#a bit quirkier but nothing ever really happens in it. as far as i watched. which is why i stopped watching LOL

[liquidstar]

this is not a comprehensive list

[auroraphilealis]

Too Tense to Be Undone (6/7)

Too Tense to Be Undone (6/7) | Dan’s never had an orgasm before. Despite being in a relationship with his ex-girlfriend for three years, he’s just never been able to finish. The doctor’s don’t know what’s wrong with him, so Dan’s mostly put it out of his mind. Until his gap year, when he starts talking with AmazingPhil, and accidentally admits that he’s never come before. Phil’s happy to help with more than just convincing Dan to post YouTube videos, if Dan will just give him the chance. | Phan | Explicit | Slight Friends with Benefits, Pining, Eventual Smut, Very Explicit Smut, Dirty Talk, Flirting, Getting Together, 2009, Skype | 13,974 Words This Chapter

Extra big thanks to @imnotinclinedtomaturity once again. I finished my final edit while they were on a plane and got excited to post so any existing mistakes are mine and mine alone, but the fact that this is as good as it is is still all thanks to Kat hahaha. We’re nearly done, guys!!

This is technically the last *real* esque chapter of the fic. You can easily stop reading here and feel that it’s been completed. However, Kat did convince me to write a sort of epilogue type chapter that I did end up writing, and which only needs serious editing before I feel comfortable posting it. Therefore, I hope you guys will look out for that and read it when it’s posted, but for all intents and purposes, the overall storyline finishes here, and I think… that you guys will be happy with how it goes.

Thank you for all of your support, and I will likely see you next week with chapter 7.

(previous chapter) (ao3 link)

**

Filming with Phil was an incredible experience that Dan wouldn’t change for the world. Despite the part of him that wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed with Phil, touching and kissing for the rest of their lives, Dan could not deny that getting the chance to share their passion - YouTube - was also one of the best feelings in the world. He wanted to do this for the rest of their lives as well, appearing on each other’s channels, filming videos together, and living out a dream that neither of them were really sure would actually… happen.

Still. Dan was enjoying this chance to try YouTube with Phil, was so fucking happy that Phil had pushed Dan into following his dreams, that he’d encouraged Dan and helped him get up off the floor in follower counts, and that now he was giving Dan the opportunity to film with him.

It was something that Dan had never quite dared to imagine, never quite dared to hope for. Phil didn’t really collab on his channel. He was part of a few YouTube community channels, and he worked with other youtubers, but not like this. Dan had never had the frame of reference to imagine that he’d actually get to be someone Phil would bring onto his main channel, and even though he’d known for a couple of weeks now that Phil wanted to, it was entirely different to actually be doing it.

Now that Dan had gotten the chance to experience it, he never wanted it to end. There was no question in Dan’s mind that Phil was having just as much fun as he was, judging by the way he laughed and smiled as he moved, staring at Dan from to time with huge, bright eyes. Filming with Phil was fun, far less awkward than filming by himself had been, and was helping Dan to loosen up so he didn’t look quite so terrified on camera, didn’t look like he was trying too hard.

Dan just hoped he could bring this aspect of filming back home when he was inevitably alone again, and unsure when he’d next get to see Phil.

Phil’s Q&A mostly consisted of Dan reading off questions from his sheet of paper as dutifully as he could, and laughing at Phil as he answered them in increasingly joking and zany ways. Dan could tell Phil was doing his best to maintain a kind of serious edge, as if he were giving the questions serious thought, but at the same time, he was careful to walk that fine ledge he’d created for AmazingPhil.

For a moment, Dan wondered if Phil ever got tired of playing up a character for his channel. He wondered if Phil regretted the fact that he had to act louder, more brash and fun, than he actually was just for a couple thousand views and the, apparently, minimal pay check he got out of it from adsense. But as Dan watched Phil, laughing and rolling around on the floor in glee, smiling for the camera and enjoying himself in a way that Dan could tell was something almost out of character for the real Phil, he realized that no… no this was part of the fun for Phil.

AmazingPhil wasn’t just a persona. It was a part of Phil that Phil didn’t normally feel safe, or brave enough, to expose to the world. It was a part of Phil that Phil couldn’t be every single day, but clearly wanted to be at least some of the time. As Dan watched Phil move, and laugh, and claw at the camera, Dan realized that it was okay that he wanted to do the same thing.

It was okay that Dan wanted danisnotonfire to be a better, funnier, quirkier than he was in real life. Dan had grown up being bullied for being different, so for a long time, he’d tried to bury that part of him. Dan hoped that through danisnotonfire he could bring that person back to the forefront of his life, and not only be relatable, but a beacon of hope to generations to come.

As Dan asked questions, and Phil answered them, Dan found himself growing more and more distracted by Phil than the actual filming. They both moved around a lot, rather than sitting, static, on the floor in front of Phil’s camera, and Dan was grateful for the distracted air because he kept finding himself staring at Phil, questions forgotten, as he took in the beauty of this man he’d found himself in love with.

Phil was just… magnetic. He had this over the top personality, both in real life and on the internet, that was just so much fun to experience. Dan found himself wanting to look at Phil, instead of the camera. He found himself wanting to touch Phil, no matter what that would mean to their audience. He found himself shoving random AmazingPhil objects into Phil’s face, licking at his Wall-E figurine, and generally make a fool out of himself in an attempt to not only gain Phli’s attention on him, but to distract himself from the fact that he wanted nothing more than to kiss Phil.

The cat whiskers that Phil had drawn on both of their faces was only heightening the experience for Dan. Phil looked so fucking cute that Dan was dying for it. Once the permanent marker touched Dan’s face, he couldn’t seem to help himself anymore. He leaned into Phil’s space, and kissed him, warm and a little bit messy, their noses bumping against each other eagerly. Dan’s hands found Phil’s hair, and dug in quickly, rucking up the black strands because he could, and because he wanted too, and because Phil looked hot when he was disheveled.

Despite being caught off guard by the show of affection, Phil sunk into the kiss easily enough. His own hands found Dan’s cheeks, and he brushed his fingers along his cheekbones gently, caressing Dan and keeping the kiss affectionate, rather than overwhelmingly hot.

Dan didn’t have it in him to be disappointed when he was practically bouncing off the walls in happiness. He got to have this. He got to have all of Phil.

They kissed for a little while, probably longer than they should have, considering they were filming, but Phil didn’t complain, so Dan figured it was all right. When they did pull apart, though, Phil leaned in to pepper Dan’s face in happy little kisses, giggling all the while, as almost a subtle reassurance that Phil didn’t mind the interruption.

Once he properly pulled away, he ruffled up his hair in an attempt to fix it, and turned to the camera with a raunchy smile.

 “Too bad we’re editing that out,” he joked, winking seductively, and laughing when Dan reached out to shove him. “Hey!” he complained.

Dan leaned in and kissed him again to shut him up.

They kept at it. Phil’s camera caught every single moment between them, even the ones Dan knew they’d cut out, or the trips of Phil’s tongue when he said something wrong and shook his head to start over. They filmed a few bits, Phil’s expression turning serious for just a moment as he realized they’d fucked it up, and insisted that Dan do it again. It was fun to watch, the constant switch back and forth of Phil giggling over his own ridiculousness, and stopping to contemplate how the video was actually going to pan out.

All the while, Dan kept kissing him. He got Phil onto the bed a few times, and pushed him back against the pillows, rumpling them and Phil up enough to make their video a little ungainly and probably a little telling, but Dan didn’t care, and Phil didn’t complain - okay, maybe he did a little bit, but Dan could tell that he was joking. They kissed, and rubbed at each other’s face, and even found themselves grinding on each other more than once, but Phil always had the willpower to stop it and drag them back to their purpose, promises on his lips that after, after, Phil would take care of Dan.

The words sent shivers up Dan’s spine, and gave him a renewed kind of energy to keep going, to keep working at it, to help Phil make the best Q&A of all time.

But that didn’t stop him from joking with Phil.

“Would you ever fuck a fan?” Dan asked, leaning against Phil’s pillows while Phil sat on the floor in front of the camera. It wasn’t a question from twitter, or from Dan’s piece of paper, but he didn’t care. He’d dropped a few of his own bombs in here, some funny, some ridiculous, and some just for them. He was sure that Phil would edit this one out.

Choking out a hearty laugh, Phil pushed himself up off the floor and turned to stare at Dan. His lips were curled up in a fond smile as he rolled his eyes.

“Maybe,” he said, doing his best to smirk at Dan. The edges of his lips were still curled in a delighted smile, though, and it was clear from the way his eyes sparkled that he was enjoying playing along. “Depends on how hot they were,” he added with a wink.

Dan laughed, shaking his head, a little too giddy for the seductive moment he’d been trying to plan out, but he didn’t care. He raised his eyebrows and wiggled them at Phil, spreading his legs out a little and shifting backwards to lie spread out on Phil’s pillows.

“Is that right?” he teased, “Then will this do?”

Dan tossed his head a little, making his hair messy, and tried for a seductive smile. His hands moved to drop the paper at his side, and push up the hem of his shirt a little, showing off a little bit of his tummy. Slowly, he tilted his head for extra added effect, exposing the long line of his throat to Phil’s thirsty eyes.

Phil groaned, and he gave in. Eyes dark with want, Phil climbed on top of the bed and crawled over Dan’s body. His mouth found Dan’s instantly, kissing him indecently, tongue everywhere. Dan couldn’t even begin to imagine what it might look like on camera, and only wished for a moment that his and Phil’s heads were on the other end of the bed so Dan could watch this back later and see just how hot it looked when he and Phil kissed.

Dan’s hands weaved into Phil’s hair, drawing him closer still, until their bodies pressed down against each other’s. Phil felt good on top of Dan, and it was only made better when Phil dragged his mouth from Dan’s and started kissing along his jaw line, nipping at Dan’s skin and sending flashes of pleasure through Dan’s body. Dan’s fingers tugged at Phil’s hair a bit, and then moved to the hem of Phil’s shirt, sliding up under it and gripping tight to pale skin. Dan scratched lightly in an attempt to leave his mark, in an attempt to relieve some of the tension coiling up inside of him, begging for release.

They made out like that for a while, Phil grinding his hips down on Dan’s and making it clear that he was aroused, but never letting it push any further. Rather than undressing Dan the way Dan wanted him to, Phil drew away from particularly sensitive areas to kiss Dan over and over again, panting against Dan’s lips, and smearing both of their cat whiskers until they were more smudges against their face, than actual drawings.

“We should stop,” Phil murmured against Dan’s lips. “We’ve got a video to film.”

“I don’t want to stop,” Dan complained, drawing Phil back in for another kiss. Phil opened up to him eagerly enough, but he didn’t let it go on for very long. He swiped his tongue alongside Dan’s, bit at his full bottom lip, and drew away, panting.

“Come on, Dan. Just a little longer,” Phil insisted. His eyes were dark. It was clear he wanted Dan just as much as Dan wanted Phil, but Phil was right. They needed to finish filming.

And then Dan planned to ravish Phil.

Pouting a little, Dan sighed and pushed himself backwards so he could sit up. Phil took that as his cue to climb off of Dan, and he pushed himself to his feet next to the bed. The sheet of paper holding the questions for the Q&A had fallen to the floor, so Phil reached over and picked them up for Dan.

If Dan stared at Phil’s bum when he did so, he couldn’t quite be blamed.

They went back to filming. It wasn’t easy, when Dan kept finding his eyes drawn to Phil’s lips, to his dick and the way it looked jammed inside of his jeans, still hard and difficult to hide. Dan and Phil tried to stay sat on the floor, lower bodies hidden, so that it wouldn’t be quite so obvious that they were aroused.

They still couldn’t keep their hands off of each other, and that definitely wasn’t helping to cool down their erections, but they did do their best to stop kissing and messing around so that they could keep themselves on track trying to film.

Until they had finished.

They were filming an end screen, or at least attempting too, when Dan said “this is the most fun I have ever had,” and Phil, rather than replying in an equally sappy way, launched himself at Dan.

Dan’s head just narrowly missed cracking against the set of drawers behind him, and he landed with an “ooph!” on the floor with Phil on top of him. Phil was giggling, pressing kisses into the crook of Dan’s neck, something Dan knew they’d have to edit out, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Arms awkward, Dan reached around Phil’s waist to hold him, and allowed himself this one little moment.

Clearly, it wasn’t meant to stop there, though.

Phil’s affectionate touch seemed to spur a more affectionate ending to the video, with the two of them doing dorky hand hearts and laughing into each other’s chests. They leaned in close to the camera to say goodbye, and, cracking his back a little, laughing and feeling all over warm, Dan stood and sat on the edge of Phil’s bed.

Phil sat down next to him, grinning and looking so fucking hot, that Dan couldn’t stop himself. He pushed Phil backwards, climbed on top of him, and kissed him breathless. Phil moaned into the touch, using his feet to push himself back and up towards the pillows. Dan followed him, never once letting their mouths stay parted for long, groaning against the warm heat and the sudden pulse of his dick as it realized that now, now, they were getting somewhere.

Dan knew they needed to decide if they wanted to film any extra parts, or wanted to redo something that might have gone wrong. He knew they should stop and review the footage before they moved on to anything else, but Dan didn’t care. He just wanted to touch Phil.

He’d meant to stop the kiss before it went too far, but, well... One moment he was laying on top of Phil, hands pushing up under the bottom of his button up shirt, and the next moment, Phil had shoved them both backwards on the bed so Dan’s head was nearly falling off the bottom, and Phil’s mouth was attached to his neck.

