#a little tub woohoo never anyone! right?

[whimhaven]

the last day before these two head back to their respective schools and resume long-distance and they definitely made it worthwhile <3.

[boobpancakes]

say hello to valerie azula, the founder of my playthrough of the star sign legacy challenge by @ginovasims

generation one: aries traits: hot-headed, adventurous, self-assured aspiration: extreme sports enthusiast

valerie has always been inspired by the sights and the natural landscape of mt komorebi. if she is a bit of a weeb and has an unhealthy obsession with manga, that's her own secret to sleep with and yours to leave her alone about. after selling her mother's property back home after years of living in it alone, she has found a cushy little home centered right in downtown. a devoted activist by day, she uses her free time to unwind by going skiing and climbing the steep mountains in her new home town.

Requirements:

Any partner must be a good friend before you start romancing them

Never cheat on a partner

You must never initiate a breakup or divorce, but your partner can if it fits the story

Never go down without a fight - if anyone is negative towards you first, you must use at least three mean or mischievous actions straight away

Master any extreme sport 

Have at least two tattoos

Dye your hair a bright colour at least twice in your YA life

Get pregnant/get someone pregnant from public woohoo

When your first born child is a toddler, adopt a puppy. When this dog becomes an elder, adopt another puppy so you have two dogs in your household. You should keep repeating this so your children always have at least two dogs in the house. 

Reach at least level 7 of the politics career

Reach at least level 3 of the extreme sports enthusiast aspiration

Optional Requirements: 

Master all of the extreme sports

Woohoo in 5 different locations (hot tub, bush, sauna, etc.)

Have the adrenaline seeker lifestyle 

Make sure you have enough household funds to give your heir 30k when they move out

Reach level 10 of the politics career 

Complete the extreme sports enthusiast aspiration 

Give children winter themed names

[mlek13]

Winter, Year 7: The Poorhouse

The couples that I moved into my new apartments came from their family homesteads and they had barely enough money with them to make the rent.  The couples I moved from the singles lot only had a couple hundred with them and weren’t even close to being able to make the rent, so I had to revive the poorhouse where Raymond and Janice first lived when they were starting out together.

I had to revamp the lot first before I moved anyone in.  It started off with two 3x3 apartments (which were too small to function properly) and two 4x4 apartments.  I learned never to have adjoining walls in apartments.  I thought I could get by with it in the nonsleeping quarters in the apartments where Warren and June and Brandon and Autumn live, but even there the noise from the neighbors is constant and obnoxious.  So I separated the apartments and made three 4x4 apartments with spaces in between.  I added in a little bit of a yard for each (but probably not enough to be really useful.)   Instead of leaving the straw bed out in the open, I enclosed it in a shared room for warmth and privacy.  I added a shared bathroom (even though they always want to buy their own fixtures first thing) and added more counters, seating, and berry bushes in the common areas.  My couples probably aren’t going to be able to live here for long, because I didn’t leave much room for growing families.

Newlyweds Blazej Kimbrell and Marsha McAuley move in first and claim the back apartment.

I unlock the doors so the neighbors can share Marsha’s comfort soup and they take advantage by playing kicky bag in the middle of the room.

Marsha: Guys, there’s not room for that in here.  Take your game outside.

Blazej and Marsha welcome their first child.  A little girl named Mabel.

Blazej and Marsha both have jobs in the architecture career and are making good money.  They should be able to afford to move into a better apartment next season unless they want to stay here and save up a little more money first.  I might see if I need to free up this apartment for someone else.

Julianna, Sebastian, and baby Gillian move in next.

Dude, gross. I guess that’s one way to deal with cold feet?

Sebastian really wants to settle down and make a commitment to Julianna, but she isn’t ready to be tied down at all.  She gets a lot of offers to go out on the town and she takes them all.

What starts out as an outing with Rama Langerak, turns into a date.

She doesn’t have to worry about him pressuring her to marry.  His sights are set much higher.

His flirting with Miranda right in front of her doesn’t ruin their dream date.

She really wants to fall in love with Jonas again.

They go out for dinner together.

They don’t see eye-to-eye on a lot of things,

But that doesn’t seem to matter to them too much.

Back at home, Julianna’s younger brother Clarence shows up.  Since she was taken away from the family by social services as a baby, this might be their first time meeting.  He and Sebastian seem to hit it off.

Gillian grows up.  I think she’s inherited a lot of Sebastian in her features.  That’s her grandfather Raymond I see around her nose and mouth.

Another night out on the town for Julianna.  She’s ready for some fun.

She comes home to a surprise from Jonas.  He leaves her a hot tub.  A hot tub.  On this tiny, cheap poorhouse lot.  I was dying when I saw this thing show up.  Seriously?  A hot tub? LOL

Poor Sebastian.  He’s so oblivious.  Just playing with the baby and turning a blind eye to what his girlfriend is up to.

Or maybe he’s not as unsuspecting as he looks.  Might as well take advantage of it.

Damian:  Wait, is that a hot tub?  Where did this thing come from?

Sebastian:  I don’t know, but hop in.  The water is nice.

I’m having a lot of fun with the hot tub, but it can’t stay.  Whenever sims try to woohoo in the hot tub they get stuck.  Blazej and Marsha proved that’s still an issue in my game.  (I need to figure out how to fix that bug.)

Julianna: So, you’re a nobleman.  I know your family must have bags of money lying around.  I thought you should know, a peasant I’m dating just gave me a hot tub.  How are you going to match that?

I was pretty surprised to see that Julianna and Sebastian autonomously got engaged while I was playing the neighbor’s apartment.  I didn’t see who did the proposing, but I’m going to assume Sebastian got tired of waiting.  I doubt it will last long enough for me to get them married.

Hazel and Damian moved into the third apartment.  Hazel has been wanting to marry Damian, but he’s not so sure.  While on a date, trying to trigger him to roll a marriage/engagement want, I was pleasantly surprised to see him propose autonomously.  Good job, Damian.

Hazel goes into labor.

It’s a baby boy.  His name is Dominic. 

(I hope Julianna isn’t mad she stole the name.  That’s what I originally named her baby before the game crashed and the baby was reborn as a girl.)

Being a new father makes Damian nervous.

Damian: You know, I don’t think I’m ready for this after all.  I think I want to take back my proposal.

Hazel is crushed.

Stop playing games with the girl’s heart, man.  It isn’t nice.

Later they talk it out.

Damian: I don’t think I was really ready to have kids.  I had a tough time growing up, getting taken by the social worker, and being raised in an orphanage.  I don’t think I’m cut out to be a parent.

Hazel:  Well, it’s too late to think about that now.  The baby is here and I need you to step up.

Hazel: Especially since I’m pregnant again.

(I love this apartment lot.  It’s such a soap opera.  Landlady Lisa is here for the drama too.)

I was checking out Damian’s token stats and saw that he thinks Nanny Esther is the one.  And she just happens to invite him to an outing.  Of course, I have him go.  I can’t turn down the chance for drama.  Meanwhile I’m trying to think how I can get her out of the picture.

Damian:  Hey, where’s the rest of our outing?

Nanny Esther:  Oh, this is it.  It’s just you and me.

Lady, you got us here under some false pretenses.

Thoroughly disgusted, I send Damian home.  (I’m sure the only reason he knows her is because she babysat for him at the orphanage when he was a child.)  Unfortunately, I forgot to end the outing first and she followed him home and immediately into bed.  Hazel hears them from across the lot where she was making dinner in their apartment.

And she is not having it.

Oddly, Hazel is not that angry at either of them and sits down quite civilly with both of them while they have dinner.

Nobody made any supper for Nanny Esther, so she helps herself to the fridge and pulls out a turkey.  An entire freaking turkey and prepares a full turkey dinner right in front of Hazel who watches in disbelief.

