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httphonsool · 5 years ago

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red velvet cookies

synopsis; in which you would love to stop loving min yoongi, but those damned red velvet cookies are not helping

word count: 5, 127

time taken: 5 hours

warnings: angst, heartache, unrequited love I suppose, roommate!Yoongi, Student!Yoongi, I suppose there’s some Fboy!Yoongi if you wanna think about it like that and there’s implied smut so beware aha

notes;Okay, so this took me like five hours from yesterday and today altogether and I guess I’m happy with the result, lemme know what you think and feel free to suggest ideas for more imagines/one-shots/short series :)))

I’ll try and make a masterlist or something to keep up with all the fics

It was never soft with him, no, interacting with this man had always been blunt and harsh as if you were treading on fragile ice, just waiting for things to come crashing down around you, at certain times you felt like the tension was building up; maybe today was the day it would all blow up, after all, the relationship the two of you had built throughout the year and six months you had been living together was insecure, vulnerable, the little interaction between the two of you precious and unreliable, yet you still yearned for more, though you knew what you wanted would not be given to you; that you were being selfish and greedy, you knew should have respected it for what it was, but the heart always wants more, you couldn’t blame your heart for that, right?

All you wanted was to have a…stronger relationship with this man, you wanted the precious, fragile interactions to grow with this man- this man that was strange, a mystery to the naked eye, a man who you would only know if you were around him more than often, and thank God you could say that you were around him more than anyone else, this man had mastered the act of hating you, precisely just because he did, and it hurt more than anything to know that.

He would come back from classes (He’s majoring in Music Production, another beautiful reason you want him closer to you), completely ignoring you all the while, even when you said hello and asked him how his day had been, especially when you ask him how his day’s been, all you want is for him to complain about his day to you God, you would give anything, anything to listen to his voice, his soothing voice.

His voice, that deserves millions and billions of poems and literature written about it on its own, to you: it’s perfection, it calms you; reminds you of how the waves crash on rocks, listening to it makes you giddy like a high school girl, makes you feel like you’re floating in clouds, like you’re frolicking through a meadow with the love of your life. His voice brings you comfort, more comfort than any Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough ice cream could ever bring you. My God, you remember the first time you heard him laugh, yet it wasn’t because of you, no, how could it? No, it was that stupid, dumb, sorority girl: you were sitting on the couch binge-watching Teen Wolf (because who doesn’t love Stiles Stilinski, Dylan O’Brien was hot), he came in with his dear old Stephanie into your slightly spacious apartment which somehow you’ve managed to afford, she made some dumb joke about you about how she honestly doesn’t know how he manages to live with you because you disgust him and he laughed, very hard, he laughed because he was drowning in the way this Becky girl was basically made for him, had the same sense of humour, perfect in looks (whereas you disgusted him for some reason) and you were drowning because your heart wrenched, no, it ached because this, for you, confirmed you’d never be able to make him happy like that, for God’s sake he didn’t even like you, he thought you were disgusting, the definition of disgusting, as good old Stephanie had said. You couldn’t be mad at him though, how could you? How could you when that laugh gave you life? Dragged you out of your darkest nightmare, filled you with pure joy on your worst day? Though, you still felt like complete and utter shit due to her comment, all was made better when you found several tubs of Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough ice cream in the freezer, you didn’t know whether Yoongi had brought it for himself (you assumed he had) or whether it was for you, because you had been crying earlier in your room, although, you were hoping no one had heard you as you had been embarrassed enough in the moment, you took the ice cream anyway because even if it made Yoongi angry that you stole what was his, at least he would notice you, at least he would acknowledge you for the first time in weeks.

☆

The second time you heard him laugh was when he was talking to his mother, ah, his mother, at least she acknowledged you, you remember the first time she met you whilst visiting her beloved Yoongi, she had brought you red velvet cookies, your favourite, you didn’t know whether she knew those were your favourite but it did make you feel as if you were loved for once, since Yoongi wasn’t capable of loving someone like you, and God damn, those cookies were better than the store bought ones you always got, after a while, his mother’s visits became more frequent and not only for her son, but for you too, your frequent ‘Mrs. Min’ became ‘Eomma,’ because she felt that you were basically her child at this point, and you were hoping, praying, begging that this would maybe also bring you closer to this Min Yoongi man that had claimed your heart- no, had claimed soul, your heart and your body and mind completely and utterly because of the way he acted around others, it may not have been healthy but it was the whole truth, one that would always haunt you.

You don’t know when you fell for him, to be honest you didn’t want to, your entire life you were trying to best to stay away from boys. In your mind, all they did was cause trouble: you’d seen countless women in your life crying because a man had broken their heart, you remember seeing your best friend, your best friend, a girl whom you’d known for almost your whole life, crying because her boyfriend had cheated on her, she claimed she loved him, poor soul thought it was her fault, that it was because she wasn’t good enough and you never understood that until you met Yoongi, sure you dated other guys, but you never dated someone for longer than a month, claiming they’ll break your heart, which is a joke now that you look at how long you’ve been living with Yoongi, how long you’ve been pining after him with love that you cannot even begin to describe.

☆

You don’t know what it was or how it started, maybe it was the way he was so warm to his friends, the way he would take care of them, often letting them sleep over if they were drunk or inviting them over and cooking for them just because they hadn’t eaten, maybe it was the way he would take to his mother every night before bed and laugh and talk to her with so much respect and love, maybe it was the small things he did: how he would leave a painkiller somewhere near you every single time you complained about your headache or any pain in general, or like how sometimes you and your friend would go out and get drunk (usually you would drink with the pain of loving Yoongi on your mind) and you would wake up with hangover shots by your bedside, or like the time you fell asleep crying on the couch and you woke up in your bed comfortably tucked in, but no, oh God no, don’t mistake those small gestures for his care, no he does that because he’s a good person, you know that, you know he probably does it for all the girls he’s dated (there’s a lot of them, and that proves he’s more than capable of loving anyone except you, and that really fricken hurts).

Maybe that’s why you’re sitting in front of him on the kitchen counter right now, observing him as he eats.

“Hey,” You smile at him; you know there won’t be a reply, at least not one longer than a second. He briefly looks into your eyes, a stone hard expression blooming on his face.

“How was your day?” You ask, honestly, why do you bother? Oh, right, because you’re in love with him.

Stupid girl, still trying for him even after all this time, you think.

“It was okay,” Hold on a minute, you think you just made history; he’s actually talking to you.

Maybe it was just a really good day, your thoughts wander.

“Was class fun?” You ask hesitantly, you could cut the tension with a knife at this point, all parties could feel it. You don’t get a reply this time, but you’re satisfied with the fact that he ever replied at all.

You still can’t comprehend how you could love him this much, how you could bend your back, break your bones for a man who has the capability to love anyone but you, you still can’t comprehend why you still make him breakfast when you’re leaving early for class, why you still bake red velvet cookies (his mother gave you the recipe) and make loads of extras for him because all of a sudden since you first met his mother it became his favourite as well (at least, that’s according to his mother), you can’t comprehend why you still make him lunch and dinner while he’s out, why you’re always playing with his dog because sometimes Yoongi is busy out somewhere (you don’t know where, you never know where) maybe with a girl, and his dog needs the attention, you do it because you love him, also because you love his dog, Holly, but you’ve come to realise Min Holly and Min Yoongi have claimed your heart completely, clutching it with a grasp that was squeezing the life out of you because my God did you love Yoongi, and at times you wish you had never even spared a glance at him, that you had ignored him and taken up the offer of the date that a male friend of yours had offered, because ignoring people seems to be working out fricking amazingly for him.

So now, as you sit on your bed after the hopeful kitchen situation, you can’t help but think about how screwed you are, because today marks a year and six months of living with Yoongi and yet you’re still not done with him, not over him like you wish you would be, but wait- there was a way was there not? You had been offered a date the other night with one of your close guy friends: turns out he’d liked you for almost a year now and oh how you wished you had just fallen for him instead and not Goddamn Yoongi, but it’s okay because you told him you’d get back to him.

And get back to him you will.

“Hey, Baekhyun? I don’t know if you remembered but…”

☆

You’re standing in front of Yoongi’s bedroom door, ready to tell him you’ll be out for the night and to tell him that he needs to wash the dishes while you’re out because you’ll be staying out late, of course, he doesn’t need to know you’re going on a date, but for some reason you just want this to be your last attempt at him, you want him to be bothered by the fact that you’re on a date, you want him to stop you from going on that date, of course, you know it’s ridiculous, because Min Yoongi doesn’t like girls like you, actually no that’s wrong; Min Yoongi doesn’t like you, as in you specifically. You turn the door handle, the ice cold material burning a hole through your hands, your whole body shaking at the sight of him because WOW Min Yoongi was so beautiful it was angelic, his perfect silver hair balanced and rooted on his head, his golden skin glistening in the dim glow of his ceiling light, his eyes, usually stone cold when he stares at you but right now as he’s working on some kind of song with headphones in a small smile planted on his face, he looks content- something you could never, and I mean never make him, because remember: Min Yoongi, doesn’t like you, as in you specifically.

He can feel your stare on him burning holes through his head, and you swear you’ve never seen him whip his neck to look at you that quick.

“What is it?” He asks, wow, look at that he speaks once more; you smile as you reflect on it.

“I just wanted to let you know I was going on a date, so would you mind doing the dishes because I’ll probably be out late,” you answer hesitantly.

Nothing, he says nothing, he just nods and turns away, and you’ve never felt shittier than you do now because damn, not even you going on a date all prettied up can make him interested in you, and that’s when you know for sure: Min Yoongi really doesn’t care about you, and that was the final stab in the gut, except the stab came with pain, absolutely excruciating pain as if you had broken your ribs and shattered your collar bones but multiply that by a million.

Min Yoongi doesn’t love you back, and he never will.

☆

Your date wasn’t special, it wasn’t even close to being good, maybe it was because you were still wholly devoted to loving Yoongi who you just couldn’t get rid of, Min Yoongi was like the annoying piece of gum that sticks to the back of your shoe and takes a while to get off, the only difference is he won’t fricking get off, and you’re tired of it, because you could have moved on with beautiful Baekhyun, Baekhyun who claimed to have liked you for almost a year, Baekhyun who could have loved you and cherished you more than Yoongi ever could, because Baekhyun was showing you that he liked you, loved you even, but if Yoongi didn’t love you, could anyone, really?

You didn’t know what it was, why it was, even, but the whole mood was off the entire night, it wasn’t Baekhyun’s fault no, no, it was Yoongi’s, because the entire time you’d been talking to Baekhyun, all you’d been thinking about was Yoongi’s gummy, wholesome smile, how Baekhyun could never compare to him, because Yoongi was Yoongi, Yoongi was the man you were in love with, the man you would break yourself for because you just loved him that much even though you really, truly wish you didn’t, but the heart wants what it wants, and your heart really, really wants Yoongi.

But now, this date had brewed up a new emotion inside of you: anger. You were angry because of your inability to stop loving Yoongi, you were angry because Yoongi always would and always will occupy your thoughts when he’s not around, angry because why, why couldn’t you move on? You thought this would work, that maybe Baekhyun could shift the entire centre of your world, you thought maybe he was the trigger you needed to pull to finally be able to move on, apparently not so because even after a date with Baekhyun at some fancy restaurant where you did fancy things like drink wine and talk about your day (something you never did with Yoongi, because Yoongi didn’t care), you were still deep down the rabbit hole which was named Loving Yoongi, because that man had claimed you whether you wanted it or not, whether he cared or not, you were in love.

And, boy, you really wish you weren’t.

