#a lot of these r about fucking which is also so funny because unsurprisingly there is no sex being had on my pillowless bed with one blanke

[acasternaut]

favorite responses to my rate my setup post i wanted 2 share

[shinsorokiri]

UA Idol | Chapter Eleven

Hitoshi Shinsou x Reader

Word Count: 4,209

Warnings: Language, big nerves

A/N: IT’S THE FIRST DAMN CHALLENGE! There are two more and I low key may have just introduced all the other supporting characters in the story so 👀 I hope you enjoy this one. It took a while to write because of the length and also. the fact that it’s welcome week at my college and I work at a bookstore (RIP). I’ve been working so much, and not to mention the homework I’m getting for classes (DOUBLE RIP). But yeah, I hope this chapter is to your liking, and I will make a song list for everyone under the chapter! I do recommend listening to the version of Halsey’s Graveyard stripped because that was a game changer for that song for me. I listen to that one more than the original HAHA. Anyways, enjoy!

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Sitting through the pop singers did not calm your nerves in the slightest. You already knew Mina and Denki were really good, but you soon found out that they weren’t the only ones. Especially when you heard Kirishima. He took Denki’s advice, and decided to sing Golden by Harry Styles. And to say you were impressed with the only acoustic version of one of Harry’s most hype songs was an understatement. And his voice was crazy good, and contrary to what he’d said previously you bet he could join Katsuki in singing rock songs. You’d have to tell him that later. “You know, this is only making me feel worse,” you say to Shinsou. All of the pop singers had finished their genre challenge performances and were waiting backstage to come out in lines and be told if they made it to the next part of Hell Week. The judges were currently speaking in hushed voices and choosing who would go through, and who would not go through. “You and me both. But you have absolutely nothing to worry about. You’re still better than everyone else who’s gone up there so far,” Shinsou whispers the last part to you, and you can’t help but smile. “Same to you, loser. Now, what did you think of everyone?”

“Denki and Mina killed it, obviously.”

“Obviously.”

“Now as for Kirishima, I was pleasantly surprised. I knew he was already a loud guy, so hearing him go from straight belting at times to a small little falsetto was very interesting and very nice to the ear.”

“Yeah, not to mention his range is amazing.”

“Right? It was insane. Oh, and another person who stood out was the guy with the silver hair who kind of sounded like Kirishima. He was very similar to him, and he even sang Adore You.”

“Yeah, I noticed that too. It’s kind of funny, they were like almost the exact same person. You know who caught my eye?”

“Who?”

“That blonde girl. You can tell she’s a little… wild. Especially with her song pick, I never expected anyone in a million years to ever sing a Chainsmokers song, especially Don’t Let Me Down, with only a piano backing them.”

“Yeah, that caught me off guard, gonna be honest. She did have a lot of energy and her voice was really good though. Fits that genre of singers, so I bet she’ll get through. She can also move, which is always a perk for performers. But, do you know what I just can’t get over?”

“The fact that we had to leave our cats with cat sitters?”

“Well, yes, thank you so much for reminding me of that, but also how absolutely wholesome the kid with the green hair was. Not gonna lie, it kind of made me want to die. I mean, he really came in here and sang Imagine. Of all songs, Imagine by John Lennon. That is so ballsy and when Aizawa commented on how ballsy it was this fucker answers with, ‘I didn’t choose it because it was popular, I chose it because I believe that someday we can achieve that level of peace.’ What the fuck.” You laugh at his disbelief before nodding your head. “I totally agree. That was low-key hilarious though, Aizawa just sighed and Toshinori almost squealed because he loved that answer. It was like he was in a pageant and answering the world peace question. Wait, hold on, speaking of ballsy, what about the blonde guy who looks like he could be a part of a boyband singing Africa by Toto.”

“I know! He pulled a meme, I literally had to reach over and grab your arm to keep from fucking screaming. I mean, I know pretty much everyone else did, but I need to keep up my little mysterious façade I’ve got going on here.”

“I mean, you just don’t show emotions like that, but yeah. You’re just too mysterious.”

“Shut up. I am mysterious. Almost as mysterious as that girl with the short hair and long bangs who looks like a literal cinnamon roll and then came in belting I Will Always Love You.”

“You could only dream of being that mysterious sir,” you tease him, and he rolls his eyes, but his smile deceives him. He went to fire something back, only to be told by all the producers that everyone had to quiet down again because the judges had made their decisions. You and Shinsou both nervously watched as they turned away about half of the pop singers that were there, and you two nearly broke each other’s hands when Denki and Mina showed up on the stage. “Oh, they are definitely getting through, look at who they’re with,” Shinsou whispers in your ear, and you look at the rest of the line-up. Kirishima and all the other acts you and Shinsou had just discussed were all in a line onstage. Sure enough, they all made it through to the next round.

“Knew that would happen,” Shinsou says and you nod. “So, who’s up next?”

“Country. But there’s only a few of them,” Shinsou says, and you lean back in your chair. “I wonder how many of these guys will make me feel incompetent,” you say, and Shinsou snorts. “None of them should, doesn’t matter how talented someone else is, it doesn’t lessen yours in the slightest.”

“Aw, you’re so sweet,” you say, grinning while poking his arm. He smiles at you and shrugs. “I try, kitten.” You both see Mina, Denki, and Kirishima walking back to their seats in the pop genre section and give them a thumbs up. They all look actually ecstatic and return the positive hand gestures. “How much do you wanna bet Denki and Mina will wanna go out for celebratory drinks after this?” you ask Shinsou and he groans. “Shit, you’re right.”

“How about we feign sickness and have them go and we just, you know, stay at the hotel,” you suggest, and he gives you a side eye. “Yeah, like they’ll fall for that.” He has a fair point, and you sigh. Maybe if you get through the first round you’ll be up for it. As long as Shinsou will be there, it won’t be too bad.

The country genre starts up and everyone in the category jumps right into the southern swing. There aren’t nearly as many as the pop category, which is odd. There truly aren’t a lot of country singers in this competition, now that you think about it. To be fair, when live shows come around, it’s very intense and since the majority of the singers in the competition are pop singers, country can definitely get lost in the mix. Oh well, the singers who are going are actually really good, so maybe this year it’ll change up a bit. One of the country singers who really caught your eye was this little short girl with long dark green dyed hair. She had this cute little bow pulling it back and had this little southern charm, but her style was more of a mix of country and singer-songwriter you noticed. Not all of the words she sang had that good ‘ol country twang to them, but it was still there. It could have been the song choice of making Before He Cheats into an acoustic (she played her own black acoustic guitar decorated with cute frog stickers), but you’d have to see more of her to be completely sure. She was really really good, though. And sure enough, she made it to the next round.

Up next is rock. You look over to see Bakugou with a stone cold unmoving resting bitch face. From what you know from the guy, this was normal. “If his singing is anything like his yelling, he’s one hell of a rockstar,” Shinsou says to you, which causes you to laugh. He was right, his screaming was pretty loud, gritty, and impressive, so that statement was true. And his singing was similar to that style as well. Even though he did a low-key song by a rock band, Good Riddance by Green Day, he still managed to get that rocker vibe with it. It was probably because of how angrily he played his guitar. That poor guitar. He wasn’t the only rock singer that really stood out though. “I’m not trying to judge because I know I look like a pretty miserable and intimidating guy too, but did you see that guy with the long gray hair and no will to live?” “Yeah, I saw him. Heard him, too. Didn’t realize anyone could make Disenchanted by MCR even sadder than it was already,” you say. It’s true, that guy had a really good voice, sort of similar to Gerard Way’s actually, but christ he made the song sadder than the original somehow. Then of course there was this mysterious guy who was wearing a black face mask to compliment the all black outfit paired with the multiple layered red choker and long black cardigan he was wearing. Somehow, he still sounded great and barely muffled, but it was such a weird visual. It was fitting for the genre though, and you can respect the brand. A cover of Creep sung by someone who covered half of his face was spot on for the song’s meaning. And his purple electric guitar with the symbol of a raven on it was pretty dope, you have to admit.

“Look, it’s Denki’s crush,” Shinsou says as the girl with the purple hair walked on the stage. Denki’s going for a rocker, huh? Fitting, he needs someone intense to balance out his stupid. And intense this girl was, she sang a killer rendition of That’s What You Get, and when you looked over at Denki you could have sworn his pupils turned into little hearts. Unsurprisingly, all of them got in, and Kirishima almost started crying when he realized Bakugo was through as well.

The producers then decided to combine the r&b and hip-hop genres at the last minute, making it the second largest category. But you didn’t mind sitting there and listening because, again, there were some really talented people in the categories. Especially the guy with the long black hair and infectious smile who sang Red Red Wine and absolutely and totally brought the reggae vibe. You could just tell he would sing something like that, too, the minute he got onstage wearing a drug rug and long flowy pants. You honestly dug his aesthetic and his voice, and so did Shinsou considering you both started dancing in your seats the minute the song started. To be fair, though, it’s a good fucking song. Another guy who caught your attention was a dude with a shit ton of piercings, you notices four on his ear, an eyebrow piercing, a lip piercing, and when he was singing you saw a tongue piercing too. His black hair was messy and almost completely covered his eyes, but you could just tell that he was intense. Take What You Want by Post Malone never sounded so dark and angry. They both made it to the next round.

Next thing you knew, it was your category. The smallest category. And much to your bad luck, you were the last one to audition. Luckily, Shinsou was second to last. “Think that was on purpose?” he asks you as you wait backstage. “What do you mean?”

“The judges like to be dramatic on this show. They said we were top two material in general auditions... think they made us the final two on purpose?” You hadn’t thought about that. But you have to say, it does make sense. “Huh. Wild. Guess we better pull out all the stops then.”

“Original?”

“Obviously,” you grin, and he returns it. “Well, might as well do the song I wrote based off of that old high school friend Monoma I told you about.”

“The one where he went to LA for college and wound up coming back to Japan all... different?”

“That’s the one. I feel like I need to be that poetic and mysterious guy and what better song to sing when we’re here. In LA.”

“Yeah, yeah okay Mr. Mysterious. As for me, I’ll just be sad singing about, you know, him.”

“Still warning you in advance, if I ever meet this guy, I’m literally fighting him. And I’m winning,” Shinsou says, and you can’t stop the smile that breaks out across your face. You don’t see it, but your smile causes him to smile. And then the two of you are just cheesing about each other without actually telling each other y’all are the reason for your cheesing. How cute.

Watching the other singer-songwriters do their thing was really fun for you, actually. There was a girl with a jet-black ponytail who did an amazing cover of Skinny Love. Your favorite thing about her was how creative she got with the guitar during it, she added a few new riffs and really just showed her skill with the instrument. Then there was the guy who had like absolutely no presence or personality until he started playing his guitar and singing What Do I Know by Ed Sheeran. He immediately came to life and everyone was bumping to it. His hair was also dyed half red and half white which looked really cool. And then there was the guy who had the typical nerdy indie look with his glasses and navy-blue hair. He played the piano instead of the usual guitar for his cover of Cherry Wine by Hozier and absolutely smashed it. Now none of this helped your nerves, but luckily Shinsou was there to put a brave face on for you and keep you relaxed. Then, it was finally his turn. You could tell he was nervous since he can only hide his emotions from you so much, so instead of psyching him out more, you just grabbed his hand and gave it a little squeeze. He’s the type of person who needs a physical reminder that everything would be okay, and so far, every time you’ve done that action with him, it’s helped calm him down faster than words could. Sure enough, it worked, and he gave you a small smile before walking out onstage. For his performance he’s playing the piano, so he walked over and sat down. “Hello again,” Midnight says, smiling at him. “What will you be singing for this challenge?” Keigo asks, and Shinsou clears his throat. “Um, I have another original for you all.” He could hear the crowd murmur and see a few people whispering to each other. No one had ever really done an original at Hell Week before. They all thought that the judges saying that in the beginning was a joke because of how intense this week could be. Well everyone except Mina and Denki of course.

“That’s great! What’s it called?” Toshinori asks. “Dying In LA.”

“I like the title. Whenever you’re ready,” Aizawa says, and Shinsou nods. He begins playing the opening, before taking a breath and singing.

“The moment you arrived they built you up;

The sun was in your eyes.

You couldn't believe it.

Riches all around, you're walking

Stars are on the ground.

You start to believe it.

Every face along the boulevard is a dreamer just like you.

You looked at death in a tarot card and you saw what you had to do.

But nobody knows you now,

When you're dying in LA.

And nobody owes you now,

When you're dying in LA.

When you're dying in LA.”

People immediately started cheering the minute he did his little rocker dying thing. And he loved it. He could honestly get used to that.

“When you're dying in LA.

The power, the power, the power…

Oh, the power, the power, the power

Of LA.

Nights at the chateau;

Trapped in your sunset bungalow,

You couldn't escape it, yeah.

Drink of paradise,

They told you ‘Put your blood on ice.

You're not gonna make it.’

Every face along the boulevard is a dreamer just like you.

You looked at death in a tarot card and you saw what you had to do.

But nobody knows you now,

When you're dying in LA.

And nobody owes you now,

When you're dying in LA.

When you're dying in LA.

When you're dying in LA.

The power, the power, the power…

Oh, the power, the power, the power

Of LA”

As expected, everyone was dead silent for a moment before breaking out into applause. Even the judges gave him a standing ovation. And you had to follow literally the most perfect human being and songwriter. Nice. The judges aren’t really permitted to say anything after the performance because they need to just listen to the singing and judge off of that, so Shinsou walks offstage and back over to you. “I warmed them up for you,” he says, and you snort. “Wow, thanks. Maybe next time don’t be that amazing.”

“Hmmm, that’s a tall order, kitten.”

“Yeah, my bad, can’t ask someone perfect to be less perfect.”

“You’re right about that, which is why your performance is going to be much better than mine was,” he pats your head with a grin, before shooing you onstage. You walk on, clutching your guitar as you greet the judges. “Hey chickadee, you gonna sing an original for us too?” Hawks asks, and Midnight hits his arm. “Don’t just go assuming that she also has an original prepared, what if she doesn’t? Do you know how stressed out that would make her you glorified Kentucky Fried Chicken Colonel!”

