soft, it makes very little sound and is easily kicked up. There’s a bit of drag, about the same or slightly more drag than grass or sand. Tapping has almost no sound but you might feel a slight give as your tip lands in the dirt, a slight resistance as it sinks in.
Mud: Yuck. I’m imagining this getting in my cane tip and how gross it would be after. Sound and feeling depend on how wet the mud is. Wet mud sounds slurpy. There’s more squish if you roll or tap your cane. Your character might not identify it right away until their shoes begin slipping as they walk over the mud. This is a personal experience. Drier mud sounds soft and feels almost solid underneath your cane. Wetter mud has more drag for a rolling cane. Muddy areas are also generally uneven because top soil has been displaced, so muddy hills and fields have unexpected but usually subtle changes in elevation.
Puddles: have both a slurpy and splash-splash sound. The slurpy sound is more common with rolling cane techniques. The splash sound is more common with tapping. The deeper the puddle, the louder is sounds and the more drag you experience. I am not fond of this texture/experience.
Snow: I have zero experience with snow since the development of blindness. So no experience of what it’s like to walk through with a cane. This is something I hope a blind reader can inform me on so I can edit this at a later date. My best guess is that it has a soft crunch, softer than the crunch of shoes in snow. A lot of drag too. Rolling through snow would probably be near impossible, especially if it’s deep snow or hard packed. Again, my best guess. The last time I experienced snow was when I was twelve.
Grass: One of my least favorites personally. Too much drag. Worse than shag carpeting. It’s very soft and doesn’t make much sound either. Like a crisp crunch you can barely hear. If the grass is wet or frosty you hear it a bit more crunch.
Surface with fallen Autumn leaves: Leaves everywhere! This is a bit dependant on whatever surface the leaves are on. It would soften the sound of cement, but there would be a louder crunch on grass. If the leaves are big and very curvy/pocketed then they’re easy to push aside. Smaller, flatter leaves don’t push as easily. The driest ones will crunch under your cane. It’s fun sometimes, if you’re the kind of person who likes stepping on leaves on purpose, but if you can’t see the leaves it might lose some of its fun and be more unexpected. 
Sand: I’ve never personally taken my cane to the beach, despite living so close to the coast. The reason is because beach sand is so squishy and loose that it’s already impossible to stay steady on your feet. The sand is always sinking under your feet, unless you’re next to the water line and the dampness has made it firmer. So a cane isn’t very useful to me at the beach. Not to mention that sand isn’t something you want inside your cane joints if you want the cane to last. Sand will erode and damage the joints, regardless of if they’re metal or plastic. If I were to take my cane to the beach, it would make the softest crunching-swishy noise of sand sliding over sand, similar to what your footsteps sound like on sand, but possibly even quieter because canes are lighter.
Side Note: My mother sarcastically asked about rolling your cane through dog poop or gum left on the floor. Can���t say I’ve ever rolled through it, so couldn’t tell you. Use your imagination I guess, Mum
The Invention of Tactile Paving
These are amazing! Tactile Paving are those yellow (or sometimes grey) bumpy squares you see on ramps leading into parking lots or when crossing the street. In 1965, Japanese engineer Seiichi Miyake used his own money to develop a tactile brick that you could feel even when walking over it with shoes, and he designed this because a friend of his was losing their vision and he wanted to help. These are amazing, and accessible to everyone, even the blind who don’t have a cane or guide dog. These are literal life savers. Before I got my cane, if I felt those bumps under my shoes I knew to immediately stop because I was about to walk into the road. Because less than 10% of the blind community uses canes or guide dogs, this is the most accessible form of blind aide available.
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[Image Description: a yellow rectangle of tactile paving in front of a ramp leading into a parking lot. End Image Description]
Note: similar detail, most doors in commercial buildings (in my localized experience) have a metal plate on the threshold to hold the door in place so there are no cracks underneath. The metal scraping sound when you roll or tap your cane on it is distinct but temporary and non-repeating, so it’s a good indication that you’ve reached and passed the threshold.
Blind-isms
I have a section in this guide about blind-isms, but these ones are focused specifically on cane use.
-Do. Not. Touch. My. Cane. Don’t. Just fucking don’t.
-The above ism comes from the fact that our cane is our safety net, an extension of our body, our eyes, the one thing that makes sure we’ll get somewhere safely. For that reason, blind people hate having their canes (or their on duty guide dogs) touched by strangers, acquaintances, friends we’re not very close to, some family members.
Important Note: That is a universal thing for disabled people. Don’t. Touch. Their. Mobility Aides. It’s assault. Touching someone’s wheelchair or pushing them around without their expressed permission is assault. Moving their wheelchair while the user is currently standing is assault. (Most wheelchair users are not paralyzed, but they still need the wheelchair because of their medical condition, which is not your business to know). It doesn’t matter if the wheelchair is in the way, the disabled person needs it right there, do not touch it. Touching or grabbing someone’s support cane or their long cane is assault. Touching or moving someone’s walker is assault. Touching, poking at, or tampering with someone’s hearing aids is assault. Touching their oxygen tank or cannula is assault.
Back on topic-
-Idle motions with your cane while waiting in line. I often rest my chin on my cane or lean on it
-twirl my cane like a staff when I’m alone and no one can see. I would not ever do this in front of anyone because I don’t want anyone thinking it’s a toy or they can just touch or grab it. I’m just a little childish and bored sometimes and idle motions are a common thing for people with ADHD.
