#You can’t admit that the present social order actually sucks worse for some of us or you’re coded the wrong thing politically | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kerikaaria · 4 years ago

Text

If I Never Met You: Chapter 18

(??? X Reader) Idol!AU, Manager!Reader

Genre: (PG13) Fluff

WC: 3.2k

Warnings: Slight stalker-ish behavior (It’s there but really it’s not anything super serious or dangerous)

Series Masterlist

Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19

The following days were hectic as ever. They were spent at broadcasting stations for the nightly music shows, going to other short events in between rehearsals for the shows, and the boys squeezing in practice whenever they could. It was like we barely had time to breath.

The fan reception and general reaction to BTS so far wasn’t bad at all, but unsurprisingly their lack of popularity didn’t win them any awards on the music shows. We weren’t disappointed, we had fully expected that in all honesty. Winning the shows wasn’t our goal, but rather getting them more publicity was.

After about two weeks of moving almost nonstop, we finally got a day where we could all rest. Sejin and I worked a little extra on whatever else we needed to do during the times we weren’t as needed at the boys’ schedules, in order to make sure we would be able to take this day to relax with them.

By the time I woke up, it was already 11 am. I looked in disbelief at my phone, wondering how I managed to sleep in that late – even if I was completely exhausted when I went to sleep the night before. While I was eating breakfast, I got a notification from the group chat.

Hobi: Noona~ You’re stopping by today right?

Taetae: You can’t hide in your apartment all day just because you have the day off. 😋

Jimin: Yeah, noona! We haven’t gotten to properly hang out at all since we’ve been so busy 😟

Yoongi: Sorry for them, noona. You do what you want today, don’t mind them.

Kookie: Noooooo. Noona, please? Pretty please come over? 🥺

Jimin: Why isn’t she responding?

Hobi: Noona are you okay?

Jin: She’s probably still sleeping. She was just as exhausted as we were, you know.

Joonie: Yeah guys, stop it. You’re probably going to wake her up from all the messages.

Taetae: Well, you’re texting in the chat too, hyung 😋

Joonie: Only one time.

Jimin: Well now it’s twice.

Jin: Guys, come on. Just leave it be. She’ll reply when she can.

Me: You guys live together and are probably all sitting next to each other. Why on earth are you talking to each other via text?

Taetae: Noona! You’re awake! :D

Me: Yes, I am. You guys sent the messages so fast I couldn’t keep up, haha.

Jin: Did you sleep well, darling? 🤗

Me: Yes I did, sweetie. 😘 How about you guys?

Joonie: Not having an alarm to wake up to was amazing.

Jimin: Noona~ When are you coming over~?

Yoongi: You don’t need to come over, noona. Just relax today.

Me: Oh okay, I see how it is Min Yoongi. You don’t want to see me. I understand. 😔

Yoongi: What? No. That’s not what I meant.

Taetae: HYUNG HOW COULD YOU? YOU’RE SO MEAN! 😭

Kookie: Wow, hyung.

Jimin: Yoongi hyung, why would you hurt noona like that?😟

Yoongi: -_-

Me: Don’t worry, I’m coming over lol. I’ll be there in like half an hour, okay?

Hobi: Yay! See you soon noona! 💓

I chuckled to myself. They were all such dorks and I loved them for it.

I finished breakfast and dressed in something comfy but presentable before walking across the hall and knocking on their door.

Jungkook greeted me with his soft smile as I walked into their house. I sat down in the living room next to Yoongi and Kookie sat next to me.

Suga peeled his eyes off of his phone to glance at me. “Oh, you’re here?”

“Yes, I’m here. Although I’m sure you’re not happy to see me,” I teased.

Yoongi huffed and shook his head, turning his attention back to the device in his hand.

“It’s okay, noona. I want you here,” Jungkook said as he placed his head on my shoulder.

“Thank you Kook-ah, I appreciate that.” I chuckles and placed a hand on his head.

Taehyung walked out from their bedroom. Once he noticed I was there, he rushed over yelling, “Noona!” and forced himself in between me and Yoongi.

Yoongi groaned in annoyance as he moved over so his brother wasn’t sitting on him. “Yah, can’t you sit somewhere else?”

“What?” Tae asked. “It’s not like you wanted to see noona anyway.”

“Why do you guys keep putting words in my mouth?” Yoongi asked. “I never once said that.”

“Whatever,” Tae said as he hugged me from the side.

I returned the embrace as best I could without making Jungkook move. “Why are you guys so excited to see me anyway? We’ve literally been spending entire days together for the past two weeks.”

“Yeah, but we haven’t really been able to talk or just hang out,” Hoseok said as he entered the room, sitting across from us. “Any downtime we had was basically spent catching up on sleep.”

“That is true,” I said with a chuckle.

I wasn’t used to being social before I met BTS. I would spend most of my time on my own, relaxing and just enjoying the quiet. It was a huge change for me once I started to spend most of my time with them rather than by myself, and it took some getting used to. But I had to admit that by now, I was used to the company and spending too much time alone made me actually feel lonely more than anything now.

We sat in silence for a little while, just being content with each other’s company and relaxing. Despite how much energy the boys usually had, they couldn’t run at 100% all day every day so I had a feeling today was going to be calmer than usual. They were completely exhausted but I could see how happy they were as well, being able to start living their dream even if it may not be perfect. I thought about how lucky we were to be here right now, no longer concerned about if they’d be able to debut or not.

When I was called up to Mrs. Choi’s office that day, she was fully honest with me about what had happened. They originally canceled on us because there was another group from a different company that was more promising. They ended up prioritizing them over our boys, which was also why they weren’t budging on giving us a date again at first. But the other group’s company decided to postpone their debut, so the date opened back up. That had happened just a couple days before I sent her the dance video, and with the date being so close her boss decided we would be good enough to fill the spot after all.

Although of course I told Sejin about it later, I hadn’t mentioned that to the boys, worried that it would make them feel worse. They already knew how much of underdogs they were, and I didn’t want one more thing to rub that in their faces.

“Noona,” Jungkook broke me out of me thoughts.

“Yes, Jungkook?” I asked, turning towards him.

“Is it going to be this busy every comeback?” He lifted his head off of my shoulder.

“Hmm, I can’t say for sure,” I said. “But probably. I know it sucks, but you know how busy this industry is. There’s so many other groups, we have to do what we can to help get your guys’ name out there.”

“It’s not like we didn’t know what we were getting into,” Namjoon said. He had entered the room at some point while I was lost in my thoughts.

“I wish I could make it easier on you guys,” I said. “I don’t like making you so busy. I want you to be able to rest more.”

“Don’t worry about it, noona,” Tae chimed in next to me. “Like hyung said, we already knew what we were getting into. Besides, if we work hard now, then hopefully it’ll all pay off later.”

“Yeah,” Jungkook said. “I’d rather work as hard as I can now than regret not having tried my best later.”

I ruffled both boys’ hair. “You guys never cease to amaze me.”

“We love you too, noona,” Jimin suddenly said from behind me, making me jump.

“Don’t sneak up on me like that!” I said as the boys laughed at my reaction.

“You’re so easy to scare,” Hoseok said, laughing.

“Says the biggest scaredy cat out of all of us,” Jin retorted from the kitchen, earning more laughter from us.

-----

I decided I wanted to cook for everyone today, partially so Seokjin could get a break from being the main chef and relax. But also because I had been practicing my Korean cooking skills over the months and wanted the boys to tell me what they thought. There weren’t too many groceries in our fridges since there hadn’t been much home cooking happening recently, so I ventured out to the grocery store. Jungkook decided to come with me so he can help me carry the bags.

Of course Jungkook had had a mask covering his face to make sure he didn’t draw any attention, but I didn’t bother with one. Face masks were just constricting and hard to breathe through (and I felt so bad for celebrities who needed to wear them all the time), and no one knew me so there really wasn’t a point.

As I was browsing through the different types of noodles to find what I was looking for, Jungkook went to the snack aisle to stock up on their dwindling stash. I found what I needed and went to look for Kook so we could finish up with the shopping and get going back to the house. When I turned into the aisle he was in, I noticed he was rather oblivious to the stares of a few girls who were watching him very closely.

As I walked past them, I heard one of them whisper, “Yeah, I’m sure that’s him. It has to be Jeon Jungkook.”

Great. This is wonderful. I was worried for a moment, but they did seem to be keeping their distance so I pushed it aside, thinking that they seemed like they wouldn’t cause any trouble. All we needed to do was get home.

