#a bit what i imagine a hangover feels like except I've never had a hangover so i can't know for sure | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

im-poe-dameron · 2 years

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CELESTIAL SERENITIES

➔CLONE WARS ARC #01: SUCCIDUOUS

a/n: the bitch is back on the obi-wan whore train and i'm dropping yet another series. basically this was built on the plot of a single sex-pollen one shot with this man and i figured why not add "feelings". i started this way back in early 2021 and was unable to finish it and i honestly think this is the longest i've spent on a single smut story. so i hope you enjoy!

this starts directly before the clone wars and will have several arcs to get to the new show.

summary: once friends, now strangers, you come across obi-wan in a place you certainly didn't expect. only for things to go awry a few hours in.

word count: 9.1k+

pairing: obi-wan kenobi x fem!reader (the name astra is used but it's still reader insert)

warnings: explicit AF SO MINORS GO AWAY, cussing, angst, past feelings coming up, sex-pollen, hair pulling if you squint (on both sides), p in v sex, fingering, alcohol consumption, slight rough sex, creampie, gratuitous description of emotions, unhappy ending.

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“I am never getting that drunk again.”

A saying everyone uses for when they’ve consumed enough alcohol to believe they can literally do anything. You wanted to say the whole night was a blur. That you blacked out somewhere between him finding you and stumbling in your bedroom a few hours later. Except you couldn’t get the images out of your head. They remained stuck, burned behind your eyelids, as the lovely ache between your legs began to show with each slight shift you made in bed.

“I’m never getting that drunk again,” you muttered, too exhausted to use your voice fully and already feeling the comings of a hangover. One that would no doubt have you sprinting out of bed to find a bathroom.

Going back to sleep would help. It would rid your mind of the thoughts that seemed to plague it, only the second you closed your eyes...there it was. Like a holofilm on loop it played and played, seemingly clearer each time. The sounds you made when he touched you, how his skin—radiating warmth—felt against yours.

Damn you for even suggesting a change in drinks. The cooler was enough for both of you and yet something came over you—a certain memory of the both of you getting into trouble. Usually with a bottle of alcohol he had managed to steal from his master’s room.

He had a job to do and drinking with a former friend of his was not the way to do it. What seemed like a good idea at the time now felt like a horrible act to wake up to the very next day. Only eventually you’d have to face the music and get on with it. You just wished you had more time to think things through; an explanation to why you took the drink in the first place.

Turning slowly you settled on the bed even further, exhaling until no more air could possibly remain trapped within your lungs. Yet only a few centimeters away lay the very man you might have made a horrible mistake with. Obi-Wan Kenobi, your old friend from back in the day, slept soundly. His chest rising and falling every few seconds, eyelids fluttering to let you know that he was dreaming.

What you would say when he finally opened those eyes...you had no clue. All you really did know was one simple fact and it was this.

You were fucked.

“We really shouldn’t be here.”

You were sipping at some kind of drink that tasted far too sweet for your taste buds, when you heard the unmistakable voice of someone you knew all too well. At first you thought it was a figment of your imagination. That the drink was stronger than you anticipated and yet there he stood, hair a bit longer than the last time you’d seen him and a beard dusted across his cheeks. It still remained him all the same.

Obi-Wan Kenobi.

If you had the time you would have gone over to him; said hello and went about your night. Only that wasn’t the reason you slouched further in your chair, hood covering your face as you sipped at your drink. The thing was...you had the time. You had all night to do what you wished with whoever you wanted, and that was originally your plan. But then—he had to walk in.

Now all you could think about was getting on your speeder and heading home. It would be a pathetic attempt to keep your past in the past and while it would have been nice to catch up. You knew that the second he saw you—he’d pull out the lightsaber that hung at his side. The anger from your previous encounter was not yet distant enough in time for him to have easily forgotten how you left him. How he gave you everything he could have offered you and you slipped out during the night—leaving nothing behind but a piece of your jewelry from the night before.

To leave now would be an impossible option, due to the fact that he positioned himself to watch the doors with ease. You chose instead to walk over to the bar. Melting into the crowd and finding a spot that wasn’t too close and yet still not too far. Why you felt this need to still be close enough to him was beyond you, and it was something you wouldn’t have been able to explain. Ever since you saw him for the first time all those years ago, you’d felt drawn to him—to who he was on the inside.

Not just a Jedi.

Not just a warrior, but someone who held so much more within than he let people see.

Ordering yet another drink without bothering to get the name, you sipped at it slowly and did your best to keep your heart rate down. If what you remembered was true, then he probably knew you were standing there already. Which meant there would no doubt be an altercation with him. You had to get out of there. Escape out the back, find someplace to go and come back later for your speeder, but you couldn’t move your feet.

“Master should I head back?”

Master?

That was certainly a new thing, but of course things in his life would be vastly different from the last time you’d seen him. Focusing on the reddish hue of your drink you attempted to push away every emotion that seemed to resurface. Each one, even more painful than the last. A Jedi is not allowed to form attachments. His words rang in your ears as if he said them aloud mere moments ago, when in fact it had been years.

