#a little kiss for the depressed ppl

[sweetstars-posts]

SKINNY,

M. STURNIOLO x FEM!SINGER!READER

(if you don't want to be a singer, it could be anything in the public eye, it’s only mentioned a little!!)

WARNINGS — mentions of eating disorders, depression, anxiety, ALSO pet names (bc apparently that triggers ppl or smth).

a/n — this is a deep story based on billie eilish’s new song, skinny. as someone who faces troubles with eating, i wanted to make this for me and for those who need it <3

word count — 1.5k

(not proofread)

The rain is hitting the glass of my bay window as you stare helplessly out of it. The window opened a crack; the smell of fresh rain wafting into your room.

Your eyes are dull and lifeless — like you’re waiting for something that won't ever arrive. There's an aching feeling in your stomach, one that isn’t just nerves.

Your body ached as you haven’t moved from the soft plush cushions of the bay window for a couple hours.

Nothing in life felt appealing right now. The constant bodyshamming from the public eye got you back into a seemingly never-ending spiral.

People only seem to like you if you’re skinny. Eating was always a struggle, but now it almost feels like a game. Competing with yourself over and over again for trying to reach a certain weight goal that you won’t realistically achieve.

Everyone keeps saying you’re happier now. But are you? No. Complete sadness overtook you, but it was okay, because now you’re skinny.

But you also felt guilty.

You haven’t spoken to your boyfriend Matt in a couple days. You’ve been dating for 3 years and he knows every single thing about you. You still don’t have the energy to get up and try to find your phone which is nowhere to be found at the moment.

But knowing Matt, he probably knows what’s happening again. This seems to always happen. It’s like a record player that keeps repeating and repeating until the vinyl slowly starts to scratch and warp.

Your eyes falter slightly but they never seem to fully close. It’s like they can’t.

Your mind is racing 20 miles per hour but you can’t seem to comprehend a single word going through your brain.

The phone rings, the sound coming from somewhere in the mess of sheets on your bed.

A little while has passed and your phone still hasn't stopped. The obnoxious ringing made you even more aggravated. Yet somehow you felt stuck, like you couldn’t move to get your phone.

The sound absorbed into a dull hum from all the thoughts racing through your head.

You felt numb and lifeless. Like you were viewing yourself in a VR headset.

Time shaped into nothingness as your bedroom door creaked open. Your boyfriend, Matt’s, head peeks through the door.

His eyes soften as he sees your fragile figure on the soft cushions.

He closes the door behind him as he walks into the room. He makes a mental note to clean your room for you later. As he nears you, he sits on the floor, in front of the bay window.

His soft hands, grab your hands lightly, “I got you, it’s okay,” he finally breaks the silence.

Short jagged breath’s release your mouth, as you finally move your eyes away from outside, to him. He slowly moves to hold your head between his hands.

Tears slowly start to prick your eyes, yet you still don’t look away from him. Tears flow and flow, you have no control. Strangled breaths release, as you struggle to catch air.

“Hey, hey, I got you,” Matt’s fingers brush your tears away, his cold rings sending a series of chills down your spine.

Matt brought you into a warm embrace, lowering you down from on top of the seat, to his lap. He cradled you as if you were a broken fragile doll.

He pressed kisses towards your head, letting you release all those pent up emotions.

Neither of you knew how much time had passed, nor did either of you care.

Your breath’s evened out, and your tears died down. And Matt was still there by your side.

“Do you wanna talk?…” Matt questioned after a while.

“I’m just….tired” Your small tired voice let out.

Matt kissed your nose lightly before slowly standing up, pulling you up with him. He made his way to the bathroom connected to your room.

Upon setting you on the counter, he turns on the bath, letting it run for a little. He got everything ready — your clothes, a brush, and got all the small essentials, as you got in the tub.

He washed your hair, lathering the shampoo lightly. He then grabbed your brush and slowly brushed through the large matted knots.

“How about…after this we go back to mine? We can watch Inside Out because I know how much you love that movie,” His offer makes you smile, “And then we can work our way from there, how does that sound?”

You nod in response, too exhausted to speak.

After finishing up, Matt slowly helped you into one of his large sweaters and some pajama pants. Matt started to grab your phone and small things you would need to stay over (although most of your things are already at the triplets house).

“You ready, baby?” Matt extends his hand out towards you.

You grab his hand with a little small smile. Whatever joy you had in you was put towards Matt right now.

Matt led you to his car, opening the passenger seat. You could tell Chris sat there last. The seat was reclined and the seat was altogether far. You smiled at the way Chris left it.

“This kid doesn’t know how to fix his seat, I swear” Matt complained, as he helped you fix the seat.

Matt soon got into the driver side soon after closing your door.

“Where too?” Matt asked gently.

You looked at him in confusion. Weren’t you going to his house?

“C’mon, baby, we’re going somewhere to eat. Even if it’s something small, just… get something in your system.” Matt rubbed his hand against your knee.

The thought of food makes you want to throw up on the spot. You hated that he knew, but you loved that he cared.

“Nowhere..” You mumble quietly, head against the window.

You didn’t want to make this harder on Matt. But the genuine guilt fills you by just thinking about laying a finger on food.

“Sweetie, you need something.” Matt started the car, but ended up driving towards his house, “When we get home, you can have some toast. Even one slice, okay?”

You silently nod.

Matt pulled into the garage. As you and Matt make it inside, you can already hear Chris and Nick yapping about some movie they are watching in the living room.

As much of a bad mood you could be in, those triplets will always put a smile on your face.

Matt’s hand rests on the lower section of your back, gently guiding you through the basement. The two of you slowly walk up the stairs.

Chris and Nicks heads snapped towards the stairs as they heard footsteps, obviously Matt had told them.

Nick came running up to you guys first. He pulled you into a light hug, holding the back of your head with his hand, rocking you ever so slightly.

He pulled away, his hands resting on your face, “I’m so glad you’re okay, kid.”

Chris pushed Nick out of the way, “HEY! My turn”

Chris pulled you into a bone crushing hug, way more strong than Nicks. You smiled slightly into his shoulder.

“We were all so scared,” Chris whispered quietly.

As you guys pulled away, Matt grabbed your hand again, walking you towards his room, but not before bidding a small bye to Nick and Chris.

Matt closed the door behind him, as you went to sit on your designated side of his bed.

“I’ll be right back okay?” Matt kissed your head gently, before walking out of the door.

Matt had started to make a small piece of toast. Knowing you won't want to eat the other half, he put it on a plate for Chris to eat later.

Matt walked the short trip to his room, pulling the door open.

“Here, love” Matt put the plate on your lap.

You slowly grabbed at the piece of toast. Guilt swarmed you like a bunch of bees. Instead of taking a bite, you just stayed there.

Matt was now seated on his side, “It’s okay, Baby, it’s fine,” He rubbed your arm encouragingly.

Slowly but surely, you ate the piece of toast. Matt put on “Modern Family” while you ate. He never pushed you to eat faster, he was comforting and only wanted you to be comfortable.

“Good job!!” Matt’s large smile was contagious, it made you smile too.

As some time passed, you guys just stayed in each other’s presence. Not many words were said, but it was a comforting silence that everyone needs in their lives.

You and Matt were all cuddled up, your head resting on his chest. His hand rubbing your back gently.

His soft touch and actions, that lured you into a soft slumber.

“Goodnight, my love” Matt kissed the top of your head, himself feeling awfully tired.

At the end of the day, all you needed was a loving soul to guide you through your troubles. And Matt was that person. He was the light in your dark cave.

[erzva]

…

ace

how he shows love

physical touch, acts of service & gift giving

much like his little brother he will be around and on you 24/7. it's like he's glued to you. he hasn't let you sit on a wooden chair a single time ever since you got together, always pulling you straight on his lap. it's instinct. it's become such a big habit that if he were to stop, it would feel wrong and kind of empty. having his princess sitting on a hard surface rather than his soft thighs is simply wrong.

he goes above and beyond for you. he's a true gentleman.

you get treated better from most ppl on the crew bc you were whitebeards relative. it was something you greatly enjoyed. ever since ace realized he was in love with you though, he started treating you even more special. it was very obvious to your crewmates that ace had taken a liking to you but you didn't realize it because the two of you had gotten a lot closer, being each others best friends now, so you figured it was just due to that. when the two of you finally got over your silent yearning for each other and started dating though, the way ace treated you was far beyond princess treatment.

whenever you dock at a new island he always manages to secretly get (steal) something for you. wether it be jewelry, an interesting book, your favorite fruits or clothes- he will find something to gift to you.

he loves showing you off and he'll take any and every opportunity to do so. he's also very insecure deep down so showing you off is kinda his way to show everyone that you're his and that you chose him and want him. its reassuring to him.

maybe it was because he was so insecure, that he liked doing things for you and spoiling you and showing you off. because in his screwed up mind he has to compensate for being so worthless by doing anything and everything for you.

