#YOU LOVE IT WHEN I MOAN IN UR CAR I CALL THAT A S MR.

[whirlybirbs]

simon walking a patrol in his walls w a bucket of mortar, moth following behind him whistling tapping the wall with a rlly small chisel

3. handler's manual — ghost / reader

desc: a new year's eve honeypot brings a realization. pairing: lt. simon "ghost" riley / f!reader ; callsign: moth listen to: asmr by only fire (for seoul bar beats) a/n: i like making this traumatized man come to terms with his repressed sexual attraction to his co-worker in questionable mission scenarios. he really said "i am gonna kill this man because he touched you wrong" ⇽ prev / next ⇾

Your boots are crossed at the ankle and perched on the debrief table. You lean back, flip through the mission report, and then level Laswell with a look that — if given proper ammunition — could kill.

Your affect is flat. Unenthused.

"Honeypots are outdated."

"—But effective—"

"And misogynistic," you insist as you sit up and smack the manilla folder to the table. You drop your head back, "Kate, come on—"

"You're the only fit for this assignment, Moth," her eyes wander the room; bless their hearts, the men look decidedly uncomfortable about the subject. Price is fiddling with his watch. Johnny's tugging at his lip, watching the exchange closely. Gaz looks like he's going to be skinned alive if he speaks. Ghost is silent with his hands in his lap, unmoving — is... is he even listening?

"If you're trying to tell me the el-tee wouldn't look good in a red dress and a pair of heels—"

"Oi."

So he is listening.

There are snickers. Price rolls his jaw to hide a smirk. Johnny slides a look to Gaz. Gaz presses both palms to his eyes. Ghost is staring now and boring a glare into the side of your head, wishing it was a 9mm.

You wish it was a 9mm. Then, at least, you'd be at peace.

"I don't want to outsource this, Moth, the less people involved the better," Kate exhales tightly; she can't say she blames you, she's never been a fan of honey-trapping in her own career, "It's quick. In, out. Rendezvous with the target, sweeten him up, sell the story, get the information, and then get out."

You let out a long sigh. You're thinking about it, how — sure — this is part of your job description but for fuck's sake. This sort of assignments make your skin crawl. Too close, too dangerous. Things can go sideways fast and all you'll have is the skin on your back and a knife under your skirt.

"What's th' problem, Moth?" comes Ghost's low rumble from the corner; his arms are crossed tightly over his chest, his knee bouncing, "You 'fraid y' won't look good in a red dress an' a pair of heels?"

Son of a bitch. It must be a good mood day.

You flash him a glare — you narrow your lashes and then throw him your best faux laugh. It dies flat into a deadpan. "Ha, ha — That's funny, Riley."

Ghost chuckles; it's quiet, you barely hear the gravel rasp from your spot at the debrief table.

Laswell cracks a wry smile. Price rubs his beard.

"I'll do it," you concede after a long breath; the tension in the room dissipates upon your agreement. You stand, tuck the folder under your arm, and flash a threatening pointed finger at Laswell and Price.

"But, no glitter."

"Lookin' awfully sparkly, Mothy."

You hope Lieutenant Simon Riley falls off the building he's doing Overwatch from. Actually, no. You hope he gets hit with a stray New Year's Eve firework. Then, you hope a bird shits on him. And then he falls off the building.

There's glitter everywhere. Gold glitter. Flakey, scratchy gold glitter. It's in your hair, and all over your hands. You feel... uncomfortable. Uneasy.

It doesn't help that your Overwatch is cracking jokes in your ear as you weave through the busy rooftop bar in Seoul. The music is loud; the bass rattles in your chest and the lights strobe making the crowd melt away into blinks of light.

Soap's laughter is louder.

"Wha' was tha' request 'bout no glitter?"

You hope he also falls off the building.

You can't reply — you're too busy thanking a waiter for the flute of champagne that's gripped like your lifeline. Your rings tinker against the glass as you smile and bob to the music; your eyes are busy scanning the room, trying to spot Joo Sung-Min — the son of a tech mogul whose recent involvement with some questionable political allies has raised flags in the intelligence community. He's under the impression he's meeting with a Russian businesswoman: you.

You spot the target ten minutes in — the Brit and Scotsman's occasional commentary is no help. For fuck's sake, those two cannot shut up as you lean against the bar and toss your best dazzling smile at Joo Sung-Min. It catches the man's eye.

"That 'ow you flirt, Mothy?" comes the more grated reply from Ghost; through his scope he can see you place a hand on Sung-Min's arm. He grimaces down the ACOG, "Could use some work."

Ghost doesn't know what this feeling is in his chest. It's uncomfortable. Wrong. You're smiling up at the target again, giggling, and leaned back against the bar. That dress is a right show. All leg. His scope wanders — only for a moment — and immediately Ghost grits his jaw so tight his teeth ache.

"There y' go, Moth," comes Soap's slow encouraging whisper over the comms — there's something being slipped into your fingers by Sung-Min; Soap props himself up on his elbows, binoculars trained on his face, "Almost done."

Fingers linger, your smile drags out, your face tilts up — then, Sung-Min's gilded hand grips your chin. It's tight enough to bruise, and Soap curses tightly. Ghost's finger twitches on the trigger, his sight trained directly on the man's skull.

...Then, you rake your eyes down Sung-Min's black-on-black suit and make a point of biting your rouged bottom lip.

Whatever the fuck that was? It worked.

The kiss that Sung-Min drags out of you is anything but sweet, but you twirl that data-stick in your fingers when he pulls away to release the rough grip on your chin.

Ghost swallows tightly, his pupils dilating. He lets go of a tense breath as Johnny exhales in relief beside him. His trigger finger twitches again.

...He doesn't like this feeling.

