#You can like it im just pointing out the extreme hypocrisy when speaking between that and Ironwood

[stupidrant]

Im gonna be a little controversial and say another pointless Ragnarok quest outside of the Tyr one is Atreus’s Helheim quest im sorry yall 😭😭 It doesnt serve story outside of freeing garm. If I really think about it, Helheim feels like a last minute decision to “make up” for the deleted Sinmara quest (which wouldnt have done well anyways because of Atreus’ progression). I think people dont see it as such because people love to shit on Ironwood and Angrboda (serves as actual story) so much that they feel like they have to put them against Thrud and Helheim when its just a filler quest. And even though I cant completely blame Thrud for her “treacherous ex wife” comment because she’s been brainwashed, Im more annoyed Atreus didnt defend Freya in some way. Not even a “relax” ???? Ik that he didnt want to start any problems but dang

[jemmasimmons]

You Give Love a Bad Name

Hello @invaderhogtwopointohno! I’m your terrible Secret Valentine. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to post your fic on ao3 because it just kept failing on me, but I will make a new (much nicer) post once it’s updated on there. For now, I’ve included the first two chapters of your fic under the cut! 

I’m sorry it’s not done yet, but I promise I will have it finalized over the next week or two. My idea just totally got away from me, but I have a lot of fun things planned. I’m working on making it as good for you as possible, and I promise there’s a lot more interesting stuff to come. I hope you enjoy it! 

Summary: Jyn Erso, in desperate need of money, ropes her best friend and roommate, Bodhi Rook, into pretending to be her boyfriend for a psych study. Problems arise, however, when she clashes with Cassian Andor, the PhD student leading the study. As she and Cassian get to know one another better, can her ruse stand the test? Will she want it to?

Prologue

Bodhi let out a relieved sigh as he settled into his spot on the couch, comfortably stretching out and wrapping his fleece blanket around him. Inhaling the warm scent of his mac and cheese, he leaned back into the cushions and pulled his computer onto his lap.

He only had a few moments of solitude and quiet before Jyn burst through the door, in a total disarray as usual; but, her features bright with excitement, which was considerably more rare. He stiffened at the sight of that gleam in her eye and grasped his bowl just a little more tightly, watching as she hurriedly shed her jacket. That expression on her face never boded well for his peace of mind, and he was really looking forward to a quiet dinner and binging Netflix tonight.

Maybe she had an idea she was going to privately pursue, he thought to himself optimistically.

“You’ll never guess what I just found!” She exclaimed, and that’s when his gaze dropped to the bright orange flyer clutched in her hand.

“I feel we’ve discussed how pyramid schemes work, Jyn,” Bodhi said, getting more and more reluctant to hear about this flyer by the minute. He could already feel his food getting cold.

She didn’t even take the time to roll her eyes at him or wave her hand dismissively, instead striding over with exuberant energy—without taking her shoes off, Bodhi noted ruefully—and slamming the flyer down on the table in front of him.

Despite himself, he peered over to look at it, examining the text.

          PARTICIPATE IN A STUDY WITH YOUR ROMANTIC PARTNER!                                      ****** $50 FOR 75 MIN*******   You and your romantic partner must be able to attend weekly lab sessions for at least a semester on the Columbia University Morningside Campus together.                            You will be paid $50 each per session.

                                       FOR DETAILS, CONTACT                                      c.andor@psych.columbia.edu

Bodhi looked up at Jyn, still not really understanding why she was so excited about it. Jyn didn’t have a boyfriend. Or girlfriend. Or any being that could remotely be considered a romantic partner. Why would this be any use to her?

“Um, Jyn? I don’t get it,” he admitted.

“Look at the money!” Jyn continued enthusiastically. “Fifty dollars a pop for doing basically nothing.”

“Yeah, ok. But I feel like you’re missing a pretty important element for this study. Can you guess what I’m referring to?” he jabbed sarcastically. He knew she was in deeper than he expected when his comment didn’t even phase her.

“Am I, though?” she asked, staring at him, eyes twinkling.

It took him a second, but the moment it hit him he immediately shook his head vigorously. “Oh no.” He even moved back from the flyer as much as he could on the couch. “No, no, no. Gross!”

“Excuse you!” she huffed, straightening now and crossing her arms. “I’m not that repellant.”

“Yeah, but you’re like my sister,” Bodhi whined. “How the hell am I supposed to pretend to be your boyfriend? Besides, we’d be faking it. Pretty sure that’s not the point of a research study.”

