#Yeah yeah those Brook submissions were very funny

[onepiece-polls]

Best Man-Tits of One Piece - Round 1 Side B!

[ignitingwriting]

Igniting Writing ‘Explore’ Contest 2019, Submission by Vince from Lake Erie Ink

Some good news to share with you all - we have our first entry for the Igniting Writing 'Explore’ creative writing contest, in collaboration with Fighting Words, Young Writers Project and Lake Erie Ink! Our first submission was sent in by Vince, from Lake Erie Ink, and it’s a great read, capturing the rebellious streak of bored teenagers and a supernatural twist! Have a read for yourself below:

Exploration was a godsend to the kids of Mountain Brook Street. Due to the amount of space around them deemed ‘private property’ there weren’t many places for people to hang out. Often times the kids on the street found creative ways to get around the rules or odd places to chill.

A lot of the families on Mountain Brook Street had their kids grow up there and then all leave. It was a very move-in-then-move-out kind of place. Despite that stigma, there was a small cast of families that never quite got the memo. One of these families was the Beckers. Thomas and Julie Becker had bought the house when they were newlyweds and despite having three kids of varying ages they hadn’t ever thought of moving out. Their youngest child, Richie, was definitely the most adventurous of the group. He was the youngest of the three, at 15. His two brothers, Randall and Donnie, were 21 and 30 respectively, so they were already out of his life at a young age. This meant that family visits and reunions were an absolute drag for him. On one hand he got to see his siblings, but on the other, he’d get scolded by old people he barely knew for trespassing, cheating, or whatever he’d done that week.

It was July 18th and his three cousins and two uncles were coming to town. He despised them and it’d been the sixth time this year that they decided to come ‘visit’ for a week. They all knew the real reason why they came over so often, but no one wanted to argue about it. Money was thin these days and, likewise, so was Richie’s patience about this whole ordeal. Summer vacation was an evil that he would never wish on anyone (other than his cousins, of course). He was alone to do anything his free will granted and he wasn’t happy about that. Richie longed for a chance to do mischievous things with others. He just hoped high school was going to be the haven for chaos that he’d always dreamt of. All his previous friends were one-off jerks who lived in the city and until this summer he never realized what it was like to not have people around. Luckily for him, there were a few younger neighbourhood kids that he could hang out with. One of which was always open for causing a ruse.

Gregory Palm was the perfect mixture of true neutral and chaotic evil. He lived with his parents, four siblings, three cats and a canary. Richie never really saw him as more than an acquaintance, but it was evident the feeling was not double-sided. Gregory trusted Richie with his deepest regrets and despite being a year younger was very trustworthy himself.

Today was a reckoning day for sure. Today was the day that Richie was going to do the impossible. He was going to ditch a family reunion. Gregory had told him about this place he found while wandering a few weeks prior, that was right between the steel mill and the salt mine (and processing plant) that had plagued them their whole lives. For a while ‘Private’ and ‘Property’ were the only two words he knew how to read besides the omnipresent ‘yes’, ‘no’ and ‘because’. It was just one of those things the kids of Mountain Brook Street grew up with.

Richie set off on his expedition early that morning. It was about 8:30am and the guests were due to arrive in about an hour. He yelled, “I’m going to Gregory’s house, see you later, bye!” very quickly towards the direction of his parents’ room as he stormed down the staircase to the front door. He practically leapt out of the house and slammed the door behind him. This was the beginning of a very long day. He made his voyage down the sidewalk to Gregory’s abode. It was definitely what people would classify as a fixer-upper, but it still managed to be menacing in its own way. Before even stepping foot into the yard he heard the somewhat loud voice of his friend. Gregory hung out the second floor window, dressed in a flannel and a vacation-esque floral t-shirt. He was waving down at Richie, who seemed to be shocked by the level of incompetence he was witnessing.

“Gregory, what are you doing up there? Aren’t you scared of falling? You could get hurt!”

“Shut up!”

After he gave his response Gregory pushed the window closed and ran downstairs faster than what seemed possible. He swung the door open and skidded to a halt in front of Richie. He was breathing heavily, hands on his knees.

“I told you, dude, I do a lot of things I don’t really think about first.”

“Seems about right!” Richie laughed.

“I didn’t ask for a response from the peanut gallery, did I?”

“Ugh, can it! Where is this crazy forest tunnel thing you were talking so much about?”

“Oh, yeah! Um, follow me!”

