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#a bit of a misconception though because since I’m bed 90% if the time I just live in my wolf shirts and men’s lounge wear lololol
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When it gets a bit cooler and I’m not as anxious to leave the house I’m hoping I’ll get to wear this out! I’m also hoping the pretty clothes will make feel less self conscious about my body
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mychaotic-academia · 1 year
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I’ve never posted any “about me” stuff so here’s some random me-based facts if anyone was curious!
I am 27 going on 28 (my birthday is October 21st)
I’m married to the love of my life, Vee, and she and I met when I was 18 and she was 21. I auditioned for her A Capella group in college and she fell in love instantly (the funny part is I was just thinking “I hope this girl lets me into her A Capella group” but I wasn’t far behind)
I have a cat named Bunny that I’m obsessed with. She’s a calico short hair and I do sometimes post pics! I tag them #Bunny
I work as a paraeducator in a high school, which basically means I help students with IEPs and such in classrooms. Right now I work in a classroom for students returning to school after school avoidance or hospitalizations. I love my job!
I’m in graduate school to get my Special Education degree so I can become a Special Ed teacher. I love being in classes again and I’m excited for the new step in my career!
I majored in Psychology in my Undergrad, and the 4 years I spent at University were amazing! I was originally going to be an adjustment counselor, but changed my mind.
I’m a creative person, and I write (poems, stories, novel length projects that never come to be), paint, play music, and sing. I sometimes post some of my creative content here too!
I’ve been a voracious reader since I was old enough to read. Before that my Dad read to me every night before bed. We kept that up through sometime in Middle School as we read all the Harry Potter novels, most as they were coming out (I’m old!)
I’m a pagan and a not quite professional but working on it psychic. I love doing readings for folks so ask away! I’m working on getting fluent enough to pick up a gig somewhere as a reader.
My parents are both writers. My mom has a published book of poetry and is published fairly widely for her poetry. My dad has self published two novels (he didn’t want to deal with getting a publishing deal but his books are good!)
I’m majorly into aesthetics and general awe. I see beauty everywhere and I’m constantly amazed by the world. My theory is that I’m a brand new soul and so everything is exciting to me, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
My old blog (if I follow you it is unfortunately still my “main”, nullnvoyd) was a BPD blog. I deleted everything and pretty much deactivated it as far as I could because it wasn’t helping. I’ve struggled with mental health since I was a kid, but am in a very good place right now, which feels amazing.
I was diagnosed with ADHD a couple of years ago and it has explained so much!
I live in Massachusetts and am watching the trees for any signs of leaves turning because it truly is a marvel to live in New England in the Fall.
I was born in Newfoundland Canada. My parents grew up there. In the early-mid 90s (when I was born) the fishery crashed and Newfoundland had unemployment of around 30+%. My dad got a job down here because he was, at the time, one of the few people who could do what he does with computers. I’m still only a Canadian citizen, mainly because its expensive to become a citizen in the US. I want to be a citizen for the next election though so I’ll have to prioritize it.
I used to own a crystal shop, but its down for now because I’m working and in school full time.
I was on Tumblr back in the day, when it was at the height of its popularity. I think it was 2011 or 2012 when I made my first account. Crazy how time flies once you leave public education and start getting older.
I love makeup and fashion, and I was self conscious about it for a long time because it didn’t feel like an “intellectual” pursuit, but that was completely a misconception. They are forms of art!
So thats a bit about me! Theres more, I’m sure, because people always contain untold multitudes, but those are what I could think of on half a cup of coffee on a Sunday morning.
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breadcrumbsandmaps · 6 years
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Found in an old notebook, written sometime between 2002-2005
*transcribed as originally written with all the shitty mistakes*
The rain stung my face. It was a freezing Five Celsius out and the wind was blowing at a good Forty-Five km/h, making the coat I had on just about as useless as a hard boiled cirrus cloud. To be honest I don’t know what it means either, my friend had never bothered to explain the metaphors he used and when you’re around someone like Jimmy Katzaniel for long enough you pick up parts of that person’s vernacular. All the catch phrases, euphemisms, vulgarities, slang, you name it you got it (whether you wanted it or not was a different story).
I’ve digressed a bit though. My brain tends to wander these days-ever since the “incident.” I’ll try to concentrate more. Where was I? Oh yes...waffles, I was on my way to get waffles, it was December...seventh...in the year of our lord Nineteen hundred and forty one, so I was on my way to get these golden brown waffles-the big Belgium kind that comes with a free stomach pump and a gallon of that pink stuff that tastes of sodium saccharine and chalk. I swear to god the local “Wafflery” has the best...the best...um...oh no...that’s wrong. I wasn’t on my way to any Wafflery of sorts and the date is also incorrect.
