#You think Wei 'I love being tied up and at the mercy of my loved one' Wuxian would *pass* on amputee-caregiver abuse roleplay???

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Happy Halloween! 🧼🥩🎃

[drwcn]

《 Without Envy 》 storyboard 10 - concubine/sleeper agent!wwx & prince!lwj

Other snippets and storyboards can be found on [Master List]

Exactly 851 days - 2 years, 4 months and 11 days - after Wei Wuxian arrived at Gusu and began his mission as a sleeper agent, he was activated.

That chilly morning, he walked into the pastry shop - a front maintained by a decade-long Wen spy - a walk he'd done hundred of times on hundreds of mornings since he arrived. He breezed past the packaging counter, skipped through the faded cotton drapes, and rounded behind the back staircase to the room where Xue Yang always waited for him. Only this time, it was not just his candy-obsessed, murder-happy shidi, but a face he hadn't seen in many, many months. "...Shifu?" Wen Zhuliu's visit meant the end of his carefree days. It's time. That night, Wei Wuxian did not look at either Lan Wangji or Jiang Yanli when he bid "dianxia" and "Jiang-zhuzi" good night. He pretended to retire to bed early, after washing himself of his servant's exterior and donning his robes of night-black. He laid in the dark, waiting for time to pass, and reminded himself of his true purpose. He was never meant to care about these people; love these people. Jiang Yanli was not his doting foster sister; Lan Wangji was not his beloved wangye. I am Wei Wuxian of the great Qishan Wen. Nevernight is my home. I am a spy. Gusu is my enemy. Wei Wuxian kept his eyes closed, his breathing even, and his heartbeat slow. In the lonely quiet, he waited, and waited, and waited. Until the candlelight around the princely manor dimmed to nothing, until the night grew still and the moon shone bright and high in the dark, dark sky. Reaching under the floorboard beneath his bed, Wei Wuxian retrieved his life-long companion from its hiding place and released it from its sheath. "Hello, old friend." He whispered, stroking the blade edge. Suibian's steel glistened with cold malevolence in the stark, pale moonlight.

It would be another year before WWX's identity is discovered. During that time, he lived a double life. In the day, he was Lan Wangji's precious Wei Ying, and at night, he was the blade in Wen Ruohan's hand, stealing, killing and destroying on command. His assignments were not always murder; sometimes it required him to break into secure facilities and obtain copies of certain documents. He was never alone on these jobs; there was always someone convalescing with him from within. Slowly, he began to realize just how deep Wen Ruohan's spy network had infiltrated Gusu's foundation. In a way, it excited him, to know that the posturing and pretending would soon be over, that in the near future a quick war would sweep across the land and unite the two nations. In another way, it frightened him to the bones.

Wei Wuxian killed 37 individuals within the span of a year, 37 men and women of different ranks, status and stations. He did not always know why these people needed to die; in fact, he often didn't and preferred it that way. If he didn't know the motive, then he couldn't argue against the reason, and thus could go on believing that what Wen Ruohan did was ultimately for the betterment of everyone. The men of Gusu were weak - Wei Wuxian was always told - they were not fit to rule. The people of Gusu would be better served under a united empire. He repeated this statement to himself before every job, but over time, the mantra on his tongue began to lose its flavour.

In the meantime however, Lan Wangji and Jiang Yanli quickly formed a strong plan on how they wanted to live out the rest of their lives. Lan Wangji never quite enjoyed laying with women, but Jiang Yanli had just enough wickedness behind her demure exterior that things were... well, interesting. In any case, it was not long before she came to him all smiles and whispered the good news over luncheon .

"Truly?" Lan Wangji set down his chopsticks. "Hm uhm." Jiang Yanli dapped her mouth delicately. "Now, perhaps it's a good time to discuss how dianxia should go about winning A-Xian's affection. He's under the impression you've cast him aside on taishi's orders and has been giving him the cold shoulder." "I wasn't." Lan Wangji defended himself, distressed and slightly offended. "It's just, huangshu's been watching me like a hawk. I was afraid any further attempt to be closer to him would give my uncle reason to remove him from my household entirely." Jiang Yanli was sympathetic. "The summer hunt is in two week's time, and afterwards, since bixia always likes to finish the night on the river with fireworks, perhaps...." She let the sentence dangle, a knowing smile playing at her lips. Lan Wangji felt hope.

Unfortunately, a little hiccup happened before the hunt could take place. Jin Ziyan falsely believed that Wei Wuxian had fallen out of favour with Lan Wangji and was itching to show him his place. Poor Mo Xuanyu was caught in the middle. Jin Ziyan knew Wei Wuxian was an audacious one, but not so stupid that he could be easily goaded into committing a grave offence. Thus, Jin Ziyan planned to cause an incident in the garden whereby poor Mo Xuanyu would unwittingly "offend" him, and he would publicly announce a punishment that was harsher than necessary. He made sure that Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian were near by, as they usually took a mid-afternoon stroll after lunch. True to his predictions, Wei Wuxian could not stop himself for interfering on Mo Xuanyu's behalf. Then in their altercation, Jin Ziyan would fall into the pond, making it seem as though Wei Wuxian was the one who shoved him out of anger. Oh but a lowly servant shoving Hanguang-wang's deputy consort into the pond??! He was as good as dead. What's more, everything happened on the same afternoon that Lan Qiren was scheduled to visit Lan Wangji to discuss matters of court. If it was only Lan Wangji, Jin Ziyan knew Wei Wuxian would suffer little consequence, but taishi tolerated no insubordination or churlish behaviour of any kind.

Lan Qiren was incensed, livid, but he was not hasty to deal the punishment. Instead he turned to his nephew and asked, whilst fully knowing the answer, "Wangji, your household follows the regulations that govern all princely manors, does it not?" "It does, huangshu." "Then tell me what is the punishment reserved for a servant for daring to lay hands on a deputy consort and to cause physical harm to said consort?" "It....I - huangshu -" "What is the rule?" Lan Wangji knew very well that the punishment was death for any servant, maid or eunuch who dared to harm any member of the harem. But Wei Ying, his Wei Ying... "Wei Ying is very precious to Yanli and to Yunmeng-hou. As well..." Lan Wangji hesitated. "Yanli is with child again. It is still very early so we thought it best not to announce it lest we have a repeat of last time. It would not do to upset her at this time." Lan Qiren was extremely dissatisfied with his answer, but conceded for Jiang Yanli's sake. "I'm glad, Wangji, that you've found your way back to your proper companions. This Wei Wuxian clearly has been spoiled to the point of impropriety. His actions today are utterly unacceptable and cannot be allowed to go unpunished or else others would surely follow his example. Guards!" "Detain Wei Wuxian. Have him strung up on a post in the servants' courtyard and give him fifty lashes. No food nor drink. Sun or rain, he is not to be let down until dusk tomorrow." "Huangshu!" Lan Wangji's head buzzed, as though someone had struck him squarely in the temple. His chest felt tight, and his heart ached where it rebelled inside him. "Please -" "He has his life. That is mercy enough."

Wei Wuxian was stripped down to his trousers only and tied up to a post, his hands bound together above him and his bare feet never finding purchase on the ground no matter how he struggled. This fucking suck ass. Jin Ziyan you're a dead man. When all fifty lashes were dealt, even the guards were sweating through their robes. They left him dangling there in the blistering summer heat. A young maid dared to try and sneak him some water but was thwarted by an older momo. "What do you think you're doing, lassie? Did you not hear taishi, no food or drink until dusk tomorrow. Do you want lashes too? Go on! Go!" It rained hard all through the night, only easing up at dawn, but the aftermath of the storm left the air muggy and humid. Combined with the heat, it felt as though he was being steamed alive like a wheat bun. At some point during the second day, Wei Wuxian finally lost consciousness. He was not aware when Lan Wangji barged into the courtyard against Lan Qiren's explicit orders and cut him free.