Your bitten lips are meant to insinuate thanks, and you toss a lingering look over your shoulder as Sung-Min's eyes follow you as you blend back into the crowd.

You're in the elevator when you finally chirp back over the comms:

"Get me the fuck out of here. "

You hate honeypots.

Ghost is realizing, as he shrugs his sniper over his shoulder, that he does too.

[letsperaltiago]

ok time to break my silence caused by the fact that i spent all day making this lol too many feels 

so.. palm springs thoughts !! and there are manyyyy so buckle up and feeel free to hit me up with either matching or contradicting thoughts or whateveer!! i would LOVE to nerd out about this movie with someone:’)

here comes thoughts and pictures!! 

we basically start off with a mr. samberg sex-scene okAYYYYY the mood is set. we love the view

nyles aka. mr. samberg is the most gorgeous man alive and it was a true pleasure to admire him for 90 minutes straight 

CURLS!!????! THEY ARE UNREAL. i shall dedicate an entire post to them

Cristin Milioti is perfect for her role. her acting? *chef’s kiss* I love that she’s not the stereotypical female rom-com lead.

Her chemistry with Andy? Gosh.. Can’t believe Nyles x Sarah is my new main movie-ship!! They play off of each other SO. WELL. Their characters are equally stone cold and bitter, but then again not really, and they both portray it so well!!

“You don’t ned a leg up.” *moans* “Hold my leg up!” i SCREAMED

“Don’t you kiss me.” “Don’t you tell me what to do.” hoW DARE THEY!

Ok ur basically on love already stop it

The fact that they were just gonna fuck on a blanket on top OF ROCKS?!

but then again in this movie’s already insane universe it’s prob pretty normal:)

The overall dark, existential humor?? This is what I live and breathe for on a daily basis. Basiaclly both main characters are a BIG MOOD

Nyles not giving a shit vs. Sarah severely freaking out in the beginning is an iconic dynamic

“I am the antichrist” and then the rock falling? For a hot sec I literally thought the movie was gonna take a turn with Nyles being some magical/scientific creature that’d created the timeloop or something idkkk ahhha

Nyles in the suit... ridiculous(ly hot)

The torture methods Roy uses on Nyles and the fact that he’s not mentally scarred?? How?? 

On that note I love that Nyles and Sarah keep their memories even if the day starts over. Would’ve been a completely different concept if they had to “meet each other for the first time” every day and it wouldn’t’ve allowed their relationship arc to evolve as it did 

Darla is the fucking shit 

Nyles in the baseball cap, amirite?

THE BARTENDER TALKING ABOUT HITTING A GUY WITH THE CAR SHE’S CURRENTLY GIVING NYLES A HANDJOB IN IS COMEDIC GOLD 

“You fucked Jerry Schlieffen?” “Well he fucked me.” Yes SIR. Andy Samberg’s characters are all bottoms and we’re here for it

Sarah’s tongue click and “nice try” when Nyles asks her about her sex life?? 

IDK WHY BUT SO GOD

Randy is hella annoying. That’s it. That’s the tweet.

THIS ENTIRE SCENE:

the fact that they both start waking up smiling because now at least they have each other 🥺😭🤯

uhm i love a good ship that’s like... best friends to lovers and the montage of them basically becoming besties killed me 

this outfit Y E S: 

sarah falling off the car and nyles laughing it off is relationship goals

the crashing plane I LOL’ED

okay so... big moment... the DANCING AND MATCHING OUTFITS? THEY ARE MY DREAM TEAM. Also how excited they are running away from the bar 🥺

IM POSITIVE THIS IS THE MOMENT NYLES KNOWS! LIKE HE DOESN’T ADMIT IT TO HIMSELF COMPLETELY BUT HE KNOWS 

the bomb in the cake and french pirate-skit? so fucking random but i lovee it because it’s so them

*DRUM ROLL* PERHAPS MY FAVORITE MOMENT IN THE ENTIRE MOVIE: 

STORYLINE WISE AND VISUALLY A++++

the deep talks by the fire were SO well written. they were actually deep and genuine, allowing the characters to grow and opening up to us as viewers but also remained fun and witty

sarah trying to get nyles to admit he cares for her and him joking it off??? the flirtinggg

really wish we’d gotten to know more about what nyles meant with “it drifts away: just like they all do.” because it really seemed to trigger something within him. Like WHO “They”???

the dinosaurs lmao no comment but at least they got a cute cuddly moment

from the very first millisecond inside the tent you can CLEARLY tell Sarah is just dying to do something about them!!!

 the disbelief on nyles’ face when sarah says “lets just get it over with” because she’d clearly stated he didn’t want to and even though he obviously did he’s respected it and not done anything further about it oh babey

we love some good making out:’))) 

NYLES HALTING TO TAKE IN THE MOMENT EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO SCREAM INTO THE VOID 

i will die for a post-sexy timez cuddle and how sarah is trying to staying awake to be besides him is just *explosion* 

this has to be *the moment* she realises 

and they’re both sooooo fucking happy when they wake up after damn love me like that pls

THE GROOM BOOO FUCK OFF CAN’T EVEN BE BOTHERED TO REMEMBER HIS NAME CHEATING SCUM 

THIS FACE:

Baby is trying so hard and is so cute and nervous about it. SARAH LISTEN TO HIM HE LOVES YOU.

