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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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survey by kaybee-x18

What was the highlight of your day? I mean, Flowers for Vases came out earlier on Spotify Philippines and I had no idea, and I waited all morning thinking the release would be in sync with US timezones so I was in for a nice surprise of a whole goddamn tracklist when I casually checked my Spotify at around 11 this morning haha. The album is beautiful and I’m so excited to take it with me on my journey to healing.

Also got paid today, so that’s shweeeeet. As a reward to myself (since I’m doing a bit of OT tonight) I also recently ordered banh mi and Vietnamese iced coffee for delivery and it’s currently on its way to me :) All in all, pretty solid day!

Do you know anyone who is anorexic? Not that I am aware of, but it’s possible that I do.

Are you dating the person you texted last? No. That would be the delivery rider who’s bringing my sandwich to me, and that is just creepy to think about.

Who has hurt you the most this year? I don’t let Gabie hurt me anymore, directly or indirectly. Everybody else has been gentle with me so far in 2021, which I appreciate.

What's the last insult someone said to you? Ugh it’ll stress me out to think about it again, but last week my mom was asking for some money and I advised her that I might not be able to just for the meantime; she immediately got all condescending, asking me how much I make in a month and what I spend it on. I thought it very rude and tactless, and it ruined the rest of my evening. I know she knows she has a tendency to be tactless, so I don’t know why she never does anything to change that behavior.

Trigger warning on a few questions belowwwww.

Was it a boy or a girl to text you last? It was a boy. Man is more proper actually, but whatever.

Do you wish you were somewhere else right now? Dude, it’s a Friday night and I’m on the rooftop on a chilly night, I’ve laid out a mat with some pillows and a blanket and I’m surrounded by my banh mi and iced coffee while Hayley’s new songs are playing faintly in the background. I’m right where I want to be.

Have you ever given up on someone for good? Yes, and I had no idea how incredibly liberating it would feel :)

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? I think it was my mom, since she briefly knocked on my door to say goodnight shortly before I passed out.

How much did your car cost? I’m not sure exactly how much, but it’s definitely in the six-figure range. It’s a hatchback and secondhand so there’s no way it’d be worth a million bucks.

Will you have a boyfriend/girlfriend in 6 months? No; I’ve ended up really liking being by myself. It’ll be a while before I open myself up to love again, if I ever do.

Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? One of our brand clients recently recruited a new guy to be a part of their team, so as we got acquainted I also got access to his contact details.

When was the last time you hugged someone? It was when Andi was leaving my car as we parted ways a few weeks ago.

What is the last picture you received on your phone of? Pretty sure it was work-related since my teammates share photos through Viber all the time. I can’t be bothered to check, though.

Are you better at remembering names or faces? Can easily spot familiar faces from a mile away, but I’m quite terrible at remembering names.

Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? See: the entirety of my relationship that ultimately failed. I cherished and took care of that relationship as much as I could, but the effort I got was never the same and I ended up being hurt, too. It’s going to take a while before I gain my trust and confidence back when it comes to these things.

Have you ever let someone go because you thought they deserved better? This was Gab’s perspective and reasoning, not mine. I’m starting to believe it’s all bullshit though; that it’s an excuse she used so that I could feel better about myself. At this pont in time, I’m pretty sure she just wanted to be free from this “burden” of a relationship that she increasingly found “exhausting.”

Who did you last share a taxi with? God I have not been in one of those in a long time. My last ride in an actual taxi was with my family; but in the last ride-hailing service I took (like Uber), I was by myself since I was headed to school that day.

Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now? No, no reason to feel that way towards anyone at the moment.

What do you hear right now? I can hear the faint engine of a motorcycle. I can also hear a couple of dogs barking.

Do you remember the first time you met the last person you kissed? Yes.

Do you like polka-dotted things? Not always, but sure. Sometimes the look can be tacky, but there are times that it looks cute.

Do you do anything to help the environment? In my own little ways, like dividing all my notebook pages into two columns to save up on paper; reusing paper and plastic bags, turn off my car engine when I have to idle somewhere, etc.

What do you think of people who complain about Valentine's Day? I don’t care lmao, it’s not my problem.

Have you ever had to get stitches? No.

When's the last time you did something you knew was wrong? Trigger warning: Self-harm. Last week when I grabbed a key in my room and did stuff to my wrist with it. A few months’ progress down the drain.

What was the last thing you wore that was black? The shirt I am currently wearing is black.

Is your tongue pierced? Nope.

Do you think that you have a pretty smile? Yes, I like the way I smile.

What month were you born in? April.

When's the last time you cried over a guy? Wow lmao, literally no idea. The only instance coming to mind is whenever I miss either my grandpa or Nacho, but I can’t pinpoint the last time I found myself in tears over either.

Are you keeping a secret that would shock people if they found out? I think so.

What pissed you off yesterday? The internet has been going on and off for the last few days.

The person you like at the moment finds someone new, what is your reaction? I don’t know if I like anyone at the moment, at least not anymore. But I think I would still get affected if the word ever gets to me that my ex is seeing someone new, should it happen in the near future. That’s why I’m one step ahead and just stopped talking to her and have muted her on all social media.

Are you scared to lose the person you fell the hardest for? I already did. I was definitely scared and devastated at first, and I was for a while. Once I came to terms with the fact that nothing was my fault and that it isn’t my loss, it became much easier to get over it.

Has anyone seen you in your underwear this month? Nah.

Is your life falling apart or coming together? Coming together.

Is there someone you wouldn't mind kissing right now? When it comes down to it, and considering my stupidity when it comes to love, yes.

Do you know anyone in the army? Yes but just vaguely. Angela’s uncle is a high-ranking...army person. Army official?? Idk how to refer to them but yeah he’s like a general or colonel or something like that.

Do you have any friends that actually model? I wouldn’t count any of them as friends but yeah, I went to high school and/or college with people who have since become influencers and have endorsement deals and stuff. Cheenie is probably the most notable one.

If you could go back in time and change something, would you? Probably.

Do you care about the last person you kissed? Again, when it comes down to it, yes.

Do they care about you? I have no idea but I don’t dwell on it anymore.

Are you for or against gay marriage? Of course I’m for.

Ever kissed someone whose name started with A, B, C, & D? No to all of these.

Is there someone you wish you were with right now? Mmm I don’t think so. I like spending this evening by myself.

Do you still talk to the person you liked 3 months ago? Nope. I don’t have a reason to.

When do you want to get married? I’d love to get married in my late 20s, but I don’t know if that’s still a possibility.

Do you know anyone who’s committed suicide? Yes.

Have you ever imagined how it would feel kissing a certain someone? I think about this with certain people sometimes, but most of the time they are annoying, unwelcome, invasive thoughts that I try to shake off immediately.

Would you fall apart if that last person you kissed died? What’s with some of these questions lmao??? Yeah absolutely.

Is there anyone who doesn't like you? If there is, I don’t know anything about it and I doubt that I would care,

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face? Yesterday when a client was being extra annoying.

What was the last thing you cried about? I stumbled upon an emotional scene from Grey’s Anatomy on Facebook this morning, and I let myself go while watching it haha. It was a great snippet.

Do you have nice eyes? I’m not particularly known for my eyes, like they’re nothing special. I’ve got nothing to complain about them, though.

What are the bad things you've heard people say about you? I’m not sure if I’ve caught anything bad. If I did it most definitely would have stuck and continued to stick with me.

Is there anyone that is jealous of you or anything that you have? Not that I know of.

How many true friends do you have? Right now, I would say two very close friends.

Does anyone disgust you? Sure.

Do you flirt a lot? Never.

Have you ever caught a friend cheating on their bf/gf? I have not, and I’m glad none of them have.

What phrase or saying do you use the most? I’ve said this on a recent survey but I say “Awesome!” a lot, but it’s a habit I picked up from my now-ex.

What mood are you in right now? I’mmmmmmm getting a little sleepy tbh, but I’m trying to keep myself up for a few more hours because it’s a Friday evening.

Have you ever kissed someone that was high? No.

Are you waiting for anything? Not really.

Do you have a good relationship with your mother? It’s civil at best. We don’t get at each other’s throats as often as we used to anymore but I don’t feel the need to improve our relationship, and I’d rather still keep a safe distance from her.

Do you think Jersey people are annoying? I don’t know any of them because I live on the other side of the world, so...

How many exes do you have? One.

Did anyone break up with you in the last 5 days? No. Last five months, sure.

Who was the last person that broke your heart? Cheesy phrase, but Gabie.

Do you love anyone? I love a lot of people.

Do you want to be single or with someone? Not looking for anything at this point in time. I mean I’d really rather be in a relationship when it comes down to it, but I wouldn’t force myself in one for the sake of being in one. If no one fits the mold, then I’d be just as happy being single, and this happens to be where I am right now. I’m okay with that.

What song are you listening to right now? No music.

Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Because she was leaving and I wanted to say goodbye.

Does your mom think you’re a virgin? Yes.