Really tho, i just want this scene to happen (╹ڡ╹ ) "I'm sorry." Wei Wuxian blinked at Lan Wangji's hunched figure sitting at his bedside. "Whatever for? You saved me, dianxia." Lan Wangji, "But it was my attention that put you in such a position in the first place. Huangshu was looking for a reason to punish you since that day he saw us in my study." Wei Wuxian, "dianxia..." "I find you... lovely, Wei Ying," confessed Lan Wangji with a heavy sigh. His ears burned red not only with the embarrassment of a youth in love but with shame. "I wish for your company, even when you have no desire to be part of my harem. Now I know my mistake. I should have respected the boundaries. I should've known my attention on you would incite jealousy from the others, and as a servant, you have no means of protecting yourself. This is entirely my fault." Wei Wuxian's heart fluttered despite himself. He quickly shook his head. "No dianxia, please don't blame yourself -" Lan Wangji, "perhaps I should send you back to Jiang-fu; I'm sure Jiang-xiao-gongzi would be delighted to have your company back. You would be safe there." Jiang Wanyin had come to visit his sister the very next day after Wei Wuxian was sentenced to whipping. He was one of the most accomplishment young men of his generation, anticipated to be a great general. Nie Mingjue had thought highly of him and had expected great things from this youth. Though perhaps what the late feng-jun found truly commendable was Jiang Wanyin's complete lack of pretense and his short-fuse temper. That is to say, he did not hesitate to get in Lan Wangji's face. His sister would have chastised him, had she not been so preoccupied by her tears. Wei Wuxian, "Jiang...Jiang Cheng was here?" "He was, and he was very upset about your condition. He left many fine medicine and ointments for you." Lan Wangji sighed again. "I shall speak with Yanli. If she is amenable, then I shall make arrangements for you to go back to Jiang-fu. You would not have to put up with me any longer." Lan Wangji stood up. Wei Wuxian grasped his sleeve immediately. In that moment, he could not tell if his panic was derived from his worry that he would not be able to complete his assignment if Lan Wangji were to send him away or if he simply did not wish to part with the prince. "Dianxia - I - I don't want to leave. I - it's true I had once rejected you, but...would you think less of me if I said your attention … hasn't been unwanted for a while, that I have come to enjoy them." At Lan Wangji's widened eyes, Wei Wuxian continued quickly. "You need not give me anything, no elevation, no rank. I don't care about any of that. I am a man, I have no ability to give you children. Nor do I have any family who would benefit from your continued favour of me. I am an orphan, dianxia, I have no place to go. I just....don't send me away. Please let me stay! I'm not afraid of Jin Ziyan, or taishi, or anything!" Lan Wangji sat back down. His hand trembled when he laid it on top of Wei Wuxian's. "Wei Ying...?" Wei Wuxian smiled, still radiant despite his pale complexion. "Dianxia -" "Lan Zhan. No more dianxia, I only want to hear you call me by my name." Wei Wuxian flushed pink. The blush was real, as was the pleased little smile he tried to hide. "Lan Zhan, Wei Ying is yours, if you still want him." The worst part of that was that he meant it. Just the mere thought of being held by Lan Wangji, of being kissed by him, of... so many other wonderful possibilities, made Wei Wuxian want to hide his flaming face into his pillow. Lan Wangji smiled. Quietly, he lifted Wei Wuxian's hand and pressed a kiss to the inner side of his wrist. "Rest, I will be right here." Wei Wuxian felt his treacherous little heart soar: oh no … oh no no no no ….. (Xue Yang's voice in narration: and it was in this moment, that Wei Wuxian knew, he fucked up.) The cruellest thing Wei Wuxian ever did was give Lan Wangji hope knowing that one day he would take it all away.

[veliseraptor]

Top five lines from your writing (ie sentences that made you think “how did I write something this beautiful” or “this conveyed exactly what I was imagining in my head”).

xalskjdaslkdjf oh man. okay both you and @nightwing-hunter asked basically this same question so I’m going to answer it in one and...try not to feel super self conscious about being like OH YEAH THIS IS GOOD WRITING. I did end up with six, so I guess I’m not that self-conscious. (Look, I had two from one fic that I wanted to use! But it’s a very long fic!)

There are a few lines I might’ve chosen from fic as yet unposted, but...I decided to stick with things that other people have actually seen.

Complete with (probably unnecessary) rambling about my thoughts!

1. Was it always going to be like this? Stumbling into traps, tripping over familiar skeletons, slicing himself open on the edges of old hurts. Was there really such a thing as leaving the past behind? He still felt stuck in it, unable to move, and every time he thought he might be finally dragging himself free something pulled him back. (With Absolute Splendor)

This is like. Kind of my ur-Jiang Cheng quote, I think? Because I really do think that one of Jiang Cheng’s problems (though it’s also one of his strengths!) is how hard he holds onto things. People, and pain, and grudges. He’s so anchored by the ways in which he’s stuck in the past, the ways in which he struggles to move forward, that even as he wants to he continues to end up mired in trauma and hurt. There was another line in this fic I almost used (yes, another one) about how when Jiang Cheng imagines himself happy he thinks himself backwards; that he struggles to imagine happiness forward.

2. All of them, he thought. So interconnected. Tied together by obligation and debt and blood and pain and love. Inseparable. (With Absolute Splendor)

I have gone on record as saying how much I love the mess that is the Jiang-Lan-Jin-Wen blended family as an indirect result of Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian’s relationship, and this is, I feel like, both an apt description of that and also something that feels very thematic to canon, to me. So much of the disaster that is canon comes from those interconnections, those ties of obligation and love and hatred, the ways that those tangle together and can’t come undone, and the ways those get more and more complicated to maintain, and how much damage occurs when they come undone.

3. The city falls, and Idril’s eyes blaze with hatred, and there is blood in his eyes, and he swears he almost remembers this, almost dreamed it once. Soon he is going to wake up, in shadows under the trees, and he will be young again, and whole. (Seven Years)

I am proud of the writing in this fic in general - it remains stylistically different from a lot of what I’ve written, and I am a bit proud of the way it’s very “Maeglin’s terrible horrible no good very bad headspace.” 

But this - which is a closing line - I think remains one of the best in the fic. Maybe not the best image, but the best prose-wise. It’s fragmented, a little disjointed, illustrates - or tries to illustrate - the ways in which Maeglin is coming apart, has already come apart.

4. They fought a crusade for as yet unconquered territory. The ruthless self-command, the unbending will, an affront to two accustomed to domination in all things, and here and now the object of their frustration was at their mercy.

And, at once, a channel through which the Reid-Maletts waged their own war, a more private and intimate one, and Lymond between them the battleground. (The Compassion of the Wicked)

Lymond fic drags a kind of prose out of me that I otherwise do not write, and while it is the hardest kind of prose to write I also do end up being pretty pleased with what comes out of it. This particular fic took shape out of a glorious piece of art and the concept “what if Lymond/Gabriel/Joleta, fucked up and hot” and then it sort of turned into “how Gabriel and Joleta use Lymond sort of as the site of a proxy war that they’re waging on each other even as they are still very closely tied together and working together but also not really.”

It’s funny because Lymond in this fic almost did end up being a casualty of that dynamic: an object they were acting upon. I did not give him a lot of agency. He talks a lot, here, he gives as good as he gets verbally, but he is, very clearly, not the one in control.

The question is whether the person who is in control is Gabriel, or Joleta, or no one at all.

