#a higher being is like haha sike

[rinhaler]

it would seem I’m incapable of having a good day

[deobitchxx]

Hi! Can I request for prompts 65 & 90 smut with hyunjae? 😳 thank you for writing! I just read some and I love your fics!

[ 10:25 // 19.09.2020 // R.SMUT ] “Thank you for paying your attention to my presentation, I hope the information I’ve told will lead us to a better and modern life.” The applause from the workers dominated the meeting room, causing your lips to form a proud smile. You took a peek over the young man that was sending you death glares, teasingly raised your eyebrow off and stuck your tongue to spice up the teasing. If glaring could be classified as another method of killing, you probably won’t see the next sun rising. Mr. Lee Jaehyun or preferably Hyunjae, your one and only rival in the rising company both of you were working in. He was the managing director, while you were the executive director. It pissed you off when you could entitle the latter title, but the only thing that blocked you from being promoted higher than him was because you were not the daughter of the CEO. Ugh, fuck those privilages. You worked your ass off to get into the top but your sweet dreams crushed into pieces once Mr. Lee, the CEO, informed the company about the new managing director, which later he introduced him as his son. 

“Can’t you see the face Mr. Lee just made back then? You totally knocked him down,” your assistant nudged you on your shoulder. You smirked it off, “It was his fault to get on my nerves. This was supposed to be my project but his dick tried to brush in and thought that he could win over me. He should’ve known his places, I’ve worked here for years.” Your assistant giggled over your sentence and nodded along, agreeing with you. “Don’t you think you’re being over the top?” Both of your and your assistant’s steps paused once the devil appeared in-front of you with his assistant next to him. “Your ideas just happened to be an iota contrary with mine, don’t hold your head up too high my darling.” He raised his cup of coffee up, asking for a cheer. You simpered, looking pleased with yourself, “At least I’m not that stupid enough to ask the other managers the meaning of asset and liability.” You leaned closer to him and poured your tea to his cup, mixing the solution together with your pinky finger and licking it off. “Enjoy your drink, Hyunjae.” 

“We’ll be heading off first, please don’t overwork yourself.” The workers under you bid a goodbye wave to you before walking out from the office. You waved back to them, leaning against the white coloured spinning chair of yours. You could feel your lids heavied, as you slowly close your eyes and drift to a short nap. “Here comes your favourite jjajangmyeon~” Your eyes lit up once the pleasing voice rang through your ear, seeing one of your favourite men walk past the door with your favourite food. “Cho Seungyoun!” Even your voice raised a few octaves higher, showing off your excitement to meet the latter. He smiled as he opened his arms, “Come here, let me give you a warm hug.” You chuckled and ran towards him. Before he could pull you into his embrace, you snatched the food away from him and totally forgot the man as you headed back to the small cafeteria inside your office. Cho Seungyoun, just like another typical k-drama, he’d been by your side ever since both of you entered the same middle school. He did make his feelings obvious to you, but you told him that you wanted to have a stable job first before proceeding to romance.

Both of you were chatting happily while eating the dinner together. You told him how proud you were that day and he listened to you without any complaints. He even stayed there for hours since you said that you wanted to stay a bit to finish up the last touch of the project. “I discovered that we still have chances to get your project accepted.” Hyunjae just came back from having dinner at the nearby restaurant with his assistant. He decided to stay a little bit longer and worked more, the desires to win over you still dominating him. He was heading to his office with the assistant and while walking past your office, he saw you chatting with the same man that had been wandering around the company. He stopped for a while, taking a peek over through the window glasses. Seungyoun went behind you and gave you a shoulder massage, letting out an approval short of satisfying moaning. “I heard that the man has been visiting our company a lot, never knew Mrs. Y/N was the reason behind all of these.” His assistant noticed the sudden pause of Hyunjae’s steps, realising he was watching you behind those windows. “Who is he?” “He? Oh, he is Cho Seungyoun. I heard that he invested a lot in our company. Some workers claimed that they’ve seen him around in lobby, and turned out he was waiting for Mrs. Y/N for lunch together.” 

