#a little angst baby :) but also this angel loves you andrew don't hurt yourself. don't even think about it. that's stupid.

[stabbyfoxandrew]

Angel Neil?

WIP Wednesday (8/14) | Guardian Angel Neil AU (Part 221)

“Good.” Neil dips his finger in the water again, swirling it around and around and around. Finally, he looks back up and his expression is serious. He swallows. “Please don’t joke about killing yourself.”

Please. 

Please. 

Please!

A slight shudder runs through Andrew, but he does his best to ignore it. Neil doesn’t know. It’s not his fault. He doesn’t know. It’s Andrew’s turn to swallow thickly, batting the remnants of his dream over the side of the building.

“Worried I’ll follow through one day?”

“Yes.” Neil says before Andrew’s through with the sentence. “And it scares me.” Neil dries his finger on his hoodie and Andrew gives him a look.

“It’s just a joke.” 

“It’s not.”

Andrew lets out a sigh. “Oh come on, Neil. I know you’ve got a sense of humor in there somewhere. Let’s find it, shall we?”

“I haven’t lost it. Dying isn't funny. I’m dead, Andrew! I’m dead and to hear you say things like that… it hurts worse than the knife did.”

Andrew didn’t know Neil’s knife hurt him. He wonders if it’s hot to the touch or—

“You’re my human,” Neil declares, sounding possessive in a way that raises Andrew’s hackles and warms his cheeks. “I’m in charge of you. I exist to keep you safe and I’ll do until my second last breath. But my power has limits. I can catch you if you fall, I can heal you when you’re hurt. And I will. I want to. But I can’t pump your stomach and I can’t bring you back from the other side. So, don’t joke like that anymore. Death isn’t funny and I don’t like imagining a world without you in it.”

By the end of Neil’s little speech, Andrew feels hot from his stomach to his ears. He lets Neil’s words sink into his skin, commits them all to memory. Because Neil is real and Andrew is alright and Neil doesn’t like imagining a world without him in it. 

[fitmydaydream]

Vulnerable - Part 2

Part 1 / Part 2

Prompt: Shawn realises Y/N needs to know what he actually feels before it gets too late.

Word Count: 4.2k (whoops I got carried away)

A/N: Angst!!! Followed by a dash of protective! Shawn. Credits to the gif owner. I included two prompts anon requested so I hope you guys like it. Also I appreciate each one of you who takes out the time to read my stories. It means a lot! Happy reading my angels 💚

Shawn knew the moment you told him he was a coward that he he'd messed up everything now. All those past months he had spent pretending to be totally oblivious to his and yours relationship to the entire public has jumbled up what you both shared. Moreover treating you with the shameful silence when you asked him if he loved you anymore has only added fuel to the fire.

He knew how insecure you'd got in the past months due to him being ignorant about you when his friends, fans or the paps were around and how desperately you needed him to accept that he still held the same amount of love for you, yet he decided against speaking anything to you and let your worst fears come true in front of your eyes.

He remembered the terrible sight where your eyes were crying for help to let you out of the darkness that was slowly setting upon you and consuming you. To save you from the wave of anxiety that would wash you away soon but he let you drown in the sea of insecurities all alone.

The truth was Shawn loved you. Loved you with every inch of his soul and body but he didn't think he deserved to be loved by you. He thought he didn't deserve to be anywhere near you because you were more than perfect for him. He thought you didn't deserve the life you signed up for because of him. You deserved someone who was always there for you and not someone who was always under the limelight. He wanted to protect you from the outside world and fame which he thought would prove to be a disaster for you. It would make you do things which he would never want you to do.

Shawn loved you and he didn't feel the need to prove it to anyone and that was the main reason why he didn't want to tell anyone about your relationship. Because once the news is out in the public, you two will never be the same old school sweethearts who fell in love with each other watching each other growing up through the years.

But Shawn didn't realise how far he'd went in order to protect you that he made you feel so isolated and insecure about yourself. He didn't want to lose you at the cost of protecting you so he decided to put an end to this for once and for all. He wasn't going to let you slip away just like that.

xx

You were now staring intently out of the window of the cab which you were travelling in right now. You were in no mood to drive yourself up to anywhere so you made a decision to call a cab to drive you up to the bar because you were too mad and upset to focus on anything right now after barging out of your and Shawn's argument.

