#a few of my firends are also part time actors

[sh4m]

For those wondering, I live on the East Coast of Australia, this might help make things make sense later.

~

Watching the clips circulating from the Oscar's has lead me to look back on some things and have to come to terms with others.

Like how when I was younger I wanted to he an actor, not the big, well known silver screen kind, but the stage kind, the kind that only certain people knew about, but still cared enough to give a shit about.

No, this wasn't because of Hamilton, it was because of things like Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake piece, the one everyone knows, and Shakespeare, and this one scene from some kind of Cirque du Soleil-esq show where these two men are trying to give this woman on a balcony a rose, so they stack these chairs and tables and other things too, they stacked them up so high!

Just to give her a rose.. it was a while ago like maybe when I was 7 years old that I watched it at like midnight with my parents when i definitely should have been sleeping..

I did plays in high school and the drama teachers would always tell me about workshops and different shows that were on, and the shows would be amazing! And because it was usually a matinee with other schools, the actors and crew would let us ask questions and give advice and tips at the end of the performance!

My mother, however, wasn't too supportive. She would tell me that it was a waste of time and that the other people were better than i was, so I didn't go to the workshops and after a while I stopped asking if I could.

So I stopped trying to be on stage, and tried to do different things. I did art, music, sport, writing, I read more books, I played video games, and I started playing dungeons and dragons to try and make me feel better.

She didn't take me wanting to be a singer and a musician kindly either.

But working in around that kind of entertainment is addictive in a way, the lights, the stage, the thrill of getting it all perfect.. it's not something that can be forgotten either.

So I changed my craft! I started working doing tech and backstage stuff, I would haul around props and and set up stages, rig lights and sound, run cables all around the school hall, and sit in the wings during every performance and watch as it all came together.

And I was happy with that! Hell, I'm even doing a certificate course so I can do it professionally, any thing from live entertainment and music festivals to awards shows!

And then I saw all the speeches from the awards that Everything Everywhere All at Once won, and it made me remember something that I blocked out from one of the shows I acted in.

At the end, when everyone was leaving and people were saying the whole 'oh, you were so good!' to the cast, only a few non POC audience member that wasn't a teacher that I knew personally or a friend of mine said that I did a good job, nor to my Middle Eastern friend that was on stage the entire show. All the congratulations and 'good jobs!' that we got were majority from people of colour, people that looked like us.

I remember talking to the one of the leads after with their parents.. their parents didn't know I was in the play until the lead, a friend of mine, introduced me to them.. we had meet like 3 times before then.

After helping pack some things up and grabbing my stuff to leave with my dad, the music teachers stopped us to say that I did a good job and to chat too. One was a white, young, gay man, who everyone at the school loved and the other was a small, old, Asian woman, she was my first music teacher and the vocal ensemble teacher, I remember her asking what I wanted to do after school and when I said acting she asked if I wanted to do the film kind.

When I said I wanted to do stage acting I remember her eyes light up with excitement, and looking back what looked like hope.

I never had the heart to tell her that I gave up before moving to a new high school.

The Oscar's made me realised that I lost my chance to be under stage lights and that now I'll only ever be behind them. It made me grieve something I never had for the past 4 hours. I sarted crying about this at around 4am, it's 7am right now.

Now I've slowly come to terms with it, and have to leave for school in an hour, and funnily enough I have my entertainment course today as well.

We're doing our stage lighting module this term.

[one-twisted-sister]

Purple shenanigans

Canndi was hunched over her book reading it was one from back in the day when she would go to church every chance she got, hey didn't hurt to brush up in some religion from time to time, she was so caught into it that she didn't hear the quiet snickers just beyond the church benches or the little whispers. The purpleblood finally did pause her reading to sit up a bit looking around, everything seemed as is the windows shaking a little front the wind that blew by though couldn't help feeling like she wasn't the only troll there.