“Hey,” I said as I approached Kook but made sure not to address him by name, just to be safe. “Almost ready to get going?”

He turned to me, holding a huge armful of snacks to place in my basket. “Yup! I got all the hyungs’ favorites and this should last us a while.” He noticed the girls staring, quickly turning away once he saw them. “Do you think they know me?” he asked me quietly as we walked the opposite direction down the aisle.

“Yeah, I heard them saying they thought it was you as I walked past them,” I responded just as quietly.

“That’s crazy, I’m getting recognized at the store,” he said, partially excited but mostly nervous.

“Not to be rude, but I think it’s better to not intentionally approach them,” I said.

“I know. Don’t worry, I’ll be careful,” Jungkook assured me.

We made it through the checkout and divided the bags between us to carry back to the dorm. Without making it obvious, I paid attention and listened carefully to see if the girls were going to follow us out of the store.

Unfortunately, they did. We couldn’t go home if they were following us because then they’d find out where we lived and that was the last thing we needed. They stayed probably about 10 feet behind us, and I could hear them giggling. I would feel so much more at ease if they just approached us to ask if he’s Jungkook and maybe for an autograph and just walk away. But it didn’t seem like they were going to.

I grabbed my phone to text one of the other boys to let them know we were running late so they wouldn’t worry. But in the middle of typing the message, my phone died. I cursed at myself for forgetting to charge it earlier today.

“Jungkook, can you let someone know we’re on our way home but running a bit late?” I quietly asked him.

“Okay.” He reached into his pocket, but seemed confused when he didn’t find his phone there. He felt around his other pockets, but was unsuccessful in finding it. He took a moment to think before a look of realization lit his eyes. “I forgot my phone at the dorm.”

“Darn,” I said. “Well I guess we’ll just have some explaining to do when we get back.”

I started to feel more and more nervous as we walked, not necessarily heading towards the dorm but rather just in any direction to wait until they stopped following us. I decided we should cross the street, hoping that if they stayed back far enough we could lose them after the light turned. We jogged across the street when the light was close to changing to make it hard for them to be able to follow.

I subtly glanced back to make sure the attempt to lose them was successful, and luckily they were unable to cross with us. We kept moving quickly, making sure to make a few turns before they could fully catch up to us just in case they kept trying to follow. When I felt sure there was no way they could have kept following us, I finally relaxed.

“Think we lost them, noona?” Jungkook asked.

“I’d be shocked if they were able to keep up with us,” I said. “Come on, let’s actually get home now.”

On top of the time we already spent to throw them off, it took us another extra 15 minutes to get back home. I kept looking behind us to make sure they hadn’t managed to find us again, and luckily it seemed we had shaken them off.

When Jungkook used his key to open the door, we were immediately bombarded with a worried BTS.

“What took you guys so long?” Jin asked, almost yelling. “We were worried something happened to you!” Before I could react, he pulled me into a hug. He must have been really worried because he held me really tight as if he was scared to let me go.

“Are you guys okay?” Namjoon asked as he examined Jungkook, who nodded in response while taking his mask off. “We tried calling you, but noona’s phone went right to voicemail and Jungkook you left your phone here.”

“Sorry guys,” I said. “My phone died.” Jin loosened his grip on me.

“What happened?” Jimin asked. “Grocery shopping shouldn’t take that long.”

“Some girls recognized me,” Jungkook said. “They kept following us and we had to walk around to try to lose them before heading home.”

“Did you take your mask off?” Yoongi asked.

“No, he was careful,” I said. “I have no idea how they could tell so easily.”

“Well, we’re just glad you guys are okay,” Hoseok said as he helped me take the ingredients out of the bags. “Oohhh, you got a lot of stuff, noona. What are you making?”

“You’ll just have to wait and see,” I teased.

“Can I help?” Tae said, shuffling over to me in the kitchen.

“No!” Jin and I said in unison.

Taehyung was a little taken back at our reaction.

“No, Taehyung,” Seokjin said. “You are not going to be making the kitchen a mess, nor are you going to sabotage the first meal noona is cooking for us.”

“Sabotage?” Tae said with a pout.

I placed a hand on his shoulder. “Taetae, there are many wonderful things about you. But cooking is not one of your strong points.” He frowned, but nodded in agreement. “Just leave it to me,” I said with a smile.

Everyone left me to my own devices while I worked on our meal, except Jin who occasionally came to see what I was doing. But he didn’t ask to help, knowing I was adamant about doing this on my own for them. While I stood at the stove waiting for the last bit of the food to finish cooking, he came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and leaning down to rest his chin on my shoulder.

“You know, we were all super worried about you guys,” he said.

“I’m sorry, Jinnie,” I apologized sincerely. “I tried to let you know but that’s when my phone died.”

“It’s okay,” he said. “Just don’t do that again. You’re lucky it was just a few fangirls and not someone who wanted to hurt you.”

“It was irresponsible of me to not have my phone charged,” I said. “I’ll be much more careful from now on, I promise.”

“Good,” he said as he let go of me and placed a kiss on top of my head. “Looks like the food’s done. Can I help plate it?”

“Yeah, of course,” I smiled at him.

I watched everyone as they took their first bites of the meal I made for them, anxious of what they’d think.

I saw Jin’s eyes grow big after chewing a piece of meat. “Wow, this is really good, (Y/n)!” he said. “The seasoning is just right!”

“Oh my gosh,” Jimin exclaimed after finishing his bite. “Noona, you really should cook for us more often.”

“I agree!” Taehyung said. “This is up to par with Jin hyung’s cooking.”

“Well, he was my teacher for the most part,” I said while rubbing the back of my neck, shy from the compliments. Everyone seemed to agree that they enjoyed my cooking, which made me really happy. I was nervous with it being a style of food they grew up with but I was new to. “Thanks, guys. I’m glad you like it.” I smiled, watching them enjoy it.

“Noona, aren’t you hungry too?” Jungkook asked. “You haven’t eaten anything yet.”

“Oh yeah.” I was too busy watching everyone else I forgot about eating. I started to dig in, pleasantly surprised with myself for how much I liked the food as well.

By the time everyone was full, there wasn’t a single piece of food left. I didn’t know why I was surprised because despite having cooked a lot of food, there were seven of them and they also tended to have bigger appetites.

We all worked together to get everything cleaned up to make quick work of it.

“Thanks for the meal, noona. It was amazing,” Joon said.

“I’m glad you guys liked it,” I said. I looked at my (now charged) phone and saw that it was getting pretty late. “I’d better get going back home. We don’t want to stay up too late, we all have to get back to work tomorrow.”

As I got ready to leave, Jungkook came up to me, looking nervous.

“Is everything okay, Kook?” I asked. He nodded and then slowly wrapped his arms around me in a hug. “What’s this for?” I asked.

“Thank you for being smart about the situation earlier,” he said. “I would have just thought to go straight home, but that would have been bad.”

“Of course,” I said as I stroked his hair. “It’s my job to be responsible for you guys. That’s what I’m here for.”

He let go of me and smiled. “Good night noona.”

“Good night, Kookie,” I said, ruffling his hair. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Series Masterlist

Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19

Tags: @calling-dips-on-j-hope @misohime @netflix-batman-sleep @smallbaby-cat @leitholdwithlove @ramyagovindraj @leesalts @rjsmochii

Send me a message or ask if you want tagged! And also feel free to leave comments or send asks to just talk to me!

37 notes · View notes

1989xtaylorsversion · 4 years ago

Text

tana mongeau should not be influencing anyone.

the term “influencer” has been tossed around frivolously for years, and often it’s for people who don’t deserve it. i cringe everytime i call someone an influencer, or worse when they call themselves one. look, i get it. it’s a lot easier to say you’re an influencer than to explain why your mediocre 15 second dance videos on tiktok gave you millions of followers. however, as social media influence grows and more people are dropping out of school or not going at all, in order to pursue the celebrity lifestyle, the list of influencers has expanded. it’s transcended just YouTube, and now you have tiktok stars and instagram models. when you really look at how many people are reaping the benefits of being an influencer, you start to wonder, who actually deserves to wear that title proudly, and who, for lack of a better word, just sucks. one person i believe falls under the latter is miss tana mongeau.