5. It occurred to him that it was possible that while he might have a leash, he’d just put it on a firework with a lit fuse. (a famine in your heart)

I just really like this image, and this description of Xue Yang after Xiao Xingchen’s death - because I think he is, at that point, sort of a ticking time bomb. One way or another, it’s going to go off. It’s just a question of where, when, and who gets caught in the explosion.

The joy of writing Jin Guangyao and Xue Yang across each other is the way that they both see each other. They both understand things about each other that nobody else does, even as they also have things about them that are utterly incomprehensible to the other. I almost chose another line from this fic, where Jin Guangyao thinks of Xue Yang in this state as damaged. It’s something he recognizes that most people wouldn’t: that Xue Yang isn’t just insane, but that on some fundamental level Xiao Xingchen’s suicide broke something in him that isn’t coming back.

6. You close your eyes and think about how he looked back in that town, Shuanghua slicing clean through a man’s neck, opening it to the spine, and think dizzily that he could open you like that and it’d be good, as long as it lasted. (tear out all your tenderness)

One of my favorite things about writing smut with Xue Yang in it is the way that sex and violence live so, so close together in his brain - and not just sex and violence but sex and death. 

I continue to be fascinated by the way that Xue Yang walks a thin, thin line between reckless and cautious, between survivor and adrenaline junkie, between being pulled toward the idea of death and driven to stay alive over everything else. 

And that’s like. A part of what’s going on here. But also - you know that immortal Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji moment with the if I have to die at least I could be killed by you (paraphrase, don’t feel like looking it up right now)? Yeah, that’s here too. Less in the “it’d be worth it because I know it’d be right” sense, though, then the “better go down to you than anyone else” sense.

Xue Yang has considered his ideal deaths list in detail and at this point “killed by Xiao Xingchen” probably occupies the number one spot.

[antiquecompass]

Untamed Winter Fest Day 17: Bells

The Jiang Holiday Extravaganza was an entire fortnight of excess that even after four years still shocked Xichen in the five minutes of peace, quiet, and reflection, he got to himself at Lotus Pier. At least he’d learned how to avoid all those damn demon elves on their shelves, especially since Jiang Cheng always exorcised their room of them when they arrived. He also knew which  bathrooms to avoid (near the library and off the living room with their Santa and Mrs. Claus toilet seat covers respectively), and how to kindly suggest a theme to Madame Yu for the Christmas tree in their bedroom. The first year had been a tree full of teddy bears, and while not offensive in any way, half of those ornaments sung in voices eerily reminiscent of The Chipmunks. Many were motion activated. He’d come out of a sound sleep his first night here, terrified, as Nutmeg tried to climb the tree and a freakish high-pitched voice sang ‘Up on the Rooftop.’ This year Madame Yu had apparently found some mercy and picked deer. Glittery deer, but just deer. None of them sang or played music, though the large light-up display on their fireplace mantle did. It was a compromise Xichen embraced. Mostly because he’d easily found the off-switch on the musical Santa train.

The sheer amount of food and all its richness? That was still a struggle. He had consumed far too many desserts at the Christmas Eve party and now regretted it as he laid on their bed, waiting for Jiang Cheng to return with Sugar. Honey, their new puppy, was already in her bed in the corner, fast asleep. Cinnamon and Nutmeg had claimed the library as their territory, but Pepper was on the bed beside Xichen, stretched out over all the pillows.

He truly wanted nothing more than to roll over and sleep with her soft purrs lulling him into dreams, but there was one Christmas tradition he had come to fully embrace and he was going to stay awake for it, even if the sugar crash in his system was demanding sleep.

This was why Uncle had always forbid food excess, especially sweets.

He smiled as their bedroom door opened, Jiang Cheng carrying the crisp, cold scent of the outdoors on his skin and in his hair. He carefully placed Sugar on the bed, then sat down between her and Xichen, stroking Xichen’s hair.

“The great Lan Xichen. Defeated by fudge,” he teased. His fingers moved to his belly and rubbed it in warm circles. “How far you have fallen.”

“It was very good fudge,” Xichen said. “I know you still have your problems with him, but Jin Zixuan is a talented baker.”

“It’s one of his few good traits,” Jiang Cheng agreed.

When he leaned down to kiss Xichen, he could taste the remnants of peppermint and chocolate. Xichen wasn’t the only one who had an excess of sweets tonight.

“I’m going to grab a shower while I can,” he said. He ran a thumb over Xichen’s lips, a soft smile on his face when Xichen caught it and gave it a sharp bite. “I’d ask you to join me, but I don’t think you’re capable of moving.”

“Probably not,” Xichen admitted. “The spirit is willing, the body refuses.”

Jiang Cheng sighed and patted Xichen’s belly again. “This is what I get for hitching myself to your old, broken down, wagon.”

“I am four years older than you,” Xichen said.

“And yet one of the oldest people in this house,” Jiang Cheng said as he slipped off the bed.

“We can’t all be sat at the kid’s table,” Xichen said.

Both Jiang Cheng and his brother had been placed there to watch over the younger cousins and their nieces and nephews. That was the story at least. Xichen had experienced enough Jiang family dinners to know it was more to do with Wei Ying and Jiang Cheng, two grown men, always being on the verge of a food fight.

“Can you honestly say you enjoyed your time at the main table?” Jiang Cheng asked as he pulled out his pajamas. “Enlightening conversation with Uncle Yi about different wood grains?”

“Each day brings a chance to learn something new,” Xichen said.

“Baby, you are so full of shit,” Jiang Cheng said with a laugh as he walked out into the hallway.

**********

Xichen had fallen asleep despite his best intentions, but when he woke up from his dessert-induced nap, Jiang Cheng was beside him, hair down and loose, reading glasses on, with his Kindle in his hands.

Xichen still couldn’t believe he had the good fortune to fall asleep and wake-up and live beside such a man.

“Sorry,” he said.

Jiang Cheng startled, but set his Kindle to the side.

“You were fighting a losing battle,” he said. He slid down to press up against him. “I’m surprised you lasted as long as you did.”

“Did I miss it?” Xichen asked.

This was their tradition. On Christmas Eve, late at night, when the house was quiet and nothing could be heard but the sound of the bells and windchimes on the porch, they exchanged their gifts to each other. The private ones. The sentimental ones. The ones they wanted to keep just between them without the eyes of the entire family on them and without any running commentary from certain vocal parties.

Wei Ying and Madame Yu both had very pointed opinions on gifts.

“It’s 11:50,” Jiang Cheng said. “You woke up just in time.”

He reached under his pillow and pulled out a slim box.

“Merry Christmas,” he said.

Xichen reached under his own and pulled out the slim wooden chest he’d commissioned to hold the small glass figurines inside.

“Merry Christmas,” he said.

It was Jiang Cheng’s year to open his present first. Xichen eagerly waited to see his face.

“These are--” Jiang Cheng’s voice went soft. “These are our pets.” He looked at Xichen, fingers carefully trailing over the glass figurines inside the box. “How?”

“I ran into a few old friends from college when I had to chaperone that school trip to the Renaissance Festival. One of them is a glassblower, the other a woodworker. I know they’re not like the tiny crystal ones you collect but--”

“They’re perfect,” Jiang Cheng said. He pulled Xichen in a deep kiss. Then another. And another, before finally turning back to the box, the softest smile on his face. “You even got Honey in here.”

“A last minute addition,” Xichen said. The little glass Honey had arrived days before their departure.

“Thank you,” Jiang Cheng said. “I love them.”

His fingers danced over the tops of the five glass figures again before carefully closing the box and setting it on his nightstand.

“Your turn,” he said.

Xichen picked up the slim box and heard a slight rattling inside.

“Not a necklace,” Xichen said.

“No, you don’t wear those,” Jiang Cheng said, fingers unconsciously wrapped around the jade lotus pendant hanging from his own neck.