“Actually, I do have an original prepared.”

“Oh, well in that case I’m excited to hear it! What’s it called?”

“Graveyard,” you respond, and Aizawa motions for you to begin whenever you’re ready. You take a deep breath before strumming away, picking at the strings of your guitar to make the melody you’d written so long ago. Then, you open your mouth.

“It's crazy when The thing you love the most is the detriment; Let that sink in. You can think again, When the hand you wanna hold is a weapon and You're nothin' but skin.

Oh, 'cause I keep diggin' myself down deeper, I won't stop 'til I get where you are. I keep running, I keep running, I keep running.

They say I may be making a mistake, I would've followed all the way, no matter how far. I know when you go down all your darkest roads, I would've followed all the way to the graveyard.

Oh, 'cause I keep diggin' myself down deeper, I won't stop 'til I get where you are. I keep running when both my feet hurt, I won't stop 'til I get where you are. Oh, when you go down all your darkest roads I would've followed all the way to the graveyard (no, oh).

You look at me (look at me) With eyes so dark, don't know how you even see, You push right through me (push right through me). It's gettin' real. You lock the door, you're drunk at the steering wheel, And I can't conceal.

Oh, 'cause I've been diggin' myself down deeper, I won't stop 'til I get where you are. I keep running, I keep running, I keep running.

They say I may be making a mistake, I would've followed all the way, no matter how far. I know when you go down all your darkest roads, I would've followed all the way to the graveyard.

Oh, 'cause I keep diggin' myself down deeper, I won't stop 'til I get where you are. I keep running when both my feet hurt, I won't stop 'til I get where you are. Oh, when you go down all your darkest roads, I would've followed all the way to the graveyard.

Oh, it's funny how… The warning signs can feel like they're butterflies…

Oh, 'cause I keep diggin' myself down deeper, I won't stop 'til I get where you are. I keep running when both my feet hurt, I won't stop 'til I get where you are. Oh, when you go down all your darkest roads, I would've followed all the way to the graveyard.”

Just like Shinsou, there was a moment of silence before everyone applauded. This was a weird feeling. You’d never really sung an original song in front of a crowd of people this big before, and you never expected to have celebrities give your original song a standing ovation. But here you were, Hell Week in UA Idol, and this feeling was honestly something you could get used to. You’re just happy people enjoyed it. You hurry offstage and go over to Shinsou who immediately encapsulates you in a hug. Huh. That’s new. You don’t hate it though. This is actually… pretty nice. He gives good hugs. And you love the lavender scent he gives off, it almost gives him a lavender hue, actually. “You did amazing, (Y/n). Better than I ever could,” he tells you with a small grin. But it doesn’t look like he’s jealous. If anything, he looks proud. Like he’s proud of you. Like you just did something that made him feel happier than anything in the world. You liked him looking at you like that. You want him to look at you like that more. “That’s a lie, you’re the best singer-songwriter I know.”

“That’s because you’ve never actually met yourself other than looking in a mirror. If you actually knew you, you’d take that statement back.”

You’d be lying if you said that didn’t make you blush. The producers ushered you all in a different room, allowing the judges time to talk about who was going through and who wasn’t. You and Shinsou stuck to each other like glue and tried to ignore the stares and looks at you two. That was when the guy with the navy-blue hair approached the two of you, and kind of screamed, but you could tell that he was just using his regular talking voice. “You’re both very talented! I hope one day I am able to write songs like that!”

“Hey, thanks man. I’m sure if you tried right now you could write songs like ours; everyone has the ability to write something good if they have the drive,” Shinsou tells him, and you can’t help but feel a sense of pride swell up in your chest. Shinsou was a really good person. And you were his friend. How did you get so lucky? “My name is Tenya Iida! It’s a pleasure to meet both of you, and I hope we all get through so I can talk to you both about songwriting some more,” he says, a big smile on his face as he sticks out his… very large hand. It wasn’t for a handshake or anything. The man just talks with his hands. You could see the callouses on his fingers from the guitar, though. Gotta love that. Since the singer-songwriter genre was the smallest, the judges seemed to make their decisions very quickly. You and Shinsou watched as people got turned away and as other got through to the next round. Iida, the guy with the dyed hair, and the girl with the black ponytail all made it through to the next round, which you were happy about. They were all very talented and deserved it 100%. But now, the only people who were left in the genre and the entire competition were you and Shinsou. “Do you think we didn’t make it?”

“Well… honestly I don’t know. If we didn’t, at least we got some exposure. Maybe someone will see us, and you can pay off your student loans and I can pay off my mom’s medical bills.”

“And maybe then you could go to university. I know you’ve always wanted to go to school for a music production major.”

He looks over at you with kind of big eyes. How did you know about that? He may have mentioned it off-hand like once while you, Mina, and Denki were around. Did you really just pay attention to him like that? And if you did, why did it just make his heart literally skip a beat? What is going on? Before he could even ask you, the producers gave you two the go-ahead to go onstage. You both walked out, obviously very nervous, but you stopped in the middle. “Well, well, well,” Midnight says, leaning into her microphone. “I bet you two are probably freaking out because what kind of line up of people is two people, right?” Keigo asks, and you both nod. “See, I told you. They know fear. Recording artists would be nothing without fear. These two are something,” Aizawa says, pointing at the two of you. Did the Shouta Aizawa just say the two of you were something? What? “Well, you don’t need to be nervous!” Toshinori screams, smiling very wide at the two of you. “Yeah, after all, we can’t just leave our top two in Hell Week,” Midnight says.

“Congratulations, Shinsou and (Y/n). You’re moving on to the next challenge.”

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Song list:

Kirishima | Golden - Harry Styles

Mina | If I Were A Boy - The Queen, Beyoncé

Denki | Old Me - 5 Seconds of Summer

TetsuTetsu | Adore You - Harry Styles

Toga | Don’t Let Me Down - The Chainsmokers

Midoriya | Imagine - John Lennon

Mirio | Africa - Toto

Uraraka | I Will Always Love You - Whitney Houston

Tsu | Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood

Bakugo | Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) - Green Day

Shigaraki | Disenchanted - My Chemical Romance

Tokoyami | Creep - Radiohead

Jirou | That’s What You Get - Paramore

Sero | Red Red Wine - UB40

Dabi | Take What You Want - Post Malone ft. Ozzy Osbourne & Travis Scott

Momo | Skinny Love - Bon Iver

Todoroki | What Do I Know - Ed Sheeran

Iida | Cherry Wine - Hozier

Shinsou | Dying In LA - Panic! At The Disco

(Y/n) | Graveyard (Stripped) - Halsey

[storytellersys]

Operation Alarm Clock

Hornet here. Upon realizing that, in theory, we could access any location and time within Hallownest’s history—so long as we didn’t visibly fuck up the timeline so events that needed to happen—I immediately pushed for saving my mom. Long post, the rest is under the cut.

(One of my moms, anyway, Spidermom. Although saving Beemom might also be very possible with some well-placed illusion magic... and she might not be the only one. This needs more thought later but if I’m right, we might be making Ze’mer very, very happy.) 

Of course, we still had to get a portal working. Our current ones are bright pink and can only be maintained by someone currently within the headspace, and we’ve got a room above our “control room” (think a basement room with a big couch, a TV screen showing whatever the current fronter is looking at, and a tiny lightbulb with a chain up top to complete the aesthetic) that we’ve designated our “portal room” just to keep things out of the way.

(We’ll actually try to make up a floor plan/description of what our headspace is like at some point. But if I do that now, I’m never going to write this out.)

...hold that thought, kitten just got up onto a shelf I didn’t think she could get to. Really should have known better. I’m, collectively, about 1/5 of her mom. She learned from the best.

Okay, kitten has been somewhat dissuaded for now, where was I?

Right. Portals. By the time we got one properly working to Hallownest, Pyrrha had already showed up in the middle of the night and had somewhat adjusted to Life in the System. I think our first attempts were directed to Tamriel, and Ayrenn’ll give more details on her shenanigans there at some point.

Eventually, though? We got to Hallownest. Specifically, we wanted to portal to Monomon, some time before the Dreamers were sealed away, because I knew she had been instrumental in crafting the sealing spell, and if anyone could A) make it so that the Dreamers didn’t just instantly die when their seal was broken and B) slip it past a certain bastard bug of a king, it would be Monomon.

Contacting Monomon, however, had its own problems. Specifically, that we couldn’t let her know too much about the future (though we knew better than to think she wouldn’t figure some shit out on her own) and that we’d need something to offer her.

Figuring out what to offer Monomon was easy. Simply by virtue of being a system in this world, where metric fucktons of other worlds are seen as fictional, we could offer her information on absolutely anything this world has to offer. Also, preventing her own death is always a good incentive.

The other issue was how much she could know. I’m still our only bug (barring Holly, and they started visiting after this operation’s conclusion) so unless we really wanted to try disguising someone else, I was the one who had to reach out. I knew better than to think she wouldn’t figure out who I was sooner or later, and given some of the things she got up to in her Archives without anyone knowing until after she was gone, she could clearly lie well.

We settled on answering her questions if she asked them, but making it abundantly clear that absolutely no one could know any of this. And so, we opened our first portal to Hallownest, and I stepped into a side room of the Teacher’s Archives. Tubes upon tubes of acid adorned the room, all undoubtedly holding valuable information. In the middle, with her back to me, was Monomon herself. Very much alive, and very much not asleep.

I admit I may have given her a bit of a scare to start off. I will not apologize for that because it was funny as hell.

Our plan was to tell her what she needed to know (specifically: what we could do, what she needed to do, and what we could offer her in return) and offer more if she asked, after we (I) made it abundantly clear that this was not to be shared with anyone, and especially not PK. 

She figured out almost immediately who I was, because I apparently act a lot like Spidermom (shocker) and Monomon knew what Spidermom had asked for in return for being a Dreamer. Seeing me all grown up made it clear that I was a time traveler as well. Technically speaking.

I only got about twenty minutes there, compared to an hour here. Time in my version of Hallownest goes one hour for every three hours in this world (which was an unwelcome surprise when compared with the three hours in Ayrenn’s Tamriel for every one hour in this world) but I did manage to get her curious enough to hear me out. We did some more experimentation to make sure Hallownest’s end of things would work out, I unintentionally gained a fourth mom (thanks Monomom), and finally we hit upon our master plan.

We would bring Monomon over first of the Dreamers, because she already knew what was going on and certainly wasn’t averse to spending some time in our headspace while we figured other shit out. Specifically, we’d aim for right after Ghost whacked them several times with their nail, but before Ghost woke up.

You see, Monomom modified the spell so that it wouldn’t just kill the Dreamers upon the Seals breaking, it would just wake them up... possibly not immediately, so we were prepared to grab and yeet bugs into headspace if necessary. (Monomom was quite certain that Lurien would be the easiest yeet. She was eventually correct.)

(Monomom also shared some rather disturbing things involving PK that even I didn’t know, such as that she attempted to rescue some of the vessels stuck in the Abyss and may have actually been responsible for Ghost’s eventual escape, and that PK had been oddly insistent on making sure that the sealing spell did not allow for any possibility of the Dreamers’ survival, should it be broken. More reasons to hate my shitty, shitty dad. More reasons to appreciate R’s.)

After some incidents including but not limited to me nearly walking right into past PK, and quite a lot of testing to make sure it would work (or be as sure as we could,) it was finally time. We opened a portal to the exact moment Ghost broke the seal. Pyrrha used her semblance to yeet a maybe half-awake Monomon through the portal, I threw a letter Monomon had previously written at Quirrel as well as a headspace-made device we’ve rather imaginatively dubbed a notification stick, and we bounced.

(In retrospect, that was why Quirrel was still around in my memories. He knew Monomon was coming back, and he knew not to let anything on to my past self. His job was one of the most important: to press the button on the notification stick about a day after past Hornet left for Silksong adventures so we’d know when to drop the Dreamers back off.)

Monomon was in here for about a day, and fronted for a little over an hour. She had a great time, I’m pretty sure, though she’s yet to return or front again. I assume because she’s pretty busy, which is understandable and also a big fucking mood.

With Monomon a resounding success, next on the list was Spidermom, Herrah the Beast. She was a bit more difficult, given that I had to actually talk to my past self.

It worked out, well enough. Barring the fact that I had no memory of that conversation from the other side, but we can attribute that to system weirdness.

We grabbed Lurien shortly after, and then opened up one final portal. Previously, we’d been using our notification sticks merely as signals that we should head over to x world as soon as possible. What we homed in on, however, was the action of Quirrel heading outside Dirtmouth, and pressing the button.

After that, it was out of our hands. But I’m told Lurien gathered some things from his spire and moved into Dirtmouth, Spidermom is working on rebuilding Deepnest now that the Infection is gone, and Monomom is, unsurprisingly, experimenting away in Fog Canyon.

This mission was a resounding success. (And this is honestly the abridged version of it, but it proved that we could in fact fix some things in any of our worlds.)

Hornet out.

[lcyalty]

i don’t feel like making a joke to break the ice so here’s one of my favorite tiktoks: https://vm.tiktok.com/s1rSS5/ . anyways, hiii, fed admin sabrina here :) time to check off the introductory personality checklist: i’m 20, a leo, a slytherin, a woc, a pre-law major on the east coast, uhhhh harry styles and marvel trash, i play over 10 instruments, i prefer the thigh over the chicken breast, and i’m really happy u all r here and joined my little creation :’) smack that read more to learn abt my children daisy moretti and jude valentine so we can plot !!