I’m trying to figure out how to get Nanny Esther out of the picture, so she won’t keep being an obstacle for Hazel and Damian.  I don’t want to do anything too extreme like kill her off, but I would like to encourage them to forget about each other.

[zutaralover94]

Prompt #5 Request

This is for you anons! And for @dangerouspersonllamabagel​ and for @beealexageek​ 

Once upon a time I said I would never write this but here it is!

Read below or Read on AO3 (hopefully I can post on Fanfic soon. Still dealing with those flags!)

Tags: One Night Stands, Pregnant AU, Roommates, Pining, More Pining on Zuko’s half, but Mutual Pining, Rated M, there is a dabble of smut, and a handful of cursing, mentions of the series ‘The Untamed’ and ‘The Office’, Anyone see the Friends inspiration?, I rewrote this more times than I’d like to admit.

Katara woke up with a huge headache. She rolled over and rubbed her face into the warm pillow. There was a groan above her, and she shot up in bed. She looked over to see someone sleeping next to her. She let out a scream before grasping her head in pain. Her eyes closed and she put her head down to her bent knees.  There was another groan and the someone sat up next to her. Katara rubbed at her eyes. “Shit.”

“I agree.” 

Katara turned to the familiar voice, “Oh fuck.” 

Zuko blinked multiple times and then turned to her. “Oh fuck.”

Katara looked down to Zuko’s shirt and sighed, “Oh, thank God.” Katara moved out of the bed pulling the strap of her bra up onto her shoulder. “For a second there I thought we, you know-.” She ended her sentence with a soft laugh and then held her head as she stood up. “Whew,” Katara began pulling on her things from the night before. “I’m going to head downstairs. I’ve got to get something for this headache.”

Zuko patted at his bare thighs and found his boxers thrown over the hotel’s desk chair in the corner. He did his best to be calm as he searches through his non-existent memories to see if anything had happened last night. But he’s fairly sure if anything did happen with Katara, even if someone brainwashed him, that he would remember in an instant. 

+++

Three weeks later, Katara groaned as she felt her stomach lurch again. Stupid Sokka and his dumb chicken parm. Katara leaned over the toilet bowl yet again. She dry heaved and cried a little when nothing came up.

“Woah, are you sick?” Sokka pushed open the door. His face screwed up as Katara dry heaved over the bowl again.

“Yes,” Katara whined. “Your stupid chicken parm made me sick.” She leaned back and rested her head on the cool tub. 

“That can’t be it.” Sokka poked Katara in the forehead. “Both Suki and I are feeling fine. What are you pregnant?”

“Ha!” Katara burst out a laugh and pushed Sokka away. But then it hit her with another wave of nausea. Have I had a period this month? Katara wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She mentally started counting backwards. And when she got to day 40, she started over again.

“Kat?” Sokka poked Katara again with a much more serious face. He handed her a glass of water. “I was kidding. I know you’re not seeing anyone.”

“Haha,” Katara gave a weak laugh. “Right.” She took a sip of water before laying her head back on the bathtub again. 

Maybe she was just late.

+++

Two weeks later and many trips to the bathroom all but confirmed that she wasn’t just late. Katara bit her lip as she shopped through at-home pregnancy tests. She had done her research and was pretty sure which one to get. But standing in the aisle by herself was causing a queasy feeling. (That was not a morning sickness feeling. She knew the difference now.) Katara grabbed the one that had the highest ratings and another one just in case. 

When she got home, she held the bag close to her and looked around the apartment. Most everyone was at work. Katara had called in with a stomach bug. She wasn’t too sure how long she could keep using that excuse. Joo Dee was becoming more and more suspicious. 

She was almost too nervous to pee. Her hand kept shaking and her stomach was in so many knots. Katara was positive she knew the answer to this test. She was never late and never sick. She was as healthy and regular as any girl could be. Even so much Suki made fun of her.

Katara sat the test on the counter and sat down on the floor. She sighed as she looked around the small bathroom. She reached over for an old magazine in the bin beside the toilet. It was definitely dated but it would keep her mind busy for a few minutes. 

Or so she thought. She got through one article about boob reductions before she grew bored and put the magazine in the trash can. Katara stood and leaned over the test but there was still no answer. She took down one towel and began refolding it. Then the next and the next. She put them back in color order making a very small rainbow on the shelf. 

Katara froze as she heard the front door open and close.

“Kat?”

She took a deep breath in at the sound of Suki’s voice. Her hands on her stomach and she exited the bathroom with a fake smile. “Hey Suki!”

Suki gave her a strange look, “Did you stay home again?”

“No,” Katara said a little too quickly as she waved her hand as if to be nonchalant. “I, uh, took an early lunch and decided to come home and eat.”

“Oh,” Suki nodded and grabbed her lunch from the fridge and sat down at the table. “That’s good. I was a little worried when I saw your car that you decided to stay home again.”

“Nope,” Katara went to the fridge and realized it was pretty much empty, except for the case of beer, wine coolers and about three boxes of some sort of take out. Katara bit back a wave of nausea and quickly closed the refrigerator door. “You know what I think maybe I’ll just take a nap.”

Suki squinted at her, “You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Katara smiled over to her friend and hoped it look convincing.

“Okay, well I’m going to finish this and go. I hope you have a nice nap.” Suki followed her with still squinting eyes to her bedroom. 

“Okay, have a great rest of your day!” Katara said cheerfully as she opened and closed her bedroom door.

Katara blew out a breath as she laid on her bed. She closed her eyes for just a moment. Not realizing how tired she was. 

It was only twelve minutes later that Suki burst into Katara’s room. “Your PREGNANT!”

“Huh?” Katara rolled over and faced Suki. She rubbed her eyes as Suki held out a white stick.

“What-? Who?!” Suki pushed the stick further at Katara.

Katara blinked a few times before looking at the stick clearly. Two lines stared back at her. She sat up slowly and looked at the two little pink lines for a few more seconds. “I’m pregnant.”

“Yeah!” Suki nodded and handed her the stick. “Aren’t you happy?”

Katara sat there stunned after taking the stick from Suki. Of course. But… “Yeah.”

Suki sat on the bed, “So that’s why you’ve been so sick. You’re never sick.” 

Katara only nodded. I’m pregnant. She placed a hand on her stomach. I’m going to be a mother. Katara’s other hand slapped to her forehead. Oh, fuck! I am going to be a MOM.

“Kat?” Suki nudged her best friend. “Kat!” She pulled the hand away from her head. “Katara! Babe! Woohoo!”

Katara blinked back at her friend. “I’m going to be a mother.” Suki’s smile was bright as she nodded. “I have no idea how to be a mom!”

“What?” Suki sat back but still held on to Katara’s hand. “It’s okay. They say it just comes to you. Plus, you’ve been mothering the Gaang since we were like 12. You’ll be great!”

Katara’s thumb brushed over the non-existent baby bump. “I’m pregnant.” She whispered again and looked down at hers and Suki’s hands. “What am I going to do?”

“What do you mean what are you going to do?” Suki squeezed Katara’s hand. “You’ve always said that you wanted kids.”

“I’ve also said I want to lick whip cream off of half the cast of ‘The Untamed’!” Katara countered.

“Yeah, but that’s like not something obtainable.” Suki shook her head with a small laugh.

“And being pregnant with no idea who the father is or how I’m even freaking pregnant,” Katara pulled from Suki and stood up. “I always thought I’d be married with a steady job first. Hell, being in a relationship would be a step above this!”

“Wait,” Suki stood up too. “You don’t know who the father is?”

