#a kevin who never moved away from evil and a mike who is himself

[kariachi]

It has been like 5 million years since I’ve written villain4villain Levinstar, but it still is an amazing concept for anybody who wants to write a complete fucking drama-filled, violent, people-eating mess teetering on the edge of disaster.

[onisiondrama]

(Note: I’m not repeating stories he’s told before and just putting them in parenthesis. I have a lot more videos to go until I’m caught up so that would save me a lot of time. If he gives details I never heard from him before, I will type those.)

“I Figured Something Out” Sept 24, 2020 Speaks

- Says he likes to make videos pointing out his flaws because when he realizes he was doing something wrong, he likes to point it out and move on. You shouldn’t bottle things up. - Says when he started making these video he was angry and over time he winded down. - Begs his follower to look into the Regina / Adam thing. Says Regina pretended to be a transgender person named Adam. He says he was told this by a friend of someone he loves, by someone he loves, by a Hansen insider, and two other people who looked into it. They fabricated a person and a story. He says it’s gross. He says he doesn’t know exactly what was said because he doesn’t watch those videos. - Says he recently watched a beautiful, capable, smart women talk about cancel culture and drama. She’s a republican who doesn’t believe in the far right or left. Says most people go with the flow, but she’s an individual. He says he didn’t care there were things she said that he disagreed with because of the way she spoke. He says when he talks to people online, he has to remember you’re not that different. We all have feelings and people are less reasonable in your opinion if you don’t approach them reasonably. He says he is too harsh and mean in his videos, unlike the women. He understands you’re not supposed to sugarcoat the truth, but other people have feelings. - (People are after him because he hurt their feelings.) - Brings up Regina again. He says he doesn’t know what their problem is because he never talked to them. Says there’s sincere mental illness sprinkled around the internet and it’s proven if you put Regina and Adam side by side. He says he hasn’t watch the videos side by side, but he’s seen photos. He says he doesn’t know how this got past the filters and how people can be so negligent to the truth. He says that’s what happens when you let anyone on a show. People come on to troll or to project their issues. - He says people who watched him may have felt talked down to. He says he spoke like that because he felt like his audience turned on him before he had a chance to explain why it was all ridiculous. He felt it was unintelligent for people to assume it was the truth, but he was in a situation where he was threatened with divorce if he talked. He was stuck between being the bigger person and staying silent while he was building up frustration seeing what people were saying about him. - Says if the Regina and Adam thing is true, it’s the funniest disaster that ever occurred on social media. People were saying there’s all these victims and one of them turns out to be someone dressing up as a new person. It’s bad enough people can fake texts, but when you fake a whole person that’s another level of crazy. He says he almost feels blessed to be subjected to that level of comedy. He says it’s clinically insane for someone to do that with a straight face. He says he never even heard of Adam. - When his marriage was on the rocks because of cuddlegate, he told Billie he wanted to be alone. Billie tried to work it out with him. Says that’s evil step-mom, homewrecker stuff. [I’m pretty sure he’s talking about when he made the fake divorce video and she contacted him.] Says he had the opportunity to run away and abandon his family. He chose to stay because he doesn’t want to be that dad that choses his lustful side over his heart. He broke down crying at one point because he almost let down his family and he almost lost them. He didn’t talk to Billie for a few months after cuddlegate until Kai was like “uwu”. He says he told Kai it was a bad idea and it ended horribly. Says he’s done better than his dad and numerous other dads. - Says he doesn’t speak to people in his life as respectfully as he should. - Anyone in his shoes would be just as bitter and angry as he was. Some people wouldn’t even be alive. He lashed out because he didn’t get a fair chance. People won’t do a charity stream with him. - Once he told his full side in videos, people didn’t want to interview him anymore because he didn’t seem crazy anymore. - Says he was part of the mob against Chris Brown. He said he’s had people scream in his face and he didn’t do anything illegal to them. He called the cops on them. - (Patreon ban, he didn’t dox on purpose) - He says he wants to get rid of boob squeeze because it’s cringey to him. [thank god!]

“My Social Life- Before And After COVID” Sept 25, 2020, Speaks

- (Chris Hansen covid cure) - Says before COVID he stopped going out in public because people were taking picture of his children and posting them to the internet. An employee at Lowes and at Dairy Queen took photos of his children. He’s protective of them. A man [Hansen] showed up to his house when his kids were home. - He was thankful when COVID hit because people would stay away from him. He’s happy he has to wear a mask. He was wearing a different disguise in public before the masks. - (Kai threatened divorce if he spoke) - Says people’s emotions and mental illness cloud their memories. He conquered that when he was 17. A girl dumped him and he told her she was a monster. This was before people would seek clout so it was just between them. He says he supports her breaking up with him because they weren’t meant to be. - Seeing how crazy Seattle and society has gotten, he doesn’t want to be apart of it.  - He was socially lynched without going to court. (Mike went to court) - COVID gave him on excuse to avoid everyone and family members. He says COVID is horrible and people have died, but for him it came at an interesting time. He compares it to when a kid bullied him really hard in elementary school and died in a sledding accident. Says some dude or chick in a truck hit the kid. He says another time a guy was bullying him hard and that guy died in a motorcycle accident. He gave his helmet to his girlfriend. He died a hero. He gave up his life for someone. He was handsome and had his life ahead of him. - Says according to his mother, his father got a women killed by not giving her a helmet. He kept it for himself. His father also allegedly slept with his cousin. His dad tried to sue him and failed. Three of his family member accused his father of being a predator. - A reporter interviewed his father and his father acted like a hero.  - His mom is the one who left his dad. He says she didn’t have to fight for custody so there’s no motivation for her to lie. - (beat up his dad story) - Criminal experts will agree with him to follow the money in cases because money is the root of all evil. Like a news station that will make more money by making a monster instead of telling a true story. It is not profitable to tell both sides. - People like black and white stores, not stories where both people make mistakes. - He love isolation. He was covered in his father’s blood when he went to juvie. His white shirt was brown with dry blood. He was happy to be there because he was away from people and life was simpler. Everybody in there was flawed, which is better than being with his hypocrite god-loving father. Typical Seventh Day Adventist garbage. Greg says he was one as well. When he was 13 he prayed and told god he wanted nothing to do with him. Many amazing things happened to him after that. - Says you have a lot of drifters who came and destroyed someone consistent in you life, then they left. He was that consistent person. He was making hundreds of videos and entertaining thousands of people per video. Now he’s down to 900 to 3,000 views per video. They came, they destroyed, they left. They destroyed someone you connected with, had a real bond with. A lot of you cheered them on as they did this and then they left. Now you’re left with the same person, but he’s more broken. He believed in good people before, but now that he was dragged down into dirt, he has dirt in his eyes. He can’t see the sun or trees. He can just see dark and sadness. He still feels your spit on his face from when you millions of people beat him senseless socially. - He says he saw a legitimate news source says there was an FBI investigation about him. Says the FBI never contacted him. - Leafy recently suggested he should become an actor. He compares it to Kevin Spacey. Says it would be sad to lose a netflix show or a movie deal because of people saying things about you. He says imagine people who were going to be on that show with you stop talking to you because they don’t want to be dragged down with you. He’s glad he wasn’t that big when he fell because it would have hurt more. Now he gets to be a no one who knows who he really is when most people live in an alternate reality. - When he lost BillyTheFridge as a friend, he didn’t lose anything because Billy was a fake friend. Billy wanted to be a white knight. Joe and Anastasia were great friends and wanted to still talk to him. Billy later on realized James wasn’t as evil as he thought and invited him to lunch with them. Says he (James) backed out and decided to stop talking to all of them. He says it’s sad he lost Joe and Anastasia as friends, but he didn’t want to drag them into the drama and make their lives more miserable. Having friends was a burden and he didn’t want them to hurt. - (Regina / Adam) Dobs is barking. - He feels like this whole thing is a grand opportunity to look at things the way they are. He doesn’t trust anyone anymore and he doesn’t believe in friendships anymore. - He swears on his life he’s more honest than Sarah, Billie, and Shiloh.

[iwritesometimes]

Medieval Fic

haha, so, you've delved far enough back that you've hit Jonas Brothers fic. i don't really remember the precipitating events that led to this one, though I think it was initially an idea I was batting around for a Big Bang: the JoBros in a medieval setting, where Kevin decided to go join the church (where he'd fall in love with one of his fellow monks, Mike Carden of The Academy Is..., who was for obscure reasons a popular ship partner for Kev at the time), and Joe and Nick were left to deal with Joe's sudden responsibility to inherit the baronetcy and their burgeoning ~feelings for each other. PRIMARILY an excuse to make Joe a lord and Nick his literal knight in shining armor. there was never much plot and I was trying to write it in a fancy voice, so this flamed out pretty quick, but here's a couple snips for the curious!

***

When, on the eve of his twenty-first birthday, Kevin declared his intention to join the clergy, the house flew into an uproar. His taking up vestments was not entirely an unwelcome development, but rather its suddenness took his family completely by surprise. Kevin had always been the most devout of Lord Helford's sons, with a heart for God's work in this far-flung heathen spit of land, but his grooming heretofore had been for rule, not priesthood. His father and mother were proud of his devotion, certainly, but at something of a loss as to what to do with him; without him to be his father's heir, they had to transfer his inheritance to their second son, who...was rather less than primed for the responsibility.