☆

So now, as you stand outside your apartment door as Baekhyun kisses your cheek and wishes you a good night, you can’t help but wish that maybe… just maybe Yoongi will talk to you about it, maybe there was still a chance, though you know that there was absolutely no chance of you and Yoongi at this point, but the alcohol you’ve consumed throughout the night is blurring your thoughts and even though it was only three glasses of wine you can’t help but not think straight, and unfortunately the alcohol acts for you when you walk in and see Yoongi surrounded by empty bottles of alcohol, eyes rimmed with red, tears streaking his cheeks whilst holding an almost empty bottle of wine and the first thing you want to do is run forwards and cradle your poor baby in your arms even though you know you shouldn’t because he won’t want that but, surprisingly, as your drunken state forces you to take him into your arms and stroke your hands through his hair, his soft, luscious hair, he easily complies, letting you take him in, sobs wracking his body whilst your heart wrenches and God, you felt selfish to even think of it because your baby was hurting so much but you think you’re hurting more than him because it’s like someone’s just twisted a knife in your gut but worse. So, hushed whispers are exchanged along with words of support because he’s Yoongi, your Yoongi, and you’re in love with him and you just want to help.

“Di-did you have fun?” He’s still crying and his usual soothing voice that brings you comfort is now bringing you pain,

“God, it doesn’t matter, what’s wrong, please tell me,” You’re crying now too, because seeing the man you’re in love with, seeing your Min Yoongi, the man that barely ever smiles at you, crying is making you hurt more than any other action he’s done.

“I hope you had fun, ___, and I’m sorry, you told me to do the dishes but I-I haven’t, I’m sorry,” His sobs get louder with each words and your heart is aching, no, it’s shattering because your boy is crying, he’s broken and drunk and you’ve never seen him like this, and it’s terrifying you to death.

“Yoongi,” you whisper softly into his ear, “I don’t care about the dishes, I care about you, you stupid boy, I’ve always cared about you, wasn’t it obvious?” Your head’s telling you shouldn’t be saying this, you know you shouldn’t but here you are still spilling your guts out to him, whilst he’s drunk, I mean it’s not bad, at least this way maybe he’ll forget it, ha, if only you knew.

“___, I can’t seem to do anything right,” He’s stopped crying now, now there are just silent tears trickling down his beautiful, angelic face, “I try my best for you, ___, I buy you that Cookie Dough Ice Cream when I know you’re down, and I hate to tell you because I know you love her but my mother doesn’t always make you the red velvet cookies you love so much, no, the last few times, I was the one that made them because I know how much you love them, and God, I love them too now because I feel like that’s the only part of you I deserve to have, you always make me extras and it always manages to make me happy, but I can’t even say thank you to you for it because then I’ll get attached t-to you, to be honest I’m already addicted to you, but I can’t get deeper than I already am, I know that, but I’m such a fuck up, I don’t even deserve to be within three meters of you, I always used to tell my mother about you, you know? She wanted to hear about the girl who had me acting like I was fifteen again, and-and you know all those girls I brought around, well they were just to prove that I was capable of loving someone, but yet you still don’t want me, no, you want that guy that obviously treats you right, I mean, I don’t blame you, I deserve this,” My god, wasn’t that a shock, yet even after all of that all your brain could do was-

“I love you, Min Yoongi.”

And that’s what started it; the moment his lips met yours it was like being stuck in the middle of a fire, you wouldn’t say you felt fireworks like they do in every cliché romance novel because you knew even in your drunken state that it was better than fireworks, of course, no, this was like a bomb filled with passion and pure bliss and exploded in your body, he tasted like alcohol and cinnamon and sugar and all the sweet, blissful things in the world, he tasted like something you had been missing your entire life: the secret ingredient to your recipe you called unrequited love, he penetrated your senses until you couldn’t breathe anymore, you were drunk, yes, but even more drunk and high off of him. Things escalate fast, so fast that the next thing you know is that you’re making out with Min Yoongi, the man you love the Man you will always love, and then he’s slipping off your dress, leaving not much else to the imagination, pulling off your panties and-

“I want to lose my virginity to you,” you spill out.

“Are you sure?” He asks, “We can stop, don’t feel forced,”

“Yes,” Ha, should’ve said no.

☆

When you wake up the next morning he’s gone, you don’t remember much of the night, just the important parts, like how you’re no longer a virgin, and most definitely do you remember that you lost it to Min Yoongi, but now he’s gone, the place beside you where you were one thousand percent sure he slept was now cold, your blood curdles, because before you felt angry, angry at Min Yoongi for capturing your heart, but now? Now you just feel like a whore.

He doesn’t care about you, remember?

Of course, this was your fault, you should have said no to him, but how could you? How could you ever say no to Min Yoongi? But you should have, because now you’re left with a hangover and no virginity with hangover shots on the bedside next to you (for God’s sake Min Yoongi, why couldn’t you be a complete asshole for once in your life and let you down completely) and the only thing you remember is coming back from a date with Baekhyun and sleeping with Yoongi, nothing more, nothing less, just those two things.

Hours pass and there’s no other sign of life in the apartment other than you, it feels cold without Yoongi, yet the heating has been turned all the way up, ha, just another reason to need him back, right?

Days pass and Yoongi isn’t back yet, there’s no sign of him and you’ve been skipping classes because you can’t deal with the emptiness in your heart, the hole in the shape of Min Yoongi expanding every time you thought of him.

Exactly a week later Yoongi’s back except he’s not alone, he’s with a girl and that’s the last straw for you, you’re done with it because you’d have thought that since he took your fucking virginity he would have at least talked to you about that but no, he decides that he should bring some girl back home, back home as in where he lives where surprisingly the girl who’s virginity he took also lived.

The girl was gorgeous, she was the exact opposite of you, and that’s how you were always reminded he would never want you, because he only likes girls that aren’t you, remember?

The night he comes back you find freshly baked red velvet cookies waiting on the counter along with good old Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough ice cream, something vague comes back to you, something about Mrs. Min not being the one that bakes the cookies…but that’s stupid, absolutely ridiculous, and you know that you’re just whipping up things in your head for no reason like usual, because the only person other than Mrs. Min who knows how to make red velvet cookies is you, because you love making them for yourself, of course, but you mainly made them because Min Yoongi loves red velvet cookies.

Red velvet cookies are sweet, they’re soft, vibrant and taste all the more brilliant, a bit like Yoongi, of course, he treated you like you were a bitch on heat, left you without a single word for a week after stealing your virginity, something so precious that you decided to give away in your intoxicated state, but now that you’ve had a taste of him you want him all the more.

You’ve come to realise that loving Min Yoongi is like eating red velvet cookies, you have them all the time; you love them yet you’re not sick of them, you just want more and more and more because you’re greedy like that, because you’re selfish and you know that, but it’s also his favourite as well as yours, maybe that’s why you’re still fucking stuck on it, but it’s the only part of him you know, so how could you? How could you just stop, it’s important for you and Min Yoongi whether you realise it or not you’re both connected by some stupid cookies that you both love, it sounds so stupid but you know it’s the only chance you have because you’ll only ever be his roommate, that’s all you are to him, all you are to the girls he brings around.

Weeks pass and you watch him bring around more and more girls every day, you don’t know what he hopes to achieve by it, maybe he just wants companionship, but you feel like you’re missing something, something you should know but you can’t quite grasp it, but as the days go on and on you realise he’s stopped his fuckboy routine and now there’s just one girl coming around every single day, and boy, if you thought he broke you before? Well, then, you’re absolutely shattered to pieces now, he seems to be serious about her, I mean, if he wasn’t she wouldn’t be coming around every single day would she? You wouldn’t be hearing her annoying, high-pitched voice, would you? You were so stupid to think that maybe he would stop his maniacal antic and actually talk to you, no, you were more than stupid. That’s what triggered the countless nights of crying and mental breakdowns, because you were so done with him, except you weren’t, you were a broken record, stuck on the same thing, the same man, over and over again because you couldn’t understand the fact that this was it, this was his way of telling you to fuck off, to stop trying, almost as if he was holding up two long middle fingers up at you every time you would hear him and her at night.

☆

00:53 a.m.

Here you are sitting on your bedroom floor and crying about your life, well to be exact Min Yoongi the man who had claimed your life, you’ve heard the door to your bedroom open but you don’t care at this point, you’re an absolute mess because you’ve really fucked yourself up, and how are you now going to fix it? Warmth spreads through your body at a simple touch on the small of your back, you know it’s him, you felt it before throughout the night you slept with him; you wanted to memorise every single print of him because it felt like you were living on borrowed time in that moment.

“___,” You hear him whisper.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, am I being too loud, I can go cry somewhere else if you need me to,” You cry out, sobs wracking your body, squirming and scrambling on the ground, rising to see an absolutely exhausted Min Yoongi behind you, holding a crumpled up piece of paper in his hand that he’d obviously tried to flatten, and you realise this is the most emotion he’s ever shown you directly whilst he’s sober and you feel like you’ve just earned the world, because to you that’s what he is, he’s your world.

“No, no, no, please don’t, I just, I heard you crying and I wanted to give you this, I thought you deserved to know, I thought maybe you could figure it out,” he passes you the crumpled up piece of paper, Red Velvet Cookies scrawled on the top in rushed handwriting. Looking down at the writing you realise they’re lyrics, lyrics about a girl who loves red velvet cookies, lyrics about a girl who he can’t stand the thought of living without, it confuses you, it truly does, because Min Yoongi doesn’t like you, as in you specifically remember?

“I know, I treated you like shit after we…you know, but I just wanted to let you know you’re always on my mind, though I told you that night and I’m not sure you even remember, it’s just I-” and then he’s kissing you, that same feeling of fiery passion burning in you, you can taste those stupid red velvet cookies on him, there’s no taste of alcohol this time much to your admiration, this is all him, and you can’t get enough of it, so you deepen the kiss, testing the surface waters, tasting the sweetness of him, the cinnamon and the sugar you remember tasting on him that night, and all of a sudden it’s all coming back to you, all of it, everything, the confession, the way he told you he loved you whilst saw the most intimate parts of you, everything and when you pull away, it’s like the most calming, satisfying aura of bliss settles over you both, leaning your forehead against his.

“I left you because I was scared, I thought you told me you loved me because you were drunk as well, and I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have slept with you whilst we were drunk, especially not when you were still a virgin-”

“Yoongi, I don’t regret it, I wanted it, even now, I don’t regret it, though I did regret when I thought you left me and you started bringing those girls around,” You told him.

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to prove-” you can see the tears building up in his eyes, pain covering his face.

“I love you,” you admit.

“Even after the way I treated you?” He asks

“Always,”

“I love you more than that,” His adorable gummy smile appearing.

“Not possible,” a small smile starts growing on your face.

“Very much so possible,” He pauses, a small giggle leaving his mouth, “Hey, ___, wanna eat some red velvet cookies?” ah, of course, the God darn cookies that now meant more to both of you.

“Of course,” You say.

#bts kpop jungkook jimin army blackpink suga jin jhope taehyung btsarmy exo twice v rm bangtanboys bangtansonyeondan kimtaehyung parkjimin je

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laneymeadows · 5 years ago

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Hey is that [SYDNEY SWEENEY]? No, that’s just [DELANEY ANGELICA MEADOWS]. They’re [TWENTY-THREE], and have spent [TWO WEEKS] in Dayton. I hear that they’re kind of [LOYAL AND INTELLIGENT], but also [UNRELIABLE AND SELFISH]. Did you hear their vices are [PROMISCUITY AND COMMITMENT ISSUES]? Can’t wait to see [HER] at the next party!

( TW: MENTIONS OF ABUSE AND NEGLECT. )

full name: delaney angelica meadows

nickname: laney, lane, angel, angie, d.

age: twenty-three

date of birth: november 26th

place of birth: nowhere, ky

zodiac: saggitarius

gender: cis-female

nationality: american

sexual orientation: pansexual

romantic orientation: panromantic

relationship status: single

PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES.

height: 5′3′

weight: 119 pounds

hair color: blonde

eye color: blue

need glasses/contacts? yes

tattoos: sagittarius tattoo star constellation just above the bend of her elbow, lotus on the other with a free flying bird leaving a sitting flock from her left to right shoulder, leaving stardust in it’s wake

distinguishing marks: signs of healed scars across her upper thighs and a couple on her wrists.