Is there someone that wants you to give them a second chance? I think my brother, but my mind is set on never saying a word to him again.

Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? I don’t hate him; he’s just a particularly difficult client to deal with.

Would you rather get high or have sex right now? Getting high would be a brand new experience, so let’s go with that haha.

Do you know anyone with a star tattoo right by their hip bone? No, I don’t.

Did anyone give you anything last Valentine's Day? Last year, yes. This year, no.

Do you keep condoms in your room? No, I don’t need to.

What do you think about people who party a lot? Like, in 2021?? I would think they are highly insensitive and irresponsible and putting so many of their loved ones at risk.

Have you ever been caught sneaking out of your house? Nopes.

How much time do you spend on AIM a day? I don’t.

Is there a secret you've never told your parents? I hold way more secrets than actual things they know about me.

Ever kissed someone over 30? No.

What size bra do you wear? Baby bra size, whatever the measurement for that is HAHA

Does the person you last kissed still like you? Lmfao no. She hasn’t for a while now.

Are your parents still together? Yes.

Was your first time good or bad? Good.

#survey #surveys

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eldritchsurveys · 5 years ago

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672.

When was the last time you let someone know you truly love him/her? >> Hm.

Do you complain when you are bored, or look for something to do? >> I might say that I’m bored, conversationally, if I’m not alone. But usually I just flop around and wait until my brain settles down. (Usually, boredom for me isn’t a lack of things to do, it’s just a kind of restlessness or anxiety that prevents me from doing anything or focusing on anything.)

Do other people's complaints ever get on your nerves? >> Sure.

Generally, what is your favorite ride at an amusement park? >> I remember liking roller coasters, but I haven’t been to an amusement park in a long time.

Who is your favorite 90's musical artist? >> I mean, a lot of the music I enjoy is from the nineties...

Do you think that music was better when your parents were young, or now? >> Music is just music. Some of it I like, some of it I don’t like, but every time period in the past century-plus has had its pop music that older people hate. I think it’s just more difficult to adapt to new music trends as one gets older, and one is more likely to experience nostalgia for the music they grew up with, and mistakenly assume that their nostalgia means that the music was obviously objectively better back then. There are some musical trends that I wish were still knocking around, sure, but there are some new trends that I love, too. People will always be around making music that I like, no matter what year it is.

How did you develop your specific taste in music? >> I mean, it wasn’t any effort on my part. I just like what I like; I assume it’s mostly subconscious.

If you drink coffee, how do you like it (with cream, black, etc)? >> Black.

Did your parents sign you up for things like piano lessons and ballet? >> He always signed me up for things I didn’t enjoy, and then wondered why I didn’t perform to his standards.

What is your favorite children's song? >> I don’t have one.

Is there a funny story about yourself that you like telling others? >> Probably, but I can’t remember it right now.

Are you good at telling jokes? >> No, I don’t have the memory for constructed jokes.

Are you uptight, or are you easy going? >> I’m neurotic about some things because of how I’m wired, and I’m pretty apathetic about other things for the same reason.

Other than gas, what do you frequently purchase at a gas station? >> I don’t regularly buy things at gas stations.

What is one concern you have about the present state of the world? >> Meh.

Ten years ago, did you think that this was how the world would turn out? >> I wasn’t thinking about how the world would turn out ten years from then.

Ever think you might be better off living in a different time period? >> No.

Do you drink regular or diet soda? >> If I’m going to drink soda, I’m going to drink regular soda.

What CDs would you take with you on a road trip? >> Thank god for Spotify.

Think of your favorite band? What album by them is your LEAST favorite? >> I don’t have a favourite band.

Have you seen your favorite band in concert? If so, how was it? >> I’ve seen live several bands I’ve called “favourite” in the past. They were all great shows.

Do you walk regularly? >> I don’t. Especially not in this season.

Did you take a Health class in high school? How was it? >> Yeah. I don’t know, I slept through most of it.

If you could have the answer to one question, what question would that be? >> ---

Do you like any bands from other countries? >> Sure, of course.

When was the last time you mailed a handwritten letter? >> Uh... middle school?

Do you still receive Christmas cards? >> Not unless I do a card exchange amongst my tumblr mutuals, which I did do one year. But executive dysfunction got in the way last season so I didn’t get around to it.

Do you know anyone who is really hard to please? >> I mean, maybe.

What gets you through the day? >> *shrug*

Do you have a Before Bed routine? >> Not really. I just make sure to take my pill at around 10p.

Describe your stance on organized religion? >> I don’t have a stance on it, really. I find some aspects of it fascinating, some aspects of it helpful, and other aspects of it harmful. Just like... anything, I guess? I’m considering conversion to a particular organised religion, but I’ve been spoiled by the sheer freedom of being unaffiliated and I’m not sure how willing I am to give that up.

Describe your stance on religion in general? >> I’m notoriously interested in and even passionate about religion in general, even when I don’t care to personally participate in it. It’s one of those things I’d consider majoring in if I was in any way inclined towards formal education.

If you found out your bf/gf was homosexual, how would you react? >> Whaaaaat? The woman that is always saying “I’m gay” at any given occasion (particularly when she sees other women) is not straight?????? News to me.

If you are homosexual, and you find out your bf/gf is straight, then what? >> I mean, that’s a situation I can’t really imagine being in.

Have you ever sung karaoke? What songs? Was it fun? >> I’ve sung at live-band karaoke... I’d say around 100, 150 times? I was pretty much a regular. My go-to songs included Smells Like Teen Spirit, Jeremy, and No One Knows. Oh, and The Trooper until I saw [fellow regular] Dorit do a belly-dance bit with a sword on her head during the solo. I think all of us regulars gave up on doing The Trooper after that, lmfao.

Do you study for big tests? >> ---

What makes you nervous? >> Oh, a few things, I guess.

Have you called anyone today? What did you talk about? >> No.

When was the last time you went bowling? >> The last time I was even in a bowling alley is when I was eighteen. The only reason I remember is because that was the last time I saw Thomas before he died. (That bowling alley isn’t even there anymore. Always thought a bowling alley in Port Authority was weird, anyway...)

Do you drive around the neighborhood to look at lights around Xmas? >> We usually just see them on regular drives. When I lived in the Pine Barrens as a preteen, it was nice because we lived by a four-mile-long lake, and you could always see the reflections of the lights across the lake in the water. Also, there was this one house that always went absolutely apeshit with the lights every year. I shudder to think of their electric bill.

Why are so many single people bitter on Valentine's Day? >> Because they’re lonely or have been hurt by exes or are unhappily aromantic, and don’t like being bombarded by hearts and romantic shit everywhere. It’s not rocket science, dude.

What holiday is a big deal for you? >> I mean, Christmas. I enjoy it and for once in my life I get to fully celebrate it.

What is one tradition you hate participating in? >> I don’t know, but whatever it is, I probably just refuse to participate in it period.

Have you ever been sledding? >> Nope.

Do you have acne? >> Not since high school.

Have you made a fool of yourself today? >> Not to my knowledge.

Is there someone you wish you could talk to, but you're too afraid? >> Not specifically. But in general, fear is the foundation of why I don’t open up to people.

Do you have a favorite cookie? >> I like lemon cookies...

When was the last time you did something for someone else? >> Neighbour left her key in her door and I knocked on the door to alert her to it.

Do you let other people choose the radio stations in your car? >> ---

Would you say that you are an accepting and openminded person? >> Sure.

Have you ever been convinced to try something you didn't want to do? >> Not if I really didn’t want to do it. I’ve been convinced to try things that I was on the fence about.

What happened? How did you feel about your choice? >> ---

Have you ever tried to influence someone else? >> I mean, sure, probably.

When was the last time you cheated--at anything? >> I don’t remember.

Do you play any online computer games? If so, what? >> Yeah. I play several MMOs (not at the same time, I usually alternate between them from month to month).

What food can you not seem to get enough of? >> Cheese and crackers, for some reason.

When you are mad at someone, how do you show them? >> I usually just don’t talk to them or don’t give any friendly social cues. Kind of freeze them out, I guess. I figure most people don’t care if I’m upset with them or not, so it doesn’t make any sense to tell them or have a conversation about it. That may be fallacious, but I... also haven’t been explicitly proven wrong yet, lol.

Do you like to think that you are better than other people? >> No.

When was the last time you felt you had a reality check? >> I don’t know.

Have you ever felt out of touch with reality? >> Sure, many times.

Have you ever been sick to the point of possibly dying? >> Nope.

Have you ever had a tooth pulled? >> Yes, because I can’t afford a root canal.

How long do you you usually chew a stick of gum? >> Not that long. The flavour only lasts like five minutes at best, after all, and once the flavour’s gone the gum starts to lose pliability.

Did you chew gum in school, even if it was against the rules? >> I don’t recall doing so.

Did you take a foreign language in school? >> I tried. I didn’t get very far because of changing schools all the time, being in the mental hospital all the time, and also that stupid fiasco where I got no credit for a whole year of Spanish I (I don’t remember why, but it was definitely some bullshit).