It has been days, but Hyunjae can’t stop thinking about that man that hovered around you. He even asked his assistant to do a background check on him. “Why would he keep sticking around her when they’re not official at all to begin with?” He groaned and threw his back against the leather chair, spinning the pen with his fingers. He thought he only had a slight crush on you, but not when he realised he totally fell for you. The way you always try to make sure you’re way better than him and how you get competitive everytime you hear his name-- Everything about you almost becomes imperfectly perfect in his eyes. He knew that everything will went downhill once he confess to you, so he decided to play dumb and act along as if he equally hate you too. He looked over the clock, it was showing 21:09. That’s it, he decided to make it clear tonight or else he might lose his chance. He stood up and wore his suit while heading to the door, right when he was about to wrap his hand around the doorknob, it was twisted from the other side as he automatically took backward steps to let the door open. There, he saw you standing with papers in your arms, “W-What are you doing here?” 

“Did you forget that I need your signature for this project? Well, what can I even expect from someone like you.” You rolled your eyes, knowing that he won’t help you with those papers. You headed to the sofas and placed the papers on the coffee table. You took a seat on the sofa without waiting for his consent, immediately focusing on the project back. “Hey, at least do me a favour and close the door alright? You were doing nothing just by standing near the doorframe.” You retorted, seeing the reflection of his through the glass window that also displayed the night view of the city. “O-Oh,” he snapped back to reality and closed the door behind him, heading to the head couch and looked over you. “W-Where should I sign?” “Why were you shuttering? Do you just realise how good looking I am?” You joked. “Yes.” Your eyes lose focus on those words, your mind totally forgot which parts you read and which you haven’t. You looked up to see the man, hoping to get a “haha, sike, you thought you were beautiful?” but instead a pointed look by the latter. “We don’t have time to joke around, Hyunjae.” “In which part do you think I’m in the mood for joking?” He leaned closer to you, giving you time to push him away if he made you feel uncomfortable.

Instead, you just stayed there and waited for him to get closer until he pressed his lips against yours. He moved his lips on yours, as you closed your eyes and lost your grips on the papers. He held your shoulders and pulled you softly on the sofa, before his hands crawled back up to caress your cheeks. The dominance of each tongue drove him crazy, leading him to grab your buttcheek across the pencil skirt of yours, earning a moan from you and took this chance to shove and explore his tongue inside your mouth. He pulled away for you to catch some breath, but his kisses continued travelling down from your lips to your neck and collarbone. He was licking your skin and before he could proceed with his teeth sinking against your skin, you tried to speak in between the oxygen that you were trying to inhale, “Don’t be so rough, there can’t be any marks.” He narrowed down his eyebrow and locked his eyes with yours, “And what’s the reason behind it?” You bit your lower lips and looked away, not wanting to continue the topic that you’ve just started. “Are you worried that guy might discover what we’ve done tonight?” He stole back your attention as you stared at him, “W… Which guy?” 

“That dude, Cho Seungyoun.” Hyunjae rolled his eyes, even his name sickening him. His expression obviously told you that he was pissed off, as you chuckled and shook your head. Your hand now went up to caress his cheek, rubbing those soft skin with your thumb, “Perhaps do you… Think that I have a feeling towards Seungyoun?” “No!” His eyebrows furrowed more as the quick response made it clear that he indeed was having such thoughts in his mind. You raised your eyebrow, asking for an explanation from the lie that the latter just told you. “Ugh, fine. Yes, I was. His presence around you made me go mad, I can’t help but to think that you might fall for him even in the slightest way.” The way he tried to stay on top of you with the arms supporting his whole weight on each side of you made you feel safe around him. “Then why would you kiss me?” “Because I like you.” You sense nothing but sincerity filled up his eyes. Both of you stayed quiet for a while as each other tried to read those messages through the eyes, as Hyunjae sat back on the sofa and his head hung low to the floor, fingers messily running through his hair. “You can leave if you want, we can just pretend that nothing actually happened.” 