Canndi closed the book she had, had her nose buried in before standing getting a blade from her specibus thumb pressing on on a small button that was on the handle making the sharp blade pop free from the handle. The candlelight danced on the face of the weapon as the clown inched from her seated spot. "Okay who's there?!." The clown yelled her knife held out. " I got a blade and I'm not afraid to use it!". Canndi looked left then right however the problem was that she was to focused on what was in front of her that she didn't see the figure sneaking up behind her until it was to late, arms wrapped around her middle lifting the clown from the floor. Canndi gave a squeal swinging her arms.

"Candy girl!!." Came the excited voice of Astrid, a fellow clown and followed by that was the laughter of Domini the youngest clown holding her middle. YOUR FUCKING FACE!!!." Domini yelled through her laughter having fallen back into one of the churches benches jer hand resting upon her forehead. Canndi huffed as she closed the knife and tucked it in her pocket, the other behind her was laughing as well all that dyed hair bouncing  swaying the smaller girl back and forth. " Damn it you guys that could have ended badly!". Canndi yelled at bother of them, Domini sat forward sticking the tip of her tongue out at Canndi as Astrid set her down running to take a seat beside Domini on the bench leaning back. " Could have yes bit it didn't." Astrid spoke holding up her index finger to which Canndi only huffed at before pausing. "Oh-oh wait I think- I think i hear the messiahs they're saying." Paused for a moment acting as if she were trying really hard to hear. " They're saying that you both are-.

 Are..., Are dicks!." The clown laughed watching the girls faces Astrid being the second to start laughing as she moved to sit cross legged on 5he bench. "What are you guys doing here anyway?".

Canndi asked moving to take a seat pulling a bag of fruit gummies from her pocket taking one out popping it into her mouth before the bag was tilted towards her big haired firend who gave a gleeful squee taking a couple of the chewy sugary treats popping une into her own maw. "Just cause." Domini answered getting up to grab a couple of those chewy sugar balls Canndi squinted at her. "Just cause?." The purpleblood echoed in question. " Okay, okay fine we're here to check up on you and how your recovery is going." Canndi face relaxed into a small smile.

"It's going good."

"Have you eaten correctly in the past week?." Astrid asked to that Canndi was silent to as the two other purples sighed Astrid being the first to speak.

"Canndi girl you need to start eating more that just these." The singer tapped at the bag. "It's not only unhealthy you don't get all the vitamins and shit you need."

"I don't eat that many sweets Ast."

"Then that tells me you're not eating at all." Canndi sighed and stood from the bench. "Just- leave me alone okay guys?, I'm doing fine I haven made anymore  pops, haven't touched the slime or the pixie dust I'm f I n e."

Astrid and Domini looked at their friend in worry then at each other they knew she wasn't fine, not as fine as she thought she was bit they knew they couldn't just force her well if things got to bad again Domini would definately grab that funnel again she didn't want to loose her friend, perhaps a softer approach. "Hey Canndi girl." Astrid spoke up.

"We know ya doin' fine and you really are not asking to much but maybe at least another meal or two even if it's just little bits and pieces hey the leaning monolith wasn't built in a day, stuff like this takes time and is part of the recovery process since your doing really good on this part let's climb the next step okay?." Astrid spoke softly, kindly and sweetly to the other whom looked at her friend before giving a small snort. "The next step huh?." There were still so many to climb and she was still at the bottom well maybe not the bottom, bottom. Camndi's thought were interrupted but a hand on her arm looking down she was met with Domini's purple hues.

"Yeah- hey you know what we were about to head out for lunch come with us Cancan." Domini spoke giving the girls arm a gentle shake Astrid doing the same to her opposite arm making the female laugh louder. "Resistance is futile." Astrid snickered out making Canndi laugh a little harder. "Alright, alright I'll come with you guys just lemme put the book back I don't need Misccu on my ass again about leaving the books out."

"That guy is a creepy fuck." Domini spoke stopping to look around expecting the male to pop from the shadows or something  she didn't trust him even if he was a man of the church... then again did she trust any Western purples besides Astrid and Canndi?.