Katara bit her lip and shook her head. She had run through everyone she had been with in the past three months. Even though she really only needed to know who she’s slept with in the last month. But even then, Katara couldn’t think of a soul. 

Tears started gathering in her eyes again. If she didn’t even know who the father was, how was she supposed to raise the child? Katara wiped at her eyes. She was just going to have to think harder.

“Kat, calm down.” Suki put her hands on her cheeks. “Hey, look at me.” She gave a smile that calmed her slightly. “We don’t need to know who the father is. You’ve got me and Sokka and Zuko and Toph and Aang and Uncle Iroh.” Katara gave a hiccup and a smile at all the names Suki started rattling off. “That’s plenty of people to look after Peanut.”

“We are not calling my baby Peanut.” Katara said with a serious face.

Suki held up her hands and backed away, “Okay, deal.” They stood there for a few minutes before Suki wrapped Katara up in a hug. “I’m so happy for you! You’re going to be a great mom!”

Katara hugged her best friend back. She was quiet for a few minutes before whispering, “I’m going to be a mom.”

“Yeah,” Suki patted her back. “So, how long have you known? Or thought you knew?”

“It’s been about a month now.” Katara pulled back and sat back down on the bed. “You remember when I first started getting sick two weeks ago?”

“Yeah,” Suki nodded.

“I’m pretty sure I knew then. But what I can’t figure out is like a week or two before that. Where was I? What did I do?” Katara rubbed at her head. “I remember Mai’s and Ty Lee’s wedding was about that long ago. But I didn’t hook up with anyone at their wedding. Or at their bachelorette party. Or any other events like that.” She looked over to Suki. “The last guy I slept with was Haru and that was what six months ago now?”

“Oh, I did always like him.” Suki nodded and then shook her head when Katara gave her a look. “So, there is no one else? You didn’t go partying without me, did you?”

“No,” Katara looked around her room. “See, this is what I mean… How am I supposed to be a mom if I can’t remember someone I’ve slept with in the past-?”

There was a flash of heated skin and dark hair in her mind’s eye. 

Katara’s ankles were hooked around a strong body. Her fingernails scrapping over one pectoral while the others dug into a right shoulder blade. Her teeth sunk into pale skin and sucked. A strong buck of hips caused her to release her teeth and her head fall back in a loud moan. “Oh, my! Do that again! More!” 

And more she got. Katara was hot and she ran her hands up the body to his long black strands that stuck to his sweating face. She pushed back the bangs in his golden eyes. 

“Oh, FU-UH-CK!” 

“Zuko.” Katara whispered as a blush rose up her neck.

“Huh?” Suki blinked at her with confusion.

“We slept together.” Katara whispered. Then groaned as more very detailed memories came back to her from their drunken escapades after Mai’s and Ty Lee’s wedding. “We, fuck.” Katara closed her eyes but was only met with Zuko’s golden eyes practically glowing with desire. “We woke up the night after the wedding in bed together. We still had on clothing, so I thought... “Katara’s eyes popped back open to see Suki gaping down at her.

“Zuko?” 

“Yeah.” Katara sat up and ran a hand through her hair.

“Our roommate, Zuko? Your brother’s best friend? That Zuko?” Suki asked leaning forward with each question. Katara nodded. “The Zuko that gave you your first kiss? Zuko, the one that froze our bras when we were 15? Zuko?”

“Yes!” Katara nodded and then covered her face. “Yes, yes, yes, yes. That Zuko. The one and only Zuko we know! It’s not like he is a Lee. We know a million of Lees.”

“Kat,” Suki put a hand on her shoulder. “You’re sure?”

“I can’t think of another male that I have been in a horizontal position within the past two months.” Katara let out the biggest sigh she had ever in her life. She put her hands back on her stomach. “What if he doesn’t want it?”

“Zuko?” Suki asked with skeptic look. 

“How many times are you going to say his name like a question?”

Suki huffed and crossed her arms, “I’m pretty sure Zuko will-,” 

“Let’s not tell him.” Katara interrupted.

“be ecstatic.” Suki’s arms dropped, “What do you mean ‘Not tell him’?”

“I’m not going to tell him and since you are the only other person-,”

“You should definitely tell him.” 

“That knows. You will not tell him either.” Katara pointed at Suki. “Got it?”

“Like ever?” Suki tilted her head and looked down at Katara’s abdomen, “You know that when the kid comes, he’ll probably know.”

“What? How?”

“Genetics.” Suki stated plainly. 

“Right,” Katara stood back up again and paced to the other side of her room. “Then we won’t tell him or anyone until absolutely necessary. No one can know. Okay? Deal?”

“Katara…”

“Deal?” Katara walked back to her with her pinky finger out.

Suki sighed and held out her pinky. She yanked it back right before Katara curled it around hers. “But just so it’s on the record. I think you should tell him.” Katara rolled her eyes and hooked her pinky around Suki’s.

+++

Five months later, Katara rubbed her stomach as she munched on another small bag of pretzels. She watched as Sokka and Suki pulled out outfit after outfit from the rack. Katara had only shaken her head to pretty much every single garment. She wondered how long it would take them to realize she was doing it on purpose. 

Zuko walked up to her shaking his head as he passed her a white grape juice water, “You know you’re just going to reap what you are sowing when they have a kid?”

Katara gave a soft laugh as she wiped off her fingers on her top. “I don’t know what you mean, ZuZu.”

Zuko just chuckled and passed her the opened water bottle. “Have you decided which bedding set?” Zuko picked up a package with little yellow ducks. “I heard you have to buy a whole bunch of them and put them down like all on at once. So, when Baby Peanut has an explosion in the middle of the night, you just have to take off one layer and not redo the whole bed.”

“I’m still upset that caught on,” Katara mumbled into her water bottle. 

Zuko gave a smile, “Ducks or Turtles?” He held up two packages of bedding. 

Katara looked them both over, “Both?”

Zuko nodded and placed them both in the buggy. “Both is good.” He pushed the cart down the next aisle. But Katara hadn’t moved.

She pressed her hand again to where she thought she felt something. Alarm bells went off in her head and she looked around. “Zuko?” Was something wrong with the baby?

Zuko was back to her in a blink hearing the shake in her voice, “What’s wrong?” Zuko looked down to where Katara was pressing a hand to her stomach. “Is something wrong with the baby?”

“I-I don’t know.” Katara smoothed her hand over the spot again.  And felt the little push again. “Oh my God!” Katara pulled her hand away with a gasp. “Oh, my God!” She put her hand back over where she felt the kick or punch or whatever the baby was doing. “She kicked! She!”

Katara grabbed Zuko’s hand and placed it on her stomach. The baby gave two swift kicks to Zuko’s hand. “Woah!” Zuko pulled his hand back and then broke out into a smile. He put his hand back. His fingers were overlapping Katara’s as he felt the baby move. “She’s moving.”

“I know.” Katara laughed and looked up to Zuko. His golden eyes were so wide with surprise but also looked happy. 

Katara hoped Baby Peanut would come out just like her dad. Happy.

+++

It wasn’t until they were cleaning up the baby shower two months later that Zuko asked.

“So, did the father come today?”

Katara paused while shoving a forkful of cake in her mouth. She bit down only if to have her mouthful, so she didn’t have to reply immediately. Zuko took down another row of lights as he waited. He glanced over at her often. Katara licked the fork clean, still trying to decide if she should lie or not. “Uh, yeah. Why?”

“Oh,” Katara watched his shoulders drop a little. But then come back up as he reached for another set of lights. He turned his back to her, “No reason. Just wanted to know if the father would be around a lot and if we are going to get along with him okay. Is he going to be around a lot?”

Katara swallowed and took another bite of cake as Zuko looked over his shoulder at her. Katara held up her finger as she slowly chewed. She looked down at her plate that only had maybe two other bites. 

