#You just didn't take my tags seriously
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Because I constantly get hate for WDYW Chapter 49,
(I get it, it's polarizing) allow me to like,,, explain why I went with the plot point? I don't really owe anyone an explanation, and literally fuck any of my haters, they're ants, but I think my readers/people who actually like my writing would like to know the lore behind my choices.
So, context, in chapter 49, Frisk is drugged into obedience by Muffet and Muffet, being the money hungry cunt that she is, sells Frisk's body on the black market. It's a really uncomfortable concept, and when it happened it caused a lot of readers to drop the fic or rant at me in the comments, talk shit about my fic in private forums behind my back, or even imply a bunch of horrible things about me as a person lmao.
So why did I decide to go with this plot?
Well, for one, it all stems from two books: The Hunger Games, Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins and the Empress by S.J Kincaid.
In both of these books, there is a pivotal character who is drugged, manipulated and used for political gain by a dastardly authority figure. In The Empress, this plot point was ESPECIALLY devastating, because it completely changed and corrupted the character into a horrific shell of their old self to where they were actively antagonistic and irredeemable!
This plot device has intrigued and fascinated me ever since. Drugging a protagonist to make them wholly dependent on their abuser/villain, manipulating them, having them at rock bottom is, in my opinion, one of the worst things that can happen to a character... And seeing how the character can overcome it is the greatest triumph!
Ever since reading these books, this plot device has buzzed in the back of my mind and there is a part of me that always tries to recreate it, but I can never come close to perfecting it.
Either I always miss on the addiction part of the manipulation, or I can never commit truly to character corruption. Either way, the closest I've ever gotten to scratching this itch has been in WDYW part 3, but even then, I barely came close to getting it right.
My second reason for choosing the route; In WDYW, Frisk's whole arc is about having control over her own agency/autonomy/fate. What happens to her in Part 3 is the culmination of everything she's ran away from, fought against, and her greatest nightmare come to life. It was the lowest point I could bring her character, and make her face her past demons in a horrifically evil way. But my plan had obviously been that despite all of the torture she survives, that she not only survives but fucking WINS!
That was the whole point, but when I wrote it I was like,,, 17/18 😅, so there was definitely things I wasn't as graceful about.
With that said, would I change anything? Yes. If I could change anything I wrote about part 3, I would do a couple things:
1. Take out that obedience spell Muffet puts on Frisk. The reason I made that was because it was like a catch all spell to keep Frisk in Muffets clutches? But it was pretty OP and seemed like a hand wavey excuse to brush aside plot holes. I should've just simplified the spell to where she was simply tethered to Muffet's soul so Sans couldn't kill Muffet, or teleport Frisk away.
2. Frisk's "obedience" to Muffet should've been entirely addiction based, which would make the plot point of Frisk using determination to burn out her addiction in Part 4, and then eventually Determination becomes the addiction instead, (because overcoming addiction is really fucking hard actually and a constant struggle) a lot stronger.
3. I would probably be much more careful with my word choice in chapter 49. Some of it comes off as sexualization. Not my intention, but it was because I was writing in the creepy photographer's pov and he was objectifying her. In my head I was like, "surely people can read between the lines right???" (They can't. Only a select few fanfic readers have media literacy apparently)
So, TLDR, No chapter 49 was not some author's barely disguised fetish (that's honestly a really gross way to think about my writing and about me as a person) it was my genuine worst nightmare as a woman, and one of my favorite plot devices from two of my favorite books 😭 Please lay off me about chapter 49, and Part 3.
Last but not least... Some art is meant to disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed.
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#I got a mean comment and it's been bothering me in a way no other mean comment has#I'm just sick about hearing people's reactive opinions about my choices in my story I wrote for fun that people get to read for free#it was a perfectly valid route for the story to go it just made you uncomfortable#that's not bad storytelling#You just didn't take my tags seriously#wdyw#frans#underfell sans#underfell frans#underfell frisk#mob talks#mob rambles#what do you want#fanfic#underfell#undertale#frisk x sans#and like honestly I've been having a really bad month#I had to go to the ER#I've been in so much fucking physical pain#that this comment I recieved really bothered me and struck an already distraught nerve#also I was fucking 17 when I wrote wdyw#and when I published my first book#what has any of my haters actually accomplished besides scrolling tik tok pissing their pants and complaining?