                                                             DAISY MORETTI.                                                  pinterest: https://pin.it/7unKPi8                                                                     the basics: full name: daisy mia moretti | hometown: the bronx, new york | zodiac: aries | orientation: bisexual | employment status: intern on the news broadcasts floor | positive traits: social, determined, hardworking, attentive, confident, smart | negative traits: rude, irresponsible, cunning, cutthroat, insensitive, selfish

the backstory:

here’s the best way i can describe daisy: take the love for fashion and luxury of carrie bradshaw and cher horowitz, mix it with the power and intensity of olivia pope, and add in all the meanness of every single rude, b*tchy person you can think of. that’s her.

daisy was born to a huge italian family who all had odd jobs; her dad specialized in fixing the batteries on smoke detectors. her mom ran the laundromat down the street. a lot of her uncles owned car detailing businesses and she had a couple of older cousins who were janitors or low-level staff members at the local middle schools. while her family was fine with this, because hey, it paid the bills, daisy, who had always had expensive tastes from the start, turned her nose at it all.

she, unsurprisingly, became the first in her family to make it past high school. daisy did absolutely every major, resume-boosting thing while she was in school, because she learned very quickly that she liked power and being better than others. there was something she loved about coming home from school and getting to brag about her debate team win while her cousins could only nod. 

she was great at school, and she made sure everyone knew. she did mock trial, debate, sga -- she even joined the environmental club just for the clout. and then one of the people in her model un group said she should run for president one day.

it made sense. daisy likes power, she likes bossing people around and always being right, and she doesn’t take shit from anyone. she’d be a fantastic fucking president. so, naturally, after finishing college and pushing through an internship she didn’t really like just so she could have another bullet point on her resume, daisy applied for an internship at masters international. she knew she’d get the gig, obviously.

daisy loves fashion and luxury. she spends majority of her money on vintage chanel tweed matching sets to wear into the office, she has red bottoms that give her four extra inches of height, and her foundation costs over a hundred dollars. you’d think she’d want to be on the floors that deal with vogue and help organize new york fashion week, but that’s not going to get her a presidency, duh. daisy interns on the floors that handle the news broadcasts so she gets firsthand knowledge on all the shit, political or otherwise, that goes down in the country.

i would love to type more but i don’t want to hint at anything that points to her secret, so i’m going to explain a little more about daisy’s personality

she’s so, so controlling and bossy. she wants to be the absolute best at everything, and the shining star of it all. daisy’s definitely an attention hog, and she’ll bust her ass on her work to make sure she’s better than everyone else on the floor with her. 

daisy’s very picky about who she hangs out with. as a future presidential candidate, optics are very important, obviously. she only surrounds herself with people she deems to be good for her image, and she’ll gladly let you know that she thinks you’re too shitty to be around. she cares a lot about how she appears to other people, you know.

daisy is selfish and rude, and truly doesn’t care if she hurts someone’s feelings. she speaks her mind and has absolutely no filter -- which gets her into a lot of trouble, i’m sure you can imagine. 

wanted connections:

enemies: if you need a bad guy or work rival in your character’s life, i wholly volunteer miss daisy moretti as that bad guy. it’s not hard for her to make enemies when you consider her personality.

ex: please please give me an angsty ex plot filled with depth and all the details. there’s gotta’ be a reason why daisy wants to be not only the first female president, but also the first president without a spouse, after all.

hookups: listen. she has needs.

                                                            JUDE VALENTINE.                                                   pinterest: https://pin.it/1dfK9dE                                                                 the basics: full name: jude lee valentine | hometown: tuscaloosa, alabama | zodiac: gemini | orientation: heterosexual | employment status: corporate attorney for masters international | positive traits: friendly, warm, sociable, extroverted, smart, witty, energetic | negative traits: compulsive, secretive, disloyal, impulsive, ignorant, desensitized

the backstory:

picture it with me: a ranch. nice pale green shutters and a huge yard. there’s cows in this picture, too, and horses. there might even be goats. there’s a tractor by the two ford trucks, a dog sleeping on the porch, and not another house for another twenty minute drive. this is what jude valentine is used to. he’s a country boy from alabama, equipped with the southern accent and everything. yes, he has a pair of cowboy boots. yes, he brought them to new york with him. yes, he pronounces creek as ‘crick’.

jude is a very sweet boy. he was quarterback in high school, got good grades, and every sunday he went to church with his family because Bible Belt things. homeboy is named after a book in the Bible. he’s all about southern manners and hospitality, about treating people kindly and always putting others first, and he always keeps his morals in check. or, he used to.

when you’re home it’s hard to stray away from what you’re used to. the same held true for jude in college, because even though he went to u of alabama (can you hear him yelling roll tide), he was still in his home state so he felt those morals still stuck with him. but then he applied for law school and got a full ride to nyu law, and whew, the Temptation

‘cuz you see, jude was always a sweetie pie. he still is! in high school he was super popular because he was tall and cute and athletic but funny and brought extra biscuits from home to hand out in homeroom. i’m not gonna lie, he’s charming af. he’s smooth and he has good jokes. the girls loved him but the little sh*t had a purity ring.

but then he got to nyc for law school and let me tell you. alabama is not close at all to manhattan, now is it. jude was fine the first couple of weeks, just worked on his case briefs in his shoe box of a starter apartment... but the women. homeboy started sleeping around a LOT after a while. y’know wet dreamz by j cole where he’s like haven’t been inside p*ssy since i came out one? yeah, that was jude until ny, and he’s very much still like that

is jude still the sweetest, nicest guy ever? yes. is jude still the type of guy to knock on your office door and ask if you want to walk to get coffee with him even though you guys have probably never met? yes. is jude the first guy on the dance floor when there’s a midnight party on the rooftop? yes. is jude the type of guy who’ll fuck with you and say no, he only listens to music made by a spoon and a blade of grass if you think he only listens to country music? yes. but he also has slept with at least twenty different interns and employees at the office, so.

he also dabbles in the occasional little pill when he’s got eight depositions to write up before tomorrow but he was too busy screwing some chick the night before. he first did this in law school. but we don’t worry about that.

stop it, i know what you’re thinking: sabrina, come on. so he sleeps around, okay. what’s the big deal about that?

here’s the big deal: he’s engaged.

lil (i say lil but he’s 6’3” while i’m only 5’0”, so lemme stfu) cupcake jude is a cheater. he’s got a whole fiancée and yet he still sleeps with other women, and each time he’s like no, okay, that was the last time for real, but then there’s a new intern at the office and the higher ups always throw the new people at him because he knows how to make people feel comfortable, and his country accent is cute and refreshing among all the new york bs, and the whole attorney thing certainly isn’t a negative, and, well. he gets tempted. and afterwards he always tells the girl okay, please, can this stay between us.

u wouldn’t know he’s engaged either bc it’s not like he’s wearing the engagement ring, now is he

i’m staying hush on daisy’s secret but jude’s is that he’s cheating on his significant other with people in the office. is he still a nice guy? heck yeah, but also, you have to be a certain kind of messed up to keep cheating on your s/o and just not tell them. that’s a lotttt of lying you’re just comfortable with. oh, what’s that? you’re threatening to tell his fiancée that you two slept together because you think she deserves to know? well. he’d hate having to do it, but... jude’s not above knocking someone down if it means his secret stays hidden.

wanted connections:

hookups: literally i will take as many hookup plots i can get. doesn’t matter if they’re an intern or an employee; jude will sleep w them and then make them promise not to tell anyone in the office afterwards because “wE’rE nOt sUpPoSeD tO sLeEp wItH cOwOrKeRs” but we all know why he wants to keep it under wraps. this also doesn’t have to be an only connection; he can be friends w someone but also hook up w them on the low too

fiancée: this one is huge for me so pls pls message me if ur seriously interested in this plot and we’ll talk !!

friends: this one is so easy bc jude will literally make conversation with a chair. he’s super sociable and fun and approachable and he loves making friends !! give me some ppl he can pester during lunch break and throw balled up pieces of paper at

best friend: he’s gotta have that one person that he just clicks really, really well with. jude talks to everyone and he’s super friendly but this person is his confidant. he goes to them w almost all of his problems and rants to them and asks for advice and likes to just be around this person. trusts them w his entire life. hmuuuuu :)

ex: listen. we all need a good ex plot and this person is probably the only one in the office jude isn’t bringing a complimentary donut to

sister: jude has a younger sister and honestly she was gonna be a npc but the idea of him looking out for her at the office and getting all (ง•̀_•́)ง when ppl r mean to her is smth i reeeeally like. or maybe they actually don’t get along that well and bicker a lot but there’s still that underlying hey i’ve got your back. you piece of shit. type feel going on !!

[chances-r-high]

A Fond Farewell

[ @chances-r-high @addie-bear @queen-of-lazuroth @son-of-an-invader @dib-adrift @zimerstellar ]

“Let me tell you what I wish I’d known, when I was young a dreamed of glory. You have no control who lives, who dies, who tells your story.”

They searched…

And searched…

And searched…

All of it to no avail…

Chance was at his wits end. Not even in office for a week and his senate was already arguing about what to do here. He tried his best to pay attention, to give some sort of answer that was satisfactory, but he was in a fog. Not only had he lost...so many people he cared about, people who were the only family he’d ever known, but now he and Addie weren’t speaking after she’d tried to go to Dwicky’s cell to literally beat information out of him.

“Senator Urso has a point,” he heard Destiel say in one of his moments of clarity. “High Chancellor when you came into office we had the understanding that 857-b’s Irken Empire would become a valuable ally. Now that they are lost not only is that no longer a possibility, but now the citizens are even more uncertain of their futures.”

Chance glared at her, looking her dead in the eye. “Lord Iris and I have had our team working painstakingly to find the collider. We’ve interrogated Dwicky several times, who, unsurprisingly, has been unhelpful. But we’ll find it. Don’t you worry.”

Senator Wark scowled. “This would be much faster if you, perhaps, gave Dwicky a plea bargain-”

“I am not giving him a plea bargain just so he can weasel his way into hurting more people!” Chance snapped, giving the entire Senate a severe look. He balled his hand into a fist. “That’s enough for the day. My decisions on how we handle the collider situation are final. As for the efforts to...figure out what happened to the Glit- 857-b…” he took a deep breath. “I want to make it very clear that this is not an easy decision. They are my mate’s family. My family. But...I think we can say we’ve tried our best with no results.” He nodded and cleared his throat. “Meeting adjourned.”

None of the Senators argued, all rising from their seats and leaving. Chance didn’t get up right away, running a hand through his hair, clutching it tightly in his fists.

What else could they do but move on from here?

No matter how much they didn’t want to…

0000000

Chance’s new position certainly had its perks. With the money he had acquired along with the Denivars, they managed to put together quite the display. The solarium of the newly christened Metallah was nowhere near as grand as the huge forest that could once be found on the Glitter Massive. But it was bright and lush with plants and flowers, especially since Chance had made it a personal project to give it some good T.L.C. Anything for a good distraction.

All they had were photos of them, because of course there were no bodies to bury or burn. But still...they all agreed that they wanted to say goodbye somehow. They needed closure. One of Chance’s publicists tried to make it a public affair but he absolutely refused. He was not going to use this tragedy to his family to win points with the masses.

A huge table was set up at the front of the solarium, littered with huge, leafy plants. Along with that each individual photo was surrounded by flowers in the color that represented the person within. The one exception was the joint picture of Alexx and Miguel, which was surrounded in both yellow and violet blooms. It was the only photo they had of the babies.

In front of the table was a small riser covered in candles of different shapes and sizes. All of them were lit, the flickering lights catching the glittery tablecloth behind them. There were even more pictures here. Of Beast, Keef, Red and Zim. Of Pur and Mika. Of Xander with either group. Of all of them. Various ones that included the people present here now. They had asked Jaime if he would like to be here for Nightmare Keef, but he had refused. Midge couldn’t help but feel a deep sadness at that, seeing as the rest of them didn’t know the other red-head that well.

For the longest time...they were quiet, just staring at the display. Midge had her face buried in Stellar Dib’s chest, crying softly as Dek petted her hair. The hybrid himself wasn’t doing much better, his hands shaking as he attempted of comfort his wife. Stellar Zim noticed, and tentatively reached over for Dek’s free hand. The hybrid froze for a moment, looking back at the Irken, but he didn’t pull away. In fact he gave Zim’s hand a small squeeze.

Addie couldn’t speak. If she spoke to anyone she feared she’d break. She hated being weak. Hated feeling broken. But...she was weak and broken. Yet she couldn’t bring herself to seek the comfort she desperately needed.

Chance shifted his feet. He despised the silence. It didn’t feel right to him. These were people they had all loved, people who had helped them, who they had helped in return. People who had become so ingrained in all of their lives. Standing here not saying a thing…? That didn’t feel right at all.

So...Chance started to speak…

“I thought Beast hated me when we first met,” he began, not looking at anyone. “Actually, he probably did. With...really good reason, heh. Zim though...I don’t know. Maybe he disliked me at first but...he seemed to be one of the first who thought I...had a chance.” He smiled at the pun.

“Keef and I...related a lot more than I would have ever expected. I wish...I wish we’d had more time. Could’ve had a sword fight or two, ha.

“Red he...I remember before Addie and I were officially together. I think. He asked me to start talking to the Galactic Alliance planets. Figure out if we had any allies. He believed in me. He wasn’t the first but...something about that moment stuck with me. This...so-called fearsome ruler that my father hated so much...I was the clone of his enemy and he believed in me.” He sniffled.

“And, hell, Xander was just a kid! He...he had so much potential a whole life ahead of him! And...and Miguel. And Alexx…” He set his jaw. He wasn’t going to be able to control himself. “Alexx’s middle name was Chance. Why Mika and Pur thought is was good idea to name their kid after me...I don’t know, heh.” Hiccup. “I don’t think I got to know Purple well enough, but he was...he was always kind. And logical. But also a badass underneath all that. And Mika… No offense, Midge, you taught me a lot but...whatever you couldn’t he filled in the blanks.” The tears were falling from his eyes. “They named their damn kid after me…”

After that there was another small silence. And then, Dek began to talk.

“I didn’t know any of them that well until Red took Zim.” He snorted. “Funny how that’s all water under the bridge now.” He furrowed his brow. “Beast was the first I got to know. He was...I won’t lie he was a dumbass. But...after spending time with him...I sort of decided he was my dumbass.