…

what he needs from you

words of affirmation & physical touch

you don't have to be a poet or profoundly good at using words and decorating your sentences with the fanciest declarations of love for him but he does need vocal reassurance. and a lot of it.

ever since he was a little boy there have been voices outside and inside of his head constantly telling him he's not good enough and that he doesn't deserve love, or to be alive even. he gains some confidence by becoming a pirate and he gains even more when you confessed to him and he realized that his feelings weren't one sided. but he still needs you to feel like he's worth something.

he would never stoop so low and tell you that you should baby him and tell him all these things but luckily you were smart enough to figure it out for yourself and start doing so without him having to go through the humiliating experience of laying his desires bare and voicing them.

he needs you to talk to him and hold him and tell him that you love him and that you won't leave him and that he's needed.

he wants nothing more than for once to be held in your strong safe arms and to feel your hands cupping (hiding) his face and for you to kiss it gently and softly while telling him everything he needs to hear.

he never asks anything of you. simply being with you is more than enough for him. you are everything to him. however he loves it when you're just as touchy and needy as him. it makes him feel validated.

he's insecure and damaged. which he doesn't let on at all and tries to conceal with his fun cocky personality. but still, you noticed it very early on. and you also know that he gets into depressive moods sometimes. it's only when he's alone and when it's night time but you still picked up on it. you heard him crying (sobbing) in a random corner on the deck one night and have had a soft spot for him ever since.

it didn't take long for you to connect the dots on why he feels the way he does. you started going through memories of him having possibly said something that could make you understand his emotional scars and you quickly came to the realization that it had to do with his father and the way people spoke about him.

you also heard him mutter negative self talk when he was in the bathroom. so you've been making sure to let him know how loved and grateful you are to have him ever since. you were subtle with it at first but now that you're together you tell him that you love him in different ways every day.

ace is incredibly touch starved so he needs to hug you a lot. he often drags you to his chambers with him and while everyone on the ship thinks you're having sex, he really just needed to be in your arms for a while. he would rather your crewmates think you're having sex though, instead of knowing the truth which was much more embarrassing. it makes him feel bare and he's disgusted with himself for even wanting or needing it.

because whatever it is the two of you were doing intimately when you were alone was very different from what ace does when he's showing off in front of the crew. when you're in front of the others he'll just have you sitting on his lap or drag an arm around your shoulder or waist and he'll kiss you and make out with you a lot to brag. but when you are alone he is pathetic and always hides himself in you and tries to get impossibly close to you, as if he's never felt love in his life before, as if it's his first time experiencing it. (it is)

he’s the little spoon. he needs to feel you around him, protecting him. not from actual danger, just from his own plaguing mind. because whenever he’s in your arms, he feels ok, good, better.

he wants to be close to you and touch you as much as possible. he can be incredibly intense and needy with it, holding onto you so tightly and rubbing and nuzzling against you so hard that it makes you worry and feel bad for him. because you know that deep inside, he is a lost scared child who just wants love and comfort.

…

[im-normal-about-everything]

More PaperCut headcanons cuz they consume my every waking thought

-They have matching necklaces, it's not like.. obvious that they're matching, but it's there trust me

-if we're talking about post book, curly absolutely makes jokes about Johnny and dally dying (after Pony's gotten over it enough to joke about)

-pony's hair is the SOFTEST when it's not greased and curly WILL play with it I don't make the rules

-when they play truth or dare it's either the tamest or wildest shit, no in between

-its either like, "gimmie a kiss" or "jump out the window" and they follow through every time

-if pony starts singing a song out loud, curly either joins him or tells him to stfu, it depends on 1:the song and 2: if pony has been singing it all day

-modern au they both def have a notes/doc with just random shit that they've said, no context either, just random quotes

-pony WILL make curly do homework in the classes that they're in together, but he'll help him with it

-when pony flirts back with curly OR EVEN STARTS FLIRTING HIMSELF, Curly is so shocked everytime he takes a second to collect himself

-if you hc the Curtis's as speaking a different language then pony WILL say random shit to curly in said language

-curly is scared of spiders (though he won't admit it) so pony has to deal with them when we they're together

-pony HAS stolen curly's clothes and WILL do it again

-pony has the NASTIEST resting bitch face and Curly thinks it's soooo funny cuz ppl are a little scared of pony just cuz he LOOKS like and asshole

-i just KNOWWW they talk shit about everyone

-if one of them hates someone, that means they both hate that person, no questions asked

-if pony has a bad day then he WILL go on a walk or pace with curly and rant about it

-curly is Pony's number one defender. Doesn't even matter if pony was in the wrong, no he wasn't. Pony can do NO WRONG

-curly will steal things for pony and pony will make things for curly

-curly calls pony Ponybabe, doll and baby and pony calls curly Babe, sweetheart and love y'all can fucking fight me on this I don't even care

(should I make depressing hcs later??)

[envy-of-the-apple]

That what if when ms. moon already has a family but has to leave because of him is so HEARTBREAKING. Imagine moving on from a tramatic situation, meeting the love of your life, having a wonderful kid for all that to just get squashed in a instant. That literally had me about to tear up but imagine her kid was a bit older lets say like 10 (i know the math doesnt add up well with the timeline but its a what if)and then she just has to leave, that alone would greatly negatively impact the kid, just leaving a lasting mark. Maybe the kid would remember gojo’s face and resent him for the rest of their life.

The husband thing is equally as sad because I imagine ms.moon as shes about to leave crying and whispering how much she loves him and that shes so sorry. (Bonus heartbreak points they all breakdown as shes about to leave and she cant even hug or kiss them goodbye because shes being watched). After this incident ms.moon’s pervious family completes spiral down the drain and moon’s mental state goes down the drain with it

In conclusion amazing story but that shit was sad as fuck but I still eat it up with silverware and all

(merging multiple SEM asks cuz i feel so guilty for clogging up ppls dashes lmao)

ughhhh anytime kids are involved it just gets way more depressing, right? It think age 8-10 is like the worst time for this to this to happen because the kid can understand little, but not enough to get the whole picture.

The kid knows that their mom is leaving, but they aren't seeing the wavering tears in Ms.moon's eyes, the shaky hands, as you hug them for the last time. All that they can see is the fancy new car your new lover sits in. The grand ring that sits on your finger. Yeah, your kid will hate gojo for ripping apart your family.

But they'll hate you more, considering you're running off with a man who has more money than their father.

I think the only upside is that gojo might not bat an eye if you send money back to your family, keeping them comfortable. With enough pleading, he might pull a few string to get your kid into a good school. With your indirect help, your kid will have the best education and prosperity. Them resenting you is a pretty small price to pay, right?

in the fic, the case took about three weeks, so it took three weeks for gojo to just snap.

He would definetly try to toy with ms.moon for as long as he can. Despite claiming that he forgave ms.moon, he does carry a tiny bit of resentment. It's kind of a punishment, in that sense.

And honestly the moment he figures out you who are, I doubt you'd have a chance to run anymore. The reason why Ms.moon was able to 'get away' the first time was because gojo was still a teenager, hier of the gojo conglomerate, but still not powerful yet. Now, he has tons of resources available for him. You're not getting away lmao, I think that's why he's so much at ease this time around.

I never really considered the family's response. their reactions is something I'm not really interested in exploring. i don't think they got any characterization other than 'housewife mom' and 'dad who works'. I don't really think ms.moon would even mention gojo's torment to them. It'd be embarrassing, knowing that some kid the same age as you is just lording over your life, right? I did mention that Gojo confronts your family in EKM, but I don't like that addition now, so I'm retconning it. I feel like they'd find out just like everyone else did: From the media. Everyone in your little town knew who the Gojo was, but the fact that their kid is getting married to one of them has so be surprising.

But then again, not something im interested in exploring

If Gojo had managed to find Ms. Moon before, things would certainly have been much different. The gojo now has 'cooled down' and is far less volatile. If they had met again, if they were in their early twenties....things would not be much different from his high school counterpart.

[v7lgar]

okay so i overslept today sad story ik ik but anyway i was thinking about ur james (i love him) how do u think he would spend his morning before and after regulus came to his life?

damnn this such a nice question chris im kissing ur brain

BEFORE REGULUS im avoiding to give any spoilers but james had a dull life, he has depression and ocd (like me) and lemme remind u he also has ADHD so if he isn’t hyperfixating on smth considers himself as a walking zombie. some days he doesn’t even consider leaving the bed, or sometimes he goes on walks and observes the city and the ppl. he sometimes draws, doing little sketches but that’s all. he smokes out of boredom and it became a habit really soon but yeah he had a boring life before regulus that’s for sure. he didn’t have any ambition

AFTER REGULUS james stars waking up early and gets his coffee bcuz now he has a trouble sleeping. his ocd is triggered bcuz of regulus and he can’t function like a normal person. his every thought is related to regulus and he can’t spend a second without thinking him and that’s why he wants to see regulus all the time bcuz if he can’t that means his obsessive thoughts becomes overbearing but regulus also gave him a purpose to live. now he wants to follow his every step and he needs to make sure he is not in danger. he stalks him all day until he suddenly pass outs cuz of lack of sleep but when he wakes up he tries to find regulus again so he checks every corner that regulus at least passed one time until he finds him and then he can start breathing again

[ambassadorarlert]

a compilation of some of my personal armin head canons. lmk if i should do another. this is kinda long, sorry not sorry. <33 NSFW 18+ ONLY MDNI

scorpio sun, virgo moon, capricorn rising.

- sun in scorpio: emotional and compassionate / intense and mysterious

- moon in virgo: service minded and shy / analytical and judgmental

- rising in capricorn: loyal and ambitious / unfulfillment and drudgerous

armin is the sweetest person to exist ever

- treats you the way he wants to be treated and more than you ever thought you could ever deserve.