At first you wondered if he thought that’s why you left. Why you never came back to him, but things had changed since you last saw one another. For the better in his case it seemed. Watching as the boy you assumed to be his padawan walked out of the entrance of the bar, you downed the rest of your drink and fixed your hood to cover the top half of your face.

Getting out of here was your only option. It had to be.

Passing through the crowd, you moved slowly, trying to appear as inconspicuous as possible and you felt the relief wash over your body as you passed him. That is until something latched tightly onto your upper arm; the grip bordering on almost painful. You yanked on them in the hopes that they were drunk and grabbed you by accident, but as your hood dropped back from your face you met the eyes of your captor.

“Dewdrop.” The nickname was like a stab to your senses, lighting your body on fire and cooling the fear you felt seconds before.

You weren’t sure how to go about this. Obi-Wan still held your arm in a tight grip, almost as if he was making sure you were in fact real. That the person who left him stood before him in the flesh and he wasn’t being tricked by the drink that he had just downed. Allowing yourself to relax into his hold, you watched his eyes take in your attire; drink in the sight of you grown up and different.

The both of you may have changed, but behind the calculated exterior you saw nothing but the boy you had once loved.

Falling into ease once more, your lips curled up into a teasing grin. “What’s the matter Obi-Wan? Loth-cat got your tongue?”

“You’re here.” His face held only one expression; the continued disbelief that he was actually holding onto you.

“You sound disappointed,” you said, taking in the sight of how he looked in the low-lights of the bar. “I was on my way out. If you’d prefer me to go—”

“No.” The quickness of his response left you stunned and it looked as though he felt the same way, because he was quickly letting go of your hand. Giving you space to choose whether you wished to stay or go as he leaned back against the bar. A new drink behind him, already replacing his finished one.

You blamed the alcohol that began to work its way through your veins for the reason you found yourself stepping next to him. Taking his drink and sipping at it yourself in order to calm the nerves that jumped under your skin. He caught you—knew you were alive—and now there was nothing to do but talk to him. About what? You weren’t sure. Part of you hoped that he’d keep the past in the past and continue on with talks of now, but another small part of you, almost minuscule, wanted to hear what he had to say.

Wanted to apologize for leaving.

“You look well,” he said, flagging down the bartender.

Coughing from the sting of the drink you nodded—rather awkwardly. “So do you.”

You felt as though all conversation had vanished from your repertoire of skills altogether, because you were floundering for what to say. After so long, a simple conversation seemed impossible, and yet you two had managed once before. The lasting memories of the conversations you held together were still ingrained in your mind. You knew it wouldn’t go back to being that simple—no matter how much you hoped for just that to happen.

Mentally you thanked your cloak for covering the symbol on your arm that would have him recoiling from you in disgust. One you hated wearing for that very same reason. Things had changed; you were no longer the innocent girl he once met on Corellia all those years ago, and he was no longer the padawan who would do anything to become a Jedi.

“What are you doing on Coruscant?” he asked, seeing your fingers tap lightly on the empty glass you held like your life depended on it. You were uncomfortable, that much was obvious.

“Hunting.”

He reared back, eyes blinking from slight shock. “Hunting? What do you—” He caught the meaning before he could finish his sentence. “Bounties?” he exclaimed.

Hiding a snort with a cough you tried not to laugh at the sheer disbelief on his face. “You’re acting as if it’s such a horrible thing.”

“How did you end up in that situation?”

You couldn’t fight the smile any longer, because the way he spoke—his tone, expression—it all showed how concerned he was about what you were doing. If only he knew the truth. Except you figured this was merely a friendly catch up, reminiscing on old things of the past before once more moving on with your current lives. That’s why you smiled, why when the bartender finally arrived you placed an order for the best drink they had.

Were you being hasty and jumping into something you should have stayed away from? It would seem so, but when had either of you let things be?

“The best drink or the most expensive?” The bartender asked, a weary look in his eyes from working all day and night.

Obi-Wan interjected, sliding the credits towards him. “The best tasting one you have.”

You didn’t catch it in time, but you would later when the drink had taken its effect. When things were too far gone to turn back. A small glint briefly flashed in the man’s eyes before fading away seconds later—his head nodding in understanding. Surely it meant nothing. Surely you were being paranoid, just as you were taught to do. Always be wary of your surroundings in order to stay alive.

“I could have paid,” you said, attempting to shake off the nerves. Things were drastically unfamiliar between the both of you, and yet you couldn’t shake the fact that this was still Obi-Wan you were talking to.

The one who you whispered your secrets to on long nights together when the moon was the only light source either of you had. When you had clutched onto one another in order to survive the days as he helped his master in any way he could. All the while keeping you a secret. They say Jedi can’t fall in love, that it was forbidden and yet you were sure that in those moments, he loved you more than a person could show through words alone.

“Bounty hunters don’t make much these days,” he said. “Not if you’re working on your own.”

Fighting the urge to cringe you ignored the way your right shoulder practically burned from the insignia that was attached to the outside of your armor. You wouldn’t allow him to think otherwise of your situation. Not at a time like this. It would only cause trouble for the both of you if he was seen being friendly with a bounty hunter that stood on the opposing side.

“Well I’ll pay you back eventually.”

He smiled briefly. “When you have the credits I will take them.”