“What if I don’t want to?” HIs ears perked up but not daring enough to face you in this state of his. You sat next to him and held both of his cheeks, making him face you. “What if I feel the same way? What if we happened to have this love-hate relationship since the day we met?” You added, “Kiss me again like how you wanted to. Do what you’ve wanted to do on me ever since we’ve exchanged those glares but deep inside those hearts wanted something else.” With that, he pulled you into another heated kiss. This time, the kiss got more aggressive as touches on each other's bodies became bolder than before. He pulled you on his thighs as you wrapped your arms around his neck and you straddled on his waist. His hand went down to caress down the exposed thighs of yours as you threw your head to the back once his lips went to your neck again. He placed soft kisses and licks all over your neck and collarbone while hand busy stroking your thighs. You pulled him to lean back on the sofa, taking off your blouse while the latter watched you doing so. You exposed your half naked upper body to the one that you used to hate a lot, as he licked his lips from the view before kissing your body again. His hands went back to pull down your bra skillfully, throwing it somewhere around the office and his lips went to your right boob. His tongue circling around your nipple as his other hand grasped the other, applying the same pleasure on it. 

“P-Please…” “Please what, my love?” “Fuck me.” “I would gladly do.” With that, he gently placed you over the sofa as he almost cursed under his breath, “Shit, you look so stunning underneath me. Should’ve taken the first move early so I could witness such views longer for the rest of my life.” He pulled down your skirt, letting you only in your underwear. His finger made a contact with your covered pussy, spreading the wetness all over, “You are this wet just for me? Thank you,” he playfully smirked and left a peck on your lips as he hovered down to your lower body. His tongue left a long stroke across the covered slit, making you whimpered. He chuckled, taking off your underwear and sniffed it, “You even smell good,” he shoved it inside his back pocket before resting his lips on your cunt. “A-Ah!” You closed your eyes tight as your back jerked upward from the sudden contact, gripping nothing but air tightly. His tongue flickered against your slit, hands went to hold yours as the way you tightly held his hands made him realise that you were so close to reach your cloud nine. He didn’t stop though, as his nose brushed over your pussy and he started to suck your clit. “Fuck, I-I’m close… Ah!” Once again, your body jerked upwards after letting out the loudest moan while cumming on his face. 

He gave you time to adjust with the pleasure you just earned, as he licked off the cum painted all over his lips. You took a short glance over him, beaming softly resulting in him to beam along. He pecked your lips and whispered against your lips, “Can you go for another round?” You gave him an immediate nod, not wanting to waste another time. He smirked under his breath, “Never know I could make you a hot mess underneath me. Seungyoun who? Stupid of me to assume that he could get a chance to fuck you. Seeing him touching and giving you a massage annoyed the shit out of me. He can’t make you feel this good.” His hands were busy unbuckling the belts and pulling his pants along with his boxer, exposing his huge manhood right in-front of your eyes. Stroking his hard length to spread the pre-cum all over, Hyunjae was staring you down with lusts filled his eyes. “No, I’m the one that’s supposed to be making you feel good.” Without wasting any seconds, he inserted his dick into your vagina, making you produce the most beautiful sound ever. 

“Ahh H-Hyunjae!” Your hands gripped his biceps as he let out a whimper, biting his lower lips, “Fuck baby, you’re so tight. I don’t think I could last long.” The amount of his breath rising dramatically was equally the same as yours, as the pat on his bicep signalling to him that he could move. He pushed further more, fingers crawled up to grab the sofa armrest. Your hips moving along to match his speed, both of you working hard to chase the heaven both of you have dreamed of. “Ugh fuck, Hyun… Hyunjae. It’s there… Ahh,” he repeated the same sin, pushing his tip to hit the jackpot inside of yours. Your fingers went to his back, nails scratching as you accidentally left some marks on it. His thumb went to your swollen clit, circling to apply more pleasures for you to cum. “Ahhh, Lee Jaehyun!” Your wall clenched tightly around his dick and cummed on it after chanting his name like a mantra, as the latter moved his hips at an inhuman speed. “Ugh,” he groaned as he quickly slipped his shaft out from you, replacing your walls with the grip of his hand around his manhood, stroking it faster to chase his own cloud nine. He painted his cum on your stomach, lazily pumping his shaft before sitting on the sofa, leaning his back against it.

