#a lot of that stuff is so old now but I’m glad that ppl still enjoy it ^^

[peachnecrosis]

So I randomly found this blog and holy shit your most recent post resonated with me sm. I think the only part I can’t relate on is Pewdiepie, I just don’t care or watch many YouTubers in general (I genuinely struggle keeping up with stuff bc I literally live under piles of rock) but my go-to has always been the Cancer crew. I remember back then I legit made 4 ocs based on Max (Maxine specifically), Ian, Joji, and Chad. I redesigned them over the years but I could still see the influence the cc had on my younger self. Man I wish I could post or at least show those ocs sometimes but I know most ppl I know will not approve lolz. (cause you can still know the 4 is based on the cc, if you put them together that is)

ey, glad you could relate! i do agree with the youtuber thing to an extent— i didn’t really care about too many of them after i got old enough for shopkins unboxings and animal jam amvs to just not hit the same anymore. then i discovered cc, and now i’ll probably be trapped pouring my heart out over the most neurotic group of men i’ve ever encountered for a good long while. i wouldn’t claim to be blissfully ignorant when it comes to the routine fixations of chronically online individuals, per say, but it’s hard for me to kind of get engaged with a lot of trends beloved by the wider internet nowadays; i’m very content to mull around in my own little curated space with my people. i’ve witnessed what you’re referring to here a lot, actually, and always feel giddy when i can make a connection between someone’s benign, (or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, super convoluted and flashy) heavily contorted original characters and like, some gay content creator they fawn(ed) over. it’s largely inconspicuous, as well as a nice thing to look back on and, like you said, reminisce on how your interests in your younger years influenced your creations and such. i do wonder what you mean when you say most people you know “wouldn’t approve”— is it a matter of waiting to chastise you for making ocs based off youtubers that may be viewed as problematic? i notice that a good amount as well— when a content creator’s popularity declines, or they merely shift target audiences, a lot of the internet keeps a mental freeze frame of how they are/behave that may be inaccurate due to the simple fact they haven’t kept up with them in a long time, or just never did, only hearing about their content and such through the grapevine. i’m sure there are a lot of people out there who could only identify idubbbz as “that one guy who roasted leafy in 2016 and was not very conservative when it came to his slur usage”. something like that. guys like these may not be everyone’s forte, and their content definitely isn’t for the faint of heart, but i like to be secure in my morals and not swayed by the differing opinions of internet strangers. (not saying that you are— if this kind of stuff is considered too crass over on your turf, it probably is best to keep it to yourself ^^’). i’m sure your characters are very cute, though, and if you’d ever wanna share them while still lying low my submission box will continue to stay open until i die, or tumblr shuts down. whichever comes first.

sorry for word vomit. thank you for the ask!

[lalasknives]

hi I’m asking you take down what bapacontents said please. she’s one of my good friends and it just hurts to see her post here. I get a lot has happened as of recent but like if you could ever be so kind to take it down would be good. u don’t have to like her so don’t worry about that. and I forgive u for this.

I rlly don't like doing this but I have to keep the post up, especially since they don't seem to have any remorse for what they said.

Trust me when I say that I would 100% have took the post down if they showed even the tiniest amount of regret.

I'm not gonna stand by and let someone dehumanise a 16 yearl girl who just wants AND DESERVES to live her best life, away from all the creeps.

They talk about choosing to be a "public figure" as if she could stop. Being an actor is one of the few jobs in this world that you can't totally step away from, because you are going to get recognised even after you quit. Take actors like Tom Holland, who might not have quit, but still is on along break from acting, yet paparazzi are still following him around.

If this rlly is your friend as you say, then pls educate them and teach them better, because that's what friends do, they hold each other accountable.

I won't go in their dms and educate them, simply because it's not my job to educate ppl who are so clearly in the wrong.

Since I created this account, me and all the ppl on this platform have been warning yall about not sharing stuff you aren't supposed to share, just because you can and it always "df tumblr is so dramatic🙄🙄" or something like that, yet when it came back to bite in the ass, some ppl rlly wanna act entitled.

I'm glad the acc who posted that acc, has deleted the pics and has also owned up and apologised, genuinely. I hope this was a valuable lesson to them and to the whole fandom.

However, this is not a mess I've gotten myself involved, so it's not fair for me to play peacekeeper for someone so stubborn, who can't actually grasp the fact that a 16 year old girl would want actual privacy (and tbh this is the only acc who said this as far as I am aware).

Again, if you want to educate this person, go ahead and honestly wish you the best of luck but I'm sick of this situation as it is, because where for some ppl this started a couple days ago, df tumblr has been repeating the same thing for a good year now.

Not my circus, not my monkeys.

[beartitled]

Hello there!! I was looking through some of the discord shenanigans posts and I was just wondering if you’re accepting new members?

Hi! Well first of all, glad you enjoyed the comics! It means a lot to know that you enjoyed those silly shenanigans ❤️

Sadly I’ve already left the server recently, so can’t really help much 🤷

For ppl curious my rambling, as always, will be under read more👇

As for you question:

the server’s called “TSP creators club”

yes, I believe they still accept new members, you can contact @/kelpiekidd or @/heckinrissa I think (not tagging them, to not disturb them)

They’re mods there, should help with it 🤷

This might sound weird to some ppl bc I was heavily associated with TSPcc

To be frank I wouldn’t be where I am right now, if not TSPcc: I would’ve never stuck with The Stanley Parable for as long as I did, never could’ve met so many wonderful creative people (many of whom are my friends right now)

+the server kick-started my recognition as a creator

For that I’m thankful and still look back at this part of my life with a warm smile

But nothing can last forever

(god I’m saying it like something horrible happened, which is not the case)

Basically

The reasons are mostly the same as why I left the TNP fic*: I’m not active on the server + most of my friends left from there

(*TNP - The Narrative Parable fanfic – a collaborative project involving many other creators and narrators)

So um yea, this might not be enough of a reason

But I will not do a whole comic on “The history of TSP fandom” right 📓🖋️

(oh wait I might actually 😭💥 you will maybe get this joke far in the future)

___________________

I also want to address

Discord Shenanigans aged, quite a lot

I do not regret making those comics, I still like them to this day

But

That content is not something I want to be known for, to me, it’s part of the past

I look back at them as archived memories

They are like an old photo album of sorts 📒

____________________

This does not mean I’m leaving TSP fandom

Want to be clear on that one

I still enjoy the game and the community it built around itself

Yes I still enjoy the fandom, despite meaningless drama in the community that ruins the fun for everyone

(It’s my first fandom I was a part of, I’m biased ok 😈)

‼️ I do not justify any messed up people who are or were in the fandom ‼️

What I’m trying to say that drama/creepy people are just part of any fandom experience honestly

I totally understand people who just don’t want to be a part of the fandom, it’s reasonable and valid. I’ve heard some really messed up stuff, I don’t know the full extent of every situation and don’t want to discuss it. I don’t believe I have the right, nor the information to even mention it. Creeps are not a fandom’s problem, creeps are just a problem.

And if people don’t want to address those situations: do not harass them with questions. If people want to address their experience or thoughts, they will. If they don’t want to start drama/don’t feel comfortable/just simply don’t want to - you should respect their decision. No person is obligated to report anything to the crowd.