“You suck, Howell,” Phil groaned against the skin. His hips rocked forward, erection pressing into Dan’s thigh, making it very clear what Phil wanted. Dan let out a soft moan, no longer giving a shit about the camera that was still filming, nor about how much editing Phil was going to have to do later. All he could think about was how badly he wanted Phil to tear his clothes off of him and fuck him into the mattress.

Besides. They were technically done filming, right?

Right.

Phil’s lips nipped along Dan’s collarbones, dragging at the collar of Dan’s black shirt and pushing it down with his chin so he could get at more of Dan’s skin. Dan’s hands found Phil’s hair and tugged hard, forcing Phil’s mouth away and dragging it back up to Dan’s.

Phil huffed into the kiss, licking into Dan’s mouth and showing him a passion that Dan hadn’t even quite seen last night. It was deeper and more meaningful, but just as carnal and hungry. Dan twisted his fingers into Phil’s hair, holding tight to him as his hips jerked up and he ground his own insistent erection into Phil’s stomach.

This did nothing but earn Dan a quick nip to his lip, and he groaned at the feeling of it. He liked this Phil, a little rough at the edges and a little out of control. It was a nice counterpart to what he’d been last night, and that morning. Last night Phil had mostly maintained that flirty, sex god persona that Dan had known for so long now, while this morning had been a little more tender, a little more sweet, but both times Phil had kept himself in check, hadn’t allowed himself to devour Dan like he was now.

And god, did it feel good.

Dan felt properly wanted. He felt like someone who could take Phil apart and put him back together again the same way Phil had done it to him the past day and a half. He felt like he was in control even though he wasn’t, and it felt good. It felt so good that Dan felt a pulse of heat go straight to his dick, and he whined loudly against Phil’s lips.

“Shit,” Phil grunted, pulling away. “I want - god, Dan, I want you.”

“Good,” Dan quipped back, a little breathless. “Because I want you, too. Fuck me already, Lester. I’ve waited all day.”

Phil licked his lips, eyes heavy lidded and dark with arousal. His hips were rocking in little circles against Dan, and his face was a dark red. Dan could only imagine that the flush went down further, could only imagine how Phil’s cock looked right now.

Shit. Dan wanted to get his mouth on him.

“Can I suck you off?” Dan blurted out, before he could really think about it. His eyes went wide in surprise as it himself, despite the fact that now that he’d said it, he really wanted to try it. Still. HIs cheeks went bright red and he drew his fingers back from Phil’s hair to trail them down Phil’s back.

Phil shivered at the touch, eyes closing as he breathed, the sound heavy and loud in the quiet room. Dan didn’t know if that was a yes or not, but he sure as fuck hoped it was, he sure has fuck hoped that the slight alarm on Dan’s face hadn’t made Phil think Dan didn’t truly want this.

“God, Dan, what you do to me,” Phil groaned, rather than answering. He rolled away without another word, and made quick work of his jeans. Dan propped himself up on his elbows, and watched as Phil worked his button and his zip down, fingers pushing under the waistband of the black jeans he’d pulled on and the boxers he’d been wearing all morning.

As quickly as he could, Phil started to shimmy out of the skin tight fabric. Still a little unsure of what this all might mean, but fairly certain it meant Phil was saying yes, Dan bit his lip and watched as Phil revealed his glorious, pale skin, inch by torturous inch. Shaking himself out of it, Dan pushed himself off the bed, and started to wiggle out of his own jeans as well, desperate to get the chance to touch Phil for once and make him fall apart.

Dan didn’t get very far with his jeans before Phil was interrupting him.

“Bathroom,” Phil said, eyes wide. “Get a glove. We’re - we’re going to need it.”

Dan moaned at the implication, and didn’t waste a second jumping from the bed. His jeans, now undone, started to sag, so Dan shoved them down his legs as he moved. In his rush, his pants ended up tangled around his feet and he nearly fell, much to Phil’s amusement behind him, but Dan didn’t care. He was far too focused on the fact that he was about to have sex again. With Phil.

Yesterday, Dan had been embarrassed by the mess that anal apparently made, and the fact that Phil had been the one deal with it, considering he was one doing the prepping, the fucking, but tonight? Tonight Dan could give less of a fuck. Phil knew what he was doing, knew what he was getting into, and he’d dealt with this on more than one occasion now. Dan was far more concerned with the fact that he was about to have sex with his boyfriend.

Boyfriend.

Was that what they were?

Suddenly, Dan felt like his world had shifted on its axis. He was half dressed, long black shirt barely covering his excited dick, and he was stood in Phil’s bathroom trying to find a pair of gloves, and yet he felt like he was in an entirely different world, rather than in Phil’s bedroom. All of the desperate desire from just a moment ago was gone, and replaced with a feeling closer to anxiety.

Boyfriend. Were he and Phil in a relationship? He was pretty sure they were, what with the confessions that morning and the fact that Phil had wanted to do nothing more than cuddle with Dan all day, making promises that they’d get to spend the rest of their lives together, but... They hadn’t exactly spelled it out, and a tiny part of Dan was afraid that he’d gotten this all wrong.

They were together, right? This meant something?

Of course it does, he berated himself, shaking his head and returning to the task at hand. You know it does. Yet, still. Dan couldn’t help biting his lip and thinking, it doesn’t hurt to ask.

Hands shaking with both arousal and a nervousness Dan couldn’t quite explain, Dan fumbled through the bathroom cabinets until he found a box of gloves. Tearing a few free, just in case, Dan scurried back out of the bathroom and back into Phil’s room, mind spinning with a combination of worried thoughts and heedy arousal. He wanted to have sex, like, right now, but at the same time, he wanted to talk, and the two did not go hand in hand easily.

Biting his lip, Dan turned the corner back into Phil’s room, and found Phil lying exactly where Dan had left him; on his back with his cock out. Only now, his shirt was unbuttoned too. His fingers were stroking languidly around his cock, pulling at it, and bringing it fully to life as Dan watched from the doorway. Dan nearly dropped the gloves at the sight. Phil just looked so hot like that, all spread out, half dressed, waiting for Dan. His head was tossed back a little, showing off the long, pale expanse of his throat, and his eyes were closed as he bit his lip.

He wasn’t wearing anything but the unbuttoned shirt any more, far less dressed than Dan himself, and all the more gorgeous for it. Dan let out a small whimper that caught Phil’s attention, and his eyes fluttered open as he offered Dan a sexy grin.

“Come here,” he murmured.

Dan couldn’t say no to a request like that. He moved straight to the bed, fully intending on climbing on top of Phil and kissing him senseless, when he remembered something else they were missing. Groaning, Dan dropped the gloves, and turned to scramble under Phil’s bed and find the bottle of lube and the pack of condoms they’d shoved under it before they’d started filming. He threw those on top of the bed too, and climbed on top of it without another thought.

“Thank god you remembered those,” Phil said, as Dan climbed on top of him. “I don’t think I would have been willing to let you go again to get them,” he joked, arching his neck up to kiss Dan deeply. Moaning against Phil’s lips, Dan let his eyes drift closed and sunk into the delicious feeling.

Dan was never going to get tired of kissing Phil.

As Dan held himself up with his hands on the bed either side of Phil, Phil’s hands moved to push at the hem of his shirt. His nails scratched lightly Dan’s skin, the touches a little rough, a little demanding, a little desperate - just the way they’d been before Dan had left the room.

It should have been fine. It was exactly what Dan had been craving, and yet...

Suddenly, Dan was feeling far too emotionally vulnerable. Of course he wanted quick, passionate sex with Phil. Of course he wanted to take Phil apart and make him beg for Dan… but. Suddenly, Dan felt a little bit too open.

His kisses became more hesitant, his body language a little more stiff, and he found himself stilling against Phil for the first time. For a moment, Phil kept kissing him, mouth opening to Dan’s and looking for more, but after a moment, Phil seemed to realize that something was wrong. Slowly, he pulled away with a little breathless whine, like didn’t really want to stop kissing Dan, but he was going to do it anyway, because something was wrong.

Dan dropped his forehead against Phil’s shoulder in an attempt to hide his face and the fact that he suddenly felt intensely embarrassed at his own hesitation, slumping down onto Phil’s body helplessly, and unable to keep holding himself up when he wanted nothing more than to bury himself inside of Phil.

Phil let out a small little “ooph,” sound in response to the sudden weight change, but otherwise didn’t speak. He was still panting, but his hands had moved from Dan’s back to his hair, carefully smoothing it down like a lover might.

Phil was his lover, if Dan really thought about it, it was just. He was being an insecure idiot, and he hated himself a little bit for it.

Why did he have to make everything so complicated? Couldn’t he just accept that he was Phil’s and Phil was his? Apparently, not, because Dan’s head just kept running itself in circles while Phil held him.

Phil didn’t ask him what was wrong. Dan kept waiting for him to speak, but Phil didn’t, and Dan didn’t know why. He was tense all over expecting the inevitable, but it never came, and Dan found himself letting out a grieved breath of air against Phil’s neck as he realized that Phil would forever be the most understanding person in Dan’s life.

Somehow, Phil knew that Dan just needed a moment, and in a way, Dan was incredibly grateful for that. A smaller part of him, the louder part of his brain just then, was upset, though, because it meant that Dan was going to have to be the one to break the silence and explain to Phil what was going on inside of his head.

“You okay?” Phil eventually mumbled when Dan didn’t speak up. His voice was a little husky, and it was clear that he was still… definitely interested, and very much so aroused. His dick kept pressing into Dan’s thigh despite Phil doing his best to keep his hips still. Dan’s cock was pressed between their stomachs, still as hard as ever, but waning a bit with each passing second.

Dan sighed.

“What are we?” he forced himself to whisper, the words a soft sigh against Phil’s shoulder. Dan turned his head so he could tuck his face into Phil’s neck, embarrassed by the weak tone of his voice, and the fact that he’d had to ask in the first place.

Phil’s hands, which had up until that point been stroking gently through Dan’s hair, stilled.

Slowly, Phil turned to look at Dan with huge, blue eyes. Their gazes met, despite the fact that Dan didn’t want them too, and he found himself caught up in a whirlwind of emotions.

Phil looked so concerned. His eyes were still dark with desire, but it was clear he was trying to draw himself out of it enough to focus on Dan and the question he’d just asked. Dan’s heart, which had started to race in his chest in fear of Phil’s answer, calmed, because Phil… Phil seemed ready to drop everything in a moment to help Dan work through whatever he might be feeling, for whatever reason, without making fun of him.

That was more than Dan had ever had, from anyone. Even his parents, and his ex girlfriend.

“Fuck, I’m so bad at this,” Phil grunted, shifting to embrace Dan around the waist with one arm, and rub soothingly down Dan’s spine with the other. His gaze was intense and sincere as he looked at Dan. “I didn’t think - I just thought… Dan, I thought it was pretty obvious what we are,” Phil whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to Dan’s forehead. Nevertheless, his gaze was still worried when he pulled back, and there was nothing about his tone of voice that hinted that Phil was annoyed he had to spell this out for Dan.

If anything, he sounded apologetic for not making it clearer earlier.

“I’m like… all in this, you know? You’re kind of… it, for me.” Phil grimaced at the choice of words, before laughing softly, and kissing Dan on the nose. “Look how cheesy you’ve made me, Howell,” he complained.

Dan giggled, the sound high and a little insecure, but happy. Undeniably happy. Phil too the moment to lean in and kiss the smile away from Dan’s lips, the angle a little awkward considering the position, but still good. Phil’s lips were soothing, warm, and familiar now. They were comforting, like coming home.

It felt so good, to be touched like this.

When Phil eventually pulled away, he sighed and dropped his head back onto the bed. Dan shifted on top of him to prop himself up, and allowed himself to grin down at Phil, already starting to feel a little better. Still, Phil didn’t seem quite done talking just yet.

“I guess we didn’t really talk about it,” Phil admitted, biting his bottom lip. “But, like. I definitely want… you know, to be with you. Like. Boyfriends, or partners, or whatever you want to call us,” he admitted, eyes wide as they flicked up to meet Dan’s. It was clear Phil was unsure, clear that he wasn’t used to this kind of thing, but Dan didn’t care. The words were enough to help him properly calm down. He leaned in to nuzzle his nose against Phil’s, and kissed him.

“Boyfriends sounds good,” he whispered, letting himself slip right back into the moment he’d interrupted before all this talk about boyfriends and loving each other and being all in. Phil’s mouth opened up to Dan’s, and they both tilted their heads to get in a little deeper. Phil sighed under Dan’s touch, his arms tightening around Dan’s waist, but despite the way Dan had intended to make the kiss just as heated as before, it ended up sweet and far more adoring.

“Boyfriends sounds good,” Phil repeated, the words sending a happy tingle down Dan’s spine.

As the kisses grew more and more heated, they didn’t get quite as carried away in the moment as before. Instead, they moved in a slow burn of sexual desire and mutual affection that in some ways, was better.

Besides. Dan knew there would be plenty of time in the future to have really intense, fast-paced sex full of passion and Dan and Phil both losing it. But for right now, Dan kind of just wanted to savor the romantic, sweet atmosphere Phil had created for them both all afternoon.