“Bye, Katara! I’m really happy for you.” Joo Dee came over and gave her a short hug. “I can’t wait to see the little one. Bring her in as soon as you can. I know the whole office will be so excited.”

Katara nodded and finished her bite. “I will. Thank you for coming.”

Joo Dee patted her head before leaving. Zuko cleared his throat, as if to remind Katara that he was still here and still waiting for an answer.

“I’m,” Katara licked her lips. “I’m not sure.” She whispered.

“Oh,” Zuko said again and began rolling up the lights. 

Katara hissed and placed a hand over where the baby was pushing hard against her side. She winced and moved to be a little more comfortable. Zuko was to her in a few seconds, worry clear on his face. “I’m okay.” Katara pushed Zuko’s hands away that had reached for her side. “I’m fine. She’s just squishing my everything.” 

Zuko sat back on his heels. Katara tried to ignore the small flash of hurt in his eyes. He schooled his face and then rose, picking up the string of lights he had dropped. Zuko and her were quiet for some time. Katara finished off the cake and watched Zuko climb up and down the small step ladder as he took down lights. 

“Are you still free tomorrow and maybe Monday night to help me take back all the double gifts?” Katara asked to break the uncomfortable silence.

“Sure, if you need me.” Zuko shrugged as he rolled up the last string of lights. The streetlights and some small outside lights still lit Azula’s backyard enough that Katara could see Zuko’s facial expressions. It looked a little agitated, but his emotions were blocked off. 

That was one thing she was hoping the baby didn’t inherit. Her father’s skill of turning off emotions. Even after all these years, he could wrap up his emotions with practically a flip of a switch.

“I mean, you don’t have to go.” Katara crossed her arms. 

“Why don’t you ask the father to go? Huh?” Zuko turned around to her, dropping the string of lights in a box. 

“What is up with you and asking about the father all of the sudden?” Katara tried to stand up swiftly but realized it’s a lot harder being eight months pregnant. Zuko moved to help her and once she was on her feet she slapped at his hands. “Stop. I’m fine. Thank you.” Zuko backed up with his hands raised in surrender. “I just know we had already talked about going back to get that changing table I actually wanted.”

“Yeah, we can do that.” Zuko shoved his hands into his pockets. “Just figured maybe during this last month, you might want to spend some more time with the father. Since this whole time, you’ve really only spent it with us.”

Guilt filled Katara’s stomach, she rubbed her hand over the swell right below her boobs. “I think he would be fine with us returning stuff.” She paused her hand over where the baby’s toes were pushing against her ribs. “I think we can do all that boring stuff.”

Zuko sighed and turned to pick up the box of lights. “If the father is around as much now as he is around when this baby is born. The baby will end up calling me dad. And wouldn’t that be awkward.”

You have no idea. Katara patted her belly with a laugh and walked (more like waddled) behind Zuko back into the house.

+++

It was one week before her due date that The Secret spilled.

“Me?!” Zuko yelled as he and Katara stood toe to toe in the nearly finished nursery. Zuko was holding a piece of the new changing table.

“Yes, you.” Katara had her arms crossed over her chest. “Who else?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Zuko crossed his arms over his chest. “It could have been anyone at this point!” 

Katara huffed and unfolded the directions. “But it definitely has to be you.”

Suki popped her head in after just arriving home from work. “Hey guys!”

Katara gave a smile and then rolled her eyes.

“I just don’t see how it’s possible, I’m the only guy-.”

“Oh, you told him!” Suki burst further into the room. She hugged Katara from the side and gave a little squeal. “I’m so happy you finally told! I thought for sure I was going to tell! You know back when you finally told everyone about the pregnancy, I was sure you were going to tell him then. But then I remembered you really didn’t want him to find out. So, two weeks ago at the baby shower. I thought ‘Oh, wouldn’t it be cute if she told him- ‘,”

It took Katara’s fogged up pregnancy brain too long to shove a hand over Suki’s mouth. “Yes, I told Zuko that he had to help me finish the baby room. He is the only one I know that could put this together.” Katara hissed through her teeth.

Zuko looked between the two girls. As Suki blinked a few times and pulled back. “So, you still didn’t tell him?” She almost looked sad.

“Yes, I did tell him.” Katara glared at her best friend. “That I needed his help with building the changing table.”

“Right,” Suki gave finger guns with a slightly guilty face. “Wow, awkward. I’m going to go cook dinner. I’m thinking something spicy. What do you think, Kat?” Suki started making her way to the door. “Pad Thai? Enchiladas? Oh, ramen?” Suki closed the door without an answer. A few seconds later. Katara and Zuko heard the front door close too.

“What was she talking about?” 

“Nothing,” Katara looked back down at the instructions. “I swear sometimes I think it’s her that has the pregnancy brain.” She gave a short laugh. “Now we should probably sort-, Hey!”

Zuko took the instructions from Katara. “What was she talking about, Katara?”

Katara ran her hands over her belly. “I think my water broke?”

Zuko gave her an unimpressed look, “You’re not going to ‘Office’ your way out of this. What was she talking about? She seemed way too happy that I was putting together a dumb changing table.”

“You know how us girls are, we get excited about anything baby.” Katara gave a small smile and tried to shrug of the conversation.

Zuko only shook his head, “Look, I’m happy to help. But I want to know what she was talking about. You didn’t even know what color the room was going to be until you were what six months along? So, how would you know to tell me to build this changing table back when you first told us you were pregnant?”

Katara just stood there running her hands over her pregnant belly. Baby Peanut moved around slightly and Katara could feel the little hiccups. Katara looked around the room. There wasn’t really an escape. “She wasn’t talking about just the changing table she was also talking abo-.”

Zuko sighed and sat down the pieces of the changing table and the instructions. “Okay.” He looked Katara over and then began to walk out. “I’m going to go find Suki. I think enchiladas would be better than Pad Thai.”

“Zuko, wait.” Katara reached out for him as he reached the door to the baby room.

“Why? So, you can stand there and lie to me some more?” Zuko opened the door to the living room. “Because I don’t want to do that.”

Katara followed him, “Zuko…”

“No, Katara.” Zuko looked around for his keys and wallet. “I feel like all you’ve done this whole time is lie.”

“I haven’t lied about a single thing!” Katara crossed her arms over her chest in defense. 

Zuko scoffed, “Right. Then what was Suki really talking about?” Katara’s arms dropped and her mouth opened but closed again. “Exactly. Do you want two chicken or do you want a spinach one this-.”

“You’re the father.”

“What?”

“I said I wanted two chicken enchiladas and a cup of spicy ramen?” Katara bit her lip.

“No, you didn’t.” Zuko shook his head at her. “You said, I’m- ha. I’m the-.”

“Father, yeah.” The smile she was holding back cracked when Zuko’s bloomed on his face. “That’s what Suki- Mmph!”

Zuko’s lips were on hers. The kiss was surprisingly soft and Zuko wrapped his arms around Katara. When Zuko pulled back, Katara’s lips chased after his. She reached up and pulled his face back down to hers. They stood there kissing for a few moments until Peanut decided to start kicking. Zuko stepped back with the largest smile on his face.

“I’m going to be a dad.” Katara nodded with a big smile too. Zuko’s hands ran over Katara’s belly. “I’m going to be a-. We’re going to be parents. Holy Shi-zues and pekingeses.”

“Nice save.” Katara laughed and placed her hand over Zuko’s. Zuko took her hand and kissed it.

“Agni, I wish you would have told me sooner.” Zuko ran his thumb over her knuckles before kissing them again. 

“Why?” Katara gave a small laugh. 