On the side note (since I can’t shut up) - Barry

I kinda 👀

I kinda wanna explore him as a character and tell the story I made for him 👀✨

I will make a separate post about him later down the road

But as for now: yes the potential story revolves around tsp + Narratorverse aspects, yes I may abandon that idea bc of how complicated it is, yes I’m talking and overthinking too much - we will get there when we get there 🤚

So I’m still here, I still care about tsp creators: they do amazing stuff and they are wonderful people

As always sorry for that scroll of text 👉👉 thanks for your time, see you in the next random huge text post 👋

[bluelolblue]

I so identified with your post about feeling like a sad dog desperate for friends. But I wanted to remind you that at least you have fandom friends to talk and geek out with about your obsessions, which is so much better than nothing and is in fact incredibly precious. I have nothing like that, online or off. My husband is much older than me, works long hours and doesn’t understand creative or fandom type stuff at all. We live out in the country far from my family. I haven’t kept in touch with anyone from school. At work I’m the youngest by 20+ years and the only childless and non-religious and liberal person. I get the occasional bit of positive feedback on my writing, but have no one to really connect with about the things I’ve been obsessing over for more than a year now. I’m still in my 20s but feel so old and irrelevant already. No real question and no real answers…just wanted to let you know you are not alone in feeling alone, and to treasure the fandom friends that you have…

I'm really sorry for what you're going through, and it's not fair towards you. I'm sure it's really frustrating and even depressing when your husband doesn't understand stuff that makes you happy. I'm sorry about all that, I can understand because before all this, I didn't have anyone to talk about my interests (and I was anxious to talk to ppl). Irl or online, it was like that.

Definitely keep writing about your interests, and maybe you will eventually connect with someone. I can understand that it's hard, but maybe the time will give you someone. Even if it takes really long, maybe it will happen, just don't give up. Don't give up on things that make YOU feel happy.

I am grateful for my online friends here and I'm glad I actually managed to get out of my comfort zone and connect with people. I never expected anyone to interact with me, let alone tell me they like my fics, or that they agree with me on something. It's just that I love when people interact with me, talk about same interests with me, I love that. And I get moments when I think I'm doing something wrong here, that I'm not doing good enough, that this all what I'm doing is for nothing. Just because I get this feeling that people might not actually like me, maybe because I don't get interactions that often sometimes. And that's my own problem, I'm aware that I have to work on that, but sometimes it kills me, and I feel like I need help with that. I hate when I get like that, because then I don't know what to do.

I want to interact and make others happy. I want everyone to feel comfortable talking with me. So... when I don't get much interactions, I get like that and it sucks when I get like that. I don't want to feel that way. Because I get that feeling of a dog following others. Irl it's pretty much the same. When my friends don't really talk to me, I just feel like I'm doing something wrong. I have to fight my own demons to stop this feeling. But it's been years that I feel like that and it's really difficult to control it.

Thank you for reaching out to me and telling me your personal problems, I appreciate that you felt like you could trust me enough to open up. And I'm thankful that I'm not alone in this, I thought that not a lot of people would understand it, but I see that I'm not the only one, and thank you for understanding. Thank you again, and I wish you all the best and that things do get better! <3

Of course, if you want to talk with me more, feel free! :)

[tinyreploid]

im gonna hop on the nice anon ask wagon here and say that i think your ocs are really, REALLY cool and creative; your style is just pleasing to look at in ways i dont have the brains to articulate but it makes me smile when i see it! and your megaman ocs seem like the absolute chillest people to hang out with each in unique and interesting ways. yeah

AAAAaaaa this makes me so happy!!! I’ve been working on trying new things so I’m glad ppl like my stuff. Looking back, i feel more comfortable with where my art is going now tho I’m sure it’ll change more as I go along.

Also really happy a lot of ppl enjoy my ocs! I’m not too great with character design so it’s a struggle every time. (if i had it still, i would show u kolibri’s old concepts, OOF) They are v chummy with each other despite being spread across the globe, and with all their differences. Hoping to flesh them out more at some point, but I still have 4 more in my line that I have to do. Rn, all i can say is that they each play a part in animal and biome conservation/research and/or humanitarian efforts.

This is a v nice ask, tysm! Feeling warm and fuzzy rn. :)

[rotten-ma]

1/4/24 • My first day back wasn’t so bad.

School today just felt very same-old-same-old. We did nothing new and now I’ve gotta study for midterms (kill me😇).

On a better note, I finally got to give my friends their Christmas presents, and I’m happy they liked them. I’m not huge on Christmas myself but I like getting people little presents. I also like buying stuff for me too😈

I still haven’t gotten anything for my dad yet but since it’s his birthday soon I’ll just do a combo gift.

I’m starting to realize that I’m totally back in my anime phase.

A lot of ppl on TikTok keep bringing up 2020 nostalgia (having being 4 since then) and it’s really scaring me. I’m just glad I wasn’t one of the outwardly embarrassing ppl but in my friend group I was atrocious. But whatever I still like anime.

I started playing on my old 2DS today after not touching it for a few months. I love the pink color, it makes me so happy to just look at it. Pink in such a nice color. 💗

Anyways, this is my song for the day:

[tyonfs]

besties (gone sexual) was so good!!!!! i wasn’t expecting it to be as huge as it was (literally fell asleep at 4:30 am last night trying to finish it but i still had like a third left 😭) but it was soooo worth it!!! it also didn’t feel like it was that huge tho??? a lot of stuff happened but you did so good at explaining and why. even the 3 times jaemin got puked on, that was some beautiful karmic timing imo. speaking of karma i think the amount of bad luck jaemin has to suffer was such a good way to keep him redeemable despite sometimes an absolute douchebag. a lovable douchebag tho. the amount of times i cackled in this fic tho!!! obviously the other installments of bitch hunters werr humorous too, but the addition of jisung, sungchan, yangyang, and hendery coming it to occasionally dunk on jaemin, too, when he deserves it was just *chef’s kiss*. i also think the length is justified because their situation is more complicated and nuanced than jeno and renjun who were just getting to know new people, and even hyuck who was making his situation complicated himself. jaemin and oc have so much history between them, literal years of friendship and complicated feelings. it’s kinda obvious by the end that the reason for jaemin douchebagginess to a lot of those girls was because he was so in love with oc and refusing to even consider that as possibility so he just rejects the idea of a relationship because also being with someone else seems impossible. ngl i did choke up a little when he makes the conclusion that in order to let his best friend try to be in a happy relationship, he has to extract himself from the equation because he wouldn’t be able to even be her friend in that circumstance. he didn’t have to make her cry tho!! but as someone who can also be a little emotionally constipated i understand that line of thinking. needless to say i really enjoyed this fic. i previously said and they were roommates was my favorite installment was my favorite but ngl, besties gone sexual might be giving it run for its money 👀 i’m always going to have a weak spot for long-time-best-friends-turned-friends-with-benefits-turned-lovers. i’m also feeling so nostalgic now that the series is over!! i’m gonna miss the bitch hunters universe, there’s so much stuff i’m curious about, especially the og bitch hunters because these four made them sound almost…mythical. and then there’s mark. love how jaehyun just came in to give jaemin a rewording of the centuries old saying of “it’s meant to be it will come back to you eventually” and jaemin acted like it was the greatest revelation ever simply because it came from him. anyways, whew, this turned out longer than i intended it to but i just have so many thoughts. also it fitting for such a long story. anyways, i’m done. this was such treat to read as always. i hope you’re having a lovely day, take care!!! 😘💗

OMG IM SORRY IT KEPT YOU UP THAT LONG 😭😭 PLS READ IT IN BREAKS I DONT WANNA RUIN UR SLEEP 🤲 wait lemme put the rest of my response under the cut it’s a bit long 😵‍💫

ppl say my writing doesn’t feel like a lot, which i think is a good thing?? so maybe that’s why HAHHA but i promise it was 43k words i’m not capping 😰 LMAODJF jaemin truly deserved to be puked on 😭 especially when he started drinking after renjun was seeing god on the couch 🧎‍♀️

ahh yesyes i think so too!! i think they needed a bit more development to figure out their problems and situations, unlike jeno and renjun who were meeting their love interests for the first time 🥹 and then hyuck’s dilemma was more of an internal thing that he had to get over himself, but jaemin’s situation was a lot more messy and tangled. i’m rlly glad you liked the additions of other characters tho!! i love writing jisung tbh so i thought he would be funny to include HAHAH and his dynamic with jaemin is kinda wholesome in my eyes :’)

