#Yall this isn't only a crack thought anymore

[mossy-morg]

*starts foaming at mouth*

I need to go feral.

Anyways I'm gonna go sit on the bathroom because I feel like I might actually throw up my guts.

[graciegoeskrazy]

i'll give you one more time

part 2 to she's begging you to stay stay

Matty Healy + preteen!lost!daughter!OFC!r

warnings: idek yall, language i think, dead mom, slightly shitty dad, this isn't even my usual angst this shit is just SAD, r is twelve

a/n: long awaited part 2! enjoy!

The ride home was a heavy, suffocating silence, the kind that pressed down on your chest and made it hard to breathe. Every ounce of your willpower was spent keeping the tears from spilling over, your eyes stinging as you stared blankly out the window. You couldn’t even begin to comprehend why you’d acted the way you did. Yes, times were tough, and you were teetering on the edge mentally, but surely there were other ways—better ways—you could’ve handled things. Yet, none of that mattered now. The only thing consuming your thoughts was how Matty would react when the two of you finally walked through that door.

The day had dragged on, filled with more emotion and exhaustion than either of you could have anticipated. Matty knew that a conversation was inevitable, that you both needed to talk—really talk—but as he glanced at you, he realized now wasn’t the right time. 

You were a mess, physically and emotionally. Your hair was tangled, matted with dirt from your adventure on the London streets, and your clothes were no better, stained and disheveled from the day’s events. It was clear that you were drained, the weight of everything you’d been through etched into your weary features.

Matty sighed, feeling a pang of guilt for what you’d endured, but also a deep sense of protectiveness. He wanted to fix everything, to make it all better, but he knew that right now, the best thing he could do was to give you a chance to breathe, to decompress. The conversation could wait—tonight, what mattered was getting you cleaned up and comfortable.

The silence between you became too much to bear. Matty gently placed a hand on your shoulder, stopping you before you could head inside. “Hey,” he said softly, his voice cutting through the quiet. “I’m not mad, okay?”

You stopped in your tracks, turning to face him, your eyes clouded with guilt and confusion. “I ran away, Matty. I scared the shit out of you—”

“Yeah, well, you’re safe now. That’s all I care about, okay?” he interrupted, his tone firm but laced with concern.

You shook your head, frustration bubbling up inside you. “You should be angry.”

“I’m not—”

“You should be yelling at me, kicking me out of your house, something!” The words spilled out before you could stop them, along with the tears in your eyes, the rawness of your emotions catching both of you off guard.

Matty’s expression softened, a mix of sadness and disbelief crossing his face. “What makes you think I would do that?”

“I don’t know,” you mumbled, your voice cracking as you tried to hold back tears. “I just… I don’t know.”

Matty sighed, stepping closer and gently tilting your chin up so you’d meet his gaze. “Listen to me, Tilly. I’m not going to kick you out, and I’m not going to yell at you. I’m just glad you’re here, that you’re safe. We’ll talk about everything, but not right now. Right now, I just want you to take care of yourself, okay?”

“Go take a shower,” Matty said softly, his thumb brushing a stray tear from your cheek. “Get some rest. We’ll figure everything out later.”

You hesitated, the weight of the day pressing down on you, but finally, you nodded. The fight had drained out of you, replaced by a deep exhaustion that made it hard to argue anymore.

 You looked up at him, eyes heavy with exhaustion, and nodded without argument. There was no energy left to resist, no fight left in you for tonight. The promise of a hot shower and a bed was all you needed.

Matty watched as you trudged upstairs, each step slower than the last, and he felt a knot of worry tighten in his chest. He wanted to say something, to offer comfort or reassurance, but the words wouldn’t come. Instead, he silently vowed to be there for you when you were ready to talk, whenever that might be. As you disappeared down the hallway, Matty lingered for a moment, running a hand through his hair. The house was quiet now, the kind of quiet that felt heavy, like it was waiting for something to happen. But for now, he decided, it was enough to let you find some peace, even if only for a little while. He made his way to the living room, sinking into the couch with a weary sigh. The day had taken its toll on him too, but his thoughts were with you. They always were. The sun was setting outside, casting long shadows through the windows, and Matty closed his eyes for a moment, letting the quiet of the house wash over him. Tomorrow would bring its own challenges, but tonight, all that mattered to him was that you were home and safe.

—-------

You’re asleep, lost in a dreamless world where the weight of reality has, for a moment, lifted. As your father started the trek back to his room, he noticed the light peaking through the crack beneath your door, to him, indicating you were awake. He let out a soft sigh and took a detourour to your room. He knocked, “Matilda.” You don’t stir. Your name, the one your mother gave you, is still new on his tongue even after all this time, as if he’s trying to make sense of it, to make it his own. There’s a slight pause, and then he speaks again, his voice lower, softer. “Matilda George. It’s late, you should go to bed.”

There’s no response, only the sound of your steady breathing as you lie curled under the covers, the peaceful rise and fall of your chest the only movement in the room. Matty hesitates at the door, the silence stretching out between you. Finally, with a sigh, he pushes the door open wider. “I’m coming in.”

The door creaks open, and a soft, golden light spills into your room, touching the edges of your bed. His footsteps are careful, almost hesitant, as he crosses the threshold into your room. He stands there for a moment, just watching you sleep, his expression unreadable in the dim light. You’re completely unaware, lost in the depths of slumber, oblivious to the fact that he’s here, that he’s looking at you with something akin to longing.

And then his gaze shifts, catching on something beside you—your diary, lying open on the bed. He hadn’t meant to look, but the way the pages fall open, revealing your handwriting, draws his eyes. Curiosity tugs at him, and before he can think better of it, he reaches down, picking it up.

His eyes scan the words you’ve written, the pages filled with all the things you’ve been too scared or unsure to say out loud. The confusion, the loneliness, the raw ache of trying to understand who he is to you and who you’re supposed to be now. He reads on, the lines blurring together, each word a glimpse into the parts of you that you’ve kept hidden away.

I used to keep track of how many days it had been since I last saw my mother. In the very beginning, I would count down to the exact hour—sometimes even the minute. I’m not sure why I did it. Maybe it was a way to cope with my anxiety. I think I was just measuring the time until I thought my world would blow up again.

I never stop thinking about my mom. I could be laughing and having a nice conversation, and then, all of a sudden, a dark gray cloud comes and blocks my happiness. A part of me doesn’t want it to stop, though, because I’m scared I’ll forget her. In my mind, the day I go a whole 24 hours without thinking of my mom is the day I will have moved on. And I don’t want to move on. Miss Julia asked me the other day, “If you could reverse the cancer and see your mom again, would you?” I replied, “Obviously.” Then she said, “Even though you wouldn’t have Matty?” I didn’t answer.

Overall, I think that’s a harsh question for a twelve-year-old, but whatever. I know she’s right, though. Maybe I wouldn’t reverse it.

My mom was in unspeakable pain—pain that I can’t even begin to understand, pain that I hope I will never experience. I’m not sure where she is now, but I like to think it’s somewhere nice, somewhere she’s at peace. One thing I do know for certain is that she isn’t in pain anymore. She’s free. If I were to reverse things, I would be taking that freedom away from her. I would be calling her back to her pain.

I have a lot of realizations in that small office with Miss Julia. After that session, I realized that with all my thinking about how things could be or could have been, I have yet to fantasize about how life could have been if Matty had been there from the beginning. If he knew about me. If he had been my father from the start.

I don’t understand why my mother didn’t tell me about my father, or why she never told him about my existence. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t because she wanted to ‘protect me’. He’s not that bad. He’s kind. He makes me laugh from time to time. I enjoy his music, but I would never outright admit that to him. If it wasn’t for him being my literal father, I’d say we could be twins. But still, she never said a word to him.

I know it’s not because she was ashamed and tried to keep me a secret, but that thought always crosses my mind whether I like it or not.

I know very well that I said I didn’t want to go home with him, and even after I agreed, I promised I would find somewhere else to stay. And he was fine with it. As long as he knew I was safe. The truth is, I can’t imagine growing up anywhere else. I don’t think I want to.

I want to be with my father. I want to call him ‘Dad’. I want him to know that I love and care for him, but I’m too terrified to. I’m also scared that if God forbid, something terrible happens, he will never know how much I love him. Because I don’t think I said that nearly enough to my mom.

I don’t know how to tell him. I don’t know how to help him. I have six years left before I’m an adult. He would have to agree to raise me for six years. That could either go really bad or good. I don’t see an in-between.

I’ve played it out in my mind. I will either get exactly what I want or nothing at all. I’m too scared to ask, to tell him that I care, so I’ll just stay silent for now. Because truthfully, I have not a single clue how to do this.

Matty read every single word of your last entry, his eyes tracing each line as if they were the most precious secrets. What struck him the hardest was the realization that if someone could peek inside his brain, take out his thoughts, and lay them side by side with yours, they would be almost indistinguishably similar. That comment about being like twins? It wasn’t far off. And every day, he was noticing it more and more.

He knew it was wrong to be reading your diary, an invasion of privacy he had no excuse for. But he couldn’t stop. He was too caught up, too addicted to the patterns of your mind—patterns that were so familiar because they mirrored his own. The pull was irresistible, like seeing a reflection of himself in your words, understanding you in a way that felt both thrilling and terrifying.

He was so engrossed in his re-reading that he didn’t notice you stir or open your eyes. When you finally took in the sight of him with your diary in hand, you froze, then rolled your eyes. “Reading my diary, are we?” you mumbled, your drowsy state adding a touch of comedy to the tension.

Matty jumped, startled by your voice, and hurriedly closed the book, pushing it aside. “I thought you were asleep!” he stammered, his guilt obvious.

“And I thought the cardinal rule of diaries was that no one else is supposed to read them?” you continued, a sly smile tugging at your lips.

He shook his head, trying to backpedal. “I didn’t read it—I swear.”

“Yeah, you did,” you shot back, the sly smile now full-blown.

“Yes, I did,” he admitted, not missing a beat, the look of defeat settling on his features. “I’m sorry.”

You looked down wearily, adjusting yourself as the weight of the moment settled in. Matty, still feeling the need to say something, continued, “I didn’t know you were a writer.”

“I’m not,” you replied simply.

Matty scoffed, shaking his head. “I don’t see many twelve-year-olds putting out words like this.”

You rolled your eyes, brushing off the compliment. “I’m not putting them ‘out.’ I’m putting them in a three-dollar notebook I got at the grocery store.”

He shrugged, not willing to let it go. “They’re good nonetheless.”

You offered him a weary, tight-lipped smile, the kind that said you were too tired to argue but appreciated the sentiment. Matty’s tone softened, almost a whisper. “Sit up for a second.”

Your eyes changed, a flicker of panic flashing as you realized he had actually read everything you wrote—all of it. You hesitated, your heart racing. “You said it was time for bed.”

“This will only take a second.” His voice was gentle but insistent. After a weary pause, you sat up, looking at him with guarded eyes. He took your hands in his, the gesture tender as he pressed a soft kiss to your temple, then looked at you, his expression serious. “You don’t have to go anywhere, Matilda.”

For a moment, the room was silent. You’d been waiting for this conversation for months, but you never expected it to happen now, like this. “Yes, I do,” you said quietly, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Where?” he asked, his tone laced with concern.

“Somewhere where I’m not in your way.” You slowly pulled your hands from his grasp, the distance between you growing in that small action.

“You’re not in my way, my love,” he said softly, trying to reassure you.

“I could be. I will be,” you insisted, your voice trembling slightly.

“No, you won’t,” he said, a bit more firmly this time.

“You don’t know that,” you whispered, doubt creeping in.

“If you’re anything like me—and you are, whether you like it or not—we’ll have some challenges,” Matty admitted, his voice thick with emotion. “But I’ve wasted so much time…and missed out on so many things over the last twelve years, Tilly. I’ll be damned if I miss one more.”

The words hung in the air between you, heavy with the weight of everything left unsaid.

You looked at him, searching his eyes for any hint of uncertainty, but all you saw was a sincerity that made your chest tighten. It was overwhelming, the idea that someone could care about you this much, could want you around despite everything.

His expression softened even more, a sadness flickering behind his eyes. “You’re not a burden, Matilda. You never were, and you never will be. I want you here, with me. I need you here.”  It was almost as if he was reading your mind.

You bit your lip, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill over. “But what if I mess up? What if I make things harder?”

Matty shook his head, squeezing your hands gently. “Then we’ll figure it out together. I’m not going to let anything get in the way now. Not even your doubts.” You felt a tear slip down your cheek, but for once, it wasn’t out of fear or sadness. It was a relief. Matty reached out and wiped the tear away, his touch gentle, like he was afraid you might break. “You’re stuck with me, babe. I don’t know what to tell you.” He said, lips pulling into a smile.

At that moment, something shifted between you, an unspoken understanding that you were no longer just two people navigating this confusing, painful world. You were a team—a family, bound together by something far stronger than blood or circumstance. It was love, pure and simple, and it was enough.

You leaned into him, letting your head rest on his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around you, pulling you close. For the first time in what felt like forever, you allowed yourself to believe that maybe things could be okay, that maybe you could find a way to be happy, despite everything.

And as you sat there in the quiet, the weight of the world lifting just a little, you knew that no matter what challenges lay ahead, you wouldn’t have to face them alone. 

You had your dad, and he had you.

[chocsra]

if you’re ok with writing for multiple characters, could i request a platonic oneshot with chuuya and dazai x fem!reader who is apart of their “double black” (except ig it wouldn’t be double black anymore) and both mediates their arguments and instigates them? (maybe a snippet of friends to lovers between chuuya and the reader 🤭) tysm have a nice day!