The walk was pretty long by any 14-15 year old’s standards, so there were frequent stops for water and jokes until they finally arrived at about 9:45am. Amongst the clouds of factory gas and industrial flower gardens there was a hole in the ground. It wasn’t an uncommon sight in the built-up areas between the many manufacturing plants, but something seemed to draw Richie closer.

“So, this is what you were so crazy about?”

“Yeah, I can assure you I didn't just bring you out here to any old hole!”

“Oh? What’s so special about this hole, then?”

“Look at this!”

Gregory took Richie by the arm and pulled him forward to look down.

“A staircase, Gregory?”

“Yeah, pretty cool, right?”

“I wonder what’s down –”

He was cut off by Gregory yelling, “Not it!” out loud and pulling his hand away from his friend’s arm.

Richie sighed. “So, you’re asking me to go down this suspicious spiral staircase in the middle of the woods between two big factories... by myself.”

“When you put it that way, it makes me seem like a jerk, ouch!”

“Well right now I don’t think that’s far off from the truth!”

Richie crossed his arms and turned around.

“Fine, fine, take this –” Gregory took off his bag, rummaging through the top portion and pulling out a Swiss Army knife on a keychain with pepper spray and a mini flashlight. “If you see anyone super crazy down there, you’ve got a weapon! I’ll stand up here and keep watch; I think our parents might be looking for us. I may or may not have told them I was hanging out with Tommy from over on Redwood Drive.”

“Gregory Marvin Palm, you lied to your entire household about where you were going? They have phones, you know!” This terrified Richie, although it did not cause him to leave this crazy place so soon.

He sighed, turning back around and releasing his arms from their criss-crossed position. Richie stepped on to the first step of the spiral staircase and smiled. “If I don’t make it out alive, put it on record that I told ya so.”

Gregory nervously laughed, as the other boy walked slowly down the descending pipe into the earth below.

It seemed to go on forever, down into the dark depths. Despite only being lit by the keychain flashlight, Richie could tell that the place was rather clean for what he would assume to be a sewer. He reached the bottom and walked down the long corridor extending from the final landing. There was an old-fashioned wooden door held together by metal and century old nails. He brought himself forward to grasp the doorknob and turned it. On the other side of the door, there was a huge open room, with slits in the ceiling, like water vents for rain. The walls and floor were decorated with flowers, fruits and vegetables of all kinds. It was a marvellous cacophony of darkness and life. Richie was comforted by the familiar smells, which brought him closer to the greenery.

All of a sudden, the door behind Richie slammed and he heard a ringing noise in his head. He had the Swiss Army knife in one hand and the rest of the keychain in the other. The ringing died down and he started hearing a shaky, strained voice. It wasn’t loud, yet he could still hear it. Panicked, he ran for the other door in the room that he hadn’t seen when he walked in. It was open, so he figured there was a way out somehow. The voice went in and out in his head. It sounded like a test recording of some kind. As he walked cautiously to the door, he yelled, “Gregory, this isn’t funny! Is this why you wanted me to come down here? To lock me in? You’re sick y’know!”

The voice shuddered before responding. “Who?”

Richie stepped into the second room, pulling the door open completely. There was a huge machine against the right wall, with someone in a black cloak standing in front of it. Richie was petrified with fear, which caused him to stand there blankly. The person in the cloak turned, showing his skull-like face. “Oh, I wasn’t expecting anyone! Hey! I’m not too sure what’s going on, but you seem a little worried, how about we sit down?”

Before Richie could say anything, he was sat down at a table across from this crazy skeleton-esque man. The guy was so goofy, that he couldn’t help but laugh in almost terror from being so scared before. This was of course terrifying, but not to the extent he was preparing himself for.

“Oh – um, well, before you say anything, I should probably get off my chest that I am completely and utterly deaf. I cannot understand, or lip read, but! That machine in there is for telepathy! I can hear and speak to you through brain waves! Pretty cool, right? By the way, I’m Death! Death himself!” Death stuck out his hand for a shake.

Richie obliged, shaking his hand. He went to open his mouth, before realizing that he can’t just speak out loud. Once they stopped their handshake, he started to try to speak telepathically.

“So, you’re Death himself?”

“Yeah, pretty sure I am!”

“Why do you, like, live down here with plants? Don’t you kill things?”

“Ouch! Um, not exactly. Death is at the end of life, so honestly, my job is to nurture and care until they’re too weak to support themselves anymore.”

“Weird. Why are you deaf?”

“Why? Do you ever ask someone why they have cancer? Why do they have a pet? I mean, come on!”