He took a peek over you, whose chest was rising up and down rapidly to even the breath, leaning to leave a soft kiss on your lips. “Rest for a while, I’ll go grab for a wet cloth for you.” You nodded, your lids were heavy as you almost couldn’t see the young man in your sight due to the exhaustion he just made to you. Hyunjae put on his clothes, went to the nearby toilet and came back with a damp but warm towel. He cleaned the cum all over your body and let your back laid on a warm cloth. “You left marks on my back, and it’s unfair how I can’t leave any on yours.” You giggled in a tired manner as you tried to look at him, “I was scratching and I didn’t know it left marks. Plus, why would you leave a mark on something that’s not yours to begin with.” He laid on top of you again, putting down the arm away from your forehead, “If I ask you out now, am I allowed to leave marks on your body?” You lazily smiled to the latter, “Whatever floats your boat, Mr. Lee.” 

[deobis]

Road to Kingdom Episode 4 Thoughts

The third challenge was for each group to pick one of their own songs and perform it. I really wish RTK stuck with the “king” theme, but I guess there are only so many challenges they can create revolving that topic. 

DISCLAIMER: I am a lot harsher in this review than any of my other posts. Please know that I do not hate any of the 7 groups and I truly wish the best for all of them. This is just an analysis of the most recent performances.

Anyways onto my rankings!

Enjoyment ranking: 

Pentagon (Wow! For once it’s not TBZ haha)

Verivery

The Boyz

Oneus

ONF

TOO

Golden Child

Objective Ranking:

Verivery

The Boyz

Pentagon

ONF

Oneus

Golden Child

TOO

Prediction rankings:

Pentagon

The Boyz

Verivery

ONF

Oneus

TOO

Golden Child

Put a prediction ranking bc the rankings haven’t been announced yet so we will see tomorrow!

For the first time in forever, TBZ is not first in my book. Shocker I know. That’s not to say that I didn’t like their performance or concept but rather the other groups (PTG and Verivery) did better in my eyes. Let’s talk about TBZ’s Reveal (Catching Fire) perf. I’ll call it RCF for short. TBZ was the only group to continue a story from the second challenge. This gains major points in my book as I love plot driven performances. Anything with a story or clear objective gains brownie points because it’s what makes performances an art. You can dance to a song but if there’s no emotion it stays as a sport rather than a form of artistic expression. TBZ have shown their artistry fully through RTK, something they haven’t really been able to do before. I’m amazed at how they are able to control shock factor so well. I was worried the stunts of Danger would outshine whatever they had to show in RCF but they proved me wrong. There were less stunts this time but they focused on a much larger picture (pun intended). They added backup dancers and allowed the camera to take wider shots to show their formations. I just felt like they lacked a spark this time. If you can’t already tell, I prefer their Danger performance much more. A large part of this is due to the arrangement of Danger. The RCF arrangement was interesting and refreshing but there wasn’t anything really new. Maybe I feel this way because I’ve listened to Reveal too many times who knows. Negatives aside, I have to say I really liked the choreography changes. The part where Haknyeon is center really blew my mind. 