Did you attempt to make Honor Roll? Did you make it? >> I only made honour roll in elementary.

What was your favorite school project? >> That report I did about Jim Morrison. Or that project I did about the war against rock and roll, lol (you know, the Satanic Panic around metal music and all that noise; I basically got tired of being told I listened to “devil music” and decided to expose the ridiculousness of it in my final project).

Did you attend any school dances? >> I mean, I went to prom.

Were you in any after school clubs? >> I tried to be, but my father made me leave them because he didn’t approve of the kinds of clubs I wanted to be in (and I didn’t want to be in the kinds of clubs he approved of).

Was there any teacher that made life living hell for you? >> I definitely felt that way.

How about any student(s)? >> Some years, yes.

When was the last time you felt overwhelmed? >> I don’t remember. It’s a common occurrence so I don’t make much note of it when it happens.

Which parent are you more apt to go to if you're upset? >> ---

Do you have any coffee mugs with funny pictures/sayings? >> I have a mug with a cute cactus on it! But Sparrow has all the punny mugs (they’re all cat puns).

Describe your favorite t-shirt? >> ---

Describe something strange that you own? >> Hmm... not sure I own anything strange. Or maybe it’s just that nothing I own is strange to me.

What do you like to do on a friday night? >> Go to Cafe Boba for a weekly meetup group.

What do you like to do on a sunday night? >> Whatever.

Are monday's a drag for you? >> No more or less than any other day of the week.

Do you think graffiti is a valid form of artistic expression? >> Of course.

Do you know where the food you eat comes from? >> Of course not, I live in the US. It’s all a clusterfuck of obfuscation.

Do you ever worry about where the world will be in 20 years? >> No. My peers seem to have that covered.

Have you spent much time contemplating your death? >> Oh, definitely.

Do you know what you want your funeral to be like? >> I know that I want a home vigil (assuming I die when I’m older, after we’ve already bought an actual home). If I die, like, tomorrow or whatever, I guess people can do whatever they want funeral-wise because I’m not interested. Just bury me in a cardboard or pine box in the green section at that one cemetery near us, please. Not in a fucking thousand-dollar metal casket or whatever. Let me decay.

How often do you think dirty thoughts? >> I don’t know, often enough, I guess.

Can mere images turn you on? How about words? >> Images, sure. Words, if they come from Inworld, yeah...

Do you give a good back massage? >> No.

Do you think that feet are disgusting? >> I mean, not inherently. At least they don’t... secrete stuff. (I mean, besides sweat.)

Do you have a girlish scream? >> I don’t recall ever screaming, period.

When was the last time you screamed? >> ^

What is your political affiliation? >> I don’t have one, but I usually vote Democrat.

Are you registered to vote? >> Yeah.

Are you GOING to vote? >> *sigh* Yeah, guess I oughta.

Do you think you would enjoy living in college dorms? >> No. Nooooo no no no no.

Have you ever been to the YMCA? >> Yeah.

If you ditched school, where did you go? >> ---

Have you ever been offered drugs? What, and by who? >> I mean, by friends. Not by complete strangers the way D.A.R.E. insisted. (I mean, that probably does happen too, just not at all with the frequency one would expect...)

Are you afraid to walk places at night if you are alone? >> No.

What's in your school backpack? >> ---

Are you put off by overly social people? >> No. I’m easily exhausted by very extroverted, exuberant people, is all. Doesn’t mean I don’t like them as people.

What do you think of people who are shy? >> I don’t think anything of them, specifically. Some people are just shy. That’s fine.

#surveys #survey #random survey

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emilyjunk · 6 years ago

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hi im sad do you have an hcs about bemily meeting at an ice cream shop?

during beca’s senior year of high school her dad makes her get a job and the only place hiring is fucking baskin robbins so... beca starts working at baskin robbins

she hates it obviously... people suck and they’re always dropping their ice cream and she has to clean it up ://///

also sometimes people come in and get like twelve samples and then end up picking vanilla and becas like wtf why??? vanilla is the most boring flavor on the whole dumb menu????

anyway the WORST is when they get HUUUUGE groups coming in like after sporting events and things... it’s so busy and chaotic

the second worst thing is when she sees people from school because that’s embarrassing. beca always pretends she doesn’t know them.

the ultra worst thing is when people from school are in a huge group

and thats what happens every fucking saturday afternoon

this huge group of girls from school comes in after their soccer game. every saturday without fail. they’re obnoxious and always make a mess and never can decide what they want

and beca like, totally doesnt even like any of them because jocks are so lame? theyre dumb and usually dicks. the soccer girls aren’t the worst but they also arent that great

so one day beca is stressing because the soccer girls are gossipping in line and becas just fucking standing there waiting for them to pick an ice cream flavor and her shift isnt over for another hour so everything just sucks... and then... then it doesnt suck so much. bc then one of the girls is like “hey guys... let’s order and take this outside so we dont hold up the line!” and she gives beca a knowing smile... so pretty and soft and empathetic

beca recognizes her, but isn’t one hundred percent sure of her name. she’s in the grade under beca, about to be a junior, and they’ve never had a class together. but beca recognizes her face from the halls.

beca decides this girl doesnt completely suck. at least as much as the others.

after that, beca starts seeing her around all the time. she sees her in the halls at school, talking with friends at her locker. she sees her saturdays after soccer games at baskin robbins. she even sees her once at the movies when her stupid neighbor jesse drags her along to the newest superhero flick

it gets to the point where beca randomly thinks about this girl she doesnt know on and off throughout the day, and it makes her roll her eyes at herself but whatever. the girl is nice and she’s pretty and beca’s never had a gf, but she knows she really likes girls, and so just... whatever. she can think about people in her head alright? it doesnt mean anything!

“look,” cynthia rose says when the soccer girls come every saturday. “it’s beca’s crushtomer.”

“my what?” beca asks the first time this happens.

“crushtomer,” tssks her manager aubrey. “it’s when you have a crush on one of your regulars. and it’s obviously unprofessional beca.”

“she’s not my... crushtomer.”

“please. we can see your custoner from space.” beca stares and aubrey rolls her eyes. “customer boner. obviously.”

“you guys are weird.” beca scoffs.

but then the girl’s ordering and becas smiling... yeah... smiling wtf... as she scoops vanilla ice cream onto a waffle cone and god fucking dammit... she totally has a crushtomer.

alright so whatever beca has it bad for this customer but it’s whatever. she doesn’t even know the girl’s nam-

“emily!”

the girl whips her head around as her teammate comes jogging up to her and fine!!! beca knows her name.

it wouldn’t be that crazy or anything, until one time at school in the hall they make eye contact and emily is like “hey beca” and beca totally freezes.

“uh. hi emily. you, like, know my name?”

emily tilts her head to the side, her cheeks a pretty pink. “oh. yeah... i mean ive seen your nametag at baskin robbins.”

“oh.”

“i just thought i’d say hi.”

beca never thought they’d speak outside of the obligatory ice cream order and cash exchange so she’s not really sure what to do next in this situation. “uh. hi. but uh..... gotta get to class so um. bye?”

emily laughs, so cute and nice. “okay. see you around.”

and then beca is walking away and hearing giggles behind her as chloe beale whispers something in emilys ear and emily swats at her playfully. becas pretty sure she’s being laughed at, but she books it out of there too quick to care.

the next saturday, beca hates to admit it, but she’s kind of looking forward to seeing the soccer girls. it’s NOT because of her crushtomer though, okay? it’s because her shift is boring as fuck because it’s raining outside and nobody is coming in. so at least she’ll have something to do when they come

so beca waits in anticipation as her shift passes, the clock ticking down to her clock-out time... and they never come. beca finds herself almost disappointed to get off work... then she shakes out of it. fuck work. wtf?

the next saturday, beca initiates her very first small talk with emily. “so, you guys didnt come in last week. it was weird not seeing you.”

“oh,” emily pouts. “our game got rained out.” then she tilts her head, looking at beca curiously. “aw, did you miss us?” she teases.

beca snorts. “no.”

“Just me then right?”

and beca knows she’s teasing, but she feels the heat of it in her soul... and she blushes. “very funny.”

emily laughs, so bright and bubbly, the kind of laugh beca would normally hate. but she doesn’t. god she doesn’t.

emilys teammates have already all paid and taken their cones outside and it’s just beca and emily there at the register. plus CR down the counter mopping the floor but whatever, she has headphones in as she cleans so it may as well just be beca and emily okay?

“anyway.” beca says, clearing her throat. “that’s uh. $3.49.”

emily freezes, her eyes widening. she looks down at herself, pats her thighs where her pockets would be if soccer uniforms had pockets.

“shoot,” she whispers, looking around helplessly. “one sec i forgot my wallet in my car i gotta go grab it.”

“oh,” beca says. “no, it’s cool, it’s uh... on me.”

“what? no, it’s okay. i can go get it.”