HONESTLY i’m a little emotionally constipated so there might have been some projection in this fic!! it’s true he definitely had (kinda??) good intentions for distancing himself from mc, but he went about it the wronggg way and made her cry 😭 LIKE BOOOOOO 👎👎🍅🍅🍅

WOWOW that actually makes me so happy to hear that besties (gone sexual) might be your fav in the series :’) hyuck’s installment and jaemin’s are definitely my fav and i’m just a sucker for best friends to lovers 🤧 it’s such a sweet trope but can segway into a lot of misunderstandings and angst HAHAH

HAHAHAH THEY WORSHIP THE OGS 🥲 “these four made them sound almost… mythical. and then there’s mark” I CACKLED LMFAOO yeah mark was NOT part of the og squad so he doesn’t get the legendary pokémon type treatment 😭🤚 it’s a good thing renjun didn’t witness that conversation or else he would’ve beaten jaemin up after for ignoring him the entire time until jaehyun parroted his words LOL

but thank you love for taking the time to write all of this and send it to me!!! it makes me so happy that you had so much to share about my fic and it literally had me rereading with a huge smile on my face :’)) i hope you’re having a wonderful day/night and taking care 💜💜

[saucynadles-arts]

hello fellow shadamy enjoyers

[yrbutchgf]

hey, i'm feeling a bit insecure in my identity rn and i was wondering if you have any... tips, or anything like that. i'm a lesbian who feels more comfortable in a masc role, and i think i would identify as butch... but i feel like i'm too emotional. i cry SO often. my mental health has been less than stellar for the last 10 years or so lol, so that plays a part, but i'm also just a crier. things that make me cry: criticism, heated discussions, presentations, movie/game/book endings, all music with violins, some music without violins, christmas commercials, those miniature food clay charms... literally everything. and it's always in public too, which is embarrassing enough as it is. and i know that doesn't have to mean anything for my gender identity, but the whole "boys/men don't cry" thing kind of did a number on me lol. i always feel like a little girl when others watch me cry, even though i want to be the protector. sorry for rambling, but i feel like you always have good takes on butchness and stuff like that, so i was wondering if you have any tips on feeling more secure in my butch/masc side :)

ok before i say anything else, thank you, i’m honestly really flattered you think that highly of my takes lol <3 i do try my best, i’m glad i’m able to help people to whatever extent i do with my posts. also, bit of a length warning -- i always set out with the intention of writing succinct responses to asks, but it always gets away from me, and this time "getting away from me" meant "turning into a manifesto." well, oops. c'est la butch/femme.

now to start this answer off: i definitely relate. i’m also pretty emotional. when i get stressed i get really shaky, especially in my hands, and then after that my body turns on the waterworks. i also have a fairly exuberant personality in general, and i'm very expressive with my hands & body language. the only times i’ve ever really fit the stoic archetype have been on accident, usually when i’ve felt uncomfortable in a social situation and it’s come off as strong silence. at the same time, i also don’t like when people see me cry or be emotional in general, especially in public. it makes me feel vulnerable in a way that i don’t like to give most people, and the fact that i can’t fully control when or if i do is uncomfortable. and i think disliking that feeling is totally normal, or at the very least it’s a common boundary to have. regardless of sexuality, gender, or presentation, there’s a social urge to cover up when we’re feeling our feelings, but even beyond that there is, i think, a reflexive, self-preservation level urge to cover up what can be easily damaged. so to an extent, i think it’s natural to shy away from vulnerability.

at the same time, the urge to push down one’s tears is not necessarily a HEALTHY urge, only a COMMON one, because you’re right: emotionality has no bearing on your gender or what roles you can take up. some of my best butch and masc friends are also extremely emotional people, and they’re very open about it, and in a lot of ways that openness almost feels to me more masculine or more butch, because they’re embracing their feelings, and that’s obviously a really hard thing to learn to do, so it’s powerful, admirable, and also to be honest, it’s attractive! the ability of someone to be brave enough to be vulnerable can in many situations make the people around them feel more at ease, and i think it can become a very steady, very stabilizing sort of masculinity. in other words, someone who is very comfortable in their tears is also very good and healing to be around. so i think in a lot of ways, when you learn to own your emotions rather than push them away, that can very easily augment your butchness rather than take away from it.

now obviously everyone views butch/femme differently, whether as genders/sexuality labels/dynamics/what have you, but for me no matter what at the center of these terms there is always this nexus, this core focus, of care. in the dynamic, butch/femme is about butches & femmes caring for one another in complementary ways both in- and out-side of romantic relationships. so when we talk about butchness standalone, you and many other people reach for words like “protector,” and i don’t think there’s anything necessarily wrong with that, i think protection can and often is a key role, but my point here is, where is that urge to protect coming from? it’s from love, from caring about the people you love. and i think it’s important to remember that and to frame it that way, because when you do, it becomes pretty simple: your emotionalism is more than anything a sign of that urge to care/protect/provide in you, or a driving force to those urges, however you want to frame it. far from taking away from your butchness, your emotions are at the very foundation of what it can be. i talked about this in the butch/femme server a bit, and thren @lesbiandaemon said it perfectly:

i genuinely think i (and many others!) would feel so much safety and security being w someone who allows themself to be vulnerable and earnest abt their emotions and it definitely augments butchness, from my perspective as a femme. i envy and care deeply for the butch whose emotions and vulnerability are on display, there's a strength in that imo, even if you've been made to feel self conscious and dysphoric and "less than" bc of that. i think of phrases like "the strength to remain tender", "the violence it took to be this gentle" in the lens of trauma but if that applies and you're ok w it, i think it could also apply here too [...]

whether ppl know it or not, sometimes the way one carries themselves can be projected onto others; there's already an example in how anon mentions the "big boys/men don't cry" thing, vulnerability being shut out and dismissed/disparaged isn't going to make anyone more eager/open abt their emotions. and like, going back to the butch/femme dynamic, it does feel so much more stable and steady if someone has the courage to acknowledge and let themselves feel their emotions, it's very welcoming and validating, knowing that someone can have a strong image and show their tenderness, knowing that you're safe and free from mockery/scorn to do the same when someone protective of you knows how it feels and will care for you because they feel touched to their core and have let you know in more than one way.

and i want to add an important caveat here: obviously not everyone who cares very deeply is going to be outwardly emotional or show it in the same ways. that’s true for all kinds of reasons. i think a lot of the stoicism we see in traditional depictions of butches can come from how people relate emotions to masculinity (that is to say, how people view masculinity as inherently based around a distance from one’s “softer” side), but also, honestly, i think this may also have roots in the historical coping mechanisms that a lot of butches took on in the face of a world that was unkind to them.

in stone butch blues, for example, there’s a lot of talk about this idea of “hard” versus “soft,” or “going stone,” especially when jess is first getting into the bar scene and she’s still fresh-faced to violence. and going stone in this context isn’t just about sexuality, it's also about how so many butches learned to stop letting people in even at a basic emotional level. for them, hardening up was an inevitability of circumstance, not an inherent facet of their personality or a building block of butch identity. i’m sure plenty of old-school butches would be glad to know it’s no longer inevitable or necessary for a butch to close themselves off completely in order to survive.

of course there are also plenty of butches who are just naturally reserved with their emotions, and that’s also fine -- that doesn’t mean they don’t feel things, or that they don’t care. they care -- all of us do! some of us showing it more or less than others doesn’t reflect badly on any of us, whether we’re of a more stoic or a more open variety. but some of us really can’t help showing it, and that’s okay. that’s just how the love spills out. the right person won’t see that as weakness or a crack in the fine china of your masculinity or whatever, they’ll see it as a lovely and endearing part of your whole and warming butchness. so embrace your emotions. do your best to honor the role they play in butch/femmeness. try to love your emotions, or at the very least not to be afraid of them. and remember: you are strong. your tenderness will not destroy you. in fact, it’s what built you to begin with.