TANA MONGEAU: THE INTRO

tana mongeau is a 22 year old YouTuber who sort of hit mainstream success a few years ago. there’s a chance you’ve heard of her, even if you’re not a regular subscriber, and i wouldn’t blame you if you weren’t. i’ll be straight up and admit that i do not like her, and i’ve felt this way for a long time. i wish i could sit here and write about all the amazing things she’s done to help the world and use her influence for good, but i can’t because it’s simply not true. she’s been famous for years now, and her legacy isn’t made up of positivity, but rather scandals and immaturity. i don’t think tana is an evil mastermind, but i don’t think she is a good person. i think she’s incredibly disrespectful and has got a lot of growing up to do.

TANA DOESN’T DESERVE HER PLATFORM

tana has a pattern of behavior that we’ve all become accustomed to, meaning she’ll mess up, take forever to issue a half-hearted apology, emphasize the point that she’s learned, grown, and bettered herself, and then go back to business as usual. she likes to harp on the fact that she’s only human, and she makes mistakes. while that is true, not all humans make the same mistakes. tana reminds me a lot of serena van der woodsen from gossip girl. they both claim that with each scandal they come out on the other side a better person, but they don’t. they claim to change, but they don’t. when you make the same mistakes over and over again, you’re not a changed person, you’re simply the same. that’s one of my biggest gripes with tana, because if she actually cared enough, she could self reflect and really learn. but she doesn’t. it smacks of disrespect and immaturity. she makes a lot of bold claims in her apology videos (and she’s got a lot), about how she grew, but where is the growth?? i haven't seen it, have you?

this brings me to my original point, which is why tana doesn’t deserve a platform. i don’t want to write about every horrible thing she’s done in great detail because it’s been done many times, but i’ll briefly mention certain things i believe to be important.

first and foremost, she has an extensive racist past that seems to make a comeback every year. it seems to be an annual tradition for tana to have some racist video, tweet, or remark come back to her present life. her past quite literally catches up to her, and she’s had to apologize for it at least three times (i’ve kind of lost track). it’s ridiculous and problematic, but anyone with a modicum of intelligence can understand that. her recent apology video - which was likely scripted- is a slap in the face to everyone she’s hurt and offended because it took her months to make it, and she couldn’t even be bothered to sift through the blatant contradictions she spewed.

speaking of her apology video, another reason why she was under intense criticism during that time was because she was partying throughout the pandemic. i know, i couldn’t believe it either. or maybe i could because tana is one of the most disrespectful people i’ve ever seen. she partied for months throughout the pandemic in the beginning, and still hangs around large groups of people. newsflash miss mongeau, for some reason children watch you and vociferously defend you online because they’re under your influence. a blue check mark doesn't exempt you from the coronavirus. if you had stayed home and not made yourself look like a clown who doesn’t care about the health of others, maybe you wouldn’t have had to issue your tenth apology. it’s so frustrating watching her act like this knowing she has so much influence and instead of using it for good, she goes out and does this.

my problem with influencers is the fact that they like to pick and choose when they want to be one. when they’re getting positive feedback, fame, and money, they love it. they love having an influence over millions of people, and flexing their success. but, when it comes time to actually do something good for the world, and tweet out some petitions, informational posts, or stand up for the right thing or issue proper apologies for when they inevitably screw up, suddenly they never asked to be an influencer. that’s when they decide that they didn’t ask for that kind of life, so we should just cut them some slack. another newsflash, it doesn’t matter if you asked for it. a lot of people don’t, but a lot of people also realize that they’re in a privileged position to use their power for good, and take on that responsibility. that’s why influencers drive me crazy. they have hundreds of thousands or millions of followers, and they don’t use it for anything other than selfies.

in my last post i talked about emma macdonald, and i’ll bring her up again, because she’s guilty of doing this as well. she posted about blm once over the summer, and then never again. i understand some people don’t want to bring up politics in everything, but you don’t have to post. a simple ig story would’ve been fine, and still spread the information. she’s just one example out of hundreds, but you get the point. whether you have 200k followers or 2 million, you still have an audience, and people follow you because they like and trust you, which gives you power. so much has happened in this country since may, and so many influencers have stayed silent. if you’re not going to use your huge platform for something meaningful, why do you even have one? it just smacks of performative activism, and it’s not a cute look.

if you don’t want to be an influencer with loyal fans, and you don’t want the pressure of being a somewhat good example, then don’t expect people to care when you release a trashy single, have an mtv reality show, or when you hold a convention in the name of revenge. yeah, i’m looking at you tana, those are all things you’ve done because you’re an influencer with followers and money.

OVERALL THOUGHTS

i realize i’m probably ranting, but that’s what people like tana will do to you. she has so much potential, and admittedly, she’s had her good moments. her open conversations about mental health and her rough upbringing is interesting to hear about, and i’m sure it helps people feel less alone. i actually like hearing about her early life because her need for an escape away from her toxic family was the reason she started her channel. those are the relatable moments that attracts people and makes her seem human, not her racist past from when she was 15. i wish she’d actually take time away from being so problematic and seriously self reflect and grow. she’s not getting younger, and her maturity level isn’t catching up with her. the older she gets, the more she acts like a child, and it’s frustrating.

unless she does some serious introspection and betters herself, maybe we should consider leaving tana in 2020.

overall rating:

2/5

#tana mongeau #youtube #tiktok #influencer #tana #emma macdonald #mtv

6 notes · View notes

letsdiscoverkitty · 5 years ago

Text

CPA update (30th August 2019)

I did not plan to write this this evening but I needed to get this out somewhere.

I know I haven’t been very present online and I can only apologise for that but as you can imagine things have been quite challenging since being admitted. I had my first CPA so I thought I would make a little post to help me begin to process it/get some thoughts down....(warning: very long post ahead, snacks may be necessary, and I am sorry if it does not read well/make much sense, I literally just typed my heart out)

For those who are not sure of what one is, a CPA is basically a care plan review where your treatment team review the past few weeks/months (time since the last review) and then start to plan the next stages of your care. It is a chance for different members of your treatment to meet and make sure that everyone is on the same page. Today my CPA consisted of my consultant, one of the nursing staff from the ward, the OP ED nurse I was seeing before I came in, myself and my parents. The first half of the review was just between professionals, I was then called into the room for a discussion followed by my parents nearer the end.

It is hard to remember what I have shared online so I am sorry if some of the things I mention do not make sense but I will try to cover most of what happened. I had my ward round on Thursday (due to the bank holiday weekend just gone), in which a lot of new ideas were brought to the table as, well, no one really knows what to do with me… A week or so ago I wrote a letter to my consultant as I was beginning to worry about what the plan was for when I was discharged (as it was being implied that I was to be discharged over the next few weeks)/that my community team were not replying to any messages and that I was concerned about going back home to live at my parents house.

My main worries with returning home were mainly because it is a place where I have been unwell for many years and I find that when I go back there it is almost like anorexia snaps back without me realising it/I can’t control it. Sadly due to being unwell at home for years, I do associate home with bad things, I also do not currently have no goals or things to be working towards (i.e. I have no education to go back to, no job lined up or thought about to go back to) and the worry is that I would be going back home to just anorexia and relapsing backwards. Throw into the mix that my mum retired last week, as well as the family dynamics always being quite rocky (along with being geographically being incredibly socially isolated), I think it is fair to say that I was extremely worried about the prospect of home leave let alone moving back home permanently and with very limited outpatient support.

A long story short, my consultant agrees that going back home is likely not going to help me move on/recover/give me a chance of living a life beyond this, however she also does not believe that staying in an acute EDU will help (which I do understand). In terms of why she thinks that being on the unit for longer might not help include that my weight has not been reaching the targets that are expected, I am struggling on leave/when I get given more control, as well as the usual pitfalls of being on an EDU like being trapped around a lot of other acutely unwell people, having the identity reinforced and the lack of responsibility/it not necessarily coming from me. I floated the idea of going to live in Reading with Andi however she shot me down straight away at that stage saying that I was far too unwell for that…

Anyway, to get to the point, she wants to apply for funding for me to go into residential treatment. This is not something that I know much about, although I do know that getting funding for a place is very very hard and that there are very few places that offer it in the country….from what she explained to me it is a more holistic approach, with the focus on helping you build a life beyond anorexia whilst also supporting you nutritionally. (it sounds far too fairytale-esque for my liking…)She said that as I have had a lot of psychological input and have been under services with very few gaps over the years, that it was obvious that a new approach was needed and that this style might be that. Apparently I have incredible insight/understanding however because the anorexic neural pathways/cognitions have become so strong and rigid, I find it near impossible to force myself to follow through with the theory that I know so well.