HE FELT GOOD WAKING UP BECAUSE OF YOUUUU, GIRL. DO NOT CALL IT “FUN”, SARAH 

“Going to bed maybe just got a little better” 😭😭😭😭

The entire cop scene is just pure insanity, very Lonely Island and I’m here for it even though I just want Sarah to rEALLY LISTEN TO WHAT NYLES IS TRYING TO SAY 

“Pain is real” oh babey that means SO MANY THINGS 🥺💔

“I followed you into that cave because I liked you!” like jake would say: don’t love how we got here but we’re going where i want

“pretentious sad boy” me

not shocked that they’ve hooked up before because c h e m i s t r y but don’t like how it got out :)))

why is nyles’ one sleeve shirt rolled up? im triggered

drinking pure vodka? oh babey its gonna be okay 

WE LOVE A SMART BOI WHO RECOGNIZES HIS GIRL’S PERFUME 

Sarah’s parents singing:)) i would cry too, nyles

"I love her.” “I see... That’s interesting” lmao savage

I actually really love Roy’s character. It turns out to be very humble actually and he has some insightful and lowkey poetic that lines i love. Besides that he’s hilarious. 

SO the whole time i was wondering how they’d get out of the whole “same day forever”-thing, if they were to. and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that they had such a logical way out of it: science. Not anything cheesy like “a true love’s kiss” or “you learned your lesson”. Pure logic and Sarah’s hard work to get there. Huge fan of this. 

I will never get over how good Nyles looks waking up and Sarah is xtra pretty in that scene:’) 

Nyles just wants to stay in a loop forever because it means for sure that he gets to stay with Sarah forever and I’m lowkey into it but also like lowkey LISTEN TO HER AND GO WITH HER PLAN, NYLES

“I wanna stay with you” *sniffles*

“I love you. How about that?” PRETTY FUCKING GOOD 

I love Nyles’ character development. He started off so nonchalant and cold, closed off and by this point he’s the softest, smiliest in love fool I’ve ever seen and Andy does it so good. SAMBERG HEART EYES!!

“Nothing is real in here” YES SARAH UR LOVE IS

I’m taking Sarah’s asking Nyles to believe in her and leave with her as her first “I love you” because it’s very clear that she wants to leave with him rather than without. 

just- this entire scene i ugh <3 <3 <3 <3

BREAKING. UP. WITH. MISTY ! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

glass of wine filled to the brim? sarah’s my type of gal

the speech was really beautiful and sweet without being too cheesy and kudos to cristin for really delivering it like a pro! especially her “abe, don’t fuck this up” like yes girl kill him, chop him to pieces with your eyes!!! also camila is such really pretty bride

nyles looks like a cockatoo here :

nyles taking the shot and smashing the glass into the ground got me 🤭😵😏🥵

“I’m your son” I SCREAM

GIVE THE MAN A WHITE HORSE DAMNIT

Gotta admit Sarah looks like a bomb (lol nu pun intended) ass super hero in her bridesmaid dress and C4-gettup 

The sentence ending up being total grammatical gibberish but Nyles trying so. damn. hard is the sweetest thing ever and should and will go down in rom-com history. It’s super romantic but also well-balanced by humor and I just.. so good. This is the kind of characters and relationships I love and wanna write myself 

“you’re my favorite person that i’ve ever met” 🥺🥺🥺

“i’d rather die with you than live in this world without you” WHY AM I SO SINGLE SOMEONE LOVEE ME LIKE THIS 

okay so idk but “what if we get sick of each other?” “we’re already sick of each other. it’s the best.” is so so so soft, the way nyles says it like it doesn’t matter and is honestly another key moment for me: they’ve experienced basically everything imaginable during their time in the box/loop. they’ve liked, disliked, loved, hated each other and still: he loves her. the fact that nyles knows no matter what happens it won’t stop that because it’s them?? ouch my heart. 

this chaotic mess of a pairing?MESSY BOMB BRIDESMAID AND CURLY-HAIR HAWAII SHIRT-BOI!! MY OTp

Them dissing Nyles’ mom on their way into potential death? that’s love, baby 

the fUCKING KISSSSSSS MANNNNNNNNNN!!!! SO ICONIC AND THE EXPLOSION IN THE BACKGROUND AND JUST WE DESERVE THIS THEY DESERVE THIS EVERYONE DESERVES THISSSS!!! 

NEVER OVEER THIS EVER FOREVER NEVER

Ok so I was SURE that when it faded to black that it was done and I grew super ficking frustrated because it would leave us with this “the ending is up to whatever you chose”-kinda thing kinda a la Celeste and Jesse where it just feels unresolved and I WASN’T OKAY WITH THAT. So I’m so happy we got to know that it worked and the bebes will live happuilly ever after with Nyles’ shaggy dog:’) 

Their hands on each other’s knee >>>>>

all in all 100000/10 

[dailydianakko]

Undying Au-Fuck

help.