- would rather die first than to hurt your feelings

- and when he does it’s never on purpose and it’s always sorry for it and will try to make up anyway he can

- always goes out of his way to make things easier for you

- his love languages are acts of service, physical touch, and quality time

- if your space is kinda messy he’ll do his best to reorganize and clean up for you

- needs to live in your skin. hugs often. holds your hand any chance he can. plays with your hair. lays in your lap. touchy touchy touchy

- date nights ever weekend, or every other weekend. tries to go somewhere nice and do something grand once in a while.

- he’s too embarrassed for full fledged PDA, but chaste kissing and holding hands is okay.

neurodivergent

- might be on the spectrum. you kinda gotta squint.

- has some kind of sleep disorder like insomnia or parasomnia.

- prone to nightmares

- also has depression, ptsd, anxiety

- does not take medication, like an antidepressant, even though he should

- he tries not to lay around too much when he’s around you or staying at your place, but when he’s alone in his own home he can stay in bed for literal days.

- his grandfather is getting older and his parents died when he was young so he has looming anxiety of death and losing people he loves.

- also has separation anxiety. he’s like one of those howling cats when their owner leaves for work.

- is kind of a picky eater. goes out and orders either alfredo pasta or chicken tenders.

- will stay up rlly rlly late until he can’t stand it

- drools in his sleep so if he’s laying on you, there’s a little wet spot lmao gross

anxious attachment style

- you remind him every single day that you love him, that he’s the only one for you, and that you’re happy in your relationship

- but he just can’t help not feeling adequate and good enough so sometimes his insecurities bleed out into other things.

- it gives him peace of mind that your location is on and he can see where you are.

- he goes through your following almost every day to see if anything has changed.

- will sometimes ask “do you know this guy?” when he sees you’ve gotten a new follower or if someone leaves a comment on one of your pics.

- super cyber stalker. if somebody leaves a nasty comment he can find their full name, place of employment, where they went to school, and their grandma’s facebook.

- he definitely screenshots the ugly stuff and sends it to their family. and says “this is how your offspring talks to people online” and that he “doesn’t appreciate you being treated this way.”

- other ppl would think he’s doing too much and sometimes it is but you know and understand him better than most people ever would.

- goes through your stuff when you’re not there

- he’s not looking for anything in particular, he just likes looking through things and seeing what you have

- smells everything. lotions and body washes. perfumes and hair products. reads the ingredients in your skin care. doesn’t know what any of it does.

- wears your house robe when you’re not there either. walks through the halls like a student at hogwarts.

cares for your animals when you’re gone or need help

- befriends whatever pet you have.

- your aloof and distant cat adores him and crawls in his lap.

- your dog follows him in every room and waits for him outside the bathroom. he cannot escape.

- if the litter box needs to be cleaned, he’ll do it.

- he’ll walk your dog and pick up your yard. might try to teach your dog a few new things.

- he’ll feed whatever you got in your cages or tank and refills all bowls and water

- gives them extra treats and snacks just because

passionate and sensual

- sex isn’t just sex for him. it’s like another way to connect emotionally with one another and be completely vulnerable and experiment with things.

- always has his mind in the gutter and is always down to jump your bones. or have you jump his bones.

- is a switch, equally enjoys being dominant and submissive.

- when he’s being dominant he wants to consume every piece of you. he kisses you everywhere, touches you everywhere, reminds you that you’re his and no one else’s.

- whispers to you about how good you feel around him. how tight you are. he loves the way you sound. he wants to stuff you full of his cock. likes to bend you over and watch how wet you get and watches his cum dripping out of you.

- wants to breed you so bad but alas. birth control.

- tries to convince you to get off of it. that you don’t need it and whatever happens, happens, and that he can support you.

- when he’s submissive, he whines and mews. he’s begging for more, harder, faster, uses his manners and says please and thank you like a good boy <33

- he turns you down most of the time when you wanna suck his dick, but he can never get enough of eating you out.

- his favorite positions are prone bone, doggy, missionary ofc, and when you ride him

- once he’s in sub-space there’s no coming out of it until he cums.

- his bookmarks on twitter is literally all porn, and he likes some weird stuff.

2023. do not copy or repost any work by arlertwitch on any other platform. violators will be prosecuted.

[thesuperiorgenshinaddict]

Angel Dust N$FW Alphabet

AN: i was trying to see what other ppl write abt angel dust for motivation or something but there's like almost nothing. am i crazy??? i found a singular ns//fw alphabet about him. someone please write about him thanks xoxo also for these i'm assuming that you're in a relationship w/ him or at least really friendly fuckbuddies Pairing: Angel Dust x GN! Reader Warnings: Sexual content, Switch! Angel Dust, Valentino mentioned, Self-Hatred, idk it's mainly just sweet nasty fluffy bullshit. actually disgustingly sweet blergh

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) His job revolves around sex. He's done this tons of times, makes sure you're feeling okay and gets you drinks and snacks and whatever you need. Takes a bath with you afterwards and if you're feeling too tired to get up, he'll just carry you over and clean you up and tucks you into bed afterwards. Forehead kisses, woo!

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) Despite him constantly flexing about how attractive he is, I feel like he probably feels disgusted at himself sometimes. Thinks that he's just an object of sexual attraction after a long day at work. Make sure you tell him about how lovely he is. I'm highkey trying to think of a single horny thing to put in here to make him seem less depressed but I can't think of anything. Uhhh, fuck.

He loves every part of you, so I can't really think of anything in particular. Likes holding the area between your hips and waist for support or holding you under him, whatever your preference is. He's versatile.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) The dude's done so many things with cum. Would swallow it and loves seeing it all over your or his body. This was more of a brain rot thought, but I randomly thought about how he's a spider. Hear me out. His cum's like the fucking spider web material but in a more watery form. It's a bit hard to wash out and gets abso-fucking-lutely everywhere. Tastes relatively basic, but the texture makes it a bit strange. Great, just wait until future jobs pull this up and ask me if I'm attracted to spiders. I'm cooked.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) For a second I was just going to type STD with a shit ton of exclamation marks, but we can go hope that Valentino's stars are tested. I really don't think Angel Dust has a lot of 'dirty secrets' considering how his job makes him do a lot of different things.

This is like the second time I've pulled this exact thing where I turn this into a completely non-dirty secret but he loves soft sex. Is this because every character I write presents as a blatantly horny fuckwad? Gee, I might have to switch it up soon with a less horny person. Or demon. Whatever.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) We already knew what was going to be written here. He's seen and done everything. Even though his job requires him to exaggerate moaning and whatever, he knows what feels good and what's not sexy. He would catch on to where you're the most sensitive and target that.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) He doesn't have a favorite one, but he enjoys the ones where he can see your face so he can lean close and give you a little peck on the lips. Angel's main priority is to make sure you're feeling good, so if you're wanting it to be a bit more rough, he's down for doggy style or whatever kinky shit ya throw at him. I'm resisting the urge to just say 'ya' instead of you for the rest of this thing. Fuck, his talking style is worming it's way into my daily conversations too. It's infectious (like the herpes he probably has. I'm sorry the opportunity was just too perfect LMFAO)

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) Leaning more on the joking side. He'll say like twenty sex jokes per round, minimum. I don't even think I'm exaggerating there considering how majority of his script in the show was literally just innuendos. If you're feeling upset, he'd make sure to tone the jokes down and be a bit more romantic and everything. None of the jokes are degrading though, they're always on the lighter side since he knows how vulnerable sex is. There's this drabble I really want to put in but it's way more AMAB! leaning, maybe I'll write a little thing about him later on a separate post. (most subtle self-promotion /s)

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) I'm thinking rather completely clean or trimmed. Since his job needs him to look good, he always makes sure he's in good condition. It's pretty much the same shade as his hair with maybe a slight pink tinge to it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) Hope ya read the AN part because I'm assuming you're close to him. In that case, he's pretty romantic about it. Tells you how good you're doing and peppers your face with kisses. Overloads you with compliments.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) Honestly, he's exhausted from work so he never really has a reason to masturbate (unless Valentino has it in one of his scripts). Usually just flops down into his bed and cuddles with Fat Nuggets. Although, he'd find some mutual masturbation attractive. If he accidentally walks in on you masturbating to him, he'd totally tease you about it. Maybe. I don't even know at this point. I think my brain's dissecting itself

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) Bondage (Giving or receiving), Body Worship (Giving or receiving), damn this shit is mild asf I'm trying to think of literally anything else and I can't uhhhhhh... Idk oral probably

L = Location (favorite places to do the do) He'd probably prefer somewhere more private. I don't think he'd completely be against public/semi-public sex, but it's more of the fact that he's famous and would rather get paid for giving people a show. Horniness aside though, I think he would rather just be in a cozy place to fuck.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) This one's kinda random but I feel like he'd be super into it if you showed off one of your talents. It doesn't even have to be physical, but like if you did some shit like idk math or something (please not math) he'd call you some flirty ass nickname mildly related to the subject at hand and do some dirty talking.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) He'd definitely get fucking flaccid if you're anything like Valentino. That being if you force him into a situation where he has no control whatsoever or if you're too harsh with him.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) Due to his occupation, he does giving way more often since he's pushed into a power bottom role. He rarely gets blowjobs, so he'd definitely enjoy it a ton, especially if it's more of a soft, romantic mood. His skill for giving is a 9.5-10/10 since he's been doing this shit for decades.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) Oh my god. If I have to write 'oh yeah his job makes him do yadadada buuuuutttt' ONE MORE FUCKING TIME I'm actually going to start bawling my eyes out. I feel like if you've read this far and intended on reading with one hand, you're probably bored out of your mind already. I'm so sorry Buuutttt youuu guessseddd it. Enjoys both, likes slow a lot too cuz he doesn't get intimate stuff often yap yap yap uhghghghghghh im so sorry dude this must be so boring to read i'm sorry reader