I honestly have no idea how I feel right now. I am utterly lost and confused and don’t really know what to do with myself. I feel like no one knows what to do with me/what will help and they are just trying to get rid of me. I want to recover, I really do. My consultant said that it is not that I don’t want to or don’t have motivation, but that it is the degree of severity of the illness and the complexity of my case, which kind of helped but also left me feeling very broken and hopeless.

She tried to explain all of this to my parents today and I am actually relieved that she was able to speak to them about it as there is no way that I would have been able to approach the subject. She explained it in scientific terms and tried to be realistic about the whole process (which could likely take months to apply for funding, let alone get on the waiting list/pass assessments).

My OP team are apparently supportive of this and are going to work together with the IP team, my consultant and the therapist I was seeing as an OP to put together a proposal for the CCG. Sadly, as I have mentioned this is going to be quite a lengthy process and I don’t really know where it leaves me…If this were not being explored then I would be getting discharged to the same very minimal support that I have had over the past x years, which has not been enough in the past.

So what now? Good question. Basically I have been told that I have to “prove” to the CCG that I am not just in need of an acute EDU admission and that the funding would not be going to waste…this means that I have to show that I can maintain my weight in the community (or gain if possible) as if I were to relapse they would likely just say that I need an acute admission and refuse the funding, leaving me back at square one.

This admission was never going to be a long one, I knew that, but part of me was hoping for a bit longer…I suppose it has brought to the surface the necessity for a different approach to be explored, which I hope means something. Basically my admission can’t be extended, that has been made clear, and I now have a discharge date for two weeks time…with little to no idea of time length beyond that in regards to this talk of residential.

I honestly don’t know what to think or how to feel right now, I really don’t. Part of me thinks that they are making a big fuss over nothing and that there is no way that I will get funding as there are so many people out there with far worse scenarios than mine who need it more. At least I have a home to go to, I know there are many people who dont, so I should really just suck it up and try and do what I can at home with the support that I have.

I have no idea what the residential would entail practically but I am worried that it could end up feeding into my eating disorder even more? I know the reason for the admission would be to help me build a life beyond anorexia, but surely being stuck in a place like that almost reinforces that identity? I dont know, I am very confused about everything right now :(

Short term plan: I have an appointment set up with the ED nurse I am to see in the community for Monday morning and have been given a bit of extra leave this weekend to make it possible for me to attend. When I return to the ward on Monday afternoon I will be moving onto transition and have been promised that I will have a number of appointments with the dietitian over my last two weeks in order to create a realistic maintenance plan for when I go home (as well as trying to get my mum to attend an appointment with the two of us). I am also trying to get an appointment for my mum to come to a family therapy session (they have pretty much written off my dad as someone who can be supportive for a number of reasons which I do not want to go into right now) Being on transition hopefully will give me a bit of an opportunity to self-cater some meals and practice before I move back home for the foreseeable future.

It all feels very rushed and uncertain and I was not expecting to get this much leave this weekend so don’t really know what to do with myself but yeah I suppose this is where things are at. The ward has been quite a tricky environment so on the one hand I am glad to have some space, however Im also worried about it too.

I am sorry, I realise that this whole post probably comes across as extremely selfish and stupid - I wish I could shake myself/pull myself together and just do what I know I need to do but whywhywhy do I keep ending up back in the same place time and time again? I have tried so bloody hard over the past x years but it has never been enough….I do not want to end up being sent to a unit where I will spend months/my consultant briefly mentioned that admissions are usually between 1 and 2 years long…I really dont. but I dont know what else to do with myself when so many options have been explored. I am tired of it all, of everything. It is like I dont know where to turn anymore. Part of me feels like I am just getting palmed off from place to the next because no body knows what to do with me. sigh. I am sorry for throwing this pity party. I wish I had some more positive news to share with you all. I suppose yes I have made some progress since I was admitted. I have gained weight. I am no longer in as much danger as I was. I have had to face a lot of changes in terms of routines, eating different foods, times, I can think a little clearer, I have more concentration etc. Things are just very hard at the moment and having everything in terms of my treatment thrown up in the air like this has made me feel even more unsettled and uncertain about everything. I have no idea what the next few weeks/months may hold so for now I am going to have to continue to take each day as it comes and see where it takes me. Sorry again for the ridiculous length of this post, you genuinely deserve a gold medal if you have stuck with me through this.

#personal #tw #tw just in case #long post #I am sorry for being so rubbish and not updating or posting much #things havent been very good #and I am struggling more than I care to admit #thank you for sticking by me though #you have no idea how much it means to me #sorry if this does not make sense

35 notes · View notes

seeking-sunshine-sea-happiness · 7 years ago

Text

11 ways to be a slightly better human

We are in a time where we all need a list. 7 reasons why your zodiac sign is the worst, 20 reasons why you suck at life, 13 ways to declutter your mess of a brain etc. We need these lists to have something to relate to, something to validate we aren't alone in this gigantic massive negative crumbling world. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. We all need answers to these problems we have within us. These problems we feel we need to protect, so we bottle them up and never share them. WHY? Because God forbid we share our worries or we might be judged or even worse (GASP) embarrassed that we are a disgusting human, walking around with our gross stinky feelings/emotions/thoughts. EW But really I need these lists too, because you see even as a nearing 30 year old (I know I am nearing grandmahood, grow up.) I still don't always have my crap together. In fact I don't know if I ever will and yeah thats certainly the most terriiying but also completely liberating thing. So here is my list on how to be a better human, how to open up, how to manage your time, how to communicate better, how to admit your'e wrong, and how to procrastinate efficiently. Basically this is my life on how to live each moment as your most authentic, mistake making, human living, open hearted self.

1. BE KIND.

We say it all the time. We share quotes about it. Man even Cinderella is on board with it, and Cinderella is amazing. Like seriously guys, genuinely smile at everyone you see, hold the door (ladies can do it too), acknowledge the homeless (wo)man on the corner even if you can't spare some change. Leave a note for a friend/coworker to brighten their day. Call your grandparents if you still can. Change someone's day with a simple act of just treating every single person how you want to treated. Not only does it require the smallest amount of effort, you might actually find that negative closed off armour melt away a little bit.

2. WORK HARD

Let's face it. NO one is going to do the work for us as much as we'd love that. Getting somewhere in life requires ultimate effort. Not just the bare minimum, but above and beyond, blood, sweat, and tears kind of effort. Believe me, its exhausting. But the pay off is worth it. If you're like me in the freelance/artist world, finding work can be a full time job. But when you get to work for yourself, all of that hard work is the ultimate reward, even if it doesn't always feel like it. Just put in some elbow grease and dont stop.

3. PRACTICE PATIENCE.

Success, love, finding yourself, money, etc. What do all of those things have in common? They require time to acquire and grow. We work hard and search endlessly to figure out how we can get these things but we never take the time to allow everything to play out how they should. Put in the effort in life necessary to grow our assets and let it all just happen. Stop for a moment each day and breathe. Reflect. Meditate. Slow down just a little bit and enjoy each moment for what its worth, instead of rushing to get to the finish line. Unless you have a deadline, then do that fast.

4. LET IT GO

There I said it. Let it go. LET IT GO. What exactly is the "IT"? It doesn't matter. Its the past. It is unchangeable. It is absolutely most certainly not going to define you unless you let it. You had a horrific breakup. You lost all your money gambling on a boat. You cheated on your spouse. You hurt someone's feelings. You didn't get the 1,000 auditions you went to. Your credit sucks. You failed the spelling bee? All these things are things we don't want to experience or shouldn't have done. But guess what? They happened and Y O U have the ability to pick yourself up, move on, and make the changes to get out of that funk. Do it. You'll feel amazing.

5. COMMUNICATION IS KING

Use your words. Sing them. Scream them. Write them down. But most importantly, get those words out in to the world. We all spend so much time complaining on the internet, or to our friends/family/whoever will listen about the most trivial stuff. Instead we should be talking to the people it pertains to. You don't like something your husband did? You were unfairly treated at work? You feel you're being taken advantage of? You didn't get paid what you were promised? Say something. If you do nothing. If you say nothing. Nothing will ever ever ever ever change. Communucating with one another can seriously change the world.