Dan’s lips slipped from Phil’s in search of his neck, and he let himself leave a hickey against the pale skin as he moved. They’d finished filming, surely Phil wouldn’t mind too much, and besides - Dan needed to leave his mark too. Phil had left him quite a few hickies this morning and last night.

As Dan mouthed at Phil’s neck, licking and biting at the tender skin just hard enough to leave a slight mark and make Phil whine under the touch, Dan trailed his lips lower and lower still. Phil’s fingers found his hair, carding through it and tugging lightly while his hips started rocking slowly. The feeling was erotic and wonderful all at the same time, causing Dan to moan against Phil’s skin as his lips found Phil’s collarbone and bit down sharply.

Phil’s chest arched up a little at the feeling, causing Dan to grin, and move further down Phil’s chest. He found himself nuzzling at the little tuft of Phil’s chest hair, before he moved further to circle his tongue around Phil’s nipple. Phil let out a soft sound, but he was no louder now than he’d been the past two times, which made Dan pout but no less turned on.

“My nipples aren’t as sensitive as yours,” Phil admitted when Dan sunk in to suck at one a little, slightly unsure because the pink nub wasn’t quite the same as Dan’s ex-girlfriend’s had been. Nonetheless, Dan worried it between his mouth a little, nipped, and pulled away.

“Where are you sensitive, then,” Dan asked, voice quiet. Phil tilted his chin down to look at Dan, and blinked, long and slow, like he was trying to collect his thoughts.

“My ribs,” Phil admitted after a moment, the words a little slurred, his breathing uneven.

Grinning, Dan returned to the task at hand, and started making his way down Phil’s body to his ribs. He ducked in close on the left side to bite into the soft bone, pleased when Phil’s hips jerked at the touch and he let out a soft hissing sound. Dan thought he could feel Phil yanking a little on his hair, and it caused him to close his eyes in pleasure of his own. It felt so good to pleasure Phil and touch him in the spots that aroused him, rather than the other way around for once.

Phil’s skin was so warm against Dan’s mouth as he made slow work trailing his lips against Phil’s ribs. It felt good, and so fucking enticing that Dan just wanted to mouth at Phil for forever. As Dan moved, licking over the sensitive skin and biting at key points, Phil’s fingers clutched tigther to his hair and he started to huff out more and more strained little noises. Dan like the way his mouth could make Phil’s body twitch and shudder under him, the fact that he was turning him on, and that Phil was slowly starting to unravel and lose that careful restraint he’d worked so hard to hold on to.

Dan’s teeth scraped across Phil’s body, and he licked at the dark red bruises he’d started to leave behind, just teetering over into purple. They looked so lovely pressed into Phil’s skin that Dan wanted to cover every last inch of Phil in similar marks, so he shifted so he could move to Phil’s right side, and mimic his earlier ministrations.

Phil’s body jolted in surprise at the sudden switch in pleasure, his hips arching a little until his cock was pressing into Dan’s stomach. Dan grinned at the reaction, but didn’t let up what he was doing with his mouth.

This was the first time he was getting to touch Phil, after all. He wanted to make it memorable. For both of them.

His mouth was careful in its dedication to Phil’s ribs, but that didn’t mean he was particularly gentle. He moved his mouth with short, deliberate actions, biting and sucking and licking every chance that he could get. He counted Phil’s ribs with the slow drag of his tongue over them, and counted them again on the way back down, mouthing the numbers against Phil’s body. Phil shivered at every brush of Dan’s lips, every bite, and every lick. His thighs shook under Dan, and Dan thought if he looked, Phil’s toes might be curling in pleasure.

If the way he panted and released tiny noises was any indication, the way he whined at Dan, Phil was very much so enjoying this.

As was Dan.

Once Phil’s right side was just as bruised and marked up as his left, and Dan was satisfied with the way he looked covered in Dan’s mark, Dan leaned back, shifting his body down so that he was straddling Phil’s thighs. His hands traced down Phil’s ribs, causing him to shiver again. Just as Dan had counted Phil’s ribs, he counted the lovebites he’d left: one, two, three, four… fuck. There were at least six on each side, with a few more blossoming. Dan smiled mischievously before shifting down Phil’s legs, refocusing on his target.

Rather than sitting on top of Phil, Dan moved between his legs, and stared rather intently at the cock know hovering in front of his face. God, it was glorious. Just seeing how ready Phil was for him was making Dan excited, and he wanted nothing more than to get his mouth on him.

Phil, for the first time since Dan had started to suck at his ribs, propped himself up on his elbows and stared, wide eyed, at Dan sat between his legs. Phil’s cock twitched, clearly eager, but Phil looked a little bit concerned.

“Just - don’t take it too far, okay? Not everyone can, it’s fine. Just do whatever you’re most comfortable with.”

Dragging his eyes away from Phil’s cock, Dan stared up at Phil and nodded his head, but he knew already that he was going to push his own limits as much as he could, because that’s how Dan was. Not to mention, Phil had fucked two orgasms out of him, a feat Dan previously considered impossible. Phil deserved the best blowjob of his life just for that.

Or, well, at least the best that Dan could give him considering this would be his first one.

Settling his attention back on Phil’s cock as it lay in front of him, Dan licked his lips at the sight of it. It was warm and flush against Phil’s stomach, pulsing and waiting for Dan to do something with it. Leaning in a little, Dan stuck his tongue out and licked experimentally at the stretch of skin just above the base of Phil’s cock. It twitched violently in reaction, and Phil let out a soft huff, his eyes going a little glassy as his elbows slipped and he fell back on the bed. The reaction made Dan feel more confident, and he licked at Phil’s dick again, just to get used to what it felt like, to get more comfortable with the fact that he was about to give a blowjob to his best friend.

To his boyfriend.

Groaning a little, Dan reached out to grasp Phil’s cock in his hand, wrapping his fingers around the thick base and pumping it up and down a few times. Phil’s thighs jerked and quivered at the touch, a gasp leaking from his lips. Dan nearly moaned himself at the feel of Phil in his hand, all soft and sliky.

His cock only felt a little different from Dan’s, a little heavier, a little thicker. He was leaking precum from his foreskin now, a sight that made Dan’s stomach swoop in appreciation. Dan licked his lips, and allowed himself to grow a little more comfortable with the feeling of Phil’s dick in his hand before he leaned over and took Phil into his mouth.

Instantly, the salty taste of precum hit him. It was a little bitter, and not the nicest flavor in the world, but Dan ignored it in favor of stretching his lips around Phil’s cock and taking him a little deeper so that he was filling Dan’s mouth. Phil whimpered above him, reaching out to tangle his fingers in Dan’s hair and tightening around the soft strands before falling away again just as quickly. Dan whined a little at the brief contact, but Phil ignored him.

When Dan opened his eyes to find out why, he found that Phil was practically clawing at the bedsheets.

Fuck. That was a sight to see. Dan moaned a little around Phil’s dick, fingers starting to move at the parts of Phil that he couldn’t reach, his mouth bobbing experimentally. Phil’s hips jerked a little at the touch, an encouraging reaction to Dan, who smiled and started to suck while he was at it.

He didn’t really know what went into a blow job, but he did know what he liked when he was receiving one, knew what one looked like thanks to the porn he’d seen, and had even read a little bit about how it went, so he knew to bob his head and to close his lips tight and to suck as often as he could. Tongue was good too, he’d heard, but even with all of that advice, the internet had warned Dan that it would really all come down to what each individual guy preferred.

Dan hadn’t wanted to ruin the atmosphere they’d built up by asking Phil what he liked, so he figured he’d just try a little bit of everything. Besides, it seemed to be working. Phil wasn’t complaining.

His thighs flexed under Dan, and his fingers bunched at the sheets. His hips rocked into the touch a little, and he let out a slow slew of rumbly noises that were quiet but oh so satisfying.

Dan was pleased with himself, but not quite pleased enough. He wanted more. He wanted to give Phil everything that Dan knew felt good, and if there was one thing Dan knew, it was the fact that the more wet heat engulfed your cock, the better.

Deep throating wasn’t really an option at that point. It felt like a necessity to Dan.

Shifting around a little as his neck began to ache, Dan got more comfortable on top of Phil, doing his best to keep up the slow movements he was making. He kept his head bobbing, did his best to suck around Phil, and prepared himself to go against what Phil had suggested.

Once Dan was comfortable, and he thought he’d be able to keep a tighter grip on his gag reflex, he removed his hand from Phil’s dick, and, without warning, sunk down onto Phil as low as he could. Phil’s cock filled his mouth, the sensation heady and erotic. Dan felt himself beginning to choke a little, tears filling the corners of his eyes as Phil got deeper and deeper, but he didn’t pull back because Phil was moaning.

Phil was fucking moaning above him, something he’d only done properly once, the sound loud and needy. It felt like it boomed throughout the room, sending heat flooding down to Dan’s dick. It twitched angrly, and Dan moaned around Phil himself, gagging a little and pulling back up, only for Phil’s hips to follow him.

“So-so-sorry!” Phil gasped, trying to settle down. HIs hips were twitching uncontrollably though, and Dan didn’t mind. The fact that Phil couldn’t help himself was impossibly enticing.

Dan sunk back down on him again.

The next sound out of Phil’s mouth was entirely unintelligible, but just as loud as the first, if not louder. Phil’s hips came up off the bed of their own accord, shoving Phil’s dick deeper into Dan’s mouth. He felt it hit the back of his throat hard, could almost feel his lips touching the base, when he gagged. The feeling forced Dan back some, despite him not wanting to pull back, and caused Phil to whimper, his dick beginning to pulse aggressively in Dan’s mouth.

Dan groaned around Phil. The sensation of giving Phil so much pleasure was curling heat inside of Dan’s gut, making his head fuzzy with the desire to do more, to push for more, so he sunk back down onto Phil greedily. His lips inched down Phil’s cock and pulled back up, Dan’s movements becoming more slick and smooth, his mouth taking more and more with each bob. Phil was making noises Dan hadn’t heard from him yet, and all Dan wanted to do was keep it going.

Phil, on the other hand, did not.

Fingers gripped tight to Dan’s hair, tugging until Dan was forced to pull off of Phil’s cock and stare up at him instead.

“Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay,” Phil whimpered, sitting up as he dragged Dan up his body. Dan dis his best to follow the movement, wobbling a little as he was shifted to sit half on top of Phil, chest pressed to Phil’s, and lips dragged almost immediately into a heated kiss. Goosebumps exploded on Dan’s skin as Phil’s hands shifted down his body, squeezing at Dan’s bare bum, and rucking up the bottom of Dan’s shirt. Dan moaned against Phil’s lips, breathless with want.

“Ne-need to sto-stop,” Phil managed to gasp out, dragging his mouth from Dan’s and collapsing back on the bed. Hands slick with sweat, and a little uncoordinated from the quick shift in position anyway, Dan fell too, collapsing on Phil’s chest for a second time.

He was quick to adjust himself, however, shifting to push himself back into a sitting position, straddling Phil’s thighs. Grinning smugly, Dan stared down at the mess he’d made of Phil, at the way his cock was twitching and leaking precum. It felt good to be the cause of such a debauched look.

Phil’s dick was hard and red, and the sight of it dribbling all over Phil’s tummy made Dan think that Phil had been close, very close. It was a bit of knowledge that made Dan’s dick jump against his own belly, and his heart swoop in his chest.

He’d done that. He’d done that.

“Fuck,” Phil gasped, when he seemed to have gotten a hold of himself. “Fuck, Dan, I…”

Clearly, he was at a loss for words. Dan laughed, the sound giddy, because the only other time Phil had sounded like that, he’d been fucking Dan. This time, Dan had unwound him.

Half heartedly, Phil frowned at him.

“Shut up.”

“What? I didn’t say anything,” Dan teased, unable to help himself. Phil, in retaliation, reached out to smack at Dan’s legs, missing completely and hitting his own instead. Phil’s thigh twitched, and he moaned, tossing his head on the bed.

“Stoooop,” he whined. His forehead was dripping in sweat, now that Dan was really looking at him, and his entire chest was flushed a dark red that almost rivaled his dick. Dan laughed giddly again, and went to straddle Phil, no longer caring if he jostled him too much. Phil moaned at the feeling of their cocks rubbing against each other, and Dan looked down to take in the sight of the two of them together.

Phil was almost completely naked, with just his button up shirt sitting on his shoulders, but Dan was still wearing his dark shirt from earlier, the collar stretched a little but otherwise completely covering Dan’s torso. His dick was peeking out from under the worn fabric, rubbing at Phil’s, and sending sparks of pleasure up both of their spines. Dan was living for it.

He wished he could get a picture of this moment, but instead, he leaned down to kiss Phil and swallow his next moan. The fact that Phil seemed unable to stop making the noises sent a shiver up Dan’s spine. He’d finally broken down that careful control Phil always seemed to hold onto. It was nice to finally feel like Dan had properly taken Phil apart.

Phil’s lips were wet and a little uncoordinated on Dan’s. It was clear he was still trying to get his bearings after the blowjob, still trying to hold himself together, so Dan took lead in the kiss and coaxed Phil into a more gentle rhythm. The kiss was sweet, overall, affectionate, and a wonderful reminder to Dan that this was so much more to both of them then Dan had thought the night before.

In a way, it made the moment so much more intense, so much better, because there were no worried questions swirling around in Dan’s mind, and no concern that this would be the last time.

Far from it, if Dan could help it.

