#You can see the exact moment Dazai decide he also want kids

[damianito]

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[bafvkun]

A few month ago I did an analysis of two VERY important scenes for Dazai’s development and grief of Oda but also for Dazai and Atsushi’s relationship that is far more important than this fandom seems to realize so I’ll share it with y’all today <3

So the scenes are from Dead Apple, the first one is more than a famous scene but I feel like so many people just miss the real meaning behind it.

In this scene Dazai is at Oda’s grave, like he seems to often do, it’s just a matter of facts, and Atsushi come to see him because Kunikida wanted him to come to the next meeting, anyway.

Atsushi points out the fact that Dazai is « visiting a grave » and it seems to make Dazai tick, and he ends up even pointing it out as a question.

In fact the reason why Dazai asks this seemingly obvious question but shows surprise in his reaction to Atsushi's answer is because to him he isn't visiting a grave in an act of grieving but he is visiting an old friend of his.

At this moment of the story he probably still didn't acknowledge Oda's death and didn't ever properly grieve him during the past four years but Atsushi being very honest and answering so bluntly made him finally realize that yes, Odasaku is now a part of his past and he needs to move on.

To me this scene just show’s how Atsushi’s innocence is more than beneficial to Dazai, he helps him see things under angles he would have never thought of, and Atsushi being just so naturally honest he know he would never lie to him, just like talking to a kid.

Without this simple yet absolutely necessary moment Dazai would have probably never moved on ever from what happened with Odasaku, never truly acknowledging his death and continuing on visiting a friend rather than the grave of a friend.

But then, this scene leads to the second that is even more meaningful, but you can only grasp it if you know what I just explained.

A little later in the movie dazai goes to the Lupin, we all know this bar is deeply linked to the dark era and to Odasaku in general, it was the place they saw each other the most.

He went there seemingly only to drink a whiskey and take the pill that will have its importance later in the movie. But he in fact does it in an act of real grief. He could have taken the pill anywhere else but he decided to go there and it holds such a deep importance for him.

Atsushi opened Dazai’s eyes on the fact that he never grieved Odasaku and so that’s exactly what he does there.

It’s also so terribly meaningful because Dazai knows that he could die during the operation, his survival being only based on his trust for Chuuya, but it’s a talk for another time.

What is important is his acknowledgment of a potential death, he came here knowing that it could be his last. For a moment he reminisces one important memory for him and Odasaku, and even for the movie in itself but this again can be analyzed on its own.

After taking the pill he gets up and finally says one last goodbye to Odasaku, without any doubt the most important of his life, meaning that now he is a part of his past and he is moving on from this moment of his life after sharing one last drink with his memory.

You can also notice that dazai sat at the exact same spot he used to sit on during the dark era and Oda’s glass is also in front of his own sit.

He will later on never come back to the Lupin.

That’s it pookies !! Dazai’s grieving of Odasaku has always been so fascinating to me, the four years of denial before acknowledging the fact thanks to a young boy that didn’t even met grief yet, everything about all this is beautiful to me and certainly not talked about enough.

Thank you for reading and have a nice one !

[ticklygiggles]

Height matters | Soukoku

A/N: I haven’t read nor watched Bungou Stray Dogs in ages! And I haven’t seen dead Apple yet either, but I hope you all enjoy this fic! Thank you for requesting and I'm sorry for the long wait!

Summary: there's an embarrassing situation, a slightly guilty Dazai and Chuuya can't express love very well.

Very light mentions of death, but nothing too intense.

18. “I’m pretty sure they didn’t mean that.” (Now that I think about it, this sentence can have a lot of meanings…)

Words: 1k+

“I’m pretty sure they didn’t mean that, Chuu-Chan,” Dazai tries to comfort his boyfriend, patting his head and rubbing his back softly, however, at his words, Chuuya simply whines, his face burying deep into Dazai’s chest and his arms wrapping tightly around his middle. “Since when do you mind what kids say about you?”