“I don’t know. Maybe so I could have enjoyed this pregnancy longer. Instead of being jealous of some stupid jerk that hadn’t been there for any of the important parts.” Zuko shrugged. “Wait.” Katara hummed. “How do you know that stupid jerk is me?”

“You remember the night of Mai’s and Ty Lee’s wedding? When we got super drunk and we woke up the next morning in bed together?”

Zuko vaguely remembers having to grab his boxers from across the room after Katara had crawled out of bed. “And so, you’re sure…”

“Yes, I haven’t been in bed with a male since way before that.” Katara gave a small laugh. “Plus, I kind of remember bits of that night. It was pretty hot. It got me through my horny months.”

“Oh?” Zuko wiggled his eyebrows. Katara gave his arm a little smack. Only for Zuko to gather Katara up in his arms again. “I’m going to be a dad.” 

Katara wrapped her arms the best she could around Zuko. “Yeah, you oh-,” Katara clutched at Zuko’s shirt. Katara felt a gush of wetness run down her leg. “Uh, I got to go to the bathroom.”

“Oh,” Zuko stepped back and helped walk her to the bathroom.

“It’s okay. I just didn’t realize I had to go.” Katara patted Zuko’s arm and closed the door. Once she was finished, she joined Suki and Zuko on the couch. Suki had come back with boxes and boxes of take out containers. Her stomach gave a twinge and Katara hissed. She waved Suki and Zuko to continue their conversation.

“So, she finally told me.” Zuko said as he opened another container for Katara. “And I kissed her.”

“Ow!” Katara grabbed at her lower stomach. “Okay that hurt. Sorry. You were saying.” Katara moved to get comfortable again, but her back began to ache and her stomach cramped. She hissed and ran her hand over her stomach. “Sorry, go ahead.”

Suki and Zuko gave her a strange look, “You kissed her?” Suki asked after a second. She watched Katara take a bite of her noodles. 

Zuko looked Katara over as she winced while eating, “Are you in labor?”

Suki’s eyes got wide and sat down her fork, “Oh my God she is in labor!”

“I’m what?” Katara groaned as a large wave of pain hit her. “No, remember I’ve had these before.” She patted Zuko on the arm. “I’m fine. What were we saying?”

“We were talking about how you told him, and he kissed you. What does that mean? Are you guys like togeth-,” Suki looked between Zuko and Katara.

“Okay. Ow!” Zuko pulled his arm away from where Katara’s nails had begun to dig in. “Why don’t we just take you down to the hospital?”

“Cause, I’m not in la-.” Katara moved again and felt the need to poop again. “I’m not in labor. I just need to go to the bathroom. Help me back up.” Zuko looked over to Suki before helping Katara up. Katara groaned in pain as she stood. “Maybe get some Tylenol too?”

Suki shook her head, “How about an epidural?”

Katara paused and looked over at her. “No, I’m fi-.” Katara whined. “Okay, maybe we should.”

+++

“Here she is,” The doctor laid the fresh pink baby over on Katara’s shoulder. Katara began bawling and Zuko kissed Katara’s forehead. He reached out for the little crying baby. He held onto Katara’s hand as she touched the baby’s foot. “Alright, we’re going to wash her off and check a few things and then we’ll do some skin to skin time. Okay?”

Katara bubbled out an ‘Okay’ and held onto Zuko’s hand harder. A nurse came by and began helping Katara clean up. They turned out some of the lights before handing the baby over to Katara. 

“Oh, my Spirits she is so precious.” Katara whispered and ran her hand down her baby’s back. “And beautiful. Oh, my God. I want to keep her.”

Zuko chuckled and kissed Katara’s forehead again. “You do get to keep her, I promise.”

“Don’t make fun of me,” Katara said in between tears. 

“I’m not, ‘Tara.” Zuko’s face didn’t fall from the large smile. 

“Oh,” Katara whispered and kissed her baby’s head. “That little sigh. Zuko, I love her.”

Zuko rubbed Katara’s arm, “I love her, too.” Zuko sighed and after a moment continued, “I love both of you.”

“I love you too.” Katara leaned her head back and closed her eyes. Her eyelashes were still wet with tears. “Zuko?”

“Hmm?” He raised a hand to brush hairs from her face.

“I still don’t know her name.” Katara opened her eyes with a little pout. “I’ve just been calling her Peanut like the rest of you.”

Zuko did his best not to laugh, “You’ve got time.”

“But her birth record will show Baby Girl.” Katara pouted more. “I don’t want her to just be Baby Girl.”

“Then what do you want to name her?”

“I don’t know.” More tears started to well in Katara’s eyes.

“How about Peanut?” Zuko joked. But realized that this was not a joking matter as Katara’s blue eyes turned an icy glare at him. “Okay, not Peanut.” Zuko looked around for a minute. They hadn’t looked through any baby naming books. Zuko thought Katara already had one picked out. “What about Hope?”

“No, my godchild’s name is Hope.” Katara waved off the idea. “Next?”

“Uh, Patricia?” Zuko thought he remembered hearing that name somewhere…

“You want to name our baby after our birthing coach?” Katara raised an eyebrow at him.

“No,” Zuko shook his head. “Da-Shoot, this is harder than it looks.” 

They were both quiet for a moment. Both working through a list of names. Katara sighed as Zuko’s fingers continued to run through her hair. The soft strokes made her want to dose off. But she knew someone would probably be in to collect their baby soon. Then she could sleep. Maybe she should make Zuko stay with her if only to have him continue running his fingers through her hair. 

“What about Zara?” Zuko asked and Katara hummed. 

She rolled the name around in her mind a few times, “Zara.” Like Zuko and Katara put together. “I like it.” Katara brushed a hand over the baby’s head, “Zara.”

+++

Two years later and Zuko is trying to take the curlers from Zara’s dark brown hair. “Katara! Hurry up or this flower girl won’t make it to the wedding!” 

“Really?” Katara stepped from their room with a diaper bag and her hair still in curlers.

“What?” Zuko smiled up to her. “You know Suki will be mad if you show up late.”

“Oh, like her and Sokka did at ours?” Katara raised an eyebrow. “I believe you told me once ‘you reap what you sow.’? I think that they are doing just that.”

Zuko chuckled and stood up with Zara in his arms. He leaned over and kissed his wife on her freshly painted lip. “Love you.”

“Mhmm,” Katara took out Zara’s last curler. “Now, let’s go because you’re right. She really will be mad if we are late.”

[eloquenceassassinated]

This just in: MARVEL fangirl weighs in on Wonder Woman

I still can’t be sure how many people actually see my blog, but hey! To anyone who cares, sorry about the long wait. I’ve been on vacation the past few days and hardly had the time to breathe, much less post. Ironic, isn’t it?

So anyway, I said I’d give my thoughts on Wonder Woman as the Marvel fangirl who wants to like DC, so let’s jump right in!

Let’s start with what the movie isn’t, shall we? It’s not a “woohoo, girls rule, boys drool!” propaganda mud-fest in which all of the guy characters are either useless, evil, or gross to make the girls look competent by comparison (sly look at you, Frozen). Nor is it a testosterone-filled smash-‘em-up that only has a female lead because eye candy and reasons. Nor is it a Marvel movie. It doesn’t have the rapid humor, quirky villains, and sensation of history in even the most minor characters that I’m used to, and it tries to tackle deeper themes far more obviously than Marvel’s subtler undertones. It’s not an epic war movie like Lord of the Rings, and it’s not a grand, universe-spanning adventure either.

What it is, is an origins story. And a pretty dang good one at that.