6. SHARE YOUR SUCCESSES (with no expectations of return)

Many many moons ago when I first started modeling, I didn't have any one to guide me. I didn't have a single person to tell me if something was a scam, or that I shouldn't pay for this or that, don't cut your hair, learn how to dress, what is in a model bag? The internet wasn't really a tool at the time. We barely used emails for bookings. Anyways. It's been my vow and I've felt my duty to mentor/guide/pass on the torch to others when I can. Sharing is literally one of the best things we can do for ourselves and others. Not only does it make you feel good to help someone else out, you are also giving someone else a chance to have a great experience.

What do I mean by sharing your successes?

Example: I can't make a particulr modeling job on Sunday (true story) so I reached out to my network of models and passed on the amazing opportunity to someone else.

Moral of the story. Stop being so competitve and afraid that another model (person) might take your client. If you are good at what you do, people will always remember you. They will remember your hard work, your kindness, your ability to share, and eventually maybe just maybe you'll refer enough people they'll start paying you for it? (Hey its happened to me a few times)

7. DROP YOUR EGO (sort of)

Okay. EGO isn't all bad. We all need to believe in ourselves fully. So.....don't drop your ego completely. DO allow yourself to be more open. I believe that many opportunities are missed because we think we are "too good" for something. We all want to hold ourselves very high, because we think we are better than something. We think because we made this much money doing this job that we should always continue to make that much and never less, or we've worked this job so we can't be seen doing something we consider beneath it. STOP THAT RIGHT NOW. Yes. We do need to have standards. We do need to demand that we get paid what we are worth. We do have to make sure we are not being taken advantage of. BUT what I have learned is that you can never judge an opportunity because you never know what it might turn into.

8. STOP COMPARING YOURSELF

Nobody is perfect, I repeat, NO LIVING HUMAN IS PERFECT. Although we are all pretty guilty of this on the daily reg. BUT just stop it. We are our worst critics, but it isn't our place to judge others or compare ourselves to others. Look within yourself, if you do not like what you see, change it. But stop tearing yourself down trying to be someone else. Your successes, your path, your journey, your life. That is all you. You will never anyone other than you, so embrace that fully. Be you and be proud.

9. BE PRESENT

GET OFF YOUR CELL PHONES. It's rude. It's boring. I've fallen into the habit of getting so annoyed that people are on the phones ignoring the moment that I've just started being on mine, because I hate talking to thin air.

Nothing on any social media page will ever be as important as the conversation you are having with a real live friend, spouse, family member. I don't care how boring the conversation is, when you refuse to absorb the people in your presence, or the moment, you are refusing the have a normal open friendship/relationship with that person. So if you are having a nice dinner, leave your phone in your purse/pocket/car. Pay attention. The world is beautiful. Your phone can't hold you at night.

10. CREATE YOUR OWN HAPPINESS

You are completely responsible for your own happiness. You need to get your life in order, pave your own way, make your own money, have your own individual successes, learn to cook for yourself, whatever. You need to be your own individual. It should never ever be up to another person to make you happy.

INSTEAD- You should be with a person or people or friends who enhance your existence. Who have their own game going and can run alongside you and share happiness. Right? Happiness is shared. And if that isn't the case, run as far away from the negativity that is bringing you down son!

*Side note- happiness isn't constant ok? Like get a grip. Its work, just like everything else. So if sometimes you have a day where you aren't super happy, its not the end of the world. Promise. Go pet some puppies, sip a latte or unicorn frapp if you have that fat heart, and sleep on it.

11. TAKE A LEAP OF FAITH

YES! Do something bold, something that you know deep down you want to do. Something you maybe always dreamed of. If you can look deep inside your soul and say, if I do this I will be with the person of my dreams, I can live in a place I've never lived, I can change my life, I can live a little differently, DO IT. It might be scary. It might be the biggest uncertainity ever. It might not even be anything you ever expected. And it might not even work out. But if you don't do it, you will spend your life wondering what if?

As Eminem once nobaly said:

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity To seize everything you ever wanted, in one moment Would you capture it or just let it slip?

If you don't take a leap of faith at least once in your life, to do something that might change your life forever, why not take it? I did. And I literally woulnd't change it for the world. <3