“Since they called me short in front of everyone at the market,” Chuuya whines again. “This is all your fault!”

Dazai chuckles, but doesn’t say anything back. It is, somehow, his fault: Chuuya had told him yesterday afternoon that they were out of eggs for breakfast and Dazai promised, (he promised), to stop by the market before coming back home.

Of course, he didn’t. So Chuuya had to wake up earlier that day and damn his way out of the apartment to the market because, apparently, ’it was his turn to go and get eggs’, in that exact moment his nightmare started.

At the market, when Chuuya was, in fact, not trying to get anything from the higher shelves, but, actually, from the lower ones, three kids suddenly appeared and gathered around him, lifting their chubby and filthy little fingers to point at him, screaming ‘short, short, short, short!’, over and over again. Chuuya was beyond surprised, his eyes widening and his cheeks flushing bright red in embarrassment when some people started to look over at the scene.

He cringed at the memory. It was an awful experience. All thanks to Dazai.

“What did you do to them?” Dazai asks, his hand scratching Chuuya’s back, making him shiver.

“I hit them in the head!” Chuuya’s voice is muffled against Dazai’s chest. “I got bullied by random kids just because you didn’t want to go and buy damn eggs!”

Dazai whined when he felt a punch on his back, his arms tightening around Chuuya. “I really am sorry, Chuuya.”

“I know you are not, you always laugh at my height, anyways!” Dazai chuckles, shaking his head. “You see?!” Dazai growls as he receives another punch in his back. “You are the worst.”

“I’m not! I haven’t made fun of your height in ages! I promise-

"No, you can’t make promises anymore!” Chuuya pushes himself out of Dazai’s embrace, but Dazai quickly hugs him back, tightly, dipping his head between Chuuya’s neck and shoulder. “Let go! Let go!”

“No, until you forgive me,” Dazai mumbles against Chuuya’s skin.

“You bastard, I will never! I was humiliated by kids! I hate you so m- don’t you fucking dare,” Chuuya warns through clenched teeth when he feels a flutter of fingers against the curve of his waist, making him jump in Dazai’s embrace and jerk to the side.

“Forgive me, Chuu-chan,” Dazai whines, lifting his face from Chuuya’s neck and smiling when he notices Chuuya’s flushed cheekbones.

Dazai doesn’t fail to also notice a playful glint twinkling in Chuuya’s eyes and he knows he’s not as angry as he claims to be, after all, Chuuya couldn’t care less about what other people think about him, especially not some random kids making fun of him in a market, from all places.

So, why was he being a whiny little baby?

“Please?”

“Hell no.” Dazai sees it: that tiny little smirk tugging at the corner of Chuuya’s mouth. Chuuya is being a whiny little baby because he wants Dazai’s attention.

Now, this does not happen often. In fact, Dazai can’t remember the last time Chuuya acted this way around him. He’s always pushing him away when Dazai wants to kiss him or cuddle him, but there are times, very rare times, where Chuuya really needs to feel that Dazai is there for him.

Maybe Chuuya doesn’t give a fuck about what other people think about him, but when it comes to Dazai, then he’s extremely insecure. Scared of losing Dazai for matters such his height and the fact that every single day of their lives is full of danger. One of them, (sometimes he wishes both of them), could die and just vanish from this world.

Chuuya is sure he couldn’t take the pain of being without his partner, so he tries to just not fall more deeply in love with him, but it’s impossible. He’s already so drunk in love that he chooses to act hostile towards his lover and push him away when he tries to initiate affection, but guilt eats him inside everytime and he starts to think that Dazai will grow tired of him and his lack of demonstration of love.

It is a cycle that drives Chuuya crazy until he can’t take it anymore and he starts to act this way: wanting Dazai’s attention even when he knows his lover thinks of the most stupid ways to show attention, as tickling.

It’s a relieve, however, when Dazai actually gives him what he’s looking for; that’s how he knows they’re okay. That’s how he knows Dazai still loves him and that he’s not tired of him yet. Just not yet.