“So you’re not going to tell me.”

Death sighs. “Hearing is just a foresight that I cannot ever truly obtain in this mortal form. What you see now is much like a hologram of who I really am. I’m the new Death and unlike most before me I don't loathe Earth – I enjoy it. Much like people having to make sacrifices to be happy, I had to make a sacrifice.”

“Huh. I should probably get going. Gregory is probably freaking out right now –”

Richie went to stand, but Death got up before him and said, “Wait! Take this!” as he ran over to a potted plant with bright purple flowers. He walked back to Richie and handed it to him.

“You might not need this now, but here's a token of my thanks for visiting. Just remember that even if you know things are a certain way, you don’t have to take it as it is. There are a million things you can do in life and I hope that you do all that you want to before I see you again. Take care and goodbye!”

Richie woke up in a cold sweat, in an empty sewer, next to a potted plant and a staircase. No door in sight.

[poisonappletales]

If one (or all, your pick) of your characters were featured in a news article, what would the headline be?

Hello, Anonymous! Ooh, this is a fun one. Since I’m going with news articles, I’m going to set this in a half-modern setting.  The fantasy world meets the modern era. Something like a fun parody.

Let’s see…shall we start with Unknown from Don’t Take This Risk?

“Aren’t some of those the lyrics to a song?”

“They suit me.”

“What’s with the come-on at the end? You know what that sounds like, don’t you?”

“You even got the word ‘pimps’ in there.”

[grins] “If you do not like it, then do you have something that beats it?”

“I sure do. Check me out!”

“Oi. That’s not me.”

[grinning even more broadly] “Really? I didn’t notice.”

[to Wind:] “You’re sure causing big trouble in the…city. Do we live in Virgo City now?”

“Looks more professional now that the article ain’t written by you.”

“With all those cap locks and everything? You have a pretty low bar for that.”

“That still ain’t me! Where’s mine?! Who’s the professor confessing his feelings to anyway?”

[tongue-in-cheek] “You can’t tell?”

[muttering under his breath:] “Hulder scum.”

“I’m sure it’ll get to your newspaper eventually, X.”

“It’ll knock everyone’s socks off.”

“Haha! Look at that.”

“Whoa. That’s hard-core. I thought these were all going to be a bunch of funnies.”

“Do we really have to comment on every one? Why am I even here with you two?”

“I dunno. Does it really matter?”

“There’s mine!”

“You’re behind bars. Bravo.”

“Shut up. I’ll get out.”

“I notice you have two photographs.”

“People can’t get enough of this handsome mug.”

“I’m with two big-headed idiots. Great.”

“Haha! Feel free to join us.”

“I don’t need to stroke my ego like you two.”

“What are you talking about? I’m just saying it like it is.”

“Mm-hmm. I am sexy, and I know it.”

“That’s getting tiresome. Knock it off.”

“Don’t you want to at least take off that hood before saying that? Put your money where your mouth is.”

“Haha! This is really cute.”

“Says names have been changed, but in that pic, that’s definitely Rosemary and Jasmine.”

[sarcastic] “You could see Jasmine? Her cousin practically shoved her out of the frame.”

“That is okay. I can still see her sexy eyes and lovely hair. Ah, I’m so happy! It’s the ladies’ turn, isn’t it?”

“Ugh. Bieber.”

“Oh, better not let cutie Rosemary hear you say that. She looks like she could claw someone’s eyes out for saying one wrong word about her star crush.”

“I ain’t scared. Anyways, have no idea who BTS is.”

“Hmm…Wind looks like he could fit in with them - if he wouldn’t mind dancing.”

“Or singin’, you mean?”

“What are you two trying to insinuate?”

[smiling broadly] “Why are you always so mad? I just gave you a compliment. They have a lot of fans, you know.”

“Like I care to have humans flocking to me. I’m not always in heat like you either.”

“…”

“…”

“Haha! What?”

“I don’t even -”

“I wanna check out that Playboy issue.”

“Of all the stupidity -”

“She already looks good with clothes. Without them would be even better.”

“Can we move on?”

“You know, I can’t really see her liking an old bag of bones like Trump. But he does have money…some chicks dig cash.”

“Next.”

“Ooh, cosplay. I like.”

“Is Wildfire dressing up as a Pikachu in that pic?”

“Haha! It’s hard to imagine them dressing up as the Frozen sisters. I bet Brooks was the adorable Anna and Wildfire was the alluring Elsa.”