Eventually, Phil seemed to get a hold of himself, and rolled them both over so that Dan was the one lying on his back, and Phil was on top of him. It was so much like last night that Dan shivered in anticipation, wondering how it would differ this time. Everytime with Phil felt like a new, wonderful experience.

Dan hoped it would always felt like that between them.

The movement caused Dan to roll onto the lube, condoms, and glove, a reminder of what was to come, and Dan groaned a little, reaching under himself to dig them out. When he did, he realized just how close they’d rolled to the edge of the bed. His head was practically falling off the back end, so that if he opened his eyes, he could just see the camera and Phil’s bedroom door stood open, but they were also nearly falling off the side.

“Move over some, or you’re gonna make me fall,” Dan complained, despite Phil’s lips sucking roughly at his neck, a spot they both knew drove Dan a little crazy. Phil looked up, eyes hazy with arousal, and seemed to take note of their situation as well, shifting some so that Dan could get closer to a safer part of the bed.

That was all the distraction Phil seemed willing to give, however, as he returned right back to Dan’s neck for a good few moments, working it over and likely leaving another mark in place, if the way his teeth dug into Dan’s skin was any indication.

Dan didn’t mind. It felt good. It always felt good to have someone sucking at his neck, but Phil somehow managed to make Dan feel even better, feel like he was on fire, like he was on top of the world. Hips jutting up as a not-so-subtle reminder of what Dan wanted, Dan ground his cock into Phil’s, and nearly purred at the wonderful situation.

Some day, they needed to just spend the night grinding into each other. Yeah, that was a good thought, but a thought for another time. For right now, Dan just wanted Phil to get on with it. He’d waited long enough. Nudging his cock against Phil’s again, Darn tried to make him move along already without speaking, since his mouth was so busy making other noises, but Phil ignored him.

“‘M busy,” Phil complained against Dan’s neck, moving one hand to shove Dan’s hips back down on the bed. Ironically, the movement made Phil fall on top of Dan a little, forcing their hips even closer than Dan had made them before. Dan had no reason to complain about the change in position.

“Well then hurry up and not be busy,” Dan teased, lacing his fingers together behind Phil’s back in order to hold him close. Phil grumbled something against Dan’s neck, but didn’t stop kissing him, licking at the skin the same way he had yesterday. It felt different though, somehow, with the knowledge Dan had of Phil wanting to be with him, of Phil being his boyfriend. It made Dan feel treasured, and heat rushed to his core.

Dan pulled his hands apart to sweep his palms up and down Phil’s back, the motion making Phil’s unbuttoned shirt bunch up. Phil groaned, and pulled away from Dan’s neck to shrug out of the cloth, before tugging at the hem of Dan’s.

“Take it off,” he insisted.

Dan didn’t waste a second doing just as he’d been told. He arched his back off the bed, reached behind him, and dragged the shirt over his head by the collar. He flung it to the floor, not caring what happened to it when he had Phil on top of him, and reached for Phil. Phil, however, did not immediately return to the position they’d been in before. Instead, he stared down at Dan’s chest, mesmerized by it, and reached down to rub his palms down it. Dan felt Phil stop on a few spots, thumb rubbing over what Dan knew was a hickey, before moving on.

“You’re gorgeous,” Phil whispered. “I didn’t tell you yesterday, but you’re fucking beautiful, Dan.”

The way Phil stared at him, Dan believed him. Sure, Phil had said things of a similar nature before, calling Dan hot, or sexy, even gorgeous a time or two, but this time it was said with such a sincere, affectionate tone that Dan felt like the most beautiful person in the world.

Phil’s fingers traced down to his hips.

“God, I love you,” he whispered, leaning down to press a kiss right over Dan’s heart.

It thumped hard in reaction. Phil’s lips were warm, a brand against Dan’s skin.

Dan’s eyes fluttered closed. He was smiling, his hands shifting up to press over his heart, wanting for just one moment to keep the kiss right there. Phil laughed, but it was a soft, sweet sound, almost a breathy giggle, like Phil understood.

When Dan next opened his eyes, Phil was shifting his position on top of Dan so that he could kneel between his legs. Dan’s thighs shook in anticipation for what was coming, and he spread his legs on instinct while Phil reached over him to grab a glove and the lube. His hair fell into his eyes as he popped the cap, and got his fingers slicked up for Dan.

Phil dropped the open bottle next to them both, leaning over Dan to kiss at his chest while his fingers found Dan’s rim for the third time. Dan lifted his legs a little, trying to make things easier on Phil while Phil nipped at his collarbones. Dan’s hands found Phil’s shoulders, and he soothed his fingers over the soft skin, huffing out a desperate breath when Phil’s finger started to press inside of him.

“So good for me, sweetheart,” Phil murmured, stretching Dan open.

It was easier this time. Dan thought it might be easier with each time they did this, or maybe easier the more often they did it, he didn’t know. All he knew was that after being stretched open twice in as many days, this third time felt easy, simple, and Phil’s fingers glided inside of him like they belonged there.

Dan was sure things were far more messy this time as well, but he didn’t care. Phil didn’t seem to care either, pushing his finger in and out in that same, practiced ease as the past two times. He didn’t rush, taking his time with Dan despite Dan knowing they were both desperate for this, beyond ready to get going, to be pressed tight together, moving in synch as pleasure surged through them.

Phil was far more patient than Dan.

When he pressed in a second finger and found Dan’s prostate, Dan started to cry out in earnest.

“Love the sounds you make,” Phil said, voice weak with desire, his lips barley skimming Dan’s chest now. He was breathing heavy, shifting on top of Dan to get the best angles, trying to work him open the best he could. Dan let himself ride down on Phil’s fingers, tossing his head back and forth on the bed, because it was becoming easier, hotter, more arousing than ever before to be penetrated like this.

“God, Dan,” Phil moaned, pulling his fingers free and leaning up to kiss him. There was an awkward shuffle, an annoyed huff, and before the kiss could really start, Phil pulled back and sat up to remove the glove on his hand. He pulled up from the cuff so when it came free it was inside out, and tossed it to the floor.

“It’s a good thing we finished filming, because I don’t think I’ll be able to move after this,” Phil whispered, before leaning in and actually kissing Dan this time. Their mouths tangled a little awkwardly, their breathing stuttering as Phil’s cock once again rubbed against Dan’s, but it was good. The feeling was one of intense eroticism that Dan didn’t want to let go of. He reached for Phil again, skimming his fingers down his ribs, knowing that he was touching marks he’d made, and enjoying the little rumble that the touch got him from Phil. The sound was deep and straight from the back of Phil’s throat, a sound that went straight to Dan’s dick.

So the moaning was good, but Phil’s sounds in general were amazing. The fact that Dan could do this to him…

“Fuck me, Phil,” Dan moaned when Phil finally pulled away to catch his breath. Dazedly, Phil nodded his head, and leaned back in for one last press of lips to lips.

When he pulled away, he still looked a little out of it. He was breathing really heavily now, and when he want to grab for the condom, his fingers slipped on the packaging. It took Phil a moment to grab hold, and another to rip it away from the rest. When he did, he ended up ripping the foil awkwardly, and the sight made Dan laugh from under him.

“Shut up,” Phil whined, trying for a smile, despite being distracted in his attempt to roll the condom over his dick and slick himself up with the still open bottle of lube. His hands were shaking, always shaking, and Dan came to realize that was Phil’s tell.

Phil was at least a little bit out of control with lust, but also maybe, maybe it meant he was nervous because he liked Dan, and because this was more to him than just sex. Dan hoped fervently that it was both because the idea of Phil shaking for him was an amazing one.

To affect someone so much…

Dan groaned a little, tossing his head back.

Thanks to the movement. Dan didn’t see when Phil moved again, but he did feel Phil dragging his legs upwards and pushing his thighs into a more open position. Dan’s eyes flew open as he realized what was happening, how Phil seemed intent on getting as close to Dan’s body just like this.

Phil wanted to fuck him in this position.

Dan gasped, and instantly pulled his legs up to his chest, contorting his body a little bit so he’d be wide open and exposed to Phil. His breathing grew far more intense at the very idea of Phil taking him from the missionary position, and he whispered out a chanted, “Yes, yes, yes.”

He wanted this, he wanted this so fucking much. They’d done it most other ways Dan was familiar with, sort of. He wanted this, now. He wanted traditional, to be able to see Phil’s face, and feel him rocking into him. He wanted to know what it was like for Phil to be completely in charge while looking at Dan.

He wanted to feel as close to Phil as he possibly could.

“I want to make love to you,” Phil suddenly blurted out, eyes a little wide and confused. His mouth dropped open after he said it, and Dan found himself staring up at Phil with his lips parted in confusion.

That had probably sounded better in Phil’s head. It sounded better in movies, and tv shows, and books, too. Hearing it in real life? It just sounded… awkward, and a little bit wrong.

Dan’s lips curled up into a little smile. He could feel a laugh beginning to build in his chest, and he didn’t want to laugh at Phil for trying to be sweet, it was just… well… not only were the words cheesy, but completely weird in a situation like this. They were having sex, yeah, fucking… and, well they loved each other. So it was kind of a give in that this was more than just a casual thing.

Phil groaned and dropped his head against Dan’s exposed inner thigh, laughing at himself awkwardly as he shook his head. Dan, who’d been biting his lip, let it go as he started to laugh as well.

“I was just trying to be -”

“I know,” Dan replied, stifling his laughter. He reached up as best as he could around his folded up body, and let his fingers trail lightly against Phil’s arms. “I get it. You’re sweet. But please, Phil, just… for the love of god, get inside of me already.”

Dan was smiling as he said it, and Phil still had his face pressed into Dan’s legs, but it seemed to help to cut the tension some. Phil drew away to laugh down at Dan, eyes wide and happy, and Dan felt his heart tumble over in satisfaction.

He liked this. He liked having sex with Phil. He liked how Phil tried to make it as good as possible, how he tried to strip away the whole sex thing to something more romantic than Dan was used to, and how Phil was trying so hard to make sure Dan knew that he wanted everything with him. And he liked how Phil could make him laugh, even right now, in the middle of sex.

“Whatever you want,” Phil finally replied, pressing a soft kiss to Dan’s knee, before letting go of his thighs entirely. That left Dan to hold his own legs up, which was a bit more difficult than he’d thought it would be, but he did it so that Phil could take hold of his cock and line it up with Dan’s body.

The initial push of Phil’s cock into him was a little rough. The bluntness of the movement always seemed to rock and jostle Dan a little, but after, it was just as good as Dan remembered it to be. Phil’s cock spread his walls wider, and the push against them was intoxicating. Dan was coming to the love the full feeling he got whenever Phil first pushed into him, and couldn’t wait for Phil to push all the way in.

Phil took him slow, though. He bit his lip and he pushed in at an easy, measured pace, determined not to hurt Dan, for which Dan was grateful. Once his hand was free from his cock, he even reached back up to hold Dan’s thighs in place, and help him keep them spread. His fingers were a little rough, squeezing at the tender skin, but Dan couldn’t blame him when Dan was sure the tight heat of Dan’s body must be driving Phil insane.

He’d seen Phil lose a little bit of control that morning. Dan must feel good, and yet here Phil was, patient as always, careful to take care of Dan.

Dan reached up to card his fingers through Phil’s fringe affectionately, shoving it away from his forehead, and rubbing his thumbs over Phil’s lips when he was done. Dan’s eyes were half lidded with pleasure as Phil moved inside of him, but he wanted Phil to know how much Dan appreciated him for taking it easy.

When Phil’s hips were finally flush with Dan’s, Phil slumped into him, forcing Dan’s thighs closer to his chest. Dan shifted them, trying to figure out just where exactly he could keep them and have them be out of the way. While Dan struggled, Phil’s lips found his, and kissed him so hard that Dan forgot entirely what he was doing, his legs falling open naturally.

“Love you,” Phil muttered against Dan’s lips, shaking as he tried to kiss him.

“Love you, too,” Dan mumbled back, words tripping over Phil’s tongue, his lips. He could feel his heart trying to jump out of his chest, and he groaned, dropping his head back against the pillows, unable to hold it up in order to kiss Phil any longer.

Phil took the dismissal in stride, mouth falling to other parts of Dan. Growing more and more breathless with each passing moment, Phil huffed against Dan’s chin, and then his jawline as he tried to pepper Dan in kisses. His hips rocked lightly inside of Dan, but not too much, not yet. Phil was still holding himself back, seemingly trying to get both of them ready for what was to come, but the lack of attention was driving Dan crazy. He just wanted Phil to move already.

But he trusted Phil. He knew that Phil knew what he was doing, knew that Phil knew when to move. Dan trusted that Phil was becoming more and more familiar with Dan’s body, trusted that he knew how much Dan could take, and let his head fall back so he could just… take.

God, the whole experience somehow felt more intense than the last two. There was a swell of emotion sitting between both of them, an affection that tried to take over the room. Every part of Dan was sweaty and pulsing with want, but he still had enough in him to recognize and hold onto the fact that Phil loved him. He was so, so consciously aware this time that this meant as much to Phil as it meant to Dan, and it was making the whole world feel…

Well. Rose colored, if Dan was allowed to be cliche. He was viewing the world through rose colored glasses, and it looked fucking beautiful.

Phil’s hips started to shift, and Dan’s world narrowed down to the way their bodies fit together, the way Phil’s cock felt inside of him, throbbing and so fucking hard. Phil gasped a little as he started to work in and out of Dan, starting with shallow little thrusts, and working up to something more. He kept his hips angled slightly on each movement, nudging along to find Dan’s prostate as always, ever intent on milking an orgasm out of Dan, and Dan dug his nails into the bedsheets below him.