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wanna ask how you feel about the eridan bpd headcanon/theory(?? not sure what to call it!) you're so good at your character analysis and i'd love to see your outlook on it
Since I don't have a degree or any formal training in psychology, I feel deeply uncomfortable diagnosing characters. I've made an autism joke before but only because I'm on the spectrum. He's definitely traumatized and anxious, but I mean those as descriptors of his behavior rather than capital-D Diagnoses. I try to focus on those when I can - the cause and effect of cognition, self-image, and behavior - and those factors may very well match up with DSM criteria, but I try not to touch an actual diagnosis with a ten foot pole unless the author has explicitly stated that X character has Y condition.
#there's a variety of reasons for this#part of it is that im GROSSLY unqualified to be handing out diagnoses when it takes a full on PhD to do that in real life#part of it is that psychology is inchoate and we are still very much in murky waters#for example: complex ptsd isn't even IN the DSM yet#and iirc my therapist told me it was because theyre still figuring out how to classify it (attachment disorder? trauma disorder? etc.)#part of it is that (from my limited and undereducated understanding) there are diagnoses that you can assign by completing a checklist...#but some that require a hell of a lot more testing and ruling out other potential causes#and the cluster-b personalities are (IIRC) not even ones you're supposed to diagnose minors with#bc of fears of self fulfilling prophecy and because minors in general are still developing personalities In General#and like the fact that i can't say that with authority speaks to how unqualified i am to do any diagnosing right? hahaha#and part of it is just because like#unless the story is specifically About That and the author has stated so explicitly#i think diagnosing characters tends to put blinders on analysis#like if i were to seriously go 'eridan is autistic' then it would massively bias my reading and understanding of his character#and we have 0 indication that eridan was ever explicitly intended to be autistic or that the author was trying to do an autism specifically#that doesn't mean that the reading is invalid because like thats what death of the author means#all readings are technically valid including stuff the author didn't necessarily intend#but that's just not the way i like to engage with media and not the way i like to approach character analysis#because PERSONALLY it just feels kind of reductive - but also -#i'd wager MOST of us don't have degrees in psychology#so when i say 'X character has Y condition' it might mean something totally different to somebody reading my analysis#even people who have Y condition aren't exempt because a lot of mental illnesses differ from person to person#whereas if i explain “X character has Y thoughts and Z behaviors” there's no ambiguity in that#eridan struggles with noticing that people are suffering and with realizing that he should care#at least part of this is due to his horrific murder-filled upbringing which rendered empathy a detriment & so he learned to ignore it#it could be autism - but it could also be trauma -#or he might just be Like That without actually meeting the diagnostic criteria for autism#& you can't even technically be diagnosed with C-PTSD#or maybe he has a burgeoning personality disorder but you aren't supposed to DX those too early anyway#or maybe hes just 13. see what i mean hahaha. ive reached the 30 tag limit
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☕️ on marc/dani as teammates? bc so many ppl on here especially have such a simplified and maybe even rose-tinted view of their dynamic imo…..
hm yeah it's a tricky one because I do think there's a lot of genuine interpersonal fondness there that was forged in the aftermath of some equally genuine animosity. for me, it's that development that's particularly interesting... what I personally have always found the most appealing about this rivalry is just how ruthless marc as to someone he genuinely admired and considered one of his heroes or 'references'. like, I think it's a bit different from the dynamic with valentino because it's kind of... vale's the childhood hero vs dani as a rider who's ahead of you who you want to directly emulate in rising through the ranks. with valentino, marc didn't really think they'd ever be competing at the top of the sport because of how big the age gap was, but with dani? different story
which does affect the emotional approach, I reckon - you can admire them and still dream of beating them, you know? like, say you're fourteen years old in 2007 and are getting out your customised casey stoner voodoo doll while he's bitch slapping your two guys, what fantasies are you cooking up in your little brain about meeting your heroes? with valentino, it's probably him grinning at you while handing you your tenth consecutive motogp trophy and telling you how amazing you are... how you're his successor, the one carrying on his legacy... lots of daydreaming of him like, hyping you up after he's retired and calling you god's gift to motorcycle racing, etc etc. who knows, maybe marc was also fantasising about beating valentino in epic duels, but he wasn't really expecting to be fighting valentino, right? whereas with dani? oh yeah, marc might have thought he was great... but in an ideal world, he's ripping the crown off dani's head when dani's a three time defending motogp champion! so crucially marc wasn't blindsided by actually fighting him on-track, and was kinda more prepared for that to get ugly? dani acts as a 'direct' reference, where he's just a few years ahead and marc can see how it's done, basically. but what this still means... he'd admired this guy for years, he had posters of him and all that shit, but the moment they're direct competitors and teammates? all that is just... locked away. no interest no mercy, all he cares about is beating the guy. and marc did still talk about using dani as a reference point, about how much he'd learned from him... but of course that scary fast learning of his was all about beating dani