"Unlit Cigarettes stained by Warm Lips"

15! Chuuya x gn! reader x 15! platonic! Dazai

A/N: ofc! yall i should keep my mouth shut bc i make too many promises i cant keep. HALLOWEEN IS SOON BTW AAAAAA

Content: stuck in a jail cell with your unfortunately idiotic subordinates, fluff, crack, mafia work, reader is MEAN, a little romance w chuuya, dazai may be ooc but i like to think that in this kinda dynamic he acts more like a normal teen, slight soukoku, smoking, lots of swearing, NOT PROOFREAD‼️‼️

"Missss.. [Y/N]s smoking."

You slap the lanky boy's shoulder harshly as you shove the cigarette box back into your sleeve, watching as your other subordinate's face contort in surprise as Dazai mockingly whines. "Ow.." he rubs his shoulder with bandaged fingers, the ginger next to him looks at you with amusement and confusion. "Where the hell did ya get that?" he asks, you sulk in annoyance from the whining bastard beside you, "Up your ass." a quiet click of the tongue from the ginger can be heard as you defy his genuine question.

Unfortunately, these two are your subordinates, your partners in criminal work, your associated murderers in the underground business. Even though Double Black is all scary and terrifiyingly violent, you thought they were a pair of funny, immature and idiotic assholes.

Dazai Osamu, a lanky, greasy boy wrapped in bandages, loved dying. Yes, he wanted to fucking die, but he doesn't. You sometimes question his skill of staying alive after that many suicide attempts, but it's alright, you suppose. The mafioso had messy brown hair and wore massive suits that did not fit him and constantly smells like dog shit. He claims he has a silver tongue with women but the only woman he 'has' is the front-desk suicide hotline lady. If somebody ever asked your opinion on him, you would answer.. "He's.. interesting."

Next is Chuuya Nakahara, a short, but strong arrogant boy who is frustratingly brutal. Veeery brutal. He's extremely competitive and takes every minor activity as a sweat-inducing challenge. Karaoke is a pain when he's screaming his ass off, simplistic cooking or baking is horrifiying because this shithead works like he's donating food to charity as if his fatass isn't going to inhale everything afterwards, and any sort of video game was devasting, any one.

He had short ginger hair and stormy azure eyes. His fashion sucked until Koyou, a fellow superior of yours knocked some sense into him. Chuuya had a rather small figure but fairly muscled. Yeah, he flexed his abs (ribs) in the mirror randomly. The boy loved fedoras, chokers and classic, fancy clothing that made girls scream 'DAMON TORRANCE 😍‼️' under his Instragram posts. If someone were to ask your opinion on him, you'd say: "He's an alright guy," with a shrug.

Some dumbass landed you three in jail for a reason you'd rather not speak of, and now you have to deal with the aftermath of waiting for your 'beloved' guardian, Mori Ougai to come bail you three out.

"Mackerel," Chuuya jabs Dazai's side, intensely glaring at him. "Why'd you get the guard's attention? I could've smoked." he hisses, causing the taller boy to snap back at him with an eyeroll. "Nah it's fine, I don't have a lighter anyway." you mediate the tension, boredly playing with the flimsy cigarette box in your hand. The redhead scoffs a little, leaning back in the concrete seat of the jailcell, impossibly manspreading further. "We could use Dazai's hot ass breath as a makeshift lighter.." Chuuya suggests with a smirk, the lanky teenager sassily scoffs, "Or rub pipsqueak's oily hair until it catches fire."

"Like- how would that make a fire?" you retort in amusement, "Have you ever been to a science class?" Dazai and Chuuya shrug in sync unshamefully,

"Was busy protectin' gangsta kids."

"Missed most of middle school 'cause of an attempt."

...

"Fair enough," you shrug back, fixing your hair. "Y'know, Boss is gonna kill us when he gets here." you add on, leaning your head against the prison wall. "I know, I'm not fuckin' prepared," Chuuya copies your movements beside you, loosely throwing an arm around your shoulder. Dazai's eyebrows knit in amusement and embarrassment at the sight, "Pipsqueak, you are NOT smooth." the ginger almost glitches as he flew away from you at those words, now chasing the brunette around the jailcell.

"'Playfighting between you guys is a fuckin' hazard, even for the mafia." you mumble, placing the unlit cigarette between your lips to feel the sensation once more. "This isn't playfighting! I'm gonna kill his ass!" Chuuya pants between missed kicks thrown at Dazai. "That's why [Y/N] thinks you give 'dog vibes'!!" the brunette retorts, bringing up a previous conversation based off you psychoanalyzing your coworkers.

"Why you!-" the smaller boy curses, flying off a wall aimed towards Dazai's head. "I'm not wrong though!!" you fling your arms up in surrender, smiling cheekily as Chuuya rolls his eyes. "After this fuckboy, you're next." You swallow thickly in slight fear. You swore you could hear walls crack and floors thump at the loud commotion, drowning out the poised footsteps towards your cell.

"Sir, are these your children?"

A kind, petite policewoman points to you three fighting like rabid animals. Mori Ougai, your tall, diabolic and terrifiying boss smiles fakely, watching his underlings fight in pure irritation.

"Unfortunately."

The tall brunette immediately halts as the ginger almost decks him in the face. Your hands stay frozen in the air as if you've been caught instigating a chicken fight.

Dude, you are so fucked.

[onismdaydream]

HIIII!!!!! it's me again, the most obsessed and horniest yuji lover!♡🎀

Didn't have anything to do today so I have been on tumbler looking for any yuji content I can get my hands on :p! And I am just OBSESSED with headcanons, specifically yuji as your boyfriend! AHH!!!

Like, how would he first tell you he likes you? How long would it take? Ugh, now me personally, I can only imagine having a movie night alone, megumi and nobara canceled ofc because they don't want to watch whatever bs movie yuji picks :(. And then so there you are, Both cuddled up on the couch, a little to close together, and he is just.. so flustered! But why? It's not like he likes you or anything! Well, turns out he does and he JUST realized. So when the two protagonists in the romantic comedy yall are watching suddenly confess, he can't hold it back! It just blurts out of his mouth..which would be a bad thing, until you reveal you like him back!♡

Idk, I just find it soo cute, and honestly totally something he would do. 🤷‍♀️. But then like, first date? Would he take you to eat, the movies, or maybe to the mall?

Now this one, I'm not too sure, to many options and I love them all, but he would DEFINITELY make it romantic and cute ><!

Okay, but now like one of the MILLION dollar questions is.... how would he act on your period!

I'm sorry, but every single small headcanon, or fic of how ANYBODY would treat you while ur on your period is straight up Crack to me. I NEED IT. I love the wholesome headcanons. 😔🎀!

I think.. he would notice that your acting different, he cares about you after all so he notices every little thing. So when he sees you look uncomfy or maybe rubbing you hand on your thigh, trying to relieve some pain.. he asks you what's wrong! And when you tell him, I feel like he would IMMEDIATELY do whatever you want to make you feel better. LITERALLY.

"Oh. Really? Is there anything I can do?"

Chocolate? In ur hands the second you ask. Meds for the pain, he's got them? Blanket? YES! cuddles? Okay, is that even a question? OBVI!!!

Second million dollar question is how/what he would do yalls first time. Last headcanon i said was crack, but this one is like all drugs COMBINED. I like to think it would be a makeout session gone to far..

That movie you played has a sex scene, which, really doesn't bother you or him.. or it usually doesn't. Today though, a small thought forms in his brain. How would you look? Sound? Smell? Taste? Feel..? And then it's akward, because you're so close, and his hand just starts massaging your thigh, and he has to kiss you! Which at this point in the relationship isn't like super surprising, I'm sure yuji loves to kiss you. But this one feels different, yujis face is just soo pink, and he almost can't keep his hands off of you! Cupping one cheek while pushing you down on the couch with the other, so he's on top.. then one of his knees pushes your thighs apart.. 🧎‍♀️

You know the rest.

But I also like to think maybe yall are making out, you on top of his lap, but you can't stop squirming! And it really isn't on purpose, you swear.. but yuji can only take so much, And eventually he can't hide his moans anymore!

Yeah idk I feel like humping n shit, maybe cummin in his pants is SO hot. UGH

I don't think it would really be planned..😋🎀

Also, I feel like he would be super flustered and kinda embarrassed with oral. In the sense that, he could spend hours between your thighs (we all know he's a munch), but the first time you ask to suck him off, he probably turns into a whiny mess.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THIS. Like- I'm sorry, but no matter how dominant or kinky people make yuji, which I won't lie I love, you CANNOT tell me this man doesn't whine or moan your name. You simply can't. LOOK AT HIM.!!! 🧎‍♀️🙏

I just, have so many thoughts and headcanons.. l can't control myself yuji headcanons are literally my drug. I love the subby ones, the Dom ones, fluff ones, smut ones... I DONT CARE. If a yuji headcanon exists, I WILL read it.

Omg, I have so much more but I have already made this soo long. I honestly just wanted to ask if you would ever make your own yuji head canons? Maybe you already have and I can't find it.. BUT LET ME KNOW!

I just HAVE to know what headcanons are floating around in that wonderful brain of yours!♡

Also so glad to see you liked my past rant♡♡!!!

I really hope you have a good day/night!!!! Make sure ur taking care of urself babes bc I can't survive without you><! 🎀

(Also sorry for any typos or whatever, this was 100% rushed because my fingers physically cannot keep up with all the thoughts I have of yuji.)

With a heart full of love, and a brain full of yuji,

-your horniest yuji lover!♡🎀

hi lovely <333

gonna put this under a read more so it doesn't take up too much space!

oooh headcanons are fun!! i don't post a ton, not for any particular reason, i just seem to gravitate towards snippets in established relationships.

omg yuji just blurting it out :(( what a sweetheart! he is mortified but i feel like he would try his best to play it cool, though his face feels like it's on fire from how flushed it is!! but then you tell him that you also like him and he visibly relaxes SO much and has the biggest smile on his face and he immediately wants to hug you and hold you close <3

i think for first dates, he would lean towards movies/mall, this way it's still semi-public. it's not that he doesn't want to spend time with you alone (he wants to soooo badly), but i think he thinks he has to take it slow and be sweet and gentlemanly. like he was definitely taught the "proper way" to court a girl by his grandfather, so he holds doors open for you and pulls out your chair and brings you flowers and stuff and its just so sweet of him idk. he might hesitate a bit for pda stuff, but once you give him the okay, he is constantly holding your hand or wrapping an arm around you!! maybe even asking for a kiss!! (side note: i think yuji gets all pouty when you forget to give him a goodbye kiss later in the relationship)

yes!! yuji would ABSOLUTELY be doing anything and everything for you as soon as he notices any symptoms or side effects. he's also the type to track your period on his phone lol just so he can prepare and give you some chocolate or whatever else might help! he is just like. the nicest and most caring boyfriend ever <3333

OOOH i love love love both of those for first time ughhh!! i have a fic i've been meaning to work on more but i'm just a little too fried to write much of anything, anyway its a dry humping fic with yuji because i just know he loves the feeling of it ! he can't even get embarrassed from cumming in his pants because it feels so good and he likes how dirty it is (he's a bit of a perv :3). BUT i also love the idea that he just can't help himself and he's so wrapped up in the moment that he doesn't even notice that his knee is pressing against your core... like he's licking into your mouth and grinding against you and you have to pull away because holy shit this feels great and you want more!! and it's kinda rushed and messy, barely taking clothes off but you both need each other so bad!!! (he makes up for it by taking his time with you for round 2 lol)

oh what i would GIVE to suck his dick... yuji is 100% super vocal in my opinion, like he cannot be quiet, which is why his mouth is always on you when he's fucking you! he's always kissing or biting or talking, so when you're sucking him off, he is left to just talk and make so much noise. whining and praising you because it feels so good to have your mouth wrapped around him <3 like imagine sitting between his strong thighs, looking up at him, and his eyes are half lidded, mouth open as he breaths heavily, tongue darting out to lick at his lips, muscles flexing as he tries not to force your head further down or buck his hips up.... ugh he's so hot...

i'd love to write more headcanons and other things for yuji!! its just a matter of me getting inspired or having the energy right now. work has been super draining for me so its been a little difficult to get my brain working lol but im hoping it'll pass in a few weeks

thank you for sharing these with me!!! i love hearing other people's thoughts and headcanons like its just so fun to see what's similar and whatnot :3

[loserley]

The lies we've told this city..

pair: iso x gn! reader

warnings: mentions of cheating, a bit angsty maybe?

note: i have finaallly finished all of my pending works!! so heres an iso fic 4 yall!! i also turned 18 a few days ago :) i feel old LMAOO n my back hurts sm :'(

walking in the night sky, the moon watching every person's move, yet here you are, doing something you shouldn't. you and iso have been sneaking around for the past few months. By sneaking around, iso's been cheating on his significant other for you, you both know it's wrong but it feels so right. the only person who knows about this is sage and viper, you felt safe with them, for some reason the person iso is dating is not in the valorant protocol. everyone knew that iso is dating someone, so you two weren't being open at work.

hiding this wasn't so easy either, iso's partner visits the protocol often, and by often, i mean everyday. you couldn't believe that brimstone was allowing this considering the circumstances that she might face when someone attacks and so on.

