#a bunch of stupid sucky internal pain??? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mejomonster · 2 years ago

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I said I was writing a novel to someone

and they were like "oh that's good! Writings a good way to process what you've been through" and hoo boy right then did it slam home that to a medical professional it would seem I got health problem related trauma out the wazoo

#rant #ToT i was like. she thinks... i write... to cope with nearly dying in the hospital and starving months and being cut up a lot and in #a bunch of stupid sucky internal pain???#i mean. i wouldnt say i Dont have medical trauma....#when i read The Body Keeps the Score i realized i probably had some even from birth #the whole premie baby unit thing. then a heart problem taking all my calories to keep me alivr making me a tiny child with chest pain #age 5 birthday appendicitis and mu mom told me i didnt even cry i just said to her i was sad i couldnt play #age 8 heart surgery Fixing the lifelong to that point bullshit so i gained 100 lbs almost innediately once body could STORE ENERGY and #wasnt nearly dying nonstop. age 17 mental health decided to try and kill me for several years which id say was worse but not medical?#then fixed mental uealth and GALBLADDER tried to hurt me nonstop agh #then this gastroparesis etc gi bullshit #anyway. um yes i suppose there may be somr medical trauma compoundint the ptsd for other reasons lmao #but. i write cause... i like silly queer morally grey faeries...#and explorint the idea of who is a #person how much can someone change before they cease to be them. and there can be love and safety #and community and better days even if we go thru suffering or feel everyrhing is The Worst #shdjdj but yeah at physical therapy she was like ah yes youre in mega pain daily #writing is a GREAT OUTLET #dhdhdjfj???!!!!#dude no i want to do boxing now thats an outlet. i need to hit stuff #dancing is my actual outlet btw. unless im too injured to dance :c then mentally im WANTING to dance

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