“I don’t care,” Jyn said harshly, picking up the flyer. “I could use $50 a week. My job pays shit and I need it. You know I do,” she finished, her tone much more quiet and serious. “I’m sure you could use it too,” she added hastily.

Bodhi clenched his jaw, trying to relieve the pressure tightening his chest. Though she wasn’t saying it, he knew exactly what she was going to use the money for: hiring that private investigator that was here the other week when she thought he wasn’t home.

He knew it was a lost cause, trying to find her father. The last time Bodhi had seen Galen was a year or so before Jyn even tracked him down. Bodhi had tried to help her, but every trace of the man was gone. He clearly didn’t want to be found.

But, watching her stare at the flyer, her fingers twisting her necklace absent-mindedly as she did, he knew he couldn’t take the opportunity away from her. She was already barely making things work between her job and school. He knew Jyn barely had any hope as it was; it wouldn’t be right to tear that last shred away from her too.

“Ok, yeah, fine.” Bodhi sighed, wondering how much he was going to regret this later. “But, let’s make a plan. If we’re going to be rogues and rip off some unsuspecting psych student, I don’t want to be caught with my pants down.”

The way her face fell demonstrated that she had definitely not thought it through that far. Oh Jyn.

CHAPTER 1

 Jyn was sprinting up the steps out of the subway two at a time when her phone vibrated in her pocket.

don’t be late! It read. She could practically hear Bodhi’s irritation at her constant tardiness through the text. anyway, my intake went fine :) i stuck to our story. good luck!

Im not late!!! She replied, though she was already five minutes behind schedule. Im waiting in the room.

what does it look like?

Jyn practically growled as she began to text her indignant reply, sprinting across the Columbia University campus to the building. She would show him exactly what it looked like. Engrossed in her back and forth with Bodhi, she didn’t see some guy turning the corner, and she slammed into him headfirst.

Their bodies colliding painfully, and they both toppled to the ground, Jyn landing in a heap on top of him. A string of what she suspected were Spanish curses spilled out from underneath her. Turning her head towards the sound in her daze, she was suddenly face to face with a very irate—but very beautiful—man. Jyn flushed deeply, scrambling to her feet and offering him her hand to get up.

He didn’t take it, clambering up on his own. It was then, she noted with a wince, that she’d also upended his coffee all over his nice, white collar shirt.

“Won’t you watch where you’re going?” he demanded angrily, his accent thick.

Jyn, who’d been ready to apologize, became extremely agitated instead. Who the hell did he think he was?

“And you were clearly paying a lot of fucking attention to where you were going, asshole!” she fired back, one of her hands balling into a fist instinctively. “Nice little bit of hypocrisy there.”

His eyes were wide with shock and anger. He opened his mouth to retort something, but clearly thinking better of it, turned away from her and stalked off, muttering under his breath.

Jyn felt a pang of guilt, but didn’t let it linger for too long. If he hadn’t been a jerk about it, she would have been nicer. His fault.

It would have been too much to hope for if he had left and gone another way, but, of course, he’d gone for the same exact door she was going for. Jyn clenched her teeth at his loud sigh and looked down as she followed him in, trying to not let the awkwardness throw her off. She had something to do here. And she needed to focus on that.

Still, she couldn’t help but wait a few moments for him to round the corner and disappear out of sight, and only then she proceeded to search for the lab.

She was fifteen minutes late by the time the receptionist was coldly taking down her information. Jyn just hoped she’d have more luck with the actual session when she finally got there. She hadn’t been thrilled by the idea of doing separate intakes, but she supposed she had to deal with the procedure if they were going to pull this off. It just worried her because that always made it harder to keep a story straight. Especially when Bodhi wasn’t a very good liar. She supposed they’d formulated things to not have to lie too much, but still.

All of those worries evaporated the moment she entered the session room, as they were replaced by a much stronger feeling: humiliation. Sitting in the chair, waiting for her, was none other than the very attractive Spanish-speaking asshole who she had knocked to the ground, coffee stains down his shirt and all, and then proceeded to cuss out.

His slacked jaw showed that he was clearly not expecting her to be here either.

She froze instinctively, preparing for the worst. He was going to kick her out of the study now, that much was for sure.  She wondered if he had some access to her medical records now, and could wreak havoc on those also. Worst case scenarios ran through her head as she tried to calculate her way out of this miserable situation, when he suddenly said something she hadn’t prepared herself for at all.

