#a mild rant maybe only 1 or two people would even be interested in…

[mostlydaydreaming]

Warning! GK Cover Girl rant!!!😤

I saw a great interview with a Rita Hayworth biographer but I have to disagree on one point. When many people watch Cover Girl (1944), they don’t like the Danny McGuire (Gene Kelly) character. They think he’s resentful, jealous, and breaks up with her over her success. I saw this stance, even before I watched it, but I just don’t see it. I think rich guy, Mr Coudair, pushed them apart and not Danny at all. Coudair was the one who didn’t think she could have Danny & fame too.

Now why he thought this, and why this was so important to him, I don’t know. Ok, he wanted the granddaughter of his old flame to find success. But she also had to marry a rich man like him? He wanted to live vicariously thru a younger rich guy, I guess? Weird.

Coudair had the idea that if Rusty went to Broadway, she needed to be with a rich successful man like Wheaten. “Slumming it” with Danny in Brooklyn was unthinkable.

It was his plan to get her out alone with the producer by inviting her to a party that didn’t exist. Then he invited Danny to come pick her up, at the fake party, so he could tell him she was really out with Wheaten, who would give Rusty the life she wanted/deserved. And btw, Danny wasn’t good enough for her.

Danny still didn’t believe it. He was sure she was still happy, that they still loved each other, and that she would show up for their regular date night. He waited until 3am but she didn’t show. It left him conflicted, he “battled” with himself on the way home.

This pushed the narrative that she might actually want more of what Wheaton had to offer.

It didn’t help that she came in the next day, late for work, raving about what an amazing time she had. It kind of cemented his decision to push her away. Seriously, look at his response👇🥺

I don’t know why so many people seem to think, in that scene, he was genuinely mad about her success. I thought it was obvious he was pushing her away because he thought Coudair was right, he was standing in the way of her happiness and success.

He loved he so much he was letting her go, even if it meant tearing out his own heart. As Genius said, “why don’t you try cutting off your arms and legs.”

When “Genius” (Phil Silvers) tore up her letter, he got mad and said she has a right to make decisions for her own life.

On the quiet first day after her cover came out, he shared his honest feelings about the potential loss of their old lives together.

“If I say I’m happy nothing came of it I’m a heel. If I say I’m sad nothing came of it I’m a lier. Where do we go from here?” He was just being honest.

Men & women still have to make decisions like this everyday. Do I take this high paying job where I’m never home or do I take this lower paying job so I can spend more time with my family? Gene went thru this himself after his wife died and he turned down multiple jobs so he could focus on being a single father.

People seem to want to turn this into a women’s lib or “me too” thing and it isn’t. Danny never said it’s me or success. Coudair actually convinced him that if she chose to stay with Danny, he would be holding her back.

So he let her go. It was actually a heartbreaking decision for him that’s why he couldn’t go on with his business and left.

And while I’m thinking about it, what about Wheaton? People didn’t see how “cringy” (hate that word) he was, leaning over her and hitting on her, right in front of her boyfriend? He seems to get a free pass.

Yeah he was offering her a job on Broadway but it was pretty obvious he had more on his mind. But she couldn’t keep working under him after she turned him down right? Wayyy too awkward. Was that really going to be the better choice for her life?

Never see these people mention that, just that selfish Danny took her away her chance.

[awakeshedreams]

sugar and spice ( 1 )

pairing : resident bad boy!jjk x model student!reader

setting : highschool!au x stepbrother!au

summary :

a messy highschool!au x stepbrother!au where model student reader who has quite a few dirty little secrets sees her world take an unexpected turn when her mother comes home one day with an engagement announcement, to the father of none other than the school's resident bad boy.... Jeon Jungkook.

genre : smut, for laughs, kinda pornish, slow burn with collosaly overwhelming sexual tension

rating: soft m ( for now ) due to adult content

warnings : unconventional relationship of sexual nature, tropes and clichès, teenagers partaking in porn-esque activities, made up things with made up people happening in a made up world, don't like don't read XD

wordcount : 2.3K

a/n : i've been fighting in a long standing war and I have lost. the man known as jeon jungkook had his foot on my neck for years and today, I have finally submitted to my fate and surrendered to his reign.

yes. after a hundred years, i'm writing again. specifically, writing for bts. particularly, writing for jungkook. its been a long time coming.

life just took over and I transitioned into an adult and kind of grew out of the state of mind I was in before. but. sigh. jeon jungkook has been tormenting me the whole time. it was only a matter of time before i relapsed honestly.

so here I am again. in mind, body and spirit, a different person from who I was before but still the same in the sense that with the way bts have my whole heart, jk will always be the demon in the corner of my room that I invite to bed for a cuddle even though it's (probably really) not good for me.

do not misconstrue. I love him more than I can say. but. sigh. he has me in a chokehold, loves. please try to understand where I'm coming from.

anyways, enough with this ranting. you all came here for the nitty gritty so let me not hold you hostage with my dilemma rambling any longer. here's to the first bts fic i've posted in literal years. introducing- sugar and spice.

1 2

Unless they told someone, no one would have been able to guess it.

At school they were complete strangers.

She was the nice head girl with a clean record, all smiles and straight A’s. He was the mysterious bad boy with a track record, all tatted up with bruised knuckles.

She wore plaid skirts with neat pleads in them and pastel sweaters with bows at the collar. He wore jeans with rips in them and leather jackets with studs.

They couldn't have been any more different.

As far as anyone was concerned, they existed on two extreme ends of a vast spectrum.

What they didn't know was that they shared a dirty little secret.

.

You were a girl with many dirty secrets.

For instance, you used to sell nudes online. It was a side hustle you did.

Not because you needed money.

Your mom was a renowned doctor so there was more than enough of that in your life.

Not because you needed validation from people online either.

Even without the constant compliments and the praises you knew you were visually blessed with a pretty face and a nice body too.

All things considered, you simply thought you had a nice pair of tits and you took pictures of them sometimes.

Posting the shots you snapped online came much later when you heard about this website where people were getting paid crazy money for posting racy things.

‘It’s just so degrading…’ It was one of your friends, June, who sneered, pretty nose scrunched up. She fixed her long ponytail and rolled her brown eyes while looking in the mirror at her locker. ‘Who would do such a thing, am I right?’

She said this, but June was the girl who has slept with more boys than she could count on her two hands. And those were the ones she told you about.

Like every other time, you said nothing. Even when it carried on to lunch with the rest.

‘Pretty desperate if you ask me.’ Mei the stellar track runner shrugged casually as she stretched her limbs like routine.

‘Where are their parents?’ Nina the library nerd shook her head in disapproval as she fixed her glasses so it sat right on the bridge of her nose.

‘Um… I don’t think it’s … appropriate… to talk about ….’ Kiko the one who always carried a cross and bible around mumbled into her sleeve.

All your friends spoke of it in derision and repulsion of course. This was a school for proper children so they were proper girls. At least they were supposed to be.

Regardless the conversation sparked a curiosity in you.

So you made an account and uploaded your first picture. Nothing bizarre. Just your tits in a pretty lace bra.

You made sure to keep your face out of the frame because that was the smart thing to do and you were nothing if not the smartest student in school.

In all honesty, you weren’t expecting anything out of it. In fact, in between work with student council and tutoring your juniors with finals right around the corner, you even forgot about it for an entire month.

It was by a complete whim that you decided to open the app while you’d been unwinding at your desk following a tedious day at school.

To say you were amused by the response you found waiting for you would have be a grave understatement.

You were staring at the four figure digit that now sat in your bank account.

Reading through the comment section was even more interesting.

There were all sorts of people there who had all sorts of things to say. Ranging from honestly sweet to downright dirty.

You had never been brought to tears laughing in her life before until then.

It was just so funny to see people misbehave and lose their minds over a pair of tits.

From then on it just sort of became a thing.

.

But that wasn't the worse of your secrets.

You were making a name for yourself on the crude web months later.

The next step was naturally to move from making taking pictures to making videos. Since you was already in too deep you didn’t see why not.

So you upgraded and opened another account. An amateur one where your touched yourself for an audience.

You were no prude.

You might have never been touched by a boy before but you had touched yourself plenty times. Stress and frustration came hand in hand with being head girl. Since you couldn’t quite vent it out at the annoying troublemakers at school, this was your second best option.

Third was watching porn, but that was mostly when you were extremely bored.

But that wasn’t where that little endeavor ended.

Later on it became a lot more risqué.

.

It all started when your mom hit you with a marriage announcement.

She met a guy on her business trip who she really liked and she was convinced he was the one.

Your mom had a tragic history of being a bad judge of character.

You’ve had this conversation at least five times since you became old enough to understand that boys and girls who were just friends didn’t kiss and sleep with each other.

Most times, it felt like she was doing it because she thought you needed a dad around.

You might have once, when you were younger and your mom was too busy with work to be there. But she worked from home these days and you were soo busy with school to worry about things like that.

This time it was like she was doing it for her. You were glad.

Your mom looked genuinely happy when she spoke about this guy.

Who were you to get in the way?

.

She spent almost the whole weekend in the kitchen. It was the longest you’ve seen her in there in your entire life.

She was excited for the dinner on Sunday.

Mr Jeon was the name of the chosen man.

He was coming over with his kid. A son, his only family. His wife passed away years ago.

You wore the dress your mom picked out for you, something cream in color and off the shoulders that brushed your knees. She looked pretty in her champagne dress. It was different from the office slacks and loose blouses you were used to seeing her in.

You stood by her at the door while the guests came through.

Lifting your head from a polite bow, you found herself staring straight into an achingly familiar pair of glinting dark eyes and went completely still.

‘Sweetie,' Your mother said sounding delighted, a soft hand on your stiff shoulder. 'This is Mr Jeon and his son Jungkook.’

Ah. Fuck.

‘Jeon dear, this is my daughter. Isn’t she lovely?’

.

Dinner was a mild affair, with small talk and the occasional clinking of cutlery on fine china.

From the outside looking in, you probably looked the picture perfect family already.

Only if no-one looked close enough.

Arms crossed, tongue in cheek. Your discomfort could be detected from miles away.

The two adults were oblivious.

The dark eyed boy with the slightest wave to his nape touching, brow grazing, ear covering onyx hair sat across you though; he took note of this with a passing glance and wordlessly returned to his food.

Jeon Jungkook had a countenance that betrayed his reputation.

Even though you’ve never talked, you knew plenty about him and you were sure he knew a lot about you too.

You went to the same school.

Dressed as he was in a crisp white dress shirt buttoned at the wrist and dark tailored pants with a fine belt on, it might have been hard to tell what kind of person he really was.

You lifted her gaze from your plate to look study him wordlessly, idly twisting the noodles with your fork.

People either called him the black sheep or the dark cloud but for you, Jeon Jungkook was the school’s resident lone wolf.

He smoked in the secluded areas on campus, sometimes playing his guitar. Beat up people who got on his nerves, sometimes using his guitar. Slept in class the rare times he was there, many times on his guitar.

Being his senior, you had never seen any of any of that for yourself. But you received plenty reports weekly to come to a sound conclusion.

There was no way people hated him enough to join hands in solidarity and make this all up.

It was quite the contrary actually. He had an alarming number of fans.

On the surface level you couldn’t see why. Most times you saw him, he looked bored out his mind and honestly, intimidating.

Maybe it was the tattoos. Or the ripped skinny jeans. Or the leather jackets with studs.

Maybe it was the domineering height and fit frame and structured face.

Maybe it was the intense dark eyes or the silky ruffled hair.

Even then, you failed to see the irresistible appeal in him. All those things that made him up only added to his unapproachable aura.

Bottom line was, he was bad news.

.

You didn’t want to be a spoil sport.

But how much of a thug your mom’s boyfriend’s son was shouldn’t be something that would make her like him less.

They were both their own people. Right ?

It was just that you just didn’t want her to be shocked and devastated if something happened later. When it happened.

Yet it seemed the serious conversation would have to wait.

After dinner your mom suggested you head to the living room to chat over wine and cheese.

You stayed back to do take out the dishes.

Earlier, your mom had stood to do it instead at first.

‘Don’t bother with that, dear.’ She reached for the plates in your hands. ‘Let me do it.’

‘It’s okay, mom.’ You smiled a little. ‘This is your night. I’ll meet you in the living room.’

'Sweetie...' Your mom looked close to tears. ‘But there’s so much of it…’

‘Jungkook,’ his father's voice had cut through the moment. He was a serious man in a crisp suit with a stoic countenance. His voice was just naturally authoritarian without him trying ‘Give her a hand.’

Jungkook stood, almost robotically.

‘It’s fine.’ You said. Politely. Nicely. Tightly. ‘I can handle this much.’

You left without another word.

That had been moments ago and now you were done with cleaning.

You stood at living room entrance for a while, taking in the scene.

The two adults were exchanging moon eyes and whispering in each other’s ears at the love seat.

Jungkook was sitting on a solo seat, but he was on his phone, completely unbothered by what was happening.

Your mom seemed to think it was the perfect time to pull out the photo album right then and there upon seeing you.

It was embarrassing but at least you knew you didn’t have to worry about the pictures spreading at school.

Jungkook was looking, picking up a picture occasionally to rove over, but he wasn’t the type to do that.

He also wasn’t the type to stare but you felt his glance shifting to you and lingering multiple times.

Once, you caught his eyes and he just stared at you across the coffee table wordlessly with a curious tilt to his head, idly flipping a picture of you dressed as a knight in glitter shining armor for Halloween at eight in his hands.

Honestly, it was starting to get annoying.

But you endured. For your mom’s sake.

.

Your alarm went off at exactly ten.

As subtly as you could, you excused yourself with an apology to the guests, saying you weren't really feeling well.

In hindsight you probably should have used a better excuse.

Your mom was notorious when it came to worrying, especially when it comes to your health.

Also, you probably should’ve locked the door before undressing just for good measure since people were over.

But in the moment, you were too busy setting your camera up where you were kneeling on the floor at the foot of the bed to be concerned about that.

That day you were testing out a new toy.

.

Distractedly, you took note of a couple of people asking you if that was your boyfriend’s shirt you had lifted over your tits.

You ignored them.

Couldn’t a girl own an oversized tee without getting any flack?

Trivial comments like that aside, a good majority of the audience are fawning over how wet you were and how perfect you bouncing tits look being played with.

Your head fell back and your eyes fluttered shut.

You were sitting there, knees raised to your chest and legs splayed, your gushing pussy in full display where the toy was stuffed deep into her tightness, vibrating pleasantly.

‘I’m close…’ you mumbled throatily, squeezing your tits and pinching your stiff nipples in between your moving fingers. You moved your hips move faster, feeling the toy buzz against fluttering walls. You took a hand off one of your tits to rub at your engorged clit. ‘Fuckfuckfuck…’

Deep in your high, you didn’t hear the door open and close with a foreboding click.

You only heard your name being called by a deep, smooth voice through the heady haze.

Instantly you stilled.

When you snapped your head to look over her shoulder Jungkook was there, hands in his pockets, leaning against your doorframe with his sleeves drawn up to his elbows, muscle roped, inked skin on full display.

When he tilted his head to the side a little, appraisively, you dared to say as a quaking chill ran down your spine and your entire body felt like it was about to burst into flames, a bit of his hair fell over his face.

His eyes were like two black in the dark as he took you in, dragging his gaze up and down your exposed body languidly.

In the back of your mind, you wished the ground would part and swallow you whole.

‘Your mom,' he starts, capturing your attention wholly, dark gaze finally flickering to your face, his voice suddenly lower, hoarser. ‘She sent me over to check on you.’

It took you a moment to realize where you were, who you were, who he was.