“Okay, you asked for it.” Dazai shrugs and his hand reaches down to cup Chuuya’s waist, giving it a firm squeeze.

Chuuya jumps and lets out a bark of laughter, his hand catching Dazai’s wrist and pushing at it softly. “Fuhuhuck off!”

“Fuck off? But you are enjoying yourself so much already, Chuu-chan!” Dazai wiggles his eyebrows seeing Chuuya’s cheeks blush deeply. “Say you are enjoying yourself and I’ll 'fuck off’”

“Never!” Chuuya pushes himself off Dazai’s embrace and runs out of the kitchen towards the messy living room, almost dying when his foot slipped with a cushion.

“Chuuya!” Chuuya squeaks when Dazai appears in the living room, as well. His hands up in the air, wiggling fingers, making a warm sensation spread inside Chuuya’s belly and his mouth tremble in a nervous smile. “Chuuya, I’ll give you one more chance,” he warns, slowy approaching to Chuuya as he backs away. “Say you are enjoying yourself and I’ll let you be.”

Chuuya shakes his head, squeaking when his back finally touches the door, Dazai cornering him right away. “I will never!”

So stubborn.

“Ah, that was the answer I wanted to hear.” Dazai smirks and he presses his body against Chuuya’s, making him laugh as he desperately tries to get a hold of Dazai’s hands, wanting to get a hold of Chuuya’s sides. “Stop resisting!”

“Are you insa- ah! Fuck! Ahahahaha, no!” Chuuya starts to squirm immediately, trying to push Dazai away as he squeezes the length of Chuuya’s sides, lingering on the spots that make him jump and shriek with laughter.

“What? Do you want me to stop already? I’m just starting!” Chuuya shakes his head, trying to grab those hands making him laugh uncontrollably. “Nuh-uh, Chuuya, you had your chance, you can’t stop me now. Now lift those arms for me, would you?”

Chuuya shakes his head no. “You ahahahare crahahazy! Why would I do thahahat?!”

“Okay,” Dazai says, shrugging his shoulders. “Whatever.” Chuuya presses himself against the door even more, gluing his arms to his sides, but Dazai easily worms his fingers between Chuuya's sides and arms until they’re wiggling on his armpits.

Loud laughter bubbles out of his mouth as those devious fingers tickle his armpits mercilessly. “Dahahahazai! Stop! Stahahahap!”

He slowly starts to slide down the door and Dazai gasps dramatically, “trying to escape?! I don’t think so!” However, in an opening, Chuuya is able to crawl away from Dazai, but not for too long, he quickly grabs him by the hips and drags him back, taking a seat on top of his butt. “You’re really gonna get it now, Chuuya.”

“No! No, plehehehease!” Dazai latches his hands onto Chuuya’s waist, squeezing the skin softly and making Chuuya cackle for real: his head thrown back as his fists bang the floor. “Dahahahazai! Dazai plehehease not thehehere! Not there!” He begs, tears of laughter filling his eyes and threatening to fall down his flushed cheeks.

“What is it, Chuuya? Are you a bit ticklish here in your waist?” Chuuya can barely talk as laughter keeps pushing its way out of his throat and his hands blindly look for Dazai’s. “Chuuya is so ticklish on his waist? Is this his worst spot?”

“Shut your fuhuhuhuhucking fahahahace!”

“Why? Do you get flustered?” Chuuya can hear the smirk on Dazai’s mouth, but he can’t do anything else but laugh until his lover decides to show mercy on him.

“Why ahahare you doing thihihis?!”

Dazai hums, “I don’t know anymore… because I love you?”

I love you too.

“Why thank you, Chuuya,” Chuuya cackles when Dazai claws at his waist. “I think this is, probably, the fourth time I have ever heard you say such things! I was starting to think that you didn’t love me at all!”

“I do! I do love you!” Chuuya shrieks through his laughter, totally forgetting the fact that he said what he said out loud.

“Do you, really?”