“I’m sorry,” he started quietly. “I didn’t mean to react rudely earlier. I was just caught by surprise.”

Jyn didn’t move for a moment, unsure of how to react in this situation. That wasn’t something she was used to—people apologizing. Especially not in situations where, now that she looked at it, she was clearly the one who’d been the true asshole.

“I’m sorry too,” she mumbled, looking down at her feet, suddenly very aware of how dusty her boots were. “I can go-”

“No no,” he told her, waving for her to sit down. “I should have watched where I was going as well. Regardless, this won’t interfere with our session. So please, take a seat and we’ll begin.”

Jyn nodded, dropping her messenger bag and plopping into the chair he’d directed her towards. It would be silly to think that he truly was apologetic, she now realized. Perhaps he was simply very low on qualifying romantic couples. She filed that depressing thought away for another time as he began to speak again.

“My name is Cassian Andor. I will be in charge of you and Mr. Rook’s study. The reason for this visit is so that I can assess you and your partner individually, so that I can get a better sense of the route we’ll be taking in terms of compatibility exercises. As this study aims to examine the efficacy of preventative solutions for problems in romantic relationships, your honesty is paramount. Of course, the data we compile on you and your partner by the end of the study will be kept entirely confidential-”

“Wait,” Jyn interrupted him before she could help herself. “You’re studying how to keep people together?”

He shifted slightly, then nodded. “In the basics, yes.”

“Why?” Shit. She should just stop asking questions and play along.

“I beg your pardon?” he asked, though not unkindly. “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean, why study that? People are going to stay together or they aren’t. It’s an odds thing.”

“Do you really believe that?”

Jyn gulped, looking down to avoid his penetrating gaze. Not only was he distracting with his well-proportioned face, which she resented, but something about the way he looked at her made her feel incredibly vulnerable. This is why she hated psychologists.

“It’s not important,” she replied quietly. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. Could we go on to the questions you had?”

He nodded. “When was the last time you were in contact with your father?”

Jyn’s gaze snapped up to him in confusion and alarm. “What?!”

“On your entrance questionnaire,” Cassian said, “you indicated that your father was alive. But, you also noted that you had a foster father. Do you mind clarifying this all for me?”

Her face burned at the questions. She hadn’t wanted to involve either of them in this, but that’s what she got for wanting to participate in this. What shrink wasn’t going to bring up “daddy issues”? Jyn reached up unwittingly to find her necklace, twisting the crystal in her fingers.

“My father left when I was seven. My foster father left when I was fifteen. I’ve been on my own since then. I haven’t spoken to either since. I’m 22 now, you do the math.”

To her surprise and appreciation, Cassian didn’t look at her like she was a wounded baby deer. It was a look she knew too well. Every guy’s face got the expression down perfectly whenever he got some of her family history.

“What about your mother?” he simply followed up.

“She’s dead,” Jyn replied tersely.

Cassian nodded, jotting it down. When he finished he looked up. “I’m sorry,” he told her, his tone kind. He opened his mouth as if there was something he wanted to say next, but he shut it again.

After clearing his throat, he continued. “I appreciate your candor. Let’s move on to a few compatibility questions I had. Less difficult topics, hmm?” His lips quirked into a half-smile, clearly trying to make her feel better. A strange sensation in her stomach made her think that he probably shouldn’t be allowed to look that good while half-smirking, but she refocused her attention on his questions. He was still a shrink, and she still needed to be on alert and stick to what they agreed.

“Would you compromise your happiness for the success of the relationship?” he asked first.

Jyn raised her eyebrows. “That’s a weird question. Aren’t romantic relationships supposed to make you happy? So why would the success of the relationship be a compromise for your happiness?”

Cassian let out a frustrated exhale. “You’re not going to make this easy for me, are you?” he asked.

She barely held back a smirk. Poor Cassian probably expected someone considerably more mild-mannered after doing an intake with Bodhi.

“Yeah, probably not,” she agreed with a shrug. If he hadn’t kicked her out for cussing him out earlier, he certainly wasn’t going to do it now.

He gave her a sharp look, then continued pointedly. “Well, let’s keep going, then. We only have 20 minutes left because of someone’s tardiness.” He glanced demonstratively at his papers. “Would you say that you value other people’s time?”

Jyn didn’t really believe that was an actual question he had, but humored him with a reply anyway. This was going to be a long semester, but she was going to make it through. She always did.