It was like a bucket of cold water had been dropped over your head.

Jeon Jungkook, the school's resident trouble maker, soon to be your step brother, just walked in on you fingering yourself in in front of a recording camera.

Well. Yeah.

You gulped.

You were royally fucked.

depending on the response I get I might ( most probably will ) delete this. not because I'm ashamed of my work. because I'm embarrassed of myself. I really swore to never write again and here I am. sigh. yes, I have seen my previous works and noticed just how terrible they were and this is a big reason why. so sorry for putting you through that. a million apologies.

also, that's right. I have adopted a new style which might not be to everyone's liking. another reason why.

anyways, if you liked this filth ( i know it seems mild but I can tell you it's very likely gonna get worse ) please idk uh... fuck this isn't ao3. hm.

like and drop by in the ask box if you liked it and want to see more. it makes me happy. its like serotonin fuel to me.

have a nice day. see you next time ( maybe ). stay fresh. yeah. 💜💜.

[drxwsyni]

Tell Me What You’re Thinking (pt. 2/2)

Yandere merman!Shinsou Hitoshi x gn!Reader

Summary: Studying abroad on a remote tropical island, a life threatening event prompts a certain merman to come to your rescue. Coincidence or not, the meeting results in his intentions being set in stone.

All characters are aged up (18+).

Warnings for this part: injury, mild violence, suggestions of poor parenting

6.6k words

a/n: This is the final part to my mermay fic for the bookclub! I’m fairly happy with how this turned out, and I hope you guys enjoy it too!

Prompt: “It’s really not that complicated.”

Part 1

_____

Another day of work went completely down the drain. Not as in your accomplishments being ruined or anything like that, rather there weren’t any accomplishments to be had in the first place.

You spent the rest of the evening talking to Hitoshi. He had so many questions.

“What are you studying.”

“Where are your classmates?”

“Does anyone know you're here?”

“How are you enjoying the island?”

“How long are you staying here?”

He was relentless.

But you answered every single one of his inquiries. You owed him, after all. It was the least you could do, and frankly you didn’t mind it.

He was so invested in getting to know you. The treatment was something you’ve never experienced before. And you liked it―someone being committed to understanding you instead of assuming everything.

Even more so, you enjoyed how he seemed genuinely concerned about your limits, unlike others.

The sun was setting, its influence casting a warm haze across the beach. You still hadn’t gotten any work done, but it didn’t matter. It was worth it. You could afford to miss another day of research if it meant catching up on some much needed meaningful human interaction.

Or is human interaction even the right description for it?

It was interaction. That’s all that mattered.

The both of you knew that you couldn’t talk all night, but he wasn’t quite done with his well earned interrogation yet.

You were sitting on the edge of the rocks, feet dangling in the chilled ocean water while Hitoshi rested his arms casually atop the surface. He looked up at you as he spoke, neck craning to accommodate the height difference. “This whole research thing seems like a lot of work―especially if you were going to risk your life for it.”

He seemed to enjoy undermining your capabilities. It came off as playful teasing, but part of you was a little offended that he didn’t think you could handle yourself. But given recent events, the behaviour was probably forgivable―he did meet you in your almost dying moments.

“I guess it is, but if I don’t put in the effort then...I don’t know. I’ll disappoint my parents, which is definitely not something I want to do.” You laughed at the thought, but really the idea of messing up such a perfect opportunity for success was distressing.

And it was clear that Hitoshi picked up on that distress.

“Are you not doing this for yourself? You’re working so hard, what’s the point if it’s not something you even want to do?” His face was turned into that of pure concern, and it made your heart sink a little to think he felt so worried about you.

“It’s not that I don’t want to do it. I like studying at my school, it’s just―sometimes I wish I was doing something I was a little more interested in.” Nervously, your eyes were trained on the rippling water in front of you.

One thing you’d come to note after spending even a few hours with Hitoshi was that his gaze was practically piercing. It made it hard to look him in the eyes as you spoke, even when you were discussing lighter topics. He could be teasing you yet there’d still be an air of seriousness to it. And in times like these his focus on you would no doubt be immobilizing if you had the courage to steal a glance.

But you didn’t need to, not with the disappointed sounding sigh that escaped his lips. “Then why don’t you? Clearly you’re not happy with whatever’s happening now.”

You kicked your feet in the water slightly, trying to stave off the tension he was creating. “I can’t just―listen, there’s nothing I can do about it Hitoshi. I wish there was, honestly...It’s not a big deal.”

There was a long pause, and for a moment you feared that he’d gotten bored with hearing about your unfortunate lifestyle. But he wouldn’t still be associating with you if that was ever a problem.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

The question was so unexpected, it took you a second to comprehend it―another to reply. “Y-you mean like...rant about my feelings?” This time you were looking at him, an automatic reflex to the shock you received from his words.

His gaze was unwavering, showing no signs of going back on what he said. “Sure, maybe I can help.”

At that you gave a lighthearted chuckle, causing a slightly confused look to form on his face. “No offence, but I don’t think there’s much you can do for me. Y’know…” You eyed the shimmering tail that was outstretched in the water, the sight still baffling your preconceived notions of reality.

His tone borderlined on taunting, while still retaining a certain edge to it. “What? Because I’m part fish? I’m sure even like this I can still offer advice, don’t you think?”

As he spoke, the grin he gave was almost threatening. It contrasted his supportive words. Even more so when your eyes laid upon a new realization of his physique.

His canine teeth were inhumanely sharp.

It was practically a set of fangs, just another part about him that was otherworldly.

You disregarded the sudden findings to form a coherent response amongst your semi-flusteredness. “I don’t know...there’s a lot to unpack when it comes to that. I’d hate to bore you to death.”

He gave a warm smile, “I don’t think that’s possible. Really (y/n), you can tell me anything.”

For a moment you paused before responding. Could you really tell him...anything? You weren’t lying, there was a lot that you had buried under the long maintained efforts to suppress your personal opinions. Ones that those important to you wouldn’t quite agree with, and you didn’t have the heart to disappoint them.

But when your mind went back on all he’d done for you up until now, would letting you do this be anymore taxing on him? If anything, Hitoshi proved that he was more than willing to just talk to you. Nothing complicated in the matter. Just mindless discussion with the only goal of becoming more acquainted with each other.

He wasn’t trying to get anything from you. No intentions of advantage-taking were present.

How could you not comply with his request?

And so you did. You told him what ailed you most―those in your life that didn’t take your needs seriously. How oftentimes people liked to pretend that they weren’t pressuring you into things, or judging you for stuff you couldn’t complete with a high degree of success. Thoughts that you would never admit you had to these people for fear of unbearable rejectment.

Hitoshi listened patiently, letting you take your time to form your thoughts and offering words of consolation where it was appropriate. His concern only grew with each passing word. You described how strenuous school could be, despite you yourself thinking you were overreacting.

Thankfully he didn’t think the same. In fact, it was the exact opposite. Somehow it was easy for him to disregard the glaring differences in your lifestyles. He adapted to what you spoke of, altering his words and views to best assist you in easing the aches you carried.

For the most part, his words were short and sweet, but you appreciated them nonetheless. It was unlikely that you’d be able to utilize his words of advice, but the action of speaking itself was more than enough to alleviate your stresses.

As the sky grew darker, you felt the weight of guilt and expectations upon you grow lighter. All the while he didn’t seem bothered in the slightest, living up to his initial offer to let you drown him in your sorrows as well.

So when the moon crested over the surface of the horizon, you could leave him feeling more mentally refreshed than you had in years. The both of you were reluctant to part―you surprised at this given how personally you couldn’t imagine how boring it would’ve been to hear you drone on for a little over half an hour.

Even more confounding, Hitoshi made you promise to come back to the same spot the next day. You would’ve had to either way―being now two days behind in your research. But the notion that he was waiting, anticipating your return brought a warmth to your heart.

You agreed with his desire, and made your way back to the dimly lit cabin before the luminance of the sun could vanish from the sky.

_____

It would turn out that Hitoshi’s patience was a blessing.

You trekked back to the same spot―back to him, after that day with your equipment in tow. Unfortunately, he was quite adamant on spending time with you in pretty much an identical way like you had before. And as much as you would’ve loved to talk endlessly with him, there was no way you were going to finish your research for the final if you did.

So, you laid out some ground rules. Normally you’d spend the whole time at the ocean pools doing something that worked towards your end goal, but with his presence in the mix you’d have to alter your routine.

It was decided that you’d return to him an hour earlier than normal. You’d spend the extra time doing your work, and he’d simply exist alongside of you. Hitoshi wouldn’t necessarily do anything, most times you’d just catch him observing your work habits. Occasionally he’d question your methods, and you’d continue your work while explaining whatever task you were completing to him. Generally, he was a curious sort of creature―and you couldn’t exactly blame him. He didn’t talk much about his interactions with other humans before, but judging by his desire to learn more about your customs, you could assume the presence you gave him had never arisen in a similar way before.

You could relate to his newfound interest in your relationship more than he probably knew. The change from the monotonous lifestyle you had for the past few years compared to what had developed between you and the merman was like night and day. Being so caught up in school didn’t grant much time for socializing, or anything recreational for that matter.

For so long you felt alone―and now you weren’t. Not with the undivided attention of Hitoshi.

When you deemed it permissible to wrap up your findings for the day, the two of you would pick back up wherever you left the conversation last. It would be understandable if you ran out of topics for discussion, but that never happened.

Days turned into weeks, and you were still as attentive to his words as ever, just as he was equally engaged with you. Sometimes the words you exchanged weren’t even meaningful―mindless in every sense, talking just to hear each other's voice. In such a short amount of time you developed a bond that you’d never once experienced before―and it wasn’t even with a human.

It was almost funny the way things worked out. Never would you have expected to become so close to someone this quickly, let alone a man who wasn’t even the same species as you. But that’s what made it all the more special. You came on this trip offered by your university under the encouragement of it being a ‘once in a lifetime opportunity’―and that’s exactly what it came to be.

You’d never have this same sense of euphoria again. No matter where you might go, Hitoshi’s presence was irreplaceable.

That’s what made the slowly ensuing date of departure so painful to come to terms with.

If the prospect of leaving him behind wasn’t enough to weigh you down, then the copious amounts of work left to be completed certainly would. It felt as if none of your efforts were good enough. You’d finish one thing just for another problem to arise―it was maddening.

You felt like pulling your hair from the roots with how much stress you were under. The whole process was frantic―you scrambling to jot down notes, trying to politely discuss with your peers or professors about certain topics while battling with the dreaded feeling that you were bothering them with every word that came out of your mouth. You were losing sleep, trying to formulate your plans for the next day or hash out what you’d add to your paper.

Hitoshi noticed your severely distressed state―it was obvious after all.

You were talking less. Short answers, sometimes only a word or a simple nod here and there. For so long he’d just sit there and watch you slave away at your research. The talks you two had were becoming shorter―you favouring to spend the time doing what was essentially cramming for your final at this point.

He wasn’t having it.

You were borderlining on a headache with the amount of strain you were putting on your brain to stay focused. It was a focus so intense that the sound of Hitoshi’s voice breaking through the silence almost scared you half to death.

“You’ve been pretty quiet lately. What’s going on?”

Your hand flinched at the deep baritone of his voice, sending your pencil flying into the nearest ocean pool with a splash. For a moment your mind reminisced on the evening when his unwarned appearance caused you to do something similar. Only this time you knew he was there―you were just too engrossed in your task to remember.

Reaching for the now wet pencil, you replied without sparing him a glance. “I’m just really busy right now ‘Toshi. I’m supposed to be leaving soon and I haven’t even―” You caught your tone changing into one of irritation. He didn’t have that effect on you by no means. It was the work that spurred the emotions, and you didn’t want him thinking he was the cause of your growing anxieties.

In an attempt to ease the tensions plaguing your body, you let out a deep sigh. “My work isn’t done yet―not even close. I’m just running out of time here.”

You shook your head at the dreadful reality, drying off your pencil with the loose fabric of your cover up.

Hitoshi shifted in the water slightly, a crease forming between his brows at your worries. “What’ll happen if you don’t finish? Surely you’ve got enough done so far―I mean you don’t stop even when we talk.” He was watching your every move just like he always did, you paying no mind to his intent stare.

Sitting back down on the dry rock with your notebook in hand, you responded. “Well, I’ll upset my parents for one. I just can’t seem to get everything done. I’m behind schedule and at this rate I’ll never finish my research.” You paused your rant, opting to rest your hands on the papers in your lap in what felt like semi-defeat. “God...I just―I can’t let them down with this.”

He’d watched you long enough―listened to you enough―to know how important doing well in your studies were. The past week had been just as much hell for him as it had for you. Sure he wasn’t working himself to the bone with this assignment like you were, but he was getting second hand stress from it.

Seeing you so worn out, but still refusing to let up pained him to no end. Just as you had developed an irreplaceable attachment to him, he’d grown to be so excruciatingly devoted to making sure he was there when you returned to him every night. At the beginning he didn’t care all that much about the prospect of eventually having to part ways with you, but things had changed since then. He had changed, but you stayed the same. Too overworked and performing for the pride of others.

His voice cut through your concentration like a sharpened knife. “You don’t need them.”

You lifted your head to look at him for the first time in hours. The look he gave you was as serious as ever―if not more so than usual. Your mind practically drew blank at his abrupt suggestion. “Um―I’m not quite sure I follow…”

He squared his toned shoulders, looking at you with intent. “Clearly they’re not doing any good for you. Stay here with me―you won’t have to worry about them taking advantage of you anymore.”

In a feeling of awkwardness and disbelief at his words, you laughed a bit in admission. “I can’t just drop out of school ‘Toshi. And even if I could I’d still have to go home first and then I certainly wouldn’t be coming back. It’s a funny idea―really, but the school would never just let me stay behind.”

You went back to trying to focus on your brainstorming, having perceived that the topic was concluded.

“It’s really not that complicated. You enjoy your time here―with me.”

Keeping your gaze focused on the lined paper as you weren’t fully prepared to deal with his piercing stare, you made your rebuttal. “It is complicated. Listen, doing that wouldn’t make any sense―you’re not making any sense.”

He didn’t miss a beat, “It makes complete sense to me. You’re miserable, but here you wouldn’t be.”

“I can’t just give up my life ‘Toshi!”

You didn’t mean to yell at him―really. The stress of the situation, of your deadline, was so much to compute in your brain when it was already running a thousand miles a minute. He just wasn’t helping, not like he usually did. But that didn’t mean you had the right to get mad with him.

The two of you sat there in silence, you hanging your head in regret and shame for likely hurting the man.

Hitoshi was the first to speak up, his voice now calm and gentle in comparison to yours. “Even if you hate it?”

Those few words were enough to send your heart sinking into your chest. He was right―you did hate it. But there was no other alternative. All you could do was try and sway him from the subject.

“Hopefully, I’ll eventually grow to love it.” You gave pause for a moment, “And...even if I don’t, it’s all I have.”

“You’d really prefer that life over the one you’d have here? Where you’d be happy?”

It wasn’t worth discussing―you knew the answer even if you didn’t like admitting it. He needed to know it too, and settle with it. “It’s not realistic, ‘Toshi. Just drop it, okay?”

Much to your thankfulness the merman did as you said. Without another word you went back to your studies, having to reel your mind back in whenever it chose to drift to the disillusioned words of your newfound companion. It was distracting in every sense―making for the already difficult task to be that much harder.

You could tell it bothered him too. The indigo haired man was always fairly moody, especially when he had to wait for you to finish your work. Now however he was downright sulking in the water as his focus absentmindedly drifted to rest upon the rippling waves of the ocean. A few times you stole a glance in his direction, seeing he was uncharacteristically disinterested in your actions. It only made you feel worse―seeing him stew in his own conflict at the hands of your misfortune.