BACKGROUND INFORMATION.

hometown: nowhere, ky

current residence: dayton, ca

past residences: las vegas, nevada. eugene & portland, oregon. seattle, washington.

living arrangement: apartment

spoken languages: english

financial status: enough to get by but still getting settled

education level: finished high school at 17.

occupation: stripper at plan b

FAMILIAL INFORMATION.

father: wade meadows. 58. doesn’t remember much but the abandonment has weighed on her.

mother: farrah meadows. 56. hates her and hates even more that she’s become a carbon copy.

siblings: jamie & ryleigh meadows (twins, 21) aiden o’connor (brother, 31)

children: none

other: n/a

pets? dog named tank

PERSONALITY.

positive traits: adventurous, independent, loyal, easy going and charismatic.

negative traits: reckless, unreliable, selfish, detatched, aloof, irresponsible.

likes: sex, ecstasy, no strings attached, cocaine, tequila and taking her clothes off without a second thought, tik tok, money && freedom.

dislikes: relationships, being held down, being told what to do, people putting their hands on her unless she’s calling the shots and being responsible for someone else’s well being.

quirks: talks to herself when she’s trying to figure something out (she got it from her brother), pulls herself away the moment feelings get involved or she gets too comfortable, gets blacked out everynight and wakes up with someone she doesn’t know, not knowing where she is, loves being on her own and having her quiet space to herself.

moral alignment: lawful neutral/sometimes lawful evil.

If you were to ask Delaney Meadows what she wanted, she’d simply stare, a glint of hope in her eyes as a mess of a smile sputtered across her lips, a blunt between her fingertips and the once word that slip between them would be “free”. Ever since she was younger, she’d never quiet... fit. Maybe it was the fact that her father hadn’t been present, chalking it up to the typical daddy issues trope before letting the thought slip into obscurity until the next time someone asked what the fuck was her problem. Nowhere, Kentucky; the name alone weaved the truth of what her life’s course had taken her, constantly drifting through as the ones that were supposed to car most simply slipped between her fingertips. An afterthought, that was the cursed middle syndrome main essence had been, hadn’t it? Always left to be the one thought of last, or at least, that’s the way it’d felt. Mom and dad, well, they hadn’t hung around long. Dad took the first chance he’d had to run for the hills, and mom well -- the shit show that Laney had become herself was enough of a storybook.

It was never meant to turn out this way, her brother being her caretaker, a teacher taking the place of a father, and where was she? Floating. Doing what she could to bust her ass and take care of as much slack that was left behind as she could. She loved Aiden, really. He tried with her, but the more he reeled her in, the harder she fought against the line he’d cast out. So much potential, wasted. A smart girl, graduated at 17, one of the highest SAT and ACT scores in the country, acceptances to colleges with scholarships some would sell their newborns for and where would she take it? Anywhere but here. That life wasn’t for her, college and all this mundane bullshit. It was the last fight, that had been the main catalyst for her departure in the same cold manner as their parents, the one where she’d brought a boy home, nothing new, except this time, she’d gotten caught; that was the last time. If you’re so grown, get a job, get a hotel. The words played like a symphony on a never ending loop, so, that’s what she did -- except this time, she didn’t turn back.

Hours turned to days, days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, and months turned to a year. All she had was a brain, her body, and a boy. One who’d taken every chance he could to remind her exactly what she’d been worth, the bruises on her body the proof of the so called love he’d shown her. But even through it all, she knew better. She’d suffered, yes. Experienced the anguish and the pain, but not out of love, out of convenience. Out of mere circumstance. A fast car, some cash -- it was your typical Bonnie and Clyde, except she wouldn’t let that tragedy unveil, so she did what she did best the moment she hit eighteen, she escaped his grasp and ran for the nearest club she could find. One where they’d welcomed her with opened arms and a plethora of suitors. It was perfect, really. But no matter how she’d tried to block that year from her memory database, the scars left their painful reminder, keeping her up at night and she swore -- if she stood in one place for too long, she could feel them flare in searing pain. So, she ran. Oregon was nice, peaceful and quiet -- what a fucking joke, then, Seattle. Better, but still, her heart yearned for California, whispers of a certain town that had a history of sin woven into it’s core called out to her. It was her mission, so she worked.

She should’ve been happy, a bird finally breaking free of it’s flock, flying in it’s own direction, but still, the thought of her mother and father plagued her memories, the blows itching at her until it had turned her numb and fuck, all she wanted to do was feel again. Feel pain, feel anger, feel hopelessness even, but it was all for not. The drugs, the alcohol rolled in, rolling through her body as they breathed life back into her once more. Then came along Dayton. She wasn’t proud of how she’d gotten there, proud of the things she’d done on the side of bearing her naked body in the small quarters of the VIP rooms, but -- fuck it, survival of the fittest. Plan B was her, well, Plan B and she’d tell you to call her Angel, though she knew it was the furthest from the truth, though still it wiped behind the past she still begrudgingly left behind with nothing more than a series of letters and ignored calls. And even now, to this day, if you asked her what she’d aspired to be in her life, with a mind so full of potential, she’d simply smile, though the glint of hope dying with each moment -- she’d still whisper to you... free.

#( // &. characterintro - delaneyangelmeadows. )

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dalyunministry · 4 years ago

Text

Pastor. Johnraj Lamech

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Greetings in the matchless Name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Topic: Faith Life : Part 03 “Consummation of Faith Life”

Rhema Word (1): Habakkuk 2:4(b) (NKJV) “The just shall live by his faith.”

Rhema Word (2): Hebrews 10:37-38 “For yet a little while, and He who is coming will come and will not tarry. Now the just shall live by faith; But if anyone draws back, My soul has no pleasure in him.”.

Let’s pray. Our Gracious Loving Father, thank you for giving us an opportunity to meditate your Word today. Thank you Holy Spirit for helping us to understand your Words which are living and active. Please help us to live a life as per your Word Lord. Father, we give all the Glory and Honour to you. We pray in the mighty Name of your beloved Son Jesus Christ. Amen.

Faith is the foundation of Christian life. The importance attached to this truth about faith is made obvious by its emphatic recurrence in three of the New Testament Epistles. There are three key verses, which enlighten the message this truth imparts.

(i) Romans 1:17 “For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, “The just shall live by faith.”

(ii) Galatians 3:11 “But that no one is justified by the law in the sight of God is evident, for “the just shall live by faith.”

(iii) Hebrews 10:38 “Now the just shall live by faith; But if anyone draws back, My soul has no pleasure in him.”

The Epistle to Romans talks about the Commencement of the Christian Faith Life. The Letter to the Galatians deals with the problems we face in the course of the Christian Life, and that to the Hebrews pictures the successful Completion of the Christian Life/Race. Yes, The COMMENCEMENT, the CONTINUATION and the CONSUMMATION of faith life!

Last two weeks, we meditated on the “Commencement of Faith Life” and “Continuation of the Faith Life”. Today, let us meditate upon the ”Consummation of Faith Life” with the help of the Holy Spirit.

The greatest incentive to our faith is the Second Coming of Christ. That will be a day of felicitation for the faithful saints. We began our study of the Faith Life with Habakkuk 2:4. The previous verse says, Habakkuk 2:3 “For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry.” The author of Hebrews says in Hebrews 10:37 ”He who is coming will come and will not tarry.” The prophecy in Habakkuk and the expectation in Hebrews have a beautiful coincidence in their implication of the Return of our Lord. We all long to hear that “Well Done!” from our Master.

It is well said by Solomon in Ecc 7:8 ”The end of a thing is better than its beginning.” Yes, the end or the con-summation of our faith life is of greater importance than the beginning of it.

The purpose of the long list of the heroes of faith in Hebrews 11 is given in 12:1 ”Therefore, we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.” In a race there are participants as well as spectators. We are the participants today. “The cloud of witnesses” – they are the spectators of our performance. They have finished their course successfully and are anxiously looking at us. All the forerunners of faith have done their part superbly well and have trusted us with the finishing part! Shall we make it? The Church of Christ is living the last days of its history on earth. Oh that we realise our great responsibility!

We require the spiritual stamina to become triumphant winners of the faith race. As we mount higher up in the Christian life we encounter greater and great difficulties on the way. Sufferings, doubts and darkness, persecutions and oppositions become part of our everyday life.

Let us try to understand and how to handle the following challenges and be a victor, with the help of the Holy Spirit, today:

1] Sufferings

2] Doubts and Darkness

3] Persecutions and Oppositions

1] Sufferings

There is a great deal of suffering among God’s children. In the hour of soul’s deepest anguish even the strongest faith has wavered at times. Elijah sank down on the desert sand and asked that he might die!

i) Sufferings: Part of Christian Life:

Peter says in 1 Peter 4:12 ”Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you!” Is not our Saviour’s following statement clear enough? ”In the world you will have tribulation” (John 16:33). Paul puts it this way: ”We must through many tribulations, enter the Kingdom of God” (Acts 14:22). Tribulations are but the pathway to our Heavenly Abode. That is why, Peter says in 1 Peter 5:7-9 ”Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world.”

That suffering is the experience of every true Christian in the world must bring us spiritual encouragement and help us stand fast in faith. The Cross led Christ to glory and it is so with those who seek to follow the Lamb wherever He goes. There is no such thing as a saint without scars.

ii) Physical Afflictions:

Jesus took on Himself our infirmities and bore our pains on the Cross. But it does not mean a complete eradication of physical affliction from a believer’s life altogether. I can quote from the Bible some great saints to prove that even the loftiest saint is no exception from physical pains. Yes, the heroes of faith received God’s sufficient grace amidst severe afflictions and glorified Him bringing honour to His Holy Name!

What gave Paul the strength to overcome his physical affliction? He knew that ”If our earthly house, this tent, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed with our habitation which is from heaven, if indeed, having been clothed, we shall not be found naked. For we who are in this tent groan, being burdened, not because we want to be unclothed, but further clothed, that mortality may be swallowed up by life. Now He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who also has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. So, we are always confident, knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord. For we walk by faith, not by sight. We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord” (2 Corinthians 5:1-8)

Oh! the Blessed Hope that our body will one day perish, along with it the afflictions and pains, and that we will be given a glorified body! Let not your temporary physical tortures deprive you of your spiritual joy.

iii) Suffering Wrongfully:

Sometimes doing the right brings you into unforeseen difficulty. You may have sown the seeds of love and good but will reap nothing but disappointment, hatred and suffering. Yes, you may be misunderstood, misinterpreted, accused falsely and punished wrongfully! David, the man after God’s own heart, had such similar experiences: “All who hate me whisper together against me; against me they devise my hurt; Even my own familiar friend whom I trusted, … has lifted up his heel against me” (Psalm 41:7,9). Yes, we trust people who pretend to be faithful but when we are made to see their true identities we moan just as David did.

Do not become vengeful when you suffer wrongfully. Are we not called to unjust suffering? (1 Peter 2:19). We can endure physical tortures but cannot bear the shame when our reputation is damaged. Let us remember we are the followers of the One who suffered wrongfully in the hands of sinners. We make mistakes in trying to clear and vindicate ourselves. Defend not your cause but let it go. Why can’t we trust God with our reputation and let Him take care of it if we can trust Him with our eternal life? Of course, we can afford to stop defending and keep quiet, till the last Day, when the brick and the beam will take their turn to speak for us; when God will bring out our righteousness as the light and our judgement as the noonday; and when death and resurrection will prove to the whole world who is who.

That is why Peter says in 1 Peter 2:20-21 ”For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God. For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps.”

iv) Trust Not in man!

The Bible warns us against trusting in any person other than God. “It is better to trust in the Lord than to pout confidence in man” (Psalm 118:8). Because, “every man is a liar” (Romans 3:4). May be your latest experience is to learn what it means to be betrayed by false friends. Turn to the Man of Sorrows for comfort. It was His own experience too!

You cannot trust even in the members of your own family. The prophet Micah says in Micah 7:5-7 ” Do not trust in a friend; do not put your confidence in a companion; Guard the doors of your mouth from her who lies in your bosom. For son dishonours father, daughter rises against her mother, daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; a man’s enemies are the men of his own household. Therefore, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; My God will hear me.”

Remember, men fail us. Even the best proves to be false. At the turn of events they change their colours and their promises fade away. Turn from the failure and forgetfulness of man to the constancy and faithfulness of God. He says, “You will not be forgotten by Me” (Isaiah 44:21).

v) Trust Not in yourself!