“Didn’t the princess dress up as Elsa before?”

“She did? If they went to the same convention…cat fight.”

“Nobody’s touchin’ my woman on my watch.”

“Since when is she your woman?”

“Since she kissed me.”

“What -”

“The two sexiest fighters from the Fire Emblem series…I do not play much games, but I have heard of it. It’ll be hard to decide which ones they mean to dress up as. Aren’t all women sexy in their own way? Just by being a woman -”

“Yeah, yeah, we’ve heard the speech before.”

“Some women may not have.”

“Great. We have an audience. As usual.”

“If it’s supposed to be anonymous, why is Chase putting his name down?”

“Maybe he doesn’t know how anonymous submissions work?”

“I know what I would want to write to ‘Dear Ambrosia.’”

“So do I. ‘You’re my woman, so don’t let anybody take ya from me.’”

“Still going on with that nonsense.”

“‘Tell me your three sizes. If you do not want to say, would you mind if I checked to see what they were?’”

“You two are psycho.”

“Oi. He’s the psycho. I’m just someone you shouldn’t mess with.”

“You mean a thug?”

“Bring it on, slimebag.”

“Aww, that’s it for the ladies? I rather see a Hulder woman…”

“‘Several well-known designers and models blah blah blah’…I’m already bored.”

“If we’re done here, how about you do what you said and put your money where you mouth is? Bring it on. Or are you chicken?”

“Ohh, I’ll make you regret those words! Better be careful you ain’t bitin’ off more than you can chew, beast man.”

[smirking] “You’re both thugs, aren’t you?

I was hoping this would end with a more exciting article…maybe, the reverse of Arsenik’s? Something from a woman, like - ‘Sexy Unknown, I’m ready for you. I want you now. ♥’ ”

“You know, I better teach you a lesson too - before you start getting weird ideas and writing up some twisted article!”

“Oh, it would not be a twisted thing. You would like it too if your princess said she wanted you, right?”

“She can say whatever she wants, but I don’t like what’s coming out of your mouth. Flame on!”

“Hmm? Isn’t that from Fantastic Four -”

Just want to say that some of these pop culture references (like, say, the Fantastic Four one) is because this whole thing is leaning towards a parody.

Coming from Don’t Take This Risk, Unknown naturally knows how the modern world works and so forth, but if someone like X is making an exclusively modern-day comment, you know why. This is a comedic little thing, so he’s given some extra knowledge!

Some additional notes as always:

Unknown’s Article. Yep, Unknown wrote that one. Now, if I was being serious, Unknown might have a different headline - but oh! That may be too close to spoilers.If Unknown saw his article in the paper, he would think he’s sexy and he knows it. Because he wrote it.

Wind’s Article. Ah, that’s Wind for you. Always causing chaos and mayhem!If Wind saw his article in the paper, he would toss it at the next unsuspecting passerby. Because he’s done with the paper and found it a little annoying. Unless that passerby happens to be a certain Phoenix.

Arsenik’s Article. Ah, I wanted something romantic here. When Arsenik loves, wouldn’t you say he does so passionately? Ambrosia’s name is left out because 1) he already said he’s not bold enough to put it in there and 2) it simultaneously fits the War: Valentine Edition setting/universe (where you, the player, go on dates with the boys). If you’re the one he loves, you can imagine receiving an article like this, can’t you?If Arsenik saw his article in the paper, he would recall all the times he went over the words in his head and proofread them. He would re-read it once more, as if hunting for imperfections even when it’s already too late. He would think he was being silly when he put it in the paper, but it also feels nice to air his feelings. Now, it’s just a matter of whether she will come to the Sky-Reaching Park. He really will wait every day for you.

Night’s Article. He is a warrior of the Vi, so it makes sense for him to be an army veteran. Again, you can see his relaxed flirting style. The journalist made the approach, and he responds honestly (“I think you’re a very pretty woman”).If Night saw his article in the paper, he would chuckle with amusement.

Onyx’s Article. This article being written by “a Random Journalist” is the only thing that might earn a chuckle out of you. Everything else is much more sobering because that’s Onyx for you! This is the kind of headline that suits him.If Onyx saw his article in the paper, he would register the information and remember it. 

X’s Article. X is the bad boy of prison. With his fire powers, wouldn’t a modern-day world label him as an arsonist?If X saw his article in the paper, I imagine he’s in jail by this point. He likes what they quoted him on.