“A bracelet?” he asked. “A fountain pen? A letter opener?”

“Stop guessing and just open it,” Jiang Cheng said.

“The guessing is the fun part,” Xichen said. He carefully started to unwrap the paper.

“Just open the damn thing,” Jiang Cheng said.

Xichen deliberately opened the present even slower, just to see that frustrated furrow between his boyfriend’s brows.

When he finally opened the box, he forgot how to breathe.

He’d resigned himself to the fact that there would never be a wedding for them, even though he knew they’d be together for life. Jiang Cheng was very vocal about his hatred for weddings and a general apathy towards the institute of marriage when legal ties and an agreed life-long commitment was just as valid in his eyes. So Xichen knew he wouldn’t have an engagement or a wedding or a marriage in the legal sense.

But this--this was--this was the Jiang Bell.

A silver bell engraved with the design of a nine-petal lotus hung on a royal purple tassel. It was sacred to the Jiangs. Similar to the Lans and their forehead ribbon. And was meant only for family members.

“Legend has it,” Jiang Cheng said in the wake of Xichen’s silence, “that the bell can calm the mind and clear the spirit. I don’t know if it’s true, but it’s a family tradition. I’ve been lobbying to get you one for years now and my Great Aunt finally gave up the goods.”

Xichen was still at a loss for words. His fingers shook as he removed the bell from its box. A soft ringing filled the room.

“You’re my family. We’re our own little family, cats and dogs included,” Jiang Cheng said. “And it was time you had your own.”

“You,” Xichen said, laughing even as happy tears filled his eyes. “I got you little glass animals and you give me--”

“What is rightfully yours,” Jiang Cheng said.

He kissed the tears on Xichen’s cheeks, his fingers wrapping around Xichen’s own where they held the bell.

“I love you,” Xichen said. All he could say when words truly failed to express what he was feeling and the depths of the emotions running through him.

An excess of love, of devotion, of trust, of dreams fulfilled and even more hope for the years ahead of them.

“Of course, I’ve now fucked myself over,” Jiang Cheng said. “No present is ever going to top this one.”

“No,” Xichen agreed. “But I somehow think you’ll still beat me, again, like you have, every year.”

“We’re going to disagree on this one,” Jiang Cheng said. “You gave me the menagerie in tiny glass form that I can have forever.”

And Jiang Cheng had given him his family, completely, fully, now.

“A draw then,” Xichen said, even if they both knew who had won this year.

“A draw,” Jiang Cheng agreed.

[hamliet]

Trapped in MDZS (Part 1): WangXian as Balance

Or, a meta series in which I want to know the answer to this question: why does almost every arc ends with everyone trapped in some kind of place, be it a cave, a house of the living dead, or even worse, the Cloud Recesses and their 4,000 rules?

am i using every excuse i have to talk about mdzs’s symbolism yes yes i am

Tl;dr it’s a motif masterfully utilized within story to emphasize MDZS’s themes of freedom and righteousness, and how society (the real monster of the story) doesn’t actually allow for freedom nor righteousness. Every character is trapped by societal expectations as I wrote in a previous meta

And hence part 1: WangXian vs. the Dead Society

Basically: as I wrote in this previous meta, society in MDZS?

Every character is trapped by societal expectations--be it Jiang Cheng having to lead his sect as a traumatized teenager, Lan WangJi trying to be the perfect disciple of the GusuLan Sect, Wei WuXian cursed by everyone for having no recourses left to him according to society’s rules for cultivators. 

But MDZS’s answer isn’t exactly “the hell with society let’s set it all on fire.” It’s about finding freedom through doing the right thing--which often doesn’t coincide with rules, and specifically not with societal rules. It also acknowledges society as people who all matter. Through doing the right thing, it offers a path out of society’s trap, and we see this path to freedom incarnated in the story through Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi’s relationship.  

Gusu Lan Sect’s motto is literally “be righteous,” and Yunmeng Jiang’s is “attempt the impossible,” two potentially opposing characteristics that both LWJ and WWX embody to faults. Lan WangJi is so righteous he’s afraid of being honest with himself, and consequently the person he loves thinks he hates him. Wei WuXian tries to do the impossible without any regard to his own wellbeing. And the motif of trapping is used on an extremely minor level to demonstrate the idea of balance between these two important ideals: Lan WangJi ties Wei WuXian up with his hair ribbon, symbolically restricting the latter’s admirable, yet at times careless, freedom in behavior, while for Lan WangJi removing such a symbol of propriety and righteousness and giving it to someone he loves is an act of extreme vulnerability, an act that breaks with society’s expectations and basically announces he’s gay--to the juniors, which is also important because the juniors are the future of society.  

But before they can offer any hope to anyone in a way that actually lasts (instead of like what happened during Wei WuXian’s first life, which Did Not Work), they have to learn to work together themselves, and move towards each other’s approach by balancing personal responsibility and desires. 

After Dafan Mountain, Lan WangJi has to take Wei WuXian to the Cloud Recesses to protect him, and yet Wei WuXian cries hysterically, refusing to go in because he's afraid of being trapped in a place of rules and punishment. 

He was making loud noises exactly because he didn’t want to enter the Cloud Recesses!

If he was dragged inside, it would be extremely difficult for him to come outside again. Back then, when he came to study, all of the disciples were given a jade token for passage. Only with the token, would a person be able to enter and leave freely, or else they couldn’t pass through the protective barrier of the Cloud Recesses. After ten years had passed, the security could only have gotten stricter, instead of looser.

Except Wei WuXian’s quest for the token (the key to freedom) only leads him to awkward encounters with Lan WangJi, resulting in Lan WangJi taking away his ability to move and leaving him with no choice but to fall asleep on top of Lan WangJi. His quest for freedom needs to be balanced by Lan WangJi, who shows him that his wellbeing matters too (as if he’d not taken him back to the Cloud Recesses, he would’ve been taken to be tortured in Lotus Pier). 

Yet they soon leave the Cloud Recesses after the arm (of a man obsessed with rules more so than the GusuLan Sect even) is released in the GusuLan Sect and overpowers everyone, even Lan QiRen, while they’re all locked in the mingshi. Wei WuXian is the one who breaks into the mingshi to help Lan WangJi settle the arm with demonic cultivation, showing again that Lan WangJi, who locks himself up with rules and tries to do things on his own, needs someone to break in and help him, and sometimes the only method is one that people blatantly frown upon. And of course, Lan QiRen, the very fuddy-duddy society-incarnate leader, yells at them to stop working together to subdue the arm:

Lan QiRen, who had lost consciousness, actually sat upright again. He pointed at Wei WuXian with a trembling hand, his face covered in blood and rage, and shouted in a hoarse voice, “Stop playing! Get out! Get out now! Stop…”

But they don’t stop, manage to temporarily restrain the evil arm, and will continue to move in each other’s direction throughout the story.  

However, those are more or less incidents in which one person is choosing to trap the other or break into the other’s self-imprisonment. There are three incidents in which society itself traps both Lan WangJi and Wei WuXian with no options, and each of these incidents has both Lan WangJi and Wei WuXian winding up in a cave together. Each cave incident is associated with a turning point in WangXian’s relationship: the Tortoise of Slaughter incident, the cave after the Nightless City massacre, and the cave at the Burial Mounds. 

The Tortoise of Slaughter cave was deliberately sought by Wen Chao. The Wen Sect is symbolic of society: tempestuous yet in power and abusing this power, and also shows the temporality of society as they’re almost completely wiped out and universally despised later. They take the disciples’ swords and lead them into a cave to seek a monster, unaware that the monster inside is so fierce and instead of bringing honor to the Wen Sect (like its slaying does temporarily) it will spark the Wen Sect’s downfall even more than it resulted in the Jiang Sect’s downfall. 