He wanted to reach for Phil, but he didn’t want to hurt him, so the bedsheets would have to do. If Dan left a few holes in his wake for Phil to deal with, well. Dan figured Phil would think it had been worth it.

A long stream of whines and moans spilled out of Dan. He tossed his head on the bed, arching his back with every movement of Phil’s, legs shaking from the force of Phil fucking him combined with their somewhat awkward position. Phil gasped into Dan’s collarbones, hair brushing against Dan’s skin deliciously, as he worked to fuck Dan deeper, to find that one spot -

Dan thrust down on Phil’s cock, and the angle shifted just enough for Phil to find Dan’s prostate.

The moan that burst out of Dan then was very nearly a wail. His hips bucked upwards, cock twitching where it lay on his stomach, and Phil huffed out a happy little chuckle in reaction, the sound breathless, a puff against Dan’s skin.

Unlike the last time they’d fucked, Dan was able to see the way Phil smiled happily to have succeeded in that small little thing, and it made Dan want to swoon. God, Phil was a delight to behold. Dan felt like the luckiest person in the world to mean something to Phil. Sure, Phil had probably cared just as much about his other partners’ satisfaction, but he probably hadn’t cared quite like this. Dan was special. He could see it written all over Phil’s face.

Phil collapsed on top of Dan as he started trying to fuck Dan properly. The hands that had been helping to keep Dan’s thighs in place dropped onto either side of Dan’s body as Phil let go, tucking his face into Dan’s neck and fucking him harder than the last two times. The tempo just seemed a little faster, a little less gentle, but so, so fucking good that Dan couldn’t complain. Phil’s cock dragged along his walls deliciously, causing shudders of pleasure to race up Dan’s spine.

His cock was beginning to dribble precum all over his stomach, pulsing lightly. Dan could feel the heat beginning to build inside of him, and he was quickly forgetting what it felt like to get so close to orgasm, but lose it and become overwhelmed instead. Phil had driven it from his mind with the feeling of him fucking Dan, had driven it from his mind with the fact that he’d figured out the secret to making Dan come, and Dan was so fucking grateful.

Now, he could just focus on the feeling of his pleasure building, intensifying with each passing thrust, with every slide across his prostate. Phil’s mouth was hot on his shoulder, mouthing at it a little awkwardly, as he kept moving.

Phil’s limbs were shaking. Dan wondered if his body was still tired from the last two times he’d worked Dan over, wondered if he needed to take over, but there was no easy way to do that.

Soft whimpers and calls of Phil’s name dribbled from Dan’s mouth, a sound lost to the heaving breathing in the room. Dan’s head was tossed back, hair a mussed mess, and his forehead beaded with sweat. He gave up on not touching Phil, and reached his arms up to dig his fingernails into Phil’s shoulders, grasping tight and moaning at the feeling of slick, wet skin.

God. God. Phil felt so good inside of him. Dan never wanted this to stop. He didn’t know how anyone could let this go. Had any past lovers fought to keep Phil around after the first time? Dan would have. Dan kind of had. But Phil was his now, and no one else was ever going to get to experience this if Dan had his way.

“Phil, fuck, fuck,” Dan groaned, turning his head to press kisses to his sweaty skin. Phil let out a shuddery breath against Dan’s shoulder, and kissed him back.

“Mm.” Phil was almost inarticulate. “Dan…”

His voice was unsteady and fucking erotic with how deep and northern it had gone. He didn’t quite sound like himself, like the guy Dan had gotten to know. He sounded almost like a different person, and it was… hot to say the least.

Dan suddenly became aware of the fact his toes had curled up and were beginning to cramp a little from the intense waves of pleasure, suddenly became aware of the fact that he was fucking himself back against Phil, trying to take all of him, to take everything he could get. He suddenly became aware of the niggling ache that was left over from the last two times they’d fucked, but he didn’t care.

He couldn’t care, because this all felt so fucking good. His groin tightened up as Phil kept going against him, letting out tiny little whining noises that made Dan think he was close but holding himself back for Dan. The heat in Dan’s stomach started to spread to all of him, taking over his senses, and his vision went a little hazy around the edges.

All Dan could think about was Phil.

His nails dragged down Phil’s back, scrabbling for purchase. He was probably leaving long scratch marks in his wake, but that only turned him on even more, and he arched his hips up towards Phil’s body, cock bouncing against his stomach. He wanted to come, he needed to come, but he wasn’t quite there yet.

His body was straining for it, begging for it, and Dan wanted nothing more than to give in.

Phil’s thrusts became faster, losing their rhythm, as he shifted on top of Dan and tried to keep himself under control.

That was it, though. The movement drove Phil’s cock deeper, forcing it further into Dan, and Dan let out a long wail at the feeling, legs spasming a little and cock twitching. He was there, he was there, he was so fucking sure of it.

“Little more, little more, little more,” he moaned, scrabbling harder at Phil, scratching his nails down his body to find his hips and force him to push in deeper, harder, faster, anything fuck please. The heat was coiling deep inside of him, sending bliss searing through his veins. All Dan needed was a little more, a little more…

“God, Phil,” he wailed when his orgasm finally hit, racing through him in a huge burst of ecstasy. Dan’s body went boneless, his legs falling to his sides, catching on Phil’s hips. Phil grunted at the feeling, at Dan’s body squeezing around him, something Dan was acutely aware of this time, and continued to thrust into Dan. It didn’t take Phil long to come, though. Not this time. The sudden rapid thrusting followed by Phil shoving as deep inside as he could was sign enough, and it made Dan’s orgasm feel all the better as it continued to ripple through him.

Phil collapsed on top of Dan, and Dan let his legs fall to the bed, eyes closed as he breathed heavily. Phil was panting into the crook of Dan’s neck, the sensation sending an extra bout of trembled through Dan. Phil’s body shook as well, working its way through the sensation of orgasm.

Dan did his best to soak in this moment, soak in the waves of pleasure coursing through him, and how fucking good it felt every fucking time.

How had he gone so long without this? How had he gone so long without Phil? How was he was going to do without all of this when he left Phil’s tomorrow. Not just the sex, but Phil to - his closeness, his affection, and the constant reminder that Phil was real and he wasn’t going anywhere.

Dan shook his head, doing his best to dispel the thoughts that were beginning to ruin the euphoria Dan had been previously moving. He shifted a little at the same time, beginning to become aware of the way his thighs had started to cramp, and his back was beginning to ache from being fucked three times in two days. As Dan shifted, he pressed a kiss to the side of Phil’s ear, the only part of Phil he could reach, and giggled when Phil replied with a sound that was completely unintelligible.

Finally, Dan had broken through Phil’s careful control. He’d wrecked him, and it felt good.

Phil made no attempt to get off of Dan either. He didn’t attempt to pull out, or roll over, or take the condom off. Instead, he lay on top of Dan like a lump of heaving flesh as they both did their best to work their way down from the high of orgasm.

The orgasm they’d had together.

Together.

Holy shit, they’d pretty much come together. Dan couldn’t believe it. That had never happened before. That had been a romantic dream that only seemed to exist inside of movies, and definitely not in Dan’s life, but it had happened. It had actually happened.

Dan laughed.

“Holy fuck.”

Phil shuffled on top of him, finally drawing back to pull free from Dan, and rolled over. He reached down almost instantly for the condom, drawing it away, and tying it off to dispose of it. It ended up on the floor with the glove, but Phil didn’t seem to care. He rolled into Dan’s side, and smushed his cheek against his shoulder.

“Yeah,” he whispered dazedly.

But he didn’t understand.

“Phil,” Dan insisted. “Phil, we came together.” Another slightly hysterical giggle erupted from Dan’s lips, followed by him leaning over to pepper Phil’s head with kisses, because this was actually happening, this was actually real. Never in his wildest dreams had Dan thought he could experience this much, and here Phil was, proving him wrong.

Phil groaned against Dan’s on slought, not seeming to realize what Dan had, what Dan had just told him. Dan rolled a little despite the ache affecting every single one of his muscles, and took Phil’s face in his hands to kiss him properly on the lips.

“We came together,” Dan whispered.

Phil finally seemed to get it. He gasped into the kiss, and pulled back from Dan only to stare at him with wide blue eyes, and the most unsure smile of all time.

“We did,” he said, voice filled with awe as the smile began to morph into something more sure. Suddenly, Phil was laughing, and he leaned in to capture Dan’s lips in another kiss. Their laughter petered out into huffs of pleasure and pleased little sighs, as their mouths came together over and over again. Dan never wanted to stop kissing Phil. His fingers found Phil’s hair, and he carded the long, sweaty strands back and off of Phil’s forehead.

“You’re fucking amazing, you know that?” Dan mumbled, drawing his lips away from Phil’s to kiss his cheeks instead, his forehead, his chin - any place Dan could reach, he kissed, because Phil deserved it. Because Dan was impossibly in love.

“Mm, love you so much,” Phil returned, reaching up to card his fingers through Dan’s hair. The feeling was warm, and sent a shiver down Dan’s spine, as Phil ran his fingers back and forth against his scalp, massaging at the skin. It was nice. It was so fucking nice that Dan just kept kissing Phil, uncaring that his lips were going numb.

Then, the loud sound of a beep filled the room, and Dan’s head jerked up.

The camera.

The camera.

“Oh my god,” Dan gasped, at the same time as Phil moved to stare, wide eyed, at the camera too. Slowly, their eyes met, realization dawning on both of them.

The camera had died, which meant it had recorded the whole fucking thing.

Dan and Phil had inadvertently made a sex tape.

“Oh my god, Phiiiiil,” Dan whined. “I can’t believe we forgot to turn the camera off!”

Phil started to laugh, rolling into Dan and tucking his face into his chest, his mouth pressed against sweaty skin. The feeling of his body shaking made Dan’s body shake too, until he was laughing hysterically against Phil.

Fuck, fuck, they were idiots.

Dan couldn’t believe this. His shoulders shook with the force of his laughter, and he reached to hug Phil close at the same time as Phil slung an arm over his waist. The touch was intimate, familiar, and damn near perfect.

If it weren’t for the fact that they were both laughing over a sex tape.

Fuck. A fucking sex tape. Were they proper celebrities now? The thought only made Dan laugh harder, and he tucked his face into Phil’s hair, and muffled his giggles there.

“What would my mum think,” Dan asked, shaking his head. Phil snorted into his chest, pulling away with a half grimace, half grin

“Please don’t bring our mum’s into this!”

“It’s too late, I already did,” Dan joked, kissing Phil. “Mum, I’m running away to become a porn star with Phil,” he added for good measure. “I think we’ll do well. Phil’s pretty fit to be honest.”

“Dan!” Phil moaned, shoving his face into Dan’s neck to hide it. “Don’t say that! I want your parents to like me!”

Dan snickered.

“It’s too late, Phil. You’ve corrupted me. They’re never going to forgive you now.”

Phil moaned in horror, sweat soaked body wiggling against Dan as he attempted to burrow deeper into Dan’s chest. Dan wrapped his arms around Phil more properly on instinct, grinning, as the realization that Phil wanted his parents to like him, probably wanted to meet them, sunk in. Dan could feel himself becoming giddy with happiness, flying high on the combination of an amazing orgasm and Phil’s love for him. There was no room left for Dan to be properly horrified by the sex tape.

“I’m sure they’re going to love you,” Dan whispered into Phil’s hair. How could they not? Phil was the perfect gentlemen when he wanted to be, successful and with a degree. What parent wouldn’t be happy their child was dating him?

Dan’s mood shifted a little as he imagined introducing himself to Phil’s parents.

“I’m the one who's going to be a disappointment, remember?”

Phil pushed himself out of Dan’s hold, and glared at him.

“Don’t say that. My parents are going to love you, Dan. You’re amazing.”

“No, that’s you,” Dan teased.

Phil’s frown deepened, and he pushed at Dan until Dan was leaning away and Phil could really look at him. His expression was a mix of pained hurt, frustration, and determination. Dan’s grin started to fade a little.

“You’re the only person whose ever made me feel like this, Bear. I’ve never introduced any partner to my family. They’re going to take one look at you, one look at the way you make me smile, and they’re going to want to adopt you into the Lester clan immediately.”

Phil’s voice was soft, but filled with a quiet kind of strength that made Dan shiver. Dan’s gaze lowered as his cheeks flushed in embarrassment. He was smiling though, the slow kind of smile that sent a rush of emotion through Dan - happiness, affection, appreciation. Dan was so, so grateful to Phil.

Slowly, Dan leaned in for a soft kiss.

Phil hummed into it, reaching up to press his hands to Dan’s cheeks, and stroking his thumbs over the skin there gently. Dan sighed into the motion.

When he pulled away, he leant his forehead against Phil’s.

“Thank you,” he replied softly.

“Anytime,” Phil promised.

They sat like that for a moment, just staring into each other’s eyes and smiling, Phil’s fingers stroking over Dan’s skin. Dan felt warmth blossom through him. He felt like he was home.

How had Dan gotten so lucky?

After a moment, Phil let go of Dan’s face and encouraged him to lay down on his back. Dan did so, a little confused, until Phil rested his head on Dan’s chest and curled into his side. Dan grinned at the change in position, at the way it left Phil vulnerable and small looking, at the fact that Phil was putting his whole trust into Dan not to hurt him. Dan reached up to stroke his fingers through Phil’s hair, while Phil sighed against his chest.