I woke up the next day in my coffin. I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, blood-bed lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it. (Da night before Diana and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth). Holbrooke chased Pool away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red. There was lace all over it. Diana had a black MCR boom. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song.) Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall. There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys. “WTF!” I shouted going to sit next to Lotte Gothic Night’fall 666 and Barbara. L’Ote Gothic Nightfall 666 was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. Barbara was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and fishnets. Vampire, Dracula and Diana came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. The girls joined in cause they were bi. “Those guys are so fucking hot.” Andrew was saying as suddenly a gothic old woman with a black beard and everything came. She was the same one who had chassed away Paul yesterday. She had normal tan skin but she was wearing white foundation and she had died her hare black. “……………….HOOLBROOKE?1!” we all gasped. “WTF?” I shouted angrily. “I thought she was just wearing that to scare Paul!” “Hello everyone.” she said happily. “As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?” Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn’t believe what a poser he was!1. “BTW you can call me Miranda.” SHE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes. “What a fucking poser!” Duana shouted angrily as we we to Transfomation. We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see her crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard) but I didn’t say anything. “I bet she’s havin a mid-life crisis!” Su’cY shouted. I was so fucking angry. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX All day we sat angerly finking about Helbrooke. We were so fucking pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- da MCR concert. It had been postphoned, so we could all go. Anyway, I went to the common room sadly to cut classes. Diana was being all secretive. I asked what it was and she got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty (rnt sensitve lesbian gurlz r so hot). “No one fucking understands me!1” she shouted angrily as her green and blonde hare went in her big blue eyes like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz. Shee was wearing black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik) I was wearing a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it all over it a blak leather mini, black high held boots and a cross belly fing. My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun like Amy Lee in Gong Under. (email me if u wana see da pik) “Accuse me? What about me!” I growled. “Buy-but-but-” she grunted. “You fucking bastard!” I moaned. “No! Wait! It’s not what it fucking looks like!” she shouted. But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Diana banged on the door. I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (VALK that is soo our video!). I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot. Suddenly Avery came. she had appearated. “You gave me a fucking shock!” I shouted angrily dropping my pot. “Wtf do you fink you’re doing in da red team’s room?” Only it wasn’t just Avery. Someone else was with her too! For a second I wanted it 2 b Andrew or maybe Diana but it was HObrooke. “Hey I need to ask you a question.” she said, pulling out her black wanabe-goffik purse. “What are u wearing to the concert?” “U no who MCR r!” I gasped. “No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2.” She said. “Anyway Diana has a surprise for u.” XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX All day I wondered what the surprise was. Meanwhile, I pot on a blak ledder mini, a blak corset with urple lace stuff all over it, an black gothic compact boots. MCR were gong 2 do the concert again, since POOL had taken over the last one. I slit my wrists while I moshed 2 MCR in my bedroom all night, feeling excited. Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom. I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped inside dat it was Diana so we could do it again. “Wut de fucking hell r u doing!” I shouted angrily. It was Picies! “R u gonna cum rape me or what.” I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Holbrooke had told us all 2 be careful around het and Nelson since she was a pedo. “No, actshelly (geddit, hell) kan I plz burrow sum condemns.”s he growld angrily. “Yah, so u can fuk ur six-yr-old gurlfriend, huh?” I shouted sarkastikally. “Fuker.” She said, gong away. Well anyway, I put on some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. Den I gasped…………………………………………………………….Pieces and Nelson were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Finnelan was watching!1 “Oh my god you ludacris idiot!” they both shooted angrily when they saw me. Finnelan ran away crying. Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing the sheep of wuter) but both of them were fuking preps. “WTF is that why u wanted condoms?” I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat) “Only you wouldn’t give them to me!” Pisces shouted angrily. “Well you shoulda told me.” I replayed. “You dimwit!.” Nelson began 2 shoot angrily. And then………I took out my black camera and took a pic of them. U could see that they were naked and everything. “Well xcuse me!” they both shouted angrily. “What was dat al about?” “It wuz to blackmail u.” I snarked. “So now next time you see me doing it with my girlfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I’ll show dis to holbeook. So fuck off, u bastards!” I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it. Well anyway, I went outside and there was Paul, looking extremely fucking hot. “WTF where’d Diana?” I asked him. “Oh she’s bein a fucking bastard. She told me she wouldn’t cum.” Vampire said shaking her hed. “U wanna cum with me? 2 the concert?” Then….. she showed me his flying car. I gasped. It was a black car. She said her rummate constanze had given it 2 her. The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it. The one on da back said ‘AAKEW’ on it. ……….I gasped. We flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing. Vampire and I began 2 make out, moshing to the muzik. I gapsed, looking at da band. I almost had an orgasim. Gerard was so fucking hot! He begin 2 sing ‘Helena’ and his sexah beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. ……….And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Diana, cryin in a corner. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Later we all went in the skull. Diana was crying in da common room. “Duana are u okay?” I asked in a gothic voice. “No I’m not u fuking bitch!”s he shouted angrily. She stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. I stated to cry cuz I was afraid she would commit suicide. “Its ok Akki.” said Vampire comfortly. “Ill make her feel better.” “U mean you’ll go fuck her wont you!” I shouted angrily. Then I ran 2 get Diana. Vampire came too. “Diana please come!” she began to cry. Tears of blood came down her pail face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive lesbun gurlz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!) And then………………………….. we herd sum footsteps! Vampire got out her blak invincibility coke. We both gut under it. We saw the janitor Meenotar there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand. “WHOSE THERE!” he shouted angrily. We saw a rat come. It went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly. “IS ANY1 THERE!” yelled Mr. Menotaur. “No fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich!” Vampire said under her breast in a disgusted way. “EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!” yelled Mr. Norris. Den he heard the rat meow. “RAT is der any1 unda da cloak!” he asked. The Rat nodded. And then……………………….Vampir frenched me! She did it jus as…………………….. Mr. Mentouar was taking of da cloak!1 “WHAT DA-” he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him. And den we saw Duana crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting her rists outside of da school. “Diana!” I cried. “R u okay?” “I guess though.” Diana weeped. We went back to our coffins frenching each other. Diana and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin) on the gothic red bed together. As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knok on the door and Fafnir and da Mystery of Magic walked into the school!1 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX All day everyone talked about the Misery of Magic. Well anyway, I woke up the next day. I was in my coffin so I opened the door. I was wearing blak lacey leather pajamas. Then I gasped. Standing in front of me where………………. B;loody Lotta Nighdfall 666, Vampire, Diabolo, Diana, Dracula and Barbara! I opened my crimson eyes. Barbara was wearing a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. Under that she wart a black poofy skirt wit lace on it and black gothic boots that was attached to the top. Vampire was wearing a baggy Simple Plan t-shirt and baggy black pants and Vans. Diana was wearing a black MCR t-shirt and blak jeans and a leather jacket. She looked just likee Gerard Way, and almost as fucking sexy. Vampire looked like Joel Madden. B’loody Lotte Nightf’all 666 was wearing a tight black poofy gothic dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her clearage with a white apron that said ‘bich’ and other swear words and MCR lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once. Darkness (who is Avery) was there too. She was weaving a ripped gothic black dress with ripped stuff all over it and a lace-up top thing and black pointy boots. So were Hannah and Wangari. It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Hannahs and Wangaru’s dad was a vampire. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor. He had raped them and stuff before too. They all got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism. “OMFG” I yielded as I jumped up. “Why the fuck are u all here?” “Akki something is really fucked up.” Duana said. “OK but I need to put my fucking clothes on first.” I shouted angrily. “It’s all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii anyway. Your so fucking beautiful.” Diana said in a sexy voice. “Oh all right.” I said smiling. “But you have to tell me why your being all erective.” “I will I will.” she said. So I just put on some black eyeliner, black lipstick and red eyeshadow and white foundation. Then I came. We all went outside the Lucbh room and looked in from a widow. A fucking prep called Chole from Purple Teeam was standing next to us. She was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her. Inside the Great Hall we could see Holbreooke. FAFNIE was there shouting at Hobroooke. Finnelam was there too. “THIS CANNOT BE!” she shouted angrily. “THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!” “PAUL IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!” yelled Fafrnir. “YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!” yelled Finnelan. “YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR PAUL WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!” “Very well.” Holbrooke said angrily. “Butt we cannot do this. We can’t close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Paul and she is in the school. And her name is…………………………………………………………………..Akko Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way.” Diana, Hannah, Barbara, Darkness, S’ucky, Vampire and B’loody Lotte Nightfall 666 looked at each other………I gasped.