from dani's side... I'm glad he's gotten to a stage where he's at peace with his career, but. god, it must have been tough. at the end of 2012, he's the in-form rider - more so than jorge. he won six of the last eight races that year. incidentally, this is how jorge is talking before the 2013 season:
obviously, jorge is trying to fuck with dani here, but he's also not really wrong. all four of the aliens have got a lot going on early 2013, but if you had to point at the guy who is dealing with the most pressure? well, it's got to be dani, doesn't it. he was the one who still had something to prove in the premier class, who was now being thrown together with the super hyped rookie. this is how dani spoke about marc at the start of the year:
and here:
and then of course marc beat dani at qatar and then won at cota... granted, dani does a good job of keeping his head and regrouping for the next few races - but it was still an auspicious start, provoking a lot of discourse that wasn't particularly kind to dani. so in that first year, you've got all these different elements - you've got how marc is competing on-track, dani's injury, how marc is already attempting to assert himself within the team, how you've got the behind the scenes warfare between their two teams (again, see this article)... and then dani's issues with marc's actual riding (x, x). now, I think it's worth saying that aragon 2013 is not a case where marc has clearly fucked up. he makes a mistake, yes, but he couldn't have known the slight contact he made with dani would lead to that wire breaking and dani's highside. here's what dani said:
this is a case where different racing philosophies clash, right? what dani's saying is that what happened was a direct consequence of how marc approaches riding - that he's always flirting with contact and this time it finally went wrong. it's the kind of riding dani has consistently disliked, and it's something marc is the poster boy for. in this case, this crash essentially ends dani's title bid. he couldn't walk for three days afterwards. dani criticised race direction for choosing not to give marc a penalty (apart from the penalty points) - this was not something he just brushed off
and, look, you do have to bring it up... dani's experiences with sic will inevitably have influenced how he approached the marc rivalry. I mean, it kind of did for all of them - there's elements of that tragedy that will have bled into how valentino, jorge, dovi and dani reacted to marc. with casey, it's one of the reasons why marc never even had an on-track rivalry with him. now, obviously, dani had big, big issues with sic, a lot of tension including harsh comments in the press and refused handshakes and all of that, as a result of sic's very aggressive approaching to racing. dani was also the one who suffered the most as a direct result, in particular after the broken collarbone at le mans. he's spoken after sic's passing about his regret about how he handled that relationship... how it changed his approach to rivalries, that reminder that there might be things he'd never have the chance to fix
the other sic-related element is that of course, there were easy parallels to be drawn between him and marc, and his shadow did at times loom uncomfortably over debates over hard racing during that period. I think you can feel it most strongly in jorge's response to marc... the echoes of when jorge had gotten in a verbal clash with sic at one of the 2011 pressers and his frustration when his complaints were just laughed off by journalists:
this press conference was from the race before le mans, where sic was responsible for dani's broken collarbone. so if two years later, you've got marc publicly shrugging off jorge's complaints in an only slightly more respectful manner, how can you not be at least a little concerned? yes, marc did have a better feeling of where the limit was, he didn't really push things too far, but... this was still a very recent trauma for everyone and nobody knew how far marc would or wouldn't push it at the time. especially not after the kind of reputation he'd gotten himself in his 125cc/moto2 days. (though of course it's important to note that sic's death wasn't caused by his style of racing, and if anything he'd gotten more sensible in the latter stages of 2011). so the influence goes both ways, right? on the one hand, it all feels a bit too familiar, on the other... well, that's actually a reason why you probably don't want to be too harsh on this kid. because you never know
in the end, the tensest year of their teammate partnership was 2013 - because after that title was sealed marc had won. by the end of the year, it wasn't really dani's team any more. his internal position had already been de facto undermined by casey, but not to the same extent because casey wasn't really interested in playing these games - plus the end stretch of 2012 had definitely cemented dani's role in the team. I've already given most of my thoughts here about how marc takes control of that team, which inevitably touches on some of his nastier behaviour. lying about what parts suited him is the obvious example... he's a ruthless teammate, he openly admits to it. and obviously, dani wasn't always just fine with that. who would be? he's accepted that's part of who marc is as a competitor, and at the end of the day he also had to accept losing. sometimes you just gotta make your peace with a status quo, yeah? it's tricky to strike the balance between not losing the competitive edge and not letting losing to your young teammate year after year drive you insane... dani's always been quite good at focusing on himself, even if a lot of the time 'focusing on himself' involved 'recovering from some horrid injury'