Joseph was a talented young man, that much could not be argued. But he was not driven like his brothers to use his talents for either King or Almighty God. He could outwit his father's best advisors at chess but showed no inclination for the strain and rigor of knighthood (much to his younger brother Nicholas' dismay). He was musically gifted but did not apply himself to mastering the art more than to sing sweet ballads to every lord's daughter and wayward milkmaid he encountered. His appearance was well attended and he could speak Latin as fluently as Norman and even enough English and Kernewek to converse with the serfs who lived in the villages that dotted the valley around Mawgan Castle; he could be a skilled diplomat and advisor, his father believed, if he could be pulled away from the feasting table and his horses for long enough to take up a cause. But he was, his father also believed, entirely shiftless, a hopeless layabout with rich tastes and no inclination for work.

In fact, were it not for Kevin's abrupt forfeiture of his birthright, Joseph would likely have found himself entirely disowned. His father had planned (not bothering to keep it a secret from much of anyone) to deliver an ultimatum to his second son shortly after the festivities for Kevin's coming-of-age. Now with his family's hopes transferred at least in name to him, Joseph found himself closer to the flame much sooner than he expected.

(snip)

It was odd for Nicholas to be back in his father's house so early in the season; normally he would still be inland at Exeter until after the first snow, only returning to Helford for Christmas. The house had now an unwelcome feel; it was not dressed in the Christmas greens he was used to seeing, and Nicholas felt uncomfortable under the mantle of his parents' expectations of him. Kevin's new pursuit of the church made Lord Helford's scrutiny of his other two adult sons even more severe than usual, but he had always seemed to place the most burden upon Nicholas to succeed. It was a cumbersome weight for the sixteen-year-old to bear under the best of circumstances; here under his father's watchful eye, the weight of responsibility seemed nearly unbearable, and Nicholas yearned to be back in the home of Lord Devon, where he was a well-respected knight-in-training, best of his peers and much the court favorite, and not merely Lord Helford's third and marginally least disappointing son.

Nicholas was restless even when not distracted by the turmoil of a family crisis, always needing to move, accomplish, press forward. At present he was nearly jumpy with it, escaping the confines of the house and his mother's solicitous questions to go groom his horse. It was cold for a ride but he thought he could use the exercise, hopefully release some of the pent-up frustration that always crowded in his chest whenever he was at home. The house stable was situated on the western side of the south-facing outer courtyard, not large but meticulously kept. Lord Helford was no great horseman, though of course his training as a knight made him competent, and Lady Denise had never learned to ride; of the house, only Joseph and Nicholas ever had much cause to give the horses exercise, and Joseph alone rode for the sheer pleasure of it. Their youngest brother, Frank, had so far shown himself the most diligent horseman of all of them, and could be found more reliably in the stables than in the house.

In fact, that is where Nicholas found him, hunkered in the corner of a stall which was the home of a gentle dapple grey mare, more interested in her feed trough than the small boy curled on the farrier's stool and carrying on a conversation with her. He did not hear Nicholas enter the stable.

"...cannot see why I may not have a hound also, if Joseph may have two," he was saying quietly, earnestly patting the mare's dark nose where it was half-buried in oats. "I would train one just as well, and care for it, and could go hunting when I am old enough, but father says I--oh!" Frank startled when Nicholas peered around the edge of the stall at him, blushing a little under his older brother's curious look. "Good day, brother," he said quietly. Nicholas smiled, a bit sadly. Frank was a sweet-tempered child and wildly imaginative, but, like Joseph, did not have the fortitude to withstand scrutiny or confrontation, especially from strangers. Nicholas having been only an occasional visitor in Lord Helford's home for nearly the entirety of Frank's life, the boy naturally saw his next oldest brother as more of a distant and infrequent relation. He was shy of Nicholas, deferential in the way he had been trained to be with visiting nobility. It pained Nicholas somewhat, sorry to be a stranger to his own brother, but it was a necessary evil, and one hopefully soon to be rectified: there was talk of Frank joining Lord Devon's house as another page, possibly to become Nicholas' squire.

***

come ask me about my horrifying slushpile of fic i'll never finish!!!

[thecomicsnexus]

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES #57-62 (FINAL ISSUE) MARCH - AUGUST 1993 BY KEVIN EASTMAN, PETER LAIRD, JIM LAWSON, KEITH AIKEN, JASON TEMUJIN MINOR AND ERIC TALBOT

SYNOPSIS (FROM TURTLEPEDIA)

Mike, Don and Raph are on the rooftops overlooking some buildings. Don uses a payphone to contact Karai and is given a rendezvous point. Raph wonders if it's a trap, but Mike thinks that they can trust Karai.

"What choice do we have?" he muses.

Leonardo is bound at the feet of Karai and a cadre of Foot Soldiers in an abandoned warehouse. Karai orders her henchmen away and she cuts Leo's ropes, freeing him.

Just then the other three Turtles arrive. Karai explains that she is the leader of the Foot in Japan and that she's come to New York to restore order. Ever since Leo killed the Shredder (TMNT #21), the Foot faction in NYC has been in chaos, with different groups warring with one another for ultimate control... save for Shredder's Elite, who have been carrying out seemingly motiveless attacks on the other factions. Karai offers the TMNT a deal, if the Turtles kill the Elite and remove this unpredictable thorn from her side, she will offer them a truce with the Foot Clan.

Raph is angry and unwilling to partner with Karai, but she tells them to think about it and leaves.

By now, Gabby is quite pregnant. Casey is working in the diner with her and the two are thinking about moving out of their trailer and renting a house, since the baby will arrive soon and they'll need more space.

April and Robyn O'Neil attend their father's funeral. April tells Robyn that she's moving back to New York, as it's time for her to stop running from her problems and deal with them.

Master Splinter is beset upon by a monstrous Rat King, now in the guise of a huge, bipedal rat. Rat King commands Splinter to bow to his rule, but the Sensei refuses... causing the giant rat-beast to attack, screaming "You shall DIE!!!"

Splinter wakes from the dream, screaming himself. He quickly grabs a nearby rat and eats it.

"Yesss... good..." the Rat King observes, "Be happy little man-rat... rejoice! For with this step... the shattering of this taboo... your path is clear - your destiny... manifest!"

Meanwhile, we see a Foot Soldier near the destroyed water tower the Turtles had been living in. He is ambushed and killed by two Elite.

The pair then kick down the door of the room that was being used to spy on the Turtles and kill the remaining Foot Soldier.

The old man is in the hospital, getting physical therapy on his leg.

The Elite examine some photos of the TMNT, and realize that they've arrived too late. The leader crumples the picture and the deadly duo depart.

Casey dreams that he's walking with Gabby, when a monstrous version of himself shows up wearing the trademark hockey mask. Casey's evil twin knocks him out with a swing of a golf club and carries Gabby off to his waiting Chevy and speeds away. Casey stands up and notices a woman crying on a bench, as he walks over to comfort who he thinks is Gabby, he discovers that it's April.

Casey awakes from the dream in a doctor's waiting room. The physician asks Jones to step into his office, and promptly tells Casey that Gabby has died due to complications during childbirth.

"It's a small comfort, I know," the doc explains as Casey stares in shock, "But I was with her in those final moments and she looked quite at peace. The baby... we want to keep her in the maternity ward for a few extra days... just to be on the safe side. It's never easy losing loved ones, Mr. Jones. However... you have a little daughter now... and she needs you."

With that, the surgeon exits the office and Casey is left to himself, utterly dejected.

The TMNT are debating whether or not they should help Karai and ally themselves with the Foot Clan. Raphael is still against the idea, but Leonardo wants to finish this business, move on from their current path and stop living the lives Master Splinter assigned to them.

"Leo... what would Splinter say?" asks Mike.

"I'm unsure... I would gladly die for him... but... I don't know if I can give him my life." Leo responds.

As the guys debate the issues, Donatello finally surmises that it's a moot point to argue. Since the Foot Elite have sworn to kill Leo for slaying the Shredder, the Turtles will have to stop the Elite before they succeed in assassinating Leonardo. All four finally agree to seek Karai's assistance in dealing with the Elite.

Master Splinter is finally recovering from his wounds and lack of food, and is visited by a cheerful Rat King. The rodent liege tells the mutant rat that he's been trapped for two months, much longer than Splinter had thought.

"It has been educational" the Sensei notes.

"You came. You sought enlightenment," Rat King begins, "I was merely your guide..."

"And my tormentor." Splinter interrupts.

"Your beliefs, deeply held, sometimes blind you," states Rat King,"The walls erected in our minds block out the light of knowledge."

"That lesson is clear to me now... I can see why I was lead to this place." Splinter acknowledges.

"Yes... I've waited a long time for your arrival." announces the Rat King.

"You knew... I would come...?" asks Splinter.

"Of course," Rat King shrugs, "That's why I'm here."

"Hmmm... so... the Master becomes the student." the Sensei muses.

"...and may it ever be so." concludes Rat King.

Meanwhile, the old man is still recovering in the hospital from the injuries he received from the Elite's bombing. The fellow is sitting up by himself and watching TV, unfortunately the news of international war remains grim and he becomes morose.

The TMNT are climbing buildings to reach the rooftop of Karai's skyscraper headquarters. As they reach her rooftop, they find murdered Foot guards. The Turtles scramble through an open door and find the Foot's leader cradled over the body of a dead girl, surrounded by even more dead Foot Soldiers.

"Karai! Are you all right?!" Mike asks, "Your aide... is she...?"

"No... not my aide..." Karai cries, "...She was... my only daughter! A child...! Swear to me you will kill them... swear you will kill them all!!!"

Leo looks at her ruefully, and states, "I swear it."