Even when you managed to spare some time for the regular discourse when you finally chose to wrap up your equipment, he was still acting distracted. Not rude or anything―just like his mind was in another place.

You could only hope he could move past his troubled thoughts, just as you wished for yourself.

_____

Before you knew it another week had gone by―meaning you only had a few days remaining. The time that went by then was the worst of your trip by far. A haze of self-doubt clouded your mindset for its entirety. Amongst the seemingly unending requirements, you were downright exhausted. Physically, mentally―you name it.

You could only spare a rough ten or so minutes at the end of your day for Hitoshi. Neither of you liked it. What you wouldn’t give to just go back to the way things were when you first met him, aside from the near death experience. A time where you weren’t nearly as concerned with completing everything right to the last painstaking detail. It was only a few weeks ago, yet it felt like a lifetime in the past.

He’d even been helping you with the research―despite you desperately insisting that he shouldn’t as technically it could be seen as cheating. Of course, he was very stubborn, meaning you didn’t exactly have the chance to fight him.

It was mostly a matter of him retrieving samples from the ocean for you. Not often did you require them, but when the moment arose he was more than happy to assist you. Finally, you were down to what you hoped was the final time you were required to obtain some ocean relique.

It was bittersweet in a way. You were fairly confident by now that with this you could take your research home to finish, given that you had more than enough groundwork that’d been developed in your time on the island. But it meant that you’d no longer have a reason to come back to the ocean pools, and subsequently back to Hitoshi.

However for now you didn’t have to think about that―you still had even a little work left to do, which was enough to take your mind off of the eventual departure from the island.

Normally you would let the merman take the reins when it came to anything dealing with venturing into the ocean water, but today it would seem he was a little more lenient in the matter.

You were just about to hand off the sample jar when he spoke up.

“Why don’t you come with me this time? It’ll be your last chance to go in the ocean before you leave―It’d be fitting, right?”

Your hand was still extended with the jar in your palm, which you retracted at his unexpected claim. It would likely be the last time you could spare the indulgence. Not only that, but it’d be fair given how much you’d let him do for you―it was only right that you at least worked for the material that would no doubt be essential to finishing your final with good marks.

With your lips upturning into an understanding smile, you stood back up from your crouched position in front of him. “I suppose it couldn’t hurt. I’m just surprised you’re finally letting me do this―given how you’ve been against the idea for so long.” The playfulness in your tone didn’t go unnoticed as you spoke, Hitoshi’s face lighting up a bit in seeing your good mood. Lately it’s been everything but that, the reality of your situation being mutually paining.

Making your way across the lightly dampened rocks, you fished through your backpack for another belt bag. You were forced to purchase one at the island's diving gear shop, burning through a substantial amount of your funds for the trip.

The merman observed your actions with an inquisitive look, speaking up as you were still rifling through the contents. “I can carry your equipment for you. Just bring the jar.”

You looked over at his awaiting form. It wasn’t much, but since the disagreement the two of you had just barely a week prior, his behaviour never quite went back to normal.

Although, his form of normal was everything but the sort―understandably so. Your lives were so contrastingly different, it only made sense that he was a little more...odd. It never stood out that much, but still―always just enough where it was noticeable. And since he stated the obvious about your detestment for your life back home, things didn’t simply return to how it’d once been.

Whether he knew you picked up on it was beyond you―in fact, you weren’t even sure if he knew he was acting differently himself. Either way, things were just off between the two of you. Even though the feeling was subtle, it persistently kept you just a little uneasy.

He’d always had an air of mystery to his aura―you assumed it just came with his predicament. Only now it served to put you on edge. Never so much where you’d not want to talk to him though. Nothing could stop you from wanting that.

If anything, you were concerned for him. You didn’t like the thought that he might be dreading you having to leave just as much as you were.

As you pulled your hands from your bag and regarded him waiting in the water, a small part of you picked up on a certain edge to his demeanour. You couldn’t quite place where it came from, or what it meant, but it was there nonetheless.

It was easy to disregard though, and you stripped down to your swimsuit to join him at the edge of the water. With a gentle hand he helped you into the ocean, waiting for you to get adjusted to the cold temperature slightly before leading you away from the shoreline. You kept the sample jar in your right, your other still in his hand as you worked on balancing yourself in the shallow water.

A shiver ran up and down your spine, causing you to instinctively curl into yourself, pausing your advance for a moment.

You heard Hitoshi give a small chuckle at your unaccustomed behaviour, somehow still retaining a certain sternness. “Don’t get cold feet now. You’ll be fine, I promise.”

In an attempt to force yourself to loosen up, you breathed out a deep sigh. “Yeah, I’m good. Let’s keep going.”

When you reached a depth where you could no longer keep your feet on the ocean floor, the merman took the sample jar from your hand, releasing you from his own hold. With the intrusion on your awkward swimming methods gone, you carefully began to tread the frigid water.

The sensation brought you back to the evening which put this whole reality in motion. You noted how the ocean water even felt a little chillier, perhaps it was just you being sensitive. After all, last time you were in this position your senses weren’t nearly as perceptive as they should be. If they were you might’ve had half a mind to take the change in the ocean’s patterns more seriously.

Recalling the ordeal still made your blood run cold. You were so sure that the waves in the distance would take longer to reach you. And the ferocity of them―that was something you didn’t see coming.

Now wasn’t a time to hold that same carelessness, taking a moment to look off into the distance, then judging the weather just in case a freak storm came out of nowhere again.

The reef you were searching for was farther from the shoreline than you anticipated. You didn’t like the thought of it, but the merman’s presence made things a little easier. Soon enough you judged that your current position would be an ideal place to start searching.

The water surrounding you was immaculately clear, and even in the dimming light of the sunset, you could still make out the reef beneath you. You knew that it would actually be much deeper than how it looked, but you were fairly confident it still wasn’t that bad.

You regarded Hitoshi as you came to a halt, “Okay...I think right here is a good spot.” For another moment your eyes trained on the ocean below you.

Even in the safety of his presence, you couldn’t help but feel a pang of worry go through you. It was only instinctual―people don’t just get over a near death experience in a few weeks. It’s what you told yourself in hopes of rationalizing the sensation away. “Can you hand me the sample jar?”

The merman stilled next to you, and your gaze drifted to his immaculately sharp features. Namely, the way his jaw seemed to tighten at your words.

The once nonchalant attitude from his brief previous teasing was gone. A familiar seriousness had replaced it completely. He didn’t make a move to give you the jar, choosing to speak first instead.

“Before we go under, I just wanted to clear something up…”

You continued to tread in one place, a little irritated at the hold up. You’d hear him out though―you owed him that much after all he’d done for you up to this point. “Is something wrong, ‘Toshi?”

He looked a little uncomfortable, averting from your worried gaze for a moment. “I just wanted to know...were you serious―with not wanting to stay with me?”

Out of all the times he could’ve chosen to bring this up, he thought now would be the best?

You gave a small smile out of consolation, also in an attempt to ease some of the observable tensions running through his body. You knew he hadn’t moved past it, and it didn’t make you feel any better about having to leave him. “I can’t just abandon everything I know. I would love to stay―to spend more time with you. It’s just not possible.” You tried letting him down gently. The last time you rejected him didn’t go well for either of you, and you didn’t want to end your relationship on such bad terms.

The merman shook his head slightly as he spoke, “I don’t understand, you’d be happier with me. Would you just―please, (y/n). I need you to rethink this.” The strain in his voice made your heart sink. You’d never seen someone so severely distressed for you in your life.

For a moment it made you think that maybe it was coming from something more selfish. He said it himself that he never really got to interact with other humans. It’s not an idea you ever thought about before, especially because he simply didn’t seem like that kind of person, but maybe his attachment wasn’t coming from the same place as yours. You liked him because he treated you with compassion and understanding. Frankly, you still didn’t know why he stuck around.

When it came down to it, the reasonings didn’t matter. There was no stopping your school from forcing you back onto a plane home. With a soft look in your eyes, you replied. “You know I wish I could stay with you. I just can’t―there’s no way the university would let me stay anyways, ‘Toshi.”

There was a long bout of silence that fell between the two of you. It was clear just how conflicted he was, and on a certain level, so were you. The only difference was that you’d come to terms with it long ago. Now he needed to do the same.

Just slightly, he straightened up in the water. He had a solemn but resigned look to his face. “Then...I believe you. But, I’m sorry for this.”

Your face contorted a bit in confusion at his vague words. Was he apologizing for giving you a hard time?

“What’s there to be sorry about―”

In a split second, a wave of a vastly unfamiliar sensation washed over you. It felt stifling―muffling your senses. Almost like being underwater.

You visioned fared even more poorly. Against your will your eyes focused past the merman in front of you, settling on the distantly dimming horizon. The synapses in your body felt as if they were malfunctioning to the extreme. You couldn’t move, much less voice your now immediately distressed concerns.

What you could do however was just barely register the sensation of hands coming to grip your hips. It wasn’t a bad feeling, your mind able to make the connection that you stopped moving―meaning whatever was happening was keeping you from sinking.

Dread still clamped down on your heart, panicked and unsure of what would happen next. There was movement―eyes not entirely out of commission. Something indigo, shimmery and blurred beyond recognition.

And then there was pain.

Burning hot and sharp as a knife, breaking through the soft and delicate skin of your neck. Involuntary tears pricked in your eyes, threatening to spill―doing so a mere second later. The ocean water wasn’t the culprit for the wetness on your face anymore. A mix of fear and physical agony were at fault.

The scorching sensation didn’t dissipate―it merely faded into the background. Alongside of it a dark and looming haze took up residence. There was a disconnect in your mind―or rather there were many. No one thought could coherently form anymore, just a muddled cluster of why’s and what’s.

Time was too much of a complicated concept to be able to grasp. Seconds could have gone by―minutes even. The only thing you understood was how tired you felt.

The pain should be keeping you conscious, but even that wasn’t enough to fight off the building weight forming in your mind. Like waves pulling you under, you grew more and more drowsy.

And just like when you were drowning, there was nothing stopping the ways of nature from keeping you under. Only now what subdued you was everything but natural.

It was just as powerful though, and it had sunk its teeth into your consciousness, drawing out every last bit of energy from your body.

_____

Your memory hadn’t failed you, bringing with it all your past obtained knowledge of the island. But where you were was no longer the island.

It was a cave. Damp and dark, illuminated by a flickering oil lamp nestled in a corner.

Hitoshi’s home.

There were differences though. Namely, the cushions smelling of the salty ocean water embedded in its fabric underneath you. Not uncomfortable by no means, but it wasn’t there last time you were in the cavern.

The merman wasn’t there when you woke up last time either―but he was now.

Your head felt like it was spinning as you weakly sat up from your laid out position. Like when you first came to, a hospitable blanket was thrown over your body. You were completely dried―not even your swimsuit retaining any moisture.

Dread filled eyes landed on Hitsoshi’s form, steadily keeping afloat in the middle of the cave’s pool. The pool that led to the only exit from his home.

Your voice was hoarse and raised in concern when you spoke, dry as you hadn’t used it for who knows how long. “...What’s going on, ‘Toshi? W-what happened?”

The merman didn’t even flinch at your words, like he didn’t hear you at all. He simply kept a cold expression plastered across his face. The only significant movement was the way his eyes trailed down your body.

“Before we met, I saw you doing your research at the pools.” His deep voice echoed off the walls of the cave, as always sending a brief shock to your system from its powerfulness. Always unexpected, and always startling.

He continued after a short pause, “Even from a distance, I could tell―you looked so...empty. Tired, and I couldn’t figure out why.”

Suddenly you were alarmingly aware of your situation with his words. If he was there, you never noticed him. But that was only to be expected―with how trained your focus always was on your work, there was never any room to take a detailed surveillance of your surroundings. Or to pick up on watchful eyes from the distant waters.

Any words you could form at the moment got caught in your throat. The influence of whatever once laced your body was gone―it was fear that kept you silent as he continued.

“After I saved you that evening, you changed. It wasn’t much at first but I could tell. And after what you told me―about all the things other humans had done to you―I knew that you needed me. I’ll treat you better than them.”

Finally your widened eyed gaze met his as he managed to regard your dread filled stare.

You forced out the only defence that came to mind―if it could even be called that. “You...you think this is treating me better? Hitoshi...what happened? I don’t―I can’t remember anything since getting into the water with you.”

By now you were shaking, both from the colder temperature of the cave and your severely strung out nerves. Despite the former you threw the blanket off your body, growing increasingly disturbed with the reality of your predicament.

He winced slightly at the movement. “It’s not ideal, I know. But you weren’t listening to me.” You only felt more uneasy with his every word, an unpleasant rush of emotions enveloping your body. “You would’ve left me if I didn’t do anything.”

From the first and only time you ever raised your voice at the merman, or even regarded him with anything less than the gentle compassion he gave you, you swore never to behave in such a way again. That notion was beyond you now.

He was blaming you for what happened.

“W-what...so this is my fault?!” Without you even realizing it the disquiet that was practically suffocating had tears slipping down your cheeks.

Hitoshi moved forward towards you, at the edge of the cave structure where the ocean water met the dry rocks, a look of worry contorting his face. You scrambled back from your position, fear having set in your very being for the inhuman creature before you.

His eyes followed your frantic retreat, but he couldn’t draw any closer, being stopped at the raised rocky expanse of the cave floor. He too was growing upset, just not for the same reasons. “It could never be your fault. What those humans did to you was beyond your control. But I wasn’t just going to let you go back to them. They’ll never stop and you know that.”

“I’m not any better off here!” Your voice bounced off the stone walls, the aggression of it even catching you off guard.

You hear a deep sigh escape his chest, looking contemplative before answering. “It can be better if you let it. If it’s the location you don’t like I can search for a new home―find something bigger. And you won’t always be in here, just until I know I can trust you.”

At this point you were openly sobbing, too overwhelmed on every sensory level. Your brain was having trouble computing the step by step thought process that led him to this decision, only making your distress more unbearable. “It’s not about that! I can’t just―y-you can’t make these kinds of decisions for me.”

You looked at him with pleading eyes, him seeming pained at your disheveled and shaking form.

He gave you a solemn look, “I’m sorry for upsetting you, but I promise you’ll be happier here.”

You couldn’t give him an answer to that―not after the countless times you told him the exact same thing. You might be happy, but what’s to say about those you’re leaving in your wake? At a loss for words, you let hot tears flow and your thoughts bombard you in every way possible. The cave might be quiet, but the pounding of your heartbeat reverberating in your ears was a practically blaring noise that only you could hear.

Hitoshi looked defeated in a way, his once firm composure falling into slumped shoulders, head turning to glance at the exit behind him. He pushed off the rocks, speaking through the motion. “I’ll give you some time to collect your thoughts―try and see things my way.” The merman was nearing the back of the pool, “You need food, I’ll have to go hunting but I’ll be back soon...Don’t try to leave.”

His words were slow spoken, as if he wanted to make sure you could comprehend them amongst the racing pace of your brain overworking itself. You could comprehend it just fine―and the prospect only scared you. “W-wait! We’re not done talking, don’t―”

The deep indigo tufts of hair, once semi-dried, dipped below the surface of the water. You rushed to the pool’s edge, catching a glimpse of the glistening tail that matched in colour as it disappeared into the depths.

“Don’t leave me here alone.”

[hermionemonica]

The Road to Us, and Everything in Between: Chapter 2

(This is a no magic AU. There is no existence of the Miraculous or the superheroes in this universe.)

