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Instagram husband's parody wellness account is comedy gold

It's nigh-on impossible to scroll through Instagram without stumbling upon a post about #wellness. 

But, one "Instagram husband" has had enough of assisting his aspiring wellness influencer girlfriend and has launched his very own parody account. And, it's a thing of wonder. 

SEE ALSO: Hilarious Instagram account is as sick of the #EatClean craze as you are

Edward Lane, who's a journalist at Men's Health, says he's spent the last 18 months behind the camera as "Chief Photographer or Despondent Instagram Husband" to his girlfriend and "aspiring influencer" Amy Hopkinson AKA @wellness_ed. 

He says that before they started dating, he saw social media as "a place to tag friends so they could watch a funny video of a dog riding a unicycle." But, now that Amy and Edward are dating, his eyes have been well and truly opened. 

WHO WORE IT BETTER? // Best of luck to my ultimate abs-piration @wellness_ed at today's @lululemonuk #sweatlife festival. She may need to work on the shading in of her six-pack, and she definitely envies my leggy blonde pins, but she's gonna knock her #wellnessmindset talk about the park today in front of 300 people (literally 💯💯💯). You're a fucking legend, gonna be super proud, blah blah blah more lovey bollocks not suitable for public consumption. . And yes, I will be there. And yes I will be wearing my abs. Obvs.

A post shared by Wellness Ted (@wellness_ted) on Jul 22, 2017 at 2:16am PDT

"All of a sudden I was having to stand on the sofa behind her to get a good angle of some porridge unsanitarily close to her feet, or awkwardly skulk behind her to avoid being caught on her morning story. I thought the whole thing was insane," says Lane. 

"Literally hundreds of people were double-tapping a picture of my girlfriend eating salad – it made absolutely no sense to me. But most of all it cracked me up," Lane continued. He said he was impressed by influencers and their followers' passion for "leggings, protein balls and avocados" and saw "too many opportunities for ridicule to pass up." 

ROCKET FUEL // Next time you're running low on #mondaymotivation for your workout swap out the standard espresso for a more summer-ready pre-workout. Totally fat-free, these lollies contain 10% of your sugar RDA for fast-access energy mainlined to your muscles. Not only that - and this is no joke, I actually checked, because, you know, I'm into fitness and therefore my conversation is relentlessly scintillating - the colourings come from beetroot (filled with endurance-enhancing nitric oxide) and curcumin (a potent metabolism-boosting compound). In all, this is the perfect pre-workout to launch your session to the next level, no face tingles necessary. And for the post-workout refuel? I suggest a mini milk chaser. Since you asked, mine's a strawberry flavour, please. It matches my #activewear 💅🏼

A post shared by Wellness Ted (@wellness_ted) on Jul 3, 2017 at 5:19am PDT

"Plus, I was sure I'd look damn good in a pink sports bra," he added. So, he set up a parody account. And so, @Wellness_Ted was born. 

So, who is Wellness Ted? According to his Insta bio, he's an "unqualified" personal trainer and "knowledge-free nutritionist" who's "preaching wellness one self-important #wellfie at a time."

Lane has created his own versions of some of the typical things you might find on a wellness blogger's Instagram. There's before and after shots, inspirational quotes and mid-work out photos. But, it's unlikely you'd find any of his #foodstagrams anywhere near a real wellness blogger's account. 

Lane believes the whole #wellness scene takes itself far too seriously, and his parody account is a reaction against that. 

GOING PALEO // I've started eating like a real cavewoman recently. Going prehistoric rather than eating processed junk has really helped me to stabilise my blood sugar, get more energy and give my workouts a little more BITE. Dinosaur is a muscle building delicacy I can't recommend more - thankfully high-end delicatessen #bernardmatthews has released its own range to bring it to the masses. Tuck in!

A post shared by Wellness Ted (@wellness_ted) on May 18, 2017 at 11:37pm PDT

Lane thinks that wellness bloggers believe they're fighting "the good fight against unhealthy lifestyles." And, he says he thinks it's "insane" how much power they wield. 

"They truly believe that they're on the front line, getting their hands dirty, while also swanning about in £500 ($649) worth of free activewear on glamorous fitness retreats paid for simply by tagging the resort into an Instagram post," says Lane.  

PARTY TIME // Back on the #PRI balloon for a pre-bank holiday endurance boost. This technique helps to realign your posture, bring your ribs down and therefore give your lungs more room to breathe - increasing your stamina. Normally used for 10K preparation - I'm deploying it to power me through three days of beer at the seaside. Just when you think it's all too much and your world is spinning - this technique gives you room for another pint (and probably a Mr Whippy). The laughing gas helps, too... It is the weekend, after all

A post shared by Wellness Ted (@wellness_ted) on May 27, 2017 at 4:27am PDT

"I just wanted to take the piss out of a lot of people who present themselves as holier-than-thou health crusaders, but who are actually using it as a free ticket to some south west London luxury lifestyle," says Lane.

#FRIYAYFEELING // Aaaaaand rehydrate. After a tough week of workouts or too many reps of mouse clicking at your desk, I make it beer(s) o'clock. Proven by researchers at Sesh University to improve feelings of relief and "thank fuck that week's over" a post-workout pint is just what the doctor ordered. Whose round is it? 📸 - @lensaction

A post shared by Wellness Ted (@wellness_ted) on Aug 11, 2017 at 9:00am PDT

Parody aside, however, Lane finds the Instagram #wellness trend pretty alarming. He believes that some influencers don't caveat their posts and present them as opinion, rather than gospel truth. 

"There's been enough research into social media to reveal that there are a lot of vulnerable people out there looking for direction, and the problem is that the boring science of a top-end nutritionist or trainer just isn't as sexy or appealing as the pretty girl subsisting on brunch and HIIT workouts," says Lane.

Given that Instagram has recently been ranked the worst social network for young people's mental health and wellbeing, Lane may have a point. And, Instagram's highly-curated nature is one of the reasons behind its damaging impact. 

Is it even a #wellness meal if it's not sprinkled with fucking pomegranate seeds?

A post shared by Wellness Ted (@wellness_ted) on May 23, 2017 at 10:59pm PDT

He says that no amount of "post-gym, no make-up selfies or avocado recipes" will be able to combat Instagram's body positivity issues. 

"Although, neither are my pictures of turkey dinosaurs. However, I'm sure people would be far more likely to smile when faced with a plate of potato than kale," says Lane. 

Sign us up to Lane's version of #wellness!

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