“I honestly...never thought I would like Red. Hell, I never thought I could even tolerate being in his presence. But...seems like we were just meant to be allies...and friends. Charming bastard.” He chuckled for a moment but it was shaky. “Keef was...really something. Very sweet. Amazing sword fighter. Few people can take on my wife and live to tell the tale, haha. They...they named their kid after me, too. Miguel’s middle name was...was Dek. I mean...can’t blame them. Great name and all.” He choked and had to take a minute to recompose.

“Xander was...a good kid. He...fucked up pretty badly. But...I guess I’ve known a few of those. People who fucked up pretty badly but then worked to be better people…

“Purple...the first time I met him...he helped us. I still don’t understand what his reasons were at the time...but he helped us. And...he...reminded me - us - of someone else we lost. Someone very important to us.” He cleared his throat. “And Mika...if not for him I...I wouldn’t have this eye.” He reached up and touched the amaranthe colored one. His chest immediately tightened and he gritted his teeth.

“I chose this color for my brother,” he said, his voice immediately cracking. “I...I never had a brother before. But Zim...I don’t know what it was but...I just knew I needed to protect him. I just knew I was gonna be...gonna be stuck with him for the rest of my life.” He tried so hard to stop the tears, but it was too late. “I just knew I was gonna have to watch my back every day for when some horrible glitter attack-”

For the first time in Dek’s life, he was openly sobbing in front of people that weren’t Midge. His sydark felt like it had been ripped from his body and crush under someone’s boot. He hadn’t been able to protect them this time. He hadn’t been able to protect his brother.

“I’m...I’m sorry,” he choked, doing his best to calm down. He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and looked over and saw Stellar Zim. His eyes were gently and caring, as if to say “It’s okay. Let it go it’s okay.” Dek couldn’t help but pull the Irken into his chest wrap an arm around him, leaning down and crying silently into his shoulder.

Zim was shocked by the gesture, but he didn’t pull away. In fact he reach up and put a hand behind Dek’s neck, giving it comforting little scratches.

Another silence. It was as if no one wanted to say anything now. As if truly saying goodbye meant the end.

“I once took Xander to the carnival,” Addie finally said. Her voice was so shaky. She’d already been crying for days. “It was...so much fun. Just seeing his face light up from all the rides and the terrible food. He...he was something special. Adorable, even.” She sniffled. “Miguel and Alexx, too. Possibly two of the cutest smeets in the entire universe. So sweet. And so loud...at least Miguel.

“The moment I found out Zim and Dib were my uncles, it was after Dad had helped save Zim. Uncle Dib was...such a badass. So raw and brave and took no shit from anyone. He was...everything I wanted to be. Regardless of all the shit he struggled with...he really was.

“Uncle Zim was...a menace. The first real interaction I had with him I think was during what was supposed to be the Zim Wars. I joined his army...to impress a boy. He was always covering our house in stickers and sending glitter bombs.” Her lip trembled, fresh tears falling from her eyes. “But he was also so sweet and caring and...he was always there if I needed him…

“Not to long after that we met their Purple. I...I didn’t want to like him at first. But...he reminded me so much of my mentor. He even gave me a Kyber Crystal to use for upgrading my weapon. And I know how much Mika meant to Chance. And to my mom. He was...the sweetest bean to ever exist. Probably too sweet for...any universe.”

She found herself clutching the hem of her jacket. “Uncle Keef…” she hiccupped. “That last thing I said to him...was to fuck off…” She began crying openly. “Why did I even say that? I...I didn’t…” She sniffled. “He helped save me and my family and my Uncle…my Uncle Red.”

There was a long pause there. “If you’d told me almost a year ago...that I would look up to Almighty Tallest Red of universe 857-b...I would have punched you in the face.” Fuck. This...this was impossible. “He was...the second biggest asshole I’ve ever met. And also the greatest leader I’ve ever known. He was quite possibly the first person to make me feel like...I could actually do it. I could actually take down all the evil in the world. He believed in me so much. He gave me an army.” And all at once, she broke down. “And I repaid him by spitting his face just to go on some stupid mission on my own!” She covered her mouth with her hand as she began to sob harder. “I’m sorry I have to...I have to go.”

Chance watched her take off, immediately going after her. Even after making up things had been tense and awkward. Well, fuck all of that. Fuck any disagreement they ever had in the future. They’d lost so much. But they still had each other. They needed each other. And there was no way they could take each other for granted ever again.

“Addie!” he called after her. “Addie wait!”

Addie stopped when she heard Chance, not turning around immediately. Her entire body shook with the force of her sobs. She couldn’t breath she couldn’t breath she couldn’t breath.

Finally she turned around hugging herself. Slowly she lifted her teary gaze up to Chance, shaking her head. “I don’t want to say goodbye, Chance.”

Chance raced over to her, immediately wrapping her in his arms. He felt her cling to him right back. “I know. I know.”

Addie continued to cry loudly. “I don’t want to say goodbye! I don’t want to say goodbye! I want them back, Chance, I want them back!”

Chance began to cry again himself. “Me too, Songbird. Me too.”

00000000000

Dek and Midge were finally getting ready to leave the Metallah, to go back to their home at the Team Nebula base. They were beginning to wonder if the extra room would be still be necessary, considering both Stellar Zim and Dib had been sleeping in their bed with them. Still, it would be there if they wanted it. Dek just wanted their new companions to be comfortable.

“Dek?” Midge said, entering the room. She’d just been at the Med Bay to finish up Dib’s discharge papers. How many Dibs had she done that for? How many had she patched up? How many others would she lose. She shook her head. “Can we talk for a minute?”

Dek looked up for packing the bags. They hadn’t had too much teleported to them here, but it was enough to be a bit of a job. He was glad for the small interruption. “What do you need, Stardust?”

Midge bit her lip. “I’ve, um...I’ve found out the sexes of the twins,” she told him.

Dek’s eyes widened. “Oh. Have you?” They’d never talked about things like that before. Addie sort of spoiled it for them with Drun, and Addie...so much had been going on at the time. “I have a feeling there’s more to this.”

“There is.” Midge said. “I...I know you mentioned once wanting to name the next boy after your father but after...after…” She couldn’t say it. She wasn’t sure if she would ever be able to say it.

“...You want to name the smeets after them?”

“It doesn’t...have to be exactly after them. Just...names that represent them. To remember them by.” She rubbed her lower abdomen. Why did this pregnancy feel like it was going so much faster than the others? Was it because of the...circumstances of their conception? “I, uh, wrote down my suggestions for the girl, anyway.”

Dek walked over and looked at the tablet Midge was showing him. Some of the names seemed either too generic or too complicated. But two stood out to him. “I like Ruby. And Amaranthe.”

Midge nodded. “I’m glad. Those were my favorites, too. I was...I was thinking Rían Miguel for the boy…” Her grip on the tablet was tight.

Dek gently put an arm around her and pulled her close, then kissed the top of her head. “I like both of those a lot, Stardust.”

Midge nodded, burying her face into Dek’s shirt. “How are we supposed to do this, Dek?” she asked, her voice garbled by tears. “How do we live in a world without them?”

“We just...do,” Dek told her. “The ones we love are never truly gone, right? They’re...they’re right here with us. Always.” He held her tighter. “We just...keep them alive in everything we do now. We...we never let their legacy die.”

Midge snorted a bit even through her tears. “What is a legacy? It’s planting seeds in a garden you never get to see.”

Dek gave a tense nod. “...That’s right,” he said, putting a hand on her tiny baby bump. “That’s exactly right.”

[shotfromguns]

Overall, I think Avengers: Endgame was... about as good as we were going to get, given who was involved in making the film and what had already been established (or had failed to be established) in previous films. It was for sure massively better than Age of Ultron and a noticeable improvement over Infinity War. But there were still plenty of flaws (including things they easily could have fixed) and a few things that outright frustrated the hell out of me. 

My thoughts on Endgame follow under the cut. There will obviously be spoilers. This is for @pantsvaporation, but anybody else is welcome to read/comment/etc. as well.

I was pleasantly surprised that there was a minimum of obvious “actors swinging at CG enemies that hadn’t even slightly been described to them.” And while there were definitely places the film could have been tightened up, I had been expecting the three hours to feel noticeably slack, whereas the plot never seemed to me to drag at all. In retrospect, maybe I should have been less surprised by that, given that it was directed by Russos, who were also responsible for CA:TWS, which remains the most perfectly paced action movie I’ve ever seen.

Given the length of the film, however, I am fucking furious that the only (and MCU first-ever) LGBT “representation” we got was one of the Russos as a nameless extra in Steve’s support group who was framed as a mlm through the pronouns of who he was on a date with. 181 fucking minutes, and you couldn’t find room for less than 60 seconds to show us Valkyrie with a girlfriend? Carole Danvers got that amazing (as my girlfriend often describes my current look) ‘90s dyke aesthetic after the time skip, but she couldn’t have a wife? And, of course, anybody and everybody else was given a Big Case of the Not Gays, including and especially the male characters people have enthusiastically been shipping with each other due to the historical nigh-complete dearth of women in the MCU films (Tony, Steve, Sam, Bucky... and I will have more to say about Steve).

I did cry a few times, especially towards the end, which I honestly hadn’t expected to. But it all felt very... emotionally manipulative? For example, I didn’t cry at Tony dying, per se. I did cry at Pepper reacting to his death, his daughter, Happy, etc. It felt like they sort of realized that by this point Tony had become extremely unsympathetic and that they’d probably overly telegraphed that he was going to die, so they needed to make us sad about it by ensuring we were thinking about how other characters would feel about his death, versus how we ourselves felt about it.

And we sure did get a whoooooooooole lotta time to show the audience how sad everyone felt about Tony to ensure we did, too. But there was (a) very little for Natasha, who died in this film saving the universe even more tragically than Tony did, given that she didn’t even know her sacrifice would work to get the Soul Stone, let alone whether the rest of the plan would work even if she did; and (b) almost none for the characters who died in Infinity War and didn’t get a Comic Book Death resurrection through Bruce snapping or past!Nebula breaking literally the entire premise of the film (more on that in a bit). The Vision got a two-second reference, not even by name. Loki got just a flash of a cameo, with Thor not bringing him up once that I can recall, being completely focused on their mother even in a time when they were both still alive. Heimdall didn’t even get that much, nor was he even referenced; nor were any of the Wakandans who died so that Scarlet Witch didn’t have to lose her creepy robo-boyfriend (which, whoops, she did anyway). Regardless of how obnoxious some of these character and/or their fans may have been, they still very much should have mattered to the other characters, who should have been mourning them just as much as they were mourning Tony. And yeah, sure, anybody who didn’t get Thanos’d had had five years to mourn the ones who died in Infinity War, but (a) to anybody who’d just been brought back, they were still freshly dead, and (b) even the people who were around for those five years are probably dealing with that grief all over again, not least of which because they had the others who died then returned to them, and because not everybody (especially not Thor) had even properly gone through the whole grief process in the first place.

On the topic of Thor, boyyyyyyy howdy was it frustrating how thoroughly Endgame finished off the way that Infinity War had started cutting the entire legs of his Ragnarok character development out from under him. If it weren’t for the momentary appearance of a handful of characters from Ragnarok, the movie literally might as well not have happened: Thor no longer cares about being a leader for his people, he’s back to leaning on weapons instead of relying on himself, and he seems to have completely forgotten Loki after having finally reconciled with him. And making Thor fat as a joke was not only fatphobic and unfunny but really undercut the narrative’s ability to make the viewer take his trauma seriously, because of a continuously competing tension between “you’re supposed to laugh at how he looks” and “how he looks is supposed to make you sad” that was never really resolved. There was no “you’re laughing at this, but then you realize what it actually means, and you feel like an ass for having laughed.” It was clearly set up to be, “you’re laughing at this, but then you realize what it means, and you feel a little sad, but don’t worry, there will be plenty of more times when ‘Thor is fat now’ is a punchline.”

As for the film’s humor as a whole, while there were some genuinely funny moments that were well positioned in the narrative, the movie overall felt like it frequently ran into the same problem as Star Wars: The Last Jedi, where the writers were so desperate to have characters constantly quipping that they constantly undercut their own poignant moments.

Probably the biggest actual plot hole is, unsurprisingly, the time travel. They initially did an... okay job of justifying why the characters couldn’t just change the past (though it wasn’t until Bruce got to have his chat with Mx. Yellowface that it actually got in any way coherently explained). But after they did all that work of establishing that they couldn’t just change the past, for capital-R Reasons...

They did uhhhhhhh a whole fucking lot of changing the past. A few of these things could be at least fanwanked away. Maybe past!Steve forgets future!Steve telling him Bucky’s alive because he got knocked unconscious immediately afterwards. Maybe Tony’s chat with his dad had always happened. Maybe Steve had always spent decades with Peggy. But there is no way Sitwell et al. wouldn’t remember Steve pretending to be a member of Hydra, which would significantly alter the events of The Winter Soldier if they weren’t smart enough or lucky enough to verify that Steve wasn’t also a mole and therefore realize he was an “imposter” before one of those Hydra sleeper said something to past!Steve to make him suspicious. And Loki grabbing the loose Tesseract and poofing is a massive change in the timeline.

Their enemies did a whooooooole lot of changing the past when past!Nebula brought past!Thanos and The Gang through to the future, including effectively permanently restoring Gamora, i.e., someone who’d been “irreversibly” sacrificed to obtain the Soul Stone.

Once these things happened, there was literally nothing to explain why (a) the future!Avengers couldn’t at least bring back Heimdall, Loki, all those Wakandans, the Vision, Natasha, and Tony by pulling them from earlier points in the timestream, and (b) why the future!Avengers couldn’t just take their set of Infinity Stones to a point before all of this shit happened and prevent it from ever having happened. Which isn’t to say the writers couldn’t have cooked up some sort of internally consistent explanation, e.g., “this Gamora is basically stolen from the other timeline, which still exists on its own independent axis, and the Avengers wouldn’t kidnap their friends out of another timeline and leave that version of themselves without the person they want to restore just to have that person here.” But they didn’t bother, which presumably means no one involved in making the film even noticed the utter inconsistency.