Friends are unreliable. Men are liars. My family cannot be trusted. Am I to stand on my own legs, then?

No, dear friend. Trust NOT IN YOURSELF also. It is not less than total foolishness to trust in one’s own self. Here, I tell you the secret of God: He will take from your heart anything you love most; He will have everything you trust to be removed from you; and finally He brings you to the point where He purges you of your self-trust too. Lend your ears to Apostle Paul’s account of his experience. He says in 2 Corinthians 1:8-10 “For we do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, of our trouble which came to us in Asia: that we were burdened beyond measure, above strength, so that we despaired even of life. Yes, we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead, who delivered us from so great a death, and does deliver us; in whom we trust that He will still deliver us”

Believe not in your facilities. Disappointment is sure to sweep your face if you put your confidence in your strength and talents, in your possessions and positions. David says in Psalm 20:7 ”Some trust in chariots, and some in horses; but we will remember the name of the Lord our God.” He further says in Psalm 44:6-7 ” I will not trust in my bow, nor shall my sword save me. But You have saved us from our enemies, and have put to shame those who hated us.” Paul confidently says in 2 Timothy 2:13 ”If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself.”

vi) Trust in GOD!

We are too busy at times to God that He is forced to send us some difficulties in order to get our attention to Him. It is well worth to undergo some bitter experiences, to learn the new spiritual lesson that He does not want us to be ignorant of. If God has singled you out to be a special object of His grace you may expect Him to honour you with stricter discipline and greater suffering than many are called upon to ensure. Peter, whom God allowed to be “sifted as wheat” by Satan, explains it thus in 1 Peter 1:5-7 ”You are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honour, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

Remember, faith needs to be tried by fiery trials. A faith that is not tested cannot be trusted. We pass through flooded rivers and burning furnaces. Neither the waters overflow us nor are we scorched by the fire, for the God of circumstances is in control (Isaiah 43:2). Though for a moment we are forsaken, with great mercies He gathers us to His bosom (Isaiah 54:7).

Sometimes we feel that God does not hear our cries of grief and the call for help. At such times we should simply trust Him and patiently wait for Him. Apostle James explains this in James 1:2-4 ”My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”

Suffering is inevitable in the perfecting work of our faith. So let it not make us bitter and cynical but increase our faith in God. Think of the perseverance and patience of Job and take him as an example. He testified, ”Though He may slay me, yet will I trust Him”(Job 13:15).

The fear of death should be out of a believer’s vocabulary. Our time is in God’s hands and not in Satan’s. We shall not die before God’s appointed time. The ship in which Paul once sailed was caught up in a tempestuous wind called Euroclydon. Disaster and loss dismayed everyone and all gave up hope. But Paul trusted in the Lord to whom he belonged and declared: ”I believe God, that it will be just as it was told me” (Acts 27:25). He was the one who passed through perils of waters, perils of Gentiles, perils in the city and perils in the wilderness. But he was sure that nothing could kill him before God’s time.

Apostle Paul declares in 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 ”Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” Let not our suffering weaken our conviction, tame our fervent spirit and quench our first love. Take courage from the Scripture: ”If we endure, we shall also reign with Him” (2 Timothy 2:12).

Do not flinch from suffering. Bear it patiently. Be assured that it is God’s way of infusing iron into your spiritual make up, for He needs steel saints and not chocolate soldiers. Faith rejoices, for it sees afar the “triumph of Christ” and is willing to endure any hardship to share in it. The Captain of our Salvation was made perfect through suffering (Hebrews 5:9), and it cannot be otherwise with us.

2] Doubts and Darkness:

Your life of faith had a buoyant beginning. But presently disappointment, sorrow, disaster and dismay overcloud the sky and blot out the sunny prospect. These will be times of inexplainable depression due to doubts and darkness upon the soul.

i) Discipline of Darkness:

The Bible says in Isaiah 50:10 ”Who among you fears the Lord? Who obeys the voice of His Servant? Who walks in darkness and has no light? Let him trust in the name of the Lord and rely upon his God.”

Darkness creeps into the lives of even the obedient children of God. Is your life woven with dark shadows of sorrow? Are the best years of your life slipping away in silent tears? Do not sit down in solitude to deplore and moan your unhappy lot. Let not the experiences which have befallen you in earth’s darker cells drain on your spiritual resources. When your urgent prayers bring no response, when His mercies seem to be withdrawn and His face hidden, when the waves toss you up and down and things go from bad to worse, you throw your face into your empty palms and cry, ”God, don’t you want me anymore?”

Not so, dear friend. God your Father has turned down the lights of your life because He wants to show you how great His mercies are. The night is the time to see the stars! Remember, there never yet has been a night which was not sure to end in the dawning light of a glorious morning. Lay hold on God’s promises and rest your weary head on them.

ii) Walking by Faith:

To overcome the spiritual depression the truth that the just shall live by faith must be well understood. Every other effort made and help sought to scheme out your deliverance will only prove to be a failure and can never give you permanent relief.

The prolonged period of darkness may make your faith life dry and tasteless and to some degree you may become a burden to yourself. To maintain faith at such times is a real struggle. No wonder Paul called it a fight in 1 Timothy 6:12 ”Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.” Yes, the “joy of unspeakable” ceases to be your experience and you find none of the inward sweetness you had enjoyed before. It is at this time you will know better the definition of faith! ”Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1). Now, you will learn how to walk by faith and not by sight, and it is this that God has intended to teach you.

There is no light but faith gives evidence! There is no support but faith gives substance! At moments of discouragement, when you are exposed and most vulnerable Satan is on the attack. He haunts you with his doubts: “Does God really exist?” Yes, “Questions” become your frequent visitors! “What have I gained by my integrity?”

Do not leave any loophole for Satan. ”Resist him, steadfast in the faith” (1 Peter 5:9).

iii) Remember God’s Fatherhood!

Some of our characters need to be taken to the dark dungeon where Joseph was once put so we can be emptied of our spiritual pride and other undesirable qualities. David relates this in Psalm 119:67,71 ”Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep Your word. …It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I may learn Your statutes.”

Yes, the Son of God, ”learned obedience by the things He suffered” (Hebrews 5:8). And if you are God’s child you are sure to be taught obedience the same way. Remember His Fatherhood when you suffer. He chastens you for He so loves you that He cannot allow you go astray. The Bible records this in Hebrews 12:5-7 ”“My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; for whom the Lord loves He chastens, and scourges every son whom He receives.” If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten?”

Remember, when God punishes us, He loves us as much as ever because there is not a shadow of change in His affection for us.

iv) Purposeful delay:

God’s delay in answering our prayers is always purposeful. Where faith is, there is no impatience. Patience is the mark of great faith. Remember, delay develops perseverance and patience in us. When Jesus heard that Lazarus was sick He stayed two more days in the place where He was. He delayed because He looked for a better opportunity to vitalise His disciples’ faith.

Had He gone atonce to Lazarus when he was sick it would have been only a matter of divine healing. But when He went four days after Lazarus’ burial He could demonstrate the power of resurrection. ”Jesus said to the plainly…I am glad for your sakes, that I was not there, that you may believe” (John 11:14,15). Delay is not denial, but God’s means of developing our faith. Do not be feverish and in a hurry. ”Whoever believes will not act hastily” (Isaiah 28:16)

Remember, impatience stems from unbelief, and faith is not afraid to wait. Palmist David experienced this in his life and says in Psalm 27:14 ”Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!” Yes, there is no other way out. He says in verse 13 ”I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living”. The delayed blessings will really be great!

v) Be not perplexed!

Sometimes the ministers of God to whom you go for counselling may add their share of confusions to your perplexities. Be watchful. Do not allow yourself to be made a puppet. No man is the master of your faith. Paul tells the believers in 2 Corinthians 1:24 ”Not that we have dominion over your faith, but are fellow workers for your joy; for by faith you stand.”

Remember, prophets or preachers are given the authority for edification and not for breaking the bruised reed and quenching the smoking flax. That is why the Bible says in 2 Chronicles 20:20(b) ”Believe in the Lord your God, and you shall be established; believe His prophets, and you shall prosper.” If you believe in the prophets only, you may temporarily prosper, will never be established. God first, and then the prophets.

Remember, Satan often makes use of your past failures to discourage you and dis-illuminate your path. Let not your past falls make you feel frustrated. Only when we stumble we learn to walk better. Look up to your Redeemer! He will surely remove the stains from your life and the sting from your memory. Turn a deaf ear to Satan and answer him in these words: ”Do not rejoice over me, my enemy; When I fall, I will arise; When I sit in darkness, The Lord will be a light to me. I will bear the indignation of the Lord, because I have sinned against Him, until He pleads my case and executes justice for me. He will bring me forth to the light; I will see His righteousness.” As Paul puts it in Philippians 3:13(b) ”forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead.”

Be not surprised when dark passages come in your way. God allows it, because unbroken sunshine would madden our brains. We must be sometimes deprived of feelings so we may acquire the art of walking by faith. Wait for the Lord for He is working out everything for your supreme good. Yes, the time is coming when you will bless the Lord for your times of sorrow and misfortune, because then you will understand that many of your disappointments were God’s own appointments, and that He sent failures in some sensitive areas only to save you from missing the best that He has in store for you.

It is very sweet, as life passes by, to be able to look back on dark and mysterious events and to trace the hand of God where we once saw only the malice and hypocrisy of man. And no doubt you will be able to speak gratefully of all the dark passages of your life.

3] Persecutions and Oppositions

FAITHFULLY to proclaim Jesus as the Saviour and Lord is bound to evoke antagonism and enmity. You are sure to face two kinds of people:

i) Opposers of the Gospel

ii) Twisters of the Gospel

i) Opposers of the Gospel:

The Epistle to the Hebrews was written at a time of great tribulation for the believers in Christ: ”You endured a great struggle with sufferings: partly while you were made a spectacle both by reproaches and tribulations, and partly while you became companions of those who were so treated; for you had compassion on me in my chains, and joyfully accepted the plundering of your goods, knowing that you have a better and an enduring possession for yourselves in Heaven” (Hebrews 10:32-34)”

In the work of God oppositions are not something unusual. Do not shake and shudder when oppositions and persecutions show their faces. Paul encouraged the believers of the Church at Philippi thus in Philippians 1:27-29 ”Only let your conduct be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of your affairs, that you stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel, and not in any way terrified by your adversaries, which is to them a proof of perdition, but to you of salvation, and that from God. For to you it has been granted on behalf of Christ, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake.”

Yes, it has been granted to us the privilege to suffer for Christ’s gospel. Is there anyone who suffered so much for his faith in and love for the Lord Jesus as did the Apostle Paul? He was a man who hazarded his very life for the name of the Lord Jesus. He passed through trials and tortures. Nevertheless amidst these all he bore testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus.

Paul was a man who knew the worth of his high calling and the immense responsibility involved in it. He says in 2 Timothy 1:11-12 ”To which I was appointed a preacher, an apostle, and a teacher of the Gentiles. For this reason, I also suffer these things; nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day.”

As a faithful servant of God, Paul was most unreasonably persecuted by the wicked men. He needed the prayer support of other believers to be saved from the opposers of the gospel: ”Finally, brethren, pray for us, that the word of the Lord may run swiftly and be glorified, just as it is with you, and that we may be delivered from unreasonable and wicked men; for not all have faith” (2 Thess 3:1-2).

Once Paul was stoned almost to death and immediately moved on to preaching in Debre making many disciples there and then returning to Iconium and Antioch strengthening the souls of the disciples. What a tireless running for Christ!! The Bible recorded this incident in Acts 14:19-22 ”But Jews came from Antioch and Iconium, and having persuaded the crowds, they stoned Paul and dragged him out of the city, supposing that he was dead. But when the disciples gathered about him, he rose up and entered the city, and on the next day he went on with Barnabas to Derbe. When they had preached the gospel to that city and had made many disciples, they returned to Lystra and to Iconium and to Antioch, strengthening the souls of the disciples, encouraging them to continue in the faith, and saying that through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God.”