[thotvengers]

<p>Bruce walks into the the living room. It is 2012. Nat keeps looking at him as if he had 5 corndogs taped onto him. Thor eat poptart. "HOUSA GOIN GUYS" Thor stands, poptart crumbs fall from his beard. "hello friend I am doing well" Bruce stares at Thors poptart crumbs and spit all over his beard. Its fucking hot. "Well thats good" Banner looked very nice today thought Thor. "Come join us banner" "Whet" "Join us for breakfast" Thor bends over the table as he says it "What" "Food" says Thor. He’s getting worried "Why is tony trying to cut open clints stomach with a butter knife" "And why is steve shirtless" loki appears out of nowhere "whats up asshats i live in the avengers tower now also nobody move because of the election coming up please i don't want you to go" "He’s what" Thor turns around and kills tony "What the fuck is going on here on this day" loki eats popcorn from the sidelines tony dies. " straight rights ! " Bruce freezes. He said a bad word. Bruce is having a breakdown. He is crying. loki legally has to kill bruce now Thor makes out with banner And protects him lokis takes out a knife Thor takes it loki takes out popcorn "What the heck is going on" attempts to kill bruce with popcorn "Wh" "AAAAAAAA" "Loki stop I know it’s a knife" "you know exactly what's going on. you said a bad word and now your time of judgement has come." "What the fuck Loki" "oh, you know," "Please take me now." steve perked up. " no swearing on my christian minecraft server " Tony is revived. "Hey anyone else think loki is.... kinda hot" "No" says Thor Clint turns off his hearing aid. loki bends over seductively "like what u see" steve sweats " i'm catholic sir " "yeah? and i'm a god" "I thought u were going to kill banner and I" Tony licks him lips hungrily. "zoo wee mama" Nat is doing her morning yoga routine dont mind her. loki sighs and turns to thor "look i had a change of plans i'm on a tight-" he winks at tony "schedule" Nick Fury from the back "im tired of these motherfuckin avengers in this motherfuckin tower" steve suplexes nick. :) clint barton is making out with phil coulson for whatever reason Bruce is still crying. steve jealously suplexes clint too Thor laughs loki is breakdancing in the middle of the tower, very aggressively Loki took Bruces shirt to bully him. Bruce is shirtless. His tiddies are out. Tony is revived once again to argue with Steve then they make out Bruce is crying. steve is crying he suplexes tony loki laughs at everyone who is crying Clint is crying out of confusion steve tries to suplex loki while he cries harder "im a virgin" steve says running out steve fails steve dies loki laughs rip captain America, steve had mehtalosmaisniadjhjsa loki films it and puts it on youtube and he is entitled to compensation he didnt even get to apply for aarp :( bruce says " anyone want to suck my tiddies " Bruce hanging from the edge of the tower. Bitch gonna fall. loki raises his hand Thor and Clint say yes "Help me" "Ok" Says Thor "do u want me to suck ur tiddies while ur dangling or nah" "No dont suck my tiddies" Thor helps him up "Thank you hero" bruce dabs "bitch u just asked if i wanted to do so" "You want a sex (:" natasha offers to suck his tiddies "No" natasha is :/ loki physically puts more grease in his hair From where from his ass his ass Steves dick is out. Schlap loki hears a car pull up outside. "whos that" tony says. "our new " loki replies. i walk up the stairs confusedly. this is the story of how i was sold to loki only on wattpad loki is eyeballing that dick DKCNDKNCKDNVB Schlap Schlap y/n shivered. where was i ? whow ere the avengers ? why were their dicks out loki laughs and brings y/n inside the tower Loki cast a spell and made everyone in the tower naked. no its valid No y/n cries " who are you, ugly bitch " loki slaps y/n on the ass "how dare u speak to ur daddy like that" loki looks down at your big ol' bobbies and licks his lips "they didnt tell me you'd be so attractive, quim". y/n blushes angrily "Why are we all naked" Thor covers his ears while Clint covers his eyes cus he cant cover his ears cus he cant hear y/n tries to run but bumps into tony " please help me i don't want to fuck loki " There is several schlaps of dicks in the room and the several flops from nats tits. loki chases y/n with a rubber dildo while laughing loki makes y/n scrub his balls y/n cries " rubber gives me hives " Clint shoots Loki again y/n is sobbing more loki makes u listen to ball scrubbing asmr before u go to sleep suddenly ant man busts in even tho he wasnt an addition to the mcu yet: "1-800-ARE-YOU-SCHLAPPIN?" y/n pretends to sleep so loki will leave Thor kills Loki "Somebody fuck me Im ready to not be a virgin anymore" ant man gets tiny and climbs in steves ass loki like the dramatic gay bitch he is fakes his own death y/n is feeling so much pain because ............................................................................... she was actually in love with loki " i will miss u, ugly bitch " thanos bursts thru the tower doors "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS" y/n smiles " please fuck me " Thor tosses lokis body out avengers tower loki comes back to life only to have