“I see you’ve gotten yourself a Padawan,” you said, choosing to stray from the topic of your employment. Admitting it to yourself wasn’t easy, but you didn’t want to leave this moment, didn’t wish to go anywhere else tonight now that he’d caught you in his grasp.

“Anakin yes.”

“That’s quite a tone.” While all the memories you harbored of him were when he was a Padawan himself, you still relished in relearning small aspects about this Obi-Wan. How he ran a hand through his beard as he thought about something, how his voice had deepened with age. “Is he a troublemaker?”

Huffing in laughter, he leaned his hip against the bar to face you better. “Trouble it seems is Anakin’s basic instinct.”

The bartender returned holding two glasses of a cerulean liquid that seemed to practically glitter under the lights of the bar. “Two glasses of Chandrillian Blue ‘439.”

Your eyebrows raised at the familiar name. “Chandrillian Blue. Isn’t that expensive?”

He merely offered a smile, setting the crystalline drink down in front of you. “Consider it a gift for a Jedi and his companion.”

Companion.

The word struck a chord in your chest and you opened your mouth to dispute it when Obi-Wan was taking initiative and raising the glass to his nose to smell the wine. “Thank you.”

“I don’t know if it’s safe,” you said under your breath as the bartender moved back towards the end of the bar. “There—”

“Were you always this paranoid Astra?”

There it was. The name that he had yet to say and that too felt like a bolt of lightning striking across your skin. Nearly sending you stumbling backwards as the pain from your past rocketed through your body. What could you do when he was looking at you as if nothing had changed? The same playfulness in his eyes that you had fallen in love with the first time now shone against the light reflecting in them. Reminding you that no matter how much time passed he was still your Obi-Wan, your love.

Clearing your throat you lifted the glass with reckless abandon and tilted it his way in unison to him before downing it in one go. Normally wine you sipped at carefully, letting the taste of it settle over your tastebuds, but this one you didn’t bother with. This one you drank quicker than you had any other liquid and he followed suit.

Your face screwed up from the bitterness that worked its way down your throat, stinging as it went along. “That’s different from how I remember it,” you said, voice hoarse from fighting the urge to cough your lungs out.

He did the same, exhaling sharply. “Yes.” Coughing he grabbed the glass of water that had been left with the drink, gulping it down before pushing the rest your way to finish off. “Although I haven’t had Chandrillain Blue since…”

That night in the forest.

You looked away, pushing the now empty water glass back to the center of the bar. So he did remember the past as clearly as you did. Normally that would have brought joy to your heart—a celebration that you hadn’t left his mind completely, but this...this short display of normalcy between you left your stomach feeling nauseous. How could you stand there, a member of the enemy’s side, and smile with him over drinks?

How could he love you after this?

Choosing not to worry about that fact, you instead focused on the sight of the bar crowd growing slightly smaller as the night hours waned on. The day would be starting in a few short hours, leaving you with only a limited amount of time to spend with him. You wanted to end it on a good note, so without thinking you stood straight and began to head towards the door. Feeling him watch on after you, the crease in his forehead growing.

“Well?” you asked, lifting your hand out towards him. “You coming?”

It was a bad idea to involve himself in feelings like this, even for just one night, but he couldn’t rid himself of the memories that played in his mind. A newer one resurfacing just as quickly once the others faded back. At one point you were vital to his life. You had been his moon in the sky, all his stars and planets combined. The reason he wanted to breathe each and every day, until you became the reason he wanted to forget.

“Do you have anywhere you want to go?” you asked, fighting the smile from crossing your face as he kept your hands entwined.

He shook his head, watching as airspeeders flew overhead. “A walk?”

“If that’s what you want.”

“Do you want that?” Heading down a fairly deserted street he walked at a leisure pace so as to keep his attention fixated on you.

You shrugged. “I don’t think it matters much. I’m okay with anything.”

“Dewdrop,” he said, that soft tone of his stirring your insides more than you would have liked.

“There’s plenty of places to go Obi-Wan. I don’t mind where we end up as long...as long as I get to spend some time with you.” The danger of those words weren’t lost on you, but it was too late. They’d been said aloud and there would be no taking them back—not that you wanted too.

He nodded, taking the lead and walking through the street, glancing around every few seconds just to make sure. It wasn’t unlike you to do the same. Keep your senses up in case something were to happen, because while Jedi did remain on this planet you still didn’t put your trust in the Order itself. You would never say that to him though.

“Tell me what you’ve been up to these past few years,” you said, tugging on his arm to cease his footsteps.

A slight wave of dizziness had begun to work its way through your body, but you blamed that on the amount of alcohol you drank. It must be taking effect already. That would explain why you felt so warm all of a sudden. Rather than make a big fuss over nothing you simply pulled the hood away from your face, giving your skin some breathing room.

He led you down an emptier street so he didn’t have to yell over the noise of the city. “I became a Knight and a Master soon after we parted ways.”

Gasping you brought your hand to your mouth. “I couldn’t tell.” It was the small tinkling of laughter that made him smile; a sound he didn’t realize he missed so much. “Tell me Master Kenobi, what’s it like teaching such a bright Padawan?”

“I get into trouble more often than I expected,” he replied.