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) Quickies are pretty convenient for him, since Valentino makes him work often so he doesn't mind a quick sesh before heading off to work. If for whatever reason he has a break (or he magically quits his job), I think he'd probably prefer taking his time, but if he's in a rush or there's something he needs to do, he'll find a random secluded area for a quickie. I read that as quiche.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) If you can find something he never did before, then yeah, totes. Can't believe I said totes in 2024. Fuck. Anyway, there's no way it's that different from what he's done before because it really just boils down to 'idk just gotta get jizz', which is his talent.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) He's used to taking long ass night shifts so he can go for a ton. I think he'd just go for 3~ when he has time, I don't think he's that desperate to fuck outside of work because he's probably pretty drained already. Thinking of that in the literal sense is lowkey nasty

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) Owns a good bunch because he probably gets gifts from fans which end up just being dildos and vibrators and ass plugs or something. Like I said in the masturbation one, I don't think he really needs to use them that often, but he might use a dildo every now and then. He'd probably bring them out occasionally when having sex.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) I feel like he's teasing throughout the day since all he's apparently fluent in horndog language and only communicates in sex jokes. Slander aside, during the actual sex sesh whenever that is, I think he wouldn't do edging for that long and just skip the foreplay.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) When recording, he heavily exaggerates his moaning and it probably became a habit. Good luck with trying to be subtle because his voice alone could probably blow some poor kid's ears up.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) Dogshit at playing Uno. Wow I'm so creative. Who could've thought of Uno when they read wild card! Haha. Haha. Hah. Ha. Fuck, I'm so shit at writing. Who let me have a computer again?

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) Y'know, when you look at him, I don't think your first though is 'big dick energy'. When he was alive, I think it'd probably have been 5-5.5 inches. Definitely very slim with a rosy pink at the tip. I know he's 8 ft, but I still don't get big dick energy so I'm just gonna go with 6-7 and call it a day.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) Probably still very high despite getting fucked constantly, but if you're not feeling sexual, I don't think he'd try to push it too far. Unless you're looking for angst or toxic headcanons, then push that shit to max. Delicious, painful angst. Yum! That's mainly prior to episode 4 though, since they speedran his entire fucking arc and ended it in like 2 episodes. Thanks pacing, I really appreciate it.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) He doesn't fall asleep easily for a variety of reasons, so he'd scroll on his phone for a bit or something before sleeping with you if he trusts you enough. AN: well that was dogshit thanks i hated it /jk but maybe I just have beef with 'wholesome' things. imo this is probably the type of bullshit they say when 'anthony' and 'angel dust' are different because this was definitely anthony or whatever then. man i gotta make this shit more horny next time, think i'll do val or blitzo or verosika or idk someone who's horny. like and follow for more banger content guys boom (seriously though i feel like this was super lame i'm sorry)

[sweetescapeartist]

What sort of relationship hangups do you think Krillin might have had? A lot of people talk about 18 and what hers might be, but what about his? I mean, he was abused as a child, he was 30 years old and hadn't had a single romantic interest, shucks he'd probably never even been kissed let alone been intimate before which can be very embarrassing for a man, he died a virgin twice... you have to think he's got some hangups after all that.

I would have to say that Krillin had to fight off low self-esteem from bullying since he was a kid, depression from Goku recently dying a second time, & intense trauma from dying twice and almost dying multiple times and from seeing his friends & bystanders suffer/die.

So, when starting their relationship, 18 would initiate it just as she did with the famous kiss.

Despite all of Krillin's hangups that we both mentioned, he would try to mask his insecurities and pain with comedy while being genuinely compassionate towards 18. But Krillin would be neglecting himself in different ways. He's the kind of guy who will do for others he loves at the cost of his own well being (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual). And I believe 18, in her own way, would do things to show compassion for Krillin & how much she appreciates him and everything he does for her. Krillin would be that listening ear and comforting shoulder for 18 to cry on or hold her in his arms. And 18 isn't as cold as ppl think she is as innacurate depictions of her in GT and by Toyotaro make her to be. She puts up a tough exterior, but lets her gaurd down around Krillin. She would also show physical actions of affection by listening to him intently, kissing him, rubbing his head, & hugging him.

Sidenote... I love this little reference in DBS EP 76 to Krillin & 18's first encounter! 💕

And regarding intimacy, even though Krillin died a virgin twice, 18 has no recollection of her past to know if she was a virgin or not. So, regardless if she was or wasn't, their first intimate moment was something special. (I actually wrote part of a fic about this years ago & forgot about it... 😓)

So, despite both of their traumas & insecurities, they would build each other up due to being what the other person needs. They are in a way reflections of each other who both want the best for the other. Krillin's selflessness & genuine kindness gets 18 to open up more who in turn gives Krillin the affection he needed.

I know it was mainly supposed to be about Krillin, but K18 reflect each other so well that I had to mention her side of things a bit too!

[kyojurismo]

This is an emergency request, my depression has been really rough lately, I just haven't felt motivated to do anything and just feel stuck.

My request is how would Kyojuro Rengoku and Tengen Uzui help reader with this?

▸ ANSWERING. hello anon, i’m so sorry it took longer than expected, but it’s been a shitty weekend ngl… anyway, i’m sending you a big hug, i’ve been in the same situation not so long ago 🫂

▸ FANDOM. kimetsu no yaiba

▸ CHARACTERS. kyojuro rengoku & tengen uzui x gn!reader

▸ RATING. sfw

▸ WARNINGS. am i gonna take this opportunity to put some things ppl should learn to accept? yes i am. r is not exactly a demon slayer but that’s up to you since i didn’t stated it explicitly hehe, kyojuro is unaware about the situation at first, fluff, depression, negative thoughts, it also comes a bit from my own experience so um it might not be the same to everyone yeah. lemme know if i forgot to tag something pls.

before we start, i want to add that i deeply care about this particular request <3

KYOJURO RENGOKU

kyojuro noticed you were acting “strange” but he thought that you were simply tired, some sleep would surely help you…

if you were able to sleep, he noticed you’d sleep too much

if you didn’t, he heard you toss and turn around the whole night

he felt bad because he didn’t know how to exactly help you

the worst came when one day you didn’t wanted to get out of bed

“good morning, sunshine,” he gently murmured while moving the cover off your head. he kissed your forehead and stayed there cuddling with you, hoping this would help you getting up

“you’ll be late,” you said, not moving

“i wanted to have breakfast with you first,” he smiled widely, caressing your cheek. “it’s all ready,” he added

“i’m not hungry.”

he frowned. he wouldn’t actually force you to get up, he’s not like that, but he tried to playfully grab your hips to move you

“leave me alone!” you pushed kyojuro away, snapping at him

kyojuro apologised and sat there for a moment, deep in thoughts

he decided to get up and eat his breakfast. he got ready for the day and decided to leave the tray with your portion close to the futon, so you could grab it easily

“i’ll be back,” he informed you before reluctantly leaving

once gone, you started crying and hid yourself under the covers. you felt bad about snapping at him, but you couldn’t control it

needless to say, you didn’t get out of bed once and the food was long forgotten

you simply felt stuck

you wanted to go out with kyojuro… but you just couldn’t do it?

when he was finally back, his smile disappeared completely when he noticed you were still in bed

he took a deep breath and put his katana away, taking off his haori too. he kneeled beside you and gently moved the covers

“would you like to take a bath with me? it might help,” he asked you, caressing your cheeks. “i… don’t know?” you met his eyes

“i’ll take you there, alright?” he said before gently taking you into his arms and getting you to the bathtub

kyojuro helped you bathing, praising you the whole time

he saw you struggling and he had not intention to call you lazy or something, on the contrary he wanted to help you the best he could

“i know you’re not hungry, but it might help you feel better?” he caressed your back slowly, comforting you

somehow he convinced you to eat, you felt a little better after the bath after all

he changed the futon, so it would be fresh and clean and feel more welcoming, before convincing you to sit on the engawa with him for a while

the gentle breeze of the night caressed your face, making you shiver

“i’m so sorry,” you whispered before starting crying. he hugged you and kissed your head, holding you close to his chest. “don’t apologise, darling. i know you’re struggling and i’m here to help you.”

you felt somehow as a burden for him, he had to take care of you even after his training session and you knew how tiring they were

“it’s already getting better, you see? you’re out of bed,” he smiled, kissing your nose. “tomorrow will go even better, trust me.”

he wasn’t grossed out by your behaviour, he helped you keep yourself clean and convinced you to eat if you refused to

he spent the night awake with you if you had trouble sleeping, making sure the negative thoughts filling your head would go away by talking and talking, making you finally smile

kyojuro never pushed you to do anything tho, because he wanted to avoid you from closing up in yourself

he’s not perfect but he’s learning.