so you know, it's nice that their relationship has gotten warmer since they've no longer been teammates, and for the most part they did keep things civil while they were directly working with each other. also, you do just get over things when you're no longer competing with someone... I've said this before, but there's really only a relatively small number of truly burnt bridges in the paddock ecosystem. thing is, it's quite impressive of dani to seemingly not hold any grudges over what marc did to him... but he easily could have, and it kinda would've been justifiable? it's also primarily down to dani that this teammate dynamic didn't get worse than it was... which, y'know, you can argue if that was the right or the wrong approach, but it also meant he increasingly had to accept a subordinate role within that team - become a non-problematic teammate that honda was happy to sign again. and then you've got marc, who spent years looking up to dani and then spent years being pretty vicious to him and never saw the slightest contradiction between those two things, because of course he didn't! and of course he still has some historical fondness for him as a result of once being his fan... which is an element that has gradually snuck to the foreground again after marc increasingly managed to dismiss dani as a competitive threat. overall, then, as teammates they had their early tensions, then they were 'reasonably friendly coworkers', now they get on quite well. over the course of his career, dani's hardly been immune to drama with other riders, but at the end of the day he's pretty feud-proof on the whole. what kind of a nutter would you have to be to start a feud with dani pedrosa, eh
#what you have to admire about jorge is that he didn't just have beef with guys it's notoriously easy to have beef with (marc/vale)#he also had beef with guys you don't really think are particularly beef-happy characters (dani/dovi). that's what you call RANGE#i think i fundamentally don't understand how long a 'hot take' is supposed to be. my drafts are an Absolute State#really need to clear my inbox at least a little bit so i just quickly finished this off. cut a whole sepang 2015 tangent#not everything needs a sepang 2015 tangent#//#brr brr#alien tag#batsplat responds#what i'll say is that idm if people want to read that dynamic in a certain way... like it's not that serious y'know#think the most serious moment of culture shock i got when i realised this motogp tumblr thing was a thing was seeing the words 'team tiny'#not least because the last time i'd seriously thought about their dynamic was when the prime docu was released#and over on reddit they had the PITCHFORKS out for marc over the whole corporate sabotage thing. they were gunning for my boy!!#so i'd spent the better part of the year going 'he might be an asshole but he's MY asshole :( let him terrorise his teammates omg'#and then i saw *gestures* on tumblr and went..? can't remember them ever being all THAT friendly?#but y'know it's just a different way of consuming the sport. whatever's fun for people is fun for people. i have no problem with it
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sometimes i remember the hunger games and how nobody actually paid attention to what was in those books
#americans close your eyes and ears right now#i'm well aware that my political takes are way too spicy for you all#and i really do wish my media diet didn't contain so much us-centric shit#but alas we're all suffering here#and i could say that 'oh actually it does matter who your president is for us in the world'#but it doesn't. it really fucking doesn't. that's kind of the point.#oh i'm sorry my spicy takes are already starting#anyway it is wild that you all can understand katniss assassinating coin at the end of mockingjay#but get super upsetty that chappell roan won't support your favorite presidential candidate with her full chest#like come on none of you actually thought that her using the phrase both sides meant that she was a republican or even a centrist#that's just copium#you all knew exactly what she meant#but i guess encouraging people to think critically and get involved with their local elections and politics as well is... bad now?#also... why do you all care so much about a random pop star's opinion and whether or not she dares to criticize a government#like... she's right but i'm sure 5 years from now if she survives in the limelight her edges will be completely chipped away#by all this insane reaction#and before anyone comes for me... no i'm not saying you shouldn't vote. please fucking do.#neither am i saying you shouldn't vote strategically or encourage other people to do so#but if all your energy is spent policing people who criticize your chosen party because of their own principles#then there's something seriously wrong with your politics#and all you're signalling is that you truly do not fucking care about the issues that they care about#if anything..... you RESENT them#and then the same people bring up the parable of the 'unjust man'#or how it's never the right time to talk about gun violence in your country#harm reduction is all good and based but attacking people who are leveraging their support to push your party left#is not. it's not even fucking helpful#anyway. don't base your lives and politics around pop stars.#even if they are more based than you 🤷#i think i'm done now thank you tumblr for letting me have insane rants in my tags that hopefully no one reads#idk i just find this all depressing. i wish you all cared more about the world outside of your bubble. i wish we all did - myself included.
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I'm starting Mission to Zyxx Season 5 now, and I have feelings about that.
First, it generally scares me when people hype anything up at all because there is no guarantee that anyone values the exact same thing I do to the same degree. Even if I trust the creators of a thing to value something and try to do right by it, that doesn't always necessarily mean it will be successful, especially if that involves doing something wildly different than what made it good in the first place (I have been burned this way before). I guess I'm just hoping they continue the format of goofy improv shenanigans for the majority of it with something more planned and emotional in the finale if they want, like they've been doing all along. I'd think they would, and I've heard nothing bad about the ending, but I guess it still makes me nervous because I'm so close to the end and I want it so badly to stick the landing. I'm setting my expectations on the floor so I can be surprised instead of disappointed, but honestly, I don't need it to be better, I just need it to be on par with the rest.