The silence which Shawn offered you was still lingering in your head making you question what you both shared because for a person who is in love with you this wasn't even worth a question.

A tear slipped your eye and you suddenly wiped it away. You loved him so much. You loved him with all your heart. Was he with someone else? Was he embarassed of you or how the way you looked didn't make you worthy of being his girlfriend? Tons of questions circled your mind and you felt your heart sinking down after thinking of the reasons Shawn could have possibly stopped loving you.

You were suddenly snapped out of your thoughts after the scene outside the window stopped moving, making you move your head towards the driver.

"We've reached the bar miss." the driver stated.

You looked outside your window and realised how long you've been lost in your thoughts. You rubbed your face. You paid the driver and muttered him a thank you in return. You got out of the car and let out a deep sigh.

The bar was obviously which you weren't a big fan of but this was the only place you could think of going to now, without people even noticing you that you'd a heartbreak and throw sympathy over your poor face. You just wanted to be alone and so you chose this place. You walked towards the bar door and entered.

xx

Shawn had seen you entered the bar and you were completely unaware of it. Shortly after you left your house, Shawn contemplated whether he should go after you or not and ended up driving after the cab you took. He followed you all the way to the bar and waited a little far from your car so you won't notice otherwise you would've freaked out. He looked at you, totally upset and how red your eyes looked from crying. This tore him up.

He hated seeing you shed tears from those beautiful eyes and even hated it more when the reason behind those tears was him.

He didn't want to hurt you anymore by making you look at his face shortly after you'd declared how much you hated him and thought of him as a coward. Approaching you would only make this situation even worse than it looked right now and he didn't want to narrow his chances of having you back anymore. So he decided to let you be by yourself for sometime, to be a little more thoughtful towards him and wait till you walk out of the bar.

xx

You knew you would get yourself involved in an emotional turmoil by isolating yourself. The bar was not lightened properly today which only added to the dull state of your mind right now. This also gave you an opportunity to be away from everyone's notice and sit in a corner, grieving about your sad life.

You ordered a drink for yourself which you didn't recognise at all and also didn't intend on drinking it. You just needed that to not make yourself look like a maniac who'd just wandered off her way into any bar.

You put your hands in your hair and let out a groan of frustration. Your mind couldn't stop thinking about Shawn. About all the words that flowed out of his mouth like it was the truth and how little he thought of you. The silence, the indifference and him mocking your relationship with him. You couldn't stop but think about the very first days of yours and Shawn's relationship. How everything was so natural and effortless between you two. How he would never stop showing affection to you at any point of the day. Those sudden twirls in the kitchen he made you do while dancing on the kitchen floor with Sweater Weather by Arctic Monkeys playing in the background. Him surprising you with back hugs and peppering your face with soft kisses out of the blue. The way he would intertwine your hands with his while walking down the roads and would place a nice soft kiss on your knuckles reminding you of how much in love he was with you.

You sniffled at the thoughts of how undemanding everything was back then. Until the day you'd to hear that Andrew had told Shawn to keep his relationship private and away from the prying eyes of the public and you'd agreed upon it just for the sake of Shawn.You remembered the night Shawn and you had a huge fight over this but somehow eventually you came to understand the whole point of this drama and stayed by his side. All because you loved that boy.

Your cheeks got wet by the tiny teardrops that were strolling down as you stared at the lockscreen of your phone. It was a picture of you kissing Shawn's cheek while he was giving you a piggyback ride on the beach. You huffed at the thought and how shattered everything was right now . Your eyes were hurting and you were barely in your right state of mind.

You moved your gaze around the bar to scan the crowd. Shortly, your eyes landed on a guy seated in a corner of the bar, laughing and occasionally looking at you in a sly way. You noticed they he was staring at you with a gaze which made you shift in your chair uncomfortably.You couldn’t deny that you were getting nervous but you tried to remain confident somehow. No doubt, he was drunk.

Your breath started speeding up a little bit when you noticed him walking in your direction and getting seated just few seats away from you. You decided to play it cool. He whistled whilst staring at you, his gaze scanning your whole body.