#tips #strategies & tips #11 ways #beautiful #motivation

2 notes · View notes

datingadviceonreddit · 7 years ago

Link

This is the most selfish thing I’ve ever written.A few weeks ago, I was driving my car and I realized that the driver seat seemed a little low compared to the rest of the car. Was my seat crooked? No, the seat was fine. Suddenly, I felt a pit in my stomach. I got out of the car and hoped that it wasn’t what I thought that it was.It was. The tire went flat. Welp.To make things worse, it was below freezing outside and I had not put on nearly enough layers to keep myself warm. Double welp.With no other options, I rolled up my sleeves and got to work. However, it turned out that the lug nuts were frozen in place and could not be easily removed. That’s how I found myself stuck on the side of the road with a flat in subzero temperatures. Triple welp.My reaction? I ain't even mad.I’m a calm and gentle person by nature and it takes a lot to get me angry. So, when something does get me ticked off then you better believe it’s a big thing.This ticks me off. Buckle up because it’s about to get real.Recently I came across a post on Reddit where the poster asked “How much of the Red Pill is true?” and “Do women really respond to this quite well? Which type of women? All of them? I'm actually now scared to continue dating this girl now because I feel like eventually I'll be the boring guy she is dating and she'll cheat on me eventually with the Red Pill guy. The rock hard built guy who has lots of friends and social dominance.”Ugh! It ticks me off that The Red Pill exists!!What is The Red Pill?If you don’t know what The Red Pill is then consider yourself lucky. I hope you hang on to your innocence for as long as you can.Okay, okay. I get sarcastic and I start swearing when I’m angry but I’ll try to put that aside for the sake of writing a coherent article. No promises, though!The Red Pill is a subreddit on the Reddit internet forums that purports to be about “Discussion of sexual strategy in a culture increasingly lacking a positive identity for men”. In reality, it’s ridden with misogyny and sleazy tactics that are utterly disrespectful to women.An actual post on the subreddit is called “7 Tips on keeping a Plate”. They don’t even recognize women as human beings. They refer to women as “plates”. FUCKING PLATES! And it’s got OVER 100 UPVOTES!!Here’s a few examples of what they preach:They teach “dread game” or making your girlfriend fear that you’re about to break up with her in order to make her do what you want her to doWomen are hypergamous and that they instinctually seek out the best Alpha male available, even if that means leaving the man that they are currently dating (or are married to)Alphas make up 20% of the male population and have sex with 80% of womenIf a woman is hesitant about having sex then you need to push past her “last minute resistance”They believe that “All Women Are Like That” and that she’ll constantly throw “shit tests” at you to determine how much of an Alpha you really areAbout that last bullet. According to The Red Pill, if she says: “I’m mad at you!” then it’s a shit test. The incorrect or Beta response (apparently) is to ask her what’s wrong or how you can make it better. Supposedly, the correct or Alpha response is to say something like “Good”, “I like you better mad”, or “That’s too bad. Frowning causes wrinkles.”Does that sound like a bunch of nonsense to you? If so, that’s a good thing because it means you’re a decent human being. Common sense tells us that a lot of their ideas are wrong, that dread game is a scummy tactic, that women can’t be blanket generalized as hypergamous, and that shit tests are idiotic.The truth about “Alpha” and “Beta”According to The Red Pill, the “Alphas” form 20% of the men and they get to have sex with 80% of the women. This is commonly referred to as “Alpha Fucks/Beta Bucks” by random weirdos on the internet who have no formal education in human behavior and yet who claim to understand women better than women understand themselves. If you pass her “shit tests” then you can prove yourself an alpha but if you fail then you’re a beta.The Red Pill claims that this is how wolves behave in nature. The Alpha wolf is the leader of his pack and has the first choice of female wolves to choose from, while the Betas get his leftovers. They use this to justify acting like a jerk in real life because that’s supposedly how Alphas behave.That’s also wrong.Alpha and Beta don’t even exist in nature. The terms alpha and beta were first popularized in part by Dr. David L. Mech in 1970 based on his observations of wolves—in captivity. However, in 1999 he realized that wolves don’t naturally behave that way without human intervention and has since renounced the concept of alpha and beta. That’s right, The Red Pill is based on concepts that have been disproven for almost 20 years!Why do this, then? Why use the terms alpha and beta when they’ve been demonstrated to be false? What’s really going on is that alpha and beta are used as a recruitment strategy. It forms a sort of club, and anyone who is a part of their in-crowd is labeled an “Alpha” and anyone who isn’t is labeled a “Beta”. The people who have swallowed The Red Pill and accepted the alternative facts as objective facts become their own clique, like the way that the jocks or cheerleaders or nerds form their own groups in high school.After all, you don’t want to be a beta do you? You don’t want to lose your woman to one of the alphas who are having sex with 80% of the women right??Forming their own clique allows them to rationalize away any logical argument against their ideology. If someone tells them that alpha and beta don’t actually exist in nature, they can just say “Oh, don’t listen to what he’s saying. He’s just a beta.”It provides a way for blame someone else for your problemsAs Dale Carnegie writes in How to Win Friends and Influence People, the infamous gangster Al Capone never thought himself guilty but instead saw himself as an unfairly persecuted man who only wanted to help others. When we fail at something, one of the hardest things we can possibly do is to take an honest look at ourselves and try to identify what we did wrong. It’s much, much easier to find someone or something else to blame for our shortcomings.That guy who was my classmate in school and is now getting paid more than I am? He’s just a brown-nosing suck-up. I’m having trouble getting a date? It’s because I’m short and/or Asian. My friends keep beating me in Mario Party? They’re just lucky. As the Joker said in The Lego Batman Movie, “I’m not your worst enemy. Your worst enemy is you.”(On second thought, that one about Mario Party might actually be true...)This kind of sleazy advice is prevalent because it offers men who are struggling with women an alternative explanation to why they aren’t having success with women. Some men struggle with women because they’re socially awkward, or they’re not presenting themselves well, or they have a negative attitude that women find unattractive. That’s a tough pill to swallow.An easier pill to swallow is to simply blame other people for your failures. It’s much easier for them to blame feminism, or to claim that women don’t like nice guys, or to say that women are all irrational creatures and that’s why they can’t get a girlfriend. It doesn’t matter to them whether or not that’s actually true. The Red Pill offers them the dark promise of being able to get success with women without having to take that hard look at yourself and admit that you may be doing something wrong. The cost of admission is that you become a terrible person in the process. You sell your soul to the devil.The price you pay for following The Red PillOkay, let’s get right to the Million Dollar Question. Does The Red Pill work?It “works” in that you might be able to get a woman to stay with you in the short term. But after that you’ll begin to wonder why all of your relationships feel so unfulfilling.The Red Pill is flat out emotional abuse. If you’re seeing a woman and you start to use dread game, she might wonder why you’ve suddenly started to act all cold and distant. She’ll wonder, “Is something the matter? What’s bothering you?”The Red Pill will tell you that this is a shit test. Don’t fall for it. Hold your frame. Keep doing what you’re doing so that she’ll recognize you as an alpha and not a beta.Maybe she’ll try harder to make you happy. Not because she’s trying to trick you but because she’s genuinely trying to make you feel better. “What’s gotten into you?” she thinks. To you, it looks like The Red Pill is working. But every dread game you play cuts her emotionally. She can’t feel the warmth or the secure, trusting bond that comes with a healthy relationship because you’re too busy waging psychological warfare with her. She may stick around for a period of time, hoping that you see the light and stop playing games with her.But you don’t, because The Red Pill tells you not to look like a beta. And eventually she’ll get fed up and leave. Maybe not today. Maybe in a matter of weeks, or months, or even years. But she cannot be happy in such a relationship and every game you play just pushes her that much farther out the door.You turn to The Red Pill forum. You post about your experience. Are the other guys there going to think for a while and say to themselves “Maybe this Red Pill isn’t working after all?” Nope. Instead, they’ll encourage you to double down on your beliefs!“All Women Are Like That. AWALT,” they’ll tell you. “She fell in love with Chad.” You weren’t alpha enough, so she left you for someone who was. And you buy even deeper into The Red Pill philosophy in order to make yourself more alpha, unwilling to face the fact that it was The Red Pill that messed you up in the first place.“The Red Pill is just incomplete! You can just take the good and leave the bad!”*sigh* Here’s where I really get ticked off…This is something I’ve heard from people defending The Red Pill. The Red Pill is not bad, they say. It’s just incomplete. You can just take whatever good advice you find there and ignore the misogynist parts.Here’s the thing, though…NO OTHER SELF-HELP LITERATURE REQUIRES YOU TO DO THIS!! If you’re reading Models by Mark Manson or* Mate by Tucker Max or The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Peopl*e by the late Stephen Covey, you don’t have to filter out the misogynist parts to only try and find the good parts. All of it is good advice! None of it is misogyny!!Also, how are you supposed to filter out the bad stuff in the first place if you’re inexperienced and you don’t know anything about dating? You need to already be knowledgeable about dating in order cherry-pick the good gems of advice out of the bad stuff. But that’s why you were looking for advice in the first place…because you weren’t knowledgeable about dating yet and you wanted to be! How are you supposed to pick out the good advice from the bad if you don’t already know what the good advice is!?!Finally, the people you surround yourself with influence your perception of reality. Even when you don’t think it does. In a 2005 experiment conducted by Gregory Berns of Emory University, volunteers played a game where they were shown two different objects on a computer screen and asked to decide whether the first object could be rotated to match the second. When played alone, the volunteers were incorrect only 13.8 percent of the time. But, when played with a group of other people—who were actually actors instructed to unanimously give the wrong answers—the volunteers were incorrect 41 percent of the time.Here’s the kicker. Were the volunteers consciously giving the wrong answer to fit in with the group? Or, did the group’s opinion actually change the way they saw the shapes? We know the answer, because the volunteers had MRI scans as they were doing the activity. The volunteers weren’t consciously trying to fit in with the group.The volunteers gave the wrong answers because the group’s opinion changed their perception of reality!The people you surround yourself with influence the way you see the world. Many of us think we’re immune to marketing, even as we are unconsciously influenced by it. If you swallow The Red Pill thinking you’re smart enough to just ignore the misogyny, guess again. That’s when it really gets you.“But I used The Red Pill and it helped me!”That might be true. If you have used The Red Pill and accomplished some sort of self-improvement, congratulations. I mean that. There’s no need for me to belittle your accomplishment in any way.I will admit The Red Pill does have some good gems of advice. Abundance mentality. Not putting women on a pedestal. Working out and being healthy. All good pieces of advice to follow.Here’s the thing about taking advice from The Red Pill, though. All of those good gems of advice are buried under mountains and mountains of misogyny. And if you’ve successfully applied advice from The Red Pill to better your dating life, then you could have gone to any other place that offers dating advice and gotten those same gems, but without all of the woman-hating.Seriously, go read something like Models by Mark Manson or How to Win Friends and Influence People by the late Dale Carnegie.“There will always be people being extreme or callous but why the charge against the actual philosophy? It's like hating the whole of Islam because of the actions of a small sub-group.”Finally, I’m sure some people will think I’m being too harsh with The Red Pill as a whole. That it’s not worth dismissing the entire philosophy just because some of its follows have decided to be all misogynistic and women-hating.And to that I have to say…It refers to women as "bitches" ON THE FUCKING SIDEBAR!!*sigh*Alright, alright. Calm down u/QuietlyRomantic.Is it too optimistic for me to believe that the 2,400 words I’ve written above are going to convince anyone to spit out The Red Pill? Probably. Red Pillers have an amazing capacity to ignore logic, even though they claim that women are the illogical ones.No, I don’t honest believe that any of this is going to convert any Red Pill followers away from the cult.When I was little, I used to be afraid of many things that my adult self would think was silly today. I used to be afraid of the dark. Of monsters hiding in my closet. Of that freaking piano guarding the red coin in Big Boo’s Haunt and that giant eel in Jolly Roger Bay.Today, the things that scare me are different. What scares me is the idea that a well-meaning gentleman might stumble upon The Red Pill. Perhaps he doesn’t have a lot of dating experience. Or maybe he’s been burned a few times in the past by women who didn’t respect him. So he goes looking for dating advice. And he comes across The Red Pill.It makes him feel uncomfortable at first. “Is this really true?” he wonders. He doesn’t feel too good about the advice, but he doesn’t have that frame of reference to dispute the things he’s reading. He doesn’t have enough experience to argue against what they’re saying. So he tries to implement what he comes across. And it seems to work, at first. He gets more dates. More women going out with him. He feels a little better about himself. But his relationships are rocky and filled with drama. Has he started to become a jerk? An asshole? Should he start to reconsider his beliefs?“All Women Are Like That. AWALT,” The Red Pill tells him. They reassure him that it’s not his fault. That the reason for all his dating hardships is because women are little emotional creatures who are unable to use logic. They’re not even human beings. They’re “plates”. And at that crucial moment when he begins to reconsider the way he interacts with women, The Red Pill persuades him otherwise and instead encourages him to double down on his beliefs. To “alpha” even harder and stop being such a “beta”. Then she’ll get the tingles for him and do anything that he wants. And all of his problems will be solved. So he sinks even further into the cult and loses any shred of self-awareness, blaming women for his problems while simultaneously being the cause of them.To me, The Red Pill is complete and utter nonsense. And I hope that it’s nonsense to you as well. I didn’t write this article to convince any Red Pillers to leave their cult. I’m not that optimistic. Like I said before, I’ve written this post for selfish reasons.I wrote this on the off-chance that the well-meaning gentleman sees this post first. I want him to know that there’s an alternative to all that sleazy advice out there. Before he accidentally stumbles upon The Red Pill. Because that idea scares me. It keeps me up at night and makes it hard to fall asleep, knowing that this sort of misogynistic darkness exists. So maybe…just maybe…he’ll see this post first before he wanders off into The Red Pill.If you’re reading this, I want you to know that you NEVER take advice from The Red Pill. Ever.Maybe now I can fall asleep tonight.Anyway, thanks for reading! If you liked what I wrote here, why not check out my blog www.quietlyromantic.com where I write about dating advice specifically for introverted and highly sensitive gentlemen.Also, if you actually read all 3,000+ words of this post than you deserve a cookie! via /r/dating_advice