Robyn and April meet with the executor of their father's estate in New York City and discover that they'll each be getting two hundred thousand dollars! Robyn asks April if she wants to go back to California with her to start a business, but April states that her mind is made up - she's going back to New York City. The sisters hug.

Casey is driving in the desert and crashes his Jeep into the side of a cliff. Uninjured, Jones emerges from the vehicle and starts climbing the rock face, carrying a container with him. As he reaches the top of the mountain, Casey removes the lid and scatters the ashes within.

"God speed, Gabe..."

The TMNT are working on some sort of mechanical project as Karai leads a troop of her Foot Soldiers on patrol. A Foot Elite spies Karai and her band and is shocked, because he thinks he's seen his Master, the Shredder (in reality it is only Karai wearing Shredder's armor).

The old man is standing in the hospital watching the TV news, and once again it features stories of political strife. The man leaves the room with the assistance of his walker.

Casey is at the diner where he had worked with Gabby, depressively nursing a cup of coffee. Suddenly a car screeches into the parking lot - it's Jones' Chevy! The cook asks Casey if he should call the cops, but Jones tells him he'll take care of it. Casey goes out to the parking lot and beats up the two thieves and retrieves his car.

Master Splinter is finally healed and exploring the bottom of the huge silo that he's trapped in. As he searches for a way out, he comes upon the skeletal remains of the Rat King.

"Ah... once more the universe allows a glimpse... of its myriad wonders... its imponderable mysteries!" the Sensei declares, "Yet, it is ever so... from Life, Death... and from Death... Life!"

Invigorated, Master Splinter uses his ninja skills to climb the sheer brick wall of the silo, ultimately achieving his freedom.

Casey Jones is driving east in his Chevy, his baby daughter named Shadow nestled in her baby carrier beside him.

Robyn and April are visiting the burned out remains of their father's antique shop in New York City. Robyn is distraught to see this place filled with so many wonderful childhood memories reduced to a shambles.

"I hate seeing it like this!" Robyn exclaims, "Growing up - there was so much life here!"

"I know," April agrees, "Now it just looks like... death."

"Maybe it's better that it'll be torn down... I mean, everything passes, huh April?" queries Robyn.

"Yeah..." April muses, "Seems like nothing's... permanent."

Robyn asks April what she plans to do, but April isn't sure. With that the sisters part ways, as Robyn has a flight to catch to California.

Before she leaves, April hears a noise from within the decrepit structure, but sees nothing.

"Hmm... probably the wind or a rat... a rat..." she sighs, and hails a cab to take her away.

Inside the building, Mike is watching April drive off. The Turtles are meeting with Karai and her Soldiers. Raph demands to know why Karai has called them here, and the Clan leader tells him that she was curious to see the place, as it holds so much significance to the events that lead them all to their current destiny.

Mike and Raph don't like being in the building, especially since it was the Foot who burned it down. Leo bends down and finds a photograph of April and Casey, in happier times. He folds the photograph in half and puts it in his belt for safe keeping.

"Enough reminiscing," the Turtle's leader announces, "We have a job to do."

"And scores to settle. Let's move on." Karai states.

Just then a crack appears in the ceiling and a group of Elite drop through the roof.

Five Elite Guard face off against the TMNT, Karai and her Foot Soldiers. Seizing the opportunity to confuse and deceive, the disguised Karai screams at the Elite.

"Traitors! I trained you to be steel tigers... not mad dogs! You dishonor me... and you dishonor the Foot Clan. All of you -- commit seppuku! NOW!!!"

One of the Elite, Tomei, falls for the trick and commits ritual suicide, but the others are not so easily deceived and demand to see "Shredder's" face. Karai removes the helmet and throws it at the Guard.

"I will show you my face! Look well, fools... gaze upon the face of vengeance... and see your doom!!!"

The Elite are taken aback and the Turtles use their pause to launch an attack.

Casey arrives at his mother's apartment building with his baby.

"Oh Arnold," Casey's Mom admonishes, "What did you do... go and get some girl pregnant?"

"Not exactly..." Casey states, "Can I come in, Ma?"

"Sure! Moving back in, are you?" Mrs' Jones asks.

"Well... maybe for a little bit," admits Casey, "Until I get us our own place..."

"Don't be silly, Arnold. I got an empty three-room in the basement."

"Thanks, Ma..." Casey smiles.

"So...who do we have here? Oh what a cutie-pie!" Mrs. Jones beams.

"That's Shadow... my... um... daughter." announces Casey.

"Shadow? Jeez... let me guess... you named her, right?"

"Sure did!" exclaims Casey.

"Is she yours?" Casey's mom asks.

"Well... legally, yeah... but biologically, no."

"So," Mrs. Jones wonders, "Where's the mother?"

"Ma," Casey begins, "Don't call me Arnold."

The Turtles and the Elite are battling furiously. Foot Soldiers are armed with submachine guns and firing at will, but most of them are being killed by the Guard.

April is seated at a restaurant. She's circled an item on the Real Estate page.

The old man is peering out of the window of the hospital. He walks away from it, needing no assistance, and sits on the bed.

Leonardo takes out one of the Elite, but another has cornered Karai. Raph has his hands full with one of the Guard who's utilizing a chain, but the Turtle defeats his opponent. Karai leaps onto a lighting fixture to escape her foe, but it pulls out of the ceiling and sends her careening to floor - the Elite dives after her but is slain when Karai uses a lamp post to impale him. Outside on the roof, Donatello is searching for his quarry. The Elite sneaks up on the Turtle and kicks him to the floor, breaks his leg and then kicks the injured terrapin off of the roof!

Karai has her hands full as another Elite attacks her.

"You profane the image of our Master, the Shredder," the Elite Guard growls as he punches Karai in the face, knocking her to the ground where he's able to get the advantage on her, "And for that.. you must DIE!"

As the Elite Guard prepares to deliver the killing blow to Karai, Donatello manages to overcome his injuries and grab one of the Foot Soldier's machine guns. Before the Elite can act, the Turtle pulls the trigger and kills him. Karai arises and goes over to Don, helping him stand with his broken leg.

April arrives at Mrs. Jones' apartment building. It seems that April has decided to invest the money she got from her father's estate into rental property, and coincidentally, Mrs. Jones is looking to sell her apartment building and retire in Florida. Mrs. Jones takes April on a tour of the place, first stop: the basement, where the "handy man" is working. Mrs. Jones asks April if she'll keep the handyman on, and O'Neil is tentative. Soon enough, Arnold Casey Jones is "introduced" to April.

Casey and April both exclaim "I can't believe it!" and give each other a big hug.

"Uh... does this mean you'll take it?" Casey's mom asks.

Leonardo is facing off with the final Elite in a sword battle. Both are cut seriously when Leonardo drops his katanas and lunges into his adversary. The leap takes both of them over the edge of the collapsed floor and they fall to the first floor - neither the worse for wear, the hand to hand fight begins. After initially getting the upper hand, the Elite is overpowered by the Turtle and dispatched.

The old man in the hospital, Mr. Buscheyev, is checking out, although he still looks depressed.

Leonardo makes a splint for Don's broken leg while Mikey gets to work constructing a travois. Karai thanks the Turtles for their help.

"I... I owe you a great deal." she begins.

"You owe us nothing but your word, Karai." Leonardo tells her.

"We made a deal," Don notes, "Just honor your part of it."

"I will keep my word, Turtles. No longer will the Foot Clan bother you. We have our world... and you will have yours."

"I'm just glad it's over... maybe now we can live a normal life..." Mike hopes.

"HAH!" snorts Raph.

"But... what of the price of this... peace," muses Don, "The blood shed, the lives lost..."

"I'll not say I'm pleased with the way it happened, Don... but can't you see? Finally... for the first time in our lives... we are not in the shadow of the Shredder." Leonardo explains.

"What about you, Karai?" Mike queries, "What will you do?"

"Once the reorganization of the Foot in New York is completed, I will return to Japan. There... I will spread the ashes of my daughter on Asana Bay and perhaps... begin the healing of my ravaged heart." Karai states.

"I'm sorry." Mike replies.

"But even my grief cannot intrude on my duties. The company's -- the Clan's -- interests supersede all else. It does me no good to wish it otherwise." Karai says.

"Can't you change things?" asks Mike.

"Perhaps... someday," Karai answers, "But for now, it is my path... as your path, until today, has been one of vengeance and reprisal, this path has ended, as life has offered you a new beginning... use this opportunity well."

"We will Karai," Leo states, "We will."

Casey, Shadow and April are at the farmhouse in Northampton, Massachusetts. Jones came back to pick up some items that he wants, and the pair set about cleaning up a little. April heats a bottle for Shadow and finds one of Casey's favorite mugs. Later that evening, after dinner the two reflect on their past.

"Y'know, it seems funny eating dinner at this table," Casey observes, "Just like old times... it's like we never left!"

"Well, there is one difference." April notes as she gets up and walks over to Casey.

"What's that?" Jones asks. April then plants a kiss on his surprised lips.

"I'll do the dishes!" Casey beams.

"Great! Then when Shadow falls asleep," April replies coyly, "You can tell me a bedtime story!"

Jones starts washing up and finds one of Leo's Aikuchi knives. He shows the blade to April.

"I wonder where they are now..." Casey ponders.

The next morning, April is swimming in the lake. As she treads water, something pulls her under. Casey springs into action, but before he dives in, April is pushed out of the water by 3 sets of green hands. Leo, Mike and Raph emerge from the lake with April in tow, Mikey lending an arm to her as the group makes its way to land.

"You guys!" April gasps, "Scare me half to death!"