TENGEN UZUI

tengen was a bit harsh in the beginning

[let’s be serious for a moment, due to the time they’re living in i don’t think they would be that experienced lol]

he noticed you slowly retiring from any kind of activity

you didn’t wanted to leave the house that much

you prepared lunch and dinner with less enthusiasm

your sleep schedule started to get messy

you even skipped bathing with him

you started feeling self conscious and avoided being naked around him

but you also felt like some kind of force was blocking you from following your usual routine

it felt heavy. too much.

“hey, it’s really late,” his voice startled you. tengen got up early as usual, but didn’t forced you to do the same

“baby, with late i mean it’s past lunch time.”

you stayed hidden under the covers, his eyes burning on your figure

“y/n,” he tried again, getting down on his knees. “baby, you really need to get up.”

you didn’t reply, of course. you knew you had to but you just couldn’t do it

tengen moved the covers away from your body, making you flinch due to the light coming from outside

“no!” you tried to get em from his hand, your expression screaming that you were angry for his actions

“tell me what’s wrong,” he effortlessly kept the covers away from you, staring at you in a serious manner

“i don’t know, okay?! just leave me alone!” you hit his chest, trying to move his body away. useless.

“you’ve been sleeping a lot these past days, you’re rarely getting up. tell me what’s going on,” he tried again, clenching his fist

“i told you already!” tears rolled down your cheeks, catching his eyes. his gaze softened, feeling bad for the way he acted. “i can’t do that, i just can’t.”

tengen pulled you to his chest and let you cry, caressing your back in a comforting manner

once you were done crying, he stayed there with you for a little more

“i’m sorry for screaming,” you muttered after a while. “that’s okay, i was in the wrong.”

“are you hungry?” he asked you, his big hands kept caressing your back. “i think so.”

“good! cause i made something very flashy,” he winked at you, trying to make you smile

tengen learned to respect your times, not forcing you

he helped you eat, bathing yourself even if you were a bit contrary on him seeing you, made sure you were sleeping properly

he enjoyed cooking for you during these kind of episodes ngl

“i’m very, very proud of you,” he kissed your head while cuddling with you in bed. you were grateful he didn’t judged you and didn’t complained about your behaviour

he showed patience and showered you with his love nonetheless

▸ BEFORE LEAVING. reblog and comments are super appreciated. what it i tell you the draft was about the get deleted after i finished writing it? lmao. as i said, it might work differently for others, and if you have gross comments to share then keep ‘em to yourself, thank you

[sweatermikewheeler]

can you share older (before 2022) byler fics recs?

Hi, anon! Of course I can :) I've separated them by era (like what seasons were out when they were written), and have denoted if any of them are explicit. It's very cool to see how the characterisations of them have changed over the years. This is sorta long, so they're under a cut.

Right off the bat, I'd recommend argylemikewheeler . Too many fics to count, but they have a lot and almost all of them are written pre-2022

Season 1 era (2016- Oct. 2017)

The Re-appearance of Will Byers by Orphan_Account - very cute one-shot of miwi drawing pictures together after Will returns from the UD. I wonder where this author is now :')

The Makeup Dilemma by kikinu - set when they're 16 and Mike panics when El puts makeup on Will. Characterisation doesn't necessarily match what we've come to see since it's based purely off s1, but still very cute.

Four Things One Thing by felinecharismatic - little over-the-years snapshots of Mike and Will, and deals with some of their respective insecurities. This person rightfully predicted long-hair Mike.

Season 2 era (Oct. 2017-July 2019)

Twizzlers by midnighteverlark - this author has quite a few old byler fics (including classics like The Red Envelope and The Unmarked Mixtape, the latter of which proves that ppl are lying when they say they don't read nsfw byler because look at those hits). Just a "truth or dare" kiss trope one-shot, but done in a way that feels fresh and not as cliche as it sounds.

Undertow by beansie - iconic practice kissing fic. I think this one is relatively well-known but I thought I'd include it because I remember reading it before s3 was released and I loved it. Was the first fic I downloaded into a pdf I think lol

Torch by wendywanderlust - somewhat explicit? don't remember it being very graphic though. Deals with Will's trauma post-season 2, including the Upside Down, his sexuality, and feelings for Mike. Incomplete, unfortunately.

Pretty by Orphan_Account - El remarks that Will is pretty, causing Mike to have a bit of a crisis. Set a few years after s2 from memory.

Perfect Height by how_about_no - Will gets a haircut. Includes a classic byler miscommunication fight

Season 3 era (Jul. 2019-May 2022)

I Should Go by Queen of Shmoop - Mature. Canon divergence, aged-up to when they're in the later years of high school. A very depressed!Will fic, which was quite common for that time, but this one has requited unrequited feelings and a happy ending :)

Tin Ball Countdown by milk_or_vodka - explicit, set when they're slightly older. This one contains suicide/dealing with the aftermath and is kinda (very) depressing. I recall really liking the writing though, even though I generally can't take fics where my comfort characters die lmao

Little Glances by DragonBoy7 - Karen POV fic!!

Crush by VanishingByler - A little drabble about Will's internal conflict and jealousy. Set in s3.

There’s another one that I couldn’t find, unfortunately, but it’s where Mike takes Will out after the Battle of Starcourt to try to mend their friendship and ends with him realising his feelings for Will. If anyone knows it, please comment. It includes Will getting a haircut and them getting ice cream and going to the swings.

Anyway, these are just off the top of my head. There are definitely way more, and it’s worth going back through the tag to some of the older years. I love seeing the fics become less cozy and more angsty as time progresses haha

[sugar-omi]

Is it ok to make a request after the last one? Like everything about the eloping was just a dream in this one. And Mc is still married to Cove but after getting that nightmare they get all guilty over something that didn't happen and fear if they'd actually do something that would hurt everyone, especially Cove that badly. So they decided to isolate themselves somewhere no one would find them for a while with little explanation to Cove when they leave. Any location really like a cabin in the woods idk. They were supposed to be only there for a week then a woopsie happens and now they get stranded for more than a week. You're choice on how it ends and whether they tell Cove or not about the dream.

Seeing Cove suffer hurts me so I wanna see the MC suffer (more) :)

HAHA I LOVE IT, YESSS LET MC SUFFER !!!! also ik i wrote it as a "y/n" post but i was like imagining jamie as MC/"y/n" and inserting myself in cove's happy ending <3 lmaooo no one said "y/n" couldn't be someone else 😋 i imagine a lotta ppl read y/n fanfics with their oc's or the default name though too but yes tysm for this ask bc this heals my heart, this is smth i would do!!! one time i read 2 separate fics with character A died and in the other fic character B died n i was like "oh okay theyre happy together now<333" ITS SILLY BUT IT MADE MY HEART FEEL BETTER

[read the post mentioned above: "leaving cove for baxter"]

tags : Hurt/(No) Comfort, step 4/wedding dlc, nightmare about cheating, running away, keeping secrets, arguing <3 (cove snaps abt you leaving)

synopsis : you have a nightmare about leaving cove, so you run away to calm down. maybe you should've taken a different approach...

you wake up in a cold sweat that night.

you're shaking and trying not to wake up cove because his arms are wrapped tightly around you but you can't help the tears running down your face.

somehow you shake yourself from your husbands hold and go to the bathroom to cry...

that morning you're very distant, and since cove has to leave for work as he's been away for awhile for your wedding and honeymoon, he just kisses you and tells you that you will talk later.

when he comes home you sit him down and tell him that you've just going through a bit of depression and burn out, and that you're going to go visit lee for a week and come back.

cove frowns up, of course he understands what you're going through and he understands that things are hard but do you really need to go away?

"y/n, please. i understand you're going through something but, can't you stay? isn't there anything i can do for you?"

you shake your head, "i'm sorry, it's just 5 days and then i'm coming back. i just.. i just need some time."

cove feels a bit angry now, you just got married and everything was fine, you were happy yesterday and now you've done a total 180 overnight and won't let him help you!

"y/n you can't just leave, i really don't understand what's going on."

you shake your head, standing up and releasing your intertwined hands. "i just need a little break, i promise i'll be back soon."

you do go visit lee like you said, but after the 2nd day she leaving town for a show.