AO3 | Chapter 1 | Chapter 3 

As time went on, Marinette felt distances creeping between her and Nathaniel. They still talked to each other over calls, texting and social media, and even met up with each other every once in a while. But all that grew more and more seldom. And for Marinette, this felt different. Of course, her affections for Nathaniel still remained unchanged, but it felt kind of liberating to not have his presence constantly looming over her life. And with the alone time Marinette now had away from Nathaniel, she found herself constantly rethinking her life and decisions. About what she chose, about what could have been.

Marinette had always had a habit of talking to herself. Now every time she felt herself falling into dejection, she would whisper to herself over and over, “I chose this. This is my life now. This is what my life will be from now.” That did wonders to push the fears and insecurities to the back of her mind.  

But as days passed, it started to get harder and harder. After all, it is an inexplicable pain to see the one you love right in front of you, be with them, all the time knowing that they'll never be yours. Being around him didn’t do anything to help her move on from him, even if she tried.  

Gradually, the secrets and the pretences began to take a toll on her. And with the new university and her fashion courses, it was all too much for her. She felt herself giving in to the pressure. Designing or baking did not work their therapy on her anymore. And the first thing she did when things started getting bad was slowly cut off Nathaniel. Not that she wanted to. It was just she couldn't trust herself to not explode in front of him. And after everything the boy had been through, the last thing he'd want was the only person he trusted to go off on her. So the only solution that she saw was to stay away from him. Only, she could not come up with an appropriate excuse. The poor boy kept asking her what was wrong, but Marinette would say she was fine. Until one day she snapped.  

Marinette was having a particularly rough day, after she had accidentally dropped her sketchbook, which held her designs that she had been working so hard on, right into the waters of the Seine. She had retrieved them, of course, but her work of weeks was ruined. She had shut herself in her room and decided to bury herself in her designs till she redrew them. It probably wouldn’t be as perfect as the originals, but she needed to submit something the next day to pass the class.

Unfortunately, Nathaniel chose that very evening to call her. Marinette ignored his calls and messages for a while, till the alert sounds were getting on her nerves. She finally picked up the phone and asked, “What is it, Nate?”  

If she sounded grumpy or bitter, Nathaniel obviously did not notice it as he went on a ramble about how a cute guy on the subway had complimented him on his blazer.  

“And this is what was so important that you called me for like, 17 times?” Marinette cut him off mid-rant.  

That was when it registered in Nathaniel's mind. “Uh, I thought you'd like to know,” Nathaniel spoke nervously.  

“Maybe I would, but not everyone necessarily has the time for this! Take the hint when I wasn't answering your calls or replying to your texts.” Marinette replied acidly.  

“What is wrong Mari?” Nathaniel sounded concerned.  

“Why does something have to be wrong?” Marinette was beginning to lose her temper. “It just happens that you don't seem to realise that some people might have more important stuff going on than just a random guy complimenting you on your clothes!”  

When there had come no reply from the other end, Marinette quickly disconnected the call and switched her phone off. She had too much on her hands at the moment.  

Marinette had fallen asleep at her table, sometime in the middle of the night. In the wee hours of the morning, she woke up to find a string of messages from Nathaniel, which he had sent right after the phone call the previous night.  

“So, this is it? I... I don't matter anymore? It’s okay, Marinette, I get it. I was just an unnecessary burden that you were carrying around although you didn't have to. This had to end sometime, right? After all, we both know very well that I'll never be able to give you what you want. I am only holding you back from everything that you could have, everything that you deserve. I'm sorry for everything Mari, I hope you can forgive me. Take care Marinette, and be happy. I promise I won't bother you anymore. Goodbye.”  

Marinette had not seen this coming. She couldn't deny that she had been a bit too harsh in her words the previous night, but was it that bad? Had she made it sound like she didn't want Nathaniel to be around her? She tried to remember what exactly she had said, but to her anguish, all of it was a blur. In exasperation, she kicked against the side of her desk, only to wince back in pain immediately afterwards. Surely, the voice in her head kept saying, this can't be happening. Nathaniel wouldn't just leave just because Marinette had said some harsh words, right? Their relationship was too above that, of course! After everything they had been through together, a little miscommunication couldn't possibly be what would break it! Over and over she read Nathaniel's texts, trying to make something out of it, something less painful. She tried to read between the lines, desperately trying to convince herself that it wasn't happening.  

The only reason she dragged herself out of her house an hour later was because she had to submit the designs that day. And the only reason she had left her phone without replying to Nathaniel was because she was scared that she might mess it up further.  

Three agonising hours later, Marinette sat in the cafeteria. Anger coursed through her. Anger at Nate, anger at herself, anger at the stupid deadline! As she desperately tried to reign in her temper, because that was what had caused the entire mess in the first place, she found herself regretting her decision to leave her phone at home. At least she could have called Alya and talked to her. At one point of time, Marinette had been glad that no one from her old school was in the same university as her, because then she could put everything behind her and start her life without the lies. It didn’t seem that convenient anymore. She wished she could talk to someone, anyone, right now. But since there was no way to do that, she went back to sipping on her iced tea to soothe her nerves.  

“Are you okay?” said a voice from behind Marinette, as a hand was laid on her shoulder.  

Before Marinette could turn around, the intruder came into her range of vision as he seated himself at her table.  

It was Adrien, and he was looking at her with concern in his emerald hands. Did she really look that terrible? Marinette asked herself. More importantly, what could she answer to Adrien, when he didn't even know anything about Nathaniel? But then again, she was stuck in the university for at least two more hours, without a phone and no one but Adrien to talk to. Adrien was the only friend she had for now, and Marinette felt she would combust from the stress if she didn't talk sometime soon. Sure, once she figured out how to begin.  

“It's umm... you know, about this boy,” she struggled through her words.  

Immediately, Adrien perked up. “Boy? Crush? Ex? Boyfriend?”  

Marinette felt a smile creep up onto her face in spite of herself. “Let's not use any labels, okay? It’s a bit too complicated for that,” she clarified.  

Adrien wiped the silly grin off his face and looked on with interest, silently urging her to continue.  

“So we had kind of an argument last night, and I may have been a bit rude to him. In my defence though, I was stressed beyond limits. And this morning, I woke up to a bunch of texts from him, saying that... that,” Marinette faltered. How do you put that into words?  

Luckily, Adrien seemed to have understood what she was trying to say. “That he’s leaving you for good,” Adrien offered.  

“Exactly,” explained Marinette. “Except that I meant nothing like that and he took it all the wrong way and he thinks I want to get rid of him and oh so I feel so angry at him right now because after all this time how could he misunderstand such a simple thing and I-”  

“Woah there,” Adrien interrupted. “Slow down. Maybe drink a bit more of that drink you've got there.”  

“Iced tea,” murmured Marinette, “soothes my nerves.”  

That was when she realised that her hands were shaking so badly that she could not even hold the glass in her hand. And on the top of that, a pounding began in her head.  

As she clutched her head in her hands, Adrien reached over. “Hey, are you okay? Do you need anything?” he asked.  

But Marinette could not hear him over the incessant buzzing in her ears. Breathing had never felt so difficult, it was as if something was blocking her trachea.  

Adrien could see Marinette gasping for breath, and shaking uncontrollably, and it scared him. What was happening to this girl? It took him a moment to snap out of his fixation, but then he got up and picked Marinette up in his arms, rushing to the nurse's office, ignoring all the odd looks he could feel on him in the corridors.  

The nurse injected a mild tranquillizer into Marinette's blood. It took effect pretty soon, and soon Marinette had drifted off into a dreamless slumber.  

“It looks like your friend over here has had an anxiety attack,” the nurse explained to Adrien. “Is she under medications for such attacks?”  

Adrien simply looked on with bewilderment.  

Either he is too stressed out to comprehend my words right now, thought the nurse, or he seriously has never heard of an anxiety attack. Deciding on the former, she went on, more gently, “Has she ever had spells like this before?”  

Adrien looked down, his expression guilty. “I-I don't know. I don't spend much time with her.”  

The nurse shook her head. “Well, I am guessing by how freaked out she was when you brought her in that she is as unacquainted with these attacks as you are, young man. Whatever be it, I need to contact her parents. Marinette Dupain-Cheng, you said?” The nurse asked as she scrolled through the student records on her computer.  

Adrien nodded.  

“I assure you that your friend will be okay, you may take your leave if you have classes you need to be at now.”  

Adrien took a glance at his watch. His class had started fifteen minutes ago. Since he was late anyway...  

“No,” he confidently lied to the nurse. “I don't have any classes for another hour.”  

“Fine,” obliged the nurse. “Do keep the young lady company while I go call up her parents.” Adrien silently sank down on the edge of the bed Marinette was asleep on. As he stared at her face, he noticed how ill she looked. The colour had faded from her cheeks, and dark bags hung under her eyes. What could have been so terrible that upset this amazing girl like this?  

Marinette's parents came in some time later. Adrien noticed the stark difference in their appearances. While Marinette's mother, who looked and dressed Chinese, was a small woman like her daughter, Marinette's father could aptly be called a giant of a man. They seemed like very nice people, by the way they talked to the nurse. Mrs Cheng assured the nurse that her daughter did not have any history of anxiety attacks. In that case, the nurse advised them, they should get their daughter a professional check-up at the earliest. They thanked the woman for her help and turned to leave.  

As Mrs Cheng left the room with her daughter leaning onto her, still not quite awake, Mr Dupain stopped at the door. He turned to look at Adrien standing there, and Adrien couldn't help but be intimidated. But Mr Dupain had the kindest of expressions on his face as he grabbed Adrien's hand and firmly shook it. “Thank you for taking care of my little girl,” he whispered gratefully.  

Adrien was surprised to know that the huge man could speak in so low a voice. “It was a pleasure,” he smiled in acknowledgement.  

After he left, Adrien wondered if he had even done anything that special to receive such warm gratitude. “Taking care of” Mr Dupain had said. Funny, thought Adrien, for anyone would probably have done the same if a friend went through something like that in front of them. Nevertheless, Adrien decided that the Dupain-Chengs were probably affectionate people by blood.  

[killscreencinema]

The Last of Us Part II (PlayStation 4)

When this game came out in June, I could care less.  I enjoyed the first game well enough, but here’s the thing with Naughty Dog - once you’ve played one game in a franchise, you kind of know what to expect from that point forward.  I really enjoyed Uncharted:  Drake’s Fortune, but damned if I remember any other game in the series, as they’re all so similar they kind of blend in with each other (although I will admit Uncharted 4 was a little more stand out).  My brother bought the game and offered to let me borrow it while he was out of town for two weeks, so I figured... what the hell.  Why not? 

The Last of Us was a neat Naughty Dog take on the exhausted zombie genre, with compelling characters and decent, if extremely repetitive, gameplay.  With the previous sentence, I could just say I also reviewed The Last of Us Part II, and just wrap things up here, but I won’t do that to ya.

SPOILER WARNING!

TLOU 2 picks up about five years after the events of the first game, with Ellie and Joel both living peacefully in a bucolic town called Jackson.  Their peace is shattered when a mysterious girl named Abby abducts and murders Joel to get revenge for his mass murder fest in the last game’s climax.  Consumed by vengeance, Ellie follows Abby’s trail to the decaying metropolis of Seattle, where feuding factions are about to explode into all out war. 

So two things I want to cover about the story:

1.) Before the game’s release, there was a lot of manufactured outrage over the game being some kind of “SJW” vehicle.  This came about after the reveal in one of the trailers that Ellie is a lesbian (although Ellie’s sexual preference was already revealed in DLC for the first game).  When people start losing their minds over shit like this, and start throwing terms like “SJW” around, I immediately dismiss is hysterical nonsense.  While, yes, there are certainly media out there that shamelessly panders to minorities or the LGBTQ community more as a form of marketing than inclusion, I still support representation, even if its terrible and obvious exploitation. 

That being said... none of that is at play in this game.  Yes, Ellie is a lesbian, but other than an implied sex scene and a little PDA, the game isn’t “shoving it in your face” any more than the cis heterosexual relationship between Abby and Owen later in the game.  Ellie’s sexuality isn’t part of the plot whatsoever, beyond very mild unresolved tension between herself, Dina (her GF), and Dina’s ex-boyfriend Jessie.  Even then, it’s not a big deal.  There’s maybe one scene where Ellie and Dina are hassled by a bigot, and yes it feels a little hamfisted, but it’s hardly enough to condemn the game as an SJW Clap Trap.  So fuck all that noise.

Besides, being a lesbian is minor compared to the fact that...

2.) ...Ellie is a goddamned monster.  Granted, she was raised in a violent world full of *actual* monsters, but the way Ellie cuts a bloody swath through Seattle, murdering men, women, and dogs alike, is deeply unsettling, and made all the more so because the game *forces* the player to do it.  There are even moments in the game when you disarm an enemy and they beg for mercy, but the only option is viciously murder them anyway or, if you grant them mercy, they attack you anyway.  It would have been nice if, for those moments, you could just knock them out or something.  Ellie doesn’t even attempt to open a dialogue with the opposition ever - it’s just kill kill kill.

This becomes all the more onerous once the game switches perspectives and you play as Abby, where you get to see that the people Ellie is butchering aren’t the psychos she’s convinced herself they are.  They are, n fact, not much different from the community in Jackson, albeit more militaristic.  Abby’s motivations for killing Joel are 100-percent justified, not only on a personal level (because he killed her father), but because Joel’s actions fucking doomed mankind.  Although, Abby didn’t have to go about it so cruelly, torturing Joel before finally murdering him while making Ellie watch.  That was shitty.  Nevertheless, once the game goes out of its way to show you the other side of the coin, even going so far as to make you FIGHT Ellie in a penultimate “boss battle” of sorts, it’s extremely difficult to be sympathetic with Ellie’s psychopathic desire for revenge, especially in the final confrontation, when she INSISTS on fighting Abby to the death. 

Before this, Abby and her young surrogate brother Lev are captured by a vicious gang called the Rattlers while looking for a rumored Firefly enclave in Santa Barbara.  A couple months later, Ellie follows Abby’s trail to the Rattlers, and finds out, after freeing the Rattler’s other prisoners/slaves, Abby and Lev have been “sent to the polls” for attempting escape. 

So Abby has been tied to a poll, similar to a crucifixion, for several days and has obvious physical signs of starvation and extreme dehydration.  Lev, who is a child, is in just as bad or worse shape, so Abby’s immediate concern is to escape to safety and tend to their condition.  However, Ellie, who by this point is on the verge of bleeding to death due to a stab wound, is all like, “No, my bloodlust must be sated!  I must get revenge for my murderer father figure!”  This whole time, as I was fighting, I was screaming, “OH COME ON ELLIE!  THIS ISN’T EVEN A FAIR FIGHT, YA VICIOUS BITCH!”  This is all the more galling considering Abby showed mercy for both Ellie and Dina during their last confrontation, after beating Ellie into a bloody pulp, albeit reluctantly and only because Lev talked her down. 

I guess my point is, after that big, long, spoiler filled rant is I left the game never quite certain who to root for.  That might have been Naughty Dog’s intention, although I can’t help but feel they still expected gamers to ultimately side with Ellie.  I’ll give them credit though - the story is compelling enough that it got me yelling at my TV and that’s not nothing.