[cupidlakes]

SKYYY i just want to ramble about the podcast for a bit it was so wonderful hearing george talk about stuff from twitch to his dreams i’m so endeared by how he wanted to make an irl channel a long time ago and i feel like you can really see that based on the videos he’s been posting on twitter and how his youtube videos have been very old youtube-esque he has a great personality for irl content and i’m just so excited for his future plans ^__^

NO I KNOWW it’s so exciting and you’re right that the shift in his content has really reflected that in recent months? shout out to when george straight up said earlier this year that he’d love to do more irl streamed content ifl the uk mcyters have been his introduction to the vlogging scene especially and it says a lot that he’s mentioned it’s been some of his favourite content to film despite his few appearances (which was cool bc we almost never get to hear his thoughts on that stuff!)

i feel like he knows he has the knack for it now and the ability to carry content w/ his personality opposed to relying on the new wave of minecraft hype which absolutely helped to get him here and says he still likes doing but yess even looking @ the little vids he edits up to post to twitter it makes me believe he’ll be more proactive delivering his escapades in florida and is smth he’s literally just been waiting on!! i’m VERY hyped for this new era coming, the cooking stream and that era of content creation for george was like a little glimpse into his ventures outside of minecraft and i genuinely see it faring well for him bc the way he carries himself in irl stuff ppl are just drawn to that? and it’ll feel like a little gift to get full-fledged george vlogs and irl streams w/ his best friends every so often i’m glad this is what he sees in his future

[aclosetfan]

the pet peeve/pettiest opinion i have abt this fandom is how sometimes ppl portray the blues w/o any substance and/or any sort of depth like they do the greens and reds🤝

I don’t even think this is petty, it’s just true 🤷‍♀️ it seriously irks me to no end. I’m so glad you brought this up!!! lmaooo short response is I 100% agree with you.  unfortunately, I agree with you so much I wrote a whole freaking essay, which can be found under the cut. I could rant about this all day long. I don’t even care. The blues are such a disappointing couple :( I wish fic writers would cut out the cutesy pure bs that you find so often with these two.

I really think that the biggest problem with the blues (and Boomer) is all rooted in Bubbles’ characterization. I think she’s the most difficult for people to write because she’s the least “problematic.” And a lot of people don’t know what to do with her because no one can relate to unproblematic. She’s written as (excuse the annoying early 2010s expression, but it fits) the perfect cinnamon bun and there’s no conflict if a character doesn’t have some kind of internal conflict, they’re boring! They get tossed to the side!! Blossom is often written struggling with leadership and perfectionism. Buttercup is often written struggling with impulsiveness and aggression. People relate to them because they’ve “gone through things” most people have experienced themselves. Fic writers like writing Bloss and BC for the same reason because you can only write what you know! But shoot, writers still got to place Bubbles in somehow! So she’s either an airhead, or a crybaby, or too innocent/naïve, or the uwu character, which is good for a few laughs but 🤷‍♀️ it gets pretty 2D and old real quick. Her biggest issue in the show was people babying her, but usually, that conflict is written off in fics with one simple “OH so she’s actually a badass” scene and that’s like it?? It’s never visited again?? (Even though all her solo episodes focus on her accepting who she is despite what others think so idk if badass scenes actually do her justice. She’s a lover not a fighter at the end of the day tbh.) It’s understandable though. I struggle with Bubbles because I’m not as optimistic as her character, and I certainly don’t relate to being “the joy and laughter.” It’s hard writing someone whose fanon character is interpreted as practically flawless. In ppg fics you’re also juggling a big group of characters, so it’s advantageous to rely on the simpler archetype tropes. So, I think it’s easier for people to set Bubbles up in a relationship than explore her more thoroughly since she’s the sensitive one who would be into the lovey-dovey stuff. Further, if you want to give readers a break from the heavier themes of your main plot, having a cute side pairing is a good safe escape. Not a lot of thought is needed to make those relationships work. And since Boomer’s just there and also underdeveloped, they get paired together. And because people (rightly) want to stray from the predator/prey trope because Bubbles is just so Pure(tm) and the trope feels assault-y, writers make Boomer inherently good. But now you’re just stuck with two good, cute characters. That’s it. And because their plot in the story revolves around their romantic relationship, it's their relationship that is the only thing that aids in their character development. The blues make up the lighthearted B-plot (but probably more like C-plot because the greens are usually B-plot material) The blues seem to follow two tropes: 1. Pure childhood crushes—Boomer was always good and wants to do good by Bubbles and she wants to “protect” him from his “mean” brothers 2. Bubbles “fixes” Boomer, but he really doesn’t need any fixing in the first place because he was good all along, he just needed encouragement. (Weird side note, have you noticed how Bubbles is always like “Boomie you’re NOT stupid” and then all the sudden it’s like the boy has a PhD) And I'm not faulting anyone for having a b-plot relationship with the blues. If it’s done right, being in a relationship does wonders for people! But relationships are work and without the blues having their personalities developed OUTSIDE the relationship, there’s no “work” to be done. They’re just the Perfect Couple and it’s boring. Don’t get me wrong, I like the pairing (it’s v cute), but what’s nice about the greens and the reds is that each individual character has usually been personalized (Butch not so much, in my opinion, his character generally revolves around BC, but bear with me for argument's sake), which makes their relationships with other characters fun to read. The greens and the reds are flushed out because their most basic archetypes are the most relatable and easiest to write. The Blues, though, just seem to get together. Bubbles is a hard character to write, so by default, so is Boomer. They have no conflict outside each other that would trigger character development. They flirt, sometimes Bubbles resists, then they’re together. She’s the cutest thing ever and he’s a simp for it. Easy, fluffy, they fade to the background because now that they’re together what happens to them next?? Irl people either get married or they break up. Most of these fics are high school AUs, so they can’t get married, and no one wants the cute ones to break up, so they just start to enter and exit the story as convenient segues. And that’s disappointing because individually they could be so interesting. Bubbles has to struggle with the fact that people infantize her. Her ideas are often dismissed, people treat her like a ditz, and her ability to be a hero is often called into question because she’s the one who seeks peaceful alternatives, and when she DOESNT seek those alternatives, people in the show freak out and become scared. Like I said before, most bubbles centric episodes focus on her accepting her sensitive side and using it to overcome a conflict. Also, HIM’s like her main villain in all her episodes. and, shit, one of her nicknames is literally Chubbles. She’s been called fat a few times. There’s so much a writer can do with her conflict-wise. Optimism and sensitivity don’t equal naivety, we don’t have to make her Pure. In fact, it’d be way more fun to see her trying to show everyone that she’s no longer a child but a young woman. And Boomer has like 3 episodes, right? Maybe 4? Literally in all of them, he’s a bratty little boy. He carries slugs in his pockets. He’s bad at trash talking. Easily distracted. Fights with his brothers. Dumb and chaotic. Good at spitting. He doesn’t put Bubbles on a pedestal. He wants to beat her up. He’s not a good guy. Bubbles thinks he’s cute. That’s literally all we know about him lmao. He wouldn’t be soft so why would what we know translate into a boring unproblematic underdeveloped boy?? You can write him unfulfilled. You could write him stuck in his brothers’ shadows. You could write him as a weirdo who’s obsessed with bugs (to match bubbles animal obsession). In my head, if Brick’s the smart one and Butch is the strong one, I make Boomer the charming one. And charming boys are dangerous boys 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️he probably had to charm his way out of plenty of dumb situations. I also make him unluckily lucky since he gets captured by the girls in one episode, but he still makes it out just fine. Everything bad that could happen happens to him but Boomer’s like “eh 🤷‍♀️ It’ll blow over. Lol already died once. What can ya do?” So you've got a girl who is never taken seriously and a boy who takes nothing seriously and yall really think their relationship would be unproblematic??? Individually, these two characters could be fun to write if the fic author plans it out correctly! Idk why their relationship wouldn't be either. If you want a compelling romance, you’ve got to make compelling characters. 

[amwritingmeta]

15x19: A First Ending

This was a good episode! Oh, I know, I know - we didn’t get Cas back. But oh, boy, that should mean that Misha shot for five of eight days for 15x20 and that makes me want to rub my hands together with the hope of what that might mean. All the good things!