But here’s why I liked Verivery and Pentagon’s performance more: emotion. Pentagon’s is obvious, they used this stage to send off someone they really love. You can really see that the members love Jinho and that they have a deep bond. Pentagon was also the only group to mix two of their songs together, one being a title track and one being a side track (note: PTG and Verivery are the only groups who picked side b’s for their song). Pentagon’s arrangement was impeccable. For me, the new Shine sounded like a Jpop song (mostly because of the rock vibes; if you listen to Jpop you know what I mean), while still retaining the bright theme of Shine. A lot of people might say the performance was too emotional and not professional, but out of all 7 performances, Pentagon’s was the most meaningful and was delivered the best. The message and how they played with the stage was stunning and their little additions and references to other popular Kpop songs makes it so you will notice something new every time you rewatch it. Please watch this video where Hongseok goes into detail about the little easter eggs and the whole purpose behind their performance. I have so much respect for Pentagon and I could write so much more about this performance but I must talk about the other 5 haha (if you want to hear more feel free to ask!)

Verivery. VERIVERY. God DAMN did they really come back and hit hard. They definitely had the clearest and most well thought out performance of all. What differentiates them from TBZ’s story like performance is that TBZ had too much going on in my opinion. They tried to tell us a long story with not enough time. This is why so many fans have vastly different interpretations of their performance. While this can often be a good thing, I think you have to find a balance when doing a storytelling performance. Verivery cleanly executes their narrative of a nightmare and takes the cliche of “it was all a dream” to the max by going “SIKE” at the end. Their choreography was so well planned out and they were honestly very minimalistic about their stage, just like TBZ’s Danger stage. The shock factor is just right (my favorite part being when the backup dancers have the smoke come out of their mouth). Not only that but Photo is a SIDE TRACK. I cannot stress enough how brave of them that is. I legitimately thought it was a title track until I looked at their discography. They arranged their side b to sound like a title track, and not only that, they changed the overall feel of the song as well. If you listen to the original Photo, it sounds more like a bad boy song, but their RTK version is very much so horror/rock themed. I can’t STRESS how good this performance is. Especially because it’s such a contrast from their last performance. Photo is now in my spotify playlist and I have no regrets.

Now onto the last 4 performances. I hate to break it to you all but... I didn’t really like any of them. None of them made me think “wow I could rewatch this so many times.” Lets start with Oneus. LIT is my favorite Oneus song so I highly anticipated this performance. If you didn’t know Oneus before and only watch this stage you might think its a very good stage with a strong traditional theme. I totally agree, the traditional theme is unique to Oneus and I loved the instrumental changes they made so the song would cater more to their theme. The biggest issue I had with this stage was that It literally is just like their music video. If you have seen the LIT mv you will know what I mean. The dragon dance, traditional clothing, theme, sound, everything was too similar. The stage was grand but it just felt like a live version of their MV. 

I know a lot of people liked ONF’s performance. Let me just say first that they killed it and YooA was *chefs kiss* The biggest issue I had with this stage was its message and theme. They seemed to have a conductor/medieval theme but also the masks?? Like what? It felt so out of place and random. I felt like a lot of their stage choices had little to no purpose. I honestly still don’t understand why YooA was there. The duet dance was nice but why? It seemed like they were trying to tell a story but it just wasn’t clear to me. It looked nice and everything but that was about it. In no way am I saying the performance was bad, it’s just there’s nothing that makes me want to go back and watch again. I think the fact that there was a plot but no plot at the same time really bothered me and that’s why I didn’t like it as much. 

TOO has grown a lot since episode one. They are truly experimenting with the stage and I’m very happy to see that. I have the same issue with TOO as I did with ONF. There was a clear theme of “dark vs light” or “evil vs good” but why? What was the point? The theme may have seemed obvious but was it really? Were they trying to convey good vs bad, angel vs devil, justice vs injustice? I couldn’t tell throughout the entire performance. It’s okay to take cliche themes but with a show like RTK, there needs to be something more. I also hate to be harsh but some of their execution just wasn’t as clean. This doesn’t only apply to Chan (I think that’s his name), but the whole performance in general. The most obvious instance is the head twist part. But I applaud Chan for performing with 100% even after his mistake (which, by the way, he made look very natural. I was very sad when he kept beating himself up over the mistake 😞 you did great bb I hope you know that). Even if their age and lack of experience is shown in their performances, I must say they are really stepping out of their comfort zone and learning at a rapid pace. I have high hopes for them.