Casey gives everyone a hug, except Raph, who he throws a punch at (much to Raph's delight).

The group relaxes on the grass and catch up with everything that's transpired over the previous months. April announces that she's definitely buying Casey's mom's apartment building and she'll be sharing it with Casey and Shadow. Mikey hits it off with Shadow. April asks where Donatello is and Leo explains that he's with Master Splinter. The friends hike out to the woods and find Master Splinter and Don in a cave. Stories are exchanged.

"So April and Casey have to be back in New York tomorrow and we were going to hitch a ride with them," Leo explains to Don and Splinter, "You feel up to it?"

"No," Don announces, "I've thought about it, and I'm going to stay here with Splinter."

"Huh?" Casey blurts out.

"You're sure about this, Don?" Leo inquires.

"Yeah... I need some time to... reflect on everything's that happened... my mind and body need recuperative time... and Splinter has agreed to help me." explains Donatello.

"Well, I..." Leo begins.

"Donatello's decision... he has made it." Splinter states.

"Yes, Master Splinter... as you wish." Leonardo bows.

April tells Don and Splinter to stay at Casey's farmhouse, something the mutants are hesitant to do, for fear of being discovered. As the group prepares to leave the cave, April pauses to say goodbye to Splinter, but he's gone.

"Please don't think ill of him," Donatello says, "He... while we were gone, something happened to him... something that he's been unwilling to talk about."

April and Casey are visibly disappointed with this explanation, but they ask Donatello to tell Splinter goodbye for them. Then April, Casey and Shadow depart with Mike, Leo and Raph. As they reach the edge of the farm and leave the forest behind, April pauses once again.

"Casey... can I have a few minutes alone?" she asks.

"Sure, babe." Casey assures her and walks off, leaving her at the edge of the woods.

"I don't know if you're there, Splinter... if you hear me. If you can... I want you to know... my father died recently. My Dad -- he raised me, taught me a lot about life, how to be a good person. I loved him. I still do. He's gone now, but... the last few years, I've felt that I've had two fathers and... and... I've loved them both. Goodbye, Splinter." April reveals through tears.

From the depths of the forest, Splinter emerges and walks over to the crying woman.

"April," he begins, and as he stands before her, he holds out his arms, "Daughter."

The two embrace as the rest of the family watches.

Mr. Buscheyev is being taken by a cab to his new home. A man is accompanying him and carries his suitcase up the steps of the apartment building to his unit. The younger fellow opens the door and escorts Mr. Buscheyev inside, pointing out the various features and rooms.

"Got any questions?" the young man asks.

"No... thank you." Mr. Buscheyev says.

"The director, Mrs. Broderick, will come by today to introduce herself and to acquaint you with the facilities. I'll be by next week to check up on you. Good luck, Mr. Buscheyev." the young man explains as he exits the tidy apartment.

Mr. Buscheyev turns on the TV on heads over to a window and looks out dejectedly, as the camera pans away from him.

The End.

REVIEW

This is a proper ending for volume one. Except for some plots, it almost seems like an ending.

And this is the type of arc TMNT should always have. I feel like volume 4 was a little like this in terms of ongoing plots, but that never got to an ending.

As for the specifics of the story. The old man in the hospital is supposed to represent the passage of time. At least, that is what it says in the letter columns. And you could understand it also from the point of view of Volume 1. This old man ends up in a retirement home, just like the volume.

I knew about Shadow Jones, but I didn’t know it wasn’t April’s. This was clever, as making April go through pregnancy would have brought all the tropes we don’t want to read about. Casey’s journey is not that obvious to me until the moment he gets his car back, that was an interesting arc.

As for Splinter and the Turtles... I am not sure what’s going on with Splinter, maybe he feels like his sons do not need him anymore? But that last moment between April and Splinter was very emotive.

The art is amazing for an action book. Regular human drama... is 50/50. Sometimes it looks like very muscular people having conversations. But fortunately, most of the time looks like TMNT.

I give these issues a score of 9.

[raven-black102]

Gunner Gomez One-shots

(Y/n)’s POV It was beautiful outside. The sun was barely raising as I sat down on the beach alone with no one to join me. The cold wind blow on my exposed skin making me slightly smile as I placed my head between my knees.

I closed my eyes as I let the wind blow my hair and the sunlight hit my face making them go warm. I opened my eyes again as I heard someone coming this way making me look behind me to see a very good looking man.

I look at him up and down noticing his very muscular, black Justin Bieber hairstyle but comb back slightly. He has glasses on that makes him look like he has mesmerizing eyes. I felt my cheeks heat up as I looked away from him to the ocean.

I smiled softly again as the only thing you can hear was the waves on the ocean as they come towards the surface of the sand. In the corner of my eyes I saw the man I was looking at seating next to me.

“Have you ever seen the sunrise like this beautiful with the perfect scenario?” I asked the man softly not once looking at him. The sky turned into a very nice gold and pink with a little bit of blue. “Not really. It’s my first time waking up this early.” The man said making me look at him.

I looked at him closely. He looks like someone I know on YouTube. He looks like that guy GunGomz.

“I’m Gunner by the way.” He said looking at me then to the sandy ground. “I’m (Y/n), I love your videos.” I told him as I felt my cheeks heat up again. “You watch my video?” He asked me slightly surprised.

“Yeah, they always make me smile whenever I feel alone.” I told looking back at the sunrise. “What about your parents?” He asked scooting a little closer to me. “I have none. My mom left me and my brother when I was a month old and my dad shot himself in the head when I was 5.” I told as if it was no big deal.

“Must have been hard on you.” He said softly making me look at him. “That was nothing more painful than the death of my older brother.” I mumbled feeling something wet rolled down my cheeks.

“So who are you with now?” He asked me. I quickly whipped the tears away before looking at him. “Right now my grandmother lives with me.” I said looking at him in the eyes. Our eyes connect as I felt time slowed down around us.

I chuckled softly as I heard my wolf Luther barking this way. “Sorry.” I said looking at him in the eyes again. We pulled away from each other away as I looked behind us to see a blob of black fur running us.

“What is that?” Gunner asked me as I started to laugh lightly. “My wolf Luther. Never likes it when I’m away from him too long.” I smiled as he slowed down when he got closer to us. “Hey Luther!” I smiled as I turned myself around to have Luther hit me down.

“No! Luther stop!” I giggled as I heard Gunner laugh. I sat up and looked at him to see his beautiful smile. “Luther this is Gunner Gomez. Gunner this is my wolf Luther.” I introduced them making Gunner gently pet Luther making my eyes slightly widen.

Luther doesn’t like to be petted or touch what so ever unless it’s my Grandma, but he can careless who you are. “Seem Luther likes you.” I said smiling at Gunner as Luther sat down. “Why you say that?” He asked me making me chuckled.

“He hates being touched by anyone unless it’s me or my Grandma.” I said shrugging my shoulder. We just send the whole morning talking and playing with Luther. Gunner made a short video and let me be in it for awhile.

Later on I got to meet Matthias, J-Fred, Bryan, Kevin, Connor, and Mike. They were really funny people to hang out with and we played Volleyball. “(Y/n), you wouldn’t mind on being in one Edge game Challenge?” Gunner asked me shyly.

I smiled softly at him as Luther sat next to me. “I don’t mind.” I said then looked down as Luther petting his head. “Luther go stay with Rose for a while make sure she’s ok… Come to me if something happens ok.” I told him making him bark and run toward my place.

“Come on.” Gunner said grabbing my hand and taking me to the guys. “What is up you guys where are here at the beach with Gunner and a very special guest (Y/n) (L/n). Say hi (Y/n).” Matthias told me making me shyly smile and wave at the camera.

“She a bit camera shy.” Gunner said as he stood next to me. “Oh, really?” Bryan asked me as I waved my hand so-so. “Don’t worry pretend that it’s just another person watching us.” Gunner whispered in my ear sending shivers down my spine.

Me and Gunner were in a team as Matthias and Bryan were in another and Joey and Kevin was in there own group. “So what the name of your team?” Joey asked us. “Team (Yours and Gunner ship name).” I said softly making everyone laugh as I saw Gunner laughing too making me giggle softly.

“Me and Bryan well be team Mattyan.” Matt said then started laughing. “Me and Kevin well be team KevFred.” Joey said. “So how this games goes is that we are going to have a leg race but there is a twist.” Matthias said a bit to evil like.

“We are going to throw water balloons at the team that running, and they have to make it all the way over there and the one with the less amount of time win the challenge.” Bryan said looking at Connor who was showing the obstacles course. “We got this Gunner.” I told him softly making him smile at me.

“We have to work together to beat them.” Gunner whispered as they have to decide who goes first. “How fast can you run?” I asked him looking at him in the eyes. “Fast enough why…” He slightly trailed off as he looks at me in the eyes.

“We can book it if we get last turn.” I whispered as I saw him looked down my lips. I looked at his then back to his beautiful brown eyes that sparked in the sun. “Hey Lovebird stop trying to kiss each other and get over here!” I heard Matthias yelled making me move away from Gunner.

I bit the inside my cheeks as I felt them heat up. We both go back into the camera view as we all tried to see who goes first. I smirked slightly as me and Gunner go last giving us some time to see how they did.

Time Skip

It was fun playing with they guys. Me and Gunner won but still got a lot of water balloon hit us. “Hey (Y/n) can I talk with you for a minute?” Matthias asked me. I nodded as they end the recording. I glanced at Gunner who was helping Bryan, Joey, Connor, Kevin, and Mike put some of the gears away.