"so, when are you gonna tell her?" you said, staring blankly at the sky then looking at iso. "i don't know." same old answer everytime, for some reason, iso feels the need to have two partners at the same time. he loves his girlfriend still, and he loves you, but he can't pick. he doesn't want to. you wanted to leave him but you can't, and it's so wrong.

you went back to hq, bumping into sage, she was shocked, you were crying on the way home. "hey, are you alright? why are you crying?" you burst into tears, if you were crying earlier then this time, your tears would be enough to flood the town. "i.. i don't know what to do anymore, with iso.. i love him but i don't want it to be like this.." your voice cracks each word you let out, she didn't want to see you like this, it hurt her. "oh dear, i know you do, i know you love him so much to the point you cry like this. but y/n, you know this is wrong don't you? so why don't you let him go? there's other people to be in love with like this, you can't just stick with a man who isn't even loyal to his own girlfriend."

you two went to the lounge and surprisingly no one was there, usually yoru, jett, phoenix, neon, and the gfs hangs out there around this time, but no, they weren't. "sit and breathe y/n, i'll get you something to drink." you sat, tried calming down, it hurt so bad to settle for something like that. "oh? y/n? what are you doing here?" that voice, the one you hated hearing the most. iso's girlfriend was still there? "oh uh, hi.." you answered quietly, "i thought you were with the others? i came for iso but he wasn't in his room.." she sat with you, "ah, iso? i don't know where he is, i saw him by the balcony earlier but after that, i have no idea." "hm, weird. he's always in his room haha" she laughed a bit, it sounded fake though, "maybe he went outside to buy something?" you gave a curious face, "ah, haha maybe?"

sage was back and was shocked to see iso's gf as well, "oh? good evening dear, you're still here? i thought you went home." sage asked while giving you water, "oh ahaha, i fell asleep in phoenix's room, we were hanging out there earlier along with jett and neon. so i kind of basically just woke up." hmm weird but you bought it. "ah, i see. well anyway, do you need anything?" "oh i don't, i'm just waiting for iso." she said giving a smile. sage replied with an okay and sat in front of you two. a few minutes later footsteps were heard and iso came, "hi baby, where were you?" "oh uh i went to get something sorry, were you waiting for me?" iso's gf replied with a yes and they went to iso's room together.

"so how's that making you feel? hm? it hurts no?" "yeah, it does." you frowned, "ay ay y/n when are you ever gonna learn? leave him. he isn't good enough for a person like you, now is he? he's the one you want but he's not enough" "i know and knowing that it hurts, so much sage" sage got up and sat beside you, hugging you while you cried in her chest. is this worth it? is iso worth it?...

© xinvlo, 2024. Do not copy, translate, post my work on other social platforms.

[dazed--xx]

Let Me In

Member: Kim Taehyung x afab reader

Word count: 1.5k

T/W: Horror, obsession, haunting?, mentions of death, gore, cliffhanger, dead corpse x living reader, NONCON kiss, bodily harm, stalking, madness, lack of control over one's own body, begging, threats, the haunting hour, harassment, etc

A/N: this was supposed to be Day one of Spooktober...Im was so like excited for this and I hope you guys enjoy it I figured since I won't be writing anything new I wanted to post something already done before I got into my slump hope this made some of yalls day seeing an update sorry it's not SKZ OR SVT but I was gonna do all 3 groups for spooktober and Tae just so happened to be the first name on the wheel of names

*Ping*

Y/n jumped out of her skin at the sound. Her hand trembling as she reached for her phone that sat on the ground next to her. Her breathing is heavy as she flips the device over. The name she had been dreading sits there smiling menacingly back at her. Ignoring his text she quickly swipes the notification away without reading it. Her head falls forward as her hands cup over her ears. No...It's not possible...she told herself.

*Ping*

*Ping*

*Ping*

Her phone continued to come alive with his texts. Her legs lift so her knees sit against her chest, pressing her back into the corner of the room. Her studio apartment was sunken in utter darkness as the air grew heavier and heavier. More notifications continue to somehow ping on her muted phone. "S-Stop..." She pleaded as she squeezed her eyes shut tight.

How could this be happening? Her body began to rock as she felt tears stream down her cheeks. The flurry of text messages continues their assault on her phone. Every ping caused another crack in her sanity. "He's dead...." she begins to repeat to herself as she continues to hold onto her ears to avoid every impossible text coming through her phone. "Kim Taehyung is dead...."

*Ping*

"Leave me alone!" She wails as she picks up the device and sends it careening across her dainty studio apartment. The phone slams harshly against the adjacent wall before tumbling to the ground onto its screen. She sat in silence for what felt like hours, her shaky breath the only thing she could hear as she leaned back against the wall. Her head fell back as she felt a chuckle form in the back of her throat it grew to a full laugh. This isn't possible...Kim Taehyung died last year, and the police told her this fact themselves. It had to be her lack of sleep ruining all logic in her brain. It had been a month since she had last slept properly.....she couldn't tell what was real anymore.

The sound of an unfamiliar ringtone pulls her out of her thoughts, and her eyes widen as her head snaps up. Her eyes were wide as she felt her body growing lighter and lighter. Her heart sank as she felt herself get onto all fours and slowly crawl toward the device. Her body almost felt as if it wasn't her own as she found the device now in her hand. Her body trembled as she felt her tears cascading down her cheeks. Her screen stared back at her with a spiderweb crack along the top left corner of her phone extending down toward the center of her phone. It was utterly destroyed yet, that name continued to call. The screen looked perfectly fine....

The green answer button called out to her, as her curiosity was peaked. She felt herself grow more and more drawn toward the answer button, in a trance she answered the call. As she went to speak, she found nothing coming out of her mouth. Her body sat frozen her mouth hung open in fear. A deep menacing chuckle responds on the other end of the line. "I missed you, Y/N..." A voice that sounded like Taehyung teased on the other end of the call, but there was something...off about his voice, it was as if he was gurgling.

Y/N's blood ran cold as she urged her body to hang up the call but her hands wouldn't budge. No...Please...stop...She pleaded as she stared across the room at the digital clock, 3:18 am. Taehyung's voice began to laugh mischievously. "You've never begged me before...." He teases. "I want to know what it's like to hear you scream....you'll do that for me right, Y/N?"

Go away....She urged as she fought against herself. Go away... it's not real, wake up! Wake Up! Her heart raced as she struggled to continue to hold herself up. "Shhh, get out of your head....I'll be there soon, you'll feel better, I promise" He soothed. Y/N felt her breath get trapped in her throat as she felt a wave of nausea takes over. The smell of decaying meat begins to waft through the air. Closing her eyes Y/N begins to recite the lord's prayer to herself. Our Father, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come "Ha Ha Ha, That won't work..." Taehyung antagonizes, and Y/N feels her mouth salivating as the stench grows stronger and stronger. A loud bang on her window, makes her body jump.

Slowly turning her head to face the window on her right. A decaying hand sits on her window, and she feels the contents of her stomach rise to her mouth. As the body of the hand begins to come into view, she vomits violently. "No..." she whimpers, as she's met with something, that looks like Kim Taehyung. His eye holes were sunken in, almost like two darkened abysses and his skin looked paler than he normally did. Across his throat sat a large gash, that went through the center of his neck. Her blood ran cold as he smiled at her menacingly. This isn't real....She thinks to herself.

"Let me in....." He calls in that gurgled menacing voice.

Y/N stood frozen as she stared at him in horror, This can't be real... she shakes her head and the smile on his lips falls. "Open up...." He states in a threatening tone. As he leaned into the window with that sinister smile on his lips, his tongue drags across his bottom lip and his face seemed to gain more and more vitality. She struggled against herself as she felt the need to open the window growing stronger and stronger. "No..G-Go away..." Y/N stammers fearfully. Taehyung's smile falls and the decayed face returns as he pulls his head back slightly, placing both hands on the window before slamming his head into the window harshly. Only then did Y/N realize how large the gash in his throat truly was as muscle and bone became exposed the second time he pulled his head back.

Her head grows heavier and heavier as he continues to slam his head into the window. A chill settles in the room as she feels herself growing dizzy. Her legs struggle as she tries to make her way toward the door as she hears the sound of cracking glass. The smell of rotting meat filled her nostrils as if she were in a butcher's discard pile. She felt her legs give out beneath her as her vision grew blurry. No.. she willed as she tried to crawl toward the door. You have to get out of here...

The sound of breaking glass makes her stomach drop as she sees the door growing closer and closer, reaching for her handle she feels a rough yet squishy hand encase her ankle dragging her back. A screech is released from her throat as she hears a deep chuckle erupt from the pit of his stomach. Taehyung flips her over onto her back as he leans over her, the gash in his throat dripping a brown congealed clot onto her cheek. The rotten meat smell now penetrates her pores, and almost tasting the stench she holds her breath. Taehyung frowns at her actions as he straddles her waist, his decayed hand grips her chin as he leans into her face. His face changed once again and she was greeted by a more lively visage of him. "L-Let me go....p-please" She pleads weakly.

"You know I can't do that.....It's been so long," He states with that gurgled voice. "I finally have you...why would I give you back?" He chuckles as he lifts his hand and a drawer opens from her kitchen, a butcher's knife flies from the drawer and into his hand. Her eyes widen as tears stream down her cheeks. "N-No please, T-Taehyung please...." She pleads to deaf ears and Taehyung lifts the knife to her cheek running the blade along her face sensually "I missed you, Y/N. I won't let you go again...Did you miss me too? You did right?" He questions in a trance, his eyes are crazed as he stares down at her. "You probably felt lonely without me...were you mad I didn't know how to find you? I'm sorry my love...I left you alone because I couldn't find you...I know you wanted me to find you, to prove my love by finding you if you hid well enough..." He states madly as he brings the knife to her throat, Y/N struggles to catch her breath as she tries to shove him off of her. "Don't worry, it won't hurt too badly if I do it this way.." He places the tip of the knife to her throat. He leans in pressing his lips to hers, she feels bile rise into her mouth as a sour putrid taste fills her mouth. She coughs as he pulls away with a smirk.

"I won't let you be alone again. You'll like it where we're going"

[enzie-ki]

OOC || UNCANNY COUNTER S2E8 THOUGHTS

WAHOO LET'S GO GUYSSS

That credits scene was so unexpected because like HE'S BAD??? AND POOR DO-HWI NO

Oh it's back to Gelly and ha-na

IF YOU TOUCH DO-HWI I WILL MURDER YOU

NOOOO

UHHUH GO HANA GET HER

Don't tell me

.......

MR HWANG YOU SEXY MAN I LOVE/HATE YOU BUT PLEASE LEAVE

excuse me

I want Gelly gone but also this is such a betrayal

damn

HE'S GONNA EAT HER?????

WAIT DOES THIS MEAN GELLY AND HANA ARE GONNA TEAM UP????

NAH THAT'S TOO OUT

MR HWANG DONT TOUCH DO-HWI

HAHA BRO GOT SNATCHED

yo where'd they all go

UH oh Mr hwang, you've made quite a few enemies today

I'M SO SORRY DO HWI

OH THANK. JEHOVA LORD ABOVE HE'S ALIVEEEE

YESSSS

Mo-Tak you're so smart but damnnnnnnn

that's very bad

Mr Hwang I want Gelly gone but I want hana to get her don't eat her please

HEY LEAVE JEOK-BONG ALONE

BRO NOT THE NOSE HAIRS

AHH DO-HWI IS GOOD

oh good it's only Gelly who's gone from his memories

Ha-na I feel for you girl

eyo maybe give him his clothes back?

HE'S AWAKE WAHOO

DO-HWI YOU'RE SO IN LOVE IT HURTS

THAT'S SO SAD NOOO

wait wdym you won't be in danger because of me anymore

WHAT DO YOU MEAN

ARE YOU WIPING ALL HIS MEMORIES OF YOU IN THE PRESENT

I KNEW THIS MOMENT WOULD COME

DAMNIT

WAIT IT'S ALL HIS MEMORIES OF YOU EVER???

THAT'S TERRIBLE

AND THE MUSIC TOO

HE LOOKS SO PEACEFUL

oh it's a pharmacy

AHAHA GELLY I HOPE IT HURTS

but Mr Hwang ur also an a-hole tho

surely not, you aren't gonna try and turn into a counter

Surely not

ope dead pharmacist of course

OH NO SHE HAS TO PACK ALL THE TOYS AWAY

😭😭😭😭

NOOO SHE HAS TO SEE HIM AVAKN

DOES HE RECOGNISE HER?

NO HE DOESN'T THAT'S SO UPSETTING

ok this confirms that mun isn't in love with hana

JEOK BONG WHAT ARE YOU WEARING

NAHH THAT'S TOO FAR

yall are so funny

Such a functional little family

BRO MO-TAK IS SO AGGRESSIVE DAMN

yall this is so sad

bro just wants to eat

Evil spirits??? Now???

The sniffing noises are cracking me uppp

Yo its the popped eyeball vein man

BRO STOP SCREAMING

Mo-Tak you're so intense sometimes but other times you're 3 nine-year olds an otter and a balloon in a trench coat

Oh it's ripoff hatter— I mean chung-jae again

who the heck are these guys

stop stroking them wth

EXCUSE ME

DONT GO AFTER MY HUSBAND

EXCUSE ME WHY IS 37 HERE

DIDN'T MS CHU SET YOU ON THE RIGHT PATH

AHHH

So ungrateful

ripoff hatter leave him alone

WAIT A MINUTE

ARE YOU GONNA TARGET MS CHU????

NO

37 please leave ms chu alone

Bro she knows more about that knife scar than you do

This is so sweet and the thing is I watched the credits scene in the last episode so I know hes gonna betray her

MS Chu don't drink that

NOO THIS IS SO SWEET

BRO WHYYYYYY

37 you better change your ways

THAT JUICE WAS POISONED OH NO

37 YOU BASTARD

HE REALLY DOESN'T WANT TO HURT YOU

MS CHU NOOO

LEAVE MY HALMEONI ALONE

LEAVE MY HUSBAND ALONE TOO

Oh ms chu ur so badass

MO-TAK IS GOING TO KILL ALL OF YOU

AHH THERE HE IS

MY HUSBAND

I LOVE ALL THIS MAN'S FIGHT SCENES

THE HEAD FLICK

YO THAT KICK THO

YAAAH MS CHU YOU BADASS WOMAN

HER AND MO-TAK ARE ONE OF THE BEST DUOS IF NOT THE BEST DUO IN THIS SHOW

ohooohoohoo they plotting

oh not 37 again

she's gonna be in your house again

WAIT WHAT

OILY MA

PLEASE LEAVE 37 ALONE

bro this bodyguard I feel him

ripoff hatter treats him so badly

BRO'S GOLFING IN THE NIGHT

GO SLEEP

bro why are you so mean to your employees leave that woman alone!