You nudged his shoulder lightly, ignoring the feverish cold sweat that began to break out on your skin. “Don’t be too hard on him. From what I can remember you were quite a bit of trouble yourself.”

“I don’t remember that being true.”

“Oh you don’t remember?” you asked, biting your lip to smother the smile that wanted to show. “So am I just imagining Qui-Gon nearly having a heart attack when you attempted to climb a tree all to rescue a bird?”

He laughed and your heart swooped in your chest as if it was a bird taking flight. “I remember it was you who asked me to save it.”

“You’re right I did,” you said, unknowingly stroking your thumb against his palm. “I never did ask.”

“What?” Obi-Wan nearly faltered as a roaring surge of pain spread across his body, sending his muscles into shock almost immediately. Except he chose to ignore it, shoving the feeling down until he could focus back on you again. After all it was only his body aching from traveling so much.

“Why did you call me dewdrop?” You wanted to blame the alcohol for loosening your lips; allowing things you would have avoided to come out. “I mean—I never understood the—”

“You were underneath a dewdrop tree the first time I saw you.” He could recall it so clearly, the image of you wearing a dress that looked like it originally belonged on Naboo. Standing beneath the crystalline tree that seemed to make you glow and it was then he found himself—for the first time—unable to find the words to speak.

A fond smile crossed your lips, eyes meeting his, as the dizziness formed even further; settling into your bones until the only thing you could focus on was him. This power of a man who held the ability to either break you even further or love you like he once did. Go home. End this night. The warning bells became fuzzy the longer you stood there, the more the alcohol flowed through your veins.

Leave.

You tried to grasp onto that one single word, will your body to walk out of the place you were trapped in. Only you felt stuck. As if the very boots you wore were glued down to this desolate street and while any other time you would have panicked at the sensations that swept through your body, now you felt calm. More at peace than you had felt since you watched him walk into the bar. The bells eventually grew silent, the words fading to the back of your lust addled mind, allowing for something else to set in entirely.

You wanted him. More than you realized.

“Obi-Wan,” you murmured, eyes trailing down his face. Drinking in his features until you settled on the sight of his parted lips. You didn’t notice that he started to breathe heavier, that his eyes were dilated—the blue nearly being swallowed whole by his pupil—or that he too settled on simply staring at your lips.

“Astra,” he breathed, a strange feeling began settling into the very marrow of his bones. One he hadn’t felt since the last time he laid eyes on you and suddenly the image was very clear to him now.

The girl he once loved, nearly gave up everything for, stood before him now as the woman who still held a tight grip on his heart. Shining just as brightly as when he’d seen you last—standing beneath a dewdrop tree.

The dizziness passed—when, you couldn’t remember—only to be replaced by something else. A burning sensation that stemmed from the very core of your body, spreading until you felt like you were surely on fire. Was this merely a dream? Were you being burned alive somewhere and you chose to remain here with Obi-Wan on your last day? You wondered if you were delirious, only you couldn’t tell. You could barely grasp onto a single thought, because all you saw was him.

Watching you with a look that made your skin tingle and your breath catch.

“Would you like a black caf?”

His dazed look vanished for a split second as he came back to his own mind briefly. Long enough to comprehend your words. “I–I’d love one. I’m afraid the alcohol is—” he trailed off, eyes back on you.

“Getting to you?” you asked, forcing your body to take one step back and then another. Eventually it became easier to walk down the street, but the urge to press against him—to remind yourself what kissing him felt like—popped into your head every few seconds.

Caffeine. That would set your mind straight.

If anything it would give you a few moments to figure out what exactly happened in the span of thirty minutes. What did you drink that made your mind suddenly lose all control of your urges?

The both of you fell into yet another comfortable silence with only the sounds of the city echoing around you. A part of you wanted to smile at what was happening. You and him walking the streets of a city once more with no need to speak, because you already knew what would be said. The words were practically ingrained into your souls. Whispered promises that never seemed to pan out. Dreams of loving one another until the galaxy itself fell to ruin.

Neither of you knew that only one of those things would turn out to be the truth.

You were both young. Far too young to realize what giving up things meant and what it was to love so deeply that it felt as if your very soul was torn from your body when it ended. Lessons learned, memories forgotten. An old saying your mother used to say when you were a child made so much sense to you now as you walked beside him.

Years too late.

He followed you into the building you found a room to stay at, his head bowed in thought with every step he took. It came to a point where you began to feel worried he would leave. Forget this ever happened and move on. While it would rip you to shreds, it might be easiest for him. A simple act of revenge for what you had done to him so long ago.

“It’s not the good kind of caf,” you said, startling him slightly. “But it’ll help take the edge off from the alcohol.”

He nodded, eyes wide—almost childlike in his expression—as he entered your room. Truly there was nothing to be amazed at. The bed was a standard mattress found at all hotels on the planet, with a white cover and silver pillows. A table sat near the window with a small lamp placed on top and a comfortable chair if someone wished to work. Extremely mundane for a hotel room that cost far too many credits. Although in your opinion you’d have to say the best part of this place was the shower and the HoloTV.

“The room is…”

“Shitty?”

He smiled, the tension leaving his shoulders slightly. “It’s nice. There’s not much in here though.”

“That’s okay I’m not staying for very long,” you replied. “Just here for the hunt and then…” You were gone.