"i'm gonna miss you!" lee squeezes you in her arms, not wanting to let you go. "you just showed up, its gonna be forever before we see each other~" lee whines.

you laugh, patting her back. "its okay lee, we'll get together soon."

she pulls away, needing to leave soon if she doesn't want to miss the train. "okay.. i'll call you everyday! have fun on the rest of your trip, okay?" a worried look comes on lee's face, taking your hand in a soothing manner. "i hope you can work through that burn out."

you nod. yeah, burn out...

lee sticks her hand out the window, waving the whole way (thank god someone else is driving) until you can't see each other.

you sigh, walking to your car and make your way to the hotel you booked for the rest of the week...

the beach reminds you of your honeymoon... you aren't sure why you're torturing yourself like this.

you sigh, thinking about the dream. well, nightmare to be correct.

there was nothing inherently scary. but since it was from a first-person point of view, your mouth moving out of tune with your thoughts and everything happening so vividly, it was scary enough.

you feel tears well up in your eyes as you think about everyone's reaction.

would your ma really tell you to stay away from the house like that? and lee.. you can't imagine not talking to her.

fuck, you're crying... just thinking about everyone's disappointment and the scorn on everyone's face is enough to send chills down your spine.

you cringe, thinking about cliff and krya, their messages and how cliff looked so distraught when he saw you when he came for the last of cove's things on your nightmare.

you couldn't bare your in-laws hating you. cliff has always been someone important to you, and now he's your father-in-law. he's a sensitive soul as well, and he loves cove so much. of what had happened was real... oh man, the simple idea of how much regret cliff would have makes your body shake with sobs.

and even though you try not to think about cove's reaction to you leaving, its so prominent in your mind.

you start wiping at your tears, even though there's no one around since this is a little edge of beach off the edge of a hiking trail near your hotel, you feel so ridiculous for crying over this.

you sniffle and go to stand up.

it's getting dark, you've off the trail, and you have an early day tomorrow.

the only problem is... you're a bit lost.

you didn't realize how far you were. you're back on the trail but do you go left or right? does it matter if it all leads back to the hotel?

you swallow, you're so fucked.

everything is just going wrong.

first, you get lost on the shitty trail and don't find your way back until daybreak, and now your car isn't starting up, and the mechanic said it'll be a few days before they get it up and running.

you sigh loudly and fall back into the bed. thankfully, the hotel let you extend your stay so at least you have that going for you...

you startle from the sound of your phone ringing... it's cove.

you hesitate to pick up, you still feel sensitive, but you miss cove, and you've already texted him about the situation for the most part..

"hey, cove.."

"y/n! are you okay?" cove's worried voice crackles over the phone.

"yeah, i'm alright, uh.. listen, cove."

you trace the stitch pattern of the quilt on your bed. "apparently, it'll be a few days before the car is up and running. something about a busted something, i don't know what he said. i wasn't, uh, paying attention very well..."

cove sighs. "y/n... I'll come get you or something, and then we can talk about this, okay?"

you feel your heart pick up. "no! th-theres no need for all that, you just hold down the fort, tell the fish I said hi." you laugh shakily.

you can practically hear the frown in his voice. "y/n. why did you go on this trip, seriously. what are you hiding from me?"

cove's voice is rising and cracking with tears at the same time.

it breaks your heart. you can't answer him and it just makes cove more upset.

"do you regret marrying me or something? is that why-!"

"no!" you exclaim. suddenly regretting your outburst but you can't help but deny it since that's not it and you don't want cove to think that...

"then fucking tell me!" cove is obviously crying at this point. "all I know is my spouse left for a 'break' and is now telling me they don't want me to pick them up? be fucking serious y/n!"

you exhale shakily, wiping your own tears.

"i'm sorry..." you whisper, burying your face in your hand.

"sorry for what, y/n? leaving me after we just got married? lying to me? shutting me out?"

cove's voice is deep and his words have an edge.

he's right though, what are you apologizing for? you're acting out and letting your problem consume you...

there's silence, and then cove mutters over the phone.

"... do you not love me anymore?"

you snap up, sliding off the edge of the bed as you snatch up the phone. "no! it's not that! don't say that!" you cry, "I love you so much, cove! don't even think otherwise!"

cove is silent. since you can't see his face you can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

"you know what i... i can't take this right now. I'll call you later."

the phone clicks.

now all you're left with is silence and your own thoughts...

when you finally come home it's 11:47 at night.

cove should be asleep but instead he greets you from the door.

you swallow, psyching yourself up to go to him.

something about the way he watches you from the moment you came into view on the street, to watching you pull your bags out the trunk and then maintaining eye contact (more like boring holes into you since you can't look him in the eye.) as you creep up the pathway to the door of your marital home.

he's silent. just watching. no "hi" or "I love you" or "I missed you, I barely survived while you were gone", just.. silence...

you finally look at him. his eyes are hooded with lack of sleep if the eye bags are any tellers, and yet he stands in front of the illuminated doorway like an unmoveable wall.

your heart skips and clenched. what if he doesn't want to let you back in?

you go to speak and he talks over you.

"was it worth it?"

you gape at him, frowning at his question.

"of course you can't say anything. what did I expect..." cove pinches his temples between his thumb and forefinger.

you gather up some words, uselessly trying to grasp for forgiveness.

"i.. i thought it'd be better if i worked things out on my own... i'm sorry.." you fiddle with the keychain on your luggage. "i shouldn't have done that and uh.. I'll deal with my problems without running away.."

cove watches you blankly. he can't believe you're serious.

"you're not gonna tell me, are you?"

you don't nod or shake your head. you just look at the ground and pray he forgives you.

he stands in front of the door for awhile longer, before he takes your luggage, a little more like snatching it since he grabs it by the side of the handle and tugs it out of your hands, pulling you forward.

"come inside. did you eat?"

you gape a bit, wondering how cove can care for you in a time like this but it reminds you more of a mother who's making sure her naughty child doesn't need anything else before they receive their punishment..

you shake your head. "i'm not hungry right now.."

cove doesn't nod or insist you eat like he normally would. "shower and go to bed then. I'll join you later."

you nod, letting cove's orders sink in.

the bath water is getting cold. and the sound of the echoed sound of water clapping against the edge of the tub makes you self-conscious.

you stand up, letting the water run off of you and robotically dry yourself with a towel before slipping into the clothes cove threw on top of the sink for you.

when you slip out of your bathroom, the bedroom is dark except for the moonlight coming through the window.

you tenderly tuck yourself into bed and close your eyes. waiting for something. anything. maybe for everything to become undone or for time to move past this.

just while you start to get deep into your thoughts, tears pooling in your eyes, cove's footsteps thump against the floor, and you halt your breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

the bed dips on his side. you don't feel him leaning over you or getting into bed and so you turn around, looking at the broad expanse of his back and waiting.

"you're not gonna tell me, are you?"

you say nothing.

"not what's wrong? what happened? how can I help?" cove's desperate at this point. "nothing?"

you pause, fingers twitching because you want to reach out to him but if you did he'll just shrink away from you for sure.

"I don't know.." you finally mumble.

cove hangs his head, fiddling with something in his hand and he lays down without looking at you, flipping over once he's gotten under the covers.

you're both awake, there's no way he isn't and you touch his back.

he doesn't flinch like you thought, nor shake or tell you to fuck off.

so you creep closer. maybe that's a bad idea, wrapping your arms around him as the worst he can do is reject you but you missed him. and everything is eating you up that you just want his comfort..

he let's you, surprisingly.

you rest your forehead between his shoulder blades, curving your body against his.

you reach for his hands, finding them clenched weakly around something.

you wanna shake and cry when you realize it's his wedding band...

he let's you take it from him, and he holds onto your other hand that's tucked under his body.

you shakily slip the ring back on his finger.

maybe, maybe one day you'll tell him.

but when the next morning comes, and cove greets you with a bright smile and "good morning" that only has half his usual cheer, and he continues it for weeks until months have passed since then and it's as if nothing happened, you aren't sure you ever will.

[kittencomicslol]

A bunch of Gyutaro x Oc drabbles. Names r only mentioned a few times and if you try, it’s easy to read as an x reader(though my oc is a kitsune so, yknow that might make it a little harder) but give or take!! I’ll add little warnings n such at the top of each one ^_^ this is mainly fluff but there will also be some angst bc yummy. Ignore any typing errors I wrote all of these half asleep at like 12-1AM

Uh there r gonna be some topics in here ppl may not be fond of, angst, death, sex(not actual smut just mentions, buzz off!!) exc. but I am an angsty scencemo 16 year old girl so what do you expect lolz??

Akira sprite^^^ made by my pookie @senei

-Fire burns on

"Mmhgg.. I don't knowww..l'm just.. something is making me feel like… she's gonna get hurrtt…"

____

-This I specifically made as a way to cope w my own problems. I'm going through a lot of seasonal anxiety/depression rn. It's my 4th year being displaced and shut off in the winter and my therapist expressed how even if we don't remember mentally our bodies remember the emotions we felt at that time in the past. So even if we can't figure out why we are upset, something traumatic could have happened in the past on this day that made us like this.

Gyutaro and Ume ofc vaugely of their human life in cannon since Muzan didn't have to take it away bc they already hated humans. So this is playing off of that but basically Gyutaro just can't remember the exact day everything that went down and he doesn't know why he's so worried so we have the snuggles and the kisses and yea :3

☆

A few tears streamed down the demons face. He had been rather distant today, and it was for good reason.

Though you may not consciously remember what happened down to the date, your unconscious brain does. If a severely traumatic event happens, your brain remembers the day even if you don’t. And it’s no wonder Gyutaro had been so easily upset today, as it was the day that he was turned into a demon. The day where poor Ume was burnt alive. Did he regret becoming a demon? No, it was the best decision he had ever made in his life.

But the pure guttural fear he felt on that day as a human, clutching her little body in his arms.. it was so much.. and even though he didn’t understand why he was so upset since the memory was subconscious, he still knew he was upset. So he detached himself from Daki and snuck away throughout the house Daki ran, sneaking off to that one room he finds himself going to over and over. He doesn’t even knock as he enters Akiras room, quickly closing the door behind himself and coming right over to the bed like a lost puppy. Akira sits up in bed with a small yawn, placing the book she had been reading down beside her and turning her attention fully to her lover. A small little chuckle escapes her mouth as she sees this all powerful demon cowering at the foot of her bed like a dog.