Speaking of utter inconsistency... Steve. Steven fucking Rogers. Hooooooooboy. That ending was the biggest, stupidest, cheapest piece of schlock I’ve seen in a movie for a long fucking time. Let’s leave aside the fact that he chose to leave behind two perfectly good boyfriends and the fact that he barely said boo to Bucky, despite the film having reminded us how important Bucky was to him by having his name literally be the thing that so shocked past!Steve that future!Steve was able to beat him. You’re seriously telling me that Steve was still pining soooooooo badly for Peggy that he would literally risk the entire timeline so they could have their Hetero Happily Ever After? (Bucky, Sam, Tony, Angie: I’m so sorry, bbys.)

Yeah, sure, Peggy and Steve being parted was sad when it happened. But they’d been colleagues for a handful of years, then maybe sorta friends, and then kissed once, in a speeding car, just after they finally admitted they’d both been crushing on each other pretty hard the whole time because they were on the way to possibly both die. That is not “the love of your life” who you spend the rest of time sighing over. That’s, like, the guy I casually dated for a bit over a month in 2011 because, while we hit it off amazingly well, I didn’t want to get serious when he’d be moving in about a year once his postdoc was done, who sure enough moved to the east coast a year later and then abruptly died of a heart attack a few years after that. Is it tragic that he’s dead? Absolutely. Have I sometimes thought, “Gosh, I wonder what could have been”? Sure. Did I decide that I would never ever again date or even look at anyone else, because he was the only person for me in all of space and time? Lmaoooooo no. I am, in fact, deliriously happy with my current girlfriend, who I also happen to think is way better for me than he ever could have been.

It was already established that Peggy got married in the original timeline (in CA:TWS, Steve watches some footage in which she mentions that during the war he’d saved the man she eventually married). This means that either (a) Steve supplanted her original husband, which is pretty gross, especially if he didn’t tell Peggy “oh hey btw you originally married this other guy, wanna go check him out first,” or (b) Steve was Peggy’s husband all along, and she just obfuscated that. Either way, in the timeline we end up with, somehow for 50+ years this incredibly well-known woman and sometime Director of SHIELD was married to a man she kept absolutely secret and hidden, which somehow no one ever discovered the secret of or even ever commented on, apparently. It also means that, when Steve showed up on her doorstep, both of them agreed that (a) it was more important for them to play house than for Steve to ever openly use his abilities again and (b) Steve would sit on his ass and twiddle his thumbs through every major crisis he knows is coming over the next half-century. If the MCU serum slowed Steve’s aging the way the comic serum did, this might be slightly understandable, because they could justify it as, “Well, Steve will go back to adventuring after he closes the loop with his original timeline, and this will basically be an extended vacation.” But Steve did age (and they presumably had no expectation that he would not), meaning that he wasted decades of active time at most acting secretly and anonymously from the shadows. You really think that these two incredibly dedicated and driven heroes would both agree to that? Sure, I could absolutely believe they’d take the opportunity to finally get that dance. But there’s no way that Peggy wouldn’t have booted Steve’s ass out of bed and back to the 21st century, and it’s highly unlikely Steve himself would have so much as seriously considered staying for more than a more leisurely farewell and proper closure.

Steve’s Hetero Happily Ever After also further complicates the issue of that time travel plot hole I mentioned. If the stones were plucked from one or more divergent timelines (or changes made while grabbing the stones then caused the creation of divergent timelines at those points)... how did aging!Steve end up staying in the same timeline as the rest of the future!Avengers? It seems like it should be impossible for all these things to be simultaneously true, which means either I’m missing something huge or at least one of them is a huge fuck-up in terms of the plot’s internal consistency. EITHER the changes to the past happened in (or spawned) one or more divergent timelines, which is why, e.g., Gamora could be brought forward from her past and now be alive in the future without altering the past that led to her being brought forward in the first place, in which case aging!Steve would have spent his life in an alternate timeline and old!Steve wouldn’t have been able to come visit all his buds on the day young!future!Steve left to return the stones; OR everything took place in a single, unified, undivergent timeline, which would mean Steve could drop into the past and take the long way back to the exact point in spacetime he left, but the changes to the past would have altered the past events, meaning that because Thanos and The Gang skipped forward and Loki is at large with the Tesseract, the events of Thor: The Dark World, Thor: Ragnarok, Infinity War, etc. never happened, and we’re also back to having no reason why other dead people couldn’t be pulled forward from their past timeline, why Thanos couldn’t be stopped by time-traveling the stones to before he retrieved them and using them to stop him, etc.

Various other issues:

The “monstrous” single woman who can’t get pregnant sacrificing herself so that the virile man will have his wife and children restored to him is... not a good look. Also, it’s weird how “we don’t trade lives” when it’s about a robot coded as a white man sacrificing himself to save half the universe (though apparently even at the time a whole bunch of Wakandans was fine, whoops, remember all the Black people who died trying to stop Thanos from getting to the Vision, weird how those lives were okay to trade), but when it’s about Natasha or Clint throwing themself off a cliff, immediately they’re both all, “Yeah, it’s gotta be done for the greater good.”

Thor getting to be the one to axe Thanos’s head off instead of, you know, like, oh, I don’t know, Nebula? The woman he abused and tortured pretty much her entire life? Bad. Inappropriate. Disappointing.

Everybody kept talking about how the characters who got Thanos’d in Infinity War were their “family.” For Rocket, I believe it; one thing the GotG films actually did well was to establish that level of relationship for those characters. But the Avengers? Lmaoooooo. The MCU Avengers were not a fucking family. The MCU Avengers spent every single movie at each other’s throats. If you wanted us to believe they were even friends, you should have given us at least one film of them seriously working as a team instead of against each other.

Holy shit, do I not care about Clint Barton’s Manpain(tm). Also, if you want us to see how far he’s “fallen,” maybe do something other than giving him the worst mohawk I’ve ever seen (including one done backstage after a show and one a friend gave me in my bathroom in college) and a boring tattoo and having him badly pick up an ugly katana-esque sword to kill objectively bad guys.

Bringing Scott back was easy enough that a rat walking across a panel after five years of that shit sitting in a storage facility could do it, and yet no one else tried even once? Somebody saw all that shit set up, and went, “Welp, guess they’re all just dead,” instead of, “Hey maybe this running equipment indicates an experiment in progress that we should maybe investigate”?

The “let’s line up all the named women” shot in the final battle was the most patronizing display of pandering I’ve seen in the entire franchise. Not only did it make no sense for them all to be in the same place at the same time with no men even in the shot, but... they were utterly ineffectual? It was like, “Gosh, how will Carole ever make it through that??? Oh, she’s got US, GIRL-FRIENDS, DID WE MENTION WE’RE ALL LADIES, BUT NOT QUEER OR ANYTHING.” And then... Carole immediately blew straight past them, because her power level is so off the charts compared to almost every other named woman in the MCU, many of whom are simply very, very skilled peak human heroes versus being superhuman.

Speaking of superhuman abilities: Why wasn’t every time-travel suit an Iron Man-style suit like Rhodey’s? Obviously he needed an exoskeleton bit to walk, but since Tony took the time to build him a beefed-up full suit, why didn’t he do the same for everyone else?

Along that same line of stupid decisions made around the Vitally Important, We Only Get One Shot At Fixing This time-travel mission, why didn’t they wait until everyone was in better shape? Thor was clearly still an emotional wreck, and if Rocket hadn’t been on the ball, it would have cost them one of the stones. As soon as you’re traveling back in time to fix something, unless there’s a hard limit on how far you can go back (which there wasn’t), you literally have the rest of your lives to get ready for it, so can and should take as much time as you need to prep (and even over-prep) for that mission. A little more lead time also would have given someone the opportunity to go, “Hey, wait, why don’t we first make a quick stop to just grab more Pym Particles, so we have more flexibility with destinations and do-overs?” Or even, “Why don’t we make these suits modular? That way, they can join into a single unit for each team on the way there, thereby saving a bunch of charges, but also split off into individual suits with everyone having enough juice to get home individually just in case someone gets split off. That will leave us with a bunch of extra Pym Particles in case something goes wrong.”

Other than meta reasons like “we want there to be a big epic fight,” why was it such a struggle to fight Thanos? The Avengers very nearly beat him in Infinity War, when he had five of the six Infinity Stones. Here, he had none, and they still barely squeaked out the victory by the skin of their teeth.

Thanos’s rapid switch from “I’m gonna kill half of all living creatures to uhhh save the universe somehow” to “I guess I’ll just wipe out everything and make an entirely new universe” once again highlighted how deeply stupid his original plan was. If he has the capacity to re-create the entire universe, why doesn’t he just... make more resources, if that’s such a fucking problem? I mean, also, spoiler alert for the real world: It’s not. It’s always been an issue of distribution, not amount. People aren’t starving to death because there’s no food; people are starving to death because of capitalism. So unless you target your population elimination at capitalists exclusively, killing off a bunch of people is going to maintain exactly the same problems of unequal resource exploitation and distribution.

Speaking of which: Why is post-Thanos Earth presented as a mellow semi-paradise (except for everybody being sad about all the dead people)? The loss of half the world’s population would have been catastrophic, cascading into many more deaths. Nor would it have solved inequality... or even resource “over”-utilization. Earth hit a population of 3.85 billion (i.e., half the current ~7.7 billion) around 1972, which many people currently alive have personal memories of not actually being particularly idyllic. This also highlights once again how deeply stupid and nonsensical Thanos’s original plan was, given that his “solution” could easily become obsolete in another 50 years... or even sooner, given that Thanos also cut all non-human creature populations in half, which would have not only reduced related resources available for human consumption but devastated ecosystems worldwide.

There has been a huge official campaign to persuade audiences to not spoil the movie for others. As a general principle, I’m a fan of encouraging anti-spoiler culture, but I think it says a lot about this movie in specific that the studio has put in so much effort to try to stamp out spoilers: i.e., they’re worried that the only real draw it has is people finding out assorted plot points. If your film can be easily replaced by a bulleted list of who’s alive or dead at the end of it, it’s... not actually a good film.

ADDENDUM MAY 5, 2019:

Okay, so, per the Russos, the reason Steve's Hetero Happily Ever After DOESN'T break the entire rest of the film is that it happened in an alternate timeline, and he just jumped back to the MCU prime timeline later... somehow. I still think that's shitty, lazy filmmaking, because in three hours they absolutely should have, you know, made that more clear (or... at all indicated that's how it played out). But at least it keeps their time travel mechanics from completely breaking their own plot.

But that means that in THAT timeline there were two Steves. Which means the BEST-CASE SCENARIO is prime!Steve hooked up with that timeline's Peggy after being 100% honest about who he was, alt!Peggy... chose a different version of Steve over her own Steve, for... reasons?, and then together they found and revived alt!Steve, at which point prime!Steve was like, "lol sorry bro, she's my wife 'cause I missed my chance with prime!Peggy, but at least now you're not frozen for any longer than you already have been."

Other options include:

Prime!Steve pretended to be alt!Steve while leaving him in the ice, counting on him not getting rescued until alt!Peggy would be nearly dead.

Prime!Steve helped rescue alt!Steve, then left alt!Peggy and alt!Steve to have their personal Hetero Happily Ever After while he... married some other random person?

Prime!Steve straight-up murdered alt!Steve to take his place.

Prime!Steve and alt!Peggy rescued alt!Steve, and she married both of them. (Somehow I don't see Disney going for that option.)

ADDENDUM MAY 12, 2019

I just read another interview, this one with the writers. Buckle up, because there’s even more embarrassing shit.

McFeely: I mean, we did all of this before Ragnarok.

Markus: Yeah, initially we were writing drafts prior to Taika coming onboard. And it was once they got underway and they were off in Australia making the movie and it was clear that they were discovering new facets to Thor, Chris Hemsworth wanted to make sure that this new loosened-up Thor didn't vanish immediately upon returning to the Avengers world. And so he and Taika flew to Atlanta and we had long meetings with them and watched some footage and got a sense of the new Thor tone, and it worked perfectly with where we wanted to go.

... ... ... ... Literally WHAT FUCKING PART of Infinity War and Endgame matches AT ALL with Thor's character development from Ragnarok? I was all ready to go, "Oh, okay, that makes sense" at the reveal that this was written before Ragnarok. But then, nope, they admit that they just have no fucking idea what they're doing and think they actually integrated its changes WELL. JFC.

McFeely: So where we hit upon it was in order to become their best selves, Steve had to find a life, and Tony had to lose his.

Boring idea and poorly executed to boot. (Not to mention the extreme cringiness of “finding a life” necessarily requires “marrying a woman and having babies in the suburbs.”) How are they getting paid money for writing this trite?

Fandango: So people are asking... Does this mean an old Captain America was hanging out this whole time while another Captain America was saving the day?

Markus: That is our theory. We are not experts on time travel, but the Ancient One specifically states that when you take an Infinity Stone out of a timeline it creates a new timeline. So Steve going back and just being there would not create a new timeline. So I reject the "Steve is in an alternate reality" theory. I do believe that there is simply a period in world history from about '48 to now where there are two Steve Rogers. And anyway, for a large chunk of that one of them is frozen in ice. So it's not like they'd be running into each other.

HAHAHAHA HOLY FUCKING SHIT okay so NOT ONLY do the director and writers have COMPLETELY DIFFERENT IDEAS about what the fuck happened at the end (did they... not discuss this with each other? at all?), but the WRITERS' version is the one that is THE MOST OUT OF CHARACTER. HOLY SHIT.

McFeely: So we've always thought that the most perfect conclusion to [Natasha's] arc would be to die for her new family, or to sacrifice greatly for her new family.