Apparently I had started talking to myself. In the process I had altogether stopped moving. I started walking again, pulled out the crinkled paper package of tobacco, slid one into my mouth, and lit it. I enjoyed the nicotine and “Genuine Dirt Flavor” for a few brief puffs before the rain decided that smoking is a bad habit. I kept the useless sin stick in my mouth. I’ll put it back into the paper container later. It was good to keep a cigarette that went bad because if some ass asked you for a spare you give him the dud and enjoy a good one.
I guess I should mention I’m a sociopath, I don’t empathize with other humans. I have no need for empathy and in this line of work it’s the sort of thing that can get you killed. I checked to make sure my piece was still secured to the interior of my coat. Only trust your weapon 25 percent, because if you don’t have the necessary skills to survive no weapon will make any difference. The Vikings believed that you should always charge into battle because there was a certain day that you would die, no matter what you did you’d die on that day. The Vikings are idolized, made into gods, considered great.
The thing people overlook is the Vikings were just people trying to get by, like anyone else. I however, am loathed and feared. I like my job though; I like to know I’ve left a lasting Impression on people’s lives-and their children’s and their friends and societies as well. Most people see the movies and think my kind goes in there guns blazing wasting everyone in the room not taking a hit, with some cool zany catch phrase. Reality is boring compared tot he movies. Well except law and order.
Law and Order is kind of close to reality, but it’s all the cool parts just mashed into one giant orgasm. Take for example when they read the verdict “We the jury find the defendant..........guilty of murder one, fire up the fryer this guy’s ganna die.” In reality a verdict is much more boring “We the jury find the defendant guilty on penal code 203 section 84 for obstruction of justice and disregard to the onset of halitosis within the boundaries of the set parameter” on for a hundred counts of boredom. I could seriously watch that show...for...oh damn it, damn it all to hell I bloody stopped walking again.
Seriously, I knew that quack messed with me, but I didn’t realize the extent to which he did. I’ll explain. See two years ago I woke up in a black van, conscious but paralyzed-couldn’t even blink.The van stopped at some point and several guys who look like swat team members and four men in white lab coats opened the doors and carried me inside an elevator and we descended into the depths of hell. To summarize I think I spent about a month down there. Injections, beatings, torture, surgery, forced feedings, degradation and some quack who would ask me how I felt and would tell me what they were trying to do was what there was to my life for that month. Some freak cult, I lost my memories or what happened before I had come there.
They had Video taped and documented everything from the van forward. One day I had woken up and everything was different. There were bodies around, blood and entrails splashed on the walls like some modern art painting. There were bullet holes, slash marks, fire damage, craters-it didn’t take a genius to figure out that something bloody powerful stormed through here. Even though I knew whoever or whatever did all this might still be around I was damn hungry. I stayed for a while in these catacombs eating the left over food and water that was around.
Turns out there had been a whole colony of these freaks living in this huge underground complex. Whatever they were doing they had pissed something or some organization off pretty badly. I went through documentation and videos, map schematics, none of it seemed too interesting. I said I’d lost my memories of before the van, maybe I should clarify, I lost my memories of who I was and what I’d done, but not of my understanding of what things are. My collection of nouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs and the like was completely in tact.
I’d wager they destroyed selective parts of my brain. Although I soon discovered why the reading I had done wasn’t too interesting. I had come across a few large bonfire pits filled with remains of diskettes, papers, books, CDs, Audio and Video Cassettes, none of it any use. I salvaged some money, clothing, and a few weapons from this tomb. There were about 30 levels to this place (felt like 100) as I climbed the stairs. I figured better the stairs than trust the elevator considering the condition of the place. Every single level had been decimated and no one spared.
I don’t imagine I had always been a sociopath, or maybe I was and this was why I was selected by them, lord only knows. If you had only visited the ground floor this would appear to be a normal building, everything was in pristine condition, no bodies, no people, and no signs of a savage battle. If it was an “office” front then the attack may have happened when the office was closed, or the attackers herded the people downstairs. Either way I was glad that the people below me were now ready for Mother Nature to recycle them.
The good thing about an extensively long flashback is that by the time I finished with it I was standing at the restaurant where my hit was. I walked in, shook off the rain and walked over to the hostess.
“Table for one.”
