#YOU'D ONKY SINK DEEPER IN DEPRESSION- FUCK IY | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lear-dot-rpy · 8 days ago

Text

me: thank you for everything sir

my prof: you shouldn't be taking me, you should be annoyed at me.

me, incapable of anger and on the verge of tears: no, still, thank you. even though I failed, you still gave me the opportunity to try and achieve my dreams by helping me shift courses. you still gave a shot to study here in this state university. i still get to live on with no regrets that i didnt try

my prof: ... Ms. Lear, no matter where you may go, I hope you [something I didn't hear]

me: what?

my prof: just looking at you stresses me out. everytime i look at you i feel stressed out. just take a break and do what you want to do in life

me, emotional whiplash: wait what, what do you mean-

#I'm simultaneously both incredibly depressed and ridiculously free #i can now say in full confidence that i have tried my maximum effort my 200% best yet my dreams have all failed #i truly am the type of person who you could shit on so bad but if thank you holy sht i just realized while typing the tags HAHAHAHHA #what do you do when you're dreams fail and your most important promise is broken despite you grasping that sand so tightly #and it still spills between your fingers?#and you don't have any money at all like na dah and you only cling unto government paid therapy that's hard to schedule #and everything in your life is fall apart at the seems- the unending loneliness the uneding sleepless nights the grief the heavy chest the #world? what do you do?#that's right baby #you listen to the album Graduation and feel like you can take on the world even though you feel like absolute SHIT hAHAHAHAHHA #don't have a single friend to talk to about your problems because you know you are a broken human being #that would only hurt them if you reach out because you are not human just a monster with #flesh that resembles one? a monster who when poked to spill their innermost thoughts get shunned instead?#(don't tell me I'm overdramatic. this has happened a bunch of times. I'm not a human being.)#THATS RIGHT BABY. LISTEN TO GRADUATION- TWENTYONEPILOTS VESSEL OR SELF TITLED? NAH #YOU'D ONKY SINK DEEPER IN DEPRESSION- FUCK IY #PLAY SOULJA BOY SO FRESH CMON BRYNN LIFE IS A CIRCUS AND YOU ARE THE MOST UNLIVELY MONKEY GO OUT AND START GROOVING-#/silly #is there even a tag called /copium?#there's something so fire about now being able to say i followed my dreams I've done literally all that i can I've took on a course i didnt #like for a year and I'm a recon and I got the highest gwa in my block so i can shift and when i got there i couldn't do it despite every #hour I've wasted like i don't know why i feel proud that i still tried. like i could've let depression won- i mean it's winning rn but HAHA #i still tried. i still did my best to uphold my promise in that last conversation right grandpa? i did my best #i still want to. if I'm given the opportunity I'll still force myself to.#I'll make you proud. even if you're gone. just. I'll find a way. I'm broke. I have nothing. but I'll do it. cause #my life has no meaning otherwise. i want to honor you because none of my cousins did #god I've done everything. god I've been missing sleep missing social interactions missing life #this shit is some special layer of hell. I've only failed ONE. ONE SUBJECT IN MY THREE YEARS OF COLLEGE. yet I'm out of the uni cause I'm a #shifter HAHAHAHAH #engineering sucks do not dream of engineering if you're a broke mfer like me /silly

1 note · View note