“What’s wrong my love?”

She coos softly, patting the bed next to her in order to let him know he could come snuggle up next to her as he had done time and time before. As he got close, Akira quickly noticed Gyutaro was crying. A small little gasp left her mouth at this revelation since she herself had never actually seen Gyutaro cry.

As he snuggled up next to her, she threw the covers over him and pulled him close, her body pressing up against his. Akira raised a hand to his face, gently cupping his cheek as she used a thumb to wipe away some of his tears.

“My darling, what’s wrong?”

She spoke softly as she looked back at him with a genuinely concerned expression. Gyutaro struggled showing any emotions, especially sadness. So to see him cry told her that something serious was going on. Gyutaro grumbled slightly, shamelessly shoving his face into her chest right in her revealed cleavage from the robe she wore.

“Dunno… j’st upset..”

the demon rasped out into her chest, his tears soaking her skin. Akira let out a small sigh as she raised her hand and began to run her fingers through her lovers hair in a gentle comforting manner.

“Well that’s alright.. you don’t always need to know why you are upset.. sometimes feelings just are.”

Akira gently comforted the demon the best she could, knowing that if he was trusting her enough to cry in-front of her, that she needed to do her best to help him.

“Is there anything specific you want? Something I can help you with? Or do you just want to be here with me?”

Her hands gently ran through Gyutaros slightly matted hair, combing through it with her fingers.

“Mnn.. i ‘dunnooo.. I’m just worried.. about dakkii..”

he admitted shamefully as he tried to keep his crying face hidden, part of him still afraid to show any weakness in-front of anyone.

“Hm? Worried about Daki? Why so?”

The kitsune softly pressed, wondering where this concern rooted from since Gyutaro was usually very confident about his sisters safety. In response, she only got some grumbles.

“Mmhgg.. I don’t knowww..I’m just.. something is making me feel like.. she’s gonna get hurrtt..”

he rasped out as tears contained to flow from his eyes, staining now both his cheeks and Akiras chest.

____________

-A quiet night

"I'm fine, just the same old same old. You know nothing really happens around here."

____

-No backstory. No notes needed. Just tooth-rotting fluff. Thats all <33

-Not really finished but there wasn't really a story to wrap up, just fluff.

☆

“Ugh..”

the demon groaned slightly as he snuck into his lover's room and nuzzled up next to her in bed. The kitsune giggled slightly as she noticed that her boyfriend was here to visit her again. Akira didn’t hesitate to turn over to face him, her robe getting all tangled up in the covers as she did so. She reached out her arms and wrapped them around Gyutaro, and in turn he did the same for her. His long slender arms delicately wrapped around her perfectly shaped body and pulled her close to him, taking in her scent as she was close to him once more.

“Mmmm.. so nice..”

he mumbled slightly as he held her close, taking in every little part of her once more just like he did every other night. Though it just never got old seeing or feeling her. Akira giggled at her lovers sweet little words and mumbles, leaning up to place a delicate kiss on his cheek. Despite having done this for years the demon never ever got used to being given any sort of physical affection and it always made his face heat up. Though unlike at the beginning where he would fearfully shift away in concern or self preservation of his cold demeanor, he now accepted all of her little affectionate gestures.

“How’s my pretty boy doing?”

Akira cooed softly in that sickeningly sweet voice she possessed that drove Gyutaro completely crazy every single time he heard her even merely take a breath.

“I’m alrighttt.. just a bit bored.. and youu..?”

Gyutaro leaned down and gently nuzzled his fourhead against her own, placing a gentle kiss on her nose in order to show his admiration for her. He had grown to accept affection and also grown to show affection.

“I’m fine, just the same old same old. You know nothing really happens around here.”

She softly responded as her arms held him close, the two holding each-other in a loving embrace that neither planned to leave any time soon. “Yeaa.. nothing really happens around here… it’s been a while since a demon slayer even came byyy.. isn’t that lucky..?”

He rambled slightly. Usually he used to get upset when there was a lack of demon slayers around, especially Hashira. It gave him an excuse to come out of Daki and do something. Not that he really enjoyed being too far from his little sister, because that wouldn’t be true. He adored her and she was his whole world alongside Akira. But more recently he has gotten quite acquainted with the quiet life of Daki saving humans for him to eat, and Gyutaro coming out each night for a few hours to visit his beloved.

“Yea, it’s nice.. just relaxing. I’ve really enjoyed spending my nights with you’ Taro. I interact with human men all day and though sometimes they can be mildly entertaining, none of them could ever compete with you my love.”

Akira's work days were usually long and tedious. Daki went easy on her since she had a soft spot for Akira that only grew more after Akira and Gyutaro became lovers. But alas Akira still had to clean up the house and keep it tidy. It had been a pretty busy past few months and even though she didn’t even work as a courtesan her beauty was astounding. So when a random man attempted to hit on her, she never was shocked or upset. She rather became excited when a human man attempted to hit on her because in the end if he tried to be too pushy or ended up being gross, she would just get a free meal. Though it also never hurts to have small talk with a polite man even if most likely he would eventually be eaten by Gyutaro and Daki.

Gyutaro moved his hands away from her sides and slid them between the folds of her robe, his hands gently gliding over her bare skin and once again settling down by her sides at her hips. Though it wasn’t in any lewd or sexual manner, despite the many more promiscuous interactions the two had. They were close, lovers after all. So they had both gotten comfortable and accustomed to one another’s bodies. Meanwhile Akiras hands moved up and began to run through Gyutaro’s messy black locks, a sweet smile on her face as the two were practically pushed up against each other in a display of love and affection.

____________

That’s all ^_^ other drabbles I didn’t rlly like and left out r on my wattpad but yuh

[officialtayley]

grrrrr my blood is boiling!

i quoted on twitter one of those videos of t looking lovingly towards h during toe, and a fucking incel red-pilled motherfucker quoted my post with the following:

"Shes been through the band. His heart is bigger than his brain. He always had a thing for her even though she was fucking around with the farro brothers right infront of him. Then new found glory. She will tear his heart out 100%."

the idiot deleted his post, but not before i screenshoted the notification i received on my phone. i guess he didn't have the guts to leave that shit posted. maybe i should blast him on twitter, but i don't wanna give him the attention.

like, seriously, why do these idiots just run with the narrative that h fucks/has fucked the entire band? also, why mention nwg and not just the rat? do they think she went through every nfg member as well??she kissed ONE little shit from pmore back in the day when she was basically still a child, and that didn't even last long. SHE doesn't even consider that as her first real relationship. Then, she stayed with the same narcissistic deceitful liar weasel for 10 fucking years. a relationship that left her completely broken, depressed and with ptsd. it's practically a miracle that girl was able to be vulnerable enough to open herself to love again, even more amazing the fact that she has found a safe, respectful, and loving relationship with t.

how the fuck should i deal with this asshole? just let it go? put him on blast? idk, i guess i'm sending you this ask cause i don't wanna get anything started on twitter. I'm tired 😫

sorry, i curse a lot, especially when i am enraged 😡

u can call them out if u want like who cares tbh maybe ppl shouldn't say such bs

[jesternlove]

My friend I am the worst person ever who has not actually been drawing things...I've been depressed so i just been escaping into Starbound LOL but please rest assured I see all your things and I'm like wow they're so smart and wise. and one day soon i will have something for you hehe

I literally was reading the last chapter of TMR when i got distracted with tumblr and then saw your last art!! I'll have more words I'm sure, just ;___; showering u with love

An ask because i don't actually remember how to message here...and also am lazy i'll admit

Aww, i super get it, ur not the worst ever!! and im excited (patiently!) to see what you create~~

I appreciate the love~~~~~ 🙈🙏💖

Im glad you're enjoying TMR!! And the art!! It helps me a lot hearing from you and folks about it 🙏 my little fics help w my anxiety, and my little arts help me think about the fics/ think less about stressers x.x

Starbound looks so fun!!

I wanna draw like you!!!! Ahhh the congenial envy 😫 ur such a great artist!!

I might have to play sims soon tho.. 🙈 i want to make my szarr universe... And yk.. *whispers* make ppl kiss 🙈🙈🙈

(Like Caz and Glario; dumb dumb Glario..)