MHM

OH NOOOOOOOO

OILY MA

HE'S TRULY OILY NOW

HE'S GONNA KILL YOU

bro you think you can run from a man with telekinesis

I HATE YOU BUT I DONT WANT OIL DEMON TO GET MORE POWERFUL

MOTAK YOU CAN'T TAKE THIS GUY ALONE

OH YEAH YOU'RE FREAKISHLY STEONG

OILY MA DOESN'T EVEN WANT YOU HE WANTS RIPOFF HATTER/ CHUNG-JAE

bro what

what

WHAT????

EXCUSE ME?

SIR

SIR WHY CAN YOU TIE HANDCUFFS THAT FAST

(sure as heck gonna use that in a fanfiction coming up😏)

PLEASE DONT DIE THO OR LOSE A HAND

I FEEL LIKE HE GONNA RIP UR HAND OFF THE GET THE CUFFS OFF

NOOO MY HUSBAND

OIL MONKEY NOOOOO

I SWEAR

I SWEAR

I SWEAR IF THEY KILL MO-TAK

OIL MONKEY IM GOING TO LIGHT YOU ON FIRE AND FRY YOU LIKE CHICKEN AND THEN CHOKE YOU FOR CHOKING MY HUSBAND

(why do your arms stick out of the screen that is concerning)

OH THANK GOD

DONT LET THE OIL MONKEY GET YOU

Ok Mr ma please leave my husband alone

YOUR HAND NO

LEAVE MS CHU ALONE

RIPOFF HATTER I HATE U BUT DONT GET EATEN BY MA

FINALLY

WEAPONS

FINALLY

ma just hit him with the get rotated combo

this is so funnt

just a guy running after a golf cart

BRO THE TERRITORY FINALLY

MO-TAK PLS BE OK

OIL MONKEY SHUT THE FRICK UP

ew

bullet

no, don't even THINK about listening to Mr hwang

JEOK BONG BE QUIET DONT CRY

So Mun your poor grandma

surely Mr ma won't go soft again

MUN WHY ARE YOU TALKING SO FROSTILY

Ok he's just putting up a hard exterior

I wanna hug you both so badly

NOO THEY'RE ALL CRYING

MR HWANG.

YOU AND I HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABOUT

2 THINGS ACTUALLY

ONE: STOP BEING SO DAMN SEXY ALL THE TIME

TWO: LEAVE MR MA ALONE

MR MA NOOOOOOOOO

YOU'VE GONE FULL OILY

I CAN SEE IT I YOUR EYES

IT'S ONLY OIL THAT'S THERE

Mr Hwang I think your sexiness adds to your manipulation skills

THE EYES R SO EXPRESSIVE

bro the sniffing sounds

Mo-Tak what just happened to you

what's up tiger

ah yes, always a reason

HE WANTS TO LEARN TO FIGHT THE TELEKINESIS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

you're so wonderful motak

BRO GOT FOLDED LIKE AN OMELETTE

bro!!

YOU DID IT I'M SO PROUD OF YOU

HE'S SO HAPPY

oop bro flew

why are yall wearing jackets indoor, surely u must be sweating bullets

JEOK BONG YOUR NOSE DAMNIT

OILY MA NO

MUN IF YOU'RE UNSURE JUST SUMMON THE TERRITORY

OOH SNIFF SNIFF JEOK BONG

THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE NOW

FINALLY

TERRITORY

wait what

Territory why happened

it doesn't reach that high?

bro that's so much bs

NAHH that's BS

IT'S THE SEXY MAN AGAIN

BRO RUN

LEAVE

YOU ARE OUTPOWERED

IT'S OILY MA TOO

MUN YOU CANT TAKE HIM ALONE

WAIT WHAT

MUN YOU'RE STRONGER THAN THIS

OOH THE SEXY MAN IS BLEEDING

YUH GET THEM

bro isn't someone going to call security or something

Y'ALL R REALLY DESTROYING THE PLACE

MUN U CANT TAKE BOTH AT THE SAME TIME

NOOOOO

WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN NOTHE EPISODES ABOUT TO END TOO

oop love the mun pov

BITE HIM I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH

USE YOUR TEETH

THEYRE ALL FEFKENDIGN MUN GREAT

HELL YEAH HIT THAT MAN

GELLY?????????

EXCUSE ME

WHY ARE YOU BACK

YOU BETTER NOT HELP THE BAD GUYS

LEAVE MUN ALONE

NOOO SHE WANTS TO BECOME A COUNTER

OR AT LEAST GET THEIR POWERS

BUT WIGEN'S DEFFO GONNA DECLINE YOU

WAIT MUN NO

WHAT

EXCUSE ME

GELLY WHAT THE HELL

EXCUSE ME

HIS HAIR

BRO THIS IS THE SECOND TIME

ABSOLUTELY NOT

WIGEN NOOOO

wait he's just gonna go into a coma again right?

OH SHE'S PISSED OFF MR HWANG

YUP UR DEAD GELLY

YOU LAUGH LIKE A HYENA TOO

Gelly please you will die and you will make Hwang stronger

NUH UH IT DOESNT END THERE NOOO

NOPE

I REFUSE TO BELIEVE JT

I NEED TO SEE THE CREDITS SCENE

OK HE'S BACK IN A COMA GOOD

BUT NO MORE MEMORIES

AYO DID I JUST SEE MY BOY

MY LITTLE KITTEN

JI CHEONG-SIN????

WAHOO HE'S BACK BUT THAT ALSO MEANS THAT YOU'RE ALL ROYALLY SCREWED

NAHHHHHH

BRO I LOVED THAT EP BUT ALSO THE CLIFFHANGER

THIS IS ME RN

WELP, GOTTA WAIT TILL SATURDAY

OOC || UNCANNY COUNTER S2E4 THOUGHTS

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

glad we've got another furry lady (Gelly) to replace hyang-hui

If she hurts my baby I will break her acrylics

and also her spine

Pil Kwang and Mun are really just stranger things-ing it right now and I'm all here for it

It's giving eleven vs one but better because I like this show

Ah yes the power of a promise made you stronger good

how dare that man try and shoot chairman Choi if I snatch your weave this second

Gelly please stop with the scratching

So many problems would be stopped if people used their teeth as weapons

Getting choked? Bite. Getting held down? Bite. Jeok Bong I know you're new but please just bite her

MS SO IS BACK WOOHOO AND WONG IS GONE BOY GETCHA VAMPIRE LOOKIN-AHH OUT OF HERE

(he was kinda cool though)

oh damnit I forgot about the other Chinese counters

WAHOO MS CHU AND MS SO APPRECIATION

Chairman Choi you better thank Mun for saving you from that bullet

mo tak coming in with the tango disc pop off king

MS CHU WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU

CHAIRMAN CHOI IS SIMPING REAL HARD RN

DAMN ARE THEY GOOD AT DANCE

oh no jeok-Bong are you good

my poor baby noo

GELLY YOU DESERVED THAT I DIDN'T EVEN REALISE YOUR EYE WAS GONE BUT HELL IF YOU DESERVED IT

Pil Kwang why are you naked Pil Kwang why are you naked I don't care you just got out of the bath WHY ARE YOU NAKED PIL KWANG WHY ARE YOU

excuse me what is this wet monkey looking thing

you look like you smell of bin juice and petrol

STOP CORRUPTING MY MR. MA

STOP BREATHING IN HIS FACE TOO YOU'LL GIVE HIM BLACK LUNG

oh I really hope he doesn't get possessed but I have a very bad feeling he will

JEOK BONG WHERE ARE YOU

YOU BETTER NOT LEAVE ME NOOOO

GELLY YOU FURRY BASTARD YOU SCARED HIM

NOW HE FEELS WORTHLESS ASDAGFJGKGASHKHF

HE BETTER COME BACK

I swear if its because his pores are clogged that his power stopped working or because he got punched I will cry

Jeok-Bong's dad stop comparing your son, that happened to me and it was BAD

My poor baby UnU

SEONG-SIK YOU BASTARD

HOW DARE YOU PUT MY BABY IN DANGER

LEAVE HIM ALONE

LEAVE THE DAD ALONE TOO

ayo why does this man have so much blood in his nose

AHH HIS POWER CAME BACK

HE JUST HAD TO GET GUT IN THE NOSE AGAIN

HELL YEAH GET WRECKED YOU STINKY BASTARD

GET HIM BABY WAHOO

PUT COW DUNG ON THAT MAN

MMMMM Y'ALL IN YUNG BETTER BE CHEERING

WELL DONE JEOK-BONG

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

TO ETERNAL OIL HELL WITH YOU EVIL SPIRIT

AWWW JONG-GUK ISNT MAD GOOD

WAIT HE'S 21?

I SMELL MORE BS IN THAT STATEMENT THAN JEOK-BONG DOES AT WORK GOSH DAMN

THE BIG BROTHER STATEMENT

Aww him and his dad are bonding again finally

This is so wholesome I'm going to cry

MHM UR MAKING YOUR DAD PROUD JEOK-BONG

💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

No because tell me why Mun has such a good fashion sense

And Mo-Tak too

And Ha Na

All of them actually

Gelly I regret to tell you but that steak is raw

I hope you get food poisoning

STOP MAKING CONNECTIONS DAMNIT

LEAVE MR MA ALONE

NOO IT'S THE EVIL OIL DEMON THING

LEAVE HIM ALONE

YOU AND YOUR MONKEY SOUNDING VOICE BETTER SINK BACK INTO THE OIL OCEAN

Mo-Tak please relax you're like three 9 year-olds in a trench coat

KWANG AND GELLY

YOU BASTARDS

EVIL OIL DEMON STUPID

LEAVE MY MR. MA OUT OF THIS

HOW DARE THE EPISODE END THERE

[veritable-trash]

Golden Boy pt. 2

Pairing: Ben Miller x F!Reader

Words: 3.9k(bro this was a fucking JOURNEY)

Warning: SMUT smutty smut smut heheheh so 18+ just a little fingering action and Benny talking dirty which that combo was a doozy to my mental well being this evening wheeeeew

A/N: alright bitches i did it. i finally wrote part 2 for golden boy like i said i would and that was HARD AS HELL. god writing isn't as easy as they make it out to be(no one says it's easy this is just my brain telling me if i'm not good at something immediately i suck, it's hell round these parts) Anywaysssss i'm trying to keep a positive light on this because i'm still getting into all this and this was my first like sorta long piece with a lot more dialogue and world building and character building so i'm giving myself some grace. i tried and i can't look at this anymore and i just want to throw this out and close my eyes. so i hope yall enjoy this and find comfort in benny just being the most lovely dude. i want benny to finger fuck me into next week, every week. sorry that might have been tmi but i'm so tired my brain has melted officially. ok i'm going to bed now enjoy sending you hugs and kisses and well wishes alwayssssss <33333333333

~~~

It had been six years. Six years of the same old town with the same painful memories that seemed to be crystallized in its very foundation. You don’t know if it was the masochist in you or what but you just couldn’t seem to bring yourself to leave. Because the pain was familiar, something you knew how to move through. The new was scary, with edges you could cut and bleed on. Something you had done enough of, no thanks to this town.

Though your pain was layered, there was one that truly never left you. One you saw on every street corner, etched into the cracks in the sidewalk. Benny still tortured your thoughts. Every year the sting started to ebb into something less gut wrenching. But only just.

You seemed to be on a never ending cycle of shoving everything so far down you thought it disappeared, to having it claw it’s way across the glass in your throat till all you could do was cry and wallow on random Sundays. But those Sundays were finally starting to get less frequent.

Benny hadn’t come back and with the distance slowly you started started to mend. The patches weren’t the strongest and your resolve didn’t fare much better but it was happening. You didn’t have to see him riding around in his pick up blasting some country tune while his eyes sparkled like something magical. You were totally over him you swear.

~~~

The diner you had been working at since you graduated high school was your personal hell. A contraption made up of all the things that made you want to crawl out of your skin. The awful, purple vinyl seats. The yellowing tables with chipping paint. The menus that stayed sticky no matter how many times you wiped them. Everyone swears that it’s charming and “vintage” but you just thought it smelt like week old frying oil and murdered dreams. Yours to be exact.

This hadn’t been your plan obviously. You had strived for more, wanted for escape, but your mom had been sick. For years. And that cut off a lot of options when money wasn’t exactly free flowing. So you stayed and worked and it was fine because honestly college was probably never meant for you. School had been torture and work had been secure and you had lacked security your whole life.

It was only a year after that fateful graduation that your mom passed. It had been quiet and gut-wrenchingly painful but it was just the two of you and that’s how you both had wanted it to be. You still cried in secret adding to the tears you already drowned in, but there was peace in having her pass the way she had wanted and when she was ready. Your life seemed to be never ending lose but at least now there wasn’t anything left to loose. It was just you.

And all of that was all looping it’s way around your skull when that grating entry bell rang reminding you that you still worked here, and your dreams were yellowing just like the menus.

A chatter filled the diner as you tried to assemble yourself with a plastic smile. It wasn’t too busy thankfully but it was late, 10 PM on a Friday, and you had just caught your breath after the high school football game crowd blew through here like the beaches of fucking Normandy.