"May I know the reason behind such a gorgeous girl waiting around since so long alone at a table?” he asked you with a smirk.

His tone made you cringe.

“I think it’s none of your business.” you replied to him bluntly, as you stirred the straw in the empty glass to avoid looking at them.

“Woah okay babe. No need to get all snappy.” he said laughing with his hands up in defense.

"Don't call me babe." You hissed. Your face was filled with disgust when you heard him call you babe.

“Maybe you can have a drink with me and loosen up a bit. What do you say?” he insisted even after noticing the fact that you were totally disinterested. He neared you in an attempt to reach your hand but you were quick to take it back.

“No thanks. I’m totally not in the mood to do that so if you excuse me I shall go now.” you said through clenched teeth. As much as you hated your personal space being invaded by a creep, getting out of this bar was the best idea which came rushing to your mind at that moment. You picked up your bag and you heard him laughing and saying things which were inaudible as you headed out of the bar.

xx

It was colder outside than you thought it would be. You rubbed your arms in an attempt to keep yourself warm but that was not doing any good to you. Cold winds were breezing past you making you cuddle yourself.

All of a sudden your head turned into the direction of the exit door opening, and you witnessed that boy, with whom you just had an encounter with, walk out of the door, laughing hysterically and stumbling along his way.

You remembered Shawn wasn't here with you. You were on your own tonight. You cursed under your breath. Why do bad days have to get worse?

You heard his footsteps approach you.

“Woah. Woah. Woah. Look who’s here still waiting in cold! Need me to keep you warm baby?” The boy slurred out the words.

You took a deep breath and sighed. You were running out of patience as you wanted to smack his head right then and there but you decided to ignore him anyway and started walking towards the road where you thought you would catch a cab back home. But before you could walk any further, you felt a tight grip around your wrist.

“What’s up baby? I can see you're cold so why not ask me for some help?” he said in a flirty tone which had already made you sick to your stomach.

“I’m sure we can have some real fun tonight if you know what I mean huh?” the guy said with a disgusting smirk resting on his lips. He was smelling of alcohol with every word that came out of his mouth and you cringed at him.

“You’re an asshole. I would never ever want to spend even a second with you because you disgust me. Now kindly fuck off.” you spat your words at him and tried to wriggle out of his grip but it was too tight. He laughed and pulled you closer by your wrist.

“So you think that you can come to a bar, so late at night wearing a dress that short and expect me to not ask you to have fun with me? Girl are you really that naive? Take a chill baby and have some fun c'mon!” he asked you and laughed.

You were scared. Tears threatened to spill your eyes. You were already exhausted and you didn’t know what to do. Your mind was too foggy with thoughts.

Suddenly a fist made contact with that guy’s cheek and the next moment you knew, he was on the floor. Shawn had come to your rescue just in the right time and you looked at him in total shock. Shawn landed another hard punch on his face which made him fall to the ground. He grabbed him by his collar and spoke to him in extreme vexation which you’d never seen before.

“Listen you little fuck head. When she says no that fucking means get off of her you prick! Be ten miles away from her instantly! Also you don’t talk to my girl like that okay? Hell you don’t talk to any other girl like that you shit! " Shawn growled at him. He was fuming in anger and his jaw was clenched hard.

"And she can wear whatever the fuck she wants to. She can go anywhere at anytime she wants to and you cannot fucking tell her to do otherwise you get that? Now if I find you anywhere near her or any other girl behaving like a disgusting piece of shit, you’ll have it from me. You heard that asshole?” Shawn hissed. He was breathing heavily.

"Shawn let him go. He's not worth it. Please." you tried to calm him down.

"I'll kill you. I can break each bone in your body for touching her and still not regret it." Shawn barked at him.

"Uh okay but let's not Shawn. C'mon get up!" you told Shawn by pulling him up by his arm.

He let that guy go and looked at you. The eyes that were filled with rage had now softened and his face was immediately laced with concern. His arms moved around your body, eyes constantly checking you if you were okay.

"Are you okay Y/N? Did he touch you? I swear I'll hunt him down and beat the living shit out of him!" Shawn asked you.

"I'm fine. He didn't do anything. Calm down. Thank you for saving me." you replied to him in a very direct tone. You got out of his grip and started walking away from him.