GAG GAG GAG GAG GAG GAG GAG

McFeely: We toyed with not doing that, and we had another version, and several women on the crew said, "Don't you dare take that choice away from her. The heroic thing is for Natasha to do it, not for Hawkeye to do it."

these are definitely real women who actually exist

Fandango: Do you think there's a world where we see the adventures of Captain and Peggy either on the big or small screen?

Christopher Markus: Possibly. I think maybe all I did was Steve was a stay-at-home dad and Peggy went to work at S.H.I.E.L.D. I don't know that there were any adventures.

lmaoooooooooo

Imagine being this bad at knowing your own characters. Imagine thinking either Peggy OR Steve would just give up their life to play house when there's important work they could be doing.

[coolgreatwebsite]

Cool Games I Finished In 2018 (In No Real Order)

Man! Wow! 2018! 2018 was a wild year for me. I managed to deliver those elbow drops I talked about last year and ended up doing a lot of of things. I left my job and moved cross-country in the span of like 2 and a half weeks! I took a new job in the video game industry (play Ninjin and Override)! I took a trip to Vegas a week after that! I got in a relationship! I got out of a relationship! It’s been a ride. A ride that hasn’t left me a ton of time to play video games or write about video games, but I’m like 1000 times happier now so it’s probably a fair trade. No matter what though, I will always be here at the end of the year to make a bunch of terrible MSPaint banners and provide you with another one of these. Here’s a bunch of cool games I experienced for the first time in 2018.

Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne (PlayStation 2, 2004)

Nocturne is a game that I haven’t been able to get out of my head since I beat it. It’s so damn cool. It starts with you witnessing a demonic apocalypse where only you, your two friends, your teacher, a reporter, and the man with the world’s wildest widow’s peak survive. These people are, with a couple of notable exceptions, the only real characters in the entire game. You barely see them, and when you do your meetings are usually pretty brief. Sure, you talk to and recruit a horde of demons to your side as party members, and you interact with a handful of demonic antagonists and various demonic NPCs, but for the most part the game is just you. You, alone, wandering the weird hellscape remnants of Tokyo. It’s one of the most solitary-feeling video games I’ve ever played, and it nails this atmosphere flawlessly. The music, the visuals, the writing, every element gels with every other element so smoothly to create a prevailing, almost overbearing feeling of loneliness. The combat and gameplay mechanics are what I understand this series to mostly be like (this being the only mainline SMT I’ve played), and are fun and engaging in a way that’s not too dissimilar from the Persona series. The only knock I have against Nocturne is that the dungeon design super sucks. I’m fine with endless corridors, my love of the PS2 Persona games can attest to that, but almost every dungeon in Nocturne has an annoying gimmick to it, and they all essentially boil down to different takes on a teleporter maze. I was kind of almost dreading navigating dungeons by the time I got to the last fourth of the game, but my intense love for literally everything else saw me through. For those of you who like JRPGs and haven’t played Nocturne, I’m sure you’ve heard this plenty of times, and I was like you once. I didn’t listen. But now I’m on the other side of the tunnel, so I get to say it. You should really, really play Nocturne. It’s good.

Splatoon 2 Octo Expansion (Nintendo Switch, 2018)

Octo Expansion is what Splatoon 2′s single player mode should have been from the start. Don’t get me wrong, the packed in single player campaign is fine, but it’s basically a level pack for Splatoon 1′s. Octo Expansion, on the other hand, is 100% fresh. Structurally it’s much more diverse, with the campaign taking place over 80 mostly-bite-sized missions with varying objectives. There’s a couple of stinkers in there, but overall the quality of the missions is much higher than what was in the original single player campaign. They can actually be pretty tough sometimes too! It was fun to see some actual challenge in a Splatoon campaign. Everything wrapped around the core gameplay of Octo Expansion is kind of phenomenal. The setting and visual design is super weird, the music is way more mellow than anything else that’s come out of the series and creates a great sense of atmosphere, and the writing is actually genuinely pretty great. There’s a lot of funny dialogue and good character moments. They made me like Pearl! The weird gremlin that eats mayo! She’s my friend now! The last half an hour or so of Octo Expansion is also straight up my favorite sequence from a game I played this year too. Don’t sleep on this thing just because it’s DLC. It’s legitimately great.

Monster Hunter: World (PlayStation 4, 2018)

At the outset I was incredibly skeptical of Monster Hunter: World. This wasn’t entirely fair to the game, as a lot of this feeling was based on its initial E3 reveal trailer kinda sorta matching up to some mostly not true pre-E3 leaks, namely that it would be much more action heavy to cater to Western audiences and tie into the then unannounced Monster Hunter movie (which, as an aside, looks like a trainwreck that I desperately want to see). You can probably pretty easily find some tweets and posts from me around that time saying that the game looks like trash because of some misinterpreted new game mechanic. I am here to say that I am a big wrong dumbass and Monster Hunter: World is very good. You might be surprised to hear this, but it’s Monster Hunter! With a bunch of good and well-executed gameplay refinements! And graphics that aren’t repurposed from a PS2 game! It’s a ton of fun and I put a lot of time into it, but it’s not without its flaws. The number of monsters and weapons is comparatively way lower than in previous games, mostly due to that whole not repurposing PS2 models thing. It’s still kind of clunky in a lot of the places Monster Hunter has been historically clunky in, but also in some pretty big new ways, mainly around playing multiplayer. Also the story, while it’s as bland as it’s ever been, is exponentially more intrusive thanks to the addition of voiced cutscenes (which need to be triggered before the game lets you bring other players into story missions, causing a lot of that clunk I mentioned earlier). It’s all nothing game-ruining, of course. The game wouldn’t be on the list if it was! Monster Hunter: World exceeded my expectations, and I’m super looking forward to playing the recently announced G Rank expansion when it comes out next year.

Contra: Hard Corps (Sega Genesis, 1994)

I wish I could go back in time and kick my own stupid ass for not playing this sooner. I’d written off Contra: Hard Corps for the longest time based solely on some bullshit I read on the internet at an age where I just took other peoples’ opinions and made them my own. This and Castlevania Bloodlines were the bad ones, the ones some weird b-team crapped out for the Genesis while the SNES got the good stuff like Contra 3: Alien Wars. Well, it turns out... they were right about Bloodlines. But MAN were they wrong about Hard Corps. Hard Corps is the best Contra game. It fucking rules. I would have gone on with my life never giving the game a glance if not for this excellent Giant Bomb feature happening, and a couple of episodes in I knew I had to play it for myself. Contra: Hard Corps is fucking nuts. It’s balls to the wall 100% of the time. There’s so many unique enemies and wild bosses and they’re all never not exploding. The game has four characters with unique weapons and multiple different level paths that have totally different levels, bosses, and story beats. Oh, and the soundtrack fucking rips. Sometimes it’s a little too much, and there are definitely some sequences and boss attacks that are total gotchas that you can’t survive without prior knowledge of how they work. I’d also be remiss not to give a special shoutout to level 4′s awful, tedious, unskippable-on-any-route boss. But god damn if the rest of Hard Corps doesn’t outshine these flaws. It’s the high water mark for insane non-stop 16-bit action.

Deltarune (PC, 2018)

Does this count? It’s a demo for a full game that won’t be out for a real long time... I suppose it does, it’s self-contained enough. Deltarune, the free demo for the sort of but also sort of not sequel to Undertale, is unsurprisingly good as hell. Less surprising for sure, as Undertale is a known quantity these days, but I’m still way into it. The story is interesting and full of charming characters, and the battle system has been overhauled to include things like multiple party members with different abilities while still keeping all the things that made Undertale’s battles novel. The music is, of course, fantastic, and the visuals look much nicer while adhering to the same general style as the previous game. It’s fairly short, and some character development feels a little rushed because of it, but again, it’s a small chunk of the beginning of a much larger game. I can’t imagine any of this stuff wouldn’t be expanded upon. It’s hard to judge this thing story-wise due to the nature of it being a demo. I thoroughly enjoyed what is there, though, and look forward to playing the rest of the game in 50 years or whatever.

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate (Nintendo Switch, 2018)

This game is so much. Even though the first thing I learned about this game was “everyone is here”, I still wasn’t ready for how much it is. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate is maybe too much. Of course, as previously stated, everyone (meaning every single previous playable Smash Bros. character) is here. Most of the previous stages are also present. This was all known. Where the game really, truly goes overboard though is in the single-player content. There’s the usual classic mode for every character, this time specifically structured around a theme for each character, but the vast majority of it is actually comprised of the all-new spirits system. Spirits are non-playable video game characters that you can collect and equip to your fighters for special abilities, sort of like a less terrible version of Smash Bros. Brawl’s stickers. You collect these spirits through spirit battles, which are fights themed around the character the spirit represents via extremely clever usage of already existing fighters and mechanics. These battles range from the obvious (Big the Cat’s battle tasks you with fighting a giant purple Incineroar), to the obscure (fight the main characters from Zangeki no Reginleiv as represented by Link and female Robin while you’re giant-sized), to the creative (Porygon’s spirit puts you in a fight against wireframe Little Mac and Akira from Virtua Fighter, normally an assist trophy), to the downright in-jokey (the spirit of Ness’s Father, displayed as the telephone spirte from Earthbound, makes you fight an invisible Solid Snake). There are like 1200 spirits. The vast majority of them have an associated battle. And you don’t just experience these battles through a menu, at least half of them are implemented into the 30 hour long adventure mode, World of Light, which has you fighting spirits, navigating dungeons, and facing bosses. It’s insane. They focused on spirits in lieu of collectible trophies this time around and they absolutely made the correct choice. The trophies in the last two Super Smash Bros. games were fine, but easier access to existing 3D models of most represented characters made them inherently less exciting than Melee’s tailor-made collection of high quality (considering the time period) renders, many of which would never receive a 3D model again. The spirits system manages to be exciting in the same way Melee's trophies were, fostering a genuine sense of anticipation to see what they cooked up next, but in the context of gameplay. They completely knocked it out of the park. Smash 4 made it on one of these lists long ago, and I essentially just said “it’s more Smash Bros. and that’s good”. Smash Ultimate is also more Smash Bros., but it’s SO much more Smash Bros. It’s so much more extremely good Smash Bros. The only things I can ding it for are some totally subjective stage preferences (where the hell is Poké Floats) and some slightly less than optimal music sorting decisions. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate is, ultimately, the ultimate Super Smash Bros.

These games were also cool, I just had less to say about them:

Bloodstained: Curse of the Moon (Nintendo Switch, 2018): Remember Castlevania 3? Inti Creates sure did! This prequel to the still unreleased Koji Igarashi Kickstarter project Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night is an unabashed love letter to Castlevania 3, and it’s pretty good. Mom Hid My Game! (Nintendo Switch, 2017): A charming little game in the style of those old escape the room Flash games. It even looks like one (in the literal sense, not the pejorative). It’s not tough or replayable really, but it is $5 and consistently absurd and surprising. Yakuza 6: The Song of Life (PlayStation 4, 2018): Yakuza 6 is kind of a weird juxtaposition. It’s the final chapter of Kazuma Kiryu’s story, but also the first game to use the Yakuza team’s new Dragon Engine. The story end of things is a good, solid sendoff for a bunch of characters I’m going to miss very dearly, but the gameplay feels very formative and limited in a way that sort of reminds me of Yakuza 1. I had a good time with it overall, but I hope they manage to dial it in like they did with the previous decade of Yakuza games and make something truly excellent again. Looking at you, Judge Eyes. Etrian Odyssey V: Beyond the Myth (Nintendo 3DS, 2017): Etrian Odyssey V is a return to basics for the series, ditching things like overworlds and sub-dungeons and just pitting your party against one big labyrinth. Honestly, gotta say, I miss the stuff they left behind! The core of Etrian Odyssey is still super strong so I had fun regardless, but the overall simplicity of the game and the changes to how classes work had me missing EOIV more often than not. Soundtrack’s great though, as expected. Sonic Mania Plus (Nintendo Switch, 2018): To be completely honest, most of the stuff they added to Sonic Mania in Plus really isn’t that fantastic. Mighty’s spike and projectile immunity is fun, but Ray’s flying is more interesting than effective. Encore mode is largely disappointing, with most of it feeling identical to the base game outside of its all-new (and too hard for their own good) special stages. HOWEVER, Sonic Mania Plus was an exceptional excuse to play through Sonic Mania another six or so times. Congratulations to Sonic Mania for being game of the year for two years in a row. WarioWare Gold (Nintendo 3DS, 2018): A good compilation game, executed much better than in the team’s previous Rhythm Heaven Megamix, but lacking in reasons to come back after you’ve played all the games. There’s the usual toy room stuff WarioWare has had since Touched!, but it’s bogged down by reliance on a currency system and the fact that sooooo many things you unlock are just parts that feed into a larger, not that interesting thing. The part where you play WarioWare is great though, and the new visuals make it all feel fresh even though it’s mostly older games. Mario Tennis Aces (Nintendo Switch, 2018): I had a brief, passionate love affair with Mario Tennis Aces. The core gameplay is rad as hell and more like a fighting game than a tennis game, with multiple different special shots and a focus on meter management. I played like 40+ hours of it between the full game and the demo and never even touched the single player (which makes it technically not count for this list, but, shut up). I got 2nd place at its very first tournament at CEO 2018. Then I... stopped playing. It had some weird balance issues, sure, but I think it was more a victim of circumstance rather than anything else. I moved basically right after CEO and just never went back to it. It’s still incredible though. I hope this game’s systems are the standard for Mario Tennis games going forward.

We made it! Bottom of the list! It was a shorter trip this time, but I’m still proud of you for making it here all the same. Thank you for reading the words I typed about video games. I’m looking to get this web page back into gear in 2019, so you can probably expect part 2 of The Best Babies sometime in January. Hopefully I’ll actually play some video games too so I can bring back Breviews on the first of February. Until then!