-When carrying my folded cane inside (like say a store) I hang it from my wrist by the strap.
-Keeping my cane within arms reach at all times, even in situations where I don’t need it currently. Example: if we’re doing a classroom assignment where I need to leave my desk, I know the classroom well enough to not use my cane, but I won’t leave it at my desk, ever. (This does not apply at home. And in the homes of a very few, very trusted friends I will leave it somewhere I deem safe.)
-Having a set, specific place in my home (living with my immediate family, who almost never have guests) for my cane. In my case, it’s the top of an antique dresser in the living room, across from the door. It has a little bowl for my sunglasses as well. If I move out and have roommates, my cane will be in my room.
-Love me a bag or backpack that has enough space to discretely store your cane, but most of my bags cannot do that.
-People with folding canes develop a muscle memory for folding and unfolding their cane, so they can do it without really thinking about it.
-Unfolding my cane: I hold the black handle between my thumb and palm with my other fingers folded over the remaining three sections, cane tip pointing up. I slide the elastic over the tip, loosen my four fingers and roll my wrist to the side. The red colored section unfolds first and snaps into place with its neighboring section. I roll my wrist in the opposite direction so the next white section can unfold and snap into place with it’s neighboring section. Roll it back in the first direction and the third section snaps into place with the handle. My four section cane is now unfolded and straight.
-Sometimes I just grab the black handle and let the sections fall and unfold as they will, but this is less controlled and risks your cane bumping into something or someone.
-Folding my cane: I start with the black handle, lifting it up so the joints unlock. I fold it down, grab both sections in my hand and lift the second section away from the third and fold it over. Wrap my hand over all three sections and unlock it from the red section.
-Because I have a four section folding cane, the cane tip and the handle are on the same side while the metal joints are on the opposite side. Those metal joints are what my elastic slips over.
-A three or five folding cane will have the head of the handle (and its elastic) on the opposite side of the cane tip, and you will be folding the elastic over the cane joints and tip.
-A six section cane has the tip and handle facing the same direction like the four section cane.
-People with non-folding canes like leaning their canes up against walls and other objects when not in use. Corners are popular, the corner of a desk up against a wall too.
-But oh god the frustration when the cane randomly rolls out of place and hits the floor, it’s a combination of “Not again” and “did that really just happen” and “you had one job. one job.”
-Sitting with our cane tucked between our legs. Picture a bit of man spreading, the cane tip leaned against the side of our foot to keep it stable and the cane leaning against our shoulder or opposite knee, possibly also held securely with our fingers too.
-The no-manspreading alternative of that is with the cane leaning against our shoulder, cane tip resting on the toe of our shoe or the outside of it, held securely with our fingers or our arm wrapped around it, elbow hooking it.
(Okay, a while back I was looking for photos of someone using a cane to use as a reference for drawing Ulric. I only found three, and two of them were Daredevil promo photos. Which, no offense to Charlie Cox, but he is not blind and he does not use a cane in his daily life, he does not have that relationship a blind person has with a cane and the concept of a fifth limb, and it shows. So the photos were stiff and unusable, so I had to like use several photo references of different poses and Frankenstein them together to get what I wanted.
And I still haven’t finished the painting... fuck)
-In a car with a non-folding cane: 
-Right passenger seat- The cane tip goes all the way into the corner of the foot well to the right of my feet, with the handle resting over my right shoulder or on the seatbelt. It pokes a bit past my headrest. The longer the cane, the harder it is to tuck into a car.
-The U.K. / Austrailian / New Zealand / Japan version of this (because they drive on the left side of the road with their drivers seats on the right side of the car) it’s like this: Cane tip in the foot well to the left of my feet, handle on my left shoulder or on the seatbelt.
Backseat: the absolute worst. There’s less foot well room, and if you’re in a sedan there is almost no room behind your shoulder for the handle. I position my cane diagonally with the handle on the shoulder closest to the door and the tip next to the foot closest to the middle. 
-For this reason, no one with a non-folding cane will want to be sitting in the backseat.
About Guide Dogs
While my knowledge of guide dogs is limited only to what I can research and not personal, I will give you some basic facts and practical knowledge from said research.
Guiding Eyes for the Blind estimates that there are 10,000 guide dog teams out there in the world. That makes up 2% of the blind and visually impaired community.
Guide Dog Training
Becoming a guide dog is the most difficult form of dog training there is. The majority of dogs who enter guide dog training wash out and either become family dogs or go into a different type of service dog training, like medical response or PTSD/anxiety response, or possibly become therapy dogs, which is a career altogether different from being a service dog.
Guide dogs go through two or three years of training, which includes puppy training, basic socialization, proper behavior when on duty and actual guide training. Most service dogs only go through a year to a year and a half of training before they are partnered with a disabled handler.
Between the cost of training, the cost of housing and feeding the dog and the cost of vet bills from birth until being partnered with a blind handler, the overall cost of a guide dog is something like 30k to 40k. While most service dog training organizations require handlers to fundraise and pay for the cost of training (usually something like 15-30k), guide dog organizations give their dogs to qualified blind clients for free. These organizations pay for the dog costs through their own fundraising and charities. Fortunately for these organizations, guide dogs are a highly respected field and have a lot more charity directed their way, while other service dog types have less public interest when it comes to charity.
Guide Dog organizations have an application process, requirements, and a wait-list before you can be partnered with a guide dog.