Oh, don’t hang your hopes on mine btw. I had very high hopes that we’d get Cas back, or very strongly established as coming back (as per 13x04) with a final scene of him waking up in the Empty or something like it, and that didn’t happen, but omg I’m so glad they didn’t.

When Jack started praying and reaching out to Cas my heart almost stopped. 

If Dean doesn’t instigate Cas’ return, then oh it would take away too much!

But then Jack’s moment didn’t lead to anything, and now, the more I think about it, there more it feels like a plant. A reminder of how he prayed to Cas the last time, and woke him. We shall see, eh?

And then we got Dean telling Chuck to bring Cas back, which was a pivotal plant as well. I’d been worried if they hadn’t mentioned Cas more than once, with Dean telling Jack and Sam that Cas sacrificed himself to save him, yeah? 

If there had been no more Cas for the entire episode then, narratively speaking, I would have started wondering what role Cas might actually play in 15x20.

But Cas was mentioned more than once. We even got to hear his voice and have that fake return to stir our... I almost wrote loins, but that’s not appropriate so let’s change it to stir our... martinis. 

Ah yes. We could all use a drink, I’m sure.

The dog as well! Dean was so happy and he carried the dog and petted the dog and put it in Cas’ spot in the backseat and was all, yes, emotional substitute! And then... poof. Because it’s not going to be that easy to replace Cas. *fingers crossed*

Here’s mostly why I’m hopeful for something quite different as the actual finale of the show, the proper wrapping up of these character journeys:

This first ending is for those who have followed the show explicitly to watch these two brothers. (yes there’s a word for them but let’s not)

It ends exactly how these viewers -- and quite possibly the writers who wrote it -- always saw the show ending. It gives an emotionally satisfying wrapping up of all the thematic threads of the show and gives the brothers their hard-won freedom, and keeps the brothers riding in Baby, together, indefinitely. 

And these viewers and fans will always be able to stop watching the show there and keep that as their perfect ending.

Except it’s not the ending-ending. Is it?

This episode neatly and gorgeously wrapped up the Michael/Lucifer/Chuck storyline. It wiped the slate completely clean. Especially with Michael killing Lucifer and Chuck killing Michael. These characters just completely annihilating  each other because they’ve all served their purpose.

And Chuck being drained of his powers and ending up ignored, never to be worshipped again, or even remembered, is such a fitting ending for him! And with Dean refusing to kill him, leaving him to his fate, I’d call that Dean integrating his Shadow.

No more fearing it. It’s powerless. Thanks to Jack (Dean’s inner child) who now holds all the power in the universe.

I’d say Dean Winchester has reached a point of internal balance.

And for all of these good things: Chuck powerless, Jack the New God, surely helping to fix what Cas broke by restoring Heaven (I’m assuming Heaven will be repopulated or that God’s grace will level it out) and Jack stepping into shoes that Cas once tried to fill and failed to, to the detriment to so many of his kin, is simply stunning.

I cried, properly, at Jack’s speech. It was beautiful.

But for all these good things and wrappings up of stuff, didn’t the ending feel kind of superficial? Like stuff was missing in those final five minutes or so? Like... I don’t know... Sam mentioning Eileen maybe? Because surely she was brought back along with everyone else, and one episode ago he was losing his mind over the loss of her.

And they didn’t even mention Cas. Jack mentioned Castiel as a good influence, but Cas was just bunched in with “everyone we’ve lost along the way”.

Meh.

Hey, it’s fine if all you care about is Dean and Sam and you think that they’re at their happiest when they get to drive along a road in Baby, listening to tunes and play-fighting and reminiscing about all those people that have come and gone, while they know they’ll always remain the same.

I mean, if we hadn’t gotten that montage at the end of this episode (a fucking MONTAGE ppl) I would’ve started thinking that maybe Misha was coming back to shoot flashbacks for 15x20, as we got to see the brothers remembering Cas (like with Mary), taking a walk down memory lane and driving around to well-known locales for a final hurrah.

But we got that fucking montage, ppl.

Leaving me to feel that they probably won’t also spend forty minutes rememberembering those same people. You know?

Also, dull. And Dabb is anything but dull. And Dabb loves pulling on stuff he’s hinted at in the first ep of the season. 

And I remember reacting to Sam being the one to escort the kid and her mother into the, what was it? The high school, right? For safety.

While Dean and Cas had that tense exchange by Baby, where Dean couldn’t not ask if Cas was okay and Cas saying, hopefully, that he was, but Dean remaining stone faced and distant. “Awkward” is what Belphegor called it.

Oh. Please let there be awkwardness in 15x20. I beg on bent knees. Beg, I say!

Anyway.

What is 15x20 going to be about if it isn’t about finally answering the question of what will make the brothers happy?

A balanced universe, of course! But freedom without love... sounds kind of lonely to me. 

So, have they answered the question of What do I want? yet? Is this what they want for themselves? More of the same? This season has hinted that it isn’t. It’s hinted very strongly that it isn’t.

So, I’m holding my breath that Dean’s final confrontation is to do with happiness and daring to want it for himself. Daring to admit to wanting it for himself. Daring to go after it... 

Cas does not belong in the Empty.

And hope that it’s telling how Jack didn’t even think to get Cas out of there and bring him home. God got Lucifer out of the Empty so Jack definitely has the power. 

And Dean didn’t ask him to get Cas out of there, not because he doesn’t still want Cas out, but because it would ruin the first ending for the people who want Cas to stay dead. Yeah? 

It’s kind of beautifully done, to my mind, as a nod and a thank you to the people who have supported one reading of the show. It’ll be difficult for them to go apeshit when Dabb and the writers can simply tell them they don’t have to watch further than 15x19 and be content that they’ve got an ending that lets them cling to the brothers as the begin all, end all.

And yes, I remain believing we will get Dean and Cas together-together before the end of the show. I have no clue how much of a together-together we’ll get, but for the show not to give us a clear understanding of how Dean loves Cas back is unthinkable at this point, and will stay unthinkable until the show tells me otherwise, because nothing but those two together makes even a lick of sense to me.

Dean’s feelings were in the subtext this episode because that’s where they always have been and hopefully fingers crossed because this ending wasn’t for us, it was for other sides of fandom, giving them room for denial, if they simply don’t want to see that what Dean wants is Cas back.

Our ending isn’t happening until next week.

Dean: It’s a helluva time to bail. There’s a lot of people counting on you. People with questions—they’re gonna need answers. Jack: The answers will be in each of them. Maybe not today, but someday.

For me this may be setting up for 15x20.

Dean could be said to be accepting the reality of Cas being gone this episode. He starts off not telling the whole truth about what happened with Cas (of course), he’s drinking himself stupid, he tries to demand of Chuck to bring Cas back, he finds that emotional crutch in the doggo and he moves into acceptance because what else can he do?

Especially if he’s still reeling and is struggling with his fear of happiness, with not feeling deserving, with it being easier to simply let it all go.

But.

Letting go of the need is healthy, allowing it to make way for the real want that is about choosing Cas, not because he feels lost without him, but because Cas completes him...

That would be something. 

(oh shush let’s get with the romance) (Jerry always brings it)

The brothers love each other, but throughout this narrative there’s been hints that they both long for more. So much more. It would be so weird if it didn’t all wrap up with more being wanted and chosen and offered and had.

So if the answers are to be “in each of them -- someday”, then maybe Dean just needs to reach a moment where he’s ready to admit to himself that he can’t stand the fact that Cas died not knowing that Dean loves him back.

I wonder if Sam will push for this admittance... I’d like to witness that conversation, that’s for sure.

And Eileen. I hope she’s back sooner rather than later next episode!!