They stayed like that for a long time.

All Dan could think about was the fact that this was his. Phil was his. This whole moment was his. And while Dan was sure that he’d have another million moments just like this in his lifetime if he managed to not fuck things up with Phil, Dan still wanted to treasure this one for as long as he could.

“Do you think I could keep the footage?” Phil eventually murmured against Dan’s skin. “I think that’d be good wank material for the next ten thousand years.”

Dan huffed out a laugh, cheeks flushing bright red again at the reminder of their inadvertent sex tape. He smacked Phil on the arm lightly, and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

“Only if you give me a copy of it too.”

[danfanciesphil]

Phan Teacher AU (Part 4)

(Part One)

(Part Two)

(Part Three)

This is all Mr Horowitz’s fault. 

Okay, so it’s also a little bit Dan’s fault for forgetting to bring an umbrella, or even a sensible coat, but in his defence, he had no idea this would happen. 

Normally, Dan’s walk to the bus stop after school is little more than two minutes, and so far he has always made it in time to catch the 3:17 bus. It’s a good thing too, because Dan knows that the next one doesn’t come for another hour. 

He’d been on his way to catch this same bus, in fact, when Mr Horowitz caught his arm, asking whether, before he left, he’d just run upstairs to the labs and clear up the experiment from the last class. Dan, being the school’s servant boy, couldn’t exactly refuse. He’d raced up to the labs at just after 3pm, cleared the desks in lightning speed, run a broom over the floor and sprinted to the bus stop. 

But alas, the sight with which he was greeted was the tail end of it, chugging into the distance as the rain pelted down. 

So now, Dan is stood, shivering like mad, in the downpour. It’s currently 3:30pm, and he still has another 47 minutes before the next bus. 

“Fuck you, Horowitz,” Dan mutters under his breath, which comes out in a silvery puff of steam. 

He wraps his thin jacket around himself a little tighter, rocking on the balls of his feet. Students keep passing him by, some sending sympathetic looks, and some chuckling at his plight. Dan knows he must look an absolute sight; his hair is probably plastered to his head, and his smart shirt and skinny jeans are so drenched that they’d fill a few jugs if they were wrung out, he’s sure. 

“Wanna use my Physics textbook as an umbrella, sir?” A Year 11 student Dan vaguely recognises calls out as they walk past, laughing. 

Dan shakes his head with a grim smile. “No thanks,” He replies, as tactfully as he can bring himself to be. 

It’s at this moment that a car pulls up to the bus stop, pausing right beside where Dan is stood. 

The window rolls down, and Dan’s immediate instinct is to run away - a product of the copious amount of ‘stranger danger’ warnings instilled into him during his teacher training. 

Then, the driver of the vehicle leans across the passenger seat, and Dan nearly wails. It’s Phil. Of course it’s Phil. 

“Hey!” Phil says, a glimmer of amusement in his cobalt eyes. “Need a lift?”

Trying his best not to think about the fact that he looks the worst he ever has, Dan forces a tight smile, leaning towards the open window. 

“Hey, hah- yeah, I didn’t exactly prepare for the weather today.” Dan says, chuckling at himself. “But it’s okay. Thanks for the offer but I live really far away. I’ll just get the next bus.” 

“When’s the next bus?” Phil asks. 

A car behind him slows to a stop, unable to get past. Dan glances up at it worriedly. The driver, an older man in a suit, looks impatient. 

“Um, in forty-five minutes. Ish.” 

Phil’s eyes widen, his mouth falling open. “What?! You’re planning to wait here in the rain for that long?”

Dan tries to give Phil a bright smile, like he’s fine with it, but a raindrop falls from his forehead into his eye, making him wince. 

“Y-yeah, it’s okay, I’m-” Dan cuts himself as a sneeze surges up out of nowhere; he just about manages to turn away, aiming it into the crook of his elbow. 

When he looks back up at Phil, he does not look pleased. “Dan,” he says, his voice dropping to his firm, teacher tone. “Get in the car.” 

Partly because the gentleman behind Phil has begun honking his horn, and partly because his knees have jellified at the sound of Phil speaking to him this way, Dan pulls open Phil’s passenger door and climbs in. 

It’s so warm inside that he could cry. 

“I’m gonna get your seats all wet.” Dan says mournfully, trying to take up as little space as he can. 

“They’ll dry.” Phil tells him, turning the heater up until it’s blasting over Dan’s face and chest. “There are more important things than courtesy, you know Dan.”

Dan turns to him, trying to work out whether Phil’s annoyed. He watches silently as Phil pulls away from the kerb, joining the thick muddle of after-school traffic inching its way towards the main road. 

“My mum raised me to be a polite young man,” Dan jokes, trying to lighten the mood. 

“My mum raised me not to put my health in danger for the sake of asking a friend for a lift once in a while,” Phil replies, looking over at Dan. The windscreen wipers squeak as they battle the awful weather. After a moment, Phil sighs, his expression softening. “Sorry, I don’t mean to have a go at you. But come and find me if you miss your bus again, okay? I’d rather drive a bit out of my way today than have you turn up tomorrow with pneumonia.”

Dan nods guiltily. “Wait till you see how far away I live before you get too generous.”

*

“Wow,” Phil whistles, eyebrows raised as he stares down at Google Maps on his phone. “You weren’t kidding.”

They’ve pulled into a layby, the rain still thundering against the glass. It doesn’t matter though, because Phil’s car is warm and dry. It’s littered with little plastic toys, highlighting Phil’s quirkier side. There are Marvel superhero bobble-heads blu-tacked onto the dashboard, and the cupholders are filled with keyrings that look like they were won out of those two-penny slot machines.

There are also sweet wrappers scattered around - skittles, starburst, pick ‘n’ mix, or anything sugary and colourful. 

None of it seems anything other than incredibly endearing, though. Dan could spend hours rifling through this car, which is so intrinsically Phil, just learning about him through his clutter. 

“Yeah,” Dan says awkwardly. “It’s a forty minute bus ride.” 

“You do that every day?” Phil asks, looking up at him in wonder. “Twice a day?”

Dan shrugs. “It’s not that bad.”

It would be a lot worse if he had nothing to look forward to once he actually got to the school, Dan thinks privately. 

“Um, don’t worry about taking me all the way,” Dan says quickly, “just drop me at another bus stop or something on your way home-”

Phil flaps a hand at him distractedly, turning back to his phone. He pinches the map, searching the screen for a route to take. 

“No, no, I don’t mind taking you,” Phil says, chewing his lip. He looks up, out of the windscreen, appearing to have some sort of internal debate. “It’s just... well, do you mind if we make a stop?”

Dan blinks at him. 

“Uh, a stop?” He asks, uncomprehending. 

“Yeah,” Phil replies. “It’s just that I need to let my dog out. Would you mind if we stopped at mine on the way? I’ll take you straight home after.”

Dan pauses for a moment, the words not sinking in straight away. Phil wants to take him to his house, where he actually lives, and he’s asking if that would be a problem.

“Phil, you’re literally rescuing me from a storm,” Dan says slowly, watching the bashful smile spread over Phil’s gorgeous features. “You could drive me via the Eiffel Tower if you wanted.”

Phil grins at him, putting his phone down and releasing the handbrake. “Maybe we should save the Eiffel Tower for another time.” Phil side-eyes him, questioningly. “Like in two weeks?” 

Dan’s already racing heart picks up a little more speed, the fact that he is currently en route to Phil’s actual house beginning to seep into reality. He laughs, feeling awkward about what Phil is implying. 

“Yeah, I still haven’t decided whether I’m coming on the trip yet,” Dan says, hands clasping together in his damp lap. 

“You know it’s free for teachers, right?”

“I’m not a teacher.” 

Phil smirks. “I’m sure I can persuade John to let you in free of charge.”

“Who?” Dan asks.

“John. Mr Green.” Phil clarifies; Dan just stares blankly. “Vice Principal of the school?”

“Oh,” Dan says, vaguely remembering a ‘VP Green’ showing him round on his first day. “I haven’t seen him since I first started. Sorry.”

“Well, he’s coming on the trip.” Phil tells him. “So, that’s a perfect opportunity to get to know him better.” 

“Right, because having an awkward conversation in Paris with the Vice Principal of a school I’m heavily under-qualified to work at is top of my to-do list.”

Phil laughs heartily, pulling off the main road into a suburban maze of small houses. They can’t be more than ten minutes from the school. Dan gazes out of his rain-speckled window at the idyllic neighbourhood, trying not to be too obvious about how badly he wants to soak it all in. 

“You’re not under-qualified.” Phil says, leaving no room for argument. You’re one of the best TA’s I’ve ever had.” 

Dan stays quiet in the face of this statement, not sure how to handle it. 

“Besides,” Phil continues, to Dan’s relief. “John’s actually a pretty cool guy,” 

As it has rather often since the film screening on Wednesday, Dan’s mind wanders to thoughts of Paris, of being there with Phil and the rest of the Year Nine class. In his current state of awkward, socially inept pining over the class’ teacher, Dan’s not sure he’d be able to handle the experience. 

Yes, it would be an amazing opportunity, and undoubtedly fun at times. But the class already tease Dan, sensing his overly-fond opinion of their favourite teacher despite him trying to keep it under control. It’s hard to imagine an entire weekend of that, in the so-called ‘city of love’, whilst attempting at least a shade of professionalism. 

Not to mention how uncomfortable the whole thing could make Phil. 

“But I don’t wanna pressure you.” Phil says, interrupting Dan’s tumultuous thoughts. “I just think it’d be fun if you came.” 

Before Dan can properly comprehend that statement, let alone reply to it, Phil is pulling the car over and switching off the engine. 

They’re parked in the middle of a quiet, orderly street, right outside a cute little bungalow, complete with a neat front garden and little pathway to the front door. 

“You live here?” Dan asks, awed by how... lovely it is. 

Phil chuckles, unbuckling his seatbelt. “No Dan, I brought you to someone else’s house and we’re going to break in.” 

Dan turns to narrow his eyes at Phil, who just laughs more. 

“Come on, let’s get inside - it’s still belting down.” Phil says, unfastening Dan’s seatbelt before he gets the chance. 

Dan takes a deep breath in a vain attempt to prepare himself for what’s about to happen, and follows Phil as he hops out of the car, and jogs to the front door. 

*

If Phil’s car is telling of his personality, his house is as though he’d cracked open his chest, scooped handfuls of his soul out and splattered it all over the walls. 

Dan has never seen any sort of interior design that represented a person so well before. It’s not just visually appealing, it’s also a spectacle to behold. Dan’s sure that by just opening one random drawer in Phil’s house and glancing at the contents, he’d understand a thousand more things about this man, strange and enigmatic as he is. 

They enter into a small entrance hall, painted a sunny yellow. There’s a semi-circular welcome mat on the floor, made to look like half a pepperoni pizza. On one wall hangs a large mirror, in a bizarre, warped shape, the edges curved as though they’d been drawn by a child. 

There’s a tall cheese plant in one corner, and on a table below the mirror sits a potted scarlet anthurium. It’s a colourful room, and Dan’s very aware that this is only the very entrance of Phil’s house. 

Before Dan can comment on the aesthetics - which he greatly appreciates, having lived in a cheap, falling apart, ‘student house’ for some time now - a small creature tears through the doorway on the left, bounding towards them, barking shrilly. 

Phil crouches down to greet it, gathering the bundle of excitable fur into his arms immediately, laughing. Mouth falling open in an adoring ‘o’, Dan drops to the floor instinctively, an overwhelming urge to pet this animal forcing him to its level. 

“Dan,” Phil chuckles, receiving several licks to his face. “This is Buffy.”

It lets out a ‘ruff!’ upon hearing its name, turning to Dan, tongue hanging out as it surveys him. In a millisecond, the dog is wriggling in Phil’s arms, struggling to be free. It worms its way out of Phil’s grip in a second, leaping across to Dan’s lap, tail wagging excitedly. 

“Oh my God,” Dan says, cuddling the dog close to himself as he strokes and scritches and pets its soft, caramel fur. “This is the cutest dog I’ve ever seen in my life. What breed is it?” 

“She’s a paperanian,” Phil says, moving to sit cross-legged on the floor. He laughs as Buffy begins frantically licking at Dan’s face, front paws on his chest as she attempts to reach him. “A pomeranian-papillon mix.”

Phil strokes along her back, fondly, his hand occasionally brushing across Dan’s. 

Dan is giggling into the shock of Buffy’s fur, relishing the adorable, happy temperament of this dog. His only family dog had been a springer-spaniel when he was young, and it had died before he’d had a chance to bond with it properly. 

“Unff-” Dan says, voice muffled as Buffy licks eagerly at his chin. “How long’ve you had her?” 

“About a year and a half?” Phil replies, smiling warmly. “I used to volunteer at a shelter when I lived in France. I didn’t mean to get attached, but I couldn’t help it. So I adopted her.” 

“She’s adorable,” Dan says, stroking over her soft, pointed ears as she begins to calm down, happily settled in Dan’s lap. “I think I’m in love.” 

Phil glances up at Dan, eyebrow raised. For some reason, Dan finds himself blushing. “I get it.” Phil replies. “I fell in love on sight.” 

Dan holds Phil’s gaze for a moment, any responses getting caught in his throat. Buffy barks, stealing their attention, and Phil giggles at her. He stands, scooping her up from Dan’s lap and into his arms. 