“I dohohoho! Stohohop, please!” Chuuya has finally go limp under Dazai, his laughter becoming wheezy and his body squirming weakly.

“Hmm, how much?”

“How muhuhuhuch stop? Completely!”

Dazai rolls his eyes, playfully. “Haha so funny. Die of laughter, then.”

“Ahahaha! Okay! Okahahay! A lot! I love you a frigging lot!”

“Am I the love of your life?”

“You ahahahare! Plehehehease, Dazai! I cahahahan’t!” Dazai stops right away, letting Chuuya catch his breath for a bit before he turns him over, straddling his hips.

Dazai feels a heat swirl on his cheeks looking at Chuuya’s face: flushed, teary, sweaty and even a bit snoty, however, a big smile is plastered on his face and his eyes are half-closed in almost bliss. He really steals Dazai’s breath away.

“I love you,” Chuuya suddenly says, once his breathing has calmed down. “I really do love you, you crazy suicidal bastard.” He pulls softly at Dazai’s clothes. “I love you, Dazai.”

“I love you too,” Dazai whispers against Chuuya’s lips before they kiss deeply. Chuuya wrapping his arms around Dazai’s neck and Dazai placing his hands on Chuuya’s hypersensitive waist, making him jerk and giggle in the kiss, but not breaking away.

Maybe Dazai will never get tired of him, after all. That’s something really nice to know.

[leonawriter]

In Weakness and in Strength

Also on AO3

Fandom: Bungo Stray Dogs

Characters: Dazai, Chuuya (No Pairings, or pre-relationship)

Notes: Shortly post-FIFTEEN

Summary: Chuuya, Dazai realises, still has a lot to learn about being in an organisation where you actually have to work with other people.

In other words, perhaps the Sheep might have seen Chuuya's weaknesses as something to hoard in order to be ready in case he turned on them, but no matter what their personal feelings were, that wasn't how things worked even in the mafia.

...

"...We're gonna need extra backup on that next mission Mori's putting us on," Dazai says, because they will. If they're going to be going up against that many armed men, then-

"A few guns against me aren't enough to put a dent in my stride, Dazai. You know that. Backup's just gonna get in the way unless they're just, waiting far enough out the way we don't have to worry about 'em."

He lowers the sheet of paper with the bare details of their next mission on it, that he'd been tapping a pencil against. Unsure if he could be any more unimpressed if he tried. 

"With the number of people we'll be up against? Don't be cocky, Chuuya. How many times have I said, you're strong, but you're not invincible." He pauses a moment at the belligerent face Chuuya's beginning to pull, and sighs. "If I know the exact number of bullets it'd take to get one past your guard because I interrogated one of the surviving GSS soldiers for any information they had on you, a new Port Mafia ability user, then we won't be the only ones who know. Acting like that's not the case won't do you any favours."

He turned his uncovered eye back from the ceiling to his new partner's face - because it might be that they'd only been on a couple of official missions so far, but Dazai knew how well they worked together, and more importantly, knew how Mori's mind worked - only to find him being regarded with the same fierce dislike as... that time. 

Which he couldn't say he minded. The problem was, he didn't understand why.

"You... you did that, behind my back, you-"

"If I'm going to be working with someone, I do expect to be informed of not only their strengths, but also their weaknesses, Chuuya. That's basic."

Which just got him a tch and Chuuya turning his head sharply away. Something had upset him, although Dazai couldn't tell what. Which irked him. Then again, surely it couldn't be as simple as-

"In case I become too dangerous to keep around, is that it?"

Dazai blinked, as everything slotted into place with an almost disappointing simplicity.

"Allies are expected to know of each other's strengths in order to compliment and support them and their weaknesses in order to cover each other's bases and make sure you're not going to get someone you're working with killed on the job, or botch the job up," he said, ticking points off in in his mind in a bored tone now that the mystery was solved. "If Chuuya can't protect himself against a rain of bullets plus one, then we send someone in there to make sure the last bullet doesn't hit."