Requirements to get a guide dog are (usually) as follows: 
Must be legally blind (as in not visually impaired, but legally blind) and have had at least six months of O&M with a cane and demonstrate enough O&M stills to navigate by oneself. They also require you to be responsible enough to independently care for a dog, able to keep up with training and retraining of the dog, as well as financially able to handle food and vet bills (which are at least a few thousand dollars every year).
The reason for cane training before getting a guide dog is because the dog cannot do everything for you. You, the dog handler, are responsible for knowing where you are and how to get where you need to be.
The dog can’t read stop signs or tell when a light is green or red, nor do they have GPS to find a brand new location nor can they learn that route on the first try, nor will they know exactly where you want to go when you say “Starbucks” or “library” or “school” or “mom’s house” and guide you all by themselves. That falls on you, the dog handler, having enough orientation and mobility skills to know when a street is safe to cross and knowing how to learn new routes and how to keep on route and make sure you make the correct turns. A guide dog can’t communicate with bus drivers for you either, they don’t know which number bus to use or what stop to choose. That falls on the blind person’s own skill.
Other Guide Dog Resources
Molly Burke is a guide dog user and has made several videos about what kind of work guide dogs do, her personal experience being a guide dog user for over ten years, how she got a guide dog, specific commands, unique experiences with things like travel, etc. She has a playlist all about guide dogs, but here are some of my favorite videos.
How Guide Dogs Guide A Blind Person
Guide Dog User Answers the Most Googled Questions about Guide Dogs
How I Met My First Guide Dog
Final Thoughts:
There is a lot more to be said about Orientation and Mobility, such as:
How do you safely cross the street with a cane?
How do you learn new routes?
How does getting a cane significantly change your life?
How do family, friends, and strangers react to you “suddenly” having a cane?
I could also write a ton on other tools the blind community relies on so strongly, such as screen readers, magnifiers, etc. In fact, I originally promised to include those in my master post when Part Four was titled  Part Four: What Your Blind Character Needs to Survive and Not Die. However, this guide is ages long and it feels better to focus on this specific topic for here.
Did you like this guide?
Consider checking out my other guides, links of which can be found on the master post here.
Follow my blog, I write and curate writing advice guides outside of blindness, I reblog writing memes with image descriptions, reblog soothing aesthetic photos with image descriptions, talk about disability, lgbtqa+ issues, ableism, and mental health.
If you want to further support me, this is the link to my ko-fi (however there is no such requirement nor pressure to do so, and please don’t worry about it, especially if you are in a financial situation that can’t afford it)
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waitimcomingtoo · 4 years ago
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fine line - p.p
chapter 5
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pairing: Peter Parker x Stark!Reader
Synopsis: there’s a fine line between love and hate and you and Peter dance it on a regular basis
Series Masterlist and Regular Masterlist
Peter found you in the kitchen the next morning, smiling shyly you as he stood in the door. Unsure of how to interact after the night before, he kept his distance as to not overwhelm you. You nodded towards the empty seat next to you, and a relieved smile appeared on Peters face as he grabbed a cereal bowl and joined you at the table. You silently pushed the milk towards him, feeling your face heat up when his fingertips brushed yours.
“Thanks.” Peter said as he poured the milk into his bowl.
“You’re welcome.” You kept your eyes down, focused on your cereal as you raked your brain for something better to say.
“So, am I like your girlfriend now or-“
“I would like that very much.” Peter said quickly, squeezing his eyes shut in embarrassment at how desperate he sounded. You laughed at his eagerness, feeling inclined to lean in and kiss him right there at the kitchen table. He happily kissed you back as soon as he was able to stop smiling. You pulled away and rested your forehead against his, already enjoying this version of your relationship with him.
“I like you so much.” Peter mumbled, peering at your through his eyelashes.
“I like you too.” You giggled, still finding it funny to hear those words from your own mouth.
“Well, this is quite a turn of events.” Tony commented as he entered the room, making you and Peter jump apart.
“We were just-“ Peter began.
“Save it, skip. FRIDAY logged you going into my daughters room last night but never logged you going out. My guess was you snapped and killed each other or finally kissed and made up. I’m assuming it’s the latter, no?” Tony raised his eyebrows, asking a question he already knew the answer to.
“I’m sorry, sir.” Peter apologized. “All we did was talk and sleep. It won’t happen again.”
“I don’t need details.” Tony stuck out his tongue and gagged. “Just try not to break my daughters heart, yeah spiderling? Mark 45 is getting a bit rusty and would be more than happy to take you out.”
“I won’t, Mr. Stark.” Peter said confidently
“Good. Because if it came down to you or her, I’d pick my princess every time. No offense.” Tony waved his hand dismissively as a surprised smile crossed your face.
“Really?” You wondered after his recent actions implies the opposite.
“Oh, absolutely.” Tony said like it was obvious. “Peters great and all, but nobody compares to you. You are a Stark, after all. That means you’re predestined to be better than the rest.”
“Thanks, Daddy. It’s nice to hear that.” You grinned, his words meaning more to you than he knew.
“Don’t get too excited. You’ll be less happy to hear that we have to head to Florida tonight to check out some psychedelic weapons being sold. Should be a drag but that’s what we’re here for.” Tony pulled at his collar and grimaced.
“We?” You asked hesitantly. “As in me too?”