Jasmine & Rosemary’s Article. Rosemary is a fan girl! Well, Jasmine is one, too…but not for Justin Bieber! (Even if she secretly thinks he’s good looking. She just doesn’t like him as much as a certain boy band…)If the two saw their article in the paper, Rosemary would shriek, “THEY BARELY CHANGED MY NAME!” Jasmine would say, “What does it matter? Your face is in the picture. I told you not to talk to the reporters! Why couldn’t we have just gone to the BTS concert? None of this would have happened otherwise!”

Bo-Peep’s Article. Now, I should note that I’m not intending to make any particular political statement here. I’m only tailoring the articles to fit each character’s personality/background. Bo-Peep would indeed make a fine beauty vlogger, and she would have no qualms about posing for Playboy. As for going from the king’s mistress to the president’s other woman…well, are you siding with her fans who think it’s all a lie or those who believe it? After all, there is a money trail…If Bo-Peep saw her article in the paper, she would ask her manager (King Barium?) what to do.

Wildfire & Brooks’ Article. The cosplaying duo! In a modern setting, they’re totally gamer girls, who like dressing up and thinking they’re hot stuff. But yeah, Wildfire isn’t any nicer. If Ambrosia did show up at the convention with the same cosplay (without any malice, of course), you can imagine how Wildfire would react, right? Just don’t expect an “open” freak out. Wildfire’s an expert in the Mean Girls style of bullying, you know? If the two saw their article in the paper, Wildfire would click her tongue and go, “Yep. Lookin’ good.” Brooks would agree, “We do look good, don’t we? Kyahaha!”

Ambrosia & Chase’s Article. All right. Barring extenuating circumstances, these two…honestly wouldn’t be featured in the newspaper. They don’t do anything outstandingly spectacular or necessarily cause trouble. Ambrosia is shy, while Chase is the kind of nice Average Joe who gets friend-zoned like he mentioned. (Present-day Ambrosia of Beauty and the War might be able to grab the headlines…but I want to avoid spoilers! So, we’re sticking with past Ambrosia for now.)While I could have an article featuring Ambrosia being a casualty of, say, Wildfire, I decided to give her an ask column in the style of Dear Abby. This way, Chase would write in a question and voila! They both have a spot in the newspaper. When Ambrosia received this question, she was thinking, “Oh dear…I don’t have any experience with relationships! Am I really qualified to answer a question like this? But I have to tell him something…I’m sure he’s a good man. I’ll remind him of his positive qualities and tell him not to give up. He’s sure to find someone!”Interestingly, you might notice that Ambrosia is someone who’s good at encouraging others but not herself. She’s the kind of person who would think, “Someone like me shouldn’t be with anyone.”  Perhaps…she has a particular reason for thinking this way?On a side note, I went with her picture from the Don’t Take This Risk webtoon because this was a modern-day setting!If Ambrosia and Chase saw their article in the paper, Chase would exclaim, “Ahh! They didn’t make my name anonymous like I thought they would!”Ambrosia would think, “I do hope I managed to help Sir Chase. I meant every word I said. Mm…did he mean to include his name…?It’s also…really strange seeing my picture in the paper like that…! It’s kind of embarrassing. I wonder if it’s really necessary to include my face. I’m sure no one wants to see me. It’d be much cuter to have something like a fluffy bunny or a baby deer instead. Yes, I would like that much more!”

The Hulder’s Article. This was really a way to slip in an article for Viktor, who’s part of the supporting cast in Beauty and the War (X Playing Pieces). The Hulder are ethereally attractive, so in the modern-day world, they would sparkle be models. All-natural models.Naturally (no pun intended!), Arsenik tries to talk up his nephew, who’s more interested in lights and fame than him. Arsenik’s happier sitting in a cafe, sipping from a cup of tea and reading a book (and maybe sneaking glances at the woman who caught his heart?). I’m not sure if you find it funny that the guy who’s ranked one of the top 10 sexiest models…can’t work up the courage to approach his crush.If Viktor saw his article in the paper, he would say (to whoever’s with him), “Oh, I have a pretty nice spot in the photo. I thought I’d be more in the back or shuffled to the side, but you can see my face and everything just fine. That’s good! I can’t wait for Fashion Week!”

There we have it! The articles and the headlines many of my characters would make. Hope you enjoyed it, Anonymous. Which ones were your favorites?

Oh, and if anyone ever does want to write to “Dear Ambrosia,” feel free. She loves to encourage you with love and positivity!

I’m now pretty exhausted, so I’ll be heading off now. Have an awesome rest of the day!