Once we got in a pretty far distance Matthias stopped to look at me. “So (Y/n), I was wondering if you want to work with us at Hifive Universe?” Matthias asked me making me look like he has two heads. “A-are you serious?” I asked slightly stuttering.

“Yeah, you seem like you enjoyed play games with us and it was your idea to play that game. So what do you say?” He asked making me smile at him. “I’d love to.” I said hugging him making him chuckled as he hugs me back.

“Ok here’s my number and I’ll send you the address to the office and I think Gunner wouldn’t mind helping you get there either.” He added winking at me before going back to the guys. I stood where I was as I looked out in the ocean.

I can barely hear footsteps running this way making me turned around to see Gunner running this way with a big smile on his face. I smiled back at him as he grabbed me in a hug spinning me around.

“Gunner!” I squealed clinging onto him a bit as we both started to laugh. He gently put me down as me looked at me in the eyes. “Easy there Gunner.” I teased making him blush but he still have that beautiful smiled I love so much.

“I’ll pick you up and take you to the office if you want.” He mumbled as he placed my forehead on his. I just realized how close we were as my arms wrapped around his neck and his was around me waist.

“I’d like that.” I breathed out looking at his pink plump lips. I looked back at him in the eyes as I felt his hot breathe tingle my lips. “God you’re so beautiful.” He breathed out making me chuckled slightly.

“No I’m not…” I said placing my head in the curve of his neck. His build up chest vibrated as he laughed a bit before pulling me away a bit. He grabbed my chin making me look at him as I felt everything around us slow down.

“(Y/n) you’re the beautiful girl I’ve ever met on the inside and out.” He said leaning in a little closer to me. “And you’re the most handsome looking guy with a very goofy personality I’ve ever met.” I said slightly smiling at him.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked me as our lips barely touched. I gently placed my lips on his as I felt sparks flying everywhere around us. Time felt like it was slowing down as I moved my hands up his dark brown hair.

He title his head deepening the kiss as his arms wrapped tightly around me waist as if I was going to disappear once he lets go of me. We pulled away as I place my forehead on his. Claps and cheers were heard making me giggled as Gunner chuckled.

I looked to the side to see Joey, Bryan, Kevin, Connor, and Mike clapping and cheering at us as Matthias was taking picture. “Save that for later.” Matthias said before laughing. I giggled and looking back at Gunner. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” I asked as we pulled away from each other.

“Yeah, oh here my number.” He said grabbing my phone and playing his number. “Hey Matthias can you send me the picture?” I asked him softly making him laugh. “Sure thing we’ll see you tomorrow (Y/n).” He said as they all hugged and said good-bye to me before they leave.

I looked back at the ocean to see the ocean view. I slightly smiled as the wind blow on my (S/c) skin. My smile widen slightly as I felt strong arms wrapped around me as I closed my eyes leaning my head on his chest. I felt him lightly kissing down my neck as he moves his hands to my hips.

“Don’t you have to go with them?” I asked him softly. “I drove here alone so I’m good.” He said in my ear sending shivers down my spine. “But don’t you have some stuff to do?” I asked turning my head to look at him.

“If I must.” He said softly pecking my lips. I giggled lightly as I looked at him in the eyes. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He told me. “I’ll text you went to pick me up.” I told him. In the corner of my eye I saw my Grandma looking at us.

“Okay I’ll see tomorrow.” He put on a goofy smile before running off to his car. I bit my bottom lips as I felt my cheeks heat up when I walked towards my place. 

[grizzlefur]

WWEm - The Meritocratic Republic of Smackdown

Don’t forget that Emma, who writes this stuff, can be found on Twitter as @Waruce.

Transmission date: Monday 17/Tuesday 18 April 2017

.

just according to keikaku, it's SATURDAY AFTERNOON RAW!

.

we open on a recap video of the interview/murder of roman reigns last week, and i'm already giggling

.

this is like the fourth time i've watched it, and it's still great

.

cut to the arena, which is in ohio state university this week, anBRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAUGGHHHHHHHHHH

.

and...booker t is on announce?

.

because apparently otunga's off doing a movie

.

so for a few weeks we get aimless chat about ducks

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hurrah

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braun's just like yeah i killed roman last week deal with it

.

he's proud to have stopped him coming tonight

.

the crowd agree

.

cue yes chants for a murder

.

promises to kill the rest of the roster, enter kurt to presumably suggest that he not do that

.

blue jeans and shirt jacket, because kurt angle is just like you and me

.

kurt's just like dude what exactly are you trying to prove

.

and giving us a brauman match at payback

.

braun's like fuck payback what about tonight

.

to which kurt takes the reasonable stance of 'you tried to kill your colleague, take the week off'

.

so braun threatens him with some more or else

.

and stomps off

.

later, we have sasha/nia/mickie/alexa contendership match, dean guesting on miztv, and jericho/joe

.

that latter is next

.

but first, here's seth for a presumably unrelated segment

.

now with robocop tights

.

hurt his knee so badly he just said fuck it and got robot ones

.

oh ok, he's on announce

.

i can get behind this

.

he can balance out the bookerness a bit

.

oh yeah, it's because we're setting up joe/seth at payback

.

enter some WOMP

.

points balefully at seth as he passes, seth sits there like hey dude go fuck yourself

.

recap video of kevin and joe fucking jericho up

.

it's so weird seeing jericho's new tron

.

and he's still got the amazing sparkly christmas scarf from mania

.

outstanding

.

graphic for kevin/chris at payback, kevin is shaven and in a suit and i'm still not ok with it

.

commence to fighting

.

seth does a bit about how much he wants all of samoa joe

.

d'awwww

.

joe tries to climb back into the ring, jericho springboard dropkicks him off the apron and he hits his chin on it on the way down

.

nice

.

the panel take a while to completeyl ignore the match and talk about seth's mania match

.

chris actually lands a lionsault properly, so maybe keep an eye out for rains of fire and ominous horsemen on your commute today

.

joe fucks a top rope splash, chris locks in the walls

.

joe says fuck going for the ropes, muscles out of it twice

.

and gets the coquina clutch on chris

.

jericho tries to get out of it by going up the turnbuckle, doesn't go well

.

and finally taps

.

weird anticlimax there as you see the spark of willpower die inside the forces of good

.

but to be fair, it's better than super quick tapping

.

joe immediately gets a mic so he can roar at seth

.

and do a monologue about the sound of him fucking seth's knee up

.

and how much he didn't care

.

and yet has memorised every sound of it and will monologue at a moment's notice

.

just keep telling yourself that, joe

.

apparently joe is also taking personally everything seth did to hunter and steph

.

seth gets on the announce table to shout back

.

says payback's a bitch, mild profanity gets a cheap pop as usual

.

cut to anderson and gallows walking backstage

.

past elias samson, idly strumming his guitar

.

what the actual fuck is going on with him

.

and cut to golden truth, who they're going to fight

.

until braun comes out of nowhere to kill them

.

punches r-truth in the face a bunch

.

we've all wanted to

.

throws him into a crate, and then officials turn up to shout him away

.

so yeah, guess that match isn't happening

.

cut for ads, and now he's in the locker room

.

a ref enters to tell him off

.

brave

.

ref reminds him he's suspended, braun's like fuck you i'm braun strowman

.

(his response to everything)

.

back to the arena, and the club are in the ring

.

but now anderson has a mic

.

makes a united airlines joke

.

and they're pissed they're not getting a match just because golden truth got fucked on

.

so here come enzo and cass

.

better, i guess

.

surprisingly mixed reactions from the crowd

.

would have thought a college audience would love these two

.

cass gets a cheap ohio pop

.

apparently they can see the future?

.

feels like they could do better things with that than pro wrestling

.

cole casually announces that dash broke his jaw and the revival will be off for eight weeks

.

fucking hell, guys

.

well, i guess if nothing else, the hardyz have proven that the best way to become over as fuck as a tag team is to be away for as long as possible

.

meanwhile, at ringside, cass takes anderson and gallows both down by throwing enzo at them

.

more like enzo ammunition, amirite

.

cut back from ads as enzo takes a boot of doom

.

so they leveraged that advantage well

.

i keep forgetting booker's on announce, he's speaking like once per match

.

this isn't some kickoff panel, that shit doesn't fly here

.

booker's sage advice to enzo is basically 'be bigger'

.

and now i'm imaginining enzo, but 6'5"

.

and it's weird

.

so yeah, currently we're in the sizable section of this match in which gallows and anderson fuck enzo up nine ways from tuesday

.

anderson hits a huge twisting spinebuster on enzo, because they are just inventing new ways to fuck him up

.

enzo gets his hail mary ddt, dramatic hot tag averted at the last second as anderson grabs his ankle

.

and then another one averted by enzo straight missing cass's hand

.

gj, guys

.

shockingly, botching a spot and then doing exactly the same thing again just draws attention to how badly you fucked it

.

enzo and cass try their finishing sequence, gets blocked by gallows, and then anderson does some kind of inverted snake eyes on enzo for the pin

.

commentators are all like what the shit was that

.

a sure-fire way to fuck up your knees, is what that was

.

video package in which cole tells us how excited we should be about mickie james

.

but next, miztv

.

after basically the same package, but for nia

.

so yes, here come the miz and maryse

.

miz has acquired a red three-piece suit, and...no

.

this is incorrect

.

recap video of dean being unable to recognise faces

.

more like prosopagnosiambrose, amirite

.

miz opens by basking in the boos for a while

.

but the crowd are still willing to shout the name of his show when prompted

.

make your minds up, ohio state

.

does an extended metaphor about boats, interrupted  by dean's music

.

corey is deeply offended that dean has turned up on the show he was advertised for

.

dean immediately gets a mic to effusively thank miz for having him on the show

.

remember where these guys were a year ago?