“no,” beca says, already putting her employee numbers into the register. “we get free ice cream every shift and i uh... don’t need it. so you can just use my free one. it’s cool.”

emily beams at her. “wow that’s so nice. oh my god.”

“it’s nothing, no problem.”

“no, i have to make it up to you now.”

“that’s really not necessary.”

“beca.”

“emily.”

“let me.”

beca hesitates but emily is giving her this look like a fucking puppy, all cute and persuasive. “...alright... how?”

“are you working tomorrow?”

“um no?”

“let me buy you lunch.”

beca blinks. “this was literally 3 dollars. you wanna go to like mcdonalds or something?”

emily laughs. “no i think i can afford more than the dollar menu. consider it interest.”

“what the hell? what is this? wolf of wall street?”

“oh my god beca.” emily grins. “im trying to hang out with you.”

beca stares. “hang out... with me?”

“yeah? like friends?”

“oh.”

“so...?” emily leans forward, her long ponytail swishing over her shoulder. “lunch tomorrow?”

“uh... yeah okay.”

emily gives beca her phone and beca inputs her number in some kind of daze.

it’s not a date, beca reminds herself all during the lunch. even if emily pays and holds doors for her and is super touchy feely. it’s a friend thing. it’s just hard because they really get along. beca wasnt sure they would, because emily is smiley and nice and into sports. beca is surly and rude and fakes sick to escape gym every other week.

but they do get along. they get along great... emily is into music and beca shows emily the mashups she makes in her free time and they bond over bands they like and beca learns emily plays like 5 different instruments.

emily is also funny, in a weird way, and her smile makes beca’s heart do weird things that hearts probably shouldn’t do.

after, emily gives her a hug and beca totally isnt a hug person but it’s the best hug she’s ever had and emily smells good, like scented girly lotion.

after that, they’re kind of friends for real. they hang out sometimes, and beca teases emily about her ice cream order (vanilla... the most boring flavor on the menu), and she even drags jesse to one of the girls’ soccer games and they text here and there, sending song recs back and forth. once emily sends beca a recording of her playing the guitar and beca swears she falls in love a little with emily’s singing voice.

so yeah, they’re friends. then one day ... everything changes

becas just getting off her shift at baskin robbins and the soccer girls are hanging out at the tables outside, chatting and enjoying their ice cream. beca waves at emily as she walks to her car.

“beca, wait!”

emily jogs up and beca has to pretend she doesn’t think emily’s athleticism isnt the hottest thing she’s ever seen. they’re friends, she reminds herself. friends, beca. friends.

“sup?”

she throws her work bag in the back and shuts the door, turning to look at emily.

emily has a strange expression on her face. almost nervous. which is weird because emily is outgoing and friendly and talking to people doesnt really make her nervous.

“um, so.” emily glances behind her and beca peeks over her shoulder to see all the other soccer girls staring at them. emily frowns, pulling beca to the other side of her car by the arm so they’re out of view. “can i ask you something?”

“uh... sure dude?”

“what’s a crushtomer?”

beca literally almost dies on the spot. “what?”

“a crushtomer.” emily blushes, her fingers tugging at her ponytail nervously.

“oh. um. it’s like......... it’s stupid really, just some made up term thats like when a worker has a crush on one of their regulars, you know? it’s totally lame.”

“huh.” emily nods, her lips twisting. “so like, if i accidentally heard cynthia rose say im your crushtomer, then..............?”

beca really wishes she could crawl in a hole and die. “oh. you... you heard that.”

“yeah.”

“it’s just like... i mean.. we’re friends and stuff,” beca stammers. “you know, they know we’re like... fond of each other or something.”

“i see.” emily tilts her head to the side, looking beca up and down. “so it’s just a friend thing.”

“um i mean, well--”

“because like, say i didn’t want it to be a friend thing. say i wanted it to be a crush thing, like what would that mean?”

beca nearly stops breathing. “what?”

“like say maybe i think you’re cute and i like being your friend, but maybe i also have... once or twice thought about being more than friends and i dont know if you even like girls or anything and if you dont im really sorry like sooooooo sorry for making it awkward but it’s just i overheard that and i thought well just... what if it wasnt a friend thing but a real crush thing and just...” emily blushes cutely, glancing away quickly before looking back at beca. “the term is CRUSHtomer i mean it implies a romantic crush, i don’t know how to make this clearer so please just shut me up now”

“okay just... wait,” beca says, her heart going a mile a second in her chest. “You want to be my crushtomer. in a liking girls romantic way type of thing?”

“i mean...” emily shrugs. “only if you mean it that way. otherwise forgetting about this would be amazing and we could still be friends because i... i really like being your friend.”

“yes,” beca interrupts as emily opens her mouth to keep going. “no god yes. it’s stupid. crushtomer is stupid okay but yeah fine you’re my crushtomer. like... in a crush way. it’s a stupid term.”

emily stares at her for the briefest of seconds. then her face breaks open in the widest smile beca’s ever seen. “i think it’s cute.”

“it’s dumb” beca snorts.

“you wanna like, go out then?”

beca’s whole body is warm. “yeah. that’d be... cool.”

“hm.” emily is so smiley it kills. she scrunches her nose at beca. “i mean i kinda feel like we already were going out. i mean, you showed me your mixes,” she teases. “so romantic.”

“kay,” beca rolls her eyes, but she can’t stop smiling. “whatever. cant believe im gonna go out with a jock.”

emily laughs, her hand coming out to grip the top of beca’s car and effectively sandwiching beca in. “you ever kiss a jock before?”

“no,” beca murmurs, trying to keep her voice from squeaking, but emily is like, really close and holy shit she’s so pretty oh man...

“you want to?”

beca’s breath gets caught in her throat. “yeah.”

all beca can think when they kiss is that emily tastes like ice cream and for the first time in her life, beca maybe just maybe thinks vanilla might be the most exciting flavor on the menu

#bemily #headcanons #bulletfic #ice cream au #idk #btw i learned this crushtomer term at work and gf said i should do a coffee shop au with it #but then this came up and i decided yes.. ice cream au it is #so here ya go ellen #i hope u feel better soon #jesseswanson

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winstonhcomedy · 5 years ago

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“Dope A-F” - 7/11-7/29- “Birthday Heckler, Winstmas Games, DC, and Amazing Shows”

Only a few days behind. That’s ok because I know I can catch up. Definitely doing way better than I was. It has been a chill week. I am still trying to adjust to losing my dad, and just trying to still enjoy comedy. So let’s hop right into it!

7/11

There were a couple of open mics this night. There was The Camel hosted by Jameson Babbowski right after work, and then after that will be Garden Grove which was going to be guest hosted by Brandon Beswick.

I headed over to The Camel right after work. I got there about 4:10 and ordered my dinner. I got to catch up and talk to the bartender/owner for about an hour. We talked about music, and the band my brother was in He is a super cool dude. A few more comics show up while I am waiting.

Liz and Mu were headlining so they both got there relatively early. There were a few comics from the standup class I subbed in. I got to ask them if what I was saying was helpful at all, and they all said it was. So that helped me feel pretty good about it. Anne Meng showed up as did. a few others comics. So we had a good hang going on.

Jameson finally gets there and sets the lineup. The hang continues for a bit and then the show starts. The first few comics do pretty well. There is an ok sized crowd. Better than the last few I had been to. I grabbed my light from the car because the first few comics you couldn’t see. We get it set up and then Mu goes up and has a really hot set. After him Liz goes up and she does pretty well too. She has a super drunk heckler during her set. She did a good job of not losing her shit on him, but he was just yelling the worst stuff. It kind of derailed her set.

After her were a few more comics. Then it was my turn. I had a good set. I did mostly new. I also did some dad material too. it is all coming together. I really enjoyed this set. People seemed to dig it, and I was able to really have a nice strong set. I’d give it a B.

I then hung out and watched the rest of the show. Most everyone did ok which was cool to watch. Legit 3/4 of the audience left right before the final guy which kind of sucked for him. He is new and he powered through it. After the show I grabbed my light and headed to Garden Grove.

It had started to rain so I put on my raincoat once I got to Garden Grove. I check in with Beswick and he lets know I am third. Mike Engle is there as are a bunch of my friends. Ry Mather, Jack Gerow, Jesse Pearlstein, Dylan, and Anthony Thompson all showed up. It was a super dope hang. The crowd was light, but the people there were really excited for comedy. There were a few people int he corner who were pretty loud, but for the most part everyone was at least attentive.

Brandon hosted and really started to try and work the audience over to get them ready. he ended on a pretty good pop, and I think he did a super good job hosting. After him the first few comics went up and did ok. I went up and just tried my material. I had a good but not great set. For the room I did well. I didn’t go into crowd work for the most part and I just did my new jokes for like 7 minutes. This felt good. I love just doing jokes at the open mics, and then being able to flex my crowd work muscle on other shows. I’d give this set a B-. It was super productive. If I had done crowd work I would have done better, but I wouldn’t have gotten as much out of it.