Now onto the last group. Golden Child. I was very impressed with GolChas first two performances but this one was a disappointment. I appreciate the use of strings and their classical arrangement (as I said in my previous episode thoughts post) but this performance was, well, dull to say the least. The only “shock factor” was the violin solo (which was very good btw), but I think it was too late into the performance. There wasn’t much that made me interested in the performance up to that point. I don’t know. There really just isn’t much for me to talk about because they didn’t really do much.(God that sounds so harsh;; I’m sorry 😭😭) I really think their second performance was highly underrated but all in all this third one was not it. 

As you can see my critiques for this set of performances are, well, a lot harsher. I think it’s because the bar was raised so much higher after the first three episodes. Overall, if I had seen any of these performances outside of the RTK context I probably would have been a lot more impressed and shocked. I wish the best for all the groups and no matter who gets eliminated tomorrow I want all the groups to know that they all deserve a spot in the Kingdom. Mnet is just trash.

[lyricaldissonance]

Me: *does something to improve myself, is feeling optimistic*

My Brain: You're trash and it's cute you're trying to pretend to be likeable. These people are only being nice to you because they don't know how bad you suck yet. You're going to fuck this up the same way you ruin every good thing you've ever had, because you're a miserable failure who is only likeable when you're trying to act like you're a person capable of consistently maintaining competence and decency for any real length of time. And the reason why you can't is because you really aren't either of those things because otherwise it wouldn't take all of your effort just to be fucking normal and exist without constantly burdening everyone around you.

Mental illness is so cool, wow

But yeah, the reason why I avoid employment is because I'm lazy, not because I view it as a painful reminder of my inability to function in society unless I go so hard I break out in hives every day and lose the will to live even when my job isn't the hardest or most stressful and I still can barely pay my bills. Because apparently being a baseline functional person is so stressful that it takes everything I have, and that just further drives home the point that I'm weak and disgusting and useless and maybe people who find existing so hard shouldn't exist at all.

Hahahahahahahaha

I love my new job and everyone seems to genuinely like me but I'm so scared of fucking things up that it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I literally don't know how to not feel like an imposter. At least 70% of my stress could be relieved if I wasn't poor and in debt because of my own mania and impulsivity and unable to do anything about it or willing to ask for help because my mom gave me 3k and I still did this shit to myself AGAIN and I can't even tell you how or why, and I'm just so ashamed at this point that I can't ask for help and it's never going to get better. It's no one's fault but my own but I can't fix it and I've been treading water for years and I'm just tired. But I can't help myself because I can't ever repay someone else so I refuse to ask for outside assistance because I already live in a constant cycle of self-perpetuating guilt that feeling even more indebted to others isn't helpful.

Being "smart" fucking sucks unless you hit the nature/nurture lottery. Like wow, how cool it is I can write this little post exploring my diseased mental state, but it 0 percent helps me to feel better or enacts any kind of directly helpful changes, so self awareness can suck my dick. I'm just another someone with an emotionally toxic upbringing who grew into an emotionally stunted adult with a poor sense of self worth who may've won a junior high spelling bee once or written a story that other tasteless rubes liked. I'm not special and now I sure as hell never will be.

What is even the fucking point. Sometimes I wish I were suicidal or more of a moron who isn't regretting the egregiously offensive former half of this sentence. Intelligence is honestly a burden to me sometimes and it's so fucking sad because sometimes I really like myself and think I'm a good person but I'm not good at making money and I guess that's all that matters.

It's funny that my life went downhill after I tried to go to college. 5 years of savings evaporated before my eyes in a single semester of formal education that has yet to give me any material benefit in life, and all of the elders who blew sunshine up my "gifted" ass who told me higher education was my golden ticket shut the fuck up real fast, and also blamed everything on my lack of dedication.