It had been a night and every single customer, no matter how sweet, made you grit your teeth.

And as you turn towards the counter your chest caves.

It’s Benny. And Will. And some two other random guys, but it’s Benny. Sitting down at the corner booth about to see you and you’re wearing an itchy, polyester diner dress most likely from the 50’s.

You wish the world would drop out from under you but your luck had run out years ago and those torturous blue eyes land on you before you could duck under the counter. And now it’s like there is no air left in the room.

Confusion, and shock, maybe even a little regret flit over his features before he’s up almost as fast as he sat down. Crossing the room in long strides with a level of determination that had seldom been directed at you.

You’re gripping the menus so tight they squeak under your nails. He’s right here. Standing right across the counter from you and it’s like there’s been a time lapse. Like some parallel dimension has crossed over and you’re somehow looking at Benny from two universes away, not your Benny.

But you know it’s not true because as soon as that tiny, sheepish smile crosses his lips, and his eyes flicker down to his busted converse, it couldn’t be anyone other than your Benny.

“I like the outfit. Really suites you and that whole 50’s housewife vibe you’ve always had going on.”

“Benny is that seriously the first thing you’re gonna say to me? After six years? I swear to god I want to smack you with my shoe, I-“

“God I’ve missed you.” It’s said on a sigh. So soft, sweet like something made out of warm air and sunflowers, like the honey days of summer. It seems to run down your throat, stuttering your breath and making you lose words.

“Huh still the same sweet talker, why am I not surprised?”

“No, I’m serious. I’ve been thinking about you. Honestly don’t think I’ve ever stopped thinking about you-“

“Ben, I-Ben I need you to be serious. I can’t do all of this sweetness when you left. Remember? And though you might have been thinking about me, I haven’t heard from you in years. A lot has changed and those blue eyes and pout never worked on me in the first place.” His eyes flicker hurt. He huffs a laugh that seems almost painful.

“You know that I wrote you. I kept writing to you even after you stopped writing back. And even then I hoped you understood why I left. Understood that I needed to go even if I was dying, dying, to stay.”

Now you grew sheepish. You had stopped writing. For your own mental health, but there was no way to tell him that. You had just ghosted his letters until he finally stopped. There was no easy way for you to tell him that these letters were shredding your heart to pieces. That one more honey coated word from him would probably send you into cardiac arrest.

Your heart was too weak for him, and you couldn’t handle the aches anymore.

But now looking at him and hearing his voice for the first time in so many years, you were filled with strange regret. Regret that those letters were hidden. That you never wrote back, hide from your best friend, from someone you loved. Not that he would ever get to know those secrets. Those murmured dreams.

“I’m sorry, Benny, I really am. I ju-I just got busy and in my own head about it. I thought you didn’t even want to hear from me.”

“But I wrote you. I didn’t write to anyone else. Other than my mom, but I mean, you know how that goes.” His smile barely hit his eyes, the usual crows feet staying hidden.

You place the menus on the counter, your hands now moving to grip the edge of the your apron.

“We can’t do this here Benny. I want to talk but I’m at work and I can see your friends and brother already starting to ask one too many questions in their own heads that even we don’t know the answers to, so I am going to send you back to your table. Come back after 11:30 if you really wanna talk, ok?”

The way he looked at you was like watching a tornado up close. There was so much going on, but all you were trying to do was lock in on one thing. Your fingers twitched with how much you wanted to touch him.