Let’s go chronologically because otherwise I’m going to get lost and go on a tangent. Spoiler warning as we proceed. Act One is spent on Diana’s birthplace and also the most gorgeous set in this entire movie, the hidden island of Themyscira. If you thought the stunties in LotR were good, you haven’t seen the Amazon warriors slide out of their saddles and fire a bow while riding the horse sideways. We meet Diana as a joyful little girl who wants nothing more than to join the adults she sees around her and become a warrior herself. There’s always the inherent problem with child actors, but they couldn’t have gotten much better for young Diana. She’s a joy to see, and you get invested in her wide-eyed fantasies of heroism really quick. Who doesn’t want to be a hero?

It’s easy to see where Diana’s later self-righteousness and one-track mind come in when we see the simplistic world in which she was raised. The world has a fairy-tale flavor to it for Diana—humans good, some gods good, some gods evil, Amazons defeat evil, the end—which makes her utter confusion and disillusionment at the sight of real-life WWI all the more believable later on. Even the exposition dragging down the first twenty minutes seems to be coddling us as viewers as Diana is being coddled. As much as I wish the Amazons got better lines (their characters were so cool, they deserved it!), it does a lot to set up the tone-shift later in the movie.

We’re also introduced to my personal favorite character, Antiope—Diana’s hardcore aunt who secretly teaches her fighting stuff. She’s just all-around cool: rugged, weathered, with awesome battle scars, and an air of kindness and concern underneath all that warrior stuff. While Diana’s mom Hippolyta looks soft on the outside and is hard inside, Antiope is hard on the outside and soft on the inside, which is my favorite kind of character.

So yeah, good stuff and we’re hardly twenty minutes in. We watch Diana grow up, we see that she can cause small explosions by crossing her gauntlets, it’s hinted at that she is something more than meets the eye, and then the interesting stuff happens. An Allied pilot with an American accent (who for some reason is working for the British) crashes his plane into the ocean outside Themyscira. Diana pulls an Ariel and fishes him out of the water, then stares at him when he wakes up on the beach. (I literally sang “Part of Your World” under my breath when I first saw this scene, to the infinite amusement of none but me.) And then it turns out he’s being followed by the Germans. Again with the simplistic flavor, really. What’s more classic bad guy than Germans?

Fight scene on the beach, yadda yadda, spoilers, my favorite dies and so do a heck ton of Nazis. Interesting note: Diana hardly joins this fight. This is a nice detail, especially since we’ve seen how powerful she is before. It brings her down to earth that she’s nervous in her first fight and senses that she’s not safe anymore. At least her aunt wouldn’t kill her in training sessions, but these outsiders wouldn’t think twice. So she hides. The fact that I could pick that up on first viewing is a testament to the writing and the acting. Nice touch.

Then the Amazons hold a congress to see what they should do with the pilot, whose name is Steve Trevor. Nice little note from a writer’s standpoint: no one character has a casting vote in the course of action. This is a dynamic I saw first in the new Voltron cartoon, and it’s stuck with me as a tiny, genius little writing trick for world immersion. If Cap or Tony says “we’re going to Leipzig”, everybody packs up and goes to Leipzig, but even Queen Hipolyta is reasoned out of her initial plan (to kill the pilot) by other characters like the unnamed Amazon senator. Main characters get input from lesser characters throughout the movie, which is much like conversations in real life. Since when did one person call all the shots un-challenged? They don’t in this movie.

We’re also introduced to the iconic lasso, which is apparently not Diana’s to begin with, just a thing the Amazons have lying around that happens to be useful for vetting folks. They also give it a pretentious name like “Lasso of Something” that completely slipped my mind and probably freaked Steve Trevor out. He gives the Amazons the skinny on WWI—the Great War, at this point—and Diana is confused. Get used to that. It will be her default for the rest of the movie.

They decide not to kill him, Diana insists that they need to go kill Ares and shut down the war, and Hippolyta is like “no way hon” and that’s the end of the conversation. Also, get used to the whole “gotta kill Ares” thing. Also going to be her default. Like I said, one-track mind.

Then comes the part of the show where we make awkward sexual jokes and innuendos because Diana is a grown woman who has read all about but never seen a man. Steve Trevor is bathing in a pool thing that actually looks pretty sweet, and Diana walks in on him and doesn’t leave because of course, and she forces him to form an escape plan with her basically. There’s this bit where he awkwardly segways from talking about physical differences to talking about the watch he left on the edge of the tub, and it’s just so out of the blue that it’s gotta be setting up an ironic echo or something. Then Diana leaves and suits up, which involves this really cool scene in which she scales the outside of a tower to grab a sword and freaks out a cow in the process, and by the time she gets back, Steve is dressed. Then they head to the dock to steal a ship.

Now comes my least favorite scene, followed closely by the dumb thing with the watch. Hippolyta rides down to the dock to tell Diana “don’t do this”, and Diana is like “i’m gonna do this”, and Hippolyta is like “fine have the hat of your dead aunt who was much cooler than me, don’t forget that you suck for this, bye felicia” and then she rides away. I guess there’s something deep there about parents letting their children out of the nest when the time comes or something like that, but I just kind of hate this scene, so whatever.

One boat ride later and they’re in London. Diana calls it “hideous”. I laughed. They did a lot to get you into the mood of the era, from soldiers enjoying their last day before shipping out to the front (CA:TFA flashbacks here) to the pollution from smoke-stacks to the vintage cars rumbling around the place. It always astounds me when movies find period set-pieces like that and make them look like they sprang straight out of yesterday. Maybe I just don’t know enough about the process of getting vehicles for props, but it’s still impressive.

More awkwardness ensues because Diana’s signature outfit is not modest to WWI-era Brits. Steve’s red-headed secretary, Emma Candy, makes an appearance for some comic relief. We get the sense that Steve is falling for Diana because of course he is. Then there’s this great scene in an alleyway where Diana stops a bullet with her gauntlets and beats the ever-loving crap out of a few German spies who were dumb enough to apprehend Steve in London and still use their German accents. Diana can now handle combat with under a half-dozen opponents at once! Yay! And Steve gets the last punch in.

Oh, forgot to mention that? Back in exposition central, we learned that Steve stole a notebook with a formula for a new German hydrogen gas. The Germans have had it out for him ever since. Steve tries to get that notebook to his superiors, but that fails epically and Diana’s presence alone disrupts a war conference. (Hidden Figures flashbacks here.) And that’s before she opens her mouth and calls the generals asinine cowards! There’s a little bit of tactical mumbo-jumbo thrown around that makes you think that maybe this will turn into a political thriller/espionage film, but sadly, it doesn’t. Diana’s hard-headed determination to end the war by smashing pretty much prevents that.

But she’s also dissing the entire Allied war effort and telling the commanders how much they suck, so we get the sense that maybe she’s got a bad idea of how to handle this whole thing after all. Steve certainly thinks so, and they both start butting heads over a plan of action right about here.

Diana yells a lot when she gets riled up. This is also a problem in Britain.

The one thing they do agree on is that peace needs to be the end result, so they get the support of Sir Patrick Morgan and go to a bar to recruit Steve’s buddies Charlie and Sameer. (CA:TFA flashbacks again.) Okay, around this point I just started seeing a lot of Captain America parallels. 

Dumb kid is stubborn enough to think he/she has to go out to war.

Dumb kid throws him/herself straight into it.

Dumb kid butts heads with superiors.

Dumb kid goes to a bar to form a team. 

Dumb Kid and Co. go out and do badass stuff.

But that’s where the parallels end for now. In this case, there’s no bromantic banter that will haunt me “'til the end of the line”, and it’s not a montage of epicness as much as a slow burn.

We first head out into the wilderness to meet Chief, Steve’s other friend who can get them across the front lines. (I don’t have a GIF for him, sadly.) Chief, a Native American smuggler, explains to Diana that he’s living out in the European wilderness because it’s the one place he can be free—“in danger is better than being a slave”. 