[offshore-writes-blog]

searching for a roommate: maybe also love (4/5)

soulmates!au  (part 4/5)

part 1/ part 2/ part 3/

genre: angstttt and yearning (so same thing?) pairing: Mark x OC inspired by prompt: (i’ll add the link of the list when i find it) 8. “You’re so fucking hot when you’re mad.” 100. ”You’re my soulmate?!”  even soulmates have a hard time admitting they want each other

when i come home from work, mark’s home unlike last night. i should’ve expected that though; he’d been drinking last night and he doesn’t work on weekends. when he hears me, mark’s looking at me with his cute eyes, head turning expectingly to me. there’s even a grin on his face. god, i wish he wasn’t so cute.

“hey, arista!”

“don’t hey arista me.” i feign annoyance as i make my way to my room. why am i even pretending to be mad? because it’s just easier than being freaked out about what i saw on mark this morning. it makes me a little mad at my life because when am i going to get an actual soulmate; not one who’s going to leave me when they meet the actual love of their life.

sensing my fake tone, he chuckles. “i’m really sorry about last night.” he tries, almost following me into my room. “i think i have something to make it up.” god, he’s even actively trying to sound cute; knowing that i’ll crack. BE STRONG ARISTA.

“it’s fine. i was just kidding.” forcing out a small smile, i start closing my door. “i’m really tired so i’m just gonna…sleep.” i look at him a little longer before really closing my door. it literally feels like i ripped my heart out my chest because i could see the playfulness on his face completely fade.

i don’t sleep. i text jackson instead. --text-- arista: about those blind dates.. jackSUN: is horny arista on the rise? arista: SHUT UP maybe yeah definitely set me up jackSUN: are you sure arista: did it ever stop you before GOD jackSUN: right right right right he disappears a while after that. i assume nothing of it. he’s a busy man so i put my phone away only to have it beep with jaebum’s texts. jb: why are you suddenly going on a blind date arista: does jackson ever shut up you two are so dating…………. i literally just texted him jb: we’re together right now seeing as we work together as musicians u know remember when you used to sit here annoying us at our music studio arista: whatever jb: is there anything you wanna tell me? arista: not with jackson there jb: we can meet arista: it’s not that deep Bro chill

i try to lie.

jb: who said it has to be

and out of all the times he’s believed my lies; he sees through me this time. i groan into my pillow. i wallow in my own reality for a while; trying to remember everything that’s happened with mark and i. which is really nothing but... it feels like something. me discovering him as my soulmate.... then i text jaebum. 

arista: after you and jackson are done recording text me don’t let that idiot know say u got a booty call or whatever u must say that a lot anyway jb: wtf first of all r u calling me a whore? second of all ok see u later arista: yeah we can fight it out defSOUL

when i step out my room at around 1:30am, all the lights are out. mark must be sleeping already. i don’t even hear the incessant clicking of his mouse which is normally present at this time when he’s playing whatever frat boy video game.

jaebum’s waiting at the front gate of the apartment complex. only gives me a nod when i reach him and starts leading the way to the convenience store near my place; which is where we’ve had many late night talks. normally with our third companion, jackson.

“how’s the new track coming along?” i try to make conversation as we walk in the literal dead of night. only the sound of our shoes scratching the pavement and shallow breathing in the chilly air, jaebum scoffs and laughs at me a little. it’s dark but i know there’s a fucking smug smirk on his face.

“stop trying to distract me.”

i push him. “is it a crime to be interested in your music?”

“i know you are. but we’re here to talk about something else.”

“right.” i mumble. “it’s about mark.”

“hmmmmmm.” he says in a higher pitch and nudges me with his elbow. “i knewwww it!” 

i scoff and try to look over at him but i only see half his face with the street lights so low and orange. “it’s not what you think. i think he and i are soulmates.”

“what?” he stops mid-step and turns to face me completely.

i begin to explain; how i saw the mark, how i feel about mark and how gut-wrenchingly sad i will be when mark, unsurprisingly, leaves me for his actual romantic soulmate. by the time i’m done talking, we’re finally at the store and jaebum’s been quiet mostly.

when he finally starts to talk, he stops. following his eyes, i look to see mark. jaebum and i are only two steps into the store while i notice that mark’s already gotten everything he needs; holding a large plastic bag. i can even tell what he’s bought, having eaten most of those snacks with him. the memories of such nights makes my heart warm; my entire body actually...but NO NO NO, i shouldn’t feel this way.

“hey mark.” jaebum’s the first to speak with an easy smile. “what’s up?”

“jb, what’re you doing out so late?” mark also says but his smile falters for a second but he manages to smile again.

“mark, i thought you were asleep.” why the fuck did i add that?

“and i thought you were asleep.” mark says immediately without glancing at me but pretending to look into his bag.

“yeah, well. she was.” jaebum lies for me. “but…i…had something to…talk to her about…” he speaks slowly; eyes looking up, probably trying think of another lie to back it up.

“oh.” is all mark says and clears his throat.

“yeah, and since he’s so busy. 2am is really the only good time.” i smile and pretend to elbow jaebum; feigning annoyance.

mark forces a smile. “yeah, well. i was gaming and got hungry. turns out, we were all out of snacks.” he shrugs and looks at me during the last part. “so, here i am.”

“god, stop gaming so much.” jaebum teases with a chuckle. “you’re only stroking your ego at this point. you make video games for a living.” this makes mark actually laugh; shaking his head. this puts my heart at ease just a little.

silence again. the three of us stand there for a few moments too long. mark finally clears his throat and says, “well, i’ll leave you guys to it.” before walking past us.

“see you next week, man.” jaebum remarks, about the beach trip we’d all be taking over the long weekend but we don’t hear mark reply.

// when jaebum drops me off, it’s about 3:24am. we’d eaten instant noodles and drunk his favourite strawberry milk whilst being serious adults and discussed my impending future as an old maid.

“i think you’re overthinking this, arista.” he’d shrugged shoulders so easily, wiping the corners of his lips after breathing in the ramyeon we were meant to ‘share’. “you won’t even give mark a chance? ray was gay but mark’s pretty straight from what i’ve seen.” he laughs.

“yeah, you are too. but you never saw me that way.”

“we aren’t soulmates.”

“fuck.” i mutter, he’d cornered me there. groaning into my hands, i feel even more tensed than before. “that’s what makes it worse. soulmates just have this bond, jae. like, imagine being so attached and then watch him being taken away.”

“do you like mark?”

“i don’t know!” but i do know. i don’t like mark. never, no.

// as quietly as i can, i close the door behind me only to catch mark in the kitchen from the corner of my eyes. “hey.” i mumble and stop in the hallway.

“hey.” he answers, closing the fridge door. “do you want something to eat?” it sounds like something my mom would say to me right after school which makes me smile. “what’s so funny?” his smile mimics mine.

“nothing.” my smile widens. “why are you still up?”

he shrugs.

“you’re not jealous about me meeting jaebum, are you?” i tease, remembering his admission from before. but i regret it immediately when i see how his face shrinks at the mention. “i ate just now. i’m good.” as an attempt to save the conversation, i quickly add.

we just stand there for a few moments. like when i’d seen at the convenience store a few hours ago. i can’t fucking read his face. but i know he’s not happy. but i’m not sure if he’s mad.

“right.” he says and presses his lips into a tight smile. “well, i’m gonna sleep now.” walking past me, he stops. “i’m not, by the way. really. me being jealous, was a one off.” mark explains before he disappears into his room and i cringe. god, i’m such an idiot. yeah...he’s mad...i think?

/// “how does this look?” i walk out my room the third time. with my fellow date-night judges, all sitting on the couch; grace, jackson, bambam and mark. jackson’s finally hooked me up for another blind date.

the moment i walk out grace and bambam are howling. “this!this!this!” they’re both yelling but unsynchronized which makes me laugh. “this outfit makes all the other outfits look like its bitch.” grace comments as i turn around for them.

“jackson, c’mon. you know the guy, so tell me.” i stand before him, hands on my hips waiting for

jackson mumbles something but i can’t hear. normally, he’d be excited that i actually cared about the blind dates he’d set me up on. “yeah, this one’s the best.” he finally says, looking up at me.

“forreal?”

“why are you asking him?” bambam whines. “I STYLE PEOPLE FOR A LIVING.” he groans. “honestly, arista! this is perfect. just the right amount of skin. by that i mean, legs for days. and those heels? god, that guy’s gonna drop dead.”

“we won’t wait up.” grace adds with a wink which makes me burst into another fit of laughter. “okay, babe but really, you look amazing.”

“i don’t know. i liked the first one.” mark croaks, clearing his throat. his comment earns him a round of disapproving groans.

“that?” i frown. “that was a joke. i was in sweats.” originally, i’d wanted to annoy jackson which it did. “that’s not even remotely funny.” rolling my eyes, i head back into my room to get a better look into my mirror. okay, so, bam and grace are right. i look good. and i feel good? i’m excited for the date. it’s one of grace’s little black dresses’ which she’s graciously lent me. it hugs me perfectly and whatever tits i do have aren’t spilling out. so it’s a modest dress mostly.

i wave everyone a goodbye as i grab my coat, leaving for the date. still giddy. but as i wait for the elevator at the lobby, my heard turns instinctively and i see mark. “what’s wrong?” are the first words out my mouth when i read his face.

“um, just, good luck.” approaching me instead of keeping a distance, he smiles at me. “will you be back?” the way he asks it so innocently but it almost makes me believe he means something else.

i nod, laughing. “of course, i’ll be back.” my hands are reaching to his but we’re interrupted when the elevator arrives. “hopefully, tomorrow morning.” sticking my tongue out, i close the elevator door.

and yeah, i don’t go home. jackson’s practically set me up with the perfect guy. like perfect. perfect. but why? in the back of my mind, i keep reminding myself that he’s not my soulmate. now we’re completely naked right now, with his hands in my hair and mouth on breasts but all my dumbass could think about his mark somewhere; indicating whether or not he’s my soulmate.

he isn’t.

but henry’s just so nice. and sweet. and really..really..talented…in bed. so i stay the night and he wants me to.

[purplesurveys]

1237

disclaimer I’ll be taking into account the last 24 hours for the first part because it’s 3 in the morning and I haven’t really done anything yet lmao anywho

survey by chasingghosts

Have you today?

Looked in a mirror? Yeah I took a shower earlier so I couldn’t really avoid the mirror in the bathroom.

Watered a plant? I don’t do plants. Can never take care of them to save my life.

Worn denim? I did, actually. Some package came for me earlier today and I didn’t really look the most decent, so before heading out to meet the delivery guy I grabbed the first jacket I saw, which was denim.

Washed your hair? Yes, when I took said shower a couple of hours ago.

Been in pain? Yup my back and shoulders feel like hell from sitting on my ass all day while at work.

Had a nap? Kinda, I guess? I fell asleep at around 9, 9:30ish...woke up at around 1 AM, and here I am now. I don’t plan on sleeping anymore.

Brushed your teeth? Yup.

Kissed someone? Just my dogs.

Used a cheese grater? No, I don’t think I’ve consumed any cheese today either.

Eaten something sweet? Nah, it’s all been salty/savory for me today.

Spoken to a stranger? Sure.

Dropped something? I drop my vape pen at least once a day, so yes.

Felt upset in some way? UGH yeah. Our internet disappeared at around 2 in the afternoon and it still hasn’t come back, and our service provider’s social media has been unsurprisingly unresponsive and useless. I’ve been using data since then and I’m just worried about how long this would take because I don’t want to keep spending just for extra load. I also have my Korean language classes this afternoon which will for sure require a lot of data :/

Drank coffee? I have a full mug of it beside me right now.

Walked for more than thirty minutes? LOL no, I’ve only stayed indoors.

Signed up for something? Hmm I don’t think so.

Travelled in a car? See two answers above this.

Opened a can? Nopes.

Thought about doing something crazy? Just me thinking about dropping another couple thousands on merch until I mentally slapped myself and told myself I’d be fucking stupid if I spent on one more piece of stupid merch.

Listened to a new song? Yes, I tried listening to Love Shot by EXO over dinner since my sister had started humming it. It was okay but I quickly shifted back to BTS right after hahaha.

Written in a notebook? No. I only do so when I practice my Hangul but I have yet to work on that today.

Fed an animal? Yes, I have pets.

Checked your emails? I mean that’s kind of the standard in my job lol I have my Gmail tab up throughout the 8 hours.

Told someone you love them? No.

Made a phone call? No, I’m rarely the one who makes the call.

Have you in the last week?

Travelled on a bus? I’ve never ridden a bus solely for commuting by myself. I’ve only been on them when it’s the arranged vehicle, like for school field trips or our family vacations. Our public buses are quite bleck and unsanitary and the drivers maneuver the buses like it’s their last goddamn hour on the planet, so I don’t get on them myself.

Washed your face? I mean yeah, when I take showers. I don’t really have a skincare routine though, if that’s what you mean.

Used a blender? We rarely have a use for a blender at home so we don’t even have one.

Received a phone call? No. My biggest pet peeve is when delivery riders call me up once they’ve arrived at our place just to say “I’m here,” but fortunately the one assigned to me today to deliver my package knew how to use the doorbell.

Talked to someone you dislike? Yeah I have to deal with a client I absolutely fucking despise everyday.

Consumed alcohol? I’ve thought of it, but then I thought of how sleepy I get whenever I drink alcohol and decided against it because I wanted to stay up tonight.

Eaten pasta? Yeah, my dad made Filipino-style spaghetti for dinner the other evening.

Planned for an event? Not an event per se but sure, I made some plans? Punk is slated to make his debut on AEW/return to pro wrestling next weekend or sometime soon, idrk - and this is a big fucking deal omg, 15 year old Robyn has arisen from her grave - and Andi and I made plans to watch it together so we can freak the fuck out.

Asked someone for a favour? Yes. I borrowed cash from my mom since the delivery fee for my packaging earlier was apparently cash on delivery.

Watched something funny? I mean I watch BTS clips pretty much everyday and a gigantic chunk of them are hilarious.

Trimmed your nails? No, but I did bite on them multiple times.