“Well Romeo here is great and all, stupendous really, but I’ve missed you by my side.” Tony said causally. “And also you don’t make the whole jet smell like axe body spray and Proactive.”
“It’s Clean and Clear, sir.” Peter corrected your father, retreating when Tony shot him a look.
“Well, you should pack. We leave after dinner. Plenty of time to say goodbye to lover boy.” Tony shrugged, making you and Peter flush. “Parting is such sweet sorrow and all that. See you tonight.”
“See you tonight.” You nodded eagerly as Peter squeezed your hand under the table.
Tony winked and knocked the table twice before exiting the kitchen.
“Did you say something to him?” You looked curiously at Peter once your dad was out of earshot. “It’s been over a month since he’s taken me on a mission. And I’m pretty sure I’m the least qualified person in this tower to recovery illegal weapons.”
“Would you be mad if I did?” Peter asked, scrunching his face nervously. You looked at Peter fondly before grabbing his face and pressing a kiss to his cheek.
“Thank you.” You whispered as you rested your forehead against his once again. “Thanks for being patient with me.”
“You were worth waiting for.” Peter smiled softly as he tucked your hair behind your ear. “I still want you to clean up your cereal bowls though.”
“I’ll think about it.” You giggled, moving your spoon around in your cereal. “As long as you promise not to dip your fingers in my brownie batter.”
“Gross.” A voice came from in front of you, startling you and Peter. You looked up and saw Drax with a bowl of cereal in hand, staring directly at you and Peter.
“Drax?” You shrieked. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m visiting the city. I always wanted to see the Statue of Liberty. It’s been a dream of mine since I was a child.” He deadpanned before slowly raising his spoon to his mouth.
“How long have you been there?” Peter stared at him with wide eyes.
“I don’t know.” Drax thought. “When did Iron Man come in?”
“A few minutes ago.” You shrugged, still staring at him in confusion.
“Long before that.” Drax concluded, making you and Peter look at each other.
“Oh my God.” You groaned.
“Could you give us a few minutes?” Peter asked with a fake smile.
“Okay.” Drax nodded and walked out of the room.
“So as I was-
“How many?” Drax popped back in and interrupted Peter.
“What?” Peter asked, growing annoyed.
“How many minutes do you need?” Drax wondered.
“A lot.” Peter stated through gritted teeth.
“All of them, if we’re honest.” You mumbled.
“Okay. Bye guys.” Drax waved and left the room again.
“Bye.” Peter grunted, rolling his eyes in disbelief. “Where were we? I forget.”
“I could try and remind you.” You smiled as you leaned in to kiss him. Right before your lips could touch, the doorbell rang. You hung your head in disappointment and sighed.
“Oh my God. What now?” You whined.
“I’ll get it. Stay here.” Peter rubbed your arm comfortingly and made his way to the door. Peter opened the door to find a clean cut brunette in a crisp button down.
“Hey.” The boy smiled. “FRIDAY let me up.”
“Oh, okay.” Peter nodded. “And you are?”
“Harry Osborn.” The boy said, making Peters heart stop. “You’re Peter right? Y/n has told me a thing or two about you. Is she here?”
“In the bathroom.” Peter fibbed. “Can I ask why you’re here?”
“We cut our date short last night so I thought I’d surprise her.” Harry replied.
“How nice. She’s gonna be really really surprised.” Peter began to sweat, not knowing how to deal with his new girlfriends almost boyfriend.
“Yeah. I’m gonna ask her to be my girlfriend today.” Harry announced, making Peters heart stop. “I’ve waited too long, you know? And hot billionaires don’t fall into your lap everyday.”
“I don’t…” Peter trailed off, looking over his shoulder at you in the kitchen. You gave him a friendly wave, and he waved back before turning to Harry. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“What? Why?” Harry sized Peter up, unhappy with his answer.
“Well, she came home really upset last night.” Peter began, which was partially true. “I don’t think she wants to see you anymore.”
“What?” Harry laughed in disbelief. “Did she tell you that?”
“Yeah. She told me.” Peter folded him arms, standing his ground.
“Why would she tell you that?” Harry cocked his head. “She hates you.”
“She doesn’t hate me.” Peter snapped, his jaw locking.
“Hate to break it to you, Dude, but she does. You’re all she talks about. Hang on, fantasy football.” Harry held up a finger as he checked his phone, putting it away after seemingly reading something he liked. “Anyway, she said you were the worst thing that ever happened to her.”
“Well that’s not what she thought last night.” The words left Peters mouth before he could think them through, but he didn’t mind the look it left on Harry’s face. Peter smirked as Harry raised his eyebrows in surprise.
“You two...”
“Yeah, we’re together.” Peter shrugged with his arms still folded. “Looks like you waited too long.”
“Wow. I guess there really is a fine line between love and hate.” Harry laughed bitterly, as he rubbed the back of his neck.
“Yeah, well, she and I have built a permanent residence on that line.” Peter told him. “Sorry about it.”
“Alright. I better go then.” Hardy said coldly, burning holes in Peter with his eyes.
“Thanks for stopping by.” Peter smiled widely as he shut the door. He returned to you in the kitchen, guilt building up in the back of his mind.
“Who was that?” You asked from the kitchen sink as you rinsed your bowl. Peter smiled at you listening to what he asked you to do, but it quickly faded.
“Uhh, Mailman.” He lied to you, adverting his eyes as he leaned against the counter.