his ribcage shattered by thanos instantly t hanos sees a very cute girl and gets shy and trys to hide his erection when he sees y/n bobbies Bruce already naked turns into hulk. "HULK WILL FUCK THANOS" y/n is bright red because she knows that prple daddy is staring at her b - b - b - boob Thor likes what He sees loki comes back once again from the dead to witness this t hanos has never bottomed before.... bottom for who Jesus No KXNCKDMFKV Wait Hulk takes Thanos and tries to fuck him. It doesnt work. dick too big loki makes thanos' asshole bigger so it can fit hulks dick Thanos punches Hulk and he turned back to Bruce. Thanos throws Bruce out the window. He is falling. "i guess that cute girl will just have to peg me now ;)" t hanos says Thor catches him y /n blushu blushued t hanos approaches y/n with his dick out " i - i've never done this before .................................................................... " y / n stuttered Steve gets in the way. "i'll be gentle" t hanos says "Y/n dont do this. Its a trap." t hanos shatters steves ribcage " why would you sya that !!! t hanos loves me !!! " Steve takes the risk and sacrifices himself for everyone. "Not In my Christian household" says Steve y / n cries and punches steve "don't listen to him he's lying" says t hanos He starts to suck Thanos Slurp Slrurrp Slrurirlrl0 Slruerlrle0 Sluuuuurp Shcluerp Shcjeleeu Shcleuepe t hanos blushes and moans y / n blushed again " i don't mind a threesome " Shxlueuuueerps Shxleueep Slurrrp Slcheullrlrulp Schlururup Shxlrurrrrruuup Shcluruueuuuuuurp Slurp Lick lick slruuuururp Slururjrrlrlr "jesus calm down i already blew my load 38 times now" I’m dying Blows rasberry Sluuurrp Sluuururirurp steve a thirsty bitch "hehe that tickles"   "no" says t hanos as he rp fucks  Steve blows into thanos'dick hole like a kazoo. Thanos dies.  steve will make sure everyone in this house dies a virgin but him  " NO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Y/N SCREAMED  t hanos dies Yeet " U DIDN'R EVEN GET TO PEG ME "  Bruce is naked.  this is how avengers 2 will go  loki revives t hanos  avengers 4... oop  "Hey you guys want to all gang bang me"  Thor fucks bruce  " yes "  "yes" says t hanos  the avengers have an orgy except nat bc shes a lesbian" i've never eaten ass b4 " says y/n  Nat is doing her yoga routine  "its fun. let me show u" t hanos says to y/n  "Im open for alliances"  y / n blushes and touiches t hano's ass  Clints Backup finally arrives t hanos spreads his cheeks hanos's bootyhole quivers  Somebody is calling on the avengers phone.  y / n extends the wet pink muscle in her mouth nervously  Riiiiiing Rinnnnnng  t hanos is already milking his own tiddies  Clint leaves with Natasha with rats bites t  Riiiiiiiiiiiing  t hano's in the ass  Natasha bangs darcy Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing "someone get the fucking phone i'm in the middle of something here"  Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing  " ah not there "  Clint gets it  "Hi! Its peter, is mr stark there?" Oh no whispers Clint  "thats a child. i HATE children!" t hanos gets up and goes to kill peter  Clint turns off his hearing aid again  " i ate his ass dead " y / n  "Im at the phone mr thanos sir"  "hello child. i hate u."  peter says "mr. thanos i don't feel too good" and evaporates "good."  too late hes in the shadow realm  " bye lol "  AM He rescues peter and leaves  Thor arrive. Naked. Hes very sexah. "now where were we" t hanos says and spread his cheeks again, open for business  AM MEANWHILE IN THE SHADOW REALM everyone is dicks out Sam and bucky fucking the the dust realm. Ant man is dancing with his dick out. Drax and star lord are experimenting.  with their assholes  Lokis in bondage lowoki camera zooms in on bucky's face "at first i thought the dust world was hell but i love it here. thanks t hanos!" "it's free real estate" t hanos says  bucky sighs " i love ur bald ass head sammy "  "Then suck it fuckass" says sam  "Suck my head hoe"  Thanos arrives to the realm. "If you guys want to live then suck my toes" They all scatter like rats to his toes. Theyre all sucking them like cow utters PRESENT</p>

the end

[askthetotallynotsquad]

so jeremyyyy have you ever gotten marked ;))

Jeremy: NO-

Michael: you’re so defensive when you literally gave me nECK PAINS

Jeremy: Michael- I’m sorry- but they didn’t ask you

Michael: why are you so defensive about it though- if you weren’t so tall then oh boy buddy

Jeremy: o-oh- *v v v red*

Michael: fUcking come hERE *pulls jerome down by the collar of his shirt ;))*

Jeremy: I’m not that tall Michael-

Michael: well this is more exciting *give jeremy a yeehaw ;)*

Jeremy: Michael- I- *v v v v v red*

Michael: *kiss ùwú*

Jeremy: you didn’t have to do that-

Michael: But I did- and I’ll do it again~

Jeremy: *big blush man* and you say I’m the kinky one

Michael: mmmhmmm~

Later: yeehaw

Jeremy: Michael why- *has a hoodie on to hide his neck*

Michael: because I felt like it

Jeremy: there’s like- 10-

Michael: mhmmmm

Jeremy: *pulls up his hoodie* hhhhhh

Michael: aww Jeremy’s EMBARRASSED

Jeremy: *v muffled bc his literally inside the hoodie* shut up

Michael: do you want moreee~?