When Wen Chao and Ling WangJiao try to kill an innocent girl (MianMian), Lan WangJi and Jin ZiXuan refuse to let her be harmed, and Wei WuXian saves them by threatening to kill Wen Chao. (side note: these are both the people Jiang Cheng’s siblings would later wind up marrying, hence it’s tragically ironic Jiang Cheng blames Wei WuXian’s saving them for the downfall of his sect, when it also results in happiness for the people he loves most). But as soon as the monster appears, the Wens gtfo, and leave everyone trapped in a cave to die. But the disciples, foreshadowing the upcoming Sunshot Campaign, work out a plan to escape from the cave even when it seems like there is no hope. Yet in the end Lan WangJi and Wei WuXian are still trapped there after everyone else escapes. They kill the tortoise by working together, but they need others to come and save them from the cave--i.e. symbolically WangXian’s relationship can help defeat society’s monsters, but they can’t survive on their own with just the two of them--they need others too, and the others need them. 

The tortoise cave of course also is the birth of where Lan WangJi opens up to Wei WuXian about his father, showing vulnerability in crying in front of him, where Wei WuXian receives a brand from society that Lan WangJi will later brand himself with, and where the song that enables Lan WangJi to recognize Wei WuXian when he’s reborn is first played. 

And then we have the Koi Tower incident and the cave after the Nightless City massacre, which directly parallel each other in a structure of WWX & LWJ vs. society in a fight, flying off to a cave together, and having to reemerge into society to save children. 

In Koi Tower, Jin GuangYao, the Chief Cultivator, is able to completely twist the events to blame Wei WuXian and expose his identity. Yet Lan WangJi refuses to leave him, showing that he goes against what society wants when it’s wrong: he is trying to pursue righteousness, and the way to do it in this instant is to help Wei WuXian escape.

But what he hadn’t expected was that when everyone feared him and flattered him, Lan WangJi scolded him right in his face; when everyone spurned him and loathed him, Lan WangJi stood by his side.

They return to the Cloud Recesses, where Lan XiChen helps them and shows Wei WuXian patience and mercy, in contrast to what happened the last time Lan WangJi stood against society for Wei WuXian’s sake. 

The massacre at the Nightless City was brought about by Wei WuXian losing his mind based on grief and how everyone was blaming him for an incident he hadn’t incited, and afterwards, well, as Lan XiChen says:

“...He was in no better shape than you, barely supporting himself by leaning on Bichen. In spite of this, as he saw you stumble away, he immediately followed... I could only watch as WangJi, whose spiritual powers were clearly about to be drained, staggered towards you. He brought you onto Bichen as soon as he grabbed you, and you two left.

“Four hours later, my spiritual powers, having finally been restored, I hurried back to the GusuLan Sect in search for assistance. I was worried that if those from another sect found you first, WangJi would be considered your accomplice. The best scenario was his name being forever tainted, and the worst his life being taken away right then. Thus, along with Uncle, we chose thirty-three seniors who had always thought highly of WangJi and searched for two days on our swords in secrecy. Only then did we find signs of you two within the Yiling region. WangJi hid you in a cave. When we arrived, you sat blankly on a rock within the cave. Holding your hand, WangJi was giving you spiritual energy. He kept on whispering to you... He heavily injured all thirty-three of the seniors we asked to come…”

So they took refuge in a cave because no matter where Lan WangJi or Wei WuXian turned at that time, they were pretty much doomed and trapped in society’s snares. Lan WangJi decided in that moment that the righteous thing to do was to fight to protect Wei WuXian, and he did, but then he subjected himself to physical punishment and as a result, Wei WuXian died. But this time, after Koi Tower, Lan XiChen vows to take no drastic measures and protects Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi until the truth can truly be found out. 

It’s also worth noting that what pulls Lan WangJi out of the seclusion anyways after Wei WuXian’s death results in him saving Wen Yuan, an innocent child spurned by society and condemned to die all alone. After Koi Tower, it follows the same pattern--Lan WangJi and Wei WuXian head to a cave in the Burial Mounds (the same cave where Wei WuXian awoke Wen Ning’s consciousness and where the dead of the Wen Sect are buried). because yet again the children (including Wen Yuan) are at stake, tied up and to be used as bait. 

The dead (symbolic of society’s past) are coming for them as well, yet it’s Lan WangJi and Wei WuXian who, unlike the rest of society who fought their way there to save the kids, keep their spiritual powers (because they weren’t attempting to kill their sins embodied in the dead people). In contrast to being trapped and torn apart by the dead like what happened last time at the Burial Mounds, Wei WuXian this time, with Lan WangJi’s help, is able to use his non-society-approved cultivation to save the kids and the adults after he’s confronted with his own sins, but doesn’t try to make excuses for them--but in contrast to his often martyr-esque tendencies, this time he doesn’t take responsibility for the things he didn’t do just because there’s no hope. 

He had known from the start that no matter what he said, nobody would listen to him. What he denied could be forced; what he admitted could be twisted...

Every face boiled with heated blood, every word spoken guiltlessly, every person heroic, passionate, filled with indignation and pride. Everyone believed with no doubt that what they were doing was a feat of chivalry, a deed of honor. It would go down history and receive millions of praise. It was a crusade of the ‘righteous’ against the ‘wrong’!

Society twists what is considered right and wrong, believing it’s killing and an eye for an eye, refusing to take any personal responsibility and refusing to allow people to go against the norm. As Wei WuXian points out, he’s already died, and it’s still not enough for them. And he refuses to take responsibility for the things he has not done:

He was only stating a simple fact calmly, but the cultivator felt as if he was scorned, fuming, “What do you think we’re talking about here? How could there be bargaining to debts of blood?”

Wei WuXian, “It’s not that I want to bargain about such a thing, but that I don’t want my charges to be doubled just because of some words from another. I won’t shoulder what I didn’t do.”

Lan WangJi is able to actually help him this time so that he doesn’t lose his mind to despair over everyone blaming him for things he didn’t do, and he saves all of their lives and finds a measure of atonement from the dead Wen people--the ones society killed, who return to save the people who clamored for their deaths--because of Wei WuXian. The people who Wei WuXian saved at the eventual cost of his fall from grace that led to his death save the people who killed them all. The dead past saves with the present society for the sake of the children (as SiZhui is a relative of many of them). 

And so society begins to forgive Wei WuXian. And yet they haven’t really changed, as they’ll find a new villain to hate shortly. But WangXian kind of no longer cares about pleasing society thereafter--they elope and marry, but return to visit SiZhui and check in on the kids by the end of the novel. They can’t leave society, but they can exist on a better plane showing the path for the juniors of where society should be heading. 

I want to write two more metas on this (I think the first is def the weakest, so sorry about this meta’s incomplete feeling and my vague-ness at parts; it’s a broad topic and I wasn’t sure how to best divide it so went by characters instead of by arc)--one on the juniors in particular, and one on Jin GuangYao and Nie HuaiSang. 

[grandmasterofwangxiancultivation]

MDZS ch.108

*holds her breath*

If the neck attack succeeded, even if it wouldn’t defeat Nie MingJue entirely, it’d still be able to save them some time. However, the sword had been infused with so much spiritual energy, due to Su She’s sudden explosion, that it could no longer withstand it. Halfway through the lunge, it broke into pieces with a crack. 

wow, what an epic fail.

EDIT:

On the other hand, Nie MingJue’s punch landed right in the center of Su She’s chest. Su She’s splendor left as quickly as it came. He couldn’t even spit out a mouthful of blood or say a few last words, no matter with dignity or cruelty, before the life in his eyes went out.

okay, now i feel a little bad for him. just a little bit.