After my set I kind of just hung around for a long time. I talked shop with everybody. There were a few more comics from the class who asked some questions and hung out. It was cool to see them out at mics watching, and a few did some sets.

We had a nice long chat outside about comedy specials. This is always the best. Just like 30+ minutes talking about who we like and why we like them. Comedy is the absolute best shit in the whole world. After talking forever I said goodbye and headed home to pass out. I was super tired.

7/12

I didn’t do a set on this day. This was the day I was using to celebrate my birthday with my family. I just went over to my brother’s, hung with my nice, had a nice dinner, watched a movie, and hung out all night. It was everything I wanted. Just like 10 straight hours being with the one’s I love.

I knew I had a big show tomorrow, and would only get the first part of the day with them so I wanted the night before to really be special. I missed my dad so much during dinner. He would have loved everything about it. I’m glad I was with the one’s I love the most.

7/13

For my birthday I was headlining a show at Intermission Beer Company. Liz Carr was running a Virginia is for Lovers comedy show. So all the performers had to be based or born in VA.

Before all of this I spent time with my family. Enjoyed my niece’s company, and then went to Hardwood to watch Alex Jonestown Massacre play a cover set of Anti Flag. It was a super fun benefit show. I got to chill with Kenn for a bit, and see a few of my other friends before I headed over to Intermission.

I got to Intermission and Liz was there. I checked in and we caught up. Trayvon Fulton was also down from Philly. I haven’t seen him in a while so that was nice. Newer comic Heather Joyce was also on the show. Then Brock Hall, Alida Harper, and Jeff Simmermon also showed up.

Jeff was down from NYC and I was able to link him up with Liz to do a spot. The lineup was set, and people had started to show up. It looked a little light at first but then people started rolling in. I had a couple friend from high school come out, and I had about 8 people from work come as well. I love when they come. It makes me want to try even harder.

I got to chat and catch up with them. We talked and hung out before the show started. But the time the show began the room was almost completely full except for the one table at the very front.

Liz went up and did ok. She was followed by Heather and she got some pretty good pops during her set. She is super new and I’ve honestly only seen her perform at intermission. After her was Brock. He had some of his one liners work pretty well, but because he didn’t take a set list up with him he got off stage a little early. Which is ok. Then Alida went up and this was when I started to get in the zone for my set. I was supposed to do 20 to 25 and I wanted to do really well since my friends were there along with a ton of other people.

I went outside and stretched, and ran over myself et in my head a bit. I jumped up and down and tried to just get as loose as possible. Halfway through Alida’s set Jack Gerow showed to support and that meant a lot to me.

Alida got off stage and Jeff went up. By this time the front table had filled up completely. So the room was packed and Jeff went into his act. He did really well. He is a good comic and an even better dude. He handled the crowd a bit. He didn’t go in on them too much, but they were heckling a bit, and throwing him off of his rhythm. He had a really fun set, and was killing it.

After he got off stage. Liz gave me a wonderful intro and mentioned it was my birthday. I get on stage and immediately go into my act. The table at the very front had been filled by a dude and four girls. He was absolutely wasted and had been interrupting a lot throughout the night. He wasn’t being a dick on purpose, but it was affecting the show.

I had just walked in on him in the bathroom so I apologized for that while also shitting on him for not locking the door. Then I got to know him. I asked his name and he said it was Cody but he stood up when he told me. He didn’t have a job, but had a lot of money so I asked him what his dad did for a living. I also made fun of how he was acting the whole night. I

then asked the girls with him how they knew him. They wouldn’t answer. They were so embarrassed by how he was acting. He was absolutely super upset they didn’t have his back. I asked one of them if they were his gf and she said hell no. He looked at her shocked. This was the first he had found out about this. I started to feel bad so I apologized, and joked around. The crowd was loving it. I was killing.

He started vaping and I had to get him to stop. I joked around with them some more and then went into my act. Everything was working. It felt so good to be doing so well. I was having a hot one. I’d do a bit and then address the crowd a bit and then go right into the next joke. I did about 35 minutes and it was all working. I closed really strong, and honestly got a good fun video out of it. I hope the audio turned out well because I can’t wait to rewatch all the crowd work stuff. I’d give this set an A.

After my set they sang happy birthday to me, and I got to hang with my friends. I said thank you and all of my goodbyes. Then Cody drunkenly drove off with the other girls in his car. So we told the owners and we all kinda hung out before heading out. I then got dinner with Jack Gerow and we talked comedy for a long time. It was a blast and a great hang. Then I headed out with my coworkers and saw some other comics. It was an awesome birthday. I finally headed home to get a good nights sleep because I had a lot of driving to do the next day.

My first birthday without my dad had all of the ingredients to be a horrible time. I miss him so much. I didn’t know how it was going to go, but all I knew was he would want me to have a great time. I am so thankful I have my friends, coworkers, comics, family, and loved ones to be there for me and make surety birthday was as amazing as it could possible be.

7/14

The next day I got in my car and drove to Virginia Beach to the all day VB Strong comedy show and benefit at the Virginia Beach Funny Bone. It was 12 hours of comedy to benefit the shooting that happened in VB recently.

There was a huge number of comics and they ended up raising over 20 grand. It was a killer event and I was really glad to be a part of it. I ended up stuffing my face with wings and catching up with some friends waiting for my set to start. I was on the 6 o clock show, but I got to the see crowds for the 3 pm block and it was pretty full. It was so cool to see the community come together for a good cause.

When the 6 o clock show started Mike Easmeil (super dope VB comic) was hosting. He along with Rick Bruner (GM VB Funny Bone) are a couple of the dudes who were in charge of putting this whole thing together. I went up after Mike. It was about a half full room, and we were told to work somewhat clean. So I did my best.

I had a solid set. My material was working. I was cleaner than most. People connected with me and I was happy with the response I got. It also felt good to be doing a set for a good cause. I’d give this set a B.

After I got off stage Terry O’Quinn from Lost (does Improv) came over and said hi and he dug my set. I immediately texted my friend Kenn who loves Lost. This was a cool moment. I said goodbye and thanked Rick and everyone else. I then signed a poster that all the comics were signing and hit the road.

I headed to Cozzy’s because I was headlining Sunday Funnies. Mindy Ess was hosting it this week. I get there right as she is finishing up. There is a nice little crowd of about 20 non comics there. Which I am excited about.

A bunch of my friends are on the show. Francesca, Anne Meng, Richard Woody, and Paige are there. Also local comics David Vega and Wyatt Bowman were also doing spots. Wyatt and David went up first and they did ok. The crowd wasn’t really popping. Then Francesca, Richard, and Anne also went up. They had varying degrees of success. They just didn’t seem to really want jokes that much. Also the stuff they did and did not laugh at was weird as hell.

Paige went up and had he had a pretty good set too. He was able to get them on his side and kept working them. It had its down moments, but he was the first to really get any good pops from the audience.

After Paige it was my turn and I had a blast. I did about 20 minutes of crowd work. I started talking to this dude who had the name Mario Alfredo Lucero. I got some big pops talking about what a great name that was, and that he should have a pizza shop. I then talked to his wife, and also bounced around the room. I got some good pops throughout. Legit was doing the best I could have done.

At the end of my set I did 5 to 7 of new material. I knew it wouldn’t work as well as the crowd work because it was new, but I am trying to not just do crowd work at these tough shows. I figure if I do 75% crowd work and kill it is ok to bomb with 25% new stuff. I want to do well, but also want to work out material to get even better. So this was the strategy I used. It worked well. I’d give the whole set an A-.

I got off stage and said my goodbyes. Paige road down with Richard so he rode back with me. On the way back we go to talk, and then also we got stuck in traffic forever. After dropping him off I headed home and passed out!

7/15

I went to work today. Afterwards I kind of relaxed around town and watched some TV. I didn’t do anything too crazy. Tonight was The Southern but Chris Alan was out of town so JR was going to be guest hosting.

I get there right around 8 and it s a super light crowd. There is also only around 11 comics. So everybody is going to get about 7 minutes which should be fun.I get to hang out with a bunch of my friends. JR, Jack Gerow, Paige (showed up halfway through), John Marg, Sam Padgett, Samantha Wood, Luzader, Jericho Zornes, Johnny Rad, and some others I am sure I am forgetting. I was up like 7th. It was. fun hang and I was ready to get the show rolling. I walk in the back and change out of my shorts and put on a new outfit (because I can’t perform in shorts).

The show starts and I am recognized by this girl who tried comedy a few years ago. She had me talk to her standup club in college. I was so new I never should have done it. I was only like two years in and was trying to be edgier. My thoughts on comedy have changed dramatically. So it was going to be cool for her to see my material since hopefully I have evolved as a performer.

JR actually did some crowd work. He was a little aggressive. It was like he was channeling Chris. He did a pretty good job of getting the show rolling. Then Jericho went up. He had a pretty good set. People were doing ok. No one was really killing, but we were having a really good time. Eventually Johnny Rad went up and he did pretty well. He started shitting on Jericho. They were busting each other’s balls and that was fun.