“Ok, 11:30. But I’m gonna be here, and we are talking.” There was that certainty level of determination back again, laced through his words. As you watched him walk back to his booth, your mind stutter stepped.

~~~

You got to close that night by yourself. Thank God. You had been dying the past hour and half, fidgeting and glancing up at Benny’s table till they finally left, and now you had a few quiet moments to breath as you cleaned up.

Tables got wiped down. Breath in. Menus stacked. Breath out. Locking up the front. Breath in-

Through the glass of the door you could see Benny leaning against his car. Waiting for you.

He simply waves and your breath is now trapped in your lungs. You can see your reflection in the glass and you look the picture of a deer in headlights. Wide eyes, mouth slightly parted, you feel yourself heat up all over.

You try to school your features, a simple wave your response, but the second you turn your brain goes into overdrive.

Why is he here? What does he want to talk about? Is he seeing someon- Nope, nope you were not going down that path. Your hands scrub at your face as you try to settle. You flip the light switch, the diner descends into darkness, and you step out into the cool night air.

“Sorry, closing took a bit longer than expected. It was just me tonight” He straightens up as you approach and you’re now realizing how big he his. He’s filled out since high school and the planes of his chest, the breadth of his shoulders makes you almost trip over your feet.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s a perfect night, I wouldn’t want to be inside anyways.” You’re expecting him to continue but he just watches you. His arms crossed over his broad chest, golden hair disheveled like he’d been pulling at it, but blue eyes swimming with mirth.

The silence stretched and your hands started to twist on themselves. You hated silence, always made you nervous and chatty, and you knew Benny was well aware of that fact.

“Benny are you seriously gonna just stand there and say nothing? I mean-“

“Can’t I just look at you for a second? I haven’t gotten to see you in six years and I’m trying to soak it all in, alright?” His head cocks to the side, eyes taking you in head to toe, and you have to fight tooth and nail not to shiver. You can feel a thickness filling the air, a tension you didn’t understand.

“Ben you said you wanted to talk, so talk. How long are you here? Where are you staying? How was being overseas? I mean seriously anything it has been six years.” Nerves start clawing at your throat, needing to understand the situation. Know what is going on and where this is all going because Benny always sent your gears spinning.

“I’m here however long I feel like it. I’m staying with my mom for now, but if things work out I’ll end up getting my own place somewhere around here. And overseas fucking sucked and I never want to go back, but none of those things are what I really wanted to talk about.”

Somehow you didn’t realize that the air between you two was disappearing. Distracting you with his words as he inched in on his prey. And now there was less than a foot between you. It all felt dangerously intimate. Soft eyes gazing down at you, small smile curling the corners of his lips, teeth peaking out as they nibbled at it. He was drawing you in, moth to flame, just like he always had.

“I thought about you a lot while I was overseas. Those letters really kept my head above water.” He pulls at his fingers, eyes dropping from yours, a certain sadness and grief so evident in his gaze. “It just made me realize once you stopped writing how much I relied on you. How I’ve always relied on you. And I let you slip away.”

Your hand reaches out and wraps around his anxious fingers before your brain can stop you. And the look on his face as he takes in your laced fingers makes it worth it, stomach flipping, heart fluttering.

“You always know exactly what I need.” A smile colors his words, paints the darkness in all the shades of your heart. You thought you were over Benjamin Miller. You fucking wish. His eyes drift to yours and you want to drown in the emotions pouring out of them.

“I’m sorry. For leaving. For hurting you. For choosing Heather over you. For not trying to fix things earlier. You’re my best friend, and I should have never let anything get between us.”

The words best friend slashes at your chest. Of course. Reality kicking your teeth in, forcing you to reckon with the pain behind your first fight.

You try to pull away, body retracting in on itself, but Benny isn’t having any of it. His hand only tugs your closer to him, now almost chest to chest, both of his hands cupping yours. The touch so gentle, yet firm it feels almost reverent.

“I won’t let you pull away again. Never again you hear me. I need you here. With me. By my side-“

It’s happening again. Getting all too much. Too many feelings but not the ones you want. Yearning for him like those six years never happened, and you’re still 18, and he’s still the golden boy. Words are bubbling up your throat, threatening to spill all over the pavement, and let Benny bear witness to the mess you’ve been hiding away deep inside. You’ve pushed and stomped and shoved away these feelings for so long, you thought you had a handle on it, but now it’s all too much.

“Benny I love you and I can’t do this. I can’t sit here and listen to you talk about how important I am and how we’re best friends, and how we’ll never be apart again when I’m in love with you and you don’t feel the same. It’s why I stopped writing. It hurt so much. And it still hurts because somehow I’m still in love with you and you still have no-“

His lips touch yours and time wrinkles. Your brain seems to short circuit and as soon as it starts its over. Gently pulling back to gaze at you with adoration that seems oceans deep.

“I had a sneaking suspicion, but I wasn’t completely sure you felt the same. I was going to tell you I love you first, but you have a tendency to ramble and I no one can stop that train once it starts rolling.” His eyes crinkle, a hand now tentatively wrapping around your neck, your waist. “I love you too, by the way. Now I would loveee to kiss you proper if you’ll let me milady?”

You’re grinning, and he’s grinning, and then its fireworks. He licks into your mouth with conviction, telling the world he loves you out loud for anyone to see. And the sounds he makes make you want to scream “He’s mine!” off the rooftops. His breath coming in sighs and groans, pouring down your throat till you feel like you’re going to burst.

Whispers of I love you, I’ve dreamed of kissing you like this, I will never let you go. So many years yearning and pining, dreaming of this moment and now it’s finally all happening.

It turns frantic the second you nibble at his bottom lip. Fingertips digging into the back of your neck, while his thumb angles your head so he can lick deeper. Taste more of you. Your back hits the drivers side window, and now you can finally arch into him, fingers skating into his hair, scratching at his scalp.

His moans turn you molten. “Fuck, your lips taste so sweet.” His thumb catching on your bottom lip, pulling it down, his eyes never leaving your lips. “I want to see them wrapped around my cock. Fuck I hope that’s not too crass, but Jesus woman you drive me crazy.”

It’s all spinning out but you don’t want it to stop. The neediness, finally knowing he’s wanted you as badly as you’ve wanted him. Knowing he’s just as ready to drop to his knees and devour you sends stars across your vision.

“Benny…” Your lips wrap around his thumb, kitten licking the tip, aching for him to push you just a little harder against the car. His eyes darken, tongue peaking out to wet his lips.

“Ya baby? What do you need?” Your teeth graze up his thumb as you release him with a light pop that sounds almost deafen. His fingers skim up your neck, tighten in your hair, pulling a wanton moan from somewhere deep and needy. Your pussy throbs, slick pooling low and hot, and you’ve never craved someone the way you crave him. “Come on you can tell me. Do you want my thumb back in your mouth? Or maybe you’d like it better on your clit. Already got it nice and wet though I think you might already be dripping for me.”

His smile turns a bit feral at the edges as his other hand crawls up the inside of your thigh. You can feel how your panties cling to you where you’ve soaked through. Your whole body shivers, knees knocking against his, as his hand trails up your thighs.

And then he’s pressing down. Pressing against your clit and your legs melt, your toes curl. Head lolling back against the car, Benny following quickly behind with lips and teeth and tongue laving at your neck. And now it’s confirmed. You have never wanted someone the way you want Benjamin Miller.

“God you’re so wet. Fuck I knew it. I knew you were the girl of my dreams. I can’t wait to taste you, I gotta taste you.” And before you can take another breath, he has your panties pushed aside, index finger running through the wet seam of you, and bring it up so he can wrap his pretty mouth around and taste. It’s obscene the way he stares you down while his jaw works at getting every last drop of you.

Your hips buck involuntarily. He grins like he’s won a fucking gold metal.

“You taste fucking perfect.” And then it’s lips and teeth and his thumb pressing against your clit, while his finger starts to push into you. It’s so many sensations at once your brain can’t seem to decide where to focus first.

His finger curls in you, thumb circling. Your hips riding his hand with how well he’s playing you. Making you sing for the whole empty parking lot to hear. The sound of your wet heat sucking his fingers deeper seeming to echo around you. You can feel the heat building deep, starting to expand from your core into your chest.

And then another finger slips inside you and you almost double over. “Oh fu-fuck, Benny, shit that feels so good. Please don’t stop. Please, please, please.”

The way your pussy clamped down on his two fingers makes Benny imagine your pussy wrapped around his cock, and he’s almost embarrassed by how close to the edge that thought sent him. He can’t help himself with the noises you make, how your hips are grinding down on his hand, the lingering taste of you coating his mouth.

“So good for me, God so good for me. Are you gonna cum like this? Fucking yourself on my fingers against my car? You have no idea how fucking sexy you are. I would do anything for you.” Every word wrenches you higher, pushes you closer. He mouths at your neck, your jaw, your ear. Nibbles at your collarbone whispering more filth into the flesh there.

You feel him everywhere, pressed against every part of you he can reach. Your nails dig into his back and he ruts against your thigh. Groans out for you and it makes you see stars.

You yank at his hair, pulling his mouth back to yours craving his lips, the taste of him. The stretch of his fingers making the kisses sloppy, tongues lapping into open mouths, teeth pulling and biting. You almost forget you’re in the parking lot of the diner with how high in the clouds he’s sending you.

He bites at your lip, earning a whine from the back of your throat. His fingers slow their tempo, starting to drag slower. In and out. In and out. You can’t tell if he’s pushing you even closer to the edge or bringing you down so he can ramp you up all over again. Your hips cant forward trying to find more sensation but he holds you steady, eyes locking.

“Baby can you take another finger? I think you can take it, let me stretch you open. Let me make you feel so good.”

You almost shatter at the words, your cunt rippling. He smirks at you as he feels your answer.

“Yeah, let’s do one more.”

And then you’re trembling. His third, thick finger spears into you, sensations skittering across your skin with how full you feel. His eyes are glued to his hand. Watching his fingers sink into you, his jaw slack. He nestles his fingers as deep as they’ll go and then his thumb presses into your clit, and your eyes roll back.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, Benny! Yes, yes, yes, you’re gonna make me cum. I’m gonna cum.” You’re babbling at this point, the stretch of it blanking out your brain. Turning your whole body to jello. All of a sudden that peak you were chasing is staring you straight in the face and you have no power to stop it.

He ruts his fingers into you one, two, three times and then it all comes crashing down around you. You curl into him, the pleasure throwing you off balance, as your eyes snap shut and you moan high pitched and breathy into his neck.

You can only feel his words, you’re hearing shorting out with the pleasure overwhelming your system. His fingers rocking into you slowly, easing you off this high you just crashed through. Senses slowly coming back. His lips on your temple. Your slick at the tops of your thighs. His fingers massaging your scalp. His cock stiff against your hip.

A giggle bubbles from your chest, a smile spreading against his neck. You can feel his chest rumble with laughter.

“Well… that was fun.” You huff out a laugh. Face still hidden against the collar of his shirt but you can’t help melting into him.

“Come home with me. Please?” He whispers it into your hairline. Like he’s nervous you’ll say no. Nervous he might still loose you.

But there are no doubts left. No shadows haunting your thoughts. Because the answer is so simple now.

“Always.

lol thank you for making it this far hopefully fingers crossed who knows maybe no one makes it this far. honestly that would also be fine. ok i really need to shut up now. xoxoxoxoxoxo <3333

[angelsswirl]

The Hills in Seoul

Chapter III

Rating: M

Wrd Cnt: 1.2k

Notes: just want yall to know this story is angsty as all hell

In the dark it'll all feel alright

Gianna pushed lightly at Lisa's shoulder. Lisa moved somewhat but not very far. Still close enough to where Gianna had to look up through her eyelashes at her.

"Go out with me." Lisa knew what Gianna's response to that borderline command would be before it even left her mouth. But she lived by the motto 'it couldn't hurt to try'.

"No."

Lisa whined. She'll be honest, she's sort of used to getting what she wants.

"Why not?"

"Lisa. I work for you, essentially. Conflict of interest."

"No one has to know." Lisa mumbled.

Gianna laughed almost maniacally. Peeling away from Lisa and toward the door.

"Is that what you tell all of the girls?" It was supposed to be a harmless joke, the jealousy that seeps into the words is quite frankly, beneath Gianna and she'll do everything in her power to ignore it. She doesn't even know Lisa for fuck sake.

"Considering you're only one of five people I've ever kissed, one of them being Jisoo on accident, No."

Gianna tried to keep the shock off her face. She sometimes had to force herself to remember that she and kpop idols experienced celebrity very differently.

"Can't imagine it's easy to sneak people into that luxury apartment of yours."

Lisa shrugged, "Don't know. Never bothered trying. Would you like to test that theory?"

Gianna rolled her eyes and promptly walked out of the studio. Lisa laughing loudly in her wake.

"Welcome home, Cheater." Cara greeted.

"Huh?" There was no way Cara knew about the kiss? It just happened for fucks sake and Cara had been home way before Gianna had even found herself on that side of the company building.

"You're making new besties. Lisa and Rosé are borderline obsessed with you."

Oh thank God.

"What an interesting choice of words." You mumbled.

"Have you cracked Jennie yet?"

"I thought we were leaving 'Operation: Humpty Dumpty in Chanel' to you?"

Cara gasped, "You were serious about that?"

"Yes, Care Bear. I have bigger designer brand fish to fry."

"Oh. Well anyway. Why were you late?"

Gianna blinked. She could lie. Or she could tell the truth and then lie right after in regards to any follow up questions.

Cara raised an eyebrow, "Well?"

Sometimes, the best phibs were the ones wrapped in truth, "I was with Lisa."

"Doing what...?"

"I-uh-I"

"Oh my God. I know that face. That's your 'I'm horny' face!"

"No it isn't! I don't have an I'm horny face!"

"Did you and Lisa..." Cara's eyebrows waggle cartoonishly.

"No."

"Booo-"

"-I stopped it before that could happen."

"BOOOOO!"

"Cara..."

"Don't Cara me! You just fumbled the bag."

"CARA!"

Cara swooned dramatically, "I mean imagine the prenup you could get her to sign."

"What's wrong with you? Like seriously. Did Mama Lauren slap your soft spot when you were a baby?"

Cara pouted, "No...she dropped me instead."

Gianna couldn't tell if Cara was kidding or not. She needs an excuse for the redhead's behavior however so she's going with not kidding.

"It was a mistake, Cara. It will never happen again."

"Famous last words."

"I'm serious."

"I am too."

Gianna shook her head, "Whatever. What's your plan to get Jennie to open up?"

Cara shrugged, "I don't know. Seduce her?"

"I don't even have the energy to scold you anymore."

"Lisa eye fucked you that hard?"

"Oh my God!"

"Where have you been?"

Lisa jumped three feet into the air. She stared at the intruder then at her lounging doberman, "Why didn't you attack? Some gaurd dog you are."

"You named him 'Love'. Not very intimidating."

"Why are you in my apartment?" Lisa asked as she set her house keys down in a random place that she won't remember the next day. It was apart of her routine to scour her into apartment for her keys everyday.

"Waiting for you. Obviously."

"I should have never given you a key."

Jennie shrugged, "Safety in numbers or whatever."

Lisa plopped onto her couch, she pressed the palms of her hands into her eye sockets with increasing pressure until she felt something substantial.

"Gianna Kennedy Prince is trying to kill me."

"Hm. Wouldn't she have to know you exist to be plotting your untimely demise?" Jennie said uncaringly as she picked at her manicure.

"We kissed." Lisa said simply.

"You what!?"

"I bribed her into dancing with me and then the next thing I know we're kissing."

"Lali..."

"Yes. Yes. I know. But she was just so... there. I couldn't help myself. She's a great kisser. Forgot who I was for a good 5 minutes."

Jennie looked mildly concerned. She grimaced.

"Don't look at me like that. It's too late already. She's got me wrapped around her finger and I don't really mind it."

"Aren't you engaging in the very thing she's trying to prevent?"

Lisa laughed humorlessly, "Well, I was trying to before she very strictly said 'No'."

"Oh. Sorry, Lisa." Jennie's grimaced deepened.

"Don't be. I saw it coming. I brought it on myself. I knew what I was getting myself into before I asked."

"I feel a 'but' coming on...."

"But. She wouldn't have kissed me back if she didn't like me even a little bit, right? I mean she's not going to be working with us forever. I'll get her to go on a date with me if it kills you."

"Don't you mean kills yourself?"

"No. If I'm dead how am I supposed to go on the date? Keep up, Jennie."

Jennie rolled her eyes, "I want to give you advice but I have a feeling you would tune me out and start thinking about Gianna's ass."

"Oh don't worry. I've been thinking about her ass this entire conversation. But yeah you're right. I wouldn't listen a lick, so don't waste your breath."

"Thanks." Jennie said sarcastically.