I just feel robbed. And I'm "mature" enough to know that assigning blame won't solve anything. But I've had this destructive thought process/manner of coping with things for so long that, in the absence of any healthy reinforcement that no one owes me (and that I absolutely am too proud to ask for because, well, see aforementioned), I don't know how to proceed. I'm tired of compartmentalizing myself, but time and again, I've been shown that attempting to be seen is even more dangerous because you usually just make yourself vulnerable to people who then deliberately misunderstand you and try to make it your fault or act like you tricked them. As if pretending to be an untroubled, likeable person is a more malicious act than the messy atrocity that is your real personality that. . . Oh yeah, immediately just makes you "crazy" and even more unlikeable.

The one thing I learned from my childhood is that keeping the fragile peace was paramount, even if it was at the expense of denying the truth, because poking holes through someone else's carefully constructed reality was of more concern than the people who were hurt by their actions. Addict Stan 101, amirite? A family intervention was actually staged against me about how I should care less regarding my dad's drinking and the resulting emotional abuse because it was selfish to make it "all about me".

So now I view myself as the discarded piece of beach trash I was raised to. I guess everyone just assumes value is inherent, when you don't know to care about it until someone makes you aware based on their own biased set of metrics. I'm intelligence with no purpose, because my diseased brain and developmentally stunted ass couldn't hack the one advantage I was given to my own advantage. I'm literally a masturbatory fantasy.

All the people who raised me are flawed human beings with their own demons who really didn't mean it. But I can still be impotently mad. I didn't ask to be brought into this world.

Something was wrong with me. A really common, explainable thing, as it turns out. But of course, smart girls don't have problems. Mental illness is for parodical freaks tied up in straightjackets. There are starving kids in Africa. Do you really have it that bad?

So I learned to conflate my own personality and sense of self with my neurodivergence and now I'm 30 and I have such a tenuous sense of self-confidence that I literally just cosplay whatever version of me people like best from a capitalist perspective.

Haha jk. Sike, I'm a hyperemotional reactive and I will go off for everything, nothing, and all inbetween, even though I'm very chill and the things that set me off are on no one's radar. Just usually not in a way you can immortalize on TikTok. I used to apologize for having an emotional response, because I used to prize myself on being a robot, but as it turns out, I'm just a big stupid tsundere and no one cares how tough you look if the only person you're hurting is yourself.

I lost touch with the narrative.

Apparently I wrote this while wine drunk. Hm.

It's weird how suddenly I can turn to self loathing when I feel like things are getting better and I'm doing ok. I'm just starting to ignore things again and I don't want to let it spiral out of control again. I'm so feckless that I'm not sure how I manage to survive as an adult sometimes.

[uiruu]

Ranking all the 12 Loona solo singles! 7-5

So okay, what I’m gonna do here is rate each of the predebut Loona solo songs that introduced each of the 12 members. This post is number 7 through number 5, three songs, leading up to my top four. 

LINKS TO OTHER POSTS IN THIS LIST: 12-8 4 3 2 1

7. Love Cherry Motion by Choerry

This song…… I’m sure every Loona fan who has a lot of opinions about music in general has a LOT of opinions about this song…….. This is easily one of Loona’s weirdest examples of experimentation haha. It sounds like a Katy Perry song almost all the way through the end of the chorus, it sounds fun and upbeat and bubblegum. And then…. oh boy and then….. It just straight up switches genre for an EDM-like synth dance drop when everything in the music video gets really dark and almost scary, as Choerry is transported to an alternate dimension. The song goes back to normal as if that never happened though, and you’re lulled back into the infectious catchy bubblegum-ness of it, until, again, the end of the next chorus, when the drop is EVEN harder, EVEN scarier, suddenly everything goes dark purple, the other two members of Odd Eye Circle are there, there’s an extra nasty grimy synth on top of the ones that were there the first time, and then she sings a bit here kind of merging the two genres of this song for a finale to the song, when Choerry is so far down the alternate dimension rabbit hole where everything is reverse, the grass is purple, the sky is purple, there are three moons in the sky, etc. What a wild song. The reason this is only number 7 is twofold. First, the beat drop was definitely pretty jarring at first, though I’m used to it and a fan of it now. Second, again, common theme… I just like the others so much lol

edit (4/2/2019): i have no idea how i praised it this much and it wasnt higher lol, i love this song, i would now rank this one number 4 instead of number 7