After him was a new comic. He brought a table of people and he wasn’t terrible. He seemed nice and it seemed like he had worked really hard on his material. After his set it was my turn. I got up and made fun of Jericho and Johnny Rad bullying each other. I talked to the new dude and gave him a comic to check out. Then I just went into a bunch of new material. I have to sit down and write some of this out, but for the most part it was a really fun set. The new stuff was working, and if it didn’t work I at least know why. I’d give this set a C+. I got some good pops, but overall if I had stuck to crowd work it definitely would have gone better.

After me a few more comics went up. Sam Padgett had a good set too. She was all over the place. It was fun to watch. She forgot one part of a joke and said the wrong thing, but she played it off super well. She got some big laughs and it was fun to watch.

I then went outside to hang a bit. Paige eventually got there and we talked for a while. It was super fun, but I was exhausted and headed home. I ate some cereal at the house and then passed out!

7/16

During the night my grandpa was rushed to the hospital. They thought he was having a heart attack. Luckily he was ok, but I was planning on doing a podcast after work so I cancelled it before I knew he was fine. I got to work two hours late because I didn’t sleep well.

After work I went to therapy and got to have a pretty helpful session. Really struggling with missing my dad. Like it is not getting any easier. Honestly my brain tries to forget it even happened, but that is impossible. I also had to tell my therapist I couldn’t afford to come once a week. Which sucks, but I can still go every two weeks so I think I will be ok. If I realize I need once a week I will have to find a way to get a few hundred more dollars out of my budget.

After this I txted my friend Kenn and we grabbed a quick dinner at En Su Boca. It was a lot of fun. I love this dude to death and wish I got to see him more. I really cherish our friendship. We can talk about everything and he has always been there for me. I have become a lot more mindful in the time I have known Kenn and I hope that I have also been a positive influence on him as well.

After dinner I headed to meet up with Jason Kusterer. I just watched him play video games for a few hours. I just felt bad, and wanted to be around friends. It was a super fun hang and hopefully we can do more,

I drove us both to Mojos. I got to catch up and joke with Dylan and Ryan Mather. Carlton K showed up. There was a pretty good amount of comics so we were all going to get 5. Mike Engle was there as well. Claire Hakala was the bartender this week, but I don't know if she is going to get to do it from now on.

The show started and I went up second. Ry Mather was hosting and he may take over the show. He did a good job hosting and then Kusterer went first. He did half jokes and half a sweatlist. His set went pretty well all things considered. He made me laugh.

Then I went up and bombed my dick off. The dad stuff wasn’t working. Neither did my brand new joke that I like a lot. It still needs work. No one gave a shit what I was talking about. I wasn’t likable on stage, but I didn’t resort to crowd work and I just worked the bits. I’d give this set an F. It legit felt terrible.

I then hopped off stage and drove Kusterer and I to Fallout. I get there and there is an ok sized crowd. Maybe 10 people who weren’t comics. I am up in a few. Brock Hall, Danny Dunlea, Jack Johnston, Jack Gerow, and some others were there. Jarvis was hosting.

I didn’t watch a lot of the sets. I kind of just chilled. No one was really cracking them while I was there. There was a new person who went up and they had brought a table. I go up a few people after them.

I go up and honestly don’t enjoy my set. I do better than Mojos though. I do dad stuff, and the new joke works better. I know there is a way to get that joke to hit really hard. I need to just sit down and write. I am horrible at that. The rest of the set goes ok. I closed kind of weak, but honestly it was a learning experience. A very productive set. I’d give it a C-.

I go in the back and ask Kusterer if he can find another ride home. Jack said he would give him a ride and I head home. It is a long sad drive. I am in my thoughts the entire time. I get home and pass out. I don’t really feel good about comedy, but I feel good about the people in my life from comedy. It is an odd feeling.

7/17

I get off work and drive down to Norfolk to meet up with Nick Deez and Ryan Dix for their podcast. I am in traffic for what feels like ages, but I finally get there. I love doing podcasts. It is a ton of fun. I usually get to let loose, and there is no pressure since I am not the one hosting it.

I get to Nick’s and we start the DeezDix podcast. I ended up just ball busting. The first 20 minutes Ryan Dix was getting pretty heated. Apparently he had no idea I was busting balls and he was getting pretty upset. In hindsight that is hilarious, but he was definitely taking offense. After that part though everybody got into a rhythm and it was a pretty fun hour.

We made fun of Nick’s pop collection. We talked about Ryan making Gundams. Also we went over my fear of being serial killed ( a dumb irrational fear, but a fear nonetheless). It was a solid and fun podcast.

After this I headed to Hampton to perform on Wyatt Bowman’s show at Stuft.. It took me a while to find it because my GPS was acting up. Once I got there I saw it was a pretty dope spot. It had an actual stage, and it was legit packed. It was nuts the show actually started on time.

Wyatt Bowman went first and had an ok hosting set. People were laughing, and also paying attention,. After him was Torrey Huggins. He got some good pops up front. Some nice laughs. I could tell the crowd wanted to crack, and they were so close. I like Torrey a lot. Good dude, and works his ass off. I respect the hell out of that.

Then it was Nick Deez. Nick had an ok set. He had them early, and lost them a bit. The crowd was weird. They wanted to laugh, but when they weren’t into it they started to talk, and go back to their meals. Nick also works hard, and is another good friend of mine.

Then Justin King goes up. He couldn’t get them to connect with him. Justin is a dude I like a lot. He is also a comic that has an edgier take when he is on stage. They just weren’t the type of crowd that was digging that. He didn’t bomb, but you could tell the people were a little tight.

I go in the smoking room to talk to Nick and Torrey. They are kind of going over their sets, and just decompressing from the room. Another comic comes in the room and tells Nick and Torrey an audience member grabbed them when they were going into the bathroom. The audience member asked him if they were a comic and they responded yes. They then said the audience member said well I hope you are way better than the first few comics.

So I am in my own head trying to get ready for this set. I don’t really know why this comic said that. I don’t think it was malicious, but it was just weird. It didn’t seem like a joke/ball busting, and I just felt bad for the guys. These two dudes are obviously aware they didn’t have their best sets. This isn’t a constructive comment and a thing that could have been saved for later when they could have appreciated it. Like I said I was already in my own head, and I can only go off of my own personal experiences, but right after I am off stage is not when I would want to hear that.

I am getting ready to go up. I don’t really want to honestly. I saw how the first few sets went and I didn’t really feel like doing crowd work. I know that is what would work, but I didn’t want to fight this crowd that hard. I talk to that comic before going up and they’re like you’ve got to be loud and dirty because that is what this crowd wants.

I knew what I needed to do to succeed, but I didn’t want to do it. So I made the decision to just do my jokes, and really sell them. I put faith in myself as a comedian that my jokes would work. There was a crowd. They had shown they wanted to laugh. So why wouldn’t my jokes work?

I went up and had a really hot set. I felt really good about it. I did ten minutes of just material and I was destroying. Everybody was into it and there was no table talk. I had everyone’s attention. I did all teaching material, and it was really fun to do. I wish I had recorded, but alas I did not. I felt like I had gotten the show back on track, and done my job. Which felt good since I was just doing a guest spot I asked for since I was already in the area. I love being able to follow through when I ask for something. I’d give my set an A-

I leave and head to Cozzy’s to get a quick set in before going home. This is the open mic that Nick usually runs, but since he had a show he had Addison Hall running the mic.

We get there and there is like 5 audience members and the rest comics. It is a low energy kind of night. A few people go up before me and do ok. The people in the audience seem to enjoy the show so I am ready to have a good time.

Nick goes up and does ok. He has a new premise he is working on that made me laugh. I’m excited to see where that joke goes. After him it is my turn. I go up and just do new stuff. It is working ok. I know some of it needs work (all of it does), but it feels good to try new and get some laughs. I lost the crowd in the middle when I worked out dad material. The audience members weren't on board. It did not matter how good the jokes were (could have been perfect) they weren’t into it. So I closed with a few different things. It turned out ok. I’d give my set a C-. I learned a lot, but didn’t do as well as I wish.

I grab my stuff and head home. Unfortunately I left four of my notebooks so I have to wait until this coming Sunday before I can get a chance to get them back. I have a friend who is going to snag them and I am eternally grateful. I drive home, and then pass out.

7/18

I was stoked for today’s show. Kenny Wingle asked me to be on Buckin Comedy at the Funny Bone. It is going to be a fun time. The lineup is going to be me Klingman, Bounce Adams (doing a guest spot), James Paulk, Kenny Wingle, and myself. Then we are going to do sex with me is like at the end.

The room is about half full, and we have been having a pretty good hang. It was nice to catch up with James. I don’t know him very well, and have only worked with him a couple of times, but it was nice to see him and talk. He has some more free time now so he is getting back into the comedy game a bit.