Jeremy: hhhhhhh *hides in the hoodie*

Michael: *pulls on Jerome’s arm* jeremyyyy

Jeremy: whatttt

Michael: kISS ME

Jeremy: you kinky little- *kiss owo*

Michael: *yEEHAW*

Jeremy: *moans OOP TEEHEE MOCHAEL PACKSON UP IN THE HOUSE*

Michael: *YEEEEEEHAW*

Jeremy: M-Michael please- my d-dad is home

Michael: ughhh you’re no fun *v long kiss uwu*

Jeremy: fine- do whatever you want

Michael: *YEEHAWYEEHAWYEEHAWYEEHAW*

Jeremy: *big blush man* *moaning man teehee*

Michael: *yyyyeeeeehhhhaaaawwww cowboy*

Jeremy: mmmm~ (I AM SO SORRY)

Michael: *kisses Jerome’s forehead :”)* how was thattt~?

Jeremy: *v v v v red*

Michael: *yeehaw*

Jeremy: I t-think people wi-Will know I’m taken b-by now-

Michael: mmmmaybe~

Jeremy: are you d-done- or do I have to stay standing at your level- my legs hurt

Michael: *yEEHAW* now I’m doneeee

Jeremy: my neck- is in pain

Michael: it’s really bruised

Jeremy: hm I wonder why

Michael: *anime boy giggle* there’s no use trying to hide all of them

Jeremy: but- school starts tomorrow-

Michael: mhmmmm~

Jeremy: I’m wearing a hoodie tomorrow-

Michael: what about the ones on the front?

Jeremy: I don’t know michael- but my dad told me to calm down- you REALLY need to calm down

Michael: oh shut up you liked it

Jeremy: maybe

Michael: *yeehAW*

Jeremy: I never knew you were this kinky-

Michael: well now you do~ *YEEHAWYEehaw*

Jeremy: *yeehaw* now it’s only fair

Michael: *pushes jerome against a wall* no I refuse *yeehawyeehawyeehawyeehaw*

Jeremy: kinky

Michael: shut uP *yEEEEEEEEHAW*

Jeremy: Michael I’m pretty sure you have a kinks even tho you deney it every time

Michael: I’m never gonna tell you what it is-

Jeremy: please mikeyyyyy~

Michael: nO-

Jeremy: okay okay fineee~

Michael: jeremyyyyyyyyyyy~

Jeremy: what?

Michael: uwu hewwo

Jeremy: hewwo~

Michael: *v v v v v v v v v v v long kiss :”)*

Jeremy: you do realize it’s gonna look like we did it-

Michael: sooooooo~?

Jeremy: o-oh *v v v v red boye*

Michael: *YEEHAWYEEHAWYEEHAWYEEHAWYEEHAW*

Jeremy: *moaning boye teehee*

Mr. Heere: I’m going out boys! Have fun!

Michael: *yEehaw*

Jeremy: m-Michael you’-you’re going to make me b-bleed

Michael: fineee- last one~ *yEEHAW*

Jeremy: *touches his neck* OW-

Michael: *kiss úwù* I love youuuu

Jeremy: I love you too~

Michael: *yEEHAW*

Jeremy: *v moaning boye??*

Michael: *YYYYYEEEEEEHHHHHAAAAWWW*

Jeremy: *pulls Michael’s hair (in a kinky way??) ;))*

Michael: *mOANS XD MOCHEL PACKSON* *YEEHAW*

Jeremy: I’m pretty sure you like your hair pulled

Michael: I-I- sssshut uP- *redredredred*

Jeremy: *pulls his hair and smirks;)*

Michael: *mOANS XD LOL LMAO* i- jEREMY STOP-!

Jeremy: fine~

Michael: I- c-can you do it again-?

Jeremy: oh? I thought you didn’t want me to

Michael: w-well-

Jeremy: well, anything for you~ *pulls his hair teehee*

Michael: *mOans XD OWO MICCHEL PACKSOM* J-Jeremy-!

Jeremy: yes baby?~

Michael: I-I- *redredredredred*

Jeremy: oh, was that just because you liked it?~

Michael: I-I- yyyeah-

Jeremy: awe, how cute *pulls his hair teehee;)*

Michael: *mOAns XD OWO ÚWÙ MICHELLE PACKSON* s-stop-

Jeremy: okay okay~

Michael: a-are we done-

Jeremy: are you soft Michael again?

Michael: I-I- uh- I guess-

Jeremy: *kisses his forehead forgetting about his neck bc yeah*

Michael: *yEEHAWYEEHAWYEEHAWYEEHAW*

Jeremy: *giggly boye* are you going to keep doing this

Michael: I’m- really tired now- and hungry- gET ME FOOD PEASANT

Jeremy: okay okay *walks downstairs*

Mr. Heere: OH MY GOD JEREMY DID YOU FALL?? YOUR NECK IS ALL PURPLE!

Michael: *wHEEZES FROM UPSTAIRS :”)*

Jeremy: MICHAEL GET DOWN HERE AND TELL MY DAD

Michael: UGHHH WHY SHOULD I

Jeremy: dad- Michael- he uh-

Mr. Heere: oh...OH- OH MY GOD

Michael: *sonic speeds downstairs* hello heeres

Mr. Heere: michael- that’s a lot- and why is your hair messed up so much??