What’s next episode going to be about if it’s not about the breaking of old patterns to make way for new ones...? Are we going to follow the boys around as they do laundry and cook and make a few tentative plans for their unknown future? They won’t be hunting much in 15x20, at least if Dabb is anything to go by. I guess there might be something brief as a final The Boys With Their Weapons Doing Their Thing, but... it won’t be a case episode. And it would’ve been strange if it was, you know?

So then. Hope. One more week breathing eating sleeping on hopes and wishes and we shall simply have to wait and see what we get.

I have every faith it will blow us away, but I’m also sitting pretty. Reining in those horses lest they run away with me. And whatever comes our way, I’m so grateful for this show!

[mymostimaginaryfriend]

QoTS 5x02 Reaction Post

My brain has basically been Jeresa airhorns since the episode aired lmao but I’m going to try to add some Thoughts to my liveblog from last night.  Here goes:

First of all thank you to @gild-and-fire​ for making this tag meme for me that is ALREADY coming in handy.

Iiiiiiiinteresting that the moment James’ name is cleared the Ice Queenpin of last week thawed quite a bit, right?  Sure the trademark cool under pressure business dealings were there for Teresa (including a bit of ruthlessness) but in very calculated, ultimately successful way rather than terrifying.

James is back like what? 48 hours and already throwing up speed bumps for the descent of Teresa’s soul.  It’s gonna be a tough job, but if anyone can do it....

How to say I love you without saying I love you: Some guys bring you flowers, some bring you a personal army.

This episode was a Jeresa Callback All U Can Eat Buffet

There were SO many from the greatest hits: Take Care of Yourself, You too / “Smart” / You Deserve That / I Want You to Stay etc.  to even visual cues from past Jeresa scenes - the talk outside about going to NYC / 2x04, the lunge into the kiss from 3x09.  And of course the cigarette scene that @medievalraven​ goes over in her great meta.  It was an episode tailor made for parallel gifsets. 

I’m kinda shocked they didn’t add a driving together scene for old times sake.  Still holding out hope for a S5 Jeresa adventure episode too.

These two, as ever, are so so soft and so so stupid lmao.  But even with the interruptions of their private scenes, they packed SO much in. And I loved how you could both tell they’d learned from their past miscommunications.

They were a little rusty at first - doing that thing they do approaching it from an angle instead of head on - T: “You didn’t have to come back.”  J: “Yeah I did.”   T: “Are you staying?” J: “Do you want me to stay?” But right out of the gate James is like this is what I feel, I need you to verbalize what you want from me. Which by end of the episode Teresa does.

But then he says “these Russians are animals” and you can practically SEE Teresa visualizing his death in her head so she’s like "you should go”.

LOL at James playing the emotional game of chicken with THE master of the game Teresa Mendoza.  Him being like “Okay I’ll pack...this is me walking to the bed slowly...packing...to leave...this is me leaving....and I’m going to wander around the house...slowly... in case anyone needs anything...just in case...do a shot with Pote...get to know Chicho...oh hey, I’m already packed let’s go to NYC” lol.

“I’m a quick healer” If only, my friend.

The laugh!!! the smiles!! the heart eyes!! the “people who you love” meaningful eye contact!!

The KISS - THE LUNGE - THE WAY JAMES CUPS HER HEAD WITH HIS HAND AND THEY TILT THEIR FOREHEADS TOGETHER - THE WAY JAMES TOUCHES HIS LIP AFTER LIKE WE’RE IN GODDAMNED PRIDE AND PREJUDICE!

The smoking scene.  Poor James was probably thinking of a victory celebration a la 3x09 like “will my stitches hold for that?? Lets find out” and then

Teresa comes out with a CLEAR “I want you to stay”!!!! growth.gif

Only to  drop the (albeit heart eyes included) hammer of “You and me can’t happen.”

I love how James didn’t technically agree.

Can’t wait to see if Teresa caves physically or emotionally first....

Just gonna leave these lines here: “I thought we could be like normal people” / “Get lost for awhile, get these hands clean” / “[change] is the only way to survive in this life” / “we can’t happen...maybe in some other life but not this one.”  Mmmhmmmmmm.  

Non Jeresa stuff:

I really like Oscar the Dominican so far.

Teresa’s “We can double our business or go to war. These are my terms.” CLASSIC Teresa smarts with Queenpin power...I loved it.

The judge: “You’ll be the next Mexican I set on fire”. He can’t just die now, his death better top Cortez’s death by chainsaw b/c this had me ready to drive to NOLA and do it myself.

I loved the expression on James face when Oksana said “[Kostya] wasn’t sure you’d save my life.” LOL like saving other ppl’s lives is kinda what Teresa does, if only I could get Teresa to save her own.

Is the Oksana stuff legit?? It felt really convenient that the “sleeper cell” was dead before Teresa could talk to them.  Were they really rogue or did Oksana just kill off everyone who knew otherwise?  We’ll see. Kostya agreed to her new terms for now.

I loved that of all the many conflicts introduced in the first ep (James, NYC Russians/Dominican rivalry, waterfront $$, the kill team, etc) so many had some sort of resolution or solid movement FORWARD in this episode.  That’s something I really missed from the earlier seasons: mini conflicts that had a 2-3 episode arc instead of *cough* dragging out all season (s4).

Speaking of which, Boaz’s sixth sense of when things are going too well for Teresa remains unparalleled lol.  But I can’t wait to see what JT does next. He’s killing it. Maybe literally...

And now.....the baby news.

At first I was too happy to get an extended James and Pote conversation to care but is anyone else kinda irked that it was POTE who shared the Tony story? I get it story wise w/ his own Tony redemption opportunity on the horizon with KA’s pregnancy they wanted to get that “this world is not for a child they make you weak and vulnerable” ominous foreshadowing in there but oof.  I wish it had been a Teresa/James convo first. 

A baby can be a catalyst for a lot of things (as if Teresa isn’t already feeling the pressure to get legit fast) but what I’m wondering is this:  If it comes down to protecting pregnant Kelly Anne or Teresa, in the heat of the moment, who will Pote choose? He violently reacted to the incarcerated teen boys and that was before he knew KA’s news.   

I’m glad James stayed.  Teresa needs someone who is focused on HER safety alone and as evidenced many times this episode, she definitely will need it.

CANNOT WAIT TO HAVE MARCEL BACK NEXT WEEK!

[yamagucji]

love letters from cupid.

dear lovely anons,

i cherish every bit of interaction we have. im extremely grateful to know that there are people out there who read and enjoy my works. hm, hope you know that i care about each of you. honestly sometimes i just wanna make a post dedicated to each of you but idk!! if you’ll see it or not. hopefully this bit is enough to let you know how much i appreciate every single one of you. thank you.

dear readers,

thank you for reading my works. it’s comforting to know that there are people out there who will check out something that i’ve slapped on together with every bit of my effort. to those of you who have consistently supported my works in silence- you know who you are. im just... keeping my distance because ya’ll are really just minding your own business while i get giddy about seeing you pop up in my notifications again. im hoping to get around and send a ty note to as many special readers n special ppl on this blog. but im a little shy, so i hope you’ll give me some time. seeing you in my notifications from time to time makes me happy; sometimes i do wonder if you’re still here and in good health. i hope you all are right now. thank you.

dear dani,

what a wonderful being you are. never regretting the first time i *shyly* asked if there was anyone that wanted to be friends here. i probably already talk about my love for you and vera so much but who’s gonna stop me? you’re such a cool person. i look up to you (literally). i think it’s amazing to get to know a person who has a lot of passion for history like me. but also- screams about 2d men with me. truthfully, this site is much more bearable having you as a moot. i feel very comfortable talking to you, about anything at all. lomve you, you’re the best.

dear mayya,

kindness personified. im sure you’ve made a plethora of people smile with every rb and comment you’ve given; including me. i think it’s very refreshing to see such genuine comments. you radiate this calm aura that im always seeking for. thank you, for providing me (and many other people) with that. a little embarrassing that you see my uhm, messy sideblog, but... it’s comforting i think. to know that someone is listening. i hope that you understand it goes the other way around too— that i’m here for you.