Gameplay wise, though, it’s exactly the same as the first Last of Us - you walk around dilapidated buildings, collecting supplies to upgrade your weapons and abilities, before occasionally fighting infected zombies or hostile humans.  The stealth elements feel a lot tighter, though, which made these action sequences more interesting for me as I like me some stealth.  The game even flirts with the concept of an open world sandbox, similar to that part in Uncharted 4 when you drive around the plains of Africa to look for bad guy outposts.  I wish The Last of Us Part II had gone all out with the open world gameplay, as it would have worked well considering the bulk of the story takes place in one location.  Also, scavenging would feel less tedious in an open world, as it would feel a little bit more like treasure hunting than scavenging (kinda like how you can scavenge random houses and bunkers in Far Cry 5). 

As it stands, The Last of Us Part II isn’t breaking any new ground, except for maybe impressive advancements in graphics and character model animation.  However, if you loved or even liked the first game, I think it’s fair to say you will enjoy this one as well.  If you hated TLOU, and Naughty Dog games in general, well, this ain’t gonna change your mind.

[37h4n0l]

would you please go on an excessive rant about kawoshin? i got a pack of popcorn to microwave i got time

Alright, there’s a whole variety of topics to address here. I think I’ll just make a long bulletpoint list. I’m trying to be reasonable in my saltiness but I’ve lost my patience with the anti-kawoshin stuff. Though if I’m wrong about anything I say on a technical level, I apologize.

[[MORE]]

I’m not surprised by the presence of dudebro fans per se. I’ve never been in a fandom with some level of mass appeal where they didn’t appear. What I’m baffled by is that they don’t just hate Eva considering that, for all the debate around whether ep24 was gay, it’ certainly something they would find gay for two guys to do and the mental gymnastics to no homo kawoshin are way more convoluted. I guess I’m becoming tired of this type of person. And of the fact that every meta community requires one to never say the word ‘gay’ even once, or everything else will be instantly dismissed. Eva is where I officially lost it regarding this topic because it’s so very obviously gay that denying it sounds like straight-up satire. But what do I know, they’re the Serious Fans and I’m just some delusional fangirl, I guess. Let them keep being smug, because clearly, “realism” is acting like lgbt people don’t exist, they got us, it was all a conspiracy to fuck with them.

What is up with the wiki’s editing? Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for the work that went into compiling all the information but the ep24 first draft’s wiki page? The exaggerated emphasis placed on it being ‘Just a draft that was rejected!!!!’ And the added commentary on how a lot of draft materials are ‘ABSOLUTELY NOT ANNO’S AUTHORIAL INTENT’ which begins to diverge from the article’s topic itself. They went as far as bolding the phrase. All of this, after explaining that Satsukawa’s drafts are written based on a general outline Anno gives him... Question of the day: what outline did Anno give Satsukawa that led to him writing that draft? The 1-2 episodes’ worth of homoeroticism, you know. Not to mention the actual ep24, the one that was okayed by Anno, which is still, frankly, really gay. Truly, whoever edited that article was the shining star of intellect. Congratulations!

And, about the quest to prove Shinji’s straight, I find it intriguing that every. single. person. brings up the fact that he jacked off to comatose Asuka. Because any normal display of being attracted to women or any of his erotic mental imagery couldn’t have done, you had to pick that as the typical behaviour to represent straight people. Interesting. I don’t understand their rituals, unfortunately. I figure they just wank to unconscious people on the regular since they love talking about it so much.

Meanwhile bisexual people let out a soft sigh at this whole discussion.

My favourite phenomenon, and the one I was originally going to complain about, is the group of people who took the step of admitting kawoshin is canon, but because they’re sore losers they’re trying to demonstrate how it’s unhealthy. I don’t like having to say all of this because some of the analysts on board with this, I actually like a fair amount. But sorry, if it’s a stupid idea, then it’s a stupid fucking idea and I can’t act like it’s not. So, apparently, Kaworu=bad because he’s too idealized and conforms too perfectly with what Shinji wants, and that’s impossible for human beings so that’s — allegedly — why he turns out to be an angel and has to die. I think the second half of this interpretation has elements that make sense. Maybe. In that I agree that having to kill Kaworu was relevant to the plot and Shinji’s character development (‘unraveling’ might be a more accurate word...). But it’s not because there was any problem with kawoshin as a relationship; it’s because Shinji has to learn not to rely on outside factors for self-worth. That doesn’t say anything about how good those outside factors are for him in themselves, just that he has a tendency of making his own value depend on them whether they’re healthy things or not. Declaring Kaworu to be a negative influence because he’s ‘not a Real Person’ is akin to saying Shinji would be better off hanging out with the ‘Real People’ in his life. The choices for healthy bonds are then: 1) Misato, who has issues with drinking and sex and has made moves on Shinji while being twice his age 2) Rei, who is debatably even a single entity and is a clone of Shinji’s mother that he occasionally sees as a substitute for her 3) Asuka, who continuously talks shit to him, beats him up, expects him to fulfill her desires for precocious sexual maturity and is completely insensitive to anything bad happening to him, including the time he almost died 4) Gendo. I’m being harsh. I appreciate all of these characters and it’s independently from their individual complexity that I observe how they keep trying to dump their own issues on Shinji. I don’t know if it’s about gender. I’m never quite sure.

I can’t say much about the Netflix dub that hasn’t been said already. For one thing, changing ‘love’ to ‘like’ makes no sense in terms of the plot. For another, I agree that phrasing means little to nothing with the visuals on screen. But, just to add something to it, the next time I see someone piggybacking on this discourse to express their “sympathy for how the translators are being treated”, I want them to know that it’s really transparent. Also that anyone from the staff could have said “I did this because it’s my job but I don’t think it was a good choice to translate it like that” at any point. But, for all I know, maybe Netflix is some kind of corporate dictatorship where you can’t express mild disagreement with your colleague’s work or you get instantly fired. I don’t quite care what emotional state translators are in because of the backlash. With this attitude, we’d be obligated to suck it up with any divisive higher decision, lest we hurt someone’s feelings by disliking it. It would have been so easy to keep the phrase in. Absolutely no effort. This was done, I believe, intentionally to pander to dudebros because a lot of people involved probably had no clear understanding of what Eva is and which people it attracts, so they went with ‘eh, it’s probably the average mecha fans’. Companies like this want you to sit back and stay comfortable and amoebic, never being exposed to anything that pokes at your sensitivities — so lgbt content needs to be in a segregated place, available for The Gays while everyone else can peacefully avoid it. And we’ll all be content and appeased and really fucking dopamine-hooked on online streaming. It’s gonna be really, really funny when everyone finds out Eva is centered around subversion with or without the homosexual undertones.

To make it clear, I have no way of knowing what goes on in Anno’s head and I would never blame him for anything considering he created kawoshin and Eva as a whole, things that had a positive effect on me. It needs to be said though; are we sure that and only that which he says publicly is an accurate canon fact about the show? Do we really think his public statements don’t go through any filters, especially when it’s about topics like homosexuality? He already got so many death threats over the tv ending that he got pissed and made EoE. Can you imagine what would happen if he declared kawoshin to be canon? Just ponder on this before taking it for granted that him not saying there was a romantic relationship between them means there wasn’t.

Tangentially related; Anno’s “it wasn’t carnal” as well as the draft rejection seems more related to how the ep24 draft would have, according to the staff, looked like borderline porn. I think our perspective on how far Eva goes is a bit skewed by the clusterfuck in EoE. None of the kids really had carnal desires in the original series — no, not even Asuka, she thought she did because of her issues but it’s fairly clear from her introspection and breakdown that she likes only the idea of being physically intimate but is kind of disgusted by the reality of it (washing her mouth after just kissing Shinji), as people normally are at fourteen. I take Anno’s statement more as “Shinji wasn’t blushing because he was turned on”, not that he didn’t like Kaworu romantically.

I find a lot of discussion around representation formulaic and word salad-ish. The same niche terms with no distinct meaning thrown together in random combinations. But I think I understand it somewhat now, to a small degree. I was so happy about kawoshin. I was genuinely so, so happy. Granted, my expectations for canon lgbt are so low they’re approaching the Earth’s core, but this ship gives me so many positive feelings that I don’t want it taken away from me. I don’t have it in me to engage in anyone’s intricate debates on whether it’s canon or not and I have absolutely no time or care for straight fans’ gaslighting on the issue.

[liskantope]

Minor Game of Thrones rant which is slightly overdue. Obviously, spoilers below.

There are two major elephants in the room, or maybe it would be better to say, one big elephant (Danaerys’ turn) and one baby elephant (Bran’s election). I don’t have much to say about the spectacular twist to Dany’s character arc that isn’t being said a million times over and which I think almost everyone agrees with to some degree. Both the emergence of Dany’s evil side and her demise almost immediately thereafter (with a far too completely transformed and self-assured Dany in-between) was extremely rushed and therefore badly executed, and the degree to which I feel that is more than mild. This season just needed 10 hours like most of the others had, and I assume it was budget/contract issues that prevented this from happening.

As for Bran becoming king, I’m sorry, there’s just no way I’m buying that someone with no human emotions, who basically isn’t human and has never lived a normal human life interacting in a human way with other humans, is a good choice to rule over humans. He should be given a prestigious position close to the ruler obviously, but I’m not at all on board with Tyrion’s reasoning that he belongs at the helm. Sansa would have been a much better choice, the only flaw being that she kind of has wanted to be a queen from the beginning and I do kinda-sorta agree with Tyrion that it’s better (at least writing-wise and perhaps also within the story) not to choose someone with actual ambitions to rule. Perhaps I would have gone with Brienne -- at the very least, I’d say that she’d have been a solid choice. Within the GoT saga I’ve always somewhat disliked the Bran arc and to some friends I’ve made offhand comments about wishing that Bran’s presence were diminished or that Bran could have been killed off or something. I remember reading, prior to the premiere of the final season, an article giving 10 suggestions of who might end up ruling Westeros, in order of probability, and I rolled my eyes when I got to the end and saw that their #1 choice was Bran. I don’t think many people predicted it, and I’m sure the article-writers are feeling quite smug right now.

A lot of people are pooh-poohing Jaime’s ending, but I thought they nailed it. Not everyone who is leaning towards redemption manages to get the full way there -- some people still have a stubborn part of their core which simply cannot be crushed. Cersei’s ending did fall a bit short of what I would have liked to see for such a villainous character, I think (although that obviously couldn’t have been changed without affecting Jaime’s ending). They could have at least given her some more interesting lines maybe. But at the end, it kind of did make sense for her last moments to see her reduced to a scared girl who doesn’t want herself or her baby to die -- in a sense, that’s always been everything that her motives have boiled down to.

Here are some more minor observations/complaints, in no particular order:

I really liked Brienne’s concluding scene where she’s recording Jaime’s accomplishments and thereby showing that she accepts the person he was even if still heartbroken -- in fact, that moment moved me more than almost any other in the final episode. But I have to agree with the complaint that Brienne’s arc shouldn’t have been reduced entirely to how she relates to Jaime. If they weren’t going to make her queen of the seven six kingdoms, they could at the very least have put her in command of the army, say, and shown her carrying out those duties.

My mouth was dropping open, and not in a good way, during the last scene of the penultimate episode, when Arya was somehow literally the only person to survive the massacre of the city and then an almost entirely unscathed horse came up out of nowhere to carry her away. I wonder if it was deliberately shot to look like the horse was an unreal vision, because that’s actually what I thought it was for a few moments.

Come on Tyrion, underneath all your grumbling some part of you deep down enjoys being the hand of the king.

I expect that, if someone were to write a sequel that takes place in the first few years under this new order, we’d see that one of the main causes of political strife might be related to the Dothraki who stay in Westeros and difficulties with assimilation and tolerance between cultures that mirrors current immigration issues in the real world.

Now for a couple of real complaints which I don’t think I’ve seen anyone else mention. Why did the remaining dragon melt the iron throne without immediately turning his flames on his mother’s killer? It would have made a striking moment, especially because I’d expect to see Jon Snow physically unaffected by the flames (at least if I understand how Targaryon blood works), which is something that we sadly never got to see.

And, they really skimped on Sam in the final episode. In describing the discussion over Jon’s fate, Tyrion mentions that Sansa and Arya wanted Jon to be freed, but shouldn’t his best friend (who had lost family members to Dany to boot) have voiced the same thing? And why didn’t we get to see a goodbye between Jon and Sam? This really bothered me actually, and it would have added like an extra minute at most. Maybe it’s contained in a deleted scene.

[maximuswolf]

Do your parents try and change the subject when they run out of arguments too? via /r/atheism

Do your parents try and change the subject when they run out of arguments too?

Fair Warning: MRA (Mild Rant Ahead)

I'm an atheist since like 2016, when some things that happened in my life made me realize I'm an atheist.

Coming out and getting my parents to accept that I wasn't going to church was a BIG issue, but that's a story best left for another time.

Today, in my (catholic) school they were offering the confirmation for high school students.

This was via zoom, and I was with my camera off, which is important, as my mom passed by my desk, and saw that I was ignoring the lecture and playing on my phone, because frankly, it didn't interest me in the slightest.

My mom talked (calmly) with me about it, and I told her my points for not wanting to do anything with it, which can be summarized in:

1.- Risk of Covid: The classes would be in person, with 8 students per group. Given that some of them are irresponsible and actively partying, the risk of COVID from them is high.

2.- Monetary waste: Given that I would learn nothing from it, paying the fee for entering seems wasteful.

3.- Lack of interest: I would basically do and learn nothing, as I'm not interested in it. I didn't pass 7th grade religion class because of this, I did literally nothing except the group presentation. It doesn't count towards GPA, so I'm good with it.

4.- Time Waste: 2 weekly hours, 17 weeks. 34 total hours. Even if I spend that fucking time just jacking off, the dopamine for my brain makes it more valuable. (Didn't actually say this)

All in all, 4 points, explained, which gave me a good backing. What was their super intelligent response?

"We want you to make an informed decision to reject religion"

That was it. That was their fucking point.

My rebuttal?

5.- Good info on religion: My school has a religion class, as I've mentioned before. 9 fucking years on that shit. My last teacher liked to particullarly rant about how atheism doesn't exist. 2 hours of that shit, PER WEEK.

Additionally, I went to church weekly (by choice til 13, forced til 15) and when I was still catholic, the only book I was allowed to have at school was the bible (because anything else would distract me) couple that with 45 minutes wait for them to pick me up, when, by school policy, I couldn't talk with anyone else or do anything else than be quiet on my seat, maybe reading quietly. 45 minutes daily reading the bible, times 5 because of weekdays, times 52 for yearly hours, times 6 for years that I did it. I'll let you do the math. Please do. I don't have energy for it.

Good rebuttal, right?

Well, no. My mom was calm about all this, but then she told my dad. And shit hit the fan.

My mom has an habit of taking things out of context, and as I made an emphasis on point one, that's the one she told my dad.

Well, 5 minutes after talking to my mom, I was playing calmly in my room, thinking "Hey, even if I couldn't make them change their mind, maybe they'll think about it."

Ha. Haha. Ha.

My dad stormed into my room, fairly angry. He told me about using excuses, and that, given that I used COVID as an excuse, he wouldn't let me go out at all, because I was "Soooo worried about COVID"

Now, to be fair, after this I saw red. In less than two weeks, it's the birthday of a friend (that I might or might not have a crush on)

She was planning to do something on her birthday, and the fact that I would've to say "No, my dad won't let me" and explain his reasoning extremely angered me.

I like to think that I kept my cool, I don't know if I achieved it.

I explained him the same points I did my mom, and when I rebutted each of his points, suddenly it became about obedience. That I should hear them because they know what's best for me. That they know better. That the pro I didn't see was making them happy.

I rebutted this saying my happiness was also important, and that I didn't see the church as good, when you weigh it against the bad it has done.

Suddenly it became about my sleep patterns. That me having trouble in the mornings is my fault, and that I should sleep by nine pm, etcetera.