The realization had yet to set in with either of you. This was it. One night of talking, of spending as many moments together as possible, before you returned to your lives. Him to something far bigger, far more important, and you to a place that saw him as the enemy.

“I wanted to say—”

“Obi-Wan—” Huffing into your cup you tried to fight the smile, but whatever got into your system forced it out. “You go first.”

He took a sip of his drink, glancing out the window at the sight of the city skyline still lit up. It had always been a sight he found comfort in, one he knew to be home, but now...sitting beside you in this too small room he realized that he hadn’t felt whole until he found you in the bar. A missing piece of him now settled back into place and he wished to hold onto it for as long as humanly possible.

Even if only for one night.

“Jedi aren’t supposed to have attachments, but…I fear that I have missed you.”

You weren’t exactly sure how you should take his words, but then almost inexplicably that rush of emotions returned. When it was coupled together with the mess from earlier it made for a dangerous combination. One you would have done everything to fight against, but before you could argue anymore with your mind you were raising a hand to cup his cheek. The soft scratch of his beard felt different against the skin of your palm. A good different you found yourself fond of within seconds.

“Obi-Wan you have no idea…” you whispered, feeling yourself lean into his body. Seeking out the warmth that emitted from him, only heightening the drunkenness of your mind—your body.

This was a mistake.

Possibly the biggest one you would make since leaving him, but nothing could stop you now. Not when your mind had settled on one single thing. You missed him, craved him, loved him through all those years you were away. You blamed the intoxicating way he talked, how he held himself—so grown up compared to the young padawan you once knew—and how he still looked at you as if you were all his stars in the galaxy.

The very moon in his sky.

“My beautiful dewdrop,” he breathed, his lips a hair's breadth from yours and once again the anticipation, the overwhelming rawness of it all, got to you.

Pulling him closer you sealed your lips over his, feeling your stomach bottom out as the heat you’d been pushing down for so long came flooding back into your system. Shoving you forward until you were nothing but a mess of wanton need. You ached for something to quench the fire in your veins and it seemed the cure sat mere inches away.

You half expected him to yank himself away from you. Apologize for what happened and leave, and that’s what shocked you most. He didn’t pull back. Instead he seemed to melt into your touch, sighing into your slightly open mouth as he kissed you back. A hand went to the back of your neck, gripping tightly to keep you in place before he truly started kissing you.

Nothing quite compared to the way he devoured you with his lips. How he kissed you as if he was poisoned and your taste was the antidote he needed to survive. A small sound escaped your throat which he swallowed happily, licking at the bottom of your lip until you were desperate to taste him again. The haze set in over your mind, leaving you victim to the powers of the alcohol just as it did him. There was no more contemplation. No more fighting.

You wanted him, needed him, just as he did you.

Gasping when his tongue slid against yours, you felt his fingers dig into the skin of your neck right when you shoved your hands into his hair. Keeping him in place whilst he explored you for the first time in ages. You could kiss him for an eternity if given the chance, but the fire was spreading quickly. Bringing a surge of uncomfortable pain with it.

“Obi-Wan,” you sighed, tilting your head back to allow his lips to trail towards your neck. Deft fingers unlatched your cloak without your noticing, but you didn’t mind one bit.

Not when it felt this good to be in his hands again.

“Yes?” he asked, scraping his teeth lightly along your jaw and smiling when your body shivered into his touch.

You couldn’t remember him being this sensual and sure about himself. Except that might have been the lust clouding your thoughts the longer you remained there, allowing him to do what he wished with you. It’s when his lips met yours again and his fingers found the opening to strip you of your clothes and armor did you give yourself over to the cloud of mind numbing pleasure.

Each touch replaced the fire with a cooling sensation, giving you relief for the briefest of moments before it was back. Reminding you that only he could satiate the ever growing pain that spread faster than a real flame. Yanking the top of your armor off along with the shirt, you wrapped your arms around his neck, climbing—albeit clumsily—into his lap. A position he was more than happy to accommodate for.

“Every—” he gasped at the feeling of your teeth scraping along his throat. “Every day. I thought about you.”

The haze in your mind spurred your motions, but it was something deeper within you that had you reaching for the tie of his tunic—something carnal buried inside your chest. It begged you to set it free and you were more than willing. Kissing up his neck, you moan when he turned his head to capture your lips in another searing kiss that you swore you felt down to your toes.

Once more, you tugged on his tunic, adamant on getting it off and he seemed to catch on quickly—pulling away from your tantalizing lips to assist you. It wasn’t until your palms connected with his bare chest, did you finally feel satisfied, because beneath his skin you felt the ever so steady beat of his heart. You could remember laying together beneath the dewdrop trees on your home world, listening to his heart beat as he pointed out the different planets in the sky—all the places he wanted to take you.

“I missed you too,” you whispered, sucking on the shell of his ear and smiling when a shudder went down his spine.

How long had he upheld the Jedi code? How long since he felt the intimate touch of another human being?

Pressing against his chest, you pushed him until he moved—laying on his back and looking up at you with wonder in his eyes. The sight of his lips swollen and spit slicked from you biting against them had your walls clenching around nothing. For years you’d imagined what it would be like to see him again. Would he even remember you? Yet there he was, his hands gripping onto your hips as you leaned down closer to take his bottom lip into your mouth, sucking it slowly and pulling at it to hear that soft groan you’d dreamt about.