Browsed Reddit? I did actually! After a super long time of not doing so...I just decided to randomly check out r/bangtan to see what’s going on there. It’s mostly Americans though so idk if I’ll make a habit out of browsing.

Talked to yourself? Oh this happens a few times a day.

Purchased tickets for something? Nope.

Felt like you were annoying someone? Just about everyday.

Cleaned a toilet? I have not.

Reminisced about the past? Not really. I’ve made references to the past with friends, but we didn’t ~reminisce.

Used headphones? Yeah I always use my headphones when playing Rhythm Hive so I can hear the beats better.

Laughed with a friend? Many times. Always just virtually, though.

Cooked dinner and then didn't feel hungry? I don’t cook.

Written a list? LOL yes. My period had been coming and I noticed I was crying over the smallest, stupid things, so I started a list of the things I cried over the last week. The funniest item on the list is probably an ad that was shown to us during a campaign briefing...

Played an instrument? Nope.

Felt jealous or envious? I will sometimes feel the tiniest tinge of envy and wistfulness when I see my friends in happy and fulfilled relationships, but it passes in a second.

Ignored a text message on purpose? So many hahahahahahah

Congratulated someone? Yes!!! Graduation season was last week so I congratulated a shit ton of friends.

Have you in the last month?

Made a piece of art? Making art was never made for me, so no.

Rewatched one of your favourite tv shows or movies? Yep, I rewatched Friends a couple of weeks ago.

Called a plumber? Nope.

Been to a see a doctor? I mean, technically I guess yeah? When I had to get my vaccine shot.

Finished a book? I haven’t done that in a while.

Had a crush on someone? Just celebrities but I won’t count those.

Travelled on a train? I haven’t.

Worn heels? Haven’t done this either.

Been to a friend's house? I’ve been to Angela’s house semi-regularly, yup.

Shared a bed with someone? Nah.

Been to see a movie at the cinema? I haven’t been to the cinema in like a year and a half.

Paid attention to celebrity drama? Erm not really. I also haven’t been up to date with that, especially with American celebrities hahaha.

Felt anxious? Maybe not anxious but nervous.

Taken an elevator? Yeah in Mega since that place is so goddamn big.

Given someone the cold shoulder? Yep, my mom when she is being extra annoying/condescending.

Purchased a new book/game/movie? I guess you can say that? I bought a subscription pack on Rhythm Hive because I was using it regularly anyway.

Applied for a job? I already have a job, so no. I did get a job proposal on Linkedin a couple of weeks ago with another PR firm, but I took a look at their clients just to see if the offer was something I could sink my teeth into - and even though their brands were quite high-profile, they were in industries I didn’t particularly find interesting.

Used a printer? Nah.

Had lunch in a park? No.

Gotten a manicure or pedicure? I have not.

Made an appointment? Just for my shot but that’s it.

Had a blood test done? Noooooo not another one of those plz.

Suffered from a major bruise? Not a major bruise but a huge bloody gash on my thigh after a particlarly rowdy play session with Cooper. There’s still a very visible scar on me.

Researched a topic in-depth? I do this quite a bit in my work, yes.

Have you in the last year?

Been to the beach? No, I’ve mostly stayed at home since July 2020.

Visited someone in the hospital? I haven’t. Too risky.

Played pinball? No, it’s never interested me.

Travelled on a plane? I haven’t. :(

Worn a costume? Sure, for Halloween last year I went as Dora.

Been thrift shopping? Not that I can recall, no.

Thought about getting pregnant or got pregnant? Definitely not at this point in my life.

Made a big life decision? Uh yeah this past year was both the worst and best rollercoaster I’ve ever been on. I can’t believe it’s almost been a year since that shitty breakup...

Changed a lightbulb? Nope.

Framed something and put it on your wall? No but I have been meaning to do this for months. I just never get around to buying some actual picture frames lol.

Been stargazing? Not the professional kind of way with a telescope and all. I’ve just lied on my back at the rooftop to gaze at the night sky and the stars.

Made a new friend? So many!!! Reena is probably my bestestestest new friend <3 I mean we’ve met a while ago, as Angela’s mutual - even had a few drinks or so together - but we didn’t become closer until just a couple of months ago.

Added to a collection? I’ve had merch that arrive every week or so these days because I bought a ridiculous amount of shit between May and June when I was a new Army. I’ve substantially calmed down now, but I should expect to receive my running list of ordered merch up until September LMAO. At first I used to bitch about the really long shipping period considering all the products come from Korea, but after 3 or 4 fulfilled orders you kinda get used to it.

Been to the dentist? No.

Broken up with someone? Yessss. I didn’t know it at the time but it would turn out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

Held a baby? Nah.

Created a budget? Yeah...doesn’t mean I’ve been successful. I always go over, hehe.

Confessed feelings for someone? There isn’t anyone to do that for.

Had surgery of any kind? Nopes.

Quit a job? No and I have no plans to anytime soon.

Been in a car accident? Nah but my dad has, c/o some stupid and unattentive motorcycle driver.

Purchased something worth over a grand? So in US dollar conversion, around P50,000? Hell no.

Been on vacation at least 500km/300mi from home? No. :( The farthest we’ve been to was Tagaytay and I think that’ll remain the same for a while.

Applied for an academic course? Yes, my Korean class.

Had your photo taken by a professional? No, it’s been over a year since my last professional shoot for my senior photos.

[heylabodega]

Books Read, Age 26

Previously: 25, 24, 23, 22, 21, 20, 19, 18 (holy shit)

Enigma Variations–Aciman I talked to Robbie about this one a bunch bc he’s always looking for good novels about gay people by gay people and I thought this might be that but this is…not that. It had promise and the first section is really kind of lovely but it veers off and just…I don’t know, mileage will vary, but it didn’t feel True to me. idk idk either like he misunderstands love and sexuality or I do and it honestly could more than likely be me.

A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy–Adams One of those books I had just always kinda pretended I read. I mean not that people like frequently check to make sure I’ve read AHGttG but just like in my mind whenever it was mentioned I checked it off. You know the dealio you don’t need my thoughts on it (as opposed to most things, on which you definitely do).

All Grown Up–Attenberg My favorite of the Attenberg novels I’ve read. Of particular use and relevance to me, an aging single woman and unlikeable protagonist. I enjoyed this very much, it was sharp and warm and mean and tender.

Queen of the Night–Chee Hmm. Ok. I felt for most of this book that it like…thought it was a different, more important book than it actually was? It is overwritten–both in prose style and in that it could have been at least 100 pages shorter–and you know how sometimes you read a book with a female protagonist and you’re like ‘I can’t believe a man wrote this!’? Yeah this isn’t that. But the ending line is really good? idk. Someone else read it and tell me your thoughts.

Too Much and Not the Mood–Chew-Bose First of all, excellent title. These essays reminded me, and I mean in this in the lease self-important way possible, of my own writing. Just in that way where writing doesn’t have to be traditionally literarily linear. These essays are good and filled with the kind of sentences that make you know the writer loves words, you can feel her placing them carefully with the satisfying click of scrabble tiles, sliding them into the right order.

Who Killed Roger Ackroyd–Christie Typical Agatha novel and very good. I can’t tell you any more without spoiling it.

Murder in Retrospect–Christie This is one of my fave Christie’s. It was dark and smart and pithy.

Rule Britannia–Du Maurier I found this in a used bookstore in Portland, Maine, just after the Brexit vote. She wrote it in like the 70s and it’s speculative fiction based on if the UK left the EU and formed a union with the United States. It’s kind of really good but it also ends kind of abruptly, like maybe it could have been the first of a trilogy or something.

Plum Bun–Fauset This was my favorite book from my Harlem Renaissance class. I wrote my term paper on it. I love this book. I want to write it as a screenplay and someone to make it into a movie and I want Troian Bellesario to play the lead.

A Coney Island of the Mind–Ferlinghetti A book of (I think?) beat poetry that I found in a used bookstore in Saugherties at Thanksgiving. I love these poems, especially one called “The World is a Beautiful Place” which I read out loud to Robbie one night while we were walking between bars in the snow at like midnight.

Wishful Drinking–Fisher Carrie Fisher is one of those people whose very existence makes me feel braver and weirder and funnier. She’s a truly good soul and I don’t have anything else to say except that you should read this and also that you should Postcards From the Edge first it’s better.

Difficult Women–Gay I prefer Roxane Gay’s fiction to her nonfiction and these are very good, very interesting stories full of sadness and love.

The Autobiography of Malcolm X (as told to Alex Haley) I have never had so many people approach me while reading a book in public as this one. It is, unsurprisingly, an extremely compelling and upsetting book. But I was very surprised by it. I’m not sure quite what I expected from it, but it wasn’t what it was. I think about this book at least twice a week. I think everyone should read it and I think they’ll all enjoy it.

How To Be  A Person In the World–Havrilesky I think maybe Ask Polly columns are better in smaller doses than a whole book, but nevertheless, for better or for worse, she shaped a great deal of my early-twenties self esteem and the essays translate to the page much better than a lot of internet writing I’ve read. 

Girl on the Train–Hawkins This felt…cheap somehow. Like I got really into it and then felt like I’d been cheated or fooled because it’s truly not very good.

Bright Lines–Islam This is a fascinating book. It’s the most Brooklyn summery, felt the most like my Brooklyn summers despite describing a Bengali Muslim family and smoking weed and other experiences that are not specifically mine. I’d recommend it. Highly.

Intimations–Kleeman Man, I’ve recommended this book of short stories to so many people. It’s weird and interesting and it does something I think is hard, which is write surreal stories where the stakes still feel real, if that makes sense. She came and spoke to our class and she told an interesting question to ask of short stories which was, “what are the satisfactions of this story?” and all of these are satisfying and visceral. There’s one long one in the middle that I skipped and you can too, I give you permission.

A Swiftly Tilting Planet–L'Engle Hey, um, you know what’s p upsetting to read? A plot where a crazy dictator is gonna drop a nuclear bomb and start the end of the world (this isn’t a spoiler it’s introduced like five pages in). 

A Wind in the Door–L'Engle This was not as good as A Wrinkle in Time–what is–but it was a bright easy read, her books are so–loving, I guess. Good if you need a little palate cleanser.

Passing–Larsen We read a LOT of books in my Harlem Renaissance course. This a very good, short novel about, well, guess. It’s like a painting somehow, like a 20th century painting.

Sister Outsider–Lorde  I have taken none women’s studies courses so this was a pretty important text I had never read. It is very Good and everyone should read it if they have not already.

Cruel Shoes–Martin I LOVE Steve Martin and still on a few of these I was like “I don’t know, Steve.” But many others (they’re very short stories) are funny or clever or great.

Bright Lights, Big City–McInerney ughhhhhhh a book that is entirely written in second person and is about how womens’ existences and deaths have like ~made a man feel~ but it’s a short quick read and–I am E X T R E M E L Y reluctant to admit–the end is a really good image that did lowkey make me cry but also fuck this book

The Hopeful–O'Neill This I didn’t like much, in a way that I thought it needed a stronger editor and I want Eleanor or Robbie or someone I trust to read it to tell me if I’m wrong.

The Bed Moved–Schiff Weird and good little stories. I don’t think about them often, but they were elegant and sharp as I read them.

Eligible–Sittenfield It’s nice that they’re publishing Modern AU Pride and Prejudice fanfic now in a bound book. This was enjoyable tho tbh not the best Modern AU Pride and Prejudice fanfic I, a cool and chill person, have read in my life.

Swing Time–Smith I think this is my fave of the Zadie Smith books I’ve read. I wasn’t sure by the end quite what the point of it was, but I guess also what’s the point of anything? idk this is a useless description of a book. It was immersive and interesting but I’ve also not told anyone “you *have* to read this you’ll love it.” We did go see her read from it and in person she is enchanting.

The New Woman–Sochen Nonfiction about what I think we’d call first-wave feminism? It was really fascinating about an era I knew nothing about but also had some, um, glaring omissions ahem any mention of race whatsoever.

Action. A Book About Sex–Spiegel Ok look yes fine I am an adult sexually active woman who still reads books about sex whatEVER. I missed sex-ed and I also like to hear, in a non-prurient (or sometimes prurient w/e) way what other people are up to, sex-wise. I mean there’s no real like advice about sex in the world, I think, except that everything consensual and fun is fine, but I think it’s important to occasionally remind yourself of that. This was a good book.

Missing, Presumed–Steiner A crime book that I neither loved nor hated and generally enjoyed reading. Big enh.

The Girls From Corona Del Mar–Thorpe Robbie gave this to me for my birthday last year. A beach read with an edge, page-turner-y but sharp. Seems like it’s going to be a light read, but there’s a bite to it, a reminder of the cruel randomness of fate and of our inability to really know other people or ourselves. I loved this.

Cane–Toomer So this is an important text from the Harlem Renaissance and it’s kinda…never classified? It’s a series of related but not continuous short stories, as well as poetry, and little like plays? idk it’s very evocative and beautiful and dense and bears up to intense overreading. One of my favorite books I read for my Harlem Ren class.

The Blacker the Berry–Thurman Ok so Wallace Thurman apparently worried his whole life that his writing style was too journalistic and he maybe wasn’t…wrong. This is NOT a bad book and it’s well written and novelistic exCEPT when sometimes it feels pedagogical or expository. It’s a short, well constructed novel about colorism and worth checking out.

Killer–Walters Lovely and weird poems. I went to go follow the author on Twitter and discovered I already was. I love these.

The Underground Railroad–Whitehead An extremely. upsetting. book. Here’s the thing and I understand the presumption of my criticism of a book that won the national book award, but: if you’re going to make your conceit that the Underground Railroad is a real railroad, I think that you should do more with it. THAT SAID the rest of this is truly wonderful, somehow at once a page turner and viscerally upsetting.

Kiss Me Like a Stranger–Wilder I love Gene Wilder. I’d read Gilda Radnor’s memoir a couple years ago so part of this was sort of an interesting other side of the story. Anyways he seems like a genuinely strange, slightly neurotic, flawed but mostly warm and kind person.