EDIT 2:

The harsh, stern expression on his rigid face held a sense of judgement that was no different from before he died. Even his tears had been scared away as Jin GuangYao turned to Lan XiChen for help, his voice trembling, “Brother…”

OKAY IF JGY KEEPS LOOKING AT LXC LIKE THAT I’LL SNAP. as much as i can feel moved by how things are going and i swear this pressure is killing me, i hate that jgy keeps using lxc like that. i’m sure lxc is the only he has ever felt “safe” with, so it makes sense for jgy to search comfort in him, whether it’s just that or he is also trying to manipulate him into saving his life. whatever, i just want him to STOP.

EDIT 3:

Only after he answered did he realize that the one who called him was Jiang Cheng. Wei WuXian felt somewhat surprised. Jiang Cheng didn’t respond directly. Instead, he took something out from his sleeve and tossed. Wei WuXian caught it by instinct and looked, only to find a black, gleaming flute along with a crimson tassel.

It was the ghoul flute, Chen Qing!

As he felt the flute that he was more than familiar with, Wei WuXian didn’t even have the spare time to feel surprised. Without hesitation, he lifted it to his lips and called, “Lan Zhan!”

OH MY GOD

OH MY GOD THE DIZI IS BACK

CHEN QING IS BACK

I AM CRYING CAN ONE EVEN MISS A FLUTE????????

I WAS NOT READY FOR THIS TURNABOUT WHAT THE HELL I AM SO GLAD

AND THERE HE IS ASKING HIS HUSBAND’S SUPPORT AGAIN, I CAN’T BEAR THIS AND IT’S ALL I NEEDED IN MY LIFE

PLS LET LXC LWJ AND WWX PLAY ALL TOGETHER

EDIT 4:

He was much taller standing on the coffin. Lan WangJi put his guqin away and looked up at him with the pair of light eyes. Wei WuXian looked down and couldn’t help but touch the fair face with his right hand, adding a few blood-red marks, by accident or on purpose.

Lan WangJi didn’t worry too much about it, “Come down.”

Wei WuXian hopped down with a grin before he was caught right inside those arms.

*throws everything in the air*

I DON’T EVEN-

EDIT 5: nhs being a drama queen is the ultimate weapon this chapter need to come out so perfect. i love them all.

EDIT 6: jgy P L E A S E don’t do anything else and let lxd take care of you. pls.

EDIT 7:

Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi walked to the corner. Wen Ning was still lying on top of Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling in an awkward, half-collapsed way. Wei WuXian laid him flat on the ground. After he examined the hole through his chest, he felt quite worried, “Just look at you… How should I block it up?”

Wen Ning, “Young Master, is it really severe…?”

Wei WuXian, “No. It’s not like you need the organs here. But it looks ugly.”

Wen Ning, “It’s not like I need to look nice…”

Jiang Cheng was silent, while Jin Ling hesitated between speaking up or not.

wen ning pls *whispers*

EDIT 8:

Nie HuaiSang had put the bottle into his lapels after he ate two pills and stopped the pain. He hurried, “Oh, sure.” And looked down to search for it. After he found it, just as he was about to pass it to Lan XiChen, his pupils suddenly shrunk, exclaiming in fright, “Brother XiChen, behind you!!!” 

Lan XiChen hadn’t let down his guard around Jin GuangYao in the first place, tense from caution. As he saw Nie HuaiSang’s expression along with the warning, he felt something in his heart go cold. Without hesitation, he unsheathed his sword and stabbed to the back. 

The sword pierced right through Jin GuangYao’s chest. His face was shocked.

WHAT THE FUCK IT WAS ALL SO FAST WHAT WHY WHAT WAS JGY DOING

EDIT 9:

At the moment, Jin GuangYao was injured from top to bottom. His left hand was burned by the poisonous smoke, his right hand was severed, and his stomach was missing a chunk of flesh. Covered in blood, he couldn’t even manage to sit upright, yet right now he stood on his own without any help, like one last streak of light from a setting sun. He called again in a voice filled with hatred, “Lan XiChen!”

Lan XiChen was beyond both disappointment and sorrow, “Sect Leader Jin, I told you. If you act again, I would show no mercy.”

DUDE, YOU’RE ASKING FOR IT!! WHY CAN’T YOU JUST STAY STILL AND LET HIM CARE FOR YOU OMG

*sighs*

jgy being so frustrating makes me wanna punch him, especially because i appreciate his character even more for not giving up, for his perseverance, for his not being predictable or not backing up and lowering his head. he is wrong, okay, but he had the worst time growing up and his values are all messed up. he keeps scheming until the very end, and that makes me like him so much.

but also hate him.

WHICH FRUSTRATES ME-

*goes and hugs lxc*

EDIT 10:

He’d always kept up a gentle, graceful appearance in front of others, yet right now he displayed such a savage look. Seeing just how abnormal he was, Lan XiChen also felt that something was wrong. He immediately turned back to look at Nie HuaiSang.

Jin GuangYao laughed, “Enough! What are you looking at him for? There’s no use! What could you see? You never even saw through me after all those years. HuaiSang, you’re truly impressive.” Nie HuaiSang was tongue-tied, as though he was scared speechless from the sudden accusation. Jin GuangYao spoke with loathing, “How unexpected for me to fall in your hands like this…”

(OH WOW, OH WOW IS THIS ME BEING RIGHT? IS THIS JGY SUSPECTING NHS OF BEING THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING?)

In reality, Jin GuangYao couldn’t move either. With one hand, he grabbed the blade before his chest, steadying himself as he spat out a mouthful of blood, “What a ‘Head Shaker’! No wonder… It must’ve been quite hard to have hidden yourself for so many years!”

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OM-

EDIT 11:

Jin GuangYao easily read what his eyes meant, laughing out of anger, “Lan XiChen! In this life, I’ve lied countless times, killed countless times. Like you said, I killed my father, my brother, my wife, my son, my teacher, my friend—of all the evil in the world, what haven’t I done?!”

He took in a breath, rasping, “But I’ve never even thought of harming you!”

Lan XiChen was astonished.

finally something i can believe in.

EDIT 12:

Wei WuXian, however, suddenly realized something as he shouted, “He’s not trying to get away!!! ZeWu-Jun, move away from him right now!””

It was already too late. The blood from Jin GuangYao’s severed limb trickled onto the coffin. The blood climbed across where Wei WuXian painted on, destroying the incantations, and dripped inside the coffin through the crack.

Nie MingJue, who had been sealed, broke out from the coffin!

I KNEW HE WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT, NMJ CAN’T BE SEALED JUST LIKE THAT THIS IS GONNA BE A DISASTER

EDIT 13:

Yet, just as the hand was an instant from grasping Lan XiChen’s neck, Jin GuangYao used the only hand he had left to strike Lan XiChen’s chest, pushing Lan XiChen away.

*sobs* omg jgy

EDIT 14: ....

EDIT 15: .... *sobs*

EDIT 16: ...well, it’s not that i didn’t expect that. mmmh. i’m glad it was some sort of combined effort of lxc and nmj, i think they are the only one who should kill him, since it was very likely to happen. i think it gives some kind of closure to their relationship. uh. now i feel extremely sad.

[babyworu]

Tipsy

Original Story: Mo Dao Zu Shi

Original Author: MXTX

Characters: Lan WangJi x Wei WuXian

Rating: M || Relationship: MxM

Warnings: None || Word Count: 3,142

========================================================

“Um, HanGuang-Jun, just what exactly is it that you’re doing?”

He’d known it maybe wasn’t the best idea and really he had been prepared for whatever may come, or at least he thought he’d be ready, but now Wei WuXian found himself in a bit of a predicament. With his arms bound tightly over his head, he saw his half naked body reflected along a large, floor to ceiling mirror that was leaning against the wall. He was on his knees with only his pants on and his robes laying half hazard to the side having been discarded shortly after Wei WuXian had tricked Lan WangJi into drinking a sip of sweet liquor.