Second, and more briefly, I'm happy it's (hopefully) ending before it has a chance to decline. I am so on board with that philosophy. But on the other hand, finishing a thing that I really, really like and knowing there's not another one out there gives me a special kind of heartache. Like, I know there will be other good media, and stuff that's good and unique in other ways, but I know for a fact that there are no other podcasts out there that have the same mix of a balance of off-the-wall improv and structured narrative, quality comedy, fantastical sci-fi setting and loveable characters, and high quality production. There are other things out there with many of those qualities, but nothing that checks every one of those boxes. It's a lightning-in-a-bottle thing that very much feels like the right people had to be in the right place at the right time to do it. Attempts to do it again would feel hollow because it had to be born out of necessity and passion and the talents of the people involved, so if you switch out the people it loses the reasons it's great, and if the same people tried to do it again it'd feel tired. That makes me so, so grateful it exists, but also so, so sad that it doesn't, and I'm 80% of the way done. When it's over, it's over.
Anyway. Now that that's all out there, I'm just gonna finish listening and have fun. Wish me luck.
#pickle pontificates#mission to zyxx#if you freaking flip on episode 1 after reading this and are like. wow. they're talking a lot about butts and ejecting people into space.#what is pickle on about#well. sue me i guess. idk#I have a lot of feelings about this as a general topic so this is moreso just the most recent thing that's touched on it for me#okay so time for essay 2 in the tags#1. I don't really talk about TAZ on here but it's something I carry with me whenever I think about this kind of thing#I think that in the same vein as MTZ it started off very goofy and directionless and then gave me more emotions than I thought it would#and it's not perfect but balance was a cultural landmark in a lot of ways#i enjoyed amnesty but it didn't have the same spark. what drew me to balance was all the goofy improvisation#and the fact that it was never serious until it was#amnesty (although i loved the setting/concept and enjoyed the characters) crossed the line into taking things more seriously#and while that's not a bad thing in and of itself the thing i enjoy about the mcelroys is when they're goofing around#that's what they're good at and it's why i like them#subsequent arcs suffered the same thing to varying degrees#i slogged through most of graduation for some reason and although ethersea was better i didn't finish it#taz dracula was the first time i've felt that same kind of fun while listening since balance#and I really think it was because they were just getting silly with it. sure yeah elizabeth the sports druid. lady godwin turns into a hors#whatever!#their dad gets to follow through on his ideas and do whatever crazy but kinda logical thing he comes up with#but i guess the point is that to me taz feels very lightning in a bottle. balance is what it's capable of being but is not the default#all the other right ingredients had to be in the soup#2. noragami. ohh noragami.#you wormed your way deep into my heart and then flopped out of it like a messy slimy dead fish#and i can't even be upset about it because the creators sounded so tired and unhappy with the way it ended#but there was so much potential. so many themes that DID hit hard throughout the story and could've knocked a man out cold#had they come back at the end#and they could have right up until so very close!!! it wasn't unsalvageable#in fact it still isn't. you'd hardly have to revise anything. you'd just have to write a different ending
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random tokrev rant ahead !!
when i first started this blog it was going to be for random shitposts, groupchats once in a while, and mostly tokrev analysis but i was so scared of discourse that i just chose to do the funnier stuff 😭. when tokrev was at it's peak i'd be reading 20k+ words of analysis and it was so fun!! but i felt like i couldn't word what i wanted to say properly so that discouraged me but i wish i'd ignored that because there would have been at least one person who understood what i was saying yk?
#anyway#i used to have a tagging system but i forgot so that's my bad#and the thing about discourse is that you could give a person all the canonical facts of the story and they'll still find a way to pretend#that they're right and i personally cannot handle that#i take things very seriously and someone thinking they won a argument when they didn't would make me rip my hair out#so maybe my blog not going into that direction was good for my metal health#i feel like fandom interactions always end up as fights for some reason#why can't two opinions co-exist#let's discuss and have fun why we gotta tell each other to kill ourselves😭#like i saw a very well thought out and written theory about sanzu having autism or something along those lines#and a comment was like “stop trying to give him excuses he's a terrible villain and he's just crazy blah blah blah”#whole time this person's an izana apologist#like😐#i love both these characters but a lot of characters in tokrev are more complicated than just a “crazy villain”#and it seems like they understand that about izana so????#ok i'm done now i hope you guys get what i mean#tokyo revengers#tokyo revengers manga#tokrev
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i have GOT to stop going and checking out the notes on... that one post.... but it's CRAZY to me that people keep reblogging it very seriously being like "HOW CAN PEOPLE LIKE HENRY HE MURDERED 20 CHILDREN"
you mean the fictional child murder?? you mean the fake fictional child murder?? you mean the fake fictional telekinetic sci fi child murder by fake fictional telekinetic sci fi murder man on fake fictional telekinetic sci fi horror netflix show stranger things??? YOU MEAN THAT FAKE MURDER???