"Oh come on now he's not that bad". Canndi chuckled in the males defense as she gathered the book up from where she had left it. "I'll be out in a minute you two go a head."

"Alright we'll see ya outside." Astrid got up from her spot tugging at her shorts a bit before heading to the huge set of doors Domini standing to follow. " Hold it." The younger purple spoke as she walked over to Canndi moving to pluck the bag of gummies from the older purple. "I'm stealing these." Domini announced as she turned on a heel to head out leaving Canndi chuckling. "And you say I'm the sweets junky."  Domini stuffed some of them gummies into her mouth before giving the other the one finger salute on the way out.

A few minutes passed as the two females waited for their friend .

"Where the hell is she?."

"Maybe she ran into Mis and he hypnotized her and drained her of her blood." Domini spoke before stuffing another gummie into her maw, Astrid arching a brow.

"Dom, I highly doubt that Mis is a fucking rainbowdrinker ."

"He looks like one ."

"How do you know what a rainbowdrinker looks like?."

".....Movies." Astrid rolled her eyes how did she not see an answer like that coming.

"Hey brat give me one of those."

"No way these are mine"

"Damn it Dom". Before long the two were playing a half assed game of keep away Doming throwing one of the treats at Astrid only for her to throw it back both laughing.

"You're gonna get fat if you eat them all!."

"I'm already fat!."

"Oh my lord no you're not child."  Being called a child made Domini stop long enough for Astrid to nab the bag from her.

Finally Canndi came out of the church to join up with the two. "Hey sorry I took so long Mis wanted to go over a few things about next weeks meeting  with me, Saelcu and Macacu."

"Did he also ask you to strip and bite your neck?." Domini spoke in monotone making Astrid choke on of the treats the woman smacking her chest to help dislodge the thing.

"DOM!."

"AST."

"You both are weird no he didn't, c'mon let's go."    Canndi laughed the three heading off to the nearby cafe. "After this you guys wanna come over and watch a movie or something?." Domini asked walking in between the two.

"Yea I'm game."

"Me to." Both agreeing. "But what to watch?." Canndi tapped at her bottom lip trying to think of a movie or something she had in her movie box.

"Maybe something Eastern they'er entertaining". Domini suggested only to hear Astrid laugh. "Dom we all know the only reason you'd want to watch an Eastern movie is so you can eye fuck the actors". Dominis entire face went almost as dark as her blood color. "ASTRID!!." The young purple damn near hissed  while the others were laughing up a storm. "And your one to talk! I see how you stare at the music and concert videos!." Domini spoke pointing at her Astrid giving a fake offended look and gasp. " I am only doing research on stage performance."

"Does that also include trying to guess which one has the biggest d-mmphh!?." Domini was cut off by a hand that was rested over her mouth.

"Alrighty!, since the perigee of spirits is close how about a horror movie! Like Spiritsnight? Everyone loves Martell Mayers or Dusk of the Dead?." Canndi pulled her hand from Dominis face finally giving her the 'be good' look which she made a face at bit decided to do so handed off what was left of the gummy bag back to Canndi whom stuck it into her pocket.

As they walked to the cafe the bell above the door jingling as they walked in the male behind the counter waving to them.

"Hey girls!."

"Hey Sidney!."

"Yo Sid!."

"Sup!."

Domini bumped fists with the fellow purpleblood as the three took a seat on the stools at the front table. "Hey Sid, have you heard from Yoshio?." Domini asked while playing with a few packets of jam, plucking one sending it flying only to be caught by the troll behind the counter and placed back down onto the rack. “Nah I haven’t yet should soon though you how the service is in these parts.”

“Yeah true it sucks more than Canndi -.”  Said troll choked while she was in mid conversation with another troll whom turned bright blue. “Astrid Sabiha!.” “I was gonna say ‘does on lollipops you perv!.” “Me the perv?!.” Domini watched the two looking back and forth between them. “You would swear they were really related.” For once she wasn’t being the crazy one as she turned around placing an order for tea. “Make that three Din and Gus will want some I’m sure.”