Dan tries not to pout about this. 

“Come on, then,” Phil says, presumably to the dog, “I’ll let you out for a bit.”

Dan stands too, following Phil through his hallway and into the room on the left. 

Again, he is struck by the amazing decor of the room in which he enters, which seems to be a spacious living area, but he barely has time to appreciate it before Phil is heading into the kitchen at the other end, Buffy still tucked in the crook of his arm. 

At the back of the kitchen there’s a glass sliding door, leading to what appears to be a tiny back garden, surrounded by a tall wooden fence. It’s through here that Phil lets Buffy out, barking happily as she scampers across the wet grass, not bothered by the rain in the slightest. 

Phil slides the door shut after her, turning to Dan with a smile. “I’ll just let her run around for a bit. She’s been cooped up all day.” 

“I guess you have to leave her here while you’re at school?” 

“Yeah,” Phil replies guiltily. “It’s not as bad as some jobs, because I can let her out in the morning, and then I finish quite early in the day, but I still feel bad.”

“I’m sure she’s used to it.” Dan says, trying to make a positive comment. 

“Yeah, I suppose.” Phil says. “If I ever have to stay late, I can call my brother to come and check on her. He lives just down the road.” 

“That’s convenient, at least.” 

Phil shrugs, turning to his kitchen counter and retrieving the bright red kettle. 

“It’s not perfect, but it works okay.” Phil says. “Anyway, I’m rarely away from home. It’s not every day I have to rescue damoiseau’s in distress caught in rainstorms because they missed their bus.” Phil winks at him; along with the casual french he dropped into the sentence, it makes Dan feel a little dazed. 

“Do you want a cup of tea while she runs about for a bit?” Phil asks.

Dan feels his heart flutter, and wonders whether any of the other TA’s have ever had the honour of coming here, of meeting Phil’s dog and receiving hot beverages on rainy days. 

“That’d be great, thanks.” Dan answers quietly, still feeling like an inconvenience. 

As Phil fills the kettle and gets the mugs, Dan takes the opportunity to look around his kitchen. It’s beautiful, just like the rest of the house, but with a few youthful, quirky touches that indicate Phil’s sillier side. 

The walls are cream, as are the countertops, but there are splashes of colour everywhere. The microwave is bright yellow, and there are a host of tiny herb plants in red, green, blue and orange pots atop the windowsill. 

Phil’s fridge is a light blue, and around his light wooden table, the chairs are varying sizes and colours, mismatched, but in a way that seems put together. 

“It’s so homely in here,” Dan muses, not really meaning to say it aloud. 

Phil turns to him, evidently surprised. “Thanks! Most people say it’s a bit much.” He pours the boiling water into the mugs, chuckling. “My brother said that it’s as if I gathered a random load of furniture and scattered it about without thinking.” 

“Did you?” 

“Kind of, I suppose.” Phil allows, shrugging one shoulder. “I just pick up bits and pieces that I like the look of, and fit them in as best I can.” He laughs, opening his sky-blue fridge to get the milk. “I don’t pretend to be an expert in interior design. I just like things to be...” 

“Pretty?” Dan supplies.

“I was gonna say colourful,” Phil says, smiling at him. “But yeah, I suppose. Thanks.” 

Dan blushes faintly, casting another look around. He notices for the first time that Phil’s fridge door is covered in those alphabet magnets, some of which spell out the phrase ‘normalness leads to sadness’. There’s also a photo pinned there, of Phil and a man Dan vaguely recognises as his brother. He’s holding Buffy in his arms, smiling a very Phil-like smile.

“Milk? Sugar?” Phil asks, tearing Dan’s attention away. 

“Just milk, thanks.” 

Phil pours the milk, humming to himself, and adds two lumps of sugar to his own cup from a gnome-shaped pot nearby. He places the mugs down on the table, and pulls out a chair. 

“You can sit down, you know,” Phil tells Dan amusedly, slipping into one of the seats. 

Dan obeys, sliding into the chair opposite him and retrieving his mug. “Thanks.” 

He sips, even though it’s far too hot, trying to think past his nerves, for something, anything, to say that isn’t ‘wow you’re pretty and your house is pretty and your dog is the cutest thing in the world and I think I’m crushing on you far, far too much to even be here let alone go to Paris with you in two weeks’. He comes up blank. 

Then, quite unexpectedly, Phil reaches across the table, and pushes a strand of his fringe away from his eye, a slight smile playing on his lips. Dan freezes, a deer in headlights, as Phil’s fingertips brush his forehead, acutely aware of how damp he is still. 

“Your hair,” Phil says softly, wonderingly. “It’s curly.” 

Dan blushes furiously at once, ducking away from Phil’s touch, feeling self-conscious. “Shit, yeah. The rain, y’know...”

Phil draws his hand back to his mug, smiling amusedly. “It’s cute.” 

Dan looks at him in surprise. He’s never, in a million years, considered the idea that anybody might find his natural, untameable curls anything other than ridiculous, but all of a sudden he has a powerful urge to never touch a pair of straighteners again. 

Dan lifts his hand to his head, patting the mess of curls that are drying there. 

“I... never really liked them.” He admits, sheepish.

“You should embrace them,” Phil says encouragingly. He shrugs one shoulder. “I mean, if you want. I think they suit you. But then, it’s not my hair.” 

All of a sudden, Dan shivers, partly because he’s wet and cold, but mostly because Phil is being so sweet that his body actually seems to be rejecting the sentiment, not sure how else to process it. 

Phil frowns, noticing the tremble. “Hey, take that off.” 

He gestures to Dan’s torso, standing from the chair. Dan just looks, bewildered, at Phil’s outstretched hand. 

“Um...”

“Your jacket, Dan.” Phil says, the corner of his mouth twitching. “I’ll throw it in the dryer.” 

“Oh, no it’s okay-”

“Dan, you’re actually shivering.” Phil interrupts, voice firm. “I’ll just dry off your wet jacket, it’ll take ten minutes.” 

“It’s warm in here, you really don’t have to.” Dan mumbles, but he’s already shaking the damn thing off his shoulders, because Phil is using his teacher-voice, and it’s drilling right into his chilly bones.

Phil just takes the jacket from him, opening a secret cupboard door under the kitchen counter to reveal a washer-dryer. He places Dan’s jacket inside, presses a few buttons, and smiles in satisfaction as the dryer begins its cycle. 

He turns back to Dan, frowning again as he takes in the sight of him. 

“Hey, drink your tea, it’ll warm you up.” Phil instructs, moving across the room, towards the doorway. “I’ll be right back.”

Dan doesn’t get a chance to object; Phil slips out of the room, leaving Dan sat at the table in just his damp, clinging, white shirt, hands clasped around the mug of tea.

Then, in a moment, he’s back again, a bundle of green material in one hand. He hands it to Dan casually, then moves to sit back in his seat.

“Um, what’s this?” Dan asks, confused. He turns the green item over in his hands carefully. 

“A hoodie,” Phil says, like it’s perfectly normal. “You’re cold.”

Dan swallows, squeezing the material in his fist. It feels thick and warm. “Oh, th-thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Phil says, beaming. “Put it on, you’re not allowed to be cold in my house.”

“I didn’t realise you had such strict house rules,” Dan replies teasingly, but pulls the hoodie over his head, threading his arms through the sleeves. 

It smells - oh, Lord - it smells just like him. It’s cinnamon sweet, with a fresh, plant-like overtone. A cooling, freshly baked apple pie on a windowsill, the breeze sweeping in its delicious aroma, carrying the notes of the newly cut spring grass. 

Dan has to force himself not to bury his nose in the sleeves that hang down over his hands. 

He tries to distract himself by looking down at the text on the front of it, which reads ‘York University’. “I see I’m repping your college.” 

“Hah, yeah, sorry about that.” Phil says bashfully, sipping more tea. “I guess it’s a bit weird to hang onto that, isn’t it?”

Dan shrugs. “Not if you liked it.” 

Phil smiles at him appreciatively. “I liked the uni, yeah. And I like the hoodie. I like it even better on you.” 

Simply because Dan doesn’t trust himself to speak further about this without melting into a gooey puddle, he decides to change the subject. 

“So, is it Buffy as in... the vampire slayer?” 

He nods towards the screen door, through which Phil’s dog is sprinting happily across the grass, pausing every so often to sniff a patch, tail wagging furiously. 

Phil turns to watch her for a moment, laughing. He nods, turning back to wink at Dan. “I mean, it is the greatest show of all time.” 

Dan considers this, nodding. “It’s definitely up there.”

“You’ve seen it?” Phil asks, sounding surprised. “Not many people have, these days.”

“You spend too much time around teenagers.” Dan says with a wry smile. “The kids in your classes probably weren’t even born when Buffy was cool.” 

Phil sighs, nodding in agreement. “You’re probably right.”

“Hey, it’s their loss.” Dan says. “They’ll never know the awesomeness that is Buffy Summers kicking kicking the ass of every monster that dares to cross her.”

“Or the incredible hotness of Spike,” Phil adds, somewhat wistfully. 

“Spike over Angel? Interesting.” 

“To be honest, if I were Buffy, I think I’d have a similarly hard time deciding between them.”

“Same,” Dan agrees, staring down into his tea. 

“Hey, I forgot,” Phil announces suddenly, his voice bright and cheerful. “I made cupcakes! Would you like one?”

Dan watches as Phil stands from his chair, heading to a cupboard to pull out a cake tin. 

“Um,” Dan says; his stomach is rumbling at the mere mention of food, let alone cake, but he wants to be careful about how far he should run with Phil’s generosity. In the end however, his tummy, which hasn’t been fed since lunch, makes the decision for him. “Sure. Thanks.”

Phil finds a small plate and presents Dan with one of the most incredible looking cakes he’s ever seen. Putting bakeries to shame, Phil has piped rainbow frosting atop a small, palm sized cake. He’s also sliced off the top of the cake, cut it in half, and pushed the pieces into the icing in a traditional ‘butterfly cake’ style. 

The whole thing is covered in some kind of edible glitter too, making it sparkle under Phil’s soft, overhead lamps. 

“Christ, you made this?” Dan asks, staring down at it in amazement. “I feel like I shouldn’t eat something this pretty.”

Phil chuckles. “It’s either going to you or Buffy, so eat up.”

Phil takes his seat again, and Dan diligently begins peeling the glittery pink case from the sides of the cupcake. He glances up at Phil, watching him, and pauses.

“You’re not having one?” 

Phil shakes his head. “Trust me, I’ve had about sixty already since I made them. He leans back in his chair, placing a hand on his stomach. “I’m cupcake’d out.”

Dan’s eyes fall to the cake in his hand, feeling awkward about eating it now. 

Phil laughs at him, and Dan looks up. “What?” 

“Afraid I’m trying to poison you?” 

Dan splutters, having not even thought of that. Realistically though, he perhaps should be a bit more concerned. He doesn’t know Phil that well, after all.  

Playing along, Dan eyes the cake suspiciously, bringing it to his nose and sniffing. “Well, it is awfully convenient that you just had to let Buffy out whilst you already had me in your car...”

Phil rolls his eyes, smirking. Without a word, he leans forwards, plucks the cupcake from Dan’s hand, and brings it to his lips. He takes a small bite, frosting and all, licking glitter and crumbs from his lips as he holds Dan’s gaze. 

He hands the cupcake back over, looking triumphant. “There. If it’s poisoned, then we’ll both die.”

“Finally,” Dan jokes, taking a bite out of the cupcake, heart palpitating over what just happened. 

The cupcake is glorious. Dan shuts his eyes, moaning a little in appreciation. It tastes like strawberry laces, and vanilla ice cream, and pure, unfiltered joy. It tastes like how he imagine Phil himself would taste, were he smothered in frosting and had a surprise, raspberry jam centre. 

“Fucking hell,” Dan says eloquently, diving straight back in for another bite. “Phil Lester, you’re a genius.” 

In three bites, Dan has devoured the entire thing, and he licks the remnants off each of his fingers, wishing he could go back in time and experience that slice of heaven all over again. 

When he eventually meets Phil’s gaze, he’s looking a little dazed. There’s a pink tint to his pale skin, resting just above his sharp cheekbones. Seeming to gather himself, Phil clears his throat, and adjusts his glasses, smiling. 

“Glad you liked it,” Phil mumbles, busying himself by taking Dan’s plate to the sink. 

“You should apply for Bake Off,” Dan says sincerely.

Phil laughs, rinsing the plate under the tap, faced away from him. 

“Actually don’t,” Dan says, changing his mind. “Just bake for me, instead.” 

Phil stacks the plate on a drying rack, turning back to him. He doesn’t sit back at the table, though. He just leans against the counter, watching Dan from afar. 

“And what do I get out of that deal, Mr Howell?” Phil asks, raising an eyebrow. 

“Literally whatever you want.” Dan replies, meaning every word. 

“Careful,” Phil says, typically flirtatious, making Dan’s stomach flip. “Some people might take advantage of a promise like that.” 

Dan just laughs, staying quiet. In his mind however, he silently comes to the realisation that he can’t think of a single thing that Phil could ask for, that he would refuse to do. 

Oh, dear.

*

By the time they leave Phil’s house, the rain has eased to more of a drizzle, but it pours continuously nonetheless. Dan says goodbye to Buffy about five times, softened by her sad little whimpers and puppy eyes each time he turns to go. 