no you're so right there's never once been a history of fandoms liking a guy even if he did a bit of fake fictional murder what an insane concept
#one of the members of the fan club found it and was very seriously defending themselves in the notes too#like ���I NEVER SAID IT WAS COOL THAT HE MURDERED THOSE KIDS I LIKE HIM BC I THINK HE DIDN'T DO IT”#which like I get why you're rolling up in defense since the post is calling you fucking crazy but the defense itself is also funny as hell#bc it's just not that serious lmao. stan him AND the murder if you want idfc#in fact I think the fan club is a bit annoying and I'd probably like them better if they DID think he murdered all those kids#say it with your whole chest. child murderer jones murdered all those children and he's my pookie#but like. I'm sure plenty of people are reblogging it lightheartedly like ''yeah haha funny#he murdered a bunch of kids and people edit him with cat ears or whatever isn't that crazy!'' but like. some people seem like#they're taking it seriously lol#and it's just like. not that serious lmao I'm sorry this is our most hysterical discourse yet#I don't even really LIKE the fanclub but wtf lol#anyway. y'all ever heard of like. a horror slasher fandom?#should I main tag this?#nah. I want to a little bit but I should not#ok nvm I will#I will regret it maybe but I'll do it#stranger things#byler#henry creel
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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Me seeing all the comments under Glasto-themed posts blaming Alex for being sick and calling off Dublin
I'm barely able to fold that knife though.... And I'm not trusting myself that it'll stay folded.
#I really have no words for people who lack the basic minimum amounts of sympathy and understanding#and YES IT'S POSSIBLE HIS SYMPTOMS CLEARED UP IN JUST 4 DAYS#am I worried they didn't completely? yes. but they might have. and either way they're Definitely A LOT better after him resting#taking care of himself. possibly getting some meds prescribed. hydrating. not talking. sleeping#What did they want him to do. go out and mime the songs for them?#go up and barely utter some words through the hoarseness - make things worse and call of yhe next month if shows instead?#risk getting actual chronic laryngitis? risk his whole career?#the hell is wrong with people#you've got no idea how scared I was & am for my show that's coming up too. It's like extremely meaningful and important to me#the vision of going helped me through some tougher times#but you know what I'm also scared of?#of one of my favorite artist's getting seriously hurt.#of him beating himself up for disappointing people when there's nothing he can do about it.#can't believe people lack the basic empathy.#i get being disappointed. Sad. Furious even.#be furious with a god if you've got one or the universe or bacteria or the very idea of voice boxes being suspectable to strain#not with the man who's just as frustrated with the situation as you are#AHHHH#(i unfolded the knife safely in the tags. folding it back up)#(I see the typos & I hate em & I'm mad but I won't be doing anything about it. I'm sorry)#//#my posts
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Jason getting written as overreacting, over emotional, unreasonable, and/or to have none of his problems or boundaries taken seriously,,, can you please stop killing me please,,
#its not even intentional which is what kills me#but it always has that underlying stitch oh OH jason is overreacting. oh jason is taking this too seriously.#oh jason is making a problem out of nothing. oh jason is just being ridiculous. too emotional.#oh jason is snapping for no reason at all#yall may genuinely be like a few steps away from writing jason literally crying in frustration and anger only to be laughed at#with the intent of readers being on the laughing side#i domt think i can physically handle anymore unacknowledged miscommunication in fics#where jason has something that the batfam did thats upsetting him only for it to go unacknowledged and found family is achieved#when HE gives in because he was being silly. he was being ridiculous. oh he didn't understand them at all#and then nothing to show how mutual understanding was reached#and its all just unmentioned#so i cant escape it with any sort of tag filtering because its just THERE#YES. i AM taking this too seriously because i have exact memories of being treated like this growing up how could you tell#...yes i am immediately intentionally trying to downplay it so no one can get on me for taking it too seriously#sorry i keep seeing jason through my own personal lens and see things worse then they are meant to be. no im not. its so dark in here
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do yall see one of your friends being a massive jerk and doing something slightly offensive and you fucking have a verbal fight w them in your head
like, you're a great friend! but if you don't shut the fick up and listen why this is offensive then we can't even be friends anymore
#adam's vent tag#this needs a lot of context in too tired to write#but#implying (in a joking manner no less) that someone in the room (metaphorically) is gay/trans to very obviously homo/transphobic classmates#does so much harm#like if someone comes out to you you keep your mouth shut even if they're a walking pride flag#just shut the fuck up#it's not that difficult#another small ick i have w this friend#is that i told him i wasn't very comfortable with my classmates jokes#(they were 'joking' about killing and shooting boys that wear dresses)#and that i also didn't feel safe around them#and he responded w 'theyre just joking. why are you taking them seriously?'#with a straight fucking face#do i even need to explain why this is fucked up to say to a trans kid? (or anyone)#i could give a million different examples of this#you can literally excuse an bad behaviour with this logic#if you can do that then i dont really trust you#anyway im ranting and rambling#and i want to strangle him!!!