I rebutted this with studies that said I should sleep by 12, and that it's normal.

And then it became about my time usage. That I play too much. (This is to unwind after their rants)

I didn't say anything to this, because he was angry. Stupidly angry. I just let him rant and go out of my room.

Now, I want to know. Do any of your non-atheist parents do any of this? Because it tires me out.

I mean, maybe I'm just posting this to take a breather, or for a change, hear people who support me and won't rat me out to my parents if I complain about them.

Submitted February 01, 2021 at 08:53AM by PyRoddit via reddit https://ift.tt/2MKguhX

[typing-dreams]

back to the start

so I really love this little profile I have. I think I have 20 followers top, and thank goodness no one that I know in real life. I can write in English without feeling a know-it-all because it’s not my first language. for some reason, writing in some other language when it’s not your first one seems snobbish and fake. but, truth is, I love writing in English. it makes me think twice about what I am writing. also, since I am studying totally in English, it just feels natural. anywhere else this would have come across as snobbish, fake, and again, back to the know-it-all.

it must be a pretty stressful period for me if I am just vomiting words in English. I must be struggling a lot, so much in fact that I feel the need to switch to another language and just write down some thoughts, because honestly, they are becoming too much. or too many, it depends on the point of view I suppose. that phrase was too long, should have stopped somewhere there. oh well. 

what feels so heavy? what is that too much? in Italian we have this little saying that I love: the drop that made the vase overflow. it is just so powerful. 

let’s proceed with some semblance order, shall we?

last week, this guy I barely knew from our local volleyball community (which is part of the max championship in Italy for volleyball, but still, since soccer exists, it feels like neighbourhood even if the other team is thousands of kilometres apart. BUT I will not start ranting about that now, and here). again, this guy I barely exchanged two words with answers my instagram story. I answered laughing, because really, it was the only possible way, and he writes again. I don’t remember about what, but it doesn’t matter. no, what matters is that then he wrote again. and again. it went on the whole morning, from work, to lunch, to uni, to home. at the end of the day he bid me goodnight. 

two noticeable things here. 

1. I usually tire pretty fast if I’m talking about nonsense. always been a pragmatic girl, if we talk it must be about something. and the fact that I don’t remember a single world about it, other than HE gave me his phone number and HE carried on with the chat, proves that it was, in fact, chat about non sense. idle things, little nothings, so many ways to paraphrase this, I love writing in English.

2. let me ask this as a question: do you usually bid goodnight to people you just met? I’ll answer honestly: yes, if it’s late enough and we’re tired and the conversation led to that. it did. goodnight, no kisses, no smiles, just that. what’s strange then? nothing, for now.

but going on, the following morning I wake up with a good morning. and a reference to the instagram story that started it all. and the conversation began again. bla bla blas really. I don’t grow tired of it, which when I stop for a second and think about it strucks me as strange, but hey, maybe finally... evidently, it must be the same for him, because he writes of everything and anything. what did he have for lunch, was the salad good and what was the lesson about? he bids me goodnight that night too. and good morning, and goodnight, and goodmorning and...

“what do you say? should we grab a bite somewhere? when you’re free?”

this was the third day. he mentioned something about coming to my grans to steal a bit of cake, it was my fathers birthday, but not seriously. that question was just that, but a question it was. almost shy, and it felt like a wind of spring (don't think this exists in English, “ventata di primavera”, Italian, a bit of freshness to put it simply)

crap, I must accelerate, dinners almost ready.

ok, so, I sort of avoid answering that question, mainly because it seemed too much and too soon for my standards, but also because apparently, we were both busy people, and there was no space to meet until next week. and the conversation goes on and on, so much so that I tell my mother. I’m usually pretty enthusiastic when these things happen, it’s just that good feeling that I get to feel sadly very rarely. but, this time, even my imagination wanted to be careful, to go slowly. please let this not be another asshole. I have started cataloguing those assholes per month.(with my friends, we call them human cases, but I don’t know if it makes sense in English. basically they are assholes, but with many different problems too, usually in their head. nobody’s perfect, definitely not me, but it’s like I have a radar to detect the worst ones out there.)

anyway, stop digressing, he mentions going out daily, but not insistently, and then, the genius. you see, we have two friends in common. one is my best friends, and she comes to the sport place where the volley matches are so the guy and her know each other. but he also knows my best friend’s boyfriend, so it came naturally to organise dinner with them included in the equation. it made me feel a lot better, because the first time alone... it’s not my forte let’s just leave it at that. great, so on with the conversation, not so smoothly because really, it looks like he’s not interested in anything other than soccer. no Harry Potter, no marvel, no books, no movies, no music. apparently he works and he plays soccer. stop. but I tell myself not to worry, because the topics will come, we will create them without even noticing. fast forward to Tuesday, the day before the dinner. I was at uni, law lesson (yeey) when he writes me: I have to ask you something, when do you get out of there? suuuuure man, no anxiety here eh? don’t worry, nothing serious, it’s just a long thing and I didn't want to distract you. nice. pity that lessons have a break, I inform him of such, and he starts writing.

it goes like this, pretty much

- ok so it may seem trivial but just answer “yes” or “no”, it’s just for me, forgive me in advance

(again, I’m not a ball of anxiety, nooo) so I tell him to just ask because I’m starting to get nervous. and here he goes

- I just wanted to understand what this dinner means to you, you know, if there is a second meaning behind. 

stop. here is where I remind you, that HE did it ALL. he started everything, from the very beginning. My mind starts spinning around trying to see where I went wrong, where was the mistake, because really, the change was so abrupt that I had a neck-hake. so I ask him what it means a second meaning? of course we are not going out like after a match, (YOU HAVE BEEN FREAKING WRITNG ME FOR A WEEK FOR GODS SAKE), we are going out to get to know each other. why are you asking this?

- just wanted to clarify that I’m not looking for anything more than being friends really. 

now, I must point out that I tend to vomit words when I’m upset (really? did I need to specify given what you are reading? no), and god, was I upset. he writes me, he asks me out, he organises and HE FRIEND-ZONES me even before we officially see each other for the first time. what the hell. so I send an audio that perfectly shows that I’m upset, tells him I have to go back to lesson, answer “ok” to a question I don't even read and proceed to ignore him.

I ask for the opinion of 4 girls, those people that are a jewel and I couldn’t live without them seriously so I have the desperate need to see what they think about it. all of the answer, in less mild tones: well, he is very much confused. add insult here and there. more or less everywhere. I love my friends. 

but then my mum comes. I cannot hide a single thought from her. she just seed through, it’s always been like this. so I vomit again all the conversation, and what happens?

she hugs me and confronts me. 

she starts telling me that I lash out, that I get angry and upset too easily, that I keep everyone out. the problem with my mother is that she tells the right things (it is true, I know my faults, they are plenty and these are certainly included and spot on) but she tells them in the wrong way. and she repeats the concept. and before I know it, I am crying, the ugly crying, because really, it was the last thing I wanted to do, and she goes on and on in listing out why I am wrong. 

ten minutes after my mind is a circle of those faults, I just am damaged. I am a wrong girl, with a stone instead of a heart, with no kindness in my blood. let’s be clear, she didn't tell me this. but she told me those above, and these are just a natural continuation. 

now you’re exaggerating, you’ll tell me. well, no, not really, because my last boyfriend was when I was 13, then high school started, I got fat, and I was wrong because of that. when I got less fat, I didn't want to go out, because obviously in my mind I was still too fat for that, so all the first three years of high school are out of the window. (for those not Italians, that means from 14 to 16/17). And she is always there, not telling me once that I was pretty. I was a teenager, my mind was a very dark place, I was surrounded by black. 

By miracle, I came out of it, sort of, when I changed swimming group. there I met a guy that I had a crush on for two years straight. is it a crush if it lasts so long? I don’t think so, but I refuse to think it was more. so a crush it was. the problem is, when he leads you on, and then goes back. on, back. on, back. and one night, at two in the morning, he has the brilliant idea to inform you that he has a girlfriend. IN FREAKING TURKEY. he met her in Cambridge last summer, they were trying the long distance. not a chance, but here go two years of my life. 

so hearing my mother saying those things, goodness did it hurt. I never cry. never. I can count the times I cried since I was 10 on one hand. three of them were because of my mother. fat, asocial, stone-hearted. 

how did it end? we got out, had fun, nothing special but nothing unpleasant either, and since his request was “just friends” I bid him goodbye with my hand. you know the little emoji, that one. 

the following morning doesn’t write, so for lunch, for the first time, I start, by asking him if he’s alive. yes he is, struggling to get the hamburger to stay down, pretty busy. the end. 

so here I am, three days after, in need to process everything, because really, I didn’t want him to be the asshole of may, but apparently he is. and now my mind feels a bit lighter, finally, even with finals coming up and the fight with my mother still in the air. 

I am damaged, I know I am. my family history for what concerns relationship has very few success, a lot of failure, so I am quite resigned. but maybe I am still hoping (god knows how, because I certainly don’t) for someone to see something else, something more than a heart of stone. so if someone hears this wish, since my “name” is typing-dreams, please please please...

[gloom-and-doom-in-my-room]

Also how do I get him to understand that me reacting negatively to

1. Being pushed into a conversation when I'm not prepared to have one

2. Being accused of not liking people/my dad

3. Having the tool I use to calm down, destress, connect to the rest of the world, find help, and learn interesting things taken away and restricted even further than it already was (previously about two hours of freetime to do fun stuff on it and then the rest of the time on it had to be for bettering myself and the meaning does not stretch to improving my mental state using a temporary distraction until I figure out better solution or musical cartharsis. It's now only two hours a day and one has to be educational.)

4. Being accused of having a computer addiction for the umpteenth time when he also spends all the time on his phone

5. Being told all my stress stems from a computer instead of the fact that I have almost no control over my life, I probably have executive dysfunction and social anxiety, the large amount of schoolwork I have to do in one week, the constant reminders of late or upcoming assignments every time I try talking to my mom, the political rants he tends to go on that I can't argue against, not being able to reach out for help because last time I did I was treated like I might break every time I entered a room.

6. Maybe the fact that most of my visible panic attacks happen at his house should tip him off to something considering how I tend to avoid showing negative emotions unless I really can't control it.

7. I was diagnosed with mild depression at the start of 6th grade, I have a track record of not telling my parents something is wrong for as long as I can, and a year in isolation is not going to help would all add up to "I am in fact not fine, everything is going wrong, and you asking me if I am okay and if I've had intrusive thoughts every couple of days isn't helping since I now feel guilty about lying all the time"

and

8. Just because you think that a visible panic attack came out of nowhere does not mean it came out of nowhere and just because you think it happened for a certain reason doesn't mean it happened for that reason, and it most likely happened for reasons I can't tell you right now because I have to live here for at least five more years and I don't want to make you feel guilty, I just want you to understand but you have a tendency to take things the wrong way (see item 2).

How do I get my dad to understand that me getting straight A's when I was 11 and the coursework was easier to understand and focus on does not mean that I will get straight A's in middle and high school where the coursework is harder and everything is distracting and nothing is interesting and there's twelve assignments every week and hardly any time to write an essay?

[angstymarshmallow]

About Rules of Engagement Book 2.

Well folks, here we are - at the end of another book. At the end, for another rant. There are many things that come to mind when thinking about the Rules of Engagement. Sibling bonding, love interests and their not-so-rival/rivarly, the cliche tropes and of course how can we talk about Rules of Engagement without mentioning their ‘evil’ aunt and cousin?  In any case - shall we begin?

Rules of Engagement began as one of those choices books that I grew mild affection for. Book One, while a tad bit un-engaging grew on me the more I read it and by the end I was excited for book 2. Unfortunately, that excitement did not last. 

I guess I’ll start with the pros this time because, the cons definitely outweigh the pros.

1. Multiple POVs =‘s Multiple Plots. One of the most interesting things about Rules of Engagement is the fact that we get to play as MC’s siblings, as well as MC herself. The lovable big brother that has to prove he’s falsely in-love with his secretary Elena who he actually falls in love with anyway.  MC’s younger siblings - brainy twin; a young girl that has been pinning over a scholarship for the better half of the year and party twin; her other half that’s biggest problem not at all really  is having to keep a steady job before the end of the summer. For the most part each sibling leads intriguing lives; whether personal or work related, they make for a pleasurable playing experience. This is also it’s achille’s heel but we’ll get to that in a moment.The Multiple POVs also brings personality to the series. Playing each sibling means immersing oneself into their lives. With different personalities constantly in development allows for a unique gaming experience. 

For instance; I never feel any of the siblings are too similar to each other in terms of dialogue or actions, or even personality. Party twin’s indecision towards her relationships at work versus brainy twin’s determination to her scholarship for working for Blaire. 

2. Romance Options. Although for MC her romantic entanglements are of a particular blend strictly male; some of her other siblings are able to pursue relationships of the same sex.Although there isn’t much of it, Mira as a possible love interest later in the story for party twin; and brain twin’s evolving relationship with Aubrey who pushes her to be adventurous, bold. Inclusive more than exclusive, it reminds the player of the illusion of options and enriches the story-line. 

Secondly, with regards to the strictly all-male romance options for MC - all three men have seemingly different personalities and attitudes. Granted, they kind of have to if they are supposed to appeal to a mass audience but I think it’s done well to the point where I never feel as the player, that MC is on a date with anyone else apart from the specific love interest. 

3. Story line Book 2 began with the impression that MC could finally make her choice. However, the more it lingers on; it turns out to be the last and final choice for MC to date all three men simultaneously without having to make a choice. Originally, I’m placing this here because having options is always a great opportunity to know other characters better, but it isn’t the only driving force. Playing as MC’s siblings is also apart of the story line, but sub-plots that continue to pique the interest of the player even when the player doesn’t feel remotely interested into having multiple dates with three LIs.

The cons are coming.

1. Multiple POVs =‘s Multiple Plots. Remember I mentioned about this being it’s Achilles's heel? Let me explain. While I appreciate immersing us the audience into multiple POVs, it also took away from MC’s storyline. It made hers feel superficial and shallow compared to some of the other goals her siblings had to achieve before the end of the summer. I liked having multiple POVs, and multiple plots because it kept things constantly interesting but ultimately it hurts MC’s plot and made me less inclined to play as her. I was more excited to play as big bro or brainy twin. This leads me to point 2:

2. MC’s Lack of Personality. Due to some of the circumstances I mentioned briefly earlier; I didn’t have a good feel of MC’s overall personality. Other books does it well; for instance the Freshman MC is usually confident and flirty, or Endless Summer MC and The Royal Romance MC, being fearless and adventurous. None of this really transitions well into Rules of Engagement MC’s. Unless I am really off the mark, she has such a lack of one that all I had to focus on was getting through another hopefully romantic date and liking the suitors more than my actual MC. This sort of added to the distinct desire of wanting to play as her siblings more because I didn’t know who my MC was. As weird as that sounds, she was as close to a blank canvas without being able to paint anything substantial as you could get.

3. Diamond Options Not Making a Difference. Man, I was waiting to bring this up for so long. But it pains me so much to use diamonds, only to have it not affect or change anything. Mostly if people wanted to spend more time with Carter or Mira as party twin; they had less chance to do so because the book in some ways ‘forces’ the party twin to spend more time with her boss. It is a gripe for people uncomfortable with a boss-to-employee relationship being anything less than professional, and uncomfortable for those that didn’t care for such a ship to begin with. 

Secondly, this irates me the most. After brainy twin accepts the opportunity to work under Blaire Hall for a competitive internship; after spending diamonds to ensure her an edge over Paulo only to have it mean absolutely nothing. Had I known she was going to leave anyway; I probably would have saved myself diamonds. I don’t have a problem with linear narrative for the most part I understand games have a certain amount of limitations. What I do have an issue with is being under some apparent delusion that brainy twin could be successful and disregard her nana’s wishes to pursue a career.

