#a boost of sorts since posting privately and publicating posts later fucks engagement

[amored-core-hotties]

Attention, mercenaries.

The quarter-finals are here. Only one NPC can be declared the hottest, and the voters have narrowed it down to eight.

"Chatty" Stick. Among the most fuckable, though we are not sure how.

PCA Enforcement System. How? It is just a text-to-speech.

G5 Iguazu. This one is the most perplexing to us. How the fuck? Oh well. At least he's human.

Middle Flatwell. He is surprisingly unremarkable. People likely do not find him attractive- they find the version of Flatwell that '7albi', an RLF propagandist characterize him as.

C-Pulse Wave Mutation Ayre. We saw this one coming. You saw this one coming. Another non-human. You mercenaries are strange.

Handler Walter. Another one we predicted. His voice is naturally appealing.

NIGHTFALL Raven. This one took us by surprise. Perhaps we chose the wrong 'Raven' to pin our plan on.

V.IV Rusty. Might just win.

[chaosciara]

I need to hear about your instagram crush 👀 🍿

oh my god jae I do not think you know what you’ve just opened by asking this of me😫are you ready? I could talk about this boy for HOURS!

let me take you on a Journey™️

so some things you need to know about me first:

1. my obsession with pretty boys (and people in general) extends far beyond me crying about them on tumblr (which I do quite frequently). ergo pretty boys tend to pop up on my instagram feed as fashion influencers, dancers, singers, pottery artists (this is a very large niche apparently?) and most frequently: gym goers.

2. now another thing you need to know about me: i DO NOT gym. beyond not being even remotely interested in it, I also have a myriad of joint problems (shoutout jana (@disappearsreappears ) for being metaphorical cane-babes together) and therefore going to the gym and doing cool gym stuff is not really an option for me. so naturally I don’t actively engage in gym content for gym related purposes, in any aspect of my life

3. but nonetheless because I love pretty boys, and THEY love gym, I get a lot of gym content on my Instagram.

4. another thing you need to know: I spend a clinically distressing amount of time on instagram. like if you think I waste away on tumblr, instags is at least twice as bad :/

5. that means I get through A Lot of content in one day. but, while I’m pretty liberal about what content I watch and engage in, I’m quite strict about who I follow. instagram is a nightmare of suggestions and recommendations in the home feed, the explore page, and the reels so the small amount of curation I actually can do, I keep under strict lockdown.

6. therefore despite having lots of fun seeing pretty boys in my reels and smiling ridiculously at the screen as they attempt to hit personal gym records for weird shit like russian deadlifts and bulgarian split squats, I don’t just follow every pretty human i see.

7. in fact, unless I really really like your videos (/content) and they surpass my usual serotonin boost I don’t care how many times you come up in my feed I probably won’t follow you.

8. one more thing about me: I have two instagram accounts — one I created in 2013 and has been on private and will continue to be on private since then (it’s my main Instagram where I follow all my people from). and the other I started in 2021 to post more of my chaos things > that one is public and full of nonsense and I don’t follow anyone from there cause I use it purely as an memory book of sorts (it’s linked on all my tumbles so I’m not linking here but the important thing is that it’s public so anyone can see what I post < that’s important for later)

okay onto my Instagram crush and (self proclaimed) love of my life 😫

scott ho (aka @/scottoho) popped up in my reels in January this year (I think it was jan it may have been the undefined time between dec and jan but I’m like seventy five percent sure it was jan) with this sinful video (I’d like to defend myself at this point and say not all, in fact almost none of, the gym related videos that pop up in my feed are this…slutty… though I’m certainly not complaining). and I was like oh my god he’s preetttyyyyyy.

but I didn’t follow him (see above) I just liked the reel and moved on. but (for those who managed to avoid the instags hellscape) interacting once with something on there will most definitely prompt an entire slew of that account’s (and other accounts like it) content. so over the next few days I got a couple more scott related gym videos.

usually I take about a month or more to follow someone if I keep seeing their content and like it. it took me two days to follow him😫I saw an arm workout, a leg workout, and my absolute weakness, a back workout

I was SOLD!