Lan WangJi remained silent as his half lidded, golden eyes visually traced over the dips and curves of Wei WuXian’s back.

“Is it really ok to use your precious head band for such a thing? Tying me up so tightly I can hardly move my arms. And what did you tie it to anyway, the ceiling? That doesn’t make sense. You truly do wonders when drunk, HanGuang-Jun.”

Again there was no reply but Wei WuXian was used to it. Lan WangJi tended to ignore things that didn’t go along with his drunken plan. On their own these actions really weren’t that much out of the ordinary. Wei WuXian had prepared himself to deal with being tied up, maybe attempted disrobement and Lan WangJi possibly ignoring some of his commands but he hadn’t expected to be pounced from behind after turning his back fore less than a second! Really it had been only a second and despite his request for Lan WangJi to grant him release he’d only received a very assertive “Mn.”

Wei Wuxian sighed and hung his head in tired defeat. He felt Lan WangJi, who was kneeling behind him, lean in closer, resting his cool forehead against Wei WuXian’s warm back. The contact make him shiver slightly and Lan WangJi’s warm breath tickled his skin. He’d opened his mouth to comment but a pair of beautifully pale, slender hands made their way to Wei WuXian’s chest and started fondling him. Their grip was confident but gentle and Wei WuXian could swear there may even be a hint of desperation as the pale hands roamed and explored his upper body as if wanting to memorize every rise and fall and imperfection in his body. It was a very thorough investigation, not even Wei WuXian himself had taken the time to get to know all the little details of the body that had been so kindly (?) offered to him, it was a little bizarre to think of it in this way but on the other hand it was also very touching.

To be perfectly honest, although not what he’d initially intended, Wei WuXian couldn’t complain about his current situation. He knew, really really really deep down inside, this was kind of what he’d hoped would happen all along. Not necessarily this scenario specifically, but ever since crossing one small boundary after another part of him had wanted to be even closer to Lan WangJi and now that this was happening, now that he was pretty much at his mercy, he felt so…free.

How ironic that it took his body to be restrained for his desires to find release. It was a little unfair on his part, the fact that he was taking advantage of Lan WangJi’s low alcohol tolerance in hopes of being dominated by him. Like this he could easily blame Lan WangJi for everything. He was tied up, restrained, and completely at his mercy… it was exactly how he wanted to be. Having just recently confessed to each other, albeit maybe not in the most eloquent way, it had been earnest and honest and oh so awkward afterwards. Wei WuXian hadn’t known how to approach Lan WangJi and tell him he wanted be held. It was so embarrassing!! He’d never fallen in love with anyone before. Never confessed to anyone. And he’d never been loved so deeply and passionately either.

Just as Wei WuXian had been so many of Lan Wangji’s firsts he was also many of his. So in a desperate call for attention, Wei WuXian clumsily fell right into what he wanted, as he tended to do.

Feeling that Wei WuXian wasn’t focusing on him Lan WangJi rolled the blushing pink nipples that were exposed to him between his fingers before giving them a pinch. Wei WuXian gasped and arched his back, pressing back against the cool fingers that contrasted against his quickly heating skin.

“Wei Ying.” Called a low, silky voice coming from a pair of soft lips that were pressed closely against his ear.

“Y-Yes, HanGuang-Jun?” Wei WuXian bit his lips trying to suppress the moans that were rising from his throat.

“Stay.” The command was followed by kisses down and around Wei WuXian’s neck. “Stay here.”

Slender fingers trailed slowly down the shorter one’s body. “Stay? Where do you think I can go being tied up like this? With my level of spiritual power there’s no way I can get out of these on my own.”

“No,” He corrected, “stay here with me.”

Wei WuXian wasn’t really understanding what this drunk was saying but it didn’t matter, his mind went completely blank a moment later when he found his most vulnerable area trapped within those beautiful, long fingers Lan WangJi used to play the guqin with. Lan WangJi’s free hand drew mindless patters along his chest and abdomen leaving fiery ghosts trails where he touched.

His jaw went slack as he failed to voice his pleasure. His body tensed against his taller partner and slowly his voice was coaxed out of him as Lan WangJi expertly moved his fingers along his pulsing member rubbing, kneading and pinching, working him like an instrument. Wei WuXian moaned and parted his legs a little bit wider. He jerked and gasped as Lan WangJi sunk his teeth into his shoulder leaving two mirroring crescent shapes on his skin. Lan WangJi then licked the wound as if to heal it and sucked on it until a red mark bloomed. He followed down his shoulder blade and rose up his neck leaving kisses and bite marks.

Wei WuXian caught Lan WangJi’s expression in the mirror before them, he seemed please, admiring his work. He then looked at himself in the mirror with his face flushed, hair disheveled, nipples perked up and rosy and canting is hips wantonly into Lan WangJi’s hand. He immediately felt embarrassed.

“Han-HanGuang-Jun, can we…can we please cover the mirror? We shouldn’t be looking like this. It’s shameless isn’t it? Wouldn’t you say it’s shameless?!”

He usually wasn’t all that concerned about his appearance. Not that Wei WuXian himself didn’t care about looking good, but he hadn’t had to care much ever since inhabiting this body. He’d been looked at with disgust and disdain ever since he awoke so besides cleaning up a bit he’d not bothered to really see himself after his initial evaluation. He admitted it wasn’t a bad body nor face, really quite handsome when cared for properly, and despite his cultivation skills being pretty weak he was still flexible and nimble.

However, that and this were two completely different things. He stared at his reflection, with that slacken jaw and lustful eyes, and he couldn’t recognize himself. Not only did he just now seem to be growing a conscious about the actions he was doing with the body that had been sacrificed to him…he also felt his heart squeeze painfully in his chest as he watched Lan WangJi lovingly kiss a body and whisper to a face he was quickly losing familiarity with.

Tears swelled up in his eyes as he watched his reflection change from lustful to sadness.

“HanGuang-Jun…please…please I don’t want to see. I don’t want to be shameful. Let me cover the mirror. Please don’t make me watch.”

Wei Wuxian held back his tears and felt his face become hotter. Lan WangJi continued playing with his lover’s body, rubbing the tip of his cock and smearing pre-cum down his shaft. They locked eyes in the mirror, the sharp, honey colored eyes taking in Wei WuXian’s expression.

“Then don’t.” He said simply and his free hand came up and shielded his lover’s eyes. “Don’t see and just be here with me.”

Wei WuXian tugged on the headband that bound his arms but to no avail. He wriggled his body in a half-hearted attempt to move way from his love’s touch. It was a weak and pointless protest. He knew it was all in his head and it was stupid that now of all times is when he was feeling insecure. If it had been the old him he’d be much more arrogant and confident. If he were in his own body he’d feel more comfortable. He’d be able to enjoy this.

If he hadn’t died he could have happily appreciated watching their reflection in the mirror as they lost themselves in each other’s heat.

Warm pre-cum was dripping down his thigh and he could hear the dirty sounds of Lan WangJi’s hand pumping his cock. He felt the now hot fingers rubbing the head and pulling his foreskin back. He could feel his hips involuntarily rocking into the pleasure and he hated it but loved it at the same time.

“Ah, no…don’t! Stop.” He moaned, “I don’t want…to be shameful. I don’t want to bring you shame.”

The warmth left him and feeling his eyes uncovered Wei WuXian blinked away the dark, a few tears rolling down his face, but feeling guilty he looked away from the mirror and the one behind him. Lan WangJi’s hands rested obediently on his thighs, which were trembling slightly from the arousal, his thumbs drawing circles on his skin.