I hope you're taking care 🤗 u are super cool and its cool that a cool person likes my things haha

[hugogetspowerbottomed]

*chin hands* tell me about oops all omegas varigo with hugo realizing he's an omega stereotype teehee

OH MY GOD SHUT UP I ALREADY FORGOT ABOUT THIS AND IDK WHAT MY IDEAS WHERE BUT HERE YOU GO SIR:

hugo probably dated a whole bunch of alphas when he was a teen + young adult bc he thought thats what he was supposed to do. when he started having sex it was fine like the knotting was great the hormones were great the smell was great but it didn't really SATISFY him yknow? except he didn't know that bc he didn't know different yet

he maybe dates a few betas in college and likes that okay bc they're a little softer than alphas but it still isn't his thing so he just kinda aimlessly sleeps around, having a good physical time, but emotionally he's so unfulfilled and so unhappy that he's starting to get depressed and spiral (this isn't to say that ppl who don't date will have this happen to them btw bc that's a very allo way of thinking, i just think that hugo is someone who craves a romantic partner)

anyway he meets varian and it all clicks together bc hes IN LOVE and varian is so compatible with him emotionally and mentally and he's finally with someone who challenges him and makes him feel good and makes him laugh BUT VARIAN IS AN OMEGA??? he's so conflicted and upset

varian is also deeply into hugo and can tell that hugo likes him!! but cannot figure out why hugo won't do anything about it bc hugo isn't shy or anything but he keeps patiently waiting until he finally snaps and tells hugo that he likes him

this goes badly bc hugo gets really upset and is like WE CANT DATE!!! and its all horrible third act of a movie breakup where everything is awful until nuru gets fed up with them and literally locks them in a closet. varian asks hugo why they can't be together and hugo starts listing all of these reasons about omegas having to be with alphas and incompatibility and varian calls him dumb and kisses him and its the best kiss hugo has ever had.

they start dating obviously and hugo finds out that guess what omega heats sync up. i'll save the smutty goodness for another post bc thats going to be a WHOLE THING ITSELF but needless to say that its the best sex of hugo's life and fucking someone he's in love with changes his brain chemistry.

there's probably a few hiccups where hugo gets upset about something that he thinks is supposed to happen given his nature/biology or whatever, but they work it out.

anyway just like. hugo working on his internalized issues and finding love and shit. it makes me insane

[thecrxwclub]

assigning taylor swift songs to grishaverse characters + ships because i don’t want to do my actual work!! this is about to be long as hell!!

notes: i feel like some of these will be unpopular opinions but here we are + there are two instances where ppl have the same song (long story short and you’re on your own kid) but i just think it applies to both characters really well. and idk why basically all the crows are from midnights, it’s just a soc album i guess.

ALINA STARKOV

– long story short : evermore

"Past me, I wanna tell you not to get lost in these petty things. Your nemeses will defeat themselves before you get the chance to swing…and I fell from the pedestal, right down the rabbit hole. Long story short, it was a bad time. Pushed from the precipice, climbed right back up the cliff. Long story short, I survived. Now I’m all about you, I’m all about you. Long story short, it was a bad time. Long story short, I survived.”

MAL ORETSEV

– this is me trying : folklore

“They told me all of my cages were mental. So I got wasted like all my potential. And my words shoot to kill when I’m mad. I have a lot of regrets about that…I just wanted you to know that this is me trying. At least I’m trying.”

NIKOLAI LANTSOV

– Mastermind : Midnights

"No one wanted to play with me as a little kid. So I’ve been scheming like a criminal ever since. To make them love me and make it seem effortless. This is the first time I’ve felt the need to confess. And I swear I’m only cryptic and Machiavellian ‘cause I care.”

ZOYA NAZYALENSKY

– You’re On Your Own Kid : Midnights

“You’re on your own, kid. You always have been. From sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes, I gave my blood, sweat, and tears for this. I hosted parties and starved my body. Like I’d be saved by a perfect kiss. The jokes weren’t funny, I took the money, my friends from home don’t know what to say. I looked around in a blood-soaked gown, and I saw something they can’t take away.”

KAZ BREKKER

– Dear Reader : Midnights

"Dear Reader, if it feels like a trap you’re already in one. Dear Reader, get out your map. Pick somewhere and just run. Dear Reader, burn all the files, desert all your past lives. And if you don’t recognize yourself that means you did it right. Never take advice from someone who’s falling apart…Dear Reader, the greatest of luxuries is your secrets. Dear Reader, when you aim at the devil make sure you don’t miss.”

INEJ GHAFA

– Karma : Midnights

“Karma is my boyfriend. Karma is a god, karma is the breeze in my hair on the weekend. Karma’s a relaxing thought, aren’t you envious that for you it’s not? Sweet like honey, karma is a cat, purring in my lap ‘cause it loves me. Flexing like a goddamn acrobat. Me and karma vibe like that.”

NINA ZENIK

– Bejeweled : Midnights

“Sapphire tears on my face, sadness became my whole sky…And you can try to change my mind. But you might have to wait in line. What’s a girl gonna do? A diamond’s gotta shine. Best believe I’m still bejeweled. When I walk in a room, I can still make the whole place shimmer…Diamonds in my eyes. I polish up real, I polish up real nice.”

JESPER FAHEY

– Anti-Hero : Midnights

"I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser. Midnights become my afternoons. When my depression works the graveyard shift all of the people I’ve ghosted stand there in the room…It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me. At tea time, everybody agrees. I’ll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror. It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero.”

WYLAN VAN ECK

– You’re On Your Own Kid : Midnights

“Cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned. Everything you lose is a step you take. So make the friendship bracelets, take a moment and taste it, you’ve got no reason to be afraid. You’re on your own, kid. Yeah, you can face this. You’re on your own kid, you always have been.”

MATTHIAS HELVAR

– ivy : evermore

"How’s one to know? I’d live and die for moments that we stole. On begged and borrowed time…oh, goddamn. My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand taking mine, but it’s been promised to another. Oh, I can’t stop you putting roots in my dreamland. My house of stone, your ivy grows, and now I’m covered in you.”

GENYA SAFIN

– Clean : 1989

“Hung my head as I lost the war, and the sky turned black like a perfect storm. Rain came pouring down. When I was drowning, that’s when I could finally breathe. And by morning, gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean.”

DAVID KOSTYK

– Sweet Nothing : Midnights

"On the way home I wrote a poem. You say ‘what a mind’, this happens all the time. ‘Cause they said the end is coming. Everyone’s up to something. I find myself running home to your sweet nothings. Outside, they’re push and shoving. You’re in the kitchen humming. All that you ever wanted from me was nothing.”

THE DARKLING

I Did Something Bad : Reputation

"They’re burning all the witches, even if you aren’t one. They got their pitchforks and proof, their receipts and reasons. They’re burning all the witches, even if you aren’t one. So light me, go ahead and light me up. They say I did something bad. Then why’s it feel so good? They say I did something bad. But why’s it feel so good? Most fun I ever had, and I’d do it over and over and over again if I could. It just felt so good.”

TOLYA YUL-BATAAR

– epiphany : folklore

"Keep your helmet, keep your life, son. Just a flesh wound, here’s your rifle…With you I serve. With you, I fall down. Watch you breathe in, watch you breathing out. Only 20 minutes to sleep, but you dream of some epiphany. Just one single glimpse of relief, to make some sense of what you’ve seen.”

TAMAR KIR-BATAAR

– Only the Young : Featured in “Miss Americana”

“They aren’t gonna help us, too busy helping themselves. They aren’t gonna change this, we gotta do it ourselves. They think that it’s over, but it’s just begun. Only one thing can save us…Don’t say you’re too tired to fight, it’s just a matter of time. Up there’s the finish line. Only the young can run.”

HANNE BRUM

– long story short : evermore

“Fatefully, I tried to pick my battles ‘til the battle picked me. Misery. Like the war of words I shouted in my sleep. And you passed right by, I was in the alley, surrounded on all sides. The knife cuts both ways. If the shoe fits, walk in it ‘til your high heels break.”

–––––––––––––––––––––

KANEJ

– Renegade : How Long Do You Think It’s Gonna Last?

“Are you really gonna talk about timing in times like these? And let all your damage damage me? And carry your baggage up my street and make me your future history? It’s time, you’ve come a long way. Open the blinds, let me see your face. You wouldn’t be the first renegade to need somebody. Is it insensitive for me to say ‘get your shit together so I can love you’?"

HELNIK

– Long Live : Speak Now

“Long, long live the walls we crashed through. All the kingdom lights shine, just for me and you. I was screaming, long live all the magic we made, and being on all the pretenders, I’m not afraid. Singing long live all the mountains we moved, I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you. And long, long live that look on your face. And bring on all the pretenders. One day, we will be remembered.”

WESPER

– Paper Rings : Lover

“Kiss me once ‘cause you know I had a long night. Kiss me twice ‘cause it’s gonna be alright. Three times ‘cause I’ve waited my whole life. I like shiny things, but I’d marry you with paper rings. Darling, you’re the one I want, and I hate accidents, except when we went from friends to this.”

ZOYALAI

– The Great War : Midnights

"And we will never go back to that bloodshed, crimson clover. The worst was over. My hand was the one you reached for all throughout the Great War. Always remember we’re burned for better, I vowed I would always be yours. ‘Cause we survived the Great War.”

MALINA

– invisible string : folklore

“Time, curious time. Gave me no compasses, gave me no signs. Were there clues I didn’t see? And isn’t it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me?”

DARKLINA

– Dear John : Speak Now

“You are an expert at sorry and keeping lines blurry. Never impressed by me acing your tests. All the girls that you’ve run dry have tired, lifeless eyes ‘cause you burned them out. But I took your matches before fire could catch me, so don’t look now.”

DANYA

— Last Kiss : Speak Now

“But now I'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes. All that I know is I don’t know how to be something you miss. I never thought we’d have a last kiss. Never imagined we’d end like this. Your name, forever the name on my lips.”

TAMADIA

— Lover : Lover

“My heart’s been borrowed, and yours has been blue. All’s well that ends well to end up with you…Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close, forever and ever? And I, take me out, and take me home. You’re my, my, my, my lover.”

HANNINA

— Daylight : Lover

“I’ll tell you the truth, but never goodbye. I don’t want to look at anything else now that I saw you. And I don’t want to think of anything else now that I thought of you. I’ve been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night, but now I see daylight. I only see daylight.”