As much as you hated what just happened to you, you couldn't deny the fact that it was Shawn who'd caused the major damage to you. Ofcourse you were grateful towards him for saving you from that creep but you hated him right now. You couldn't stand him after all what happened earlier.

"Uhm? Excuse me? Thank you? Y/N you're my girlfriend. I've to take care of you. That's my duty." Shawn said.

You stopped in your tracks. Was he seriously gonna be all cocky now? You laughed sarcastically after turning to face him.

"Girlfriend? Your girlfriend? What's that Shawn? Haven't heard of you having girlfriend eh?" you responded. Shawn was hurt and that was evident from his face.

Tonight was the night which you knew would come one day but didn't expect it to come this soon. You both were hurt. Broken. Afraid.

Shawn was afraid that he might lose you due to his oversight. He was afraid that the love that has bonded you two might get lost in this war of words. He wanted to mend everything. In no way he was going to let this night turn into a living nightmare which he'd always had.

“Y/N. I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have stayed silent. I love you Y/N. I really do. I-I just-” Shawn stepped closer.

"I just what Shawn? Oh you must have thought that I would've stayed by your side all the time as I've always done like the fucking fool I'm even though you think so little of me and probably feel so ashamed to have me by your side right? You thought I was so stupid that I'll never come to know what you think of me." you cried.

Shawn looked up at you with eyes loaded with tears. He was looking like an innocent person who has been accused of a crime which he hadn't even committed. He was shaking. He was feeling weak. Everything was falling apart and never had he ever felt this helpless.

Looking at him hurt you too. You saw the defeat and fear in his eyes. But all you could remember was his ignorance towards you when your eyes used to cry for his love and care.

But if there was one thing that Shawn was determined to do tonight then it was making you realise how much he really loved you.

He approached you and engulfed you in a hug. You were taken aback at first but then you protested. You started wriggling out of his grip but he was holding you too hard.

You hit his chest but he stood there just holding you. You hit and hit and hit him until he left you but he was too adamant over not leaving you. Tears of frustration escaped your eyes.

"Leave me alone Shawn just leave me the fuck alone!! I don't wanna be near you. I hate you!" you cried out of frustration and continued hitting him.

Shawn didn't budge at all and let you hit him till you were done. He wanted you to let all your frustration out and listen to him for once. You were worn out today. You didn't have the energy to fight him anymore. Eventually you slowed down and collapsed into his chest and sobbed into his chest.

"Why did you have to do this to me Shawn? I loved you so much. What did I lack in? I'm sorry that you're too perfect for me but this is who I am Shawn." your voice croaked at the end of the sentence.

Shawn was startled at what you were thinking because it was not the truth at all. He felt so guilty of himself to lead you to think of yourself otherwise and he hated that.

"Fuck no Y/N. I can never think of you like that. You wanna know why I didn't said I love you? You really wanna know?" Shawn said wiping his cheeks. He pulled you off him and cupped your face to make you look at him.

"Then listen Y/N. I've loved you since the first day of our high school. The day you walked past me in that beautiful sundress with your hair down looking so gorgeous unlike any other girl I've seen before. Gradually we became friends and then eventually best friends. I got to know the real you. Your beautiful inner self. I looked past all your flaws which everyone said would bother me. And the thing was they didn't bother me but only made me fall in love with you. I was astonished by the fact that how someone can be this perfect. Was it possible to not have any single flaw within oneself? Was it unreal? I would always ask myself these questions and then when I used to looked at you I would get my answers. Yes it was possible to be perfectly imperfect." Shawn said while captivating you with his eyes as he spoke.

"You were too perfect for me. Too strong and way too worthy to have me. I was just a guy with a passion for music and I didn't know why you would even like me. Everything was perfect. We were in love, we were happy and dating until fame got me. I knew what things fame can bring with itself to a person. Paparazzi constantly chasing you invading your privacy, the wrath, the criticism, absolutely zero personal life and people framing you bad for things which you don't even know you ever did. I didn't want you to be a part of this bullshit at all Y/N. You were too precious to get involved in this shit."

Your eyes face turned soft at his words. Your eyebrows furrowed and a fresh stream of tears threatened to spill from your eyes. Did Shawn really thought he didn't deserve you?