Remember, when you are oppressed by the opposers of Christian faith nothing should you do except to pray. Avenge not yourself, for revenge is God’s. When you suffer for the sake of your Saviour, you are carrying His cross. There is only forgiveness in Christ’s cross and not revenge. Pray for the opposers that they too may be saved. Do not draw your sword to settle matters as Peter did!

Oppositions and persecutions are part of God’s ministry. Meet these with a spirit of submission and praise! As Paul says in 2 Corinthians 4:8-10, ”We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed— always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.”

Persecutions feed faith! In the midst of persecutions, Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 4:13 “Since we have the same spirit of faith, according to what is written, “I believed and therefore I spoke,” we also believe and therefore speak!” Yes, the undaunted spirit of faith can never afford to keep quiet even amidst oppositions. It will obey Jesus’ command and keep on preaching the gospel, than to obey the persecutors who will not let it be done. No matter how great the opposition, no matter how difficult the time or how fierce the persecution, the good soldier of Christ Jesus can stand in the strength of the Holy Spirit and remain a victor on the battlefield.

ii) Twisters of the Gospel:

Apostle Paul says in 1 Timothy 4:1-2 ”Now the Spirit expressly says that in latter times some will depart from the faith, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, speaking lies in hypocrisy, having their own conscience seared with a hot iron.” There is a definite prediction that in the last days people will depart from the pure faith of the gospel. Departure from faith can be seen in our Christian circles today with different names:

a) Legalism:

The principle of legalism advocates the adherence to the Law, even while living under the Spirit of grace. The Galatians were misled to believe such doctrines and so were flogged by the apostle Paul. He says in Galatians 4:30 “What does the Scripture say? “Cast out the bondwoman and her son, for the son of the bondwoman shall not be heir with the son of the freewoman.” Yes, Ishmael and Isaac cannot dwell in one place. The bondwoman and her son are not to be given even a portion in the backyard. They are to be turned out and cast away completely.

What a glorious privilege to be under grace! The followers of the Law have fallen from grace. The Bible gives us a clear picture of the distinction between Law and Grace. That is why Paul says in Galatians 5:1,4,5 ”Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage…You have become estranged from Christ, you who attempt to be justified by law; you have fallen from grace. For we through the Spirit eagerly wait for the hope of righteousness by faith.” Jesus also said in Luke 5:37-38(a) ”No one puts new wine into old wineskins; or else the new wine will burst the wineskins and be spilled, and the wineskins will be ruined. But new wine must be put into new wineskins’” I pray that our Lord may help us to discern this truth lest our faith be polluted by these poisonous winds.

There is yet another last day doctrine which the Bible warns us against in 1 Timothy 4:1-3 ”Now the Spirit expressly says that in latter times some will depart from the faith, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, speaking lies in hypocrisy, having their own conscience seared with a hot iron, forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from foods which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and know the truth.” This is the doctrine of the supposedly “holier” people. God saw it good to give Eve as a wife to Adam (Adam never asked for one!). But, these holiest people consider married men and women as second-class citizens of Heaven! Regarding food the New Testament teaching is: ”For every creature of God is good, and nothing is to be refused if it is received with thanksgiving; for it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer” (1 Timothy 4:4-5).

b) Rationalism, Liberalism, etc.:

Apostle Paul cautions us in 1 Timothy 6:20-21 ”Guard what was committed to your trust, avoiding the profane and idle babblings and contradictions of what is falsely called knowledge— by professing it some have strayed concerning the faith.” Apostle John also cautions in 2 John 7,10,11 ”For many deceivers have gone out into the world who do not confess Jesus Christ as coming in the flesh. This is a deceiver and an antichrist…If anyone comes to you and does not bring this doctrine, do not receive him into your house nor greet him; for he who greets him shares in his evil deeds.”

These are the agents of the antichrist who are sent to deceive even the “chosen” people of God. Much more is there to tell you about the twisters of the Gospel of Christ. The twisters indeed attract big crowds to themselves and have a lot of followers too. Paul cautions in Acts 20:29-30 ”For I know this, that after my departure savage wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock. Also from among yourselves men will rise up, speaking perverse things, to draw away the disciples after themselves.” I plead the pastors to guard their sheep against these wolves.

Apostle Jude said in Jude 3 ”Beloved, while I was very diligent to write to you concerning our common salvation, I found it necessary to write to you exhorting you to contend earnestly for the faith which was once for all delivered to the saints.”. Remember, faith is “once for all” delivered into your hands. It means that the written Word of God alone is sufficient and there no necessity to look for any kind of new revelation. Because, there lies the danger of being deceived by the prophets of the antichrist. All that a sinner needs to be cleansed, purged, made perfect and fit for the Kingdom of God is revealed in the Bible. New Revelations ended with the Book of Revelation. Amen!

”When the Son of Man comes, will He really find faith on the earth?” asked Jesus in Luke 18:8. Let us answer Him, ”Yes Lord, we are LIVING BY FAITH and You will see FAITH IN US!”

Let us introspect ourselves..

Shall we lay aside every weight and the sin which so easily ensnares us and run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith?

Shall we endure all the sufferings so that we shall reign with our Lord Jesus Christ?

Shall we live by faith trusting God fully during the fiery trials as He is in control of every situation in our lives?

Shall we trust in God fully by removing all the doubts and darkness when we encounter disappointment, sorrow, disaster in our faith life?

Shall we stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel?

Shall we meet oppositions and persecutions with a spirit of submission and praise?

Shall we have the undaunted spirit of faith and stand in the strength of the Holy Spirit and remain a victor on the battlefield?

Shall we identify the agents of the antichrist, who are twisting the gospel and be more cautious while dealing with them in our faith life?

Shall we live by faith till the end of our faith life?

Let us Pray: Our Heavenly Gracious Father, we thank you for helping us to understand about the “Consummation of our Faith Life” while living in this world by having faith on you and believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God wholeheartedly, run with endurance the race that is set before us by looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, enduring all the sufferings so that we shall reign with our Lord Jesus Christ. Father, please help us in trusting You fully during the fiery trials as we believe that You are in control of every situation in our lives, helping us in removing all the doubts and darkness when we encounter disappointment, sorrow, disaster besides standing fast in one spirit with one mind for the faith of the gospel. Father, please help us in meeting the oppositions and persecutions with a spirit of submission and praise, having an undaunted spirit of faith, stand in the strength of the Holy Spirit so as to remain a victor on the battlefield besides identifying the agents of the antichrist and be more cautious and living by FAITH till the end of our FAITH LIFE. Father, please help us to LIVE BY FAITH as without faith it is impossible to please You Master. We give all praise, glory and honour to Your Holy Name. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.

God bless you all..

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alexteltevskiy · 8 years ago

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Intro to blog & Nishika N9000 camera review

Hello everyone! Welcome to my very first blog post. I have big plans for this far-flung little corner of the internet: camera reviews, photo techniques, experiments in visual storytelling and more! Art, design, filmmaking, photography - all here. Let’s roll! (no pun or reference to 35mm film intended)

Intro

Today it’s all about photography - I’ll be taking a look at a rather obscure little imaging device - the Nishika N9000. A unique, highly specialized stereo camera that that takes 4 images at the same time from slightly different angles, which, when combined into an animation, create a miniature Matrix-like effect of the objects in the shot appearing three-dimensional. It’s a specialized camera and the only reason you use it is for its GIF-making capability. It is also a complete pain to use, totally unreliable and makes pictures of horrendous quality. Despite all this, it is a total blast and very fun. Read on to find out why.

This camera, along with the original Nimslo and the direct predecessor Nishika N8000 are responsible for the influx of countless animated GIFs on Tumblr, FFFFOUND! and other image blogs alike. I always found them a gleefully enjoyable exercise in lowbrow picture-making fun, something that could add real depth to the mood of a BTS, a casual project or just plain fun while hanging out. I denied these inner callings for a while until I stumbled upon @tkbmedia and finally bothered to look at the tags being used. “Nishika” it said. And here we are. Now, part of the reason I want to write about it is because its a genuinely fun little camera and the other part is because there is next to zero easily-digestible info online about this little plastic wonder, or even how it relates in quality and specs to its progenitor, the Nishika N8000.

History

The first quad-lens stereo camera was the Nimslo. Designed in the US, the camera was made overseas has solid metal construction, electronically controlled shutter, high quality glass lens and is pretty compact as well. If you read between the lines, you figured $$$. Then came along the N8000, made by a different US company called Nishika, which some claim blatantly knocked off the design idea, made it much cheaper and marketed the living daylights out of it, promising the next big thing in photography. There is much history written about both these companies and why they fell from grace, but that’s not the goal of this review. Both these cameras were originally designed for lenticular mail-order printing where you would take the photos and send the roll in, getting back lenticular prints. In its waning days, Nishika learned on their design mistakes and made the N9000 camera, hoping to renew interest in the franchise, but by that time the infrastructure was starting to fall apart along with the public interest for these items. Nishika went out of business and the overstock was silently decaying in warehouses around the country for decades. Prices went down to near-free and, with the advent of the digital revolution, the camera started seeing a resurgence when experiment-happy photogs figured that these can be used for great artistic effect.

Unboxing & tech specs

Prices bordering in the $10-$20 made this novelty a no-brainer, so I splurged and received a sealed, new-in-box N9000 in the mail not long after. Was a lot of fun opening the package - the whole process resembled an unearthing of a time capsule from a prehistoric age. Best I could tell by the chintzy design and fonts used (I’m an art director by day, I pay attention to these things), my particular specimen was from the early 90’s. The N9000 is made, save from the hotshoe, entirely out of cheap, ready-to-break plastic. Even the lens are plastic. Relatively compact, looks and feels like a beefy, cheeseburger-binging point and shoot. Weighs next to nothing. Small size and weight is a plus for anyone that wants to travel and take multiple cameras for multiple shot types. This one doesn’t take up much space. Each press of the shutter creates 4 tiny half-frame images spread across two regular frames of 35mm film. A 36-exposure roll gets you around 18 shots give or take. A 24-exposure roll probably takes around 12, haven't tried. Has a closable lens cover. Aperture selector between F8 and F16. Button. Rewind button and knob. And winding gear, yes, the winding gear. Reason I want to focus on it is because I genuinely hate it so very much, from the bottom of my usually very accommodating and forgiving heart. They cheaped out and replaced the lever from the N8000 with a finely-sharpened flesh-shearing winding gear to advance each frame and wind the shutter. I can live with it, but I dread every time I have to advance frames. The shutter speed is a fixed 1/60 sec. Has a tripod socket, an unremovable strap, and, well, that’s pretty much it. No batteries. Surprisingly small amount of foam in the back door, so even with vintage, less likelihood of light leaks. Has a little sticker inside recommending 200 film outdoors and 1600 film indoors. I'd personally load it with 400-800 film and tweak exposure with aperture.

Comparing to the N8000

The main reason I went out on whim and got the N9000 instead of the N8000 is size and weight. As soon as I saw pictures of the N8000 in hand AND read that they put a large chunk of metal inside just to make it feel more expensive and reliable than it is I knew it wasn’t for me, as my photo bags are always packed and space is at a premium. The N8000 is a very, very large camera, I’d say roughly twice the size and weight of the N9000. But, at the same time the picture quality looked to be the same (identical lens) and features are largely identical. The N8000 is also the very definition of gimmicky, with the fake LCD screen on top showing recommended settings for exposure. The "meter" built into it is just there to remind you when to use flash. And with today's film exposure latitude the f/11 is totally redundant. That's a whole lotta strikes out against the N8000. The only feature that I miss from the N8000 is the wind lever instead of gear, the rest of the playing field belongs to the sleeker, more modern and compact N9000. The best camera is the one you have with you, remember?