Wingle was running a little late, but the hang before the show ruled. Wingle finally shows up and we start the show. Klingman goes up and does ok. It seemed like he was nervosa to swear, but once he did he really got them locked in toward the end of his set. Bounce went up and had a very strong 5 minute set. Very rarely have I seen him not do well. His 5 minutes is kind of undeniable. It is good to see, and it gets the crowd going.

It is my turn and I go up and I feel like I am doing ok. Some jokes are hitting, and some aren’t. Everyone is having some fun, but it isn’t what I want. I have this one lady int he front row who keeps screaming every time I say anything. I finally address it and get a huge laugh. I”m like, “I am so happy you love what I’m doing, but every time you scream everyone in this crowd hates me.” So she stops, but I know I am going to have to revisit her situation.

I go back into my set and it is doing ok. It is like a wave. I”ll get a huge laugh and then a chuckle. Which isn’t bad, but I just want to be killing. I go back into the crowd and talk a bit more and I finally go back to the drunk lady. Her name is Theresa and she’s a prison nurse. I bust her balls because of how drunk she is and I ask her about the craziest thing that has ever happened at work. She said she can’t tell me because it is a “penis story”.

So I go into a long thing about how she has to tell me. I thank god for sending me a heckling angel. After she tells the story, and I bust her on it some more I get off stage. The crowd work killed, but the material did ok as well. I’d give my set a B-. After this I went and got a weekend of work and talked to Jason (RVA Funny Bone gm) about what steps he thinks I need to take to kind of get to the next level.

James and Kenny go next, but during this time I am in and out because I am eating. I called my mom to talk a bit. I miss my dad a lot. He would have super enjoyed this show. The show is going well, but I am ready for sex with me is like to happen.

At the end of Kenny’s set he brings everybody back up and we go into the game. They love this way more than they liked the standup portion. It is crazy and filthy and dirty. I got a huge laugh on almost all of mine. I felt like I was on fire. Everybody had good ones, and even when they don’t work it gets a laugh because we are busting balls. I’d give this portion of the show an A. It was a crazy fun time.

After the show I say goodbye, and get some pictures with audience members. I grab what is left of my dinner and head out. I watch some tv and pass out. This was a successful day.

7/19

The next day after work I went and met my mom. I had been booked to do a private birthday part for the mom of one of my best friends from high schools. It was a 50th birthday party and mom was invited. It was good for mom to see her friend and meet new people. I had a blast catching up with my buddy Steve. He asked me to be his his wedding and of course I accepted.

We had a good time eating and just talking. I was supposed to perform for about 10 to 15 minutes outside beside their pool. Everyone had been drinking a bit, but it was supposed to be a clean show.

I went out and it was super warm. I get brought up before everyone is outside. So I stall a bit and make small talk. I do some jokes and get some laughs. It is just weird since it is outside, and everyone is pretty far from me. I do my act and it goes ok. Not great, and not terribly. People liked it, but they weren’t vibing with me. I didn’t get the same energy I was putting out. I’d give this show a C. It was fun, but it wasn’t amazing.

Honestly the bet part was seeing my old friend, and meeting his fiancee. It was a truly awesome time. I grabbed mom and we said our goodbyes before heading back home.

7/20

The next night I was booked by Var to perform on his Comic Shop show. It was my first time doing comedy in a barbershop so I was pretty excited. I had heard the last few were pretty fun, an dI think I am the first white comic who had been booked on it.

I get there and get to talk to Var. It was nice to finally get to have a conversation with him. Then Mike Jay, T Harris Jr, and Chris St. John showed up. We were hanging and shooting the shit. It was a lot of fun. Then Jayron showed up as well.

The show started and this dude Juice went up. I’d never heard him before but he didn’t really click with the audience. He got some laughs, but he was super unpolished, and you had to work for their attention.

After him it was time for T Harris Jr. He was outside having a smoke break or something. So there is this weird lull in the show. I stand up and motion I am ready to go up. So he brings me up. I go into my act and start busting balls. There is legit like 5 people on their phones and this one chick not smiling at all. I got some ok pops. I am proud of the set I did and I had some good crowd work moments. I didn’t really crack them, but I did do way better than I expected due to how the crowd was acting.

I definitely learned a lot, and it was cool to be the dude that was ready to go at any moment. I’d give this set a C as well. I could have done better, but I didn’t. I adjusted as well as I could, but honestly half of the audience didn’t seem to give a flying shit about the show. The people who were into it dug it and that’s all I can ask. I talked and hung for a bit before heading out to hang with some friends. I then headed home. I was ready for a day off.

7/22

The next night I drove all the way to Charlottesville for The Southern. I set everything up, and got to catch up with the GM Danny, and Jeyon. We talked about future shows, and I was ready to try some new jokes.

Then the power went out. That is right the power went out. So we waited until 7:30 to make the call, but we ended up cancelling the show. The few comics that came out all decided to go to Applebees and grab a bite to eat. It was me JR, Kenn, Chris, Johnny Rad, and Jaye.

We had a good meal, and talked comedy and all types of other shit. It wasn’t the same as doing a mic, but it was better than doing nothing. Afterwards I headed home and passed out.

7/24

I had off the previous night as well since there were no shows in town. So I was really excited for today. I was going to hit up two open mics, and also check out my friend’s at the funnybone.

On my way to work I hit a pothole and messed up my wheel. I called roadside assistance and the dude who came was a dude who was a fan of mine. I had met him a few times. He called and was like are you from Richmond. I told him no, and he was like oh that is weird because there is a comedian who has the same name as you. I was like yea that is me.

He was super helpful. His name was Richard and as soon as he said his name I remembered him. He got my spare on and I went to my grandads shop. I needed a new wheel they said so I was stuck with no vehicle.

So I drove it on the spare to my uncle’s body shop. I dropped it off and had my aunt/uncle on my dad’s side pick me up. We went to lunch and had a really good time. Talking about dad and everything else. Then they drove me to my mom’s car at the dealership where dad used to work. I grabbed the vehicle and headed home. By this time it was too late to really do anything so I hunkered in. Another night without comedy is a huge bummer, but I know I have a lot of shows the rest of the week. I did some writing and passed out.

7/25

I was stoked to finally be able to do some comedy this week. I had The Winstmas Games and a super good lineup. It was going to be team Charlottesville vs team Richmond. I had Chris Alan, Paige Campbell, and Heather Kilburn going up against Patrick Buhse, James Muñoz, and Brandon Beswick.

I got there crazy early to set up everything. I am hoping for a good turnout, but the summer is tough. You never know what is going to happen. Some of the comics start to show up and we get the hang going. I have about 8 or 9 people on the guest list so at least there will be a few guaranteed there.

I am also excited because Kyra Elizabeth of Kyra Elizabeth Photography came out and was going to take some pictures of the show. She does killer work, and it was awesome that she was willing to come out! I can’t wait to see the pics!

We start the show a little late and eventually we have around 30ish people there. This isn’t terrible, but I am definitely disheartened. We start the show and I start to bring everyone out. The energy is pretty weird for the first 20 or so minutes. Like good jokes aren’t getting any laughs. So everyone is trying really hard.

Eventually the show picks up and becomes really fun. The crowd enjoyed it and we did a good 70 minute episode of the show. My only problem was I felt like I was getting talked over the entire night. Which is incredibly frustrating when hosting. Like the thing I am best at is sitting back, and waiting to have a response to some of these jokes and I wasn’t getting n opportunity to do that.

I knew if I kept trying to do it then it would only hurt the show. So I was more silent than usual on the show. We still had a great show I just didn’t have as much fun as I usually do. I kept the games moving, but as far as making my own jokes I didn’t get a chance to do it.

Beswick and Muñoz did really well. They kept trying to one up each other. Buhse had some killer callbacks. Heather was pretty silent. She didn’t have much to say, but when she did she had some pretty funny lines. Paige and Chris both also did pretty well.

We ended with Sex With Me Is Like and that seemed to go well. I might do this going forward because it guarantees the show ends on a laugh. I’d give the whole show a B, and my own personal performance an F. I really didn’t enjoy it, and I felt like I sucked.

I hung out with some friends a bit after and then headed home. I had a long weekend ahead of me.

7/26

The next day after work I hopped in my car and headed up too DC. I was going to be working the Improv the next few nights. I get off work an hour early! I’m hoping I miss traffic, but this is not the case. It took me 3 hours to make an hour 45 minute. It was miserable.

I finally get there and park and walk to the club. I am stoked. I am hosting two shows in the lounge. It is the standup showcase. The lineup is myself, Alex Scott, Ross Benoit, Paris Sashay, and Tony Woods. It is legit one of the best lineups I’ve ver been a part of. All of these folks are killers.

I’m chilling in the back and the comics start to show up. The hang is pretty fun, and Alex Scott and I start shooting the shit. Then Ross gets there. We talk about our upcoming show on Thursday, and just generally catch up.

The show is pretty packed. It is almost sold out. I am hoping it is a pretty fun crowd, but I haven’t gotten to so standup since Saturday and I feel so damn rusty. The show starts and I go up.