Letting go of his lip, you kissing his cheek, chin, moving slowly down his body—your lips dragging along every new scar he had acquired since you’d been away. Placing a soft kiss over his heart, you felt the stuttered breath in his chest as he watched you, knowing what this meant for the both of you.

You weren’t the only one who craved to be back in his life, you weren’t the only one who dreamt of the memories you shared together. He had longed for it all the same.

“Dewdrop,” he gasped, his head falling back as you trailed your lips along the edge of his pants—a wrecked moan tearing from his throat.

“My beautiful Jedi,” you cooed, scraping your nails along his sides and smiling when he jolted at the feeling.

He lifted his head, striking blue eyes meeting yours and you felt it. A drastic shift as the steady burning turned into something worse, until you could feel your body begging for some relief. Obi-Wan’s hand grasped onto your upper arm, practically dragging you forward until you were above him. His fingers worked quickly, tearing at your shirt and helping you yank it off until his palm rested on the bare skin of your sternum.

A shuddered breath left your lips, your eyes fluttering shut as he explored the blank canvas of your skin—his fingertips running over your new scars, copying your movements. The simple touches did nothing to satiate the agonizing burn that flooded your veins, but you didn’t give a shit. Not when you hadn’t felt his touch in years—when you had dreamed of this very moment for so long.

“Fuck,” you whined, head dropped forward until your forehead pressed against his. “I—I need.”

“I know, I know.” His voice was hoarse, pupils nearly taking up his entire iris now. “Me too.”

Scrambling for the button of his pants as he did the same to yours, you kissed him. Your tongue sliding against his felt euphoric in a way it never had before and you began to unconsciously grind against the very apparent bulge in his pants. Neither of you had any sense left in your bodies—otherwise this wouldn’t be happening. You continued to wonder if this was merely a dream. Would you wake up alone, stuck in another memory? Obi-Wan sat up, his hand dipping beneath the waistband of your pants as his other one gripped your hair to yank your head back.

With his teeth nipped along your neck and his fingers sliding into your slick, you knew you’d never be able to leave him again. He groaned when he felt how you nearly drenched his hand. “All this is for me?” he asked, breathlessly—almost in utter disbelief.

“Yes,” you whined. “Only you.”

The sound of approval he made had your hips moving faster, grinding against his fingers as something began to build up in your body. You felt the tightening in your stomach the longer he allowed this to happen—happily sucking at the skin above your collarbone. Whether he was in pain or not wasn’t clear to you, but you didn’t have time to dwell on it, because he was shoving you towards the edge of absolute bliss.

“Obi—” Burying your face into his neck, you clawed at his bare back and with every shift of your hips you felt the pleasure mount even higher. “Maker,” you gasped, your eyes rolling back.

“What do you need?” he asked, the pain in his voice prominent.

“More! I need more.” The words came out as a beg, but it spurred his movements.

Within seconds he slid two fingers into you, cupping your chin to drag your lips back to his and swallow the wail you let out. It wouldn’t take you long at all to reach your peak, but something kept you right on the edge—prolonging your pain. Breathing in, you fought against whatever drug had entered your veins, and focused on the man in front of you.

His eyebrows were furrowed, teeth digging into his bottom lip in concentration as he pumped his fingers at a brutal pace. Yet he never looked so beautiful to you. His hair was unruly, some of it falling into his eyes and the sight left you ravenous. The flushed look on his face was enough to have your heart racing even faster, the emotions building right alongside the pressure in your body. With a jolt you realized—you loved him. You would always love him.

“I—” Choking, you felt a shock go through your entire body, white flashing behind your tightly shut eyes while your toes curled at the sensation.

With a triumphant smile, Obi-Wan pressed even harder on the spongy spot along your walls, enjoying the way you practically screamed with every thrust. You could barely move your hips anymore, let alone tell him how you felt. He pressed his forehead to yours, lips brushing along your own as spoke. Only you never figured out what he said, because he had dragged his other hand down—now toying with your clit to shove you right where he wanted you.

A scream tore from your throat, your body shaking as his hand sped up—the echo of your slick filling the room. Pleasure and pain collided and suddenly you couldn’t tell if you were floating or about to collapse. The fire from before faded slightly, simmering beneath the surface. Even though it was far from over. It gave a few seconds of reprieve, the sparks that shot along your skin felt like cold water dousing out the pain. You could feel your lips moving, a chant echoing in the small room and suddenly it hit you.

You were saying his name.

“Obi-Wan,” you breathed, some movement coming back to your body. “I should have never left you.”

He smiled, grimacing as the pain punched him in the stomach—shoving the air from his lungs. “I—I wouldn’t have been able to remain with you. Jedi aren’t…” he trailed off, the sadness in his eyes enough to remind you of a phrase you both knew all too well.

“I know.”

Jedi weren’t able to form attachments and yet this right here would keep the two of you attached for years to come.

It went against the code for so many reasons, but neither of you wished to acknowledge it at this time. You couldn’t. Not when you spent so long attempting to forget about him and everything you could have had together.