dear hrituja,

my partner of chaos. when did it start? i can’t remember. all i know is that every little thing you send me on instagram really makes my day. i’ll have bad days and all i need to do is look at the silly stuff you sent me and get a laugh out of it. i think it’s cool that we’ve been able to build this space where we can talk about anything (literally), poke fun of each other, and also ourselves. you’re cool. i genuinely like hearing you go off about ace. if i could meet a moot it’d probably be you unless you’re secretly a fraud and you’re actually just a 80 yr old man looking for a sugar babie. in that case im in.

dear oz,

you overly sweet bean. i genuinely watch you in awe from afar, just by how talented and hardworking you are. your art is amazing, and i always look forward to the design you make for your oc’s outfits. thank you for understanding me, and for being patient with me. i care about you a lot, so if there’s ever anything that’s occupying your mind and you need to let them out, i’m here to listen. ps. i really don’t know any other mutual who listens to *that* comfort stuff like i do so im really thankful to have someone to talk about them with. you can always share your interests with me too, especially with your dearest tendou.

dear tate,

im such in awe of you. just the fact that you devote a lot of your time into writing and setting up the theme for your blog astounds me. not to mention, your art skills as well. i am still very much in love with that bokuto piece you made with the hanging leaves. i hope you know that bokuto loves you just as much as you do to him. i know you’re writing up something special atm, so i’m really looking forward to it. thank you for all the time you’ve spared just to send me an ask. it truly does mean a lot to me. it feels like someone is listening, and i’m very appreciative of having you as my dear mutual. please know that i’m here to support you too, with the best of my abilities.

dear winx club,

[ @wissbby @kageruna @pinkbunnyplushie @astrooliver @lovingtobio @kenmaki @lfjr @lcsbianist ]

im such a clutz, but thank you for dealing with me. i was little nervous to start up such a discord server because im bad at staying in one. though, the warm environment that you all provide makes me feel much more at ease. i think it’s funny popping in to the server and seeing a few people spamming the chat with hugs, headpats and kisses. it’s sweet, too. being in a group discord can get overwhelming for some people, so i appreciate you all for having that patience. another thing- thank you for understanding each other’s boundaries. its hard to be aware all the time especially when you’re interacting with people you don’t know to at a very personal level. im glad that you all helped each other make the space comfy. i look forward to more chaotic and genuine talks with all of you in the future. maybe we’ll still be in touch with each other after a long while? who knows. but im going to cherish every single moment i get with you all.

dear @nishinoya-is-baby @keitsukki11 @sullen-angel24 @smolbludandelions @whootwhoot @cheatingthroughthislife @tadashi-simp @oikaw-ugh @lostsealscreams @sleepykarabou @atsunflower @lfjr @globe-fish @bewwybun @tetsoleil @sleepykarabou @justcafewriter @rin-suna @atsumusc0ck @waitforitillwritemywayout @dorkyhaikyu @yemilnisu @sunseteyes @kenmaki @kenanami,

goodness, i would write you all individual messages if time let me. but, i hope this is alright. i just wanted to thank you all for interacting with some dummy like me because that shit takes real patience </3 y’all are some really cool people and im really glad to have you as a moot. im ngl im pretty sure i’ve stopped by all your inboxes just to forget to actually send an ask :’( or maybe im too shy. one or the other. hopefully i can come around to all your ask boxes soon and fill it with my love because it’s what you all deserve. ya’ll are such amazing and talented people. for the love of god- you have all my love and care in the world. i hope that these past few weeks have been gentle with you, but if not, please let yourself rest from whatever it is that may be putting you down. here’s a gentle reminder that im always here to listen, and i wouldn’t judge you for whatever it is it may be. thank you for being so kind to me, and i hope to return that as well. take care.

@insanitywrites @derpeedoo @killuababie @lespaghetti @ordinary-ace

i haven’t told you this until now but, thank you for giving me company and comfort during a time that i was deeply struggling.

ps. if there’s any grammar or spelling mistakes no u did not see that <3

[lucycassiopea]

A recap of what happened with Eldarya

I see a lot of people confused about the whole situation, why some ppl are mad, why some aren’t, what is going on, what will happen in the future, so...

Short version: - There was a fire a month ago - European servers are down - Backups were in the same place as the original files, so they are probably gone forever - Beemoov is 99% sure we won’t get our data back - We will have to create new accounts and they will give us some special currency for free to buy back our stuff.

Long version: So, for those who don’t know... Last month there was a fire at OVH (server providers), where the european servers’ data is kept. OVH was able to retrieve My Candy Love and Henri’s Secret data no problem, after just a couple of days, but the situation is different for Eldarya. The problem is the backup data was in the same exact place the original data was, so basically we lost both. Beemoov is SAYING (can we trust them? no) that OVH is not communicating with them so they don't really know if the data is ACTUALLY lost forever (there are some conspiracy theories going on here, but I'll leave those out as well as my suspicions), so Beemoov is assuming that everything is lost. For this very reason, they are creating a system so we can get some of our old stuff back, using "Ancient Coins" that will be given to us for FREE. Will we get maana? Gold coins? What about familiars? Illustrations? Clothes? And what if I made a purchase? I'm glad you asked!

-Maana: they still have to tell us the amount of maana we will actually get. For now, what we know is that we could get no maana at all. They said we will get 1000 maana, but the information about these 1000 is kinda cloudy. It's still not clear if only french players will get these 1000 or everyone. Beemoov explained that the 1000 are compensation for 2014-2015 players because they have no way of calculating an amount of maana for those years since the data is gone.

-Gold coins: they said we will get 100 gold coins. Plus, if you ever purchased gold coins/maana you will get that back (more explaining on this matter in a bit)

-Familiars and Illustrations: EVERYTHING will be available for purchase (with ancient coins) in a special boutique.

-Clothes: we will get EVERYTHING from "The Origin", with Christmas 2020 and Saint Valentine 2021 included, in a special boutique. Everything will be purchasable with ancient coins.

-Purchases: this, again, is kinda cloudy. They said that there will be a special page on the new site where we can tell them if we made a purchase. What we purchased will be given back to us in maana or gold (based on what we actually purchased) plus, we will also get more ancient coins to purchase the exclusive outfits we had. They said that they know that some players don't want to share personal information, so they are working on a system so we don't have to give Beemoov receipts of our purchase... But then today they said that we need purchase proof to get maana/gold coins we purchased. I guess we will know more about this matter with time. It's sure that we will get SOMETHING back.

-Ancient Coins: we will get 350.000 ancient coins. In theory, it sounds A LOT, but for all we know the prices in the special shop could be 5000 coins for ONE item, so wait before you get too excited, please. These ancient coins will be the currency for playing The Origin, you will NOT use maana to play "the origin", only ancient coins.

So, NO, our old account won't be coming back. The exact amount of maana we had won't be given back to us, even if you have a photo of your profile showing how much maana and gold coins you had. We will have to make a NEW account. We can use our old email and our old nickname if we so desire. We will be able to create a new account, hopefully, next week (April 12-16). I know everyone wants to get their own nicknames, but try not to assault the site or it could create more problems. All new accounts created will get ancient coins and the possibility to get old stuff. It doesn't matter if you started playing in October 2020 or in March 2017, you will get the same amount regardless. Is it fair? No. Can we do something about it? Also no (except for bitch about it, like I'm gonna do for a long ass time).

If I got ANYTHING wrong please tell me so I can edit this post. I want this to be as informative as possible for everyone. Hope I shed some light on the situation for everyone who was confused!