pretty boy ✅

shows us pretty back muscles✅

and one of his posts had him looking gorgeous in a baby blue sweater at a fucking art gallery✅ (lord I’m still unsure how I survive him)

now yes he was a pretty boy I followed but he wasn’t, at this stage my instagram crush. no, not yet. a couple weeks and many videos go by where I’m happy to see him on my feed and enjoy his content

15 jan (I know the date cause I sent his vid to a friend I was crying about it to) rolls around and a leg workout pops up. INSTANT LOVE. I don’t know what the fuck was in that video but I was GONNNEEEE about it. literally just tumbled head first into obsession

and that marks the day I started looking forward to see his content on my feed (clinically down bad at this point)

he then posted this video dancing to that adorable “sure thing” trend (“if you be the cash I’ll be the rubber band etc etc.”) and I melted straight into the earth’s core and immediately saved that video to my instags. I also went through the effort of reposting that video on my public instagram account purely so he would be able to see it! and he did! and he liked my story and I cried about THAT for about eighty five days

fast forward to me screaming shaking crying throwing up about him on a daily basis and telling my friend in LA she has to pack him in her suitcase when she’s coming back because I. NEED. HIM!!!! (she said she would but she also has my soju glasses and frankly those are still more important no matter how much I love him)

AND THEN: (cause no this is not over — I told you you opened the doors to hell)

he posted this video showing what he looked like before his workout (muscles less defined, skin not as flushed, so so gorgeous) and after (muscles more defined, skin a pretty pink, the most beautiful ever!). and the caption for the video was “before the pump and after the pump // can you tell the difference?”

and me (who is delusional but also forward as hell) commented: “pretty before, pretty after ✨” which he then responded to with “ur pretty during”.

JAE I DIED????!!!!!! HOW DARE HE DO THAT TO ME????? I FUCKING PASSED OUT!!!!!!

(and yes I know he was just being smooth with it and he defs has zero idea what I look like and he responds to lots of comments etc. etc. but love is delusional and I’m obsessed so I will continue to live in fantasy world)

anyway that comment (and his reply) got some attention (I’m still getting notifications about it which is extremely annoying does anyone know how to stop them?).

alas after this he posted a video where he and another influencer did a skit where they pretended to bump into each other by accident. it was very cute and I cried about it because the love of my life is in love with someone else what am I gonna do I can’t believe this😔😔😔😔I was in heartbreak central.

BUT after that I found out he played basketball (which is my favourite sport to watch) and I was back to WANTING TO MARRY HIM!

and then he posted a video showing his overnight oats recipe which I then reposted on stories with the caption “two meals in this video” which he saw and liked (when you’re in love those little instagram floating hearts really be giving you all the chemicals you need) (really at this point I’m just surprised my mother hasn’t called asking why I’m publicly thirsting over someone?)

anyway, I’m stocked up nice and full on my daily scott serotonin boost when a couple days later he posts a shoulder work out and I reposted that on my stories

(guys please understand I don’t follow him from my public account I really am so fucked I go through a whole process for reposting on the off chance he’ll see it UGH)

with the caption, “my only goal this year is to be so delusional I can pretend I’ll bump into @/scottoho on the street even though we live 10’s of 1000’s of km’s away from each other // it’s working btdubs (I’m so delusional)” which he REPLIED TO with: “maybe if you come to LA” and suddenly I had a notification from him in my direct messages 😫😫😫😫😫please I could not contain myself I think I crashed the metaphorical car . I was i n c o h e r e n t about it !!!

anyway after not recovering from that at all I am fully in the thirsting business when it comes to scott and I don’t see myself stopping until I get ignored because he got so popular he just cannot realistically reply to everyone (please that’s nightmare day😭😫) < can y’all tell I like attention?

ps. he posted the cutest ramble on his stories yesterday I watched it like seventeen times I can’t believe stories disappear I need to eat this man!

okay thank you for letting me take you on this journey. I hope you can understand I’m really going through it with him at the moment (because I’m fucking on crack and also delusional) and there will definitely be more tumblr posts where I cry about him (I can’t say I’m sorry)

mwah! sending love jae :) <3