6. Kiss Later by YeoJin

So… okay. I thought I wouldn’t like this song. YeoJin is the youngest member. She is currently 16 I believe, and was 14 during the making of this video I think? When I was first going back and watching the videos I was SO WORRIED. So, so worried. They better fucking not sexualize a 14 year old. Oh my god the ice is so thin. Then I watched it and looked at the lyrics and listened to how fucking good this song is… And all my fears were gone. The song is about consent. It’s about someone who likes her and who she reaaally likes back, but she isn’t ready to kiss yet, she isn’t ready to move that fast. It’s a song about not rushing things, and establishing boundaries and trust, and not letting yourself be talked into anything you don’t feel comfortable with. “just hug me for now, kisses will come later” is basically the message. She’s a kid and it’s a song about being a kid and not trying to rush adulthood. Just enjoying kid-hood while it lasts, not trying to lose your innocence until you’re ready, I guess. 

So, on top of that more serious message, hahahaha, it’s one of the most fun videos and songs Loona has ever released. The video is full of frogs, full of stop motion filmmaking… and the song is full of these GIANT, POWERFUL brass horns… gahdamn… in the prechorus it just goes so loud and powerful. They didn’t have to do this song this way. This could have been a lazier instrumental, more childlike, but no… not at all… Loona? Lazy instrumental? Impossible. The “bap bap baa”s throughout the song are something I didn’t even really notice until this very listen as I’m writing this right now. 

One of Loona’s most interesting songs musically to me lol. She’s also a very good singer for her age, and her energy is boundless. That’s more obvious watching Loona TV behind the scenes stuff, but she’s like a fireball ricocheting off walls, she’s just so loud lmao. I really like this song a lot.

5. Everyday I Love You by ViVi

This song…. is SO DAMN SWEET. In a really satisfying way. It’s so pure, it’s so sweet, ugh it makes me so happy. I love this song so much despite it not being even a little bit in my wheelhouse lol, I never used to like songs like this. Maybe it’s just cause I’ve fallen for the group already that I was able to open myself up to this and appreciate it for what it is, but idk, I also just think it’s a fantastic song. ViVi’s such a different voice than the rest too. I don’t think it’s just accent or whatever, I mean, I wouldn’t really be able to tell anyway cause I don’t speak Korean, but she’s the only member who isn’t a native Korean speaker, she’s from Hong Kong. Still though, I don’t think that’s it, I think it’s just that her voice is a little more… low? Mature? Breathy? I… am not a singer… I don’t know how to describe it… She’s also the oldest member. We’re the same age, she’s just a couple months younger than me, so maybe she has one of the more trained voices? I wouldn’t know. Anyway whatever it is about her voice that sets her apart, it certainly does that. 

The video is so cheesy, very 90’s inspired (despite her being only 4 years old by the end of the 90’s, just like I was lmao, so it’s just like the video producers��� nostalgia shining through), and is the only Loona video with an explicitly heterosexual romance in it, and really one of the only ones with a male character who isn’t a background dancer? I think? So that’s unfortunate, the dude has a bad haircut and I don’t like his style lol. EXCEPT SIKE, THAT’S NOT WHAT’S HAPPENING, TURNS OUT LATER ON WE FIND OUT THAT’S NOT NECESSARILY A BOY, IT’S PROBABLY YVES AS WE FIND OUT IN HER MUSIC VIDEO. Oops the only heterosexual Loona video was secretly gay (or bi) the whole time. Anyway this song makes me happy. Specifically… there’s this one part in the second verse…. the line is like “and i’m smiling at you” and aaaa the way it’s sung and the way the music stops to give this line a lot of very cozy impact is sooooo good.