In use

Load film. Wind to 1. Set aperture. Point. Shoot. That's it. When you get to the end, hit the rewind button and crank that knob. Live life and be happy. They have a rather complicated set of recommendations for ideal positioning of foreground/mid/background elements, but in use I found that they correlate pretty neatly into my shooting style anyway so I just base a shot on instinct and click away. Just frame the subject either medium shot (waist up) to long shot (full figure) and try to compose stuff into the foreground and background for perfect harmony. Even when the rules are totally broken I still notice a 3D effect (works better for objects closer rather than further). When it gets even a little big (very, very little bit) dark - use flash. Theoretically, any type of flash should work, but my Canon 600EX-RT wouldn't trigger because the firing pin is a fraction of an inch off. Go figure. Had to MacGuyver a workaround with a coiled hot shoe extension to make it click. Even then, the flash wouldn't fire every 3-4 frames, killing the shots. Also, some films with a softer base (looking at you, Fuji Superia) tend to be torn at the sprockets when advancing the frame, renderings the entire roll useless. Reason for that is that there is only one film advance cog in the top of the body and winding pressure is applied unfavorably to the top sprocket holes only. Be very, very gently, or bye-bye roll.

Image processing

After taking the shots, what's next? Everybody has different procedures from here on out but the general goal is to develop the film, get scans and then combine those scans into an animated GIF. If I'm shooting B&W, I develop in my trusty D-76 concoction and after drying, proceed to scan on the Epson V800. Negs are converted in ColorNeg and the final images assembled in Photoshop. Obviously, there are lots of other substeps involved in each respective step, but they are outside the scope of this review. A bit later I am planning to write about my experience with developing your own film, scanning film and using ColorNeg and Lightroom/Photoshop to get the most out of your film shots, but for right now PM me if you would like advice/tips/tricks. Last step is to export an animated GIF or an MP4 video if you're planning on uploading to Instagram. Sounds like a whole lot of steps, huh? No fear, after doing this a couple of times it becomes second nature and many processes can be automated with Actions in photoshop.

Conclussions

So why do it all? Funny thing, I almost filmed a mock camera review where I smash the camera into moon dust against a brick wall. That's how frustrating it sometimes gets with all these inconsistencies and deficiencies in build quality. Would I bring something like this to an even remotely professional shooting environment? Absolutely not. The only camera capable of pulling that off is the Nimslo. Forget anything with a Nishika badge on it. But, if you are looking for a novel (and cheap) way of taking pictures and impressing friends, family and followers, as well as having the technical chops necessary to use film and assemble the GIFs, it's hard to beat the Nishika. The resulting images are what make all of the hassles worth it. It's like I sometimes describe the allure of film in general to people. Film is grainy, soft, full of imperfections and lacks the punch and pizzazz of digital. But oddly enough, that's exactly the way most of our memories work. Warm, somewhat vague,fuzzy. The Nishika just takes it to a new level by introducing depth. It's like a good old memory, animated.

Sample pics

#nishika #film photography #n9000 #n8000 #camera review #analog #black and white #bw #gif #ilford #hp5 plus #film #35mm #half frame #3d photo #stereo photo #kodak #tri-x #animated memories

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thoughtlesstales · 6 years ago

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Come Home to Me | Chapter Two

Title: Come Home to Me | Chapter Two Word Count: 4026 Rating: Teen Relationship: Oliver Queen x Felicity Smoak Characters: Felicity Smoak, Oliver Queen, Sara Lance, John Diggle, Thea Queen, Roy Harper Triggers: Angst, violence

Three Years later -

“Damn Felicity,” Diggle laughed dragging out her name as he watching as the petite blonde floored a rather stunned and off balance Sara. Standing up straight and catching the towel Dig threw in her direction, Felicity wiped the shining sweat from her heated skin. It had taken a long time for this day to come, the day Felicity was able to put the Black Canary on her ass. Though she was pretty sure, Sara had been going easy on her. She had spent most of her days in the Foundry if she wasn’t at QC as their Technical whatever of IT - when Oliver left she want back down to the lower levels of QC - it had taken her a while to get where she was in her job and life; and with the help of Dig and Sara she was getting there, she was getting to the point where she may be able to let go soon, let go of him and the pain he has caused her.

She was breathing hard and the adrenalin was still pumping through her at a quick pace. Turning on her heel she grinned at Diggle, eyes dancing with laughter. “You next?” she asked wrapping the towel around her neck, using the ends of the towel to pat at the sweat running down her face.

“No, for now I think I’m good,” he rumbled raising his hands and stepping up from his perch on Felicity’s desk, John had been watching Sara and Felicity spar for the last half an hour and this time, Felicity really was giving as good as she got. She had grown strong and agile over the years, her body solid with muscle yet still as feminine as ever.

Felicity looking down at a grinning Sara who was looking up at her as she rested on the backs of her forearms. Felicity couldn’t believe she had finally been able to put her down after years of both Sara and John training her. She offered her hand out to to the other and helped pull her too her feet.

“You did good Felicity,” Sara said proudly touching her shoulder gently, squeezing it just like Oliver used to. “Ollie would be proud,” she nodded her voice going quiet and the hurt lacing her eyes along with a hint of anger she couldn’t quite rid. When Sara had found out Oliver had upped and left John, Felicity and his family, she couldn’t believe it to start with. Yes he had been flaky and unreliable, but that was the old him, not the man that had come back from the island.

The man who had come back from the island had be strong, brooding and more than anything else, true to the people he loved. Sara had stuck around after that, no one one was sure sure whether it was to make something up to John and Felicity for Oliver’s mistake or for company. Unlike Oliver, Sara hadn’t come back to her family and as much as she wanted to be with her family again, she couldn't let them see the person she had become, they were better off remembering who she used to be.

Felicity couldn’t reply, she couldn’t find the words, even after three years she still struggled with hearing his name, it was like a trigger. She was better than used to be, whenever she used to hear his name she would cry or go silent for days. “Shall we hit the showers and then dinner?” Sara asked changing the subject and dragging Felicity from her own mind.

“Sure,” she nodded her lips curling into a slight smile. Though it didn’t reach her eyes like the previous ones had.

Over the three years Oliver had been gone, Felicity had done many things to pass the time. One of which was redo the ‘Arrow-cave’ again. Things were sleeker, more technology oriented and this time there was a proper bathroom/shower/locker room and med bay in place, with the all the equipment to do major surgery if they needed to do, though Felicity seriously hoped they never had to. There were two showers which the girls used more than Dig and it occupied more of their clothing that it did Dig’s and it had been done to look like a normal gym locker room, they even had their names on the locker doors, Felicity was nothing if not detail oriented.

“Yanno, I never thought I’d do it,” Felicity spoke quietly as she braided her wet blonde hair in to a simple plat, tying the end and letting it fall down her back. She watched Sara tie her own wet hair into a bun on top of her head before answering Felicity, her bright blue eyes training on her with a questioning look..

“You’re stronger than you look Felix,” Sara grinned using the nickname she had picked up after seeing some advert for cat food and after that Felicity wasn’t sure she should be offended that she had the nickname of a cat. Felicity hated it, well not as much as she used, and if she was going to be honest with herself it was secretly growing on her.

“Seriously that name you gotta stop with it ,” she laughed shaking her head. “cohen tried calling it me the other day,”

“Damn and I missed it?” Sara choked on her laughter making a fuss about missing her nickname taking effect on the people in Felicity’s life. As quickly as she had started laughing and joking about, she sobered up. “I’m being serious though, you are way stronger than you think and today and everyday since he left has proven that.” Sara had become like a rock for Felicity, as soon as she had heard Oliver had left she had come back to see if it was true and she just never left.

Felicity wasn’t worried by Oliver’s and Sara’s history, if anything it was the thing that made them closer. Felicity’s braid bobbed against her back, he glasses slipping slightly down her nose as she looked down. “Sometimes it’s just hard, like I don’t know what I’m doing. After he left I realised how much of my life revolved around him,” she confessed wrapped her arms around herself and holding on. “He was everything to me, he helped me grow from the geeky IT girl into who I am today or was three years ago,” she sighed eyeing Sara gauging her reaction. Sara only nodded, she understood her. Oliver was once her everything, at the time whens he got on the ‘Queen’s Gambit’ with him, she couldn’t see beyond the billionaire playboy he was; she never saw the real him until it was too late.

“Now look at the life you’ve created for yourself? Look at what you’ve accomplished,” Sara spun around arms out as she made point of Felicity looking round the Foundry. “When he left you could have stopped all this, but you didn’t. This place is just as much yours as it was his, the ‘Emerald Archer’ may not hunt the streets no more, but the Black Canary and her dutiful side kick do and all under the watchful eye of their Felix.” Sara talked sense, more sense that Facility would like to admit.

“I seriously hope I am not the sidekick,” Diggle frowned appearing freshly showered, now wearing black shirt and jeans instead of the sweats and vest he had been wearing earlier.

“Of course not,” Sara grinned winking at Felicity who just laughed, she was laughing more and more since that day. She had spent so long close off from the world, hiding away and letting herself close down. Well at the beginning she had, but she couldn’t do that, she had people to think of, she had a life to lead, she may not have been able to see a life without Oliver in the beginning, but now she nearly had everything she ever dreamed off. Watching the banter between Sara and John was enough to brighten anyone’s day, they worked well as team. Felicity didn’t know whether it was out of respect of finishing what Oliver had started or that they were genuinely caught up in protecting the city from the ones who were failing it.

“You know we love you John,” Felicity chuckled rising from her chair and leaning over to give him a swift kiss on the cheek. “Now I seriously need food,” she moaned clutching her stomach like she was starving. Diggle and Sara laughing moving themselves around the Foundry to pick up bags and coats. Felicity did the same and together they left as the small family they had become.

They stepped inside Big Belly Burger, instantly getting a greeting from Carly, Dig’s sister in law. “I’ll be with you in a sec,” she called nodding towards an empty table across from her. The trio sat down and needn't bother look at the menu because they all had the same every time they came in. Carly knew this and their food was in front of them with in minutes, thanks to Diggle calling ahead and telling Carly to get the order in.

“I seriously think I have put on like an extra hundred pounds,” Sara groaned gripping the barely there amount of stomach she hand and that was only because she was puffing her stomach out. “You guys are making me fat!” she complained wagging her finger, but in the process throwing a fry into her mouth with a grin.

“Yeah whatever,” Felicity laughed throwing one of her own fries at her, which got itself lodged into her bun. “Try having a kid, actually I can’t wait until that day comes, try shifting those pounds then!” she protested trying to keep her voice stern but failing.

“Oh shush yummy mummy,” Sara winked pulling the fry free and then popping it into her mouth. Felicity gagged and hid her face in her hands. “You look fab-u-lous,” she laughed aloud waving her hands up and down Felicity’s body. Truth be told, Felicity was fitter and looking better than ever had in her adult life.

“I’m not denying that I don’t,” Felicity answered coolly, holding a fry in her hand as she waved it around. “But don’t sit here and talk bull amount you being fat.”

Felicity and Sara were off again, Diggle swore at some point later in his life he was going to find out that he was in fact secretly female because he put up with all this.

“Do you think we can get another guy on the team?” Diggle asked interrupting the girls before they got into a full blown argument about weight and babies again, he suffered with that enough at home with Lyla.

“Why?” they asked in unison both turning their piercings eyes to him. Oh dear, things never ended well when they started talking in union.

“So I can feel more manly,” he answered raising an eyebrow daring them to push. Looking at each both before speaking, Sara went first.

“But John you are manly,” she protested. “You’re the manliest man I know, only real men use Jasmine and Honey body wash,” she said solemnly trying to stop smile curling her lips. Where Sara was successful, Facility wasn’t, she bent down head resting on the table crying with laughter.

“You promised!” he accused pointing a fry at Felicity. “You swore not to tell anyone!” he cried glaring at Felicity. He turned his attention to Sara and tried to explain. “It was one time, I had run out of wash and Felicity had left hers in the stall!”

“It’s alright big guy, some guys just like showing their feminine side more than others,” this time Sara did laugh and she leant on Felicity while doing so. The girls held each other as they cried with laughter and kept making jokes which only set them off more. John gave up in the end trying to explain himself and set back to eating his burger in peace, well as much peace as you could with two girls in fits of giggles in front of him. Thought honestly he wasn’t complaining. It was good to see them like this, see them happy, especially Felicity who had been so down after Oliver. When Sara came back she drew her out of her shell and started to bring back the girl she once was.