(I have to admit that I’m not a history buff and don’t know a lot about the treatment of Native Americans during the War, but at least one article I’ve read says that while the war effort pinched the land holdings of their reservations (and it’s problematic enough the kind of land on which some of those reservations were built), some Native Americans were actually quite willing to enlist to support America and the Allies. There were tensions and scandals all around, but outright oppression seems to be in short supply. Could Chief have lived in a community where the pinch hit hardest? Could he be mistaken about how bad he really has it? Maybe. In any case, it’s only touched on and then the movie moves on, so we will too.)

Then there’s Charlie. (No GIF for him, either.) Overly Sarcastic Productions on Youtube has pointed out that the fashionable mental disorder to have in fiction nowadays is post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD. Earlier generations used to have alcoholism, but that’s since gone out of vogue. If something tragic happens to a character nowadays, they’re likely to have stress, panic attacks, and all manner of tragic personality changes resulting from the trauma. Cue Takashi Shirogane.

Yeah, the dweeb with the nose scar. I love him.

The problem is—and Shiro is an excellent example—fictional PTSD is a romanticized version that elevates the trauma to a superpower, with Laser-Pointed Amnesia and The Devil Within to get the character a secret advantage in combat through improbably relevant flashbacks and adrenaline-fueled combat moves. (I love TvTropes, sorry.) Their personality will likely remain the same, a likable character who hardly loses control unless it’s helpful (Shiro again), or they’ll be turned into a darker, broodier Troubled But Cute version of themselves with enough potential for hurt/comfort to drag in the fangirls. Cue Bucky Barnes, and, yes, I am one of those fangirls. Bite me.

Charlie just takes all of that and…crushes it. Mercilessly. His disorder makes him have nightmares that cause him to yell and snap at Diana when she tries to help, and then slink off into the woods with his gun. It makes his hands shake when he tries to take a shot with the rifle and snaps him out of focus in the middle of a fight. I mean, if you were stressed all the time, how would you react? Being emotionally, physically, and mentally wound up at all times will bring out the worst in a person before it brings out the best. It’s painfully, scathingly realistic, and I have to give the writers and actor props for making me take a step back and think about my fanfictions and things like that.

As Sameer later explains to Diana, “we’re all dealing with our demons, and that’s his”, but even more interesting is the fact that Diana, who left her home to fix problems, is being introduced to problems that she can’t fix quickly—or can’t even fix at all. That goes on to be the next big conflict in the movie.

(More brief reading confirms my suspicions that PTSD wasn’t a well-understood condition around the time of WWI. While some scholars were making leaps and bounds towards understanding it, the prevalent view of PTSD was that it was simply cowardice in the soldiers, and even the most knowledgeable psychiatrists, who knew that the condition was brought on by the emotional strain of war, thought that PTSD was more likely to develop in soldiers who were “weak” or “cowardly” to begin with. Soldiers were rejected if experts thought they had a predisposition to this “cowardice”. Charlie wouldn’t have been able to reenter active duty after his previous tour even if he tried; Sameer, in this case, would either have to be extremely well-read or extremely compassionate for his time to think of Charlie as anything other than a troubled coward. Again, however, the movie touches on this and then moves on, and so will we.)

This is the part where Diana sees problems she can’t fix, from wounded soldiers awaiting an amputation to civilians hurried from place to place who have lost homes and loved ones because of the war. It’s all thrown together in one heart-breaking scene that parallels the nausea I felt in seeing the aftermath of the plane crash in the first episode of Lost. So many hurting, screaming people, and Diana wants to help them all, but Steve herds her on because she can’t. Then they’re in the trenches, and it turns out that Steve brought her there because he figured if Diana wanted to fight, she’d fight like all the other soldiers. 

But she doesn’t.

There are few trailer shots which are genuinely awesome in the final movie and lots of shots that get old once you’ve seen the trailer ten million times, but I assure you that the scene of Diana taking the German bullets as she stands in no-man’s land is one of the most compelling things in the whole movie. Not five minutes on the war-front and she is literally taking fire on behalf of the soldiers in the trenches behind her, inspiring them, protecting them, and proving to them that taking back what they’ve lost can be done, and then she charges ahead, flicking the bullets back with her gauntlets and literally clearing the way for the guys behind her while she charges on hell with no hesitation. The score behind this scene is that orchestral, inspiring stuff that makes a girl feel like she’s watching Lord of the Rings again, and you can almost feel the Germans quaking in their boots and wondering who and what the actual heck this person is.

And then the good guys have the bad guys running and they take back the trenches. Everyone is cheering and yelling and all feels really, really good.

But it’s not done yet. They still have to take back the town and free civilians. That’s when the Howling Com—I mean Diana and the Crew have their moment to shine. It’s adrenaline-filled combat from then on out, and I don’t remember it well enough to let you know what happened, but I remember that it was great, Diana threw a tank, and the part with the lasso was absolutely sick. Everybody should have a big, stupid grin when they watch a superhero battle, and this was The Big Stupid Grin Battle. It’s at this moment you feel, “Yeah—she knows what she’s doing now.” They bring out Diana’s electric guitar theme from BvS for the battle you’ve seen in the trailers, and it’s okay. I’m not much for the riff myself, but it doesn’t stick around long enough to grate. Then Diana kicks a guy through a window and I remember that I laughed in glee. It was great.

The part where Charlie can’t shoot a guy is here. We also see how much Steve pays attention when he uses a trick that he saw Antiope do to launch Diana into a church steeple to take out a sniper. It feels genuinely good when the dust settles, the music fades out, Diana walks out of the rubble and looks down the tower at the civilians on the street below her, and they all start cheering and yelling in Finnish. She saved them! She’s the hero she wanted to be! Life is good. 

The crew celebrates by getting their Squad Pic taken on an old camera and dancing, singing, and drinking a little with the residents of the town.

There’s Sameer, Steve, Diana, Chief, and Charlie, if you wanted to see them.

Then we hear Sameer’s backstory, that his dream is to be an actor, but he can’t pursue it because of his color. I asked Wikipedia, and it turns out that Sameer is a French Moroccan man—thus his prevalent use of French when he’s not speaking English. It’s funny how Sameer at first strikes you as a sleazeball until you get to know him and realize the tight box he’s in that he can’t overcome.

Color-casting is still a thing today (to go back to Voltron, my guy Josh Keaton mostly does voice acting because despite his undeniably photogenic face he is “too ethnic to be white and too white to be Hispanic” according to TvTropes), and what strikes me as funny is that the colors of Bremmer, Taghmaoui, and Brave Rock definitely had an impact on the casting of these characters. So color plays a part in casting roles, but I wouldn’t call that racism outright. It’s pushing “minorities” out of lead roles because of their skin color that I think is where the injustice lies. But movie creators aren’t going to broaden their scope for their casts unless they think an audience will buy a movie with a non-traditional lead. Question for discussion: who else wants to see more non-white leads in movies that don’t explicitly deal with the racial problem? Who else wants to see more female leads in movies that don’t deal with gender dynamics? I know I do. It would be fun to see Hollywood shake it up a little.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, the movie! More romance follows because reasons, I guess. And then Steve starts to put a plan together to destroy the gas the Germans are making. He tells the Squad that they can go, but no! They’re bosom buddies now, and they’ll work even without pay! That’s good. We need our secondary characters for a while yet, even if they’re mostly here to bring up relevant social issues. Okay, so I’m a bit salty about that. They’re fine characters, but somehow I walked away feeling like they were there to be mediums by which the creators could bring up social issues rather than characters to suggest a history and deeper personalities.