“Really? Why did he come to this floor?” You chuckled curiously as you put your bowl in the dishwasher. “He usually leaves it in the mailbox in the lobby.”
“Oh well he wanted to see the main floor.” Peter said weakly. “Can’t blame him, the interior decoration is really something to behold.”
“You’re acting funny. Do you feel okay?” You furrowed your eyebrows, pressing the back of your hand to Peters forehead to check his temperature.
“I’m fine. Just happy to be with you.” Peter shrugged as he held your hands in his, his conscience getting the better of him by the minute. You noticed the sweat building on his forehead and slowly let go of his hands.
“Peter, where’s the mail?”
“The what?” Peter wondered before he remembered. “Oh, there was none.”
“Who was at the door, Peter?” You asked suspiciously, your face hardening as you broke through his web of lies.
“Harry. But I got rid of him!” Peter said quickly when your face showed signs of anger.
“Got rid of him how?” You demanded.
“I told him we were together.” Peter said timidly, weary of how you’d react.
“What?” You exclaimed. “Peter!”
“Whats wrong? We are together.” He reminded you, getting the feeling you wanted to hide that fact.
“That doesn’t mean he needed to know that. And he definitely didn’t need to find out like this.” You crossed your arms. “That’s not fair to him. Do you know how heart broken I’d be if he did that to me?”
“You said the date was lame. And you have a boyfriend now, so who cares?” Peter shrugged dismissively, growing frustrated over you caring about Harry’s feelings.
“I do, Peter.” You raised your voice. “Yeah the date was lame but that doesn’t mean he deserves to be blown off. He’s a person with feelings. He deserved to hear it from me.”
“Apparently he’s heard a lot of things from you.” Peter matched your anger. “Like how much you hate me, for instance.”
“What are you talking about?” You shook your head in confusion.
“You told him I was the worst thing that ever happened to you. Is that true? That’s how you feel?” Peters voice wavered between angry and upset as his eyes desperately searched your face for answers.
“I used to feel like that, but not anymore.” You retorted. “You know how I feel about you now.”
“Do I? Because you seem awfully concerned over hurting Harry’s feelings. Do you still like him?” Peter demanded answers, a mixture of insecurity and jealousy eating away at him.
“No.” You shouted. “I just don’t want to hurt him.“
“You had no problem hurting me when I first moved in.” Peter said coldly.
“And I apologized for that. God, you’re so jealous.” You spat, rolling your eyes at Peter and turning away. He gripped your arm to make you face him again, not enough to hurt you but enough to keep you in place.
“I wouldn’t have to be jealous if you weren’t so indecisive.” He seethed.
“I did decide.” You stepped you to him. “I chose you. But you had no right to send Harry away like that and lie to me about it.”
“Like how you lied about hating me?” He raised an eyebrow. “Do you know how it felt to hear him say that?”
“It’s a figure of speech.” You scoffed and yanked your arm out of his grip. “I never actually hated you. Do you have to knit pick everything you hear?”
“Apparently I do since you don’t know how to send a clear message to save your life.” He shouted. “You hate me, you love me, which is it?”
“I hate you!” You screamed, pointing a finger in his face.
“I hate you too!” He yelled back, stepping closer to you so your noses were touching. The fire in his eyes ignited one in your own, making you suck in a sharp breath.
“Good!” You barked.
“God, do you ever stop talking?” He gripped the counter angrily as he stared you down.
“Why don’t you make me stop talking?” You asked through gritted teeth.
“You are the most annoying girl I’ve ever met.” Peter growled as he towered over you.
“You’re no walk in the park either, Parker.” You hissed.
“My name is Peter.” He snarled, griping your hips. “Say it.”
“You wish.” You laughed shortly. That was all Peter needed you hear to push him over the edge. He grabbed your face and pressed a searing kiss to your lips. You clutched his shirt, gripping it firmly to keep him as close as possible as he trailed kisses down your neck.
“Peter.” You mumbled into his ear, making him chuckle when his plan worked.
“Fine line, huh?” He smirked as he held your chin between his fingers.
“Yep.” You laughed breathlessly and kissed him again. “The finest.”
Tag List 🏷
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poodlejoonas · 3 years ago
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Aleksi - Fur Baby
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For @bcfanweek Day 6: Aleksi Kaunisvesi
Words: 1,559
Description: You and Aleksi take the next big step in your relationship - adopting a dog together.
Notes: Aleksi Kaunisvesi/Reader (gender unspecified)
Aleksi took you totally by surprise the night he asked if you wanted to adopt a puppy with him. It was your shared ritual that one of you will cook and one of you will clean, and tonight was your night to do the cleaning. The dishes were almost done when he strolled back into the kitchen, looking down shyly at the floor with his hands in the pockets of his basketball shorts.
It’s a rare sight whenever Aleksi is too shy to look you in the eye. He hasn’t done this since your first date, when he spent the entire dinner with his face blushed over in red. He was even more straightforward about asking you to move in with him than he is now. Whatever was on his mind had to be bad, so you prepared for the worst.
“Yes?” you asked, waiting for him to finally look you in the eye.
Aleksi finally looked up to you with a soft smile on his face. That relieved some of your concerns, but it left you with more questions than answers. “So I’ve been thinking -”
“Oh, that’s never a good idea,” you joked, to which he only responded with a short laugh. This kind of teasing is a common part of your relationship, so he took it with a grain of salt.