Just as you were prepared to get off him, the familiar agony from earlier returned stronger than before, nearly forcing you to double over in pain. Something was in the drink the bartender had given you. You were sure of it. But neither of you could take the time to figure out exactly what, because you were spiraling—gasping for air and wishing that it would stop altogether.

What kind of maddening person took this type of drug just for the sake of taking it?

“Fuck!” you cried out.

Instantly, you fumbled for his pants that hung open around his waist, except it seemed like he was a step ahead of you. Dragging yours down, he moaned loudly when your hand wrapped around his cock. Your mouth parted at the sight of it so red and swollen, almost like he was ready to burst at any moment. It sent a streak of heat down your spine as you came to the realization that this man had probably upheld the Jedi code better than anyone else—especially after you left.

How many years had it been for him since he felt the delicious pleasure of release? How long had he yearned for it? You couldn’t even fathom the answers, because suddenly you suddenly felt empty—the need to be filled by him overtaking your want for logic.

“I need you inside of me.” Getting up on shaky legs, you shoved the rest of your clothes off until they were a pile on the floor, and watched enraptured as he did the same.

There'd be no coming back from this, no way to forget that this ever happened in the future like you’d done before. You didn’t wish to either way.

Something must have shifted in your expression. The want—the desperation for him—cracking the surface of your walls to reveal the emotions you tried so hard to tamper down. He stood, stepping closer to you even though he grimaced with every shift of his body. You were both in pain, both nearing the end of losing your sanity because of this and yet…you still clutched at the last thread of patience. It was your lifeline the longer you watched him.

You knew once you let go—gave into the lust—you’d forget about the worries, about what waking up beside him would be like.

His hand cupped your cheek, drawing your lips to his in a saccharine kiss that invaded your senses. It felt like too much, and yet not enough to satiate the feelings that crept up the back of your neck, reminding you of what you had to lose. His other hand clutched at your bare waist, the groan he let out being swallowed by you as you licked into his mouth. The taste of him, so different from your past, yet eerily familiar.

This was too tender for your reeling mind and it broke your heart to part from him. Only the pain had now reached a point where you couldn’t ignore it anymore. Your knees buckled, a whimper tearing from your throat as he caught you in his hold.

“Obi…”

He nodded, the redness in his neck and face showing you that he felt the same. Except as a Jedi he’d grown used to hiding pain, shoving it all down until he felt numb to it all. He couldn’t do that here. Not when he felt like he’d burst the second you touched him.

A shudder wracked your body when his lips trailed down your throat, intent on hearing you moan for him again, as he helped you shift to the bed. You hit the mattress with a small oof as he followed. Your legs wrapping around his waist felt like second nature, but it was his cock dragging through your soaked pussy that had you digging your face into his neck and begging.

“Oh fuck—Oh Maker that’s so…so amazing,” you managed to choke the words out.

Sparks trailed down your spine as he quickly dragged his hips forward, pressing his swollen head against your clit and groaning when your nails clawed down his back. You could barely get words out, let alone sounds and he wasn’t even inside you yet. Somehow you knew by the end of this you’d be a mess of emotions. But you could care less, because he was lining himself up with your entrance, his head dropping down to your shoulder as he pushed in.

A long dragged out moan tore from your throat at the feeling of him slowly stretching your walls. The fire consumed you entirely, singing your nerves until all you could feel was this. The sting of his cock breaching your entrance while he panted hotly against your neck and whispered praises.

“You feel so good.” He pulled back slightly, thrusting shallowly with each inch he gave you and it was it’s own kind of torture. “Fuck I-I could barely remember our last night…” Cutting himself off with a broken moan when his hips finally met yours, he tried to bring some sense back to his mind.

“Move,” you begged, hand scrambling for purchase on his skin. “Please Obi…fuck I need you to—”

He pulled out, shoving himself back to the hilt and effectively punching the air out of your lungs. A sob echoed off the walls, your walls clenching down so tightly around his cock that he nearly collapsed on top of you. That simple movement snapped your final thread of patience in half. You couldn’t keep holding back the pain, because the antidote was him—this, the continued feel of him thrusting into you with the same ravenous hunger as you.

Moaning unabashedly, you hooked your ankles together behind his back, attempting to draw him in even deeper. Except you weren’t the only one desperate for this. Every snap of his hips against yours was echoed with a growl tearing from his throat, his eyes zeroed in on each expression you made. He watched you with an intensity you didn’t know he had—studied what made you tick with every movement he made. Dipping down, his lips wrapped around your nipple, sucking on it with his teeth to cause your whole body to jolt.

The fire singed your lungs with each breath you took, nearly suffocating you. But that didn’t stop the words from spilling free. You felt your lips move before you could stop them, because he couldn’t know…not like this.

“Obi!” you sobbed, hands digging into his hair to drag his lips to yours. It was a clashing of teeth and tongue as he sped up his thrusts, the head of his cock dragging just right along your walls and drawing a stuttered moan from your lips. “Right there—fuck right…oh—”

“Right there?” he asked, the brief flash of a smug smile showing before he was slotting his lips against yours and groaning into your mouth.