I do an ok set. Honestly it was just weird. I didn’t do poorly and I opened them up. I just know I could have done better. I stumbled on my words a little bit and it took me longer to connect to them. I honesty just need to be more confident, but I am so scared performing in DC. I’d give this first set a B-.

After me Alex goes up. He has a pretty good set, but they are still a little tight. Same thing for Ross. They’re all doing better than me, and it isn’t a bad crowd, but it just doesn’t feel like they’re loving the show. Then Paris goes up and she had a killer set, which was followed up by Tony Woods have a good one as well.

All in all it was a fun show, but I really hoped the next crowd was going to be better. I just wanted to step up and provide an even better show than the first one.

I chill for about an hour waiting for the second show. People start to file in and the pre show energy is awesome. They seem ready to go. It is also getting pretty full. I am way more confident than I was the first show. The first show reminded me that I know how to do this.

The second show starts and I go up and have a dope set. All of my stuff is working. They clicked with me from the beginning. I was smiling more, and we were all on the same page. There were moments I didn’t feel perfect, but for the most part it felt like I knew what I was doing again and deserved to be there. Hosting in the lounge can be tough. It is a different vibe than the main room. Sometimes they are crazy loose, and other times they are tight af. I am so glad this was the former. I’d give this set an A-.

The rest of the show goes great. Everybody is killing. Alex Scott kills, Ross murders, Paris slays, and Tony Wood absolutely destroys. He brings the house down. From top to bottom it is one of the best shows I have ever been on.

After this I head over to Big Hunt. I hang with Dom Rivera, Lafayette, and a few others. We are shooting the shit and hanging out. Andrew Cook comes out and is looking for someone to go first. I volunteer. I love going early here. No just because the audience is still there, but because I love the idea of getting home relatively early.

The show starts and there’s a pretty good crowd. Sami Sfeir is hosting and he has a solid opening set. He brings me up and I have a good one. I try a few new jokes and one goes over really well. I also get my R. Kelly joke to work the best it has in a while. I can’t wait for this to be the only thing I do. I’d give this set a B+.

After this I walk to my car. I hop in and drive to Fairfax. I get some snacks from the 7-11 and head to my buddies house. I get there and TJ gives me one of his Pony Gang t-shirts. It looks super dope and I am psyched. We watch a few episodes of Last Chance U and then I pass out.

7/27

The next day I pretty much just slept. I am trying to get caught up on how little I have slept the last month. TJ made burgers and we talked a bit before I went and took another nap.

I head into DC and go straight to the improv. There are less comics on the show tonight. It is just Ty Davis, Alex Scott, Ross, and myself. Matt Brown had to drop off because he was featuring at Magooby’s.

The show is absolutely packed. It looks like it is going to be a light crowd, but like five minutes before show time people start to pile in.

I go up and this might be the best show of the weekend. Everything works and feels good. I have a hot one and even try a new joke. That even works and I am just feeling it. I bring Ty Davis up and she kills. Then Ross, and Alex both destroyed. We had a super killer first show.

After this show ends a little early I am just hanging out talking to the staff. They say the second show is sold out so I am anticipating a fun one. I was wrong.

I hated my set. I felt like I was bombing my dick off. I felt like no one was enjoying it. I’d get a laugh and then nothing. Then I’d get another laugh and then nothing. It was just awful. I was so upset about this set. I’d give it a D. I am better than this and I can do better than this.

Everyone else after me did well. They had to work a little harder than they did in the first show, but I felt like I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. I felt like a hack. I hate comedy when stuff like this happens. You can do well and then the very next set it looks and feels like I have never done comedy before.

After this show I headed to Big Hunt. It is an incredibly light crowd there for the open mic. But Sean Patton who was headlining left and was like, “ladies and gentleman that is how you don’t headline a room.” He said he felt horrible the entire weekend about the shows. This made m feel a little better. If this absolutely hilarious dude who is headlining feels this way then it is ok for me to.

I get to go up 8th. Dylan showed up and we get to chill a bit. It is always fun to talk comedy and see him. We chat about our shows, and then start to watch. I get to see some of my friends go up like Lafayette, Denise Taylor, Ross, Maddy, and a few others. They’re all doing pretty well. The crowd is hard to crack because they are all wasted and there is only like 15 of them. I tell myself I am going to try some new stuff when I go up.

I go up and I actually do pretty well. I get some pretty big laughs, and I tried a handful of new things. All but one of the new things worked. My energy felt good, and I just felt comfortable. I definitely felt like this was a very productive set. I really want to keep working at it and moving my way up the chain here. I’d give this set a C.

As soon s I am off stage I grab my stuff and say goodbye. I dipped out and started walking to my car. I have off tomorrow and I was so excited to just pass out at home and wake up and relax.

I get to my car and have absolutely no traffic the entire way back home. I get there around 3 and watch a little tv before passing out. I am ready for a day off.

7/29

Today starts pretty good. Get to go bowling for a field trip at work which was killer. Then I get a fb message from Kyra and she sent me some absolutely amazing photos of The Winstmas Games. At least it looks like the show was amazing. Legit hope she does some more because I was extremely impressed.

After work my mom picks me up since my car has been out of commission. She drives me to go grab my car and the bill ends up being half of what we thought. I ended up needing two wheels, but they sent one that had a flaw in it and they let me keep it for free. So I basically got two wheels for the price of one. Which is amazing and honestly I really needed it.

I grab my car and head up to Charlottesville. I met Keaton Ray for dinner. We talked comedy and about when his show was coming back at The Bridge. We go over some bits, and destroy some Jack Browns. Samantha Padgett and her significant other Lucy show up. We talk to them as we are leaving and tell them we will see them soon.

We head over to the Southern and I start to grab all of the PA stuff. I also take down all of the chairs, and get the tables moved. I don’t set the PA up yet because last time I did the damn power went out. So I just go and kind of relax as other comics show up.

JR shows up and he sets the PA up. A few people show up an hour beforehand and they aren’t even performing which is pretty cool. Some people brought friends and we have a pretty big lineup. John Marg showed up. As did Jack Gerow, Kenn Edwards (after I left), Jake Snyder, Paige (as I was leaving), Dylan, Sam Wood, Sam Padgett, Jack Johnston, and a lot more.

The hang is super fun. I go outside and Sam P called me over. She was being hassled by a weird dude trying to get a hug and sell her some drugs. It was sketchy af so I just chilled next to her until she was able to move.

Chris and I shoot the shit and are riffing inside before the show starts. It was nice to just kind of unwind and bust balls. It had been a minute since we had been able to do that. I really missed it.

The show started at around 8:15 and we had an ok sized crowd. Chris goes up and is having a fun hosting set. He actually tried some new jokes, and was busting everybody’s balls. As he went on I started to feel pretty sick. I don’t know what it was.

I honestly think a lot of it is stress from my dad. I haven’t slept much, and I have been having horrible stomach problems due to anxiety. I also think the greasy burger and fries I ate (as delicious as they were) did not help the situation.

Over the course of the show more and more people show up. I am up fifth, and before that I am running to grab chairs until we have a pretty awesome packed house for the open mic. Dylan went up first and he had a solid opening set.

Then a few more comics went up. They all did ok. The crowd had been enjoying it and kind of hot, but they hadn’t really popped yet. There was a gay comic from New York who said he used to do comedy in the 80s. He defiantly had an 80s vibe, but he also had a few jokes I enjoyed. I hope he keeps coming out.

Then it was Sam Wood’s turn. She goes up and I start to get mentally ready to try and have a hot set. I want to do better than I did the last day in DC. So I get new jokes ready, and I just want to go.

She brings me up, and people start to get up to talk and get drinks. So I am just patient and bide my time. I ask a few questions and use the first minute or so to just get people on my wave length and have them ready for the show.

Once people are settled in I proceeded to have a really good set. My jokes were working, and I was able to get some stuff tighter than it used to be. I also did some crowd work I really enjoyed. I got this one dude involved and pretended he was one of my favorite porn stars. I kept calling him Mike Rod and he was there with his mom. It was a lot of fun.

I’d give this set an A-. There were like one or two things that didn’t get the pop I wanted, but overall a great set. I got some big pops and woke up the crowd. I felt like I did my job, and at the same time got to work on some new material.

After my set I started to feel incredibly sick. I had to leave. I hung around for a few more comics and talked a little bit, but I couldn’t take it anymore. I packed my stuff up and said goodbye and headed out. I caught Paige on the way out and told him I felt shitty. After this I hopped in the car and headed home. I chilled for a bit with my mom and then just passed out. I needed it.

I AM CAUGHT UP AGAIN! You can’t keep me down laydees! I am defeating this damn blog one way or another. I refuse to not do it. I need to write about some other stuff that isn’t just my shows. I will figure it out baybees! Until then I love you so much and thank you for reading! See ya soon! xoxo

#comedy #jokes #standup #bomb #dc #charlottesville #richmond #va #rva #cville #comedyrva #improv #gameshow #podcast #hilarious

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