“Wei Ying” Hearing his name called so tenderly the greatly feared Yiling Patriarch, who had once slaughtered countless of cultivators, now stood quiet feeling as though he would break down crying if he spoke. “Look at me.” More tears swelled up and Wei WuXian bit his lip stubbornly refusing to turn his head or make a sound.

“Please, look at me.”

So bossy…is what he wanted to think but with such a pleading voice how could he not. Wei WuXian turned his head, eyes cast down. Lan WangJi was patient and waited until Wei WuXian met his eyes, though his face remained facing down but his gleaming eyes peaked up shyly from underneath his thick eyelashes.

Lan WangJi turned his beloved’s face toward him with barely a whisper of a touch and let his fingers rest on his chin. “In this time have I said that you’ve been shameful?”

Wei WuXian nibbled on his bottom lip for a few heartbeats before shaking his head.

“This, what we are doing, I don’t feel that it is shameful.” He paused, waiting for their eyes to meet again. “But if I’ve made you feel ashamed, I’m sorry.”

Again the other shook his head. “No….no,no no,no,no it isn’t you. This is all my fault. Everything is me…I’m the one who…” Wei WuXian could feel his heart beating in his throat and he swallowed hard trying to erase the embarrassment and shame he felt. The guilt. They stared at each other, Wei WuXian searching deep into those molten gold eyes that were looking at him with such a deep and pure love that he felt like he could drown in them and die happily. He studied his lover’s face. His sharp eyes, thin, dark eyebrows, and elegant face that looked as though it had been sculpted by angels, framed by raven black hair. He breathed in that familiar smell of sandalwood and slowly felt himself relax. He became conscious of the places their bodies made contact, Lan WangJi’s thumb still drawing circles on his thigh. “I’m the one who is thinking silly things.” His eyes fell onto a pair of soft, slightly parted lips and Wei WuXian felt parched. “Kiss me. I want to kiss and hold and feel you.”

As if by magic the band fell from the ceiling allowing Wei WuXian to lower his arms. They ached slightly from being held up for so long but he could ignore the pain. He was much too busy enjoying the taste of Lan WangJi’s lips and tongue, He mewled, leaning into the kiss, moaning and turning his body to be able to wrap his tied arms around his beloved.

Lan WangJi placed Wei WuXian on his lap and resumed his exploration of this new body. His hands massaged his muscular thighs, cushioned with a bit of plumpness. He spread his heat up the pale torso, pulling playfully at the rosy buds, sucking on his nipples while his fingers trailed back down and once again started pumping Wei WuXian’s sadly neglected cock.

Wei WuXian threw his head back allowing himself to moan freely and loudly. He rocked his hips and stopped thinking, he focused only on the feeling of Lan WangJi’s fingers, lips and breath moving and touch his everything. Soft kisses covered his exposed neck and he gasped feeling a finger press gently against his twitching entrance before pushing in. Lan WangJi thrusted his finger in and out, curling it on occasion and pressing experimentally. A few bites along his collarbone distracted him from the second finger that started scissoring and opening him.

“Ah~ HanGuang-Jun…good….it feels really good.” Wei Wuxian felt his chest rise and fall, his breathing a little harder and more irregular. He felt a shock, like a bolt of electricity, run through him after Lan WangJi pressed his fingers in deeper, three now inside him. His reaction did not go unnoticed, the corner’s of Lan WangJi’s lips curling upwards. “What are you doing looking so proud of yourself? What are you doing to me? This, AH~ …you-are making me…ah, ah~ I can’t even think straight~”

“Good. Stay that way.” Lan WangJi dragged his tongue along Wei WuXian’s chest, who had not yet noticed the impressive cluster of hickeys Lan WangJi had so diligently been working on.

“Enough!” Wei WuXian panted. He’d been feeling Lang WanJi’s hard cock brush against his thigh. Though is fingers were working diligently his hole had been twitching like mad and he couldn’t take it anymore. “I need you in me, now! Thrust into me and fill me! I want to be completely ravished by you.”

A fire surged in Lan WangJi’s eyes that had only been gently burning before. His eyebrows were knitted and he looks angry but the growl that rumbled from his chords was so primal and wanting it made Wei WuXian giggle with excitement as Lan WangJi restrains himself as best he could from slamming his lover onto the ground. He slamed his fist in an attempt to steady himself, his breath ragged. Wei WuXian could see the rise and fall of his chest. Their eyes locked and Lan WangJi reminded him of a tiger ready to pounce.

Wei WuXian was quite the sight. His black hair was fanned against the floor,he’s laying completely naked on the ground, body flushed, his lips red and swollen, blooming hickeys and waking bruises covering his neck and chest. His head was cocked playfully to one side, his body bending in a slight “S” shape, long legs spread on either side of Lang WangJi who was eyeing him hungrily. The restrains on his hands were removed and fell silently.

With renewed confidence Wei WuXian brought his fingers to his lips and brushed against them seductively, pulling on his bottom lip just enough so it bounced back into place accentuating their plushness. He saw Lang WangJi tense up, his eyes burning so fervently Wei WuXian could feel the heat radiating from them. He smiled and licked his fingers, spreading his legs invitingly.

And that’s as much self-control as could be asked of Lan WangJi. He positioned himself and grabed Wei WuXian by the hips, thrusting himself in one go. He growled feeling the warmth engulf him and he could hear Wei WuXian’s pleasured scream in the distance, his head hazy as he was overwhelmed by the pleasure. He took a moment to breathe enjoying the twitching of Wei WuXian’s walls contracting around him

“Say my name.” He commanded as he pulled out before quickly thrusting back in.

“AH! Lan Zhan! Lan Zhan! Good…it feels so good! Give me more. I want you!”

Lan WangJi set a rhythm, pulling out, thrusting back in and rolling his hips to prolong the contact. Wei WuXian trembled beneath him, back curved and head thrown back. He moved his hips tying to meet his thrusts. A few tears rolled down his cheek and his eyes were glazed over but still he reached for him, delicate fingers wanting to pull down the pale beauty but too tired to reach further.

“Lan Zhan! Kiss me! Kiss me!” He begged childishly knowing Lan WangJi would comply.

He did, capturing his lips with heated passion, biting his lower lip and sucking on it. Wei Wuxian moaned, his hands roaming his lover’s back feeling the uneven skin, fingers burying themselves deep into the silky raven locks. They rocked together a few more times before reaching their climax, Wei WuXian’s fingers entangled in Lan WangJi’s hair, back arched and body shaking. He cried out Lan WangJi’s name and the other replied releasing his seed. Out of breath Lan WangJi nuzzled himself on the crook of his lover’s neck, breath ragged and voice dripping with the aftermath of sex.

They laid in each other’s embrace listening to their disjointed breaths and synched heartbeats. Moments of silence passed by but they felt comfortable in the quiet. Lan WangJi closed his eyes feeling nimble fingers play lovingly with his hair, a gentle hand absentmindedly feeling the scars on his back. Wei WuXian broke the silence first.

“Lan Zhan, you better not forget this when you sober up. I went through a lot of stress to build up the courage to give myself to you. If you end up forgetting or pushing me like last time my fragile heart won’t be able to take it.” Wei Wuxian complained. Part of him hoped that by some miracle Lan WangJi could remember the good parts and forget the embarrassing part in the middle but that’d be too much to wish for.

“Mn. I won’t forget.” Lan WangJi promised.

“HA! How can you be so sure. You’ve forgotten pretty much everything the last few times.” Wei WuXian countered, though he was only half serious.

Lan WangJi raised his head to look into Wei WuXian’s eyes and with all sincerity said, ”I won’t forget. I wasn’t drunk to begin with.” And nuzzled back down into the crook of his lover’s neck enjoying the sound of his once again wildly beating heart.