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I fucking love video games that are buggy as fuck
Fucking around in Vault 3, helping those guys escape- I come back with the key and two of them are outside the cage and one of the Fiends is inside it instead. I'm like "wow okay," move on, unlock the cage.
And then I just. Get to watch them all crouch and "sneak" out of the cage, pushing up against and stopping in front of Fiends the whole way.
I genuinely don't know if they're supposed to just be fine once you open the cage? So like maybe that last bit is par for the course. But coming back to two of them just wandering that room, chillin with the captors? Incredible. 10/10 I recommend this game to everyone.
#queued#jay.txt#fallout new vegas#can i like. comment on a thing btw. here in the comfort and safety of my tags?#does anyone else find getting good karma exclusively from (at least so far as I've seen) killing Fiends a little. Not Fucking Great?#like. idk. when i first heard about them in game it was from betsy and she has that one line abt them and like. it kinda set a tone for me#+maybe. 'cause barring the fiends we're given specified crimes for (and thus I DO enjoy my good karma from) they're just. addicts?#idk it just rubs me wrong. especially walking around this vault without having aggro'd them. like they don't even get upset with you for +#+taking their chems??? which i expected to be a problem 100%. but no. they just let you do whatever. they're just Fiending as it were#i do recognize that like. They've Fucking Done Shit. like killing the original vault dwellers who apparently just invited them in. that's +#+horrible yeah I agree. but how am i meant to know/believe they were all 100% complicit in that? how recent was that also? there's possibly#+people in this faction who DIDN'T do that yk? idk. idk. I'm overthinking it but it just rubs me wrong. like you're not gonna give me good#+karma for killing the slaver faction but I can get it for killing addicts? sure. okay. definitely not fucking weird behavior#Rant Over it's just been on the mind. until I get a mission that makes me be aggressive w them in there I'm gonna leave them be I think#like rogues that just attack me? sure. self defense. but if they've not attacking me we're just gonna chill#(queued june 9th)#future/present me here with an update! Finally encountered something else that gave me good karma for killing it! it was a feral ghoul +#+trooper. not sure how I feel about that 100%? i think i lean mostly towards ''yeah fair enough.'' it does make me feel a little less Hm +#+about the Fiend good karma though. just a little. but seriously why am I not getting it from Legion troops-#(additional tags added june 13th)
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while we're being anticapitalist please remember that you should still care about your coworkers
#cannot take you seriously if you knowingly fuck over your coworkers and then act like you're the perfect little leftist#babe commit time theft just actually show up to lunch close to on time five times in a month#i don't mean that they're only 10 minutes late i mean that they took over an hour on lunch yesterday and had the nerve to complain#my closest work friend bullied me into taking a break once this particular coworker came back since i hadn't had my break yet#for the record this coworker was also late coming into work that day so they didn't help us open and then was constantly making calls#that's not anticapitalist that's just fucking over the few people you claim to like at our job#sorry not sorry about the rant in the tags this is my post and my blog
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ok now some people are just being straight up mean on the weird al poll 😭😭
#i'm sorry?? for being young??#like i said i'll gladly make another one that's like. Better with more options#but again#the poll was smt i didn't put much thought into#it's just for fun!#also some people are making it sound like a lot of the younger people in the tags (assuming around my age too) would have#never experienced things that I HAVE DEFO EXPERIENCED.#i experienced early youtube!!! i grew up on it!!#i still listen to the radio!! i just happened to be born too late AND not in the USA so i never heard him on it!!#i HAVE cds and dvds.#some people are way too mean to younger people and it's a bit unfair#we're trying our best real life sucks this was a fun poll why are you taking it so seriously#someone said they hate the post?? girl just scroll then#have you heard of the block button.#i'm sorry for ranting but this is like getting on my nerves.#if anyone (specifically like mutuals) think it's a good idea to try making a better poll i'll do it!#but i don't think i Have to#god some of the tags on that post are just making me feel worse#and this day was already horrible#vex rambles
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RRARAAAAAAAAAUUAUUAAGHHHHH