.

dean's like let's be friends for the night we're both from ohio

.

because screw maryse

.

does some chants with the crowd

.

miz is just like dude what

.

so dean insults his clothes

.

but calls his suit 'maroon', so we can add colours to the list of things dean can't recognise

.

miz commences to monologue about how he's a star and dean's a dumpster raccoon

.

and why the fuck do the crowd love him

.

(miz's question, not mine)

.

miz is bitter about all the opportunities and exposure dean's had and why he hasn't leveraged them

.

implicit crack for having the worst-placed show at mania

.

shouts at dean for being lazy

.

dean gets up like yeah w/e, does a speech about authenticity and being real and being true to yourself

.

how is dean ambrose, hardcore trashpuncher, some kind of disney hero

.

apparently dean loves coughing up his own teeth

.

actual quote

.

that seems like a hobby you could only have for a limited time

.

closes by mocking miz for losing the ic belt to him

.

maryse starts talking before her mic's on

.

mocks dean for not really being a champion, miz starts ranting while dean empties his pockets and takes his jacket off at the other side of the ring

.

way to fail a spot check, mike

.

dean jumps him, knocks over the chair he's just put all his shit on

.

now you'll never find all those bits of tin foil and burnt-out fuses

.

brief scuffle, miz and maryse run away, dean throws a chair at them

.

but now backstage, braun is dragging kalisto by the arm

.

apparently he's leaving and taking him with him

.

changes his mind, throws him in a dumpster

.

big show appears to body check braun and shout at him

.

remember when kalisto was us champion?

.

now he's a prop in a big shouty beardy man feud

.

so later, we're having brig showman

.

but now, purple ropes and a smug fil-am guy

.

displaying the bold fashion choice of a sleeveless jacket that still has shoulderpads

.

corey is like hey i still dislike tj as a person, but at least he's being pleasingly evil

.

and his opponent, pasty moustache man

.

and jojo announces neville, "making a special appearance"

.

so what is this about

.

gets in the ring to glower at jack

.

and at tj

.

even if you are his subject, the king has glower to spare

.

neville sits in a random office chair by the ring

.

and hit austin's music

.

fuck it, it's a party

.

next up, the gobbledy gooker, with the cocktails

.

austin does his own entrance announcement, finds a chair and sits next to neville

.

the banana is back in the front pocket

.

austin offers neville some banana, so he gets up, glowers, and moves his chair as far away as possible

.

meanwhile, jackin the ring like fuck your holds i am the elastic man

.

this match is like 85% counters

.

jack dabs on tj, so he grabs william iii and throws it to the ground

.

mortal insult there

.

tj bullfights jack through the ropes, he hits the floor headfirst because he is committed to killing himself to sell moves

.

austin and neville continue to stare daggers at each other throughout

.

jack headbutts tj out of the ring, retrieves william to do the umbrella splash

.

only this time it's a bronco buster

.

if you've ever wondered what it'd be like for mary poppins to slam her crotch into you at great speed...maybe get out of my house

.

tj knocks jack into austin, then neville gets up and hits him with the belt

.

tj uses the distraction to hit jack in the eye, then detonation kick for the pin

.

neville stalks off to glower, tj hides behind him

.

aaaand then the video glitches so i lose like a minute

.

boooooo

.

cut back on tozawa and apollo in the locker room being enthusiastic

.

titus enters to congratulate apollo on being on raw and becoming a dad

.

offers his brand promotion services to make people actually give a shit about apollo crews

.

or in this case, apollo cruises, apollo blues, and apollo lawsuits

.

gives him his card, leaves

.

but now, dudeface #3 interviews the hardyz

.

matt is occupying a middle ground between his real voice and the broken accent

.

and they're basically still being team xtreme

.

boooo

.

sheamus and cesaro turn up to formally welcome them to raw

.

apparently tonight we have cesaro/jeff

.

sheamus is like hey guys we're gonna fuck you up, cesaro apologises for his ebullient friend

.

segment for the announce team to remind us again that booker is here

.

makes sense, given that he's not saying shit

.

brief video package for sasha, now here she is

.

so apparently, screw alexa

.

sasha still has her strap jacket on, and it is a thing of beauty

.

oh wait, alexa's from columbus

.

welp, guess she's winning this one

.

seconded by cole saying his money's on nia

.

cheers for the kiss of death there

.

bell rings, everyone starts fighting nia

.

alexa slaps her in the face, immediately regrets it and runs away

.

like a horsefly on a rhino

.

cut to bayley, watching the match on the huge tv that's in the locker room for some reason

.

mickie does a hurricanrana, cole informs us that she calls it a 'mickierana'

.

well of course she fucking does

.

mickie's entire shtick is replacing the first part of moves with her name

.

nia powerslams alexa, drops sasha on her, slams mickie on both of them

.

she keeps fucking all of them up, then just posing for a bit instead of going for the pin

.

sort it out, jax

.

goes for a tap instead, with an enormously long bearhug on sasha

.

sasha converts it into a guillotine-cum-octopus stretch, so nia suplexes her out of it

.

mickie tries to take nia down, so she just straight fucking strangles her

.

mickie converts it to an armbar, and nia actually goes down for once

.

at least i think that's what happened behind those flares

.

gets back up, throws mickie at sasha

.

alexa gets on the top rope, looks at nia, reconsiders

.

sasha takes nia out of the ring, cue bliss/james grudge match

.

until sasha returns to hand out some punches

.

and throw mickie into alexa before doing her double knees

.

goes for the pin, 2-count before nia drags her out

.

alexa and sasha argue about who owns this show, sasha does a bank statement but mickie breaks it up

.

they fight until nia returns

.

uses sasha to knock mickie off the turnbuckle, samoan drop on sasha, then alexa knocks her out of the ring just long enough to pin sasha herself

.

told you so

.

she struts up the ramp backwards while nia stand in the ring like dohhhhhh meddling kids

.

one day nia will win a thing

.

i can have hope

.

cut to charly interviewing show, which is just a fucking hilarious visual

.

having to stretch to get the mic up as far as show's beard

.

show delivers like three sentences about how he's gonna kill braun, stomps off

.

leaving time for this enormously long advert for the network

.

mostly notable for annoying me with the word 'whackier' [sic]

.

cut back from ads to curt hawkins, king of 'already in the ring'

.

takes credit for the fact that show fought him last week, and is main eventing this week

.

which is a nice touch

.

open challenge for 'curt hawkins' star factory'

.

so here comes finn which i totally called for some reason

.

*does the arms*

.

his arena entrance now has him coming out of a column of smoke, which is cool

.

also got a new tron, which makes him look like aleister black

.

which is not something i can complain about

.

they're both badass

.

bell rings, finn immediately commences to fucking curt all the way up

.

coup de grace for the pin within like 20 seconds

.

notably shorter than his entrance

.

is he the new goldberg

.

(please say no)

.

replay of the corner dropkick, and it's ugly as fuck

.

curt was miles from the corner, and hit it neck-first

.

this is not to the good

.

and corey actually pronounces 'coup de grace' correctly

.

thank fuck

.

up next, bray does a sermon to randy, who is notably not here

.

but now, dulé hill is in the crowd

.

finally someone i know

.

and an advert for his new show, which looks really cool

.

but now, dudeface #4 interviews jericho

.

who mostly lost to joe because he was still thinking about kevin

.

this is how to ruin all your new relationships, chris

.

jericho insults kevin's face, continues to protest too much

.

doesn't care which show he's on, apparently including nitro and velocity

.

i find those implausible

.

but jericho has his friends everywhere, even on shows that don't exist

.

jericho calls dudeface 'tom'

.

his name is mike

.

they do the whole duck season/rabbit season thing, jericho shouts at him for not knowing his own name

.

does the big windup to putting him on the list, when FUCKING ELIAS SAMSON wanders through the back of the shot, strumming his guitar

.

this meta-segment of his is amazing

.

where are his cheese slices

.

long beat, jericho says "Scratch that, you're off the hook"

.

outstanding

.

does a huge windup, puts samson on the list for disrupting his promo

.

that was amazing

.

but now, aggressive wyatt cut

.

bray does a sermon with lots of creepy intercutting

.

he wants to know what we're afraid of

.

i propose we don't tell him

.

apparently bray's house of horrors has all of randy's fears in it

.

and bray will take randy to hell, then bring him up to heaven purely so he can drop him from it again

.

seems harsh

.

and then he will burn the house of horrors down with randy in it

.

which is fair given the context, frankly

.

as the proverb says

.

live by the burning house, get a better estate agent

.

(this may not be the proverb i was looking for)

.