#dating #dating advice #reddit

0 notes

nickiswithoutidea · 8 years ago

Text

The Gender Tag, an update

1. How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that definition mean to you?

I’m a guy. I’ve known that for sure for a long time now, I just never had the courage to admit it to myself. I liked the label non-binary too, one because I had an excuse to stop thinkingt about how I really feel, and two because it made me feel safe. There were people who could just be non-binary and didn’t „have to decide“ between male or female, and that idea was honestly so comforting.

But yeah, time to stop lying to myself, I’m trans, I’m a man, and in the near future I want to start living my „real“ life by being perceived and treated as a man by other people too. I’m sick of self-doubting and wasting time hating myself.

I only said it out loud three times by now, but every time I did it was honestly so empowering and liberating and I’m starting to feel pride in being myself. I like how the word feels when I say it, I like thinking of myself as a guy, and I can’t wait to finally completely feel like myself.

2.What pronouns honor you?

Although my parents and sister know they still use she/her pronouns for me and though it doesn’t feel right at all we agreed on not changing pronouns to he/him or change my name until I start transitioning because my appearance, voice and behaviour crash with their image of a man and I don’t want to stress them out. It still sucks, though.

I’ve been telling some friends to try their best to avoid pronouns at all and instead use my name since I id'ed as non-binary and I’ll just keep it that way for now, which works a lot better for me than she/her.

In group chats for other trans* folks I already use he/him pronouns and it’s like the best feeling ever.

Online I’ve been using they/them for quite a while now, but I think I’ll put he/him in my blog description soon, just because I can and it makes me feel better.

3. Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.

I’m a jeans and t-shirt/sweatshirt person and usually wear dark colours, sometimes a button-down shirt and I love all kinds of jackets. What I own is mostly out of the men’s section, except for jeans, they just don’t fit me. I try to present either as masculine as I can without looking like a little boy or just kinda androgynous so that people that don’t know me at least don’t put me into the female box as soon as they see me. Skirts or dresses have long been eliminated from my closet.

I’m still very convinced that clothes don’t have a gender and everybody can wear what they want without having the clothes define their identity. And as soon as I start looking more like I’m supposed to I’ll work on my style, I’m actually really into fashion and I want to try out a lot of different aesthetics.

Right now I just don’t feel confident enough with my body, I rarely fit into regular men’s clothes and it’s always a disappointment when I try on something that looked great on the tall, very masculine cis male model and pretty terrible on super short, chubby me.

4.Talk about your choices with body hair. How do you style your hair? Do you have facial hair? Why do you choose to shave or choose not to shave?

I like my hair short, even shorter than my brother’s, shaved on the sides and longer on the top. My hairdresser calls it a unisex cut and he never complains about me having to still look female, and I honestly love him a little for that.

When I go out I put some wax into the top part to create the illusion of an actual hairstyle without having to actually style it properly because honestly, I have no idea how hair styling works.

My hair is very important to me and how I express myself, it makes me nervous when it grows out and looks like some weird pixie cut, so I get it cut regularly.

When I’m taking hormones and they start showing effects I’ll bleach my hair blonde, until then I’m too scared it’ll make me look even more feminine.

I don’t have any facial hair, yet. Beards are awesome.

My legs haven’t seen a razor in probably years, I avoid shorts and anything that requires hairless legs in order to not make people freak out and ask me about it.

Actually, I’ve never been bothered by my body hair at all, never felt an obligation to shave anything but my armpits in summer just because society expects some people to. I can’t wait until I can wear shorts in public without getting any weird looks though, jeans aren’t the best summer wear.

5. Talk about cosmetics. Do you choose to wear makeup? Do you paint your nails? What type of soaps and perfumes do you use if any?

I don’t wear make up, my skills are non existent and I envy everyone who has the patience to learn how to put it on well. But I do love a man in eyeliner and guys who rock lipstick and eyeshadow and everything else.

Make up is also a thing I wanna explore more when I’m taking hormones and my masculinity is official in documents so that people can’t take it away from me by calling me a girl.

Same thing with nail polish, lack of skills, admiration of people who posess those skills, and plans to try it out some time later in my transition.

Perfume isn’t my thing, especially not fruity and this seductive stuff that’s aimed at women.

As for shampoo and other cosmetics I just use whatever smells good to me. Sometimes I buy things that say „for men“ on it on purpose just for the feeling of using a product that’s expected to be used by a man, which is a bit silly but also makes me feel validated.

So, in conclusion, nothing has a gender until it says of itself so, and only the fear of not being taken seriously by a society controlled by the gender binary is stopping me from expressing myself freely.

6. Have you ever experieced being misgenderd, if so how often?

Well, nobody would believe me to be a cis guy if they saw or heard me, so yeah, being misgendered is my everyday life, but that’s not really something I can blame people for.

What I do take personally is that my family still doesn’t even try to stop using words like sister or daughter, my sister even started to misgender me more than she did before by using my full name (which barely anyone does), if intentionally or not.

It’s very hard for them to understand that I already am man, regardless of how my body looks like and what my papers say, instead of a woman that is going to be a man some time in the far away future. Sucks, but things like that take time.

7. Do you experience dysphoria? How does that affect you?

I do, it started years ago with mild body dysphoria, and now it’s grown into this mess of body and social dysphoria that heavily affects my life.

However, I didn’t start to really hate my body because of being trans or my weight or anything considering my appearance, it developed from how others treated me and what they expected me to be just from what I look like.

I never liked my big chest, not because it’s a big chest but because people, and especially my mother (which is so weird), commented on and talked about it. Today I can’t wait to finally, finally get top surgery and be free of these body parts people seem so focused on. I try to wear my binder outside as often as possible and love how it makes my body look just that little bit more like I want it to so badly.

For me social dysphoria can be worse than body dysphoria, there’s no way to casually correct pronouns or call myself a man without starting a discussion and making things awkward.

I feel forced to act more feminine, giggly and submissive than I actually am just so that people don’t think I’m a rude woman and stop liking me. And when people have this false image of me it’s even harder to convince them of my real gender. Gender roles suck. I’m not in the mood to apply for jobs and I don’t feel like making new friends outside the queer community, just because I’d have to use a name and gender that isn’t mine and act like the young woman everybody expects me to be. It’s exhausting and depressing.

8. Talk about children. Are you interested in having children? Would you want to carry a child if that were an option for you? Do you want to be the primary caretaker for any children you may have?

Since like forever I’ve been sure that I never want to be pregnant and carry a child, though I do would want children, if my future partner is okay with that.

As for now I really can’t say who will be taking care of it mostly, I’m just not in that situation right now, who knows, I think that depends on careers and income.