4. Nana’s Will. How could we discuss the siblings without discussing their nana? Their sweet and kind nana that left them five hundred million each with the catch of completing a list of things. In hindsight, with every sibling their nana had completely different goals - from finding love, to making long lasting commitments and pushing oneself outside of their comfort zones - these are admirable things, until you realize how ridiculous some of it really is. I could probably think of at least two paragraphs of how silly I think most of it is, how it undermines a woman’s ability to want to find her career first; or how unrealistic it is to marry someone you’ve just met before the end of the summer, or how blurring the line between boss and secretary is bizarre (although in this case nana had no idea Elena was big bro’s secretary) but then I would be typing for hours instead of writing a sort of objective and constructive criticism of book 2.

5. The Alpha B_tch trope. I kind of wanted to glaze over this really quickly because of how Mira was introduced to the staff on the ship, as well as Madeline’s brief cameo as Leo’s finance, and Blaire Hall. In all three circumstances all three women are introduced antagonistically and the player doesn’t have a chance to really understand them, or choose how to react to them with the very limited options. Personally I think they all have admirable qualities ; determined, strongly opinionated and sometimes stern (maybe unnoticeable at first to some). They are pretty strong female leads and deserve a more positive representation than just being “the mean bitch” for the lack of a better term. (Granted in Mira’s case, party twin can develop a better relationship, Madeline isn’t around long enough to see if the two could get along, and Blaire Hall has this great heart to heart with brainy twin).

5. The ‘Evil’ Aunt and Cousin. It was okay in book one (for the lack of being anything better) but I really hoped by book 2, the siblings relationship with their cousin would have developed faster than this. There isn’t really much interaction between the rest of their family other than a sneer here or there, or their aunt and cousin continually trying to foil their relationships. My biggest gripe would be the lack of development, mostly their aunt and cousin are as one dimensional as they could get.

6. The Pregnancy Scare. What was really the point? Was it only to add drama to party twin’s already problematic life? Was it to warn us about the danger of not using protection? My mind is still trying to come up with reasonable explanations for so much build up only to have it be nothing more than a pregnancy scare. Party twin was never pregnant, this is only mean to emphasize how irresponsible she is. Ha. Ha. Jokes on you. (They dragged it for so long that I was skeptical she was pregnant to begin with but still I raised my eyebrows at this).  Ultimately, my criticism ends with the overall message of this plot point. What conclusion were we as the audience supposed to draw other than it be a small attempt of adding more drama?

6. The Ending. Oh man the ending. Where to even start? How can I really type how much the ending bothered me without sounding emotional about it? First of all, realistically speaking - there is no way any of the men that doesn’t win MC’s heart would simply be okay with her making out and pretty much saying marrying one of them in the spotlight of where they are. It really is absurd to me that there isn’t an ounce of emotional outbursts, or any kind of inclination that the other two suitors cared when MC declared one of them ‘the one.’  That was my biggest gripe with the ending (as I can’t remember at this point anymore, but rest assured I am probably missing something with brainy twin and party twin’s circumstances).

Originally I had many ideas and thoughts concerning book 2 but after leaving this in my drafts for awhile; this was really the only things I could think. In any case I welcome anything else people would like to discuss or add in the fandom!

TLDR: Rules of Engagement book 2, had some good moments specifically its immersive multiple POVS, and romance options not being limited in terms of personality and character development. Sadly the pros do not outweigh the cons, and book 2 felt like an interlude to something more. But we’ll get to that by the end of Rules of Engagement book 3.

[kehideni]

Ezt a faszom turhát sikerült kiköpnöm magamból.

this movie is limping…

the heroine is not explained, neither is why she’s bullied, she’s not likeable, she tries with a dry sense of humor only to fail

but the robot protagonist is interesting and loveable and visibly grows by the second, but still behaves like a robot

so like one leg of the movie is crap but the other is good

kehideni

also a kid characterised like this would run away from home with a mom like that…

kehideni

Mom you were clearly an asshole, why are you acting like you are depressed? As if you care, so far you had NO moment proving you care for your own devilspawn.

Robot, you got no nose, how can you tell if something smells nice? What is “nice” for a robot?

kehideni

Kiddo… “unfocused rage” is not that… If you know why you are mad and aim your anger at said subject then it’s just quite simply anger.

kehideni

you’re a robot… why are you disgusted by trash… you’re not gonna get sick…

also i’m at the first third of the movie and our two main characters are still not having their “adventure”

kehideni

that dog is a size of a pint, and that’s a half a ton robot, if you can lift it with your pinky why did you fall over?

kehideni

that’s about the first joke in this movie that actually works…

kehideni

what’s the point of giving the dog a voice if half the movie he didn’t need to talk?

Another source of humor i guess but… it comes in so late….

kehideni

so like… i get the robot power trope but… where does all the resource come from that’s needed to create all of THAT…

like… what’s the need for a robot ramen-cup? That’s a huuuuge waste of resource even if you can reuse it. It must be wastly limited, who pays for these? What keeps up the economy? Mr. Evil Dude said he “works” at that corporation or whatever, but what does an average Joe do for a living?

How Expensive are those robots?  So many questions and no answers at all.

kehideni

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

So this is supposed to be the “crap in the crepes” part, trouble in paradise, the false part of the false-utopian world trope but…

First: self destruction looks so mild, cheetos explodes like that in it’s commercial.

Second: THAT’S EVEN MORE WASTEFUL OF A WORLD ALREADY BEING SO WASTEFUL THE WRITERS DECIDED NOT TO EVEN THINK OF EXPLAINING THAT PART OF THE WORLD.

Third: It’s nothing new. The previously shown AI robots already did aggression on behalf of a corrupt person. Why did Mr. Evil Dude need the new line for this? Even more wasteful.

Fourth: Mr. Evil Dude already has everything he can ever want. What more could he possibly want to be motivated so hard to be Mr. Evil Dude. (he must be rich beyond belief, he got no boss, he is well loved and adored in his community, practically is the leader of false-utopia without the negative political lights) So really… what IS his motivation? What could it POSSIBLY be… i tell you whatever it is, he’s a fkin idiot.

kehideni

oh whaow Ms. Bully… another character worth a mini rant:

Simply put she’s not a character. Why does she hate Ms. Main character? I don’t know!

What’s her reaction to her robot being obliterated right in front of her?

“Omg. What was that?” With just the perfect amount of monotone to communicate to us, the watchers -that she really is just another AI that suspiciously has less emotions that the actual AI robots.

kehideni

BWAHAHAHAHAHA that scream was on the equalent of “ew i saw a stink bug” not a “OMFG THAT THING JUST FKIN LASERBEAMED MY FKIN ROBOT RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!”

kehideni

On a side note, are there really only two people working at a World-power corporation?

kehideni

how can the school system make even less sense in this utopian world than in the ACTUAL world?

Edit 1: WHY does the dog need to swear? WHY have him speak if you bleep him out? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Like seriously… the dog didn’t need to speak!! But you MADE him speak, ONLY to be bleeped out HALF THE TIME HE SPEAKS THAT HE DOESN’T EVEN NEED TO DO IN THE FIRST PLACE.

IT HAS NO ROLE IN THE MOVIE! IT HAS NO PURPOSE!! IT DOES NOT HELP THE STORY FORWARD!!!

Edit 2 ALREADY:

Why does the robot hide the fact that his memory is getting full? What gave him the idea to hide something from his…. whatever he sees the girl as.

Do you know why? For plot~~~~

Edit fkin 3 IN THE SAME FKIN MINUTE:

HOW is he SAD if he KEEPS DELETING HIS FKIN MEMORIES.

Edit 4: Oh so the mom is just as fkin horrible as shown so far. What a surprise. So then WHY did the kid stay with her?

Edit 5: KID YOU FKIN STUPID! Blowing up the mailbox is “fixing the World” to you? How does that help people to not get hurt? YOU FKIN STUPID AND YOU CAN’T EVEN REASON THE THINGS YOU DO. You fkin devilspawn.

WHY should i like this protagonist again??? Because she was bullied? Guess what! You can be bullied and STILL be a fkin ass. Doesn’t make bullying right, but bullying also doesn’t give you the right to be a fkin ass. You fkin ass.

Edit 6: So our protagonist is a p.o.s., her mom is a p.o.s. her classmates are p.o.s.(plural) Mr. Evil Guy is a p.o.s., Mr. Good Science guy is a STUPID p.o.s. but atleast his motivations are given and they are genuine. The only character that’s loveable is Robot-protagonist. OH and we were introduced to a character who’s only scene was her introduction.

What else… oh yeah Ms. Protagonist p.o.s. is “shown” to care for our Robot-protagonist only to be a p.o.s. to him when it shows genuine interest in befriending her. You know… kinda the solution to her problem? The being alone part? The having no friends part? The having no actual guardian/parental figure part? Ms. Protagonist p.o.s. is a fkin ass AND stupid.

This movie is making me angrier that HotS pugs…

Edit 7: And just like that our Ms. Protagonist p.o.s. the one “victim” of the world became the abuser of the one single valuable character in the movie. And we get more and more reason to question, that if Robot-protagonist’s AI is sooooo advanced it can pick out important memories based on sentimental value, then WHY didn’t it leave that p.o.s. so far. Because that’s what she is this whole ass fkin movie. A piece of sh*t.

If the writers’ goal was to make the girl into what she hates, a mindless, soulles machine while the machine becomes a lovable, kind character(amongst all the unnecessary violence our P.O.S. protagonist puts him through) then i’m impressed. Otherwise this movie’s only value is in the Robot-protagonist.

Edit 8: EYYYY the one scene girl asks the real questions! … To witch we don’t get answers to~ here is the second character that shows some value in this movie. Only for this scene to be fouled by our p.o.s. protagonist.

Edit 9: BWAHAHAHAHAHA Ms. Bully strikes with her oh so emotion packed facial expression and voice~ “stop it that’s not fair” *watches her robot being destroyed like this* ._. doesn’t even attempt to stop Ms. Protagonist p.o.s.

“I wasn’t doing anything. What is wrong with you, you nosy little freak.” again. no emotion. and a very stupidly sounding script.

“I wasn’t doing anything.” … pft… that’s what you tell the teachers not the ones you bully… jesus everyone is a fkin p.o.s. idiot in this movie.

Oh my GOD even her crying sounds bored

Edit madafakin 10: KJSRFBAHJDFAHBSD I AM *THIS* CLOSE TO WRITE A FOKIN ESSAY ON HOW STUPID THIS FKIN MOVIE IS. And it hurts so BAD because i can see the good intention behind it, but it’s just so fkin HORRIBLY DONE.

It could have been a unique animation, i see what they INTENDED the message to be, but it misses it’s mark SO.FKIN.BAD.

The pacing is off, the characters are off, the villain is off, the mother is off, IF THE MAIN FKIN PROTAGONIST I’M SUPPOSED TO FEEL FOR IS OFF your movie slaps like a dead fish!

Edit 11: whouuhhhh i’m reaching new milestones…

That line would be SO touching if the main character wasn’t a p.o.s.

Edit 12: how did that huge ass tank robot get in there without them noticing, how did mr evil dude get in there how did he know where to find them how howheikqajuwhnekajsnhdkajhwohwhowhowhowhowhwohwohowhwohow thismovieissofkiinstupid

Edit 13: huh-…. Mr. Evil Dude reveals his plans in front of the good guys™

And to my own surprise, his motivation is not stupid. When you think killing people makes the world a better place well… you played me kind sir,… i like you. DINGDINGDINGDINGDING third character that’s valuable in this movie.

I would too, kill everyone in your world with my own two hands, this movie is so stupid.

And look our dry sense of humor p.o.s. protagonist made a dry quip which was not only seen a mile away it was not even funny. Can’t she just shut up? She’d look so much wiser.

Edit 14: the movie reached it’s action peak, and i reached MY peak. There’s just so many stupid ass BS going on all at once i can’t keep up anymore. I’m like… boiling inside with rage and all i can do is sit and watch as scene by scene more BS is happening.

The fight is cool and all. And that’s where the compliment stops. I can’t even begin, i’m … i’m just gonna skip roasting this scene it’s just too easy. There’s just too much to grab a hold of. I give up… i’ll just stare and wait till something resembling “sense” pops up. Maybe that’ll reboot my brain.

Edit 15: There’s no hope. The following scene is just as- if not even more - stupid as the last.

Edit 16: All i need is a single sentence to wreck this movie. Should i or should i not? Because that one sentence would bring down a big ass debate. But in essence that one sentence would collect everything i hate about the A.I. trope.

Edit 17: Movie, you are nothing close to slick. Also you are horrible with foreshadow. Why would Mr. Evil Guy talk like a robot NOW of all times… oh right… for plot. The second he twitched and didn’t react to being hit we all knew he is a robot. So WHY the fk does the movie need to stop Mr. Science guy from finishing his revealing sentence™. And whaow did you dispose of him so fast like a used paper tissue.

Edit 18: so unbreakable glass is really just… really hard to break glass

Edit 19: Joke number 2 that actually works at 1:17:34

Edit 20: Again… Movie you are nothing close to slick. That p.o.s. mom character can’t be redeemed with an apology, that came only after being kidnapped by her idol.

Edit 21: in the same fkin minute… again…. and a plot device that was not there before…*sigh* again.

Edit 22: i love this villain. And screw this whole ass movie, i’m rooting for the evil robot. Also plothole: if he “stole” the body of his creator, then why did Mr. Science guy know his real identity, and that raises a whole lot of can of wurms i’m just… i don’t have time to open. I already jumped like 4 whole ass sequences in this movie to save time, because after this i must go to sleep.

Edit 23: of course the deadly bomb-robots wait until you toss their 100kg butt into fkin air one after the other to explode, also Bully coming around™ … -_- why?? she was an antagonist with no redeeming qualities nor motivation of any sort. Heck, lacking any emotions at all? Why should i give a crap that she thinks p.o.s. protagonist is cool?

EDIT MADAFAKIN 24 AND I SWEAR IT’S THE FINAL ONE BECAUSE MY FAVOURITE CHARACTER STABBED ME IN THE BACK AND SAID THE EXACT SENTENCE THAT I AM ABOUT TO FKIN MURDER RIGHT HERE!!!

“our memories make us who we are” YOU FKIN IDIOT P.O.S. ROBOT!

suuuu saaaaaaaaa

so if a robot “downloads” all my memories, will it become ME?

If you clone me, who ends up with not only the same body but the same memories as i have, will that be ME?

The answer is fkin’ NO! Their identity is a copy of me, they will NEVER be me. They just have the access to everything i have/ had in my brain!

The clone will have the same arrangement of atoms for sure, but it can NEVER be ME! It’s made up of different atoms!

IF MEMORIES MAKE WHO YOU ARE, HOW THE EVERLOVING FK DID YOU MAKE YOUR VERY FIRST DECISION YOU P.O.S. ROBOT?!??!??!??!