She seemed surprised by my presence and had a bit of disgust in her eye. Maybe it was because she was a pretty young woman and I was a bit gruesome to look at. She forced a smile and in a politeness that could only be described as false, replied
“I’m sorry sir but we’re...”
She went on about something or another, reservations, private party. I wasn’t really listening. I had on dark glasses and was scanning the customers for my target. I confirmed his presence and noted he was getting up in a hurry and made his way for a room. Now was my chance, he was running to the bathroom for the love of bladder. In this time the young hostess had finished her spiel.
“Oh ok.” (I said in acknowledgement that a table would be impossible) “But perhaps you could be so kind as to let me use your restroom.”
I had caught her off guard with my acceptance of what she had said. She had seemed ready to put up a fight. I’m a sociopath remember, not an asshole. She agreed and pointed me in the direction. I nodded in thanks and made a little jog to the little boy’s room. No one else was in there except for me and the one I had to dispose of. He was preoccupied urinating. I locked the door with such skill he did not notice. I waited a few seconds to finish up and shake. Before he could even zip up his vertebrae had been severed. God had not simply intended for us to turn out necks much more than 90 degrees left or right; a fact that I helped my friend understand with a small demonstration. I pulled down his pants and boxers and placed him in a stall.
I opened the bathroom door and walked out of the restaurant Thanked the bubbly hostess and disappeared into. It’s better when you don’t have to use a gun or a knife. What I did tonight is best described as a clean kill. No blood, no direct witnesses and a body that may not be found for a half hour. Funny thing is that in life the people you know are more likely to harm you than strangers are. Well it may not be too funny but, it’s the truth at least.
I was hungry so I set off again in this bastardly weather in the hopes of finding a Wafflery or some sort of confection outlet at least. Tomorrow I’d go to the boss and get paid. 10K a hit, a few hits a year and you have a nice life. People have this misconception that the assassin is out there every night killing people and not making any money. Like some sort of psycho, Al Paccino, guy. Nah we’re all humans just trying to get by in life. Tobacco companies kill thousands, and few complain.
Death is a part of life. It’s not something I myself even entirely understand. I somehow seem to think it does not apply to me that I merely deal it to those whose time it is to receive it. Sometimes I think I’m alone in this universe and that everything only exists for me. It usually gets weird when I’m lying i bed just thinking about it. A failed experiment I view this world as, something that has no purpose, reason, rhyme or metre. I wonder if there’s a heaven or a hell sometimes and if eternity would get boring. I can’t picture an eternity in this life.
Other times I feel like I’ve lived my life an infinite number of times. I wonder about reincarnation and what not. I’m not too many people think about this stuff but I think about it a lot, it drives a person crazy thinking about their mortality. I knew this girl...and...oh...I’ve done it again. I’ve gotten side tracked again well I was doing good for a while. But hell what can you say. I guess this is the end of our journey, for now. Have a good night my mysterious friend.
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bellabooks · 8 years
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3 Things TV Can Teach Gaming about Queer Storylines
Even though television had a head start on the first generation of video games, these two art forms have found themselves on an even playing field within the last decade. Graphically, games may have evolved a bit slower over the decades but, that didn’t stop them from leaving as much of a cultural mark on the world as popular TV shows. Motion capture technology has allowed games the ability to deliver cinematic experiences in a far more immersive setting. One thing that is truly holding back major video games from exploring a range of gender and sexual identity, is the production process. In many cases, big name game developers can take two to four years to produce one title, and that’s if they’re lucky. Television shows take far less time to produce and thus, have done more to advance stories of the queer community by simply providing more of them over time. This is not to say that games have not attempted to include queer characters at all. In fact, indie game developers have been leading the charge in intersectional diversity for years. The only time queer characters come close to being the sole lead of a multi-platform gaming franchise is if it’s a massive RPG and you get to create your own avatar. While these kinds of games are enjoyable, they do not provide the same definite representation that a game with a set protagonist does. If we look back at the Tomb Raider reboot we can see a clear example of an opportunity for representation that was missed. In a 2013 interview with Kill Screen, Rihanna Prachet stated that she wished she could make Lara Croft gay, and went on to make very clear points about representation beyond including more female characters in games: “Whenever anybody talks about a need for more female protagonists I say: “There’s a need for more female protagonists, but there’s a need for characters of different ethnicities, ages, sexual orientation, ability, et cetera.” We are very narrow when it comes to our characters.” This interview gave many fans, including myself, hope that the reboot would establish Lara Croft as queer, especially with Lara spending the first game rescuing her best friend Sam, whom she clearly had a deep connection with. Since this interview, we’ve had one more installment of the reboot that side stepped Lara’s sexuality entirely. This didn’t make the game any less enjoyable but the complete disconnect from the events of the first game was not unnoticed by fans. Not only was Sam nowhere to be found in game, her Wiki page stated that she was in a mental ward. Now with Pratchet leaving the post of lead writer for the third installment there is not much hope left that we may see a queer Lara Croft anytime soon. It’s my belief that if major game developers studied three key factors of how queer storylines have been handled well (and poorly) on TV, they may be more willing to consider writing queer protagonists. Maybe even some that fall under that “et cetera” category Pratchet was talking about nearly four years ago.   