“Anyway, I’ve been thinking… I know we’ve talked about this, but do you think we’re ready for the next step?”
What’s the next step? Marriage? Buying a house and moving out of this little apartment? Aleksi had such a way with words, especially the words that leave you more confused than ever.
“What do you mean?”
His smile grew much bigger than before. “Do you want to adopt a dog with me?”
You nearly dropped the plate you’d just been cleaning. You mentioned in passing a few months ago that you’ve wanted a dog for a while. Both of you are animal lovers, so you hoped that someday the two of you could have a little fur baby to call your own. The look in his eyes meant that he was serious about it.
“Yes, Aleksi!” you practically shouted and ran into his arms. He caught you just before you nearly barreled him over. “Where do you want to start?”
He showed you pictures from an open-air rescue he found online. They had plenty of rave reviews about their shelter - the quality of the care, great customer service, adorable and loving dogs looking for homes. It was in a small town just outside Helsinki, with plenty of room for the dogs to live and roam. “Do you want to go this Saturday?”
That left you with four days to get everything you needed to bring the new fur baby home. Money was no problem, and all you needed was a good shopping day to get prepared. You thought about it and nodded your head.
Aleksi smiled from ear to ear again. “Perfect.” With one last kiss, he disappeared to take a shower, leaving you waiting in the living room for him to return so you could enjoy a couple more hours together.
The thought of the pitter patter of tiny, furry paws around your home filled you with excitement. Saturday just couldn’t come fast enough.
--
Aleksi merged off the highway just a couple miles away from the shelter. It had just begun to heat up outside, so both of you wanted to be home with your new family member before it became sweltering. The box in the back seat sat empty in wait, lined with an old fleece blanket to make the ride home more comfortable. You wiggled in your seat and Aleksi couldn’t help but notice your excitement.
“Patience,” he said through a laugh. “We’re almost there.”
The shelter was even more pleasant than you could have imagined. It was colorful and inviting, and you could hear the sounds of the barking dogs playing outside. A shelter employee greeted you at the door and asked what they could do for you.
“We’re here to adopt,” Aleksi started, and right away she knew exactly where to take you. She told you everything you needed to know about getting the paperwork started and gave advice on how to pick a dog that was right for you. They had 45 dogs at the time, all of whom had been surrendered or rescued from difficult living situations. She also warned that some of them had some form of trauma, either from neglect or being separated from their previous owners.
After the talk in the office, she took the two of you outside to interact with the dogs. One by one, each dog ran to you to vie for your attention, in the hopes that you would take them home. Some of them were big, like a husky named Cyrus who nearly knocked you over while you were sitting. There were some that were small, like a Pomeranian named Teddy who just bounced all over the place.
“Aleksi, why is this such a hard decision?” you complained, petting one dog in each hand while a third climbed onto your lap.
“I really want a big one but can it even live in our apartment?” He then laughed and pointed to a Boxer who was staring him down. “This one’s called Tommi.”
“You’re kidding!” You had to look for yourself and sure enough, the name tag showed that this dog shared its name with Aleksi’s bandmate. “He even looks a little bit like him.”
Aleksi snapped a picture to send to the band group chat. He was surrounded by just as many dogs as you were, struggling to keep them from licking and crawling all over his face. He looked like he was in heaven, and quite frankly you couldn’t blame him. “What do you think so far?”
It wasn’t that none of them had caught your eye yet - your real problem was that all of them had. There was no way you could pick just one, especially knowing that you would have to leave the rest behind. “10 more minutes?” you asked with a pleading look on your face.
“Sure.” Aleksi couldn’t resist it when you gave him that look. He threw a couple toys around, seeing which ones he felt he could play better with. You asked a few questions about the backgrounds of your favorites so far to see what help, if any, they would need to readjust to their new home.
The shelter door connecting to the playground opened and another employee came out holding a Dachshund. She placed the dog down on the floor, who immediately shook her entire body and carried on towards the crowd. This dog was a round one, not to the point that it affected her mobility, but she looked like she’d been fed well. She was dark brown with beady eyes and large ears that flopped down at the ends.
As cheesy as this sounds, laying eyes on this dog was love at first sight for you. She came up to you and when you went to pet her, her first instinct was to raise her own paw for a high five. She caught Aleksi’s attention, who called your name and turned his left arm over. It was his arm with his “small town” tattoo, one that he got so he could feel like he carried home with him wherever he went. And right on the street of that hometown was a weenie dog who looked exactly like the one in front of you.
“She’s perfect,” was all he had to say. He read her name tag out loud: Seidi. “We have to have her. Please?” You thought it was endearing that Aleksi fell more in love with this dog than you did.
Of course you couldn’t say no, the prediction of your meeting was literally inked into his skin. You gave each of the dogs around you one more pat before you stood up and held Seidi in your arms. “We want this one.”
“Perfect!” The two employees took you to the front and guided you through the rest of the adoption process. You looked down at Seidi and she didn’t miss a beat on trying to kiss your face. “She’s been waiting for her forever home for three months now,” the girl commented. “I bet she’s glad to have a home now.”
Aleksi smiled proudly. “We’ll give her a good one.” Your heart hurt thinking that Seidi had to wait so long for someone to scoop her up. But at the same time, you were grateful that she’d waited around to come into your life.