He doesn’t mind that her fur is soaked and a little muddy, he just cuddles her close, no doubt ruining Phil’s hoodie, though Phil doesn’t object. He doesn’t even tell her off as she tracks damp pawprints through the kitchen, he just uses a spare towel to dry her off, giggling as she wriggles about beneath it. 

“Aw, he’ll be back another time, Buffy,” Phil assures his whining dog, and secretly Dan bursts with happiness. 

They get out of the door eventually, and into Phil’s car. Phil sticks the heating on straight away, blasting them both as they rub their hands together. Dan wishes it would be socially acceptable to lean across and nestle into Phil’s shoulder, but alas, he settles for simply wrapping the hoodie more tightly around himself, pretending it’s Phil’s arms. 

“She loves you,” Phil says, laughing. “She’s not going to let me forget that, either.”

“What a shame,” Dan says, faking a dismayed sigh. “I guess I’ll just have to come and play with her all the time.”

Phil grins at him. “You should. Buffy would really like that.”

“Buffy would?” Dan asks, feeling just brave enough to attempt a flirtation, fuelled by the adrenaline his own body has been pumping through his veins for the past hour or so. 

Phil just smiles at him, eyes holding Dan’s for a moment, seeming to forget about starting the car. “Yeah,” he says after a while. “She really would.”

*

It’s quite painful to watch Phil driving away. 

It’s only been a couple of hours, but in the short time he and Phil spent together this afternoon, Dan had grown rather attached to his presence. 

This whole crush-thing would be so much easier if Phil was a difficult person to hang out with. But it’s so easy. They fall into banter as quickly as breathing, their conversations lasting indefinitely, because they could spring off each other’s witticisms for hours on end. 

Phil is so funny, and so effortlessly charming. He’s intelligent and sharp, which is attractive on its own, but he has such a flirtatious streak, and it only makes things worse. 

The more time Dan spends around him, in fact, the more he feels himself falling into a deep cavern of yearning. 

When Phil pulled up to Dan’s house, right before Dan got out, he handed Dan another one of his cupcakes, which he’d hidden in a little Tupperware box in the glove compartment, unbeknownst to Dan. 

Dan had protested at first, saying he couldn’t possibly steal another of his incredible creations, but Phil insisted on him having it. Eventually, Dan managed to create a condition - that he owed Phil a favour, not only for the cupcake (and the other cupcake) but for the cup of tea, and introducing him to Buffy, and the kindness, and for literally rescuing him in his hour of need and driving him forty minutes across town to his house. 

Phil laughed, but agreed to these terms. Dan had gone to leave his car then, cupcake in hand, but Phil had stopped him, saying he had an idea for how Dan could repay him. 

Of course, he had to say Paris. 

So, because he’s helpless to refuse Phil anyway, and because he owes Phil a lot, Dan agreed. So, in two weeks, he’s off to Paris, to spend an entire weekend with Phil, in the most romantic city in the world. 

Yes, there will be twenty or more teenagers along for the ride, but Dan finds it difficult enough to keep it together in Phil’s presence as it is, even during class. 

Forty-eight hours of uninterrupted time in close proximity to this man is going to render him as useless as a smitten nerd-girl in any teenage rom-com that’s existed since the beginning of time. 

He sighs, watching from his doorway as Phil’s car rounds the corner, out of sight. He opens the Tupperware, and takes a bite of the delicious cake, sighing in defeat.

“Okay, who was that?” Tyler’s voice says from right by his shoulder, making Dan jump. 

“Is that hot, French, teacher-guy?” Teddy interjects from further inside. 

Dan rolls his eyes, turning to push past both of them as he stalks into the house. “Don’t you guys have anything better to do than spy on me?”

“Aw, Dan we just want to see you happy!” Tyler exclaims, following Dan into the kitchen. 

He wraps his arms around Dan’s waist, walking behind him like a drunk mum too into the conga line, until they reach the counter. 

Dan puts his half eaten cupcake back in its box, placing it on the counter. 

“How do you know I’m not?” Dan asks crossly. 

“I mean, you’re fine.” Teddy says, strolling into the kitchen to rest his arm on Dan’s shoulder. “But fine isn’t good enough for our lovely Daniel. We want to see you being adored!”

Teddy pinches Dan’s cheek, smiling at him. Tyler kisses him on the temple, ruffling his hair. 

Dan rolls his eyes, but smiles a little under the affection. “Thanks, but I’m good.” 

He struggles free of them, intending to take an immediate shower in order to wash the rainwater off himself. He heads for the door of the kitchen, mind already on other things. 

Phil things. 

Paris things. 

“Hey, Dan?” Tyler calls out, sounding confused. Dan turns on the spot, somewhat reluctantly. “I thought you went to the University of Manchester?” 

Dan frowns in confusion. “Ty, we all went to the same uni. We literally met at uni.”

Teddy hides a smirk in Tyler’s shoulder. “Right, right.” Tyler says. “So whose hoodie is that?” 

Having completely forgotten he was even wearing the thing, Dan flushes bright red, stammering in place of a response. It’s an absurd reaction, obviously, but it sends the others into fits of laughter, and Dan instinctively knows they won’t let this go for weeks, no matter how much he tries to insist it was a purely platonic gesture on Phil’s part. 

“I hate you both,” Dan groans, practically running out of the room. 

He slams the door of the bathroom, switching on the shower, cheeks still flame-red in the mirror. He pauses, caught by the sight of his reflection, swathed in the emerald green of Phil’s hoodie. 

He strokes the words on the front, feeling how they’re beginning to flake from multiple washes, and from the creases Phil has made as he moves around in this same garment, when it’s wrapped around him instead. 

Dan lifts the sleeve to his nose, breathing in that delicious scent. The vanilla-strawberry cupcake still lingers on his tongue, making it that little bit sweeter. 

He’ll return this hoodie, he tells himself, saving it until last as he strips off for the shower. But maybe he could forget for a few days. Or maybe he could say that he wanted to wait until the next time he’s in class with Phil, which isn’t until Monday now. 

He places the hoodie carefully to one side, not wanting it to get wet, and hops in the shower. He lets his mind drift, skimming across memories of Phil’s touch against his forehead, the sound of the rain pattering against his screen door as the dog played outside, the low, fond tone of Phil’s voice from across the table, the flame of something vivacious dancing in his glacial eyes. 

Paris, he decides, as the light trickles of warm water travel over his body, might not be so bad. 

(Part 5!)

[enrightlynn-blog]

“You’re more likely to see an alien on screen than an Asian woman.”

I interviewed the actress Gemma Chan and talked about roles for ethnic minorities on British TV, her decision to turn down parts requiring nudity, and still getting spots at 31. 

Published on Never Underdressed, May 19, 2014.

Gemma Chan is much more reserved than your usual actress. She is the antithesis of those luvvie types who easily and quickly offer cheeks to be kissed while reeling off anecdotes replete with celebrity names and swear words. Instead, she is circumspect, articulate and reserved, choosing her words carefully, using an elongated middle-class and diplomatic ‘uuuum’ to politely gather her thoughts before answering any question that could be construed as contentious. She read law at Oxford before going on to drama school at the Drama Centre in London and although she never practised the subject, it seems to make sense that she was drawn to it.  

‘I’m not shy but I don’t feel the need to be the centre of attention in a social situation. I like watching other people and observing,’ the 31-year-old, who has appeared in UK TV shows like Sherlock and Fresh Meat as well as the 2014 US blockbuster Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit, says when we catch up after the Never Underdressed photoshoot. For although Chan is reserved – surprisingly so for those of us who erroneously (and ridiculously) thought we knew her simply by looking at her CV and scrutinising pictures of her on the red carpet with her comedian boyfriend Jack Whitehall – she is resolutely professional and sometimes her profession involves standing around in beautiful clothes (today they come courtesy of east Asian designers like Huishan Zhang and Issey Miyake) while turning her face to and from a camera that clearly loves her. She modelled for a time between Oxford and drama school and she still knows how to take direction from a photographer, adjusting her long limbs (she’s 5’9” and a perfect size eight) gracefully, training her intense deep brown gaze on the camera when requested.

She is most comfortable, however, when acting – on screen and on stage. ‘It’s quite liberating to play characters that are nothing like me. You can access those parts of your personality that are more eccentric or quirky or funny or outrageous. I do things in character that I would definitely be too shy to do in real life,’ the actress, who has played a latex-clad dominatrix in Secret Diary of a Call Girl, says.  

Currently appearing in the critically acclaimed Yellow Face, a play that examines the experience of the Chinese diaspora in America, at the National Theatre, she takes on a variety of roles, flitting from an elderly Chinese-American mother to a loved-up star, all the while being very funny and quirky, proving her own point that she is somehow more at ease on stage than in person.    

’Yellow Face is a very political play with a lot of serious points to make,’ she says, ‘but comedy is a great way to get people to engage with the ideas.’

The political issues raised in Yellow Face, namely the central conceit of a character being cast or not cast in a show because of his race (the play uses the 1990 controversy of Jonathan Pryce playing an east Asian character in Miss Saigon as a starting point), are something that Chinese-British Chan – who was brought up the eldest of two daughters by her Chinese-born parents in Kent, attending a school with a ’handful of black and ethnic minority students’ – can easily relate to.

She refers to a ‘really sobering and depressing’ Guardian article she read recently, which claimed that audiences of mainstream films are as likely to see an ‘otherworldly’ female character portrayed on screen as they are an Asian female character. ‘Otherworldly being some sort of fantasy or alien character,’ she explains. ‘So you’re more likely to see an alien on film than an Asian woman on film. Which is kind of tough.’

Although she keeps abreast of Chinese cinema and loves the work of Ang Lee and Wong Kar-wai, she is more interested in seeing women like her, members of the diaspora, being represented on British screens and stages. ‘For me, as someone who has grown up in the West, I think it’s important that we make stories that reflect our experience, stories where ethnicity doesn’t come into it; where, as an actor, I’m just playing parts [that don’t reference ethnicity].’

She’s part of a new campaign, fronted by actors like Ruth Wilson, Lenny Henry and her boyfriend Jack Whitehall, called Act for Change, which aims to examine diversity in British TV drama. ‘In America, when you get a casting breakdown it will say, please submit all ethnicities for this part, unless stated otherwise – you know obviously unless they’re casting a family or whatever, all ethnicities get submitted,’ she says.’ ‘But we don’t have that at the bottom of our breakdowns here [in the UK] so the presumption is Caucasian I suppose.’

Chan, who happily self-identifies as a feminist (‘It just means that you believe that women and men should be equal. It’s as simple as that. If you believe that, you’re a feminist. Men can be feminists too’) is also part of the No More Page 3 campaign and speaks passionately on the subject: ‘[The Sun] is a newspaper that should be informing readers, not objectifying women. It’s tough when it’s the most widely read newspaper in the land: it really affects the culture that young people grow up in, and the roles that men and women have in society.’

She says that she has rejected roles on the basis of gratuitous nudity (‘I turned down a big potential series because we couldn’t agree on the nudity. I mean there are actresses who are very comfortable with it and that’s absolutely fine but for me it’s got to be about the character and the story’) and she admits that the internet has limited how willing she is to appear naked on screen.

‘It’s tricky now because you know that people won’t just watch it and see it in the show. There’ll be screen grabs taken from it and potentially it ends up on dodgy sites; even stuff that I did in Secret Diary of Call Girl, there are pictures taken and then it’s out of context.’

Would she feel more comfortable appearing nude on stage than on screen, I wonder?  

‘Yes … On stage, photography is banned and obviously people can see you but it’s part of that story that’s being told. It’s not something taken out of context, something for people to gawp at.’

Politically engaged and reserved and polite as she is, Chan is still very much up for a natter, however, and will happily chat about the silly stuff too. Gazing upon her perfect heart-shaped face, I can’t help but wonder if she has ever had a spot. ‘Yes! YES!’ she exclaims, ‘Yeah I get spots, I don’t get loads but yeah of course that happens. It’s strange, you think it should have stopped by now, it doesn’t seem fair.’

When a spot does appear, she covers it up with Laura Mercier Secret Camouflage (‘It can hide a multitude of sins. It is the best, the best’) and she also rates Clinique’s Stay-Matte Sheer Pressed Powder (‘It’s not too heavy but it just keeps the shine away all day’) as well as NARS bronzers and blushers and MAC eye make-up.   For red carpet events, which she describes as ‘terrifying’, she has so far mainly eschewed the services of a stylist, picking her own clothes, sometimes enlisting a friend to help.

I don’t think I have one look for the red carpet. I think it’s good to change it up depending on the event, sometimes go for glamour, other times go quirkier,’ she says. ‘An outfit can look different if it’s under flash or if it’s a daytime event with natural light and something might just not come across in a photo. It can just look really flat or not be flattering. I get a friend to take an iPhone snap once I’ve decided on an outfit, just to see what it looks like in an image. Especially if I’m wearing something see-through or sheer.’

On the subject of Fresh Meat, she does away with her usual diplomacy to admit that yes she does have a favourite character. ‘I love Howard. He’s just brilliant,’ she says, echoing the feelings of many a viewer. Her favourite comedians, meanwhile, are Louis C.K. and George Carlin.

She’s warming up, revealing herself to be sweet and friendly, funny and a bit of a laugh, so I ask her to tell a joke. ‘NO! No, no, no, definitely not,’ she squeals. ‘I leave the stand-up to Jack.’

Photo: Jonny Storey