First thing we need the squad to do is ride horses through the woods and doubt Diana. Well, all but Chief. He thinks Diana may be right, that Ares is behind all of this. Charlie is unconvinced, and Sameer is cautiously hopeful. They all seem to represent the sides of Steve’s mind battling it out, whether to believe Diana’s tall tale and trust her to finish this or not. We’re not told yet what he’s decided, or if he’s decided at all. Get used to this theme of belief, because it’s going to be important.

Emma got them information that the guy they believe is Ares, General Ganondorf, is going to be at a—what? What did I—? Oh, Ludendorf! I meant Ludendorf. He’s going to be at a big bad guy gala with all of the top bad guys. So the Squad is headed there. Diana is back to her pig-headed obstinacy and insists that all that needs to happen is she has to get close enough to kill Ares, while Steve wants to find out where the gas is so that he can destroy it. Chief steals a car and both Sameer and Steve pull out their acting skills to get into the gala, and Diana disappears and steals a rich snitch’s dress.

Steve flirts in a German accent to almost get the gas’ inventor, a psychopath with a cool face mask named Dr. Isabel Maru, to give up the location of the gas. (Side note: Doctor Maru’s nickname of Dr. Poison is the most cheesy thing in the movie, second maybe to Ludendorf for camp, until I read up on the Wonder Woman mythos and found out that Dr. Poison is a classic villain from the franchise. Hey, don’t judge. I’m getting into this via the movies, not the comics. Also, the idea of fictional characters like Red Skull and Dr. Poison alongside real historical figures like Adolf Hitler and Erich Ludendorf will never not be hilarious.)

Diana’s appearance in the gala almost ruins it for Steve. Ludendorf taunts Diana with like every trick in the book to say “I’m the villain!” without saying he’s the villain, Steve just barely stops Diana from hacking his head off, and then as part of the party festivities the Germans gas the village that Diana just saved.

….Wait, what?! Hell, that’s dark!!

So…yeah. Diana goes to the village to get a look at the devastation and the gas…oddly doesn’t affect her, whereas it makes Steve gag and choke whenever he gets within smelling distance of it. They are very upset with one another at this point, so upset that Diana has a “realization” that Ares has corrupted Steve too, to stop her from killing Ares before this could happen. Sensing that he’s lost her, Steve directs Diana to the Chief’s smoke signal, because he’d asked the Squad to keep tabs on which way Ludendorf had gone while he himself went after Diana. So she takes off, and on top of that, she takes his horse.

She tracks Ludendorf to an airport (because it’s…oddly always been an airport lately), and succeeds in killing him with her sword, the Godkiller, on the roof of a watchtower. All is quiet, and it should be over, right?

Wrong. Faceless goons are still unloading the gas into bomber planes. Diana is distraught because the one thing she thought would work, didn’t. Steve finally catches up with Diana here and tries, one last time, to get her to help him destroy the gas. (In hindsight, I realize that I have no idea how Diana could have helped with that, but I guess Steve must have had some kind of a secret plan.) She refuses. She can’t imagine why they’d go on with this destruction when Ares is dead. I think it’s here that she cites her mother’s warning that “the world of men does not deserve you”, and, in one final moment of desperation, Steve blurts, “Yeah, well, maybe it’s not about deserve! Maybe, it’s about what you believe.” He begs her one last time, saying he has to go, she doesn’t budge, and he reluctantly leaves to join the Squad.

It’s then that the real Ares makes his appearance. Yep, bait and switch! Turns out he was masquerading as Sir Patrick Morgan all along. And that is a shocking twist for all of four seconds because to be honest, I half-called it from the beginning, and it is unhelpfully on the Wikipedia page.

Ares acts in the exact opposite way of how you’d expect the god of war to act, which could either be genius or a let-down and for me was a bit of both. He does the whole “break her by talking” thing instead of fighting her for half the final battle and creeps her out with biblical references when she throws the Lasso of Truth around him. He monologues about how he wanted to show Diana the horrors of war and humanity so that she would join him and destroy all humans because she’s his sister by Zeus and pretty much the only person who could. (Yay, villain exposition! That’s not an old and tired cliché at all!) Also, Hippolyta’s a fat liar. Moving on.

You may have heard that the CGI in the final battle is extremely lacking. I’m here to tell you that it definitely is. Ares’ battle design reminded me of my dad’s pre-internet Doom 2 Dos-Box game (which is not in the GIF above, but I found it and figured it would be appropriate). The ripple effects from the heat definitely didn’t help, and that mustache was a mistaaaaakeee. Ares literally fell from Olympus with that awful caterpillar on his face. Good land, it looks so bad. 

The final battle is mostly bright lights clashing on bright lights, and after the epic armies-clashing-on-armies feel from Themiscyra and the World War’s front to the super-powered hand-to-hand that would make Cap stop and notice, the light beams feel old, tired, and lazy. I think the one time I grinned in the last battle was when Diana did a cool new thing with the lasso. Anytime the lasso came out, it was great, but otherwise—meh.

And then we get to the gut punch. One thing this movie did better than CA:TFA was set up the sacrifice in the plane. I don’t know how Sameer knew the plane was on a timer, but the fact that it was gave Steve Trevor’s decision a lot more credibility than Steve Rogers’, and the Squad’s desperation to stop him when he was just in arm’s reach from them was heartbreaking. At any rate, they had to squeeze in one last CA:TFA parallel before the deal was done. Steve presses his watch into Diana’s hand (told you it’s an ironic echo) and mouths something that she can’t hear, and while Diana is fighting Ares with existential crises, Steve pilots the plane full of gas into the air, pulls out a lighter, takes a deep breath—and blows the whole thing to hell, himself inside.

So…yeah. My second favorite died too. Oops.

Diana understandably loses it. She charges through the German ranks in a slo-mo rage. Ares encourages her, going on about the depravity of humans, and then Ares makes one fatal mistake.

He disses the dearly departed.

Diana will stand for none of that crap and won’t even kill Dr. Isabel Maru when given the chance. She tries to recall Steve’s last words, and in her mind they are “I can save today—you can save the world. I wish we had more time. I love you.” So, faith in humanity restored, she spares Dr. Maru, lightning-blasts Ares to hell with levitation and the gauntlet trick, floats in the air in a crucifixion pose for a sec, and then floats back down to earth. All of the Germans are un-brainwashed suddenly and take off their gas masks, smiling at each other and the Squad, so I guess Diana was right.

Soon afterward, WWI itself ends. Not every problem is resolved. Sameer doesn’t get an acting role, Charlie doesn’t suddenly have pristine mental health, Chief’s people aren’t liberated, and they don’t get Steve back. That’s all a good thing. That’s how the real world works. Diana, Emma, and the remaining Squad are, however, all friends by the end of the movie, and unconditionally accept one another. And as the movie closes, she reminds us that she stays and she fights because it’s not about deserve, it’s about what you believe—and she believes in love.

And that’s all great until you remember that they did the whole World War thing again in about twenty-five years. Jk jk

Hey, don’t be mad! I’m joking!

So what did I think? Personally, I think it was cool. A bit of a change of pace from what I’m used to. I wish they had taken more time to hint at the background of the minor characters and do a bit less philosophizing, but for what the movie set out to do, I feel like they did a good job. The writing was a solid A-, A at best, the score was up to par and even exhilarating in places, the actors and actresses seemed like they had fun, and the stunts, effects, sets, props, and shots could be beautiful and stunning. I enjoyed watching Diana grow and change as a person, and easily got invested in her. I’d like to see her again sometime.

Does it measure up to my Marvel dudes? Personally, nah. Not really. But it’s good. It’s a really, really good movie. I liked it, and I love Diana.

Tl;dr: Wonder Woman isn’t the best movie of all time but it’s still pretty bomb, guys, and you should watch it if you like movies that are fun and kinda pretty and make you think a little.