Preferably, by taking them out well before they become a threat, was the unspoken addition there.

Chuuya was still staring at him, though he wasn't sure if the wide-eyed expression was any better or worse than the one where he looked like a rabid dog. Worse, he decided, because Chuuya looking like a rabid dog was something he could deal with, and knew how to react to.

"Careful there," Chuuya said, glancing at him again only briefly after turning away again, "you'll make it sound like you almost care."

Which just made Dazai roll his eyes.

"That's what I expect from my allies. If you're going to be my partner, I'll be expecting ten times more from you. I can't just know what your weaknesses are, I need to know everything about you. From the timing of your punches, to the pattern of your breathing." It wasn't as though he'd stand for any less, from his own personal dog. Then again, it also wasn't as though they weren't already beginning to adapt to each other. "I'll tell you what my weaknesses are, if you need me to. You can't have learned all of them by now."

"Huh?!"

"For one thing," Dazai said, having put the paper down fully now, actually ticking things off with his fingers instead of his mind, "my neck is really thick. Hanging won't work. As an extension of that, strangulation is bound to be more uncomfortable than effective. For another thing, I may hate pain, but that doesn't mean I can't work through it-"

"What're those supposed to be? They're not weaknesses? That's just you-"

"I have no idea what you're saying. Of course they are. My greatest weakness is the fact that I'm still alive. Because of that, all of the ways that suicide won't work, therefore, are weaknesses."

"That's so backwards I can't even figure out if you're trying to make sense here!" At least he was looking like he was back to normal, huffing about like the brat he was. "Besides, weren't you the one who said he'd give living a go, what're you even doing, still talking about suicide like that?"

Dazai hummed, picking the mission parameters back up, and began to resume his tapping as he thought through the rest of what they'd need. Extra men would only be the start of it. 

"Hm... a backup in case my first plan doesn't work? You never know. I do like to keep my options open, Chuuya."

"What- you aren't even listening to me anymore, are you, you bastard?"

He was, but it was much more fun to not let Chuuya in on that, and just let him get riled up by his own assumptions. Silently, he added another note to his mental list.

Thinks a lot of himself. Seems to think he can handle just about anything on his own, even with odds of survival even smaller than he is. Probably never learned how a real team works, thanks to sticking with a bunch of kids just making up the rules for themselves. 

Doesn't enjoy his actual weaknesses being known. His pen tapped again, after having been silent for a good long minute, unlike how rowdy Chuuya had started to get, now that he wasn't even answering him. Given what was revealed in that warehouse... he's got problems with his self-image.

All of which was understandable. Predictable, even.

And yet of course-

Trust issues.

The pencil tapped again. Given how he'd found Chuuya when he'd gone to pick him up, how Chuuya had needed to be treated for a wound caused by a knife coated in rat poison, that only made sense... especially given how Chuuya had seemed to trust those Sheep.

A momentary lapse has Dazai idly wondering just how much extra trouble it would have been to have accidentally signalled to the men under his command that they didn't need to spare the kids after all. Probably too much, given that Mori had made implications over how he'd wanted to see about recruiting some of the Sheep other than just Chuuya, once they'd scattered.

The pencil tapped once more.

Dazai found himself pondering the idea himself. If he found himself at the receiving end of a knife, from someone he trusted... then again, if it was him, then he likely would have seen it coming, and he would only still be there to see it through to the end, wouldn't he? Why else would he accept a knife, but to hope that it would be the last thing he ever felt?

Something as paralysing as that, too... he might not even feel a single thing, as death crept up on him. It wouldn't be such a bad way to go-

A sudden sharp pain in his cheek snaps him back to full awareness, and he's irritated, because of all the places Chuuya could have aimed, it just had to be the one place on his face other than his eye that was still healing. And he would get back at him for this if Chuuya had reopened the still healing injury there.

"First you lecture me on what makes a good partner, and now you're ignoring everything I'm saying - if anyone's the shitty partner here, it's you!"

He sighed. Again.

What a brat.