"I was always away from you Y/N. Fucking always distant from you. Always away from you when you needed me and you never even complained. How freaking delusional can a person even get? What kind of a fucking boyfriend does that to his girl? You didn't deserve this kind of life. The kind of life where your boyfriend works on the tips of his management and is literally a puppet. I was always right baby. You didn't deserve me at all. Not even a bit of me. You're too pure and perfect to have me. I'm messed up Y/N and I have a messed up life. And I don't wanna mess up yours too. This was the day you were most afraid of and look what I did? I fucking brought that day to you when you were trying to avert it at all costs." You shook your head while hot tears were streaming down your cheeks.

“You deserve someone who loves you with every inch of his soul and every beat of his heart. You deserve someone who's always there for you when you need them. This is like an open fire, firing harsh words at each other even though we don't want to and bruising each other's heart with sharp knives. I might love you with my whole living being but Y/N, my love I don't deserve you in any way." he continued.

"I thought that if I treated you in the way I'm not supposed to then you might consider leaving me and that'll be the best thing for you but no. Fuck Y/N I saw you walking out of that door today and I swear the feeling of you leaving me hit me so hard that I actually wanted to die. I'm indeed a coward baby. You were so right.” he sniveled hard.

You couldn't bear the sight. That was the moment you regretted some of the words you'd said to him. Shawn was shedding tears of defeat. He did love you after all. The whole time when you were thinking that he was ashamed to have you as a girlfriend, it was actually him being eaten up by his own insecurities. You've been wrong about him all this time and had already went too far by calling him a coward.

You gulped and gently took his face between your hands. You caressed his cheeks whilst looking at him with a soft expression written on your face. Your lips were shaking from crying too much.

"I-I'm so sorry Shawn. I d-didn't know you were feeling all this the whole time." you stuttered.

Shawn placed his finger on your lips and shook his head, telling you to stop.

"No Shawn I've to say this. Although I'm broken, I can't see you like this. I doubted your love for me. I'm so sorry baby. I didn't know all this time you were feeling so insecure about yourself and I was only feeding it and not helping. You're not a coward Shawn. No not at all. I'm just so so sorry baby" you said wiping his tears.

"You're the only one I want. I too fell in love with you the day I caught you looking at me. Those brown eyes, the way they glimmered when you talked about something you loved was what made me fall in love with you more. You looked at me like there was no one else was in the room. Are you kidding me like who the hell looks at someone like that? You made me feel like a good person Shawn and I'll always be grateful to you for that. I can state a million things about you and still say that they're not the reasons why I love you. Because I love you for you. The way you are and what all we've been through. You make me strong." you stated.

"And even though loving you feels like chasing the clouds and riding a rollercoaster, I wouldn't trade this love for anything else in the world. I treasure you Shawn. I'm never gonna leave you baby. I'm right here and I'll be forever. I love you Shawn Peter Raul Mendes and I can't let you go ever." you said with a broken smile resting on your lips.

Shawn bit his lips to avert himself from crying anymore. He suddenly pulled you in by your waist and crashed his lips against yours. Your lips fit his just as perfectly and you loosened yourself under his embrace. His tongue collided with yours, exploring your mouth with utter desperation. The kiss made you felt healed already and you burned under Shawn's touch as his hands roamed all over your body.

"I- l-love y-you more Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N. I can even d-die for y-you." he said inbetween kissing your lips and smiling through the kiss. You both tasted the saltiness in each other's tears that were no where near stopping.

You pulled away from the kiss to look at him. You were satiated how the night had turned out. Shawn placed a soft, longing kiss on your forehead and rested his lips there.

"You know our love is made for the movie screens." he mumbled against your forehead, soft sniffles still leaving his mouth because he was too emotional right now.

"Oh so now you're gonna talk like you're in the 80s or what. You're a dork Mendes!" you giggled as you cuddled in his arms, wiping your wet cheeks against his sweatshirt.

"Hey!" Shawn laughed and fished his pocket for something. You looked at him with a questioning look and before you could ask him what he was doing he was quick to respond.

"Need to call Andrew right now" he said smiling at you. You blushed and hid your face in the crook of his neck.

xx

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