"You're welcome, Nini. Now, when are you going to tell Gianna 3 out of 4 of us like girls?"

Jennie's face turned a deep crimson, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Lisa smiled happily, "Sure you do. You look at Cara the same way I look at Gianna. Don't worry. I don't think either of them have noticed. Hell, I don't think Chae or Chu have noticed yet either. I just happen to have impeccable gaydar, of course."

"I wonder if Gianna could cover up a murder as well." Jennie exclaimed as she lunged at Lisa.

Lisa only laughed heartily, rolling deftly off the couch and onto her feet. Scurrying away from Jennie easily.

"She's a publicist not a lawyer. Also. I think I kissed her so well, that she would be mad if something happened to me."

"I'm willing to take that chance!" Jennie lunged again.

"Love! Attack!"

The medium sized dog snored loudly in response.

"Fine. Lego! Attack!" Lego wasn't even in the room.

"Really?"

[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

I'm a ticking time bomb from finding out why you brought me back so many times to play your little iffy game. And I'm tired of arousal from our pain. Being triggered at work when I get a message of your arrival for attention and your departure for an imbecile.

You are the reason. You taught me that pain is pleasurable.

Pain is orgasmic and that it changes you. We can't avoid it.

I was always running from pain, drowning in my emotions in weed and alcohol and having to pick it up later so the boss or my family couldn't see that I was wearing a mask too.

I pretend to be happy so they'll be. So you'll be.

I would have died I'd I held onto that mask for you. I'm so I cut it off and surprised you. Because I was indeed enraged. I would have killed myself to take it off.

Because instead I chose to leave and let it fade by itself. Because I refuse to suffer anymore for you.

I'm over here at work, horny and moaning because that hard ass concrete we got feels like the floor is lava. And I wanna kick your ass and just laugh.

"Like wow if that crazy bitch didn't teach me bdsm, I would have just quit 2nd day or 1st day and had no way to move out and get a car"

I thought about you all 1st 2 weeks cause of how horrifibly real it was to work 12hr shifts, 3days in a row that feels like it's all In one, cause you only get periodic 3-4hr naps, maybe even 2 cause by Saturday yo ass is ready to cum all over that fucking slaveship, from all the fucking pent up frustration and raging at your feet, the hot ass hawks, the empty lanes with maybe 30min or an hour of just walking around and no package. Fighting yourself so you don't fall asleep and absolutely stop romanticizing a person from the past who hurt you and to not criticize them anymore in your head so you can just get through today, tomorrow and the next. Just keep letting it go.

I had to stop being mad at you because of the way this job is. If I didn't, I'd probably would have just fought with my team leader who sorta resembles you with the backwards cap. And now he has this undercut and yea....I'm sexually frustrated for 36+hrs and I can't fuck anybody there, touch anybody, kiss anyone until I find a loyal partner who isn't batshit crazy like you were. Sorry just being real.

But I'm also glad I'm learning self control even when I'm ready to box this bitchs face in from HR who clearly doesn't give a fuck about fixing problems we come to ask her about and just dismisses you to leave with the stress that you just came to her about. Cause who the fuck wants to be worried about anything after midnight! For the last 7hrs, sleep deprivation makes me starve for attention, sex, toys, video games, food, candy...ANYTHING DRAMA INCLUDED TO WASTE MOST OF MY TIME INSTEAD OF WALKING AROUND STILL ON SOME FUCKED FLOOR WITH SOME FUCKED UP ALMOST $80 SHOES FOR OVER AN HOUR TILL YO TOES KEEP CRACKING PERIODICALLY AND YOUR EYES 90% CLOSED FROM THAT FUCKING WAKE UP CALL YOU GET.

Memorizing the fucking tune of your bed alarm.

Dang, Dong, Ding, Ding, Ding.

dAnG, DONG, dingLY, Ding.

And the adhd or ADD ensues re-memorizing every convo in songs or stuff I said to somebody else.

This is worse than quarantine yall, but not as bad as watching my grandmother pass.

But I do still get those hallucinations every so often as I try to get some sleep, accidentally falling asleep on the toilet and then watching your cloth mask that your ex gave you get flushed down the toilet so you feel like shit, and bitter because you always wore that mask.

It's alot of letting go at this place. And I'm scared to say I'm liking the behavioral techniques and technology that I'm learning to find out about behind the scenes 😅

I'm still chewing on what's the reason God brought me here instead of working at an office job from 9am to 5pm.

But he never l left me. Even when I singing songs about twerking that ass at work and a Jesus song came up. I knew I needed somebody or just a need of prayer to help me stay awake so I can finish this shift.

I miss sleep so much, I went to bed as soon as I got home in the morning and didn't wake up till now. Sounding like an old lady with short tempur and ptsd from warehouse noises training me to look up before you walk and I'm just sitting in here, just laying in my bed.

I need some counseling, no joke. Cause I even punched the wall in the bathrooms because I was so pissed off at that lady and at anybody that gave me attitude like momma used to do when I was tryna help but she thought I didn't know any better.

It sure did hurt, that whatever is happening or already happened to me was affecting my performance at work to where I don't even think I'm doing that great of a job because I haven't seen much results even though packages are slow and I'm worried my numbers may be too low or too slow. But there's already alot of us hogging up the lanes, I get so selfish sometimes that I have to take a step back.

Yes, I would like a fullll aass lane of boxes to waste my time on, rather than wait on other people to let me scan and put away something.

Cause if I'm not busy, I'm not distracted enough to even focus, and then I'm just walking around cause I wanna leave and there's nothing left to do.

Like I wish I could sit down, watch TV, and eat my food without my tummy hurting. Cause even now, my stomach can't take nothing on the 3rd night because I got acid reflux. So then I can't even drink an energy drink or coffee without going crazy for like 2hrs, happy as can be to feel alive.....then I burn out or start feeling diarrhea 3hrs later....its annoying as hell.

And I think the solution is sleep and to fast. But I think I just miss working in the daylight and the sun being out.

I feel like even as I wait on the bus for 45min at a time, in the cold, I'm like freezing my teeth out and I don't wanna talk or sit by nobody.

If I'm stressed I watch something on my phone to help me feel better, like an old cartoon or a hot ass music video of Kehlani. Smoke some cbd and light that bitch up till I feel numb.

Cause I hate feelings repeated on the floor. And rn my pain says avoid all cis gendered men who keep looking at me like I'm food or just one of the boys. Like I'm just hurt and don't wanna date no man.

Unless they're an ftm with slanted eyes, a cute cat like nose and small lips, and rounded eye smile, and round soft white cheeks. Jay was pale like dough and I miss that pretty little face. That girly, long eyelashes, and small beaded eyes, that could make you starve just by slanting them at you, making you want them more and then them teasing you about it.

This could be why I'm a bit distracted at work now, talking to my potential roommate made me feel better at work and I started to feel a crush grow, so I backed off and didn't text them yesterday because they do have a girlfriend and she's in Alaska for the meantime, and I just knowwwwwww this is God testing me to do the right thing no matter how excited they are to see me, we are broooooossssss I had to tell myself and my vagina clit that acts like a dick to CALLLMMM THEEE FUCCCKKKKK DOOOWWWNNN HOEEEE. YOU JUST THIRSTY FOR SOME ROMANTIC ATTENTION AND FLIRTING AND SEX AND YOU WANNA FINALLY MAKE LOVE WITH SOMEONE AND GET SPANKED REAL HARD.

NOOOOOO DO NOT FUCK THIS UP FOR ME.

AND NOOOOO THIS IS NOT JAY, THEY WONT CHEAT ON THEIR GF WITH YOU AND THEN GO BACK TO BEING PLATONIC. OVER AND OVER AGAIN....NOOOOOO

STOPPPPPP

So I did the right thing and snapped out of it once I realized that I just miss Jay. And that yes, my roommate would be a great friend to have. No matter how attractive they are. We do have alot in common and it would be ok for us to be just friends. I wouldn't lose anything by just staying platonic. I don't need to compete for attention from another version of Ayunna. We're just living roommates who are gonna be just fine as bros.

Lesson learned, don't talk to someone or sleep with someone or flirt with someone who is in a relationship.

It saves you the pain of letting them go later and getting heart broken because Jay didn't pick you. He was always in love and never wanted to leave Ayunna for you, so yea. I shouldn't expect my roommate to do that cause why would you want someone to put you as a side chick or just a friend that they have sex with when you know that it hurt you to not be kissed or caressed or hugged like the way Jay did with her, and not you.

I would be repeating and replacing an old roller Coaster that I got addicted to, and took over a year to get off. Chasing for attention, getting chased back every blue moon or every so often, then denied, played, and rejected then gasligted to behave and just be patient for when they say so. It's not right and it's not fair to you to lose to a girl who looks so much worser than you and treats their partner with less respect than you would.

So stop trying to win Jay through your roommate and let them figure out their own relationship.

(No matter how crazy it sounds. This person has to be in love with their gf because who would wait over a year to be with this person and the only chance they got to be with her is now, but only because she just got out of a toxic marriage of just one year and the divorce hasn't even been finalized yet. She said she even thinks she hates cis gendered men after this guy, but I know that feeling. She absolutely hates anyone who reminds her of him, just like how I felt about jay when I said I would never date a trans again.)

I know exactly what both of them are feeling. Pain from a past relationship and dealing with her grandmother who is sick. Getting into a rebound relationship to help you cope and get over what just happened and letting go of love if she hasn't already.

And then my soon to be roommate, sounds like they got exactly what they asked God for....to be in a relationship with someone else they were already friends with and always saw a future together with then but had to fight their feelings off or hide them away, as they grew and grew and grew so big because distance makes the heart fawn with someone with emotional abuse in the family. You finally feel love and attention. And the only way to stop a crush like that from growing and be free is to pop that bag of butterflies and to just kill them all, every single butterfly, everything you ever felt, dreamed, or thought was gonna happen.....or just date them.

But now you're the attention seeking, love bombing whore who was so excited you even got a chance to be with this person and they're not as excited as you....

Cause hello, she just got out of a DIVORCE not just a relationship WITH SOMEONE WHO SHE THOUGHT KIDS WERE GONNA BE COMING SOON OR BOUGHT A HOUSE WITH but then again who marries someone who they wasn't sure if they liked their gender or not??

Like wow, it's starting to make me see that she always did wanted to give my roommate/bro a chance as an escape from an emotionally abusive partner who I know she's gonna miss. Because I do too, still miss Jay even though they hurt me more than once, but several times they broke me down to tears.

So yea, I understand completely on both sides and L, my roommate might actually be with the one their soul wants to marry. Cause they got the lucky chance card. And I didn't because I chose the wrong person to fall in love with.

I hope I meet somebody else soon who's available but tinder and okc making it seem like this is the worst time to be Dating people. There's not many trustworthy options to pick from and I absolutely can't date someone who is on the same shift and area as me. Unless she or he or they were in a different area and met up on our off days.

I'm sure I'll get it right this time and just stop getting too close to people who I know I could form a crush on but I know they're already with someone else or just a casual hookup/dater.

I don't need my heart broken again this year, so if I sound like Miley Cyrus after being broken up with, even though we're the ones who broke up with you. We had a reason to. And it was because clearly you weren't perfect enough to receive love and give love back that we thought you owed us because we invested so much time, love, care and support into your life, but we wasn't given the same human compatibility.....because yea you clearly was in love with somebody else. So you treated us like shit 🖐

But yea, why be so mad at me for breaking up with you because I figured out why I was here and now your two faced, hearted ass can't even give me my fucking msu hoodie back, Tatyana. Yea, hid the fact you had a huge asd crush on your best friend/mommy figure and told me you started Dating her even though she just got married and this was after I broke up with you. Like I'm bitch I'm not stupid and I'm not driving 40min to get my shit, when I actually was grown up and responsible enough to send you your shit and pay $10 to ups for it to come to your nasty ass house.

Terrell, the whore who sent me his baby catalog without even taking the time to say hello or friend me back on Facebook. Yea I unfriended him and he sent the link on fb, like you're a horrible dad and relationship partner. Probably psychotic from all the shrooms he's took and is a sex proned masochist still in love with his ex, who was mean and non binary. And he was crying over her on snapchat when I left, not even crying over me when I broke up with him for having another girl move in with him that was gonna sleep in his bedroom and shit. Nasty fuvk, said he was gonna kick her out every time I would come over just because we were 30min away. He's still a piece of trash not worth mentioning.

And yea everything on this journal has already been revealed about Jay. Probably should make some money off the heartbreak this bitch caused and just write an entire novel.

Lmaooo, I swear if L has dog fur all over the house like Tatyana did, I'm not joining our roommate agreement because that shit was gross and terrifying to even get in my mouth while I was doing oral on her because even her own bed was covered in it and she never seemed to wash her clothes, iron them, or just wash her sheets. Or how about this ACTUALLY USE FUCKING SOAP TO WASH DISHES IN CAUSE YALL NASTY ASS GRANPA WAS WASHING HIS HAIR IN THE SINK AND YALL USED THE EXACT SAME FUCKING SHAMPOO TO WASH YALL DISHES IN INSTEAD OF BEING RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH TO BUY YOUR OWN FUVKING SOAP.

AND YES THIS ANGER IS FROM GRIEF AND SUPPRESSING EMPTIONS FOR PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T DESERVE MY FUCKING KINDNESS AND STRESS HIVES ON MY BACK AND MY CHEST CAUSE LETS BE REAL I GET DRUNK OFF OF ANGSTU SHIT AND NOW IM JUST YELLING TO YELL TO INCREASE MY DOMINANCE OVER PAIN ITSELF.

YELLL ALL YOUR FREAKING EPISODEA ARE OVER AND GO SEE A FUCKING PSYCHIATRIST

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Eighty-Three [Pt. 1]

Part Eighty-Three [Pt. 2]

A/N: There's 2 parts to this chapter because the post was way long. Part Eighty-Four will be posted tomorrow night. I love yall and hope you enjoy, goodnight!!

Words: 5.7k

Warnings: Explicit language, drug abuse, violence, verbal abuse, domestic abuse, explicit sexual situations

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"The ambulance is on the way." I hear someone say over the noise of the running water and the blood throbbing in my ears from my mind racing. 

My heart feels like it's about to burst, my lungs feel flat, like they don't have the muscle to expand and let me catch my breath. 

Duff's t-shirt that I'm wearing is soaked with freezing cold water, Nikki's grayish-yellow skin now blue… 

We've been trying to get him to wake up. 

Slash is passed out, being knocked out by his girlfriend, Sally, once he realized what was happening and had a drunk meltdown. 

Me, Sally, Duff and Steven get Nikki from the cold shower and get him back in the living room floor, tearing at his shirt and the buttons fly off. 

"Holy shit." Steven says just under his breath as I go to start cpr but I'm stopping when my hands hit something like ice.

I quickly see what it is and I nearly fall back. 

It's my crucifix that I thought I had lost when I left it in Duff's hotel room a couple months ago…

TWELVE HOURS AGO

"Nikki's getting home later than the rest of the guys." Karen informs me as I finish wiping down the kitchen counter. 

"Why?" I ask and she sighs. 

"He told me he missed the flight." 

"Of course he did." I mumble and she sighs. 

"Well, after that stunt he pulled, I'm surprised he's even getting to come home." She states and I furrow my brows. 

"What stunt?"

"Doc didn't tell you?" 

"No?"

"...Nikki and the guys were on a bullet train and something riled Nikki up and he threw a bottle of Jack at a window and it busted and got all over the passengers, then when they got stopped and the cops got ahold of him, Tommy punched one of them so they'd take him, too." She explains. 

Am I surprised, no. Shocked, no. Disappointed, no. Annoyed? Yes. 

"They are so freaking embarrassing." I sneer to myself.

"Oh, the worst part is what he told the police chief, in Doc's words, 'if my balls were on your chin, where would my dick be?'" 

I widen my eyes, blinking slowly. 

"He said the man couldn't understand exactly what he said so the translator told him Nikki said he was very sorry and they got off." She adds.

"Of course they did." 

She just looks at me for a moment before letting out a soft breath. 

"Vivian, do you think...even the slightest chance you two can--"

"--If there was a chance, I would've gone to Japan with them." I tell her.

She's quiet. 

"I need to feed the dog." I say to her, dismissively, and as if on cue, Whisky is darting in here. "Hey, baby!" I pipe, excitedly, still feeling Karen's gaze on me before she steps out of the kitchen. "Mommy's trying not to kill Daddy." I tell him, pouring his food in his bowl. "She's really trying."

A couple hours later, I'm putting makeup on to go meet Duff when the phone starts ringing. 

"Hello?" I answer it in the bedroom, sitting on the bed. 

"Hey, beautiful, it's Robbin." I hear from the other side and I roll my eyes, chuckling. 

"Hey, beautiful, what's up?" I reply in the same tone. 

"Nothin'." He replies. "I was wondering if your daddy was home, yet?" He asks in reference to Nikki and I scoff. 

"My father is at home with my mother, probably praying or reading the Bible or secretly listening to The Cult records in the garage." I reply. 