You could feel something begin to build up in your stomach, the tightening of your muscles were simply adding to the painful pleasure. His thrusts stuttered when you clenched around his cock and yet he still continued. Hitting the spot along your walls with enough accuracy to make your toes curl and your eyes to roll back. You wouldn’t last long, but you silently begged for this maddening euphoria to keep going.

“I wanted to stay.” The words slipped free against your better judgment.

His eyes snapped to yours. “What?” he rasped, slowing down until you were digging your nails into the skin of his ass to make him keep going.

“I wanted to—ah—stay with you. I wanted to be with you.”

You weren’t sure how much time went by between you confessing your darkest secret and him reacting, but it felt like mere seconds. A broken moan tore from his chest—his eyes fluttering shut as he kissed you with enough emotion to make your heart shatter. You wanted to be with him, then, now…whenever he would have you. Tears fell into your hair as he continued moving, his hands grasping for yours and shoving them up—pressing them into the mattress.

“I would have gone with you anywhere,” he gasped against your lips—the steady echo of skin against skin and your slick were a steady echo that bounced off the walls. It only made you tighten around him even more. “I’d have given up everything for you…”

A scream left you as those words coupled with the coarse hair around his cock grinding into your clit snapped the pressure inside of you. A flood of absolute bliss filled your trembling body until you couldn’t see straight. Your walls clamped down on his cock, the heat of your pussy driving him to the edge right along with you, causing his hips to stutter. Sobbed out words filled the air, telling him how much you loved him, how you wished things were different.

He returned them with words of his own. Groaning your name against your neck, he finally let go. The warmth of his cum filled you, satiating the fire that began to slowly dissipate and even then you didn’t want him to stop. Even as he remained inside you—his cock twitching each time your walls contracted around him, the combined mixture of your cum together spilling out and coating the tops of his thighs—you wished he would stay. If only things were different, this wouldn’t feel like a mistake when you woke up.

“My love,” he breathed against your throat, his lips kissing along your skin. “My beautiful sweet Astra.”

Even though it wasn’t your true name, being called his star always held you tight in his grasp. You kept the name solely because of him; a reminder of what you couldn’t have—what you gave up. Yet it sounded so sickeningly sweet coming from his lips. Like the aftertaste of his kiss, it was something you clutched against your chest—afraid it would escape you one day.

“I meant what I said.” He stated the words with so much intent, as if he wasn’t still balls deep inside of you and that thought alone made you smile.

“You did?”

He nodded, the soft brush of his hair against your forehead filled your chest with warmth. “I would have given up all of it.”

“Obi-Wan,” you whispered, drawing his eyes up to yours. “I could never have asked you to do that.”

“But—”

“Being a Jedi is who you were meant to be. Our paths weren’t meant to be walked together.” The both of you knew this to be true, but it still didn’t make hearing it any easier.

Rather than discuss something that would bring back the heartache from earlier, you simply kissed him. Feeling the pain begin to lick its way up your body again. It would be a long night and an even longer morning, but some twisted part of you felt safe in knowing you’d get to spend it with him. Obi-Wan, the man who you belonged to the moment you met him underneath that crystalline dewdrop tree all those years ago.

Sighing, you opened your eyes to feel not only an aching in your head—the makings of a hangover starting—but a deep ache in your lower body. For hours the two of you had fucked until you practically passed out from utter exhaustion. Somehow at one point you ended up on the floor, on your knees as he gripped you from behind—the raw skin of your legs telling you enough. Every moment of the night played through your mind as you stared at Obi-Wan, dead asleep beside you.

While the drug in your system had worn off, the feelings still remained prominent. Every word you said, every submission of the truth you set free, all came back to haunt you as guilt filled your veins. There’d be no possibility of staying with him. So, why did you bother entertaining the idea to begin with? No, he’d go back to the Jedi Order—train his padawan and eventually move on with his life. It’s how his life was meant to go.

“Okay…” you whispered. The time to leave was now, before he woke up and demanded answers of what happened last night.

Shifting slowly, you managed to untangle yourself from his arms without waking him—your feet touching the ground as you quickly shoved down every inkling of guilt away. You shouldn’t feel broken about leaving him here again. Even though it was your room, you knew that eventually he’d wake up and go, in need of finding his padawan. Last night was a one time thing and the consequences were something you didn’t wish to bear.

Not now.

You gathered your clothes, silently putting them on and reattaching your cloak, before you took one last look at him. He lay on his stomach, the red scratch marks on his back proof that last night was not a dream, and his hair a mess. You’d never be able to come back here—at least not for a long time. Except it was a risk you were willing to take if it meant finally healing after all the pain you put yourself through. After all, he was a Jedi—a guardian—and that meant more than any love he could give to you.

Leaning down, you pressed your lips to his gently so as not to disturb him. The sting of tears as they fell down your cheeks, reminding you of the last time you did this to him. Rather than leave behind a piece of your jewelry, you left behind a piece of yourself—all the shattered pieces you could no longer carry with you. Their weight had grown too heavy after all these years and you knew…they’d be safe with him.

They say time heals all wounds, but this one you knew would remain bleeding. A fresh reminder of what you could have had.

“I love you Obi-Wan,” you breathed, walking towards the door and drawing the hood back up around your face.

Leaving behind the serenity you’d been searching blindly for your entire life.

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