[starvire]

Personal rant diary #1

I feel like a bad gay because I’ve always felt like the outcast of the LGBT community, I have mostly hetero friends with a few gay males or transgender ftms and mtfs sprinkled in, throw in a pansexual or two. The only lesbian friend I sort of have is my ex and I can barely count her anymore because although I want to be friends with her it just hurts too much at this point. I try to get involved and I’m just so out of touch not really into what a lot of the lgbt community here is into. Like I feel like an awful gay person for this because apparently we are supposed to travel in packs. Clearly I don’t and maybe that’s why I can’t find a girl to even notice me. I work in a very masculine dominated profession thats really nothing too special but I make enough to live and I could survive on my own if I needed to. I like to think I’m a pretty damn decent mix of masculine and feminine in my traits. I over think, over work, and have a habit of clinging to things that show me affection. Last bad interaction online I did things i’m not proud of and wont be surprised if I see my nudes online one day, eh my pussy is cute so whatever. I just get so desperate and Its not healthy. Even when I’m at a good state of mind, some girl shows mild interest and I can borderline lose my mind and try too hard. I don’t have a bad personality by any stretch even if I am a door mat, it takes a lot to offend me or even make me mad. I don’t value money more than a means to live and rarely ever ask someone to pay me back if I do something for them. I’m getting more comfortable in my body especially with my modifications tattoos and piercing wise tied in with muscle gain but I still don’t see why a girl would want to be with me. Like its frustrating, my one good friend even told me “yeah whatever the complete opposite of Narcissism is you have it”. I whole heartedly believe looks matter, by god they are not everything but if I don’t find you at least cute I can’t do it and honestly I expect the same if a girl didn’t find me cute. Ugh idk, I really think I’m more Demi than anything because without emotional connection I feel absolutely nothing but meh towards people. Okay I gotta stop and concentrate on work...

[botanicalwondersblog-blog]

24k Gold Serum

Usage: Just apply a few drops to finger tips and smooth over face in Night. To not be used throughout the day.As mentioned earlier I have been using it for two months now (off and on ) on its own and as a primer & moisturizer prior to makeup application. A day time moisturizer it makes , I apply pat it all over and abut 5-6 drops after washing my face. It instantly gets consumed without leaving any residue making the skin look .Instead it leaves the skin look radiant and very hydrated which I think is because of the gold dust in it. As a primer underneath the base, it helps in blending out the foundation easily and . It has been used by me underneath my Massarat Misbah Silk Foundation which is and it made it look simpler that it usually applies. If you seek it as a primer that would also double up as pore filler, more than I am sorry to announce that this isn't what it is you want. Verdict: All in all, I absolutely love the product and would really suggest it. It hasn't broken out me even once and made my skin look and feel more hydrated and smoother.My Experience:My Expertise: The amount of times I have ranted about the insane nature of my own skin in winters may have driven people crazy by now. But if anyone of you doesn't know,I really have a sensitive skin that breaks out at the sight of a lotion. Given this, I get dry patches in winters which turn to rashes. Its hard for me to get a moisturizer that doesn't feel heavy or oily and of course lead to break outs and doesn't clog my pores.The item is really a colour. One thing that I have noticed is that after some time,the gold specks are no longer visible in the oil no matter how far you shake it up,today I am not sure if they become dissolved or just sit at the bottom of the bottle. The oil glides on easily over skin and is very light. I pat it all and then want drops and it provide such a radiant hydrated glow to skin. 1 thing you would see is this oil's odor, though it a ingredient product the fragrance is made from. Because the fragrance stays for quite a long time, so if you aren't a big fan of essential oils, then you might not like to end up smelling like apples. The Young glow face tan comes at a 25 ml black plastic bottle which is chubbier than the golden one.

The dropper is bigger in size ( of course ) and has an excess limit over it which I absolutely adore. The dropper lid can be totally leak proof and screws up really,so if you are planning to shoot it its completely fine. The product is a heavy that is colorless acrylic, but maybe not as thick as our usual oils. If this makes sense, its feels somewhere between water and oil. The odor is predominately Lemon/citrus in this one.The 24 K Gold Serum piqued my interest because of its title contrasts with the notorious Farsali Rose Gold Elixir that's been making rounds over social media like mad. The business claims this to a blend of essential oils infused with 24 k Gold dust and flecks if you simply hold the bottle in the hands that you notice. I tell you the sight is so gorgeous you'd wind up staring at it. The item comes in a small 10 ml glass bottle with a dropper lid that's such a convenient and sterile way without wasting a single drop of dispensing the item. To get a man like me who is always tripping and producing things fall, I'd say eucalyptus oils has never been simpler! Use: Just use several drops to finger tips and smooth over face." This confront serum is for use ONLY at night. I take a few drops of oil directly throughout the dropper over my face and gently pat it on my skin without any yanking cleansing together with my BioDerma Sensibio H20 Miceller solution or Garnier 3 in 1Miceller Water and rubbing. Upon waking up int he morning my skin feels plump and a whole lot smoother, looks and feels healthy. In addition, I have felt that it really helps in controlling the minor break outs that I face on and off because when I stop using this ointment, I start getting minor breakouts in a couple of days .However ,I wouldn't say that the promise of moisturizing skin tone retains a lot of a great. Yes you get an even toned skin and yes it helps in improving your skin feel,however lightening is something which I haven't experienced in those 2 months. Verdict: So if you are searching for something which improves your skin feel and helps you with breakouts that are minor, than I would recommend you Young Face Serum.

Price & Availability:Stay BlessedThis Oil is made with skin loving oils like Lemon Oil, Peppermint Oil, Rose Oil, Lavender Oil, Sweet Almond Oil, Olive Oil.For the first time in Pakistan! A natural and chemical free mix of mild oils infused for hydration with genuine 24K gold dust and gold flecks. This oil mix provides you a radiant and dewy glow and absorbs directly into your skin. This could be applied as cosmetics primer or a moisturizer or may be mixed with your foundation for application. Additionally, it is an awesome hydrator; use before the application of matte lipsticks. These can be purchased online from SPA IN A BOTTLE Facebook page. You may get in contact with them. Facial serums and oils have been quite a hot topic recently but I have always shied away from these due to my skin. But there is a thing called"Blogger's Curse" that leads you to provide a try to everything and anything you can get your hands on. I stumbled upon this Facebook Page that's a page. They deal in skin care products that they assert to be 100% organic and natural. I gave a visit their two selling goods Youthful Glow Face Serum and 24 K Gold Serum and finally really got fascinated by the claims. A little disclaimer before I begin off with the review is that I've been using these two goods for over 2 months now and I feel that its sufficient time to put out a final verdict from my side 24 K GOLD SERUMHave you ever attempted anything from the newest SPA IN A BOTTLE? How do you feel about oils? Which product are you using as your own everyday moisturizer?These oil blends aid in tissue regeneration, keeping skin elasticity, and evens skin tone, struggles pigmentation and reduces the appearance of fine lines. Slows the aging process, combats acne and bacteria inducing free radicals and helps lighten skin tone.

24k Gold Serum

[chamrosh]

so a few days ago, I wanted to draw while watching tv as a change to music, and Friends came on, and like

wow it’s aged awfully

and wow it’s offensive

season 1, episode 9. Joey walks in wearing make up, he looks fine? Like, the lipstick’s a little more obvious than ideal, but legit, he looks fine, it seems like less make up than stage actors have to wear from my experience, and yeah. He looks fine.

Monica asks what’s going on, and Joey says he’s now part actor, part model.

Chandler’s first line in the whole episode is... “No, you look part he, part she.”

And just yeah.

and the whole episode, he spends making jokes about Joey not looking manly enough, or doing unmanly things like being employed as one of santa’s elves, or dating a single mum, and yeah.

Chandler is just an awful human being.

and... then Joey gets employed as a model for a STD awareness poster, and there’s this running “joke” about his family abandoning him at Thanksgiving because they think he has syphilis, and like...???? no??? that’s not a thing to joke about? It’s not that it’s offensive (it is) but getting kicked out by your family is not funny. Especially as the episode is sort of trying to frame it as people thinking that Joey is gay, and I think they didn’t want to make Joey come off badly to their producers and all, because I mean. HIV would fit that plot better, but producers might not like certain audiences being able to see a character who comes across as almost confirmedly gay.

Then Ross’s ex-wife, and her wife are framed entirely as villains - and the thing of not making a minority villains so as to not paint the minority as bad is dumb, yeah, but if they’re your only members of a minority, you... probably shouldn’t do it - and Ross’s main plot line through the whole episode is that he’s doing things for his unborn baby’s wellbeing just to spite his ex-wife’s wife. They get way more subtle with this later, but Ross also spends progressively less time with his son as they get less hostile, and we don’t see his son for like 2 seasons at the end, so...? Apparently the only reason why your divorced dad would want to see you is to spite your mother’s new partner. And also, all lesbians are awful people

Monica’s entire plotline that episode is that she needs to cook dinner really well, and that she needs to cook 4 types of potato, except Rachel’s a moron and doesn’t bring the keys when Monica asks her to bring the keys, and it’s really really obvious that Monica is asking about the keys. Like... women’s concerns regard that they need to cook things and they need to stop being dumb. And I get that those are actual things for some people, but Phoebe gets no plot, Ross gets the plotline of getting to know his kid more, and Joey gets the plotline of getting a new job and his family abandoning him. The dudes get a better deal, yo.

Also, worth noting, that by the time they get back in the apartment, all the cooking has burned to ash. And yeah, Monica’s annoyed and all but like. Can you imagine how pissed off you’d be if your friends strong armed you into doing all the same work 3 more times in a row, and then they casually laugh about it later, and replace all your work with literally a couple of sandwiches? Can you imagine how underappreciated you’d feel, if your several hours’ work can be equated by like two sandwiches? So basically, her friends sort of portray it as all of Monica’s work doesn’t even matter. A woman’s work doesn’t matter. There’s no apology for it all being wasted by everyone, there’s no attempt to at least get a cooked meal done, even if it were just like, a heap of pasta, no. Absolutely minimal effort is what’s needed to replace what was lost when something made by a woman is destroyed.

Okay so I sort of just let it through because I wanted to give more of a chance and see if it was just that episode?

Next came season 1, episode 10.

Phoebe spends christmas playing messed up songs about her mother’s death in the cafe, which could have been funny, but the punchline is super obvious, and the only light they give to the scene is one of the verses about Pheobe’s mum’s ashes is interrupted by her going “lalalalallalala” loudly. So.

And then she’s interrupted by two really nerdy-looking blokes, who were debating if she was prettier than a supermodel or not, which is legitimately really cute, but then she starts dating one of them, and her plotline starts revolving around how David isn’t typically manly enough? That instead of a proper date, he shows her graphs and equations, and he’s genuinely excited, but they portray it as bad? Even though he genuinely wants to share what makes him happy with her, and that’s a good thing, because you sure don’t want to date someone who won’t let you into things they enjoy... but nope,it’s framed as him being a whiny wimpy loser, and Phoebe does the framing. And she demands he toss his work on the floor to kiss her, despite it all being neatly placed around and like yeah. that’s gonna be hours of sorting, I’m sure you can pick another counter, Pheebs. And at the end of the episode, she basically forces him to break up with her? He gets a job offer in Minsk, and he’s torn between going to the new job and breaking up with her. And I get why Phoebe wants him to go! She knows he’s happy at that job, and that’s fine! But instead of discussing it at all, she forces him into breaking up. If she’d done that after they discussed and realising he didn’t know, that might be different, but they don’t communicate about it at all. Phoebe leaves a guy heartbroken because she doesn’t want to talk to him, and because couples can’t just talk things over like people who have a shared language!

So in S1E9, Rachel wants to go skiing, and like half her plotline is jokes about her being awful at her job. And, yes, that fits her personality and history and all, and it gives her somewhere to grow from later, but you’re like “haha. i see. the joke is that women are awful at their jobs! how amusing.” She eventually gets given the money for a plane ticket because she’s just that awful at her job, but the thing with the keys and her being a moron happens. And in S1E10, again her plotline revolves around planes. She wants her boyfriend to come back from Rome, and his plane is delayed but she only finds out when at the airport. Okay, decent plot idea... but they never actually show it, we’re just told about it. And then she gets back from the airport, her jacket... that she didn’t leave with... is covered in mud, she has a mild cut to one lip, and yeah, she looks like she thinks she’s awful beat up. Maybe I’m judging injuries by the scale of “hey when I get a paper cut it bleeds for hours!” but still, it’s really not a big cut. And she tells - not shows, this is an offense against storytelling too - this story about a “literal whale of a woman”.

Like????? what???? you don’t like this woman who stole your cab, and the scriptwriters take this as an opportunity to both dehumanise the other woman and fatshame her. And they keep going on about how massive this woman is, rather than what she did to hurt Rachel (it turns out, mildly pull her hair, she tripped to get the cut lip), and Rachel seems more upset about her size than the hairpulling, honestly. So Rachel’s plotline... is actually.... about fatshaming a random lady who also needed to get a cab.

To new years’, Chandler invites his ex, who he broke up with because her laugh is annoying and she just generally annoys him. The second bit is fair enough, but it’s clear that he broke up more because of the first bit. And she’s portrayed as literally a giggling jack in the box demon thing. And like, I get this is a sit-com, and everyone’s an extreme? but... you can portray people as awful in a way that’s a little less just bad? Janice doesn’t get that Chandler isn’t interested, she messes up stuff at the party, she asks weird questions, y’know, stuff like that. And yeah, the take-away is that when men say their ex is crazy, they probably mean it... which is bad. Because like, women don’t just become worthless human beings as soon as dudes break up with them. People don’t have to be inherently awful for them dating to just not work, and they don’t even manage to get that right when those between the main cast break up (Being on a break does not mean not being open about stuff, Ross, or not wanting to discuss what you’re going to be happy with the other doing, and why were you on that break, huh?). Instead, Janice is reduced to just the most annoying laugh track they could manage without highlighting exactly how awful the studio audience laughing constantly is. I don’t even know how to phrase how awful it came across that there’s just this woman who’s there to embody the crazy ex-girlfriend trope and nothing else. Even if she tried to get to date Chandler again by small little tokens of stuff, then that’d be something? But no, as soon as you break up with someone, they have no value beyond being a crazy ex-girlfriend.

Note also, that the only female plotlines that aren’t more about a man than about her own storyline, are Monica needing to cook potatoes, Rachel having no ability to pick up basic requests, and Rachel wanting to go skiing and clear off so we don’t see her for an episode, and insulting all her friends in the process, and highlighting in turn how awful she is at her job. The female plotlines are all about romance, or about something sorta sexist. Women need to cook, women don’t understand things that are obvious, women need to leave, women are awful in the workplace.

I might do more of these rants about Friends being awful later. We’ve got the whole box-set, it’s not like I’d run out of material soon. But yeah, it’s aged absolutely awfully.

Lots of sexism, some homophobia, shaming of people with STDs, laughing at kids with rough backgrounds, shaming men who aren’t stereotypically manly, laughing at people whose conservative families kick them out, saying that all divorced dads are awful parents and only pretend that they care to spite your stepparent, that women will trick you into doing things you’re not sure you want to do, saying that women are all idiots, stating in Monica’s potato plotline that women in the kitchen need to bow down to whatever requests are put on them, even if it’s to make 4 different types of potato for one meal, and that their effort is worthless if it fails... Yeah, there’s a lot here.

I’d also like to point out that generally I don’t spend entire TV shows just thinking about the awful things they show but it was literally one of the first lines that made me go “well that’s not acceptable” and it sort of spiraled from there. Most TV shows i might notice one small thing, and not care because one small thing is normally going to be from a character flaw or whatever, and that’s fine. But when your not-okay ideas become entire 20 minute (40 minute in the case of Joey not looking masculine enough) storylines, without them being portrayed as not-okay at all, but as being sympathetic, and such? no. No no no. There’s lots of ways to handle sexist / whatever-ist ideas in your TV show in a way that makes it clear that there’s a maturity, and there’s ways to handle them that don’t light up the red flags in people’s brains even if they’re not fully explored and whatever. But these episodes just did nothing there.