9. Talk about money. Is it important to you to provide for your family financially? Is it important for you that you earn more than any partner you may have? Do you prefer to pay for things like dates? Are you uncomfortable when others pay or offer to pay for you?

It’s stupid but sometimes I enjoy doing things that are considered to be „the man’s thing“ like opening doors and paying, for me it’s reassuring and one of the few ways I can fit into the stereotypical male gender role. I still think gender roles suck and people should be how they want to be, but you know, there’s something comforting about doing something that’s associated with the gender you identify with, no matter how cliché.

On the other side, I’m uncomfortable when people spent a bigger amount of money on me in general, no matter what gender they are or I am. For future dates I think I’ll stick with paying my part of the bill or taking turns in paying for smaller things like drinks or whatever.

Having more income than my partner isn’t what I’d put a lot of importance on, all I’m hoping for is that we’re financially stable, but those are all problems for the future and not now.

10. Anything else you want to share about your gender?

Nope! Pretty sure that’s it for now.

#don't mind me #gender tag #gender stuff #tag thing #nick babbles

0 notes

seeking-sunshine-sea-happiness · 7 years ago

Photo

11 Ways To Be A Slightly Better Human

We are in a time where we all need a list. 7 reasons why your zodiac sign is the worst, 20 reasons why you suck at life, 13 ways to declutter your mess of a brain etc. We need these lists to have something to relate to, something to validate we aren’t alone in this gigantic massive negative crumbling world. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. We all need answers to these problems we have within us. These problems we feel we need to protect, so we bottle them up and never share them. WHY? Because God forbid we share our worries or we might be judged or even worse (GASP) embarrassed that we are a disgusting human, walking around with our gross stinky feelings/emotions/thoughts. EW But really I need these lists too, because you see even as a nearing 30 year old (I know I am nearing grandmahood, grow up.) I still don’t always have my crap together. In fact I don’t know if I ever will and yeah thats certainly the most terriiying but also completely liberating thing. So here is my list on how to be a better human, how to open up, how to manage your time, how to communicate better, how to admit your'e wrong, and how to procrastinate efficiently. Basically this is my life on how to live each moment as your most authentic, mistake making, human living, open hearted self.

1. BE KIND.

We say it all the time. We share quotes about it. Man even Cinderella is on board with it, and Cinderella is amazing. Like seriously guys, genuinely smile at everyone you see, hold the door (ladies can do it too), acknowledge the homeless (wo)man on the corner even if you can’t spare some change. Leave a note for a friend/coworker to brighten their day. Call your grandparents if you still can. Change someone’s day with a simple act of just treating every single person how you want to treated. Not only does it require the smallest amount of effort, you might actually find that negative closed off armour melt away a little bit.

2. WORK HARD

Let’s face it. NO one is going to do the work for us as much as we’d love that. Getting somewhere in life requires ultimate effort. Not just the bare minimum, but above and beyond, blood, sweat, and tears kind of effort. Believe me, its exhausting. But the pay off is worth it. If you’re like me in the freelance/artist world, finding work can be a full time job. But when you get to work for yourself, all of that hard work is the ultimate reward, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. Just put in some elbow grease and dont stop.

3. PRACTICE PATIENCE.

4. LET IT GO

There I said it. Let it go. LET IT GO. What exactly is the “IT”? It doesn’t matter. Its the past. It is unchangeable. It is absolutely most certainly not going to define you unless you let it. You had a horrific breakup. You lost all your money gambling on a boat. You cheated on your spouse. You hurt someone’s feelings. You didn’t get the 1,000 auditions you went to. Your credit sucks. You failed the spelling bee? All these things are things we don’t want to experience or shouldn’t have done. But guess what? They happened and Y O U have the ability to pick yourself up, move on, and make the changes to get out of that funk. Do it. You’ll feel amazing.

5. COMMUNICATION IS KING

Use your words. Sing them. Scream them. Write them down. But most importantly, get those words out in to the world. We all spend so much time complaining on the internet, or to our friends/family/whoever will listen about the most trivial stuff. Instead we should be talking to the people it pertains to. You don’t like something your husband did? You were unfairly treated at work? You feel you’re being taken advantage of? You didn’t get paid what you were promised? Say something. If you do nothing. If you say nothing. Nothing will ever ever ever ever change. Communucating with one another can seriously change the world.

6. SHARE YOUR SUCCESSES (with no expectations of return)

Many many moons ago when I first started modeling, I didn’t have any one to guide me. I didn’t have a single person to tell me if something was a scam, or that I shouldn’t pay for this or that, don’t cut your hair, learn how to dress, what is in a model bag? The internet wasn’t really a tool at the time. We barely used emails for bookings. Anyways. It’s been my vow and I’ve felt my duty to mentor/guide/pass on the torch to others when I can. Sharing is literally one of the best things we can do for ourselves and others. Not only does it make you feel good to help someone else out, you are also giving someone else a chance to have a great experience.

What do I mean by sharing your successes?

Example: I can’t make a particulr modeling job on Sunday (true story) so I reached out to my network of models and passed on the amazing opportunity to someone else.

Moral of the story. Stop being so competitve and afraid that another model (person) might take your client. If you are good at what you do, people will always remember you. They will remember your hard work, your kindness, your ability to share, and eventually maybe just maybe you’ll refer enough people they’ll start paying you for it? (Hey its happened to me a few times)

7. DROP YOUR EGO (sort of)

Okay. EGO isn’t all bad. We all need to believe in ourselves fully. So…..don’t drop your ego completely. DO allow yourself to be more open. I believe that many opportunities are missed because we think we are “too good” for something. We all want to hold ourselves very high, because we think we are better than something. We think because we made this much money doing this job that we should always continue to make that much and never less, or we’ve worked this job so we can’t be seen doing something we consider beneath it. STOP THAT RIGHT NOW. Yes. We do need to have standards. We do need to demand that we get paid what we are worth. We do have to make sure we are not being taken advantage of. BUT what I have learned is that you can never judge an opportunity because you never know what it might turn into.

8. STOP COMPARING YOURSELF

Nobody is perfect, I repeat, NO LIVING HUMAN IS PERFECT. Although we are all pretty guilty of this on the daily reg. BUT just stop it. We are our worst critics, but it isn’t our place to judge others or compare ourselves to others. Look within yourself, if you do not like what you see, change it. But stop tearing yourself down trying to be someone else. Your successes, your path, your journey, your life. That is all you. You will never anyone other than you, so embrace that fully. Be you and be proud.

9. BE PRESENT

GET OFF YOUR CELL PHONES. It’s rude. It’s boring. I’ve fallen into the habit of getting so annoyed that people are on the phones ignoring the moment that I’ve just started being on mine, because I hate talking to thin air.

Nothing on any social media page will ever be as important as the conversation you are having with a real live friend, spouse, family member. I don’t care how boring the conversation is, when you refuse to absorb the people in your presence, or the moment, you are refusing the have a normal open friendship/relationship with that person. So if you are having a nice dinner, leave your phone in your purse/pocket/car. Pay attention. The world is beautiful. Your phone can’t hold you at night.

10. CREATE YOUR OWN HAPPINESS

INSTEAD- You should be with a person or people or friends who enhance your existence. Who have their own game going and can run alongside you and share happiness. Right? Happiness is shared. And if that isn’t the case, run as far away from the negativity that is bringing you down son!

*Side note- happiness isn’t constant ok? Like get a grip. Its work, just like everything else. So if sometimes you have a day where you aren’t super happy, its not the end of the world. Promise. Go pet some puppies, sip a latte or unicorn frapp if you have that fat heart, and sleep on it.

11. TAKE A LEAP OF FAITH

YES! Do something bold, something that you know deep down you want to do. Something you maybe always dreamed of. If you can look deep inside your soul and say, if I do this I will be with the person of my dreams, I can live in a place I’ve never lived, I can change my life, I can live a little differently, DO IT. It might be scary. It might be the biggest uncertainity ever. It might not even be anything you ever expected. And it might not even work out. But if you don’t do it, you will spend your life wondering what if?

As Eminem once nobaly said:

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity To seize everything you ever wanted, in one moment Would you capture it or just let it slip?

If you don’t take a leap of faith at least once in your life, to do something that might change your life forever, why not take it? I did. And I literally woulnd’t change it for the world. <3

#chattanooga #lookoutmountain #eminem #motivation #self improvement #self love #selfless #leap of faith

1 note · View note