[aegialia]

self-indulgent reflection on being on tumblr

so i recently hit 1000 followers on here and this blog has existed for almost exactly 8 years, so i wanted to ramble about tumblr and my experience of it for awhile. under the cut so definitely feel free to ignore this.

i started this blog right around when i was fourteen and had just started high school. at that point, i was out to my parents (and no one else) as bi, i had an inkling i was Struggling with something but i had no idea what and felt like i couldnt actually acknowledge it, and i had left leaning but very vague politics. tumblr definitely has shaped my journey around sexuality/gender/mental health/politics, both for good and for ill. 

for good: 

seeing other ppl talk about being lesbians helped me realize i could be a lesbian w/o being a traitor to the concept of bisexuality. hearing trans ppl talk about their experiences and explaining non-binary stuff and dysphoria helped me understand what i was going through 

i don’t like talking about my mental health stuff in detail on here, but suffice to say, i was Going Through it in high school. i’m still going through it now, but i am in a much better place (thank you medication and 7 years of therapy!). seeing ppl talk about the weird, dumb, awful parts of mental illness let me acknowledge that i was going through those things too, that i wasnt like evil for feeling like that, that i could change. people talking about adhd/autism was particularly helpful---being able to identify why i’d always felt like my brain just didn’t work right is the first step in the (ongoing) process of not hating myself for the way my brain works

politics is definitely the area where i think tumblr was the best for me. i got exposed to so many opinions i definitely wasn’t hearing in school, from intelligent, well-read people who could articulate theory in ways i could understand. tumblr didn’t give me my politics and i didn’t learn everything i know about theory from it, but the communities of people i was around pointed me in the right directions. tumblr was also a good place to learn how to react to criticism. this doesn’t seem to be most people’s experience, but getting called out over minor things on tumblr genuinely helped me learn how to take a step back, look at my behavior, apologize, and try to change, which, as it turns out, is a helpful skill irl as well

for ill:

wrt sexuality and gender, it’s probably pretty obvious someone who’s journey is ‘cis bi girl -> cis with a million different microlabels -> nb w a million different microlabels for both sexuality and gender -> nb butch lesbian who’s not super into romance’ would have some bad times on tumblr. the bi circles i was in made being a lesbian seem like an immoral choice, the ‘’’mogai’’’ (or whatever u wanna call them) circles made me feel like i had to divy up and perfectly label every aspect of myself in a way that really wasn’t helpful for me, the lesbian circles i was in made me feel like being a lesbian was about ending up in a monogamous butch/femme cottagecore relationship and that there was something wrong with me for not really wanting that. to be clear i think microlabels can be very helpful for people/a monogamous butch/femme relationship is a perfectly fine thing to want, they just didn’t work for me. im very very glad ive reached a point in my life where i dont feel the need to stay up to date on the latest discourse and am more focused on finding a way to exist that is comfortable for me and supporting my community irl. 10/10 would recommend to everyone

not going to get deep into it, but social media is. not good for my brain in general. i still enjoy using tumblr, but these days im pretty careful to step back from it frequently and treat it as an occasional hobby. 

the cons of political stuff on tumblr are probably also very obvious. there are some just awful discussions on here and the culture surrounding the way we handle bad behavior and justice and accountability and working to become a better person and make up for the harm you’ve caused has historically been fucking awful and trying to unlearn it and find new ways to engage with this stuff is exhausting. 

for all that i’ve changed over the course of having this blog, this blog has stayed pretty fucking static. i started out being super into diana wynne jones and the iliad and those are still two of my biggest interests and things i talk about the most on here. there are definitely specific things that have petered away (i started this blog almost entirely to keep up with good omens fan stuff and i pretty much haven’t touched it since the miniseries came out, i haven’t sought out pacific rim/supernatural/elementary/mcu content in years), but im still pretty much interested in the same things. i like relatively small fandoms, i like weird side characters, i like to be a grumpy child playing with my toys in the corner. when a fandom im in gets popular, i tend to stop engaging with it entirely (hello rqg/tma/good omens/enola holmes!). i dont think its a pretentious ‘i liked it before it was cool’ thing so much as a ‘people get Weird and awful when a fandom hits a certain level of popularity and there’s too much content and i really, really hate the bad faith arguments larger fandoms tend to spawn’ thing. i’ll consume content from big fandoms, but i pretty much refuse to actually engage with them at this point.

one of the stranger parts of my experience of tumblr is the social side. i’ve never really known how people make friends online---how do you go from liking each other’s posts and occasionally replying to them to actually being friends who communicate off social media? i’ve had conversations with ppl on tumblr and i’ve had sort-of friendships that are contained to tumblr where i’d like to get to know them better, but i’ve never figured out how to do that. my best friend’s job is pretty much to make friends/connections on the internet (she’s an activist and artist), my dad knows people everywhere in the world from twitter, and i’m just sitting here like a little old grandpa who doesn’t understand how you can have internet friends. 

at this point in my life, i’m fine with this, but this has made me feel real fucking bad in the past---like, if everyone online, even the ppl who say they’re weird and brainbad in a similar way to me, can make friends on the internet, what’s wrong with me? particularly in high school and my first year of college, when i was just horribly lonely all the time, it made me feel super disconnected and like there was something fundamentally bad about me. these days, i’m a lot chiller about it. i use social media to engage with stuff i enjoy and share my thoughts about it. it’s okay that my social difficulties extend to me not knowing how to use the internet to socialize.

on a somewhat related topic, it’s wild that i have 1000 followers. obviously, that’s not an actually super large number and a huge number of them are probably bots or inactive. if you post consistently for eight years and follow lots of people, like i do, it’s not a surprise to end up with this many followers. it is also, thankfully, the sort of followers that are not fans. probably most ppl following this blog dont remember why they followed and dont know anything about me or my interests. this sounds like its meant to be depressing but it’s not. i like that my way of engaging w the internet lets me do pretty much whatever i want and no one will care. the mere concept of being. like. tumblr famous in any capacity, even just in one community/fandom, is viscerally horrifying to me. 

i really enjoy the space i’ve created for myself on here. on one hand, going back through my blog is obviously embarrassing and full of hating my past self. on the other hand, i now have a very nice collection of things i enjoy in this blog. i like seeing what i’ve been interested in and (when i’m in a good mental health place) i like to be able to remember how i thought and talked about the things i loved when i was younger. im not at the place in my life where i can love a younger version of myself, but sometimes i can laugh at zir with a level of fondness. 

i’ve always been paranoid about sharing details about my life on here (and the fact that my parents have always been able to see it certainly contributed), so the version of jack on here is a carefully curated version, who’s super enthusiastic about the things they love, was very conscientious about apologizing and trying to do better when ze messed up, and tried to be polite to others. that’s a younger version of myself that i’m closer to being able to have compassion for than the version i find in essays and poems and memories. 

i’m starting grad school in ten days and i’m still using the blog i started when i began high school. tumblr has helped me in a lot of ways and hurt me in a lot of ways, but i still have to admit that it’s been a significant factor in shaping me. i’d be incredibly embarrassed to admit that irl, but it’s true. other than my family and like one friend, this blog is one of the only things that’s ‘known’ me since i started high school. i’ve changed so much in that time and im glad to have this weird little record of myself throughout those changes, even if i’d probably warn my younger self away from tumblr if i could go back in time.

tl;dr i have had a mixed experience on tumblr and i have mixed feelings about that experience. no idea if anyone read any of this very long, very rambling internet memoir

p.s. fun facts about this blog:

i’ve never changed my icon or blog title

i recently got a second version of the poster i got my blog title from. i chose my blog title by looking at what was hanging on the wall directly in front of me. 

my original url was gloomthkin. this was not, as you’d probably assume, an otherkin thing. i had literally no idea what otherkin was at that point. i’d just learned the word gloomth from a bill bryson book and thought it would be cool n edgy to be the child of the quality of gloom. i changed my url after i learned what otherkin was and realized everyone probably assumed something about me that wasn’t true which i hated (not bc i had an issue w otherkin, just bc i don’t like ppl thinking untrue things about me)

during my good omens days, i once sent a tumblr ask to nail guyman which, in retrospect, was kinda rude. i stand by the content but id never send an ask like that now. he replied to it privately in a way that so deeply embarrassed and shamed 15 year old me that i’ve never gotten over it. i still get nervous and embarrassed when i see anything about him or his books