"You know who I'm talking about, c'mon." He laughs. 

"No, Robbin, your boyfriend isn't home yet." I tell him. 

"Do you know when he will be?"

"Not too long from now, probably."

"Well, when he gets in, tell him to gimme a call." 

"I might not be here but I'll leave a note." 

"Where you going?" He asks. 

"Out."

"With who?" 

"Robbin."

"Why don't you ever come see me anymore? I haven't hung out with you in months." 

"Because I don't party and that's all you like to do at night." 

"Well, bring your ass with Sixx when he comes tonight."

"Robbin--"

"--Please, for me?" 

"I'll think about it, alright?" 

"Okay, just don't forget to get him to call me." He reminds me and I nod.

"I will."

"See you later...maybe." 

"Later."

We hang up and I groan and fall back on the bed, looking at myself in the mirrored ceiling, before calling Duff to postpone our plans by a couple hours so I can go hangout with Nikki and Robbin.

Once I'm dressed, I fall back on the bed, waiting for Nikki to get in…

I turn over on my stomach and reach for the little radio clock on his side of the bed, my finger pulling the switch on. 

Dopey Christmas music filters through the room and I turn it back off, sighing. 

Whisky jumps up on the bed with me and I sit up so he doesn't lick my makeup off, giggling at his happy-go-lucky demeanor, but something's off in his eyes. 

"He'll be back tonight, baby." I promise, scratching at his chin. "I miss him, too, you know? I know that's hard to believe but I do." I admit to him and he blinks at me. "And if you tell anybody, I won't give you table scraps anymore." I add, the corners of my mouth tugging. 

I kiss his head, leaving a smudge of lipstick and I wince, forgetting I even had the stuff on. 

"Oops." I go to the bathroom and get a wet washcloth, srubbing it off his fur as best as a I can. 

That's when I hear the door open and slam, and I exhale, standing up, tossing the cloth aside and peeking my head out of the bedroom door to see if it's Karen or Nikki. 

"Hey," I say to him and he looks at me. 

He looks like absolute hell. 

"You can stop looking at me like that." He mumbles and I try to speak but can't find the words. 

"Sorry." I finally get it out and he goes to the bathroom and shuts the door. 

I hear the shower start and I thank God because he smells horrendous. 

I light a few scented candles while he's in there, trying to clear out the smell. 

Then I try to search his suitcase for drugs, to no avail. 

"I threw them out before I got to the airport." He says and I freeze up, sighing when he reaches past me and grabs the suitcase, tugging it to the floor before grabbing at my waist, making me turn around to face him. 

I just try to keep my expression neutral, not knowing if he's in a mood or not. 

"You smell better." I tell him to avoid an awkward silence as we're uncomfortably close. 

"Yeah, so do you." He replies and I roll my eyes, about to move out of his grasp. "Wait, wait, no, no, c'mere." He grabs at me tighter, holding me still, chuckling boyishly and I give a sharp breath. 

"You're high," I state, trying to nudge him away from me to give me some space. 

"Hey, I'm being nice." His expression shifts, eyes cutting at me, mouth snarling. 

"Nikki--"

"--No, when I'm pissed you get bitchy and when I'm in a good mood you get bitchy. You're just a fucking bitch. Always have been. Always will be." He snatches himself away, kicking the suitcase out of his way. 

"I'd rather be a bitch than a junkie." I reply as he goes to the bathroom and he's turning around in milliseconds. 

"Fuck you!" He shouts, grabbing my jaw, forcing my back down to the mattress, "fuck you, you condescending, manipulative, evil little witch!" He barks in my face and I keep myself as calm as I can, not wanting to make it worse. 

I shouldn't have even called him a junkie to begin with. 

I knew how he'd react. 

"Don't you ever call me that again, Vivian, do you fucking understand me?! I'm tired of it! I'm tired of your shit and your endless whining when I started shooting up because of you in the first fucking place and I keep shooting up just to escape from the reality that I'm fucking married to a twisted, sick, sneaky cunt like you!" 

My eyes water, a lump in my throat…

"Then divorce me." I let out weakly, my voice cracking. "If I'm so awful then just leave me, Nikki." 

He looks at me, tears in his own eyes, before he gets off of me and goes to the bathroom to finish getting ready. 

NIKKI

I thought couldn't do that. Even when I was miserable with her, I was in love with her. That's contradictory to how I acted and treated her but it wasn't necessarily an endless doting, constant lovey-dovey, in love, thing. It was a poisonous, constant merry-go-round and anytime I would try to get off she'd pull me on again without even realizing it. She'd wear a hot dress, or laugh, or smile, or do something for me, or just say 'Nikki', and fuck, I'd be on her again. The Duff thing wasn't even on my mind that night. I got home, saw she was there, went inside and saw her and it took everything in me not to fall to my fucking knees...only for her to call me a junkie. I shouldn't have grabbed her like that, but at that point I was tired of the going around and around, spinning, dizzy, exhausted from puking...she wouldn't leave me. So I was trying to scare her off. 

I realized after my overdose that there was no scaring her off. She was as sick as I was, she needed help like I did, and until we got it we would still be on the ride. That's when I filed for divorce. I thought of it as my final, "I love you," because I really did it for her, knowing she wouldn't file after I OD'd. We were torturing ourselves at that point. We both needed to just get away from one another. And we did.

"You coming or not, Vivian, c'mon!" I call into the house when the car gets here, rolling my eyes as she takes her sweet, precious time, deliberately, staring me in the eye as she slowly steps to the door, her brow raised, red lips keeping restraint from curling at the sight of me. 

When she walks past, I'm tempted to rear back and hit her ass as hard as my hand can muster, just to see her look at me with her unamused, pissy little look she gives me when I'm being an asshole. 

We get in the back of the limo and she sits as far away from me as possible. 

It's silent on the way to town, the light flittering, through the windows in the back cast light over her face every now and then...we'd be in the floor tearing at clothes by now if this was three years ago. 

Fuck.

How the hell did we go from not getting enough of each other to fucking despising each other? 

Again, like I've been doing all year, I remind myself it's because I fucked up with Vanity.

I hope she doesn't tell Vivian I called her in Japan...It's  like I really miss her or anything, I was just lonely and Vivian wasn't taking my calls. 

She was under Duff, the demon in my ear laughs out and I look at Vivian again, seeing her quickly look away from me as if she'd get caught for staring. 

I wonder what she's thinking about right now...I wonder if she really has been with Duff this whole I haven't been home. 

Not that I have room to bitch, I spent my whole time in Japan with my head in drugs--which might as well be a fucking mistress. 

I give her one last glance before clearing my throat and leaning my head back to rest my eyes for a moment. 

Soon, we stop, and the door flings open, Robbin, Slash, some chick, and Steven all pile in, Vivian scooting over so there's more room for everyone to sit. 

I go to the other window, letting Slash and the girl I'm assuming is with him get beside me. 

Vivian's between Robbin and Steven, and it's evident they've been having some fun before meeting us. 

"Sixx!" Robbin lets out, kicking the seat I'm in.

"King!" I reply, kicking his seat, and he chuckles. 

"How was Japan?" He asks, rubbing his nose. 

"I barely remember." I admit with a laugh and he joins me, nodding. 

"Nikki, this is Sally." Slash tells me next and I lean over him to see her. 

She's pretty hot. 

"Nice to meet you." She tells me.

She's Scottish...interesting. 

I hear Vivian giggle and I peek out the corner of my eye and see Robbin whispering something in her ear, and she elbows him, jokingly. 

"You are, just saying." He says to her and she rolls her eyes. "Just get more and more beautiful the longer I go without seeing you." He adds. 

"Shut up." She nudges him. 

"You are." He chuckles. 

"Sleepy is what I am." She states as Steven tells me something, and I try to hear him, but I'm too focused on what Robbin's going on about. 

"Here," he reaches in his pocket and pulls out a baggie of coke, grabbing his keys and getting some on the tip of it, holding it up to her nose. 

She wrinkles her nose and shoos him away. 

"No, no, no." She shakes her head. 

"C'mon."

"No." She keeps her voice light but stern and he lowers it and looks at her with a smirk on his lips. 

Next thing I know, she's laughing out, "Robbin, stop," while King's dumping the dab of coke on the smooth skin of her tit that's pushed up slightly in her strapless dress. 

She squeals and laughs as he snorts it off, I guess because the scratch of his five o'clock shadow tickles or she just gets off on making me mad, then he starts quickly trailing little kisses up her cheek to her ear and she tries to put her ear to her shoulder, laughing more when his other hand tickles at her stomach…he's nearly got her laid out on the seat. 

My foot makes contact with his stomach and I'm nearly barking when I say, "sit your ass down, Robbin," sharply, making it clear I'm not bullshitting him.

"I was just playing, Sixx, damn." He sniffles, wiping his nose.  

"You don't 'play' like that." I throw at him. 

An intense silence falls over all of us and Vivian just brushes what's left of the coke off of her chest and straightens her dress before giving him a soft, reassuring smile. 

Great. Is she fucking him, too? 

When we get to the Cathouse, Vivian stays close to Steven and eventually Sally when the two of them warm up to each other. 

We make it up to V.I.P. and Viv makes a point to try to avoid sitting beside me. 

But I wait for her to sit and I'm sitting right beside her with a smug smirk while she glares at me. 

"What's wrong, baby?" I lean into her ear and ask over the loud music and she just shakes her head. 

I pat myself on the back when she eventually gets up, mumbling about the bathroom, and leaves us. 

After a few (several) lines of blow, I head to the bathroom to piss, deciding to stop by the women's restroom to see what the hell Vivian's doing. 

She probably snuck out of the window. 

I hear the very faint but distinct sound of Vivian crying, guilt stabbing at me. 

I think I took it too far earlier when I called her those shitty things. 

I just go to the men's bathroom and splash my face with water, the buzzing of coke beginning to numb my mind, thoughts of my imploding marriage, band, and life, being locked up and discarded into a black sea of, "it can wait." 

One thing is retrieved, though, thrown a life line and brought back from the depths. 

I look at myself in the mirror, staring myself down as if saying, "don't you fucking do it." 

Once the high kicks in, I can just feel Sikki scrape me from control, locking me away momentarily. 

Next thing I know, I'm standing in the women's bathroom, Vivian still sniffling in the stall...I don't think she knows I'm in here. 

"I got you this far, you fuck." The demon snarls in my ear.

I swallow and clear my throat, making Vivian go silent. 

"Viv, what the fuck's wrong, now?" I ask and she sighs, staying quiet. 

"Nothing, Nikki." She says and I scoff, rubbing my jaw. 

"It's clearly not 'nothing' because I heard you blubbering the past ten minutes." I point out and she opens the stall, door, looking me dead in the eye before pushing past me. 

"A lot on my mind, alright?" She mumbles, going to the sink and I lean against the stall, crossing my arms. 

"Like what?" 

"I don't wanna talk about it, Nikki." She tells me, trying to wipe the smeared mascara away. 

"Well, I can't read your mind, Vivian, so if you're upset with me about something th--"

Her head hangs low, a small sob coming from her throat, tears dropping into the sink, her hands white-knuckling the side of the porcelain…

"I'm upset with you about everything." She admits to me, sorrow lacing her words. 

I haven't seen her like this since Vanity aired our dirty laundry out. 

"Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why didn't you act like--" she cuts herself off, and I realize she's referring to me telling her I loved her while I was in Japan. 

"Where were you, Vivian?" I ask her out of nowhere, getting defensive. 

"Where was I?" She turns to look at me, wiping her tears, rolling her jaw. "Where were you?" She snaps at me. "Where have you been the last four years?" She asks me. 

"I'm not doing this shit here." I grumble, turning to go. 

"You asked me what was wrong, Nikki, and I'm telling you what's wrong because you asked--"

"--I also asked where you've been while I've been out of town, Vivian!" I turn on my heel, snarling. 

"I've been at home, Nikki!" She yells back. "I've been here, and I've been here for six years! Thinking you'd be right here with me but you're not! That's what's wrong! I've wasted six years of my life on someone who--" 

"--You wasted six years of your life?!" I laugh out humorlessly. "How the fuck do you think I feel? How many things I've missed out on because, 'oh, nah, my wife wouldn't like that'?!" I scream. 

"Must not have been too bad because you sure as hell weren't passing up the opportunity to have a year and half long affair with Vanity!" She wretches and it takes everything in me not to tell her I know about her little thing she has going with Duff. 

"Ya know what, I felt bad for calling you an evil bitch and a cunt earlier but fuck it, you are." I reach for the door and I feel something hit at my back, her heel hitting the floor by my boots. 

I turn at glare at her, her emerald eyes lined black, thick lashes blinking slowly, lips parted slightly as she takes in a heavy breath.

I take a step to her, then another and she steps back to the sink. 

When our lips meet, I'm putting her on the sink, wasting no time to get her dress pushed up her legs. 

"Wait, wait, wait," she gasps out, nudging me away while I unbuckle my belt. 

I catch my breath as she gets off the sink and turns around, looking at me in the mirror. 

I just lift her dress and bend her over, pulling her panties to the side before--

"God, you are so high." She grumbles, pulling me from my imagination, picking her heel up and shoving past me.

Damn her. 

I follow after her back to the guys, and within another hour, once she realizes she's just going to be babysitting us--since she's not fun enough to participate in the coke, pills, and booze--she stands up.

"I'm about to head home." She tells us, and the boys groan. 

"Oh, c'mon, Viv!" Steven complains as she leans down to hug him and tell him bye. 

"I'm tired, Stevie." She states, chuckling, wrapping her arms around Slash's neck from behind him, and he pats her hand. 

"See ya," he tells her. 

"Bye." She says. "It was nice to meet you." She says to Sally, next. 

"You, too." Sally replies. 

"C'mere, c'mere, c'mere!" Robbin calls over the music and she raises a brow and stand behind him, leaning over to see what he wants. 

He just grabs her hand and puts it over his heart. 

"You feel that?" He asks her. 

"Yeah, it feels like you're about to go into cardiac arrest." She comments. 

"It's because of you." He dopily replies and she rolls her eyes and pushes at his chest, shaking her head. 

"You're a mess." She tells him and he kisses the top of her hand. 

"Goodnight, Viv, it was good to see you again." He tells her. 

"It was good to see you, too." She replies, smiling, before pulling away. "Bye, Nikki." She says to me in passing. 

"Fuck you, too!" I call after her as she heads to the stairs. 

The next time I'd see her, she'd be trying to help Sally, Duff, and Steven resuscitate me, and eventually trying to throw herself from the balcony in an attempt to not be left behind while I moved on to where ever the hell we go when we die, begging me not to leave her. I didn't, thanks to adrenaline...but even if I did die, if I had anything to do with it, I still wouldn't have left her.

[notyourmamasoc]

Yall know how this goes

Shipped Thalico I think

I never left

Probably my Percy's really tall and has really long hair one. Or that he'd be a tattoo artist and have a really popular music-based YouTube channel. (I'd say PoC Percy, but, like, is it a headcanon? Isn't it just fact anymore?)

I only ever listened to Lost!

Dude, I've been here for seven years. Fuck if i know.

Honestly, that idiot rr tried to convince me he was in HoO. Like i was Persassy all the way. Now I think, he's really smart, impulsive, super kind, physically intimidating, and kinda quiet.

Republican Annabeth, I live with a Republican. Annabeth is not a Republican. She says y'all a lot and, she and Percy are always wearing either hiking boots or combat boots (Annabeth)/biker boots (Percy), though.

Why the judo flip weirded me out so bad. I blocked it out for a long time because it was, just, BAD VIBE.

Meh, I used to love Viria, but now I don't really know that I have a favorite artist.

Honestly, the whole Luke disaster. Like, Luke was a bad person, I have very clear feelings on that, but like, he wasn't always, and for a long time he was a genuine brother to Annabeth, before he got so damn creepy. He had potential, and bitterness ruined it for him. Or the Eros-Nico scene.

I have somewhere a cosplay crack comp, and the kid playing Percy, just, fucking rolls off the couch. Or the same comp in which the start singing the Is He Gay Or European song from the Legally Blonde musical. It relates because Nico is simultaneously gay and European, and not a stereotypical gay man.

I was eight

When we all decided Percy is a MoC

Rachel/Perachel/Perachabeth

I now feel a little weird about the way I thought Percy and Annabeth would name their kids

Tense, hopeful, expecting dissatisfaction

I have fanfiction organized by fandom and the pjo ones organized specifically by ship. (There is so much out there, and I like a wide variety of it.)

Something on Musical.ly when that was a thing. Or the one I have now if we're talking tumblr.

pjo ask game because we are all older now 

ⓛ whats the most embarrassing pjo-related thing youve done?

✧  what made you return to the pjo craze? 

▽ favorite pjo headcanon that you’ll never let go of

♪ what do you think of the musical?

✿ your greek god parent, then vs now

◎ how many times have you reread the series/certain books?

◕  your perception of percy, then vs now

► which infamous reoccurring pjo discourse is the most amusing to you?

◉ was there something in the books that you used to not understand, but you do now? 

♥ favorite fan artist, then vs now

☂ the pjo moment that never fails to break your heart

★ favorite fan video?

♬ when did you start pjo, and how old were you?

⊕ favorite “historic” fandom moment

■ something that you like now, but didnt like then?

☞ something you did like, but dont anymore?

∞ how do you feel about the upcoming show?

✴ what is your pjo collection?

Ψ what was your first pjo url?