Michael: ask your son

Jeremy: he has a kink for his hair being pulled *looks over at the michael*

Michael: vital information for your father to know

Jeremy: he asked

Michael: I asked for food and we all know I’m not eating you anytime soon so get me food peasant

Jeremy: *talks as he’s walking to the fridge* I mean no one ever said that

Michael: the American school system did

Jeremy: yeah well frick them it doesn’t matter- we’re dating

Michael: how long does it take you to get my fOod

Jeremy: *throws his hands in the air* I don’t know what you want to eat!

Michael: yOU- or whatever I don’t give a shit

Jeremy: oh? *turns around*

Michael: dont oH me bItch

Jeremy: Michael we can do that later but my dad is here

Michael: yeah I know I’m not an idiot

Mr. Heere: oh by boy Jeremy getting meat

Jeremy: DAD WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL

Michael: lets have a jeremy loses his v card party

Mr. Heere: I’ll make a cake! *walks to the stove*

Jeremy: this is not happening-

Michael: yes it isssss~! *runs over to jerome and picks him up*

Jeremy: I wasn’t serious about losing my v card!-

Michael: you sure were earlier *kiss uwu*

Jeremy: I- uh- ugh

Michael: *carries jerome to the couch and puts him on his lap?? ok*

Jeremy: I t-thought you were h-hungry-

Michael: you know what- I’m also thirsty *yEEHAW*

Jeremy: Michael- babe- I don’t want to make noises- my dad is home

Michael: who caresss~

Jeremy: it’s em-embarrassing

Michael: *yEehawyeehawyeehaw*

Jeremy: *m0ans a lot bc hes jeremy*

Michael: *goes on t0p of jerome* *v v v v v v v v long kiss*

Shannon (Michael’s mom pt.1): *calls up the michael*

Michael: *gets 0ff the jerome* hold on- *pIcks uP the phone* hEllo-?

Shannon: honey! Do you have condoms with you? Jeremy’s dad called me- are you ready for this?

Michael: mother what the hEll- no stop- ew-

Shannon: well Jeremy’s dad said Jeremy’s neck was- um- very bruised. Be carful honey- don’t hurt him, we all know how fragile he is

Michael: this kid was pulling my hair earlier that’s not cAREFUL

Shannon: michael honey- don’t hide your kinks from him-

Michael: mOM STOP NO EW

Jeremy: *rolling on the floor laughing*

Shannon: okay go have fun honey! Be safe! *hangs up*

Michael: *redredred* sTOP LAUGHING AT ME J E R E M Y

Jeremy: I CANT BREATHE! *rolling*

Michael: *redredredred* *>:”(* sTop

Jeremy: okay I’m sorry!!

Michael: hMPH *crosses his arms and looks aWay xD anime*

Jeremy: michaellllllll

Michael: I can’t hear youuuu

Jeremy: *pulls his hair*

Michael: *mOans XD OWO ANIME MICHAEL JACSON*

Jeremy: can it hear me now?~

Michael: I-I- uh- I don’t hear anything

Jeremy: *pulls his hair harder teehee* are you sure?

Michael: *m0ans XD ÚWÙ OWO MICHAEL PACKSON* Jeremy s-sTop-! This is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you-!

Jeremy: s-so-sorry...*pulls his hood up teehee sad boye*

Michael: it’s fine just- don’t do it again-

Jeremy: n-no it’s no-not o *starts sobbing* kayyyyy

Michael: jere- calm down- *hughughughug*

-next Day, which is the first day of school-

Jeremy: *walks into school with a turtleneck on bc his neck- but it’s like 80 degrees*

Hoboboy101: *approaches jerome* why do you have a turtleneck on ew

Jeremy: oh dear lord you again- and because I want to??

Hoboboy101: you’re sweaty

Jeremy: n-no I’m not *feels his neck* ow-

Hoboboy101: wOAH WAIT I SEE YEEHAWS OMG YOU GOT YEEHAWS??

lots of people: *spot hoboboy and jerome*

Jeremy: N-NO

Hoboboy101: JEREMY HEERE HAS YEEHAWS

Michael: *aPproaches*

Jeremy: NO I DONT-

Michael: *confusion*

Hoboboy101: *yELLS* JEREMY HEERE HAS YEEHAWS EVERYONE LOOK

Jenna: *pOsts about it on twitter*

Jeremy: Michael this clearly didn’t work-

Michael: I told you so-

Jeremy: I would go to the nurse bc it hurts- but I would get so many looks-

Michael: aww poor Jeremy- *kiss uwu*

Hoboboy101: ew u gay that’s ew *spits*

Jeremy: why’d you have to kiss me so much- it hurts-

Michael: I don’t know-

Hoboboy101: *spits on Micheel* ew stop being a gay

Jeremy: no *kiss owo* and I’m not gay, I’m bi

Hoboboy101: *pushes the Jerome* u look like a giraffe

Jeremy: SHOOT *pulls up his turtleneck but it won’t stay up:,)*

Jenna: *PICTUREPUCTYREPICTURE*

Michael: ughhh Jeremy I’m just going to like- skip the first day of school

Hoboboy101: ew why bc ur GAY??

Jeremy: JENNA DONT YOU DARE!

Jenna: *pOST*

Michael: I’m out idiots *lEaves*

Jeremy: *runs after Michael* can I come too-

Michael: I mean- sure-? I was just gonna tell my moms I got sick or something but why not

Jeremy: actually- no- it’s fine- we’ve spent the last 4 days with each other-

Michael: do you want a ride home?

Jeremy: yes please- *looks down*

Michael: is something wrong-?