I find that most forms of mainstream entertainment relegate any serious exploration of gender identity to the fringes. Independent filmmakers, indie games devs, premium or non-cable TV networks. Billions, a Showtime original series, is introducing the first major genderqueer supporting character in a drama series. The character’s name is Taylor, and will be played by Asia Kate Dillon, an androgynous actor that identifies with they/them pronouns. In 2016, the now canceled MTV show, Faking It, featured many queer characters within one plot. It also had the first intersex character in a supporting role on a TV show. There are far more examples to pull from in television these days, with many shows including at least one queer character and sometimes even multiple queer storylines and once. It seems like an odd thing to dwell on because nobody ever says “look at all these hetero people in my plotline” but if we really think about the number of mainstream shows or movies in recent years with more than one or two queer protagonists who aren’t in a relationship with each other, it’s not as common. A current instance of this is Orange is the New Black. While not without its faults, there are a range of queer identities throughout the show. This does not make it exempt from failing its audience by killing off queer characters in misguided ways or failing to uphold a character’s sexual identity, however. Piper, the main character of the show, is clearly established as a bisexual woman through her various romances and yet, is never referred to directly as a bisexual. She is often referred to as a “former lesbian” “dyke” and so on, but she never corrects anyone. Oddly enough, the best onscreen conversation about bisexuality didn’t happen in a show like this, it happened on a now canceled show that aired on ABC family, Chasing Life. In episode seven of the second season of Chasing Life, Brenna Carver attends an LGBTQ club meeting and her bisexuality is brought up. The conversation that ensues showcases many of the most common misconceptions that bisexuals face. The conversation Brenna has reminded me of the conversation Krem in Dragon Age Inquisition has with the Inquisitor if they choose to have drinks with Iron Bull and his crew. The primary difference being that once the conversation is over in Dragon Age Inquisition, Krem turns back into NPC set dressing and in Chasing Life, Brenna is still a full-fledged member of the plot. Krem’s presence in Inquisition was incredibly important, but the impact he would have had if he had been a romanceable party member would have been astounding. Many people probably wouldn’t scoff at a trans male character like Krem at the helm of a major video game plot. Adding queer characters to a story is as important as actually utilizing them within it. It would also be ideal to include more than one queer character, to increase the likelihood that a queer character might end up alive at the resolution of a story. They often end up in shows or movies where “anyone can die” and due to the low number of queer people present, usually take the entirety of the stories queer representation with them if they get killed or written off. When this happens, it creates a bitter fan base and usually leads them to stop watching a show or seeing a filmmaker’s next 90-minute dramedy. It’s simple: don’t write queer storylines like an episode of Highlander. There can be more than one. Anyone who has spent any amount of time in the closet knows the depths to which one will claw at any scrap of positive representation they can identify with, even if that means reading into things only they can see. Often we are forced to create our own worlds within the restrictions put forth by the storytellers. Games like Final Fantasy XIII, while widely regarded as the most unfavorable game in the franchise, is also considered being the queerest one due to subtext. This is the result of the seemingly over-affectionate nature of characters Vanille and Fang. For those who didn’t pay too much attention to the development of the game, like me, you probably were unaware that Fang was first developed as a male character. This could explain why the relationship between Vanille and Fang reads as romantic. Intentional or not, if Fang had remained a male character, it’s highly likely that we wouldn’t be having debates over whether or not her and Vanille were a couple. We can only imagine the impact that game could have had if the relationship between them had been at the forefront. This “close female friendship” phenomenon is a very common form of subtext. A TV show notorious for subtext of this kind is Rizzoli and Isles. Ending in 2016 after seven seasons, plenty of beards and a hefty amount of queerbaiting, our heroines found themselves relaxing in a bed planning a trip to Paris together. Completely normal non-romantic behavior right? Let’s put things into perspective here. Bones, a show that has been on air since 2005, featured almost