Out in the car, Seidi turned around in her box and sat down, panting but it looked like there was a smile on her face. Aleksi pulled out his phone and got closer to you, close enough to get you in the shot but with a gap so Seidi could fit in the shot too.
“@alexmattson: On our way home with the new baby! Everyone, say hello to Seidi Kaunisvesi. Isn’t she cute?”
You hadn’t gotten home yet before he was flooded with loving comments. Seidi would need some time to get used to your home, but she’d already filled a spot in your home you never knew was missing.
Endnotes:
A gift for my favorite resident Aleksi stan, @gncvillain​.
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batsandbugs · 4 years ago
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Daminette December
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A/N: Okay so this one spiraled out of control a little bit, but I’m so happy with how it turned out! Marinette and Damian back to being chaotic little shits, Marinette being understanding, and Damian going a little too far but finding the one person who doesn’t mind. Let me know what y’all think. Thanks @daminette-december2019-2020​
Daminette December Day 15 – Cats
If you had told Marinette back in May that by Christmas she would be living in the most crime-infested city in America going to college, working at a pet store that was most likely a front for the Russian mob, and trying to unravel a 300-year-old curse on said crime-infested-city…
… she would have believed you.
After all, it wasn’t the weirdest thing that had ever happened to her.
But back to the pet store.
There she was a week before Christmas living in a shoebox apartment, drowning in fabric and notions, with a magical box filled with tiny gods who loved to squabble and give conflicting vague advice. They were supposed to work on how to break the giant magical curse laid out across the city, but Marinette had gotten hired at the local pet store down the street because if she spent one more minute sequestered inside trying to decipher the handwriting of centuries-old monks, without a break, she would scream.
Plus, the animals were ridiculously cute and the current owner obviously had no clue how to take care of them – which is how she concluded the store was a money-laundering front. The owner, a Mr. Petriov, had known her for all of three days before leaving her to manage the shop by herself. That hadn’t changed much in the month she had worked here, but at least the animals were in better shape now and she had a slightly larger budget for the endless amount of coffee she drank.
Marinette swept the back of the room, trying to make sure it was as clean as she could get it. Despite her best efforts at trying to cheer the place up, the plastic Christmas decorations and lively music did little to distract from the poor living conditions of the animals. Marinette wished there was some way to help, but she was rather limited in her options in a foreign city and Plagg’s suggestions of stealing all the animals and burning the place down was not a viable one.
No matter how much Marinette wanted to sometimes.
The store bell rang.
“I’ll be with you in just a moment,” she called. She finished sweeping the last of the room, before putting the broom away, and coming out to the main part of the store. “Hi there, I’m Marinette, how can I-”
“Did you know that Gotham Department of Health and Safety Regulations, Section 45: Animals and Livestock, subsection C.1: Living conditions, states that cages for cats must be 30 inches in width, 28 inches in length, 30 inches in height, and 30 inches on the diagonal? And that yours do not match those specifications?” There in the center of the store stood a man about her age. He was dressed head to toe in black, with a long, expensive, looking coat billowed out behind him. His voice was posh and smooth, and his tone could cut glass. He looked around the store in thinly veiled disgust.
Marinette vaguely recognized him. He’d been in the store about two weeks ago. He hadn’t said anything when she asked if he needed help. He just went around to all the cages watching the animals through the bars. She had gone about her normal routine, and then he left a little while later. The only reason she remembered him at all was he was wearing the same designer coat with wool Marinette’s hands itched to get a hold of.  
“I- I did not. Although, this is not my store.” The man glared at her, and had Marinette not been used to a lifetime of truly piercing glares from Chloe, she might have crumbled underneath it. “I’ve only been working here for a month and let me tell you it’s better than it was before.”
“These conditions are intolerable.”
Marinette usually kept a cool façade with the few customers who came in here, but this man was obviously looking for a fight; not that she didn’t completely agree with him.
“I’m well aware, but I’m doing the best with what I have here, especially since my boss doesn’t care.” One of the cats mewled loudly, and Marinette sighed. She knew exactly who that was. Walking over to one of the cages she opened it up. A tiny grey cat with tipped black ears and paws jumped into her arms. Marinette had named him Macaroon since Mr. Petriov hadn’t bothered to give any of them names.
“Sorry,” she said. “Macaroon likes attention, and he’s good with people so I bring him out when others come in to pet them.” The man came over and let the cat sniff his hand before scratching under the his chin.
“He looks well taken care of,” he complimented, although he still scowled. Marinette couldn’t help but think he would be much more handsome if he smiled.  
“As I said, I try my best. I take them all out of their cages so they can stretch their legs, and not just the dogs either. But that’s whenever I’m not cleaning, or prepping food, or taking care of the paperwork.” Or at home trying to figure out how to banish a city-wide curse, Marinette thought to herself.
The man hummed. “Look, you seem… nice.” He said the word in such a way that implied he didn’t believe the concept existed. “So, I’ll let you know ahead of time, but this store is going to get raided tomorrow. It’s a-”
“Front for the Russian Mob?” Marinette finished. The man seemed taken aback and immediately glared at her again. “Yeah, I figured that out within a few days of working here. I just had no clue as to who to go to about it. Who’s going to help a tiny French girl about a corrupt business in a city known for corruption?” She raised an eyebrow at the man who seemed taken aback by her abruptness.
“Fair point. So why are you working here then? If you know it’s corrupt.”