#ITS 12AM AND I HAVE BIG EXAMS TOMORROW#and people are taking my lighthearted post far too seriously and claiming some pretty awful things about my intentions#???????? I'm just some 17 year old who thought housetrucks were interesting#and recognised that they're likely the only kind of accommodation I'd be able to afford once I'm an adult#like YEAH YOUR POINTS ABOUT ROMANI APPROPRIATION ARE VALID and I am willing to listen. I know its frustrating#but also I've looked into the history of housetrucks within nz and the people who first built them?#they just built them out of necessity. not to mimic or romanticise romani suffering. I can't find any mention of romani inspiration#I SPECIFICALLY included photos of NZ HOUSETRUCKS ONLY and not romani wagons or similar because#a lot of new zealanders live poorly and have to resort to that lifestyle. SOME new zealanders live in housetrucks just because they can#but I guarantee you it is a very small amount because they're extremely inefficient and dangerous to live in#the only reason I was posting about them with such excitement is because I'm ecstatic about maybe being able to afford a home before I'm 40#ranting about this in the tags and not in a reblog because goddd dude I don't want to look like some racist prick or something#to the person who reblogged the housetruck post with the stuff I'm talking about#if you're looking through my blog for whatever reason#I understand what you're saying but man that wasn't my intention at all#I'm a burnt out mentally ill IB student who made that post to cope with escapism#I didn't make it to erase romani lives or your culture I just made it because I need a hope for a liveable future#houses in new zealand usually cost over a million dollars I literally just want to look forward to living somewhere#warning bells in my mind right now please please don't twist my words it's 12am and I'm stressed out of my mind#god I feel awful I need to sleep#sick of being on the internet I am so so careful to be as respectful and careful as I can about topics#only to be accused of using gentrifying dogwhistles to appropriate a marginalised group of people ?????#for sharing photos of new zealand specific housetrucks and calling them 'kiwi culture'#I did not mean 'kiwi culture' as in 'invented by and owned by new zealanders'#I meant it in the same way that fish and chips are 'kiwi culture'. obviously we didn't invent either of those things. they just happen to b#a regular part of aotearoa life. RARHRHGHHH#fuck man I'm too worked up over this I never meant to be shitty or appropriate anything I just like housetrucks#I'm going to be a wreck tomorrow I'm too anxious to sleep#so sorry to anyone who bothered to read all of this#just needed. somewhere to put it
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The answer to the second question is no, not to the point that they can't just do stuff. Even for victims of capitalism in poverty with children to take care of and mounds of debt to pay, abled or disabled, they still "just do stuff."
Life is incredibly hard right now and for a lot of people, I'm not suggesting the opposite, and a symptom of that can be this overwhelming inability to just not do stuff whether that's major depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, or other malady, but its not "normal" in the sense that you should just accept this is how you feel now and resolve to do nothing about it. It's a serious symptom, a sign that you're not well, and you should actively seek help or treatment. And seeking help or treatment isn't easily accessible for everyone, either, I know that, even despite the breadth of information on how to ease the burden of receiving treatment you can find online. But it is important to me that if you're struggling like this that you at least acknowledge it isn't just something you need to endure until it stops. It doesn't stop, and how you feel isn't because you're too weak for the rigors life: you need to take it seriously and seek help as best as you can.
#it is important to me because my wife won't seek meaningful help#for over 4 years she has resisted doing more than taking herbal supplements#and we CAN afford treatment‚ she just won't accept it#one time she accepted therapy and cried privately because it was such a victory towards progress#but that therapist ultimately didn't work out and she didn't really take anything away from it#practically no one ever gets their best therapist on the first or even the second try and she has refused trying again#she will not take any western anti-depressants#she won't even smoke or consume something like marijuana#she doesn't have a typical job so dealing with the threat of getting fired and not being able to pay bills is not a stressor#we do not argue or fight‚ she has no performative expectations—#—she has major depression + high anxiety‚ I take that seriously#anyway. don't be like her. even if‚ like her‚ you can afford to be#seek help‚ seek treatment. and hey‚ take supplements like ashwaganda and valerian root first if you'd better doing that#but if after an extended period of time it still doesn't help then try something else. please.#(4th tag was supposed to say 'i cried privately')
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