“I really need to get home,” Felicity panted wiping the tears from under her eyes as she started to calm down. “Thea has had cohen all day I hate to think what the condition the house is in.”

“How is the little guy?” John asked pushing his empty dish away and leaning back on bench drink in hand.

“He’s good, missing his Uncle Dig and Aunty Sara,” Felicity said looking at the pair of them pointedly. Both frowned and muttered their apologies, but Felicity knew they didn’t do it on purpose they just found it hard being around cohen, something Felicity had had to come to terms with a long time ago.

“You’re both welcome anytime, but unlike when he was a baby I can’t bring him down into the Foundry now and honestly I don’t know if I want to, not until he’s older anyway,” Felicity sighed it was hard keeping another life from her son, even he was still young, a baby even, it just felt wrong; so she was glad that there might be a day in the future when she could tell him everything. Tell him what his mother did and what his adopted aunt and uncle do along with who his father was.

“We’ll stop by tomorrow or something, your day off right?” Sara asked leaning across and snatching the rest of Felicity’s fries away from her, knowing she wouldn’t eat them. Sara could eat most men under the table, but then it was no surprise with everything she had been through you never knew when your last meal was going to be.

“Yeah, right I need to go, so tomorrow?” She asked rising from the bench and pulling her coat on. She pulled her braid from under the heavy fabric and then picked her bag up, throwing a ten down on the table for her food ignoring protests from Dig.

“Tomorrow,” they said together grinning at each other. “Jinx!” Sara laughing pointing at Dig and pulled a zipping motion over her mouth.

Rolling her eyes Felicity waved to them and walked off leaving them to argue over the finer points of ‘Jinx’. Felicity still lived in the same apartment complex as she had three years ago, so the short drive home was something she could do with her eyes closed, not that she would ever do that, because that would be seriously irresponsible. After parking the car in the garage and stepping into the elevator along with who were all over each other, obviously unable to make it their apartment before pulling each other clothes off. Now that brought back memories, Felicity bit down into her Perry winkle pink lips as she thought about the ‘Elevator experience’ her and Oliver had not long after they started going out.

The elevator doors ‘dinged’ open on her floor and after a last look at the giggling couple behind her she pulled her keys room her bag and walked down the hall heading towards apartment 67b, here home since arriving in Starling City. The key slide into the lock with ease and after a twist to the right and a kick to the bottom of the door she was stumbling into her apartment and crashing into shoes and coats littering the floor. Eyes widening and a sigh escaping her lips Felicity looked at the horror show before her.

“It looks worse than it is!” Thea exclaimed appearing from the kitchen carrying a box of toys on her hip, under arm which she threw more toys into after bending down to pick them up. Hanging her coat on the hook, and picking the other up in the process, Felicity heading deeper inside setting her bag down on the work top.

“I take it Cay was a handful?” Felicity said eyebrow raising when she saw the full extent of the mess. It varied from Lego bricks on the carpet to a suction cup arrow, stuck to the head of a little buddha figurine she had on the books case. Pulling it off and hearing the little ‘pop’ Felicity didn’t know how to be mad or upset, she knew it would happen.

“Just don’t even go here,” Thea laughed dropping the box at end of the sofa and then moved on to putting some order back to the cushions on the sofa. “I swear he only does it with me,” she scowled pulling a carrot stick out from the depths of the cushions looking at it oddly as if to say ‘how’d you get there’, before throwing it towards the trash can and cheering when it went in.

“I dunno, have you heard the stories when he’s with Tommy?” Felicity winked picking up clothes littered in front of the TV. “Costume changes?” she asked holding the Batman outfit up and then looking down at the Robin, Superman, Flash and a further array of Superhero costumes.

“Yup, on the hour every hour,” Thea plopped herself down in the couch once it was straight and set her feet on the coffee table. “He fell asleep about half hour ago, so he should sleep for the rest of night.” Thea was one who helped Felicity care for cohen the most, with work and then work at the Foundry as well it was hard to be able to get cohen to and from everywhere he needed to be.

“Glass of wine?” Felicity offered already moving into the small kitchen and pulling two wine glasses down and grabbing a bottle of red she the rack. She headed back into the other room and sat down beside Thea was sigh, happy to finally be home. She poured out the red liquid into the glasses, taking one for herself and handing the other to the younger member of the Queen family.

“Thank you for watching him for me, I know it was short notice,” Felicity spoke quietly taking a mouthful of her drink. Felicity honestly didn’t know what she would do without Thea, Tommy and everyone else helping her.

“You don’t need to thank me, I’d give that little boy the world if I could,” she grinned winking. Thea, along with everyone else spoiled cohen , if that boy needed something he’d get it in a flash. “Anyway, I love being around him, he reminds me of Ollie, or well the stories I heard of him.” Thea had been spending more and more time with Cohen, whether it was with her mother, or with Roy, Felicity’s son was never short for company.

“Your Mom was telling me about Oliver when he was small the other day, she’s still struggling isn’t she?” Felicity asked knowing the answer already. When Oliver went for the second time, Moira seemed to go down another dark hole, it wasn’t as deep as the first, she still went to out and worked and did everything a good CEO should; but she wasn’t the same, she lost all the light about her.

“Yeah, some days are better than others, I know her being around Cay helps, especially when they get into arguments and he always win!” she laughed shaking her head. “She just seems so much happier afterwards.”

“I’m glad, she’s welcome to have him anytime, but being CEO of QC doesn’t leave you with much time,” Felicity nodded hugging her knees to her chest and resting her head on to them, watching Thea out the corner of her eye.

Thea only nodded, she wanted, needed to ask Felicity something, but she knew there was a chance Felicity would shut her down completely. “Have...have you heard anything from him?” Thea whispered tipped her head to look through her hair at Felicity. “I know you don’t like talking about him, but I miss him, I just don’t believe he left again that’s all.” Thea’s voice didn’t reach beyond a whisper and Felicity had to listen hard to hear her.

“I haven’t.” Felicity shook her head reaching out and grasping Thea’s hand. Over the three years since cohen had been born, the pair had grown close. It might have been because they shared the common interest of Cohen or Oliver, or it could have been they just needed the company of someone feeling the same things as them, but whatever it was; they just glad that they had each other.

“Are you still looking?”

“Of course, I will never stop,” Felicity answered softly. “Yes I am learning to move on and after three years I’m finally starting to feel like I’m in a place to do that, but he’s still the father of my child and Cohen should know his father,” Felicity knew it wasn’t as simple as that, because there were so many emotions floating around in her head that she couldn’t even fathom, but she was right in what she was saying, today really did feel like a day to a new beginning.

Thea didn’t need to say anything she just set her glass on the coffee table and curled into Felicity’s side dropping her head to her shoulder. Felicity dropped her head on hers and they sat there in a comfortable silence.

Felicity shut and bolted the front door after watching Roy help a stumbling Thea back home. It wasn’t like they had drunk a lot, but Thea was just really tired. Felicity had already made up her mind that she was going to tidy tomorrow, so all that was left to do now was check on Cohen and then go bed, which was calling to her louder than ever.

She pushed the door open to the box room she had turned into cohen’s bedroom. Dig had helped her with putting furniture together. Thea with her amazing artistic skills had done all the paintings of superhero’s on the wall, not knowing how close to the heart all that really was. All Felicity had done was stand and watch the little family they had created together grow.

Cohen was out cold asleep when she checked on him, Thea must have really run him ragged. She made sure the nightlight was on before she pulled the door shut and headed down to her own room. She pottered about for a few moments going through nightly rituals of removing makeup and jewelry and then clothes. She pulled on the pair of forest green drawstring pajama bottoms, which back in the day used to belong certain billionaire. There were just some things she still couldn’t quite rid of yet.

After settling into bed, she pulled her tablet up from where it was charging next to her bed and scanned through a couple of updates running at the Foundry and then on some alerts she had set up. She had hacked into federal agencies all over the worlds, using their facial recognition software to scan every camera they had access to, all searching for one face, Oliver Queen. She hand others on all his accounts, or accounts linked to him in some way, even the people he was close to. Felicity was on mission, she was going to find Oliver Queen and she was going to bring him home.

An incessant ‘Ping-ing’ woke Felicity at five AM. At first she thought it was Cohen with one of toys, but after rolling over and finding the space next to her empty she frowning. Groaning she looked for whatever was making the sound, finding her tablet was the culprit. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and sat up dragging her tablet across her pillow into her lap. After snatching her glasses from the bedside cabinet, she switched the device on to see what was going on. Entering her password three times before getting it right, she stared at the screen stunned.

“I’ve found him...”

#arrow #arrow fanfiction #oliver queen #felicity smoak #oliver queen x felicity smoak #tt my works #tt arrow fanfiction all #tt oliver queen arrow #tt felicity smoak arrow #tt oliver x felicity #tt come home to me #tt sara lance arrow #tt john diggle arrow

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talabib · 7 years ago

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How To Become A Winner By Acting Like A Winner.

Many people are smart, driven and talented. The chances are that you too are one of them! And yet only a lucky few “make it,” becoming powerful leaders, sports champions or rock stars.

Who doesn’t want to be a winner? The question is, what’s the secret recipe? What do winners know that no one else does? Lets take a close look at the success stories of winners, and in the process, give you the inside scoop on what it takes to make it to the top.

Winning depends first and foremost on a solid strategy that will lead you to your ultimate objective.

If you’re reading this, you’ve decided you want to be a winner. Whether you’re shooting for the corner office or dreaming of rock ’n’ roll fame, there are a few essential things to know.

First is strategy. Strategy is the how of winning. A strategy paves the way toward your goal; thus it is the most important aspect of becoming a winner.

Former World Chess Champion Garry Kasparov says that if you don’t commit to a strategy, you’re doomed to react to your opponents, allowing them to control the game.

The what of winning is your objective. You need to determine what you want to win before you can lock down a successful strategy.

For instance, if you want to lose weight, your objective might be to lose 10 pounds. Once you’ve defined your objective, then you can create a strategy to help you reach it.

Yet a strategy is useless if your objective is essentially unattainable. Remember: winners set goals they can reach.

In November 2013, Tony Pulis started managing the British soccer team Crystal Palace, a club struggling to stay in the Premier League. Pulis didn’t shoot for the stars and try to make the team Premier League champions in his first year. Instead, he set a realistic objective of securing the team’s position in the league – and he succeeded.

However, don’t confuse your strategy with tactics, or the little steps in between that help you realize your strategy and ultimately, your objective.

If your strategy to lose 10 pounds is to start dieting and perform exercises daily, your tactics will include things such as monitoring your caloric intake, taking the stairs instead of the elevator and joining a diet group.

In the holy trinity of winning, strategy is just one aspect. The other two components are leadership and “teamship,” or the elements that make a winning team

Leadership comes in many forms; there’s no one trait that unites all the great leaders of history.

So what does it take to become a great leader? There’s no one specific trait; each leader is outstanding in a different way.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel possesses the ability to see what works in a given situation and to stick with it. Instead of offering grand gestures, she acts pragmatically. Because of these skills, Merkel is a winner, leading one of the European Union’s most powerful nations.

During the recent eurozone crisis, for example, Merkel was steadfast even when politicians such as British Prime Minister David Cameron or US President Barack Obama pushed her to act faster or more boldly. Despite pressures all around her, Merkel would not be rushed, staying true to a time-proven strategy of being cautious and sticking to long-term goals.

Winston Churchill became a great leader by recognizing Nazi Germany as a major threat early on, and he addressed this issue with a laser-like focus. In fact, his record as a winner wasn’t very impressive until World War II rolled around.

In 1899, Churchill as a young man tried his hand at politics but lost an election. After working as a war correspondent in South Africa, he returned to Britain and finally became a member of parliament (MP).

Yet still he lost subsequent elections, eventually fighting his way back into government. By the 1920s, he was Britain's Chancellor of the Exchequer, leading the country’s return to the gold standard – a disastrous move that resulted in deflation and unemployment.

Despite all this, Churchill is still one of history’s great leaders. Early on he saw the danger of Adolf Hitler and the aspirations of Nazi Germany. He channeled all his energies into finding ways to defeat the Nazis.