(fucking autocomplete)

.

up next, cesaro/jeff

.

but now, alicia fox shows dana her disgrace on 205 in the locker room

.

emma turns up to tell alicia that dana was laughing at her

.

alicia shouts at her and renounces dana's friendship

.

storms off

.

emma's like oh hey looks like i lied and destroyed your friendship oh well you wanted to stand on your own feet

.

what a bitch

.

i love her

.

but now, here are the dubiously-fixed hardyz

.

kilts vs detached sleeves

.

the ultimate fashion battle

.

sheamus keeps his kilt, cos why wouldn't you

.

not fighting, and hey, free kilt

.

brother nero chants dominate

.

and cesaro's wrestling as well as ever, but with a general air of oh my god i'm fighting jeff hardy

.

splash from the apron, add that to your 'jeff hardy jumps off things' scorecard

.

jeff gets out of the ring to nurse a possibly-bad leg, cesaro uppercuts him into the barricade anyway cos why not

.

jeff goes to the top rope, cesaro rolls out and actually gets some heel heat

.

cesaro has notably slowed down to match jeff

.

does all the standard jeff hardy moves, cesaro counters a twist of fate into an uppercut

.

massive corkscrew uppercut that jeff didn't quite seem to be in position for, had to go two thirds of the way across the ring

.

jeff counters a swing to go to the top rope, gets crotched

.

cesaro goes for a superplex, gets crotched on the top rope and then jeff dropkicks him off

.

jeff does a big corkscrew splash for a near-fall

.

cesaro goes for the neutraliser, jeff counters to a twist of fate because that move never happens any more

.

and swanton bomb for the win

.

matt and sheamus come into the ring to help their partners and glare

.

sheamus offers matt a handshake

.

the hardyz hesitantly accept, and miraculously nobody does a heel turn

.

sheamus helps cesaro out, and everyone parts as friends

.

huh

.

and now let's have recaps of braun fucking everyone up

.

and now dudeface #2 is at the trainer's room, where golden truth are being treated, but fuck that shit here come slater and rhyno to showboat

.

until braun growls at them on the way past and makes rhyno throw his crackers over heath

.

as the phrase goes

.

advert for aries/perkins on 205

.

but now, time for large man vs older large man

.

show comes in and immediately starts throwing braun into nearby objects

.

before the bell has rung

.

who's the heel here again?

.

gets in the ring, they ring the bell anyway because fuck it

.

show does a walking-pace basement dropkick to braun at ringside, he sells it like he's been hit by a truck

.

then gets in the ring and shows him how you dropkick

.

show does a wristlock on braun, who spin counters out of it like he's jack gallagher or something

.

including that kipup, which still doesn't seem bounded by physics

.

long segment in which they both try and suplex each other

.

it's mostly just grunting

.

until show finally scoop slams him

.

goes for a chokeslam, braun counters into an overhead suplex because fuck your 400 pounds

.

casually walks over show, because only one of them gets to be andre

.

hoists show onto his shoulder for a powerslam, but sadly countered

.

but still

.

casually deadlifting the big show is a thing

.

show places braun on the turnbuckle, looooong superplex tease, but nothing

.

braun takes a chokeslam, kicks out anyway

.

because now taker's retired, all his moves have lost their power

.

fun fact: wrestling has no ontological inertia

.

show goes for the magic fist, braun dodges and hits that powerslam

.

show kicks out anyway, because fuck you, the audience, and the passage of time, i'm the big show

.

so braun goes to the top rope

.

and gets crotched on it

.

sigh

.

show goes to the top rope, even longer superplex tease, and then gets crotched on the top rope as well

.

wait, this sequence was in cesaro/jeff a minute ago

.

go on, dropkick him off the top rope

.

braun jumps from the ropes, show catches him with a magic fist, braun kicks out like bahahaha i am no mere human your punching magics cannot affect me

.

for i am the mighty STROW-MAN

.

so big show goes to the top rope

.

again

.

and gets crotched

.

again

.

superplex tease

.

again

.

and they hit the superplex

.

and the ring collapses

.

this is totally a spot i have never seen before

.

who could have seen this coming

.

(sigh)

.

well, the crowd are impressed

.

and braun's up

.

the match is clearly done, so he's presumably just going to shit on show's face or something

.

or just to roar and cue his music

.

sure, he could do that too

.

and go up the ramp to scream at the world

.

braun strowman, in The Beast That Shouted BRAAAAAAAAAUUGGHHHHHHHH At The Heart Of The World

.

and thus we fade

.

or at least, that show fades

.

we're still here

.

gazing into an empty and meaningless void

.

oh god

.

we're so alone

.

just me and daniel, and he doesn't even exist

.

quick

.

we must fill this aching emptiness

.

...

.

SATURDAY AFTERNOON SMACKDOWN!

.

(phew, that was close)

.

opening with an in memoriam of rosey

.

huh

.

i didn't know he was dead

.

probably why roman had the week off, to be fair

.

opening the actual show on a dramatic recap of the shakeup

.

and now we're in the arena and here comes charlotte

.

back in the black sequin gown

.

boooooooooo

.

so yes, on announce we have tom, byron and NOBODY ELSE

.

charlotte has a mic

.

and she is angry that she hasn't got a title shot yet

.

or something

.

she is being vague

.

she's angry, in any case

.

okay, yes, that was it

.

shouts at management, but here comes naomi

.

to proclaim the staunchly anti-monarchist stance of smackdown live

.

and make fun of charlotte for begging

.

but basically be like yeah, alright, you only had to ask

.

drops the mic, coldcocks charlotte, stillin her entrance gown

.

knocks charlotte out of the ring, a sudden ref tries to stop her going back in, but HERE COME THE MONEEEEEEEY

.

shane's like yeah, sure, seems legit

.

but here we earn things

.

in the Meritocratic Republic of Smackdown

.

so we have charlotte/naomi tonight, and if charlotte wins, she gets a title shot next week

.

charlotte runs back into the ring to wail on naomi, because we need reminding who's the heel here

.

naomi fights back, charlotte leaves, end segment

.

later we have sami/harper/dolph/jinder/rowan/mojo contendership match for the wwe belt

.

totally not a random collection of names

.

but now, natalya rants at shane backstage because charlotte is getting stuff and she isn't

.

shane's like ummm well you didn't ask

.

here come carmella and ellsworth to agree with the stance that charlotte doesn't deserve things

.

they argue

.

and here comes tamina

.

everyone shouts at each other, until nattie comes to the conclusion that this is all charlotte's fault and she has a plan

.

they all leave together, shane is left looking uncomfortable

.

and now, that 6-man match

.

time for a bunch of short entrances

.

but they do include rowan's awesome music, so there's that

.

also sami almost skanking his hat off

.

safe prediction: this match is going to be a fucking mess

.

swiftly turns into harper/rowan, as we all wanted

.

holy shit did harper just do a michinoku driver on sami

.

cut from ads to two superplexes and a top rope sunset flip

.

all spots all time

.

helluva kick to superkick to discus clothesline to big boot to full nelson slam

.

harper's discus clothesline is still frightening

.

likewise that suicide dive he just did

.

meanwhile, dolph kicks out of a spin kick from a large bearded man who isn't aleister black

.

who then powerbombs him onto everyone else

.

we now have rowan in the ring and the other five sprawled outside

.

drags sami back into the ring to try and pin him

.

but sami has not taken nearly enough punishment yet

.

cut back from ads as mojo is actually allowed to do things

.

including a fuck-ugly deadlift slam on dolph

.

this is why we don't let you have spots, mojo

.

douchefragment on announce confuses dolph and mojo

.

all these white men look alike

.

dolph throws rowan into harper's crotch and then zigzags him, still can't get the pin

.

harper beats all the twat out of dolph, then gets grabbed by jinder

.

sami has finally absorbed enough pain, does a tope con giro on harper and a springboard moonsault on mojo

.

and a really worryingly close exploder to jinder

.

winds up for the helluva kick, until the shining stars grab his ankles

.

and...jinder...mahal...gets...the...pin?

.

sooooo...that happened?

.

oh wait, the announcers are saying those were the bollywood boyz

.

makes slightly more sense, i guess

.

in a racist kind of way

.

renee comes in to interview jinder, he shouts at the crowd for not liking him because he's educated and indian and speaks two languages and americans don't accept diversity

.

wwe, as ever, handling sensitive issues of racial politics with all the tact and delicacy of a piss-soaked sledgehammer

.

here comes randy and his cg sperm

.

to laconically taunt jinder and his veins

.

(the only blood vessels visible from space)

.

randy briefly talks smack on jinder, then is like fuck that shit i'm here to talk to bray

.

wyatt cut, and he's here

.

in another creepy intercut video

.

bray gets to appear on both shows, thanks to his almighty satanic power

.

it takes a lot to overcome the brand split

.

but yeah, bray's delivering vague promises about his house of horrors and how it'll brutally murder randy in body and soul

.

man can speechify

.

wyatt cut, guess that segment's done

.

i choose to believe randy just left while that was playing

.

up next, shinsuke

.

after an advert for the new day

.

so yes, now we have a video of how amazing shinsuke is

.

including his violinist, because he's a fucking legend

.

and cut from that to renee interviewing aj about the us title scene

.

aj doesn't give a fuck

.

and here's baron, who has decided this is his interview

.

renee like um no?

.

aj like hey dork i kicked your ass last week why don't you just fuck off *winning smile*

.

offers baron a rematch tonight because fuck that guy

.

cut to elsewhere backstage, as tamina, nattie and carmellsworth happen upon charlotte

.

they offer paronising words, nattie knocks into her, she leaves

.

and now here she is

.

and naomi gets her full intro this time

.

complete with baseball cap with massive dreadlocks

.

bell rings, charlotte immediately begins showboating like hey did you know i'm ric flair's daughter

.

yes charlotte, we get it

.

woo

.

cut to all the heel ladies watching this backstage

.

i would have assumed they'd be lurking near the ring

.

in other news, where the fuck is becky?