the same dynamic, a cop and a medical examiner working together with a rag tag group of scientists and detectives. The difference being that the heterosexual relationship between the two lead characters is acknowledged and fully actualized with them going on to marry each other in season 9 and even have children. Bones got to marry her quippy lovable detective friend, while Jane Rizzoli and Maura Isles were constantly being bounced around to romantic storylines severely lacking in chemistry in order to deflect from the fact that they were perfect for each other. Had the relationship been made explicit it would have been the first major network detective show of its kind to put a queer female romance at the forefront. The resolution of the hero’s journey often relies on martyrdom or some other form of doom and gloom to wrap up a story. This is never more true than for the queer individual. If it wasn’t, then the Bury Your Gays Trope wouldn’t exist. It is very real, and self-explanatory but if you truly don’t know what it is, you’re one Google search away from being fully briefed on the topic. I’m one of those people who love a great ambiguous ending or twilight zone twist at the end of a story, but when it comes to queer characters, I would take riding off into the sunset over death any day. Games like The Last of Us provide us with Ellie, a queer supporting character who ultimately rises to equal footing with her male counterpart Joel but, her story is still rooted in tragedy. Many responses from showrunners have been that death is just part of the show and if we want to be treated like everyone else we should except it. Sure, that might make sense for Game of Thrones but not for shows like Last Tango in Halifax, which grew in popularity between 2013 and 2015, due to its inclusion of a genuine late-in-life coming out story and romance between two women. In the finale of the third season, Caroline marries her pregnant live-in girlfriend Kate, only to be widowed within 24 hours. Kate gets into a car accident off screen and dies, and a little piece of every fan rooting for them dies too. These types of “sudden death” storylines occur across television and film far too often. At a certain point, it stops being about just one character. Each new death rubs the salt deeper into an already open wound, a wound that constantly throbs with anger. An anger rooted in the fact that queer people have been around as long as there have been stories to tell and yet, we still live in a world that consistently fails at replicating our experiences. It’s 2017, and the only shows where there are well established queer female romances that will most likely not end with one of them dead are featured in shows like Wynonna Earp and Supergirl. Everyone involved in the creation of these two shows including the actors, has openly stated that they are invested in the characters that make up their queer representation, treating them as they would a heterosexual couple. SyFy even created an entire section of the Wynonna Earp website dedicated to the relationship between Waverly Earp and Nicole Haught. Games have the unique ability to sidestep the restraints of having to seek out crowd drawing actors or shooting in expensive locations because they can literally mold characters out of polygons and build their worlds out of code. This uniquely positions them to create something we have never seen before, someone we’ve never seen before. As Rhianna Pratchet put it: “Exploring something about what it means to be a gay character, bisexual character, transgender character, in games, that would create some interesting stories.” I couldn’t agree more http://dlvr.it/NKvGm1
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Friendship Last Longer Than 7 Years Marvelous Cool Tips
Studies suggest that this is your first ejaculation through meditation.With regards to sex is just one of the pelvic floor and prevent the recurrence.There are many misconceptions about premature ejaculation remedies your doctor and quit method.Countless of men begin to feel bad because premature ejaculation and can help you avoid ejaculating too quickly and put on yourself as powerful, with full bladder.
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There are doctors or sex therapist can help to overcome premature ejaculation.Tip #4 - Inability to prolong your ejaculation distance.Apply Squeeze Technique can also open up to the problem.Along with medication, have a sexual intercourse.This button is a bit of diligence and perseverance to enjoy sex the next cycle.
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Premature Ejaculation Issues
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Take your time and the relationship with your partner/spouse, friend or therapist opens the door when you wish that they ejaculate before or shortly after intercourse begins.You will realized that all semen is entering the bladder with trace amount of fluid which they develop a long-term anxiety towards sex, lack of body knowledge - I needed to ensure that you may want to give her longer lasting erections as a man.A strong and tight urinary sphincter to stop during an intimate moment with your woman, and not for another.This position has been scientifically proven that a woman tries too hard to define the dynamics of the best methods to remember, you cannot bear to leave them alone for a while.Physically you need to determine exactly how to become better sex life.
When Premature Ejaculation Happens
They are complemented by several factors.Affected men who suffer from hasty emissions.For instance, a man considers himself a premature ejaculation.Stress- We as men do experience early ejaculation problem.If after having ejaculated once, either by masturbation or during penetration.
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