It was this insight and determination that resonated deeply with the British people and made Churchill the great leader the world now remembers him to be.

Winning means creating a team in which people share talents where you fall short.

Do you think a soccer club composed of 11 athletic clones would be a winning team? Definitely not. A team with members who all have the same skills just won’t win. If you want to be a winner – in sports or business – you need to find a team with talents that complement your own.

A team brings together people with different strengths – a winning strategy. As a winner, you need to find people for your team who excel in areas in which you struggle. For instance, you might be a great striker but a terrible defender. Naturally, you’d bring someone on your team who can defend the goal!

Remember that a leader’s job is to define a team’s goals, strategy and tactics, ensuring that everyone on the team knows what to do. For example, a cycling team comprises athletes, mechanics, sports therapists, and so on. But in the follow car, the person with the walkie-talkie who is directing team tactics is the leader.

After a leader comes the warriors. They’re not the “stars” of the show, but they make the engine run. For instance, consider the role of a bus driver during an election campaign. This person drives the bus, carrying a politician from meeting to rally. If a driver were unreliable, the whole campaign would collapse!

The talent refers to people who make all the difference, the rare personalities who have something extra, who are more capable or knowledgeable than the pack.

In politics, the talent is often the leaders themselves. Consider Hillary Clinton, who challenged Barack Obama in the Democratic presidential primary in the United States, but lost. She then was named secretary of state, a preeminent “talent” on the president’s team.

Being a winner isn’t just about strategy, solid teams and leadership. It’s also about what's on your mind.

Winners hate losing and put pressure on themselves, leaving their comfort zone, to avoid it.

It’s often said that winning is all about mind-set. But what exactly does this mean? Are winners merely people who really want to win? Doesn’t everybody want to win?

Of course, most people want to win, but not everyone fears losing. Many people are winners simply because they’re too scared to lose.

Many winners have experienced the pain of defeat and will go to great lengths to avoid repeating the experience.

Olympic gold medal swimmer Michael Phelps has won more gold medals than any Olympian in the history of the games. His motivation to win goes back to the 2000 Sydney Summer Olympics.

That year, he was ready to compete but didn’t win a single meet. It was this failure that pushed him to work harder, and he never lost a race again!

Winning isn’t just about motivation, however. It’s also about getting out of your comfort zone. While things that are familiar and easy might make you feel good, staying in a place where you’re comfortable will prevent you from winning big.

For years, Garry Kasparov won chess tournament after chess tournament. His successes kept him firmly in his comfort zone and, certain that he’d win, he stopped testing new strategies or making bold moves.

He thus stopped growing as a player, his skills stagnating. Finally, Vladimir Kramnik, an opponent, beat him and claimed Kasparov’s world title.

To win, you’ve got to push yourself and get out of your comfort zone. In other words, you need to put yourself under pressure. Pressure influences both your body and mind, improving your ability to focus and think, and in turn, unlocking new heights of performance.

Winners set themselves apart from the pack by innovating and acting boldly.

Want to stand out from the crowd? You could always dress up like Superman. But for those who aren’t into costumes, there are other ways to get noticed – a key aspect of being a winner.

To get noticed, you first have to be bold. When you act boldly, you’ll stand out because you’ll accept challenges that those people who are more reserved just wouldn’t.

Being bold also helps you push past the fact that in many areas, you might be a novice – but still have the drive to achieve. Entrepreneur Richard Branson, for example, was just 17 years old when he launched a student newspaper. A few years later, he founded Virgin, a record business.

Branson went on to found several other companies, including Virgin Airlines. All these projects had one thing in common – Branson committed despite a lack of experience in each field!

Branson is dyslexic, a potential impediment when running a news organization. He also knew nothing about the music business but was, as a consumer, frustrated with the lack of labels for great music. What’s more, Branson also knew next to nothing about the airline business.

His foray into aviation was launched when he was bumped off a flight to the Virgin Islands. Annoyed with the delay and poor service, he decided to launch his own airline. A bold move that made him a winner!

Boldness will set you apart, and similarly, a hunger for innovation will help you win. But remember, innovation doesn’t necessarily mean invention. Instead, to innovate, you take a product, service or process and make it better.

Thus a winner pays attention to the details and finds opportunities. Apple, for example, took an existing product like the mobile phone and improved it – a classic innovative, winning strategy.

A crisis can quickly overwhelm you if you don’t keep your mind on what matters.

Have you ever noticed that so many events today are called a “crisis”? From minor disagreements between heads of state to a blogger’s bad hair day, “crises” seem to be everywhere and define everything.

But none of these examples represent a real crisis – a situation that could overwhelm if you don’t make the right decisions.

A soccer team losing a few matches isn’t a crisis. On the other hand, issues involving people potentially abusing power, such as US President Bill Clinton’s affair with intern Monica Lewinsky, could be considered a crisis in politics.

When a true crisis strikes, you need to stay focused. If you find yourself in a crisis, remember to keep your mind on what truly matters – the things over which you have influence. This is a key point.

When Clinton’s relationship with Lewinsky was revealed, Clinton kept himself focused on the political issues at hand. When the media published the revelations, Clinton was on the phone with British Prime Minister Tony Blair, talking over concerns regarding Russian nuclear arms.

Clinton knew the prosecutor’s report would be published that same day, but he didn’t know what it would say. He also wasn’t sure how friends, family or colleagues would react to the report.

He did know, however, that he couldn’t control these things. What he could do was focus on doing his job. In the end, it was Clinton’s constant focus that earned him the respect he needed to make it through the crisis.

Winners come in all shapes and sizes. While winners share certain traits, such as boldness or innovation, their ability to beat the competition is also a result of the teams they build and their focus amid crises.

#How To Become A Winner By Acting Like A Winner.

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billy-abel-blog · 7 years ago

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Good night words: your tears, I want to do it, my happiness, you have to take over

Good night words: your tears, I want to do it, my happiness, you have to take over. Give your smile to a stranger. Probably, this is the only sunshine he sees in one day; chances are you met it only once in your life; chances are he would have remembered this sunshine all his life.

1, people can refuse anything, but absolutely can not refuse to mature. Refused to mature, in fact, is to circumvent the problem, to avoid pain. The tendency to evade the problem and to escape the pain is the root cause of the human mental illness. If you do not handle it in time, you will pay a heavy price and suffer more.

2, in fact, the happiest fairy tales in the world, but with the oil and gas through the years.

3, life, there is always a person, always with you, that you are not hardworking, not as gentle as others, criticize you spend money, you do not think too dressed, you simply useless. But this person, with his diligence nourishing your inertia, with his strong care of your romance, with all his fill your desires, with his loyalty guarding your beauty. So, you slowly do not care what he said, but firmly go with him.

4, the first day of the heart of the tragedy, after the body edge, fear of knot in Health, then promise heavy, monarch must remember.

5, you are still alone, and occasionally will be lonely Occasionally will want to have a personal hug, so you are still waiting. It does not matter, you will definitely wait. You have to believe that person is looking for you after a lot of experience. All you have to do is take good care of yourself and get yourself into the best of the best.

6, but also indifferent to the best, and then have to be confident.

7, so many things that you feel almost want to kill your life, so much you feel that no place to sustain, will slowly get better. Even slowly, as long as you are willing to wait, it is willing to be the past. Those who can not be overcome for the time being, insurmountable, intolerable, intolerant, tell yourself that anything that lasts will eventually make you grow and make you stronger.

8, before the opportunity comes, the only thing you can do is to make yourself good enough.

9, before the age of 10, by the family a great influence, whether a good family environment is crucial to human growth. Before the age of 20, affected by a great friend, whether a good circle of friends is crucial to human growth. Before the age of 30, affected by a great self, whether a good self-enlightenment is crucial to human growth. After the age of 30, things are more affected by the current situation in society. Individuals may find talent, look hard, and look for opportunities due to their social connections.

10, forget the years, forget the pain, forget your bad, we will never say goodbye.

11, birds with the same feathers, gathered together.

12, some people, can not tell where good, but that is, no one can not be replaced.

13, if a person really love you, distance is not a problem, it will only become a force to grow love.

14, because I do not know if I can meet you next life, so my life will be so hard to give you the best - just love you so much.

15, give your smile to a stranger. Probably, this is the only sunshine he sees in one day; chances are you met it only once in your life; chances are he would have remembered this sunshine all his life.

16, I am very simple, best at losing the burden, bloom smile.

17, two people together to do the most things, is to accompany. I did my job, you did it for you, there are two or three hours of prime time, they are exclusive. But you know that one other person in one space is sitting there, and you feel very practical - that's what's called "personal space." Although those two or three hours are in their own world, the difference is that they are accompanied by another person - this is love, the most normal love.

18, If you just wait, what happens will only be that you get older.

19, after breaking up, do not think back to the sweet past, because it will make myself more painful; do not doubt his decision because he has decided; do not try to restore, because it is not worth it; do not worry about missing him will be the most horrible thing in your life, He is not afraid to miss you, what are you afraid of; do not be afraid you are about to fall in love without life, because that's impossible. After breaking up, please go forward smartly, because it is worth that person, not far away.

20, to say that exports have been restored to the pain, never mention my heart touched.

21, what is the most difficult? Speak with life.

22, Suddenly found a lot of people who are indispensable in life, walked away.

23, the old man in the heart of the dust on this settled, no longer mentioned, stop in the quagmire of life, turn around is empty net.

24, in this world, the most unreliable fairy is the moon, let a good woman met a man do not fly, so that a good man to meet the woman does not fly.

25, if you have love, do not touch ambiguous. In the face of precious love, we need a go-between. Can withstand the temptation, loneliness, the only way to give each other the greatest sense of security, the road of love will go flat.

26, many people can love, few people love worthy.

27, while we are still young, take a few steps, enjoy the scenery along the way, do not rush to reach the destination and miss the warmth of the people and things; while we are still young, say more romantic words, do more Childish things, do not be too suspicious Jokers missed the most beautiful fragments of life and occasions; while we are still young, shorten the distance and extend the time. While we are young, do whatever we want to do.

28, the most beautiful in the world, than to get rid of that smile from anger.

29, Ma: A person has his time, his environment, only in this era, have such success, entrepreneurs can not re-take others' way. Like everyone else, the first example was Gates, Li Ka-shing. Later found that they are not role models, can not learn, too big too strong. A real role model must be around you, you make a small restaurant, an example is a diagonal restaurant.

30, comfort stretched, only Lengnuanzizhi.

31, people can refuse anything, but absolutely can not refuse to mature. Refused to mature, in fact, is to circumvent the problem, to avoid pain. The tendency to evade the problem and to escape the pain is the root cause of the human mental illness. If you do not handle it in time, you will pay a heavy price and suffer more.

31, you think you can not lose, the original is not not to be lost, you flow tears, own funny to you laugh, you heartbroken, and then found that do not love you, you do not deserve to be sad, Looking back today, is not it a comedy? Love, another new realm, all the sadness is nothing but history.

32, Blessed are those who have nothing, because they will have it all!

33, each of the life, with so unforgettable feelings of a few paragraphs or paragraphs, so one or several hand in hand with the stormy people. One day, the fleeting years may dilute it all, and we have only ourselves. Back to the mountains and rivers of their own years, a person continue walking on foot, but we are not alone.

34, you smiled slightly, different from what I said. And I think, for this, I have waited for a long time.

35, why do you want to tangle love do not love? Love to love, do not love to roll. Why do not you do anything else? Right to do, wrong do not do. Why do you want to get married? Natural love will end, do not love what to do? Why not live in the discussion? Are friends know me, not a friend who cares you? Happy life only two words: free and easy. Why cater to this world, and this world to accept me.

36, from the other mistakes to find out their own responsibilities, is the best way to love each other.

37, Indifference is the concentrated expression of evil, because the opposite of love is not hate, is indifference; the opposite of beauty is not ugly, is indifference; the opposite of faith is not heresy, is indifference; the opposite of life is not death, is indifference.

38, when I did not know that love was a one-way street, and now I know it. Love, like respect, is not something that comes, but something that is paid.

39, your tears, I have to work, my happiness, you have to take over.

40, because of love, so paranoid.

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