.

the entire smackdown women's division is involved in this angle, except her

.

charlotte gets naomi in a really long headscissors, shouts at the crowd to remind them she's a heel

.

they don't give a shit

.

she could step on a puppy in the ring and they'd still woo

.

charlotte does some flair chops, so naomi responds by just kicking the shit out of her

.

cut back to the group watching it backstage, during which i realise they're not actually watching it so much as staring into the middle distance near it

.

two springboard spots in a row there where i'm honestly not sure whether they botched them or not

.

let's call it a save

.

naomi casually kicks charlotte in the head while standing, because her legs go for miles

.

top rope crossbody, near-fall

.

and charlotte counters another superkick into a chop block and natural selection for the win

.

and dear dumb twat in a big hat: if you're not going to stop calling charlotte 'genetically superior', at very least stop doing it when she's fighting WOC?

.

vignette of charlotte backstage, getting menaced by the women's heels and giving a defiant woo

.

but now it's american alpha vs primo and epico, who have never had any other gimmick shut your mouth

.

alpha are in eye-assaulting acid green tonight

.

nasty double underhook gutbuster by epico there

.

hot tag to jason, who dismantles them both

.

but epico gets the pin anyway through all the distraction-based shenanigans in the Big Book of Shenan

.

huh

.

did not see that coming

.

recap video of jinder

.

for whatever reason, since next we have the first ever kevin owens face of america open challenge

.

not cena at all

.

after another burlesque video from lana

.

and...andrea? interviewing tye

.

about how much everybody loves him

.

shit, it's dasha

.

i keep doing that

.

tye's like hey, lemme just cue this vt of how great i am

.

video ends, he's just like awwww aren't i great and walks off

.

...ok

.

but now, here comes the face of america

.

to fight some dude who's in the ring

.

midway through his intro, kevin grabs the mic off the ring announcer so he can do it himself

.

lets the jobber say his name

.

Gary Candy of Louisville, RIP

.

and one janky-ass popup powerbomb later, it was done

.

kevin gets his belt and mic back

.

so he can insult everyone for being american some more

.

normally this would be done in a super racist gimmick, but he just does it so well

.

declares he's doing commentary on the main event, talks québécois to piss off the crowd and freak me out, and now it's the main event

.

introducing first the wolf who douches like a man

.

kevin gets a headset, immediately starts heckling the rest of the announce table

.

kevin vs people saying words is my favourite feud

.

cutaway to austin telling us all we should watch 205

.

aj's entrance starts, swift cutaway to their match last week

.

depriving us all of some quality not wanting none

.

match starts, kevin doesn't give a shit and continues heckling the announcers

.

you can tell he's a heel, because crotchsweat is agreeing with everything he says

.

meanwhile, baron throws aj at the announce table, then after a few reversals, drops him face-first on the apron

.

so far, this match has just been baron dicking all over aj, and i'm not ok with this

.

kevin has switched to just shouting at tom every time he does anything other than call the match

.

match turns around a bit as aj bullfights baron into the ring post

.

firms it up with a pele kick and stinger splash

.

baron counters a styles clash into a nasty choke backbreaker

.

aj rolls into the calf crusher, baron screams like a wounded ape before clawing his way to the ropes

.

deep six, near-fall, sarcastic comment from kevin

.

aj hits baron at ringside with a super sloppy knee then goes for a styles clash as kevin shouts at him not to get close to him

.

so baron counters by backdropping aj into kevin

.

brief scuffle, aj forearms baron over the barricade to win by countout

.

weird finish, but watchable

.

kevin sits on the floor and seethes, aj poses for our adulation as we fade

.

and thus end the weekly shows for another week

.

however, the void is still an issue, so imma go watch talking smack and the rest of the wrestling

.

any hole in your life can be filled by enough wrestling, kids

.

(important comma there)

.

(i do not encourage wrestling kids)

.

roll the tape, daniel

[kariachi]

Chapter 10!! The rest of the reception.

Dinner went well, which probably shouldn’t have been so surprising given how many people had worked themselves ragged setting this whole event up and were ready to kill if something went to shit. The menu was varied, so so varied, and everything was plentiful. Meats, breads, fish, produce from at least seven planets (exactly seven planets), as alcohol as those that could drink it could ask for, and plenty other beverages for those that couldn’t. The sheer numbers were astounding.

“So,” Argit asked quietly as people gathered from the piles that never seemed to get smaller, “this is normal?”

“Oh fuck no,” Kevin replied, “I have never seen this much food in one room. I think it’s cause the marriage is political.”

“Huh.”

Sure eventually they ran out of niblings and younger siblings to send scrambling for food, but they could deal and Kevin even continued to let Argit steal off his plate.

The problem, was that halfway through the meal the focus turned from food to all the other usual reception things…

~~

Speeches were a thing that happened at weddings. Well, technically there was supposed to be one or two speeches, maybe a few toasts, but not with this group. The moment his mother stood up Kevin groaned with immediate exhaustion and the talking never stopped.

~~

There were baby pictures to go with both Eva and Vilgax’s toasts. Or, well, toddler pictures. Still there were a lot of them, projected onto the back wall as their parents spoke, so the pure embarrassment managed to help them fight back the tears all the praise, adoration, and nostalgia brought up.

“Thank fuck we were cute,” Kevin said and Argit nodded beside him.

“Can you imagine if we weren’t? I’d have to kill everyone here.”

“And I’m pretty sure I already vowed to help.”

~~

Looma made a speech. Nobody knew who’d given her the go ahead to make a speech, but she did. The only saving grace was that her husband was clearly as embarrassed by her retelling of Kevin’s attempt to become engaged to her years ago and assurances- with examples- of how well the first year of marriage could go as Kevin himself was.

Argit spent the entire thing patting his shoulder and snickering.

~~

Revenge came in the form of his sister. Kari stood up, drink in hand, and began a five minute series of the chirps, chitters, mews, and squeaks that made up her usual speech patterns. It wasn’t Erinaen, and the translators didn’t pick it up, but there was a clear tone to the monologue and her sisters would occasionally clap.

“I do not understand a word she’s saying,” Kevin said in an aside to Argit. The smaller man’s head was lain down on the table, arms over his muzzle and ears pressed back against his mane.

“Thank The Depths for small miracles.” Briefly Kevin stared at him as his sister continued on and he whined, squeezing his eyes shut.

“I’m gonna want more wine, aren’t I?”

“Probably.”

~~

Ben’s speech was a mess. There’d be worrying on all sides about whether he’d decide to make one- for very obvious reasons, given exactly what family Kevin had just married into- and there’d been hope until he, two beers and half a glass of wine into things, got up on his chair so he could be seen by everyone present. It started okay (“I’ve never spoken at a wedding before, but hey, you only live once”), rolled into traditional levels of embarrassing (“-seriously, I’m sure all of us could tell a different story of having to beat someone off Kev with a stick-”), then to a near disaster (“-and Vilgax, who I think weeeeee aren’t concerned with, because this is about Kevin and Argit-”) which was only averted by the warning growls of the Osmosian guests. But in the end, well…

“I guess what I’m trying to say is just- My best friend just got married. One of the most amazing people I know just got married and now he’s leaving, off to a different system with this guy I don’t know. And I’m sure he’ll make him happy- God help him if he doesn’t- and I wish them nothing but the best, but, I don’t know. At least remember to write? Because every one of us here is gonna miss you and getting to know your man.”

In the end, it was a pretty good speech.

~~

“Benjamin Kirby Tennyson, if you think moving is going to somehow ruin my ability to email-!”

~~

They didn’t dance with each other, for multiple reasons, and nobody could make them. Everyone else was encouraged to go right ahead, and really they were enjoying them. Saxion was having a lot of fun with his new friends, Alan and Cooper kept huddled by the edge of the dancefloor the entire night (“So, Alan’s is the next wedding you said?” “Look, I’m working on it.”), and Kevin’s siblings had more than enough partners to keep the floor busy all on their own.

Not that their peaceful observing was meant to last. They may not have been willing to dance together, but that didn’t stop Helen and Manny, at the first party song, practically dragging Kevin over the table onto the floor while Elena and Mike tutted about him being rude. And of course, not to be outdone, Vix and Tiara had pulled Argit out from behind the table as well for some family bonding.

Neither would ever, ever admit to having fun.

~~

“Is there a reason your dad isn’t hanging out with his own generation?” Argit made a curious noise around his drink. The two of them had managed to escape after about forty minutes and now were hidden, about as well as they could be, behind a piece of décor. They’d managed to sneak some more food and drink- some Osmosian fish and cheese dish, some wine, and a fruit and blood drink Argit was developing a taste for- and as far as they were concerned they would be safe here from attention for at least a little while.

“I don’t know,” Argit said as he looked out over the crowd and noted his father standing well away from the other parents, “‘cause he’s weird? And evil?” Kevin hummed, head cocking to the side.

“Then you’d think he’d at least chat with my mom.”

~~

Dessert was, for the guests, a selection of homemade tarts provided by their local Kevin. The happy couple, meanwhile, split the cookie cake Ben had brought earlier (“What does it say?” “Happy 21st.” “Because…?” “It’s my birthday.” “Oh. Happy birthday then.” “Thanks.”) before saying their farewells. Which, of course, meant more talking and hugging as everyone who probably wouldn’t be seeing Kevin again until the next wedding or major political event took their turns letting the young men know how happy they were for them and how much Kevin would be missed.

A hotel room had been purchased for them a fifteen-minute drive away, to a business nobody else at the event was using, and the taxi ride there was a relief. Quiet, peaceful, time enough to recover feeling in their extremities and for the tear stains on their clothes to dry before they were dragging themselves into the lobby and up the stairs to their suite, the adrenaline of the day quickly wearing away.

As soon as the door was locked they both collapsed, fully clothed, onto the bed and were out like lights.