Marinette sighed; it was true she had plenty else to be doing, school was over for the semester sure, but there was always magic to learn, or sites to go check out to see if they were connected to the curse, or she could have gone home for the break and visited her parents, but…
If she did any of that, no one would be here to look out for the animals. And just because she couldn’t actively be a hero, didn’t mean she was going to turn up her back on those who needed her, even if they were of the four-legged variety.
She looked back at the handsome man; how could she explain any of that to him.
… not that she should.
Because that would be bad.
She didn’t know him at all.
Even if he was ridiculously good looking.
Fuck. 
She did not have the time to get caught up in anything else, especially not a crush.
So instead, she went with a mostly true answer. “Just because the people running the store are bad, doesn’t mean the animals are. I would come by here on my way from school and would want to let the poor things out of their cages. So, when I finally had enough time, I applied for a job.” The look on the man’s face was a cross between surprise and understanding. “And you’d want to do something else too if the last three months all you did was stare at miles of hand-sewn hems and contemplate if death would be kinder.”
Marinette bet the man would deny it if pointed out, but the side of his mouth turned up at her comment.
“Understandable.”
“My question is,” she asked, stroking Macaroon who was happily purring away in her arms. “Why would you tell the person working at the Russian mob front that you’re going to have the store raided the next day? Doesn’t that seem a little counter-productive?” Not that Marinette was in any way complaining, she had been waiting for an opportunity like this for weeks.
“It depends on whether you tell your boss or not.”
“Hell no.”
Finally, the man’s face morphed from a resting scowl into a self-satisfied smirk.
Oh no, he’s even hotter like that, Marinette thought.  
“Then I think telling was exactly the right idea. You’ll need to give a statement to the department doing the raid, but you won’t be in trouble for anything that went down here.”
Marinette nodded, and then remembered something. “Would pictures help?”
“Pictures?”
“I’ve been taking pictures of all the documents that come through the front desk. The legitimate ones and the less legitimate ones. It’s only about a month’s worth of stuff, but I have it on a flash drive.”
The man’s smirk grew a bit more. “Yes, I do believe that would be useful.”
Marinette smiled, finally glad this place would get shut down, but then she looked at Macaroon so snuggly in her arms, and all the other lovely creatures throughout the store came to mind. “And the animals, will they be okay?”
“Of course, I wouldn’t allow anything to happen to them. They’ll all be going to reputable shelters or good homes through the Wayne Foundation.”
Marinette readjusted Macaroon in her arms. “That’s good. So, should I bring the flash drive when I give my statement or-”
“I can take it,” he said quickly. “I mean,” he cleared his throat. “You can give it to me, and I can hand it off to the… proper authorities.” The glint in his eye spelled trouble. Marinette thought it was completely unfair how attractive she found it.  
“It’s in my apartment. My shift is only another hour, but….” She thought about her mess of an apartment covered in yards of fabric, questionable ancient artifacts, and the tiny floating talking gods. “It’s a bit of a mess, how about we meet elsewhere?”
“Yes,” the man responded quickly. He looked down at Macaroon and stroked the cat’s back, a light blush playing out over his cheeks. “Of course, that would be acceptable.”
“Coffee then?” asked Marinette, glad to have a little longer to chat with him.
“Sounds good. Inman Perk at 7th and Forge Street?”
“I love that place. I’m Marinette by the way, I think I said that.”
The man smirked again, “You did, but it’s nice to hear it. I’m Damian, Damian Wayne.”
“I’d shake your hand Damian, but my arms are a little full.” She readjusted Macaroon, moving over to his cage placing the content cat back inside. Marinette smiled, happy to know this would be the last night the animals would have to sleep in these too-small cages. She turned back to Damian and offered her hand.
“I’m looking forward to working with you, Mr. Wayne,” she said with a grin.
He clasped his hand with hers, and she delighted at the chill it sent up her spine. “Not nearly as much as I am with you, Ms. Dupain-Cheng.”
Marinette paused for a moment, “I don’t think I ever gave you my last name?”
Damian paused, his face of a person caught with their hand in a cookie jar. “I may, perhaps, have done a slight background check on you before I decided to confront you today.” He retreated his hands and clasped them behind his back. “Uh, I- I apologize if that comes off a little…” he trailed off.
“Invasive, creepy, overbearing?”
Damian’s face fell. “Yes.”
Marinette tried hard to hold in her smirk. “Or protective, concerned, over-invested? I’ve had friends like that before.” Thinking particularly of Kagami, or her own actions towards Adrian during those early years. “It’s a little much, but not so bad especially when confronting someone who may be part of the Russian mob.”
Damian’s face went from contrite to an all-out grinning smirk. “You? Part of the mob? A little hard to believe.”
“Oh, you never know”’ she teased back. “I think I could pull it off, no one ever expects the tiny French girl.”
A bark from the back of the store interrupted their flirting, soon all of the dogs were barking, and Marinette realized the time.
“I’ve got to get them all taken out and fed. I’ll be finished in about an hour, I’ll grab the stuff from my apartment and meet you at… 8:30?”
Damian nodded. “Of course, see you there.” And with that he turned on his heel and walked out of the store, his long coat billowing like a cape behind him. Marinette watched him disappear from view and waited a second before she punched the air. She couldn’t wait. She kneeled back down at the cage and scratched Macaroon’s chin.
“Thanks for being such a good luck charm.” The cat purred back happily. Marinette headed off to finish what she needed to get done, wondering what the heck she was going to wear.
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